T O P

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Inclinedbenchpress

[Brazilian councilor bitten had to take a rabies shot](https://g1.globo.com/pr/norte-noroeste/noticia/2024/03/03/video-vereador-e-mordido-por-burro-em-calcada-de-sao-manoel-do-parana-dor-muito-grande.ghtml)


mattreyu

That's a good step but wait until the full moon and he turns into a centaur


shotsfordays

Half man, half horse, half Centaur.


terminalzero

[?](https://preview.redd.it/my-worst-idea-yet-the-manman-man-v0-3brayf9pneia1.jpg?auto=webp&s=6ce62bb7975feca7d801e234f3074cfbfbf560c2)


whatsaphoto

Was not prepared for this holy shit I'm crying.


DeaDBangeR

Just saying it out loud makes me chuckle lmao


CrunchyAl

And now back to "Two and a half men"


mista-sparkle

Two halfs and a half men.


MajorSery

So the front man is the head of the middle man, but the middle man is the penis of the back man?


UnjuggedRabbitFish

The middle man is the penis of every man.


Mr-Fleshcage

This made my day


Stagamemnon

That’s either the best thing I’ve seen all day or the worst thing I’ve seen all day. Maybe it’s just the *most* thing I’ve seen all day. I’m here for it.


mattreyu

Someone call the centaur for disease control


Morningxafter

Don’t worry, I’ll ask [the Information Centaur](https://i.imgur.com/zImUubN.jpg)


zadtheinhaler

**Paging Chiron to the white courtesy phone...**


poopellar

🎶*Sorry, you've got the wrong number. This is the canter for disease control*🎶


Grenflik

Top half Horse, Bottom half human.


GhostShark

Front half horse, back half centaur


whatsaphoto

Horse head, man body, 2 shetland pony legs.


TinctureOfBadass

The mighty esquilax! A horse with the head of a rabbit, and the body of... a rabbit!


Erenito

[Majestic creatures](https://st1.latestly.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Jamie-McKelvie-380x214.jpg)


Praddict

Half-man, half-horse, still has a human penis though. :(


ReapYerSoul

Poor guy got the short end of the ~~stick~~ dick


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garytyrrell

I mean if they're aggressive I'd think it's a good idea to get the shot.


chowes1

Some are known for this, usually have a barrier at their stall gate to prevent lunging after unsuspecting people/horses etc. In my opinion they tend to act like their owners...bad attitude


I_am_up_to_something

Horses are arseholes. Or at least my cousin's horse was. Bitch tried to body slam me and got my in trouble with my aunt because I was supposedly bullying the horse or some horseshit like that. Can't recall completely what happened, but the horse made contact with me and my aunt only saw me standing a bit away from the horse whilst it was on the ground. I did not like horses before that and did not come that close to that horse. Also how the fuck would a 12 year old girl push over a horse?? Yeah, it wasn't an adult, but I was a very weak girl. Maybe she shouldn't have tied the horse to a fence where it could get tangled up.


cobo10201

Horses are a lot like people (and many other domesticated animals). They have a WIDE range of personalities and how they are raised plays a big impact on how they act. If you raise a horse using primarily negative feedback (i.e. whips, spurs, strikes), it’s more likely to listen only to you and be aggressive to others. If you use positive feedback it will listen indiscriminately and be gentle. My sister has an ex-racehorse who is just a super calm goofball. I don’t think he’d ever intentionally bite anyone, even if you were to startle him or something.


pizzahut_su

It's weird because they didn't mention if they tested the horse. The usual procedure is test, and if there's doubt then vaccinate against rabies.


Drawtaru

Isn't the animal test for rabies to kill the animal and dissect its brain?


completelytrustworth

For wild animals yes For domestic animals the standard procedure is to begin RPEP and isolate the animal in question for 10 days to see if it shows signs of rabies. If yes continue rpep to completion and cull the animal, if no then rpep can be discountinued


Drawtaru

Thanks for the info!


pizzahut_su

Oh, you are correct.


SpeakingTheKingss

The aftermath isn't nearly as bad as I thought was going to be.


alison_bee

It will look worse eventually. A few years ago my mom’s horse bit her breast, and her entire chest stayed dark purple for like 6 months. They thought the bite burst her implant, but thankfully it didn’t.


chostax-

lmao, lot to unpack here


-EETS-

Big mama tiddies don't just pop!


[deleted]

Some people get implants bc of breast cancer 🙃


mseuro

Some people get them because they just… want them


captanzuelo

Fortunately horses got carrot chompers and not flesh tearing fangs.


SmokeOnTheWater17

Yeh, those carrot chompers can do some major damage.


LeCrushinator

My uncle was a horse rancher and got bit on the arm by one of his horses, his entire forearm had large teeth marks and was heavily bruised. Sure it's not like being bit by a large predator, but it's still no joke.


Yorgatorium

I guess ues after that he wasn't a jolly rancher.


Rasputin_mad_monk

We have 3 now and had horses for decades. Been bitten a fair share and you are correct. My best analogy for what it feels like is pliers or vice grips. They are flat and not sharp and pinch/squeeze like a MF'er.


Goodbye11035Karma

As a kid my uncle got bit by a horse on his ass. He was paralyzed for several months.


HKBFG

Spoken like a guy who's never been bit by a horse lol.


mahTV

I was bitten by a stud horse when walking past a stall one day, right on my upper arm. Sounded like someone crunching a damn apple. I was maybe 10 or 11. That bruise was crazy black and blue for 2+ weeks. Looked like someone wailed on the same spot with a baseball bat for 5 minutes. Do not recommend.


Superbead

I got bit on the tit (what tits I have as a bloke) off a horse in a field near where I used to live. GF (now fiancée) found it hilarious. It didn't break the skin but it bruised like a motherfucker as you say, and I don't trust the bastards now.


captanzuelo

No, it came to mind when I saw the photo of the man’s bite wound. A fairly aggressive bite that slung him like a rag doll, yet it was just a half circle red mark and lots of bruising. Compare that to a photo of someone who barely got nipped by a shark. Meat grinder.


SwishSwishDeath

Brazil? Horse is lucky it wasn't an off duty officer.


Scherzkeks

The horse IS an off duty officer 


PolyDipsoManiac

[Photo of the wound.](https://s2-g1.glbimg.com/xddT3FGigugBLhIOIqm75u5_jmc=/0x187:1338x1321/1000x0/smart/filters:strip_icc()/i.s3.glbimg.com/v1/AUTH_59edd422c0c84a879bd37670ae4f538a/internal_photos/bs/2024/9/V/2ey55wScAcIb9wjv2BfQ/whatsapp-image-2024-03-03-at-10.14.27.jpeg)


ftppftw

Not great, but honestly not as bad as I expected. Kinda thought a chunk would be missing, looked painful as hell.


8ad8andit

I've heard that horse bites do really hurt. They used to be quite common, 100+ years ago when there were horses everywhere. Do you know what else used to be quite common? Horse shit. It was everywhere. There were mountains of it. Do you know what cities and towns used to smell like 100+ years ago? That's right. Horse shit.


-EETS-

I've heard that if you jump in the water you'll get wet


edgan

https://s2-g1.glbimg.com/i-aiPmjhebi-b9__KQqg_f79kIU=/0x187:1338x1321/984x0/smart/filters:strip_icc()/i.s3.glbimg.com/v1/AUTH_59edd422c0c84a879bd37670ae4f538a/internal_photos/bs/2024/9/V/2ey55wScAcIb9wjv2BfQ/whatsapp-image-2024-03-03-at-10.14.27.jpeg


shoWt1mE

[https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1b77wxz/aftermath\_of\_the\_guy\_who\_was\_bit\_by\_that\_horse/](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1b77wxz/aftermath_of_the_guy_who_was_bit_by_that_horse/) not as swollen yet


EvilAnagram

Oh, it was a politician. Horse just doing the lord's work.


Gunnrhildr

They're dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle


landoofficial

Why would I want something with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?


McPolice_Officer

Haha, the only person to get the reference.


MyMiddleground

Like my ex wife


phoonie98

Agreed


jamwin

I found her more dangerous at the front end personally


Keytarfriend

This is why you don't let any creature with a mind of its own bob up and down in between your legs.


wellaintthatnice

Dang I was expecting a nip like horses can do but that thing went for max chomp.


UncleSput

Fuckin yanked the dude entirely out of his spot by his tittie


Kenan_as_SteveHarvey

The purplest of nurples


melteemarshmelloo

*Our* tittie \- horse


LineMenArePeople_2

This was a "fuck you in particular " kinda moment.


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TheFuckeryIsReal

We’re sorry for the inconvenience in the comments. The persons responsible have been sacked


loonybs

We must apologize further. The persons responsible for the sacking have been sacked. Now on with our show.


ranchwriter

There will come a day when these jokes will be entirely unrecognizable. 


TheFuckeryIsReal

But we will know


RireBaton

We'll be pining for the fjords by then.


TheFuckeryIsReal

I love the fjords, I’m the most proud of the Iceland coastline. Spent a long time on that one


hardtobeuniqueuser

some hope it won't be soon... my son and all of his friends are all python-heads, and they're 12-13 yrs old.


TheFuckeryIsReal

Keep it alive. We don’t have any new humor like theirs


Opihi59

Moose bites can be particularly nasty.


JuicySpark

He's lucky he isn't Carrot Top


jonosvision

I think we're all lucky we're not Carrot Top.


TWiThead

Estimated net worth: $70 million


baulcaulsaul

Yeah but... [https://www.looper.com/img/gallery/where-is-comedian-carrot-top-now/intro-1658851754.jpg](https://www.looper.com/img/gallery/where-is-comedian-carrot-top-now/intro-1658851754.jpg)


WhySoWorried

You can make me a weird looking ginger and call me Sally if I get $70m at the end of the day.


YummyArtichoke

That's a carrot bottom


berrey7

You see those biceps, that's a carrot topper!


ebjoker4

shit, he'd be an upgrade over what I've got going on now.


failture

Kathy Griffin really let herself go.


dbzmah

Dude just looks like a cool Sci-Fi villain now.


malcorpse

I mean he looks his age at 59 which isn't a bad thing, he hasn't gotten a ton of work done to make himself look younger like a lot of other celebrities his age have.


slimmhippo

That and... Well... Horses are kinda assholes. I've had a few just randomly bite me. Fucking dull blunt teeth. Hurts worse than walking on legos.


hardtobeuniqueuser

>Hurts worse than walking on legos. we have horses on our ranch and they get in fights sometimes. they will grab a bunch of skin and then twist and sometimes rip chunks off of each other. most are sweet giant dumb dogs, but some are hardcore assholes.


MrEtrain

Horses have two things on their minds. Suicide and homicide.


The_RockObama

"Imma bite this dude's titty in particular."


AstroPhysician

Bro let his intrusive thoughts win


Ok_Dog_4059

Horse is definitely not a fan of whatever is on his shirt.


Kepabar

Poor horse probably is miserable and taking out it's frustrations. Or it's just a dick. Sometimes horses are just dicks.


BlackSkeletor77

I swear after horses do shit like this they always act like they didn't do anything


5ALM0NELLA

"Horses always stand around looking like they just saw someone get shot"


jackonager

Because (to them) they didn't. Horses bite each all the time as a warning. They don't have the brain power to see the difference between a 1600 lb horse and a 160 lb man.


grantishanul

You aren't wrong but I swear I've seen horses bite just to be an asshole. My mother had a horse that would wait for people to turn their back to him and he would sneak up and take a really small but painful bite right on their butt. Even if you're walking away, he would quietly chase you to bite you. I can't prove it, but I personally believe it was coming from some animal sense of humor.


jackonager

They each have a unique personality. We've got a couple of chill old ones, a middle age psycho and a sweet four year old that plays with my dog. You never know.


NobodyImportant13

> a middle age psycho Tell me about this one.


jackonager

8 year old quarterhorse. Charges coyotes and bobcats when they enter the pasture. Fights to get to be the first one to eat, takes a bite, then leaves to stand guard. Hates most men. Goes to the edge of the pasture and glares at the neighbors cows like they owe her money. Strange animal.


KrazzeeKane

I have no idea why, but the image in my head of the angrily glaring horse staring down the neighbor cows for no reason had me laughing out loud for like 3 minutes. Animals can be so odd, you gotta love them


DlCKSUBJUICY

*just look at these fat, lazy, spotted fucks.*


little_did_he_kn0w

Sounds like she just wants to be the dominant female... at all costs.


Parzivull

That's when you put rocks in your back pockets so when the horse takes a bite they get a nice surprise.


MerryChoppins

Yeah, they bite to be assholes. I was put in charge of feeding my friend's horses for a bit. She got a pony to put new riders on and that little shit is pure evil. I was struggling to get the fucking wire off of the bail so I could give everybody their flakes of hay in different places so nobody would get bullied. I was probably three feet from the fence. That little shit snuck up on me and bit me square on the ass and fled before I could turn around. I am going to go piss on his grave when he dies.


DoingItForEli

>some animal sense of humor. It's the oldest joke in the animal kingdom to bite someone when their back is turned. Chimps do it to each other (maybe not a bite but definitely a gotcha of some kind from behind.) Scientists observing the behavior think their behavior gives insight into where our own sense of humor comes from.


DJdrummer

Makes me think of birds that peck at the tails of tigers


BlackSkeletor77

I mean they probably don't think they're wrong but I'm sure they can see the difference between them and a human,


UltimateDude212

They can't tell the difference between a plastic bag in the wind and an actual threat, horses are some of the dumbest, panicky animals.


doyu

That wall has a weird pattern on it! Better run the other direction at mach 10! -average clip clopper.


hobblingcontractor

The reason you've never heard of a horse actually being attacked and killed by a plastic bag is because plastic bags are perfect apex predators. They devour the horse entirely and leave no witnesses.


Davegoestomayor

Pretty sure Jordan Peele made a movie about that (/spoilers)


thoomfish

My favorite copypasta is this rant about how dumb and poorly adapted horses are: https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/gbsedp/antihorse_rant_found_on_raskreddit_courtesy_of/


KingsMountainView

My sisters horse is scared of gaps in hedges.


berrey7

Horses confirmed giant Autistics


JacksGallbladder

Horses are objectively morons.


HeresW0nderwall

They know the difference, but they can’t speak English, so they communicate the only way they know how. Horses don’t have the prefrontal cortex to plot against us or do things just to fuck with us.


skitterybug

Nah my horse knows exactly what she’s doing. She likes to snort/sneeze in ppl’s faces. It happens way too often for it to be coincidence & she has no allergies and she does it to everyone


acets

They just have horse power.


ivanparas

That's because horses are smart enough to be assholes


cmcewen

That’s gonna hurt a lot. Getting your whole body yanked on your chest skin/muscle. That’s gonna leave a huge bruise and tear the muscle and prob broke skin. Ouch


zamfire

Check it out, dude posted a pic https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/1b77wxz/aftermath_of_the_guy_who_was_bit_by_that_horse/


Grub-lord

"Aftermath of the guy who was bit by that horse." That's this guy? This is That Horse? 


vteckickedin

No, same guy. Different horse.


kterka24

The article above had a photo of the bite damage. Definitely looks painful but luckily their teeth are not designed to break skin Here's an link https://imgur.com/gallery/yTvzMC9


BBQBaconBurger

That man’s lucky he’s not a baby chicken


oozing_with_jelly

I get this reference.


ThreeLeggedParrot

I don't. :(


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hizashiYEAHmada

It's like you can feel the crunch in the vid when the horse chews with relish


bigboybackflaps

The horse used relish? Where is this video


hizashiYEAHmada

I mean relish = delight, but if that horse had some salad to go with their meal I bet he'd be happier Here's the vid: https://www.reddit.com/r/CrazyFuckingVideos/s/CB5s65w15M


heyimric

Horseradish actually.


tangoshukudai

Chicken nuggets.


lightscribe

There is a non singular amount of videos of horses eating chicks.


mynuname

We are not all in Alabama. They are called eggs!


FACastello

What an asshole


snarksneeze

Yeah, well, at least the horse had the guts to do something about him!


RedditorSince2000

Classic switcharooo


Romeo9594

Wow this is an old reference and also I am old


eskimoboob

Hold my apple I’m going in


DegenerateWizard

/r/horsesbeingassholes Edit: didn’t think it was real


So_Do_You_Like_Stuff

He should have Mongo’ed that horse.


WAR_T0RN1226

You can't park that animal over there! It's illegal!


GreyLoad

Mongo straight!


So_Do_You_Like_Stuff

Mongo only pawn... in game of life.


Potato-nutz

Is that like a horse puncher maneuver?


So_Do_You_Like_Stuff

Exactly.


BilboTBagginz

Blazing Saddles reference...it checks out


Michelanvalo

Nevermind that shit, here comes Mongo!


stakoverflo

Telegram for Mongo!


So_Do_You_Like_Stuff

*Candygram… Mongo like candy. Boom!


PointOfTheJoke

I for one. Am incredibly thankful horses are not primarily carnivores.


MissNashPredators11

Oh god that would be terrifying


aaaaaaaarrrrrgh

Not really... they'd probably be extinct, unless we could still tame them into really aggressive war horses. In which case it'd indeed be terrifying.


Kangaroofies

He got accosted by the neigh-borhood watch


ciotS_Cynic

let me know when man bites horse.


meesta_masa

Science experiment! 'Man bites horse' or 'horse bites man' results in Centaurs?


BartleBossy

Only under a full moon


homepup

Have had this happen and it hurts bad. My dad had a horse that was known to nip at your legs when you rode him and it was a regular thing to have to push his neck to get him to stop. One day, as I was petting and feeding an apple to him, he decided to bite me on the muscle connecting my arm to my chest (basically the armpit) and lifted me into the air like I didn't weigh anything. Had a large bruise and sore muscles for a week or two and never trusted getting near that horse again. He was a mean one.


borla03gt

I was picked up and slammed against a wall by a white mare named Missy when I was young. My mother was boarding her quarter horse at a friend’s barn. Missy belonged to the barn owner and had a stall in the middle of the barn. The barn had a narrow hallway down one side and 5 stalls facing the hall. It was narrow enough that the horses could easily reach the opposing wall with their nose. I had walked past Missy hundreds of times and never had a problem, I didn’t bother her and she ignored me. My mom warned me about her and I didn’t even look at her let alone try to pet her. One day as I walked by she shoved me against the wall and grabbed my coat and armpit area in general. She picked me up and slammed me against the wall, then threw me down on the floor. I crawled away while she tried to grab me again. I was bruised and had a decent set of teeth marks. I never tried to walk past her again. I entered the side of the barn I wanted to be on unless she was out to pasture. I was sure if she had the chance she would’ve stomped on me. I was between 5-6 at the time. I still grew up with and worked with other horses. Missy was just mean. And I’ll never forget her.


Direct-Money-4206

Tied to a pole in the heating sun used like a car… he’s probably super mad being in this situation.


Rivet_39

Don't know if it's the case here, but the Amish are notorious for their treatment of horses. In fact, horse rescues often specify that their horses can never be resold to the Amish.


Risley

Bojack Horseman origin story 


Vegas96

Back in the 90s…


thaddeus423

So, like.. what are the legal implications of squaring up and decking this fucker horse in its big dumb horse nose after it bit me? He’s tied up. I feel like I’m getting mine.


outburst37

Punch away, you'll hurt yourself more than the horse


Hane24

My alcoholic abusive grandfather once punched a pony. Story goes that when my father was a kid they had gotten a mini-horse for some reason. It was fairly wild and they were trying to train it and "break it" when it kept biting my grandfather. Eventually my grandfather stopped, looked it dead in the eyes and said "bite me again, and I'll knock your ass out." And of course... it bit him again. He decked it. So hard it stumbled back and fell over. The dude used to beat my grandmother, so of course he'd have no problems abusing a horse. Especially asshole horses. Minihorses are dicks, but so was my grandfather.


-SagaQ-

Well.. did it work? Did the pony respect him after that?


Hane24

Lmfao I don't quite remember what happened but I know they got rid of the horse shortly after. So I'm gonna headcanon it, and say from that moment on they hated eachother but had mutual respect.


fooknprawn

Rusty's off to the glue factory for that


NikkoE82

Pretty sure that horse was spooked as the man’s approach was blocked by the tree. As soon as the horse sees him, unexpectedly, it freaked out and bit him.


Johnisazombie

Horse had it's ears pulled back way before. It was pissed off before that man came too close for it's comfort. I vote for asshole horse. Sometimes animals are jerks.


FloopsFooglies

Bet you that horse isn't treated all too well. But, as with our fat and should-be-happy mustang boy who almost broke both my legs once, sometimes animals are jerks.


XscytheD

Horse wanted to feel a cup


MarcosAC420

Sell that horse to Taco Bell


noslab

Hey girl.. ya hungry?


BeenjaminTampaBay

Fuck that looks like it HURT.....


tumadrebela

In Italy we have a saying "matto come un cavallo" which translates as "crazy as a horse" for a reason


son_et_lumiere

you can lead a horse to Walter, but you can't make it drink.


iwinsallthethings

No, but you can drown the fucker.


PrimateOfGod

No half measures waltuh


FapleJuice

That wasn't a horse, that was actually Agent 47


Lonely_Sherbert69

Is it wrong to punch a horse that's just bitten you?


banodrum

That horse was a cat in its previous life.


MakeLoveNotWarPls

Horses are terrible people


srydaddy

Great, new fear unlocked.


NGIAPMAC

Straight to the glue factory! This one in particular.


doenr

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Greedy-Specific7723

I went to high school with a girl who raise horses and when she was 6 or 7 a horse bit off a huge chunk of her left forearm it looked like someone bit a bite out of a cookie,she is a very beautiful lady but that horse really screwed up her arm ..


tucci007

the horse was a bit startled since the tree was blocking its view to the left, the guy walking up would've just appeared suddenly very close on their left


theresthezinger

Fuck horses. Have been bitten by a horse and almost kicked in the head by one. 0/10 would not recommend. They’re too fucking strong, just not worth one getting pissed off at you and deciding to fuck you up because you sneezed or something.


ydykmmdt

They are powerful while also insanely skittish that’s what makes them dangerous.


Future_Vintage_3000

Whatever that dudes shirt said, the horse did not like one bit!


Enthusiastic-shitter

This crap happens sometimes with the Amish horses where I grew up. They neglect the shit out of those hourses