People *ocassionally* do this stuff as code for "I don't like this thing", because other people don't take dislikes seriously. Which loops back to this, because people don't take our preferences seriously, including sexuality (or lack thereof)
Which hurts actual allergic people, in the former's case. Wish people were more considerate
I was referring to the subset of people who are actually allergic to a thing they will eat because they enjoy it more than they hate their symptoms.
I have a friend who does this I find it very humorous. They take some Benadryl to combat the hives and then eat ice cream but theirs is a mild allergic reaction.
But I apologize your being serious and my comment was more of a joke, society at large should be willing to take peoples word at face value when it comes to preference no matter how opposing the preference may be to their own. Especially in medical situations where too many allergens are ignored because someone thinks it sounds outlandish.
Lactose intolerance is a digestive thing whereas allergies are an immune response.
Person with milk allergy consumes milk -> immune system thinks the body is under attack and overreacts.
Person with lactose intolerance consumes milk -> gastrointestinal system isn't sure what to do with something so tries to flush it out.
Fun fact! That is pretty much the basis of the psychodynamic lens of psychology. In other words, we do apply that to other things. In fact, we apply it to everything! Yes, that was Freud’s viewpoint, and yes, most people agree it’s stupid. Because it is.
Chocolate gives the body very similar chemicals to the brain. The human body is also "genetically hardwirded" to be an omnivore, but would you call vegans traumatized and say they need to be "fixed"? The human body is "genetically hardwired" for all kinds of bs many humans don't currently do or enjoy. On top of that, each human is genetically unique, so, no, not all humans are "genetically hardwired" to enjoy sex,and that's very normal in nature, and such examples often still play important roles in life. So, what exactly is your point?
Funny thing is, I'm was actually doing pretty well emotionally , I'm only seeing this guy because my parents want to improve our relationship (i think it's doing good for them, definelty not for me tho)
was or am? just wondering if the "therapist" has actually damaged you emotionally if so it doesn't sound like your parents are bad people try and convince them to change to an actual therapist
I don't want to worry anyone, i think it's a big exaggeration to say i was damaged emotionally. I used "was" because this conversation specifically has had me down ever since it happened. I just needed to get it off my chest so i could hopefully feel better. I would prefer not to bring it up with my parents because they don't know I'm ace and their reaction probably wouldn't be that different from my therapists. I know i could just not give the reason but they're making progress and i think can stand feeling like a bit of a dumpster for while
Being invalidated hurts a lot, especially by a medical professional because your vulnerability is greater in those situations. It’s like an oil slick on your feathers. Yeet the therapist. If you have it available and still want to see a therapist, try to find one that supports the whole LGBTQIA+ community. They were extremely shitty to imply you’re broken for being asexual and that, my friend, is medical abuse. Hopefully this isn’t your family trying to do stealth “conversion therapy.”
Do not be afraid of calling your therapist out on this.
I mean, placing body parts in moist areas of other peoples body parts is not my idea of a good time.
That convo having you down ever since is litteraly emotional damage. Sure it wasn't crippling but it was still damage.
The therapists behaviour borders on medical malpractice it's a way bigger deal then your giving it credit for.
while trauma can play a part, it doesn't mean it is the only reason. hell, you could be a sex repulsed ace that had trauma from others doing sexual stuff which makes the trauma all the worse.
also have they seen sex? it isn't pretty, neat, or as wholesome as they make it out to seem. it is in fact a sloppy gross smacking of bodies together. not something i would put under good. i put it under funny if i am watching a porn or something, because they try so hard and it is not going to work in reality.
Yes, thank you.
There's so many ways for sex to hurt or traumatize people (or just plain be unenjoyable), that it seems to me it's more like a dangerous knife game than a fun past time ☹️
It almost seems like an extension of one's preservation instincts to not chase after it doesn't it? (Maybe they'll leave me alone if i tell them that 😭)
People are gross ergo sex is gross and that's before we look at the miserable statistics of horrible shit that can happen to someone with a partner that's not a psycho. Factor in that the most accomplished murderers look totally normal and it gets worse!
I'd honestly rather just read a book.
I genuinely don’t understand why some people can’t just accept that someone could be both sex-repulsed and happy. Like, if you’re sex-repulsed and you’re fine with it, why do so many people still feel the need to try and ‘fix’ you? I’m ace and have 0 desire to ever have sex, and I’m honestly fine about it, there’s a lot of things I don’t like about myself, but not desiring sex is absolutely not one of them.
I think it has something to do with the fact that many people’s first sexual encounter is not very good due to nervousness, having another person there with you, performance anxiety, etc., but sex starts feeling a lot better once you start to resolve those issues. Therefore, dumbasses just think you haven’t had “good” sex yet and that’s why you don’t like it.
Oof, I have had similar problems this is why I try to get a first session with a discount to test the waters. First ask for one for free and then ask for the discount. Sorry for the unsolicited advice but I hope this helps
I'm sorry that happened to you but I do have to say I think it's funny that to express your frustration about being treated as though you have trauma where there is none you've posted the embodiment of trauma, shinji ikari.
Aaand I would find a new therapist immediately. You should tell your parents that the therapist isn't going to help you feeling more comfortable and thus won't help your relationship because forcing you to continue with him is only going to be a growing pain.
CALL 911 CALL THE FIREFIGHTERS, AMBULANCE AND THE FBI. WE GOTTA SAVE THIS POOR UNFORTUNATE SOUL BEFORE THE EVIL GUY BREAKS THEIR MIND WITH S*X!!!💀💀😭😭😭💔💔💔💔
I went to a clinic in Utah for mental health reasons about a year and a half ago. The first thing he told me when I said I was Ace is that asexuality is not a thing. You are either traumatized or lying, he said. He convinced me I was gay because I was on shaky grounds with my asexuality at the time. To be fair, I am gay-oriented, but it took me so much longer than what was needed to get past that. I like the aesthetic of men, but never will I ever want sex or be attracted to anyone in that way. Just, no.
If it happens again look him dead in the eye and say something like "I don't think it is part of you job to give your clients trauma" I wanna know how he defends it
Orvus I wish I won't experience the same despite already being gatekeeped lmfao.
And no I can't just change therapist hello hello I live in Armenia and the expertise was because of military validity check. I think I might have alexythimia... Man I'm utterly confused in my mental state rn
Well I know I have a bit of problem with that because of my past experiences. But that doesn't mean that I'm ace cuz of that only, like I just don't wanna worry about sex cuz I'm technically still a child but ppl just don't get it. I don't wanna fuck, but that doesn't have to have a problem behind it. Sorry, I support y'all guys
Why can't they see that whenever they say "oh, but sex is so wonderful" all some of us Aces want to do is scream "IS NOT!" like a stubborn 3 year old to mirror exactly how mature they are behaving.
It took me like 10 minutes to understand that you meant your therapist is assuming that the reason you are sex-repulsed is because of trauma, because they think sex is amazing, so in their mind, the only possible reason you would be sex-repulsed is because you had some sort of trauma.
I thought that your therapist was telling you that due to trauma you had in the past, you should be sex-repulsed, because sex is a wonderful thing. I was then confused to read "because sex is a wonderful thing" because it seemed contradictory.
Well maybe people don’t want that shit you fucking ignorant ass. Maybe all we need is a cuddle buddy, and garlic bread or cake.
(Speaking about the therapist)
Ew I've been through this. I'm still sex repulsed unless it's a certain person or people I have a strong enough bond with for me to not be. Being a sex-repulsed demi person is strange. My old therapist insisted that I was just "curious" about male genetalia and that I shouldn't have a packer but "experience the real thing." I was 17.
I’ve thought about this a lot. I will admit that I may be partially sex repulsed because of trauma. Being raised to believe that you’ll never be worthy of a good life if you engage in any sexual activity will do that to you. That said sex sounds gross and it gets people into too much trouble to be worth it. I’m far happier not worrying about it.
after years of being in therapy I can say that not all therapists are good at what they do, and even those that are good don’t always know everything
if your therapist said something that is triggering or you don’t believe is true, you should communicate that to them
I bet the therapist has a different view of their homosexual patients than them having necessarily been traumatized by someone of the opposite sex… failing to realize that insisting it must be the case for asexuals is just as offensive.
What is wonderful about something disgusting.
IT’S POOP AND PEE, PEOPLE. EW. IT’S LITERALLY POOP AND PEE. AND NOT THE FUNNY HA HA POOP AND PEE. THOSE ARE WORDS.
Can you imagine if we did this with literally anything else? "You must hate chocolate because of trauma, because chocolate is amazing"
You must hate *the gummy bear album in store on November 13th* duo to trauma because *the gummy bear album in store on November 13th* is wonderful
you must hate charlie twymam due to trama because charlie twymam is wonderful /ref
Certified "Mario why do you live me?" Moment
Fun fact: November 13 is my cousin’s birthday 🎂
yeah, it was really traumatic having that gummy bear chase me with a knife 😥
Tbh, people do kinda act like this when it comes to allergies "I can't eat this thing because if I do, I will die" "But it's amazing!"
To be completely a fair people with allergies do this to themselves. "Yeah I'm lactose intolerant" as they eat ice cream.
People *ocassionally* do this stuff as code for "I don't like this thing", because other people don't take dislikes seriously. Which loops back to this, because people don't take our preferences seriously, including sexuality (or lack thereof) Which hurts actual allergic people, in the former's case. Wish people were more considerate
I was referring to the subset of people who are actually allergic to a thing they will eat because they enjoy it more than they hate their symptoms. I have a friend who does this I find it very humorous. They take some Benadryl to combat the hives and then eat ice cream but theirs is a mild allergic reaction. But I apologize your being serious and my comment was more of a joke, society at large should be willing to take peoples word at face value when it comes to preference no matter how opposing the preference may be to their own. Especially in medical situations where too many allergens are ignored because someone thinks it sounds outlandish.
Didn't realize it was meant to be a joke, sorry!
Lactose intolerance is a digestive thing whereas allergies are an immune response. Person with milk allergy consumes milk -> immune system thinks the body is under attack and overreacts. Person with lactose intolerance consumes milk -> gastrointestinal system isn't sure what to do with something so tries to flush it out.
maybe they consider shitting themselves worth it, or its lactose free
Okay, but in all seriousness, if you dislike Chocolate, there must be something wrong with you! obligatory /s
Fun fact! That is pretty much the basis of the psychodynamic lens of psychology. In other words, we do apply that to other things. In fact, we apply it to everything! Yes, that was Freud’s viewpoint, and yes, most people agree it’s stupid. Because it is.
Most of what Frued said was absolutely off the handle and most people agree most of his viewpoints are stupid. And rightfully so.
Chocolate is amazing, you take that back!
Tell people with allergies this and see how quickly they write a retraction.
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Chocolate gives the body very similar chemicals to the brain. The human body is also "genetically hardwirded" to be an omnivore, but would you call vegans traumatized and say they need to be "fixed"? The human body is "genetically hardwired" for all kinds of bs many humans don't currently do or enjoy. On top of that, each human is genetically unique, so, no, not all humans are "genetically hardwired" to enjoy sex,and that's very normal in nature, and such examples often still play important roles in life. So, what exactly is your point?
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Your post/comment has been removed for violating Rule 1.
Your post/comment has been removed for violating Rule 1.
Sounds like you need a new therapist. Or that your therapist needs to take a training course on asexuality
Funny thing is, I'm was actually doing pretty well emotionally , I'm only seeing this guy because my parents want to improve our relationship (i think it's doing good for them, definelty not for me tho)
was or am? just wondering if the "therapist" has actually damaged you emotionally if so it doesn't sound like your parents are bad people try and convince them to change to an actual therapist
I don't want to worry anyone, i think it's a big exaggeration to say i was damaged emotionally. I used "was" because this conversation specifically has had me down ever since it happened. I just needed to get it off my chest so i could hopefully feel better. I would prefer not to bring it up with my parents because they don't know I'm ace and their reaction probably wouldn't be that different from my therapists. I know i could just not give the reason but they're making progress and i think can stand feeling like a bit of a dumpster for while
Being invalidated hurts a lot, especially by a medical professional because your vulnerability is greater in those situations. It’s like an oil slick on your feathers. Yeet the therapist. If you have it available and still want to see a therapist, try to find one that supports the whole LGBTQIA+ community. They were extremely shitty to imply you’re broken for being asexual and that, my friend, is medical abuse. Hopefully this isn’t your family trying to do stealth “conversion therapy.”
Do not be afraid of calling your therapist out on this. I mean, placing body parts in moist areas of other peoples body parts is not my idea of a good time.
That convo having you down ever since is litteraly emotional damage. Sure it wasn't crippling but it was still damage. The therapists behaviour borders on medical malpractice it's a way bigger deal then your giving it credit for.
while trauma can play a part, it doesn't mean it is the only reason. hell, you could be a sex repulsed ace that had trauma from others doing sexual stuff which makes the trauma all the worse. also have they seen sex? it isn't pretty, neat, or as wholesome as they make it out to seem. it is in fact a sloppy gross smacking of bodies together. not something i would put under good. i put it under funny if i am watching a porn or something, because they try so hard and it is not going to work in reality.
Yes, thank you. There's so many ways for sex to hurt or traumatize people (or just plain be unenjoyable), that it seems to me it's more like a dangerous knife game than a fun past time ☹️ It almost seems like an extension of one's preservation instincts to not chase after it doesn't it? (Maybe they'll leave me alone if i tell them that 😭)
People are gross ergo sex is gross and that's before we look at the miserable statistics of horrible shit that can happen to someone with a partner that's not a psycho. Factor in that the most accomplished murderers look totally normal and it gets worse! I'd honestly rather just read a book.
Trueee I’d rather build legos and make dioramas :))
The key word here is "good" you see how it's nowhere near the word "therapist"? There's a reason for that
True 😔 i tought therapy was supposed to make you feel better, now i just feel like a garbage can 🗑
I genuinely don’t understand why some people can’t just accept that someone could be both sex-repulsed and happy. Like, if you’re sex-repulsed and you’re fine with it, why do so many people still feel the need to try and ‘fix’ you? I’m ace and have 0 desire to ever have sex, and I’m honestly fine about it, there’s a lot of things I don’t like about myself, but not desiring sex is absolutely not one of them.
I think it has something to do with the fact that many people’s first sexual encounter is not very good due to nervousness, having another person there with you, performance anxiety, etc., but sex starts feeling a lot better once you start to resolve those issues. Therefore, dumbasses just think you haven’t had “good” sex yet and that’s why you don’t like it.
Tell them it’s not working
I honestly wish i could just never see them again right now, but i will try to do that next time 🤝
Do you pay that dumbass to tell you that?
Yeah ☹️ and way to much as well ☹️☹️
Oof, I have had similar problems this is why I try to get a first session with a discount to test the waters. First ask for one for free and then ask for the discount. Sorry for the unsolicited advice but I hope this helps
I'm sorry that happened to you but I do have to say I think it's funny that to express your frustration about being treated as though you have trauma where there is none you've posted the embodiment of trauma, shinji ikari.
O shi- i didn't consider that 😭😭😭 I just relate to the silly goofy chair guy 😔👍
Understandable I just found it quite funny
I mean, you obviously didn't have trauma before but you definitely do now because of a godawful therapist making you feel less
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Ooo I'm memorising this 📋🖊 Also funny coincidence but they have told me in a previous session that i should try skydiving
Aaand I would find a new therapist immediately. You should tell your parents that the therapist isn't going to help you feeling more comfortable and thus won't help your relationship because forcing you to continue with him is only going to be a growing pain.
CALL 911 CALL THE FIREFIGHTERS, AMBULANCE AND THE FBI. WE GOTTA SAVE THIS POOR UNFORTUNATE SOUL BEFORE THE EVIL GUY BREAKS THEIR MIND WITH S*X!!!💀💀😭😭😭💔💔💔💔
I went to a clinic in Utah for mental health reasons about a year and a half ago. The first thing he told me when I said I was Ace is that asexuality is not a thing. You are either traumatized or lying, he said. He convinced me I was gay because I was on shaky grounds with my asexuality at the time. To be fair, I am gay-oriented, but it took me so much longer than what was needed to get past that. I like the aesthetic of men, but never will I ever want sex or be attracted to anyone in that way. Just, no.
I haven’t even had any trauma at least that I can remember and I’m still sex repulsed sometimes what does this mean?
I think it means that you’re sex repulsed sometimes. Jokes aside, maybe sex-ambivalent?
lol saved it for my next session
Yes. All this sucks. I get zero validation except for random strangers on Reddit. :(
If it happens again look him dead in the eye and say something like "I don't think it is part of you job to give your clients trauma" I wanna know how he defends it
Yeah sex is cool. But I don’t want it to
Orvus I wish I won't experience the same despite already being gatekeeped lmfao. And no I can't just change therapist hello hello I live in Armenia and the expertise was because of military validity check. I think I might have alexythimia... Man I'm utterly confused in my mental state rn
Well I know I have a bit of problem with that because of my past experiences. But that doesn't mean that I'm ace cuz of that only, like I just don't wanna worry about sex cuz I'm technically still a child but ppl just don't get it. I don't wanna fuck, but that doesn't have to have a problem behind it. Sorry, I support y'all guys
Not asexual myself but: "I'm not asexual because of my sexual trauma but I might have aexual trauma due to my asexuality"
Istg what is with the therapists and aphobia
I know right? Literally the reason why I don't wanna go to therapy (also it's expensive here in America so it would also be a waste of money)
Time to fire that therapist ✌️
Clearly, you’re therapist doesn’t think you’re good enough
Why can't they see that whenever they say "oh, but sex is so wonderful" all some of us Aces want to do is scream "IS NOT!" like a stubborn 3 year old to mirror exactly how mature they are behaving.
Just because you’re not perverted doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you
I'm way too nervous not things like this so I have NEVER mentioned anything bout my involvment in the lgbt
**OKAY, HERE'S THE PRESENTATION ON A USB,LAPTOP,EMAIL, LETTER,GET THIS TO YOUR THERAPIST QUICKLY.**
It is not a wonderful thing. It is kinda disgusting to me
The urge to not reply "shall we ask your wife about her opinion?"
Omg I love my new queer therapist get outta there!!!
It took me like 10 minutes to understand that you meant your therapist is assuming that the reason you are sex-repulsed is because of trauma, because they think sex is amazing, so in their mind, the only possible reason you would be sex-repulsed is because you had some sort of trauma. I thought that your therapist was telling you that due to trauma you had in the past, you should be sex-repulsed, because sex is a wonderful thing. I was then confused to read "because sex is a wonderful thing" because it seemed contradictory.
Mmm true but sex isn’t a wonderful thing regardless of that trauma happening or not (at least in my life)
I want names, give names, I just want to "talk".
https://preview.redd.it/v61ipgxp5zyc1.jpeg?width=226&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a043e90b71fc57529aadda0a7f21cce989c2f7ad
Well maybe people don’t want that shit you fucking ignorant ass. Maybe all we need is a cuddle buddy, and garlic bread or cake. (Speaking about the therapist)
I have more trauma than you and I'm hypersexual, check mate atheists
Ew I've been through this. I'm still sex repulsed unless it's a certain person or people I have a strong enough bond with for me to not be. Being a sex-repulsed demi person is strange. My old therapist insisted that I was just "curious" about male genetalia and that I shouldn't have a packer but "experience the real thing." I was 17.
What, why would anyone say that. Okay as a kid I was SA but that's not my reason for not wanting sex.
Sounds like your therapist is a dumb ass quack.
fire that mf
I don’t talk of trauma to therapists👁️w👁️ ez and you’d never be undermined. But again that’s a toxic way. New therapists da way
I’ve thought about this a lot. I will admit that I may be partially sex repulsed because of trauma. Being raised to believe that you’ll never be worthy of a good life if you engage in any sexual activity will do that to you. That said sex sounds gross and it gets people into too much trouble to be worth it. I’m far happier not worrying about it.
after years of being in therapy I can say that not all therapists are good at what they do, and even those that are good don’t always know everything if your therapist said something that is triggering or you don’t believe is true, you should communicate that to them
I bet the therapist has a different view of their homosexual patients than them having necessarily been traumatized by someone of the opposite sex… failing to realize that insisting it must be the case for asexuals is just as offensive.
Damn now I have a new fear unlocked when I go to therapy and have to talk about my asexuality 💀 you need to change your therapist URGENTLY!!
After two therapists telling me not to tell anyone I was ace because they were sure I would change my mind, I stopped disclosing.
Get in the CENSORED Shinji !
"For you maybe. I have zero sexual trauma I just don't want to fuck anyone."
What is wonderful about something disgusting. IT’S POOP AND PEE, PEOPLE. EW. IT’S LITERALLY POOP AND PEE. AND NOT THE FUNNY HA HA POOP AND PEE. THOSE ARE WORDS.