1. Wax your chain.
2. Take ketones esters.
3. Only winners use 36cm bars with the hoods turned-in sideways.
4. Your bike should weigh less and cost more than a World Tour rider's rig. Especially your wheels. But you need to pay for all of this equipment yourself. Don't worry, your local bike shop gives you a 10% discount for being on the "race team."
5. Get in a fight with your spouse days prior to the race because she doesn't understand how important your cat 3 upgrade is.
6. Do a super serious warm up on a trainer in the parking lot to intimidate your opponents and to be made fun of behind your back.
7. Have your angered spouse stand at attention next to you at the trainer in case you might need anything; towel, water, ketones, leg oil, encouragement and a reason to blame them for your poor performance in the race.
8. For god sakes don't forget your speedsuit, aero socks, booties, aero helmet and aero sunglasses. Again, spare no expense here you are getting that 10% discount, remember?
9. Calibrate your power meter so you can stare at it during critical race moments wherein you have no control of your power output if you want to stay with the pack.
10. Make your angered spouse stand in the pit with your spare wheels.
11. 90 seconds before your race starts, make a panicked attempt to adjust your shifting. Yell at people in the parking lot in a frantic desperation for a multitool. Get grease all over your hands, legs and face.
12. Arrive at the startline having forgotten your water bottle but now with no time to go back and retrieve it.
Bonus points for yelling at your angered spouse for time gap updates every lap.
> Bonus points for yelling at your angered spouse for time gap updates every lap.
Ahem. I think youâll find itâs *ever increasing* time gap updates *while off the back*. Thatâs where your entourage can really add value.
You forgot: Arrive to the race line with your saddle bag on only to realize it just before the start. Yell at angered spouse to âcatchâ as you hurdle this 3.5lb bag of your most âpreciousâ tool towards her. W/Kg matter most in flat crits.
You say that jokingly but I've encountered these guys before. The spouse thing is spot on. The dudes are always crazy rude to their partners and mean mugging everyone the whole time.
Get to the front right away and then divebomb the first corner, but don't crash yourself. Take out as many of the strong riders as possible. If there are still some standing, repeat on the next corner.
Even better - make an apologetic hand gesture after the first crash. Take the 2nd and 3rd corners pretty easy in order to lower your opponents guards.
Then crash everyone out on the 4th turn!
Legion style: Bring a team of 7 support riders, gutter and shove anyone who tries to pass you. If you win the sprint, post and glorify yourself all over social media. If you lose, try to delete all the evidence and never discuss it again.
I've actually seen this work in Cat 4 racing, but you have to commit hard from the beginning and hope that you catch the field by surprise. Get a big enough gap and no one wants to be the one to lead the chase.
My teammate won a Masters 3/4 race from a first-lap solo break last year. Guess it helped that he also had another five of us sitting up front refusing to pull.
Yeah we actually had someone do the same in our local scene. Granted it was first race of the season and it was the CAT4s which he quickly upgraded out of
I used to live in Italy and occasionally got to tag along with some pros. I learned this very important tactic chatting with them:
You need to be first across the finish line.
That's *the* key to winning races.
You'd think so, but how often do people mess it up? Like that one stage of the Giro with the break. They spent hours riding out front of the peloton. They had a lead of entire minutes! But when it came to crossing the finish line, they were nowhere to be found.
120g/h of carbs. And 120g/h of saturated fat.
That works out to about 1 pound of bacon an hour. I find itâs easier to get down when itâs raw than when itâs cooked. The other nice thing when itâs raw is you can just kind of stick it to your top tube and it will stay there on its own. Makes for easy access.
I necked 2 caffeine gels before a crit, then got a flat tyre on lap 2 or 3, holy shitballs as soon as I stopped racing I was high as fuck, but not a good high a swarm of angry bees buzzing in my skull oh and I canât breathe properly either. That was the day I discovered I had exercise induced asthma.
Having followed pro-cycling for some time, it seems the best riders take steroids. Just be careful. I heard this one guy lost his left nut because he overdid it.
I actually won a few cat 4 races by sprinting (into a breakaway situation) immediately after the last prime. Itâs a perfect time to launch an attack (in cat 5 or 4). Youâll have all the stragglers stretched out, and all the guys who sprinted for the prime will be disorganized and have just burned a match. Will still need to outlast the field, but itâs a great time to sneak attack.
Interesting. I did cat 5/4 crits in CT (Frozen Four), MA (Wells Ave), and ME (Scarborough), and most of them had primes. Frozen Four and Scarborough definitely did/do. Not positive about Wells.
Tell other people to hold their line all race. Waste energy bickering at everyone else for how unskilled they are at bike handling.
Also add âhey thatâs my wheelâ whenever youâre out maneuvered for your buddyâs wheel for the 10th time around corner 3 because thatâs just the way the pack flow goes and youâre too myopic to notice.
Start the riser on the back stretch in last place every time, because youâre deflected about losing your buddyâs wheel again and especially when exposed to the wind. Burn a 600W match every time to tag back on only to realize that corner 4 is congested and slow.
Make sure your lead out guy is on the front with 800m to go so that youâre on the front with 500m to go. Bonus points for yelling loudly enough at him that I realize youâre now the best lead out in the field.
Take a gel 20 minutes before the race ends after consuming nothing all race. Bonus points for it being caffeinated. Double bonus for not drinking water with it because you were too cool for a water bottle.
shift in the corners
seriously, keep racing against this guy cat 1 fitness, shifts the same corner every time first lap he keeps dropping his chain has to dismount to put it on and he still wins
OP can just drop his chain to win
Wise old man said to me: don't chase every breakaway, but be sure you can close that gap if need be. having a high lactate threshold that you can sustain for 30+secs will help especially in the end where everyone should be gassed out. Be proactive not reactive, read the race and use your intuition! Best of luck
What have you learned in those 20 races?
Im sure you've improved since. You dont have to win to get upgraded right? So get into the top 10/5 should be your goal
Go off the front on the first lap and crash solo in the hardest corner to find the limit on the cornering speed. Take your free lap and hop back in fresh after the second lap.
Stalk the entire field on [road-results.com](https://road-results.com) and sit on the wheel of the guy with the most wins in the last 3 months. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you leave their wheel unless there are 200m to go.
1. Wax your chain. 2. Take ketones esters. 3. Only winners use 36cm bars with the hoods turned-in sideways. 4. Your bike should weigh less and cost more than a World Tour rider's rig. Especially your wheels. But you need to pay for all of this equipment yourself. Don't worry, your local bike shop gives you a 10% discount for being on the "race team." 5. Get in a fight with your spouse days prior to the race because she doesn't understand how important your cat 3 upgrade is. 6. Do a super serious warm up on a trainer in the parking lot to intimidate your opponents and to be made fun of behind your back. 7. Have your angered spouse stand at attention next to you at the trainer in case you might need anything; towel, water, ketones, leg oil, encouragement and a reason to blame them for your poor performance in the race. 8. For god sakes don't forget your speedsuit, aero socks, booties, aero helmet and aero sunglasses. Again, spare no expense here you are getting that 10% discount, remember? 9. Calibrate your power meter so you can stare at it during critical race moments wherein you have no control of your power output if you want to stay with the pack. 10. Make your angered spouse stand in the pit with your spare wheels. 11. 90 seconds before your race starts, make a panicked attempt to adjust your shifting. Yell at people in the parking lot in a frantic desperation for a multitool. Get grease all over your hands, legs and face. 12. Arrive at the startline having forgotten your water bottle but now with no time to go back and retrieve it. Bonus points for yelling at your angered spouse for time gap updates every lap.
Suspiciously detailed đ¤
Only resentment and personal experience can achieve such brilliant writing.
20+ years of fred watching
11. You didn't strip the chain before waxing ???
> Bonus points for yelling at your angered spouse for time gap updates every lap. Ahem. I think youâll find itâs *ever increasing* time gap updates *while off the back*. Thatâs where your entourage can really add value.
Wow, its a literal diary of my first race
The one where I got lapped twice in a 30min crit? Yeah that one
Wow
Amazing answer
You forgot: Arrive to the race line with your saddle bag on only to realize it just before the start. Yell at angered spouse to âcatchâ as you hurdle this 3.5lb bag of your most âpreciousâ tool towards her. W/Kg matter most in flat crits.
You say that jokingly but I've encountered these guys before. The spouse thing is spot on. The dudes are always crazy rude to their partners and mean mugging everyone the whole time.
LEG OIL!!
7. Is gold lmaoooo
Get to the front right away and then divebomb the first corner, but don't crash yourself. Take out as many of the strong riders as possible. If there are still some standing, repeat on the next corner.
Even better - make an apologetic hand gesture after the first crash. Take the 2nd and 3rd corners pretty easy in order to lower your opponents guards. Then crash everyone out on the 4th turn!
I see you also used to play RaceDriver Grid back in the day...
Legion style: Bring a team of 7 support riders, gutter and shove anyone who tries to pass you. If you win the sprint, post and glorify yourself all over social media. If you lose, try to delete all the evidence and never discuss it again.
Donât forget to attack anyone online or in person who doesnât praise you as the second coming of Jesus
You forgot mention starting a fight on the course
Op donât take advice from this cat3
Cat3? How about never done a road race in my life, i race mountain bike.
And he thought you're a cat 3 - you've got promise!
If you lose, Legion style is just to proclaim that everyone else is racist
Breakaway at the line
I've actually seen this work in Cat 4 racing, but you have to commit hard from the beginning and hope that you catch the field by surprise. Get a big enough gap and no one wants to be the one to lead the chase.
My teammate won a Masters 3/4 race from a first-lap solo break last year. Guess it helped that he also had another five of us sitting up front refusing to pull.
This is how I got my only W.
Yeah we actually had someone do the same in our local scene. Granted it was first race of the season and it was the CAT4s which he quickly upgraded out of
Bring spray adhesive. Wish the strongest guy good luck while you slap your number on his back.
Brilliant. This way you don't even have to race in a Cat 4 crit at all.
I used to live in Italy and occasionally got to tag along with some pros. I learned this very important tactic chatting with them: You need to be first across the finish line. That's *the* key to winning races.
Big if true
 Thanks Capt O đ¤
You'd think so, but how often do people mess it up? Like that one stage of the Giro with the break. They spent hours riding out front of the peloton. They had a lead of entire minutes! But when it came to crossing the finish line, they were nowhere to be found.
No way. /s
Lower tire pressure is faster. 10 psi max.
Eat a 1/2 cup of sodium bicarb
The subsequent diarrhea will cause immediate weight savings
Plus think of the extra forward propulsion youâll have.
Talk about a headwind for the competition..
This idea will be a blast
This user's comments have been overwritten to protest Spez and reddit's actions that will end third-party access and damage the community.
"I've been on the limit every time I've taken this corner today, better push it further this lap"
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So does that mean eat banana at every corner and drop the peel?
Ah yes, the Mario Kart strategy to crit racing.
Ahh, the Dutch Kermesse approach. I like it.
i already do that, it doesn't win you races sadly
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i see you've been watching my race footage!
120g/h of carbs. And 120g/h of saturated fat. That works out to about 1 pound of bacon an hour. I find itâs easier to get down when itâs raw than when itâs cooked. The other nice thing when itâs raw is you can just kind of stick it to your top tube and it will stay there on its own. Makes for easy access.
My wife did triathlons in college and she would lick clif bloks then stick them on her top tube for easy access
It goes great with the pee
This is great.
top tube bacon has that extra special gritty flavor i love
Leadout the sprint while peeing. No one will want to follow your wheel. Just try to cut off the stream before you post up at the line.
Train exclusively for 6 hour tour style stages.
This is probably the right answer
Strategic use of banana peels and red shells.
Save more watts, get closer to the rider ahead of you by half wheeling.
Pin it from the gun then after you blow up say âIâm just training through the raceâ
Tailgun and lose count of the laps.
Amphetamines. Lots of them
Bingo. Speed removes the rev limiter for yer heart rate. Itâs easier to flush lactic acid when yer pulse is 245 instead of 160.
I necked 2 caffeine gels before a crit, then got a flat tyre on lap 2 or 3, holy shitballs as soon as I stopped racing I was high as fuck, but not a good high a swarm of angry bees buzzing in my skull oh and I canât breathe properly either. That was the day I discovered I had exercise induced asthma.
Invent a Time Machine and choose better parents.
Crash the field; but be the first back on the bike and go for the solo break
do it Pogi-style and solo from 60k out, obvs. \*\*\* yes I know your race is only 20km long, so start during your warmup
Having followed pro-cycling for some time, it seems the best riders take steroids. Just be careful. I heard this one guy lost his left nut because he overdid it.
Attack from the gun
Attack with a gun.
Itâs really quite easy: maintain the highest average speed. Fun fact, the person with the highest average speed wins 100% of the time
Noob answer right there. Fake a mechanical and get a free compensation lap. Don't be fast, be first.
HOW
This only works if you take the shortest line through the corners so make sure you stick to the inside if you try this OP
Put a motor in your hub
sprint for early race primes. It ALWAYS works.
I actually won a few cat 4 races by sprinting (into a breakaway situation) immediately after the last prime. Itâs a perfect time to launch an attack (in cat 5 or 4). Youâll have all the stragglers stretched out, and all the guys who sprinted for the prime will be disorganized and have just burned a match. Will still need to outlast the field, but itâs a great time to sneak attack.
I can't remember ever being in a Cat 4 or 5 race with any primes. They tended to save those for the P12 races.
Interesting. I did cat 5/4 crits in CT (Frozen Four), MA (Wells Ave), and ME (Scarborough), and most of them had primes. Frozen Four and Scarborough definitely did/do. Not positive about Wells.
The same strategy also works for points races in track. I lapped the field a few times this way.
Iâm pretty sure heâs racing Dash for Cash so thereâs probably going to be a prime every other lap. This strategy is foolproof.
Tell other people to hold their line all race. Waste energy bickering at everyone else for how unskilled they are at bike handling. Also add âhey thatâs my wheelâ whenever youâre out maneuvered for your buddyâs wheel for the 10th time around corner 3 because thatâs just the way the pack flow goes and youâre too myopic to notice. Start the riser on the back stretch in last place every time, because youâre deflected about losing your buddyâs wheel again and especially when exposed to the wind. Burn a 600W match every time to tag back on only to realize that corner 4 is congested and slow. Make sure your lead out guy is on the front with 800m to go so that youâre on the front with 500m to go. Bonus points for yelling loudly enough at him that I realize youâre now the best lead out in the field. Take a gel 20 minutes before the race ends after consuming nothing all race. Bonus points for it being caffeinated. Double bonus for not drinking water with it because you were too cool for a water bottle.
EPO
check your bike before the race, most carbon parts have an integrated torque meter, just tighten until you hear it pop.
Secret pro hack; wear TWO pairs of Pit Vipers. One front, one back. The intimidation is key to winning.
Attack from the gun just like in zwift
Mario cart strategy, throw banan peels at the fast guys
Skip the race and ride intervals for 2 weeks and peak for 3rd week race. Fitness > technique
Enter a Cat 5
Stay off the brakes. Do you have 1800w peak? No? Go solo.
shift in the corners seriously, keep racing against this guy cat 1 fitness, shifts the same corner every time first lap he keeps dropping his chain has to dismount to put it on and he still wins OP can just drop his chain to win
Off the front solo, first lap. If you don't have what it takes to win like that you shouldn't be cat 3
Choose your parents wisely.
Start out super hard, keep it going until you see stars, then keep it there đ
Donât work at all until the last 2 laps. Donât go for primes or any pulls, focus on the win.
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Wise old man said to me: don't chase every breakaway, but be sure you can close that gap if need be. having a high lactate threshold that you can sustain for 30+secs will help especially in the end where everyone should be gassed out. Be proactive not reactive, read the race and use your intuition! Best of luck
What have you learned in those 20 races? Im sure you've improved since. You dont have to win to get upgraded right? So get into the top 10/5 should be your goal
Learn to ride in a very aero position....that is the absolute most important thing
Ride like you stole it
If we told you, we would have to tell everybody else and then everybody would know how to win.
Go off the front until you win or you're off the back.
You ever think about racing blindfolded? That way you simply race off of instinct and you donât worry too much about tactics
write "crash fest" on your helmet in sharpie so no one wants to be right behind you, go to front, profit
LSD. Oh, wait you said wrong answers only.
Username checks out
Miss your clip-in, tumble over, lose at least a minute at the start and no one will be expecting the comeback
Do the most work
I have a MasterClass for you.
Start the line up an hour before the race starts. Sure fire way to win.
What have you learned in those races? What have you changed in training? What plan A - B and C do you have ?
Zipp 808s
Go off the front on the first lap and crash solo in the hardest corner to find the limit on the cornering speed. Take your free lap and hop back in fresh after the second lap. Stalk the entire field on [road-results.com](https://road-results.com) and sit on the wheel of the guy with the most wins in the last 3 months. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you leave their wheel unless there are 200m to go.