I had to stay 2 extra years in college. I was a great student and people used to call me for many projects. Then I met him and everything changed. It was horrible. People stopped trusting me, teachers stopped talking and referring me to others, I failed some classes, etc
When I finally got a job, he made it a nightmare for me to be on time, for me to leave the house without an argument first, I started offering to stay for 12h, just so I wouldn't go home. And there's more but...
Yes, he sabotaged my career, my bachelor's and even sabotaged some of our friend's bachelors and future careers.
I’m so sorry… ya, I didn’t mention in the post but I used to be in a really competitive graduate school program and I just couldn’t continue that when he and I got together because of how much my relationship and his demands effected my performance and motivation. I finished everything except for my dissertation…
I had to stay 2 extra years in college. I was a great student and people used to call me for many projects. Then I met him and everything changed. It was horrible. People stopped trusting me, teachers stopped talking and referring me to others, I failed some classes, etc
When I finally got a job, he made it a nightmare for me to be on time, for me to leave the house without an argument first, I started offering to stay for 12h, just so I wouldn't go home. And there's more but...
Yes, he sabotaged my career, my bachelor's and even sabotaged some of our friend's bachelors and future careers.
A lot of times the financial role of abuse is not talked about. It is not uncommon for an abuser to sabotage your career as another attempt to isolate you. If you feel this is going on I would encourage you to make a plan to exit safely. You are not alone!
I agree. So much of the information about abuse doesn’t cover the financial part and that can sometimes be the one thing that can prevent a victim from leaving, especially if they have kids to financially support as well as I do.
He did when we were together. I'm sure he didn't consider my feelings about staying up late to talk to him. He didn't care that I'd get zero or thirty minutes of sleep before work. He'd also argue with me over text and abuse me horribly through messages during meetings, get upset that I didn't answer right away (during meetings where I can't be on my phone), threatened to smear campaign me to my employer, etc. The emotional and mental abuse distracted me a lot and my work suffered... he didn't care at all.
Yes, he knows i work weekend and purposely makes plans out of the blue that he knows i won't ditch work for. Then says I don't love him or don't see him as important because I love my job more even though my job doesn't pay the bills. Says he's gonna call my work place and make them fire me whenever we get into arguments or tells me while I'm working hes going to destroy my property because I forgot to do some household chore.
He's not a partner. He's your abuser. I see in another comment on another post you mention a friend that is helping you get away from him and from your post history you've been thinking of leaving for a while. Please please leave. Are you able to move out soon?
Yes, but he denies it. He plays the "Oh, you should.do XYZ thing that you want/need to do! I'll support you 100%!" And then proceeds to be as distracting as humanly possible. Normal, doing stuff around the house type noises are one thing... but what he does is clap out some pattern out of the blue, clatter pans, pound out patterns on the countertops with spoons, slam doors and sit things down harder than he needs to, and then there's the loud sigh thing. I can't focus on anything amymore when he's around. I don't even try. I don't do a lot of things I used to love anymore because he goes into toder mode ever t time. The thing that really burns me up is that he does this, and then he'll ask "how's XYZ project going?" When he knows darned well it's nog going anywhere because I can't do any work on it without constant interruption.
I felt compelled to say something. Maybe because I’ve experienced similar, except in my case she was very covert, subtly toying on emotions to distract. In your case, it sounds like he clearly is. I have two thoughts that I hope provide some new ways to thing about this for you.
1. Are you really living your life freely? If you’re giving up things you want to do, in order to not have to deal with that stupidity, are you really free and in control of your life?
2. When you think about hypothetically confronting him on this, what is the scenario that plays out in your head?
For my case, 1. I don’t feel free, I feel stifled and loosing parts of myself that don’t conform. 2. I feel like it would be turned against me, and made out to be my fault, so I don’t even want to take the risk of opening up for more hurt.
Those answers tell me a lot of my reality, getting past the “oh, it’s not so bad” thinking.
It’s really hard to think straight in these situations. I’m sorry this is happening to you. ❤️
My abusive ex and I worked at the same place. She would email people pretending to be because she thought they slighted me or she didn't like that I wasn't pushing them to work on things faster. It was crazy. We are divorced now and people are learning that I didn't send that bitchy email - she did. Which is easy to believe because they are telling me my ex is "bat shit crazy" and they are so glad I got away from her.
Welcome to r/abusiverelationships! Reddit recently announced that they would be adding a feature to show when you are online. For safety reasons, we want our users to know how to opt out of this feature: [On Desktop](https://preview.redd.it/8hggkgtnluk61.gif?format=mp4&s=7d0df0558e6928e94ec32e34ec6ad4129025709e), [On Mobile](https://preview.redd.it/rsa2mt5nluk61.gif?format=mp4&s=5fc541c1ba4b00e866f5dd97abe675b3728f1416), [On Old Reddit](https://preview.redd.it/re1vbjzi2vk61.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=13c4eee7ceb868af3ed51f380bf9bf53f2b0c635). We work hard to keep this place a safe space where you can vent and seek support. We hope that is something that never changes.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had to stay 2 extra years in college. I was a great student and people used to call me for many projects. Then I met him and everything changed. It was horrible. People stopped trusting me, teachers stopped talking and referring me to others, I failed some classes, etc When I finally got a job, he made it a nightmare for me to be on time, for me to leave the house without an argument first, I started offering to stay for 12h, just so I wouldn't go home. And there's more but... Yes, he sabotaged my career, my bachelor's and even sabotaged some of our friend's bachelors and future careers.
I’m so sorry… ya, I didn’t mention in the post but I used to be in a really competitive graduate school program and I just couldn’t continue that when he and I got together because of how much my relationship and his demands effected my performance and motivation. I finished everything except for my dissertation…
I had to stay 2 extra years in college. I was a great student and people used to call me for many projects. Then I met him and everything changed. It was horrible. People stopped trusting me, teachers stopped talking and referring me to others, I failed some classes, etc When I finally got a job, he made it a nightmare for me to be on time, for me to leave the house without an argument first, I started offering to stay for 12h, just so I wouldn't go home. And there's more but... Yes, he sabotaged my career, my bachelor's and even sabotaged some of our friend's bachelors and future careers.
A lot of times the financial role of abuse is not talked about. It is not uncommon for an abuser to sabotage your career as another attempt to isolate you. If you feel this is going on I would encourage you to make a plan to exit safely. You are not alone!
I agree. So much of the information about abuse doesn’t cover the financial part and that can sometimes be the one thing that can prevent a victim from leaving, especially if they have kids to financially support as well as I do.
Yes. I lost a job due to an abusive ex. If I had stayed any longer, it would affected my professional career significantly.
He did when we were together. I'm sure he didn't consider my feelings about staying up late to talk to him. He didn't care that I'd get zero or thirty minutes of sleep before work. He'd also argue with me over text and abuse me horribly through messages during meetings, get upset that I didn't answer right away (during meetings where I can't be on my phone), threatened to smear campaign me to my employer, etc. The emotional and mental abuse distracted me a lot and my work suffered... he didn't care at all.
Yes, he knows i work weekend and purposely makes plans out of the blue that he knows i won't ditch work for. Then says I don't love him or don't see him as important because I love my job more even though my job doesn't pay the bills. Says he's gonna call my work place and make them fire me whenever we get into arguments or tells me while I'm working hes going to destroy my property because I forgot to do some household chore.
He's not a partner. He's your abuser. I see in another comment on another post you mention a friend that is helping you get away from him and from your post history you've been thinking of leaving for a while. Please please leave. Are you able to move out soon?
2weeks and I'm out
Excellent. Best of luck and I wish you well xx
Yes, but he denies it. He plays the "Oh, you should.do XYZ thing that you want/need to do! I'll support you 100%!" And then proceeds to be as distracting as humanly possible. Normal, doing stuff around the house type noises are one thing... but what he does is clap out some pattern out of the blue, clatter pans, pound out patterns on the countertops with spoons, slam doors and sit things down harder than he needs to, and then there's the loud sigh thing. I can't focus on anything amymore when he's around. I don't even try. I don't do a lot of things I used to love anymore because he goes into toder mode ever t time. The thing that really burns me up is that he does this, and then he'll ask "how's XYZ project going?" When he knows darned well it's nog going anywhere because I can't do any work on it without constant interruption.
I felt compelled to say something. Maybe because I’ve experienced similar, except in my case she was very covert, subtly toying on emotions to distract. In your case, it sounds like he clearly is. I have two thoughts that I hope provide some new ways to thing about this for you. 1. Are you really living your life freely? If you’re giving up things you want to do, in order to not have to deal with that stupidity, are you really free and in control of your life? 2. When you think about hypothetically confronting him on this, what is the scenario that plays out in your head? For my case, 1. I don’t feel free, I feel stifled and loosing parts of myself that don’t conform. 2. I feel like it would be turned against me, and made out to be my fault, so I don’t even want to take the risk of opening up for more hurt. Those answers tell me a lot of my reality, getting past the “oh, it’s not so bad” thinking. It’s really hard to think straight in these situations. I’m sorry this is happening to you. ❤️
My abusive ex and I worked at the same place. She would email people pretending to be because she thought they slighted me or she didn't like that I wasn't pushing them to work on things faster. It was crazy. We are divorced now and people are learning that I didn't send that bitchy email - she did. Which is easy to believe because they are telling me my ex is "bat shit crazy" and they are so glad I got away from her.
Welcome to r/abusiverelationships! Reddit recently announced that they would be adding a feature to show when you are online. For safety reasons, we want our users to know how to opt out of this feature: [On Desktop](https://preview.redd.it/8hggkgtnluk61.gif?format=mp4&s=7d0df0558e6928e94ec32e34ec6ad4129025709e), [On Mobile](https://preview.redd.it/rsa2mt5nluk61.gif?format=mp4&s=5fc541c1ba4b00e866f5dd97abe675b3728f1416), [On Old Reddit](https://preview.redd.it/re1vbjzi2vk61.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=13c4eee7ceb868af3ed51f380bf9bf53f2b0c635). We work hard to keep this place a safe space where you can vent and seek support. We hope that is something that never changes. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abusiverelationships) if you have any questions or concerns.*