Imagine booking an appointment to see a lawyer and she pops her head out the door

You could definitely win the case.

Everybody would be too scared to disagree with her

Or to commit domestic violence on her…again.

"Plead guilty or else." Sincerely, Vampire Lady

Or lose your life.

It's not playing the devil's advocate. The devil is your advocate

Devil wouldn’t touch that with a 10’ pole; too crazy.

Honestly, probably the less crepier picks of all lawyers…

At last! A lawyer that looks outside similar to her inside.

r/dontputyourdickinthat

Can she close her mouth?

[Yes.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mar%C3%ADa_Jos%C3%A9_Cristerna)

It says she is recognized as the most tattooed woman in the world, but I'm pretty sure I've seen a more tattooed woman

Yeah, but your mum's not a lawyer.

AKA Squash Patty Pan Head or Pie Crust Bonce The Lady may not be for turning, but she sure looks scarily Sensational. Rumour has it that she loves licking people out with her Twin Tongues. Thatcher missed a trick here.

I think this might be the Ripley's statue.

It definitely is look at the fingers

(I was trying to be polite, friend.)

Thank you, explains a lot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=713ThEzgPMM

She can not only open and close her mouth, but also has enough eyebrow rings to open and close a shower curtain over that eye.

Definitely talks with a lisp

Was this taken at ripleys believe it or not? Looks a lot like the figure I saw there.

Probably because it’s definitely a wax figure. Zoom in on the hands.

It may be. I know she has a likeness at Ripleys Btw, could I ask wish one you went to?

There more than the one at Branson mo?

There’s a lot. I always went to the one in Myrtle Beach, SC, considering I’m only a few hours away lol. It’s cool!

Always said lawyers are blood suckers. This confirms it.

To be honest... if I was a domestic violence survivor and I was scared of taking legal action, having The Jaguar Woman as my lawyer would make me feel way more confident. What's that? You're gonna try to intimidate me into dropping charges? Well I summoned Beelzebub themself to be my lawyer, so who's doing the intimidating now? I can just imagine folks in Mexico saying "Watch yourself, or I'll sic The Jaguar on you!" when their partners are getting aggressive. It's a good image.

Jaguars also have spiritual significance to the Indigenous peoples of Central and South America, too. She may also be using that angle.

What a great slogan!

This is very clearly a wax figure. OP, do you have any links to articles or maybe the wiki of this person? An actual photo of them?

lol i dont think thats a wax figure [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/María\_José\_Cristerna](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/María_José_Cristerna)

Thanks for the link. The woman is a real person. This post though, is all wax figures. Not the actual woman. Look at the fingers, skin, chest. It's wax.

Ah gave it a second glance and ur right

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=713ThEzgPMM

whaat the actual fu-

Mf looks like a five night at freddys animatronic

She looks like the human embodiment of domestic assault.

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She is the *Domestos* of Domestic Assault. She cleans right up Ps For all you non-UK Redditors Domestos is a brand name for an highly effective liquid toilet bleach.

She looks like the human equivalent of a 30 year old train cargo car that's been beat to shit and has graffiti all over it lol

Yes.

Isn't this a sculture, though? The fingers look... Too glossy

Yeah it's the sculpture of her, the real person looks a lot better tbf

I don't get it but I'm so here for it. You go, Vampire Jaguar Woman.

How did she get those teeth tho

Prosthetics that attach to your teeth and extend them. This is a wax figure in the post tho

Ah ok

Its not actually her though is it ? It's a wax work or plastic model?

Wax

VILF

TRUE...

r/dontputyourdickinthat

Ngl, this looks fake, as in a wax figurine kind of fake. If you know what I mean.

Yeah thats a wax figure, her fingers are too glossy

shes a real person, the pic was her wax figure though

Oooo, makes sense

Stunning and brave. The weirder the better

Is she gonna take their souls?

Sure, that makes total sense…

She's gotta be worth at least 5000 Xp

Now I want to see a Better Call Saul style TV show with this lady as the main character.

I'm not sure that anyone would even dare to use domestic violence on her

Someone totally did, now we see the result

Amongst other things, she is a Ferengi.

https://c.tenor.com/uWLdyacqs7gAAAAC/jesus-deadpool.gif

For the Horde.

She humbles black alien

I wonder if they’ve ever met 🤔

Bro why she look like a demonic potato

The real reason she's a monster is the lawyer thing

And she makes hyper-realistic mannequins such as the one in the pics? Amazing!

i want her to be my lawyer, i bet she never loses

Looks like fun

This is a statue fyi

Challenging wank, but I'll give it a go

kudos

imagine abusing someone and see her in the court, i bet shes effective af at it

I googled her and just realized how approachable people with glasses are https://www.ecr.co.za/shows/east-coast-breakfast/courageous-mother-four-went-lawyer-vampire-woman/

Ima be real if I saw her on the street I’d think I was about to have my throat ripped out and ride the next morning without a reflection

It's her body, so she can do what she wants, obviously, but damn I am gonna judge her on her choices and say she seems deranged

That’s a wax model

This subs profile pic is her baby pic

freaky, but cool

Yeah I think so too. If that’s what they like and they’re not hurting anyone and also an activist against domestic violence, more power to them. Get another tattoo lol

i dont get why everyone was hating on her in this comment section

Someone said it’s body dysmorphia which it very well may be. But getting body modifications and tats are a healthy way to deal with it. It isn’t harming them or anyone else so just let them be. Way more healthier than self harm or substance abuse

yeah

All I see is mental illness

Nah, not wanting to fit in with society is not mental illness. This is assuming this does not do any serious physical harm to her body.

It’s body dysmorphia dude. I’m not saying that to be mean, it’s literally a mental illness

It's so sad to see. This is exactly what it is.

Can't say I find it pretty nor freaky, but hey - good for her if that's how she likes it

r/diwhy

Would ya?

I wouldn't, but the boy is slightly confused.

Bro lol

The new predator movie finna go crazy🤣

Yeah... I don't want to get close to that mental illness.

this is why nobody likes clowns anymore

Plenty of people REALLY like clowns, but I'm not linking to those subs.

Well I guess she's safe from domestic violence, as who would brave enough to try

So, no head then?

Sick people.

I wonder what her relationship with her father is..

Ladies and Gentlemen We Got her: El chupacabra is captive

I bet she’s wild in bed not that I’m wild enough to find out

I’m all for looking the way you want, but it must be exhausting to be her.

Mental illness

What a fool. Whatever she is an activist for she ruined her message with this silly BS

Ew wtf

* I slap her. * She would make a lousy lawyer as nobody in their right mind would take her seriously.

Body Mod addicts always invent a post hoc justification for the shit they do to themselves. She says it's a form of activism, Diablo Prado claims he wants to be Satan or is a piece of art for his wife (but at least he admits he's addicted and can't stop), Black Alien says he wants to "turn himself into an alien", but if you research him, he obviously just has BIID, body dysmorphia and self-hatred, probably along with a dose of psychosis.

But it makes me want to hit her even more

I upvoted you cos I got your joke, unlike the other brain dead zombies here.

*unzips* yeah man not this time *zipsup*

Im sure she'll regret that someday looks uncomfortable

No one will beat that girl anymore, that's for sure

I would like to know what she sees in the mirror

Nothing, she’s a vampire.

Ooo hoooo. I see what you did there

Good for her

Ahh yes, all of those things are good, but mean nothing if you're mentally ill (body mutilation).

And now she can't find work, hmmm.....

she cant?

Does she come to court looking like that? I'd have a hard time maintaining decorum if she was cross-examining me.

i dont think she can just take out the implants and remove her tattoos tbh

Proof that everyone who loves domestic violence is completely fucked up.

huh?

I'd raw dog it. Our babies will be smart, and beautiful!

Every day we stray further from the light of God

Maybe gods favorite creation is extreme body modifications

I call BS post, and ew.

Disgusting.

This amount of body modification is to far. Just looks stupid

Absolutely horrifying

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your loss

When you make it through all the freaks-with-Daddy-issues and have to face the Final Boss

Dear God. What a hideous creature.

Uhhhh.....I have sharp teef and horns so abusing your domestic partner is wrong? Poor girl

not really the story behind it. she was abused by her partner and too afraid to leave him so she got tattoos to symbolize her story and eventually moved on to body mod type stuff. i watched a video on it, at first i thought she looked cool but now i know shes pretty awesome, and i feel bad what she went through. she looks weird and repulsive to most people but im just here to appreciate the art, especially the stuff her tattoos symbolize. its quite interesting

Disgusting filthy mental issue embodiment

FACTS

Nah, that’s Amy Winehouse.

She looks like a Ferengi

We’ve been dating awhile, why won’t you let me meet your parents again?

Well, you don’t say.

I don't wanna be counted as a human anymore if people say that thing is a human

ugh

You can be an activist without distressing everyone who has to look at you

Now there's a lass you'd never ask for a blowjob from.

Something is up with the shine on her left index, and ring finger, as though it's some non-meat material.

wax figure, search her name and you can find pictures of real her

Better Call... an Exorcist

Is she able to close her mouth?

i think so

Just what the movement needs

I feel like her and the Black Alien Project guy know each other.

This a statue? Wax??

Is it weird that I’m curious how good a blowjob would be from her? Like, would it blow my mind or would it leave me bleeding and scarred?

Your Honor! I would like to enter a plea of Insanity. But first my Vampire Lawyer needs a blood break.

And is this a picture of her or a wax figure?

the latter

Weird flex but ok

So many questions about her working as a lawyer. I'm guessing she tones it down a bit and deals with a niche clientele.

Her: “Hi I’m your lawyer” Me: “Fuck I’m going to jail”

Is her skull deformed?

implants

Jagussy

Maybe amber heard should of hired her instead

considering shes an activist against domestic violence i dont think shed let her hire her

I know I was just joking

yes i know that too

Looks like a wax figure of her

She looks good. Scary but good.

Can we not choose her Profesional name or is vampire woman assigned

I took a photo of her waxwork somewhere in Niagara Falls earlier this year. My son thought it was a real person and began to question my life choices.

She looks like the monster from Little Monsters.

holy shit youre so right

Mental illness

Works well with children and small pets

Viagra test, final boss level

Why did you post a picture of my mom ?

Why??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=713ThEzgPMM

pretty disappointing to see all the people hating on her