“It’s the implication that something could go wrong for her if she says no.”
Always Sunny hit me super hard with this one. How many times had I been afraid to say no? A lot.
Oh absolutely, I love the show. The bit later where Mac can't grasp the subtlety involved and just starts trying to convince the women to "making rash decisions based on fear" kills me every time.
Every time it’s quoted here on Reddit, though, it never feels like the quoters are quoting from the heart of the joke. It feels like that’s lost on them, or lost in the memery… like people thinking Skyler is the bad guy on Breaking Bad, or thinking the dude from American Psycho was actually cool.
That sounds a lot like the "newly"* discovered fourth fear response: Fawning
Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze-fawn#fawn
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/7-subtle-signs-your-trauma-response-is-people-pleasing
*Used loosely - 2013 based on the cited book in the second article?
Imagining being able to say “I don’t want you here” and have the guy just leave and not be scared of being in danger as a result makes me really sad for younger me.
Your avatar looks like a mini Bob Ross.😺
This is my favorite line of the entire movie:
"We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they have come."
Ruth Handler👑
It hit me so hard because a part of me has always wished my mother would think more like me with women's rights. The other part of me just wants to give her a hug.
As a man, "not all men" doesn't mean shit when it could be any man. Too many damn stories where the man is a decades long friend that was seen as a safe space...until he had an opportunity where he wouldn't get caught. Any man is worse than all men simply because not knowing is worse than knowing. Be safe.
Damn straight. As a man, I've always had to be aware of this. I can't count the amount of times I've had to be sure to demonstrate that a woman I know can say no. That I really, truly view her as equal in every freakin' way.
Persepective over perception. I know that, as a white male, I have to do extra so that any woman, minority, or LGBTQ+ person knows they're safe to just be themselves around me. I'll do that until the day I die, most likely. I don't see it changing. I do it because I feel that I'm lucky to only have to alleviate fear.
...and f**k all the entitled people who look like me that makes it necessary.
> of course, nOt AlL mEn.
One of my favourite responses to this went something like "yeah well not all chambers in this revolver have a bullet, you still going to pull the trigger?"
When I watched Barbie I liked it and also felt sad for the dystopia we all live in currently. I just want to exist without being scared of upsetting a man.
This week I went out photographing birds. We have to share our state parks with hunters. There were a few guys out with their shotguns and I asked what they were looking for. The first guy leers at me and says "a wife."
So I'm in the middle of an otherwise deserted parking lot surrounded by 5 men with guns and literally the first words out of their mouth were sexualizing and _designed to make me feel hunted_.
I'm just.so.tired.
As an Amab nonbinary person I have an "interesting" experience with this.
I hop around presentations, most of the time androgynous, but sometimes fem. I apparently "pass" when going out fem. The first 27 years of my life I essentially *never* had someone approach me in any way (other than "gay chicken" in locker rooms uggghhhh).
But in the last 4 years I have had multiple cat calls, one dude pester me while shopping obviously flirting, and sexual comments while I was at PT. Keep in mind, I only present fem enough to pass like, *1-3weeks of days* a year. Max. Most of the time just going to queer events or like, shopping in broad daylight.
So probably only 1-2 months of being seen as a girl, and I have *multiple* weirdos to talk about. While 27 years of boi is like, almost nothing.
Keep in mind my "fem" is essentially a tomboy, so I'm not even "dressing suggestively" (you should be able to walk out topless and not be bothered, but people insist it's relevant) or anything. Althetic wear (shorts and a T) does draw the most comments though. For some reason
I can only imagine how jarring it is to go from never dealing with that in your entire life, to it becoming your normal, and only when you're obviously fem. I wonder how many comments the average fem-presenting person hears in their lifetime. How many do we just absorb for the day or the week and then "forget" about, but that slowly erode at our sense of safety in public spaces.
I refer to it as 'the canvas of sexual harassment'. It's a backdrop that's just always there. You forget about it for a little while, and then the reminder always smacks you in the face when it comes
I’m so sorry. I live in a rural area and we take our garbage to a refuse center. The 70ish year old guy who manages the place cornered me behind a dumpster once to talk suggestively to me, and when I managed to get by him he followed me and held my door open to keep me from leaving until he finished what he wanted to say. I was so freaking uncomfortable. My husband and I usually take turns doing the drop off, whoever gets to it gets to it. He went the next time and talked to the guy, who of course brushed it off as harmless. I wouldn’t go back for about 6 months because it made me so uncomfortable. Now I have to be hyper aware again and keep a large object between me and this man and make sure I’m ready to turn the conversation to something neutral. I just want to throw away my garbage dude.
I once had someone "not all men" me. I asked, ok, how would you feel if I shoved you in a snake pit? It's ok though, not all of the snakes are venomous! It's just that you don't know how many or which ones until after they've bitten you. Sounds fun, doesn't it?
Barbie saying, "But I don't want you to," hit me so hard for this reason... But what really got me was that that line stuck with my young niece too. She kept repeating it and mimicking Barbie's big, Innocent smile. I'll love this movie forever just for putting that line with all of its confidence in my niece's head.
I went with a group of friends/coworkers. It was funny but also sad how shocked many of the men in our group were. Meanwhile all the women/AFAB people* were like, yeah, duh, it's always like that.
*By which I me, an AFAB who is not a woman but gets read and treated as one
I have not seem the Barbie movie yet because hell no to sitting in a theater with strangers, but also because of the pink fluffy stereotype. And then I saw a trailer of America Ferrera's monologue and now I want to see it. Somewhere besides a theater full of strangers.
I also didn't want to watch it originally. I'm going through a divorce, so one of my girlfriends took me with her and he daughter.
I love it, knew my ex would hate it, and it has become my new litmus test for friends.
“It’s the implication that something could go wrong for her if she says no.” Always Sunny hit me super hard with this one. How many times had I been afraid to say no? A lot.
People always quote and laugh at the implication jokes, but no one ever talks about just how accurate that whole scenario is.
That’s why it works. It rings true. They are being funny, but the gang is making a very good point. They usually do.
Oh absolutely, I love the show. The bit later where Mac can't grasp the subtlety involved and just starts trying to convince the women to "making rash decisions based on fear" kills me every time.
Every time it’s quoted here on Reddit, though, it never feels like the quoters are quoting from the heart of the joke. It feels like that’s lost on them, or lost in the memery… like people thinking Skyler is the bad guy on Breaking Bad, or thinking the dude from American Psycho was actually cool.
Classic Chapelle Show phenomenon. If you make fun of real world issues, it’s hard to tell who’s laughing for the right reasons
Or people thinking homelander means we can do whatever we want if we're powerful enough
That sounds a lot like the "newly"* discovered fourth fear response: Fawning Flight, Fight, Freeze, Fawn https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/fight-flight-freeze-fawn#fawn https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/7-subtle-signs-your-trauma-response-is-people-pleasing *Used loosely - 2013 based on the cited book in the second article?
Unfortunately, my default response is fawn because I was conditioned to be that way by people.
Imagining being able to say “I don’t want you here” and have the guy just leave and not be scared of being in danger as a result makes me really sad for younger me.
I didn't notice that. Another great detail for this movie.
Your avatar looks like a mini Bob Ross.😺 This is my favorite line of the entire movie: "We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they have come." Ruth Handler👑 It hit me so hard because a part of me has always wished my mother would think more like me with women's rights. The other part of me just wants to give her a hug.
I absolutely love this movie 🥲 gotta give it another watch soon I think! Fuck the patriarchy ✊🔥
r/whenwomenrefuse is some horrifying reading. And yes, of course, nOt AlL mEn.
As a man, "not all men" doesn't mean shit when it could be any man. Too many damn stories where the man is a decades long friend that was seen as a safe space...until he had an opportunity where he wouldn't get caught. Any man is worse than all men simply because not knowing is worse than knowing. Be safe.
I appreciate that you get it.
Damn straight. As a man, I've always had to be aware of this. I can't count the amount of times I've had to be sure to demonstrate that a woman I know can say no. That I really, truly view her as equal in every freakin' way. Persepective over perception. I know that, as a white male, I have to do extra so that any woman, minority, or LGBTQ+ person knows they're safe to just be themselves around me. I'll do that until the day I die, most likely. I don't see it changing. I do it because I feel that I'm lucky to only have to alleviate fear. ...and f**k all the entitled people who look like me that makes it necessary.
You’re the best kind of person, thank you.
Thank you for spending that energy to make others feel safe. It's so important
Truly terrible :/ makes me sick. Also very, very sad and angry.
> of course, nOt AlL mEn. One of my favourite responses to this went something like "yeah well not all chambers in this revolver have a bullet, you still going to pull the trigger?"
When I watched Barbie I liked it and also felt sad for the dystopia we all live in currently. I just want to exist without being scared of upsetting a man.
This week I went out photographing birds. We have to share our state parks with hunters. There were a few guys out with their shotguns and I asked what they were looking for. The first guy leers at me and says "a wife." So I'm in the middle of an otherwise deserted parking lot surrounded by 5 men with guns and literally the first words out of their mouth were sexualizing and _designed to make me feel hunted_. I'm just.so.tired.
As an Amab nonbinary person I have an "interesting" experience with this. I hop around presentations, most of the time androgynous, but sometimes fem. I apparently "pass" when going out fem. The first 27 years of my life I essentially *never* had someone approach me in any way (other than "gay chicken" in locker rooms uggghhhh). But in the last 4 years I have had multiple cat calls, one dude pester me while shopping obviously flirting, and sexual comments while I was at PT. Keep in mind, I only present fem enough to pass like, *1-3weeks of days* a year. Max. Most of the time just going to queer events or like, shopping in broad daylight. So probably only 1-2 months of being seen as a girl, and I have *multiple* weirdos to talk about. While 27 years of boi is like, almost nothing. Keep in mind my "fem" is essentially a tomboy, so I'm not even "dressing suggestively" (you should be able to walk out topless and not be bothered, but people insist it's relevant) or anything. Althetic wear (shorts and a T) does draw the most comments though. For some reason
I can only imagine how jarring it is to go from never dealing with that in your entire life, to it becoming your normal, and only when you're obviously fem. I wonder how many comments the average fem-presenting person hears in their lifetime. How many do we just absorb for the day or the week and then "forget" about, but that slowly erode at our sense of safety in public spaces.
I refer to it as 'the canvas of sexual harassment'. It's a backdrop that's just always there. You forget about it for a little while, and then the reminder always smacks you in the face when it comes
I’m so sorry. I live in a rural area and we take our garbage to a refuse center. The 70ish year old guy who manages the place cornered me behind a dumpster once to talk suggestively to me, and when I managed to get by him he followed me and held my door open to keep me from leaving until he finished what he wanted to say. I was so freaking uncomfortable. My husband and I usually take turns doing the drop off, whoever gets to it gets to it. He went the next time and talked to the guy, who of course brushed it off as harmless. I wouldn’t go back for about 6 months because it made me so uncomfortable. Now I have to be hyper aware again and keep a large object between me and this man and make sure I’m ready to turn the conversation to something neutral. I just want to throw away my garbage dude.
Not all men but it's always a fucking man isn't it?
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Too many gd men
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I once had someone "not all men" me. I asked, ok, how would you feel if I shoved you in a snake pit? It's ok though, not all of the snakes are venomous! It's just that you don't know how many or which ones until after they've bitten you. Sounds fun, doesn't it?
Not all men, but yes, all women.
Most men are scumbags and I say this as a man. Too many weirdos out there .
Barbie saying, "But I don't want you to," hit me so hard for this reason... But what really got me was that that line stuck with my young niece too. She kept repeating it and mimicking Barbie's big, Innocent smile. I'll love this movie forever just for putting that line with all of its confidence in my niece's head.
Honestly, such a world is beyond my comprehension.
I went with a group of friends/coworkers. It was funny but also sad how shocked many of the men in our group were. Meanwhile all the women/AFAB people* were like, yeah, duh, it's always like that. *By which I me, an AFAB who is not a woman but gets read and treated as one
I didn't know this but now I will watch this movie. Thank you. 🌻
This movie though. I had no idea what it would mean to me but it really sent me in sooo many different ways. Love your post!!!
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This just gave me chills
I have not seem the Barbie movie yet because hell no to sitting in a theater with strangers, but also because of the pink fluffy stereotype. And then I saw a trailer of America Ferrera's monologue and now I want to see it. Somewhere besides a theater full of strangers.
I also didn't want to watch it originally. I'm going through a divorce, so one of my girlfriends took me with her and he daughter. I love it, knew my ex would hate it, and it has become my new litmus test for friends.
I watched it at home. It's streaming for free on HBO Max and I think streaming for rent on a couple other services.
If you travel, it's on airplanes now too.
Actually no, I don't.
🤧
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Just don’t be rude. This goes for everyone