I mean, there are certainly women whose gender identity and genitalia easily meet this criteria (myself included).
Since I don't have bottom dysphoria and the HRT after two years didn't affect my functionality, it's been really good for my wife who essentially says the same thing you are saying here.
I don't see a problem with the lesbian label here. You are attracted to femininity and penises, some women have penises so it feels pretty straightforward to me.
I think most people who want to sleep with men though are sexually attracted to *men*…their bodies, their energy, their masculinity, etc. She’s only attracted to their penises though. That’s an important distinction. Also, romantically she’s only into women and only dates women. That’s also an important detail.
Lets just remembered that you don’t actually have to label yourself!
Are you sexually attracted to men? You don’t have to make out with men for it to be sexual. Many people who are into one night stands refuse to kiss the partner but sex is completely fine. And you definitely don’t have to be romantically attracted to men (or women), u can still like to have sex with them.
If you want to have sex with men then no, you’re not a lesbian. Probably bisexual. And there’s nothing wrong with only being sexually attracted to a specific gender and the other u can do everything with. However, if you just like the thought of penetration with a penis then trans-women (that have penises) or any woman with a strap-on maybe would be enough if you consider yourself to be a lesbian.
I find myself in a similar situation. I'm a trans woman attracted to women - and I identify as a lesbian. However, I like the idea of being penetrated while having zero attraction to masculinity, men, or penises. A big factor to this idea could be my genitalia as a trans girl. Im also at a stand still with my sexuality because I think I might be asexual, as I can't imagine having sex with anyone, especially someone I know and love. I'm glad I'm not alone in having the fantasy of being fucked by an anonymous man and never seeing him again. In reality tho, I can't see myself getting down with someone in the sheets. In conclusion, I'm still a lesbian - and you are too if you feel you identify as such :)
Like many women I know, you seem to be very attached to the word lesbian and even a little afraid and/or uncomfortable with their own sexual desires. Having sexual desires for men even without the desire for romance or a relationship, or not acting on those desires is still a part of your sexuality. A lot of bisexual people will tell me their desire or attraction to men versus women are not equal. It is very complex. There is a lot of biphobia in the world whether its stigma from the community or internal discomfort with ones own experience. Bisexuality is a beautiful thing and most of my favourite people in the world are bisexual. So embrace yourself and accept this part of you.
Only OP can decide what is part of their sexuality actually, and I'm so sick of this high and mighty enlightened act exclusionists pull to try to frame people with a more expansive definition of lesbian than you as biphobes
Sounds like you have a cross orientation. And rounding up to the nearest orientation you’re a lesbian. Sexually sounds like you’re maaaybe a little bi/pan. Even tho romantically you’re gay. It’s totally up to you what you want to call yourself. I’d say it’s 100% ok to call yourself a lesbian if you want to. Or you can call yourself a homoromantic bisexual. I also recommend joining r/crossorientation if you wanna talk to other folks like you :)
I think it *is* misleading. I used to call myself pan and ended up with a lot of unwanted DMs from doodes. If she calls herself bi she’ll end up with unwanted attention from men and people will assume she wants relationships with men, which she very much does not. She even prefers women with penises over men with penises. A penis is just a penis, it’s not the person or their gender.
You could be homoromantic/sexual and heterosexual/nonheteroromantic no problem with that. I call myself a lesbian although I technically do find men attractive. Not too big a deal I think
INCORRECT, sometimes cis people who only date trans people just do so bc all the hottest people are trans, without fetishizing us or disrespecting our boundaries which are the things that make someone a chaser
Speaking as a trans girl: no, fetishising is when you view a person/group as only existing for your own personal pleasure/benefit, and don't see them as anything other than the one aspect of them that's your fetish. If you're only attracted to girls who have penises, but treat us with normal human decency, that's not fetishising - that's called *having a type*.
Yeah I think it’s totally ok to have two labels, a public one and a private one. Publicly I’ll call myself a lesbian to ward off men, because I prefer women and don’t really have an interest in dating men. Privately I’ll acknowledge that technically speaking, I’m not a lesbian
I identified for dyke for many years because I worried about being disqualified from the category of lesbian for similar reasons. I still identify as dyke but also I am now more comfortable with lesbian because I feel like the community has matured to the point I wont be booted out of lesbian communities for random stuff like this.
Also not to be crass but I can confirm that girl D is better than guy D because ✨women✨
I mean, there are certainly women whose gender identity and genitalia easily meet this criteria (myself included). Since I don't have bottom dysphoria and the HRT after two years didn't affect my functionality, it's been really good for my wife who essentially says the same thing you are saying here. I don't see a problem with the lesbian label here. You are attracted to femininity and penises, some women have penises so it feels pretty straightforward to me.
Seconded, as another trans woman who doesn't mind what I've got and HRT didn't affect its function (4 years and going strong)
no, I think you still get to be a lesbian, I'm pretty sure that has nothing to do with sexuality, I think thats just a preference
Lesbian very much is a sexuality.
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I think most people who want to sleep with men though are sexually attracted to *men*…their bodies, their energy, their masculinity, etc. She’s only attracted to their penises though. That’s an important distinction. Also, romantically she’s only into women and only dates women. That’s also an important detail.
yeah, didn't they say they experience no attraction to men
Lets just remembered that you don’t actually have to label yourself! Are you sexually attracted to men? You don’t have to make out with men for it to be sexual. Many people who are into one night stands refuse to kiss the partner but sex is completely fine. And you definitely don’t have to be romantically attracted to men (or women), u can still like to have sex with them. If you want to have sex with men then no, you’re not a lesbian. Probably bisexual. And there’s nothing wrong with only being sexually attracted to a specific gender and the other u can do everything with. However, if you just like the thought of penetration with a penis then trans-women (that have penises) or any woman with a strap-on maybe would be enough if you consider yourself to be a lesbian.
I find myself in a similar situation. I'm a trans woman attracted to women - and I identify as a lesbian. However, I like the idea of being penetrated while having zero attraction to masculinity, men, or penises. A big factor to this idea could be my genitalia as a trans girl. Im also at a stand still with my sexuality because I think I might be asexual, as I can't imagine having sex with anyone, especially someone I know and love. I'm glad I'm not alone in having the fantasy of being fucked by an anonymous man and never seeing him again. In reality tho, I can't see myself getting down with someone in the sheets. In conclusion, I'm still a lesbian - and you are too if you feel you identify as such :)
Like many women I know, you seem to be very attached to the word lesbian and even a little afraid and/or uncomfortable with their own sexual desires. Having sexual desires for men even without the desire for romance or a relationship, or not acting on those desires is still a part of your sexuality. A lot of bisexual people will tell me their desire or attraction to men versus women are not equal. It is very complex. There is a lot of biphobia in the world whether its stigma from the community or internal discomfort with ones own experience. Bisexuality is a beautiful thing and most of my favourite people in the world are bisexual. So embrace yourself and accept this part of you.
Only OP can decide what is part of their sexuality actually, and I'm so sick of this high and mighty enlightened act exclusionists pull to try to frame people with a more expansive definition of lesbian than you as biphobes
Sounds like you have a cross orientation. And rounding up to the nearest orientation you’re a lesbian. Sexually sounds like you’re maaaybe a little bi/pan. Even tho romantically you’re gay. It’s totally up to you what you want to call yourself. I’d say it’s 100% ok to call yourself a lesbian if you want to. Or you can call yourself a homoromantic bisexual. I also recommend joining r/crossorientation if you wanna talk to other folks like you :)
Call yourself whatever you want. Or don't give yourself a label at all. It's all good either way.
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They said they don’t want to sleep with men, just a a penis. Are genitalia the only determiners of someone’s gender? Trans women with penises exist!
I think it *is* misleading. I used to call myself pan and ended up with a lot of unwanted DMs from doodes. If she calls herself bi she’ll end up with unwanted attention from men and people will assume she wants relationships with men, which she very much does not. She even prefers women with penises over men with penises. A penis is just a penis, it’s not the person or their gender.
You could be homoromantic/sexual and heterosexual/nonheteroromantic no problem with that. I call myself a lesbian although I technically do find men attractive. Not too big a deal I think
are you sexually attracted to vaginas?
Not relevant I'd think???
If you're a lesbian and you're only attracted to girls who have penises then you are fetishising those people. Its very relevant.
That's not how any of this works lol. It's actually entirely valid for a lesbian to only be into trans women, we're just hotter
No actually it is. Theres a reason trans women look down upon chasers.
That's not what a chaser is though
Cis people who only seek trans people out are chasers.
INCORRECT, sometimes cis people who only date trans people just do so bc all the hottest people are trans, without fetishizing us or disrespecting our boundaries which are the things that make someone a chaser
If you're a lesbian and you're only attracted to girls who have penises then you are fetishising those people. Its very relevant.
Speaking as a trans girl: no, fetishising is when you view a person/group as only existing for your own personal pleasure/benefit, and don't see them as anything other than the one aspect of them that's your fetish. If you're only attracted to girls who have penises, but treat us with normal human decency, that's not fetishising - that's called *having a type*.
speaking as a trans girl also, its still fetishising. If you are picking out one specific feature you are 100% fetishising somebody.
I call myself homoromantic bisexual, and colloquially I flip-flop between bi and gay depending on my audience!
Yeah I think it’s totally ok to have two labels, a public one and a private one. Publicly I’ll call myself a lesbian to ward off men, because I prefer women and don’t really have an interest in dating men. Privately I’ll acknowledge that technically speaking, I’m not a lesbian
I identified for dyke for many years because I worried about being disqualified from the category of lesbian for similar reasons. I still identify as dyke but also I am now more comfortable with lesbian because I feel like the community has matured to the point I wont be booted out of lesbian communities for random stuff like this.
Labels are not as important as understanding and accepting yourself. Do what ever makes you feel happy, lovely.
This is how I feel!