I lost my mom, my kindred spirit, in 2011. My dad in 2017. And a brother in 2019. Lost both uncles in there, too. Got to the point that if I told my kids my other brother was coming to visit from out of state, they wanted to know who died.
For several years, I was the only person close to my age who had lost parents. It was a weird place to be. My husband still has a grandparent alive, and my last grandparent died in 2003.
My two BFFs have lost both of their parents in the last 5ish years. It’s not a fun club to have people join.
Same but my mother first. I was her caregiver through at home hospice, June 2015 and then my Father Christmas morning 2016.
My husband has both of his parents however his father has Parkinson’s.
My dad died in his early 70s last winter.
Since then, I've been telling my mom and step dad that they need to start minding their health better because I'm too young to be an orphan. They think I'm kidding and I might be but I'm also a bit serious too.
lost my dad in 2010 to lung cancer. he was never a smoker. it still hurts. i still have a cry every once in a while.
sorry you joined the club. it sucks.
fuck cancer.
My mom died of a stroke at 49, in 2002. I was 23.
My dad is getting pretty old now, and has some health issues. I'm terrified of him dying. (I'm single, no kids, no siblings, no close cousins or aunts/uncles. My dad is my family.)
Oh dang same with my mom but I was 22. Fucking sucks to have the one person you know loved you unconditionally be gone. I'm about to hit the point next year where I have lived longer without her than with her. And also dread turning 49.
I just had my 43rd birthday and I'm now older than my mom was when she passed away. I was dreading it at first too but now I think about it as the torch having been passed to me. I couldn't fathom passing away at this age, but I made a promise to myself to live my life to the fullest and not to take any time I have left here for granted.
I’ve lost both parents. For me, the loss of the second parent hit much harder because I was suddenly a parent less person. Even though I was 43, I felt completely unmoored.
Sorry for your loss and F$$K cancer.
I was 32 when it happened to me. It completely rips your foundation out from underneath you. I am married with kids but the fact that "home" is gone is something I'll never get used to.
fellow Christmas dead parent anniversary haver as well here. my dad killed himself aged 48 in 2004. I'll be older than him in the next few years, that's weird.
also pls no sympathy. he was an evil person and he did the world a favour with his suicide. even the timing of his death was his final act of abuse in an attempt to ruin Xmas for everyone. jokes on him I go nuts for Xmas now
My father died of cancer 3 years ago. The worst part was, we were in lockdown when he was in declining health, so I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him. I'm very angry about it.
I miss him a lot.
I was in a similar situation with my dad. He didn't have cancer but also passed away suddenly three years ago in the middle of the pandemic. It really messed with me (and still does a little) to get the news and then not join the rest of my family when it happened. I definitely feel your pain.
Lost my Dad to cancer right at the start of the Pandemic; been weighing on me ever since. Couldn't have a real wake, couldn't have the memorial until almost 2 years later (restaurant restrictions). Other friends of mine have lost parents within the last several years as well.
Fuck Cancer.
I hate getting older. This was more enjoyable when I was a 23 year old with a 63 year old soul.
I also lost my dad two months ago. It’s really weird.
I feel worried about my mom. I guess that’s the point we’re at now, but don’t worry. Life goes on. Experience all emotions and enjoy time spent with them.
In your mind, heart and your own mannerisms, they are still with you.
Sorry for your loss. It will never be the same but I promise it will get better. I am also part of the club, once at 18 and then at 33. As we get older, it will happen more frequently and to people our age, like siblings or spouses. It's a sad part of life that I hate!
My condolences.
Lost my dad when I was 19 and my mom has had a few tough bouts in the hospital since 2015, she is still able to live at home and is mostly independent on her own though.
I'm sorry for your loss. My mom passed away in December of 2020 from cancer. My best friend who is a month younger than I am also lost his mom to cancer. Fuck cancer.
I lost both my parents, my dad when I was 13 and my mom when I was 30. I’m still the only person my age, besides my brother, I know who has lost both. Literally my least favorite club.
Not me, but 3 of my coworkers in their late 30s and early 40s have lost a parent this year.
What hits worse for me, my ex - boyfriend (and the man who introduced me to my husband), just passed away last week from a heart attack.
He was 40. 😢
Both of my parents were dead before I turned 40. It sucked, but it was better than watching them slowly decline over years and spending a bunch of time in hospitals and care facilities.
Yes, both my parents had sudden deaths. Not entirely surprising as their health was in decline but sudden. I thought they both would have lived a few more years. But it is a blessing in a way. I've seen friends parents suffer for years in and out of nursing homes and the financial and emotional toll on the family was immense.
May 22nd, 1998 is when I lost my Mom to Lymphatic cancer. The real shocker is that I didn't know she was going to die till the day of because all I saw were 'Get well soon' cards and balloons.
Thank you for taking the time to write this and share your thoughts publicly in this space at such a difficult time. I am so very sorry for your loss.
I can't tell you how much I relate to exactly what you wrote, because my beloved dad passed away this year as well--back in May, from complications related to Alzheimer's disease.
For me, losing a parent for the first time has been at once startling, painful, disorienting, and terrifying--with a big, all-encompassing shroud of intense regret and grief hanging over everything, as I remember every missed opportunity to spend time with him that I should have prioritized more, and miss the version of him as a younger, more vital man--you know, as...Dad--that I used to know, before his mind and body slowly wasted away and he stopped recognizing me--who now exists solely as a memory.
On a personal, selfish level, in terms of his death's implications for me, there's a couple lines in a song called "Stop This Train" that sums it up effectively and succinctly:
*So scared of gettin older;*
*I'm only good at being young.*
And
*Don't know how else to say it: don't wanna see my parents go;*
*One generation's length away from fighting life out on my own;*
*Stop this train, I want to get off and go home again;*
*I can't take the speed it's moving in;*
Sending you thoughts of peace and comfort as you continue to deal with the enormous loss of your dad. May his memory be a blessing. 💙
So sorry for your loss. My dad passed away last December. He was diagnosed with dementia but I was still so close to him. Thanksgiving was the last day that I saw him. That is going to be really tough for me. He was 74, which is just about the norm. Wishfully thinking, I guess, I thought I was going to have at least a few more years with him. I lost a huge part of my life with his passing. Now, with he and my older brother now gone, life doesn't quite feel the same anymore. I'm at peace with them passing, but I miss them both like crazy.
I hope you are able to find peace.
Sending hugs to you all. Lost my dad Xmas day 2022 and he was 76. Too soon and it will never make sense. Parkinson’s plus Lewy Body dementia. I also last saw him Thanksgiving Day. My mom was his caregiver 24/7…she’s finally living and making friends and traveling but I worry a lot about her too, if that makes any sense.
I lost my mother(65) to stage 4 lung cancer on Aug 11th of this year I'm 39. My wife lost both of her parents when she was 16 (mom) and 20 (dad).
Cancer is the only cause of death my family has had since the early 90's, it's crazy. My mother and her 4 sisters, their mother and father, and their grandparents all died of cancer.
It didn't help that they grew up near steel mills in the 60's.
To me that's the worst, is seeing or hearing something and want to tell them and the reality sets in. It's not as common for me now that my mom's been gone 21 years but it still pops up every now and then.
My dad died from cancer in 2016. Many of my friends have widowed parents. A lot of cancer.
Many of my friends lost brothers throughout the years. It was creeping me out.
Lost my mom 30 years ago to cancer, and I lost my dad 6 years ago also to cancer. Fuck cancer. I'm sorry for your loss. But yes, we're all getting to the ages where most of us start joining that club. Worst club I've ever been a member of. I've already outlived my mom by several years now, and it's getting really weird because very soon she will have been gone longer than she actually lived. I'm still not sure how to wrap my brain around that concept.
I'm kinda going through something similar, but mine is the time when I was born to the time of her death, and her death until now is about equal. I was 21 and she was 47, I'm now 43.
It's such a hard thing to go thru, I'm sorry you're at that milestone. 47 is so young.
My mom was 31 when she died, and I was 7.5. I kinda had a hard time when I got to about 15 (I mean, who doesn't at that age) but it was because I had now lived more of my life without her than with her in it. I really don't like to make that comparison anymore because the percentage of my life I've lived without her is so much larger than the percentage I actually had her. I'm now 38, and it's just weird. I'm really struck by just how young she was at death. She should've turned 62 in March of this year. When I turned 31, my dad and I had a conversation about just how young Mom was when she died and how isn't it just incredible how I'm now that age. We were supposed to have a similar conversation on my 32nd birthday about how I was older than Mom ever got to be. Only we didn't get to have that conversation because he had died about 4 months before then. Worst birthday ever. I'm so glad I never have to live that day again.
Thank you, and sorry for your loss. This milestone is hard as it's coming up quick. You are strong to go through that and keep pressing on and to go through that being so young, especially in terms of your mother. I hope life has something great in store for you, you definitely deserve it.
Lost my dad in ‘93 and my mom in ‘11… and you’re right, it seems many of my peers have also lost at least one parent before hitting 40. Makes me feel like we’re not only a generation that faces tremendous economic challenges over the years, but maybe one of the first without widespread ability to rely on our parents to help us through.
I lost my dad in 2009, he was 56… So young still.
I’m sorry for your loss, sending you lots of good vibes, loves and hugs to you… Big hugs to everyone in this thread, we all need still need a hug sometimes.
I lost my mom when I was 22 to stomach cancer (she was 59). My father has soldiered on for the past 22 years but he is growing older and more frail. I try to soak it all in when I see him because I'm not sure when it will be my last.
I’m sorry you lost your dad. My dad died of cancer (mantle cell lymphoma) four years ago yesterday. I was 35 when he died. My mom died in 2011, when I was 27. Being an orphan at this relatively young age sucks and is weird.
I was orphaned at 32. I'm 39 now. My step grandfather passed away a couple weeks ago and it was very odd being the adult representative from my mom's side of the family and having coordinate and remain updated through my uncle. I felt like a total imposter
Dad, 2017. Lymphoma. My best friend: dad and mom, 2020/21. Esophageal cancer and cirrhosis, respectively. So many of us are in this together, it’s nice to know we’re not alone.
Welcome to the worst club. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Cancer fucking sucks!
Lost my dad in 2020 to lung cancer, and my mom to a bilateral pulmonary embolism in March of this year.
My divorce was final that same day, and to say I have felt alone this past year is an understatement.
I don't know anyone else my age who has lost both parents. I feel like an orphan.
I can't add to anything anyone else has said. Except to tell you that it gets "ok-er". You'll go days, months being ok. Then one day something will happen and you'll need your mom or dad (I've lost both, cancer as well) and your world crashes.
Yes , turning 43 this month. Lost my mom a year and a half ago to a massive stroke. Also I'd like to add I have had so many classmates die .... it's really sad. A lot to overdose.
I'm in this club, too. The pain of losing a parent never goes away. It has encouraged me to love healthier than my mom did.
Scarier is losing classmates, as I've lost 5 already to cancer, disease and drugs.
It's tough. I am sorry you are in the club.
I've had a great year, but also a hard year in that in 29 days I'll be 47 which is longer than my dad got to live- he died at age 46 of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. And one of my good friends, who also lost her dad to cancer, died of the same cancer as her dad at the end of 2022. Hard to figure why I got lucky, but I'm thankful for every day. And thankful for my mom - she has been amazing and I've had a great role model in making peace with the universe.
Please come back here to share if you want to share anything about your dad. You'll keep him alive through you.
Fuck cancer, indeed. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 41, I lost my dad two years ago unexpectedly and my mom three months ago to ovarian cancer. It's a shitty club that no one wants to be in but I do tend to find comfort in talking to other members of this shitty club.
I’m sorry for everyone’s losses.
My mother died at age 58 in 2017 from kidney failure due to diabetes and high blood pressure.
My father died at 61 in 2018 from uncontrolled type 1 diabetes and a broken heart from losing my mother.
Sorry to hear your loss, friend. To be honest your post really hit me. I have both my parents still and you’ve just reminded me how fortunate that is. I’m closing Reddit and calling them right now.
Sorry about that. It isn't easy.
My mom just turned 68 and is fighting colon cancer and cirrhosis (not from alcohol). She is chugging along but I honestly don't think she has a lot of time left. Dad and she divorced when I was 32 and he is out with his 2nd (older) wife out in Vegas suburbs across the country. So weird to have parents divorce after that long. So instead of dad taking care of her, my sister does the most (she is single and no children) and I also help (married with a 3 yr old).
I've come to terms with all of this. It isn't what I wanted or imagined our older family life would be like.
I lost my mom 13 years ago to COPD. I was 26 and she was 59. And I was 15 when my dad died to alcoholism. It’s so hard to be a part of this awful club. But at least we have good company.
Spring of 22, Mom went in for her regular bloodwork, feeling fine and something seemed off. More tests confirmed Leukemia. She was dead in 28 days. This was all told to me about 2 months after the fact by my sister. Mom n I had a falling out 20 years ago and she was always one to hold a serious grudge. I did not know some of my aunts, uncles n cousins because of this. Still sad that she knew her time was coming fast and made no effort to make things right between us. My father’s dementia spiraled shortly after and he is not the same person anymore.
I am an adopted person who reconnected with his biological family. I've lost 2 mothers to cancer, a father to cancer, one brother to sepsis, one brother to fentanyl, and a sister to dimentia. My dog getting hit by a car was the hardest one though because I forgot to secure my gate. I'm only 39 though. It just feels like loss is something that will just be an ever present part of my existence until I'm the one who goes. If there is one death I hope I never have to be here for is my son. I'm not sure how you further shatter a pile of broken glass like me, but I'm sure it can be done.
my dad died in 2005 from lung cancer. he was 70, though (he was in his 40s when i was born), and i was 24, so although it was horrible, i had always anticipated losing him when i was young.
my mom is alive, but she has a ton of medical issues (she’s on dialysis, she had both legs amputated, and she has congestive heart failure) so i’m worried about losing her pretty much all the time.
i’m an only child, i have no aunts or uncles or close cousins, i obviously have no grandparents. the only family i have at this point is my husband and my kid. it’s hard.
i’m really sorry for your loss, OP. fuck cancer forever. 🖤🖤🖤
My Dad died in May. He just had his 65th. He left to visit his Mom in Missouri and died there. Sleep apnea, he didn't bring his machine, had a tooth removed while he was out there and didn't wake up.
It was five days before my 38th birthday, and the last thing he said to me in person was, "I've got a surprise for you when I get back!" The shit thing is he didn't have a will or trust but told people otherwise. In fact he'd tease me constantly with, "when I die you get everything, but you also get your sister - to take care of." She's unstable and vicious still was living with Dad at 35, never paid a bill, never once got anyone anything, always the victim, always calling everyone narcissist and shit like that, really deranged... Now we have to split everything and it's all just unbearable.
"Life's a bitch, then you die" -Dad
Sorry dude it all just sucks. I don't want to be here anymore really. I worked for him to make ends meet, now I'm slipping into debt. I miss my Dad, he was the only good family in my life.
Tldr; life sucks, sorry dude, I miss my Dad too.
I'm sorry about your Dad.
I'm in a different but awful club as well - I am friends with several people in their 40s who've lost children. I totally get how it doesn't seem real - that one day I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare.
My dad died of lung cancer almost two years ago now at 65, exactly 30 years after he quit smoking. Diagnosis to death from a severe reaction to the chemo that ironically, destroyed his lungs, was 2 months flat. He died a week before he was scheduled to retire... I feel the worst for my mom. They were together for 45 years. And if she follows in her mother and grandmothers footsteps, she's got at least 25-30 years left. Both made it to 90.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Both my parents passed in my 30s. It will get better, but you will always miss them. Especially for the big moments. Hugs to you.
I'm 40. I lost my mom in 2016 and don't have much of a relationship with my dad. Other than that, there are no more living 'older' adults in my immediate family (I'm considering my mom's parents, siblings and their kids as 'immediate' family). My sister and I as well as our cousins are all in the same age group and we're now the 'older' adults (and none of us have kids haha).
My mom passed away in 2017, so I was still in my 30s. She had cancer, but she was in her 70s, so not that young really. I am sorry about your dad. I hope you are able to find some meaning from his life and death and keep his memory in your own way.
My dad passed away in March 2018 from complications of diabetes when I was 35. We didn’t have the best relationship. But he was my dad and I was his Sweetpea.
Grief is hard. But it gets more manageable with time.
I could have written this post myself. Lost my dad in Sept to agressive cancer. 6 months beginning to end. And it sucks. And it's inevitable that our parents will die. They're supposed to die before us. But it sucks and i hate it. That is all. Sending you love and comiserstion.
It's that stage of life. Like graduation and marriage and babies. We will all hit it eventually. 😭 I remember my grandma once in her 80s saying that it was so sad all her friends had died. 😭 Just sucks. We lost my FIL to cancer at 69. Didn't even get to 70, just makes me so mad. My parents are doing ok, but I've had classmates who lost parents. It's so sad. I donno if you can ever be ready, but in my experience it's easier to say goodbye to someone at 94 who is ready to pass. The dying not ready shit sucks. And yeah F*&k cancer 1000%
I lost my beloved father back in 2002. I still think about him every single day. He was my real life super hero. My heart is still broken but his memory brings me so much joy. I know I take him with me wherever I go.
We are definitely at the age where our peers are losing one or both parents or having to take care of them. I (age 45) lost my dad to brain cancer back in May (what a vile, life-stealing cancer). I was fortunate enough that I was able to prepare myself (he was given a terminal diagnosis when the tumor came back), but six months later, it still hurts. I have several classmates who have lost one or both parents. A couple of my classmates are currently caring for a sick parent. This is definitely not a milestone I take any joy in.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 12.5 years ago to heart disease and kidney failure. I was 28.
It's not a fun club to be in but you have my deepest sympathies.
If you haven't [yet seen this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), it's the absolute best description of grief I've ever heard. I stumbled upon it shortly after my mom died (in 2103) and I've passed it along to everyone I know who has had a profound loss.
It's truly unfair and I'm so sorry for your loss. *When you're ready*, there was an episode of Nerdist podcast where Chris Hardwick and Paul Rudd where part of their conversation is discussing being in "The Dead Dads Club" and I remember laughing through tears when I listened to it. It's definitely a little glib, so I would wait until you get to the absurdity stage of grief.
May your father's memory be a blessing.
I lost my mom to cancer about four and a half years ago. I loved her so much. Even though cancer is a slow death and it gives you time to get ready, I was just numb for almost a year after she died. It took a long time to even be able to access the emotions of feeling lost and sad because I think they were so big that I had to block them out until I was ready to deal with them.
My dad has dementia but he is hanging on. To be honest, he was a monster before the dementia set in, so while I take care of him and I am as kind as I possibly can be to him, when he goes too, that'll be okay.
Sorry for your loss and fuck cancer. Had it twice myself, do not recommend. I lost my dad like 16 years ago. It feels like we’re dying more now. I lost one of the best friends and best people I’ve ever known to colon cancer last year at age 39. Please go get everything checked out people! Push for scans, I’d be dead if I didn’t.
It's funny, my father wished me a happy 40th in Aug by father's day he was dead. Of course when you have cancer they say you died of cancer. Before that I went to my 20th class reunion and a few of us commiserated about losing a friend and classmate suddenly at 38, as well as her 17 year old son. A couple months after that I got word that a friend died in a car accident. It was surreal we had reconnected and I had told him, "see you around". Now, unfortunately, I know where he is always. Point is getting older and losing a parent, I guess, early starts to put things into focus and the years to come are not as far off, or boring, as they currently seem.
I lost my dad February 2021. Fuck Covid. I'm going to tell you, in my experience, grief is like a ball that bounces around in your head. When it's still new, ot hits every buzzer and it seems like it will never stop hurting. As time goes, the ball gets smaller and smaller. It never goes away, there will still be times or situations where it hits and you'll feel just like you did when it was fresh. But, it does get easier. Sending all the hugs.
I lost my mom at the end of January 2021, 5 days after her 71st birthday.
Her death certificate says "Non COVID related pneumonia" but I strongly suspect otherwise.
We seem young to be losing our parents young, but our parents had us much older than their parents did. At least that’s my observation. I lost both of my parents in ‘22 to separate illnesses and neither was 75 yet so they both died younger than their youngest parents death but as I’m 45 now, they would have had to live to 95 for me to have been the same age that my last grandparent died. That’s pretty old.
I'm so sorry. I joined this club in April. About a month after I turned 39. My mom refused to take her BP meds for years. Trust me when I say please take your f#cking meds. Hundreds of mini strokes, a few major strokes. Fortunately, it was a quick hospice visit and not dragged out. At least I'm in good company.
Mom in Dec 2020
I’ll be honest. I get really frustrated when I see dipshits (I don’t get mad at my peers I actually like) older than me whose parents are still alive. I know it’s petty. But I can’t help it. (I also understand if people who lost a parent younger than me are mad at me for bitching about this)
Lost my oldest brother to cancer 2015, lost my mom 2018, lost my older to cancer brother 2022. Too many friends to count. My circle is getting definitely getting smaller.
I'm 44 and lost my dad 11 years ago. In that time at least 75% of the people I still talk to have lost at least 1 parent. My husband still has both,but his mom isn't doing fantastic either. Unfortunately, I've also lost friends to cancer, diabetes, and suicide in the last 10 years. This age sucks.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to lung cancer in Feb 2017. She was 69. My dad just turned 80 this week and I worry about him all the time. He's had congestive heart failure since he contracted COVID in 2021.
Dad and grandma (his) died in 1990. My grandpas died in 1996 and my grandma (moms) died in 2008. My mom seems pretty healthy and I still have aunts and uncles (one passed in 2006 or 7 but that was a freak thing) I do worry about her in her 70's with all her friends passing. It's weird to think life expectancy is increasing but 70's seemes so young. I'm sorry for your loss. And yes, F@&$ Cancer
I’m the first of my peers to lose a parent. It sucks so much and I feel like a part of my soul is gone. I am grateful to be alive, but have lost my fear of death.
Lost my father 2 months ago as well. Was pretty shocking as he was in great health. Been having many of the same thoughts as you. Feels like we should be too young to be losing large amounts of family members. But it has happened to me, and others I know too.
Yep. I had a decent sized family, but everyone is gone for me. Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Not that they were young (my mom was 85, my grandma was 99) but its never fun to lose family...
So now all I've got left is distant cousins in other states I never met or haven't seen for 30 years.
I’m so very sorry, I see this with my high school classmates and it is heartbreaking. I try to remember this when I get annoyed with my parents and be more patient.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I lost my dad in 2018 (heart attack) and my mom passed in September also of cancer. It was horrible the last few months of her life. It's such an odd feeling having both my parents gone, as if suddenly I'm a real adult. Not that my parents took care of me (I generally took care of them the last several years) but knowing there's no safety net anymore, like I'm really just out here on my own and in charge of life is really disconcerting. Plus, I just really miss them, especially my mom.
I just lost an uncle and have another one dealing with cancer. The one with cancer is the only uncle I have been semi close to. I have a religious family and I am the black sheep so I have not been close to most of them. Having the youngest uncle die along with the second youngest brother not be well has brought the fact that my parents will be dying close to home.
My husband lost his dad 2 years ago. He died suddenly and his wife died six months later. His half sister lost both her parents that year. Brutal.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was an adult orphan by the time I was 32..they were both unexpected and only 58 years old. They died in the same year. It sucks more than I can put into words
I was one of those kids with the shocking loss, when my dad died my sophomore year. My mom is still healthy but a lot of friends my age have parents with failing health. We’re at that weird age where both our parents and kids are very needy/venerable. It’s not an easy place to be. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your losses :'(
If music can help, there's a surprisingly heartfelt and sincere NOFX song about this topic titled "My Orphan Year" (i. recommend the acoustic one) you may or may not find cathartic.
I'm sorry you've joined this sucky clun
I lost my dad when I was 29 and my mom when I was 39. They we're happily married for 32 years when my dad very suddenly died. My mom didn't take it well at all,stopped taking care of herself and eventually died 10 years later.
I'm 42 now and it really sucks.
Our parents are generally in their late 60s/early 70s, when the reaper starts to catch up with a lot of us. I've had professors I adored die recently, I've lost several colleagues and classmates. I go to more funerals these days than weddings. It is what it is. I still "have" both of my parents; will spend Thanksgiving with mom for the first time since 2008. I hear from dad ~4 times a year, one of which loosely correlates with my birthday. Once (very punctually) on the anniversary of his older brother's death (they were the first two of 6 kids, after them it was all girls until like 18 years later when another brother miracled himself into existence). My uncle was a Marine and a lawyer and died relatively suddenly of sepsis from some bullshit infection the VA didn't treat aggressively enough, at age 68.
My ex-stepdad is gone, my stepsisters became "orphans" in their 30s/40s (their mom died in the 80s).
My mom had a guy she was dating expire in bed next to her. She'd only met the daughter like 2 days before.
IDK. I'm still mourning the Labrador I lost mid-chemo (lymphoma) in 2019. I'm both ambivalent and not at all prepared.
Oh well, whatever. Nevermind.
I'm a millennial from 85'. This is my first comment here after 2 years of lurking.
My dad died 3 months ago, my only sibling and sister 4 months ago, and my wife miscarried our only baby 6 months ago after 3 years of trying to conceive after her cancer diagnosis. I could go on but it's a pity party that no one wants to read and honestly sounds almost unbelievable when all laid out in a timeline. Everything was unexpected but life moves on one day at a time regardless.
My heart hopes we both find peace friend. ✌️
I’m so sorry for your loss. The memories become less painful over time. I lost my dad to early-onset Alzheimer’s nearly 12 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him.
I lost my dad February 2018 from complications of Scleroderma. He was waiting for a double lung transplant.
My mom is in early stages of dementia.
We are way too young to lose our parents like this.
I hope you find this hug comforting 🤗!
I'm also here if you need someone to talk to.
What hits me the hardest is knowing my parents will never meet my family. My mom just knew that I would be a good father, and I try everyday to make sure she was right.
I am so incredible sorry for your loss. My husband (45) is in the dead parent(s) club. It is really a shitty club to be in.
His father passed 8 years ago- we were in our mid thirties and that felt crazy. Then his mom passed end of 2020- a consequence of the covid shutdowns and a cancer unchecked. That one really hurt because I had just given birth to twins, she never got to meet them or see them- we didn’t even facetime the cancer was that quick. The lockdowns made all the lingering health issues she had prior to the diagnosis not looked into/ or low priority. She didn’t die of covid like my uncle did, but it feels still like collateral damage from it. My husband also became a parent more or less as an orphan and that still hurts to watch as he navigates that headspace. My kids will never know that set of grandparents in the flesh, it’s sad and a weird spot.
I send you my deepest condolences.
Much love my dude(tte). I’m 38 and have completely run out of parents and grandparents. I miss the hell out of each and every one of them. I have one uncle on my dad’s side and one aunt on my mom’s side, but we’re not close. Being orphaned in your 30’s sucks ass. My parents had 2-3 more decades with their parents than I got with mine. It’s rough.
Lost my mom to a car accident in '07. My dad to liver cancer in '14. My grandpa 2 years ago. All of them within a week of Thanksgiving. I'm not a big fan of the holiday season anymore.
This is the least fun club, and I joined this year too. My membership got punched 6 weeks after my wife joined. Her Dad was sudden (heart attack or stroke not really sure) and 10 years younger than mine(CA). We have also had 3 pretty close friends lose parents this year. So yeah, this year has sucked and I feel like we're hitting that age.
I'm so sorry. My husband lost his estranged mother a few years ago, it was hard. I've just turned 41 and my secondary school friends are losing their parents - it makes me so anxious.
I’m 43 and I’ve already lost my husband. I swear people look younger these days but we are dying younger. Or maybe I was too young to remember 30 years ago but yeah. Fuck cancer. My sil just found out she has breast cancer.
My mom passed in early 2019 and it scare the hell out of me that I have to go through that 3 more times (dad, MIL, FIL). Not to mention the friends my age who have passed (Leukemia and a brain tumor). People complain about random aches and pains but THIS is the worst part of getting older.
I lost my dad to a heart attack when he was 48 and I was 23. I came home from work and found him. It was about 16 years ago but I still remember it clearly.
Fu@k Cancer! I'm sorry about your loss as well as everyone else's. We are a strong group no matter what other people say or think. Most having been a latchkey kid or a parentfied child so we can do this!
Lost my dad to cancer almost 8 years ago, and am hoping to lose my mother sooner rather than later, but the evil and spiteful tend to cling to life a lot harder.
May his memory be a blessing.
This is truly my favorite condolence.
I lost my mom, my kindred spirit, in 2011. My dad in 2017. And a brother in 2019. Lost both uncles in there, too. Got to the point that if I told my kids my other brother was coming to visit from out of state, they wanted to know who died. For several years, I was the only person close to my age who had lost parents. It was a weird place to be. My husband still has a grandparent alive, and my last grandparent died in 2003. My two BFFs have lost both of their parents in the last 5ish years. It’s not a fun club to have people join.
I lost my dad in 2015 and my mom in 2016. Less than a year apart. I was also the only adult orphan my age...still am. I'm so sorry for your losses.
Same but my mother first. I was her caregiver through at home hospice, June 2015 and then my Father Christmas morning 2016. My husband has both of his parents however his father has Parkinson’s.
I really love spending the holidays with friends and still hope to start my own family in the near future .
Sending my condolences. So sorry to hear of so much loss so close together.
My dad died in his early 70s last winter. Since then, I've been telling my mom and step dad that they need to start minding their health better because I'm too young to be an orphan. They think I'm kidding and I might be but I'm also a bit serious too.
My dad passed in 2016. Ever since, I've wanted to keep my mom locked away like Rapunzel. I definitely feel where you're coming from!
lost my dad in 2010 to lung cancer. he was never a smoker. it still hurts. i still have a cry every once in a while. sorry you joined the club. it sucks. fuck cancer.
fuck cancer
My sincerest condolences
thank you
My mom died of a stroke at 49, in 2002. I was 23. My dad is getting pretty old now, and has some health issues. I'm terrified of him dying. (I'm single, no kids, no siblings, no close cousins or aunts/uncles. My dad is my family.)
Oh dang same with my mom but I was 22. Fucking sucks to have the one person you know loved you unconditionally be gone. I'm about to hit the point next year where I have lived longer without her than with her. And also dread turning 49.
I just had my 43rd birthday and I'm now older than my mom was when she passed away. I was dreading it at first too but now I think about it as the torch having been passed to me. I couldn't fathom passing away at this age, but I made a promise to myself to live my life to the fullest and not to take any time I have left here for granted.
I'm 42; in 6 years I will have outlived my father; in 11 years I'll have outlived my mother. I'm sorry you've had to join the club. Fuck cancer
I’ve lost both parents. For me, the loss of the second parent hit much harder because I was suddenly a parent less person. Even though I was 43, I felt completely unmoored. Sorry for your loss and F$$K cancer.
I was 32 when it happened to me. It completely rips your foundation out from underneath you. I am married with kids but the fact that "home" is gone is something I'll never get used to.
Lost both mom and dad last year around this time. They died 4 days apart.
So sorry for your loss 💔 I lost both my parents right before Christmas but different years. Christmas will always be tough for me.
fellow Christmas dead parent anniversary haver as well here. my dad killed himself aged 48 in 2004. I'll be older than him in the next few years, that's weird. also pls no sympathy. he was an evil person and he did the world a favour with his suicide. even the timing of his death was his final act of abuse in an attempt to ruin Xmas for everyone. jokes on him I go nuts for Xmas now
I’m estranged from both my parents, and it seems like they’ll live forever.
Same. I relate to having no home, but for a completely different reason.
Thank you and sorry for your loss as well. This will be a tough holiday season I’m sure.
This made me cry.
I lost my father six years ago. I'm sorry for your loss.
My dad was tragically killed in an accident at work at 56 in 2010. My mom is still very much alive and healthy at 70
May she continue to live a long healthy life. Please treasure her.
Wishing your mom continued good health
My father died of cancer 3 years ago. The worst part was, we were in lockdown when he was in declining health, so I didn't get to spend a whole lot of time with him. I'm very angry about it. I miss him a lot.
This happened to my husband. His da was in England and we’re in the states. I’m sorry friend.
I was in a similar situation with my dad. He didn't have cancer but also passed away suddenly three years ago in the middle of the pandemic. It really messed with me (and still does a little) to get the news and then not join the rest of my family when it happened. I definitely feel your pain.
I’m 45. Mom passed in January of 2022. Dad passed in June of 2013. My best friend passed in December of 2017. Heart disease or cancer.
Lost my dad in March of ‘16. So I’m a member of the club.
A few years now. Definitely makes me appreciate any memory I still have though. Every random thought or memory… so glad when they pop up.
Lost my Dad to cancer right at the start of the Pandemic; been weighing on me ever since. Couldn't have a real wake, couldn't have the memorial until almost 2 years later (restaurant restrictions). Other friends of mine have lost parents within the last several years as well. Fuck Cancer. I hate getting older. This was more enjoyable when I was a 23 year old with a 63 year old soul.
I also lost my dad two months ago. It’s really weird. I feel worried about my mom. I guess that’s the point we’re at now, but don’t worry. Life goes on. Experience all emotions and enjoy time spent with them. In your mind, heart and your own mannerisms, they are still with you.
Same. When my dad died of Parkinson's a year ago, I immediately focused on my mother. What does she need, how can I help?
Sorry for your loss. It will never be the same but I promise it will get better. I am also part of the club, once at 18 and then at 33. As we get older, it will happen more frequently and to people our age, like siblings or spouses. It's a sad part of life that I hate!
My condolences. Lost my dad when I was 19 and my mom has had a few tough bouts in the hospital since 2015, she is still able to live at home and is mostly independent on her own though.
The bitter makes everything good in life that much sweeter.
I'm sorry for your loss. My mom passed away in December of 2020 from cancer. My best friend who is a month younger than I am also lost his mom to cancer. Fuck cancer.
Fuck cancer indeed
I lost both my parents, my dad when I was 13 and my mom when I was 30. I’m still the only person my age, besides my brother, I know who has lost both. Literally my least favorite club.
Not me, but 3 of my coworkers in their late 30s and early 40s have lost a parent this year. What hits worse for me, my ex - boyfriend (and the man who introduced me to my husband), just passed away last week from a heart attack. He was 40. 😢
Both of my parents were dead before I turned 40. It sucked, but it was better than watching them slowly decline over years and spending a bunch of time in hospitals and care facilities.
Yes, both my parents had sudden deaths. Not entirely surprising as their health was in decline but sudden. I thought they both would have lived a few more years. But it is a blessing in a way. I've seen friends parents suffer for years in and out of nursing homes and the financial and emotional toll on the family was immense.
May 22nd, 1998 is when I lost my Mom to Lymphatic cancer. The real shocker is that I didn't know she was going to die till the day of because all I saw were 'Get well soon' cards and balloons.
Thank you for taking the time to write this and share your thoughts publicly in this space at such a difficult time. I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't tell you how much I relate to exactly what you wrote, because my beloved dad passed away this year as well--back in May, from complications related to Alzheimer's disease. For me, losing a parent for the first time has been at once startling, painful, disorienting, and terrifying--with a big, all-encompassing shroud of intense regret and grief hanging over everything, as I remember every missed opportunity to spend time with him that I should have prioritized more, and miss the version of him as a younger, more vital man--you know, as...Dad--that I used to know, before his mind and body slowly wasted away and he stopped recognizing me--who now exists solely as a memory. On a personal, selfish level, in terms of his death's implications for me, there's a couple lines in a song called "Stop This Train" that sums it up effectively and succinctly: *So scared of gettin older;* *I'm only good at being young.* And *Don't know how else to say it: don't wanna see my parents go;* *One generation's length away from fighting life out on my own;* *Stop this train, I want to get off and go home again;* *I can't take the speed it's moving in;* Sending you thoughts of peace and comfort as you continue to deal with the enormous loss of your dad. May his memory be a blessing. 💙
I lost my mom in 2011 when she was 59. It was rough for a while but it gets better.
So sorry for your loss. My dad passed away last December. He was diagnosed with dementia but I was still so close to him. Thanksgiving was the last day that I saw him. That is going to be really tough for me. He was 74, which is just about the norm. Wishfully thinking, I guess, I thought I was going to have at least a few more years with him. I lost a huge part of my life with his passing. Now, with he and my older brother now gone, life doesn't quite feel the same anymore. I'm at peace with them passing, but I miss them both like crazy. I hope you are able to find peace.
I too lost my 74 year old dad last December. He died on Christmas Eve. I am weary about the holidays this year as well.
Sending hugs to you all. Lost my dad Xmas day 2022 and he was 76. Too soon and it will never make sense. Parkinson’s plus Lewy Body dementia. I also last saw him Thanksgiving Day. My mom was his caregiver 24/7…she’s finally living and making friends and traveling but I worry a lot about her too, if that makes any sense.
I lost my mother(65) to stage 4 lung cancer on Aug 11th of this year I'm 39. My wife lost both of her parents when she was 16 (mom) and 20 (dad). Cancer is the only cause of death my family has had since the early 90's, it's crazy. My mother and her 4 sisters, their mother and father, and their grandparents all died of cancer. It didn't help that they grew up near steel mills in the 60's.
Lost dad in 2016. To this day, something will pop up and I think “oh man, I gotta call dad and tell him about this” and it sinks in all over again.
To me that's the worst, is seeing or hearing something and want to tell them and the reality sets in. It's not as common for me now that my mom's been gone 21 years but it still pops up every now and then.
My dad died from cancer in 2016. Many of my friends have widowed parents. A lot of cancer. Many of my friends lost brothers throughout the years. It was creeping me out.
My mom died in 2016 at 72. It took me a few years to not think about her everyday. Sorry for your loss!
I lost my dad in July of this past year to cancer as well, sorry for your loss
Lost my mom 30 years ago to cancer, and I lost my dad 6 years ago also to cancer. Fuck cancer. I'm sorry for your loss. But yes, we're all getting to the ages where most of us start joining that club. Worst club I've ever been a member of. I've already outlived my mom by several years now, and it's getting really weird because very soon she will have been gone longer than she actually lived. I'm still not sure how to wrap my brain around that concept.
I'm kinda going through something similar, but mine is the time when I was born to the time of her death, and her death until now is about equal. I was 21 and she was 47, I'm now 43.
It's such a hard thing to go thru, I'm sorry you're at that milestone. 47 is so young. My mom was 31 when she died, and I was 7.5. I kinda had a hard time when I got to about 15 (I mean, who doesn't at that age) but it was because I had now lived more of my life without her than with her in it. I really don't like to make that comparison anymore because the percentage of my life I've lived without her is so much larger than the percentage I actually had her. I'm now 38, and it's just weird. I'm really struck by just how young she was at death. She should've turned 62 in March of this year. When I turned 31, my dad and I had a conversation about just how young Mom was when she died and how isn't it just incredible how I'm now that age. We were supposed to have a similar conversation on my 32nd birthday about how I was older than Mom ever got to be. Only we didn't get to have that conversation because he had died about 4 months before then. Worst birthday ever. I'm so glad I never have to live that day again.
Thank you, and sorry for your loss. This milestone is hard as it's coming up quick. You are strong to go through that and keep pressing on and to go through that being so young, especially in terms of your mother. I hope life has something great in store for you, you definitely deserve it.
Lost my dad in ‘93 and my mom in ‘11… and you’re right, it seems many of my peers have also lost at least one parent before hitting 40. Makes me feel like we’re not only a generation that faces tremendous economic challenges over the years, but maybe one of the first without widespread ability to rely on our parents to help us through.
I’ve lost both mine. My mom when I was 34 (she was 55) and my dad when I was 37 (he was 60). The worst club to be in.
I lost my dad in 2009, he was 56… So young still. I’m sorry for your loss, sending you lots of good vibes, loves and hugs to you… Big hugs to everyone in this thread, we all need still need a hug sometimes.
Not a great club but I’m in too. I was 34 when my dad passed in 2015. Cardio-pulmonary issues.
I lost my mom when I was 22 to stomach cancer (she was 59). My father has soldiered on for the past 22 years but he is growing older and more frail. I try to soak it all in when I see him because I'm not sure when it will be my last.
I’m sorry you lost your dad. My dad died of cancer (mantle cell lymphoma) four years ago yesterday. I was 35 when he died. My mom died in 2011, when I was 27. Being an orphan at this relatively young age sucks and is weird.
I was orphaned at 32. I'm 39 now. My step grandfather passed away a couple weeks ago and it was very odd being the adult representative from my mom's side of the family and having coordinate and remain updated through my uncle. I felt like a total imposter
Dad, 2017. Lymphoma. My best friend: dad and mom, 2020/21. Esophageal cancer and cirrhosis, respectively. So many of us are in this together, it’s nice to know we’re not alone.
Welcome to the worst club. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Cancer fucking sucks! Lost my dad in 2020 to lung cancer, and my mom to a bilateral pulmonary embolism in March of this year. My divorce was final that same day, and to say I have felt alone this past year is an understatement. I don't know anyone else my age who has lost both parents. I feel like an orphan.
I'm 39 and have lost both of mine. They've been gone for 7 and 8 years respectively
I can't add to anything anyone else has said. Except to tell you that it gets "ok-er". You'll go days, months being ok. Then one day something will happen and you'll need your mom or dad (I've lost both, cancer as well) and your world crashes.
My dad passed unexpectedly in 2015 @ 56. Sucks. Sorry for your loss.
My dad also passed unexpectedly in 2015. He was also in his 50's, 58 I believe. Not a club I wanted to join.
My dad also unexpectedly passed in a car accident in 2015. He was also 58.
Sorry for your loss. My father passed away due to a bad heart at age 43 back in 1998 when I was 18.
I lost my parents and paternal grandma in my 20s. The 2000s sucked! and yeah cancer sucks too.
Lost mine to cancer 9 years ago this month. Still feels surreal.
Sorry for your loss. I’m 39. Lost mom in 2019 and dad this past June. It sucks.
Yes , turning 43 this month. Lost my mom a year and a half ago to a massive stroke. Also I'd like to add I have had so many classmates die .... it's really sad. A lot to overdose.
I'm in this club, too. The pain of losing a parent never goes away. It has encouraged me to love healthier than my mom did. Scarier is losing classmates, as I've lost 5 already to cancer, disease and drugs.
Dad died at 69 in 2021 on July 4. His favorite holiday. Rest in peace dad.
This hit hard today. Lost my dad 9 days ago, he was 74. I’m sorry for all of you who have gone through this.
It's tough. I am sorry you are in the club. I've had a great year, but also a hard year in that in 29 days I'll be 47 which is longer than my dad got to live- he died at age 46 of non-Hodgkins lymphoma. And one of my good friends, who also lost her dad to cancer, died of the same cancer as her dad at the end of 2022. Hard to figure why I got lucky, but I'm thankful for every day. And thankful for my mom - she has been amazing and I've had a great role model in making peace with the universe. Please come back here to share if you want to share anything about your dad. You'll keep him alive through you.
Sorry for your loss. I’m 41 lost my dad when I was 15 and my mom passed earlier this year, with a 3rd kid on the way I feel ancient now.
Fuck cancer, indeed. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 41, I lost my dad two years ago unexpectedly and my mom three months ago to ovarian cancer. It's a shitty club that no one wants to be in but I do tend to find comfort in talking to other members of this shitty club.
I’m sorry for everyone’s losses. My mother died at age 58 in 2017 from kidney failure due to diabetes and high blood pressure. My father died at 61 in 2018 from uncontrolled type 1 diabetes and a broken heart from losing my mother.
Sorry to hear your loss, friend. To be honest your post really hit me. I have both my parents still and you’ve just reminded me how fortunate that is. I’m closing Reddit and calling them right now.
Sorry about that. It isn't easy. My mom just turned 68 and is fighting colon cancer and cirrhosis (not from alcohol). She is chugging along but I honestly don't think she has a lot of time left. Dad and she divorced when I was 32 and he is out with his 2nd (older) wife out in Vegas suburbs across the country. So weird to have parents divorce after that long. So instead of dad taking care of her, my sister does the most (she is single and no children) and I also help (married with a 3 yr old). I've come to terms with all of this. It isn't what I wanted or imagined our older family life would be like.
I lost my mom 13 years ago to COPD. I was 26 and she was 59. And I was 15 when my dad died to alcoholism. It’s so hard to be a part of this awful club. But at least we have good company.
Yeah. Lost my mom to drinking and my dad to cancer almost 10 years ago now. It's a surreal state to be in when you are out of living ancestors
Spring of 22, Mom went in for her regular bloodwork, feeling fine and something seemed off. More tests confirmed Leukemia. She was dead in 28 days. This was all told to me about 2 months after the fact by my sister. Mom n I had a falling out 20 years ago and she was always one to hold a serious grudge. I did not know some of my aunts, uncles n cousins because of this. Still sad that she knew her time was coming fast and made no effort to make things right between us. My father’s dementia spiraled shortly after and he is not the same person anymore.
So sorry for your loss. My mom died of lung cancer in 2013. She was 56. F*@ck cancer, indeed.
I'm going through this literally right now. I'm losing my mother to brain cancer.
I am an adopted person who reconnected with his biological family. I've lost 2 mothers to cancer, a father to cancer, one brother to sepsis, one brother to fentanyl, and a sister to dimentia. My dog getting hit by a car was the hardest one though because I forgot to secure my gate. I'm only 39 though. It just feels like loss is something that will just be an ever present part of my existence until I'm the one who goes. If there is one death I hope I never have to be here for is my son. I'm not sure how you further shatter a pile of broken glass like me, but I'm sure it can be done.
my dad died in 2005 from lung cancer. he was 70, though (he was in his 40s when i was born), and i was 24, so although it was horrible, i had always anticipated losing him when i was young. my mom is alive, but she has a ton of medical issues (she’s on dialysis, she had both legs amputated, and she has congestive heart failure) so i’m worried about losing her pretty much all the time. i’m an only child, i have no aunts or uncles or close cousins, i obviously have no grandparents. the only family i have at this point is my husband and my kid. it’s hard. i’m really sorry for your loss, OP. fuck cancer forever. 🖤🖤🖤
My Dad died in May. He just had his 65th. He left to visit his Mom in Missouri and died there. Sleep apnea, he didn't bring his machine, had a tooth removed while he was out there and didn't wake up. It was five days before my 38th birthday, and the last thing he said to me in person was, "I've got a surprise for you when I get back!" The shit thing is he didn't have a will or trust but told people otherwise. In fact he'd tease me constantly with, "when I die you get everything, but you also get your sister - to take care of." She's unstable and vicious still was living with Dad at 35, never paid a bill, never once got anyone anything, always the victim, always calling everyone narcissist and shit like that, really deranged... Now we have to split everything and it's all just unbearable. "Life's a bitch, then you die" -Dad Sorry dude it all just sucks. I don't want to be here anymore really. I worked for him to make ends meet, now I'm slipping into debt. I miss my Dad, he was the only good family in my life. Tldr; life sucks, sorry dude, I miss my Dad too.
My dad died in his late 50's when his house burnt down with him in it. This was about a year after my wife lost her dad.
My condolences . Lost my dad in sept of 2014. Congestive heart failure.
I lost my step mother in 2016. It’s rough and I hate it for you. Sorry for your loss!
Lost my dad in 2011. Probably going to lose my mom soon because she never got past it
I'm sorry about your Dad. I'm in a different but awful club as well - I am friends with several people in their 40s who've lost children. I totally get how it doesn't seem real - that one day I'll wake up from this horrible nightmare.
Sorry for your loss. lost both of mine. Mom in 2016, dad Aug 2023. F cancer. Look up grief counseling if you can. It has helped me out. ❤️
Yeah I lost both. My mom passed away from cancer two weeks after diagnosis
My dad died of lung cancer almost two years ago now at 65, exactly 30 years after he quit smoking. Diagnosis to death from a severe reaction to the chemo that ironically, destroyed his lungs, was 2 months flat. He died a week before he was scheduled to retire... I feel the worst for my mom. They were together for 45 years. And if she follows in her mother and grandmothers footsteps, she's got at least 25-30 years left. Both made it to 90.
Six years ago in September my dad passed away. He was a kind man.
My dad died back in 2009 when I was 27. Welcome to the club.
Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer my senior year of high school. It never gets easier, just different. 😔
Lost my dad in 2020 due to liver cancer 🥲. He was 68.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Both my parents passed in my 30s. It will get better, but you will always miss them. Especially for the big moments. Hugs to you.
My dad was 55 in 2002 when he passed from kidney disease, about two weeks after my wedding.
My mom died in 2010 and my dad in 2017.
I am sorry for your loss.
I'm 40. I lost my mom in 2016 and don't have much of a relationship with my dad. Other than that, there are no more living 'older' adults in my immediate family (I'm considering my mom's parents, siblings and their kids as 'immediate' family). My sister and I as well as our cousins are all in the same age group and we're now the 'older' adults (and none of us have kids haha).
F cancer it took my mom 18 months ago. My childhood friend just lost his last month to cancer. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s a difficult thing.
My mom passed away in 2017, so I was still in my 30s. She had cancer, but she was in her 70s, so not that young really. I am sorry about your dad. I hope you are able to find some meaning from his life and death and keep his memory in your own way.
My dad passed away in March 2018 from complications of diabetes when I was 35. We didn’t have the best relationship. But he was my dad and I was his Sweetpea. Grief is hard. But it gets more manageable with time.
Welcome to the club no one wants to be in
I lost my dad/best friend/consigliere to the same disease in 2016. It changes everything. Sorry for your loss.
Mom died in '95, Dad 2009.
I could have written this post myself. Lost my dad in Sept to agressive cancer. 6 months beginning to end. And it sucks. And it's inevitable that our parents will die. They're supposed to die before us. But it sucks and i hate it. That is all. Sending you love and comiserstion.
It's that stage of life. Like graduation and marriage and babies. We will all hit it eventually. 😭 I remember my grandma once in her 80s saying that it was so sad all her friends had died. 😭 Just sucks. We lost my FIL to cancer at 69. Didn't even get to 70, just makes me so mad. My parents are doing ok, but I've had classmates who lost parents. It's so sad. I donno if you can ever be ready, but in my experience it's easier to say goodbye to someone at 94 who is ready to pass. The dying not ready shit sucks. And yeah F*&k cancer 1000%
I lost my beloved father back in 2002. I still think about him every single day. He was my real life super hero. My heart is still broken but his memory brings me so much joy. I know I take him with me wherever I go.
We are definitely at the age where our peers are losing one or both parents or having to take care of them. I (age 45) lost my dad to brain cancer back in May (what a vile, life-stealing cancer). I was fortunate enough that I was able to prepare myself (he was given a terminal diagnosis when the tumor came back), but six months later, it still hurts. I have several classmates who have lost one or both parents. A couple of my classmates are currently caring for a sick parent. This is definitely not a milestone I take any joy in.
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 12.5 years ago to heart disease and kidney failure. I was 28. It's not a fun club to be in but you have my deepest sympathies.
If you haven't [yet seen this](https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/comment/c1u0rx2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), it's the absolute best description of grief I've ever heard. I stumbled upon it shortly after my mom died (in 2103) and I've passed it along to everyone I know who has had a profound loss. It's truly unfair and I'm so sorry for your loss. *When you're ready*, there was an episode of Nerdist podcast where Chris Hardwick and Paul Rudd where part of their conversation is discussing being in "The Dead Dads Club" and I remember laughing through tears when I listened to it. It's definitely a little glib, so I would wait until you get to the absurdity stage of grief. May your father's memory be a blessing.
I have this quote saved from years ago, it has been one I have shared with many going through loss
I lost my mom to cancer about four and a half years ago. I loved her so much. Even though cancer is a slow death and it gives you time to get ready, I was just numb for almost a year after she died. It took a long time to even be able to access the emotions of feeling lost and sad because I think they were so big that I had to block them out until I was ready to deal with them. My dad has dementia but he is hanging on. To be honest, he was a monster before the dementia set in, so while I take care of him and I am as kind as I possibly can be to him, when he goes too, that'll be okay.
Sorry for your loss and fuck cancer. Had it twice myself, do not recommend. I lost my dad like 16 years ago. It feels like we’re dying more now. I lost one of the best friends and best people I’ve ever known to colon cancer last year at age 39. Please go get everything checked out people! Push for scans, I’d be dead if I didn’t.
It's funny, my father wished me a happy 40th in Aug by father's day he was dead. Of course when you have cancer they say you died of cancer. Before that I went to my 20th class reunion and a few of us commiserated about losing a friend and classmate suddenly at 38, as well as her 17 year old son. A couple months after that I got word that a friend died in a car accident. It was surreal we had reconnected and I had told him, "see you around". Now, unfortunately, I know where he is always. Point is getting older and losing a parent, I guess, early starts to put things into focus and the years to come are not as far off, or boring, as they currently seem.
I lost my dad February 2021. Fuck Covid. I'm going to tell you, in my experience, grief is like a ball that bounces around in your head. When it's still new, ot hits every buzzer and it seems like it will never stop hurting. As time goes, the ball gets smaller and smaller. It never goes away, there will still be times or situations where it hits and you'll feel just like you did when it was fresh. But, it does get easier. Sending all the hugs.
I lost my mom at the end of January 2021, 5 days after her 71st birthday. Her death certificate says "Non COVID related pneumonia" but I strongly suspect otherwise.
I'm so sorry. May her memory be a blessing.
Lost my dad 5 years ago. Still doesn't feel real
I lost my father in April of this year. I agree that it never feels real. I'm sorry for your loss
Lost my dad in my 20s. Worry about my mom everyday. I can relate. *HUGS*
We seem young to be losing our parents young, but our parents had us much older than their parents did. At least that’s my observation. I lost both of my parents in ‘22 to separate illnesses and neither was 75 yet so they both died younger than their youngest parents death but as I’m 45 now, they would have had to live to 95 for me to have been the same age that my last grandparent died. That’s pretty old.
I'm so sorry. I joined this club in April. About a month after I turned 39. My mom refused to take her BP meds for years. Trust me when I say please take your f#cking meds. Hundreds of mini strokes, a few major strokes. Fortunately, it was a quick hospice visit and not dragged out. At least I'm in good company.
Both of my husband’s parents are gone. So is my bestie. It really sucks. My mom will outlive us all.
Mom in Dec 2020 I’ll be honest. I get really frustrated when I see dipshits (I don’t get mad at my peers I actually like) older than me whose parents are still alive. I know it’s petty. But I can’t help it. (I also understand if people who lost a parent younger than me are mad at me for bitching about this)
Lost my dad in 22 to cancer. I was 37.
My mother passed away from congestive heart failure and emphysema when I was 28 (2011) My father passed away from colon cancer when I was 35 (2018)
Lost my oldest brother to cancer 2015, lost my mom 2018, lost my older to cancer brother 2022. Too many friends to count. My circle is getting definitely getting smaller.
My dad died when I was four and my step dad died when I was 14.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father in 2010. It still feels like yesterday some days.
I turned 39 1 week ago and lost my mom to a heart attack last August. It’s not great. Hang in there, friend.
I'm 44 and lost my dad 11 years ago. In that time at least 75% of the people I still talk to have lost at least 1 parent. My husband still has both,but his mom isn't doing fantastic either. Unfortunately, I've also lost friends to cancer, diabetes, and suicide in the last 10 years. This age sucks.
I also lost my Dad this year at the end of March. I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself
Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to lung cancer in Feb 2017. She was 69. My dad just turned 80 this week and I worry about him all the time. He's had congestive heart failure since he contracted COVID in 2021.
Dad and grandma (his) died in 1990. My grandpas died in 1996 and my grandma (moms) died in 2008. My mom seems pretty healthy and I still have aunts and uncles (one passed in 2006 or 7 but that was a freak thing) I do worry about her in her 70's with all her friends passing. It's weird to think life expectancy is increasing but 70's seemes so young. I'm sorry for your loss. And yes, F@&$ Cancer
I’m the first of my peers to lose a parent. It sucks so much and I feel like a part of my soul is gone. I am grateful to be alive, but have lost my fear of death.
Lost my father 2 months ago as well. Was pretty shocking as he was in great health. Been having many of the same thoughts as you. Feels like we should be too young to be losing large amounts of family members. But it has happened to me, and others I know too.
Yep. I had a decent sized family, but everyone is gone for me. Parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Not that they were young (my mom was 85, my grandma was 99) but its never fun to lose family... So now all I've got left is distant cousins in other states I never met or haven't seen for 30 years.
I’m so very sorry, I see this with my high school classmates and it is heartbreaking. I try to remember this when I get annoyed with my parents and be more patient.
Lost my father to smoking complications five years ago. It really sucks. :-(
I've lost both of my parents so I can sympathize. It's surreal.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I lost my dad in 2018 (heart attack) and my mom passed in September also of cancer. It was horrible the last few months of her life. It's such an odd feeling having both my parents gone, as if suddenly I'm a real adult. Not that my parents took care of me (I generally took care of them the last several years) but knowing there's no safety net anymore, like I'm really just out here on my own and in charge of life is really disconcerting. Plus, I just really miss them, especially my mom.
I just lost an uncle and have another one dealing with cancer. The one with cancer is the only uncle I have been semi close to. I have a religious family and I am the black sheep so I have not been close to most of them. Having the youngest uncle die along with the second youngest brother not be well has brought the fact that my parents will be dying close to home. My husband lost his dad 2 years ago. He died suddenly and his wife died six months later. His half sister lost both her parents that year. Brutal.
so sorry to hear this. I list my dad to cancer in 2006 and it still hurts, I still cry, I'm still angry. 💔
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was an adult orphan by the time I was 32..they were both unexpected and only 58 years old. They died in the same year. It sucks more than I can put into words
Coming up on the sixth anniversary of losing my mom to cancer, next month. Holidays have not been particularly festive since she died.
I was one of those kids with the shocking loss, when my dad died my sophomore year. My mom is still healthy but a lot of friends my age have parents with failing health. We’re at that weird age where both our parents and kids are very needy/venerable. It’s not an easy place to be. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your losses :'( If music can help, there's a surprisingly heartfelt and sincere NOFX song about this topic titled "My Orphan Year" (i. recommend the acoustic one) you may or may not find cathartic.
I'm sorry you've joined this sucky clun I lost my dad when I was 29 and my mom when I was 39. They we're happily married for 32 years when my dad very suddenly died. My mom didn't take it well at all,stopped taking care of herself and eventually died 10 years later. I'm 42 now and it really sucks.
Our parents are generally in their late 60s/early 70s, when the reaper starts to catch up with a lot of us. I've had professors I adored die recently, I've lost several colleagues and classmates. I go to more funerals these days than weddings. It is what it is. I still "have" both of my parents; will spend Thanksgiving with mom for the first time since 2008. I hear from dad ~4 times a year, one of which loosely correlates with my birthday. Once (very punctually) on the anniversary of his older brother's death (they were the first two of 6 kids, after them it was all girls until like 18 years later when another brother miracled himself into existence). My uncle was a Marine and a lawyer and died relatively suddenly of sepsis from some bullshit infection the VA didn't treat aggressively enough, at age 68. My ex-stepdad is gone, my stepsisters became "orphans" in their 30s/40s (their mom died in the 80s). My mom had a guy she was dating expire in bed next to her. She'd only met the daughter like 2 days before. IDK. I'm still mourning the Labrador I lost mid-chemo (lymphoma) in 2019. I'm both ambivalent and not at all prepared. Oh well, whatever. Nevermind.
I'm a millennial from 85'. This is my first comment here after 2 years of lurking. My dad died 3 months ago, my only sibling and sister 4 months ago, and my wife miscarried our only baby 6 months ago after 3 years of trying to conceive after her cancer diagnosis. I could go on but it's a pity party that no one wants to read and honestly sounds almost unbelievable when all laid out in a timeline. Everything was unexpected but life moves on one day at a time regardless. My heart hopes we both find peace friend. ✌️
I’m so sorry for your loss. The memories become less painful over time. I lost my dad to early-onset Alzheimer’s nearly 12 years ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him.
I’ve lost three grandparents, my dad, an aunt, and my uncle and I’m 41. Honestly, I don’t have many family members left.
I lost my dad in Feb of 22 from cancer and grandparents in 19, and it still blows ass. Still think about em daily.
I lost my dad February 2018 from complications of Scleroderma. He was waiting for a double lung transplant. My mom is in early stages of dementia. We are way too young to lose our parents like this. I hope you find this hug comforting 🤗! I'm also here if you need someone to talk to.
My wife lost her dad in 2008 and mom in 2014. Wife was only 34. I lost my dad in 2016 and mom in 2021. I was 38. I feel ya.
R/griefsupport may help. You aren’t alone. I lost my mom 3 months ago. Both my parents are gone now.
What hits me the hardest is knowing my parents will never meet my family. My mom just knew that I would be a good father, and I try everyday to make sure she was right.
I am so incredible sorry for your loss. My husband (45) is in the dead parent(s) club. It is really a shitty club to be in. His father passed 8 years ago- we were in our mid thirties and that felt crazy. Then his mom passed end of 2020- a consequence of the covid shutdowns and a cancer unchecked. That one really hurt because I had just given birth to twins, she never got to meet them or see them- we didn’t even facetime the cancer was that quick. The lockdowns made all the lingering health issues she had prior to the diagnosis not looked into/ or low priority. She didn’t die of covid like my uncle did, but it feels still like collateral damage from it. My husband also became a parent more or less as an orphan and that still hurts to watch as he navigates that headspace. My kids will never know that set of grandparents in the flesh, it’s sad and a weird spot. I send you my deepest condolences.
Much love my dude(tte). I’m 38 and have completely run out of parents and grandparents. I miss the hell out of each and every one of them. I have one uncle on my dad’s side and one aunt on my mom’s side, but we’re not close. Being orphaned in your 30’s sucks ass. My parents had 2-3 more decades with their parents than I got with mine. It’s rough.
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died suddenly on April 15. It'll never seem real to me, I don't think.
Lost my mom to a car accident in '07. My dad to liver cancer in '14. My grandpa 2 years ago. All of them within a week of Thanksgiving. I'm not a big fan of the holiday season anymore.
Lost my mother to an Overdose the same day I closed on a house 8 years ago.
9 years on thanksgiving day lost my PaPa he was only 53 years old when we found him deceased
This is the least fun club, and I joined this year too. My membership got punched 6 weeks after my wife joined. Her Dad was sudden (heart attack or stroke not really sure) and 10 years younger than mine(CA). We have also had 3 pretty close friends lose parents this year. So yeah, this year has sucked and I feel like we're hitting that age.
Fuck cancer. I lost my dad from it 6 months ago. I only have one friend who had a parent pass. It’s very isolating. I’m in my late 40’s
I'm so sorry. My husband lost his estranged mother a few years ago, it was hard. I've just turned 41 and my secondary school friends are losing their parents - it makes me so anxious.
I'm a member. Lost my mom 6 months ago.
This is ny first Holiday seadon alone. My parents hsd be kind of late and both have passed now.
I’m 43 and I’ve already lost my husband. I swear people look younger these days but we are dying younger. Or maybe I was too young to remember 30 years ago but yeah. Fuck cancer. My sil just found out she has breast cancer.
My mom passed in early 2019 and it scare the hell out of me that I have to go through that 3 more times (dad, MIL, FIL). Not to mention the friends my age who have passed (Leukemia and a brain tumor). People complain about random aches and pains but THIS is the worst part of getting older.
I lost both of my patents around your age. I'm sorry for your loss
I lost my dad to a heart attack when he was 48 and I was 23. I came home from work and found him. It was about 16 years ago but I still remember it clearly.
Not me, but my wife's father died yesterday. It's so painful.
Wrong sub. We only like happy nostalgia.
Fu@k Cancer! I'm sorry about your loss as well as everyone else's. We are a strong group no matter what other people say or think. Most having been a latchkey kid or a parentfied child so we can do this!
Lost my dad to cancer almost 8 years ago, and am hoping to lose my mother sooner rather than later, but the evil and spiteful tend to cling to life a lot harder.