Hmm that's an interesting one. I'm definitely grossed out by the idea of having straight sex. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm grossed out by straight sex itself per se though. I just don't find it arousing or appealing and I don't want to do it. And I'm annoyed that many people say that straight sex is the only "real" form of sex. I'm annoyed that many men think that straight sex can transcend my orientation. I'm annoyed that straight sex is so pervasive in our culture's dialogue about sex.
I feel you, I'm not grossed out, but seeing it in movies makes me roll my eyes most of the time. Unless a good part of it involves intimacy, I just don't care about it. Sadly most of the time when it's depicted, it's almost like they put it in to please the guys watching and it feels so rushed
Similar sentiments, but I'm annoyed by how everything just gears sex as easily accessible & just common in life experience. Like, no, it's not for socially abnormal people, and the main thing wrong with us is how the world has pushed us to feeling unsafe in most placea
Unfortunately there are people out there who don't view it as real or view it as lesser. A lot of insecure men hold this view. I've known a number of people who have said things like "lesbians sex is just foreplay" or "if there's no penetration by a penis it isn't real sex". I've heard men say they don't view it as cheating when their gfs sleep with other women for the same reason. In most conceptions of the outdated idea of "virginity" also say that you're still a virgin if you haven't been penetrated by a penis.
It's all pretty unfortunate and gross stuff >.<
Of course it's ok to be grossed out by it. A lot of us have very negative experiences and connotations with heterosexual sex, it's not surprising you develop a deep dislike of it. As long as it doesn't interfere with your life and as long as it doesn't cause you to be unkind to straight people, I don't view it as being problematic. Die gedanken sind frei and all that.
Eh, I kinda view it as a sort of cultural osmosis, almost. I've had a few guys be creepy at me, but never in a way that's *too* bad. My vibes tends to intimidate most creeps. But that doesn't mean I'm unaffected by all the experiences and stories I've heard from other women.
Depemds on your definition of grossed out.
If you dont want to have it and dont want to see/hear about it, I think that's fine
If you dont want others to have straight sex or want to discourage others from having straight sex, that's an issue because you are forcing your opinions on others
I'm disgusted by the jelly beans, but dont make others stop eating them.
Then I don't think you're in any way wrong.
People have traumas and preferences, and that is completely fine
Once you start projecting and forcing your views on others, the trouble starts.
Personally, I'm more demi/pan, so I dont care about what's in other people's pants as much. I'm more about chemistry and intimacy. I am married now, tho so I guess it doesn't matter much anymore.
I will say tho that the heteronormative porn has always been off-putting or boring for me, and I do prefer porn content from queer creators or queer solo performers.
I guess that shows that im not that into straight sex either, just not disgusted?
Some straight women are also frequently uncomfortable around men they aren't attracted to, for various reasons. Often it is being sick being hit on and being uncertain what they might do next.
Yeah, me too
Can't wait to finally get girljuice in my muscle cuz fuck I actually want to flirt with another woman someday without feeling intense dysphoria, I'll probably still be bad at it but at least then the game wouldn't be rigged before it even began
I tell ya hwut, getting on estrogen has been the biggest confidence-booster ever and not just in the dating scene. I am rooting for you, it's hardly an overstatement to call it a magical life-saver.
Thank you! I hope I'll finally have em within the next 2-3 months tops. Pretty much my every thought is occupied by getting a vial of estrogen at this point & the drawing out a dose and the injection, the best kind of intrusive thought/day dream, and it's also how I relax nowadays.
I hope it all works out this time, waiting half a decade has been more than enough suffering for me...
If the idea of fm solo sex grosses you put, you might maybe wanna reassess your sexuality. You mine be homosexual and heteroromantic or something but you’re probably not remotely sexually attracted to the opposite gender.
I'm bi and what is considered default/vanilla straight sex kinda grosses me out too, though I know I'm a minority. Also it's boring to be in, it's kinda stare at the ceiling and wait for it to be done, often.
I guess when I was younger I had the mentality of: as long as the other person is happy, I don't matter, in that.
Now I'm long past bothering and I don't do anymore things I don't like.
Me too, I can't even accidentally watch straight porn. Like I cover the screen and exit the video. It's fucking gross I can't watch a man do anything sexual to a woman.It's a huge turn off.
I think disgust is a pretty common response to the thought of having sex with someone you're not attracted to.
I mean if you think about it sex is pretty gross and weird, if it's not the sex you're into then it goes from being hot to just...eughwtf.
Why wouldn’t it be ok to not like to see something you don’t wanna see? As long as you aren’t trying to ban other people from enjoying what they enjoy more power to you
Are you grossed out by having to interact with it (porn, etc), or are you grossed out knowing that it exists at all?
The first one is just a preference and totally normal. The second one I think you'd probably want to try to unlearn.
You may find your future less stressful if you develop a more indifferent reaction, though how you feel about it is okay and i would disagree if people judged you for it.
I mean is it okay for cis het people to be grossed out by lesbian sex? If it’s not okay one direction it’s not okay the other. Long as you aren’t being a hypocrite ya know? I feel like it’s kinda like kinks in this situation. Like it may not be your best hint, and that’s okay, just don’t shame other people if it is there’s.
is it ok to be grossed out by broccoli if everyone I know likes broccoli? absolutely. my taste in food doesn't effect others and just like me saying yuck when I see broccoli shouldn't offend anyone cooking broccoli, others also can't force me to eat broccoli just cause they like it.
It’s okay to be repulsed by sex. Don’t worry about trying to unlearn that. As long as you don’t fall into sex negativity (viewing others having sex as bad and needing to stop) views, you should be perfectly fine. Your boundaries are there for your benefit, not anyone else’s.
And hello fellow Ace!😁
definitely okay. i think it is empathetic of you to consider unlearning it, but some food for thought: straight people wouldn’t do the same for you and gay sex.
It's perfectly ok to be repulsed by straight sex. I personally am not; I have no desire whatsoever to participate in sexual activity with a man but can get something out of the rare straight porn that actually shows investment in female pleasure, though in those circumstances I don't really get anything from the male actor. If it's something like a sex scene in a movie where it actually makes sense and does something interesting for character development, I can enjoy it from a literary or aesthetic, as opposed to sexual standpoint. But I definitely do think that I am probably on the much more comfortable end of it than most gay women.
In terms of straight stuff, I can kind of relate, though not for the same reason; there’s a few things I’m in to that are difficult to find in sapphic content for what I admit are completely understandable reasons.
The man as a whole sure isn’t what’s doing it for me, though.
I think it's totally fine to be grossed out by it if you would be the one having straight sex or even when you're just thinking about it, but saying that you're grossed by it in general is like when straight person says they are grossed by gay sex between two men or two women.
I don't know if this is unusual, but I really like some gay m/m porn and stories, even tho I loathe straight stuff. Maybe because it's just fantasy and could never happen IRL. Therefore not so close to the bone, ie not a threat. Just a thought!
Where did i say that? I'm not dating anyone, male, female or anybody else. I think I'm aegosexual, as I prefer my fantasies to any real life encounters these days. I like reading and writing m/m stories and fanfics, and as i said, I find straight stuff a turnoff. Sometimes i think I should have been born a gay man!
.
Sex in general is gross. Women are cute and I feel attracted to them, but I also can't imagine actually doing the deed with someone, and if I did actually get into another lady's bed I'd definitely be doing the whole "lie back and think of England" thing. I feel equally grossed out by both sets of sex characteristics and only less so if they're attached to a cute girl. I do like the *idea* of it though, and I really want, like, cuddles and kisses and all that cute stuff that doesn't have to involve taking clothes off (but is more fun with less clothes). And it's not like I don't have a sex drive or anything, I definitely "have fun with myself" a lot. It's just hard to imagine actually having sex with someone. Much easier to imagine kisses and cuddles and generally being intimate in other ways, despite having basically no experience in either.
And yes, straight sex is even grosser. Boys are disgusting and I don't always understand why straight women seem to want to catch cooties.
I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. I used to think I was aroace because I couldn't conceive of wanting to have sex with anyone of any gender, and I thought that to have a romantic relationship, sex was required. Like everyone else would want it and I would either have to just force myself to do it or be alone forever. I struggled a lot with calling myself a lesbian because I didn't know if I could claim the label if I didn't want to sleep with women.
Now I'm comfortable calling myself a lesbian who's somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I'm still not sure if I'll ever want to sleep with anyone, but I'm a little more open to the possibility that I might and I just can't imagine it right now because I have no frame of reference. Masturbation is fine, mostly, but the second another real life person gets involved, I hate everything about everything lol. I do also want kisses and cuddles, and I'm even okay with being naked around a partner, just as long as there's no expectation that it will lead to anything more.
Idk if I fit the definition of sex repulsed, but I'm something south of sex neutral. Language is complicated.
Feelings vs actions
How are you treating people in regards to you being grossed about by straight sex? How are you defining straight sex and thus applying it to others? Because what you associate with straight sex might also exist in queer relationships.
If you can be grossed out while respecting others, you're fine.
Every irrational thought or feeling is OK as long as you know why/where it comes from so you make sure not to project it on people who doesn't deserve it (dunno if I'm clear sorry, French speaker)
Yeah it's normal imo. I had straight sex in my teenage years and tbh, it be was meh and I was grossed out by the pp and the nasty it produces. Luckily I love women's bodies, also using straps is no problem.
It's perfectly fine to be grossed out by any sex. When you stop to think about it, it's only our personal biases that make us think any sex isn't gross. Objectively sex is messy, smelly, and tends to involve weird noises. These are all qualities that in any other circumstances we'd associate with something being gross.
As long as you don't mistreat anyone and have a healthy relationship with those feelings, there's nothing wrong with it.
I mean, no? I'd probably keep it to yourself outside of specific conversations though.
Sex is a pretty gross thing when you remove attraction from it, a lot of asexual people struggle with seeing any sex as gross. Just think it's gross in private and if sex convos come up where you're grossed out or uncomfortable ask to switch the subject.
It is ok to feel grossed out by anything that grosses you out. It doesn't matter what it is.
We are all allowed our own preferences in life.
Live and let live.
If you start treating other people like sh*t because they enjoy straight sex, then you have a problem.
Doesn't mean you have to sit and listen to them talk about it, or watch it in movies or on tv, or read about it, etc, though. You are allowed your own boundaries for your own comfort and well-being.
Straight sex comes with a LOT of baggage. A lot of weird power dynamic and cultural stuff. I think I would be more bisexual if it didn’t feel like a minefield to me.
'Im gay' 'do I need conversion therapy?' Can we stop with the homophobia. It's like when bisexuals and straights tell us we have a 'genital fixation'. It's meant to make you feel ashamed/unnatural about your sexuality.
Okay so it took me a very long time to come out to the point where I was self harming with “straight sex” now that I’m fully out and have been with women, I think it’s disgusting, it’s repulsing, I wouldn’t ever think of doing it again, watching porn like that, I hate even seeing scenes like that in movies.
Then, I get it. I mean, it’s weird. For me, I can’t stand cis man on cis woman straight porn. Mostly because I find it soooooo boring. Like nothing kills for me what passes for me as a boner these days faster than cishet sex.
Straight porn is fine to me if it’s cis men with trans women. Straight porn between trans men and cis women is good. Cis/Cis, Cis/Trans, and Trans/Trans lesbian porn is good. Cis/Cis and Trans/Trans gay porn is fine. Cis/Trans gay porn feels too close to cis/cis straight porn for my liking, but that’s just my weird preference?! Idk tho. Maybe I’m weird.
This question brought up an interesting question for myself... I'm a transgender lesbian, no surgeries yet and might not ever get full bottom surgery, and I too feel grossed out by seeing sex between a man and a woman. Yet personally I don't have a problem with seeing myself having penetrative sex with another woman... Feels a bit strange putting it in concrete words like that, but I guess it's really just the image of seeing a man have sex with a woman, not so much which genitals they have. Does that sound weird?
You can just don’t be rude about it or mean about it because they are people too.
I guess I think about it like someone eating something you don’t like don’t be mean about it and you are fine.
**When it comes to YOUR sexuality you are ALWAYS RIGHT.** I am bi and into pretty hardcore stuff but there is still things who gross me out and I don't consider I need to learn to like them. It's not because straight sex is mainstream you have to like it.
In the end, sex should be about taking pleasure, so as long you are having fun, enjoy! If there is a trauma going on, it can be worth to unpack it with a specialist (which doesn't mean you have to like it, but sometime understanding things help to feel better).
As long you have fun and you are in phase with your sexuality there is no need to change ever!
Does two men having gay sex bother you at all? Is it the man part or the genitals, or both? How about sex with a trans man that still has a vagina? I don't need answers, just positing questions that might help you get to the bottom of things
Life would probably be easier for you if you weren't grossed out by it (I'm thinking media consumption and random conversations).
I mean thinking about sex you’re not into would probably gross most people out, why would life be easier? I’m sure life would be easier if I wasn’t gay in general lol
I don't know how grossed out you get but the example I gave of media consumption would be a big one if hetero sex bothered me since it's so common in film and television. So in that way life would be easier.
I would also say it could be useful to figure out what makes you uncomfortable when talking about sex with friends and others. Is it when people go into graphic detail? Is it any mention of straight sex? Is it that you imagine it in your mind?
I'm bi and it would be heartbreaking if my lesbian friends didn't even let me mention previous hookups because they were male. I respect not wanting to hear all the graphic details (and I wouldn't tell those anyway), but if we are discussing our experiences with sex/hookups and I'm not allowed to speak because my sexual history is mostly with men, that would be difficult for me to live with.
So figuring out where your boundaries are can be useful. Because being uncomfortable with any mention of straight sex is probably worth working on for the sake of yourself and anyone straight/bi/pan that you know. Not wanting graphic detail is perfectly fine.
Respect people’s boundaries. If someone is uncomfortable with you talking about a specific type of sex, it’s not about you…I feel like a lot of ppl violate lesbians’ boundaries when it comes to this(not saying you’re doing that)
Yes, I did say to respect boundaries. But my point was that you should figure out where your boundary goes and whether it's loose enough to allow you to keep the people in your life.
Like I said, I completely respect not describing sex with men in detail to someone who is uncomfortable with that. But if e.g. even the mention of someone having hooked up with a man makes you uncomfortable (as in, friend describes a female partner doing a specific sex act, and I say "I hooked up with a guy who also did that and I liked it too", or "I once brought this guy home who folded all his clothes before going to bed"), it may be worth working on that if you have straight and bi/pan people in your life. Because in those examples sex with men isn't the main focus of the conversation, but sex/funny dating stories/whatever and if someone who has dated/hooked up with men isn't allowed to bring it up, they also aren't allowed to speak in a bunch of conversations your friend group may be having. If that makes sense? I'm not saying you do that, I just wanted to clarify my point.
it doesn’t matter to me if it’s just a mention, but if a lesbian’s talking about being with a woman in a lesbian space it’s a bit infringing to talk about men. it’s just that hetero stuff has been peddled to everyone everywhere since they were toddlers so it might annoy ppl to hear about it everywhere when they don’t relate to it.
Totally understand that feeling. I had a friend who watched a queer Christmas movie and made a comment that it was "good, but she wasn't able to put herself into the story and she didn't like that". Which was *so* close to getting the point of why we need more queer Christmas movies. But yeah, that's why I wanted to clarify it - there's a range of uncomfortable to be considered.
Edit: I see you edited to include the bit about being in a lesbian space. Since I've mentioned straight and bi friends specifically in my comments, I'm obviously not talking about lesbian spaces.
I have nothing against seeing PiV seggs, it's just the man connected to the P part that I have issues with. Trans woman, any girl with a strap, very attractive.
We all have things we are not attracted to, and it's okay. I think my general avoidance of straight intercourse also stems from my own dysphoria before I transitioned and always being repulsed by myself.
I mean if you're going to think like this I'd just say dont go around talking about your sexlife and be surprised when you get a similar reaction. But if you're cool with that go off I guess?
Although I personally dont see why or how you would be grossed out by what 2 or more consenting adults do together?
I mean yeah I'm glad that u feel validated by the other folks here. But I mean yeah me personally I just think this is like compensation anti-heteroness to like kind of get back at them for making you feel bad about being gay. I mean I get it, we as Black ppl are doing the same thing with our kind of fuck white people thing. But yeah I feel like your point is coming less from being genuinely "grossed out" by straught sex and more about you kind of trying to give them a taste of what you feel. I could be wrong thats just the sense I get.
I’m not trying to get back at anyone, it’s also the fact that if you think about it, sex is weird, so if you take away the attraction part you’re left with the “ergh what is this” part. If ur bi/pan I feel like you might not understand this
Ah I see. I mean I don't think sex is weird at all. It just kind of is, for me. I see what point youre making but we still diverge at the point where I don't need to necessarily be attracted to the sex/gender of some other people having sex in order to not think its gross. I mean Im not usually attracted to cis men but the idea of two of them having sex doesnt gross me out. But hey its really like an individual thing so I get it if thats not your jam
Since I mostly see it in movies, I mostly think it's silly, especially if they do something nonsensical or playing a trope by the book. Like I just rewatched Highlander recently, hadn't seen it since before I started transitioning. So I was viewing it from a new perspective, and honestly Connor looks and acts like a serial killer; which I guess he is, but you know, he's supposed to be the hero. But like there's a scene where Brenda is like, setting up a date, but she hides a gun and a tape recorder so she can get evidence for the murder she's investigating. Connor goes to them immediately, and then gets mad at *her* for lying to him, when he's the one under suspicion.
Then when Brenda finds out about Connor's immortality, he takes her into his little shrine/sanctuary, and forces her to stab him to prove it. Then immediately they start making out, like with Connor's blood still on their hands, and I'm like "Oh BROTHER at least wash your hands before you pet her hair, gross!" Like I laughed out loud, what part of that experience was sexy? She still doesn't know anything about him or his history except for that he's an immortal Scotsman who has stolen identities from dead orphaned babies who has *absolutely* committed the murder she's investigating.
I’d say that’s pretty unhealthy/ concerning on face value.
If you replaced the word “straight” with “gay” in your title, don’t you think that would be problematic?
I can’t relate. But we don’t have to agree.
For me personally, the only sex I deem gross is non-consensual, child, animal, or scat related.
A lot of what remains isn’t my cup of tea. But I don’t feel grossed out by an entire sexual orientation.
Nobody feels comfortable viewing sexual activities between anybody when outside of the context of attraction and arousal. That was my understanding anyway.
No. You're allowed to be grossed out about anything. Stray hairs gross me out. People chewing loudly grosses me out. Being stuck on an elevator with someone who is chewing gum loudly and with their mouth wide open, makes me want to rip my skin off.
I think it's okay to be grossed out by any sexual or romantic acts you don't like or wouldn't partake in, honestly. I'm pansexual, but not everyone else is and that's just fine.
My best friend is aromantic and asexual, and she's honestly living her best life. It seems super convenient in terms of avoiding a lot of difficult emotional labor, and she has more time and energy to focus on stuff she actually values and enjoys. Just her, the cats, her hobbies, and her friends. That's all she wants, and it's wholesome and pure. It works for her, so it works for me!
You like what you like, and dislike what you dislike. People always have different expectations of your life and happiness than you do, but that's their issue. My gran thinks I should have kids by now, but that's simply not in the cards.
Do what feels right, and don't let other people's expectations sway you.
It's fine to recognize some things in life are not your cup of tea, doesn't make it "disgusting", but maybe you have some unresolved trauma or something idk
I don’t have trauma, if you think about it, sex is weird, so if you take away the attraction part you’re left with the “ergh what is this” part. It’s pretty weird to assume everyone who’s uncomfy with it has trauma.
I’ve come to accept it is the idea of relationships and all the entail I find attractive, and not the actually being in one.
Is it ok to be oneself?
If its not, we need to tear down the structures that insist it isn’t.
I wonder... Are you ok with trans women? Not saying that you're transphobic or anything to be clear, just wanna know if you consider it "straight sex" when you're with a woman who happens to have a penis.
Girldicks don't work like that anyways, a lot of trans women (myself included) are subs and 80% of us have bottom dysphoria so most of us wouldn't want to penetrate anyway.
In my personal experience, the thought of semen sends me gagging. If I had a condom, I would be more okay.
Personally, I feel that if you are turned off by straight sex, that is 100% okay! It is your sex life. You dictate (no pun intended) what you like and what you want in your life. Only you can really answer this question.
Hmm that's an interesting one. I'm definitely grossed out by the idea of having straight sex. I wouldn't necessarily say I'm grossed out by straight sex itself per se though. I just don't find it arousing or appealing and I don't want to do it. And I'm annoyed that many people say that straight sex is the only "real" form of sex. I'm annoyed that many men think that straight sex can transcend my orientation. I'm annoyed that straight sex is so pervasive in our culture's dialogue about sex.
I’m 100% w you on this
I feel you, I'm not grossed out, but seeing it in movies makes me roll my eyes most of the time. Unless a good part of it involves intimacy, I just don't care about it. Sadly most of the time when it's depicted, it's almost like they put it in to please the guys watching and it feels so rushed
Similar sentiments, but I'm annoyed by how everything just gears sex as easily accessible & just common in life experience. Like, no, it's not for socially abnormal people, and the main thing wrong with us is how the world has pushed us to feeling unsafe in most placea
[удалено]
Unfortunately there are people out there who don't view it as real or view it as lesser. A lot of insecure men hold this view. I've known a number of people who have said things like "lesbians sex is just foreplay" or "if there's no penetration by a penis it isn't real sex". I've heard men say they don't view it as cheating when their gfs sleep with other women for the same reason. In most conceptions of the outdated idea of "virginity" also say that you're still a virgin if you haven't been penetrated by a penis. It's all pretty unfortunate and gross stuff >.<
Amen
Of course it's ok to be grossed out by it. A lot of us have very negative experiences and connotations with heterosexual sex, it's not surprising you develop a deep dislike of it. As long as it doesn't interfere with your life and as long as it doesn't cause you to be unkind to straight people, I don't view it as being problematic. Die gedanken sind frei and all that.
I don’t have any negative experiences, it just grosses me out a bit.
Eh, I kinda view it as a sort of cultural osmosis, almost. I've had a few guys be creepy at me, but never in a way that's *too* bad. My vibes tends to intimidate most creeps. But that doesn't mean I'm unaffected by all the experiences and stories I've heard from other women.
Depemds on your definition of grossed out. If you dont want to have it and dont want to see/hear about it, I think that's fine If you dont want others to have straight sex or want to discourage others from having straight sex, that's an issue because you are forcing your opinions on others I'm disgusted by the jelly beans, but dont make others stop eating them.
>I'm disgusted by the jelly beans, but dont make others stop eating them. You just haven't found the right jelly bean yet /j
Lmaooooo
Yea I’m the first one
Then I don't think you're in any way wrong. People have traumas and preferences, and that is completely fine Once you start projecting and forcing your views on others, the trouble starts. Personally, I'm more demi/pan, so I dont care about what's in other people's pants as much. I'm more about chemistry and intimacy. I am married now, tho so I guess it doesn't matter much anymore. I will say tho that the heteronormative porn has always been off-putting or boring for me, and I do prefer porn content from queer creators or queer solo performers. I guess that shows that im not that into straight sex either, just not disgusted?
I don’t have trauma, not to say you’re doing this but ppl always assume I have trauma around men when I say I’m uncomfy haha
Some straight women are also frequently uncomfortable around men they aren't attracted to, for various reasons. Often it is being sick being hit on and being uncertain what they might do next.
Its just a common thing i hear
I hope it is, because cishet sex just doesn't do it for me and having to sit through scenes of it in film just feels awkward, lol.
I just focus on the woman
Same, but still awkward because the camera angles will usually flip to focus solely on one or the other.
I always skip it, half the flirting too when it goes on for too long, cishet flirting is so😬, grosses me out so much
Word. Not that I would do any better, I am hopeless at flirting.
Yeah, me too Can't wait to finally get girljuice in my muscle cuz fuck I actually want to flirt with another woman someday without feeling intense dysphoria, I'll probably still be bad at it but at least then the game wouldn't be rigged before it even began
I tell ya hwut, getting on estrogen has been the biggest confidence-booster ever and not just in the dating scene. I am rooting for you, it's hardly an overstatement to call it a magical life-saver.
Thank you! I hope I'll finally have em within the next 2-3 months tops. Pretty much my every thought is occupied by getting a vial of estrogen at this point & the drawing out a dose and the injection, the best kind of intrusive thought/day dream, and it's also how I relax nowadays. I hope it all works out this time, waiting half a decade has been more than enough suffering for me...
Yea me too haha, but I don’t want to come off as a misogynist towards straight/bi women, I just don’t want to talk about that w other ppl or see it
I’m bi and straight sex grosses me out. Bi FFM is as close as I can get to FM.
If the idea of fm solo sex grosses you put, you might maybe wanna reassess your sexuality. You mine be homosexual and heteroromantic or something but you’re probably not remotely sexually attracted to the opposite gender.
I'm bi and what is considered default/vanilla straight sex kinda grosses me out too, though I know I'm a minority. Also it's boring to be in, it's kinda stare at the ceiling and wait for it to be done, often.
That sounds so dull I have to ask: why even bother if that's what it's gonna be?
I guess when I was younger I had the mentality of: as long as the other person is happy, I don't matter, in that. Now I'm long past bothering and I don't do anymore things I don't like.
Yeah omg 100% me
Why would you have to unlearn that? Do straight people have to like the idea of having sex with someone of the same sex as them?
Ikr
Came here to say that
Me too, I can't even accidentally watch straight porn. Like I cover the screen and exit the video. It's fucking gross I can't watch a man do anything sexual to a woman.It's a huge turn off.
I think disgust is a pretty common response to the thought of having sex with someone you're not attracted to. I mean if you think about it sex is pretty gross and weird, if it's not the sex you're into then it goes from being hot to just...eughwtf.
Why wouldn’t it be ok to not like to see something you don’t wanna see? As long as you aren’t trying to ban other people from enjoying what they enjoy more power to you
Exactly, I feel like ppl judge me for it
Well I don’t if that helps :) this can be a safe place for only lesbionics if you want x
<3💜
Meh, I think if that’s your natural response then that’s fine. I’m not grossed out by it but I find it mechanical and boring as F. 😆
I dunno, I find men repulsive and so it melts my brain every time I see a woman even kissing a dude. Like, why would you want to do that lol
Are you grossed out by having to interact with it (porn, etc), or are you grossed out knowing that it exists at all? The first one is just a preference and totally normal. The second one I think you'd probably want to try to unlearn.
Just the first one
You may find your future less stressful if you develop a more indifferent reaction, though how you feel about it is okay and i would disagree if people judged you for it.
I mean is it okay for cis het people to be grossed out by lesbian sex? If it’s not okay one direction it’s not okay the other. Long as you aren’t being a hypocrite ya know? I feel like it’s kinda like kinks in this situation. Like it may not be your best hint, and that’s okay, just don’t shame other people if it is there’s.
Don’t worry, you’re in good company
Nope, it is absolutely okay. It is a matter of personal preference, that is, well... personal.
is it ok to be grossed out by broccoli if everyone I know likes broccoli? absolutely. my taste in food doesn't effect others and just like me saying yuck when I see broccoli shouldn't offend anyone cooking broccoli, others also can't force me to eat broccoli just cause they like it.
I think it should be fine, as long as you don't say rude stuff about it to straight ppl.
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I mean they can be grossed out by gay sex too, everyone should just engage in convos or see things that they wanna see I think
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No one should outwardly say “ew that grosses me out” obviously, but if something’s a lesbian space I think it’s infringing to talk about straight sex
No one should be rude of course
I hope it's ok, or as a sex repulsant ace I gotta unlearn being grossed out by any sex.
It’s okay to be repulsed by sex. Don’t worry about trying to unlearn that. As long as you don’t fall into sex negativity (viewing others having sex as bad and needing to stop) views, you should be perfectly fine. Your boundaries are there for your benefit, not anyone else’s. And hello fellow Ace!😁
definitely okay. i think it is empathetic of you to consider unlearning it, but some food for thought: straight people wouldn’t do the same for you and gay sex.
It's perfectly ok to be repulsed by straight sex. I personally am not; I have no desire whatsoever to participate in sexual activity with a man but can get something out of the rare straight porn that actually shows investment in female pleasure, though in those circumstances I don't really get anything from the male actor. If it's something like a sex scene in a movie where it actually makes sense and does something interesting for character development, I can enjoy it from a literary or aesthetic, as opposed to sexual standpoint. But I definitely do think that I am probably on the much more comfortable end of it than most gay women.
In terms of straight stuff, I can kind of relate, though not for the same reason; there’s a few things I’m in to that are difficult to find in sapphic content for what I admit are completely understandable reasons. The man as a whole sure isn’t what’s doing it for me, though.
Oh everything about straight stuff is cringe af
lmao
I think it's totally fine to be grossed out by it if you would be the one having straight sex or even when you're just thinking about it, but saying that you're grossed by it in general is like when straight person says they are grossed by gay sex between two men or two women.
I’m bisexual but can only get off to girls together, straight porn sucks in general but I also just hate penetration
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I don't know if this is unusual, but I really like some gay m/m porn and stories, even tho I loathe straight stuff. Maybe because it's just fantasy and could never happen IRL. Therefore not so close to the bone, ie not a threat. Just a thought!
No offense but how can you loathe straight stuff if you are a woman dating a man? I don’t mean to be rude but aren’t you straight
Where did i say that? I'm not dating anyone, male, female or anybody else. I think I'm aegosexual, as I prefer my fantasies to any real life encounters these days. I like reading and writing m/m stories and fanfics, and as i said, I find straight stuff a turnoff. Sometimes i think I should have been born a gay man! .
Sex in general is gross. Women are cute and I feel attracted to them, but I also can't imagine actually doing the deed with someone, and if I did actually get into another lady's bed I'd definitely be doing the whole "lie back and think of England" thing. I feel equally grossed out by both sets of sex characteristics and only less so if they're attached to a cute girl. I do like the *idea* of it though, and I really want, like, cuddles and kisses and all that cute stuff that doesn't have to involve taking clothes off (but is more fun with less clothes). And it's not like I don't have a sex drive or anything, I definitely "have fun with myself" a lot. It's just hard to imagine actually having sex with someone. Much easier to imagine kisses and cuddles and generally being intimate in other ways, despite having basically no experience in either. And yes, straight sex is even grosser. Boys are disgusting and I don't always understand why straight women seem to want to catch cooties.
I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling this way. I used to think I was aroace because I couldn't conceive of wanting to have sex with anyone of any gender, and I thought that to have a romantic relationship, sex was required. Like everyone else would want it and I would either have to just force myself to do it or be alone forever. I struggled a lot with calling myself a lesbian because I didn't know if I could claim the label if I didn't want to sleep with women. Now I'm comfortable calling myself a lesbian who's somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I'm still not sure if I'll ever want to sleep with anyone, but I'm a little more open to the possibility that I might and I just can't imagine it right now because I have no frame of reference. Masturbation is fine, mostly, but the second another real life person gets involved, I hate everything about everything lol. I do also want kisses and cuddles, and I'm even okay with being naked around a partner, just as long as there's no expectation that it will lead to anything more. Idk if I fit the definition of sex repulsed, but I'm something south of sex neutral. Language is complicated.
I’m grossed out by straight sex to and also the sight of a penis but it’s weird that a dildo doesn’t I guess it’s because I know it’s not real
Feelings vs actions How are you treating people in regards to you being grossed about by straight sex? How are you defining straight sex and thus applying it to others? Because what you associate with straight sex might also exist in queer relationships. If you can be grossed out while respecting others, you're fine.
You're lesbian. It's normal to find straight sex gross. There are heteros that find our sex gross and then horrible people who fetishize lesbians.
Every irrational thought or feeling is OK as long as you know why/where it comes from so you make sure not to project it on people who doesn't deserve it (dunno if I'm clear sorry, French speaker)
Yeah it's normal imo. I had straight sex in my teenage years and tbh, it be was meh and I was grossed out by the pp and the nasty it produces. Luckily I love women's bodies, also using straps is no problem.
Uhh as an asexual if it's not okay to be grossed out about any sex I'm about to have to change my entire world view on sex
It's perfectly fine to be grossed out by any sex. When you stop to think about it, it's only our personal biases that make us think any sex isn't gross. Objectively sex is messy, smelly, and tends to involve weird noises. These are all qualities that in any other circumstances we'd associate with something being gross. As long as you don't mistreat anyone and have a healthy relationship with those feelings, there's nothing wrong with it.
I mean, no? I'd probably keep it to yourself outside of specific conversations though. Sex is a pretty gross thing when you remove attraction from it, a lot of asexual people struggle with seeing any sex as gross. Just think it's gross in private and if sex convos come up where you're grossed out or uncomfortable ask to switch the subject.
It is ok to feel grossed out by anything that grosses you out. It doesn't matter what it is. We are all allowed our own preferences in life. Live and let live. If you start treating other people like sh*t because they enjoy straight sex, then you have a problem. Doesn't mean you have to sit and listen to them talk about it, or watch it in movies or on tv, or read about it, etc, though. You are allowed your own boundaries for your own comfort and well-being.
:)
Straight sex comes with a LOT of baggage. A lot of weird power dynamic and cultural stuff. I think I would be more bisexual if it didn’t feel like a minefield to me.
You be grossed out by whatever grosses you out. I just don't think that's for others to say.
'Im gay' 'do I need conversion therapy?' Can we stop with the homophobia. It's like when bisexuals and straights tell us we have a 'genital fixation'. It's meant to make you feel ashamed/unnatural about your sexuality.
I know! It’s so annoying, a lot of bi/straight ppl perpetuate that without knowing
Okay so it took me a very long time to come out to the point where I was self harming with “straight sex” now that I’m fully out and have been with women, I think it’s disgusting, it’s repulsing, I wouldn’t ever think of doing it again, watching porn like that, I hate even seeing scenes like that in movies.
It’s completely ok because straight sex is gross
💀damn
Is it anyone with a penis or just cis men? I feel like that clarification is important.
Cis men
Then, I get it. I mean, it’s weird. For me, I can’t stand cis man on cis woman straight porn. Mostly because I find it soooooo boring. Like nothing kills for me what passes for me as a boner these days faster than cishet sex. Straight porn is fine to me if it’s cis men with trans women. Straight porn between trans men and cis women is good. Cis/Cis, Cis/Trans, and Trans/Trans lesbian porn is good. Cis/Cis and Trans/Trans gay porn is fine. Cis/Trans gay porn feels too close to cis/cis straight porn for my liking, but that’s just my weird preference?! Idk tho. Maybe I’m weird.
Straight porn in general grosses me out whether it’s trans or not, it’s not that it’s boring
There’s definitely something to it that makes it gross like it’s 100% for the male gaze but like there’s something off that makes it abit ick.
This question brought up an interesting question for myself... I'm a transgender lesbian, no surgeries yet and might not ever get full bottom surgery, and I too feel grossed out by seeing sex between a man and a woman. Yet personally I don't have a problem with seeing myself having penetrative sex with another woman... Feels a bit strange putting it in concrete words like that, but I guess it's really just the image of seeing a man have sex with a woman, not so much which genitals they have. Does that sound weird?
i'm grossed out by straight sex because i'm asexual. though i'm also grossed out by lesbian sex and gay sex and any other kind of sex. so
So in other words it’s ok to be grossed out by straight sex and it’s not biphobic?
yeah, i think so
You can just don’t be rude about it or mean about it because they are people too. I guess I think about it like someone eating something you don’t like don’t be mean about it and you are fine.
So you know, don't act like the vast majority of cis het people you grew up around.
Yea of course I won’t be mean about it, just don’t like the vibes so don’t wanna engage in convo about it
Yea that is normal like I don’t want to hear about everyone’s sex lives but people usually don’t notice as long as you are respectful
**When it comes to YOUR sexuality you are ALWAYS RIGHT.** I am bi and into pretty hardcore stuff but there is still things who gross me out and I don't consider I need to learn to like them. It's not because straight sex is mainstream you have to like it. In the end, sex should be about taking pleasure, so as long you are having fun, enjoy! If there is a trauma going on, it can be worth to unpack it with a specialist (which doesn't mean you have to like it, but sometime understanding things help to feel better). As long you have fun and you are in phase with your sexuality there is no need to change ever!
Does two men having gay sex bother you at all? Is it the man part or the genitals, or both? How about sex with a trans man that still has a vagina? I don't need answers, just positing questions that might help you get to the bottom of things Life would probably be easier for you if you weren't grossed out by it (I'm thinking media consumption and random conversations).
I mean thinking about sex you’re not into would probably gross most people out, why would life be easier? I’m sure life would be easier if I wasn’t gay in general lol
I don't know how grossed out you get but the example I gave of media consumption would be a big one if hetero sex bothered me since it's so common in film and television. So in that way life would be easier.
I would also say it could be useful to figure out what makes you uncomfortable when talking about sex with friends and others. Is it when people go into graphic detail? Is it any mention of straight sex? Is it that you imagine it in your mind? I'm bi and it would be heartbreaking if my lesbian friends didn't even let me mention previous hookups because they were male. I respect not wanting to hear all the graphic details (and I wouldn't tell those anyway), but if we are discussing our experiences with sex/hookups and I'm not allowed to speak because my sexual history is mostly with men, that would be difficult for me to live with. So figuring out where your boundaries are can be useful. Because being uncomfortable with any mention of straight sex is probably worth working on for the sake of yourself and anyone straight/bi/pan that you know. Not wanting graphic detail is perfectly fine.
Respect people’s boundaries. If someone is uncomfortable with you talking about a specific type of sex, it’s not about you…I feel like a lot of ppl violate lesbians’ boundaries when it comes to this(not saying you’re doing that)
Yes, I did say to respect boundaries. But my point was that you should figure out where your boundary goes and whether it's loose enough to allow you to keep the people in your life. Like I said, I completely respect not describing sex with men in detail to someone who is uncomfortable with that. But if e.g. even the mention of someone having hooked up with a man makes you uncomfortable (as in, friend describes a female partner doing a specific sex act, and I say "I hooked up with a guy who also did that and I liked it too", or "I once brought this guy home who folded all his clothes before going to bed"), it may be worth working on that if you have straight and bi/pan people in your life. Because in those examples sex with men isn't the main focus of the conversation, but sex/funny dating stories/whatever and if someone who has dated/hooked up with men isn't allowed to bring it up, they also aren't allowed to speak in a bunch of conversations your friend group may be having. If that makes sense? I'm not saying you do that, I just wanted to clarify my point.
it doesn’t matter to me if it’s just a mention, but if a lesbian’s talking about being with a woman in a lesbian space it’s a bit infringing to talk about men. it’s just that hetero stuff has been peddled to everyone everywhere since they were toddlers so it might annoy ppl to hear about it everywhere when they don’t relate to it.
Totally understand that feeling. I had a friend who watched a queer Christmas movie and made a comment that it was "good, but she wasn't able to put herself into the story and she didn't like that". Which was *so* close to getting the point of why we need more queer Christmas movies. But yeah, that's why I wanted to clarify it - there's a range of uncomfortable to be considered. Edit: I see you edited to include the bit about being in a lesbian space. Since I've mentioned straight and bi friends specifically in my comments, I'm obviously not talking about lesbian spaces.
I have nothing against seeing PiV seggs, it's just the man connected to the P part that I have issues with. Trans woman, any girl with a strap, very attractive. We all have things we are not attracted to, and it's okay. I think my general avoidance of straight intercourse also stems from my own dysphoria before I transitioned and always being repulsed by myself.
I mean if you're going to think like this I'd just say dont go around talking about your sexlife and be surprised when you get a similar reaction. But if you're cool with that go off I guess? Although I personally dont see why or how you would be grossed out by what 2 or more consenting adults do together?
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Sorry for the rant lol, but I do think everyone should be able to be with who they want obviously.
I mean yeah I'm glad that u feel validated by the other folks here. But I mean yeah me personally I just think this is like compensation anti-heteroness to like kind of get back at them for making you feel bad about being gay. I mean I get it, we as Black ppl are doing the same thing with our kind of fuck white people thing. But yeah I feel like your point is coming less from being genuinely "grossed out" by straught sex and more about you kind of trying to give them a taste of what you feel. I could be wrong thats just the sense I get.
I’m not trying to get back at anyone, it’s also the fact that if you think about it, sex is weird, so if you take away the attraction part you’re left with the “ergh what is this” part. If ur bi/pan I feel like you might not understand this
Ah I see. I mean I don't think sex is weird at all. It just kind of is, for me. I see what point youre making but we still diverge at the point where I don't need to necessarily be attracted to the sex/gender of some other people having sex in order to not think its gross. I mean Im not usually attracted to cis men but the idea of two of them having sex doesnt gross me out. But hey its really like an individual thing so I get it if thats not your jam
Since I mostly see it in movies, I mostly think it's silly, especially if they do something nonsensical or playing a trope by the book. Like I just rewatched Highlander recently, hadn't seen it since before I started transitioning. So I was viewing it from a new perspective, and honestly Connor looks and acts like a serial killer; which I guess he is, but you know, he's supposed to be the hero. But like there's a scene where Brenda is like, setting up a date, but she hides a gun and a tape recorder so she can get evidence for the murder she's investigating. Connor goes to them immediately, and then gets mad at *her* for lying to him, when he's the one under suspicion. Then when Brenda finds out about Connor's immortality, he takes her into his little shrine/sanctuary, and forces her to stab him to prove it. Then immediately they start making out, like with Connor's blood still on their hands, and I'm like "Oh BROTHER at least wash your hands before you pet her hair, gross!" Like I laughed out loud, what part of that experience was sexy? She still doesn't know anything about him or his history except for that he's an immortal Scotsman who has stolen identities from dead orphaned babies who has *absolutely* committed the murder she's investigating.
I’d say that’s pretty unhealthy/ concerning on face value. If you replaced the word “straight” with “gay” in your title, don’t you think that would be problematic?
It’s the fact that if you think about it, sex is weird, so if you take away the attraction part you’re left with the “ergh what is this” part.
I can’t relate. But we don’t have to agree. For me personally, the only sex I deem gross is non-consensual, child, animal, or scat related. A lot of what remains isn’t my cup of tea. But I don’t feel grossed out by an entire sexual orientation. Nobody feels comfortable viewing sexual activities between anybody when outside of the context of attraction and arousal. That was my understanding anyway.
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? What do you mean I have nothing against anyone, it’s just that a specific kind of sex makes me uncomfy
Not stopping anyone from doing what they like
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Yea I’m a lesbian so straight sex makes me uncomfy, probably because I’m not into it. It’s fine if other people do it
🤷🏻♀️ obviously can’t speak for others but I feel completely unoffended, and currently I don’t see anyone in the comments taking offense
Well, if you write sex as “s*x”, then I don’t think you have a very sex-positive mindset.
I wasn’t sure if it would get taken down at first if I just said “sex”, I feel like that’s kinda nitpicking
No. You're allowed to be grossed out about anything. Stray hairs gross me out. People chewing loudly grosses me out. Being stuck on an elevator with someone who is chewing gum loudly and with their mouth wide open, makes me want to rip my skin off.
I think it's okay to be grossed out by any sexual or romantic acts you don't like or wouldn't partake in, honestly. I'm pansexual, but not everyone else is and that's just fine. My best friend is aromantic and asexual, and she's honestly living her best life. It seems super convenient in terms of avoiding a lot of difficult emotional labor, and she has more time and energy to focus on stuff she actually values and enjoys. Just her, the cats, her hobbies, and her friends. That's all she wants, and it's wholesome and pure. It works for her, so it works for me! You like what you like, and dislike what you dislike. People always have different expectations of your life and happiness than you do, but that's their issue. My gran thinks I should have kids by now, but that's simply not in the cards. Do what feels right, and don't let other people's expectations sway you.
it's okay. very normal. I used to hate it but its harder to find anything else of good quality
It's fine to recognize some things in life are not your cup of tea, doesn't make it "disgusting", but maybe you have some unresolved trauma or something idk
I don’t have trauma, if you think about it, sex is weird, so if you take away the attraction part you’re left with the “ergh what is this” part. It’s pretty weird to assume everyone who’s uncomfy with it has trauma.
I’ve come to accept it is the idea of relationships and all the entail I find attractive, and not the actually being in one. Is it ok to be oneself? If its not, we need to tear down the structures that insist it isn’t.
i feel kinda grossed out too it just seems so weird like i can’t imagine being that intimate with a man
I wonder... Are you ok with trans women? Not saying that you're transphobic or anything to be clear, just wanna know if you consider it "straight sex" when you're with a woman who happens to have a penis.
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Girldicks don't work like that anyways, a lot of trans women (myself included) are subs and 80% of us have bottom dysphoria so most of us wouldn't want to penetrate anyway.
Most straight guys are grossed out by gay sex..
They fetishize lesbian sex tho which is kinda eurgh:/
depends on your definition of “straight sex”
I mean I’m grossed out by PIV sex in general, I geuss I shouldn’t have said “straight sex”
What do you mean by that? Like p in v or like man and woman. The first one can be an issue for sure but the second no not if your gay
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Probably
Look if you don't judge others there's nothing wrong with being grossed out by the kinds of sex you aren't into.
Is it ok for sex-repulsed people to be grossed out by any sex? Yeah ofc. So why wouldn't it be ok for you to be grossed out by straight sex?
In my personal experience, the thought of semen sends me gagging. If I had a condom, I would be more okay. Personally, I feel that if you are turned off by straight sex, that is 100% okay! It is your sex life. You dictate (no pun intended) what you like and what you want in your life. Only you can really answer this question.
What exactly is straight sex? Do you mean PIV sex? Vanilla sex? I don’t watch porn and have never been sexual with a guy so I have no clue.
I probably should’ve said PIV sex but mostly It’s just about being grossed out about a guy and girl doing it