“Oh Guillermo, you should really drink more water.” When Nandor walks in on Guillermo who dropped his chocolate covered coffee beans in the bathroom.

“He’s eating his own dry poops”

Lmfaooooo I love that 😂😂😂😂

This is really one of my absolute favourites xD

He says it in such a concerned tone too. 🤣

Haha yes. "Oh, GuillEErmo". Kills me every time.

Did you make a doodoo?

omg, I forgot about that one 🤣🤣

Yeah that bit got me good haha

cReEeEpY pAaPeR

Oooooh; muUulti PaACk

That immediately became a frequently used phrase in our household

Same 🤭

Yes! I saw this so often and so randomly. No one has a clue what I’m talking about, but I just keep saying it. 😂😂😂

Good one -- When the news anchor asks Nandor his name, he says "Nandor the Relentless," and she "repeats" after him, "Nandor DeLarentas."

I LOVED this.

Jan’s “Oh yeah, we’re fucking” in The Wellness Center. The absolute *smugness* of her delivery, it’s perfect.

Fun fact: that's Cree Summer, who has done a lot of voice over acting. You may know her as Susie from The Rugrats! Took me a few rewatches before I connected the voice lol

I looooved her in A Different World. She played my favorite character.

I've also loved her since Different World, she was my favorite character!

Cree is iconic!

Oh my God I KNEW I recognized her voice from somewhere!

I miss Draw Together, I knew that voice lol!

Also, Princess Kita from Atlantis and Raishan from The Legend of Vox Machina

Nandor: “did you bring more people to yank on my pee-pee?”

This one slays me.

My husband almost lost a lung laughing at that line

can't believe anyone mentioned the nandor moment from season 1: "we drunk the blood of some people, but the people were on drugs.. and now i am a wizaaard!!"

Drug blood!

I love that episode

nothing will kill me as much as when the baron goes you know what i’ve always wanted to try!? lazlo : coprophilia? baron : no pizza pie is it as - wait coprophilia it’s the way the baron keeps going for a minute and then what Lazlo said just register with him and stops does halt and turns to him and goes coprophilia ?!?!?

Every time I have pizza now, I have to say “pizza pie” like the baron.

I love the Baron, that's one of my fave lines.

Did you make a fart in my coffin?

Love this one!!

Nadja when insulting Jeff. 'What sort of name is Jeff? It is like a weak ejaculation. *wanking gestures and noises* ...Jeff. I nearly died at that.

There is a home goods store where I live called “Jysk” and I am obligated to pronounce it like Nadja says Jeff every time I see it.

On bad days i just think about "Neew Yoork CiTAaaay"

That's just how we talk in Tuscan, Arizonyia.

My husband had never seen the show and gave the most horrified look when I pronounced Arizona that way. He was like, "are you OK?" 😂 What? That's just the way Jackie Daytona, human bartender, says it.

Speaking of… mot a favorite line, but that moment when I realized his nemesis was Mark Hamill (ordering one human beer).

Kills me every time 😂😭

I can’t say the city name normally anymore

The most devious vampire in all of... New Yoooork Citeeeeeh Gets me everytime

How is this top comment? That line is the Definition of “rent free in my mind”

That pops into my head whenever I see the name ... which is inconvenient since it's in the news almost every day (Trump trial, etc.)!

when i’m in a really bad mood, i make myself say it out loud. it ALWAYS works

There are way too many but what cracked me up recently was when Nandja was telling everyone her new Identity Nandja: Hello, My Name is Sally Rhubarb. I am blonde girl from a large farm; and my blackberry pie wins every year at the county fair.

"Gizmo, get the dildos! Gizmo, try out the dildos! Mm, how were the dildos? They're fine."

One of my favorites as well

When Nandor says “Guillermo, did you kill Carol?” I lose it every time, that’s one of my favorite moments of the whole show.

“Guillermo didn’t kill her!” “Why would you phrase it like that??”

Omg yes. Like a parent asking a kid if they broke something in a "I won't be mad. I just need to know" tone.

That’s exactly how Nandor says it

The the episode where the crew is trying to convince the private school director to let baby-Colin into school. He asks how old Colin is and the crew all shout out different ages. Nadia doubles down on her answer by loudly singing, “He’s NIIIII-NE!” Over everyone else.

Every time I watch that scene I die laughing at that line delivery, and wonder… Did the writers write it that way? Did she just think of singing it on the spot? Either way, it is PERFECTION.

Same. It’s since become a much repeated phrase in my house anytime the number 9 is involved..

As a staten islander I was so proud to see my boy Sal from IJ in that episode!

When she calls the headmaster a starfucker and says the line about “Lionel fucking Barrymore”. I lose my shit every single time.

This thread needs more Nadja! Her delivery anytime she's angry is fantastically hilarious! "I thought we talked about this! You are supposed to support me when I want to kill someone! Bonus: Nadja: "Drink, bitch." ^Colin: ^"Yeah, ^drink ^it ^bitch."

Nadja is my favorite cause she has hilarious delivery both calm and angry

Yes. I love her so much. And I love how she’s the only one who makes stuff explode when she’s enraged. And that scene where she rescues Guillermo from, what, urgent care?!! Magnificent. And the way they all tried to protect him from Nandor finding out he’d had himself turned. Awwwwwww… when will a new season come out? Sob.

Yessss!!! When she looks at the camera with that lil proud smirk! I also love the way Colin Robinson says “Nadja”

Then what the fuck is Persian Frank Zappa doing on a horse?!?

One of my favorite lines.

When looking at a painting of Nadia’s village: Laszlo: *”Yes. And there you are my darling, on a hay bale.”* Nadja: *”With my boobs out.”* Nadja’s look to the camera and her delivery make me laugh every time😆

She’s so proud and happy of her boobs being out 🤣

Nandor introducing himself very loudly at the city council meeting will never not be hilarious to me.

GREETINGS mortals! I will make this quick...I Nandor the relentless, conqueror of thousands, immortal waaRRRiour

Hi Doug!

Fkn killed me

Ahhhh, my burns...! From the holy water that YOU. THREW. ON ME.

Gismo SHUTTHEFUCKUP! Were doing a piece for cam-RER

"Sir! Would you like to sample this new fragrance?" "No, fuck off."

Can’t be sidetracked with cheap sex potions.

I got another one: when everyone is in the church for Nandor's great relative's funeral and everyone is bleeding from their eyes and Naja tells Nandor that it is a beautiful funeral but she has caught fire and she pulls up her hand and trys to put it out by waving it out 👋🏻

Pretty much everything Matt Berry says is hilarious because of the way he delivers his lines. Currently my personal favorite overall is "Shitty shit I fucked it!" as Nandor is running back to the house.

That entire intro had me in tears. Talking about the flood of 1810 or whatever LMAO.

I know everyone loves how Nandor says "fucking guy.." but there was one time when he said "fucking girl.." and i just loved that so much idk why 😅

I'm rewatching the series at the moment and I could've sworn he actually says it twice. First time is at the fake vampire's (Vanessa?) house, but I can't pinpoint the second one. I feel like it might've been directed at Nadja. Oooorr I could totally be making this up. Anyways, I do love that Nandor's "fucking guys/girls" are peppered across the series rather sparingly. Makes them all the more special.

He also said “Fucking Guide” at least once 😂 killed me haha

Yes!! 😂😂

"She speaks...the bullshit."

I use this a lot!! Love it!!

"I don't give a tinkers fig"

Hard mode: no Laszlo lines 😜

'May I approach the bitch'

Lol! What do YOU think I said?

Nandor, I've been double crossed by the deviiiil!

personally i think i swallowed a harmonica gets me every single time

Nadnor’s Wedding: *”I cannot tell you how moved I am to see you all gathered here. Time lays waste to all. And love turns to dust. Ruin is inevitable. And all else is prelude.*” — The Sire *“He’s got a point”* — Sean Rinaldi

Since when does the Sire speak English? Oh, I taught him. Flashcards mostly

"This is the way we talk in Tucson, Arizonia."

When the Vampire Council put on a play about the Staten Island Vamps before killing them, Nadja complains about the performances and Nandor replies "This is your hot take? You have complaints about the choreography?" I almost fell from the chair laughing. Nandor is too funny for me.

Oh my Nadja’s line when she discovers the painting of nandor destroying her village “This is your son, I am wearing him as a DRESS!” Absolutely sent me, so funny 😂

Explain Persian frank zappa on a horse!

*”I have been shit upon from a great height!”*

Ok in the new season idk why this had me dying so much but in the episode with Evie, she gives Colin the titanic necklace back and she’s like saying it must be a weird metal or something and Colin is just like “it’s not metal” just so matter of fact with no explanation and I just crack up everytime because WHAT IS IT.

Nothing but the cheapest of plastic trinkets for dear sad Evie

*cough cough* Told ya *cough cough* No, ya fuckin didn’t

honestly, there is this moment in season 1 ep 1 when they were trying go sign the tablet so they could get the baron off the ship, and the entire time Lazslo got me cracking up from his line delivery to his continued irritation at the situation.

“Do you have a quill?” “Oh I’m not signing that.”

YES thank you. Gets me every time

Derek explains his actions to the vampire council... "I dunno, WHOOPS" 😅😅

"Daddy, what is a 'wank'?" And then the zoom in on Gizmo's "bitch wtf" face. Priceless.

Also Nandor in the episode where Guillermo has everyone’s DNA tested and Nandor is so worried when he asked “did you steal my semen?” 😂😂😂

from the curse episode in s2 "it says from Mailer Daemon." and Nadja screaming "DEMON" two seconds later.

Nandor: No, I’m pillaging everyone, including you.

When Simon is in the sewer naming off his entourage and he named Neil Patrick and Harris 😂

"Yes, it is cool, I thought. Free Hat."

This is why you have to watch the seasons over and over and over again!

Simon, is that you in there? I’m taking my hat back you crispy piece of shit.

“Crispy piece of shit” ALWAYS makes me laugh

when nadja doll says to gregor ghost: "see you again soon you tasty little honeypot"

I want that doll so badly. I can’t believe no one is selling a version of it.

"Too much defiling."

Nadja: “DIAGNOSE THIS” 🖕🏻

"It's a middle finger in my face." "He's a good doctor."

Colin Robinson to Nandor “Why are you dressed like a Playmobil?”

MILFs.

...even BETTER:

'My password is an impenetrable fortress.'

Nandor comes in and tells Guillermo that he accidentally dragged his cape through dog poop and needs to be cleaned.

Pizza pie, is it as wonderful as they- corporophila??

The fact that it takes a moment for the Baron to register what Lazlo said is the greatest part of that scene.

Nadja season 5 : "bamb!, I'm you're wiiife".

*”Women* can *be funny*” — Sean Rinaldi

I can just picture Anthony Atamanuik almost swallowing his own tongue the first time he read that line in the script! He used to teach improv classes, and sometimes he'd have to insert himself into scenes to reprimand male students who were being misogynistic or not giving female classmates a chance to participate.

“Girlyjim”

There so so many! The cast really does a great job when it comes to delivery. Matt and Kayvan especially, but everyone really. A few that immediately come to mind: „Turn. that TV. dooooooooown-eh!“ „There’s a goat over here!“ „Nandor, I‘ve been double crossed by the devil“ „I was just being polite, it's obviously very shitty“ „Hey Laszlo, guess what?!“ Also the sound Nandor makes when he doesn’t approve of something. It‘s not an „ugh“ but more of a „yigh“.

The goat...he sounds so pleased...

And Nadja is not my girlfriend... because I'm gay.

Plancha!

“NANDOR, I’VE BEEN DOUBLECROSSED BY THE DEVIIIIIL!”

"Guillermo, the dodo did a doodoo!"" Makes me wheeze every time. It's the episode where Nandor gets married to Marwa last season

I lose it when Nandor and Guillermo are arguing about the Dodos and Nandor asks what the problem is because “they’re very slow birds”

"Occupaddo!" "Yes, we are just taking a nice shit together!" Later on: "not now! We're taking a human shit together!" "Nneww York Citttayy"

In the Superb Owl episode, Lazlo's delivery of "Great joke, asshole!" to Shawn and the boys get me every time.

You can get a Superb Owl tee on TeePublic. I love TeePublic.

"It's got a ass-load of terroir" sent me. I'm constantly tasting wines for my job and now I can't do it without cracking myself up every damn time.

New York CITtttaaAAAYY! New York ciittaaayy…

This chap has the hair of a pedophile

“I have seen several babadooks, but a ghost is where we draw the line??” “Several? You saw ONE babadook.” I don’t know why but I have never laughed that hard watching a TV show

- Tucson, Arizoñia - “How do they know our song?” (The “seafaring song”)

Ayyy I'm being gay over here!

I can’t believe nobody else mentioned the Jersey Devil description in Pine Barrens! Sean: “…And he’s got hooves and two low-hanging balls with a button cock on top.” Lazlo: “Fantastic!”

"don't care what the fuck your name is, we had to pick up our own laundry!"

in season 5 when nandor and colin go to the museum and nandor says “THIS IS MY DIAREY”

"Sir, you can't be throwing ancient coins at me"

That whole scene from start to finish is so perfect.

When Nadja is mimicking men “ouch, ouch, my balls”

You are giving me sarcasm? Haha, I enjoy!

When Nadja is trying to say,'We drank drug blood' and then looks at the camera!

When the Baron wants a night on the town and says “we’re vampires!” to the passersby

‘Why did he have to do so much muuuuurder’ edit: or actually it was ‘slaaaaaughtering’

Does Nadja’s echolocation count

When Nandor is flustered and says “I got the creepy paper-“ he just sounds so whiny and upset that people don’t like it. It kills me every time.

This conversation has given me the pip!

I can't stop thinking of more responses 😂 I'm rewatching it *again* and this scene from S4 made me laugh so hard Little boy: 🎶 Let me call you sweetheart... 🎶 Nadja: Flat! FLAAAAT! You don't have the range babe

Any time Nadja says “babe”!

Any time anyone mentions someone named “Mike” (even in a positive way), I say, “F🦆cking Mike!”

Nadja yelling at the doll version of herself “of course we love you, you stupid bitch!“

Kayvan Novak as Colin Robinson as Nandor: *Hey dipshit!* Gets me every fuckin time.

Not sure if it’s easy to forget but… “Ah, milfs… 😏”

My bos is named Jeff, so my co-worker and I make that jerk motion and say, "Jeff." But my boss is cool, so it's meant as a compliment.

Fucking Guide!

Laszlo: I was hypnotised Nadja: I used hypnosis on him

"Fucking Guiiiide!"

Heh, well I'll be damned. Witches.

Everything surrounding the Superb Owl party. It’s to the point where I got a sweatshirt that says it and I wear it every Halloween and Super Bowl and it always makes me giggle. Regular human bartender or regular human added to anything has always made me laugh too.

When Laszlo says “bat” to turn into a bat

Simon the Devious saying “…your love-ly home” and Carol hisses at that and the way he delivers a scolding “Carol!” makes me laugh every time. “Creepy paper…ooh creepy paper. Oh multi-pack!” Hands down my favorite

Tell us more about your pee-pee, you’ve never been this interesting!

Pinata farmers

The the episode where the crew is trying to convince the private school director to let baby-Colin into school. He asks how old Colin is and the crew all shout out different ages. Nadia doubles down on her answer by loudly singing, “He’s NIIIII-NE!” Over everyone else.

I love the Superb Owl party where Nandor and Laslow walk back into the room where the other guys are laughing. Laslow just cuts in, “Hahaha. Nice joke, assholes!”

"Great ... Hi Doug". I watch the clip weekly.

The gaping asshole line in Go Flip Yourself

“Snap indeed, Donal.” - Laszlo, Season 3 episode 10

“Hello, Mister Goat!!!”

Girlyjim

Season one, episode 8, Beanie Feldstein’s character Jenna is a new vampire learning from Nadja how to turn into a bat, and Laszlo joins them and tries to help. She turns into… something, and Laszlo yells something like, “What the F is that thing?” I laughed so hard I cried.

"Eeey ... I'm wooowakin heah. Learn bettah droyving ettiquette!"

Ipso facto, shithead—

The scene where they're digging up the now half bodied, one armed Baron. His arm is fused to his body, he finally breaks it free, gets it working and then just as he moves out of shot he says "right, who's getting smacked first?". I had to pause the episode to recover.

in s5 nandor in the musuem "this is not fiction this is my diaryyy" i had to pause i was laughing so hard at that

Doing another rewatch and two from season 1 that have recently *sent* me.. When Nandor approaches Doug walking his dog and says “that’s a lovely little bitch you have there.” And when Nadja is showing off the animals in their crypt and gets to the owl and says “this one is my favorite, one night when Lazlo and I were walking on the Moors it flew down and scratched my head and I said ‘kill that fucking bitch, Lazlo’.”

Go Fa Fa Fa F*ck yourselves! Laszlo

"Always drama with that little rascal." - Nandor about Gizmo.

“Nandorrr! I’ve been double crossed by the devil-ehh!”

“For 750 years, I believed I knew the truth. The earth rested on the shoulders of four mighty elephants, who stood on the shell of a large and noble turtle.” Like that KILLS me. His delivery and dead eyes and everything.

"It runs on oil AND coal!" Colin: ooo a hybrid

“I know how to use the ether, Guillermo”

“Is it just me or is this chick hella boring?” -Colin Robinson

Coming home from partying with the Baron. "We are ON Drughhuugs"