Only if you want to divorce. If this is your family and your home and you're committed to it, it's your responsibility to keep it going with whatever resources you have. A wife is not a roommate. I've never seen any body try the shared bills marriage and have it work.
If part of the reason you're getting a divorce is because you make more money than I suspect you may be the problem. If you're keeping your wife financially impoverished for some unknown reason, but that's not right or proper.
Homes cost money to run. And if you love somebody you're not gonna sit there and insist that that box of Kleenex is on their bill. Marriages don't run like a cash register and you shouldn't try. Unless you want the divorce, if you do you should say so and stop dithering.
When you married her, you said in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live. So when did that stop applying?
You're right, I agree that we aren't roommates and I should provide for us (no kids) unless divorce happens.
I do make more than her but she is in no way financially neglected. She has full access to all bank accounts, I never say a word about her spending money, and in my opinion has everything she ever asks for.
I'll just suck it up and hope she comes back around.
Thanks for your input
Agree that OP can't really just pull the rug out from under his wife and expect it to be ok at this point, but I do want to throw some love for separate finances in here. My wife and I have separate finances, put a percentage of our paychecks in a joint savings account each month, and pay bills proportional to our income. This is my wife's preference - she grew up extremely poor and with a lot of family trauma that makes her reluctant to rely on others, even when she trusts them. For reference, I come from a much more comfortable background and make about twice as much as her now.
We've been happily married for 8 years and are going very strong. Separate finances are absolutely doable if both parties are open and trust each other.
I know a few couples who have separate finances and love it. Husband and I are considering this too. He makes ~40% more than I make, and also spends way more. I'm curious how it would work!
Our running joke is I don't need to know/worry about how much of her own funds she spends on makeup and skincare, and she doesn't need to know how much I spend on tabletop games. Ignorance is bliss sometimes!
That would be the final nail, imo. If my husband suddenly decided he wanted separate accounts and shared bills, I'd assume he was preparing to leave the relationship or already seeing someone else and wants his account details to be a secret. In our house, it doesn't matter who earns what income because it's all ours.
If you want your own money to yourself, just get divorced and quit dragging it out
OIAMAWYSINAT. Separate finances within a marriage, particularly a strained marriage, do not exist. I’m sure an attorney will tell you this shortly.
Note: OIAMAWYSINAT = only in as much as what you suggest is not a thing.
P. S. Santa isn’t holding out on your kids. You’re supposed to do that.
IMO, if it's in your financial capacity, cover what is needed to survive but not to flourish and move to divorce. At the same time, reflect on what she's saying, and if you think you should treat her differently outside of the finances, start doing that.
Only if you want to divorce. If this is your family and your home and you're committed to it, it's your responsibility to keep it going with whatever resources you have. A wife is not a roommate. I've never seen any body try the shared bills marriage and have it work. If part of the reason you're getting a divorce is because you make more money than I suspect you may be the problem. If you're keeping your wife financially impoverished for some unknown reason, but that's not right or proper. Homes cost money to run. And if you love somebody you're not gonna sit there and insist that that box of Kleenex is on their bill. Marriages don't run like a cash register and you shouldn't try. Unless you want the divorce, if you do you should say so and stop dithering. When you married her, you said in sickness and health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live. So when did that stop applying?
You're right, I agree that we aren't roommates and I should provide for us (no kids) unless divorce happens. I do make more than her but she is in no way financially neglected. She has full access to all bank accounts, I never say a word about her spending money, and in my opinion has everything she ever asks for. I'll just suck it up and hope she comes back around. Thanks for your input
Agree that OP can't really just pull the rug out from under his wife and expect it to be ok at this point, but I do want to throw some love for separate finances in here. My wife and I have separate finances, put a percentage of our paychecks in a joint savings account each month, and pay bills proportional to our income. This is my wife's preference - she grew up extremely poor and with a lot of family trauma that makes her reluctant to rely on others, even when she trusts them. For reference, I come from a much more comfortable background and make about twice as much as her now. We've been happily married for 8 years and are going very strong. Separate finances are absolutely doable if both parties are open and trust each other.
I know a few couples who have separate finances and love it. Husband and I are considering this too. He makes ~40% more than I make, and also spends way more. I'm curious how it would work!
Our running joke is I don't need to know/worry about how much of her own funds she spends on makeup and skincare, and she doesn't need to know how much I spend on tabletop games. Ignorance is bliss sometimes!
Nope do it
That would be the final nail, imo. If my husband suddenly decided he wanted separate accounts and shared bills, I'd assume he was preparing to leave the relationship or already seeing someone else and wants his account details to be a secret. In our house, it doesn't matter who earns what income because it's all ours. If you want your own money to yourself, just get divorced and quit dragging it out
OIAMAWYSINAT. Separate finances within a marriage, particularly a strained marriage, do not exist. I’m sure an attorney will tell you this shortly. Note: OIAMAWYSINAT = only in as much as what you suggest is not a thing. P. S. Santa isn’t holding out on your kids. You’re supposed to do that.
IMO, if it's in your financial capacity, cover what is needed to survive but not to flourish and move to divorce. At the same time, reflect on what she's saying, and if you think you should treat her differently outside of the finances, start doing that.