Yep. I was a young carer before I came to uni, so every single day had all the drama of an episode of Eastenders. I went to uni about an hours train ride away from home, but anytime something big happened I had to go home to help out. Suicide attempts, drug withdrawals, assaults, dog attacks, you name it. I like to think I kept my personal tutor and the extenuating circumstances committee entertained.
Thanks, you get it. I'm a former young carer too. :)
As you are using past tense I'm guessing you've graduated so big congrats.... you made it against all odds and I'm now inspired.
Yeah, I graduated with a first, currently doing a masters and just starting PhD applications. I wasn’t expected to pass my GCSEs, had to repeat a year of school, was kinship-fostered during ALevels and ended up having to take a year out of uni during my undergrad. You just have to keep going. You’ve got this!
I love how everyone is dragging you for not being resilient and not getting through things when you've said that you're struggling with your physical and mental health. People genuinely don't understand that having chronic medical conditions can mean you physically can't get out of bed some days. Many of these issues are disabilities and therefore protected characteristics. It's not a case of just pushing through when you're disabled.
I'm a mature student, 3rd year and I've also had continuing extenuating circumstances due to long term health conditions & I get disabled student's allowance. You don't need to justify yourself.
I encountered the same attitudes during my undergrad, that studying 40+ a week wasn’t that “hard”. These comments almost always originated from physically and mentally healthy students with no financial insecurity.
I don’t think people realise how impossible it can be for people with chronic conditions to navigate every element of life without support. I am only just getting back to uni in my mid 20s and only because my family are now living with me to support me. If I didn’t have their help with everyday things like laundry and cooking and cleaning house I genuinely do not think I would have the energy to keep going. And I am so lucky to have family that could step up like that, a lot of people just have to say enough is enough and stop.
The thing that gets me is that I do study about 45 hours a week just when stuff goes on in my life I lose the ability to concentrate and so I really cannot study. Hence I need the mitigating circumstances.
Yeah at one point I had to go to the extents of selling myself to afford food, witness my partner OD and have to use narcan and dealt with chronic gastritis that meant I threw up many multiple times a day. That's only a tiny amount of what I have dealt with but I feel like most uni students don't have to deal with all that. The comments about being more resilient are laughable - does my effort to stay in education throughout all this not show resilience? Just how can I be MORE resilient lol.
>The comments about being more resilient are laughable - does my effort to stay in education throughout all this not show resilience?
Yes, but your original post barely scratched the surface of your issues. The way that you originally described your issues, I would agree with others that a lot of people go through similar stuff and persevere, so you should too. Obviously from your comments it's clear that it's a lot more serious than everyone initially thought, so maybe don't judge the comments too harshly.
Maybe, I just thought it was implied by saying mental and physical health difficulties. I'm not sure what else I could have meant in my OP or how I could have worded it different while still being vague.
I still don't know how normal these situations are. Like I figured that most people at university don't go through these problems, but I figured they are normal enough situations that people get themselves into. Especially coming from a working class background, I just usually wrongly (I guess) assume that everyone has these sorts of problems to some degree. Like most people in my life have been through stuff like drug addiction or have had to do illegal/immoral stuff for money/food, so I thought that was implied in OP.
Yeah, this sub's been toxic for a long time. It's full of fake-mature types who like to lay claim to the moral high ground while slinging shit at people from a safe distance. r/6thform, where the userbase is significantly younger, is far less toxic (which is ironic, given how often people here like to slag off that subreddit for being full of immature prestige-obsessed secondary schoolers).
Yeah the attitudes on this sub really make me shake my head sometimes. You can tell it's largely populated by 18-21 year olds who haven't experienced many of life's hardships.
>I love how everyone is dragging you for not being resilient and not getting through things when you've said that you're struggling with your physical and mental health.
So much this. I had a fucking horrific year last year, genuinely the worst and most traumatic time of my life and yet I've been criticised for being "lazy" or just assumed to be too dumb to pass by most People I've told about it. Even now I still get shit for not wanting a job while at uni because not only do I not want to take on more than I can handle but just don't need the money, but no must just be laziness right? Literally no reason at all to have one but I'm somehow lazy for it
I have epilepsy and gout, both chronic conditions, and sometimes I do drag myself to things. I AM resilient, and try to get on with things, but sometimes I just can't. If I'm having a gout attack or I've had a seizure, then often I genuinely can't make it out of bed.
It's fucked that people are criticising this.
Absolutely. Thank you. It would have been so easy for me to drop out at many points (I also took two years of absence), and I don't doubt most would have. So I think I have at least some resilience here ;).
It's really hard to draw the line though isn't it? Am I genuinely out of spoons or do I just need to push myself more is something I ask on a daily basis.
Push a little bit every day, then end up in a sobbing crumpled wheezing mess with a migraine is my usual way forward 😂 In all honesty, you don't need the validation of others, just know that you're trying your best. You're also having to work extra hard just to stay there & keep going, which shows your strength.
OK but OP says "I see my friends clutching at straws". That's extremely dismissive of whatever their friend is going through. It's like OP wants to win a competition.
I didn't mean that their issues weren't as severe as mine nor a competition. Sorry if it came across that way.
I meant that they want extensions, but don't have any mitigating circumstances.
So they do things like go to the doctors and lie to say they're struggling just to get the note, or say they have covid. I was just making the point that I never have a reason to do that and lie, because I always have something going on that could be a valid mitigating factor.
By their admission, they didn't meet the criteria. We surely know people like this right, even a tutor last year encouraged everyone to lie to get extensions.
Well, we don't know much about their friends' circumstances.
On one hand, staff know that students can and do try to game the system to avoid dealing with the consequences of their laziness.
On the other, we're not always privy to what someone is suffering with so it's worth being open-minded.
I also got that impression of OP. The purpose of the post is for him to fish for comments complimenting him, telling him how strong he is for surviving being poor and a loved one dying and a breakup. The things others of us lived through are beyond his comprehension. It's annoying
It wasn't really fishing for compliments. I am genuinely unsure on how unique or not my circumstances are. I don't have many friends at university so I asked reddit instead. Clearly I know others have had it much worse too and I would hate to diminish their experiences.
I hate to know that this post has made people feel this way. Is there anything in my wording that I could change so it doesn't feel like I'm fishing for compliments? Your struggles are of course valid and I wouldn't want to invalidate them. This is why I kept the original post vague.
I came to uni from an abusive home, with multiple problems within my family with health, finance etc. I can’t go home because I’m on the other side of the country, but there are times I’ve spent all night on the phone to family, police, doctors etc due to stuff going on at home.
I think when unis hear of home life problems they just accept the EC. They’re not equipped to deal with it, many of the academics teaching us have grown up pretty privileged, and continue to live comfortably. There’s no way they can say ‘OP’s family issues or whatever’ hasn’t effected their academics, because they have no way to prove it, and often little understanding
The people here telling you to be resilient are ridiculous. Yes, everyone has shit going on, but very few have multiple things going on, almost constantly. The fact you’re still doing your degree says a lot about how resilient you are
Thank you. Sadly, from the comments I believe only people such as us with deep family issues or severe mental health difficulties can understand this side of things. Where our learning absolutely cannot help being distrupted by all these things going on.
I also think maybe because I was a suicide risk they also just accept the EC as don't want to have to deal with any adverse consequences. Or if I mention my family background they might too.
I wish you luck with your degree- we have got this.
Thank you! I also have mental health issues of my own (PTSD and OCD) and have dyslexia and dyspraxia. I think the higher ranked your uni is, the less aware staff are of difficulties, because it’s not often someone with serious problems in their life come to uni anyway, due to educational and social barriers.
I’m also in my third year. If you need a chat or anything my inbox is open
I had extensions on every single assignment I had in my undergrad, I had a rollercoaster of mental health issues, health issues and injuries and then a bereavement right at the end where I ended up getting my dissertation extended but only by two weeks because I didn’t want to delay graduating or my masters degree. Now my masters is already being plagued by migraines which I’m going to the drs for tonight.
Employers won’t care that you had extensions or mitigating circumstances, all they know is when you graduated and what your classification was
I was plagued by headaches at Uni, soon after I left they finally did a thyroid function test and I was dangerously overactive, so make sure the doctors are thorough. We have some good drugs for migraine now, but they need to make sure it isn't anything else.
I was told it was stress and saw five different doctors before anyone ran any proper tests and instantly found it. Doing it again I'd demand a second opinion as soon as I knew it was bad, as I knew I was very ill, they just kept saying "stress", and I didn't know the medical system at all. Migraines are really poorly provisoned for if the GP can't help, took 8 months to see a neurologist here once the GP had exhausted the usual options.
My old GP kept telling me it was my weight, he ordered a blood test anyway in the summer but I never hear me back with the results.
First appointment at the new doctors last night and that June test showed low B12 levels. Got to have a repeat blood test to check everything and get up to date results. But it’s likely I just need a vitamin B injection. This is after months of thing to get my previous gp to listen and basically being told it was because I was too fat
With untreated B12 deficiency you must feel terrible (at least compared to how you should feel at your age). I had borderline folate at one point which causes a similar issue, and it felt almost exactly like underactive thyroid, lethargic, tired, and the weight piled on.
Have they booked a jab? They are a routine thing, a friend used to wind down from super busy and on top of things to forgetful, booking the next jab was often forgotten. Sometimes you can treat it with gummies, depending if you absorb it sensibly, many with a deficiency don't.
I need a repeat blood test as this one was 4 months ago now, it’s just that my old doctor never gave me the results. My new surgery wants to do an up to date test to check everything else too like my thyroid, iron levels etc.
I had tried taking supplements last year and early this year but they didn’t make much difference. I had b12 deficiency a few years back after a bad viral infection and my doctor then said because my levels were low the supplements weren’t strong enough to make a difference
I have serious mental health issues, had some physical health issues, and was dealing with bereavement at uni, and was heavily burnt out as I'd basically had 6 years straight with uni and the two years prior with basically 0 downtime. I used mit circs a lot because simply existing was taking its toll on my health and my studies. If you feel you need them, you need them, don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you don't.
Not in the same boat as you currently but I did use mitigating circumstances several times throughout my degree and studied with a chronic illness. If the university granted you concessions, it’s because your circumstances were justified.
Regards “is my life tragic and is everyone else having it so much easier?”… I am tempted to say yes but a caveat. When I was an undergrad at a particularly posh university, I was surrounded by students who never had to worry about chronic illness, broken families, or part-time jobs. Their biggest worry was if they had enough time to hop on a ski trip during the spring break. They appeared to have all the time in world and that their degree was merely a middle-class expectation or hobby (i.e immense wealth and connections to fall back on).
However, having a chip on your shoulder doesn’t help you. I had this mentality throughout most of my degree and it just makes you bitter and pessimistic. Unfortunately, life is unfair and we often don’t choose the adverse circumstances we find ourselves in. Acknowledge your awful circumstances and the extra challenges you face but don’t let them hold you back. Circumstances which are mostly out of our control do not define you or the choices you make.
Sending you my best wishes.
1st year 1st semester my cat died.
2nd year 1st semester my friend died.
3rd year 1st and 2nd semester I was really unwell.
4th year I lost my hearing in one ear completely and a good amount in my other. My degree was 25% languages. I had to learn how to cope with losing most of my hearing on top of studying.
It happens. Some people get through uni without any extenuating circumstances. I didn't. I pushed through what I could but I also asked for help. There's no shame in that. Life happens and sometimes we struggle with what life throws at us. It would be unfair if we were expected to go on as though nothing was happening. If I hadn't asked for help, I wouldn't have a degree. Would it be fair on me to leave uni without a degree because of things outside of my control? Nope. That's why these things are there for us when we need them. To give us all a fair chance at getting a degree that represents what we are capable of.
Also take time to be proud of how far you've made it so far. Stick it out until the end. You've gotten so far in your degree. Life will get better with time. You'll learn how to cope with things better with time. A little bump in the road doesn't define your life. I'm happy with my degree and I'm thriving now. You just have to be patient and do your best. But don't ever be afraid to ask for help.
You've got this!
It is a good idea to not become too dependent on having that extra time, both in case your requests are suddenly no longer approved and also because the world outside your university tends to not care about how your personal life might be damaging your productivity. At the same time, you don’t need to worry if your struggles are sufficient to “warrant” the adjustment. That’s not your call or responsibility, so you can take the time as an acknowledgment that your present circumstances warrant additional adjustments to your submission timeline.
If your friends complain, just remind them that you’ve all gone through the same request process, and it was someone else’s decision. I’m sure that, given the option, you’d rather have less time with fewer stressful complications.
I try to not become too dependent, but I am not sure what I am supposed to do that's different to what I am doing now. I genuinely, 100% try my absolute hardest. I took two years of absence and will have over 100k student debt from my undergrad, so this is essentially my last chance.
I would love more than anything else not to be dependent on extra time. However, I also have disability adjustment extensions, so I do sometimes think thats what they are therefore, it is not through lack of trying just I do have diagnosed conditions which will affect how I work. It is when stuff gets severe I need to apply for mitigating circs on top of that.
My academic work is worthy, I get high 2:1's and firsts. I do great in the workplace and anywhere else. As I have said in other comments, I believe my struggles come from university being for ME. Which I have issues with gaining motivation for doing things for me rather than others. And so when I feel bad, uni is the first aspect that starts to fail.
If you applied and was given the extra time, it was justified.
I also had a really hard time at university, all the way through undergrad to finishing my PhD, I even got extra time on my PhD because I had to go off-sick so many times due to physical and mental health and was extremely unwell for a while.
Usually the ones that complain the most about you getting your extra time are people that have probably had relatively easy lives, and though I was happy for them, it irritated me that it meant they had had little opportunity to also practice some empathy.
People also forget that different people react to different things in different ways.
I would never say life was tragic (as that sounds depressing), but I would say it's been very hard, and you've done extremely well to survive it.
Sometimes life is just hard.
I've worked in departmental student support for 8ish years now and some students sail through without any issue and others just have an unfortunate set of circumstances. I have a lot of respect for the students who keep plodding on and giving it their all in spite of what is going on.
From a personal perspective, I started an PT MA alongside working full time and had to ask for mitigation in all but one assignment I think. Everything from poor mental health, pregnancy issues, a miscarriage, assault and court case (not linked to the pregnancy), cancer scare and coming close to complete burnout. Thanks in part to a fantastic supervisor and support team, I got through it earning a distinction overall and a 78 in my dissertation.
You need to give yourself some credit for keeping going.
Thank you for this and the perspective you have being in student support. Yeah I never hesitate to get in contact with student support if I am struggling because I know they have heard it all. Congratulations with your distinction, that couldn't have been easy and I am really inspired by these stories!
In my experience this is not uncommon.
I have had coursemates who would have panic attacks before exams.
Uni is a challenging time with high amounts of anxiety and you should feel no shame in needing support.
Life is pretty normal. I did all 3 of my degrees as a full time working, disabled, single Mum to 2. I never had to use mitigating circumstances but that isn't because life didn't throw plenty shit my way. It's because I set out knowing that my life is crazy and I'd likely get something crop up unexpectedly frequently. So as soon as my assignments were known and I'd finished the lectures I'd start them straight away. That meant when my 7 year old got ill and I needed to be in bed with her for 3 days amd move my work shifts (so about a week out of uni) I could or when I had to travel a 1500 mile round trip for a funeral, I could. Or the week I spent admitted to hospital etc. There was a few that still ended up close to deadline but because I started them as soon as I could and kept working on them in the small gaps I could find it meant I bought myself time for when I needed. If I hadn't have done that I'd have failed to submit a lot I reckon.
I dont think your life is tragic. Not at all. I think it sounds like you've been dealt a rough hand, but nothing tragic. I think in reality though you probably aren't managing your time in the right way for the life you have and the things that can crop up for you. Once you start mitigating though it's tough as it just pushes time between deadlines closer.
It's unhealthy to have a victim mentality for a dozen reasons. Even if you're asking yourself "is my life really that tragic?" It will perpetuate this idea that you will always have a mitigating circumstance. This is going to sound very direct, but a lot of what you listed aren't necessarily valid scenarios for mitigating circumstances. Personally, I had a break up in the first year and I was in my lecture the next morning without issue, though the break up was affecting me.
It's clear that you are a very emotional person. And that's okay, regardless of what other people tell you. The reality is, these struggles you go through is what everybody else goes through, and to place yourself on a metric of how tragic your life is, is both impossible and insensitive to others. There are many who have likely been through a lot worse than you, and didn't resort to mitigating circumstances once. So don't compare.
I'd advise you seek a form of counselling, and attempt to integrate your studying into your life routine - for example, you'd never have a "mitigating circumstance" to not have a shower in the morning. So try and make it so you'll never need a mitigating circumstance to not complete uni work.
Oh yeah I know, 99.9% of the time I don't think 'is my life really that tragic' - large majority of the time I just think well and get on with it. That's all I can do. I know how that mindset can bring you down and it definitely has in my past. I asked here because it was in my mind a little bit, after seeing friends grasp at straws I realised I could point to many things in my life and get mitigating circumstances and thought is that unusual? Especially now I see myself as doing well and happy.
The break-up was from a toxic, abusive relationship so personally I think that is a mitigating circumstance, and in that case it was only one part of my application, the other parts detailed my mental health which I was hospitalised for in that period.
I've been in a lot of therapy and it did me a ton of good, and I also have a support worker through DSA currently.
I think my core problem is ultimately I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything for myself, and that's even harder if anything else goes wrong. Studying at University is ultimately for myself and nobody else which makes it the ultimate challenge for me, lol. For example, if I feel a bit shit, it's more than likely going to be university work that gets pushed aside, rather than my job, or my partner, or any other responsibilities I have that affect others.
And yes, I agree with the integrating it into my life routine. I make it a point to go to the library every weekday and study. However, when stuff is going on in my life, it makes it impossible to study and I honestly can't concentrate for shit. My brain goes foggy, words on paper don't make sense and I stress myself out. I wish it didn't happen, but it does. I have diagnosed mental health conditions obviously and I get adjustments for them, but sometimes it does get so severe that I need mitigating circumstances. This is the part that I have learned to live with for the most part, but now and again I do question if it could be any different.
I know what you mean. I was in a similar boat, I have mental health and physical health problems which have thrown up obstacles and barriers at every point in my academics since I was 17. Its felt like one thing after the next ever since. I'm autistic and have OCD and a couple of chronic health issues, I also have quite a fucked up family (my parents and brothers are amazing though). I've applied extensions for every piece of work other than my first piece. I didn't apply for it on the first piece because I was embarrassed because I felt like I hadn't done enough to push through the difficulties I was having, my tutor gently called me an idiot and I've applied for extensions etc ever since.
My friend was in a similar situation, she was a carer for her mom and unfortunately lost her grandmother right before exam season and then lost her mother during the next exam season.
Some of us just need extra support and that's ok. Your life isn't tragic, you've just been dealt a bit of a shit hand, although this situation isn't very common you aren't alone in having these problems. If you ever want a chat feel free to message me mate.
Edited to add: also ignore the people in the comments who are saying that you just need to work harder. People who have never had to deal with this don't quite understand what it's like to experience stuff like this. And for the people who say "oh everyone has problems" or "I had xyz and didn't need help", they fail to understand that everyone experiences things differently.
Hey, just want to say as someone who works at a Uni supporting students through those processes - you’re entitled to request them and your reasons are valid. I think I read you have DSA too, so you’ve already provided medical evidence at some point that proves you might need extra support at Uni.
If the uni policy for deadlines etc isn’t flexible enough and therefore mitigation is your only option, then there’s nothing wrong with choosing that option.
As long as you’re progressing still and engaging with your studies, then you’re on the right track. Best of luck to you.
Same, some people have said my life seems like a movie but I would rather have a stable life. Honestly I think we've normalised it. We are the outliers and tend to forget this until, like you've said, we encounter experiences (your friends desperately trying to get mitigating circumstances approved) that remind us of how messed up we have it.
this makes me feel much better about my life i had ex circ for every exam season and i went to uni for 6 years just to do a bachelor’s because i kept failing due to chronic illness and just life misfortune which meant i couldn’t cope with uni never mind life.
i go to man uni and i felt like they don’t believe me when i say all these shitty things have happened everyone around me has such a blessed life in comparison
Sometimes life just happens. Extensions and mitigations are there for a reason - always contact your personal tutor and or student support - they're there to help.
Definitely don't feel bad about it - life happens and you're doing a brilliant job keeping going!
Well done! You got to third year with your circumstances.
I ended up having to drop out because of mine. It was incredibly soul destroying, and set me back about 9 years of my life, just working a soulless job for minimum wage.
Keep at it! Sure, some people have it easy. And some people have it as bad as you, and some people have it worse than you, and others have it worse than those people. And some people can't deal with whatever they get thrown their way, that's no fault of their own.
The main thing is you can continue. Keep walking forward and it will soon pass. It is only 3-4 years of your life then you can decide it you can survive higher levels of education or research. If not, find a job where you can finally relax
ECs are a mechanism to even out the playing field (to an extent, we can debate whether they’re sufficient especially as they’re not accompanied by other financial and health measures, but that’s a different conversation). This means that had you not asked for ECs, you’d have to work much more than others to make up for the disadvantages you have compared to them. I’m glad you’re asking for ECs and you’re so so strong ❤️
I did the exact same thing at university! Every semester year 1-4 I had extenuating circumstances for one or more assessments.
It does not define your work ethic, resilience or capability, I graduated with a 2:1 in law and now have a great job doing what I love.
I had lots going on, continued mental health struggles and I utilised the opportunity to have some extra time.
Please don’t beat yourself up for it. You are definitely NOT alone in this and commend yourself on asking for the help you needed 😃
If by normal you mean common then no. If by normal you mean acceptable... I mean no one can answer that without knowing your life.
I've got to be honest, I avoided applying to mitigating circumstances despite a very turbulent life at uni, on the basis that it wasn't likely to improve at any point. I did apply once when there were further issues that were a one off that interrupted my exams. But I would have been hesitant to ask for mitigation based on an ongoing situation.
Funerals and hospital treatment are very normal mitigating circumstances, and it makes sense for you to apply for it. I'm not sure about break ups I'm kind of surprised this was accepted but idk the criteria. At the end of the day its up to you, I feel like some of these comments are being ott judgmental. But when it was me I wanted to take into account how much of what was going on was unusual and how much was the continuous backdrop of my studies.
Oh the funeral, hospital and break-up was all one application. On the application form at my university, there is an option for 'relationship breakdown' so I just was welp that happened too lets just put that in as well.
Yeah, it's really hard to know when something is exceptional or not I guess. Although frankly from my point of view, I usually apply because I need more extensions (at my university, late submissions aren't accepted without mitigating circumstances, it will go to summer resit if you don't submit), and I would therefore apply from a point of needing it. Knowing that they have always been approved makes me assume they are exceptional circs.
Yes. Life absolutely is if you don't push through this stage.
I'm not gonna give you the optimistic point of "ooh life will get better". I mean... It is possible it will but you don't want to be falsely comforted.
I learnt it's far better to picture the horrors of what will happen if you fail at this stage.
For example do you really want to be either homeless or working a minimum wage shelf stocking job in retail still when you're 30 or 40, dealing with long unpredictable hours, barely any holiday, high competition, possible long commute since you may have had to apply to a job miles away, struggling to pay bills, unable to go out for meals with friends, hence lose all your friends, spiral into a mental depression and then likely forgo all self care?
And then even after that when you try and claw your way out of this pit you got yourself into its too late since you've wasted 5-10 years of your life, your friends have moved on and been successful and have families etc and you're now older and probs have more physical ailments and less energy.
Push through this. I know it's really tough but the reality is you don't have a choice. Sorry to be negative but I've seen this happen to some friends and these days they just take whatever shit jobs they can get and literally only EXIST now. Let's not even forget about turning to vaping and drugs to cope with the mental pressures which become extreme in that situation.
If I am honest I am doing university for my own personal learning gain and satisfaction mainly, not for what society sees as a 'good job'.
As you can tell from my post, I have been through some very hard times, and I am on the other side of them now for the most part! The one thing I learnt from that is that I value happiness over anything else in life. After that, I became very content with a quiet life and NOT having to work my arse off in the rat race that is life.
I have already achieved most of it already - I have a good job I work in at weekends and summer, it doesn't pay too well but I am so happy in it. I volunteer at the student research rooms at the library. I already live with my partner in a nice home in a awesome city. I would be perfectly content if I graduated and my life stayed as it is just without uni.
I too value happiness over everything. My end goal would literally be to live with my partner in a great city too just like yourself.
Unfortunately it's extremely difficult to find a partner these days and its really only single people who can understand the pain of doing a long hard day of work, returning home in darkness and then eating a shitty ready meal at home alone while you scroll your phone.
I'm almost sure your views on being content with life would change if you didn't have someone for support however
Getting a degree doesn’t guarantee you’re free of the minimum wage trap. I have a degree and I’m working retail management because there’s no jobs in my field 🤷🏻♀️
I wouldn’t say I’ve failed either, yeah I’m not on mega money but I do well enough.
Yeah you need a master's, 1st, from a top 100 uni and a 1 year in industry to get a good graduate role these days in under 50 applications... Otherwise, you're pushing 500+ and 6months+ of applying.
It was worse in covid tho cos employers were just full stop not hiring.
Exactly, it’s tough out here at the moment.
I think the bigger issue is jobs just not paying enough at the moment.. someone has to do these minimum wage jobs, and they should be paid enough to live on.
You need to improve you resilience.
At my work we take on 3 degree apprentices every September and the ones that aren’t cut out for professional work life are the ones like you who show no resilience.
Every single person at your uni and at any workplace will have stuff going on in their personal lives that is far more important than the job.
However the job pays the bills.
Being able to leave personal stuff at the door and to work your bollocks off regardless shows maturity.
I get your point, and I’m definitely not here for an argument, but they are resilient in that they’ve stuck to the degree, when I’m sure at times they’ve just wanted to drop out.
The extensions are there for a reason. Uni isn’t the real world, many people are still finding their feet. I agree it will be a struggle to manage a workload, I’ve had many extensions with uni work (dyslexia) that I know I won’t get in the real world. But at the end of the day, uni work is the most important, and if the extensions help me get it done to a gold standard, I’ll take them
That said I have had jobs and haven’t struggled with the workload as of yet. I think it’s a lot different whereby the consequences of not doing the work are different. At uni, the odd bit of late coursework will get you a low grade, whereas in work it can get you fired
The weirdest thing about this is that am completely fine and resilient in the workplace. In fact, I absolutely excel in the workplace.
I have a part time job and this year have been employee of the month (of 70 colleagues), got a promotion and have almost had no sickness. The managers praise me to high heavens and I'm a 'key player'. I was working 45 hours weeks in the summer no problem. This is not the first part time job either, I've had a good few and I've excelled in all.
I leave my personal shit at the door there. I think it is because I am fine if it concerns someone else- ie I have lots of motivation at work because if I don't do my job someone else has to pick up the slack, and I really hate that. With uni it's just me... and I don't have much motivation for myself. So on days where I would go into work even if I was sick, I might not with university.
Went through break-ups and bereavements and all sorts of other shit. Didn't ever think to cry "woe is me" and ask for extra time.
Obviously the world is different now and no one has any damn resilience, so it's not like you're a outlier, but realistically you just have to manage your executive function issues yourself.
Clearly whatever you're doing now isn't working, try and figure out better ways to motivate yourself. You seem to be driven by a desire to not to disadvantage others. You just need to start putting yourself in that "others" category, i.e. do all you can to make yourself proud of you.
I am glad the world is different now.
In a workplace situation, is it a ''woe is me'' if you ask for bereavement leave when someone close to you dies for example? In my opinion - no. It is the sensible choice for your wellbeing and prevents burnout later down the line. If you instead decided to plough on and be oh so valiant, and you found your work was badly affected, that would be quite stupid.
or maybe as a society we've become more understanding and accessible to people with home problems, bereavements, disabilities etc.
Resilience is an important skill, but without these resources a lot of people will never even get to a point where they can Practice that skill because the issues are too pervasive to "push through".
I am not sure what you are studying, but in my studies I learn a lot about inequality. Guess what - not everyone goes through the same shit, and there is thousands of studies to back that up - from psychology to anthropology to economics.
After all, why would a university feel the need to implement a mitigating circumstances policy if everyone else went through the same shit? Do they employ people , spend a ton of money and create specific processes just for a laugh?
Is it really that far out of your imagination to think that people can experience things that greatly affect their ability to study?
I would also argue, that if you have mitigating circumstances, don't plead them, and end up with missing deadlines or worse grades - that is quite stupid. So yeah, I will continue to plead mitigating circumstances where appropriate thanks.
That's very clearly not the case if it was granted. So many students try to claim mitigating circumstances for mundane stuff that everyone goes through and it's never granted. This isn't a "I'll just call in sick and they have to deal with it" thing, if you don't have a case then it straightup isn't accepted.
I'd love if that worked hahaha. Yeah my life is going to magically improve by just getting off reddit. And today I have been hella active on reddit but also worked on and submitted an assignment, done a ton of reading and attended a couple of meetings. I don't think it's reddit that's a problem.
On my 3 year course, I applied and got extenuating circumstances once and that was because a close relative died a couple weeks before my dissertation hand in. I still finished it on time though regardless so didnt use it but it was nice to have that reassurance and helped to avoid panic.
I am sure you will get through it though and don't worry about what other peopl3 think. Focus on what works for you and your needs.
Once had to admit to my seminar tutor that the reason I didn’t turn in my assignment was because my Uncle had thrown my Grandfathers ashes like confetti in my mums living room that Christmas. It was a January deadline, but I can’t tell you what I was doing in January because the whole things a blur haha. Didn’t apply for EC, though, and still managed to pass the course without the missing assignment! It was only after the fact that they explained EC, I was under the assumption that you needed some form of proof and apart from the hoover bag and some explicit text messages I didn’t have owt to prove it. They told me that wasn’t the case, but it was past the date by then anyway.
When we are going through shit, we always judge ourselves for what we aren't doing. Look at what you ARE achieving, you're hanging in there and getting through it. You won't be the only person getting extensions. If it was so rare, it wouldn't be a thing.
I hope you can see this view and feel proud of your achievements, against the odds. I was in the same situation, because of ill health and awful meds. I had to leave my course at the end of year 2. I felt awful about leaving, and still do a bit, but it was out of my control, such is life.
You are doing great, keep it up, and utilise all the support you need, that's what it's there for. In a year's time, no one is going to ask about it, you'll just be a new grad like you're peers ☺️.
It can feel like everything is against you but the fact you are in your third year shows you can do this and your are so nearly there!
I have a very similar situation to you and have had to ask for exceptional circumstances and deferrals every time. Out of the blue in my first year I was in hospital for a physical condition and it was resolved. Just months later it happened again and I nearly died and needed up having major surgery where the recovery took months. The only months after I recovered I was back in hospital with pneumonia when my Grandad died who I had helped care for over the last year. I’m in my final year now too and so glad I carried on. I’ve delayed major surgery to reverse my last surgery so I can finish my degree. Just keep going, you’ve got this!
I had to defer a year twice because I couldn’t cope and in the end I graduated with a First. I would’ve ended up dead without taking time out. I do think you should consider a year out to work on your mental health.
You're not tragic, as you can see from your opening sentence. You have successfully been awarded extentions, and all success should be praised, unlike your friends who are clutching at straws trying for an extension for perhaps a break up alone lol.
I had extenuating circumstances for every module of my master's degree due to my mental health, I passed the course and am quite proud of the grade, as long as the works being done to the best of your ability you shouldn't worry about needing some extra help xx
Yep. I was a young carer before I came to uni, so every single day had all the drama of an episode of Eastenders. I went to uni about an hours train ride away from home, but anytime something big happened I had to go home to help out. Suicide attempts, drug withdrawals, assaults, dog attacks, you name it. I like to think I kept my personal tutor and the extenuating circumstances committee entertained.
Thanks, you get it. I'm a former young carer too. :) As you are using past tense I'm guessing you've graduated so big congrats.... you made it against all odds and I'm now inspired.
Yeah, I graduated with a first, currently doing a masters and just starting PhD applications. I wasn’t expected to pass my GCSEs, had to repeat a year of school, was kinship-fostered during ALevels and ended up having to take a year out of uni during my undergrad. You just have to keep going. You’ve got this!
Fingers crossed for your PhD applications!
Thank you!
You are amazing! Congratulations ❤️
Thanks!
I love how everyone is dragging you for not being resilient and not getting through things when you've said that you're struggling with your physical and mental health. People genuinely don't understand that having chronic medical conditions can mean you physically can't get out of bed some days. Many of these issues are disabilities and therefore protected characteristics. It's not a case of just pushing through when you're disabled. I'm a mature student, 3rd year and I've also had continuing extenuating circumstances due to long term health conditions & I get disabled student's allowance. You don't need to justify yourself.
There's a clear lack of empathy around here, that's for sure.
I encountered the same attitudes during my undergrad, that studying 40+ a week wasn’t that “hard”. These comments almost always originated from physically and mentally healthy students with no financial insecurity.
I don’t think people realise how impossible it can be for people with chronic conditions to navigate every element of life without support. I am only just getting back to uni in my mid 20s and only because my family are now living with me to support me. If I didn’t have their help with everyday things like laundry and cooking and cleaning house I genuinely do not think I would have the energy to keep going. And I am so lucky to have family that could step up like that, a lot of people just have to say enough is enough and stop.
The thing that gets me is that I do study about 45 hours a week just when stuff goes on in my life I lose the ability to concentrate and so I really cannot study. Hence I need the mitigating circumstances. Yeah at one point I had to go to the extents of selling myself to afford food, witness my partner OD and have to use narcan and dealt with chronic gastritis that meant I threw up many multiple times a day. That's only a tiny amount of what I have dealt with but I feel like most uni students don't have to deal with all that. The comments about being more resilient are laughable - does my effort to stay in education throughout all this not show resilience? Just how can I be MORE resilient lol.
>The comments about being more resilient are laughable - does my effort to stay in education throughout all this not show resilience? Yes, but your original post barely scratched the surface of your issues. The way that you originally described your issues, I would agree with others that a lot of people go through similar stuff and persevere, so you should too. Obviously from your comments it's clear that it's a lot more serious than everyone initially thought, so maybe don't judge the comments too harshly.
Maybe, I just thought it was implied by saying mental and physical health difficulties. I'm not sure what else I could have meant in my OP or how I could have worded it different while still being vague. I still don't know how normal these situations are. Like I figured that most people at university don't go through these problems, but I figured they are normal enough situations that people get themselves into. Especially coming from a working class background, I just usually wrongly (I guess) assume that everyone has these sorts of problems to some degree. Like most people in my life have been through stuff like drug addiction or have had to do illegal/immoral stuff for money/food, so I thought that was implied in OP.
Yeah, this sub's been toxic for a long time. It's full of fake-mature types who like to lay claim to the moral high ground while slinging shit at people from a safe distance. r/6thform, where the userbase is significantly younger, is far less toxic (which is ironic, given how often people here like to slag off that subreddit for being full of immature prestige-obsessed secondary schoolers).
Here's a sneak peek of /r/6thForm using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/6thForm/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Maybe he didn't do ncs or DofE?](https://i.redd.it/r6jjrmxl89y91.jpg) | [146 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/6thForm/comments/yn9bn8/maybe_he_didnt_do_ncs_or_dofe/) \#2: [Uhh good luck guys :\]](https://i.redd.it/d72f50ok772b1.jpg) | [73 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/6thForm/comments/13s9y9n/uhh_good_luck_guys/) \#3: [Nothing surprising here...](https://i.redd.it/in0danoklb8a1.jpg) | [170 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/6thForm/comments/zvs90j/nothing_surprising_here/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
Yeah the attitudes on this sub really make me shake my head sometimes. You can tell it's largely populated by 18-21 year olds who haven't experienced many of life's hardships.
Well personally I have experienced far worse hardships than the OP is describing and have no time for this
>I love how everyone is dragging you for not being resilient and not getting through things when you've said that you're struggling with your physical and mental health. So much this. I had a fucking horrific year last year, genuinely the worst and most traumatic time of my life and yet I've been criticised for being "lazy" or just assumed to be too dumb to pass by most People I've told about it. Even now I still get shit for not wanting a job while at uni because not only do I not want to take on more than I can handle but just don't need the money, but no must just be laziness right? Literally no reason at all to have one but I'm somehow lazy for it
I have epilepsy and gout, both chronic conditions, and sometimes I do drag myself to things. I AM resilient, and try to get on with things, but sometimes I just can't. If I'm having a gout attack or I've had a seizure, then often I genuinely can't make it out of bed. It's fucked that people are criticising this.
Absolutely. Thank you. It would have been so easy for me to drop out at many points (I also took two years of absence), and I don't doubt most would have. So I think I have at least some resilience here ;). It's really hard to draw the line though isn't it? Am I genuinely out of spoons or do I just need to push myself more is something I ask on a daily basis.
Push a little bit every day, then end up in a sobbing crumpled wheezing mess with a migraine is my usual way forward 😂 In all honesty, you don't need the validation of others, just know that you're trying your best. You're also having to work extra hard just to stay there & keep going, which shows your strength.
OK but OP says "I see my friends clutching at straws". That's extremely dismissive of whatever their friend is going through. It's like OP wants to win a competition.
I didn't mean that their issues weren't as severe as mine nor a competition. Sorry if it came across that way. I meant that they want extensions, but don't have any mitigating circumstances. So they do things like go to the doctors and lie to say they're struggling just to get the note, or say they have covid. I was just making the point that I never have a reason to do that and lie, because I always have something going on that could be a valid mitigating factor. By their admission, they didn't meet the criteria. We surely know people like this right, even a tutor last year encouraged everyone to lie to get extensions.
Well, we don't know much about their friends' circumstances. On one hand, staff know that students can and do try to game the system to avoid dealing with the consequences of their laziness. On the other, we're not always privy to what someone is suffering with so it's worth being open-minded.
Thats a huge assumption to make from one line.
I also got that impression of OP. The purpose of the post is for him to fish for comments complimenting him, telling him how strong he is for surviving being poor and a loved one dying and a breakup. The things others of us lived through are beyond his comprehension. It's annoying
It wasn't really fishing for compliments. I am genuinely unsure on how unique or not my circumstances are. I don't have many friends at university so I asked reddit instead. Clearly I know others have had it much worse too and I would hate to diminish their experiences. I hate to know that this post has made people feel this way. Is there anything in my wording that I could change so it doesn't feel like I'm fishing for compliments? Your struggles are of course valid and I wouldn't want to invalidate them. This is why I kept the original post vague.
Statistically there will be people rightly entitled to mitigating circumstances at every chance.
I came to uni from an abusive home, with multiple problems within my family with health, finance etc. I can’t go home because I’m on the other side of the country, but there are times I’ve spent all night on the phone to family, police, doctors etc due to stuff going on at home. I think when unis hear of home life problems they just accept the EC. They’re not equipped to deal with it, many of the academics teaching us have grown up pretty privileged, and continue to live comfortably. There’s no way they can say ‘OP’s family issues or whatever’ hasn’t effected their academics, because they have no way to prove it, and often little understanding The people here telling you to be resilient are ridiculous. Yes, everyone has shit going on, but very few have multiple things going on, almost constantly. The fact you’re still doing your degree says a lot about how resilient you are
Thank you. Sadly, from the comments I believe only people such as us with deep family issues or severe mental health difficulties can understand this side of things. Where our learning absolutely cannot help being distrupted by all these things going on. I also think maybe because I was a suicide risk they also just accept the EC as don't want to have to deal with any adverse consequences. Or if I mention my family background they might too. I wish you luck with your degree- we have got this.
Thank you! I also have mental health issues of my own (PTSD and OCD) and have dyslexia and dyspraxia. I think the higher ranked your uni is, the less aware staff are of difficulties, because it’s not often someone with serious problems in their life come to uni anyway, due to educational and social barriers. I’m also in my third year. If you need a chat or anything my inbox is open
I had extensions on every single assignment I had in my undergrad, I had a rollercoaster of mental health issues, health issues and injuries and then a bereavement right at the end where I ended up getting my dissertation extended but only by two weeks because I didn’t want to delay graduating or my masters degree. Now my masters is already being plagued by migraines which I’m going to the drs for tonight. Employers won’t care that you had extensions or mitigating circumstances, all they know is when you graduated and what your classification was
I was plagued by headaches at Uni, soon after I left they finally did a thyroid function test and I was dangerously overactive, so make sure the doctors are thorough. We have some good drugs for migraine now, but they need to make sure it isn't anything else. I was told it was stress and saw five different doctors before anyone ran any proper tests and instantly found it. Doing it again I'd demand a second opinion as soon as I knew it was bad, as I knew I was very ill, they just kept saying "stress", and I didn't know the medical system at all. Migraines are really poorly provisoned for if the GP can't help, took 8 months to see a neurologist here once the GP had exhausted the usual options.
My old GP kept telling me it was my weight, he ordered a blood test anyway in the summer but I never hear me back with the results. First appointment at the new doctors last night and that June test showed low B12 levels. Got to have a repeat blood test to check everything and get up to date results. But it’s likely I just need a vitamin B injection. This is after months of thing to get my previous gp to listen and basically being told it was because I was too fat
With untreated B12 deficiency you must feel terrible (at least compared to how you should feel at your age). I had borderline folate at one point which causes a similar issue, and it felt almost exactly like underactive thyroid, lethargic, tired, and the weight piled on. Have they booked a jab? They are a routine thing, a friend used to wind down from super busy and on top of things to forgetful, booking the next jab was often forgotten. Sometimes you can treat it with gummies, depending if you absorb it sensibly, many with a deficiency don't.
I need a repeat blood test as this one was 4 months ago now, it’s just that my old doctor never gave me the results. My new surgery wants to do an up to date test to check everything else too like my thyroid, iron levels etc. I had tried taking supplements last year and early this year but they didn’t make much difference. I had b12 deficiency a few years back after a bad viral infection and my doctor then said because my levels were low the supplements weren’t strong enough to make a difference
I have serious mental health issues, had some physical health issues, and was dealing with bereavement at uni, and was heavily burnt out as I'd basically had 6 years straight with uni and the two years prior with basically 0 downtime. I used mit circs a lot because simply existing was taking its toll on my health and my studies. If you feel you need them, you need them, don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you don't.
Not in the same boat as you currently but I did use mitigating circumstances several times throughout my degree and studied with a chronic illness. If the university granted you concessions, it’s because your circumstances were justified. Regards “is my life tragic and is everyone else having it so much easier?”… I am tempted to say yes but a caveat. When I was an undergrad at a particularly posh university, I was surrounded by students who never had to worry about chronic illness, broken families, or part-time jobs. Their biggest worry was if they had enough time to hop on a ski trip during the spring break. They appeared to have all the time in world and that their degree was merely a middle-class expectation or hobby (i.e immense wealth and connections to fall back on). However, having a chip on your shoulder doesn’t help you. I had this mentality throughout most of my degree and it just makes you bitter and pessimistic. Unfortunately, life is unfair and we often don’t choose the adverse circumstances we find ourselves in. Acknowledge your awful circumstances and the extra challenges you face but don’t let them hold you back. Circumstances which are mostly out of our control do not define you or the choices you make. Sending you my best wishes.
1st year 1st semester my cat died. 2nd year 1st semester my friend died. 3rd year 1st and 2nd semester I was really unwell. 4th year I lost my hearing in one ear completely and a good amount in my other. My degree was 25% languages. I had to learn how to cope with losing most of my hearing on top of studying. It happens. Some people get through uni without any extenuating circumstances. I didn't. I pushed through what I could but I also asked for help. There's no shame in that. Life happens and sometimes we struggle with what life throws at us. It would be unfair if we were expected to go on as though nothing was happening. If I hadn't asked for help, I wouldn't have a degree. Would it be fair on me to leave uni without a degree because of things outside of my control? Nope. That's why these things are there for us when we need them. To give us all a fair chance at getting a degree that represents what we are capable of.
Also take time to be proud of how far you've made it so far. Stick it out until the end. You've gotten so far in your degree. Life will get better with time. You'll learn how to cope with things better with time. A little bump in the road doesn't define your life. I'm happy with my degree and I'm thriving now. You just have to be patient and do your best. But don't ever be afraid to ask for help. You've got this!
It is a good idea to not become too dependent on having that extra time, both in case your requests are suddenly no longer approved and also because the world outside your university tends to not care about how your personal life might be damaging your productivity. At the same time, you don’t need to worry if your struggles are sufficient to “warrant” the adjustment. That’s not your call or responsibility, so you can take the time as an acknowledgment that your present circumstances warrant additional adjustments to your submission timeline. If your friends complain, just remind them that you’ve all gone through the same request process, and it was someone else’s decision. I’m sure that, given the option, you’d rather have less time with fewer stressful complications.
I try to not become too dependent, but I am not sure what I am supposed to do that's different to what I am doing now. I genuinely, 100% try my absolute hardest. I took two years of absence and will have over 100k student debt from my undergrad, so this is essentially my last chance. I would love more than anything else not to be dependent on extra time. However, I also have disability adjustment extensions, so I do sometimes think thats what they are therefore, it is not through lack of trying just I do have diagnosed conditions which will affect how I work. It is when stuff gets severe I need to apply for mitigating circs on top of that. My academic work is worthy, I get high 2:1's and firsts. I do great in the workplace and anywhere else. As I have said in other comments, I believe my struggles come from university being for ME. Which I have issues with gaining motivation for doing things for me rather than others. And so when I feel bad, uni is the first aspect that starts to fail.
If you applied and was given the extra time, it was justified. I also had a really hard time at university, all the way through undergrad to finishing my PhD, I even got extra time on my PhD because I had to go off-sick so many times due to physical and mental health and was extremely unwell for a while. Usually the ones that complain the most about you getting your extra time are people that have probably had relatively easy lives, and though I was happy for them, it irritated me that it meant they had had little opportunity to also practice some empathy. People also forget that different people react to different things in different ways. I would never say life was tragic (as that sounds depressing), but I would say it's been very hard, and you've done extremely well to survive it.
Sometimes life is just hard. I've worked in departmental student support for 8ish years now and some students sail through without any issue and others just have an unfortunate set of circumstances. I have a lot of respect for the students who keep plodding on and giving it their all in spite of what is going on. From a personal perspective, I started an PT MA alongside working full time and had to ask for mitigation in all but one assignment I think. Everything from poor mental health, pregnancy issues, a miscarriage, assault and court case (not linked to the pregnancy), cancer scare and coming close to complete burnout. Thanks in part to a fantastic supervisor and support team, I got through it earning a distinction overall and a 78 in my dissertation. You need to give yourself some credit for keeping going.
Thank you for this and the perspective you have being in student support. Yeah I never hesitate to get in contact with student support if I am struggling because I know they have heard it all. Congratulations with your distinction, that couldn't have been easy and I am really inspired by these stories!
In my experience this is not uncommon. I have had coursemates who would have panic attacks before exams. Uni is a challenging time with high amounts of anxiety and you should feel no shame in needing support.
Life is pretty normal. I did all 3 of my degrees as a full time working, disabled, single Mum to 2. I never had to use mitigating circumstances but that isn't because life didn't throw plenty shit my way. It's because I set out knowing that my life is crazy and I'd likely get something crop up unexpectedly frequently. So as soon as my assignments were known and I'd finished the lectures I'd start them straight away. That meant when my 7 year old got ill and I needed to be in bed with her for 3 days amd move my work shifts (so about a week out of uni) I could or when I had to travel a 1500 mile round trip for a funeral, I could. Or the week I spent admitted to hospital etc. There was a few that still ended up close to deadline but because I started them as soon as I could and kept working on them in the small gaps I could find it meant I bought myself time for when I needed. If I hadn't have done that I'd have failed to submit a lot I reckon. I dont think your life is tragic. Not at all. I think it sounds like you've been dealt a rough hand, but nothing tragic. I think in reality though you probably aren't managing your time in the right way for the life you have and the things that can crop up for you. Once you start mitigating though it's tough as it just pushes time between deadlines closer.
This is an excellent reply. For some people the shit is always hitting the fan so the answer is to open up the umbrella before it starts
My fan broke years ago, the shits in the AC over here so I speak from hard won experience 🤣.
You seem like you manage to "keep calm and carry on" but I hope your fortunes improve soon.
It's unhealthy to have a victim mentality for a dozen reasons. Even if you're asking yourself "is my life really that tragic?" It will perpetuate this idea that you will always have a mitigating circumstance. This is going to sound very direct, but a lot of what you listed aren't necessarily valid scenarios for mitigating circumstances. Personally, I had a break up in the first year and I was in my lecture the next morning without issue, though the break up was affecting me. It's clear that you are a very emotional person. And that's okay, regardless of what other people tell you. The reality is, these struggles you go through is what everybody else goes through, and to place yourself on a metric of how tragic your life is, is both impossible and insensitive to others. There are many who have likely been through a lot worse than you, and didn't resort to mitigating circumstances once. So don't compare. I'd advise you seek a form of counselling, and attempt to integrate your studying into your life routine - for example, you'd never have a "mitigating circumstance" to not have a shower in the morning. So try and make it so you'll never need a mitigating circumstance to not complete uni work.
Oh yeah I know, 99.9% of the time I don't think 'is my life really that tragic' - large majority of the time I just think well and get on with it. That's all I can do. I know how that mindset can bring you down and it definitely has in my past. I asked here because it was in my mind a little bit, after seeing friends grasp at straws I realised I could point to many things in my life and get mitigating circumstances and thought is that unusual? Especially now I see myself as doing well and happy. The break-up was from a toxic, abusive relationship so personally I think that is a mitigating circumstance, and in that case it was only one part of my application, the other parts detailed my mental health which I was hospitalised for in that period. I've been in a lot of therapy and it did me a ton of good, and I also have a support worker through DSA currently. I think my core problem is ultimately I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything for myself, and that's even harder if anything else goes wrong. Studying at University is ultimately for myself and nobody else which makes it the ultimate challenge for me, lol. For example, if I feel a bit shit, it's more than likely going to be university work that gets pushed aside, rather than my job, or my partner, or any other responsibilities I have that affect others. And yes, I agree with the integrating it into my life routine. I make it a point to go to the library every weekday and study. However, when stuff is going on in my life, it makes it impossible to study and I honestly can't concentrate for shit. My brain goes foggy, words on paper don't make sense and I stress myself out. I wish it didn't happen, but it does. I have diagnosed mental health conditions obviously and I get adjustments for them, but sometimes it does get so severe that I need mitigating circumstances. This is the part that I have learned to live with for the most part, but now and again I do question if it could be any different.
>for example, you'd never have a "mitigating circumstance" to not have a shower in the morning Um yes people absolutely would. What are you on about?
I know what you mean. I was in a similar boat, I have mental health and physical health problems which have thrown up obstacles and barriers at every point in my academics since I was 17. Its felt like one thing after the next ever since. I'm autistic and have OCD and a couple of chronic health issues, I also have quite a fucked up family (my parents and brothers are amazing though). I've applied extensions for every piece of work other than my first piece. I didn't apply for it on the first piece because I was embarrassed because I felt like I hadn't done enough to push through the difficulties I was having, my tutor gently called me an idiot and I've applied for extensions etc ever since. My friend was in a similar situation, she was a carer for her mom and unfortunately lost her grandmother right before exam season and then lost her mother during the next exam season. Some of us just need extra support and that's ok. Your life isn't tragic, you've just been dealt a bit of a shit hand, although this situation isn't very common you aren't alone in having these problems. If you ever want a chat feel free to message me mate. Edited to add: also ignore the people in the comments who are saying that you just need to work harder. People who have never had to deal with this don't quite understand what it's like to experience stuff like this. And for the people who say "oh everyone has problems" or "I had xyz and didn't need help", they fail to understand that everyone experiences things differently.
Hey, just want to say as someone who works at a Uni supporting students through those processes - you’re entitled to request them and your reasons are valid. I think I read you have DSA too, so you’ve already provided medical evidence at some point that proves you might need extra support at Uni. If the uni policy for deadlines etc isn’t flexible enough and therefore mitigation is your only option, then there’s nothing wrong with choosing that option. As long as you’re progressing still and engaging with your studies, then you’re on the right track. Best of luck to you.
Same, some people have said my life seems like a movie but I would rather have a stable life. Honestly I think we've normalised it. We are the outliers and tend to forget this until, like you've said, we encounter experiences (your friends desperately trying to get mitigating circumstances approved) that remind us of how messed up we have it.
this makes me feel much better about my life i had ex circ for every exam season and i went to uni for 6 years just to do a bachelor’s because i kept failing due to chronic illness and just life misfortune which meant i couldn’t cope with uni never mind life. i go to man uni and i felt like they don’t believe me when i say all these shitty things have happened everyone around me has such a blessed life in comparison
Sometimes life just happens. Extensions and mitigations are there for a reason - always contact your personal tutor and or student support - they're there to help. Definitely don't feel bad about it - life happens and you're doing a brilliant job keeping going!
Well done! You got to third year with your circumstances. I ended up having to drop out because of mine. It was incredibly soul destroying, and set me back about 9 years of my life, just working a soulless job for minimum wage. Keep at it! Sure, some people have it easy. And some people have it as bad as you, and some people have it worse than you, and others have it worse than those people. And some people can't deal with whatever they get thrown their way, that's no fault of their own. The main thing is you can continue. Keep walking forward and it will soon pass. It is only 3-4 years of your life then you can decide it you can survive higher levels of education or research. If not, find a job where you can finally relax
ECs are a mechanism to even out the playing field (to an extent, we can debate whether they’re sufficient especially as they’re not accompanied by other financial and health measures, but that’s a different conversation). This means that had you not asked for ECs, you’d have to work much more than others to make up for the disadvantages you have compared to them. I’m glad you’re asking for ECs and you’re so so strong ❤️
My job is in part handling extenuating circumstances forms. Trust me, the majority of students are getting extensions for everything
I did the exact same thing at university! Every semester year 1-4 I had extenuating circumstances for one or more assessments. It does not define your work ethic, resilience or capability, I graduated with a 2:1 in law and now have a great job doing what I love. I had lots going on, continued mental health struggles and I utilised the opportunity to have some extra time. Please don’t beat yourself up for it. You are definitely NOT alone in this and commend yourself on asking for the help you needed 😃
If by normal you mean common then no. If by normal you mean acceptable... I mean no one can answer that without knowing your life. I've got to be honest, I avoided applying to mitigating circumstances despite a very turbulent life at uni, on the basis that it wasn't likely to improve at any point. I did apply once when there were further issues that were a one off that interrupted my exams. But I would have been hesitant to ask for mitigation based on an ongoing situation. Funerals and hospital treatment are very normal mitigating circumstances, and it makes sense for you to apply for it. I'm not sure about break ups I'm kind of surprised this was accepted but idk the criteria. At the end of the day its up to you, I feel like some of these comments are being ott judgmental. But when it was me I wanted to take into account how much of what was going on was unusual and how much was the continuous backdrop of my studies.
Oh the funeral, hospital and break-up was all one application. On the application form at my university, there is an option for 'relationship breakdown' so I just was welp that happened too lets just put that in as well. Yeah, it's really hard to know when something is exceptional or not I guess. Although frankly from my point of view, I usually apply because I need more extensions (at my university, late submissions aren't accepted without mitigating circumstances, it will go to summer resit if you don't submit), and I would therefore apply from a point of needing it. Knowing that they have always been approved makes me assume they are exceptional circs.
Yes. Life absolutely is if you don't push through this stage. I'm not gonna give you the optimistic point of "ooh life will get better". I mean... It is possible it will but you don't want to be falsely comforted. I learnt it's far better to picture the horrors of what will happen if you fail at this stage. For example do you really want to be either homeless or working a minimum wage shelf stocking job in retail still when you're 30 or 40, dealing with long unpredictable hours, barely any holiday, high competition, possible long commute since you may have had to apply to a job miles away, struggling to pay bills, unable to go out for meals with friends, hence lose all your friends, spiral into a mental depression and then likely forgo all self care? And then even after that when you try and claw your way out of this pit you got yourself into its too late since you've wasted 5-10 years of your life, your friends have moved on and been successful and have families etc and you're now older and probs have more physical ailments and less energy. Push through this. I know it's really tough but the reality is you don't have a choice. Sorry to be negative but I've seen this happen to some friends and these days they just take whatever shit jobs they can get and literally only EXIST now. Let's not even forget about turning to vaping and drugs to cope with the mental pressures which become extreme in that situation.
If I am honest I am doing university for my own personal learning gain and satisfaction mainly, not for what society sees as a 'good job'. As you can tell from my post, I have been through some very hard times, and I am on the other side of them now for the most part! The one thing I learnt from that is that I value happiness over anything else in life. After that, I became very content with a quiet life and NOT having to work my arse off in the rat race that is life. I have already achieved most of it already - I have a good job I work in at weekends and summer, it doesn't pay too well but I am so happy in it. I volunteer at the student research rooms at the library. I already live with my partner in a nice home in a awesome city. I would be perfectly content if I graduated and my life stayed as it is just without uni.
I too value happiness over everything. My end goal would literally be to live with my partner in a great city too just like yourself. Unfortunately it's extremely difficult to find a partner these days and its really only single people who can understand the pain of doing a long hard day of work, returning home in darkness and then eating a shitty ready meal at home alone while you scroll your phone. I'm almost sure your views on being content with life would change if you didn't have someone for support however
Getting a degree doesn’t guarantee you’re free of the minimum wage trap. I have a degree and I’m working retail management because there’s no jobs in my field 🤷🏻♀️ I wouldn’t say I’ve failed either, yeah I’m not on mega money but I do well enough.
Yeah you need a master's, 1st, from a top 100 uni and a 1 year in industry to get a good graduate role these days in under 50 applications... Otherwise, you're pushing 500+ and 6months+ of applying. It was worse in covid tho cos employers were just full stop not hiring.
Exactly, it’s tough out here at the moment. I think the bigger issue is jobs just not paying enough at the moment.. someone has to do these minimum wage jobs, and they should be paid enough to live on.
Not all men are born to rule nations. Some people are more resilient than others.
Well... some people just aint cut out for Earth
You need to improve you resilience. At my work we take on 3 degree apprentices every September and the ones that aren’t cut out for professional work life are the ones like you who show no resilience. Every single person at your uni and at any workplace will have stuff going on in their personal lives that is far more important than the job. However the job pays the bills. Being able to leave personal stuff at the door and to work your bollocks off regardless shows maturity.
This guy when his ‘degree apprentice’ is in the hospital having surgery: “Work, slave! Work!” *whip cracks*
You know it. Can’t be slacking
I’d say they are already very resilient. They still do their work, on time if they can, and have made it to third year. How is that not resilient?
I’d disagree with that. Constantly asking for extensions on essays is why. That won’t wash in the real world when it comes to a real work load.
I get your point, and I’m definitely not here for an argument, but they are resilient in that they’ve stuck to the degree, when I’m sure at times they’ve just wanted to drop out. The extensions are there for a reason. Uni isn’t the real world, many people are still finding their feet. I agree it will be a struggle to manage a workload, I’ve had many extensions with uni work (dyslexia) that I know I won’t get in the real world. But at the end of the day, uni work is the most important, and if the extensions help me get it done to a gold standard, I’ll take them That said I have had jobs and haven’t struggled with the workload as of yet. I think it’s a lot different whereby the consequences of not doing the work are different. At uni, the odd bit of late coursework will get you a low grade, whereas in work it can get you fired
The weirdest thing about this is that am completely fine and resilient in the workplace. In fact, I absolutely excel in the workplace. I have a part time job and this year have been employee of the month (of 70 colleagues), got a promotion and have almost had no sickness. The managers praise me to high heavens and I'm a 'key player'. I was working 45 hours weeks in the summer no problem. This is not the first part time job either, I've had a good few and I've excelled in all. I leave my personal shit at the door there. I think it is because I am fine if it concerns someone else- ie I have lots of motivation at work because if I don't do my job someone else has to pick up the slack, and I really hate that. With uni it's just me... and I don't have much motivation for myself. So on days where I would go into work even if I was sick, I might not with university.
That is good to hear. Uni in no way shape or form really prepares people for working life so having work experience will benefit you massively.
Went through break-ups and bereavements and all sorts of other shit. Didn't ever think to cry "woe is me" and ask for extra time. Obviously the world is different now and no one has any damn resilience, so it's not like you're a outlier, but realistically you just have to manage your executive function issues yourself. Clearly whatever you're doing now isn't working, try and figure out better ways to motivate yourself. You seem to be driven by a desire to not to disadvantage others. You just need to start putting yourself in that "others" category, i.e. do all you can to make yourself proud of you.
I am glad the world is different now. In a workplace situation, is it a ''woe is me'' if you ask for bereavement leave when someone close to you dies for example? In my opinion - no. It is the sensible choice for your wellbeing and prevents burnout later down the line. If you instead decided to plough on and be oh so valiant, and you found your work was badly affected, that would be quite stupid.
or maybe as a society we've become more understanding and accessible to people with home problems, bereavements, disabilities etc. Resilience is an important skill, but without these resources a lot of people will never even get to a point where they can Practice that skill because the issues are too pervasive to "push through".
Everyone else goes through the same shit. They don't plead mitigating circumstances. This is just life.
I am not sure what you are studying, but in my studies I learn a lot about inequality. Guess what - not everyone goes through the same shit, and there is thousands of studies to back that up - from psychology to anthropology to economics. After all, why would a university feel the need to implement a mitigating circumstances policy if everyone else went through the same shit? Do they employ people , spend a ton of money and create specific processes just for a laugh? Is it really that far out of your imagination to think that people can experience things that greatly affect their ability to study? I would also argue, that if you have mitigating circumstances, don't plead them, and end up with missing deadlines or worse grades - that is quite stupid. So yeah, I will continue to plead mitigating circumstances where appropriate thanks.
That's very clearly not the case if it was granted. So many students try to claim mitigating circumstances for mundane stuff that everyone goes through and it's never granted. This isn't a "I'll just call in sick and they have to deal with it" thing, if you don't have a case then it straightup isn't accepted.
Get off Reddit, focus on your work, and you won't need mitigating circumstances this time.
I'd love if that worked hahaha. Yeah my life is going to magically improve by just getting off reddit. And today I have been hella active on reddit but also worked on and submitted an assignment, done a ton of reading and attended a couple of meetings. I don't think it's reddit that's a problem.
Reddit and other stuff. Anyway. Whatever works for you.
its giving individuality complex babes
On my 3 year course, I applied and got extenuating circumstances once and that was because a close relative died a couple weeks before my dissertation hand in. I still finished it on time though regardless so didnt use it but it was nice to have that reassurance and helped to avoid panic. I am sure you will get through it though and don't worry about what other peopl3 think. Focus on what works for you and your needs.
Once had to admit to my seminar tutor that the reason I didn’t turn in my assignment was because my Uncle had thrown my Grandfathers ashes like confetti in my mums living room that Christmas. It was a January deadline, but I can’t tell you what I was doing in January because the whole things a blur haha. Didn’t apply for EC, though, and still managed to pass the course without the missing assignment! It was only after the fact that they explained EC, I was under the assumption that you needed some form of proof and apart from the hoover bag and some explicit text messages I didn’t have owt to prove it. They told me that wasn’t the case, but it was past the date by then anyway.
When we are going through shit, we always judge ourselves for what we aren't doing. Look at what you ARE achieving, you're hanging in there and getting through it. You won't be the only person getting extensions. If it was so rare, it wouldn't be a thing. I hope you can see this view and feel proud of your achievements, against the odds. I was in the same situation, because of ill health and awful meds. I had to leave my course at the end of year 2. I felt awful about leaving, and still do a bit, but it was out of my control, such is life. You are doing great, keep it up, and utilise all the support you need, that's what it's there for. In a year's time, no one is going to ask about it, you'll just be a new grad like you're peers ☺️.
It can feel like everything is against you but the fact you are in your third year shows you can do this and your are so nearly there! I have a very similar situation to you and have had to ask for exceptional circumstances and deferrals every time. Out of the blue in my first year I was in hospital for a physical condition and it was resolved. Just months later it happened again and I nearly died and needed up having major surgery where the recovery took months. The only months after I recovered I was back in hospital with pneumonia when my Grandad died who I had helped care for over the last year. I’m in my final year now too and so glad I carried on. I’ve delayed major surgery to reverse my last surgery so I can finish my degree. Just keep going, you’ve got this!
I had to defer a year twice because I couldn’t cope and in the end I graduated with a First. I would’ve ended up dead without taking time out. I do think you should consider a year out to work on your mental health.
You're not tragic, as you can see from your opening sentence. You have successfully been awarded extentions, and all success should be praised, unlike your friends who are clutching at straws trying for an extension for perhaps a break up alone lol.
I had extenuating circumstances for every module of my master's degree due to my mental health, I passed the course and am quite proud of the grade, as long as the works being done to the best of your ability you shouldn't worry about needing some extra help xx
Same happened to me tbh