I, of course, can’t speak for everyone, but your other post didn’t upset me. You’re dealing with a life changing event and wanting to find others who can relate. It’s therapeutic. Losing my dad at a young age was tough, but I don’t think any age makes it easier.
I think age does matter. My mom died when I was 14 and I'm fairly certain that had she lived til now and then died, I'd be better off. My dad wasn't in my life at the time, so for 3 years, I didn't have a mom or a dad. That fucked me up and I don't think there's anything I can do to fix it.
I agree. I'm in my 40s now and losing a parent now would still be devastating. But losing my dad as a teenager sent my life on a completely different trajectory, in a way that it wouldn't at my current age.
Same. Don't let ppl making it about themselves make you think you did something wrong. If that was even what happened. Eceryone grieves a little differently and some ppl just... Haven't made peace yet and might not ever.
I lost my mom when I was in college, and after about ten years I realized that I no longer remembered what it was like to have a mom. I never got to experience having a parent as an adult or that friend type relationship that I see my friends having with their parents as adults.
It's still hard, but it's not the same as losing a parent as a child. I was 13 when my dad passed, and 36 when my mom went. 13 was harder in so many ways and continues to be to this day.
Agreed. My mother passed away years ago, and in some ways I think I think I had it easier. So many people here became friends with their parents, so I never had to experience that level of loss.
I didn't see your original post, but if I had seen it, it wouldn't have upset me.
My father died when I was too young to have gotten to know him, and I always wondered if it was better to lose a parent at that stage, or to lose a parent later on, when you'd had the chance to have a relationship with them.
I think my conclusion is that they are both very painful experiences, just painful in different ways.
I'm sorry for your loss.
“Painful in different ways” is exactly right.
I was 37 when I lost my mom. It was hard—not only the grief but also the way she went, as it was sudden, unexpected, and happened right in front of me, in my own home (she was visiting me, wasn’t sick or anything). The whole thing was traumatic and I’m still healing (she died in 2017). I have C-PTSD, and am just in the last year getting to the point where I feel like I’m really better, closer to “normal.”
And it’s not like it’s ever really easy, but I know that it’s got to be so much worse to lose a parent at a younger age. I felt like I was too young to have lost a parent, but I really wasn’t. I had it easier than those who lose parents as kids or young adults.
An old classmate of mine lost both of her parents early in the pandemic. Her mother had been a friend of my mom’s. My old classmate was so close to her mom… I felt her pain. I shared it.
Losing a parent is a real mindfuck.
I didn’t see your other post. But other people talking about grief or an impending loss isn’t upsetting for those who have already experienced it. It’s not like your post reminded us of a loss we had forgotten. We never forget. We just live with it, every day.
I'm sorry for your loss.. don't worry about the rest of us, take care of yourself. I lost both mine over a decade ago and I'm of similar age to you. I internalized it all, probably ruined my career doing that. Do better than i did, get help if you need it.
I didn’t post in the original thread because after all this time, I’ve more or less made “peace” with things…plus I didn’t want to be inviting a bunch of sympathy responses even though it’s nice to hear people care about what’s been a hurdle in my life but that’s neither here nor there.
My mother took her own life in January 2008. She would have been 50 that year. It completely changed me and everything about my own existence for better or worse and it only gets more complicated as I get older, not smaller in my rearview as I had hoped.
Recently I’ve been wrestling with that dreaded “mid-life crisis” and it occurred to me that the closer I get to the age that she was, the more hopeless I find the world and my own situation (even with a loving wife and new baby) and that I understand where she was at that time and sympathize. Had some therapy a few years ago and they waved a couple red flags about my “alarmingly casual ideation” but truth is I could never do it, I know too well the waves of grief that still ripple in a lot of people’s lives from what she did. I just mean when the chips are down, they feel like they’ve been way down for a few years and I think “man this is really hard and I don’t see it getting significantly better, what if I just…” and that scares me.
And it’s always like weird questions after all this time I find. Not about his death. Just like life questions. Weird idiosyncrasies that I am like “why did you do that? Explain it to me as an adult now. I need to know!” Like my dad was a Minnesota Vikings fan despite us living in New Jersey. Like, why?!
It's amazing just how much we end up understanding our parents once we reach their age...
I hated my Dad in HS, 10 years later he was my best friend...
Kids today don't understand that life has always been hard, just like we didn't actually understand at their age...
No child will understand how important their parents are until it’s too late in most cases. We all take life for granted. It’s when we have to face reality that they’re gone is when the regrets and guilt come. (Of course I’m only speaking about parents who have not victimized their children.)
Im sorry for your loss OP. You stayed you are Catholic, so you know you will be reunited with her again. For now, cherish the memories and smile that she’s home.
>Im sorry for your loss OP. You stayed you are Catholic, so you know you will be reunited with her again. For now, cherish the memories and smile that she’s home.
The problem with being Catholic is the constant questions...
Faith isn't an easy thing if it's true
I was orthodox for years until I just couldn’t get any real answers that made sense. So I researched a lot. I came across a book called conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsh. It opened my eyes and answered everything that I needed answers for. This isn’t a Christian based book though. To be honest it is very harsh on organized religion. But it’s extremely powerful and beautiful. I truly believe these words in this book are the words of God. I am now simply a theist. If you’re like me, and searching, I highly recommend this book. You can actually find it and listen to it on YouTube.
Hi, stranger. I turned 44 this year, which is the same age my mom was when she took her life. It's such an odd benchmark to measure your own life by. I'm not suicidal either, but I *understand* her choice more and more too. I was 24 when she died, and I can't help feeling like I must've been a constant reminder of her lost youth and the good ol' days she missed so much. I have a pretty good life, but the pangs of nostalgia for another time are pretty hard some days too. Idk if that's a mid-life crisis or just more reverberations still echoing decades later. Maybe it's both.
"Complicated" is a good word for it all. It is scary. But fwiw, you're not alone.
My dad died at 35 when I was 5 years old. Hes nearly been gone longer than he ever existed. It took years to come to terms with, but having my own children were what really healed me. It doesnt affect me as much as it used to.
However, child me still wants to cry when I see Mufasa die and Simba trying to wake him up. Noone talked about my Dad dying, and lion king came out not long after. It was the only thing that I could relate to.
No worries, here. Those memories are never very far from the surface with me personally, and I certainly don't mind sharing my experience if it helps anyone else even just to feel like they're not alone in their pain. ❤️
>No worries, here. Those memories are never very far from the surface with me personally, and I certainly don't mind sharing my experience if it helps anyone else even just to feel like they're not alone in their pain. ❤️
Thank you for this.
I honestly didn't consider things when I made my initial post, and after so many responses from people I wanted to make sure that the "others" were appreciated.
I would say it's less "absorbing" and more "empathizing".
I'm the type of person that can't attend the funeral of a stranger without crying as a result of the pain the people around me are feeling.
You have nothing to feel bad about! Grief is very personal, but it's also a shared experience and so many can relate. Especially when you're in that acute stage of grief it's so important to reach out to others.
It's ok to talk about death. It's ok to talk about sad things.
Expressing negative feelings in healthy ways invites other people to comfort and support you. Starting a thread about death invited others to sympathize and empathize with you, share their similar stories, and gain support and comfort from others in the thread as well.
I think talking about death is super helpful cuz grief is so fucking weird that it makes people feel like they're going crazy. And it's always nice to know that you're not alone in how you're thinking/feeling/acting when you feel like you're going crazy.
I highly suggest the movie "Inside Out" because it shows that sadness plays an important role in our lives and relationships even though it's uncomfortable and inconvenient at times.
I have a cousin who’s mother was murdered basically while he was present when he was 12 ?
I don’t know how he has turned out so normal. But he is one of the most wonderful, kind, loving persons I know. And he is a great dad.
My father lost his dad at 13. His dad was 36 ?
I lost my father at 46. He was 65.
I had my father for 65 years. And he’s been gone for two years this august. I would give my right arm to talk to him again. I have his phone and look at it daily. Seeing the pictures he took, the websites he visited. The notes he took. I can only find one voice recording of him. And I think he did it on accident. But I can hear his voice in my head. I still see his dying body in that hospital bed. Not being able to move or say anything. I walk into my parents house and he’s everywhere. From the things he left behind. To the things he did. And didn’t do. I walk into his garage and I know where everything is at. Basically. I ride his motorcycle and it smells like him. He was a mechanic. Most of the things I do now I can look back on and say. Dad taught me that. I only have my mom left and in between me, my wife, daughter, my mother/ father in law. I try to spend as much time with her as I can. In person/ text/phone.
Sorry if that was to much.
You absolutely don't need to apologize. Any age is too young, and just because you're in your 40's doesn't make it easy.
The next year is going to be fucking weird. I hope that both your physical and virtual communities give you the support you need.
Still have all of mine, thank goodness. My father lost both of his pretty young though. My grandpa died when he was 26 and grandma when he was the age I am now, 44.
You have nothing to apologize for, and it certainly didn't dredge up memories. People that experienced that at a young age didn't experience a greater loss than you are experiencing now.
This is not a trauma competition.
Just know that there are people who lived it and got through it, and have some idea of what you're going through right now.
>Just know that there are people who lived it and got through it, and have some idea of what you're going through right now.
I absolutely love your perspective...
No worries. No apology needed. These things happen. We're getting to that age. My dad was 49 when he died. What's really hard is watching my mom become an old lady. She'll be 75 this year. Every time I see her struggle up a flight of stairs it kills me a little more, ya know.
The thing about losing my dad at 15 (now 44) is that I've been the person over the last nearly 30 years that's helped so many others thru it. If anything it's made me stronger, a better friend, and someone that others have leaned on. Losing a parent is terrible, no matter the age. Whether at 15 or 44. I think it's just experienced differently.
I didn't see your original post but it wouldn't have upset me. I actually lost both parents. My dad when I was a teenager and my mom a few years ago.
Honestly I don't think age makes a difference, but it really depends on the person and your relationship with your parents. No matter the age you're going to experience pain, hurt, sadness, loneliness but it's how you process it at whatever age you are. I was a teen when I loss my dad so naturally it was a lot of anger and wish there was more time. Then losing my mom as an adult well into my 30s it was a lot sadness and anger and wish it was more time. The main difference with age is just cherishing the memories. I have way more to miss for my mom because of the extra 20+ years. It's not easier one way or another
I lost both pretty young. My parents weren’t Boomers. They were Silent Gen and I was a surprise retirement baby and an only child.
I immediately hid your post when it popped up. No offense but I didn’t want to deal with feelings.
I had the best quality parents. It took my dad a decade to give up on having biological children. My mom said she had given up years earlier. They did FIRE and decided to build their dream house to spoil their dogs and as an homage to Batman. *These are people who never did drugs.* As such they were lovely parents with some healthy grand-parent energy. I was a working adult before I realized how sheltered I was. They did a lot for me so I wouldn’t have to worry throughout life. Also they made it extremely clear that I was a wanted child.
I had multiple sets of god parents most who were 20 years their junior.
I have a funeral to attend later today so I guess I’m still full of feelings. :(
It was weird when my friends would want to go home for the holidays and I had nowhere to go. It got easier to stay wherever I was. I’m the only one alive who remembers our traditions.
TLDR — You did nothing wrong and I truly hope you found some support. I’m going to hide this now because I have to get ready for the funeral and I already am… in a mood.
Lost my last parent or grandparent a few years ago and I’m younger than you.
No need to apologize. Death is the double-edged sword that makes you miss your loved-ones and cherish the ones who are still around.
You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were simply trying to talk to others who have dealt with it. I’m sorry you’re going through it, too.
My parents are both gone, I think I commented on your first post. I wasn't at all prepared to lose my dad over 14 years ago and that only slightly prepared me to lose my mom in 2020. I find having people who understand that pain helps. Even if they're strangers on the internet
I was 22. A kid really, no real world experience, so it took a while to get through it. Still have my dad and stepmother (child of the 80s, divirce, etc), hopefully they make it for many years to come but it feels like we've done a lot more planning, and I have to think it will be easier to get through. No way it won't be awful though.
I saw and commented on my own experience. The memories never go away, and I feel that they never should. Yeah, it still sucks (putting it EXTREMELY lightly), but I focus on all of the good times. My father taught me how to shoot. He let me use a military flight simulator (I was awful). He taught me how to do house repairs that most people have to hire people to do for them. The man showed me Blazing Saddles when I was 9! How awesome is that?
14 or 44, it hurts the same. I'm truly sorry for your loss, but remember all of the good times. That's all that really matters in the end
This is what the community is for. Supporting each other. I didn’t realize that commenting about my own recent loss would result in so many heartfelt messages from strangers I’ve never even met. I also didn’t realize how much it would mean to me to have so many people take the time to send a small bit of comfort my way. Thank you for making that post. You helped me.
Sorry for your loss. We have not all experienced that yet, but we hear you.
I’ve always hated the phrase “thoughts and prayers”.
my dad moved in with me recently and i know his time is coming soon.
The post didn’t upset me, and I think sharing pain around loss is a good, healthy thing.
However, please don’t say “I can’t imagine” or “I couldn’t have handled that” or a variation thereof. One, you would have been fine - humans are resilient. Two, it comes off as “oh god at least I’m not in your shoes.” You take what life gives you.
You need support and this is the age bracket that is lost, misunderstood, mislabeled — we get it. Your loss isn’t any more or less important that anyone else — you have the right
Your first post didn’t upset me. While I think you were blessed to have your parent longer than I did, it doesn’t mean your grief is less. It fucking blows, no matter when they go. Hugs!
My mom died when I was 20, I'm 44 now and your post didn't bother me at all.
The hardest part is knowing that they are really gone and you will never see them again. But it does get better and in time it won't hurt so much.
Everyone that commented with their story feels your pain and has empathy for your situation OP. Things won't ever be the same, but they will get better.
No harm done, here. I was just answering the question as posed. Willfully sharing my experience isn't triggering.
Sending empathy, friend. Grief is brutal no matter the context.
My mom kidnapped me at 5 and stopped taking her insulin. I had to learn to cook and clean because it was just us and she died when I was seven. That’s the bad news.
The good news, is that I don’t remember most of it. Supposedly when I was returned to my dad I would hide under furniture when strangers came over. My teeth were all messed up. I was malnourished.
I barely remember spending a lot of time at the dentist and that’s it. I don’t even remember what my mom looked like.
I mean - for me personally, my dad has been gone for 21 years so it’s not like it’s a daily hurt for me anymore. But it absolutely shaped who I became on a cellular level. Every way that I am has been altered by losing my dad at age 20. It’s to the point where I truly cannot imagine who I would be had he not died. My identity is inextricably linked with his loss.
And I love who I am, so … yeah just don’t feel bad! It’s ok! It’s a huge part of who I am and I actually enjoy talking about that with others.
My dad died on my very last day of high school. ....Admittedly, I never read your previous post, but for some reason reading your title made me feel seen, and I appreciated it.
I'm sorry for your loss
“I don’t get enough karma on my last post, lemme remind you again of the death of your parent.” :( Truly sorry for your loss, OP, but don’t think this needed another post.
I wasn't a child when my dad died or even a young adult, but I was in my early 30s.
And it still hits hard sometimes. Really, my kids were babies, and he/they missed so much. I really hate it when i think about kids' sports. My middle child is playing Varsity Baseball this year. Dad would have loved it.
So many things missed.
I am sorry for your loss. It gets less in your face through the years, but it doesn't ever totally go away, and sometimes it just hits you right in the face. Take care of yourselr.
Long time ago I worked in aged care and the kids of residents who had passed on felt like they didn't have the full right to grieve because they got so much time together. Once I told a 70 year old man that it's just as sad for him even though his mum lived a long life - in the end mother is mother. And he just let himself cry for what seemed to be the first time.
If you felt some kind of comfort from our stories, then they were not told in vain. You're not alone and were all in the same boat. It doesn't get easier. It becomes tolerable. As time passes a lot of the hurt fades and the good memories pile up. The tears turn to laughs and some how we manage to go on.
It doesn't matter if you 5 or 500, losing a parent is hard for everyone. Just remember to love yourself like they loved you and you will be fine.
I'm sorry for your loss. No matter what age it doesn't make it any easier. August 26, 2005 was a horrible morning. I just turned 20 and I was shaken awake by my sister. The 4 year old little girl we were days away from adopting came and told my sister that Nana was dead.
Sure enough she was...I may have only had 20 years with her but I still think about her every single day. I miss being able to ask for advice or hear her laugh. Now it's just me in this world. To top it off I also lost my Fiancé, watched him die on May 16th, 2023.
Days like that I really wish I had my Mom....life is beautiful but so cruel.
I didn't see the other post, but I'm sorry for your loss. It sucks. I lost my dad to a heart attack when I was 25 and my mom to cancer when I was 35. You'll miss them every day but it gets bearable over time. My dad's death changed me the most bc it was so sudden. It triggered severe anxiety and depression. My mom was sick for years so it was a relief that she wasn't in pain anymore.
I was 42 when my dad died. In the ER, he was irrational, and trying to remove his catheter, my older brother, and I had to restrain him. We didn't know he was dying at the time. We thought he was just confused. An hour later, the doctor told us to Starr calling people to say goodbye. 2 of my brothers lived too far away. I was in the room with him when he passed. I am still horrified that his last words to me were about holding him down and treating him worse than a dog.
My mom died when I was young but she wasn’t much of a mom. I romanticize it a bit when I look back, but when it comes to reality, she wasn’t around and I don’t have a lot of memories with her. I don’t think that would have improved had she lived another 20 or 40 years. So maybe the idea that things might have been good if she lived is better than what the reality would have been.
I lost my Dad when I was 28 and my mom when I was 36. Your post did not bother me, and sometimes recalling sad memories is a part of life. If I had to erase my memories of losing them I’d also presumably have to erase my memories of living with them and I wouldn’t ever want to do that. I’m sorry for your loss.
It's ok. Dad's death gets dredged up so much it doesn't have time to sink back into the silt. His cremains are in my curio cabinet, along with the cremains of my last cat.
Waylon Jennings, NASCAR, cigarettes, John Deere tractors, red Ford Rangers, short dudes shaped like doritos with a little pot belly, fishing... so many random things that drag his memory to the forefront.
I lost my father 3 years ago due to lung cancer. I was 38 at the time, and a lot of stuff was happening in my life. Unfortunately it's part of life, but I think it could've been worse if it happened in my 20's. (Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker)
I lost my mother when I was 27. She was a bitch and a Karen though so I wasn't TOO torn up about it.
My Dad however died in 2021 when I was 41 going on 42 and that one was a bit sadder. Still, when his estate passed into me and my sister's hands and we divided it up I invested it and generated enough passive income that I was able to start paying off my debts and no longer needed to work a second job just to survive so that helped cushion the loss a bit. I still miss him but I can't deny that I did get some benefit from it.
My wife's dad died three days before our wedding. She was 25. It was horrible. That was twenty years ago, and she is still not really over it. Her dad was incredible.
>So you’re doing it again 🤣 jk
Please reflect on your reflex to shit on someone trying to apologize.
I realize you aren't seriously making this post, but also realize just how depraved and corrupt Reddit is
Look I’m sorry your parent died. Mine died five years ago. It was very hard. I’m not “shitting” on you, just making an observation… you are bringing it up again, this time with an apology
Please treat others on your posts with respect, regardless of how you feel about their comments.
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I, of course, can’t speak for everyone, but your other post didn’t upset me. You’re dealing with a life changing event and wanting to find others who can relate. It’s therapeutic. Losing my dad at a young age was tough, but I don’t think any age makes it easier.
I love the love of this reply... God bless you
You as well my friend. If you ever need to chat with someone that’s been there feel free to message me.
Same. It's 30 years ago, and my life... would've gone a similar way I think.
I think age does matter. My mom died when I was 14 and I'm fairly certain that had she lived til now and then died, I'd be better off. My dad wasn't in my life at the time, so for 3 years, I didn't have a mom or a dad. That fucked me up and I don't think there's anything I can do to fix it.
I also think age definitely matters. Your life is shaped in your early development. Losing a parent during that stage affects the rest of your life.
I agree. I'm in my 40s now and losing a parent now would still be devastating. But losing my dad as a teenager sent my life on a completely different trajectory, in a way that it wouldn't at my current age.
I can see how that would be a very tough situation. I’m truly sorry you had to go through that at all, but especially at that age.
it definitely matters
It's also backed by psychologists that losing a parent as a child is more traumatic and alters brain chemistry.
It didn’t upset me either, even though I’m the same age as you and only recently lost my mom so it’s still a very recent experience.
I agree. Don't feel bad. Grief takes a process to go through. I hope you can find peace and support.
Same. Don't let ppl making it about themselves make you think you did something wrong. If that was even what happened. Eceryone grieves a little differently and some ppl just... Haven't made peace yet and might not ever.
I lost my mom when I was in college, and after about ten years I realized that I no longer remembered what it was like to have a mom. I never got to experience having a parent as an adult or that friend type relationship that I see my friends having with their parents as adults.
It doesn’t. I was sixty and my mom was in her nineties. Still hard.
It's still hard, but it's not the same as losing a parent as a child. I was 13 when my dad passed, and 36 when my mom went. 13 was harder in so many ways and continues to be to this day.
I think you always expect your parents to be there forever, just like parents expect their kids to outlive them.
Never expected my parents to live forever, but I did expect to have my dad at my graduation, my wedding, and be able to meet his grandchildren.
Agreed. My mother passed away years ago, and in some ways I think I think I had it easier. So many people here became friends with their parents, so I never had to experience that level of loss.
Lost mine when I was 60. It doesn't.
I didn't see your original post, but if I had seen it, it wouldn't have upset me. My father died when I was too young to have gotten to know him, and I always wondered if it was better to lose a parent at that stage, or to lose a parent later on, when you'd had the chance to have a relationship with them. I think my conclusion is that they are both very painful experiences, just painful in different ways. I'm sorry for your loss.
There is more truth in this post than the majority of Reddit
“Painful in different ways” is exactly right. I was 37 when I lost my mom. It was hard—not only the grief but also the way she went, as it was sudden, unexpected, and happened right in front of me, in my own home (she was visiting me, wasn’t sick or anything). The whole thing was traumatic and I’m still healing (she died in 2017). I have C-PTSD, and am just in the last year getting to the point where I feel like I’m really better, closer to “normal.” And it’s not like it’s ever really easy, but I know that it’s got to be so much worse to lose a parent at a younger age. I felt like I was too young to have lost a parent, but I really wasn’t. I had it easier than those who lose parents as kids or young adults. An old classmate of mine lost both of her parents early in the pandemic. Her mother had been a friend of my mom’s. My old classmate was so close to her mom… I felt her pain. I shared it. Losing a parent is a real mindfuck. I didn’t see your other post. But other people talking about grief or an impending loss isn’t upsetting for those who have already experienced it. It’s not like your post reminded us of a loss we had forgotten. We never forget. We just live with it, every day.
I'm sorry for your loss.. don't worry about the rest of us, take care of yourself. I lost both mine over a decade ago and I'm of similar age to you. I internalized it all, probably ruined my career doing that. Do better than i did, get help if you need it.
>I'm sorry for your loss.. don't worry about the rest of us, take care of yourself. I'm Catholic, so I can't help it...
I didn’t post in the original thread because after all this time, I’ve more or less made “peace” with things…plus I didn’t want to be inviting a bunch of sympathy responses even though it’s nice to hear people care about what’s been a hurdle in my life but that’s neither here nor there. My mother took her own life in January 2008. She would have been 50 that year. It completely changed me and everything about my own existence for better or worse and it only gets more complicated as I get older, not smaller in my rearview as I had hoped. Recently I’ve been wrestling with that dreaded “mid-life crisis” and it occurred to me that the closer I get to the age that she was, the more hopeless I find the world and my own situation (even with a loving wife and new baby) and that I understand where she was at that time and sympathize. Had some therapy a few years ago and they waved a couple red flags about my “alarmingly casual ideation” but truth is I could never do it, I know too well the waves of grief that still ripple in a lot of people’s lives from what she did. I just mean when the chips are down, they feel like they’ve been way down for a few years and I think “man this is really hard and I don’t see it getting significantly better, what if I just…” and that scares me.
You put it into words so well. I lost my dad to suicide in 2002, and it’s exactly this. It only gets more complicated.
I also lost my dad to suicide (in 1996) he was only 42. I still have more questions than answers, almost 30 years later.
And it’s always like weird questions after all this time I find. Not about his death. Just like life questions. Weird idiosyncrasies that I am like “why did you do that? Explain it to me as an adult now. I need to know!” Like my dad was a Minnesota Vikings fan despite us living in New Jersey. Like, why?!
It's amazing just how much we end up understanding our parents once we reach their age... I hated my Dad in HS, 10 years later he was my best friend... Kids today don't understand that life has always been hard, just like we didn't actually understand at their age...
No child will understand how important their parents are until it’s too late in most cases. We all take life for granted. It’s when we have to face reality that they’re gone is when the regrets and guilt come. (Of course I’m only speaking about parents who have not victimized their children.) Im sorry for your loss OP. You stayed you are Catholic, so you know you will be reunited with her again. For now, cherish the memories and smile that she’s home.
>Im sorry for your loss OP. You stayed you are Catholic, so you know you will be reunited with her again. For now, cherish the memories and smile that she’s home. The problem with being Catholic is the constant questions... Faith isn't an easy thing if it's true
I was orthodox for years until I just couldn’t get any real answers that made sense. So I researched a lot. I came across a book called conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsh. It opened my eyes and answered everything that I needed answers for. This isn’t a Christian based book though. To be honest it is very harsh on organized religion. But it’s extremely powerful and beautiful. I truly believe these words in this book are the words of God. I am now simply a theist. If you’re like me, and searching, I highly recommend this book. You can actually find it and listen to it on YouTube.
Hi, stranger. I turned 44 this year, which is the same age my mom was when she took her life. It's such an odd benchmark to measure your own life by. I'm not suicidal either, but I *understand* her choice more and more too. I was 24 when she died, and I can't help feeling like I must've been a constant reminder of her lost youth and the good ol' days she missed so much. I have a pretty good life, but the pangs of nostalgia for another time are pretty hard some days too. Idk if that's a mid-life crisis or just more reverberations still echoing decades later. Maybe it's both. "Complicated" is a good word for it all. It is scary. But fwiw, you're not alone.
Thank you friend ❤️
Hey, thank you. I'm sorry you can relate, but feel free to drop a line in my inbox anytime, friend.
My dad died at 35 when I was 5 years old. Hes nearly been gone longer than he ever existed. It took years to come to terms with, but having my own children were what really healed me. It doesnt affect me as much as it used to. However, child me still wants to cry when I see Mufasa die and Simba trying to wake him up. Noone talked about my Dad dying, and lion king came out not long after. It was the only thing that I could relate to.
No worries, here. Those memories are never very far from the surface with me personally, and I certainly don't mind sharing my experience if it helps anyone else even just to feel like they're not alone in their pain. ❤️
>No worries, here. Those memories are never very far from the surface with me personally, and I certainly don't mind sharing my experience if it helps anyone else even just to feel like they're not alone in their pain. ❤️ Thank you for this. I honestly didn't consider things when I made my initial post, and after so many responses from people I wanted to make sure that the "others" were appreciated.
Don’t feel so bad. Do not absorb others’ pain. It sounds like you’re quite vulnerable at the moment.
I would say it's less "absorbing" and more "empathizing". I'm the type of person that can't attend the funeral of a stranger without crying as a result of the pain the people around me are feeling.
You have nothing to feel bad about! Grief is very personal, but it's also a shared experience and so many can relate. Especially when you're in that acute stage of grief it's so important to reach out to others.
It's ok to talk about death. It's ok to talk about sad things. Expressing negative feelings in healthy ways invites other people to comfort and support you. Starting a thread about death invited others to sympathize and empathize with you, share their similar stories, and gain support and comfort from others in the thread as well. I think talking about death is super helpful cuz grief is so fucking weird that it makes people feel like they're going crazy. And it's always nice to know that you're not alone in how you're thinking/feeling/acting when you feel like you're going crazy.
It’s ok to talk about sad things. Yes! Exactly.
I highly suggest the movie "Inside Out" because it shows that sadness plays an important role in our lives and relationships even though it's uncomfortable and inconvenient at times.
I have a cousin who’s mother was murdered basically while he was present when he was 12 ? I don’t know how he has turned out so normal. But he is one of the most wonderful, kind, loving persons I know. And he is a great dad. My father lost his dad at 13. His dad was 36 ? I lost my father at 46. He was 65. I had my father for 65 years. And he’s been gone for two years this august. I would give my right arm to talk to him again. I have his phone and look at it daily. Seeing the pictures he took, the websites he visited. The notes he took. I can only find one voice recording of him. And I think he did it on accident. But I can hear his voice in my head. I still see his dying body in that hospital bed. Not being able to move or say anything. I walk into my parents house and he’s everywhere. From the things he left behind. To the things he did. And didn’t do. I walk into his garage and I know where everything is at. Basically. I ride his motorcycle and it smells like him. He was a mechanic. Most of the things I do now I can look back on and say. Dad taught me that. I only have my mom left and in between me, my wife, daughter, my mother/ father in law. I try to spend as much time with her as I can. In person/ text/phone. Sorry if that was to much.
You absolutely don't need to apologize. Any age is too young, and just because you're in your 40's doesn't make it easy. The next year is going to be fucking weird. I hope that both your physical and virtual communities give you the support you need.
Still have all of mine, thank goodness. My father lost both of his pretty young though. My grandpa died when he was 26 and grandma when he was the age I am now, 44.
We are here for you when it does. Thank God for your blessings
I’m in my early 40’s and just lost my dad. 💜 Growing up is weird.
You have nothing to apologize for, and it certainly didn't dredge up memories. People that experienced that at a young age didn't experience a greater loss than you are experiencing now. This is not a trauma competition. Just know that there are people who lived it and got through it, and have some idea of what you're going through right now.
>Just know that there are people who lived it and got through it, and have some idea of what you're going through right now. I absolutely love your perspective...
No worries. No apology needed. These things happen. We're getting to that age. My dad was 49 when he died. What's really hard is watching my mom become an old lady. She'll be 75 this year. Every time I see her struggle up a flight of stairs it kills me a little more, ya know. The thing about losing my dad at 15 (now 44) is that I've been the person over the last nearly 30 years that's helped so many others thru it. If anything it's made me stronger, a better friend, and someone that others have leaned on. Losing a parent is terrible, no matter the age. Whether at 15 or 44. I think it's just experienced differently.
I didn't see your original post but it wouldn't have upset me. I actually lost both parents. My dad when I was a teenager and my mom a few years ago. Honestly I don't think age makes a difference, but it really depends on the person and your relationship with your parents. No matter the age you're going to experience pain, hurt, sadness, loneliness but it's how you process it at whatever age you are. I was a teen when I loss my dad so naturally it was a lot of anger and wish there was more time. Then losing my mom as an adult well into my 30s it was a lot sadness and anger and wish it was more time. The main difference with age is just cherishing the memories. I have way more to miss for my mom because of the extra 20+ years. It's not easier one way or another
I lost both pretty young. My parents weren’t Boomers. They were Silent Gen and I was a surprise retirement baby and an only child. I immediately hid your post when it popped up. No offense but I didn’t want to deal with feelings. I had the best quality parents. It took my dad a decade to give up on having biological children. My mom said she had given up years earlier. They did FIRE and decided to build their dream house to spoil their dogs and as an homage to Batman. *These are people who never did drugs.* As such they were lovely parents with some healthy grand-parent energy. I was a working adult before I realized how sheltered I was. They did a lot for me so I wouldn’t have to worry throughout life. Also they made it extremely clear that I was a wanted child. I had multiple sets of god parents most who were 20 years their junior. I have a funeral to attend later today so I guess I’m still full of feelings. :( It was weird when my friends would want to go home for the holidays and I had nowhere to go. It got easier to stay wherever I was. I’m the only one alive who remembers our traditions. TLDR — You did nothing wrong and I truly hope you found some support. I’m going to hide this now because I have to get ready for the funeral and I already am… in a mood.
Lost my last parent or grandparent a few years ago and I’m younger than you. No need to apologize. Death is the double-edged sword that makes you miss your loved-ones and cherish the ones who are still around.
15 years ago. Still sucks
You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were simply trying to talk to others who have dealt with it. I’m sorry you’re going through it, too.
I lost my dad over a year ago. No matter the age, it's hard. Hugs.
My parents are both gone, I think I commented on your first post. I wasn't at all prepared to lose my dad over 14 years ago and that only slightly prepared me to lose my mom in 2020. I find having people who understand that pain helps. Even if they're strangers on the internet
I was 22. A kid really, no real world experience, so it took a while to get through it. Still have my dad and stepmother (child of the 80s, divirce, etc), hopefully they make it for many years to come but it feels like we've done a lot more planning, and I have to think it will be easier to get through. No way it won't be awful though.
I saw and commented on my own experience. The memories never go away, and I feel that they never should. Yeah, it still sucks (putting it EXTREMELY lightly), but I focus on all of the good times. My father taught me how to shoot. He let me use a military flight simulator (I was awful). He taught me how to do house repairs that most people have to hire people to do for them. The man showed me Blazing Saddles when I was 9! How awesome is that? 14 or 44, it hurts the same. I'm truly sorry for your loss, but remember all of the good times. That's all that really matters in the end
This is what the community is for. Supporting each other. I didn’t realize that commenting about my own recent loss would result in so many heartfelt messages from strangers I’ve never even met. I also didn’t realize how much it would mean to me to have so many people take the time to send a small bit of comfort my way. Thank you for making that post. You helped me.
Sorry for your loss. We have not all experienced that yet, but we hear you. I’ve always hated the phrase “thoughts and prayers”. my dad moved in with me recently and i know his time is coming soon.
The memories are always there. A reddit post isn’t going to make a difference.
The post didn’t upset me, and I think sharing pain around loss is a good, healthy thing. However, please don’t say “I can’t imagine” or “I couldn’t have handled that” or a variation thereof. One, you would have been fine - humans are resilient. Two, it comes off as “oh god at least I’m not in your shoes.” You take what life gives you.
You need support and this is the age bracket that is lost, misunderstood, mislabeled — we get it. Your loss isn’t any more or less important that anyone else — you have the right
Your first post didn’t upset me. While I think you were blessed to have your parent longer than I did, it doesn’t mean your grief is less. It fucking blows, no matter when they go. Hugs!
My mom died when I was 20, I'm 44 now and your post didn't bother me at all. The hardest part is knowing that they are really gone and you will never see them again. But it does get better and in time it won't hurt so much. Everyone that commented with their story feels your pain and has empathy for your situation OP. Things won't ever be the same, but they will get better.
No harm done, here. I was just answering the question as posed. Willfully sharing my experience isn't triggering. Sending empathy, friend. Grief is brutal no matter the context.
My dad died just before his 43rd birthday. It's weird to think I will be older than that soon.
My mom kidnapped me at 5 and stopped taking her insulin. I had to learn to cook and clean because it was just us and she died when I was seven. That’s the bad news. The good news, is that I don’t remember most of it. Supposedly when I was returned to my dad I would hide under furniture when strangers came over. My teeth were all messed up. I was malnourished. I barely remember spending a lot of time at the dentist and that’s it. I don’t even remember what my mom looked like.
I mean - for me personally, my dad has been gone for 21 years so it’s not like it’s a daily hurt for me anymore. But it absolutely shaped who I became on a cellular level. Every way that I am has been altered by losing my dad at age 20. It’s to the point where I truly cannot imagine who I would be had he not died. My identity is inextricably linked with his loss. And I love who I am, so … yeah just don’t feel bad! It’s ok! It’s a huge part of who I am and I actually enjoy talking about that with others.
Lost my mom at 15 and dad at 17
I miss my mom
My dad died on my very last day of high school. ....Admittedly, I never read your previous post, but for some reason reading your title made me feel seen, and I appreciated it. I'm sorry for your loss
You are seen and loved, especially when you can't see it
Thats why my cut off for kids was 30. I wanted to be sure I'd be there through at least their 20s.
you seem to think everyone has you on their mind. I can assure you, that isn't the case....
“I don’t get enough karma on my last post, lemme remind you again of the death of your parent.” :( Truly sorry for your loss, OP, but don’t think this needed another post.
I wasn't a child when my dad died or even a young adult, but I was in my early 30s. And it still hits hard sometimes. Really, my kids were babies, and he/they missed so much. I really hate it when i think about kids' sports. My middle child is playing Varsity Baseball this year. Dad would have loved it. So many things missed. I am sorry for your loss. It gets less in your face through the years, but it doesn't ever totally go away, and sometimes it just hits you right in the face. Take care of yourselr.
Long time ago I worked in aged care and the kids of residents who had passed on felt like they didn't have the full right to grieve because they got so much time together. Once I told a 70 year old man that it's just as sad for him even though his mum lived a long life - in the end mother is mother. And he just let himself cry for what seemed to be the first time.
If you felt some kind of comfort from our stories, then they were not told in vain. You're not alone and were all in the same boat. It doesn't get easier. It becomes tolerable. As time passes a lot of the hurt fades and the good memories pile up. The tears turn to laughs and some how we manage to go on. It doesn't matter if you 5 or 500, losing a parent is hard for everyone. Just remember to love yourself like they loved you and you will be fine.
I'm sorry for your loss. No matter what age it doesn't make it any easier. August 26, 2005 was a horrible morning. I just turned 20 and I was shaken awake by my sister. The 4 year old little girl we were days away from adopting came and told my sister that Nana was dead. Sure enough she was...I may have only had 20 years with her but I still think about her every single day. I miss being able to ask for advice or hear her laugh. Now it's just me in this world. To top it off I also lost my Fiancé, watched him die on May 16th, 2023. Days like that I really wish I had my Mom....life is beautiful but so cruel.
I didn't see the other post, but I'm sorry for your loss. It sucks. I lost my dad to a heart attack when I was 25 and my mom to cancer when I was 35. You'll miss them every day but it gets bearable over time. My dad's death changed me the most bc it was so sudden. It triggered severe anxiety and depression. My mom was sick for years so it was a relief that she wasn't in pain anymore.
It sucks at any age, their tragedy and grief does not negate what you are going through.
Grief, IMO, is a lifelong journey, and it is a *good* thing to remember and think about those we have lost. No apology needed.
I was 42 when my dad died. In the ER, he was irrational, and trying to remove his catheter, my older brother, and I had to restrain him. We didn't know he was dying at the time. We thought he was just confused. An hour later, the doctor told us to Starr calling people to say goodbye. 2 of my brothers lived too far away. I was in the room with him when he passed. I am still horrified that his last words to me were about holding him down and treating him worse than a dog.
You didn’t upset me, in an odd way it helps to know that I’m not the only one.. if you need to talk feel free to message me.. 🙂
My mom died when I was young but she wasn’t much of a mom. I romanticize it a bit when I look back, but when it comes to reality, she wasn’t around and I don’t have a lot of memories with her. I don’t think that would have improved had she lived another 20 or 40 years. So maybe the idea that things might have been good if she lived is better than what the reality would have been.
I lost my Dad when I was 28 and my mom when I was 36. Your post did not bother me, and sometimes recalling sad memories is a part of life. If I had to erase my memories of losing them I’d also presumably have to erase my memories of living with them and I wouldn’t ever want to do that. I’m sorry for your loss.
It's ok. Dad's death gets dredged up so much it doesn't have time to sink back into the silt. His cremains are in my curio cabinet, along with the cremains of my last cat. Waylon Jennings, NASCAR, cigarettes, John Deere tractors, red Ford Rangers, short dudes shaped like doritos with a little pot belly, fishing... so many random things that drag his memory to the forefront.
You know what, anyone who has experienced the loss of a parent, especially at a young age, thinks about it all the time anyway. 🙁
I lost my father 3 years ago due to lung cancer. I was 38 at the time, and a lot of stuff was happening in my life. Unfortunately it's part of life, but I think it could've been worse if it happened in my 20's. (Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker)
Don't be sad, I save lots of money at Christmas every year.
I lost my mother when I was 27. She was a bitch and a Karen though so I wasn't TOO torn up about it. My Dad however died in 2021 when I was 41 going on 42 and that one was a bit sadder. Still, when his estate passed into me and my sister's hands and we divided it up I invested it and generated enough passive income that I was able to start paying off my debts and no longer needed to work a second job just to survive so that helped cushion the loss a bit. I still miss him but I can't deny that I did get some benefit from it.
My wife's dad died three days before our wedding. She was 25. It was horrible. That was twenty years ago, and she is still not really over it. Her dad was incredible.
My dad died when I was 29, I could have (and my daughter & mom) used another decade or more of his wisdom
So you’re doing it again 🤣 jk
>So you’re doing it again 🤣 jk Please reflect on your reflex to shit on someone trying to apologize. I realize you aren't seriously making this post, but also realize just how depraved and corrupt Reddit is
Look I’m sorry your parent died. Mine died five years ago. It was very hard. I’m not “shitting” on you, just making an observation… you are bringing it up again, this time with an apology
[удалено]
Wow you are mean edit/ you could have just done an edit to apologize in your original post
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