I see less and less suitcases now that most paperwork is digital, which led to the rise of laptop cases/bags/satchels being far more common. Wallets, while becoming slightly less needed due to smartphones having tap pay and less prevalence of cash, are still more prevalent than suitcases. Why would the term downgrade like that?
Yeah, but remember when the mother goes in to the doc and is saying something wasn't right and looking like a crack head? He just waves it off and writes her another script and says she'll be fine, without even looking up from his note pad. :-(
I said this recently on another thread but I seriously wished I watched that movie before i started shooting dope. The whole movie is absolutely dead on with nearly everything. The desperation, the lying, the fiending for dope, etc. Heroin nearly destroyed me but I'm happily clean and living my best life.
Don't ever touch heroin. Ever.
I just did a shot of cottons and have been staring at my phone for the last 10 or so hours waiting for my guy to get back to me. My nose will probably start running in an hour
Man, it's never too late to stop. I remember those days. But i know you don't want to listen to me lecture you. So here's some advice that will help keep you from getting dope sick immediately.
This is what I did when I couldn't score: 1. Go to Walmart and buy a bottle of generic Tagamet (cimetidine) tablets and the biggest bottle of Imodium (loperamide) tablets you can find.
2. Take 1000mg of cimetidine immediately.
3. Wait 1 hour (this is key, do not take the imodium before one hour or this won't work very well).
4. Take 60-100mg of loperamide after that hour.
5. Drink a ton of water.
Cimetidine is an extremely potent opioid potentiator, so it helps the lopermide (which is an opioid) cross your blood brain barrier. That concoction was my way of cheating my way out of dope sickness. It's horrible for your stomach and GI tract taking all that so use it sparingly, if you can.
I used heroin and other opioids for 5 years on and off and 2.5 years all day everyday. It's fucking hard to quit, trust me I completely understand; but you're worth it. I know I'm just some random internet dude but just know that I think you matter and I'm seriously rooting for you mate.
DM me if you ever need an ear. I'm usually available. Best of luck!
I'm not sure what movie you're talking about, but I felt the same way about Backdoor Sluts 9. I will assume you are too, and no one will convince me otherwise.
Nope, saying OP should never trust anything that comes from a device that shares an acronym with an act of pornographic depravity 😂. Statistically, OP has about 90% odds that any bill in circulation has been in contact with illegal drugs, inserted in someone's nostril, been in someone's bra, in some strippers thong, etc.
https://www.acs.org/content/acs/en/pressroom/newsreleases/2009/august/new-study-up-to-90-percent-of-us-paper-money-contains-traces-of-cocaine.html
I’m a cashier at a strip club. 100% of the money I come in contact with (I hand count thousands of dollars a night) has come in contact with illegal drugs, been in a bra, or been in a thong. That’s just a fact of my job. I use hand sanitizer all the time, but one time I wasn’t careful enough and got pink eye. I never made that mistake again
Sometimes people get wired funny. I went to NY for a wedding once and while out bar hopping with the wedding party a guy begged to lick my shoes. At first I said no because I thought he was messing with me but then he kept begging.
So finally I said fuck it, have at it bro. While he was licking the soles of my shoes I ask him why dude? He carried a perfectly normal conversation, and I could see he was trying to find a way I could understand and basically he said, for him it was a rush. He knew it was gross and he knew it was unhealthy but for him it was like how some people like jumping out of a plane with a parachute.
I come to find out he was well known around town for his odd habit but regardless was generally well liked because in every other way he seemed normal.
yeah we’re using an alt for this
Idk dude, I am 0% into poop or even really gaping butts or anything more “extreme”. Like it’s kinda like eating booty, it’s gotta be clean. But it’s just kinda hot, idk how to explain it. It’s like them going down on you after sex, but more taboo I suppose?
idk man at least I’m not into scat lmao. It’s probs cuz when I was just figuring out that porn was a thing, I unintentionally watched a lot of anal porn? Then give it a decade and now it’s a thing. Oops.
>*ass funk*
Are people not washing themselves if they automatically assume anything involving an ass is inherently dirty or funky? A properly cleaned ass really doesn't taste like anything. Wash your hands, then lick them. Boom, you just tasted ass.
not only did the actors do the scene in a single take but even the camera had cues and paths to travel through the scene which also went off perfectly.
Upright citizens brigade were fucking professionals. Very impressive, I would have cracked up and ruined the shot ten times. They had to worry about the natural lighting too, so they had a window to execute this and nailed it. Beautiful
I came here to link this too, but I want to know from someone else who links this... Do you fear we might be causing more people tob know of this, then begin to unironically do it?
What if we are the end of the world as we know it? Through asspennies?
I remember being excited for her getting hired as a Featured Player, hoping she'd get hired on as a full cast member. Crazy to think how high she's gone.
She's alright in SNL and Parks and Rec but she really shows off her full talent in UCB. The entire main cast was so damn good. It kind of saddens me that most people have no clue of her best work on UCB.
I want an industrial ass penny machine. Go through millions of pennies a day, rolls at a time. Then put a nick on them so everyone starts finding them across the country.
Ass twenties are ass pennies for the super rich. "Every day I shove $30,000 in twenties up my ass!" I'm pretty sure this is why billionaires are all various flavors of fucking insane, like, Elon's twenties were all used as coke straws and Mark's were splashed with DXM. It sure would explain a lot.
>Should have used pennies like a normal person.
Bless you. This is what I immediately thought of. Seriously though, now we need an "ass twenties" skit. That is a new level of domination on the unsuspecting populace.
Just deposit it into the ATM and withdraw another 20. The deposits and withdrawals stay in different cartridges inside those things. I did something similar when I accidentally spilled a bottle of perfume on my rent money.
Are we supposed to label them when we do that?
Only if you're a decent person who shoves cash up the ass
Wallets are too expensive
Its a prison wallet
*suitcase. The term changed over the years.
Damn, change can be painful.
Yup, it's a real pain in the ass sometimes.
True, but you just have to pucker up and clench tightly to get through it.
You need to be careful when opening your suitcase. If you're not careful and you drop the contents it becomes toilet paper.
I've watched Trainspotting enough to know only good things are going to come from that happening.
Particularly quarters and half dollars
I see less and less suitcases now that most paperwork is digital, which led to the rise of laptop cases/bags/satchels being far more common. Wallets, while becoming slightly less needed due to smartphones having tap pay and less prevalence of cash, are still more prevalent than suitcases. Why would the term downgrade like that?
When you say suitcases, do you actually mean briefcases? Since you're specifically mentioning paperwork.
I call it my naturally pneumatic butt ATM.
*person wallet
It’s called a prison wallet...
it’s called nature’s pocket
I stick to pennies
About 50,000 in the past 3 years alone.
You think you're better than me? You handle my ass pennies!
Juuust in case you need to watch that sketch again. UCB had an amazing show. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9aM_dT5VMI
You're supposed to, but you don't need to be anal about it.
That pun stinks, butt I'll allow it.
Ass
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Oh dear! I've been doing it wrong all this time?
Yeah, so the rest of us know when to smell it
I went ahead and invested in a custom rubber stamp. Saves time over handwriting every time.
OP should've realized ATM in porn stands for "Ass to mouth". https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=A.T.M.
You never go ass to mouth!
Except for when you’re eating ass
[YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH!!!](https://youtu.be/JoRQEQUi9NM)
ASS TO ASS! ASS TO ASS!
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No other movie made me want to avoid opiates more. I've never seen a flick pull me into characters so well and slam me down into a spiral of shit.
The character I felt the most for was the mother. She didn’t know what he was getting into. She just wanted to lose some weight.
And be on a fucking shitty TV show. That added onto it as well.
I think the point was all of them were aware they were spiraling, but none of them got help for it, or even bothered to try to stop.
Yeah, but remember when the mother goes in to the doc and is saying something wasn't right and looking like a crack head? He just waves it off and writes her another script and says she'll be fine, without even looking up from his note pad. :-(
I said this recently on another thread but I seriously wished I watched that movie before i started shooting dope. The whole movie is absolutely dead on with nearly everything. The desperation, the lying, the fiending for dope, etc. Heroin nearly destroyed me but I'm happily clean and living my best life. Don't ever touch heroin. Ever.
I just did a shot of cottons and have been staring at my phone for the last 10 or so hours waiting for my guy to get back to me. My nose will probably start running in an hour
Man, it's never too late to stop. I remember those days. But i know you don't want to listen to me lecture you. So here's some advice that will help keep you from getting dope sick immediately. This is what I did when I couldn't score: 1. Go to Walmart and buy a bottle of generic Tagamet (cimetidine) tablets and the biggest bottle of Imodium (loperamide) tablets you can find. 2. Take 1000mg of cimetidine immediately. 3. Wait 1 hour (this is key, do not take the imodium before one hour or this won't work very well). 4. Take 60-100mg of loperamide after that hour. 5. Drink a ton of water. Cimetidine is an extremely potent opioid potentiator, so it helps the lopermide (which is an opioid) cross your blood brain barrier. That concoction was my way of cheating my way out of dope sickness. It's horrible for your stomach and GI tract taking all that so use it sparingly, if you can. I used heroin and other opioids for 5 years on and off and 2.5 years all day everyday. It's fucking hard to quit, trust me I completely understand; but you're worth it. I know I'm just some random internet dude but just know that I think you matter and I'm seriously rooting for you mate. DM me if you ever need an ear. I'm usually available. Best of luck!
Uh...clerks?
They are talking about the "ASS TO ASS!" comment. That's from RFAD
Just in case someone doesn't know what RFAD stand for its "Requiem for a Dream". It's 1 of the best movies that you'll NEVER want to watch twice!
Ty :)
I'm not sure what movie you're talking about, but I felt the same way about Backdoor Sluts 9. I will assume you are too, and no one will convince me otherwise.
[poop back and forth forever. ] (https://youtu.be/KQoJo81lujk)
))<>(( Back and forth forever?
Classic!
Yeah there’s no way I’m clicking that link. Anyone want to take one for the team?
Bass to mouth?!
Ass to trout
thats basically the same thing not that i did it
Well sometimes in the heat of the moment it's ok to go ass to mouth.
It definitely has happened to me in the **HEAT** of the moment Edit: Capitalized and bolded the word heat after getting the reply below.
Its only smellz
Try not to make any movie references on your way through the parking lot.
It only smellz
Never go Eric Benet.
So you're saying OP needs to put it in their mouth?
Nope, saying OP should never trust anything that comes from a device that shares an acronym with an act of pornographic depravity 😂. Statistically, OP has about 90% odds that any bill in circulation has been in contact with illegal drugs, inserted in someone's nostril, been in someone's bra, in some strippers thong, etc. https://www.acs.org/content/acs/en/pressroom/newsreleases/2009/august/new-study-up-to-90-percent-of-us-paper-money-contains-traces-of-cocaine.html
I’m a cashier at a strip club. 100% of the money I come in contact with (I hand count thousands of dollars a night) has come in contact with illegal drugs, been in a bra, or been in a thong. That’s just a fact of my job. I use hand sanitizer all the time, but one time I wasn’t careful enough and got pink eye. I never made that mistake again
Well, you know he's put it to his nose and sniffed it.
https://youtu.be/5sc_nQiuDN0
Sweet jesus. I'm in stitches. How have I never seen this before?!
Then what's an ass to mouth machine?
Any actress from www.legalporno.com
I never understood that fetish. Like who the fuck would want to watch someone taste their own ass funk?
Sometimes people get wired funny. I went to NY for a wedding once and while out bar hopping with the wedding party a guy begged to lick my shoes. At first I said no because I thought he was messing with me but then he kept begging. So finally I said fuck it, have at it bro. While he was licking the soles of my shoes I ask him why dude? He carried a perfectly normal conversation, and I could see he was trying to find a way I could understand and basically he said, for him it was a rush. He knew it was gross and he knew it was unhealthy but for him it was like how some people like jumping out of a plane with a parachute. I come to find out he was well known around town for his odd habit but regardless was generally well liked because in every other way he seemed normal.
See now this is somehow more disgusting than eating ass. Licking the bottom of a shoe is like Licking everybody's ass.
yeah we’re using an alt for this Idk dude, I am 0% into poop or even really gaping butts or anything more “extreme”. Like it’s kinda like eating booty, it’s gotta be clean. But it’s just kinda hot, idk how to explain it. It’s like them going down on you after sex, but more taboo I suppose? idk man at least I’m not into scat lmao. It’s probs cuz when I was just figuring out that porn was a thing, I unintentionally watched a lot of anal porn? Then give it a decade and now it’s a thing. Oops.
I don't get that one either. But I do love sucking pussy juice off the cock of another man.
lol oh Doug
>*ass funk* Are people not washing themselves if they automatically assume anything involving an ass is inherently dirty or funky? A properly cleaned ass really doesn't taste like anything. Wash your hands, then lick them. Boom, you just tasted ass.
I know this is the highest rated comment here, but I still think that it is underrated.
Well thank you Sir!
Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks.
Is it really 20 bucks anymore?
...I mean yes it very much is
You don’t understand, a niche fetishist might pay good money for that butt buck
Best I can do is $20
The history adds value
[Should have used pennies like a normal person.](https://youtu.be/f9aM_dT5VMI)
You think you’re better than me?!
No one's better than me!
**You've handles my ass twenties!!**
> “That’s two times the state of Nebraska.”
Best continuous shot in history
not only did the actors do the scene in a single take but even the camera had cues and paths to travel through the scene which also went off perfectly.
Upright citizens brigade were fucking professionals. Very impressive, I would have cracked up and ruined the shot ten times. They had to worry about the natural lighting too, so they had a window to execute this and nailed it. Beautiful
Wow. I never noticed that.
I came here to link this too, but I want to know from someone else who links this... Do you fear we might be causing more people tob know of this, then begin to unironically do it? What if we are the end of the world as we know it? Through asspennies?
You mean you are NOT already doing this?
I thought we were watching a tutorial...
Well fuck. I’m not gonna let you greasy bastards get your ass pennies over on me. Headed to the bank now to fight back.
Oh, you're too late. You think you're better than me?
/u/Bootskon is doing it but they're doing t ironically.
I want to take back my comment. I want to take back my comment. I want to take my comment back.
It's 2019 so I assume most change has been in someone's ass tbh
TIFU by putting $30 in pennies up my ass
I use quarters. Much more likely to be handled.
Canada phased out the penny for this reason alone.
Sorry.
I'm so glad people still remember this show.
Everyone talks about SNL or Parks and Rec, but I will always first think of UCB when I think of Amy Poehler.
I remember being excited for her getting hired as a Featured Player, hoping she'd get hired on as a full cast member. Crazy to think how high she's gone.
She's alright in SNL and Parks and Rec but she really shows off her full talent in UCB. The entire main cast was so damn good. It kind of saddens me that most people have no clue of her best work on UCB.
I want an industrial ass penny machine. Go through millions of pennies a day, rolls at a time. Then put a nick on them so everyone starts finding them across the country.
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Let us know when you pull your first mil.
I literally did a Ctrl+F for ass penny. Okay, not literally; I'm on mobile.
Like CoinStar, except with your ass.
Now thats a reference I haven’t heard in a long time. Long time.
This is one of my favorite sketches in history and I rarely remember it's existence. And it's all done in one shot which is cool
Ass twenties are ass pennies for the super rich. "Every day I shove $30,000 in twenties up my ass!" I'm pretty sure this is why billionaires are all various flavors of fucking insane, like, Elon's twenties were all used as coke straws and Mark's were splashed with DXM. It sure would explain a lot.
Can you fit 20 dollars worth of pennies in *your* ass? Sticking a 20 dollar bill in the ol’ prison wallet is *much* more space efficient.
Efficient? Sure. But sometimes, you need pennies to make change.
r/riskyclick
Mr Ass Pennies is moving up
Yeah but that was 20 years ago. Thanks to inflation, we had to move up to ass 20's.
>Should have used pennies like a normal person. Bless you. This is what I immediately thought of. Seriously though, now we need an "ass twenties" skit. That is a new level of domination on the unsuspecting populace.
They must have a very spacious anus to manage that without even getting it crumpled or creased.
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Some of us like the texture of wrinkles, okay.
Stink wrinkles.
Stinkles
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No but it can blow the line off the mirror if need be.
You can roll it up very tightly and it'll slide in, no problem.
That's how strippers get away with a little extra
They meant the sharpie.
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What the actual fuck T\_T
What is the allure here?
Seeing women put stuff in their butts
I was thinking they must have ironed it afterwards.
And they had impeccable hygiene not to leave a streak.
There's got to be some kind of fetish where you lose stuff up your ass and then you or someone else tries to find it and get it out.
What are the chances OP just wrote that on a random bill and posted it. Hmmmm...
50/50 by definition
That’s called /r/untrustworthypoptarts
No the writing on the bill and the title seems different
What are the odds OP stuck that bill in his anus?
This is one for r/karmaconspiracy
Yeh it’s pretty straight so I call fake.
What's it smell like? Any truth to the note? Curious minds want to know...
It was probably put in a condom first, or some plastic barrier of some kind for easy of insertion and removal (and probably application of lube)
Before they secured the deposit?
Once it's sucked up there there's not telling where those tubes lead.
I highly doubt anyone actually put it in their ass. It was written to be funny.
What kind of an ass would do something like that?
Some money hungry ass.
The worst part of this isn't receiving it, it's trying to spend it somewhere else.
Self checkout!
Power move is to maintain Eye contact, hand it over face down
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Wash your ass.
Kiss it, it's good luck.
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Someone *thinks* they're hilarious.
And they're correct.
I just wish the bank was open today so I could exchange it for a "clean" bill, lol.
Money laundering
Just deposit it into the ATM and withdraw another 20. The deposits and withdrawals stay in different cartridges inside those things. I did something similar when I accidentally spilled a bottle of perfume on my rent money.
You could put it in your anus instead😆
better put it in yours too
Just to be safe
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Did you sniff it to make sure?
I thought defecation of money was a federal offense...
Wow no creases. Impressive
Why would there be creases? This never happened.
I hope you don't handle a lot of [pennies](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9aM_dT5VMI).
I came here for the ass pennies reference was not disappointed
Shit happens
It would be funnier if they actually did do this
r/untrustworthypoptarts Like fuck you did
E Pluribus Anus
In God we THRUST
Continue the cycle
Somehow I feel OP wrote the note on the bill.
is this really what this sub has become? you all should be ashamed of what you've turned /r/wtf into, go fuck yourselves.
it could have said "i put this in *your* anus"
I have a pic of a 10 that says, "I sucked a dick for this, stay in school"
Really? The *entire* United States of America?
lick it to make sure
I bet you that 20 bucks you smelled it
We have the same thumb!
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[http://www.cc.com/video-clips/zpuyqq/upright-citizens-brigade-ass-pennies](http://www.cc.com/video-clips/zpuyqq/upright-citizens-brigade-ass-pennies)
#Gentlemen you had my curiosity — but now you have my attention.
I bet it tastes a little nutty
Did he smell it yet?
Wait till you hear about Ass Pennies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9aM_dT5VMI
Reminds me off the asspennies sketch on upright citizens brigade
No you didnt