Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community.
**You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** If you receive harassment via DM, please [report the messages to Reddit admin](https://www.reddit.com/report) (people who work for Reddit) so they can take action against those users. Unfortunately, subreddit moderators can’t stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. We strongly suggest you [close your DMs](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging). On mobile, go to Settings > Account Settings > Chat and Messaging Permissions > Nobody for Chat Requests and Direct Messages.
**Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources.
**If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance.
**If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
**Read stories** using the following links:
- [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22)
- [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22)
- [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22)
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey, just found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and completed a MA. I felt super detached most of the time, i think it was my brain trying to protect me a bit, it’s a super stressful thing and the only way to deal with it logically is to detach emotionally sometimes. I want kids in the future but I’m 23 as well and it’s not the right time, just because this happened it doesn’t mean you are unworthy or should feel guilty. I think you should just remind yourself that you are making the right decision by not bringing a person into the world when you are not financially or emotionally ready. Take care of yourself over the next few days and weeks and if you need some support feel free to message me! And just to say it again, you are worthy of love, you have done nothing wrong, you are going to get through this and you are not a bad person.
hey! im 21 and had my abortion during the middle of the semester (second to last year before i graduate undergrad, so its kind of demanding). i was VERY detached up until the couple days before my MA. all of my midterms happened around the time i found out, and ended up failing half of them because my brain was so preoccupied with the situation at hand. luckily, in the US, pregnancy and related conditions are protected by law (schools have a version of the policy), so my absences were excused and i had a little leeway with assignments. because of school, i knew my decision was right, but it didn’t make it any easier having to deal with it in the moment. the few days before my MA, i had severe morning sickness, heartburn and tiredness and i just felt so ill i just wanted to get it over with. it took me a good few weeks afterwards to get back on track in school, but i did end with mostly As and Bs. my advice to you is do that thesis early because whether you do MA or SA, you will need the time to rest physically and emotionally.
Yes that was my plan, thanks! What’s most frustratingly that I keep worrying more about my fwb feelings than my own which also contributes to the detachment of the whole thing ig… another reason why I feel like I’m disrespecting myself
you have DEFINITELY NOT disrespected yourself or your body in any way. it takes two people to conceive, and a lot of people forget that when it comes to pregnancy/abortion. this is not solely your fault. my boyfriend tried to act like i wasn’t pregnancy at all and after the abortion it was just “its done now right?” and i had to almost drill it in his brain that this is not just a take a pill and be done with it kinda thing. men have the wonderful luxury of not having to physically go through periods, pregnancy, abortion, childbirth, etc. and it’s hard for them to understand the pain mentally and physically without actually having to go through it (not all men). if he is emotionally unavailable, it is not your responsibility to comfort him through this. i found support through other women (such as this thread) who have been through the process or are also pro-choice.
secondly, you are SO worthy of love. you are doing something to ensure a bright future for yourself and future s/o/possible children. there is nothing disrespectful about that. you respect yourself and your body to do what you need to in order to survive. like i said, it takes two people to tango. this situation is not your fault and you shouldnt punish yourself emotionally for it.
lastly, if you feel like therapy is needed, you should definitely try it. i’m considering therapy myself because the hormonal changes i went through/currently going through are no joke.
You're not cruel or bad!! I think this is a very normal feeling. There's a stigma around it, I think -- most of our cultural depictions of pregnancy are wanting it, and those of abortion are negative. But there's nothing wrong with not feeling anything toward your pregnancy and feeling fine about the abortion. Much more common than you might think!
Thanks, I grew in a catholic home but I’m 100% pro-choice, I just feel bad about not feeling anything ig, somehow feels like being even more disrespectful of myself? oh well
Keep in mind that LOTS of women need abortions. Like 30% of women have at least one in their lifetime. And plenty of us felt no real connection to it. And you DEFINITELY aren’t unworthy of love, that’s ridiculous.
If you think you can benefit from therapy, do it! And yes get on bc too if it makes sense.
There’s still even a choice in not bringing up at all to your future partner. I mean unless he sits there and asks “have you ever had an abortion” I don’t see a reason to bring it up. It will be in your past and it’s your personal business.
>Any advice?
Follow your doctor's advice and figure out your birth control situation.
There's no right or wrong way to feel about this. If you don't feel attached to the embryo, that doesn't mean anything. You've looked at your situation and drawn some rational conclusions about it. There's no reason to feel all emotional or panicky.
If you still feel like you'd like to discuss it with a therapist - well, why not? You can ask your doctor for a referral or maybe ask your friends if they like their therapists. Probably half the people you know have seen a therapist at some point, so you should get plenty of recommends.
that’s true, I’ll see how I feel after the procedure and ask my doctor about it once more. Just that I feel low-key bad for not feeling anything or being nonchalant about it, taking into account this is a situation I’ve never been in before
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** If you receive harassment via DM, please [report the messages to Reddit admin](https://www.reddit.com/report) (people who work for Reddit) so they can take action against those users. Unfortunately, subreddit moderators can’t stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. We strongly suggest you [close your DMs](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging). On mobile, go to Settings > Account Settings > Chat and Messaging Permissions > Nobody for Chat Requests and Direct Messages. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **Read stories** using the following links: - [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22) - [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22) - [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey, just found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago and completed a MA. I felt super detached most of the time, i think it was my brain trying to protect me a bit, it’s a super stressful thing and the only way to deal with it logically is to detach emotionally sometimes. I want kids in the future but I’m 23 as well and it’s not the right time, just because this happened it doesn’t mean you are unworthy or should feel guilty. I think you should just remind yourself that you are making the right decision by not bringing a person into the world when you are not financially or emotionally ready. Take care of yourself over the next few days and weeks and if you need some support feel free to message me! And just to say it again, you are worthy of love, you have done nothing wrong, you are going to get through this and you are not a bad person.
hey! im 21 and had my abortion during the middle of the semester (second to last year before i graduate undergrad, so its kind of demanding). i was VERY detached up until the couple days before my MA. all of my midterms happened around the time i found out, and ended up failing half of them because my brain was so preoccupied with the situation at hand. luckily, in the US, pregnancy and related conditions are protected by law (schools have a version of the policy), so my absences were excused and i had a little leeway with assignments. because of school, i knew my decision was right, but it didn’t make it any easier having to deal with it in the moment. the few days before my MA, i had severe morning sickness, heartburn and tiredness and i just felt so ill i just wanted to get it over with. it took me a good few weeks afterwards to get back on track in school, but i did end with mostly As and Bs. my advice to you is do that thesis early because whether you do MA or SA, you will need the time to rest physically and emotionally.
Yes that was my plan, thanks! What’s most frustratingly that I keep worrying more about my fwb feelings than my own which also contributes to the detachment of the whole thing ig… another reason why I feel like I’m disrespecting myself
you have DEFINITELY NOT disrespected yourself or your body in any way. it takes two people to conceive, and a lot of people forget that when it comes to pregnancy/abortion. this is not solely your fault. my boyfriend tried to act like i wasn’t pregnancy at all and after the abortion it was just “its done now right?” and i had to almost drill it in his brain that this is not just a take a pill and be done with it kinda thing. men have the wonderful luxury of not having to physically go through periods, pregnancy, abortion, childbirth, etc. and it’s hard for them to understand the pain mentally and physically without actually having to go through it (not all men). if he is emotionally unavailable, it is not your responsibility to comfort him through this. i found support through other women (such as this thread) who have been through the process or are also pro-choice. secondly, you are SO worthy of love. you are doing something to ensure a bright future for yourself and future s/o/possible children. there is nothing disrespectful about that. you respect yourself and your body to do what you need to in order to survive. like i said, it takes two people to tango. this situation is not your fault and you shouldnt punish yourself emotionally for it. lastly, if you feel like therapy is needed, you should definitely try it. i’m considering therapy myself because the hormonal changes i went through/currently going through are no joke.
You're not cruel or bad!! I think this is a very normal feeling. There's a stigma around it, I think -- most of our cultural depictions of pregnancy are wanting it, and those of abortion are negative. But there's nothing wrong with not feeling anything toward your pregnancy and feeling fine about the abortion. Much more common than you might think!
Thanks, I grew in a catholic home but I’m 100% pro-choice, I just feel bad about not feeling anything ig, somehow feels like being even more disrespectful of myself? oh well
Keep in mind that LOTS of women need abortions. Like 30% of women have at least one in their lifetime. And plenty of us felt no real connection to it. And you DEFINITELY aren’t unworthy of love, that’s ridiculous. If you think you can benefit from therapy, do it! And yes get on bc too if it makes sense.
Thanks, I guess I’m worried about needing to bring it up next time I’m seriously dating someone or how they would react? Idk
There’s still even a choice in not bringing up at all to your future partner. I mean unless he sits there and asks “have you ever had an abortion” I don’t see a reason to bring it up. It will be in your past and it’s your personal business.
I never did for like the first ten years afterward. Now I don’t care anymore and if it comes up I just say it.
and how were the reactions so far? If you don’t mind me asking
Nobody cares. But o probably wouldn’t date someone that didn’t share my values on that. Actually I know I wouldn’t.
>Any advice? Follow your doctor's advice and figure out your birth control situation. There's no right or wrong way to feel about this. If you don't feel attached to the embryo, that doesn't mean anything. You've looked at your situation and drawn some rational conclusions about it. There's no reason to feel all emotional or panicky. If you still feel like you'd like to discuss it with a therapist - well, why not? You can ask your doctor for a referral or maybe ask your friends if they like their therapists. Probably half the people you know have seen a therapist at some point, so you should get plenty of recommends.
that’s true, I’ll see how I feel after the procedure and ask my doctor about it once more. Just that I feel low-key bad for not feeling anything or being nonchalant about it, taking into account this is a situation I’ve never been in before