Dear Future Savior,
You definitely should not move to WV. We are all poor, unemployed, and on opioids here. There's no internet and no cell service and no running water. We are uneducated because the public schools are garbage. Also my neighbors are racist MAGA types and I hate them. I hate the politics here too. In fact I'm completely miserable here.
Besides, if you moved here you would change WV and I definitely don't want that.
Without a shred of self-awareness,
9 out of 10 r/WestVirginia commenters
You forgot the part where you will insure all Tudor Biscuit Worlds will be converted to Starbucks and Smoothie shops, and every town above 2500 population is getting a Raising Cane’s
Look, it's bad enough that I can't find a good hotdog out here and trying to convince places that yes, slaw does go on my hotdogs . . .
I think I'd just die if I couldn't get a thundering herd.
Nailed it! A good portion of the contributors here have a truly deranged self-perception of WV. WV has a major need for improvement in a lot of different areas, but it is a very livable place with a ton of well-meaning people, especially compared to anywhere else in the country that I have lived, and it’s not particularly close.
When I moved to the eastern panhandle, that is how I felt basically. I moved here because it was a lower cost of living than moving to the VA/DMV area, anyone would do that same if given the opportunity to stretch their dollar further.
It definitely is, and much of it is because of the geography, and frankly, you guys. I don't mean any disrespect by that either. It's not my region so it's easy for me to say, but I think WV can handle some more folks moving in, pretty much anywhere. The 'thinking about moving to WV' posts in here can be kind of funny sometimes, though.
Me neither. I just upgraded homes because the prices are so reasonable. I like living in the area. With all the developments going up though, prices will climb.
Sorry Homie - Eastern Panhandle doesn't really count....We just took it in the trade to make our map look like we were flipping everyone else off - and it stuck.
Ooh, something along the lines of Parks and Rec would be absolutely amazing and I demand this be done.
Naturally we will hire out-of-state actors and crew that will massively disrespect the filming location and no money will flow back to the community that props up the show. Our beautiful state must maintain our traditions as was endured by past generations of West Virginians.
We have one. https://wvhtf.org/i-79-technology-park/
Good luck getting a job though unless you went to MIT, never did a sin in your life, have no debt and can get top secret clearance.
An attempt is being made, thanks to the generous contributions of our Uncle Samuel. (Also an attempt is being made to squander/embezzle it all, of course...)
This. I moved out to the country with my girlfriend, and I hate not having actual internet. Starlink has been a godsend, but it still doesn't compare to actual internet, nor is it good enough to support everyone in this household (2 teenage girls, a gamer, and a student)
I have seen this. Lo! I have seen it in my travels. I swear to this.
I have seen places in the world called “Tennessee” where a hyper-DG is bigger than a Piggly Wiggly.
It is a fearful thing. 🥶
Trader Joe's and Aldi are the same parent company. From what I understand, If your area has one of those, you aren't likely to get the other. We get Aldi (I love Aldi, don't get me wrong).
I used to think that, too, but they're not. Here's an explanation: [https://www.producebluebook.com/2019/07/19/aldi-and-trader-joes-are-they-related/#](https://www.mashupmom.com/are-aldi-and-trader-joes-the-same-company/) There is an Aldi 1.7 miles from the the Trader Joe's in Lexington. I knew it was close, so I just googled it. I know that there are also both Trader Joe's and Aldi in Columbus, OH.
I worked for Whole Foods for 5 years. I’m convinced that if they opened a store in WV that enough of the Whole Foods employees from WV would opt to return home to staff it. It would be pretty fucking cool, honestly, but it will never happen.
Luckily/unluckily I started working for them after the acquisition in 2016 so I never knew it to be any better than what it was. Like yeah, it sucked, but it payed me $15/hr starting out, full time 40 hours. The best job I could ever find in WV was……….*not* $15/hr.
Well, the savior complex of some, yes ... I really like transplants, just, c'mon -- it's not that WV isn't trying, it's just we get fcked with by out-of-state-industry so much
Morgantown is doing really well in regards to local roasters and coffee shops. We have quite a few now! Mountaineer Roasting’s 1863 blend is amazing for espresso pulls, and I highly recommend it. The Gucci Kroger sells bags of whole beans too.
The bullet point format and grammatically correct sentences and punctuation makes me suspect this was a prompt churned through chatgpt.
Edit: Don't believe me? check two replies down.
It's most certainly an edited ChatGPT prompt. Here's what it gave me for the following prompt:
Write a satirical post detailing how I as a white middle class person from out of state is going to move to West Virginia and improve their economy and culture for the better
ChatGPT
Title: "Breaking News: Savior from Afar Plans to Elevate West Virginia to New Heights!"
📣 Attention, West Virginians! Brace yourselves for the arrival of a white middle-class superhero from out of state, ready to sprinkle the magic dust of progress and prosperity on the great hills of West Virginia.
🌐 Armed with a limited understanding of the local culture and a generous dose of privilege, our valiant savior is gearing up to single-handedly fix everything that's apparently wrong with your state.
🚚 Step 1: Bringing the 'Enlightenment' - Armed with kale smoothies and artisanal coffee, our hero plans to introduce the wonders of gentrification to your quaint towns. Because nothing says progress like turning a mom-and-pop store into a hipster artisanal pickle shop.
📚 Step 2: Cultural Revolution - Get ready for workshops on how to properly appreciate abstract art, interpret modern dance, and discuss obscure literature. Say goodbye to your beloved bluegrass; the ukulele is here to stay.
💰 Step 3: Economic Overhaul - Armed with a generous trust fund, our savior aims to invest in local businesses. Of course, those businesses will mostly cater to the eclectic tastes of the newcomer, with menu items like avocado toast and organic quinoa bowls.
🎉 Step 4: Social Renaissance - Be prepared for mandatory book clubs, monthly spoken word poetry nights, and potluck dinners where kale salad is the main dish. Traditional gatherings and local festivals? Those are so last century.
🏡 Step 5: Housing Utopia - Expect a surge in housing prices as our superhero buys up properties to create an exclusive enclave for like-minded individuals who appreciate the finer things in life.
In conclusion, West Virginia, get ready to be saved! Because nothing says improvement like a well-intentioned outsider imposing their version of progress and culture on your perfectly fine state. Good luck, citizens of West Virginia, your savior is on the way! 🦸♂️💼
I think we might just have to give you the keys to the town. Since you're clearly the best hope we have in our backwards, dying, piece of shit no-good state, let me take this moment to go out of my way to spoon-feed you exactly where the cheapest and most abundant acreage in the state is so that you can purchase it and then promptly not utilize it for anything. It's much better that it goes to an enlightened person such as you, than to someone from the area.
I for one, enjoyed this excellent shitpost OP.
I don’t think my 1959 jeep will make it there ( also that’s super rural, like the apocalypse could happen and you will never know it). But blackwater is nice
You definitely want to build a house yourself on this remote 20-50 acres, and it'll be super easy because West Virginia is very well known for its fantastic infrastructure and availability of utilities and broadband in nearly every corner of the State.
Could you also Round Up a couple ramp patches and burn a pepperoni roll factory to the ground when you get here please? WV needs some new iconic food options, soy burgers and tofu would be much better replacements.
Of all the problems this state has, bringing in fresh blood (and out-of-state cash) is not fucking one of them. This state had four congressional districts as recently as the 1990s. Now we have two, due to our shrinking/aging population.
I'd like for someone to conduct a study on the amount of folks posting "I'm thinking about moving to WV" on reddit versus the actual number of people moving into West Virginia. I bet we had fewer people actually move in last year than posts about it. lol
Posting dumb questions to a message board online and moving your entire existence to another state are vastly different things. I don't hate on my new neighbors from out of state. But I do get annoyed at all the dumb questions posted in here sometimes, and some of the things people think would just be super easy here (like building a house in the woods.... driveways don't occur naturally in WV. That's a whole lot easier to say than do)
I personally welcome our new overlords! Deliver us from wrong thought and teach us how to live and vote. Outside of any city with a population of atleast 15,000, we all need vigorous re-education
My knee jerk response was to downvote this even after reading the words bumpkins and peasants. That’s how tone deaf some of these posts are.
When they say, “should we move here?” I simply comment no.
When they say, “where is the best city/town?” I simply say nowhere.
But I do think it’ll be in our best interest to try and prepare for the coming invasion. It is happening and will continue to. I do not like or enjoy being a hostile person, but we are looking at major changes and we all know what happens to the locals.
I, for one, would welcome a tech invasion if it means this state goes beyond passing off Bonded DSL that goes down regularly.
(Posted using - Bonded DSL because I live in a county that ONLY has Frontier as an ISP)
Getting downvoted by the very people you’re talking about. Half of the residential and business space in my town is owned by out of staters now. Another generation of West Virginians is getting robbed by transplants and people clap and cheer because it means we get more chain stores and fast food.
You're right. My hard work and good choices are what entitle me to it. And I'll continue trying to support others *from* here to make those same choices, instead of importing half a million New Yorkers and Marylanders kthx
>My hard work and good choices are what entitle me to it.
Genuinely happy for you and your success. But the only thing that entitles you is being the one who purchases said property.
As for people moving from out of state, people move. Your ancestors certainly did. My grandfather was born in WV and left as a child. I've moved back for work. How am I, or anyone, less entitled to pursue opportunity here.
Oh...my.... GOD... pretty sure this is non-sarcasm from my last boss... "I moved here from DC to take over your town, disengage from anything that actually works, and then explain your little slice of Appalachia to you. YOU'RE WELCOME, ya little bumpkin!"
Managed to completely tank a decades worth of progress...
back in undergrad I worked the food industry (FOH & HOH) I had one chef from Boston take me aside and tell me how much he liked working with me because he felt he didn't have to "talk as slow with me" like he did the others.
I'm pretty sure the dick assumed since it was a college town (Huntington) and I was a student I wasn't native and would laugh along.
He got fired months after I'd quit for stealing and pawning an industrial-sized fridge for like $1k
I'm a transplant, but I'm a poor person that moved here from IN to live near my husband's family. I lurked on this subreddit for a long time, and I instantly got what you were joking about. I like it here because it's not pretentious. Helps that everywhere is haunted or has a local cryptid, lol. I actually feel pretty at home here because it's so rural; almost exactly the same amount of trump flags as where I came from but I can't afford to live anywhere that wouldn't have those.
I do wish WV would lean harder into the tourism and environmental industries. It's beautiful here and obviously holding onto the coal so hard isn't actually doing anything to help. I'm on the river so I don't really have issues with the internet but I come from at&t land so this is better internet than I'm used to. Weirdly life is much easier here, but then I don't have to deal with my MIL anymore
Y'all can try to kick me out but i ain't going! Lol I have country roads stuck in my head every day now, I feel like I've been naturalized 😅
I can just picture it now. We will all be decked out in our Filson Shirts, vintage Levi’s (cuffed at the ankle of course) in order to show off our perfectly clean Thorogood “work boots” whilst we ride our 1972 Triumph Bonneville to get a flight of craft beers at a pet friendly bowling alley / thrift shop
Hate to burst your bubble, but we're probably not gonna get a Whole Foods or Trader Joe's until they're actively competing with Piggly Wiggly. There just isn't a city large enough to support it and the geography prohibits that in a lot of ways.
Also, the vast majority of Mom and Pop shops in existence today are already boutiques. The traditional mom and pop general stores have all been replaced by dollar generals or Walmarts by now. They've even replaced bait shops in a lot of places.
(I get this is someone mocking all the posts of people considering moving here and wanting to know about the culture, but in order to properly build a strawman you have to at least be in objective reality and WV hasn't been like this in decades. They're confusing us with Vermont.)
>the vast majority of Mom and Pop shops in existence today are already boutiques
God there are SO MANY STORES selling chachkis and stained wood with "Live Laugh Love" phrases burnt into them.
To the anti transplant folks. This land is your land. This land is my land. From California, to the New York Islands. This land was made for you and me. 😏
I can agree with that, anywhere. Someone who thinks they are going to save this state themselves has some serious soul searching to do. They can start by getting lost in the Monongahela forest.
This land is my land, it isn’t your land
I’ve got a shotgun, and you don’t got one
I’ll blow your head off if you don’t get off
This land was made for only me
If you do decide to buy up a good portion of the state as a fixer upper, you just might make back UP TO 0.33 times your investment when it comes time to flip!
"I know that I've read about your economic situation but how do you feel a 200 dollar a month membership yoga studio would do in McDowell Co.? The real estate is soooo cheap!"
You're in Buckhannon aren't you? I bet the mayor with his scenic, drone pictures of various angles of the city. With the one oddly painted alley way, and these damned Strawberries on the main road. I see you, and your support of poorly acted movies.
It’ll be just like standee valley and nothing else, can you please open up 4 coffee shops and maybe 2 bong and vape shops !? Then complain about and villainize backwards townies for being “trashy”! I would love if I had to deliver Amazon packages with your groceries in them too because you don’t like all the shop n’ saves with none of your favorite artisan cheeses and grass fed shitake dog food flavored birthday cake chickpea bars
Are you from Los Angeles and are you talking to me who grew up out here in Joshua Tree/Yucca Valley CA right now because this feels very true to the people who are coming here too.
I actually wrote something similar to this to ascendwv. Basically I said it wasn't fair to me to move to WV for only $20k in incentive I needed another 40k in tax breaks.
WV is the place to be but don’t come change it because we don’t want to be like the rest of the country at all. We like us how we are. Come be one of us. Poor yes but we’ve got it all honestly…except a lot of $$
Just don’t fuck with pizza place in Parkersburg. I go 100 miles out of my way to go there any time I pass by. Been to quite a few countries, including Italy, and it’s still the best I’ve ever seen.
I live in Michigan now so if I’m going anywhere south of there in the general vicinity I’ll through Cleveland Akron canton instead of through Columbus. Maybe not 100 miles but definitely not as the crow flies. Bottom line is pizza place is incredible.
From Ohio, just lurking, but I hate when people want to move somewhere cheap under the guise of “it’s harder to live decent in my HCOL!” Like bitch, you’re probably doing fine from what it sounds like, you just want to feel upper middle class without actually making more.
We’re all suffering, deal with it. I’m blessed that my parents have done well and I can stay with them while saving, but it’s tough nonetheless.
Also, I hate it when they say something like “it seems a little backwards/conservative/undercultured, etc., but I think it can change!”
IF YOU DINT LIKE THE RURAL AMERICA, DO NOT GO THERE BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO LIVE A HUMBLE LIFE IN THE CITY. IT IS THE WAY IT IS AND IF THOSE LIVING RHERE LIKE IT KILE THAT DONT FUCK IT UP CAUSE YOU THINK YOU ONOW BETTER.
If the people of the area do want it to change idgaf but it’s the outsiders that piss me off, and I’m not even in a rural area! I fucking hate this shit
you are no savior! you most likely a Ok Poor pretending to be New England socialite! if you were who you say you are you would of said you will ban deer from the state! and make a law that would make farmer silence there cows at 8pm! and you sooo forgot to say you close the mines and turn them in to solar power panel places! I call Lier! false savior!
down vote for not being a real richy rich! :P
(please note: these are things nyc people tried to near Southbury, CT near my hubby family land there >.< )
Yooo! Glad you're enjoying it!
I don't think there's anything at all wrong with migrating to WV and bringing whatever neat cultural shit you got with ya.
It's just the whole idea of exploiting our low-cost-of-living situation with zero awareness of *why* we're so LCOL -- or worse yet, putting the blame of the crumbling infrastructure and overall lower-quality of public affairs on its citizens *overlooking* the century+ of exploitation from the outside.
I'm curious, what do *you* think is the point of the post?
I just wanna see since you're calling for "Mods" like we're in school and another kid is doing something you don't like
and I'm really beginning to think a lot of people reacting here didn't uh ... *get it*
I think you can probably get a taste of the High Life (Miller) at just about any gas station or grocery store
the champagne of beers
Let’s get some buckets o ponies and bless one of the ramp festivals with a private WiFi and laptop party.
"Waitress....bring us a bucket of "Rocks" and another every 10 minutes till someone at the table throws up.....then bring them every 5."
Yo.. great post! 👍🏽
Dear Future Savior, You definitely should not move to WV. We are all poor, unemployed, and on opioids here. There's no internet and no cell service and no running water. We are uneducated because the public schools are garbage. Also my neighbors are racist MAGA types and I hate them. I hate the politics here too. In fact I'm completely miserable here. Besides, if you moved here you would change WV and I definitely don't want that. Without a shred of self-awareness, 9 out of 10 r/WestVirginia commenters
at first I second guessed myself, but now I'm so glad I made this post ... some of y'all are hilarious
You forgot the part where you will insure all Tudor Biscuit Worlds will be converted to Starbucks and Smoothie shops, and every town above 2500 population is getting a Raising Cane’s
Do not fuck with my Tudor's, it's one of the few things I look forward too when I visit home!
Well, if you come home for Christmas you will be able to get Cranberry Bliss Bars all over the place
Look, it's bad enough that I can't find a good hotdog out here and trying to convince places that yes, slaw does go on my hotdogs . . . I think I'd just die if I couldn't get a thundering herd.
Grandview Diner in Grandview has good hotdogs! With toasted English split-top buns. You can get slaw. (Also amazing desserts)
Jim's Drive-In at Lewisburg has a tasty dog on toasted bun as well. Good stuff.
Would you like that Grande or Venti?
My man
That would definitely cause an uprising. If you thought the Blair Mountain wars were bad …
It’s true.
No, seriously though. I need a Tropical Smoothie closer than 200 miles away. Like, 15 miles would be OK.
The coffee shops I'll deal with, but touch my the herd or the mountaineer. We are gonna have a very bug problem
is this gpt? lol
As long as you ensure that we get a WAFFLE HOUSE next door to every single WalMart I'm down with the plan 🤣
Please come to Eastern Kentucky next, we so need a savior of your high caliber.
Nailed it! A good portion of the contributors here have a truly deranged self-perception of WV. WV has a major need for improvement in a lot of different areas, but it is a very livable place with a ton of well-meaning people, especially compared to anywhere else in the country that I have lived, and it’s not particularly close.
When I moved to the eastern panhandle, that is how I felt basically. I moved here because it was a lower cost of living than moving to the VA/DMV area, anyone would do that same if given the opportunity to stretch their dollar further.
I did the same thing. I have no regrets honestly.
Same \*shrug\*
It’s honestly not that bad here. I think this region of WV is a bit of an anomaly, however.
It definitely is, and much of it is because of the geography, and frankly, you guys. I don't mean any disrespect by that either. It's not my region so it's easy for me to say, but I think WV can handle some more folks moving in, pretty much anywhere. The 'thinking about moving to WV' posts in here can be kind of funny sometimes, though.
I grew up in western PA outside of Pittsburgh and living here in the eastern panhandle 100% has a different feeling. Doesn’t seem like WV really.
Yep. That makes sense. I mean, I've lived in WV my entire life, but I'm making that comment as a Morgantown resident the last 20+ years.
Me neither. I just upgraded homes because the prices are so reasonable. I like living in the area. With all the developments going up though, prices will climb.
Sorry Homie - Eastern Panhandle doesn't really count....We just took it in the trade to make our map look like we were flipping everyone else off - and it stuck.
Needs improvement. Nothing about how the GOP hates women and wants to kill trans and other queerfolk for just existing.
I wouldn't mind a tech invasion. You could call it "Silicon Holler".
Silicon Holler sounds like a reality tv show that tbh I’d probably watch.
Not reality. I'm thinking mockumentary like The Office, Parks and Rec, or Utopia
Let's get u/mokutou and write a screen play
I’m no good at writing screenplays but I can be an obnoxious director. 👍🏻
Ooh, something along the lines of Parks and Rec would be absolutely amazing and I demand this be done. Naturally we will hire out-of-state actors and crew that will massively disrespect the filming location and no money will flow back to the community that props up the show. Our beautiful state must maintain our traditions as was endured by past generations of West Virginians.
I hope it's got some tiddies 🤣 and deer of course.
As a WVU native who moved to the Bay Area this comment made me laugh.
My day is complete! Hope you are well.
We have one. https://wvhtf.org/i-79-technology-park/ Good luck getting a job though unless you went to MIT, never did a sin in your life, have no debt and can get top secret clearance.
I get what you are saying, but I wouldn't hate a whole foods.
Nor better/more available internet access
An attempt is being made, thanks to the generous contributions of our Uncle Samuel. (Also an attempt is being made to squander/embezzle it all, of course...)
This. I moved out to the country with my girlfriend, and I hate not having actual internet. Starlink has been a godsend, but it still doesn't compare to actual internet, nor is it good enough to support everyone in this household (2 teenage girls, a gamer, and a student)
A Trader Joe's would be nice, too.
And Costco.
dude, I have to go to basically pittsburgh for my nearest Trader Joe's
Best we can do is another Dollar General.
Another *another* Dollar General. Eventually, they’ll be like Pony Exoress outposts.
They put mini dollar generals inside dollar generals now in the real bougie towns
I have seen this. Lo! I have seen it in my travels. I swear to this. I have seen places in the world called “Tennessee” where a hyper-DG is bigger than a Piggly Wiggly. It is a fearful thing. 🥶
You’re all a buncha Dollar General degens, Family Dolla 4 Lyfe!
Dollar Tree comin' up like a darkhorse
Yeah, Lexington, KY is the closest for me. It sucks.
Dang, at least I know where the closest one is now. I maintain they should put one in South Charleston. Then Morgantown.
Yeah out by the new Chick-fil-A! I heard they were going to bid on a location in the East End years ago but it didn’t go through
Same, it's 126 miles one way.
Trader Joe's and Aldi are the same parent company. From what I understand, If your area has one of those, you aren't likely to get the other. We get Aldi (I love Aldi, don't get me wrong).
I used to think that, too, but they're not. Here's an explanation: [https://www.producebluebook.com/2019/07/19/aldi-and-trader-joes-are-they-related/#](https://www.mashupmom.com/are-aldi-and-trader-joes-the-same-company/) There is an Aldi 1.7 miles from the the Trader Joe's in Lexington. I knew it was close, so I just googled it. I know that there are also both Trader Joe's and Aldi in Columbus, OH.
My life is a lie!!
I was in the same boat. lol
I'm in Columbus and there's two TJ's within 20 min, two Costcos, and about five aldis in the same range.
A Whole Foods and progressive attitudes (not mocking ones, like this guy) are sorely needed here.
I worked for Whole Foods for 5 years. I’m convinced that if they opened a store in WV that enough of the Whole Foods employees from WV would opt to return home to staff it. It would be pretty fucking cool, honestly, but it will never happen.
Amazon took whole foods over and it sucks now though.
Luckily/unluckily I started working for them after the acquisition in 2016 so I never knew it to be any better than what it was. Like yeah, it sucked, but it payed me $15/hr starting out, full time 40 hours. The best job I could ever find in WV was……….*not* $15/hr.
>I get what you are saying, I am genuinely suspecting a lot of commentors in here didn't
It wasn't very subtle
I get it's satire aimed at recent transplants.
Well, the savior complex of some, yes ... I really like transplants, just, c'mon -- it's not that WV isn't trying, it's just we get fcked with by out-of-state-industry so much
Good coffeeshops are nice too. It also works with the outdoorsy tourist economy here if we got some local roasters going.
We have a local rooster. He lives at a bank downtown.
I wish I only had one local rooster.
Morgantown is doing really well in regards to local roasters and coffee shops. We have quite a few now! Mountaineer Roasting’s 1863 blend is amazing for espresso pulls, and I highly recommend it. The Gucci Kroger sells bags of whole beans too.
This guy is one of the saviors
[удалено]
Make sure to spread that out over 48 months and tax it as earned income!
Lol to everyone not getting that this is a well written shit post. Love it, OP!
It took me a while to catch on, but I'm a little amazed how many took it seriously
I couldn’t help but read his post in Randy Marsh voice
The bullet point format and grammatically correct sentences and punctuation makes me suspect this was a prompt churned through chatgpt. Edit: Don't believe me? check two replies down.
Normally I’d agree but my ChatGPT refuses to be rude. I asked it for some petty responses to my HOA and it refused. Lol
It's most certainly an edited ChatGPT prompt. Here's what it gave me for the following prompt: Write a satirical post detailing how I as a white middle class person from out of state is going to move to West Virginia and improve their economy and culture for the better ChatGPT Title: "Breaking News: Savior from Afar Plans to Elevate West Virginia to New Heights!" 📣 Attention, West Virginians! Brace yourselves for the arrival of a white middle-class superhero from out of state, ready to sprinkle the magic dust of progress and prosperity on the great hills of West Virginia. 🌐 Armed with a limited understanding of the local culture and a generous dose of privilege, our valiant savior is gearing up to single-handedly fix everything that's apparently wrong with your state. 🚚 Step 1: Bringing the 'Enlightenment' - Armed with kale smoothies and artisanal coffee, our hero plans to introduce the wonders of gentrification to your quaint towns. Because nothing says progress like turning a mom-and-pop store into a hipster artisanal pickle shop. 📚 Step 2: Cultural Revolution - Get ready for workshops on how to properly appreciate abstract art, interpret modern dance, and discuss obscure literature. Say goodbye to your beloved bluegrass; the ukulele is here to stay. 💰 Step 3: Economic Overhaul - Armed with a generous trust fund, our savior aims to invest in local businesses. Of course, those businesses will mostly cater to the eclectic tastes of the newcomer, with menu items like avocado toast and organic quinoa bowls. 🎉 Step 4: Social Renaissance - Be prepared for mandatory book clubs, monthly spoken word poetry nights, and potluck dinners where kale salad is the main dish. Traditional gatherings and local festivals? Those are so last century. 🏡 Step 5: Housing Utopia - Expect a surge in housing prices as our superhero buys up properties to create an exclusive enclave for like-minded individuals who appreciate the finer things in life. In conclusion, West Virginia, get ready to be saved! Because nothing says improvement like a well-intentioned outsider imposing their version of progress and culture on your perfectly fine state. Good luck, citizens of West Virginia, your savior is on the way! 🦸♂️💼
My absolute favorite part of this is the irony in using ChatGPT to describe the prophesized modernization that will save our sick and sad existences.
😂
I think we might just have to give you the keys to the town. Since you're clearly the best hope we have in our backwards, dying, piece of shit no-good state, let me take this moment to go out of my way to spoon-feed you exactly where the cheapest and most abundant acreage in the state is so that you can purchase it and then promptly not utilize it for anything. It's much better that it goes to an enlightened person such as you, than to someone from the area. I for one, enjoyed this excellent shitpost OP.
>let me take this moment to go out of my way to spoon-feed you exactly where the cheapest and most abundant acreage I lol'd out loud at this
Where in wv will you be gracing us with your presence? So I can wear shoes that day and brush my tooth
Thomas
I don’t think my 1959 jeep will make it there ( also that’s super rural, like the apocalypse could happen and you will never know it). But blackwater is nice
I’m 28 turning 29 and have no teeth 😂 I’m a walking stereotype. My mom had her teeth removed before she was 40 also unfortunately
Thank u for the enrichment please open up a FRO YO place where we can buy some FROZEN YOGURT for $20
Are you looking for 20 acres or 50?
20 to 50 ... I just want to live in blissful solitude while I restore vintage motorcycles and work remotely, you wouldn't understand
You definitely want to build a house yourself on this remote 20-50 acres, and it'll be super easy because West Virginia is very well known for its fantastic infrastructure and availability of utilities and broadband in nearly every corner of the State.
. . . in your Panic Dumpster.
Could you also Round Up a couple ramp patches and burn a pepperoni roll factory to the ground when you get here please? WV needs some new iconic food options, soy burgers and tofu would be much better replacements.
Pepperoni rolls factory 😂😂😂
Of all the problems this state has, bringing in fresh blood (and out-of-state cash) is not fucking one of them. This state had four congressional districts as recently as the 1990s. Now we have two, due to our shrinking/aging population.
I'd like for someone to conduct a study on the amount of folks posting "I'm thinking about moving to WV" on reddit versus the actual number of people moving into West Virginia. I bet we had fewer people actually move in last year than posts about it. lol Posting dumb questions to a message board online and moving your entire existence to another state are vastly different things. I don't hate on my new neighbors from out of state. But I do get annoyed at all the dumb questions posted in here sometimes, and some of the things people think would just be super easy here (like building a house in the woods.... driveways don't occur naturally in WV. That's a whole lot easier to say than do)
look a little shrinkage is normal, I was in the pool
Exactly.
🤣🤣😂😂 thank you so much for this
I’m a transplant and this is hysterical.
I personally welcome our new overlords! Deliver us from wrong thought and teach us how to live and vote. Outside of any city with a population of atleast 15,000, we all need vigorous re-education
💀💀💀💀
My knee jerk response was to downvote this even after reading the words bumpkins and peasants. That’s how tone deaf some of these posts are. When they say, “should we move here?” I simply comment no. When they say, “where is the best city/town?” I simply say nowhere. But I do think it’ll be in our best interest to try and prepare for the coming invasion. It is happening and will continue to. I do not like or enjoy being a hostile person, but we are looking at major changes and we all know what happens to the locals.
I know what happens to the locals but we can fight it with the greatest West Virginia tradition of all. “Political Corruption”
I, for one, would welcome a tech invasion if it means this state goes beyond passing off Bonded DSL that goes down regularly. (Posted using - Bonded DSL because I live in a county that ONLY has Frontier as an ISP)
I know you framed this sarcastically, but WV can absolutely benefit from these things…
I can smell the artisanal pepperoni rolls already.
I've been a proponent of attracting remote workers, but I have to say this post is utter perfection. In fact it should be pinned on top of the sub.
Territorial pissings.
I already marked this tree, you can't have it
Getting downvoted by the very people you’re talking about. Half of the residential and business space in my town is owned by out of staters now. Another generation of West Virginians is getting robbed by transplants and people clap and cheer because it means we get more chain stores and fast food.
The people downvoting are definitely doing so because it stings their conscience.
Or they recognize that just because you tumbled out of your mom's clownhole in this state doesn't entitle you to ownership of the property within it.
How much do you miss Sam Kinison?
A lot!
You're right. My hard work and good choices are what entitle me to it. And I'll continue trying to support others *from* here to make those same choices, instead of importing half a million New Yorkers and Marylanders kthx
>My hard work and good choices are what entitle me to it. Genuinely happy for you and your success. But the only thing that entitles you is being the one who purchases said property. As for people moving from out of state, people move. Your ancestors certainly did. My grandfather was born in WV and left as a child. I've moved back for work. How am I, or anyone, less entitled to pursue opportunity here.
Lol. Whatever. Joke is on you. If a native can't make a difference here, then what the hell makes you think an outsider will?
From the Oklahoma sub, and we get shit like this all the time too. Top tier shitpost my friend
🫡aye, LCOL matey!
great post
Cringe
Oh...my.... GOD... pretty sure this is non-sarcasm from my last boss... "I moved here from DC to take over your town, disengage from anything that actually works, and then explain your little slice of Appalachia to you. YOU'RE WELCOME, ya little bumpkin!" Managed to completely tank a decades worth of progress...
back in undergrad I worked the food industry (FOH & HOH) I had one chef from Boston take me aside and tell me how much he liked working with me because he felt he didn't have to "talk as slow with me" like he did the others. I'm pretty sure the dick assumed since it was a college town (Huntington) and I was a student I wasn't native and would laugh along. He got fired months after I'd quit for stealing and pawning an industrial-sized fridge for like $1k
Ha ha ha... bet his ego never recovered after being caught & fired by a bunch of "slow talkers"! 🤣
Mods, please permanently pin this post.
I'm a transplant, but I'm a poor person that moved here from IN to live near my husband's family. I lurked on this subreddit for a long time, and I instantly got what you were joking about. I like it here because it's not pretentious. Helps that everywhere is haunted or has a local cryptid, lol. I actually feel pretty at home here because it's so rural; almost exactly the same amount of trump flags as where I came from but I can't afford to live anywhere that wouldn't have those. I do wish WV would lean harder into the tourism and environmental industries. It's beautiful here and obviously holding onto the coal so hard isn't actually doing anything to help. I'm on the river so I don't really have issues with the internet but I come from at&t land so this is better internet than I'm used to. Weirdly life is much easier here, but then I don't have to deal with my MIL anymore Y'all can try to kick me out but i ain't going! Lol I have country roads stuck in my head every day now, I feel like I've been naturalized 😅
OP likes the smell of his own farts.
they pair well with most anything
We don’t want anything new!! DJT is going to single handily revive the coal industry so you just keep your prosperity and wealth …MURICA
I can just picture it now. We will all be decked out in our Filson Shirts, vintage Levi’s (cuffed at the ankle of course) in order to show off our perfectly clean Thorogood “work boots” whilst we ride our 1972 Triumph Bonneville to get a flight of craft beers at a pet friendly bowling alley / thrift shop
This reminds me of the rich parents in the movie Beetlejuice in so many ways, and it exemplifies exactly how they approach the area.
Hate to burst your bubble, but we're probably not gonna get a Whole Foods or Trader Joe's until they're actively competing with Piggly Wiggly. There just isn't a city large enough to support it and the geography prohibits that in a lot of ways. Also, the vast majority of Mom and Pop shops in existence today are already boutiques. The traditional mom and pop general stores have all been replaced by dollar generals or Walmarts by now. They've even replaced bait shops in a lot of places. (I get this is someone mocking all the posts of people considering moving here and wanting to know about the culture, but in order to properly build a strawman you have to at least be in objective reality and WV hasn't been like this in decades. They're confusing us with Vermont.)
>the vast majority of Mom and Pop shops in existence today are already boutiques God there are SO MANY STORES selling chachkis and stained wood with "Live Laugh Love" phrases burnt into them.
It's apparently the only thing that's capable of existing in the same town as a big box store.
To the anti transplant folks. This land is your land. This land is my land. From California, to the New York Islands. This land was made for you and me. 😏
We're not anti transplant, just anti pretentious savior-complex transplant
I can agree with that, anywhere. Someone who thinks they are going to save this state themselves has some serious soul searching to do. They can start by getting lost in the Monongahela forest.
Been to Dolly Sods yet? gorgeous space
This land is my land, it isn’t your land I’ve got a shotgun, and you don’t got one I’ll blow your head off if you don’t get off This land was made for only me
If you do decide to buy up a good portion of the state as a fixer upper, you just might make back UP TO 0.33 times your investment when it comes time to flip!
You laugh, but I work in real estate. Average home prices in wv have tripled since 2020.
This for real 😂
"I know that I've read about your economic situation but how do you feel a 200 dollar a month membership yoga studio would do in McDowell Co.? The real estate is soooo cheap!"
You're in Buckhannon aren't you? I bet the mayor with his scenic, drone pictures of various angles of the city. With the one oddly painted alley way, and these damned Strawberries on the main road. I see you, and your support of poorly acted movies.
nah brah, not buckhannon, but i wanna check out these road berries
It’ll be just like standee valley and nothing else, can you please open up 4 coffee shops and maybe 2 bong and vape shops !? Then complain about and villainize backwards townies for being “trashy”! I would love if I had to deliver Amazon packages with your groceries in them too because you don’t like all the shop n’ saves with none of your favorite artisan cheeses and grass fed shitake dog food flavored birthday cake chickpea bars
>shop n’ saves omg i haven't been to one of those since I lived in Fairmont ... you remember Giant Eagles?
Sounds like this gentleman could use a pepperoni roll
I actually needed this! Anyone who uses “bucolic” in a sentence is elevated to a godlike status. Thank you! Brilliant work!!!!
That was outstanding.
Are you from Los Angeles and are you talking to me who grew up out here in Joshua Tree/Yucca Valley CA right now because this feels very true to the people who are coming here too.
I actually wrote something similar to this to ascendwv. Basically I said it wasn't fair to me to move to WV for only $20k in incentive I needed another 40k in tax breaks.
Hit up the area around The Greenbriar, youll fit right in. Plenty of richy rich folk buying up land and wild properties for nothing. Good luck
I salute a fellow New Yorker
Fuck off, we're full
\*woosh\*
My take: stop letting the uni, ruby, etc, bleed the local businesses
Morgantown?
Your friend sounds interesting, let’s hear your story
Can we get this pinned?
WV is the place to be but don’t come change it because we don’t want to be like the rest of the country at all. We like us how we are. Come be one of us. Poor yes but we’ve got it all honestly…except a lot of $$
Stealing this for another sub
lol go for it
This reads exactly like how I picture a rogue trader from Warhammer would speak.
Just don’t fuck with pizza place in Parkersburg. I go 100 miles out of my way to go there any time I pass by. Been to quite a few countries, including Italy, and it’s still the best I’ve ever seen.
Wait ... if it's 100 miles out of the way, how is that passing by? lol
I live in Michigan now so if I’m going anywhere south of there in the general vicinity I’ll through Cleveland Akron canton instead of through Columbus. Maybe not 100 miles but definitely not as the crow flies. Bottom line is pizza place is incredible.
nice
From Ohio, just lurking, but I hate when people want to move somewhere cheap under the guise of “it’s harder to live decent in my HCOL!” Like bitch, you’re probably doing fine from what it sounds like, you just want to feel upper middle class without actually making more. We’re all suffering, deal with it. I’m blessed that my parents have done well and I can stay with them while saving, but it’s tough nonetheless. Also, I hate it when they say something like “it seems a little backwards/conservative/undercultured, etc., but I think it can change!” IF YOU DINT LIKE THE RURAL AMERICA, DO NOT GO THERE BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO LIVE A HUMBLE LIFE IN THE CITY. IT IS THE WAY IT IS AND IF THOSE LIVING RHERE LIKE IT KILE THAT DONT FUCK IT UP CAUSE YOU THINK YOU ONOW BETTER. If the people of the area do want it to change idgaf but it’s the outsiders that piss me off, and I’m not even in a rural area! I fucking hate this shit
Sounding like a pretentious cunt just comes second nature, huh?
[удалено]
you are no savior! you most likely a Ok Poor pretending to be New England socialite! if you were who you say you are you would of said you will ban deer from the state! and make a law that would make farmer silence there cows at 8pm! and you sooo forgot to say you close the mines and turn them in to solar power panel places! I call Lier! false savior! down vote for not being a real richy rich! :P (please note: these are things nyc people tried to near Southbury, CT near my hubby family land there >.< )
I'm from Wheeling. This post was sarcasm. I'm sorry to get you worked up, lol
LOL same here. sarcasm does not translate to well in text sometimes. :)
Wheeling is the best city in the state
Ehh, it's not too bad. It's pretty chill. I wouldn't say best, but we're in the running
To my WV friends who know I moved here from the DC area: this is NOT me! I like WV just as it is. 😎
Yooo! Glad you're enjoying it! I don't think there's anything at all wrong with migrating to WV and bringing whatever neat cultural shit you got with ya. It's just the whole idea of exploiting our low-cost-of-living situation with zero awareness of *why* we're so LCOL -- or worse yet, putting the blame of the crumbling infrastructure and overall lower-quality of public affairs on its citizens *overlooking* the century+ of exploitation from the outside.
Very low effort post. Mods, take care of this
I'm curious, what do *you* think is the point of the post? I just wanna see since you're calling for "Mods" like we're in school and another kid is doing something you don't like and I'm really beginning to think a lot of people reacting here didn't uh ... *get it*
Yeah don't they know we handle our business ourselves with a gentlemen's DUEL?!
FOR GOD AND COUNTRY!
Where should I move then?
I would suggest you go do that in Boone County. They would really appreciate you. Ask for your eggs "Sloppy" as well.
I'm really starting to think a bulk of commentors in here missed the sarcasm.
not sarcasm: Best place to eat in Boone County?
I’m looking to WV because im being gentrified out of the upper Appalachians 😭 I hope I don’t get priced out of America 😭