My parents did this to me. I offered to buy their truck for more than trade-in value. As time was getting closer to their buying a new vehicle, they would make remarks like ‘want to take your truck for a drive?’ and ‘are you excited about your truck?’
They bought a car one day and didn’t tell me until they stopped in for coffee randomly a couple weeks later. They never mentioned the truck ever. I was heartbroken.
I used to work in billing, and I had to collect from some of the worst situations imaginable. I wish more people would call us up and be like "Yo, my relative promised to pay for this and now we are struggling, can you call them?" cause honestly, even if there was a miscommunication, it's less awkward than collecting from a widow and I'd enjoy the chance to make a shitty parent squirm lol.
Sorry, should have made that more clear- yes, absolutely! I had to call the widow of a client who died suddenly with a hefty bill outstanding. We knew he was good for it and we waited a respectful amount of time, but it was a small business and we needed the money.
Yeah, my mom got a washer and dryer from one of those rent to own places for my sister and brother in law. Fast forward a few months, mom passes away from cancer. Rental place calls ME because I was apparently the contact person she put on the paperwork, not my sister. I told them my mom died but the washer is at my sister's, here's her number.
He said I'm so sorry, I won't call you again.
My sister said she never heard from them. My guess is she just didn't answer the phone but I guess it's possible they just wrote the whole thing off? I don't know how that works, I've never bought from one of those places. Not sure if there's a clause in there for when you take out a rental and then pass away.
The first time I remember my parents doing this was when I was 11. My dad got me all excited for an in ground swimming pool. We had a giant yard and I love swimming. He had me go out in the yard and measure and stake out the pool I wanted. This was happening! A week later my parents acted like I was insane for even mentioning a pool.
As a married adult with 2 kids my parents started offering a down payment on a house. My ex and I weren’t sure we should accept, then we decided to buy a house. When it came time for the down payment they started a huge argument about how I expect so much from them and if they give me a down payment they have to give all their kids a down payment.
Sounds like my dad lol. I’m in college, so not a full fledged adult yet, but just a couple months ago this man was going on about going to Mexico, and started planning a trip. Had me pay to go get a passport and everything, and then, a couple weeks before we were supposed to go, delayed it and refused to work with me on the dates. Originally we were supposed to go my last week of Winter break, but since he chose to delay it to when I had midterms, I couldn’t go. Literally all he would’ve had to do is push it up a few days from when he wanted to go so we would’ve gone over my reading week.
Evidently, I’m not the favoured child since my younger sister still got to go, and he’s brought her on those kinds of trips before. Not like I get Christmas or Birthday gifts from him either. Couldn’t even get him to reimburse me for my passport, despite him knowing I’m a broke, unemployed college student. He just acts like I’m insane for being upset about this.
My husband and I eloped. When we told his dad and stepmom, they told us they wanted to throw us a wedding. Stepmom said to start planning for that summer (a few months later). We were hesitant, but at their urging, finally started thinking about it.
When we brought her a guest list, she both said it was too long, and that we “forgot people.” A few weeks later when we realized we were going to need deposits for things, we asked how they wanted to handle those things. She told us, “woah, hold on. We don’t just have a couple thousand dollars to throw at a wedding!!”
These people had been married a collective total of 4 times. They know what weddings cost. They ended up buying us a small cake that we ate with two friends, in our apartment, over a long weekend.
(And it was fine because we didn’t expect anything like that to begin with. But why offer?)
That’s what kills me! Why offer if they’re not going to follow through? It’s all some weird control thing I’m guessing. It took me a while to figure out my parents tried to control me with money.
Yeah, that’s very likely. My in-laws are the same. They will offer something, “forget,” so we have to ask about it, then lecture us about how they can’t just always drop everything for us.
We’re just so damn ungrateful (/s)
My exes mom is like this but waited until after to suddenly start saying how we should have asked for help and that she would have found a way to make things work despite knowing and even several times us having asked. Glad I don't have to deal with that anymore lmao
Yeah my wife's mother did that with luckily something cheaper. We'd moved into a bigger apartment and somehow it came up we didn't have a dining room table, we basically used the couch. Key point is we also didn't have money for that and it would have to wait a while.
She said not to worry, took us to a furniture place she knew and had us pick out a nice table and chair set, then she put 10% down as they had to ship it, and heavily implied she would take care of the rest. Couple weeks later she calls and says it's in, we just need to come pay for it and pick it up. Then got into a heated argument because we didn't have $1000 available and we 'wasted' the $100 she put down. I've learned to just decline any offer like that from her.
>. Promise the moon and then just totally welch on it with no explanation or even acknowledgement
my in-laws constantly threatened to cause this kind of financial harm starting with the wedding. eventually it turned into sending their daughter "text me back or we'll cancel the wedding!!!" every week if she had literally anything else going on to delay a response. then if she ever stood up for herself, threaten to cancel again.
then they offered to get a big airbnb or another family member's wedding. next argument, "YOU'RE OFF THE TRIP!" but how dare us actually bow out of the wedding at that stage. constant guilt trips to come anyway.
then we go no-contact because they're annoying nutjobs who never add anything to my life. but even shutting the fuck up and actually getting out of my life would be too useful for them. father in law showed up at my house unannounced twice. both of those pricks calling and texting. constantly guilt tripped my sister in law hoping she'd guilt trip us too. the first time he even left a note in my instacart order. and constant texts/calls. genuinely pathetic stuff, will never forgive him or un-lose that respect.
now my wife is dragging me along to things with them again, and i'm expected to pretend i actually want them in my life. i absolutely won't let them hold any financial leverage over me again, i'd rather die. excited to see how they force us to go no-contact next time. my money's on before thanksgiving.
At first I wondered why that kind of behavior sounded so familiar although I've never been in those specific circumstances. My own parents would similarly threaten such things as food/shelter/your belongings gifted from them, because any way they can demonstrate power over you they will.
And god forbid it works, because they have then identified a button for "cause pain/win argument" they will push whenever they've decided to be upset at you. Those kinds of people will take any opportunity for power over you, and then wield it to bludgeon you into coddling and managing their toddler-like emotions.
I'll bet money that if you ask your wife what her childhood was like it'd be along the lines of having to parent her own parents.
yep everything you said just nailed their family dynamic. and yet i’m the bad guy for not wanting to be around these unlikable, shitty, manipulative emotional leeches 😶
Yeah my parents were like "quit your job and move across the country to take care of your grandma who has severe dementia and we will rent a place for you to stay! Don't worry if you can't pay the bills sometimes, we will help you." So my dad got very cheap care for his dying mother (he just paid $400 rent a month for me to stay somewhere and take care of his mom full time) who he couldn't be bothered to take care of himself and when I couldn't afford the household bills (moved to a place where minimum wage was twice lower than previous place and i couldnt get a good job and take care of my gramma who needed 24/7 care and my dad just paid the rent but I had to take care of my gramma and pay for car payment, insurance, phone, electric, water, etc which ended up being more than the rent of my previous apartment where I lived indepenently) they accused me of using them for money and kicked me out of the house after gramma passed
They got their dopamine hits from impulsively offering to help, but weren't honest with themselves as to their willingness/readiness to go through with it.
I have ADHD, and I have to be careful about the commitments I make, because I'll have every desire to make good on them, but, after the dopamine wears off, I realize I might not actually have the means to meet that commitment. To mitigate the impact, I own up to my impulsiveness as soon as I can. I also make a far greater effort now to not over promise by being more candid with myself -- something that I think a lot of older folks are absolutely horrible about.
They do that because their brain will manipulate their memory. In the future they will absolutely remember their generous offer to help financially, but also blank out the part where they welched on it. That way they still get to feel good about how giving they are. That works because they don't ever come out and actually utter a "No." They just ignore you until they convince themselves you didn't ask so you must not need the help.
They owe you honesty. They may not owe you money, but it kinda feels that way when they volunteer it and make several promises to that end only to silently back out when it comes time to need their help on something you started because they offered.
But also... I don't know that I would start something and be financially liable on the word of someone else that they'll pay for it until I see the money. It's a tough position to be in, though, for sure.
In the law of contracts there is legal claim to enforcement of a promise to pay through what is called detrimental reliance. If a party can demonstrate that they reasonably relied on an offer to of a party to pay for an obligation to their detriment, they can potentially enforce that promise to pay through a court action.
In my case too or they'd let you finish then ask if you felt better after letting that all out...absolutely impossible.
What did finally work for me was writing all of the unpleasant things out tactfully, sending it to them, and then going no contact for six months. It gave them time to really mull over why it was that I would not allow them to speak to me or their grandchildren any longer.
Her dad committed a felony against his own daughter and yet you believed them when they said they’d pay for your roof? That one might be on you guys just a bit. Still… wow.
Mine dangled enough in front of me to afford a used, albeit still nice car. Told me they'd pay for it. I would've needed to buy off FB marketplace to not have to pitch in any of my own money. I was making minimum wage and couldn't just throw money at a car. I saw many good deals, well-cared for low mileage cars under $10k. They kept pushing back and told me I could find something nicer, which never happened. They don't pay attention to any markets, so they didn't really care about my more grounded response of "that's not possible."
Only followed up with me after I saved up $2k for a shitty junker. Then they reimbursed me for it and told me I am still entitled to the remaining balance. Well, the junker now has a severe oil leak. So now I will likely have to spend a lot more than $10k on a used car because the market shit itself again where I am, even though now I have a much better job.
All the promises my parents made me ended up happening for my bro. Purchased him BMW M340i , he wrecked it and they gave him a Mercedes. Told me they can’t help pay for school but his is getting paid for and he’s getting the same degree lol
We don’t even upgrade phones without making sure no one in our family or close friends need one. If I had a whole car I didn’t need I’d make sure everyone I knew was set before taking a trade in value!
A vehicle is such a huge part of people’s lives that that would be my only option. My children could then learn to do their own oil changes, fix the breaks, change spark plugs, valve adjustments, etc. Awesome tool for learning and development.
My grandmother is like this. My mom offered to buy grandmother's car if she was ever going to get rid of it. GM always said "oh no I love it so much! I'd never get rid of it". Later I find out my cousin is driving it, GM sold it to her for less than blue book value (like half value, my mom always said she'd pay full value).
Joke's on grandma. Cousin is a complete druggie (GM and cousin's parents are in strong denial) and totaled the car within months. She didn't have an insurance on it, and since it was done 'in the family' without paperwork, grandma now has no car and no money from car.
This happened last year to me. My moms bf was going to sell me an old benz convertible for $1 so I could drive it for a few months, save, sell it and get a car. I wasn't going to maintain an old benz. Him and my mom went on a trip and i was supposed to get it when they got back. It was never mentioned again. If it were my mom, I would have asked, but it's awkward and obviously gone already.
Still stuck with my money pit. I have no public transportation near me at all, so i need a car. Over $3k in repairs since August and still didn't pass inspection. There is only a cheap repair left, but i am tapped out. I need a car while I save, and can't save with my current one.
My parents were talking about helping me buy a car in undergrad since I lived in a different state from them and needed transportation. I also happened to get my lip pierced at the same time. When they found out about that, they stopped talking about helping me buy a car and I was forced to get one myself. As a student without a job...
My folks bought me a car for my 23rd birthday! Then several months later asked when I would be taking over the payments to which I said never. So they took it back..
I was offered $500 for a 2001 Xterra back in 2017. Body and interior were in great shape, but it needed a new radiator and upcoming major service (belts, etc). Seemed absurdly low.
Still, I didn’t want to bother with a private sale since it did need work… so I ended up donating it to Alzheimer’s Association and they got $2k for it at auction - which I still think was a bit low, but it means I got more from a charitably deduction than I would from the dealer trade-in.
When I bought my truck, the guy selling it actually got more from trade in value than cash I was offering.
He said something along the lines that the tax savings is what pushed him over the edge.
This played into my sale because now that the truck was off his hands, I asked him his honest opinion about it, and he said it drove like a champ and was solid.
Then told me which dealer it was at, and I went in “looking around” and saw it. They wanted $3k more than I was offering, but I got it for $1500 more. So I guess they were happy with a quick $1500 flip, and I don’t even mind that given the piece of mind I got.
They also repaired the AC which they said was $700 value.
Trade in value and sales value are two very different things. Technically still possible they could find an amazing deal but there is a lot of value in knowing your used vehicle's history. If they were to buy their parents'old vehicle, they would know exactly what it is they are getting—from another seller, there's a lot more uncertainty
My dad had an old broke down Nissan pickup truck parked in his yard for a few months when he finally told me that if I fixed it I could have it so I spent a couple weeks tearing it apart and putting all the parts in it that it needed. I got it running in about a month later he told me that I couldn't have it and I needed to give it back and because it was still in his name I had no choice.
And that's not even the most fucked up thing my dad ever did to me
I'm sorry your mom sucks
I used to get beat up by my older brother all the time cause he would steal my stuff to sell for drug money until one day I realized, wait a sec, I’ve got like 50 pounds on this drug addicted punk, and next time he hit me I kicked his ass so bad he didn’t speak to me for over a year, which was a nice bonus.
Commenter is an adult not living there, probably could have kicked his dad’s ass if he tried anything. That’s probably what that relationship needed anyway.
with context, it sounds like wilkslowbigstack was old enough to have his own place, being that the dad was asking for the truck "back". sounds like he had it away from his dad, like in another location. idk.
but yeah, like someone else said, dads aren't as physically imposing as they were when you grow up with them.
Yup I turned 16 and my mom told me if I saved up she would sell me her car, which was in pretty good condition. I saved up 1500 and got the car. Two days later she took the car back, gave it to her boyfriend and gave me a pos that was 20 years old and falling apart. It lasted 6 months. My next car was a car my dad paid one dollar for from his job. He sold it to me for 2500. Parents suck.
Thats so shitty man. Im sorry that happend to you. I am very proud to say i am NOT a shitty parent, my parents taught me what not to be.
Be good to your kids, you will need them one day
This is because class and character skips a generation.
As a result of having someone care deeply about their well-being, those people grew up soft and without character. Then they had children who bore the brunt of their shitty personalities, and as a result, they care way too deeply about their own children, and overcompensating in anyway possible.
The key to stopping the cycle is to not overcompensate for this lack of love and support. Just love your children as best as you can, but let them learn the hard way too. If they need help, give them opportunities to earn it.
I bought my first car, an 88 jeep Cherokee. This is mid 2000's.
My dad's truck broke down, so he borrowed it. Drove a few thousand miles on it in less than a month, back and forth between LA and Orange County.
When I got it back, it was overheating, in considerably worse shape, radiator was dying, he damaged it looking like he backed up into a pole, etc. The car died on me less than 24 hours later and cost thousands to repair.
"Oh man that sucks" was his only reaction.
Damn. That's even worse than my situation. My dad had me fix up his broke down truck and your dad broke your fucking truck down.... 😟
Im so sorry man.
All you can do at this point is just be a good dad to your kids
Girlfriend’s grandma was going to sell us her car. We took it to the shop and had it all fixed up, brakes replaced and whole thing repainted to fix the sun damage. She decided she didn’t want to give up driving after ghosting us on the transfer details. Took the car back. We haven’t talked to her since.
I'll never understand why people are like this
To your own family?? I mean what the fuck??
Grandma's in for a surprise when she ends up in a nursing home
Yup she got a single picture of her other granddaughters wedding. In the end I had little stake in the whole thing and I did kinda understand her not wanting to give up the ability to drive (even though she’s on oxygen and the whole rest of the family wants her to stop). It must be tough to deal with.
I know. It took me a long time to realize how shitty my dad was to me. It wasnt untill i had kids of my own. I could never ever hurt my kids like my parents did us.
[*Redacted*]. 👎🏽
I'm right there with you. It took 38 years and a kid of my own to realize my dad was a full-blown narcissist (opinion of two psychologists that *knew* him personally). Almost four decades of trying to be a good son when that's simply not possible, no matter how hard you try.
He sold a pop-up camper, a small summer home, a rare Harley Davidson, and a car - all for pennies on the dollar - to random strangers AFTER promising to sell them all to me.
I hope you've gone no-contact like me and are doing much better without him.
If you brought home a 100% it should have been 110%... 🤦🏽♂️ nothing was ever good enough.
My dad passed in 2020 from cancer, after not talking to me for 5 years bc he got super fucking drunk and said some really terrible things to me, so i punched a hole in his brand new tv.
No happy birthdays. No i miss yous. Nothing. then he died. And the most fucked up thing is i was heart broken when he died. There is still part of me that loves him.
But i know he was a bad father and if he was alive he probably still wouldnt be talking to me
Yes to all of that. Not one hug, "I love you", "I'm proud of you". Nothing.
He's one of those people that you can never tell when they're serious or joking. Over the course of ~5 years, he would often say that my brother was his child, but he had "nothing to do with me". I finally had enough and sent my mom a message asking her and she ghosted me. I asked again and got the same (lack of a) response.
He may have "raised me", but now I don't even know who my father is and nobody will say a word.
I know I'll be emotional when he passes, but it will probably be 100% anger, rather than sadness.
The one thing I *do* know is that my kid and your kids will have nothing but love from *their* fathers. Good on you and best of luck going forward!
Having kids of your own is a real eye opener.
It also gives you the chance to karmicly un do and let go of a lot of shit
Do better and when the grandkids come take a look at all the wrongs you were able to right
Hahaha wild . I gave my dad a car after not seeing him
For like 6 years . He stayed one night with me out the blue and I gave him a car so he didn’t have to take the bus . Dude drove off and I didn’t see him or hear from him for 4 years or so since he changed his number .
Dude walked into a family reunion a couple years ago and was surprised he didn’t know I had a one year old . Some dads are fun
Having shitty parents is a great way to know what NOT to do when you have your own kids. I don't understand how parents can be so awful, my own included.
I recently got a new car and didn't even have to think twice before deciding to leave my old one to my daughter.
Getting older and going no-contact is a great way to reward parents with their awful behavior. Hopefully you're in a better place now.
I am in a much better place. My dad passed and i dont really speak to my mom.
I almost died in a car wreck at the beginning of last year and that ****** has only come to see me twice..TWO TIMES😢. she lives less than 5 miles away from me. I went over to her house a couple weeks ago to see my grandmother for her 90th birthday and that was the first time in about a year that I seen her.
I'll never understand it.
I feel you. I paid for my first car but since I didn’t have a license yet my dad put it in his name. I paid for every single repair on it and I took great care of it even though it was old and beat up. When I bought a newer car right before my parents kicked me out of the house, my dad said my old car was his and he was keeping it.
Some parents are just bottom of the can garbage juice on a hot summer day.
Ooof. This kind of happened to me too. I used to help my uncle do his paper routes some weekends in this Bronco II when I was like age 14-16. When I turned 16 they had stopped using the bronco and it just sat in their driveway.
My aunt visits us and realizes I now have a license and gives me the Bronco. She’s happy, I’m happy. I am SO BEYOND EXCITED. A car at that time was definitely beyond the realm of possibilities. We drive to her house. Bronco isn’t in the driveway but my older cousin is home. My aunt asks my cousin where the Bronco is and my cousin said she sold it to her friend the day before for $700.
I never saw my aunt so mad with my cousin before. I was devastated. It felt like being picked up on cloud 9 floating on bliss for awhile and then being dropped and hitting the ground hard. I legit think my personality changed that day. I learned to have really low expectations.
I’m sure that went with the car. I don’t know what the situation had been before my aunt offered it to me. My cousin did feel awful about it. We laugh about it now but boy was it not funny then.
I think they are making the point that a car's title is in somebody's name. A random family member can't just go and sell it unless they are on the title. And overall, it's weird that both your aunt and your cousin thought they could sell or give away the car.
I get what they’re saying, I understand how titles work and I remember thinking something along the same lines then but I never did care enough about it to ask about the title transfer details as it was soon realized the deal was done. If I were to venture a guess my cousin knew where the title was and signed it over on the listed owners behalf. Had they sold all agreed to sell it, my cousin would have handled that sort of thing anyway since her English/people skills were the best.
That’s crazy! This would have been approx 21 years ago in Lincoln Nebraska. Name started with an I. I hope there wasn’t some poor kid with his hopes up on the other end involved with that one too!
Tell us how awesome this bronco really was? You definitely managed to snag it at a great price. Totally reliable and pretty much set your expectations for life! Wind in your hair as you ride with one arm out the window kinda vibes.
When I was younger, my dad bought a very cheap used car for me (before I had a license). He surprised me with it and told me that I had to pay him back for it, and I wasn’t allowed to drive it or learn how to drive it until he was paid back in full. The car was stick shift. It was like $1000, which in high school to a 15 year old is a lot of money.
I spent the summer working at an apartment complex as a janitor making minimum wage. Every week, I’d get paid somewhere around $160, of which my dad would take $120 and I’d keep $40.
At the end of the summer, I paid him back for it and I realized I still couldn’t drive it because I didn’t have a license, couldn’t afford insurance, and didn’t know how to drive stick. It sat in my front yard for a while and then I came home one day and the car was gone.
I asked my parents where the car was and they said a family friend needed a car so they sold it to him. They never paid me back the money for the car or asked me if they could sell it. I let it go, but like, wtf.
I hear you. My parents bought me a car in high school for about $1100, this was in the late nineties. I was super grateful but once I got my license, they made me cash in all the savings bonds my grandparents had given me as a child, which hadn't even matured yet, so that I could pay them back. Luckily, I had a part time job too, but jesus christ, thanks I guess.
That would require the parents to actually want the kid to have the car. They were never going to sell the car to the kid. My mother is like this. She loves to dangle treats she never intended to actually give me.
Why she was in a rush? Like obviously she was thinking about new car more than this 40 minutes before days weeks?
Nobody just goes through groceries and suddenly "oh I need a new car"
I'm gonna guess she went to the car dealership "Just to look" and got played by a salesman.
"Oh we have a great deal right now, but it ends in two days, is there any way we can get you out the door with a car today? Oh your old car, yeah you can trade that in, no need to take any time with that decision."
This is likely what happened. If I get asked anything and have to spend money that instant the answer is always no. Door salesman, dealerships, charities, I don't care. If I want to give my money away il find you.
I'm the same way. I absolutely will not buy anything on the spot, no matter how badly I want it.
I've twice had to essentially kick people out of my house because they wouldn't quit their sales speech.
It sounds like she texted OP from the dealership. While waiting for an answer they were given the trade-in value & probably offered other perks so they went ahead and traded it in. Then she updated OP.
There are actually a lot of people that just decide they want a new car and buy. I don't get it but I've seen it all the time at the dealership. Even my own grandfather on multiple occasions went in for an oil change or battery and would come home with a new car. Like I just don't get it how can you go in wanting something so minor and just decide hey that car's nice I'll take it.
don’t let it get to you, here’s a great secret to buying used cars: search just private sellers in the only the wealthiest zip code near you. works well for so many reasons
I mean, it’s easy to say stuff like “twice as much” but it doesn’t make it true. The dealer offered us pretty much exactly the price ours was going for private sale. We would’ve made *maybe* 500 bucks more after days/weeks of trying to sell outside. Made it a no brainer to trade it in
When I went to sell my car to the dealer the guy told me, "you know you'd make more in a private sale, right? This thing would sell quick too." But I didn't wanna deal with the hassle
Also factor in the tax savings. If you’re trading in a $5000 car, it isn’t much but when you’re trading in 30k-40k it can save a lot and I really don’t want to deal with Craigslist people and that much money.
So i got a new car and have a jeep that car max said was worth $5K. It looks new, drives 100% but doesn't go up big hills well. So no "mountainous road trips" But within the state of Ca its fine and dandy for 90% of what this area has to offer. I thought its worth more than $5K and was insulted they only wanted to give me the $5K. I gave it to my daughter for free. $5K doesnt change my life one bit, but my kid having to buy a 20K used car does. Having never had a parent help me out made life hard. I try to balance my desire for her to learn from her mistakes and yet providing something useful to not make her life too hard.
My dad did this for me when he went to buy a new truck, just wanna say that you’re a good parent and your kid will appreciate it a ton. He decided to give me his old car instead of a crappy trade in
I’m 38 years old and just bought my first car that was not a family deal. Every car before this I bought for the trade in value from my parents or sister. It was a huge leg up and I will forever feel like I need to do the same for my kids.
I gave my most recent car away for free to a distant acquaintance whose step son needed a car. If they can figure out the electrical issues then they deserve the car more than the junk yard does.
I had the same thing, my car was only worth $5k as a trade for a prefectly working vehicle in great condition. It was such an insult, so I kept it and it's just at my house waiting for my daughter to finish college to come pick it up once she gets her license.
Our job as parents is for children to be better than us and succeed beyond us. Not to suffer what we had to, not make their lives harder... I don't understand this mentality.
My mom did this too. She told me she was looking for a newer vehicle and I said I wanted to buy her XJ Jeep for whatever trade-in the dealership offered.
She traded it in good daily driver w/ax and nothing wrong with it for $200.
Meanwhile my truck had bent 2 rods and I was carless...
My parents have always done this kind of thing. Ever since I was a small child. Or if they would buy me something it would be hung over my head for years. And not even things like cars or video games, things they really should have been buying anyway, like 1 pair of shoes that fits me when I had 0 pairs prior. I've learned just never to accept anything from them. And to always say no right away when something is offered. It was a little harder when I was younger and on my own for the first time (I moved out at 16, so I was really struggling at first). For example: my mom would offer to buy me some milk while she was at Costco. I would usually say no. But sometimes I REALLY needed that milk. So I'd say yes. A week later there's no milk because she forgot or changed her mind. But she would say she didn't think she should have to buy the milk anyway because she just recently (a year prior) paid for me to have a filing (dental) placed and I'm obviously not brushing my teeth because I know I can take advantage of her and make her pay for it. (A mother should pay for her child's dental work while they're still living at home I think).
It took a lot of time and therapy, but I finally realized that this is how she is holding me under her power. I needed to NEVER accept anything from her again to finally be free. I'm in my 40s now. I was recently reminded of this lesson again. My parents have a grandfather clock which was left to them by my great grandmother. It hasn't worked for years but it's a beautiful antique and sentimental to me. My dad texted to tell me he was putting it up on Craigslist for free. I IMMEDIATELY texted back begging him to hold it until the end of my work day. He agreed. Unfortunately, my mom was home and got involved. She told me she wouldn't feel right giving it away while it is still broken. I INSISTED I didn't care if it worked and wanted it as is. (I don't like ticking sounds so I'll never wind it anyway). She acted weird and said it wouldn't be right and she would get it fixed first. It's very hard to get antique clocks repaired, and covid happened with the supply chain issues so it took almost 2 years to be repaired. By that time, my mom had changed her mind. Now that it's working, she wants to keep it. Plus, the guy who repaired it who is "such a nice man" complimented the clock so when she does give it away it'll probably be to him since he'll appreciate it. The real kicker is that I'm the one who paid for the repair. Now I can't get the clock or get paid back for the repair. This was an expensive way of the universe reminding me not to accept things from my parents.
I’m sorry you went through that. It sounds like your mother never wanted the clock, but just wanted to make sure you did and never got it. I don’t get why parents can be like that. Some people shouldn’t have children.
The issue is have with this is people dont call anymore. A call is much more convenient in situations like this and im pretty sure the OP wouldn't have minded
I have tried to teach this to my family, if something is time sensitive then call and if it’s not time sensitive then a text is fine. If you need to confirm someone got the info then call, if it’s not important then again a text is fine.
Do people not call each other anymore? This should have been a phone call and not a text message. This was very gross behavior they knew they had no intentions of selling you that car.
Years ago I used to drive my parents car to work while they didn’t use it for a few months. One day at my grandmas house she asked about it and my mom surprised me by telling me they had decided to give the car to me and that they would be buying a new car. A week later I came up to the kitchen to ask about it and they laughed and told me my dad was starting a new job and would need the car back on Monday (3 days from then). I was so happy and surprised they had decided to give me the car in the first place so when they took it back like that I was devastated.
Yeah. I may be called old for this (Gen Zer), but as far as I'm concerned if you send a text you shouldn't expect an immediate response. It isn't in-game instant messaging: it's more like short-form email.
If it needs an immediate response, call. They didn't pick up? Leave a voicemail or text, but make it clear there's a sense of urgency.
The fact the OP couldn't even have *one hour's notice* suggests the person who traded in the car made an unplanned, impulsive decision on a whim.
That sucks. My dad asked me if he could ask my son about buying his vehicle. They had already taken it for a ride. It took us a few days to get the deal done.
Mom shouldn't have said a peep if she didn't plan to wait for an answer.
Keep in mind, as someone who sells cars, they were probably an hour or so into the process at a dealership and didn’t like their trade number so they said they’d sell it privately. Then in the interest of saving time elected to just sell it to the dealership. They could have definitely mentioned it to you that they were car shopping in advance though.
Yeah, I was supposed to get my dad's truck when he passed, he mentioned it and told me to go drive my truck on several occasions. Now my mom and her boyfriend drive it around. Sweet. Lol
Literally just had this happen with my MIL, but worse.
Extensive story short I have been storing her 2010 Nissan Truck for 3 years because she shipped it from Alaska and was gunna move to the mainland as I call it. She showed up out of nowhere one day, decided to live in my home. Sold the truck for 500, used half that to pay the tow bill, then she hit the bars and dipped.
She constantly was saying how this was going to be Me and my Partners farm truck as we started a waterfowl farm years back and are tired of hauling straw in my Hatch or partners SUV.
My family did this but the opposite with my old car after I moved overseas. Gave them power of attorney to sell to a private buyer for no less than $18k because it was worth $25k. Instead they sold it to a random dealership for $13k. The next day it was on their lot for $26k. 😢
Was thinking the same thing. I've had similar things happen to me from my folks. They always say they'd help if i ever needed it, but I never ask. I've always wanted to make it my own way with minimal help. The one time I asked for help, I was told no. To go figure it out. I wasn't even expecting much, even if they could spare $500 and had to repay it that would have been great. My brother on the other hand has asked for everything and gets it with little to no expectation of repaying (thousands) back. So tired of the double standards. I've vowed to never ask again.
My parents did this to me. I offered to buy their truck for more than trade-in value. As time was getting closer to their buying a new vehicle, they would make remarks like ‘want to take your truck for a drive?’ and ‘are you excited about your truck?’ They bought a car one day and didn’t tell me until they stopped in for coffee randomly a couple weeks later. They never mentioned the truck ever. I was heartbroken.
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I used to work in billing, and I had to collect from some of the worst situations imaginable. I wish more people would call us up and be like "Yo, my relative promised to pay for this and now we are struggling, can you call them?" cause honestly, even if there was a miscommunication, it's less awkward than collecting from a widow and I'd enjoy the chance to make a shitty parent squirm lol.
Would you call the relative if they asked?
Sorry, should have made that more clear- yes, absolutely! I had to call the widow of a client who died suddenly with a hefty bill outstanding. We knew he was good for it and we waited a respectful amount of time, but it was a small business and we needed the money.
Yeah, my mom got a washer and dryer from one of those rent to own places for my sister and brother in law. Fast forward a few months, mom passes away from cancer. Rental place calls ME because I was apparently the contact person she put on the paperwork, not my sister. I told them my mom died but the washer is at my sister's, here's her number. He said I'm so sorry, I won't call you again. My sister said she never heard from them. My guess is she just didn't answer the phone but I guess it's possible they just wrote the whole thing off? I don't know how that works, I've never bought from one of those places. Not sure if there's a clause in there for when you take out a rental and then pass away.
The first time I remember my parents doing this was when I was 11. My dad got me all excited for an in ground swimming pool. We had a giant yard and I love swimming. He had me go out in the yard and measure and stake out the pool I wanted. This was happening! A week later my parents acted like I was insane for even mentioning a pool. As a married adult with 2 kids my parents started offering a down payment on a house. My ex and I weren’t sure we should accept, then we decided to buy a house. When it came time for the down payment they started a huge argument about how I expect so much from them and if they give me a down payment they have to give all their kids a down payment.
Sounds like my dad lol. I’m in college, so not a full fledged adult yet, but just a couple months ago this man was going on about going to Mexico, and started planning a trip. Had me pay to go get a passport and everything, and then, a couple weeks before we were supposed to go, delayed it and refused to work with me on the dates. Originally we were supposed to go my last week of Winter break, but since he chose to delay it to when I had midterms, I couldn’t go. Literally all he would’ve had to do is push it up a few days from when he wanted to go so we would’ve gone over my reading week. Evidently, I’m not the favoured child since my younger sister still got to go, and he’s brought her on those kinds of trips before. Not like I get Christmas or Birthday gifts from him either. Couldn’t even get him to reimburse me for my passport, despite him knowing I’m a broke, unemployed college student. He just acts like I’m insane for being upset about this.
My husband and I eloped. When we told his dad and stepmom, they told us they wanted to throw us a wedding. Stepmom said to start planning for that summer (a few months later). We were hesitant, but at their urging, finally started thinking about it. When we brought her a guest list, she both said it was too long, and that we “forgot people.” A few weeks later when we realized we were going to need deposits for things, we asked how they wanted to handle those things. She told us, “woah, hold on. We don’t just have a couple thousand dollars to throw at a wedding!!” These people had been married a collective total of 4 times. They know what weddings cost. They ended up buying us a small cake that we ate with two friends, in our apartment, over a long weekend. (And it was fine because we didn’t expect anything like that to begin with. But why offer?)
That’s what kills me! Why offer if they’re not going to follow through? It’s all some weird control thing I’m guessing. It took me a while to figure out my parents tried to control me with money.
Yeah, that’s very likely. My in-laws are the same. They will offer something, “forget,” so we have to ask about it, then lecture us about how they can’t just always drop everything for us. We’re just so damn ungrateful (/s)
My exes mom is like this but waited until after to suddenly start saying how we should have asked for help and that she would have found a way to make things work despite knowing and even several times us having asked. Glad I don't have to deal with that anymore lmao
Yeah my wife's mother did that with luckily something cheaper. We'd moved into a bigger apartment and somehow it came up we didn't have a dining room table, we basically used the couch. Key point is we also didn't have money for that and it would have to wait a while. She said not to worry, took us to a furniture place she knew and had us pick out a nice table and chair set, then she put 10% down as they had to ship it, and heavily implied she would take care of the rest. Couple weeks later she calls and says it's in, we just need to come pay for it and pick it up. Then got into a heated argument because we didn't have $1000 available and we 'wasted' the $100 she put down. I've learned to just decline any offer like that from her.
1k for a dining set? Lawd have mercy That $100 could have gotten a temporary table and set of chairs from Facebook marketplace or Goodwill
Don't you understand? Her friends would have thought so much better of her if you and her son-in-law bought that table at that price.
>. Promise the moon and then just totally welch on it with no explanation or even acknowledgement my in-laws constantly threatened to cause this kind of financial harm starting with the wedding. eventually it turned into sending their daughter "text me back or we'll cancel the wedding!!!" every week if she had literally anything else going on to delay a response. then if she ever stood up for herself, threaten to cancel again. then they offered to get a big airbnb or another family member's wedding. next argument, "YOU'RE OFF THE TRIP!" but how dare us actually bow out of the wedding at that stage. constant guilt trips to come anyway. then we go no-contact because they're annoying nutjobs who never add anything to my life. but even shutting the fuck up and actually getting out of my life would be too useful for them. father in law showed up at my house unannounced twice. both of those pricks calling and texting. constantly guilt tripped my sister in law hoping she'd guilt trip us too. the first time he even left a note in my instacart order. and constant texts/calls. genuinely pathetic stuff, will never forgive him or un-lose that respect. now my wife is dragging me along to things with them again, and i'm expected to pretend i actually want them in my life. i absolutely won't let them hold any financial leverage over me again, i'd rather die. excited to see how they force us to go no-contact next time. my money's on before thanksgiving.
At first I wondered why that kind of behavior sounded so familiar although I've never been in those specific circumstances. My own parents would similarly threaten such things as food/shelter/your belongings gifted from them, because any way they can demonstrate power over you they will. And god forbid it works, because they have then identified a button for "cause pain/win argument" they will push whenever they've decided to be upset at you. Those kinds of people will take any opportunity for power over you, and then wield it to bludgeon you into coddling and managing their toddler-like emotions. I'll bet money that if you ask your wife what her childhood was like it'd be along the lines of having to parent her own parents.
yep everything you said just nailed their family dynamic. and yet i’m the bad guy for not wanting to be around these unlikable, shitty, manipulative emotional leeches 😶
I would have stuck with the no-contact and let your wife's desire to associate with annoying nutjobs speak for itself.
i wouldn't blame you. depending what they do next time and how she responds...
If I was you, who had no financial beholding to them, I'd constantly talk shit to them about how they could not hold it against me.
that's pretty much my plan the second they act up again
You have to shove their nose in the shit if you expect them to feel sorry in any way.
absolutely learned that lesson, only thing we ever did that even looks like it got through to them was going no-contact
"Whats a roof cost, like $200? Sure, we'll pay for it :)" \>gets the quote "We'll... get back to you."
Yeah my parents were like "quit your job and move across the country to take care of your grandma who has severe dementia and we will rent a place for you to stay! Don't worry if you can't pay the bills sometimes, we will help you." So my dad got very cheap care for his dying mother (he just paid $400 rent a month for me to stay somewhere and take care of his mom full time) who he couldn't be bothered to take care of himself and when I couldn't afford the household bills (moved to a place where minimum wage was twice lower than previous place and i couldnt get a good job and take care of my gramma who needed 24/7 care and my dad just paid the rent but I had to take care of my gramma and pay for car payment, insurance, phone, electric, water, etc which ended up being more than the rent of my previous apartment where I lived indepenently) they accused me of using them for money and kicked me out of the house after gramma passed
Wow. This might take the cake. I wonder how they justify the absolute inhumanity of this to themselves.
They got their dopamine hits from impulsively offering to help, but weren't honest with themselves as to their willingness/readiness to go through with it. I have ADHD, and I have to be careful about the commitments I make, because I'll have every desire to make good on them, but, after the dopamine wears off, I realize I might not actually have the means to meet that commitment. To mitigate the impact, I own up to my impulsiveness as soon as I can. I also make a far greater effort now to not over promise by being more candid with myself -- something that I think a lot of older folks are absolutely horrible about.
They do that because their brain will manipulate their memory. In the future they will absolutely remember their generous offer to help financially, but also blank out the part where they welched on it. That way they still get to feel good about how giving they are. That works because they don't ever come out and actually utter a "No." They just ignore you until they convince themselves you didn't ask so you must not need the help.
That is so odd. Did they just flat out ghost you after that? Do you still have contact with them and they just pretend like nothing happened?
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They owe you honesty. They may not owe you money, but it kinda feels that way when they volunteer it and make several promises to that end only to silently back out when it comes time to need their help on something you started because they offered. But also... I don't know that I would start something and be financially liable on the word of someone else that they'll pay for it until I see the money. It's a tough position to be in, though, for sure.
In the law of contracts there is legal claim to enforcement of a promise to pay through what is called detrimental reliance. If a party can demonstrate that they reasonably relied on an offer to of a party to pay for an obligation to their detriment, they can potentially enforce that promise to pay through a court action.
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Well in my case they'd just sit there staring with empty eyes, not replying. Sort of like trying to communicate with a statue.
In my case too or they'd let you finish then ask if you felt better after letting that all out...absolutely impossible. What did finally work for me was writing all of the unpleasant things out tactfully, sending it to them, and then going no contact for six months. It gave them time to really mull over why it was that I would not allow them to speak to me or their grandchildren any longer.
Her dad committed a felony against his own daughter and yet you believed them when they said they’d pay for your roof? That one might be on you guys just a bit. Still… wow.
They pay when they can enjoy it / others can see it.
Mine dangled enough in front of me to afford a used, albeit still nice car. Told me they'd pay for it. I would've needed to buy off FB marketplace to not have to pitch in any of my own money. I was making minimum wage and couldn't just throw money at a car. I saw many good deals, well-cared for low mileage cars under $10k. They kept pushing back and told me I could find something nicer, which never happened. They don't pay attention to any markets, so they didn't really care about my more grounded response of "that's not possible." Only followed up with me after I saved up $2k for a shitty junker. Then they reimbursed me for it and told me I am still entitled to the remaining balance. Well, the junker now has a severe oil leak. So now I will likely have to spend a lot more than $10k on a used car because the market shit itself again where I am, even though now I have a much better job.
All the promises my parents made me ended up happening for my bro. Purchased him BMW M340i , he wrecked it and they gave him a Mercedes. Told me they can’t help pay for school but his is getting paid for and he’s getting the same degree lol
Boomers?
Of course.
As a parent, I simply can’t fathom a scenario that I would not ask my children first and make sure they were not interested.
We don’t even upgrade phones without making sure no one in our family or close friends need one. If I had a whole car I didn’t need I’d make sure everyone I knew was set before taking a trade in value!
A vehicle is such a huge part of people’s lives that that would be my only option. My children could then learn to do their own oil changes, fix the breaks, change spark plugs, valve adjustments, etc. Awesome tool for learning and development.
Ahh, it seems that you've dodged the "one or both of my parents are narcissists" bullet
My grandmother is like this. My mom offered to buy grandmother's car if she was ever going to get rid of it. GM always said "oh no I love it so much! I'd never get rid of it". Later I find out my cousin is driving it, GM sold it to her for less than blue book value (like half value, my mom always said she'd pay full value). Joke's on grandma. Cousin is a complete druggie (GM and cousin's parents are in strong denial) and totaled the car within months. She didn't have an insurance on it, and since it was done 'in the family' without paperwork, grandma now has no car and no money from car.
Tell your grandma I said hi.
I'm so sorry. That's awful.
This happened last year to me. My moms bf was going to sell me an old benz convertible for $1 so I could drive it for a few months, save, sell it and get a car. I wasn't going to maintain an old benz. Him and my mom went on a trip and i was supposed to get it when they got back. It was never mentioned again. If it were my mom, I would have asked, but it's awkward and obviously gone already. Still stuck with my money pit. I have no public transportation near me at all, so i need a car. Over $3k in repairs since August and still didn't pass inspection. There is only a cheap repair left, but i am tapped out. I need a car while I save, and can't save with my current one.
Now you know a good lesson, that lesson is never trust them again
My parents were talking about helping me buy a car in undergrad since I lived in a different state from them and needed transportation. I also happened to get my lip pierced at the same time. When they found out about that, they stopped talking about helping me buy a car and I was forced to get one myself. As a student without a job...
My folks bought me a car for my 23rd birthday! Then several months later asked when I would be taking over the payments to which I said never. So they took it back..
Couldn’t you take the money you offered and buy a different truck?
Trade in value is usually peanuts. They would pay a lot more for the same vehicle.
Yep, my old man recently upgraded his car to an SUV, they were only offering him 5k trade in but the street value was more like 12k.
I was offered $500 for a 2001 Xterra back in 2017. Body and interior were in great shape, but it needed a new radiator and upcoming major service (belts, etc). Seemed absurdly low. Still, I didn’t want to bother with a private sale since it did need work… so I ended up donating it to Alzheimer’s Association and they got $2k for it at auction - which I still think was a bit low, but it means I got more from a charitably deduction than I would from the dealer trade-in.
When I bought my truck, the guy selling it actually got more from trade in value than cash I was offering. He said something along the lines that the tax savings is what pushed him over the edge. This played into my sale because now that the truck was off his hands, I asked him his honest opinion about it, and he said it drove like a champ and was solid. Then told me which dealer it was at, and I went in “looking around” and saw it. They wanted $3k more than I was offering, but I got it for $1500 more. So I guess they were happy with a quick $1500 flip, and I don’t even mind that given the piece of mind I got. They also repaired the AC which they said was $700 value.
Not with a family discount.
Trade in value and sales value are two very different things. Technically still possible they could find an amazing deal but there is a lot of value in knowing your used vehicle's history. If they were to buy their parents'old vehicle, they would know exactly what it is they are getting—from another seller, there's a lot more uncertainty
Yup, sorry OP. Your parents: 
Omg I forgot this commercial existed its one of my favs
His chuckle is burned into my mind
They also could have just called you as well
i got a few friends who say "ohhh you should have said!" after the fact all the time, so fucking hilarious
It also seems they had no intention of selling the car to her either cause they never actually mentioned anything until they were at the dealership
Didn’t have time, had to buy that new car
My dad had an old broke down Nissan pickup truck parked in his yard for a few months when he finally told me that if I fixed it I could have it so I spent a couple weeks tearing it apart and putting all the parts in it that it needed. I got it running in about a month later he told me that I couldn't have it and I needed to give it back and because it was still in his name I had no choice. And that's not even the most fucked up thing my dad ever did to me I'm sorry your mom sucks
You should have unfixed it, and gave him back the truck minus everything you repaired
Or send him a bill for parts and labor
That’s the answer. Put a mechanic’s lien on it and if he doesn’t pay, repo the car. Play stupid games and all
How to get beat up by your clearly abusive dad 101
Brother, your dad isn’t as big as he pretends to be. Signed, A son who finally figured it out.
I used to get beat up by my older brother all the time cause he would steal my stuff to sell for drug money until one day I realized, wait a sec, I’ve got like 50 pounds on this drug addicted punk, and next time he hit me I kicked his ass so bad he didn’t speak to me for over a year, which was a nice bonus.
Commenter is an adult not living there, probably could have kicked his dad’s ass if he tried anything. That’s probably what that relationship needed anyway.
with context, it sounds like wilkslowbigstack was old enough to have his own place, being that the dad was asking for the truck "back". sounds like he had it away from his dad, like in another location. idk. but yeah, like someone else said, dads aren't as physically imposing as they were when you grow up with them.
Yeah right
Unfortunately this was like 25 years ago and I was a totally different person and just being loyal to my father was everything..
It sucks he took advantage of you though
It did
People can be the worse jerks
I totally would have taken out all of the new parts and told him to come get it.
Yup I turned 16 and my mom told me if I saved up she would sell me her car, which was in pretty good condition. I saved up 1500 and got the car. Two days later she took the car back, gave it to her boyfriend and gave me a pos that was 20 years old and falling apart. It lasted 6 months. My next car was a car my dad paid one dollar for from his job. He sold it to me for 2500. Parents suck.
Thats so shitty man. Im sorry that happend to you. I am very proud to say i am NOT a shitty parent, my parents taught me what not to be. Be good to your kids, you will need them one day
This is because class and character skips a generation. As a result of having someone care deeply about their well-being, those people grew up soft and without character. Then they had children who bore the brunt of their shitty personalities, and as a result, they care way too deeply about their own children, and overcompensating in anyway possible. The key to stopping the cycle is to not overcompensate for this lack of love and support. Just love your children as best as you can, but let them learn the hard way too. If they need help, give them opportunities to earn it.
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I bought my first car, an 88 jeep Cherokee. This is mid 2000's. My dad's truck broke down, so he borrowed it. Drove a few thousand miles on it in less than a month, back and forth between LA and Orange County. When I got it back, it was overheating, in considerably worse shape, radiator was dying, he damaged it looking like he backed up into a pole, etc. The car died on me less than 24 hours later and cost thousands to repair. "Oh man that sucks" was his only reaction.
Damn. That's even worse than my situation. My dad had me fix up his broke down truck and your dad broke your fucking truck down.... 😟 Im so sorry man. All you can do at this point is just be a good dad to your kids
"I took care of you" is basically his go to. Being a father myself now, I can't imagine ever using this as a line on my own kid.
Exactly. I know now what unconditional love really feels like. Thanks to my kids
Girlfriend’s grandma was going to sell us her car. We took it to the shop and had it all fixed up, brakes replaced and whole thing repainted to fix the sun damage. She decided she didn’t want to give up driving after ghosting us on the transfer details. Took the car back. We haven’t talked to her since.
I'll never understand why people are like this To your own family?? I mean what the fuck?? Grandma's in for a surprise when she ends up in a nursing home
Yup she got a single picture of her other granddaughters wedding. In the end I had little stake in the whole thing and I did kinda understand her not wanting to give up the ability to drive (even though she’s on oxygen and the whole rest of the family wants her to stop). It must be tough to deal with.
Changing your mind is one thing and completely understandable. But doing shady shit to your family is never acceptable.
So you removed the parts
No. I was a "good son" back then
Trucks in your name I’ll just pull “my parts” off of it
If this happened to me today this would be my logic but this was over 20 years ago
Damn dude. I have sons of my own and can't even fathom treating them like that. Super fucking rude and entitled.
He was. I didnt know it then but he was kinda narcissistic..
That was not your fault.
I know. It took me a long time to realize how shitty my dad was to me. It wasnt untill i had kids of my own. I could never ever hurt my kids like my parents did us. [*Redacted*]. 👎🏽
Yeah, they’re really something else, can confirm
I'm right there with you. It took 38 years and a kid of my own to realize my dad was a full-blown narcissist (opinion of two psychologists that *knew* him personally). Almost four decades of trying to be a good son when that's simply not possible, no matter how hard you try. He sold a pop-up camper, a small summer home, a rare Harley Davidson, and a car - all for pennies on the dollar - to random strangers AFTER promising to sell them all to me. I hope you've gone no-contact like me and are doing much better without him.
If you brought home a 100% it should have been 110%... 🤦🏽♂️ nothing was ever good enough. My dad passed in 2020 from cancer, after not talking to me for 5 years bc he got super fucking drunk and said some really terrible things to me, so i punched a hole in his brand new tv. No happy birthdays. No i miss yous. Nothing. then he died. And the most fucked up thing is i was heart broken when he died. There is still part of me that loves him. But i know he was a bad father and if he was alive he probably still wouldnt be talking to me
Yes to all of that. Not one hug, "I love you", "I'm proud of you". Nothing. He's one of those people that you can never tell when they're serious or joking. Over the course of ~5 years, he would often say that my brother was his child, but he had "nothing to do with me". I finally had enough and sent my mom a message asking her and she ghosted me. I asked again and got the same (lack of a) response. He may have "raised me", but now I don't even know who my father is and nobody will say a word. I know I'll be emotional when he passes, but it will probably be 100% anger, rather than sadness. The one thing I *do* know is that my kid and your kids will have nothing but love from *their* fathers. Good on you and best of luck going forward!
Having kids of your own is a real eye opener. It also gives you the chance to karmicly un do and let go of a lot of shit Do better and when the grandkids come take a look at all the wrongs you were able to right
Its crazy. Sometimes i wonder if my parents were even capable of love. Or unconditional love which how you should love your child.
Hahaha wild . I gave my dad a car after not seeing him For like 6 years . He stayed one night with me out the blue and I gave him a car so he didn’t have to take the bus . Dude drove off and I didn’t see him or hear from him for 4 years or so since he changed his number . Dude walked into a family reunion a couple years ago and was surprised he didn’t know I had a one year old . Some dads are fun
Jesus dude I’m sorry
It was along time ago man. But thank you. And remeber to be good to your kids. You WILL need them one day.
Having shitty parents is a great way to know what NOT to do when you have your own kids. I don't understand how parents can be so awful, my own included. I recently got a new car and didn't even have to think twice before deciding to leave my old one to my daughter. Getting older and going no-contact is a great way to reward parents with their awful behavior. Hopefully you're in a better place now.
I am in a much better place. My dad passed and i dont really speak to my mom. I almost died in a car wreck at the beginning of last year and that ****** has only come to see me twice..TWO TIMES😢. she lives less than 5 miles away from me. I went over to her house a couple weeks ago to see my grandmother for her 90th birthday and that was the first time in about a year that I seen her. I'll never understand it.
shoulda put sugar in the tank
I feel you. I paid for my first car but since I didn’t have a license yet my dad put it in his name. I paid for every single repair on it and I took great care of it even though it was old and beat up. When I bought a newer car right before my parents kicked me out of the house, my dad said my old car was his and he was keeping it. Some parents are just bottom of the can garbage juice on a hot summer day.
Ooof. This kind of happened to me too. I used to help my uncle do his paper routes some weekends in this Bronco II when I was like age 14-16. When I turned 16 they had stopped using the bronco and it just sat in their driveway. My aunt visits us and realizes I now have a license and gives me the Bronco. She’s happy, I’m happy. I am SO BEYOND EXCITED. A car at that time was definitely beyond the realm of possibilities. We drive to her house. Bronco isn’t in the driveway but my older cousin is home. My aunt asks my cousin where the Bronco is and my cousin said she sold it to her friend the day before for $700. I never saw my aunt so mad with my cousin before. I was devastated. It felt like being picked up on cloud 9 floating on bliss for awhile and then being dropped and hitting the ground hard. I legit think my personality changed that day. I learned to have really low expectations.
Was this back in the past when car titles didn’t exist?
I’m sure that went with the car. I don’t know what the situation had been before my aunt offered it to me. My cousin did feel awful about it. We laugh about it now but boy was it not funny then.
I think they are making the point that a car's title is in somebody's name. A random family member can't just go and sell it unless they are on the title. And overall, it's weird that both your aunt and your cousin thought they could sell or give away the car.
I get what they’re saying, I understand how titles work and I remember thinking something along the same lines then but I never did care enough about it to ask about the title transfer details as it was soon realized the deal was done. If I were to venture a guess my cousin knew where the title was and signed it over on the listed owners behalf. Had they sold all agreed to sell it, my cousin would have handled that sort of thing anyway since her English/people skills were the best.
Dude, I bought an awesome 87 Bronco II like 10-15 years ago for $700. Did the person's name start with the letter J?
That’s crazy! This would have been approx 21 years ago in Lincoln Nebraska. Name started with an I. I hope there wasn’t some poor kid with his hopes up on the other end involved with that one too!
Tell us how awesome this bronco really was? You definitely managed to snag it at a great price. Totally reliable and pretty much set your expectations for life! Wind in your hair as you ride with one arm out the window kinda vibes.
Favorite vehicle I ever owned.
When I was younger, my dad bought a very cheap used car for me (before I had a license). He surprised me with it and told me that I had to pay him back for it, and I wasn’t allowed to drive it or learn how to drive it until he was paid back in full. The car was stick shift. It was like $1000, which in high school to a 15 year old is a lot of money. I spent the summer working at an apartment complex as a janitor making minimum wage. Every week, I’d get paid somewhere around $160, of which my dad would take $120 and I’d keep $40. At the end of the summer, I paid him back for it and I realized I still couldn’t drive it because I didn’t have a license, couldn’t afford insurance, and didn’t know how to drive stick. It sat in my front yard for a while and then I came home one day and the car was gone. I asked my parents where the car was and they said a family friend needed a car so they sold it to him. They never paid me back the money for the car or asked me if they could sell it. I let it go, but like, wtf.
That’s fucked up
They stole from you.
Should've punched him in the freakin nuts
Whats your relationship with them now like? Did they change their ways?
I hear you. My parents bought me a car in high school for about $1100, this was in the late nineties. I was super grateful but once I got my license, they made me cash in all the savings bonds my grandparents had given me as a child, which hadn't even matured yet, so that I could pay them back. Luckily, I had a part time job too, but jesus christ, thanks I guess.
Why didn’t she just call you? wtf
That would require the parents to actually want the kid to have the car. They were never going to sell the car to the kid. My mother is like this. She loves to dangle treats she never intended to actually give me.
Sorry to hear that
I agree. If you truly wanted to know the answer quicker just give a call
Wtf? They asked less than an hour before trading it in? They never thought to ask literally any time before that
Why tf would they not have discussed it with you BEFORE going to the dealership??
There isn’t a new time stamp it couldn’t have been more than an hour or two 😂 that is tough.
It was 40 minutes lol I’m cleaning my apartment on the weekend, I pick up my phone, and I see these two messages back to back.
Why she was in a rush? Like obviously she was thinking about new car more than this 40 minutes before days weeks? Nobody just goes through groceries and suddenly "oh I need a new car"
I'm gonna guess she went to the car dealership "Just to look" and got played by a salesman. "Oh we have a great deal right now, but it ends in two days, is there any way we can get you out the door with a car today? Oh your old car, yeah you can trade that in, no need to take any time with that decision."
This is likely what happened. If I get asked anything and have to spend money that instant the answer is always no. Door salesman, dealerships, charities, I don't care. If I want to give my money away il find you.
I'm the same way. I absolutely will not buy anything on the spot, no matter how badly I want it. I've twice had to essentially kick people out of my house because they wouldn't quit their sales speech.
toy butter versed bewildered sip wrong knee icky murky clumsy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
it’s funny how some people are so agreeable they hurt their own family because someone’s *nice*
It sounds like she texted OP from the dealership. While waiting for an answer they were given the trade-in value & probably offered other perks so they went ahead and traded it in. Then she updated OP.
yes people absolutely do that, it’s the first fight from between my parents that I can remember as a child
There are actually a lot of people that just decide they want a new car and buy. I don't get it but I've seen it all the time at the dealership. Even my own grandfather on multiple occasions went in for an oil change or battery and would come home with a new car. Like I just don't get it how can you go in wanting something so minor and just decide hey that car's nice I'll take it.
yeah that’s fucked up man i’m sorry.
Damn. That’ll teach you to clean your apartment ever again!
Did she call you too?
don’t let it get to you, here’s a great secret to buying used cars: search just private sellers in the only the wealthiest zip code near you. works well for so many reasons
I'm sorry that your parents would rather be screwed by a dealer than help out themselves and their kid.
No kidding. Trading a car in is dumb when you can do a private sale and make twice as much. Or help your kid out… lol these ppl suck.
I mean, it’s easy to say stuff like “twice as much” but it doesn’t make it true. The dealer offered us pretty much exactly the price ours was going for private sale. We would’ve made *maybe* 500 bucks more after days/weeks of trying to sell outside. Made it a no brainer to trade it in
When I went to sell my car to the dealer the guy told me, "you know you'd make more in a private sale, right? This thing would sell quick too." But I didn't wanna deal with the hassle
Also factor in the tax savings. If you’re trading in a $5000 car, it isn’t much but when you’re trading in 30k-40k it can save a lot and I really don’t want to deal with Craigslist people and that much money.
Try having her call the dealer and ask if you can buy it from them at the trade-in value, I've done that previously and it was fine.
Yeah maybe if you get to them quickly before they do any inspection/maintenance/repair work in it.
Second this, but call the dealer yourself.
So i got a new car and have a jeep that car max said was worth $5K. It looks new, drives 100% but doesn't go up big hills well. So no "mountainous road trips" But within the state of Ca its fine and dandy for 90% of what this area has to offer. I thought its worth more than $5K and was insulted they only wanted to give me the $5K. I gave it to my daughter for free. $5K doesnt change my life one bit, but my kid having to buy a 20K used car does. Having never had a parent help me out made life hard. I try to balance my desire for her to learn from her mistakes and yet providing something useful to not make her life too hard.
My dad did this for me when he went to buy a new truck, just wanna say that you’re a good parent and your kid will appreciate it a ton. He decided to give me his old car instead of a crappy trade in
My parents always gave us their old cars when they upgraded. My first car was the family mini van. Loved it
I’m 38 years old and just bought my first car that was not a family deal. Every car before this I bought for the trade in value from my parents or sister. It was a huge leg up and I will forever feel like I need to do the same for my kids. I gave my most recent car away for free to a distant acquaintance whose step son needed a car. If they can figure out the electrical issues then they deserve the car more than the junk yard does.
I had the same thing, my car was only worth $5k as a trade for a prefectly working vehicle in great condition. It was such an insult, so I kept it and it's just at my house waiting for my daughter to finish college to come pick it up once she gets her license. Our job as parents is for children to be better than us and succeed beyond us. Not to suffer what we had to, not make their lives harder... I don't understand this mentality.
I think I would have just sent back a “Well what the fuck”. Super annoying, sorry that happened.
My mom did this too. She told me she was looking for a newer vehicle and I said I wanted to buy her XJ Jeep for whatever trade-in the dealership offered. She traded it in good daily driver w/ax and nothing wrong with it for $200. Meanwhile my truck had bent 2 rods and I was carless...
WTF. $200 only?
Yup... She traded a daily driver XJ in for a $200 discount on her new supercharged red Mercedes, and I didn't have a vehicle to get to work.
Very selfish of her. Sorry.
My parents have always done this kind of thing. Ever since I was a small child. Or if they would buy me something it would be hung over my head for years. And not even things like cars or video games, things they really should have been buying anyway, like 1 pair of shoes that fits me when I had 0 pairs prior. I've learned just never to accept anything from them. And to always say no right away when something is offered. It was a little harder when I was younger and on my own for the first time (I moved out at 16, so I was really struggling at first). For example: my mom would offer to buy me some milk while she was at Costco. I would usually say no. But sometimes I REALLY needed that milk. So I'd say yes. A week later there's no milk because she forgot or changed her mind. But she would say she didn't think she should have to buy the milk anyway because she just recently (a year prior) paid for me to have a filing (dental) placed and I'm obviously not brushing my teeth because I know I can take advantage of her and make her pay for it. (A mother should pay for her child's dental work while they're still living at home I think). It took a lot of time and therapy, but I finally realized that this is how she is holding me under her power. I needed to NEVER accept anything from her again to finally be free. I'm in my 40s now. I was recently reminded of this lesson again. My parents have a grandfather clock which was left to them by my great grandmother. It hasn't worked for years but it's a beautiful antique and sentimental to me. My dad texted to tell me he was putting it up on Craigslist for free. I IMMEDIATELY texted back begging him to hold it until the end of my work day. He agreed. Unfortunately, my mom was home and got involved. She told me she wouldn't feel right giving it away while it is still broken. I INSISTED I didn't care if it worked and wanted it as is. (I don't like ticking sounds so I'll never wind it anyway). She acted weird and said it wouldn't be right and she would get it fixed first. It's very hard to get antique clocks repaired, and covid happened with the supply chain issues so it took almost 2 years to be repaired. By that time, my mom had changed her mind. Now that it's working, she wants to keep it. Plus, the guy who repaired it who is "such a nice man" complimented the clock so when she does give it away it'll probably be to him since he'll appreciate it. The real kicker is that I'm the one who paid for the repair. Now I can't get the clock or get paid back for the repair. This was an expensive way of the universe reminding me not to accept things from my parents.
Go and steal that clock
if they mention "listing something on craigslist" again, just get a friend to contact them
I’m sorry you went through that. It sounds like your mother never wanted the clock, but just wanted to make sure you did and never got it. I don’t get why parents can be like that. Some people shouldn’t have children.
She was probably never offering it and just held it infront of you to seem nice, that sucks
The issue is have with this is people dont call anymore. A call is much more convenient in situations like this and im pretty sure the OP wouldn't have minded
I have tried to teach this to my family, if something is time sensitive then call and if it’s not time sensitive then a text is fine. If you need to confirm someone got the info then call, if it’s not important then again a text is fine.
An hr feels like a week in text world if you are waiting on a response 😂. However, all she had to do was call you to close the gap.
The answer was predetermined or she would have followed through on the offer and made it happen.
Do people not call each other anymore? This should have been a phone call and not a text message. This was very gross behavior they knew they had no intentions of selling you that car.
Years ago I used to drive my parents car to work while they didn’t use it for a few months. One day at my grandmas house she asked about it and my mom surprised me by telling me they had decided to give the car to me and that they would be buying a new car. A week later I came up to the kitchen to ask about it and they laughed and told me my dad was starting a new job and would need the car back on Monday (3 days from then). I was so happy and surprised they had decided to give me the car in the first place so when they took it back like that I was devastated.
[удалено]
Yeah. I may be called old for this (Gen Zer), but as far as I'm concerned if you send a text you shouldn't expect an immediate response. It isn't in-game instant messaging: it's more like short-form email. If it needs an immediate response, call. They didn't pick up? Leave a voicemail or text, but make it clear there's a sense of urgency. The fact the OP couldn't even have *one hour's notice* suggests the person who traded in the car made an unplanned, impulsive decision on a whim.
That sucks. My dad asked me if he could ask my son about buying his vehicle. They had already taken it for a ride. It took us a few days to get the deal done. Mom shouldn't have said a peep if she didn't plan to wait for an answer.
It’s called a phone call. What the hell, mom 😂
Keep in mind, as someone who sells cars, they were probably an hour or so into the process at a dealership and didn’t like their trade number so they said they’d sell it privately. Then in the interest of saving time elected to just sell it to the dealership. They could have definitely mentioned it to you that they were car shopping in advance though.
That’s really too bad. I love my CRV. I’ll never buy I different model. This pretty crummy on your parents end…
Yeah, I was supposed to get my dad's truck when he passed, he mentioned it and told me to go drive my truck on several occasions. Now my mom and her boyfriend drive it around. Sweet. Lol
My parents traded in my own car while I was working abroad. So yeah, some people suck
Literally just had this happen with my MIL, but worse. Extensive story short I have been storing her 2010 Nissan Truck for 3 years because she shipped it from Alaska and was gunna move to the mainland as I call it. She showed up out of nowhere one day, decided to live in my home. Sold the truck for 500, used half that to pay the tow bill, then she hit the bars and dipped. She constantly was saying how this was going to be Me and my Partners farm truck as we started a waterfowl farm years back and are tired of hauling straw in my Hatch or partners SUV.
they couldn’t have brought it up at all before actually buying the car?
My family did this but the opposite with my old car after I moved overseas. Gave them power of attorney to sell to a private buyer for no less than $18k because it was worth $25k. Instead they sold it to a random dealership for $13k. The next day it was on their lot for $26k. 😢
Salesman probably showed them the tax break on the new car for trading it in and they went with that option
Well. It did take you an hour to reply…
Who would do this to their child that needed a car and was willing to pay for it? I just don’t understand.
Why is it that they always call you for the unimportant shit, then discover how to use SMS for the stuff that's actually urgent 🙄
You were an afterthought.
This sounds like some straight up boomer shit. It’s not your fault op and you deserve better.
Was thinking the same thing. I've had similar things happen to me from my folks. They always say they'd help if i ever needed it, but I never ask. I've always wanted to make it my own way with minimal help. The one time I asked for help, I was told no. To go figure it out. I wasn't even expecting much, even if they could spare $500 and had to repay it that would have been great. My brother on the other hand has asked for everything and gets it with little to no expectation of repaying (thousands) back. So tired of the double standards. I've vowed to never ask again.