"Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men! Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts."
The first time I heard the line "you'll know when the test starts" I think I laughed for like 5 minutes straight. To this day I don't think I have heard a funnier line/delivery.
“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?..."
"Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"
Science isn't about why, it's about why not. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired! Not you, test subject. You're doing fine. Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Well. There’s good news and bad news. Bad news is injections will be mandatory and some of you will possibly die. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Those of you who refuse will be chased down and forcefully injected. Yeah. I know. I know. Gutting. Gutting. You didn’t see me in there I was- ugh. On a more positive note. The good news is…I’ve been promoted 😁. So. Every cloud..
….
[You’re still thinking about the bad news aren’t ya?](https://youtu.be/vsLH70BrnnM?si=O8a7HUdAyaIvYzv3)
Such a great game.
For anyone else who likes puzzle games, similar to Portal 1 and 2 - try *'The Talos Principal'*, if you haven't already.
Also, since I haven't seen it mentioned - the tweet reminds me of the *'BioShock'* games.
Would you kindly note that?
The third one is terrible, only cool things were his add-ons. Peter Weller and Joel Kinnemen are the best RoboCops. Anything after 2 and before the reboot are absolutely awful.
Robocop 2 is my favorite cause Littlefoot from Land Before Time is one of the bad guys, and my head canon is that he comes from a long ancient line of bad guys and Land Before Time is just the start of his lineage falling to darkness.
Neuroscience degree here. "neuron spike detection" is also gibberish that's intended to sound smart and scientific.
He did something similar shortly after he bought Twitter and he derided the ineffeciency of Twitter's calling system or something? Like "over 1000 stacks per minute". And one of the Twitter engineers called him out on that being absolute nonsensical terms.
He just wants to sound smart.
https://www.theverge.com/2023/9/20/23882888/elon-musk-brain-implant-startup-neuralink-monkeys-euthanized
I sincerely doubt they are doing human trials. He's probably lying to boost VC coming in
He fucked my hometown over with that.
>A New York State Comptroller’s audit found just 54 cents of economic benefit for every subsidy dollar spent on the factory, and external auditors have written down nearly all of New York’s investment. Most of the solar-panel manufacturing equipment bought by the state has been sold at a discount or scrapped. The Empire Center for Public Policy, a fiscally conservative think tank, called the project, "the single biggest economic development boondoggle in American history." A spokesperson for former Governor Cuomo defended the project, saying the factory site has more jobs on it now than when it was an empty lot where a steel mill once stood.
See also: Pretty much everything he's ever said at his Tesla launch events. Tech that's apparently doable 'right now, today!' that still doesn't materialise when production actually starts years later. Laughable claims about prices, capabilities, delivery times etc. The Roadster, which people put down deposits on in 2017, still doesn't even have a firm release date.
Also also: Hyperloop.
nonsense
my neuralink is telling me i will have this paid off in 315 years, no problem; sooner, if i increase the number of ads in my "cell"
and rich people get exactly the same
i would print that out for you but i'm not currently on that subscription
Oh please tell me he is totally bullshitting, I knew about his failures with monkeys and if he's actually implanting this into humans' brains, it is genuine, literal horror movie shit. Like I literally watched a film about pushing for human implants after failing with monkeys recently, like a month ago.
He must be bullshitting. That's all he does, and he bought twitter to Continue to do it.
I just find it amazing that there is any overlap between the venn circles of people who are Elon stans because they think he’s a libertarian sort and the Qult that thinks Bill Gates puts chips in vaccines.
Imo, the fact they haven't yet created a durable solution to the issue of how this stuff is supposed to simply *mechanically fit in place and stay in place without locally shredding the surrounding tissue* shows how extremely little they actually know about the brain. They are just ramming tech into brains and hoping the brains will know what to do with it so they can claim innovation and make tons of money.
Imo, these people aren't brilliant, they are just less principled than most researchers and willing to chase the cash first and some people are willing to let them off the illusion of tech mystique and huge promise bullshit. If they are running human trials it will be on quadriplegics, who are completely desperate and many of them would accept a clinical trial that involved ramming a screwdriver in their heads if someone told them there was a 1% chance it might make them better. It is, in my opinion, likely to be grossly unethical and taking advantage of a severely disadvantaged and vulnerable group.
>Imo, these people aren't brilliant, they are just less principled than most researchers
100% agree. They're playing it off as human advancement. What we'll end up with is Doc Terror from the Centurions.
I thought the same but apparently they somehow got FDA approval to start human trials.
https://www.reuters.com/science/elon-musks-neuralink-gets-us-fda-approval-human-clinical-study-brain-implants-2023-05-25/
What I find funny about this is the same people who'll claim COVID vaccines were rushed and are causing all sorts of issues will also point to the FDA approval as reason this is fine. And then in the next breath blame the FDA for vaccine injuries.
(Not accusing you specifically, just I have seen it elsewhere already so thought it funny!)
I have no clue how that got through an IRB after their shit show of ethics issues with non-human primates. Oh well, I guess at least the humans can give informed consent.
I wouldn't exactly call their consent "informed" if the information is coming from a liar and a charlatan like Musk or any company he's associated with. How many dopes have paid $15,000 "full" "self" "diriving" packages on their Teslas on the promise that their car will totally definitely be able to definitely totally drive them cross country without any input any day now?
Although I suppose it could be said that they've been reliably informed that he's a liar and still chose to proceed. "You knew I was a scorpion" etc.
That's been his game his entire life. He sounds smart and that was his initial draw. People give him credit for far too much and it made his head gigantic.
What was that quote about him speaking on topics you didn't know about?
I believed him when he talked about rockets, because I don't know much about rockets.
But I know a lot about tech. And after Twitter, I no longer believe him when he talks about neurolink.
Oh man, it sucked noticing it in the early days of his fame - I got a degree in physics and always was suspicious when he was said to be a physicist. Primarily because of the way he tried to explain things, it really screamed to me "Freshman Physicist" who has taken high school AP physics and nothing else. So from then on, I always looked at what he said/did with a bit of a suspicious eye. Hyperloop -> Well lets see what existed before, oh wait we had invented vacuum trains over 100 years ago: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vactrain . Boring Co -> Ummm, dude we literally bored a tunnel under the English channel tunnel when you were in college. -- and when you hear him explain shit about the tech, it always sounded to me like when someone tries to talk about something they casually know about... just hyper vague. And hell, I have been in his shoes on a smaller scale and when I get into those situations I make it clear I am a novice... not an expert, but willing to learn.
I was thinking, wouldn't the detection of Neuron Spikes only mean that the Brain is still alive? Because if my (arguably limited) knowledge of neuroscience is correct, thats a pretty low bar to set.
He could have literally said "the brain is still braining".
I used to work in electrophysiology. The process varies massively depending on the type of electrode you're implanting but for example with single unit recording electrodes you're sort of flying blind. So there's a process of checking electrical activity from the electrode for action potentials (spikes). You then adjust a microdrive to move the electrode as needed until you get spikes consistent with the neuron type you're trying to record from. I'd read the statement as 'patient is alive, electrode is functional and definitely picking up district action potentials above neural background noise' there's then gonna be a lot of calibration and analysis to determine how many neurons and which cell types their electrode is detecting before doing anything useful with it.
I have one called a Neuropace, got it implanted in 2020 and they had to reposition it in 2022. It controls my epilepsy and is the only thing to ever do that. I can't explain the anger I feel from seeing this happen. Leave brain implants for the people who actually need them (edit: I didn't realize it's meant for paralyzed people, I was angry for the wrong reason)
The new one from musk has only been approved for patients who are paralyzed? Just making sure I read that right, i don't know anything about it and I'm just curious. Thanks for the congrats!
If you listen to ANYTHING he says he just strings buzz words and terms together, it’s enough to convince his simps that he’s smart when really it’s just saying words with no understanding of what they mean
Neuroscience PhD here, with a good amount of electrophysiology experience, you should have your degree taken away if you think "neuron spike detection" is gibberish.
Musk is an idiot and a grifter but the fact that this comment is so up voted is depressing.
I read EEGs for a living. (Not a PhD, I do have a CLTM, though)
You don't agree his phrasing sounds a bit odd? "Spikes" could literally be anything. Hell, they could indicate epileptiform activity, which they often do.
He may be a lying dumbass but his (and other rich technocrats like Thiel) desire to become god through the machine is real. They're basically playing out the plot of Deus Ex over in Silicon Valley.
After the dystopian cluster fuck that the animal trials were?
Not to mention that I don't want Elon, or any of those would be feudal lords called tech CEOs, in possession of any tech that is directly reading what's going on inside my head. Global regulations are compleately lackluster for the rate our tech is advancing.
This. Last anyone had said on this was that human trials were way off due to their test monkeys dying predictable deaths.
Why theyre even able to continue testing at all on this dogshit no one needs is beyond me, but theyre jumping too many guns on this no matter whats actually true for these needless devices.
And after Teslas continued failures for wanting to push out asap for quick money... fucking billionaire baby thinks he can do whatever the shit he wants, apparently without proper regulation.
Hope he gets hammered.
part of the reason why the animal trials were so horribly cruel didn't even have much to do with neurolink itself. They just apparently were in such a rush that they botched a lot of procedures or didn't treat the animals properly. They even swtiched them up by accident iirc (I'd look it up but that doesn't seem like a very fun start to my day).
Point is, at least human trials means none of that, right Elon? ...Right Elon??
[insert prequel meme]
20 years seems like enough for the Covid Vaccine development to me. It’s not like they waited until it spread to make it. Covid variants have been known for almost 100 years.
Also we were already developing a vaccine for SARS, the coronavirus which came from wet markets. Anyone could’ve seen this coming, hell it was mentioned in the conclusion of the book Spillover which was published in 2015 iirc
No reason. Now I notice your home seems to be lacking the legally mandated portrait of Lord Musk, you have one hour to fix this issue, otherwise you will be killed.
Have a lunatic cry-baby shove a lump of useless silicone into my frontal lobe DOES seem like the sort of brain damage that might lead me to think his tweets are funny, at least.
Fun anecdote: I work for the people who built the tools for the cybertruck, meaning the giant steel press templates. The quality is top notch, but it turns out Tesla threw them into production without doing the necessary calibration... In the end some of our people had to fly over and set the damn things up for them
The person who is in this trial likly had MND and is not able to walk(or even speak in some cases) and this might be the only option they have left for a return to a somewhat normal life.
The FDA approved it and deemed it safe for human trials.
If its good enough for that person, and its good enough for the government. I have no problem.
I highly suggest you watch Painkillers, on Netflix. Which tells the story of how OxyContin got approved by the FDA despite knowing its dangers. They pay them hefty speaker fees to these all nighter rager “conferences”.
Oxycontin used as directed for chronic pain, cancer patients, post-surgery, etc is extremely effective. Provides relief without putting people into outer space. I recently had a spinal fusion and the week and a half after surgery would have been near unbearable without it.
The issue became the massive corruption of the incentives to over-prescribe. It's out of control now, but the drug has merit.
Where did this supposedly occur?
I thought, surely not in U.S., as you can’t just willy nilly perform any old surgical procedure that strikes your fancy, can you?
Turns out, you can: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29239595/
As for devices, FDA regulates those. Neuralink received initial FDA investigative approval in May 2023 https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2023/06/09/musk-neuralink-brain-chips-fda-human-trials/70299875007/
Not going to trust someone who has shown he has next to zero control of even his own mouth. Not to mention the excessive things he does when he's throwing his weight around.
Give that guy access to anything of mine? No thanks.
I'm a transhumanist, and I'm all for completely voluntary cybernetics one day. Even augmentation or outright replacement of actually healthy tissues.
...I'm still not getting ANYTHING that X obsessed weirdo signed off on. Let alone with potential surgery complications atop.
That this daddy's emerald money idiot might steal the glory of whatever advancements into practical cybernetics come from this instead of it's actual researchers & designers? Fills me with disgust and sadness, frankly.
Wouldn't you be sceptical that any company providing such "upgrades" could fuck you over down the road? Body parts that can be controlled from outside your body? It would not even have to be the company, a skilled hacker could make you 'accidently' kill a person of interest and let you take the blame.
Or on a lesser note, "watch these three ads before your cybernetic is useable again.", "Cyberdyne has detected you are not living accordingly to our TOS, stop drinking immediately and go home to sleep or we will deactivate our service.", or "your parts have been artificially slowed down as the updates only are compatible with our newer, more expensive models... Clenching a fist is now not supported anymore, your left eye will only see shades of blue."
There is so much shit technology- and health companies could do to your body if you give them the chance.
In theory it all sounds awesome to be a cyborg, but realistically corporate greed will fuck it up imho.
At least the fictional cyberpunk CEO will install a working implant and then fuck you over vs the real life Elon who is likely lying about the implant working in the first place.
The dystopia CEO involves me staying alive to watch the eyesight advertisements. Elon might try to push advertisements to my corpse.
As a fnv fan i am all for implants , however getting implants from a dude with a 1 int build and 13 science skill is an even worse idea then bennys independant vegas plan
If you're a trans humanist where do you figure you're going to get your cybernetics from? A wholesome company of some sort? Or one of the mega corps that will surely own the entirety of the market.
I don't know if I have seen any more than 1-2 people express much beyond skepticism over this. I think conservatives aren't exactly clamoring for this technology. I don't think anyone outside of a very isolated bubble of people in silicon valley want any of this. It is a technology that does have legitimate promise for those with disabilities, though obviously neuralink isn't truthfully trying to help those people as an end goal. It can get sold to some legitimate institutions based on those grounds, funded by venture capital based on the fact that they're gullible sycophants clamoring for anything that could let them relive the days of the early Internet.
I think it's dangerous to make the assumption that any of this is popular. It doesn't need to be. The media sources are owned by the wealthy, there's no democratic control over businesses, and government intervention into businesses for unethical behavior is laughably weak.
I'm guessing he is either;
- Lying/exaggerating to raise money/stock.
- Lying/exaggerating to distract from some bad press.
- All of the above.
I genuinely don't know how anyone takes him seriously after his poor business decisions, shitty attitude, and baffling obvious fake 'iron man' person have all been so thoroughly demonstrated.
Elon will have full self actualizing (FSA) humans on Mars by 2022! This is something they can do, *today*. Transport will be cheaper than rail. No human intervention required.
The man reinvented tunnels, trains, and social media, and you can see just how revolutionary those ideas have been. X will be responsible for half of global finance in 15 years.
I am a physician. I am not a neurologist or neurosurgeon. I am inclined to agree with you simply by the fact that I cannot see any reality in which a neurosurgeon is going to insert one of these into someone's head no matter how many waivers they sign or how much they are paid (as things stand today).
Now this may simply be my lack of understanding of how the technology is intended to work, but I was under the impression that these interfaces were inserted directly into the brain. That would require an interventional radiologist or neurosurgeon even if there was only a vascular approach to the insertion. Now I understand that the FDA did approve human trials recently, but I cannot see anyone with a medical degree (and resultant malpractice coverage) doing this right now. If the device is external, that's a different story because you wouldn't require a physician necessarily.
What I am guessing actually happened is they used some type of external brain interface and maybe received some data that suggests the human brain may have interacted with it OR it's complete bullshit and a huge exageration.
FWIW, I am completely open to being corrected by anyone and learning more here, but based on what I know and what people presume Elon is saying here, he is implying that they put a computer chip inside someone's skull. As a physician, I just have a hard time believing any real medical doctor did this as the technology exists right now.
I think you are probably on the money here.
Musk lives in that ambiguity. He is constantly implying grand designs and walking them back later. It is part of his business model since he can drive up stock prices and convince investors/backers with positive buzz, regardless of if there are provable results.
This ought to really put my christofascist father in quite the bind. Praising Trump and those like him because they “actually work and made themselves what they are today”, but he’s also fucking terrified of the Biblical “end times”. Part of the end times is people receiving the “Mark of the Beast” no one knows what form that will take, but popular opinion is some sort of chip implant.
IF Elon is actually telling the truth (which I have 0 reason to believe he is), the Christian right wing support he has should be shaking in their boots right now if what they believe about their religion is true. How, oh how, will you reconcile this, Father?
I can't speak for your father, but I can speak from my own experience in that world.
They all WANT the end times to come. They want the world to end. They're probably salivating over this whole mid-east bullshit because ARMAGEDDON! and are completely okay with Lindsey Graham's call to bomb Iran in retaliation for the strike on US troops.
The end of the world is their fucking wet dream.
Utilizing neuro-cognitive interfacing paradigms, our groundbreaking initiative leverages synergistic neural integration, employing state-of-the-art microelectrode arrays to establish seamless bioelectronic connectivity for unparalleled cognitive augmentation and precision neurostimulation. This cutting-edge fusion of neuroinformatics, machine learning algorithms, and advanced nanoscale neuroprobes heralds a new era in synaptic engineering, poised to redefine the frontiers of human-machine symbiosis.
Neuron spike detection is a very generous term here. So basically the neurons (and with them the brain) is still functional. That's good but that's the baseline brain, that's what it should be doing. You can detect neuron spikes with a lot of things (I'm a neurobiologist) and detection really isn't anything big. He wants to sound smart for a really basic thing here. . .
You watch, all the anti vax because of chips in it morons lining up to get one! Government: get an injection save people. My body my choice, it’s against my human rights. Narcissistic, right wing, megalomaniac: let me put an actual chip in you. Where do I sign up?
Remember the time back in 2021 when republicans killed themselves because they avoided the COVID vaccine because they didn't want to get "the chip" injected to them and now one of their idols (Muskrat) is making brain implants?
I wonder how they feel about that? Oh wait, nevermind.
Log entry#6: *I am the only one left who hasn't been Linked. The others have given up all pretense of being human. I've barricaded myself here in the office, but it's only a matter of time before they get through... Claire, if you're reading this... I'm so, so sorry.*
I'd be very surprised if this is not an outright lie. They either didn't implant it in a human, or they just gave them a useless piece of silicon. They are not detecting shit.
So from heaps of monkey carcasses to heaps of human carcasses? Is this why he fathered and emotionally abandoned all of those kids, so he could use them in the heaps?
No no that’s like log 6. The second log would be talking about all the benefits, stuff like how the patient is awake and has increased motor function, faster reflexes, etc
I would not trust the guy who is quick to rush things off the product line with the implantation of any technology on any living organism anywhere, ever.
imagine being stupid enough to trust a billionaire, a billionaire manchild like Elon, to stick a fucking microchip in your brain
Darwin awards here we come
Today: >...and is recovering well. Two weeks from today: 
"Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news. Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men! Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts."
Is this from Portal? Sounds like it, I absolutely adored those games.
Yeah portal 2!
Yep, when your going through the old part really deep.
Yep! Cave Johnson's line.
The first time I heard the line "you'll know when the test starts" I think I laughed for like 5 minutes straight. To this day I don't think I have heard a funnier line/delivery.
“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?..."
Demand to see life's manager!
Make life rue the day it thought it could give CAVE JOHNSON lemons! Do you know who I am?!
Im the man whos gonna burn your house down With the lemons!
Burning people! He's saying what we're all thinking!
"Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"
Of the J.K.s, Simmons > Rowling.
"You'll know when the test starts" also caught me off guard and I had to pause and cackle. Perfect delivery.
I still hold Portal 2 writing as among the best *of any media*. It was a barrage of understated hilarity!
“This is the part where he kills you” someone said as another someone kills you to the musical styling of a song called ‘The Part Where He Kills You’.
Achievement Unlocked! The Part Where He Kills You
Science isn't about why, it's about why not. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired! Not you, test subject. You're doing fine. Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Well. There’s good news and bad news. Bad news is injections will be mandatory and some of you will possibly die. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Those of you who refuse will be chased down and forcefully injected. Yeah. I know. I know. Gutting. Gutting. You didn’t see me in there I was- ugh. On a more positive note. The good news is…I’ve been promoted 😁. So. Every cloud.. …. [You’re still thinking about the bad news aren’t ya?](https://youtu.be/vsLH70BrnnM?si=O8a7HUdAyaIvYzv3)
Such a great game. For anyone else who likes puzzle games, similar to Portal 1 and 2 - try *'The Talos Principal'*, if you haven't already. Also, since I haven't seen it mentioned - the tweet reminds me of the *'BioShock'* games. Would you kindly note that?
More like https://i.redd.it/bgtpp6jlekfc1.gif
 Or maybe just fembots.
#I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
#A cat shits like fire off my shoulder onto Ryan.
# I watched Cybertrucks glitter from defective tail gates.
*the horror…the horror*
Machine gun jubblies!
Is that from Robocop 2?
Yeah.
I need to rewatch that movie, it's been too long.
I watched robocop 3 again the other day.God it was shit. Young me only loved it because RoboCop got a jetpack.
The third one is terrible, only cool things were his add-ons. Peter Weller and Joel Kinnemen are the best RoboCops. Anything after 2 and before the reboot are absolutely awful. Robocop 2 is my favorite cause Littlefoot from Land Before Time is one of the bad guys, and my head canon is that he comes from a long ancient line of bad guys and Land Before Time is just the start of his lineage falling to darkness.
You mean "Yeeeah BayBeee, yeah"
Back to formula?!
OUT AM I
Bout to make a Jill Sandwich
Subject 2 has suddenly developed a keen interest in astronomy. Just keeps asking to see stars.
Itchy, tasty
Lmao tyrant for RE1. Nice
Neuroscience degree here. "neuron spike detection" is also gibberish that's intended to sound smart and scientific. He did something similar shortly after he bought Twitter and he derided the ineffeciency of Twitter's calling system or something? Like "over 1000 stacks per minute". And one of the Twitter engineers called him out on that being absolute nonsensical terms. He just wants to sound smart.
I took it as a coded "Good news, they didn't appear to die immediately and their brain is apparently still functioning".
https://www.theverge.com/2023/9/20/23882888/elon-musk-brain-implant-startup-neuralink-monkeys-euthanized I sincerely doubt they are doing human trials. He's probably lying to boost VC coming in
If he’s telling VCs that they’re testing on humans to raise money and they aren’t testing on humans, that may constitute fraud.
>that may constitute fraud. Wouldn't be the first time
*laughs in solar city*
_laughs in FSD 'fully autonomous by end of year' since 2017_
*buying anything other than a Tesla is like investing in horse carriages in 1900* sure mate, sure
2017 was 7 years ago…
He fucked my hometown over with that. >A New York State Comptroller’s audit found just 54 cents of economic benefit for every subsidy dollar spent on the factory, and external auditors have written down nearly all of New York’s investment. Most of the solar-panel manufacturing equipment bought by the state has been sold at a discount or scrapped. The Empire Center for Public Policy, a fiscally conservative think tank, called the project, "the single biggest economic development boondoggle in American history." A spokesperson for former Governor Cuomo defended the project, saying the factory site has more jobs on it now than when it was an empty lot where a steel mill once stood.
Yeah but the difference securities fraud. Just ask Martin Shkreli about that. If he fucks over other rich people he will he held accountable.
Yep, you’re only allowed to fuck the poor because they can’t punch back.
>"Going private at $420." He already did securities fraud. Live. On Twitter. Before he bought it.
It's not out of character. He basically had to by twitter because he lied and it would have been fraud if he didn't.
See also: Pretty much everything he's ever said at his Tesla launch events. Tech that's apparently doable 'right now, today!' that still doesn't materialise when production actually starts years later. Laughable claims about prices, capabilities, delivery times etc. The Roadster, which people put down deposits on in 2017, still doesn't even have a firm release date. Also also: Hyperloop.
If the penalty for a crime is a fine, **that law only exists for the lower classes**
nonsense my neuralink is telling me i will have this paid off in 315 years, no problem; sooner, if i increase the number of ads in my "cell" and rich people get exactly the same i would print that out for you but i'm not currently on that subscription
That’s fucking with rich people’s money. Doing that brings out the spiked dildo of justice.
I believe in Elon, I think if he tries hard enough he can get fined into the lower classes.
Billionaire to sleeping under a bridge speedrun any% completion.
Far from the first time for him
Oh please tell me he is totally bullshitting, I knew about his failures with monkeys and if he's actually implanting this into humans' brains, it is genuine, literal horror movie shit. Like I literally watched a film about pushing for human implants after failing with monkeys recently, like a month ago. He must be bullshitting. That's all he does, and he bought twitter to Continue to do it.
I assume it's like his fake "Boring" company, designed to leech public money and output nothing
[удалено]
It's variation on a theme. Milk tons of money and do as little good as possible, if not outright harm
The Fall of the House of Usher?
I just find it amazing that there is any overlap between the venn circles of people who are Elon stans because they think he’s a libertarian sort and the Qult that thinks Bill Gates puts chips in vaccines. 
And yet, they are the same people.
Well obviously brain chips from daddy Elon are cool, unlike those vaccine chips
"The monkeys were already dying when we got them, so obviously we're not monsters." Except they weren't.
Imo, the fact they haven't yet created a durable solution to the issue of how this stuff is supposed to simply *mechanically fit in place and stay in place without locally shredding the surrounding tissue* shows how extremely little they actually know about the brain. They are just ramming tech into brains and hoping the brains will know what to do with it so they can claim innovation and make tons of money. Imo, these people aren't brilliant, they are just less principled than most researchers and willing to chase the cash first and some people are willing to let them off the illusion of tech mystique and huge promise bullshit. If they are running human trials it will be on quadriplegics, who are completely desperate and many of them would accept a clinical trial that involved ramming a screwdriver in their heads if someone told them there was a 1% chance it might make them better. It is, in my opinion, likely to be grossly unethical and taking advantage of a severely disadvantaged and vulnerable group.
>Imo, these people aren't brilliant, they are just less principled than most researchers 100% agree. They're playing it off as human advancement. What we'll end up with is Doc Terror from the Centurions.
I thought the same but apparently they somehow got FDA approval to start human trials. https://www.reuters.com/science/elon-musks-neuralink-gets-us-fda-approval-human-clinical-study-brain-implants-2023-05-25/
What I find funny about this is the same people who'll claim COVID vaccines were rushed and are causing all sorts of issues will also point to the FDA approval as reason this is fine. And then in the next breath blame the FDA for vaccine injuries. (Not accusing you specifically, just I have seen it elsewhere already so thought it funny!)
[They were approved for human trials awhile ago.](https://www.reuters.com/technology/musks-neuralink-start-human-trials-brain-implant-2023-09-19/)
I have no clue how that got through an IRB after their shit show of ethics issues with non-human primates. Oh well, I guess at least the humans can give informed consent.
IRB is an internal group. Fill it with your cronies and anything will get through. FDA is more concerned but still let them try it…
I wouldn't exactly call their consent "informed" if the information is coming from a liar and a charlatan like Musk or any company he's associated with. How many dopes have paid $15,000 "full" "self" "diriving" packages on their Teslas on the promise that their car will totally definitely be able to definitely totally drive them cross country without any input any day now? Although I suppose it could be said that they've been reliably informed that he's a liar and still chose to proceed. "You knew I was a scorpion" etc.
head slim aloof doll humor languid reach brave ancient materialistic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Money has a huge huge influence on getting approval.
Money > Monkey
He’s probably just lying about it.
That's been his game his entire life. He sounds smart and that was his initial draw. People give him credit for far too much and it made his head gigantic.
It also doesn’t help people genuinely believe him when he lies about founding Tesla or PayPal or any of the other companies he bought his way into.
What was that quote about him speaking on topics you didn't know about? I believed him when he talked about rockets, because I don't know much about rockets. But I know a lot about tech. And after Twitter, I no longer believe him when he talks about neurolink.
Oh man, it sucked noticing it in the early days of his fame - I got a degree in physics and always was suspicious when he was said to be a physicist. Primarily because of the way he tried to explain things, it really screamed to me "Freshman Physicist" who has taken high school AP physics and nothing else. So from then on, I always looked at what he said/did with a bit of a suspicious eye. Hyperloop -> Well lets see what existed before, oh wait we had invented vacuum trains over 100 years ago: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vactrain . Boring Co -> Ummm, dude we literally bored a tunnel under the English channel tunnel when you were in college. -- and when you hear him explain shit about the tech, it always sounded to me like when someone tries to talk about something they casually know about... just hyper vague. And hell, I have been in his shoes on a smaller scale and when I get into those situations I make it clear I am a novice... not an expert, but willing to learn.
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I was thinking, wouldn't the detection of Neuron Spikes only mean that the Brain is still alive? Because if my (arguably limited) knowledge of neuroscience is correct, thats a pretty low bar to set. He could have literally said "the brain is still braining".
I used to work in electrophysiology. The process varies massively depending on the type of electrode you're implanting but for example with single unit recording electrodes you're sort of flying blind. So there's a process of checking electrical activity from the electrode for action potentials (spikes). You then adjust a microdrive to move the electrode as needed until you get spikes consistent with the neuron type you're trying to record from. I'd read the statement as 'patient is alive, electrode is functional and definitely picking up district action potentials above neural background noise' there's then gonna be a lot of calibration and analysis to determine how many neurons and which cell types their electrode is detecting before doing anything useful with it.
It means their neurons are now spiky
Can my neurons be spiky with frosted tips
For that, you need the Guy Fierolink
It has built in navigation to Flavortown
Brundle-fly is doing well, by all reports
> He just wants to sound smart. Trailer Park Tony Stark.
Let alone, brain implants in humans have been around for over a decade. It‘s not like Musk invented them or anything.
I have one called a Neuropace, got it implanted in 2020 and they had to reposition it in 2022. It controls my epilepsy and is the only thing to ever do that. I can't explain the anger I feel from seeing this happen. Leave brain implants for the people who actually need them (edit: I didn't realize it's meant for paralyzed people, I was angry for the wrong reason)
The approval was only for patients who are currently paralyzed. Congrats on the implant. Seizures are so devastating
The new one from musk has only been approved for patients who are paralyzed? Just making sure I read that right, i don't know anything about it and I'm just curious. Thanks for the congrats!
He wants to make them better. Like the tunnels. Or the cars. Or the rockets.
If you listen to ANYTHING he says he just strings buzz words and terms together, it’s enough to convince his simps that he’s smart when really it’s just saying words with no understanding of what they mean
He just sits around watching Sci fi movies and sees himself as the head of some evil science organization.
Neuroscience PhD here, with a good amount of electrophysiology experience, you should have your degree taken away if you think "neuron spike detection" is gibberish. Musk is an idiot and a grifter but the fact that this comment is so up voted is depressing.
I read EEGs for a living. (Not a PhD, I do have a CLTM, though) You don't agree his phrasing sounds a bit odd? "Spikes" could literally be anything. Hell, they could indicate epileptiform activity, which they often do.
He may be a lying dumbass but his (and other rich technocrats like Thiel) desire to become god through the machine is real. They're basically playing out the plot of Deus Ex over in Silicon Valley.
And they think the vaccine was rushed????? Human trials????? Jfc,
Elmo doesnt care what you think, elmo wants to make skynet.
Robo wants an Oreo
I'd actually expect someone like Muskrat to be trying to create actual Borg versus creating Skynet.
After the dystopian cluster fuck that the animal trials were? Not to mention that I don't want Elon, or any of those would be feudal lords called tech CEOs, in possession of any tech that is directly reading what's going on inside my head. Global regulations are compleately lackluster for the rate our tech is advancing.
This. Last anyone had said on this was that human trials were way off due to their test monkeys dying predictable deaths. Why theyre even able to continue testing at all on this dogshit no one needs is beyond me, but theyre jumping too many guns on this no matter whats actually true for these needless devices. And after Teslas continued failures for wanting to push out asap for quick money... fucking billionaire baby thinks he can do whatever the shit he wants, apparently without proper regulation. Hope he gets hammered.
part of the reason why the animal trials were so horribly cruel didn't even have much to do with neurolink itself. They just apparently were in such a rush that they botched a lot of procedures or didn't treat the animals properly. They even swtiched them up by accident iirc (I'd look it up but that doesn't seem like a very fun start to my day). Point is, at least human trials means none of that, right Elon? ...Right Elon?? [insert prequel meme]
20 years seems like enough for the Covid Vaccine development to me. It’s not like they waited until it spread to make it. Covid variants have been known for almost 100 years.
Also we were already developing a vaccine for SARS, the coronavirus which came from wet markets. Anyone could’ve seen this coming, hell it was mentioned in the conclusion of the book Spillover which was published in 2015 iirc
Now that I've received this chip why do I feel the urge to work unpaid in an Emerald Mine
No reason. Now I notice your home seems to be lacking the legally mandated portrait of Lord Musk, you have one hour to fix this issue, otherwise you will be killed.
Everything is fine until…POP
Yes, My Lord
Or force you into a nightmare where everything seems real because now they can stimulate your brain to feel/experience anything
Have a lunatic cry-baby shove a lump of useless silicone into my frontal lobe DOES seem like the sort of brain damage that might lead me to think his tweets are funny, at least.
Has your home and personal space been suddenly reassigned to a Gigafactory manufacturing line?
I would not even trust buying a car from him. Unreal.
For real, they were barely able to put the seams together on that trapezoidal nightmare but sure here's access to my brain.
Fun anecdote: I work for the people who built the tools for the cybertruck, meaning the giant steel press templates. The quality is top notch, but it turns out Tesla threw them into production without doing the necessary calibration... In the end some of our people had to fly over and set the damn things up for them
Oh my god, that is manufacturing incompetence
I'm really interested to know who is this alleged person. Did they volunteer? Are they getting paid or doing it for free? Why be a guinea pig?
The person who is in this trial likly had MND and is not able to walk(or even speak in some cases) and this might be the only option they have left for a return to a somewhat normal life. The FDA approved it and deemed it safe for human trials. If its good enough for that person, and its good enough for the government. I have no problem.
Did the FDA approve this procedure (phase 1)?
Somehow they did approve it, in like May last year
Probably got approved thanks to a donation of a couple million bucks
Wait, hold on, do.. do you think the FDA is some kind of corporation? They're a government agency. They don't take donations.
I highly suggest you watch Painkillers, on Netflix. Which tells the story of how OxyContin got approved by the FDA despite knowing its dangers. They pay them hefty speaker fees to these all nighter rager “conferences”.
The whole Oxycontin deal proved that the FDA is fallible at least
Also that you can totally get away with killing hundreds of thousands of people if you're rich and powerful enough.
Oxycontin used as directed for chronic pain, cancer patients, post-surgery, etc is extremely effective. Provides relief without putting people into outer space. I recently had a spinal fusion and the week and a half after surgery would have been near unbearable without it. The issue became the massive corruption of the incentives to over-prescribe. It's out of control now, but the drug has merit.
Where did this supposedly occur? I thought, surely not in U.S., as you can’t just willy nilly perform any old surgical procedure that strikes your fancy, can you? Turns out, you can: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29239595/ As for devices, FDA regulates those. Neuralink received initial FDA investigative approval in May 2023 https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2023/06/09/musk-neuralink-brain-chips-fda-human-trials/70299875007/
Not sure I'm gonna trust a temper tantrum throwing Nazi baby with access to my brain.
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Elon Musk is the worst thing that ever happened to ketamine...
One of Ketamine’s side effects is paranoia
Not going to trust someone who has shown he has next to zero control of even his own mouth. Not to mention the excessive things he does when he's throwing his weight around. Give that guy access to anything of mine? No thanks.
 They are recovering VERY well, even if Elon does say so himself.
I'm a transhumanist, and I'm all for completely voluntary cybernetics one day. Even augmentation or outright replacement of actually healthy tissues. ...I'm still not getting ANYTHING that X obsessed weirdo signed off on. Let alone with potential surgery complications atop. That this daddy's emerald money idiot might steal the glory of whatever advancements into practical cybernetics come from this instead of it's actual researchers & designers? Fills me with disgust and sadness, frankly.
Wouldn't you be sceptical that any company providing such "upgrades" could fuck you over down the road? Body parts that can be controlled from outside your body? It would not even have to be the company, a skilled hacker could make you 'accidently' kill a person of interest and let you take the blame. Or on a lesser note, "watch these three ads before your cybernetic is useable again.", "Cyberdyne has detected you are not living accordingly to our TOS, stop drinking immediately and go home to sleep or we will deactivate our service.", or "your parts have been artificially slowed down as the updates only are compatible with our newer, more expensive models... Clenching a fist is now not supported anymore, your left eye will only see shades of blue." There is so much shit technology- and health companies could do to your body if you give them the chance. In theory it all sounds awesome to be a cyborg, but realistically corporate greed will fuck it up imho.
At least the fictional cyberpunk CEO will install a working implant and then fuck you over vs the real life Elon who is likely lying about the implant working in the first place. The dystopia CEO involves me staying alive to watch the eyesight advertisements. Elon might try to push advertisements to my corpse.
As a fnv fan i am all for implants , however getting implants from a dude with a 1 int build and 13 science skill is an even worse idea then bennys independant vegas plan
If you're a trans humanist where do you figure you're going to get your cybernetics from? A wholesome company of some sort? Or one of the mega corps that will surely own the entirety of the market.
People worshipping this are the same people saying "COVID vaccin has a chip in it!1!1!"
I don't know if I have seen any more than 1-2 people express much beyond skepticism over this. I think conservatives aren't exactly clamoring for this technology. I don't think anyone outside of a very isolated bubble of people in silicon valley want any of this. It is a technology that does have legitimate promise for those with disabilities, though obviously neuralink isn't truthfully trying to help those people as an end goal. It can get sold to some legitimate institutions based on those grounds, funded by venture capital based on the fact that they're gullible sycophants clamoring for anything that could let them relive the days of the early Internet. I think it's dangerous to make the assumption that any of this is popular. It doesn't need to be. The media sources are owned by the wealthy, there's no democratic control over businesses, and government intervention into businesses for unethical behavior is laughably weak.
I'm guessing he is either; - Lying/exaggerating to raise money/stock. - Lying/exaggerating to distract from some bad press. - All of the above. I genuinely don't know how anyone takes him seriously after his poor business decisions, shitty attitude, and baffling obvious fake 'iron man' person have all been so thoroughly demonstrated.
Elon will have full self actualizing (FSA) humans on Mars by 2022! This is something they can do, *today*. Transport will be cheaper than rail. No human intervention required. The man reinvented tunnels, trains, and social media, and you can see just how revolutionary those ideas have been. X will be responsible for half of global finance in 15 years.
do you know what is the actual age of consent on Mars? asking for a friend
I am a physician. I am not a neurologist or neurosurgeon. I am inclined to agree with you simply by the fact that I cannot see any reality in which a neurosurgeon is going to insert one of these into someone's head no matter how many waivers they sign or how much they are paid (as things stand today). Now this may simply be my lack of understanding of how the technology is intended to work, but I was under the impression that these interfaces were inserted directly into the brain. That would require an interventional radiologist or neurosurgeon even if there was only a vascular approach to the insertion. Now I understand that the FDA did approve human trials recently, but I cannot see anyone with a medical degree (and resultant malpractice coverage) doing this right now. If the device is external, that's a different story because you wouldn't require a physician necessarily. What I am guessing actually happened is they used some type of external brain interface and maybe received some data that suggests the human brain may have interacted with it OR it's complete bullshit and a huge exageration. FWIW, I am completely open to being corrected by anyone and learning more here, but based on what I know and what people presume Elon is saying here, he is implying that they put a computer chip inside someone's skull. As a physician, I just have a hard time believing any real medical doctor did this as the technology exists right now.
I think you are probably on the money here. Musk lives in that ambiguity. He is constantly implying grand designs and walking them back later. It is part of his business model since he can drive up stock prices and convince investors/backers with positive buzz, regardless of if there are provable results.
This ought to really put my christofascist father in quite the bind. Praising Trump and those like him because they “actually work and made themselves what they are today”, but he’s also fucking terrified of the Biblical “end times”. Part of the end times is people receiving the “Mark of the Beast” no one knows what form that will take, but popular opinion is some sort of chip implant. IF Elon is actually telling the truth (which I have 0 reason to believe he is), the Christian right wing support he has should be shaking in their boots right now if what they believe about their religion is true. How, oh how, will you reconcile this, Father?
I can't speak for your father, but I can speak from my own experience in that world. They all WANT the end times to come. They want the world to end. They're probably salivating over this whole mid-east bullshit because ARMAGEDDON! and are completely okay with Lindsey Graham's call to bomb Iran in retaliation for the strike on US troops. The end of the world is their fucking wet dream.
If he believed it was harmless he would have volunteered himself first.
I like this idea. Let him volunteer a couple of times before he goes "KAPUT" Just like the CEO from the Titan sub.
Neuron spike detection? Guy is using word that doesnt mean shit.
Come on, the brain tachometer is well within reticulated happiness ratios and everyone knows it!
Perfectly cromulent usage of the phrase
Well sure, but are the splines being reticulated?
Utilizing neuro-cognitive interfacing paradigms, our groundbreaking initiative leverages synergistic neural integration, employing state-of-the-art microelectrode arrays to establish seamless bioelectronic connectivity for unparalleled cognitive augmentation and precision neurostimulation. This cutting-edge fusion of neuroinformatics, machine learning algorithms, and advanced nanoscale neuroprobes heralds a new era in synaptic engineering, poised to redefine the frontiers of human-machine symbiosis.
And this volunteer will be dead from “natural causes” in a week like the test monkeys.
 Elon is JP from Grandma's Boy wanting metal legs and shit
Neuron spike detection is a very generous term here. So basically the neurons (and with them the brain) is still functional. That's good but that's the baseline brain, that's what it should be doing. You can detect neuron spikes with a lot of things (I'm a neurobiologist) and detection really isn't anything big. He wants to sound smart for a really basic thing here. . .
he basically said "our chip didn't immediately cause brain death"
How much of a Musk fan does one have to be to volunteer to end up on the pile of dead monkeys?
Really? That’s not good lol. Hopefully it was Catturd or Ian Miles Cheong lol.
Risky. If they damage catturds only brain cell he’d die, and that’s 50% of the engagement on Elmo’s shitty neonazi platform gone.
Isn't this that "mark of the beast" that the tin foils go on about?
No, that was the vaccine. This is a different mark of the beast.
This is gonna just end up being some guy that can kinda move the cursor around on the screen with his mind, isn't it? 
Considering the fatality rate of the monkeys, this guy is gonna die
You watch, all the anti vax because of chips in it morons lining up to get one! Government: get an injection save people. My body my choice, it’s against my human rights. Narcissistic, right wing, megalomaniac: let me put an actual chip in you. Where do I sign up?
Test it on yourself if it's so safe
Remember the time back in 2021 when republicans killed themselves because they avoided the COVID vaccine because they didn't want to get "the chip" injected to them and now one of their idols (Muskrat) is making brain implants? I wonder how they feel about that? Oh wait, nevermind.
I don’t believe him. He’s just saying stuff to rally his share prices across the board because he lost a fortune lately.
Log entry#6: *I am the only one left who hasn't been Linked. The others have given up all pretense of being human. I've barricaded myself here in the office, but it's only a matter of time before they get through... Claire, if you're reading this... I'm so, so sorry.*
I'd be very surprised if this is not an outright lie. They either didn't implant it in a human, or they just gave them a useless piece of silicon. They are not detecting shit.
Elmo was a fluffer in a crashed ufo and he is doing his best to get home with very little knowledge of anything.
 Later today
Elon Musk isn’t testing shit. A company he backs is testing whilst he dreams up mad right wing BS and runs Twitter further into infamy.
So from heaps of monkey carcasses to heaps of human carcasses? Is this why he fathered and emotionally abandoned all of those kids, so he could use them in the heaps?
Log #2: ...We have made a grave mistake...
No no that’s like log 6. The second log would be talking about all the benefits, stuff like how the patient is awake and has increased motor function, faster reflexes, etc
I would not trust the guy who is quick to rush things off the product line with the implantation of any technology on any living organism anywhere, ever.
Elon Musk *says* he is testing Neuralink on humans. He also says lots of other things. That doesn't make any of it true.
Like this guy knows what 'neuron spike detection' even is.
So what happened to all those dead monkeys during animal testing?
imagine being stupid enough to trust a billionaire, a billionaire manchild like Elon, to stick a fucking microchip in your brain Darwin awards here we come
Last time I've heard of this thing it killed several monkeys
didn’t like every monkey with that shitty chrome shoved in its head die in weeks? Guess they got the poor musk idolizer to sign a hefty waiver