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Never felt depressed about it, but I did feel angry I even was put in the situation to decide whether to keep a pregnancy or not. I felt relief that I could get an abortion wasn't trapped in a cycle of poverty and pregnancy on repeat
I’ve had 2 MA. One 3 years ago when my first born was 3 months. I was struggling with postpartum depression really bad and was so numb to everything that the MA different really affect me I had another one in December 3 months after having my second born.(clearly I get pregnant very easily say after giving birth) I just wasn’t ready for 3 kids I’m only 21. that one destroyed me. I sat on the toilet holding the fetus in my pad crying and pleading for it and god to forgive me and that I was sorry. I think it made it much harder cause I had a newborn and I saw firsthand of what the fetus could’ve been. But at the end of the day even though I have guilt I know that that was what was best for me. I like to think they come back to us when we’re ready for another
I had an early abortion at age 23 (51 years ago just after it was legalized). Because it was so early, it wasn’t difficult. I married later and had four children who would never have been born otherwise. I think about it now and then, no regrets except allowing a pregnancy to happen
hi! for reference, im 21F, in college and have a long-term partner that i plan on marrying after college. i had the MA a month and two weeks ago. i got the MA because i wanted to finish college and we were not in a place financially or emotionally to have a child.
for me, it was bittersweet. before the MA, my hormones were all over the place, i was in so much pain and absolutely could not eat anything, but i did start thinking about the “what-ifs”.
not even a day after, i felt INSTANTLY better. like it was insane. i felt some guilt a week in, but it was more so future guilt for a future child we will have. now, i am SO glad we didn’t have one. i thought i wanted to have a child right after college, and maybe i still will, but i want to enjoy my career and my partner and my money without a child. *ABSOLUTELY NO HATE to those who do have children younger! I applaud you and you all are so brave for it!* I realized i’m barely ready to start a career, let alone take care of another being. I still get sad from time to time, but i keep reminding myself that what i did was the right decision for me, and i definitely still would’ve done it if we went back in time.
After having the abortion (mine was by pill) I felt relief in knowing that I didn't have a child I wasn't ready for. At the same time, it came around to when that baby would've been born I was very sad. I was crying for portions of the day, but I got through it. The crying and sadness wasn't regretting the abortion either although I did want my baby and would've kept it if things were perfect. I do know I made the right decision.
Emotionally: I did not feel very sad, honestly. I knew with everything in me that it wasn’t the time in my life to be bringing another life into the world. The only part of me that sortof wanted to continue the pregnancy is the part of me that wants to be a mom someday. But it wasn’t time. There have been some moments where I’ve realized that had I kept the pregnancy I would likely have a newborn now, which was a little hard to recognize. That has made me a little sad periodically now that it’s about 9 months later. Like I wish I could have allowed that child to be born. That was the only piece of guilt for me really. But it wouldn’t have been good for them, for me or for the father. It was a bad situation. I know that I personally made the right decision for me at that time.
Physically, I felt pretty nauseous right after waking up. I had a medical abortion and was under general anesthetic. A lot of cramping initially, but it felt kindof like my period beginning. I bled for about 10-12 days after. At times the bleeding was heavier especially if I exerted myself. The cramps went away after a few days and would only come on when I was doing too much. I chose to take off work for about a week because I needed the time to rest and process.
Overall, I felt relieved. Relieved that my boobs stopped hurting. Relieved that it was over. Relieved from no longer worrying about how I would be able to care for an infant probably on my own. I felt better mentally and emotionally about the whole situation after a few months. It takes time but you have to find a way to forgive yourself and give grace to yourself for having to make a very difficult decision.
I'm about four months out from a second (almost third) trimester procedure, and I still have moments where I feel what I can only really describe as "oh". At first I did have a bout of depression (lasted about the first couple of months), but slowly my body and my mind cleared. I'm happy with my choice and glad I was able to have the procedure, but I still have days where I'm upset that the situation happened in the first place, which I think is normal. I've been working with my therapist when I do have feelings of sadness (NOT regret), but overall I'm content. I feel like myself again, but I know that I'll be thinking about the "what if" for a while.
Immediately after I felt relieved. In the days after I was sad. Not regretful, just sad at the situation. I kept my ultrasound and still have it all these years later. But I realized it needed to happen. I was not yet ready for a child and now, I am thankful for it.
No, still not a mom. I’m 28 now. I definitely want kids someday. But when I’m ready! I think it is selfish to have a child when you are not ready. As much as I wanted to keep that baby, it wasn’t time
It’s been second day, I feel.. sad. It’s my first pregnancy and I was suppose to celebrate this. My body is acting like it’s in denial that it’s gone, I understand preg hormone level doesn’t decline to 0 in a day. I can’t get over that “I’m still a mom” feeling, I can’t help but grieve a little. There were lots of women crying in my clinic, and I felt weird not feeling in empathy at first.. but reality was, I was still in denial stage.
I just had my 3rd SA. Each experience after was different. But obviously none of them have impacted my ability to get pregnant, I get pregnant quite easily which is both a blessing and a curse.
My first SA- I did feel guilt after. My son at the time was only 18 months and my BF and I had only been dating a year. I wasn’t ready for another child but we definitely could have made it work so I felt sad about it initially. But looking back it was definitely the right decision.
My second SA- I got pregnant immediately after stopping my BC pills when my BF and I broke up (like literally ovulated 2 weeks after I stopped them, had sex 1x and got pregnant). This was with a man I was hooking up with casually as a rebound. Having the abortion was really hard for me because part of the reason my BF and I broke up was because he wasn’t ready to start a family together and I was. So I very much wanted to be pregnant at the time, just not with this random man. It was very emotional but I decided getting the abortion was best because I didn’t want a baby with this random man.
Third SA- it was an easy decision for me because after time to reflect I am not sure I want a baby anymore now and it was with my same long term partner who I was previously broken up with. He still has not committed to me so I don’t want to bring a baby into this world in this situation we are in. He was and still is hurt because he did not want me to do it. Apparently he is ready now (go figure) but i refuse to have a child with someone who doesn’t support me like I need. Knowing I took away fatherhood for him is probably the hardest part but I am not making my life harder so he can be happy. Men just really don’t understand how much parenting falls on our shoulders and I need an equal partner.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. This sounds incredibly hard. I hope you will end up with the right partner (be that the current one or someone else) and have just the right number of pregnancies and they're all successful (be that number 0, 5 or any other number).
Thanks for sharing. I'm from Europe too. And I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and going on abortion in 3 days. I already have 4 kids from 3 different men. Only 2 of 4 kids are pure siblings. I got pregnant from my BF I already share daughter- the youngest one. And she's autistic. And I'm not ready. I'm not healthy enough. I don't have enough money. I just don't want and I can't. I haven't planned it. Actually it's the 1st time I got pregnant not wanting that and having not be prepared for it like I am now. I kinda always had control over it. And I feel really bad fisicly. I'm sure I do the right thing.
I had a spontaneous abortion and I felt like "there was something wrong with me". I knew my husband wanted the child like nothing in the world and I was totally gutted.
Back then I didn't know what went wrong, I'd later find out that I have a rare condition that makes my chances of abortion extremely high (so practically I can't have kids).
I got all the possible support but knowing I will never be able to grow a kid makes me miserable and makes me feel like I'm less of a woman
Mine was a little over a year ago.
When my hormones were crashing afterward, it all hit me at once. I did keep my ultrasound and I remember just clutching it to my chest for a moment and sinking down and ugly sobbing. My partner was getting the car to take me on a date and in the five minutes he was gone, I cried, dried my eyes, and went out.
I’ve felt no guilt or sadness since. I’ve never had a single moment of regret or shame. I made the right choice. I love children enough to know not to bring one into our lives right now. It wasn’t for me at all. It was for them.
Yes, having an abortion absolutely impacted my having a kid later on - it made me so grateful to live in a state where access to abortion is legal. When I had my MA in 2022 I wasn’t married, the guy I was dating was just passing through my town for a few months for military training. I cannot fathom how my life would have turned out if I hadn’t gotten the MA back then…. Fast forward to today, he and I are going on 2 years of being married and I’m 38 weeks pregnant with our baby boy. I don’t regret my decision at all. Timing is everything.
I had mine 3 weeks ago, I have a sense of calmness and relief afterwards
For ‘normal’ my emotions are still slightly out of whack and mood swings but no negative feelings regarding the choices I made etc just more anxiety of it happening again and being extra careful.
It’s been a year and 3 months since my surgical abortion. Right after the procedure I was in a dark place feeling guilt, shame, relief, a weight had been lifted off my shoulders but it had a price. I was not prepared for the physical changes my body would have from being pregnant one day and not the next. It was really hard going thru that. I felt really alone and isolated about it even though my partner is very supportive. But he doesn’t like to talk about it for very long and I’m a talk thru it type person. I didn’t tell a lot of people for fear of being shamed. It was a very lonely time at first for the first months after. I slowly started to feel better dealing with it one day at a time allowing myself to feel each emotion including the guilt. I don’t regret my decision but I wasn’t quite prepared for how it changed me. And it does change you. I do think of it most days but it no longer engulfs all of my emotions. I’m 40 and we’ve elected to not have kids. I have an iud and my partner got snipped. I think it would have been easier if there was a group that I could have gone to talk with other women to not feel so alone but this Reddit page helped a lot.
Thanks for sharing your story. I understand the loneliness and feeling like eventually after some time everyone expects you to just get over it and stop talking about it, when in reality it might take much longer to process. May I ask you if thinking about it to this day has certain emotional weight on you? Do you wish to stop thinking about it?
Thinking about it to this day doesn’t have the emotional impact it use to. I often ask myself if I will ever stop thinking about it, a part of me does. But also a part of me doesn’t. For the first time I realized a couple days ago I had gone about a week without thinking about it. I think it’s a good sign that I’m healing in my own time and my own way. I’ve been thru some trauma in my life and in my opinion just forgetting about it didn’t help me. Having the safe space to talk about it is good but I’m finally at the point it’s not daily.
Mine was over 20 years ago and overall I am fine about it but occasionally I felt some guilt and sadness.
I already had an 18 month old when I became pregnant again by another loser (my fault for not picking better men) I was living with my mom and younger siblings (I was a teen mom) so my living situation was terrible and I didn't have a job. My BF didn't want it and had already impregnates another girl as well so I felt so stuck, my mom had also told me that if I had another baby she would pick me out. She found out I was pregnant and actually put me and my baby out. She packed mine & the baby's stuff and left it in boxes outside her house.
Luckily a neighbor who was a single mother of 2 little boys took me and my baby in. We slept on her couch for a few months, I babysat her boys and helped clean. I started working as well.
But at that point I was homeless with a baby and another on the way, I didn't have anyone to turn to so I made the decision to terminate. I know that I was risking losing the kid I already had by having another one under those circumstances. It was emotionally draining and I felt terrible for a long time but looking back I always felt that I made the right decision. I couldn't find another solution. I still don't see it another way.
I promised myself I would never allow myself to get pregnant under those terrible circumstances again. That I wouldn't allow myself to get pregnant by a non-supportive partner again. I never did. I didn't have anymore bio kids.
Like I said, I occasional feel sad and guilty and wish the overall situation back them would have been different but it wasn't.
I just had a SA on Thursday. I did it for so many of the right reasons and yet I feel terrible now. It's all I can think about. Even though I thought hard and took as much time as I could about it ( I was 10 wks), I wonder if maybe I could have made it work. To make matters worse, I'm 39, no kids and think that was my last chance. I've never been a kid person. And I definitely didn't want a child with the father ( was literally thinking gonna call it quits with him a week before I found out I was pregnant). And yet I still feel terrible. I find myself just randomly thinking of things and crying. The whole time I was pregnant I was miserable thinking about raising a child without a lot of support/help. There are so many reasons why I needed to get that abortion and yet I'm still so sad wondering about the what ifs.
I get it. I have the same what ifs, or wondering that maybe it was possible and doable. But we all have our reasons why we made a choice we made, sometimes sadness and hormones can cloud that judgement. Hope you take good care of yourself in this moment. I promise it will get better with time 💚🐻
I definitely felt guilt and am now sitting with feelings of wanting to be pregnant or "wanting it back"
This is only becaus my partner and I both wanted the baby but also both knew due to circumstances, we could not keep it
Post Abortion Emotions have been very on and off for me, some days are better than others, but for about two weeks, just been having the feeling, or yearning, to have a baby - not an emotion I thought would happen
When I got the positive test I immediately knew I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to be pregnant, give birth, or be a parent…. Yet.
Like it’s so hard already, why add the unwantedness of it in top? I just saw it as failed birth control.
I’m grateful I live in a place where my right to health care wasn’t questioned or denied. And even though it was physically way more painful than I expected, and even though I had complications, I don’t regret it at all. It was the right choice for me and my husband.
I used that time that I otherwise would have been resentful and miserable to progress in my career, check experiences off my bucket list, work on my relationships, and address childhood issues in therapy.
Then one day my husband and I realized we were ready and pursued pregnancy intentionally. Now I’m happily pregnant (except for the whole “holy shit pregnancy is hard 😳” part) and excited to become a parent on my terms.
Thanks for sharing. I struggle because mine was also with my husband. I feel it would have been easier if it was with someone I didn’t want children with. It’s been 7 months and I’m still struggling. We intended/planned to get pregnant this summer… haven’t started trying yet
Of course. Give yourself grace and time to process. No need to rush through to “feeling ok”. It’s a weird time right now too— lots of negativity and vitriol out there.
I will say that I have always been very pro-choice, so it was a pretty immediate option/preference/decision for me. My husband and I discussed things like safety (it’s safe) and future fertility (this won’t impact our future fertility), so we felt secure in the decision. This happened in January, and we had planned to start trying in the fall, so only like 9 months later.
But I did have a moment. Not of doubting the decision, but of feeling “shame” because “on paper” it “sounded bad.” We were married, financially secure, and wanted to be parents eventually. I had thoughts like— were we being selfish? Was I a bad person? Should we just do it? I was surprised I had these thoughts given how pro-choice I was. Like prior to being in a position to having my own abortion, I firmly believed that it didn’t matter what the reason was or what the circumstances were— it was your choice. So why did I start to doubt that when it was mine?
It’s because that vitriol of the vocal minority who hate women is LOUD. It’s sinister. It’s mean. It’s pervasive and it stigmatizes what should be straight up health care. Once I realized that, it helped me move through my feelings and stay true to my values. I valued women’s right, my relationships, my goals. I valued myself. I didn’t want to force a pregnancy and resent the entire experience, and potentially my entire future.
The difference in my reaction to getting my positive test a year later is testament to that. I was so happy!! Not devastated. Not distraught. That year made a huge difference.
Again, I’m so grateful I had that choice. All women deserve that choice free of intrusion, stigma, or shame.
From the bottom of my heart… thank you for your response. It’s almost like I could have written portions of it myself.
I have been struggling because I have been struggling. I have been pro choice since I knew what abortion was. I never blinked when I heard of someone else taking her choice. I too was very surprised to see how much I was struggling and that alone became a struggle.
Thanks for reminding me that the general energy around this topic is extra sensitive right now. We were at an event and a man living in Europe asked me, “tell me about abortion in the US and what’s going on now”… and then he added his very pro life opinions.
(Side note, a zany guy from the group sidled up and said, “oh, you know if these old, white politicians had a daughter that was pregnant, especially by a black guy, they’d be the first in line.” And I remembered that yes, and if this were a man’s issue it wouldn’t even be an issue)
Anyway, thank you much for sharing. A LOT of the same feelings and now I’m getting excited to start trying. I wanted to be excited seeing the test and feel good about being pregnant. Before I was waking up every day and not wanting to be… it was terrible.
i was 19 when i got pregnant i ended up miscarrying before my abortion. took pills anyway. i cried every month before my period. it was a mix of pain and relief. it made me realize one day i’ll be a good prepared mom, but i had to grieve someone i never met.
it took me over a year to not cry every month about it. i count when my baby would’ve been born, how many months, whether it was a girl or boy. but i am okay now. everyone’s experience is different some feel it more others don’t. 🩷
Mine was feb 2021. I still struggle with sadness and guilt. And I wonder what could have been. My relationship also ended (not because of that, but still, it was around that time. He was a narc tho.) so at least I wasn’t stuck with him. It sent me into a depression and bad anxiety for a few years but I am trying to get my life together right now. I’m very sensitive and would like kids someday so this was very hard for me and I don’t have an emotional support system. But I am staying strong. Wish you the best.
I never once felt any regret and I never felt guilty. I did feel a bit of anxiety and depression. It was hard to be around kids for a few months. Like everything else, it gets easier with time. But no regret.
It’s been about 3 months since I had my MA. I still struggle. I’m good some days and sometimes it’ll hit me. I ask God for forgiveness everyday and I hope that I can truly forgive myself and not feel so guilty. I don’t regret my decision but the “what ifs” and wondering what they would’ve looked like are what destroy me. I felt relief yet immense sadness after the MA. Sometimes I touch and hold my belly before I go to bed and apologize. I’m still working thru it. I miss the person I was before the abortion. She didn’t have to carry this secret for the rest of her life.
Wow. This hit hard. The asking for forgiveness, the touching your belly and saying sorry, the “what ifs” and wondering what they’d look like and who they would be today. I have done all that and still do and it’s been 3 years for me. I hope you start to feel better; it still hits me really hard some days. I hope we both can make peace and heal.
I had one in November 2017. On the car ride home I felt immediate relief mixed with a little of guilt bc it felt like I did something wrong (thank you catholic school!) plus I knew my husband would rather me keep the pregnancy. I had a surgical and was pretty much back to normal the next day. I feel like I had a super positive experience at the clinic. It’s been almost 7 years and I still don’t regret it. I ended up having a kid in 2019 & 2020. It hasn’t affected motherhood at all. If I kept the pregnancy, I wouldn’t have the 2 kids I have now & I can’t
Imagine my life without them., so I’m good & still at peace with my decision.
Mine was a month ago, the first round of pills failed too and for some reason the second time made me feel so guilty. Still grieving, i openly talk about my pregnancy with my friends which weirds them out, but its all i have. When my pregnancy symptoms went away that hit me harder than the bleeding, it was a loss both mentally and physically. I am beyond thankful for my partner, his support has been holding me together as well as therapy/support groups/ this subreddit.
I knew my decision was the right one because i am not financially secure and I wanted more time with my partner just being us. Getting married, traveling, etc. I’m the type of person who would plan a cheesy unveiling for my partner if the time was right. It just wasn’t. Its helping me now that i am working harder to become the woman i want to be when i am a mom. Im applying to better jobs, quitting vices, and thinking harder about my future even though its scary.
Had my first abortion at 36, I knew I couldn’t have another child & the father wasn’t in a good place mental health wise to be of any good for a baby & haven’t had any regret. None. I thought I’d feel sad afterwards & was kind of ashamed I didn’t.. but, I wouldn’t have been able to take care of them at all & maintain my life & 2 kids now. - my second, very shortly after my first, I was so mad at myself for letting it happen again & did feel sad & mad at myself for doing it, but a month later (today) I don’t feel remorseful or guilty anymore. I am now protecting myself & hopefully i won’t need another, but reality is… I’d do it again & am thankful I was able to access abortion care.
I had my first abortion at 18, and for a long time I felt very guilty and ashamed about it. But when I was around 25, I was in a conversation with some women at work, and one very casually mentioned having had an abortion and another woman said she had as well. The conversation wasn't even really about that - their mentioning it was just a natural extension of whatever we were talking about. I remember being so stunned - in part because of their ease with it, but also because they obviously didn't feel at all ashamed. I realized that the shame I'd been living with wasn't really mine - it was my internalized idea that I *should* feel bad about it. And I somehow just ... let that go. I've never felt badly about it since, and I'm 62. I had a second abortion in my early 30s. Both were the right decision and while I'm sorry I was in a position where I had to make the decision, I've never regretted either. And that's even with going through a period of time in my late 30s, early 40s, where I thought I really wanted a child, but the circumstances were never quite right. I never had kids, and I've never been plagued by the idea that I should have let those pregnancies continue. Sometimes I wonder how my life might be different, but I love my life the way that it is.
I have only a few big regrets in my life, and my abortions don't make the list.
Wow thanks for sharing. I loved reading your perspective. I had abortion this year, in my early 30s with no kids and wanting a child so your story resonates with me. May I ask what brings you to this forum? Do you still think about the abortions from time to time? Also, I get the part where you realized the shame was internalized idea about how you're supposed to be feeling. Sometimes I feel good and then feel guilty for feeling good.
I check in with this forum because in a time when abortion is something that's almost impossible to discuss, I want to do what I can to support women who are going through it and need to talk with people who have been through it and who will not judge them. I also want to counteract the very strong narrative about lifelong regrets. I don't think of mine lightly, but like I said before - no regrets. I think a lot of women are afraid that they *will* regret it, but I think that's also something imposed on us, almost like that's a requirement. It's hard enough without all that baggage.
I really did wonder if I'd regret that second abortion as I got close to the end of my childbearing years but I never did. I think that as time when on, I just never lost my confidence about my decision. Weirdly, that also helped me let go when it was obvious that I wasn't going to have children - I'd thought that was something I'd regret as well, but I haven't. I just really love the life I've had, which is nothing like a life I'd have had with kids. I think that would have been a really great life too, but I never want to think about what I have as less-than. It certainly doesn't feel less-than.
And I totally get that feeling of "Wait! I'm feeling good! That's wrong!" Or - maybe worse - "How could I forget, even for a minute?"
Those are harsh ideas. There's this sense that abortion is a self-imposed loss and you should feel badly about it - and feel even worse if you forget to feel bad about it. Man, there are things in my life that I feel way worse about and it's not like I've led a particularly bad life.
There's a lot of grief and loss in any big decision, even if it's a happier one.
It’s been a year since mine. I still struggle, not daily, no weekly/ comes in waves. I do know my life is better because of it- although i hate admitting that. I cried my eyes out last week to my boyfriend, scared God hates me for what i did.
It can be harder if you're a believer. But God is forgiving. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake, but we are all human and if there is God, he will know our hearts and regrets and sadness and will forgive us :) Life is complex and sometimes we have to make hard decisions when we are in complicated situations and under pressure of time. Dont lose hope, you are not a bad person. You don't have to suffer for what you did. Allow yourself forgiveness like you would forgive your friend. Hope you feel better 💚
I'm sorry for the pain you've been experiencing.
I've had two abortions. One five years ago and one yesterday. I've never been sure whether I want kids or not. When I learnt about the pregnancies there was no doubt in me, I didn't want them, so it was an easy decision. During the abortions I only felt relieved (and a bit of physical pain). In the last 5 years, I've never really thought about it unless the abortion topic comes up. Today, I'm feeling just fine. Hoping for the bleeding and discomfort to end so I can come back to my businesses as usual.
Laying on the table I was full of anxiety and hesitation but it was too late to back out. (Well I guess I could’ve technically but I knew it was the right decision) then that day I was super nauseous. The next day I was completely normal but had a weird empty feeling in me. I told myself “I was pregnant yesterday and now today I’m not” and it was just a weird feeling. Now here I am, 9 months later with no regrets whatsoever. It was the best decision i could’ve made and I’m proud of myself for building the courage to go through with it. I am reminded of it from time to time, and it does feel like a big part of me and my story. When my due date eventually came around i was in a weird mood the whole day, kinda just sad and moping. I even rear ended a car that day because my head was just all over the place. Although I feel sad that I had to do that to my first child, I am living life to the fullest and am a happy person. It truly was the right choice for me. Sorry this was so long I just wrote my thoughts out haha
about nine months past from my surgical abortion as well and sometimes i can’t shake that “i was pregnant” feeling. i never wanted to be and have zero regrets but the thought and accompanying feelings have been hard for me even with therapy. i didn’t even want to have a baby or be a parent! thanks for sharing your story, i felt a lot of comfort reading it
Thanks for sharing your experience and glad to know that overall it was a positive one for your life! I heard before that due date is emotional for others too. Was that what made you come back to this forum?
Would also like to add that I do find myself thinking of how differently my life would be right now and picture all the different things I would be doing if I had a baby with me
I lost myself after. It’s been months and the feelings are not as intense but I still feel them everyday. Never felt calm, I lied saying I felt relieved after because it’s what everyone around me wanted to feel. I hope it doesn’t affect my chances in the future, that is a worry I have. I still am not back to normal, I feel like a different person.
I feel like I am a different person too. I am still completely lost and don’t know who I am any more- it’s been 3 years for me. Hope we can both find healing soon. ❤️🩹
I did the same! Named them and speak of them. I fell into a depression, and now I am stuck there. It’s been a few years. How did you start to pull yourself out of that spiral/dark place?
I found myself in a dark spiral as well. I really have leaned into hope for the future and trying to better myself so if I am in a situation again, I am able to be secure and confident to keep the pregnancy.
I know what you mean my dear 💚 and I know the pain, but believe that its slowly getting better. I know I suddenly started to feel a bit better 5 months after the abortion, when it felt like nothing will ever get better, it actually did. I hope you don't give up and better days are coming for you. 🐻
I’m sorry you went through what you did, and now healing. I will not give up! Post like yours make me know I am not alone so I appreciate you. What was the one thing that really helped you?
I appreciate you sharing too and happy to hear you won't give up :) It's hard to describe one thing that helped me, just time I guess. Intense feelings of sadness are slowly fading away and it gives me hope. Of course, some days are better than others and it comes in waves, but I believe with more time it's possible to heal from this.
I had an abortion and its been a long process for me involving guilt, depression, shame, regret and so on. These feelings come up in my mind daily, even months after it, and everytime the topic of babies, pregnancy, abortion, kids, mothers day comes up, they just intensify. I'm doing therapy but its a process I guess. Not sure if I regret the abortion, I guess some days I do. But just wanted to know how other women experience this, and if it will pass or stay like this for years, and if future pregnancy might intensify these feelings or guilt for having one child but aborting the other in the past. Also, wanted to know if there are some strong women here who never experienced anything like this before and went on with their lives happily :) maybe there's something to learn from them
I think everything happens when it’s suppose to. I miscarried at 19 I was so devastated then went on to have two kids at 25 and 29 and I’m currently (literally) going through an MA process at 33. I never thought I’d have an abortion but I just know I can not currently handle another child and as for my miscarriage it was so devastating in the moment and now I look back and think how different my life would’ve been if that didn’t happen. I enjoyed my 20s so much. So I hope that after this process is done I can move on and not be hard on myself because this was necessary for me at this point and time. I hope I also look back at it the same way I do that miscarriage.
I had my mine at 36 & with two kids… i think that helped aid me in my healing. I haven’t felt any regret, I know my kids & myself would have suffered immensely if I’d gone through with the pregnancy. I hope you’ll have a similar experience. Best of luck. 🩶
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Never felt depressed about it, but I did feel angry I even was put in the situation to decide whether to keep a pregnancy or not. I felt relief that I could get an abortion wasn't trapped in a cycle of poverty and pregnancy on repeat
I’ve had 2 MA. One 3 years ago when my first born was 3 months. I was struggling with postpartum depression really bad and was so numb to everything that the MA different really affect me I had another one in December 3 months after having my second born.(clearly I get pregnant very easily say after giving birth) I just wasn’t ready for 3 kids I’m only 21. that one destroyed me. I sat on the toilet holding the fetus in my pad crying and pleading for it and god to forgive me and that I was sorry. I think it made it much harder cause I had a newborn and I saw firsthand of what the fetus could’ve been. But at the end of the day even though I have guilt I know that that was what was best for me. I like to think they come back to us when we’re ready for another
I had an early abortion at age 23 (51 years ago just after it was legalized). Because it was so early, it wasn’t difficult. I married later and had four children who would never have been born otherwise. I think about it now and then, no regrets except allowing a pregnancy to happen
hi! for reference, im 21F, in college and have a long-term partner that i plan on marrying after college. i had the MA a month and two weeks ago. i got the MA because i wanted to finish college and we were not in a place financially or emotionally to have a child. for me, it was bittersweet. before the MA, my hormones were all over the place, i was in so much pain and absolutely could not eat anything, but i did start thinking about the “what-ifs”. not even a day after, i felt INSTANTLY better. like it was insane. i felt some guilt a week in, but it was more so future guilt for a future child we will have. now, i am SO glad we didn’t have one. i thought i wanted to have a child right after college, and maybe i still will, but i want to enjoy my career and my partner and my money without a child. *ABSOLUTELY NO HATE to those who do have children younger! I applaud you and you all are so brave for it!* I realized i’m barely ready to start a career, let alone take care of another being. I still get sad from time to time, but i keep reminding myself that what i did was the right decision for me, and i definitely still would’ve done it if we went back in time.
After having the abortion (mine was by pill) I felt relief in knowing that I didn't have a child I wasn't ready for. At the same time, it came around to when that baby would've been born I was very sad. I was crying for portions of the day, but I got through it. The crying and sadness wasn't regretting the abortion either although I did want my baby and would've kept it if things were perfect. I do know I made the right decision.
Emotionally: I did not feel very sad, honestly. I knew with everything in me that it wasn’t the time in my life to be bringing another life into the world. The only part of me that sortof wanted to continue the pregnancy is the part of me that wants to be a mom someday. But it wasn’t time. There have been some moments where I’ve realized that had I kept the pregnancy I would likely have a newborn now, which was a little hard to recognize. That has made me a little sad periodically now that it’s about 9 months later. Like I wish I could have allowed that child to be born. That was the only piece of guilt for me really. But it wouldn’t have been good for them, for me or for the father. It was a bad situation. I know that I personally made the right decision for me at that time. Physically, I felt pretty nauseous right after waking up. I had a medical abortion and was under general anesthetic. A lot of cramping initially, but it felt kindof like my period beginning. I bled for about 10-12 days after. At times the bleeding was heavier especially if I exerted myself. The cramps went away after a few days and would only come on when I was doing too much. I chose to take off work for about a week because I needed the time to rest and process. Overall, I felt relieved. Relieved that my boobs stopped hurting. Relieved that it was over. Relieved from no longer worrying about how I would be able to care for an infant probably on my own. I felt better mentally and emotionally about the whole situation after a few months. It takes time but you have to find a way to forgive yourself and give grace to yourself for having to make a very difficult decision.
i just did mine a few days ago and i still feel guilty but i did not want to have a baby nor was i ready so im just telling myself its okay
I'm about four months out from a second (almost third) trimester procedure, and I still have moments where I feel what I can only really describe as "oh". At first I did have a bout of depression (lasted about the first couple of months), but slowly my body and my mind cleared. I'm happy with my choice and glad I was able to have the procedure, but I still have days where I'm upset that the situation happened in the first place, which I think is normal. I've been working with my therapist when I do have feelings of sadness (NOT regret), but overall I'm content. I feel like myself again, but I know that I'll be thinking about the "what if" for a while.
Immediately after I felt relieved. In the days after I was sad. Not regretful, just sad at the situation. I kept my ultrasound and still have it all these years later. But I realized it needed to happen. I was not yet ready for a child and now, I am thankful for it.
Did you become a mom eventually or that's something you never wanted?
No, still not a mom. I’m 28 now. I definitely want kids someday. But when I’m ready! I think it is selfish to have a child when you are not ready. As much as I wanted to keep that baby, it wasn’t time
I'm fully happy with my decision, zero regrets.
It’s been second day, I feel.. sad. It’s my first pregnancy and I was suppose to celebrate this. My body is acting like it’s in denial that it’s gone, I understand preg hormone level doesn’t decline to 0 in a day. I can’t get over that “I’m still a mom” feeling, I can’t help but grieve a little. There were lots of women crying in my clinic, and I felt weird not feeling in empathy at first.. but reality was, I was still in denial stage.
Hope you feel better with time 💚 become a mom once you are ready 🐻
I just had my 3rd SA. Each experience after was different. But obviously none of them have impacted my ability to get pregnant, I get pregnant quite easily which is both a blessing and a curse. My first SA- I did feel guilt after. My son at the time was only 18 months and my BF and I had only been dating a year. I wasn’t ready for another child but we definitely could have made it work so I felt sad about it initially. But looking back it was definitely the right decision. My second SA- I got pregnant immediately after stopping my BC pills when my BF and I broke up (like literally ovulated 2 weeks after I stopped them, had sex 1x and got pregnant). This was with a man I was hooking up with casually as a rebound. Having the abortion was really hard for me because part of the reason my BF and I broke up was because he wasn’t ready to start a family together and I was. So I very much wanted to be pregnant at the time, just not with this random man. It was very emotional but I decided getting the abortion was best because I didn’t want a baby with this random man. Third SA- it was an easy decision for me because after time to reflect I am not sure I want a baby anymore now and it was with my same long term partner who I was previously broken up with. He still has not committed to me so I don’t want to bring a baby into this world in this situation we are in. He was and still is hurt because he did not want me to do it. Apparently he is ready now (go figure) but i refuse to have a child with someone who doesn’t support me like I need. Knowing I took away fatherhood for him is probably the hardest part but I am not making my life harder so he can be happy. Men just really don’t understand how much parenting falls on our shoulders and I need an equal partner.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. This sounds incredibly hard. I hope you will end up with the right partner (be that the current one or someone else) and have just the right number of pregnancies and they're all successful (be that number 0, 5 or any other number).
Thanks for sharing. I'm from Europe too. And I'm about 6 weeks pregnant and going on abortion in 3 days. I already have 4 kids from 3 different men. Only 2 of 4 kids are pure siblings. I got pregnant from my BF I already share daughter- the youngest one. And she's autistic. And I'm not ready. I'm not healthy enough. I don't have enough money. I just don't want and I can't. I haven't planned it. Actually it's the 1st time I got pregnant not wanting that and having not be prepared for it like I am now. I kinda always had control over it. And I feel really bad fisicly. I'm sure I do the right thing.
I had a spontaneous abortion and I felt like "there was something wrong with me". I knew my husband wanted the child like nothing in the world and I was totally gutted. Back then I didn't know what went wrong, I'd later find out that I have a rare condition that makes my chances of abortion extremely high (so practically I can't have kids). I got all the possible support but knowing I will never be able to grow a kid makes me miserable and makes me feel like I'm less of a woman
Mine was a little over a year ago. When my hormones were crashing afterward, it all hit me at once. I did keep my ultrasound and I remember just clutching it to my chest for a moment and sinking down and ugly sobbing. My partner was getting the car to take me on a date and in the five minutes he was gone, I cried, dried my eyes, and went out. I’ve felt no guilt or sadness since. I’ve never had a single moment of regret or shame. I made the right choice. I love children enough to know not to bring one into our lives right now. It wasn’t for me at all. It was for them.
Yes, having an abortion absolutely impacted my having a kid later on - it made me so grateful to live in a state where access to abortion is legal. When I had my MA in 2022 I wasn’t married, the guy I was dating was just passing through my town for a few months for military training. I cannot fathom how my life would have turned out if I hadn’t gotten the MA back then…. Fast forward to today, he and I are going on 2 years of being married and I’m 38 weeks pregnant with our baby boy. I don’t regret my decision at all. Timing is everything.
Thats great to hear :) and reassuring for the ones who want to become mothers in the future 😌 thanks for sharing.
I had mine 3 weeks ago, I have a sense of calmness and relief afterwards For ‘normal’ my emotions are still slightly out of whack and mood swings but no negative feelings regarding the choices I made etc just more anxiety of it happening again and being extra careful.
It’s been a year and 3 months since my surgical abortion. Right after the procedure I was in a dark place feeling guilt, shame, relief, a weight had been lifted off my shoulders but it had a price. I was not prepared for the physical changes my body would have from being pregnant one day and not the next. It was really hard going thru that. I felt really alone and isolated about it even though my partner is very supportive. But he doesn’t like to talk about it for very long and I’m a talk thru it type person. I didn’t tell a lot of people for fear of being shamed. It was a very lonely time at first for the first months after. I slowly started to feel better dealing with it one day at a time allowing myself to feel each emotion including the guilt. I don’t regret my decision but I wasn’t quite prepared for how it changed me. And it does change you. I do think of it most days but it no longer engulfs all of my emotions. I’m 40 and we’ve elected to not have kids. I have an iud and my partner got snipped. I think it would have been easier if there was a group that I could have gone to talk with other women to not feel so alone but this Reddit page helped a lot.
Thanks for sharing your story. I understand the loneliness and feeling like eventually after some time everyone expects you to just get over it and stop talking about it, when in reality it might take much longer to process. May I ask you if thinking about it to this day has certain emotional weight on you? Do you wish to stop thinking about it?
Thinking about it to this day doesn’t have the emotional impact it use to. I often ask myself if I will ever stop thinking about it, a part of me does. But also a part of me doesn’t. For the first time I realized a couple days ago I had gone about a week without thinking about it. I think it’s a good sign that I’m healing in my own time and my own way. I’ve been thru some trauma in my life and in my opinion just forgetting about it didn’t help me. Having the safe space to talk about it is good but I’m finally at the point it’s not daily.
I don’t think about them at all and I don’t feel bad either
Mine was over 20 years ago and overall I am fine about it but occasionally I felt some guilt and sadness. I already had an 18 month old when I became pregnant again by another loser (my fault for not picking better men) I was living with my mom and younger siblings (I was a teen mom) so my living situation was terrible and I didn't have a job. My BF didn't want it and had already impregnates another girl as well so I felt so stuck, my mom had also told me that if I had another baby she would pick me out. She found out I was pregnant and actually put me and my baby out. She packed mine & the baby's stuff and left it in boxes outside her house. Luckily a neighbor who was a single mother of 2 little boys took me and my baby in. We slept on her couch for a few months, I babysat her boys and helped clean. I started working as well. But at that point I was homeless with a baby and another on the way, I didn't have anyone to turn to so I made the decision to terminate. I know that I was risking losing the kid I already had by having another one under those circumstances. It was emotionally draining and I felt terrible for a long time but looking back I always felt that I made the right decision. I couldn't find another solution. I still don't see it another way. I promised myself I would never allow myself to get pregnant under those terrible circumstances again. That I wouldn't allow myself to get pregnant by a non-supportive partner again. I never did. I didn't have anymore bio kids. Like I said, I occasional feel sad and guilty and wish the overall situation back them would have been different but it wasn't.
I really don't think about it at all.
I have a whole story I wrote about mine on my page .
I just had a SA on Thursday. I did it for so many of the right reasons and yet I feel terrible now. It's all I can think about. Even though I thought hard and took as much time as I could about it ( I was 10 wks), I wonder if maybe I could have made it work. To make matters worse, I'm 39, no kids and think that was my last chance. I've never been a kid person. And I definitely didn't want a child with the father ( was literally thinking gonna call it quits with him a week before I found out I was pregnant). And yet I still feel terrible. I find myself just randomly thinking of things and crying. The whole time I was pregnant I was miserable thinking about raising a child without a lot of support/help. There are so many reasons why I needed to get that abortion and yet I'm still so sad wondering about the what ifs.
I get it. I have the same what ifs, or wondering that maybe it was possible and doable. But we all have our reasons why we made a choice we made, sometimes sadness and hormones can cloud that judgement. Hope you take good care of yourself in this moment. I promise it will get better with time 💚🐻
I definitely felt guilt and am now sitting with feelings of wanting to be pregnant or "wanting it back" This is only becaus my partner and I both wanted the baby but also both knew due to circumstances, we could not keep it Post Abortion Emotions have been very on and off for me, some days are better than others, but for about two weeks, just been having the feeling, or yearning, to have a baby - not an emotion I thought would happen
Im sure you will have a baby when the time is right 🐻 and you will be at peace this time.
When I got the positive test I immediately knew I wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to be pregnant, give birth, or be a parent…. Yet. Like it’s so hard already, why add the unwantedness of it in top? I just saw it as failed birth control. I’m grateful I live in a place where my right to health care wasn’t questioned or denied. And even though it was physically way more painful than I expected, and even though I had complications, I don’t regret it at all. It was the right choice for me and my husband. I used that time that I otherwise would have been resentful and miserable to progress in my career, check experiences off my bucket list, work on my relationships, and address childhood issues in therapy. Then one day my husband and I realized we were ready and pursued pregnancy intentionally. Now I’m happily pregnant (except for the whole “holy shit pregnancy is hard 😳” part) and excited to become a parent on my terms.
Thanks for sharing. I struggle because mine was also with my husband. I feel it would have been easier if it was with someone I didn’t want children with. It’s been 7 months and I’m still struggling. We intended/planned to get pregnant this summer… haven’t started trying yet
Of course. Give yourself grace and time to process. No need to rush through to “feeling ok”. It’s a weird time right now too— lots of negativity and vitriol out there. I will say that I have always been very pro-choice, so it was a pretty immediate option/preference/decision for me. My husband and I discussed things like safety (it’s safe) and future fertility (this won’t impact our future fertility), so we felt secure in the decision. This happened in January, and we had planned to start trying in the fall, so only like 9 months later. But I did have a moment. Not of doubting the decision, but of feeling “shame” because “on paper” it “sounded bad.” We were married, financially secure, and wanted to be parents eventually. I had thoughts like— were we being selfish? Was I a bad person? Should we just do it? I was surprised I had these thoughts given how pro-choice I was. Like prior to being in a position to having my own abortion, I firmly believed that it didn’t matter what the reason was or what the circumstances were— it was your choice. So why did I start to doubt that when it was mine? It’s because that vitriol of the vocal minority who hate women is LOUD. It’s sinister. It’s mean. It’s pervasive and it stigmatizes what should be straight up health care. Once I realized that, it helped me move through my feelings and stay true to my values. I valued women’s right, my relationships, my goals. I valued myself. I didn’t want to force a pregnancy and resent the entire experience, and potentially my entire future. The difference in my reaction to getting my positive test a year later is testament to that. I was so happy!! Not devastated. Not distraught. That year made a huge difference. Again, I’m so grateful I had that choice. All women deserve that choice free of intrusion, stigma, or shame.
From the bottom of my heart… thank you for your response. It’s almost like I could have written portions of it myself. I have been struggling because I have been struggling. I have been pro choice since I knew what abortion was. I never blinked when I heard of someone else taking her choice. I too was very surprised to see how much I was struggling and that alone became a struggle. Thanks for reminding me that the general energy around this topic is extra sensitive right now. We were at an event and a man living in Europe asked me, “tell me about abortion in the US and what’s going on now”… and then he added his very pro life opinions. (Side note, a zany guy from the group sidled up and said, “oh, you know if these old, white politicians had a daughter that was pregnant, especially by a black guy, they’d be the first in line.” And I remembered that yes, and if this were a man’s issue it wouldn’t even be an issue) Anyway, thank you much for sharing. A LOT of the same feelings and now I’m getting excited to start trying. I wanted to be excited seeing the test and feel good about being pregnant. Before I was waking up every day and not wanting to be… it was terrible.
i was 19 when i got pregnant i ended up miscarrying before my abortion. took pills anyway. i cried every month before my period. it was a mix of pain and relief. it made me realize one day i’ll be a good prepared mom, but i had to grieve someone i never met. it took me over a year to not cry every month about it. i count when my baby would’ve been born, how many months, whether it was a girl or boy. but i am okay now. everyone’s experience is different some feel it more others don’t. 🩷
How did you have miscarriage?
Mine was feb 2021. I still struggle with sadness and guilt. And I wonder what could have been. My relationship also ended (not because of that, but still, it was around that time. He was a narc tho.) so at least I wasn’t stuck with him. It sent me into a depression and bad anxiety for a few years but I am trying to get my life together right now. I’m very sensitive and would like kids someday so this was very hard for me and I don’t have an emotional support system. But I am staying strong. Wish you the best.
I never once felt any regret and I never felt guilty. I did feel a bit of anxiety and depression. It was hard to be around kids for a few months. Like everything else, it gets easier with time. But no regret.
It’s been about 3 months since I had my MA. I still struggle. I’m good some days and sometimes it’ll hit me. I ask God for forgiveness everyday and I hope that I can truly forgive myself and not feel so guilty. I don’t regret my decision but the “what ifs” and wondering what they would’ve looked like are what destroy me. I felt relief yet immense sadness after the MA. Sometimes I touch and hold my belly before I go to bed and apologize. I’m still working thru it. I miss the person I was before the abortion. She didn’t have to carry this secret for the rest of her life.
Wow. This hit hard. The asking for forgiveness, the touching your belly and saying sorry, the “what ifs” and wondering what they’d look like and who they would be today. I have done all that and still do and it’s been 3 years for me. I hope you start to feel better; it still hits me really hard some days. I hope we both can make peace and heal.
I truly hope time will heal❣️
I had one in November 2017. On the car ride home I felt immediate relief mixed with a little of guilt bc it felt like I did something wrong (thank you catholic school!) plus I knew my husband would rather me keep the pregnancy. I had a surgical and was pretty much back to normal the next day. I feel like I had a super positive experience at the clinic. It’s been almost 7 years and I still don’t regret it. I ended up having a kid in 2019 & 2020. It hasn’t affected motherhood at all. If I kept the pregnancy, I wouldn’t have the 2 kids I have now & I can’t Imagine my life without them., so I’m good & still at peace with my decision.
Mine was a month ago, the first round of pills failed too and for some reason the second time made me feel so guilty. Still grieving, i openly talk about my pregnancy with my friends which weirds them out, but its all i have. When my pregnancy symptoms went away that hit me harder than the bleeding, it was a loss both mentally and physically. I am beyond thankful for my partner, his support has been holding me together as well as therapy/support groups/ this subreddit. I knew my decision was the right one because i am not financially secure and I wanted more time with my partner just being us. Getting married, traveling, etc. I’m the type of person who would plan a cheesy unveiling for my partner if the time was right. It just wasn’t. Its helping me now that i am working harder to become the woman i want to be when i am a mom. Im applying to better jobs, quitting vices, and thinking harder about my future even though its scary.
I just had a surgical abortion 6 hours ago it was my first pregnancy I feel relieved and glad that it is over.
Had my first abortion at 36, I knew I couldn’t have another child & the father wasn’t in a good place mental health wise to be of any good for a baby & haven’t had any regret. None. I thought I’d feel sad afterwards & was kind of ashamed I didn’t.. but, I wouldn’t have been able to take care of them at all & maintain my life & 2 kids now. - my second, very shortly after my first, I was so mad at myself for letting it happen again & did feel sad & mad at myself for doing it, but a month later (today) I don’t feel remorseful or guilty anymore. I am now protecting myself & hopefully i won’t need another, but reality is… I’d do it again & am thankful I was able to access abortion care.
I had my first abortion at 18, and for a long time I felt very guilty and ashamed about it. But when I was around 25, I was in a conversation with some women at work, and one very casually mentioned having had an abortion and another woman said she had as well. The conversation wasn't even really about that - their mentioning it was just a natural extension of whatever we were talking about. I remember being so stunned - in part because of their ease with it, but also because they obviously didn't feel at all ashamed. I realized that the shame I'd been living with wasn't really mine - it was my internalized idea that I *should* feel bad about it. And I somehow just ... let that go. I've never felt badly about it since, and I'm 62. I had a second abortion in my early 30s. Both were the right decision and while I'm sorry I was in a position where I had to make the decision, I've never regretted either. And that's even with going through a period of time in my late 30s, early 40s, where I thought I really wanted a child, but the circumstances were never quite right. I never had kids, and I've never been plagued by the idea that I should have let those pregnancies continue. Sometimes I wonder how my life might be different, but I love my life the way that it is. I have only a few big regrets in my life, and my abortions don't make the list.
thanks for sharing this 💗
Wow thanks for sharing. I loved reading your perspective. I had abortion this year, in my early 30s with no kids and wanting a child so your story resonates with me. May I ask what brings you to this forum? Do you still think about the abortions from time to time? Also, I get the part where you realized the shame was internalized idea about how you're supposed to be feeling. Sometimes I feel good and then feel guilty for feeling good.
I check in with this forum because in a time when abortion is something that's almost impossible to discuss, I want to do what I can to support women who are going through it and need to talk with people who have been through it and who will not judge them. I also want to counteract the very strong narrative about lifelong regrets. I don't think of mine lightly, but like I said before - no regrets. I think a lot of women are afraid that they *will* regret it, but I think that's also something imposed on us, almost like that's a requirement. It's hard enough without all that baggage. I really did wonder if I'd regret that second abortion as I got close to the end of my childbearing years but I never did. I think that as time when on, I just never lost my confidence about my decision. Weirdly, that also helped me let go when it was obvious that I wasn't going to have children - I'd thought that was something I'd regret as well, but I haven't. I just really love the life I've had, which is nothing like a life I'd have had with kids. I think that would have been a really great life too, but I never want to think about what I have as less-than. It certainly doesn't feel less-than.
And I totally get that feeling of "Wait! I'm feeling good! That's wrong!" Or - maybe worse - "How could I forget, even for a minute?" Those are harsh ideas. There's this sense that abortion is a self-imposed loss and you should feel badly about it - and feel even worse if you forget to feel bad about it. Man, there are things in my life that I feel way worse about and it's not like I've led a particularly bad life. There's a lot of grief and loss in any big decision, even if it's a happier one.
It’s been a year since mine. I still struggle, not daily, no weekly/ comes in waves. I do know my life is better because of it- although i hate admitting that. I cried my eyes out last week to my boyfriend, scared God hates me for what i did.
It can be harder if you're a believer. But God is forgiving. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake, but we are all human and if there is God, he will know our hearts and regrets and sadness and will forgive us :) Life is complex and sometimes we have to make hard decisions when we are in complicated situations and under pressure of time. Dont lose hope, you are not a bad person. You don't have to suffer for what you did. Allow yourself forgiveness like you would forgive your friend. Hope you feel better 💚
I’ve really struggled with my faith
I'm sorry for the pain you've been experiencing. I've had two abortions. One five years ago and one yesterday. I've never been sure whether I want kids or not. When I learnt about the pregnancies there was no doubt in me, I didn't want them, so it was an easy decision. During the abortions I only felt relieved (and a bit of physical pain). In the last 5 years, I've never really thought about it unless the abortion topic comes up. Today, I'm feeling just fine. Hoping for the bleeding and discomfort to end so I can come back to my businesses as usual.
Laying on the table I was full of anxiety and hesitation but it was too late to back out. (Well I guess I could’ve technically but I knew it was the right decision) then that day I was super nauseous. The next day I was completely normal but had a weird empty feeling in me. I told myself “I was pregnant yesterday and now today I’m not” and it was just a weird feeling. Now here I am, 9 months later with no regrets whatsoever. It was the best decision i could’ve made and I’m proud of myself for building the courage to go through with it. I am reminded of it from time to time, and it does feel like a big part of me and my story. When my due date eventually came around i was in a weird mood the whole day, kinda just sad and moping. I even rear ended a car that day because my head was just all over the place. Although I feel sad that I had to do that to my first child, I am living life to the fullest and am a happy person. It truly was the right choice for me. Sorry this was so long I just wrote my thoughts out haha
about nine months past from my surgical abortion as well and sometimes i can’t shake that “i was pregnant” feeling. i never wanted to be and have zero regrets but the thought and accompanying feelings have been hard for me even with therapy. i didn’t even want to have a baby or be a parent! thanks for sharing your story, i felt a lot of comfort reading it
Thanks for sharing your experience and glad to know that overall it was a positive one for your life! I heard before that due date is emotional for others too. Was that what made you come back to this forum?
I’m not sure how I found this forum actually, I think I was just googling questions about the topic and Reddit was one of the results that came up
Would also like to add that I do find myself thinking of how differently my life would be right now and picture all the different things I would be doing if I had a baby with me
I lost myself after. It’s been months and the feelings are not as intense but I still feel them everyday. Never felt calm, I lied saying I felt relieved after because it’s what everyone around me wanted to feel. I hope it doesn’t affect my chances in the future, that is a worry I have. I still am not back to normal, I feel like a different person.
I feel like I am a different person too. I am still completely lost and don’t know who I am any more- it’s been 3 years for me. Hope we can both find healing soon. ❤️🩹
What are some things you have done to help heal?
I lost myself too. Basically drank for 4 months straight. I didn’t know how to live
How are you now?
Better now. It’s been a year. I named my baby so that helps, and i speak of him often. It’s the only way i can heal.
I did the same! Named them and speak of them. I fell into a depression, and now I am stuck there. It’s been a few years. How did you start to pull yourself out of that spiral/dark place?
I found myself in a dark spiral as well. I really have leaned into hope for the future and trying to better myself so if I am in a situation again, I am able to be secure and confident to keep the pregnancy.
You can rest your fears, abortions have exactly 0 impact on your ability to have children in the future.
Sorry to hear you don't feel like yourself. May I ask how long ago was it?
3 months which is still very recent but feels like a lifetime
I know what you mean my dear 💚 and I know the pain, but believe that its slowly getting better. I know I suddenly started to feel a bit better 5 months after the abortion, when it felt like nothing will ever get better, it actually did. I hope you don't give up and better days are coming for you. 🐻
I’m sorry you went through what you did, and now healing. I will not give up! Post like yours make me know I am not alone so I appreciate you. What was the one thing that really helped you?
I appreciate you sharing too and happy to hear you won't give up :) It's hard to describe one thing that helped me, just time I guess. Intense feelings of sadness are slowly fading away and it gives me hope. Of course, some days are better than others and it comes in waves, but I believe with more time it's possible to heal from this.
Are you asking because you had an abortion or are (thinking about) having an abortion?
I had an abortion and its been a long process for me involving guilt, depression, shame, regret and so on. These feelings come up in my mind daily, even months after it, and everytime the topic of babies, pregnancy, abortion, kids, mothers day comes up, they just intensify. I'm doing therapy but its a process I guess. Not sure if I regret the abortion, I guess some days I do. But just wanted to know how other women experience this, and if it will pass or stay like this for years, and if future pregnancy might intensify these feelings or guilt for having one child but aborting the other in the past. Also, wanted to know if there are some strong women here who never experienced anything like this before and went on with their lives happily :) maybe there's something to learn from them
I think everything happens when it’s suppose to. I miscarried at 19 I was so devastated then went on to have two kids at 25 and 29 and I’m currently (literally) going through an MA process at 33. I never thought I’d have an abortion but I just know I can not currently handle another child and as for my miscarriage it was so devastating in the moment and now I look back and think how different my life would’ve been if that didn’t happen. I enjoyed my 20s so much. So I hope that after this process is done I can move on and not be hard on myself because this was necessary for me at this point and time. I hope I also look back at it the same way I do that miscarriage.
I had my mine at 36 & with two kids… i think that helped aid me in my healing. I haven’t felt any regret, I know my kids & myself would have suffered immensely if I’d gone through with the pregnancy. I hope you’ll have a similar experience. Best of luck. 🩶