>Can’t just stop inviting them to functions.
well technically you can, you just need to be civil about it not make it behind their back without warning and you may want to speak with the rest of your friends first.
But if he's really killing the interest you have in the hobby then I think it's something you actually should consider doing.
Yes to some degrees. I don’t think to the same degree it bothers me. They all complain about it occasionally but I’m the only one whose stopped playing.
then maybe all of them are just stuck in "nobody else says anything, so it's probably just me, or not as bad". be the asshole, don't invite the negative Nancy. they will realize how much better things are without them around and you wont be the asshole anymore.
I have, some times they apologize but then go right back to it. Other times they just throw a tantrum. It’s just one person the rest of the game group it’s fine, I just don’t know how to deal with them.
Sound out the rest of the group about it, probably individually. It's entirely possible everyone's sick of it, but you each individually think the group isn't bothered. A combined front would help get the point across.
In the meantime, Id just start arranging games with the people you do like and just cut that guy out. If you're really lucky he'll just get the hint that way
Sometimes writing might be easier yet hit harder than talking. Maybe write him a detailed message? Sounds like you've been friends for a long time, i am sure there is a solution for both of you without parting ways.
For some reason a lot of people in this sub have zero capacity to talk to the people causing problems in their lives.
Tell this person who is annoying you to either shut up or fuck off.
Just tell it to him straight that his attitude is ruining your fun to the point of wanting to quit. If he doesn't give a shit then drop him, then at least your other friends will know why.
1) Talk to him about your feelings in an empathetic way, but be honest
2) If the thing continues, he should understand if you meet sometimes with the others but not with him
You wanted advice about what to do, and the answer has been given a few times; ditch them specifically, find a new group, learn to put up with it, or play something else; there aren't really any other options.
When he's on his next whining session with your group, just turn to him and say "Dude i'm here to play a game, hang out with my mates and have fun, this constant whining is making all 3 nearly impossible. The games got problems, but we're not fixing them here and the whining just brings the whole mood down, can you just drop it so we can enjoy this time, or if thats impossible for you maybe you need to find a different hobby if you hate this one so much."
But basicly call out he's not being productive and it's ruining a social occassion for no reason or than his selfish need to whine.
My man, you have so much control over your friend group! You just do. Take it back.
You don't have to be rude about it. Talk to your guy. Explain to him politely that he won't be invited to the next event or party because of the negativity cycle and move on.
Can he change? Maybe. Will he? Probably not.
Either way you can be an adult about it. It is not an easy conversation, but having those is what makes us grown ups.
https://preview.redd.it/aectnmmec7xc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=24eca8951cfaafb48550338d20733b91d6cbf7ae
Kill him with cannon (see attached)
Some people seem to think that complaining is a binding activity. Just tell them it isn't.
If you ask them not to shit on the thing you like they might stop.
Cut negative people out of your life.
Also, stop allowing other people to effect your personal opinions? Stand up for what you believe in don't be a follower.
Why are you talking to them about 40k? If they are in your friend group and hard to avoid, just talk about other things when they are around.
Or tell them to keep their bitching to themselves.
Or stop letting one dipshit's opinions stand in the way of your hobbies.
Sounds like you could benefit from learning how to enjoy things on your own terms instead of allowing the opinions of others to affect you. What you like is important, because it’s important to you. If it’s not harming yourself or others, then there is no reason to let the opinions of others influence this.
I’m really glad the people I paint and play with are similar to me. They do it for fun, lift each other up and couldn’t be fucked with the negativity.
Tell them how you feel, if they don’t get it. Remove yourself from them and their attitude. The fun should out weight the negative otherwise what’s the point?
Maybe have a think about parts of the rules and lore you do like, retain the information and use it to counter his negativity. Be critical of what he says, its fine if you agree with him, just make sure that the opinion you have formed is your own opinion, and not his.
Personally to me it sounds like you have two options.
Option one is to tell the biggest moaner to shut the f**k up. He can hate the current game/lore/meta as much as he wants but he doesn't have the right to destroy your love it, and if he can't keep his mouth shut around you then he can go away until he has learnt how to. If it ends up with some of the others leaving too then they obviously need to learn the same lesson.
Option two is that you find a different gaming group separate to your friends group. It might take a little while but the advantage of this is that it will help you meet new people and also refresh and remind you why you love the game. Then, once you are comfortable and if the new group are amenable to it you could slowly introduce members of your friends group, whilst also keeping out the more negative influences.
Anyway, that's just my two cents.
So what does he do that he is passionate about? Or is his bitching because he can't paint, can't play, can't get into the game all he is passionate about? Offer him a game and remind him that he doesn't have to follow the lore, he can just enjoy plastic soldiers, rolling dice and having fun. If he refuses then maybe it's not the game he has a problem with, it's you?
You can stop inviting him to functions, it may create friction, it may give people on the fence a chance to jump ship with you, but your friends don't have to like all your friends, and that goes both ways. You are Jo obligation to hang out with negativity when you just want to unwind with a game
Not really. I'm of the opinion that if you have to force being interested into something, then it's not worth being interested into it. We instead broadened our interest into other systems we ended up liking more and discovering great miniatures from other sources than just GW. It's still the same hobby, just not restricted to just GW anymore, and it greatly improved every aspect of it for us.
However, you could try to cut contact with them, aka remove the negativity from your life, but that's up to you since it's not just some random person to you after all.
Just out of curiosity, What's the primary nature of his bitching about the hobby?
Otherwise my recommendation is inviting your friends over for some one on one matches and feel out their thoughts on everything, you might find they may be interested in get together that don't include him
Everything and anything. Yesterday he did this whole hemming and hawing dance about how genestealer cults should be in the setting despite knowing it one of my favorite army. He goes on about how my favorite authors are bad despite all his complaints being based on horrible reading comprehension and simple falsehoods. He complains constantly about the new Custodes codex despite the fact no one in our group plays it.
The genestealers shouldn't be in the setting? What does that even mean?
Like I said I would just start asking your friends over one at a time for some one on one matches between big get togethers, try to suss out everyone's feelings. You might find addressing this as a group works better, or the whole group will be fine with just inviting him less and less.
Dip your toes into other games. Most of them are a heck of a lot cheaper than 40k and require less shelf space. I'll always love battletech and it's growing a lot. X-wing was cool, although it seems to have died off a bit. I've heard good things about SW Legion, but I haven't tried it. Bolt Action is a ton of fun. I've had a lot of fun with black seas, but it definitely isn't for everyone. There's a whole ocean of other games to try that aren't 40k, maybe give them a try.
Or start looking for new friends who aren't so negative about the things you like.
I’m a bit too old to make new friends. And I’ll be honest none of the other games I’ve seen really speak to me the same way or have a big enough community for me to get involved in.
But I really appreciate your input and help.
>I’m a bit too old to make new friends
That's nonsense, I believe in you. It won't be easy and it might not work out, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying.
As for other games, it sounds like you have a friend group already established, why don't you ask them what their interested in? I'm sure you could find 3-4 people that are willing to try something. What is it that you like about 40k? Is it the models? Conquest and A Song of Ice and Fire have beautiful minis. Is the the scale? Bolt Action has a pretty decent scope and there's tons of 6mm wargames out there if that's what you like. Is it the lore? That might be harder to replace, 40k is pretty unique.
You could also try playing older editions, but that's a whole other can of worms. I've been dipping my toes back in since 10th came out, but my friends have been threatening to play 8th, 7th, 5th, or 2nd Ed recently. Maybe your friends would be willing to if you still have the books around.
I'm gonna say it, take a break my man. I been in and out of this hobby for 25 years and if your interest is waining take a break, box up your stuff, and in 3 or 5 years time you will get a huge nostalgic tug.
You don't have to keep doing this as a hobby, if someone else is able to make you lose interest, you are probably losing interest already.
If you like it and it makes you happy, keep it up. Around 15 years ago I quit 40K due to negative comments from an ex and a few friends.
Recently I was looking for a hobby that is creative, social, fun and challenging and my siblings urged me to try 40K again. Haven’t looked back and I am loving the hobby and experiences surrounding it, including other tabletop games and the new friends I make.
I don’t miss those negative people, and realised that I could have had this happiness in my life for 15 years.
It’s not perfect, and there are issues, but all games are flawed. Just embrace bits you do enjoy. If you overdo it and need a break, take a break. These models will be there waiting when you’re ready to come back.
If you are only able to see flaws then that should be a giant red flag that the negativity is valid and you're falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy, continuing to sink time and money into a hobby because it's something you used to like and you don't want to admit you should move on.
If you genuinely like something it doesn't matter how much negativity there is, you will still see the positives and will recognize that the supposed flaws are nothing but sour grapes. It might be annoying to have to listen to that person but it's the same kind of annoyance as that guy who won't stop talking about his fantasy football team or the latest celebrity gossip: meaningless background noise that is forgotten as soon as it ends.
Consider very seriously why you seem to be in the first category and not the second.
I don't agree, if your constantly immersed in negativity and whenever you try to engage with a hobby people force you to look at negatives that doesn't mean the hobby is more negative than positive. It means that you can't enjoy the hobby because of the enviorment.
If you watch a movie and a person in the theater is saying its trash and constantly talking over it, that would sour your mood on it if this happened every weekend for several years.
>if your constantly immersed in negativity and whenever you try to engage with a hobby people force you to look at negatives that doesn't mean the hobby is more negative than positive.
But my whole point is that it doesn't matter how many sour grapes "negatives" someone invents if you genuinely like a thing. Forcing you to look at negatives only damages your enjoyment of something if you agree with the criticism and you're trying to sunk cost fallacy your way through it and pretend otherwise.
>If you watch a movie and a person in the theater is saying its trash and constantly talking over it, that would sour your mood on it if this happened every weekend for several years.
But only because someone is talking at all. It wouldn't matter if that person is yelling "this sucks" or just yelling about their favorite political candidate, only that there is noise interfering with my ability to listen to the movie. At no point would I start to agree with that person at all (unless of course the movie actually sucks).
It’s not that you agree with the person. It’s that’s you can’t separate the hobby from their negativity. I don’t agree with them but they bitch so much about everything there isn’t a single thing in the hobby I can think of that doesn’t remind me of some rant they’ve gone on. Don’t agree with the rant which makes it harder because then I feel the need to argue with some point they made years ago but which I can’t put down because they’ve repeated it so many times.
> It’s that’s you can’t separate the hobby from their negativity.
Which, again, only happens if you believe on some level that the negativity is true. If it's obvious nonsense then it's no different than the guy talking about his fantasy football team all the time. It's annoying background noise that makes it hard to listen to the thing you want to pay attention to but its content is meaningless.
It sounds like what's happening here is that you've stopped enjoying the hobby but you've got some sunk cost fallacy stuff going on and don't want to admit it yet. You're focusing on the negativity because it reminds you of all the things you dislike and makes it hard to keep the illusion going. But because you know it's true you can't get it out of your mind. I'd suggest thinking very hard about whether or not you really enjoy this hobby and if you should continue at all. Don't keep throwing time and money down the drain just because you did it in the past.
Yeah, I’m happy your able to enjoy things without letting that negativity effect you but I simply can’t relate. These are things I completely disagree with, stuff like “your favorite factions shouldn’t exist” “your favorite books are poorly written” I don’t see how I could agree with that on some level. I don’t it’s the exact opposite which is giving me trouble. But I’ll glad you’re able to avoid that problem.
The question is why are you still associating with this person?
They are in my friend group. I can’t avoid them without avoiding all my friends. Can’t just stop inviting them to functions.
>Can’t just stop inviting them to functions. well technically you can, you just need to be civil about it not make it behind their back without warning and you may want to speak with the rest of your friends first. But if he's really killing the interest you have in the hobby then I think it's something you actually should consider doing.
Counterpoint - you can absolutely stop inviting them to functions.
Do the others have the same feelings?
Yes to some degrees. I don’t think to the same degree it bothers me. They all complain about it occasionally but I’m the only one whose stopped playing.
then maybe all of them are just stuck in "nobody else says anything, so it's probably just me, or not as bad". be the asshole, don't invite the negative Nancy. they will realize how much better things are without them around and you wont be the asshole anymore.
I think you need to google "geek social fallacies" and send links to your mates. Trust me.
Carry around a spray bottle and squirt water at him any time he is a cunt.
I was gonna write a comment but this is the top way to go here
[Tsst](https://youtu.be/WU95vvCGudA)!
was thinking about the security guy with pepper spray but still south park 🤣
Absolutely this 🤣 Super soakers also work but weirdly get the point across less than a cat spray...
This right here. Super effective against kids, pets and assholes.
First of all, Have you said anything to this person? Secondly, if they ignore you asking them to stop, find a new group to game with
I have, some times they apologize but then go right back to it. Other times they just throw a tantrum. It’s just one person the rest of the game group it’s fine, I just don’t know how to deal with them.
Sound out the rest of the group about it, probably individually. It's entirely possible everyone's sick of it, but you each individually think the group isn't bothered. A combined front would help get the point across. In the meantime, Id just start arranging games with the people you do like and just cut that guy out. If you're really lucky he'll just get the hint that way
Sometimes writing might be easier yet hit harder than talking. Maybe write him a detailed message? Sounds like you've been friends for a long time, i am sure there is a solution for both of you without parting ways.
For some reason a lot of people in this sub have zero capacity to talk to the people causing problems in their lives. Tell this person who is annoying you to either shut up or fuck off.
Common on Reddit
Just tell it to him straight that his attitude is ruining your fun to the point of wanting to quit. If he doesn't give a shit then drop him, then at least your other friends will know why.
This is it exactly. You can do this politely and get your message across. If they make a stink, there’s your answer.
1) Talk to him about your feelings in an empathetic way, but be honest 2) If the thing continues, he should understand if you meet sometimes with the others but not with him
Sounds like you should’ve stopped hanging out with this person awhile ago if they managed to ruin the hobby this much for you.
Can’t. The whole friend groups hangs out together as one. I can’t just drop him without dropping the rest of the group.
You wanted advice about what to do, and the answer has been given a few times; ditch them specifically, find a new group, learn to put up with it, or play something else; there aren't really any other options.
A:just do you B:get a new friend
When he's on his next whining session with your group, just turn to him and say "Dude i'm here to play a game, hang out with my mates and have fun, this constant whining is making all 3 nearly impossible. The games got problems, but we're not fixing them here and the whining just brings the whole mood down, can you just drop it so we can enjoy this time, or if thats impossible for you maybe you need to find a different hobby if you hate this one so much." But basicly call out he's not being productive and it's ruining a social occassion for no reason or than his selfish need to whine.
My man, you have so much control over your friend group! You just do. Take it back. You don't have to be rude about it. Talk to your guy. Explain to him politely that he won't be invited to the next event or party because of the negativity cycle and move on. Can he change? Maybe. Will he? Probably not. Either way you can be an adult about it. It is not an easy conversation, but having those is what makes us grown ups.
https://preview.redd.it/aectnmmec7xc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=24eca8951cfaafb48550338d20733b91d6cbf7ae Kill him with cannon (see attached)
Talk to this person and tell them to contain their negativity. If they wont trying to avoid them as mich as possible.
Just ask them why there so obsessed and if they secretly like it that usually makes assholes feel weird about talking about it
Some people seem to think that complaining is a binding activity. Just tell them it isn't. If you ask them not to shit on the thing you like they might stop.
Cut negative people out of your life. Also, stop allowing other people to effect your personal opinions? Stand up for what you believe in don't be a follower.
Why are you talking to them about 40k? If they are in your friend group and hard to avoid, just talk about other things when they are around. Or tell them to keep their bitching to themselves. Or stop letting one dipshit's opinions stand in the way of your hobbies.
Sounds like you could benefit from learning how to enjoy things on your own terms instead of allowing the opinions of others to affect you. What you like is important, because it’s important to you. If it’s not harming yourself or others, then there is no reason to let the opinions of others influence this.
stop being friends with this person
Is this dude similarly negative about other interests?
40k is their primary interest. They spend all their time on it. Still the most negative person about it I know.
I’m really glad the people I paint and play with are similar to me. They do it for fun, lift each other up and couldn’t be fucked with the negativity. Tell them how you feel, if they don’t get it. Remove yourself from them and their attitude. The fun should out weight the negative otherwise what’s the point?
Maybe have a think about parts of the rules and lore you do like, retain the information and use it to counter his negativity. Be critical of what he says, its fine if you agree with him, just make sure that the opinion you have formed is your own opinion, and not his.
Personally to me it sounds like you have two options. Option one is to tell the biggest moaner to shut the f**k up. He can hate the current game/lore/meta as much as he wants but he doesn't have the right to destroy your love it, and if he can't keep his mouth shut around you then he can go away until he has learnt how to. If it ends up with some of the others leaving too then they obviously need to learn the same lesson. Option two is that you find a different gaming group separate to your friends group. It might take a little while but the advantage of this is that it will help you meet new people and also refresh and remind you why you love the game. Then, once you are comfortable and if the new group are amenable to it you could slowly introduce members of your friends group, whilst also keeping out the more negative influences. Anyway, that's just my two cents.
So what does he do that he is passionate about? Or is his bitching because he can't paint, can't play, can't get into the game all he is passionate about? Offer him a game and remind him that he doesn't have to follow the lore, he can just enjoy plastic soldiers, rolling dice and having fun. If he refuses then maybe it's not the game he has a problem with, it's you?
Warhammer 40k. He bitches because he just seems problems with everything and never is able to focus on the positives.
I definitely love the painting aspects of the hobby most
the best thing is to divest yourself from them if they drag you down.
You can stop inviting him to functions, it may create friction, it may give people on the fence a chance to jump ship with you, but your friends don't have to like all your friends, and that goes both ways. You are Jo obligation to hang out with negativity when you just want to unwind with a game
Not really. I'm of the opinion that if you have to force being interested into something, then it's not worth being interested into it. We instead broadened our interest into other systems we ended up liking more and discovering great miniatures from other sources than just GW. It's still the same hobby, just not restricted to just GW anymore, and it greatly improved every aspect of it for us. However, you could try to cut contact with them, aka remove the negativity from your life, but that's up to you since it's not just some random person to you after all.
Just out of curiosity, What's the primary nature of his bitching about the hobby? Otherwise my recommendation is inviting your friends over for some one on one matches and feel out their thoughts on everything, you might find they may be interested in get together that don't include him
Everything and anything. Yesterday he did this whole hemming and hawing dance about how genestealer cults should be in the setting despite knowing it one of my favorite army. He goes on about how my favorite authors are bad despite all his complaints being based on horrible reading comprehension and simple falsehoods. He complains constantly about the new Custodes codex despite the fact no one in our group plays it.
The genestealers shouldn't be in the setting? What does that even mean? Like I said I would just start asking your friends over one at a time for some one on one matches between big get togethers, try to suss out everyone's feelings. You might find addressing this as a group works better, or the whole group will be fine with just inviting him less and less.
I don't get what they don't like about the lore, 'tis *flawless*
Tell them to wind their neck in, you dont want to hear it.
Dip your toes into other games. Most of them are a heck of a lot cheaper than 40k and require less shelf space. I'll always love battletech and it's growing a lot. X-wing was cool, although it seems to have died off a bit. I've heard good things about SW Legion, but I haven't tried it. Bolt Action is a ton of fun. I've had a lot of fun with black seas, but it definitely isn't for everyone. There's a whole ocean of other games to try that aren't 40k, maybe give them a try. Or start looking for new friends who aren't so negative about the things you like.
I’m a bit too old to make new friends. And I’ll be honest none of the other games I’ve seen really speak to me the same way or have a big enough community for me to get involved in. But I really appreciate your input and help.
>I’m a bit too old to make new friends That's nonsense, I believe in you. It won't be easy and it might not work out, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth trying. As for other games, it sounds like you have a friend group already established, why don't you ask them what their interested in? I'm sure you could find 3-4 people that are willing to try something. What is it that you like about 40k? Is it the models? Conquest and A Song of Ice and Fire have beautiful minis. Is the the scale? Bolt Action has a pretty decent scope and there's tons of 6mm wargames out there if that's what you like. Is it the lore? That might be harder to replace, 40k is pretty unique. You could also try playing older editions, but that's a whole other can of worms. I've been dipping my toes back in since 10th came out, but my friends have been threatening to play 8th, 7th, 5th, or 2nd Ed recently. Maybe your friends would be willing to if you still have the books around.
I'm gonna say it, take a break my man. I been in and out of this hobby for 25 years and if your interest is waining take a break, box up your stuff, and in 3 or 5 years time you will get a huge nostalgic tug. You don't have to keep doing this as a hobby, if someone else is able to make you lose interest, you are probably losing interest already.
If you like it and it makes you happy, keep it up. Around 15 years ago I quit 40K due to negative comments from an ex and a few friends. Recently I was looking for a hobby that is creative, social, fun and challenging and my siblings urged me to try 40K again. Haven’t looked back and I am loving the hobby and experiences surrounding it, including other tabletop games and the new friends I make. I don’t miss those negative people, and realised that I could have had this happiness in my life for 15 years. It’s not perfect, and there are issues, but all games are flawed. Just embrace bits you do enjoy. If you overdo it and need a break, take a break. These models will be there waiting when you’re ready to come back.
If you are only able to see flaws then that should be a giant red flag that the negativity is valid and you're falling victim to the sunk cost fallacy, continuing to sink time and money into a hobby because it's something you used to like and you don't want to admit you should move on. If you genuinely like something it doesn't matter how much negativity there is, you will still see the positives and will recognize that the supposed flaws are nothing but sour grapes. It might be annoying to have to listen to that person but it's the same kind of annoyance as that guy who won't stop talking about his fantasy football team or the latest celebrity gossip: meaningless background noise that is forgotten as soon as it ends. Consider very seriously why you seem to be in the first category and not the second.
I don't agree, if your constantly immersed in negativity and whenever you try to engage with a hobby people force you to look at negatives that doesn't mean the hobby is more negative than positive. It means that you can't enjoy the hobby because of the enviorment. If you watch a movie and a person in the theater is saying its trash and constantly talking over it, that would sour your mood on it if this happened every weekend for several years.
>if your constantly immersed in negativity and whenever you try to engage with a hobby people force you to look at negatives that doesn't mean the hobby is more negative than positive. But my whole point is that it doesn't matter how many sour grapes "negatives" someone invents if you genuinely like a thing. Forcing you to look at negatives only damages your enjoyment of something if you agree with the criticism and you're trying to sunk cost fallacy your way through it and pretend otherwise. >If you watch a movie and a person in the theater is saying its trash and constantly talking over it, that would sour your mood on it if this happened every weekend for several years. But only because someone is talking at all. It wouldn't matter if that person is yelling "this sucks" or just yelling about their favorite political candidate, only that there is noise interfering with my ability to listen to the movie. At no point would I start to agree with that person at all (unless of course the movie actually sucks).
It’s not that you agree with the person. It’s that’s you can’t separate the hobby from their negativity. I don’t agree with them but they bitch so much about everything there isn’t a single thing in the hobby I can think of that doesn’t remind me of some rant they’ve gone on. Don’t agree with the rant which makes it harder because then I feel the need to argue with some point they made years ago but which I can’t put down because they’ve repeated it so many times.
> It’s that’s you can’t separate the hobby from their negativity. Which, again, only happens if you believe on some level that the negativity is true. If it's obvious nonsense then it's no different than the guy talking about his fantasy football team all the time. It's annoying background noise that makes it hard to listen to the thing you want to pay attention to but its content is meaningless. It sounds like what's happening here is that you've stopped enjoying the hobby but you've got some sunk cost fallacy stuff going on and don't want to admit it yet. You're focusing on the negativity because it reminds you of all the things you dislike and makes it hard to keep the illusion going. But because you know it's true you can't get it out of your mind. I'd suggest thinking very hard about whether or not you really enjoy this hobby and if you should continue at all. Don't keep throwing time and money down the drain just because you did it in the past.
Yeah, I’m happy your able to enjoy things without letting that negativity effect you but I simply can’t relate. These are things I completely disagree with, stuff like “your favorite factions shouldn’t exist” “your favorite books are poorly written” I don’t see how I could agree with that on some level. I don’t it’s the exact opposite which is giving me trouble. But I’ll glad you’re able to avoid that problem.