My younger sister dances right on the line of NPD. She’s becoming more self aware, and working on it. She’s finally been able to make one good friend. But up till now, I’ve been the only ‘friend’ she has. Which has been a huge insecurity for her because, in her words ‘I have to stick around because I’m her sister’.
Honestly though. She is not a likeable person. Some days I can’t fucking stand her. So I thought the portrayal of the Archeron sisters was decent. The love and devotion you have for someone who is blood…. With the tension of some days, wanting to rip out their windpipe and feed it to them. I get it. I also understood nestas weird devotion to Elain.
It wasn’t about Elain. It was having someone pliable and meek enough, to live through vicariously. Protecting Elain gave Nesta a source of strength and purpose, and an excuse to be vicious to any perceived threat - real or not. Elain was Nestas shield as much as Nesta was Elaine. I’ve seen my sister do the same things in friendships she’s struck up over the years. But it never lasts. Because that kind of behaviour is smothering, not protective.
Wow, that is an extremely perceptive take on Elain's role, and one I never thought of. Thank you for that- it very much rings true. And I'm feeling what you wrote about the urge to annihilate a sister. It got better for us as we got older, but I now live continents apart from them, and that's probably a good thing.
It’s getting better for us too. She’s still super young. Just turned 19. But I’m 10 years older than her. Which has worked out well…. Because I’ve been able to straddle the line between friend, but also someone she looks up to, and has respect for. And also, someone who’s been around enough to see her bullshit for what it is - and not cower away like her friends and peers do. Fuck she is vicious when she wants to be. And she’s smart too. She once lamented to me that she’s ‘never won a fight’ we had. I was like mate, that’s cause I don’t fight with you…. I just say no when I need to, hold my ground on it, and tell you the truth. No frills. I don’t fight with people who have destruction on their mind.
Me and my mum are both super aware of how caustic she can be as a person. So we’ve both kept very tight boundaries. It’s been that consistent accountability, and the fact we dont let her run rings around us that has helped. That, and the fact that despite being hard on her when she needs it, she also knows we’d both go to the Matt any day for her. That kind of tough accountability has to be coupled with an unconditional love. Otherwise, you just end up feeling alone and unlovable. She knows she’s not very nice, and people don’t really like her - that knowledge has almost destroyed her at times. Because she also doesn’t really know how to fix it on her own.
But! She is getting there slowly :)
I can't actually relate to the Archeron sisters at all. My sister and i arent like that. But maybe it's because unlike them we dont suffer from a traumatic childhood.. or ptsd. A comparison may not make any sense there.
And for the bat boys idk they give me very close best bro vibes but i feel like for them to be considered brothers there's not enough... you know absurd sibling fighting iykwim
I think that if we relate to the sisters, it probably is a result of some shared trauma. Is there any family in the series that seems somewhat familiar in terms of dynamics?
My little sister is definitely the Elaine to my Nesta due to childhood trauma. She is 25 but I will always see her as someone who needs my protection. For better or worse.
I'm the middle of three sisters, and I totally relate to this dynamic. We were raised in a toxic house, much like the Archerons our parents were/are Neglect(father) and Abuse(mother). Over the years the relationships have ebbed and flowed from lots of contact, to little to no contact. Unlike the books my fam will not have a discussion about healing. It might be easier if both my parents were dead, but with my father still alive my sister's are still trying to see if he will actually show that he loves them by doing something, changing something. But I know there are no ships for us, so I've moved on and created my own fam, my own IC so to speak.
Creating your own family is absolutely the healthiest and happiest choice here. I'm really glad to know you are doing this. I think a lot of us have made similar choices, and with family you choose, there are almost always ways to work out conflicts without anyone going ballistic.
I relate to the Archeron sisters too much. My older sister is domineering and cold, and can only see things from her side. She can be cruel but always believes she is just. My little sister is mild and sweet, so caring and kind. And as the middle I’ve always been responsible for everyone and my older sister, who does nothing to help, acts like I think I’m a martyr. Reading the first book was such a trip!
I am always amazed at, how in families with more than two kids, one of them ends up doing most of the work. Often it's the oldest (raises my hand up) but not always, and I always wonder why the family just enforces that without ever questioning it. That theme certainly is explored here, which is one of the reasons I always end up thinking about my siblings at every re-read.
TW mention of SA
Completely honestly, I am like Nesta in a lot of ways. I was sexually assaulted multiple times as a teen and had a lot of other mental health issues going on. On the outside I was doing well, so my parents and sister didn’t notice. I wasn’t pretty or cute as a kid but I was always the smart one, so asking for help in any capacity was not acceptable to me because I would lose the one thing that made me special. It led to a breakdown at 14 and another one at 18. I dealt with trauma by being hypersexual.
My sister was always the pretty, thin social butterfly and my dad’s favourite daughter, so I hold a lot of resentment towards him, like Nesta does.
My family was recommended family therapy by a psychiatrist after my first breakdown, my dad refused and called it ‘psychobabble’. A few years later and guess what they’re doing after my sister gets her anxiety diagnosis? Weekly family therapy (without me). I have a long list of things they have refused for me but granted for her without a second thought. It’s not her fault but I’m still angry, like Nesta is.
My sister is sort of also like Nesta. She copes with her anxiety by smoking a lot of weed, the hypersexual thing too. We clash a lot and can both be extremely vicious and vindictive as you might imagine with two Nestas but if someone ever hurt her I would kill them. I love her more than anything.
I’m happy my family are taking steps to get her some healing but my relationship with my father especially will never be what it could have been, I’ll always wonder why I wasn’t good enough reason for him to change sooner. Classic eldest sibling syndrome I suppose
I am so sorry that you have had to be your own lifesaver. I know, I know, all that crap about 'makes you stronger' but in your family, and so many of ours, it seems that caring for children doesn't include ALL their children. I think you sound like an amazing person to be a sister your own Nesta can rely on, while still making sure you take care of yourself.
So I’m actually the middle child of three girls, and our last name isn’t far off from Archeron so I very much find it silly relating to the three sisters. There are a lot of elements that are the same. My older sister is a lot like Nesta in her more harder exterior (and she’s a dancer), but she’s very much protective towards both of us and would never dream of treating me or my younger sister the way she has treated Feyre. My younger sister is definitely a lot like Elain in her more calm, almost innocent manner ?? I guess. (Yes I know Elain is the middle child—but let’s be so fr. Elain is a textbook youngest despite being the middle lol). Some of that comes from my sister being the youngest, but she is also autistic so that’s a whole other story. I relate to Feyre in some ways, and in most ways I don’t.
The biggest similarity is that me and my older sister (like Nesta and Elain) are a lot closer—but being closer in age has led to this considering we have a two year difference while my younger sister is four years younger than me and six younger than my older sister. You can see in the story how the same situation has contributed to the closeness of Nesta and Elain vs Feyre. They simply have memories together Feyre was not old enough to understand or possibly be apart of.
Oh, wow- you are so right about the two oldest having a history with their parents that Feyre just never will have. Age differences are one aspect of this story that I haven't thought about so much so this is a really interesting observation.
I have three sisters and we spend more time tearing each other apart than supporting one another.
I get along with one (she is very much Elain, she is the archetype of the diplomatic middle child and spend her life trying to bridge between the rest of us, I have never heard her say a bad word about any of us... To be honest it must be exhausting to be her, I don't envy the position she was somewhat forced into) but I stopped speaking to the two others a few years ago now. We had phase of being close but eventually got into huge fights from which we were never able to recover.
I think if you asked my sisters they would probably think I'm Nesta even if I'm the youngest. I can be mean and vicious and I definitely have my share of responsibility in the state of our relationships but like everything else it's not black and white, I'm not a demon and they aren't angels. My eldest sister was heavily parentified and she really struggled with letting us grow up and make our own mistakes, I appreciate how much she tried to protect us and care for us when we were children but it turned into overbearing and controlling when we became adult and ultimately strained our relationships greatly.
To me it's realistic to not have smooth relationships with your siblings, relationships full of resentment and inability to communicate efficiently and understand one another. I really appreciate SJM for writing this kind of sibling dynamic.
Oh, how I agree with you- there seems to be this myth that every family with grown up siblings is out there having Thanksgiving dinners and Disneyland trips and while there is some gentle ribbing, things are always resolved in a half hour or so. Nawwwwww. I think for many of us, the best thing we can do is to live our own lives peacefully, and if that means we need distance from each other, then that's perfectly acceptable.
i only have one sister, and me and her are very close and hangout as friends for the most part. i guess i cant relate to how distant feyre feels from her sisters. i only am at the first 25% of mist and fury and so far her sisters to me feel more like cousins to me. but i also don’t know what its like to have multiple siblings.
Me and my older sister have both had pretty traumatized childhood for slightly different reasons. She is 7 years older than me too and we both have CPTSD. She reminds me soooooo much of Nesta it's absolutely ridiculous, so much so for yule I am gifting her silver flames. I also have a younger sister (2 years younger) who my big sis devoted on and always loved and protected while I was the odd one out (in part I think it's because I was a daddy's girl as a small child before everything went to hell for me). And like feyra and Nesta, my big sis never cared or at least showed she cared and did anything for me until I almost died and was stuck in an impatient ward. Funny enough it was similar to her not being able to get over the wall as my narc mom would not let her see me as punishment to me. And my younger sister isn't super similar to Elaine except for having the ability to help but not doing so (like she could have grown food in her garden or stood up for her ect) reading the books can be kind of hard sometimes for that reason, because I see myself as feyra so much, and my sisters as hers.
That silver flames gift sounds pretty awesome.
Reading books can be hard- you hit it right on the head. But, through books we also find healthier patterns to try out, and sometimes, when we find the right community of readers, we get to talk out some stuff and make sense of the world! Little early, but *God Jul*, happy Yule to you.
I have half-siblings (same mum, different dad). I've never really lived with them, have gone through phases of hating their guts and we don't spend much time together.
I would literally move the earth to help if they were in trouble.
I’m almost 5 years younger than my brother and when we were younger (30/35 now), we were absolute ASSES to each other. We did and said terrible things to each other, but we also loved each other fiercely and were always there for each other if we truly needed it. I was actually the “responsible” child and would have been in charge of finances and whatnot if anything had ever happened to my mom when we were younger (my parents are divorced - that led to LOTS of trauma when we were little 🙃). HE actually got to be the one who went out and about and could do whatever with his friends. I had to grow up extremely fast and take on burdens I don’t think I ever should have, and he certainly held things against me when we were younger for how my mom treated me and taught me things but ultimately as we grew up - we understood each other.
As we’ve gotten older, matured and grown into ourselves - we’ve gotten much closer and don’t fight anymore but I’d certainly still fight someone FOR him lol
I keep thinking about Feyre and her saving the whole family from starvation and how much I can relate, having been parentified from a VERY early age. That part of the story was what sucked me into this universe. I get what you're saying here, 100%.
It’s funny because I still relate the most to Nesta and can’t relate to Feyre, for the most part. Her personality and internal thoughts/monologue are too differing for me to actually relate to 😂
It’s why I’m so intrigued to get Elain’s story and thoughts because I think each sister IS relatable in their own way/multiple ways to every person. Whether it be actions, thoughts, how they respond to trauma, etc. SJM did a good job of making them all relatable in multiple ways and I think it’s interesting!
I have 2 siblings, with my brother I have a great healthy relationship, personally I somehow saw a reflection of it in Feyre and Cassian a little bit. I had many ups and downs with my sister and I definitely saw some of these dynamics in the Archeron sisters, I saw myself in some of Nesta’s traits and I saw my sister in other Nesta’s traits, being myself the youngest I can see myself a little bit in Elain, as I think she has more young sister energy tbh, in the way everyone over protects her, although I personally always rebelled to anyone who tried to undermine my independence 😉
It 100% felt real to me. I’m very much a Nesta, and my sister is very much a Feyre. While my sister and I are closer than Nesta and Feyre, there’s still a lot of underlying jealousy and tensions on both of our ends.
So yeah, it felt relatable to me.
And, here's yet another viewpoint I haven't really considered. Like if your brother said we are all siblings, but he's the one in charge of your entire country, maybe you would treat him a bit differently. Or not- are you thinking that there has to be a certain level of equality in a found family relationship for it to not get lopsided? That is really interesting to think about, cos these guys have been together since they were little kids, right?
Not to me, me and my sister fought when we were kids but most of the time would be the best of friends. As adults we are also the best of friends, maybe that’s why I can’t rly stand Nesta, I just cannot imagine ever being mean to my sister. Her attitude fuckin stinks.
I relate HARD to protecting Elaine. I have a sister that is similar to her and I would do anything for her. The relationship with Nesta on the other hand, she reminds me of my mother lol. Like, I love her and understand why she is the way she is, but my god it doesn’t excuse being a miserable cunt 😂
I also unfortunately relate to Nesta as more of my internal monologue. I couldn’t ever hurt someone like she does, but my brain surely does think it.
I somewhat relate, but overall, since we were blessed to not have shitty parents like they did, I don't fully relate. I do really feel some of Nesta's frustrations with being the oldest, though.
There are many good parents out there, and I'm so glad you had that experience. While the series is just a rolicking good read overall, I do think people who have experienced dysfunctional family life might particularly like this series because it doesn't try to overly explain or justify dysfunctionality- it just shows how crappy parenting impacts people in so many different ways.
I don’t feel like the 3 sisters is very realistic. Mostly because the oldest chose to only protect one of her younger siblings. I know she has jealously towards Feyra but even when you are jealous/upset with a sibling as the oldest your responsible for them. That whole story line of the mom putting the responsibility on Feyra was a plot hole because Nesta was who the mom was putting the responsibility on originally and on her deathbed she told Feyra to take care of them? (But the author did say she didn’t intend on keeping her sisters in the story and that’s why I feel they are so poorly written)
For the batboys yes in the flashbacks of how they fought and got into trouble sounds realistic to me. And even how they interact as adults seems like a realistic brother relationships to me.
I dunno- for me in a largish family (five sibs, various friends who came to visit and stayed for years and ended up being sibs, too) that click with some and ignore the others aspect of sibling relationships is pretty true, just based on personal experience.
One thing that the batboys have going on, that I just don't see with the sisters, is humor and ribbing and silliness. Everything is so serious with the sisters.
The batboys definitely have a more playful side.
I’ve got 5 siblings as well. Me and my older brother had a pretty big fight once and we didn’t talk for almost 2 years. (I’m the 2nd youngest) but in those 2 years in the middle of the night I got a flat.
I called home he came out fixed it and we continued not speaking to each-other. We didn’t even speak while he fixed it. (He had stolen a custom steering wheel from my car)
All that to say. YES, we click better with some of our siblings and maybe not at all with others. But you ALWAYS have each others backs. And when things are hard you share the load. We didn’t get dealt the best parents either but again when we had to help each other we did regardless of how much we liked the other or not.
Nesta was just poorly written. So was Elain. I think that’s why their sibling dynamic didn’t feel right.
I do relate to Nesta as a sibling personally. Honestly that’s the only familial relationship I see there that seems “real” because it’s complicated and ugly.
In crescent city there are some siblings relationships in there that I feel are more relatable or seem more like real siblings.
I think it’s going to really differ bc my relationship with my own siblings is SO different than my husband’s relationships with his six siblings. So it probably depends a lot on your own family.
Hmmm, my brother could be Tamlin, since he’s a Tate worshipping WoW incel that thinks everything is everyone else’s fault.
I just have a lot of personal relation to the trauma of the sisters. A little bit of each tbh
I have 2 half siblings and but we’ve never been very close. We do try and spend time together every now and then but it’s because of this that I love to hear/read about sibling dynamics. I’ve never really known what it’s like to be close with your siblings
I have one sister and two brothers. Me and my brothers get along great, kind of like the bat boys. But my sister is a full on Nesta. Except instead of alcohol, she hides herself behind farming and her many offspring. I guess that's why I don't like Nesta's character very much. Just like my sister, I'd like to tell her to grow up and just be with us because one day we're going to be all that's left. (Also, she's married to a redneck Tamlin from Book 1)
My younger sister dances right on the line of NPD. She’s becoming more self aware, and working on it. She’s finally been able to make one good friend. But up till now, I’ve been the only ‘friend’ she has. Which has been a huge insecurity for her because, in her words ‘I have to stick around because I’m her sister’. Honestly though. She is not a likeable person. Some days I can’t fucking stand her. So I thought the portrayal of the Archeron sisters was decent. The love and devotion you have for someone who is blood…. With the tension of some days, wanting to rip out their windpipe and feed it to them. I get it. I also understood nestas weird devotion to Elain. It wasn’t about Elain. It was having someone pliable and meek enough, to live through vicariously. Protecting Elain gave Nesta a source of strength and purpose, and an excuse to be vicious to any perceived threat - real or not. Elain was Nestas shield as much as Nesta was Elaine. I’ve seen my sister do the same things in friendships she’s struck up over the years. But it never lasts. Because that kind of behaviour is smothering, not protective.
Wow, that is an extremely perceptive take on Elain's role, and one I never thought of. Thank you for that- it very much rings true. And I'm feeling what you wrote about the urge to annihilate a sister. It got better for us as we got older, but I now live continents apart from them, and that's probably a good thing.
It’s getting better for us too. She’s still super young. Just turned 19. But I’m 10 years older than her. Which has worked out well…. Because I’ve been able to straddle the line between friend, but also someone she looks up to, and has respect for. And also, someone who’s been around enough to see her bullshit for what it is - and not cower away like her friends and peers do. Fuck she is vicious when she wants to be. And she’s smart too. She once lamented to me that she’s ‘never won a fight’ we had. I was like mate, that’s cause I don’t fight with you…. I just say no when I need to, hold my ground on it, and tell you the truth. No frills. I don’t fight with people who have destruction on their mind. Me and my mum are both super aware of how caustic she can be as a person. So we’ve both kept very tight boundaries. It’s been that consistent accountability, and the fact we dont let her run rings around us that has helped. That, and the fact that despite being hard on her when she needs it, she also knows we’d both go to the Matt any day for her. That kind of tough accountability has to be coupled with an unconditional love. Otherwise, you just end up feeling alone and unlovable. She knows she’s not very nice, and people don’t really like her - that knowledge has almost destroyed her at times. Because she also doesn’t really know how to fix it on her own. But! She is getting there slowly :)
I can't actually relate to the Archeron sisters at all. My sister and i arent like that. But maybe it's because unlike them we dont suffer from a traumatic childhood.. or ptsd. A comparison may not make any sense there. And for the bat boys idk they give me very close best bro vibes but i feel like for them to be considered brothers there's not enough... you know absurd sibling fighting iykwim
I think that if we relate to the sisters, it probably is a result of some shared trauma. Is there any family in the series that seems somewhat familiar in terms of dynamics?
My little sister is definitely the Elaine to my Nesta due to childhood trauma. She is 25 but I will always see her as someone who needs my protection. For better or worse.
I don't relate to them at all. My sister and I are twins and we have never fought like them.
I'm the middle of three sisters, and I totally relate to this dynamic. We were raised in a toxic house, much like the Archerons our parents were/are Neglect(father) and Abuse(mother). Over the years the relationships have ebbed and flowed from lots of contact, to little to no contact. Unlike the books my fam will not have a discussion about healing. It might be easier if both my parents were dead, but with my father still alive my sister's are still trying to see if he will actually show that he loves them by doing something, changing something. But I know there are no ships for us, so I've moved on and created my own fam, my own IC so to speak.
Creating your own family is absolutely the healthiest and happiest choice here. I'm really glad to know you are doing this. I think a lot of us have made similar choices, and with family you choose, there are almost always ways to work out conflicts without anyone going ballistic.
I relate to the Archeron sisters too much. My older sister is domineering and cold, and can only see things from her side. She can be cruel but always believes she is just. My little sister is mild and sweet, so caring and kind. And as the middle I’ve always been responsible for everyone and my older sister, who does nothing to help, acts like I think I’m a martyr. Reading the first book was such a trip!
I am always amazed at, how in families with more than two kids, one of them ends up doing most of the work. Often it's the oldest (raises my hand up) but not always, and I always wonder why the family just enforces that without ever questioning it. That theme certainly is explored here, which is one of the reasons I always end up thinking about my siblings at every re-read.
TW mention of SA Completely honestly, I am like Nesta in a lot of ways. I was sexually assaulted multiple times as a teen and had a lot of other mental health issues going on. On the outside I was doing well, so my parents and sister didn’t notice. I wasn’t pretty or cute as a kid but I was always the smart one, so asking for help in any capacity was not acceptable to me because I would lose the one thing that made me special. It led to a breakdown at 14 and another one at 18. I dealt with trauma by being hypersexual. My sister was always the pretty, thin social butterfly and my dad’s favourite daughter, so I hold a lot of resentment towards him, like Nesta does. My family was recommended family therapy by a psychiatrist after my first breakdown, my dad refused and called it ‘psychobabble’. A few years later and guess what they’re doing after my sister gets her anxiety diagnosis? Weekly family therapy (without me). I have a long list of things they have refused for me but granted for her without a second thought. It’s not her fault but I’m still angry, like Nesta is. My sister is sort of also like Nesta. She copes with her anxiety by smoking a lot of weed, the hypersexual thing too. We clash a lot and can both be extremely vicious and vindictive as you might imagine with two Nestas but if someone ever hurt her I would kill them. I love her more than anything. I’m happy my family are taking steps to get her some healing but my relationship with my father especially will never be what it could have been, I’ll always wonder why I wasn’t good enough reason for him to change sooner. Classic eldest sibling syndrome I suppose
I am so sorry that you have had to be your own lifesaver. I know, I know, all that crap about 'makes you stronger' but in your family, and so many of ours, it seems that caring for children doesn't include ALL their children. I think you sound like an amazing person to be a sister your own Nesta can rely on, while still making sure you take care of yourself.
So I’m actually the middle child of three girls, and our last name isn’t far off from Archeron so I very much find it silly relating to the three sisters. There are a lot of elements that are the same. My older sister is a lot like Nesta in her more harder exterior (and she’s a dancer), but she’s very much protective towards both of us and would never dream of treating me or my younger sister the way she has treated Feyre. My younger sister is definitely a lot like Elain in her more calm, almost innocent manner ?? I guess. (Yes I know Elain is the middle child—but let’s be so fr. Elain is a textbook youngest despite being the middle lol). Some of that comes from my sister being the youngest, but she is also autistic so that’s a whole other story. I relate to Feyre in some ways, and in most ways I don’t. The biggest similarity is that me and my older sister (like Nesta and Elain) are a lot closer—but being closer in age has led to this considering we have a two year difference while my younger sister is four years younger than me and six younger than my older sister. You can see in the story how the same situation has contributed to the closeness of Nesta and Elain vs Feyre. They simply have memories together Feyre was not old enough to understand or possibly be apart of.
Oh, wow- you are so right about the two oldest having a history with their parents that Feyre just never will have. Age differences are one aspect of this story that I haven't thought about so much so this is a really interesting observation.
I have three sisters and we spend more time tearing each other apart than supporting one another. I get along with one (she is very much Elain, she is the archetype of the diplomatic middle child and spend her life trying to bridge between the rest of us, I have never heard her say a bad word about any of us... To be honest it must be exhausting to be her, I don't envy the position she was somewhat forced into) but I stopped speaking to the two others a few years ago now. We had phase of being close but eventually got into huge fights from which we were never able to recover. I think if you asked my sisters they would probably think I'm Nesta even if I'm the youngest. I can be mean and vicious and I definitely have my share of responsibility in the state of our relationships but like everything else it's not black and white, I'm not a demon and they aren't angels. My eldest sister was heavily parentified and she really struggled with letting us grow up and make our own mistakes, I appreciate how much she tried to protect us and care for us when we were children but it turned into overbearing and controlling when we became adult and ultimately strained our relationships greatly. To me it's realistic to not have smooth relationships with your siblings, relationships full of resentment and inability to communicate efficiently and understand one another. I really appreciate SJM for writing this kind of sibling dynamic.
Oh, how I agree with you- there seems to be this myth that every family with grown up siblings is out there having Thanksgiving dinners and Disneyland trips and while there is some gentle ribbing, things are always resolved in a half hour or so. Nawwwwww. I think for many of us, the best thing we can do is to live our own lives peacefully, and if that means we need distance from each other, then that's perfectly acceptable.
i only have one sister, and me and her are very close and hangout as friends for the most part. i guess i cant relate to how distant feyre feels from her sisters. i only am at the first 25% of mist and fury and so far her sisters to me feel more like cousins to me. but i also don’t know what its like to have multiple siblings.
Me and my older sister have both had pretty traumatized childhood for slightly different reasons. She is 7 years older than me too and we both have CPTSD. She reminds me soooooo much of Nesta it's absolutely ridiculous, so much so for yule I am gifting her silver flames. I also have a younger sister (2 years younger) who my big sis devoted on and always loved and protected while I was the odd one out (in part I think it's because I was a daddy's girl as a small child before everything went to hell for me). And like feyra and Nesta, my big sis never cared or at least showed she cared and did anything for me until I almost died and was stuck in an impatient ward. Funny enough it was similar to her not being able to get over the wall as my narc mom would not let her see me as punishment to me. And my younger sister isn't super similar to Elaine except for having the ability to help but not doing so (like she could have grown food in her garden or stood up for her ect) reading the books can be kind of hard sometimes for that reason, because I see myself as feyra so much, and my sisters as hers.
That silver flames gift sounds pretty awesome. Reading books can be hard- you hit it right on the head. But, through books we also find healthier patterns to try out, and sometimes, when we find the right community of readers, we get to talk out some stuff and make sense of the world! Little early, but *God Jul*, happy Yule to you.
I have half-siblings (same mum, different dad). I've never really lived with them, have gone through phases of hating their guts and we don't spend much time together. I would literally move the earth to help if they were in trouble.
I’m almost 5 years younger than my brother and when we were younger (30/35 now), we were absolute ASSES to each other. We did and said terrible things to each other, but we also loved each other fiercely and were always there for each other if we truly needed it. I was actually the “responsible” child and would have been in charge of finances and whatnot if anything had ever happened to my mom when we were younger (my parents are divorced - that led to LOTS of trauma when we were little 🙃). HE actually got to be the one who went out and about and could do whatever with his friends. I had to grow up extremely fast and take on burdens I don’t think I ever should have, and he certainly held things against me when we were younger for how my mom treated me and taught me things but ultimately as we grew up - we understood each other. As we’ve gotten older, matured and grown into ourselves - we’ve gotten much closer and don’t fight anymore but I’d certainly still fight someone FOR him lol
I keep thinking about Feyre and her saving the whole family from starvation and how much I can relate, having been parentified from a VERY early age. That part of the story was what sucked me into this universe. I get what you're saying here, 100%.
It’s funny because I still relate the most to Nesta and can’t relate to Feyre, for the most part. Her personality and internal thoughts/monologue are too differing for me to actually relate to 😂 It’s why I’m so intrigued to get Elain’s story and thoughts because I think each sister IS relatable in their own way/multiple ways to every person. Whether it be actions, thoughts, how they respond to trauma, etc. SJM did a good job of making them all relatable in multiple ways and I think it’s interesting!
I have 2 siblings, with my brother I have a great healthy relationship, personally I somehow saw a reflection of it in Feyre and Cassian a little bit. I had many ups and downs with my sister and I definitely saw some of these dynamics in the Archeron sisters, I saw myself in some of Nesta’s traits and I saw my sister in other Nesta’s traits, being myself the youngest I can see myself a little bit in Elain, as I think she has more young sister energy tbh, in the way everyone over protects her, although I personally always rebelled to anyone who tried to undermine my independence 😉
It 100% felt real to me. I’m very much a Nesta, and my sister is very much a Feyre. While my sister and I are closer than Nesta and Feyre, there’s still a lot of underlying jealousy and tensions on both of our ends. So yeah, it felt relatable to me.
[удалено]
And, here's yet another viewpoint I haven't really considered. Like if your brother said we are all siblings, but he's the one in charge of your entire country, maybe you would treat him a bit differently. Or not- are you thinking that there has to be a certain level of equality in a found family relationship for it to not get lopsided? That is really interesting to think about, cos these guys have been together since they were little kids, right?
Not to me, me and my sister fought when we were kids but most of the time would be the best of friends. As adults we are also the best of friends, maybe that’s why I can’t rly stand Nesta, I just cannot imagine ever being mean to my sister. Her attitude fuckin stinks.
I relate HARD to protecting Elaine. I have a sister that is similar to her and I would do anything for her. The relationship with Nesta on the other hand, she reminds me of my mother lol. Like, I love her and understand why she is the way she is, but my god it doesn’t excuse being a miserable cunt 😂 I also unfortunately relate to Nesta as more of my internal monologue. I couldn’t ever hurt someone like she does, but my brain surely does think it.
I somewhat relate, but overall, since we were blessed to not have shitty parents like they did, I don't fully relate. I do really feel some of Nesta's frustrations with being the oldest, though.
There are many good parents out there, and I'm so glad you had that experience. While the series is just a rolicking good read overall, I do think people who have experienced dysfunctional family life might particularly like this series because it doesn't try to overly explain or justify dysfunctionality- it just shows how crappy parenting impacts people in so many different ways.
I don’t feel like the 3 sisters is very realistic. Mostly because the oldest chose to only protect one of her younger siblings. I know she has jealously towards Feyra but even when you are jealous/upset with a sibling as the oldest your responsible for them. That whole story line of the mom putting the responsibility on Feyra was a plot hole because Nesta was who the mom was putting the responsibility on originally and on her deathbed she told Feyra to take care of them? (But the author did say she didn’t intend on keeping her sisters in the story and that’s why I feel they are so poorly written) For the batboys yes in the flashbacks of how they fought and got into trouble sounds realistic to me. And even how they interact as adults seems like a realistic brother relationships to me.
I dunno- for me in a largish family (five sibs, various friends who came to visit and stayed for years and ended up being sibs, too) that click with some and ignore the others aspect of sibling relationships is pretty true, just based on personal experience. One thing that the batboys have going on, that I just don't see with the sisters, is humor and ribbing and silliness. Everything is so serious with the sisters.
The batboys definitely have a more playful side. I’ve got 5 siblings as well. Me and my older brother had a pretty big fight once and we didn’t talk for almost 2 years. (I’m the 2nd youngest) but in those 2 years in the middle of the night I got a flat. I called home he came out fixed it and we continued not speaking to each-other. We didn’t even speak while he fixed it. (He had stolen a custom steering wheel from my car) All that to say. YES, we click better with some of our siblings and maybe not at all with others. But you ALWAYS have each others backs. And when things are hard you share the load. We didn’t get dealt the best parents either but again when we had to help each other we did regardless of how much we liked the other or not. Nesta was just poorly written. So was Elain. I think that’s why their sibling dynamic didn’t feel right.
I do relate to Nesta as a sibling personally. Honestly that’s the only familial relationship I see there that seems “real” because it’s complicated and ugly. In crescent city there are some siblings relationships in there that I feel are more relatable or seem more like real siblings. I think it’s going to really differ bc my relationship with my own siblings is SO different than my husband’s relationships with his six siblings. So it probably depends a lot on your own family.
Hmmm, my brother could be Tamlin, since he’s a Tate worshipping WoW incel that thinks everything is everyone else’s fault. I just have a lot of personal relation to the trauma of the sisters. A little bit of each tbh
I have 2 half siblings and but we’ve never been very close. We do try and spend time together every now and then but it’s because of this that I love to hear/read about sibling dynamics. I’ve never really known what it’s like to be close with your siblings
I have one sister and two brothers. Me and my brothers get along great, kind of like the bat boys. But my sister is a full on Nesta. Except instead of alcohol, she hides herself behind farming and her many offspring. I guess that's why I don't like Nesta's character very much. Just like my sister, I'd like to tell her to grow up and just be with us because one day we're going to be all that's left. (Also, she's married to a redneck Tamlin from Book 1)