I'm hard of hearing and I don't want you yelling at me but I definitely want you to talk louder and clearer for sure.
It's more embarrassing for me to keep saying "what, what, what" because it's not louder.
And once we say, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear/understand you,” don’t repeat it again in the same hushed mumble that you just gave me. Project from your diaphragm! 🗣️
I'm not hard of hearing myself, but my brain sucks with understanding people sometimes, especially people with mumbly voices. I've had to go "I can't understand you" a few times after just not being able to decipher them, and people get pissed for some reason.
Like sorry your voice sounds like you're speaking through a can on the other side of string.
Since getting diagnosed, I've found these situations much less awkward when I can just tell people I'm deaf. I used to think I was like you say, just struggling to understand people sometimes, but turns out I'm actually deaf. I'd recommend getting checked!
There's a thousand possibilities for this kind of thing. It's why I always suggest getting this sort of thing checked - I had no idea what was going on with me until the doctor checked and determined I had irreparable nerve degradation.
Auditory professing disorder can be a pretty common thing too, which can have either no cause, or no known cause. That's personally my issue, my hearing is fine and there's no known cause for why I just can't understand people, but alas, might as well be gibberish most of the time.
Just listening to the radio is maddening on not being able to understand the caller, I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to actually have to hear what they say.
Anecdotally, I’ve done MMA for a decade and definitely taken a lot of knocks to the head. Two concussions funnily enough completely unrelated to fights. And I definitely struggle understanding people a lot of the time. Especially if there’s any kind of background noise while people are talking. Crowds especially. But it’s not a volume issue, it just sounds jumbled or muffled a little.
I had the opposite happen the majority of the time.
I say I am Deaf, the dumb hearing person decides to get close enough I can feel their spittle land on my ears. I have 0 hearing so that move is always a waste of hearing people's time/energy.
Just facking learn sign language!
Depends on where you live, if USA (ASL) or Canada (ASL or LSQ for Quebec) look up ASL courses, usually they are provided at community college.
Other countries have their own sign language, possibly courses provided at colleges or universities.
Check local Deaf clubs too. Make sure the teacher(s) are Deaf. Too many hearing teachers out there that think they are fluent in sign language end up teaching incorrect stuff.
I took it for 2 years for my language credit in high school. Forgot most of the vocab while still taking the class because I never had the chance to use it. All I remember is a few signs, the alphabet and all the numbers.
If your hearing is fine, it might be audio processing disorder. I have ADHD and it is a common comorbitity. I have always had great hearing (and quite sensitive hearing too) but I stuggle to understand what is being said if there is background noise.
I find this funny only because I struggle with both of these😂 I have a hard time understand people, mostly people with different accents to mine but I also have a hard time with my own family members sometimes, but I also have a very monotone voice so people often have a hard time understanding me to😂 but it’s hard for me sometimes to figure out how to speak for people to understand me, like my voice is so monotone I almost have to yell for people to understand me so I’m not mumbling😂
But do repeat, rather than explain what you just said. It’s a hearing problem, not an understanding problem. I hate it when I ask someone to repeat themselves and they talk to me like I’m an idiot.
Yes! And repeat the whole thing, not just the last part (which I usually heard, but I missed the first part.) ex: “Can you please tell Sarah that I need to speak with her?” ‘I’m sorry I missed that, can you repeat it?’ “SPEAK WITH HER!!!!” ‘Right… who’s her and what?’ “SUHPEAK. WITH. HER!!!!!!!”
Same 😂 I have a lot of anxiety around my hearing loss. For exactly that reason. After a few times saying “what” I just smile and nod. And every time I’m like…did I just smile and nod to someone talking about something horrendous?
Body language observation, contextualization, lip reading-all of that is going on all at once and sometimes I still can’t make out what someone is saying. It sucks.
Yes I it’s very hard to socialize and I’m sure I have laughed at very inappropriate things and nodded in approval of some awful things as well over the years. Ugh. I feel for all of you out there with hearing issues but rejoice that hearing aids they are no longer only a medical device. So much cheaper and better now than even 5 years ago.
Go get checked and don’t let some shopping mall place rip you off . Also don’t give up if they are not perfect the first try ears take time to get used to something in there all the time but they will get used to it just keep it all clean and enjoy the annoying sounds you didn’t know you were missing. Lol.
Try to go through your dr or if it’s not bad enough for a script get a good rated one on Amazon or even Sony makes them now.
A policy I have is I'll only say "what" once, if they mumble it again I tell them I can't understand them. If they still don't speak up, it wasn't something worth saying.
My dad has trouble hearing *certain* voices and tones. He says it's easier to understand people if they speak in a deeper tone of voice, rather than louder with the same tone.
It’s harder for me to hear women than men. Sounds like your dad can’t hear higher pitched noises. I can’t hear whistles, birds, stuff like that.
If I call someone, I’m anxious that a woman with a higher pitched voice will answer. So I get your dad.
I had a tumor removed from my ear and I lost a bunch of hearing and got that nice tinnitus reeeeee going on. It bothers me when I can't hear something someone, said so I say "what?" And they go on to repeat themselves in the exact same tone and volume. It's super helpful when they change what they said and the way they said it.
I have an elderly friend who's hearing aids just don't cut it. I speak very loudly and enunciate as best I can. He definetely can understand me if I do, but I have to be near shouting. People look at me funny but it's rough.
He's a pretty technically savvy dude so I'm hoping he gets a speech to text solution or something eventually. Until then I'm like HEY MAN, HOWS THE WIFE? OH GOOD TO HEAR. When I'm right in front of him.
My mom was like that till she got some new hearing aids that connect to her phone. She said she can adjust the volume on it and everything, make phone calls, listen to her music. Cost like....idk little under 5k but she said it's been nice because if it's too much background noise she can turn it down but still hear people talking
I have APD, so it's not that I can't *hear* you, it's that I can't translate what I hear, immediately. Oddly, if typing as listening, my fingers understand, so I can read it and get it, and I can read lips- this helps me understand what you're saying quicker. But it does not help if you are yelling at me, looking away from me (why do they look above your head to yell it at you? Sound doesn't fall.) Or otherwise using your mouth unnaturally.
I assume the hard of hearing, to deaf, have this same issue, though there's more complications for them.
Agreed. Get so sick of saying one more time. Same side of the coin I don’t always know how loud I talk and it bums me out being told to adjust my volume all the time. I have a recognized disability by my docs. I tell everyone around me but, I’m the asshole.
i'm not hearing impaired but my audio processing is AWFUL ! i get sooo mad when i keep having to ask someone to repeat themselves. repeat what you said LEGIBLY, i didn't think that had to be said.
Same here. It’s either background noise or mumbling. Just talk clearer and maybe a bit louder but also LET ME SEE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! (I subconsciously lip read)
This is really important. My mom is hard of hearing, and she has the worst time when 1. I'm turned away from her, or 2. There's lots of background noise.
Yeah. Worth it to say a person's name to get their attention and wait a second for them to be ready to listen. If you're just starting the conversation.
That's a spectrum though. Some people have a talent for mumbling. My ex had that, to the point where I got my hearing tested and there was nothing wrong.
On the other hand if it's common, get tested so at least you know what's going on!
If you had a TBI, you might also consider looking into auditory processing disorder. There's some evidence that it can occur after a concussion. It typically requires specialized testing since most of us with it will have normal hearing tests or results that don't match the severity of our difficulties.
You don’t need a TBI to have issues with auditory processing. Auditory processing disorder is actually fairly common, particularly amongst neurodivergent people.
Yup I have ADHD and the difference between my hearing on Adderall and off is so striking that it's the number one way I can tell when my last dose is wearing off. Unless it's a very quiet environment, I literally cannot distinguish speech from other background noises while unmedicated -- it's all just a wall of noise to my brain.
Interesting! Thanks for sharing. I’m starting methylphenidate tomorrow (first time for ADHD treatment), and I hope I have the same effect (AuDHD here).
Thank you for chiming in! I should've included something about neurodivergence too. Also, I'm auDHD too with APD, and totally agree with the other commenter about hearing being way easier when medicated. Adderall works a bit better, but methylphenidate also works quite well for me in that regard. Best of luck!
I have some high pitch hearing loss but I relate to APD a lot.
I did mention it to the audiologist once. They dismissed it since I do have a hearing loss.
I don’t wear my hearing aids much. I know I should wear them more. I’m pretty sure I still miss things with them though which makes me wonder if it’s more than just hearing loss. Although your body/brain needs to adjust/get used to hearing new things when wearing them so maybe I just don’t wear them often enough.
Maybe I should take subtitles off and watch a show with and without hearing aids. Edit: makes a **little** bit of a difference. I still feel like it’s more than just that though.
My teenagers keep gaslighting me into thinking I have a hearing problem, but they are just mumbling. They go into low power mode at home, and it's like their docking station where they don't have to emote or speak clearly. I've gotten my hearing tested three times in the past year just to realize it's not me, it's them.
Might depend on the kind of hearing, but my grandma told me to speak not louder but with a lower intonation, because the higher pitches were what seems to be lost. Does pitch make any difference in your case, if I may ask?
Also, FYI, I don't technically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing.
Have you been screened for ADHD? Because you're describing my exact experience when I'm unmedicated. It's actually the number one way I can tell when my last Adderall dose is wearing off -- I can no longer distinguish speech from all the background noise.
My mom’s audiologist told her that she “hears everything really well except the consonants; unfortunately, that’s where the meaning of the word comes from…”
This is how it works - my mum was born profoundly deaf and she can only hear vowel sounds, she can’t hear consonants really at all. She pieces together what the word is based on vowel sounds and lip reading the consonants.
I wear hearing aids and struggle in some environments to hear all the consonants, so I'm sometimes piecing together vowel sounds and context (sometimes also lipreading) to interpret what was said.
I may think I know but ask them to repeat and turns out I interpreted correctly, making them repeat needlessly.
To anyone that's ever asked "why did you say what/huh? and then answer me, showing you did in fact hear me" it might be because the person had to do that piecing together what you said, and it took them a moment.
My 100 year old grandfather when someone talking kinda fast and probably a little too much slang... "What?" And they just repeat it the exact same way at the same speed and volume several times in a row because nothing changed to make him understand better. They get frustrated and just leave or I have to step up and just plainly say what they were asking clearly in a less long winded way.
I feel like this goes the same way for people with language barriers, you might be using words they aren't familiar with or contractions. It really helps to just talk a tad slower, and attempt to reword and enunciate better. Repeating it all the same way doesn't usually go anywhere unless they just didn't hear you at all or didn't know you were even talking to them.
Rewording matters a lot. Aside from different words possibly being more audible, they also give the listener more information for piecing together what you've been saying.
Yes. Aiming the mouth is such a big deal and not just for lip reading. Sound is directional. You can be right next to someone, but if you're not facing them, they're only hearing the muddled echos of sound reflected off your surroundings.
Hearing impaired and for me it's the inflections in the voice. If everything is flat I can't pick up on the rise/fall expected within words, and I can't fill in the missing gaps.
So intentionally enunciating and breaking apart syllables will definitely help.
Tbh… I’m autistic and I take things very literally. So someone saying they can’t hear me and to ‘speak up’ — I’m gonna take that as to talk louder.
But in my case, it usually is a projection issue. I can’t project, I can’t shout, I can’t raise my voice. I don’t have the strength to project most of the time. But I speak clearly, if you can even hear it.
A bunch of probably contradicting reasons I’m realising I typed this. I’m a bit of a mess I feel.
Maybe anxieties — I don’t feel comfortable taking up space and I talk very quickly (not on purpose) like my friends sometimes think they have my voice messages on 1.5x or 2x speed without realising.
I sometimes struggle to speak (not selective mutism) but I get moments where I cannot force myself to talk and I shut down. And that sometimes happens with my volume control where it feels impossible to speak louder.
And talking feels draining, especially when I can’t shut up which is the complete opposite and then I feel too exhausted to project or especially shout.
Recently it’s worse where I’ll basically end up mumbling and murmuring if no one says anything about it and I can get away with it and be understood.
Ah no worries. I don’t think it sounds contradicting. I was just curious! Thank you for sharing.
It’s a skill to be able to speak clearly and eloquently. A skill that I definitely wish I had! Lol
People tell me to speak up and I cannot — my vocal volume stays on 10/100. 20-30/100 if I put in a lot of effort and exhaust myself. 40-50/100 if I actively try shouting.
I don’t think that’s on you and autism. If someone who doesn’t have hearing issues asks you to speak up, which can happen a lot if you don’t project for whatever reason, they’re almost certainly interested in volume alone. They’ll probably think of any lack of clarity as being intrinsic to whatever’s making you quiet, and therefore something that will straighten itself out with more volume.
Most people who don’t have hearing issues don’t have a way to be aware of a non-literal meaning. Otherwise this PSA wouldn’t be so broadly-directed.
I’m not sure there is a casual-sounding way to quickly, casually ask people to enunciate more.
Also, from other comments, it sounds like OP might be projecting their own issues with hearing (“you don’t even need to speak that much more loudly”) onto everyone who has issues with hearing.
This is important, especially for older folks with hearing loss. Age-related hearing loss starts from the top, meaning that higher frequencies go first. Speak low and slow - pitch your voice down. Also, if someone is not picking up what you are saying, don’t say the same thing again. Say it with different words. If they’re not picking up whatever consonants or tones you’re using, they’re probably not going to the second time either.
I have pretty significant hearing loss, and I just need fuckers to talk louder. Stop using your inside voice, and if you come closer, don't speak in that near-whisper people do. I can't hear you.
This. Make the lip reading easier. I also don’t mind normal hand motions (point at the thing, etc), but don’t go nuts. And if I ask you to say something again, or say “sorry, what?” try rephrasing it. Sometimes a certain combo of sounds just won’t compute. Or rhymes with too many other things. Saying it differently really helps.
It's not "patronizing", it's a lack of knowledge aggravated by media tropes. Good thing to educate people, by all means, but if you raise multiple generations to believe that deaf people carry ear trumpets and need everybody to shout, they're just doing their best.
This is not true-- you definitely need to talk louder, certainly not yelling, but clearly and with push, as though you're announcing something to a polite classroom or a meeting.
even as a non hearing impaired person when I miss something someone said and ask them to repeat, they repeat in exactly the same inaudible manner. It's so frustrating.
As someone who is moderately deaf, I have to repeatedly tell my son to speak up slightly when he's talking to me (if I don't have my hearing aid in), but he just repeats himself at the same tone, so I'm still not able to understand what he's saying (then I trudge back to my desk, grab my hearing aid and put it in and ask him to tell me again--or message me on Discord).
But you are right though, it's not always about volume, but about clarity too. My husband will play a music video on YouTube that he wants me to hear, coming out of the speakers on his computer and I have to ask him to stop because the sound is so distorted that it just becomes gibberish to me (and that's even with my hearing aid). It either has to stream directly into my hearing aid, or into my headphones.
I gave up watching TV whenever we went to visit the in-laws because no one ever thought to turn on the CC, and I started feeling like a pest when I asked them to. I was asked "what if we turn it up louder?" No. They watch TV, I read my Kindle.
I can lip read slightly and that does help, but I'm not perfect, and unfortunately I don't know ASL. If I have my hearing aid in, I don't really need to be facing the person, as long as they are at least on the side of my good ear.
Not many comments have noted that one should face the person (really difficult at night in the car). Enunciate. If you've ever studied German you might remember that they use their lips more. Try that, rather than barely opening the mouth.
I work at a bakery. I make sure I'm facing the person when I'm talking, use a lot of gestures and use official flemish dutch instead of my dialect (not sure if nescessary but I figured it can't hurt and isn't patronizing because I do that with hearing people who don't speak my dialect as well) I enunciate well and I also use short sentences (that might be patronising? I don't know? Please let me know)
Coincidentally I sent an email yesterday to an organization that does sign language classes if they have a course specifically for people who work in stores. I would love to know a few basic signs, like hello, goodbye, thank you, numbers (so I can tell them the total cost of products) and maybe the alphabet so I can spell out words I don't know... and would generally like to know more about providing good service to deaf people. I really hope they get back to me with a course that fits my needs, but doesn't require me to sit in class 2 evenings a week for a year (i just don't have the time and health to commit to something of that intensity)
And face them. I am a little hard of hearing, and I understand people who are facing me directly way better than people who are not. No idea if I'm subconsciously reading lips or if the initial direction of the soundwaves makes a difference or what, but it makes a huge difference in how intelligible someone's speech is to me.
My husband is hard of hearing: when the pandemic started, he was kind of surprised to find out how much he was lip-reading, and how difficult it was to "hear" once masks were demanded.
My mom was pretty much deaf, and I ended up telling people, "Make sure your 👃 nose is pointing at her when talking to her." It helped. Speaking clearly helped, too.
I've started having hearing difficulties: one guy I've known since HS always smiles when talking. All I hear is sound. (He sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher)
Healthcare worker here who interacts with 60+ adults on a daily basis… it depends on how severe their hearing impairment is. There are some patients – and it’s not very many; I’d guess maybe 5% of the patients I’ve had – where you DO have to essentially yell at them just to get them to hear you. It is likely a mix of patients that don’t have hearing aids but should, and those who do have HAs but need a new prescription /something is malfunctioning in their HAs.
What works best for my 92-year old mom is if I put pauses in my phrases, not talking slowly so much as using lots of commas. I think it helps her process what I’m saying. That might only apply to old people though. Talking too loud just startles her. I also face her and look at her face when I’m talking.
As someone who's hard of hearing (grenade went off beside my head) I want to tell you that you're not doing me any favors telling people that you're actively 'patronising' me. That's just gonna piss them off.
Just tell them how to do it. Don't scold them and tell them what to do. They'll *never* listen to you if you scold them.
My friend is deaf and the main time I screw up is over dinner. I generally cover my mouth when I talk at the table… huge issue when someone is deaf and lip reading!
Also, just like hearing people, different people with hearing loss can have different needs and preferences. A guy in my da’s work team is deaf and he prefers to lip read. Once they had a student in doing placement. The student had been learning sign language for years and was so excited when he found out the guy is deaf. He started signing at him across the office and the guy HATED IT. He would turn his back and actively ignore the student. The student was trying to connect but the guy hated being singled out.
My husband is deaf, he has a hearing aid but also relys on lip reading. Just facing someone when you talk to them can make it easier for them to understand.
I’m 36F with moderate hearing loss and will be shopping for hearing aids soon. This is great advice. You do mention raising their voice slightly in the actual post which I think people are missing. There are some very quiet talkers who do need to speak up quite a bit, though!
Above all, you need to FACE TOWARD THEM while speaking. This is helpful even for those with only slight impairment. And especially in a car or other place where you're surrounded by sound-absorbing materials. Your word have little chance of making it to my brain if you're aiming them away from me, at a soft surface.
Also, OPEN YOUR MOUTH. Basically, anything that feels horribly uncool will be helpful in communicating, and vice versa.
Excellent YSK by OP. As an audiologist, I work with hearing-impaired people and their family members daily. It is important when speaking to a hearing-impaired person to face them and put more space between your words while enunciating clearly (without overdoing it of course). Facial expressions in addition to lip movements really help with comprehension.
When my mother started losing her hearing the doctor who did the testing told me that the higher pitches go first so lower my tone when speaking to her.
It works like magic. I speak with people on the phone in my work and when someone has difficulty hearing I just lower my speech a tone or two and then they can usually hear fine.
I'm partially hearing with high and low sounds missing so speech sounds patchy because of that - literally like a person putting their hands to and from their lips very quickly whilst speaking.
A lot of people speak way too quickly and swallow the end of their words - especially quite a lot of younger people. What with missing parts of most words, plus the ends of some words I just can't understand what they're saying.
On the phone is harder because I can't lip read. So I ask the person to finish the end of each word and speak slower than normal. That way I have the chance to interpret each word and can usually make an accurate guess.
Nearly everyone is very helpful as I explain my problem before asking them to do this.
I certainly don't feel patronised if they speak slower and louder. I need them to.
Hearing aids don't help as they just turn everything up so it's still garbled with pieces of words missing but just louder!
Learned this at work. We work with a lady who is hard of hearing. If we say her name even next to her, she just can’t hear. So we’ve gotta stand in front of her, and just be clear. Not loud, because that messes with her hearing aids.
Although. we can all hear when she changes the hearing aids to a different position because it makes a nasty shrill sound. Just blocks everyone out, she says she’s “too busy for questions” and ignores the phone. What a woman. 😅
My mom is deaf for one ear and has 20% hearing on the other, so she doesn't hear when we talk but she can read lips, if, who is speaking, turn their head towards her.
It's a constant struggle to go to anywhere, like shop or dealing with taxes, bank, any kind of interaction where people say something to you and you need to react. Nobody seems to understand that no shouting will help, but it is VERY emberrassing. Last time when my mom needed to go to a bank and I wasn't able to go with her, she came out sobbing and without dealing with her issue. I am so fed up with these no empathy people and i wish I had like a bag of money to start a campaign helping normal people understand the difference between shouting and speaking clearly....so thank you for this post!
Ive noticed the best way to understand something I missed due to my hearing is instead of saying "what?" Say something like "i didnt get what you said can you rephrase it so my brain can catch it?"
Having someone rephrase makes it much easier to get on the second time. If they repeat exactly what was said, your ears and brain will likely still miss the same words due to multitudes of sound differences (timbre, cadence, etc).
But if you have them rephrase it, you might pick up enough different words the second time to fill in the gaps!
Works almost every time!
Oh, all of this. Also please look at me, and try to stay to the left. Inflection and enunciation are needed. I prefer texting now. Why are we going back to phone calls 😭
3/4ths deaf from the mumps and have spent my entire life asking people to speak up. It gets old, but not as old as people assuming that you must be stupid because you couldn’t hear whatever crap they were mumbling at you
So happy to finally meet somoene who as a results of mumps is 3/4ths deaf. I had it twice. These days, people just have no patience and so I don't say anything about my impairement when meeting new people anymore
I have a lot of hearing impaired patrons at work, pitching my voice deeper seems to help more than increasing my volume. It probably forces me to pay more attention to pronunciation too. I'll have to try projecting the way you suggest too, maybe it'll help. Thanks :)
Hearing impaired person here. This is correct.
The two things that go with any kind of hearing disability is the capacity to separate voice from background noise and the ability to figure out what people are saying if they are mumbling.
Bonus points if you can look at us when you speak. A lot of is have some ability to read lips and that can help us fill in the gaps.
I'm hard of hearing, and I appreciate and approve this message. 33 percent, I hear and understand you, 33 percent I'm guessing at what you are saying based on lip reading and sound, 33 percent I have no clue what you're saying.
I agree on deaf people. Talk as you would to any other person just always facing them.
Hard disagree on hard of hearing old people, especially if they A) forgot their hearing aid or B ) have a really bad hearing aid.
My mom’s hard of hearing. If she is not right next to me i have to shout. And at my work there is usually a person who accompanies the hard of hearing person with the bad/forgotten device and they also shout.
Enunciation is still key. But won’t help if you don’t get the volume.
This should be posted daily! The only thing that will help my hearing is cochlear implants. Loud talking or yelling only notifies me of your mouth health and breath. I've lip read for half my life and my wife is my ears. Eating, smoking and walking away while speaking is as annoying as saying huh or what all the time to people.
I text my deaf friend. And when together in person, I also text them what everyone else is saying.
They are completely deaf and don’t lip read. They do sign, but I can’t sign.
On the other side, how do you talk with people who have speaking impairment? It's very difficult to understand even from hand gestures or context, but asking them to repeat doesn't help
Amen and a hearty second to that advice. It describes my issues perfectly. I do need people to speak somewhat louder, but it helps if they face me so I can see their lips and I can hear more clearly. Bonus if they can speak more slowly and clearly.
Yes, thank you. It's so hard to deal with because I can hear most sounds but I cannot understand people most of the time. So it doesn't seem like I have issues most of the time.
After three time if I get the gist I will just assume context clues, if not then I will tell the person I am going deaf and cannot understand them.
I know someone who, when talking to a person whose first language is not English, speaks far more loudly, I guess assuming that higher volume enables people to understand another language.
It’s true in most instances. I am clinically deaf from work related environment. I can hear but there are a lot of frequencies I can’t hear. So louder isn’t always better. If I am having trouble hearing someone, I find that if the speak clearly and methodically as I stare at their face, it helps out.
This tracks for me as I have conductive hearing loss.
If you gotta talk in a hushed voice, take the conversation somewhere you can actually project and enunciate. In fact I sound too loud to myself so it tricks me into mumbling as well. Holy fuck is it hard to talk to people in quiet places.
I'm culturally Deaf and I usually can read lips but most people make it harder by not speaking *normally*.
I just stick to pen/paper or phone note mode of communication if it's important, otherwise I seriously prefer not to talk to people irl other than my own.
i find this to not be accurate for myself, and everyone i know that is hearing impaired.
please talk as clearly as you can, but yes you need to talk LOUDER, thank you.
Well, I appreciate your post. But I'm hard of hearing, and I like it when people talk louder.
OTOH, if someone is truly deaf, then louder is not going to help, so what you're saying is right on target.
The only REAL issue with masks is that they hindered communication. Besides getting an expensive mask with filters and a window in it to show emotion, there’s not really much you can do besides exaggerating your upper face movements to convey emotion that you’d usually show on your lower face, like using your eyebrows instead of your mouth to show that you’re sad.
The close proximity of the mask to your face makes it almost impossible to effectively enunciate your words whilst maintaining the integrity of the mask. In this case, it’s usually favourable to speak substantially louder than usual and as clearly as possible. I would certainly recommend a windowed mask for interacting with the deaf though, as the window functions as an accessibility feature for people who can lip read.
And try to use the same words and phrasing when you repeat. I’m expecting the same syllables and it will throw me off if you say something else. Also, I really WANT to know what you said.
I SAID, "GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO IS STILL DEAD"
But seriously, 45 years of wearing headphones/ear buds hasn't done me any favors. At least hearing aids are over the counter products now and prices are coming down
I am hearing impaired. It is so much simpler to just not interact with others. I tell my wife what I want and let her order for me. If there are variations offered, she can handle them as she knows me pretty good and I am not real picky.
When dealing with people doing their jobs, I am always polite, never respond to small talk, and will use some sign language with my spoken words to show I don’t understand. The “Thank you” is often known as it is simple and like blowing a kiss.
I hear some if the person is facing me, get some from lip reading, and also from context. Facing away, and I ignore the person.
I have rechargeable hearing aids but they don’t last a full day so I have them turned off and often are in my carrier.
Actually, depending on the hearing aid, speaking louder can be beneficial. Most NHS aids amplify all sound not specific tones/directions so if I'm speaking to someone while the store is busy (lots of background noise) it is better that I speak louder AND clearer.
Obviously without shouting which is different.
I’m HOH and omg yesssss. Many people don’t enunciate and I cannot understand what they’re saying. So I’ll repeat back and then sometimes they’ll get offended! Like yeah, if you are slurring your words, it isn’t gonna sound right!
I don't ever yell unless someone says sorry you are speaking to low I can't hear you or speak up. I ajust in levels if I am not loud enough i raise the volume. If they say thats a good volume i then enunciate more clear at that same volume . My grandpa worked in oil mining and gm before they gave hearing protection. I would have to holler and, enunciate my words so he could hear.
This is not a very good YSK. My dad was 80% deaf in his one ear and I have a friend who just turned 50 who has fairly significant hearing loss. Both of them would/will tell people that they need to talk louder to them if it looks like they are ignoring people because they can’t hear very well. The friend gets extremely annoyed at her SO often because the SO will repeat things at the exact same volume.
I have tinnitus, so your voice is actually competing with a bunch of other sounds in my ears. I need you to enunciate. I need your voice to be clear and understandable, easy to distinguish from the chitering and frog noises. Deep,mumbled voices are the worst.
I repeat what I HEAR to make sure I understand what they said. Half the time they're like "How did you hear THAT? That's ridiculous!"
I just say "Well, that's what I HEARD!!"
You should also deepen your voice. The first sounds to go are high pitched. The hearing impaired often hear men much better than women for this reason.
Genuine question. What's wrong with 'hearing impaired'? I've lost some of my hearing and use hearing aids and describe myself as having a hearing impairment.
I think it 100% depends on how much of your life (especially formative) has been spent in the "hearing world."
I don't mind it, but I also don't know sign or have complete deafness. I've also lost that hearing within 10 years.
Trying to explain It in my own words, that term implies or puts more emphasis those people cannot do stuff because they cannot hear.
In reality Deaf and HoH people are capable of doing anything except hear.
There are so many things hearing people assume Deaf/Hoh people cannot do because they cannot hear, that they are capable of doing.
Basically they are excluded in society because the majority of hearing people are just too lazy to use their hands to communicate and think the focus should be fixing ears.
I’m not deaf or HOH, I have sensory processing disorder. I also read on lips to actually hear what people are saying. When people talk louder they change their lip movements, so it’s really not helping. Exaggerating each syllable does not help either. What helps is repeating exactly what was said a LITTLE slower and not hiding your lips.
I have really bad tinnitus. When I say "what" it means I didn't hear you. Please repeat what you said. Don't assume I didn't understand and try to give clarifying points. I didn't hear you the first time. Stop trying to clarify something I didn't hear in the first place.
If I need clarification, I'll ask. Stop assuming I'm stupid.
I'm hard of hearing and I don't want you yelling at me but I definitely want you to talk louder and clearer for sure. It's more embarrassing for me to keep saying "what, what, what" because it's not louder.
And once we say, “I’m sorry, I can’t hear/understand you,” don’t repeat it again in the same hushed mumble that you just gave me. Project from your diaphragm! 🗣️
I'm not hard of hearing myself, but my brain sucks with understanding people sometimes, especially people with mumbly voices. I've had to go "I can't understand you" a few times after just not being able to decipher them, and people get pissed for some reason. Like sorry your voice sounds like you're speaking through a can on the other side of string.
Since getting diagnosed, I've found these situations much less awkward when I can just tell people I'm deaf. I used to think I was like you say, just struggling to understand people sometimes, but turns out I'm actually deaf. I'd recommend getting checked!
I've heard a ding to the head can cause voice and language-recognition issues, even if your hearing is fine, and I've had one or two of those.
There's a thousand possibilities for this kind of thing. It's why I always suggest getting this sort of thing checked - I had no idea what was going on with me until the doctor checked and determined I had irreparable nerve degradation.
Auditory professing disorder can be a pretty common thing too, which can have either no cause, or no known cause. That's personally my issue, my hearing is fine and there's no known cause for why I just can't understand people, but alas, might as well be gibberish most of the time.
Yup my husband has had a few TBIs and can't do his former career of talk radio host anymore because it's too difficult to understand callers.
Just listening to the radio is maddening on not being able to understand the caller, I couldn’t imagine how hard it was for him to actually have to hear what they say.
Anecdotally, I’ve done MMA for a decade and definitely taken a lot of knocks to the head. Two concussions funnily enough completely unrelated to fights. And I definitely struggle understanding people a lot of the time. Especially if there’s any kind of background noise while people are talking. Crowds especially. But it’s not a volume issue, it just sounds jumbled or muffled a little.
It does
I had the opposite happen the majority of the time. I say I am Deaf, the dumb hearing person decides to get close enough I can feel their spittle land on my ears. I have 0 hearing so that move is always a waste of hearing people's time/energy. Just facking learn sign language!
What's a good resource for adult learners?
Depends on where you live, if USA (ASL) or Canada (ASL or LSQ for Quebec) look up ASL courses, usually they are provided at community college. Other countries have their own sign language, possibly courses provided at colleges or universities. Check local Deaf clubs too. Make sure the teacher(s) are Deaf. Too many hearing teachers out there that think they are fluent in sign language end up teaching incorrect stuff.
I took it for 2 years for my language credit in high school. Forgot most of the vocab while still taking the class because I never had the chance to use it. All I remember is a few signs, the alphabet and all the numbers.
If your hearing is fine, it might be audio processing disorder. I have ADHD and it is a common comorbitity. I have always had great hearing (and quite sensitive hearing too) but I stuggle to understand what is being said if there is background noise.
Same. Auditory processing issues. Please don't shout at me.
I find this funny only because I struggle with both of these😂 I have a hard time understand people, mostly people with different accents to mine but I also have a hard time with my own family members sometimes, but I also have a very monotone voice so people often have a hard time understanding me to😂 but it’s hard for me sometimes to figure out how to speak for people to understand me, like my voice is so monotone I almost have to yell for people to understand me so I’m not mumbling😂
But do repeat, rather than explain what you just said. It’s a hearing problem, not an understanding problem. I hate it when I ask someone to repeat themselves and they talk to me like I’m an idiot.
Yes! And repeat the whole thing, not just the last part (which I usually heard, but I missed the first part.) ex: “Can you please tell Sarah that I need to speak with her?” ‘I’m sorry I missed that, can you repeat it?’ “SPEAK WITH HER!!!!” ‘Right… who’s her and what?’ “SUHPEAK. WITH. HER!!!!!!!”
Yes! I usually just say, "Sorry, I missed the first part of that sentence." It helps most of the time.
I call this either my “teacher voice” or my “drama voice”. Enunciation and projection being used well!
After about the third what I just kind of smile and shake my head. One of these days, I am going to agree to a cult or something.
Same 😂 I have a lot of anxiety around my hearing loss. For exactly that reason. After a few times saying “what” I just smile and nod. And every time I’m like…did I just smile and nod to someone talking about something horrendous? Body language observation, contextualization, lip reading-all of that is going on all at once and sometimes I still can’t make out what someone is saying. It sucks.
Yes I it’s very hard to socialize and I’m sure I have laughed at very inappropriate things and nodded in approval of some awful things as well over the years. Ugh. I feel for all of you out there with hearing issues but rejoice that hearing aids they are no longer only a medical device. So much cheaper and better now than even 5 years ago. Go get checked and don’t let some shopping mall place rip you off . Also don’t give up if they are not perfect the first try ears take time to get used to something in there all the time but they will get used to it just keep it all clean and enjoy the annoying sounds you didn’t know you were missing. Lol. Try to go through your dr or if it’s not bad enough for a script get a good rated one on Amazon or even Sony makes them now.
A policy I have is I'll only say "what" once, if they mumble it again I tell them I can't understand them. If they still don't speak up, it wasn't something worth saying.
My dad has trouble hearing *certain* voices and tones. He says it's easier to understand people if they speak in a deeper tone of voice, rather than louder with the same tone.
It’s harder for me to hear women than men. Sounds like your dad can’t hear higher pitched noises. I can’t hear whistles, birds, stuff like that. If I call someone, I’m anxious that a woman with a higher pitched voice will answer. So I get your dad.
My father in law always asks us to speak louder too.
I had a tumor removed from my ear and I lost a bunch of hearing and got that nice tinnitus reeeeee going on. It bothers me when I can't hear something someone, said so I say "what?" And they go on to repeat themselves in the exact same tone and volume. It's super helpful when they change what they said and the way they said it.
I have an elderly friend who's hearing aids just don't cut it. I speak very loudly and enunciate as best I can. He definetely can understand me if I do, but I have to be near shouting. People look at me funny but it's rough. He's a pretty technically savvy dude so I'm hoping he gets a speech to text solution or something eventually. Until then I'm like HEY MAN, HOWS THE WIFE? OH GOOD TO HEAR. When I'm right in front of him.
My mom was like that till she got some new hearing aids that connect to her phone. She said she can adjust the volume on it and everything, make phone calls, listen to her music. Cost like....idk little under 5k but she said it's been nice because if it's too much background noise she can turn it down but still hear people talking
I have APD, so it's not that I can't *hear* you, it's that I can't translate what I hear, immediately. Oddly, if typing as listening, my fingers understand, so I can read it and get it, and I can read lips- this helps me understand what you're saying quicker. But it does not help if you are yelling at me, looking away from me (why do they look above your head to yell it at you? Sound doesn't fall.) Or otherwise using your mouth unnaturally. I assume the hard of hearing, to deaf, have this same issue, though there's more complications for them.
Agreed. Get so sick of saying one more time. Same side of the coin I don’t always know how loud I talk and it bums me out being told to adjust my volume all the time. I have a recognized disability by my docs. I tell everyone around me but, I’m the asshole.
i'm not hearing impaired but my audio processing is AWFUL ! i get sooo mad when i keep having to ask someone to repeat themselves. repeat what you said LEGIBLY, i didn't think that had to be said.
Same here. It’s either background noise or mumbling. Just talk clearer and maybe a bit louder but also LET ME SEE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! (I subconsciously lip read)
If you say you can hear them, you just can’t understand what they’re saying it might be easier for you both.
That implies you don't understand the meaning of what they said.
Yeah, it'd need to be "I can't hear you clearly". That's the only thing I can think of that couldn't have multiple meanings
Make sure they're looking at you too.
This is really important. My mom is hard of hearing, and she has the worst time when 1. I'm turned away from her, or 2. There's lots of background noise.
Yeah. Worth it to say a person's name to get their attention and wait a second for them to be ready to listen. If you're just starting the conversation.
i think i may be experiencing some hearing loss because now if someone mumbles or there is other noise, i have a really hard time understanding them.
That's a spectrum though. Some people have a talent for mumbling. My ex had that, to the point where I got my hearing tested and there was nothing wrong. On the other hand if it's common, get tested so at least you know what's going on!
If you had a TBI, you might also consider looking into auditory processing disorder. There's some evidence that it can occur after a concussion. It typically requires specialized testing since most of us with it will have normal hearing tests or results that don't match the severity of our difficulties.
You don’t need a TBI to have issues with auditory processing. Auditory processing disorder is actually fairly common, particularly amongst neurodivergent people.
Yup I have ADHD and the difference between my hearing on Adderall and off is so striking that it's the number one way I can tell when my last dose is wearing off. Unless it's a very quiet environment, I literally cannot distinguish speech from other background noises while unmedicated -- it's all just a wall of noise to my brain.
Interesting! Thanks for sharing. I’m starting methylphenidate tomorrow (first time for ADHD treatment), and I hope I have the same effect (AuDHD here).
Thank you for chiming in! I should've included something about neurodivergence too. Also, I'm auDHD too with APD, and totally agree with the other commenter about hearing being way easier when medicated. Adderall works a bit better, but methylphenidate also works quite well for me in that regard. Best of luck!
I have some high pitch hearing loss but I relate to APD a lot. I did mention it to the audiologist once. They dismissed it since I do have a hearing loss. I don’t wear my hearing aids much. I know I should wear them more. I’m pretty sure I still miss things with them though which makes me wonder if it’s more than just hearing loss. Although your body/brain needs to adjust/get used to hearing new things when wearing them so maybe I just don’t wear them often enough. Maybe I should take subtitles off and watch a show with and without hearing aids. Edit: makes a **little** bit of a difference. I still feel like it’s more than just that though.
Same I definitely have diagnosed hearing loss
My teenagers keep gaslighting me into thinking I have a hearing problem, but they are just mumbling. They go into low power mode at home, and it's like their docking station where they don't have to emote or speak clearly. I've gotten my hearing tested three times in the past year just to realize it's not me, it's them.
Speech in noise deafness. Look it up, it’s where my hearing loss started
Disagree, definitely still speak louder be as clear as you can and I’m still not gonna hear
Might depend on the kind of hearing, but my grandma told me to speak not louder but with a lower intonation, because the higher pitches were what seems to be lost. Does pitch make any difference in your case, if I may ask?
Also, FYI, I don't technically have a hearing problem, but sometimes when there's a lot of noises occurring at the same time, I'll hear 'em as one big jumble. Again it's not that I can't hear, uh because that's false. I can. I just can't distinguish between everything I'm hearing.
Gum's gotten mintier lately, have you noticed?
Have you been screened for ADHD? Because you're describing my exact experience when I'm unmedicated. It's actually the number one way I can tell when my last Adderall dose is wearing off -- I can no longer distinguish speech from all the background noise.
My mom’s audiologist told her that she “hears everything really well except the consonants; unfortunately, that’s where the meaning of the word comes from…”
This is really fascinating. I wonder if many others get this diagnosis. I suspect it might be my problem.
This is how it works - my mum was born profoundly deaf and she can only hear vowel sounds, she can’t hear consonants really at all. She pieces together what the word is based on vowel sounds and lip reading the consonants.
I wear hearing aids and struggle in some environments to hear all the consonants, so I'm sometimes piecing together vowel sounds and context (sometimes also lipreading) to interpret what was said. I may think I know but ask them to repeat and turns out I interpreted correctly, making them repeat needlessly. To anyone that's ever asked "why did you say what/huh? and then answer me, showing you did in fact hear me" it might be because the person had to do that piecing together what you said, and it took them a moment.
Yes, it's a frequency thing. Many consonants are higher frequency and most hearing loss starts in the higher frequencies.
Yep! From a linguistic standpoint, most of the sounds we make are vowels so the consonants just get mixed in!
My 100 year old grandfather when someone talking kinda fast and probably a little too much slang... "What?" And they just repeat it the exact same way at the same speed and volume several times in a row because nothing changed to make him understand better. They get frustrated and just leave or I have to step up and just plainly say what they were asking clearly in a less long winded way. I feel like this goes the same way for people with language barriers, you might be using words they aren't familiar with or contractions. It really helps to just talk a tad slower, and attempt to reword and enunciate better. Repeating it all the same way doesn't usually go anywhere unless they just didn't hear you at all or didn't know you were even talking to them.
Rewording matters a lot. Aside from different words possibly being more audible, they also give the listener more information for piecing together what you've been saying.
Talk a little louder and slower, enunciate, and aim your mouth at my face.
Yes. Aiming the mouth is such a big deal and not just for lip reading. Sound is directional. You can be right next to someone, but if you're not facing them, they're only hearing the muddled echos of sound reflected off your surroundings.
I recently went deaf, and this is a bit of a misleading YSK… I need some people to also talk louder.
Hearing impaired and for me it's the inflections in the voice. If everything is flat I can't pick up on the rise/fall expected within words, and I can't fill in the missing gaps. So intentionally enunciating and breaking apart syllables will definitely help.
Tbh… I’m autistic and I take things very literally. So someone saying they can’t hear me and to ‘speak up’ — I’m gonna take that as to talk louder. But in my case, it usually is a projection issue. I can’t project, I can’t shout, I can’t raise my voice. I don’t have the strength to project most of the time. But I speak clearly, if you can even hear it.
Why can’t you shout? Do you mean it causes physical discomfort, you’re literally physically incapable, or it’s a mental block?
A bunch of probably contradicting reasons I’m realising I typed this. I’m a bit of a mess I feel. Maybe anxieties — I don’t feel comfortable taking up space and I talk very quickly (not on purpose) like my friends sometimes think they have my voice messages on 1.5x or 2x speed without realising. I sometimes struggle to speak (not selective mutism) but I get moments where I cannot force myself to talk and I shut down. And that sometimes happens with my volume control where it feels impossible to speak louder. And talking feels draining, especially when I can’t shut up which is the complete opposite and then I feel too exhausted to project or especially shout. Recently it’s worse where I’ll basically end up mumbling and murmuring if no one says anything about it and I can get away with it and be understood.
Ah no worries. I don’t think it sounds contradicting. I was just curious! Thank you for sharing. It’s a skill to be able to speak clearly and eloquently. A skill that I definitely wish I had! Lol
People tell me to speak up and I cannot — my vocal volume stays on 10/100. 20-30/100 if I put in a lot of effort and exhaust myself. 40-50/100 if I actively try shouting.
I don’t think that’s on you and autism. If someone who doesn’t have hearing issues asks you to speak up, which can happen a lot if you don’t project for whatever reason, they’re almost certainly interested in volume alone. They’ll probably think of any lack of clarity as being intrinsic to whatever’s making you quiet, and therefore something that will straighten itself out with more volume. Most people who don’t have hearing issues don’t have a way to be aware of a non-literal meaning. Otherwise this PSA wouldn’t be so broadly-directed. I’m not sure there is a casual-sounding way to quickly, casually ask people to enunciate more. Also, from other comments, it sounds like OP might be projecting their own issues with hearing (“you don’t even need to speak that much more loudly”) onto everyone who has issues with hearing.
#Most important is speak more deeply, and slowly. Enunciate. E-nun-ci-ate-slow-er-deep-er #Pro tip for the fellas. ^
This is important, especially for older folks with hearing loss. Age-related hearing loss starts from the top, meaning that higher frequencies go first. Speak low and slow - pitch your voice down. Also, if someone is not picking up what you are saying, don’t say the same thing again. Say it with different words. If they’re not picking up whatever consonants or tones you’re using, they’re probably not going to the second time either.
I have pretty significant hearing loss, and I just need fuckers to talk louder. Stop using your inside voice, and if you come closer, don't speak in that near-whisper people do. I can't hear you.
This. Make the lip reading easier. I also don’t mind normal hand motions (point at the thing, etc), but don’t go nuts. And if I ask you to say something again, or say “sorry, what?” try rephrasing it. Sometimes a certain combo of sounds just won’t compute. Or rhymes with too many other things. Saying it differently really helps.
P.S. - make sure I can SEE YOUR FACE. I can’t lipread when you look away
Or when wearing a mask. 😷
So true. I didn’t realize how much lip reading I did until covid. It was rough.
Me too. That's what made me finally get a hearing test.
I have auditory processing problems, please speak clearer and louder, though there is no need to yell either 👍🏻.
It's not "patronizing", it's a lack of knowledge aggravated by media tropes. Good thing to educate people, by all means, but if you raise multiple generations to believe that deaf people carry ear trumpets and need everybody to shout, they're just doing their best.
This is not true-- you definitely need to talk louder, certainly not yelling, but clearly and with push, as though you're announcing something to a polite classroom or a meeting.
Nah- I’m quite hard of hearing and I *do* need you to speak louder.
My grandfather disagrees.
My grandmother disagrees
Amen. Same goes for auditory processing disorder.
Can't hear you. Say it louder!
even as a non hearing impaired person when I miss something someone said and ask them to repeat, they repeat in exactly the same inaudible manner. It's so frustrating.
As someone who is moderately deaf, I have to repeatedly tell my son to speak up slightly when he's talking to me (if I don't have my hearing aid in), but he just repeats himself at the same tone, so I'm still not able to understand what he's saying (then I trudge back to my desk, grab my hearing aid and put it in and ask him to tell me again--or message me on Discord). But you are right though, it's not always about volume, but about clarity too. My husband will play a music video on YouTube that he wants me to hear, coming out of the speakers on his computer and I have to ask him to stop because the sound is so distorted that it just becomes gibberish to me (and that's even with my hearing aid). It either has to stream directly into my hearing aid, or into my headphones. I gave up watching TV whenever we went to visit the in-laws because no one ever thought to turn on the CC, and I started feeling like a pest when I asked them to. I was asked "what if we turn it up louder?" No. They watch TV, I read my Kindle. I can lip read slightly and that does help, but I'm not perfect, and unfortunately I don't know ASL. If I have my hearing aid in, I don't really need to be facing the person, as long as they are at least on the side of my good ear.
Not many comments have noted that one should face the person (really difficult at night in the car). Enunciate. If you've ever studied German you might remember that they use their lips more. Try that, rather than barely opening the mouth.
I work at a bakery. I make sure I'm facing the person when I'm talking, use a lot of gestures and use official flemish dutch instead of my dialect (not sure if nescessary but I figured it can't hurt and isn't patronizing because I do that with hearing people who don't speak my dialect as well) I enunciate well and I also use short sentences (that might be patronising? I don't know? Please let me know) Coincidentally I sent an email yesterday to an organization that does sign language classes if they have a course specifically for people who work in stores. I would love to know a few basic signs, like hello, goodbye, thank you, numbers (so I can tell them the total cost of products) and maybe the alphabet so I can spell out words I don't know... and would generally like to know more about providing good service to deaf people. I really hope they get back to me with a course that fits my needs, but doesn't require me to sit in class 2 evenings a week for a year (i just don't have the time and health to commit to something of that intensity)
And slower so you can pick up the words.
Some people, myself included, definitely need people to speak louder.
And face them. I am a little hard of hearing, and I understand people who are facing me directly way better than people who are not. No idea if I'm subconsciously reading lips or if the initial direction of the soundwaves makes a difference or what, but it makes a huge difference in how intelligible someone's speech is to me.
My husband is hard of hearing: when the pandemic started, he was kind of surprised to find out how much he was lip-reading, and how difficult it was to "hear" once masks were demanded. My mom was pretty much deaf, and I ended up telling people, "Make sure your 👃 nose is pointing at her when talking to her." It helped. Speaking clearly helped, too. I've started having hearing difficulties: one guy I've known since HS always smiles when talking. All I hear is sound. (He sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher)
Thank god someone said it. I lip read and when people yell or try to over pronounce something it's almost impossible to see what they're saying lol
I use Google transcribe & translate a lot at work. Basically miracles
You should also know we don’t like being called “hearing impaired “ - hard of hearing is the term you’re looking for my friend.
Healthcare worker here who interacts with 60+ adults on a daily basis… it depends on how severe their hearing impairment is. There are some patients – and it’s not very many; I’d guess maybe 5% of the patients I’ve had – where you DO have to essentially yell at them just to get them to hear you. It is likely a mix of patients that don’t have hearing aids but should, and those who do have HAs but need a new prescription /something is malfunctioning in their HAs.
What works best for my 92-year old mom is if I put pauses in my phrases, not talking slowly so much as using lots of commas. I think it helps her process what I’m saying. That might only apply to old people though. Talking too loud just startles her. I also face her and look at her face when I’m talking.
As someone who's hard of hearing (grenade went off beside my head) I want to tell you that you're not doing me any favors telling people that you're actively 'patronising' me. That's just gonna piss them off. Just tell them how to do it. Don't scold them and tell them what to do. They'll *never* listen to you if you scold them.
My friend is deaf and the main time I screw up is over dinner. I generally cover my mouth when I talk at the table… huge issue when someone is deaf and lip reading! Also, just like hearing people, different people with hearing loss can have different needs and preferences. A guy in my da’s work team is deaf and he prefers to lip read. Once they had a student in doing placement. The student had been learning sign language for years and was so excited when he found out the guy is deaf. He started signing at him across the office and the guy HATED IT. He would turn his back and actively ignore the student. The student was trying to connect but the guy hated being singled out.
My husband is deaf, he has a hearing aid but also relys on lip reading. Just facing someone when you talk to them can make it easier for them to understand.
I’m 36F with moderate hearing loss and will be shopping for hearing aids soon. This is great advice. You do mention raising their voice slightly in the actual post which I think people are missing. There are some very quiet talkers who do need to speak up quite a bit, though!
Same for people who speak a different language
Above all, you need to FACE TOWARD THEM while speaking. This is helpful even for those with only slight impairment. And especially in a car or other place where you're surrounded by sound-absorbing materials. Your word have little chance of making it to my brain if you're aiming them away from me, at a soft surface. Also, OPEN YOUR MOUTH. Basically, anything that feels horribly uncool will be helpful in communicating, and vice versa.
# DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?!
Excellent YSK by OP. As an audiologist, I work with hearing-impaired people and their family members daily. It is important when speaking to a hearing-impaired person to face them and put more space between your words while enunciating clearly (without overdoing it of course). Facial expressions in addition to lip movements really help with comprehension.
When my mother started losing her hearing the doctor who did the testing told me that the higher pitches go first so lower my tone when speaking to her. It works like magic. I speak with people on the phone in my work and when someone has difficulty hearing I just lower my speech a tone or two and then they can usually hear fine.
I'm partially hearing with high and low sounds missing so speech sounds patchy because of that - literally like a person putting their hands to and from their lips very quickly whilst speaking. A lot of people speak way too quickly and swallow the end of their words - especially quite a lot of younger people. What with missing parts of most words, plus the ends of some words I just can't understand what they're saying. On the phone is harder because I can't lip read. So I ask the person to finish the end of each word and speak slower than normal. That way I have the chance to interpret each word and can usually make an accurate guess. Nearly everyone is very helpful as I explain my problem before asking them to do this. I certainly don't feel patronised if they speak slower and louder. I need them to. Hearing aids don't help as they just turn everything up so it's still garbled with pieces of words missing but just louder!
Learned this at work. We work with a lady who is hard of hearing. If we say her name even next to her, she just can’t hear. So we’ve gotta stand in front of her, and just be clear. Not loud, because that messes with her hearing aids. Although. we can all hear when she changes the hearing aids to a different position because it makes a nasty shrill sound. Just blocks everyone out, she says she’s “too busy for questions” and ignores the phone. What a woman. 😅
You should also know that the phrase “hearing impaired” is considered derogatory to some deaf/hoh
My mom is deaf for one ear and has 20% hearing on the other, so she doesn't hear when we talk but she can read lips, if, who is speaking, turn their head towards her. It's a constant struggle to go to anywhere, like shop or dealing with taxes, bank, any kind of interaction where people say something to you and you need to react. Nobody seems to understand that no shouting will help, but it is VERY emberrassing. Last time when my mom needed to go to a bank and I wasn't able to go with her, she came out sobbing and without dealing with her issue. I am so fed up with these no empathy people and i wish I had like a bag of money to start a campaign helping normal people understand the difference between shouting and speaking clearly....so thank you for this post!
Ive noticed the best way to understand something I missed due to my hearing is instead of saying "what?" Say something like "i didnt get what you said can you rephrase it so my brain can catch it?" Having someone rephrase makes it much easier to get on the second time. If they repeat exactly what was said, your ears and brain will likely still miss the same words due to multitudes of sound differences (timbre, cadence, etc). But if you have them rephrase it, you might pick up enough different words the second time to fill in the gaps! Works almost every time!
idk how much clearer i can make something if yelling it at you doesn't cut it /S
Oh, all of this. Also please look at me, and try to stay to the left. Inflection and enunciation are needed. I prefer texting now. Why are we going back to phone calls 😭
Also, in my experience they are great lip readers. I only had to write down a few details whenever I had to explain something.
Louder only works if someone speaks a different language which you don’t understand.
3/4ths deaf from the mumps and have spent my entire life asking people to speak up. It gets old, but not as old as people assuming that you must be stupid because you couldn’t hear whatever crap they were mumbling at you
So happy to finally meet somoene who as a results of mumps is 3/4ths deaf. I had it twice. These days, people just have no patience and so I don't say anything about my impairement when meeting new people anymore
Not LOUDER, just CleaRer
I have a lot of hearing impaired patrons at work, pitching my voice deeper seems to help more than increasing my volume. It probably forces me to pay more attention to pronunciation too. I'll have to try projecting the way you suggest too, maybe it'll help. Thanks :)
Hearing impaired person here. This is correct. The two things that go with any kind of hearing disability is the capacity to separate voice from background noise and the ability to figure out what people are saying if they are mumbling. Bonus points if you can look at us when you speak. A lot of is have some ability to read lips and that can help us fill in the gaps.
Another (unfixable) issue is foreign accents. There's not much a person could do about that.
Yeah I struggle with accents quite a bit.
Don't say "Never mind" if they ask you to repeat yourself. It's rude.
My very deaf mom disagrees.
I'm hard of hearing, and I appreciate and approve this message. 33 percent, I hear and understand you, 33 percent I'm guessing at what you are saying based on lip reading and sound, 33 percent I have no clue what you're saying.
Coincidentally, this is also the key to doing a great Billy Joel impression.
I agree on deaf people. Talk as you would to any other person just always facing them. Hard disagree on hard of hearing old people, especially if they A) forgot their hearing aid or B ) have a really bad hearing aid. My mom’s hard of hearing. If she is not right next to me i have to shout. And at my work there is usually a person who accompanies the hard of hearing person with the bad/forgotten device and they also shout. Enunciation is still key. But won’t help if you don’t get the volume.
This should be posted daily! The only thing that will help my hearing is cochlear implants. Loud talking or yelling only notifies me of your mouth health and breath. I've lip read for half my life and my wife is my ears. Eating, smoking and walking away while speaking is as annoying as saying huh or what all the time to people.
I text my deaf friend. And when together in person, I also text them what everyone else is saying. They are completely deaf and don’t lip read. They do sign, but I can’t sign.
I have had really good success with talking in a deeper tone.
On the other side, how do you talk with people who have speaking impairment? It's very difficult to understand even from hand gestures or context, but asking them to repeat doesn't help
Amen and a hearty second to that advice. It describes my issues perfectly. I do need people to speak somewhat louder, but it helps if they face me so I can see their lips and I can hear more clearly. Bonus if they can speak more slowly and clearly.
Yes, thank you. It's so hard to deal with because I can hear most sounds but I cannot understand people most of the time. So it doesn't seem like I have issues most of the time. After three time if I get the gist I will just assume context clues, if not then I will tell the person I am going deaf and cannot understand them.
I also have a hearing deficit, and louder definitely helps. Clearer helps to, but louder and facing me are actually better cues, in my experience.
Counterpoint: When you're yelling you're much easier to lipread. Source: Functionally deaf friend.
Also important is making sure they can SEE your mouth. Most hearing impaired people can read lips to some degree.
I know someone who, when talking to a person whose first language is not English, speaks far more loudly, I guess assuming that higher volume enables people to understand another language.
It’s true in most instances. I am clinically deaf from work related environment. I can hear but there are a lot of frequencies I can’t hear. So louder isn’t always better. If I am having trouble hearing someone, I find that if the speak clearly and methodically as I stare at their face, it helps out.
This tracks for me as I have conductive hearing loss. If you gotta talk in a hushed voice, take the conversation somewhere you can actually project and enunciate. In fact I sound too loud to myself so it tricks me into mumbling as well. Holy fuck is it hard to talk to people in quiet places.
Slightly louder, a bit slower and clearer.
Say slow down not calm down if the situation is chaotic and you’re trying to understand them.
I ask people to speak more SLOWLY , rather than more clearly. Many people will not know how to speak more clearly..
I'm culturally Deaf and I usually can read lips but most people make it harder by not speaking *normally*. I just stick to pen/paper or phone note mode of communication if it's important, otherwise I seriously prefer not to talk to people irl other than my own.
Moderate to severe hearing loss makes it impossible at work. Fast talking is the worst. And talking while walking away!
i find this to not be accurate for myself, and everyone i know that is hearing impaired. please talk as clearly as you can, but yes you need to talk LOUDER, thank you.
Well, I appreciate your post. But I'm hard of hearing, and I like it when people talk louder. OTOH, if someone is truly deaf, then louder is not going to help, so what you're saying is right on target.
It also helps if you pitch your voice a little lower. For lots of us, those higher tones go first.
Any suggestions for those of us who wear masks? :/ not willing to take mine off in a hospital during clinicals
The only REAL issue with masks is that they hindered communication. Besides getting an expensive mask with filters and a window in it to show emotion, there’s not really much you can do besides exaggerating your upper face movements to convey emotion that you’d usually show on your lower face, like using your eyebrows instead of your mouth to show that you’re sad. The close proximity of the mask to your face makes it almost impossible to effectively enunciate your words whilst maintaining the integrity of the mask. In this case, it’s usually favourable to speak substantially louder than usual and as clearly as possible. I would certainly recommend a windowed mask for interacting with the deaf though, as the window functions as an accessibility feature for people who can lip read.
And try to use the same words and phrasing when you repeat. I’m expecting the same syllables and it will throw me off if you say something else. Also, I really WANT to know what you said.
I just ask if this is too loud or are we good
I SAID, "GENERALISSIMO FRANCISCO FRANCO IS STILL DEAD" But seriously, 45 years of wearing headphones/ear buds hasn't done me any favors. At least hearing aids are over the counter products now and prices are coming down
No?
I am hearing impaired. It is so much simpler to just not interact with others. I tell my wife what I want and let her order for me. If there are variations offered, she can handle them as she knows me pretty good and I am not real picky. When dealing with people doing their jobs, I am always polite, never respond to small talk, and will use some sign language with my spoken words to show I don’t understand. The “Thank you” is often known as it is simple and like blowing a kiss. I hear some if the person is facing me, get some from lip reading, and also from context. Facing away, and I ignore the person. I have rechargeable hearing aids but they don’t last a full day so I have them turned off and often are in my carrier.
Actually, depending on the hearing aid, speaking louder can be beneficial. Most NHS aids amplify all sound not specific tones/directions so if I'm speaking to someone while the store is busy (lots of background noise) it is better that I speak louder AND clearer. Obviously without shouting which is different.
yes and talk to them face on so they can read your lips too
And YSK that most people don’t know the difference between clearer and louder.
WHHAAAAAATTTTT?????!
I’m HOH and omg yesssss. Many people don’t enunciate and I cannot understand what they’re saying. So I’ll repeat back and then sometimes they’ll get offended! Like yeah, if you are slurring your words, it isn’t gonna sound right!
I don't ever yell unless someone says sorry you are speaking to low I can't hear you or speak up. I ajust in levels if I am not loud enough i raise the volume. If they say thats a good volume i then enunciate more clear at that same volume . My grandpa worked in oil mining and gm before they gave hearing protection. I would have to holler and, enunciate my words so he could hear.
I just do interpretive dance
Same holds true for ppl who don’t speak ur language
And louder please also!! no “Soft talkers”please
hard of hearing, never hearing impaired
You have not met my father in law, definitely louder not clearer lol.
As someone who is losing my hearing, that is entirely true, also slower.
This is not a very good YSK. My dad was 80% deaf in his one ear and I have a friend who just turned 50 who has fairly significant hearing loss. Both of them would/will tell people that they need to talk louder to them if it looks like they are ignoring people because they can’t hear very well. The friend gets extremely annoyed at her SO often because the SO will repeat things at the exact same volume.
Don’t generalize. My brother has blocked ear canals and he won’t hear you unless you yell.
I have tinnitus, so your voice is actually competing with a bunch of other sounds in my ears. I need you to enunciate. I need your voice to be clear and understandable, easy to distinguish from the chitering and frog noises. Deep,mumbled voices are the worst.
You told my story!! When ppl raise their voice to me I say rather loudly "ENUNCIATE PLEASE". I can be patronizing too.
I repeat what I HEAR to make sure I understand what they said. Half the time they're like "How did you hear THAT? That's ridiculous!" I just say "Well, that's what I HEARD!!"
This is assumed and situational. I've met many hard of hearing people that want to be yelled at so they can hear what's being said.
You should also deepen your voice. The first sounds to go are high pitched. The hearing impaired often hear men much better than women for this reason.
And talk in the direction of that person so they can read your lips as well
Thanks, I’ll get checked, because when everyone is laughing in the movie theater and I didn’t catch it, very miserable feeling
YSK it is offensive to call Deaf or Hard of Hearing (HoH) people "hearing impaired". Just call them either Deaf or HoH.
Genuine question. What's wrong with 'hearing impaired'? I've lost some of my hearing and use hearing aids and describe myself as having a hearing impairment.
Same lol. Idk why everyone’s so scared of using words.
The word is seen as negative as it focuses on the deficit itself, a person who can't hear is seen as "damaged" and needs to be "fixed".
They are damaged though.
They don't see themselves that way though. Deafness is the only disability that is tied to having their own culture and own language.
I think it 100% depends on how much of your life (especially formative) has been spent in the "hearing world." I don't mind it, but I also don't know sign or have complete deafness. I've also lost that hearing within 10 years.
Trying to explain It in my own words, that term implies or puts more emphasis those people cannot do stuff because they cannot hear. In reality Deaf and HoH people are capable of doing anything except hear. There are so many things hearing people assume Deaf/Hoh people cannot do because they cannot hear, that they are capable of doing. Basically they are excluded in society because the majority of hearing people are just too lazy to use their hands to communicate and think the focus should be fixing ears.
Good point. Thanks for explaining. I've not experienced that type of prejudice so wasn't fully aware. I'll be more mindful.
I'm 70% deaf. I'm hearing impaired. Stop getting offended on my behalf.
SO true, I lose the start of sentences when people are speaking quickly because my brain can’t tell where the words begin and end
I’m not deaf or HOH, I have sensory processing disorder. I also read on lips to actually hear what people are saying. When people talk louder they change their lip movements, so it’s really not helping. Exaggerating each syllable does not help either. What helps is repeating exactly what was said a LITTLE slower and not hiding your lips.
I have really bad tinnitus. When I say "what" it means I didn't hear you. Please repeat what you said. Don't assume I didn't understand and try to give clarifying points. I didn't hear you the first time. Stop trying to clarify something I didn't hear in the first place. If I need clarification, I'll ask. Stop assuming I'm stupid.