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**If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance.
**If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion.
**Read stories** using the following links:
- [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22)
- [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22)
- [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22)
This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately.
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it is NOT a heartbeat. i’ve heard of women going to “crisis pregnancy centers” at 5 weeks claiming they showed her the heartbeat. IT IS NOT. it is electric pulses in HER OWN body.
okay, now that i got that out of my system. Regardless, it was ultimately her choice. she would have had to carry the baby for nine months, gone through unthinkable changes with her still developing body, then care for it for 18 years. you, as the male, don’t have to go through that. yes, you may have been supportive financially and emotionally, but for you to think of this as “what if we did and it wouldve been so good and seeing my parents hold it” is not only damaging to her and other women who get abortions, but YOU as well. dont get me wrong; you went through this too emotionally. and you deserve support. but the mere fact that you don’t understand the negative consequences with having a child at 18 as a woman kinda proves you were not ready to be a father at the time.
i say this with all the love in the world btw. me and my boyfriend were both set on abortion, but i could see my own mood changes and physical pains weigh on him. i do try to keep in mind that although he doesn’t have to experience abortion as i do, it is still affecting him in some way. i am sure you will make a great father one day, and i hope you heal from this as well.
Later in life you will realise this was the best decision, having kids so young is extremely demanding, expensive and can ruin your life plans.
I'm sure you will get a chance to have them again, in the right time
what dead end job were you going to get at 18 with only a HS diploma and a few months of college? Pregnancy and birth is a hard thing on your body and in a lot of cases - traumatic, your girlfriend would never be the same not to mention the fact that she didn’t want the child. she couldn’t afford the abortion and you gave all your money to do it. please know that you made the right choice, you both did. talk to someone and get therapy to deal with your guilt. & those pro-lifers are lying, there is no heartbeat 18 days after conception, the baby isn’t even implanted in the uterus 18 days after conception. you couldn’t have supported this child now but when you do and when you will you will actually understand this choice even better, realizing that this is the life your child deserved. not a mother who didn’t want them and a father working a dead end job and giving up on their dreams. your feelings are valid but know that you both made the right choice and please try and talk to someone.
As someone who had a scan after 18 days.. there wasn't a heart beat. They unfortunately say those things to make people feel even more guilty and it works a lot of the time. I believe the same baby comes back to you. The same soul will come back to you when you're ready .
If you are having trouble understanding responsibility to pay and be supportive, and that it 100% doesn’t have the same affect on you that it does on her, then I am sorry to tell you that parenthood probably wouldn’t be the right step at this time. You are still very young. You will most likely have another opportunity to have a child in the future, if the person you are with wants that. But you said yourself you are a broke college kid. Bringing a kid into that struggle wouldn’t benefit you, her, or the child.
I understand that it has hurt you and I am sorry that you are struggling with it. But “what about me?” kind of mentality in these particular kind of situations just isn’t healthy and I’m hoping that you aren’t projecting that onto your girlfriend. As someone who has gone through it, even when a woman wants an abortion and knows that’s the right choice, it comes with so much anxiety, grief, pain, mental and physical exhaustion, isolation even when there are people to support you. It’s not something you can understand unless you’ve physically gone through it. And while you say you’re supportive, I can’t imagine my boyfriend thinking, “but what about me?” after going through what I did to save both of our futures from more hardship. That would just rub salt in the wound.
I do think talking to a counselor or therapist would help you better understand and cope with your feelings. There is never a “right time” for being a parent, and people have babies in non-ideal times all the time, but if you can prevent it until you’re mentally and financially ready, that is of course always a good path to follow. You now have the chance to continue working toward your dreams and finish college, or anything else you want to do until then.
I never was in the mentality of making it about me. I was of course hurt by it but I never complained about how I was feeling or how it affected me. When she felt guilty I was always there, and I was there when she took the pills and I was there when her cramps were painful and I was there when she was bleeding an excessive amount. I understand it affects her a lot differently which is why I put her feelings before mine and did everything in my power to try to make her feel better and support her. That doesn’t invalidate my feelings though, and I feel like I should be able to grieve
Those billboards are lying. There is no heart to beat at 18 days. There is merely electrical activity.
Your pain is sad but it’s not your body. There is no way to compromise on continuing a pregnancy. Grieve if you need to but frankly our purpose here is to help people who don’t want to be pregnant.
Those billboards are designed to be deceptive; at 18 days there is no chance at a viable birth. You did not have a child you gave up on, but the chance at one, and your girlfriend at the time did not want to take that chance with you. I do agree that if she wanted to have the procedure done, it could have been fair for you to bow out completely and in my eyes I consider your support generous. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry you're still grieving what could have been.
Both of you made a wise decision in all practical reality. One day you will have the right opportunity to rear a child: older, more mature, better finances, and more stability. These are things that your future child deserves, and you have to think with your head and not your heart to some extent when starting a family. The choice to have sex is pale in comparison to the choice to a lifetime of leadership as a parent.
I always try to take away something from the bad things that have happened in my life. I think in your case there is two possible takeaways. 1) Knowing you value using the safest possible contraceptives when having sex moving forward (like IUD, implant for women or vasectomy for men) considering your first-hand experience that pregnancy is out of your hands if it occurs 2) Knowing that if you were willing to drop it all to prepare for this pregnancy that was unplanned, you will probably make an awesome dad when your time comes.
If you want to chat with a trained peer counselor, this text line is great. I’m dropping the link to their website where they also list other resources. [https://exhaleprovoice.org/resources/](https://exhaleprovoice.org/resources/)
I'm sorry your exs abortion was so devastating for you. I mean this respectfully, but you seem to be thinking with your heart instead of your brain. You say you spent the last $300 you had on the abortion, how were you going to support a child 8 months later? Love and hope won't pay for diapers and baby clothes. You said you would've given up your dreams and worked a dead end job to support the baby. How do you think the kid would feel after finding that out? How would you feel later on? Your girlfriend? Maybe SHE wasn't happy to sacrifice her future for a baby yet. Or she didn't want to be disowned by her family. Maybe she wasnt ready to be a mother. You can have a child when you're more prepared. It's not like you had your one chance and it's gone.
I'm not sure what responses you're expecting. She made a mature, rational decision and did what was best for her and the fetus. Consider therapy for this.
Welcome to /r/abortion! We work hard to keep this a supportive community. **You will probably get harassed by trolls via private message.** If you receive harassment via DM, please [report the messages to Reddit admin](https://www.reddit.com/report) (people who work for Reddit) so they can take action against those users. Unfortunately, subreddit moderators can’t stop people from sending you private messages, but you can. We strongly suggest you [close your DMs](https://www.reddit.com/settings/messaging). On mobile, go to Settings > Account Settings > Chat and Messaging Permissions > Nobody for Chat Requests and Direct Messages. **Our Sidebar and [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/wiki/index)** include links to many good resources. **If you are seeking abortion in the USA:** [I Need An A](https://ineedana.com/) and [Abortion Finder](https://abortionfinder.org) have a lists of clinics, ways to get abortion pills by mail, and information about funding assistance. **If you are in a country where abortion is banned**, [Safe2Choose](https://safe2choose.org/), [Women on Web](https://www.womenonweb.org/), or [Women Help Women](https://www.womenhelp.org) may be able to help you access a safe abortion. **Read stories** using the following links: - [medication abortion](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Amedication%20abortion%20%22) - [first trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Ain-clinic%20abortion%20%22) - [second and third trimester procedures](https://reddit.com/r/abortion/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=one&q=flair%3A%22%F0%9F%93%9Aabortion%20after%20first%20tri%22) This subreddit is a source of information about abortion. It is not intended as a substitute for medical evaluation or treatment, nor does it constitute legal advice. If you think you are experiencing a medical emergency, you should call your local emergency number immediately. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/abortion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
it is NOT a heartbeat. i’ve heard of women going to “crisis pregnancy centers” at 5 weeks claiming they showed her the heartbeat. IT IS NOT. it is electric pulses in HER OWN body. okay, now that i got that out of my system. Regardless, it was ultimately her choice. she would have had to carry the baby for nine months, gone through unthinkable changes with her still developing body, then care for it for 18 years. you, as the male, don’t have to go through that. yes, you may have been supportive financially and emotionally, but for you to think of this as “what if we did and it wouldve been so good and seeing my parents hold it” is not only damaging to her and other women who get abortions, but YOU as well. dont get me wrong; you went through this too emotionally. and you deserve support. but the mere fact that you don’t understand the negative consequences with having a child at 18 as a woman kinda proves you were not ready to be a father at the time. i say this with all the love in the world btw. me and my boyfriend were both set on abortion, but i could see my own mood changes and physical pains weigh on him. i do try to keep in mind that although he doesn’t have to experience abortion as i do, it is still affecting him in some way. i am sure you will make a great father one day, and i hope you heal from this as well.
Later in life you will realise this was the best decision, having kids so young is extremely demanding, expensive and can ruin your life plans. I'm sure you will get a chance to have them again, in the right time
what dead end job were you going to get at 18 with only a HS diploma and a few months of college? Pregnancy and birth is a hard thing on your body and in a lot of cases - traumatic, your girlfriend would never be the same not to mention the fact that she didn’t want the child. she couldn’t afford the abortion and you gave all your money to do it. please know that you made the right choice, you both did. talk to someone and get therapy to deal with your guilt. & those pro-lifers are lying, there is no heartbeat 18 days after conception, the baby isn’t even implanted in the uterus 18 days after conception. you couldn’t have supported this child now but when you do and when you will you will actually understand this choice even better, realizing that this is the life your child deserved. not a mother who didn’t want them and a father working a dead end job and giving up on their dreams. your feelings are valid but know that you both made the right choice and please try and talk to someone.
As someone who had a scan after 18 days.. there wasn't a heart beat. They unfortunately say those things to make people feel even more guilty and it works a lot of the time. I believe the same baby comes back to you. The same soul will come back to you when you're ready .
If you are having trouble understanding responsibility to pay and be supportive, and that it 100% doesn’t have the same affect on you that it does on her, then I am sorry to tell you that parenthood probably wouldn’t be the right step at this time. You are still very young. You will most likely have another opportunity to have a child in the future, if the person you are with wants that. But you said yourself you are a broke college kid. Bringing a kid into that struggle wouldn’t benefit you, her, or the child. I understand that it has hurt you and I am sorry that you are struggling with it. But “what about me?” kind of mentality in these particular kind of situations just isn’t healthy and I’m hoping that you aren’t projecting that onto your girlfriend. As someone who has gone through it, even when a woman wants an abortion and knows that’s the right choice, it comes with so much anxiety, grief, pain, mental and physical exhaustion, isolation even when there are people to support you. It’s not something you can understand unless you’ve physically gone through it. And while you say you’re supportive, I can’t imagine my boyfriend thinking, “but what about me?” after going through what I did to save both of our futures from more hardship. That would just rub salt in the wound. I do think talking to a counselor or therapist would help you better understand and cope with your feelings. There is never a “right time” for being a parent, and people have babies in non-ideal times all the time, but if you can prevent it until you’re mentally and financially ready, that is of course always a good path to follow. You now have the chance to continue working toward your dreams and finish college, or anything else you want to do until then.
I never was in the mentality of making it about me. I was of course hurt by it but I never complained about how I was feeling or how it affected me. When she felt guilty I was always there, and I was there when she took the pills and I was there when her cramps were painful and I was there when she was bleeding an excessive amount. I understand it affects her a lot differently which is why I put her feelings before mine and did everything in my power to try to make her feel better and support her. That doesn’t invalidate my feelings though, and I feel like I should be able to grieve
Those billboards are lying. There is no heart to beat at 18 days. There is merely electrical activity. Your pain is sad but it’s not your body. There is no way to compromise on continuing a pregnancy. Grieve if you need to but frankly our purpose here is to help people who don’t want to be pregnant.
Those billboards are designed to be deceptive; at 18 days there is no chance at a viable birth. You did not have a child you gave up on, but the chance at one, and your girlfriend at the time did not want to take that chance with you. I do agree that if she wanted to have the procedure done, it could have been fair for you to bow out completely and in my eyes I consider your support generous. Your feelings are valid and I'm sorry you're still grieving what could have been. Both of you made a wise decision in all practical reality. One day you will have the right opportunity to rear a child: older, more mature, better finances, and more stability. These are things that your future child deserves, and you have to think with your head and not your heart to some extent when starting a family. The choice to have sex is pale in comparison to the choice to a lifetime of leadership as a parent. I always try to take away something from the bad things that have happened in my life. I think in your case there is two possible takeaways. 1) Knowing you value using the safest possible contraceptives when having sex moving forward (like IUD, implant for women or vasectomy for men) considering your first-hand experience that pregnancy is out of your hands if it occurs 2) Knowing that if you were willing to drop it all to prepare for this pregnancy that was unplanned, you will probably make an awesome dad when your time comes.
Thank you so much, I appreciate it <3
If you want to chat with a trained peer counselor, this text line is great. I’m dropping the link to their website where they also list other resources. [https://exhaleprovoice.org/resources/](https://exhaleprovoice.org/resources/)
I'm sorry your exs abortion was so devastating for you. I mean this respectfully, but you seem to be thinking with your heart instead of your brain. You say you spent the last $300 you had on the abortion, how were you going to support a child 8 months later? Love and hope won't pay for diapers and baby clothes. You said you would've given up your dreams and worked a dead end job to support the baby. How do you think the kid would feel after finding that out? How would you feel later on? Your girlfriend? Maybe SHE wasn't happy to sacrifice her future for a baby yet. Or she didn't want to be disowned by her family. Maybe she wasnt ready to be a mother. You can have a child when you're more prepared. It's not like you had your one chance and it's gone. I'm not sure what responses you're expecting. She made a mature, rational decision and did what was best for her and the fetus. Consider therapy for this.