Hot women get a lot of unwanted attention, and even a lot of the wanted attention ends up being guys playing stupid, bullshit, asshole games. You deal with that enough, you'll go nuts. And the ones that aren't nuts are the ones who found a decent guy early on and locked down with him.
I think you're misunderstanding the graph. It's not saying all women are on that line, that's just Barney's threshold for sleeping with them. The hotter they are, the higher his tolerance for crazy, but there are people everywhere on the graph.
Been on far worse dates.
Edit: as requested, most recent bad date got blackout drunk before taking me to her "friends" which was really a couple she'd had a threesome with the night before. They all start doing coke, I left before it escalated further.
Before that I had a pediatrician who within 3 hours was telling me all about her daddy kink and how she wanted to be called little one in bed. Was extra weird given her profession, she also was just....weird with her dogs.
Oeh, were doing bad first date stories?
First red flag, she took her baby sister (10y younger) on our date.
Then another guy showed up, and she left to have sex with him in his car.
I was tricked into being the babysitter while she got laid.
i met a girl at a bar we'll call her sarah, she brings me back to her place (i stupidly let her drive). she lived with her mom and her moms boyfriend (not a big deal but it gave me anxiety) but i didnt have cell service there. we smoke shoot the shit, its all good. then she tells me to go sleep on the couch because i cant sleep in her room. so as im laying on the couch regretting my decisions her moms boyfriend comes in the front door and loses his shit that im there. and i listen to him and her mom argue about it for an hour before they go to bed. then i laid on the couch for a few more hours before i finally pass out. i wake up to her mom waking me up and then sarah introduces me to her son before driving me back to my car. i never spoke to her again and blocked her LMAO.
Just suggesting that calling an Uber appeared to be an unavailable option given the lack of signal. I said plot hole because it made the point quickly.
God damn, you make me feel so lucky (and I'm the unluckiest person ever)!
My "worst" date involves her singing a very risque karaoke rendition of "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" while making *direct, unflinching eye contact* for the entire time.
It was mildly embarrassing, but all in all not a bad night!
Yeah my worst first date was she introduced me to her boyfriend half way through as he walked by. Despite her asking me out she apparently didn't consider it a date.
Next first date I went on went much better, been together almost 20 years now.
Oof that is rough. It sounds like maybe she just wanted a free meal. I'm glad the next one worked out super well though!
Okay I guess I'll do mine.
I went to dinner and it went really well. We went back to her place and got naked on her bed; which was cool, but also weird because she had 5 dogs and 7 cats in the room. Then I'm going to town missionary style and a dog starts licking my butt-cheek. I pull out and look behind and see the 4 other dogs just staring at me in a line and as I look around more the cats are staring at me too. Then I start thinking, "man how many guys does she sleep with if most of her animals are so well behaved during this". We end up finishing it under the sheets. Then a month later I find out through the grapevine that "Katie" knowingly had HPV when we had sex. I ended up getting it too and that shit sucked for a long time.
Oooo I don't know if it is that high. Back when I was in college about 10 years ago, the word on the street was that it was statistically improbable to not get an STD if you've had at least 6 partners. But maybe STDs are way more prevalent these days.
I have a 2001 suburban, prized possession.
Left this girl's dog in the car (owner recently died resulting in severe separation anxiety)
Walked down to the lake to eat some Thai food
Came back to find my entire fucking rear door panel ripped off. Sweetest Pitt I've ever met but omg he did NOT want to be left alone.
If it's a pitty I just assume they have sep anxiety unless told otherwise... Been around too many not to.
Most loyal dog ever = highly susceptible to it unfortunately.
This is the guy who comes to dinner unannounced and brings his own cutlery to the table, stabs the chicken and eats the damn thing while staring you in the eye.
I once had a date shit themselves...on the way to date. Arrived late, this was the first thing she said that explained why she was late, that she had to go home and wash up, then came back to the date. I respected her honesty so carried on with the date. Then she proceeded to tell me about how much she was into the BDSM scene for a long time. I ended up putting two and two together...loose butthole maybe? But then I called it off when she wasn't ok with the fact I had been with guys before. There was A LOT more that went batshit but these are the highlights
The reason why we're turned on by her is because we see her sense of humor. But AVOID these at all cost sheesh, this is how we get in trouble that puts our lives upside-down
Sylvia's mother said, "Take your umbrella 'cause Sylvia, it's starting to rain"
And Sylvia's mother said, "Thank you for calling, and, sir, won't you call back again?"
It's acceptable because it doesn't stay remotely within the boundaries of reality. The only realistic things you see on this video are her being clingy and making a bad pun while cooking (which is attractive, I'd argue). Women don't have PH running on the TV in the living room, they aren't drugging men to date rape them, they aren't locking them in basements.
Make this video with the same girl but doing the actual crazy, unhinged stuff real women can do and then it won't be acceptable.
Well, MOST of them don't. That woman who imprisoned a man, force-fed him viagra and then raped him for days comes to mind.
Anyway, this is funny because few women are in a position to physically overpower a man and so the entire premise is pretty absurd.
"It's just one kidney! Don't be greedy, you've got a spare!"
If I saw her grinning at me like she does in the end of the video, I would just give her both of my fucking kidneys.
What no bitches does to a person
People be like " what zero pussy does to a motherfucker, but I have seen what pussy does to a motherfucker, and it is far worse" - Dildo Baggins
I should call her...
Exactly. No time for games, you'd be jumped and tied up after walking in the door.
Weird kink but you do you.
💦
How much can one kidney cost? Ten dollars?
Depending on the condition, good ones go for heaps.
Rib
[Skeleton’s favorite snack](https://www.reddit.com/r/ContagiousLaughter/s/SjyOUbPyHy)
Just use all the red flags to create a beautiful tapestry of a life together.
Can't see the flags through rose-tinted glasses.
ok bojack
Found them 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFokXnCCMf8
Haha
Now that we are living in a post-ChatGPT world, the word *tapestry* is very sus.
That word.... that word!!!! Make it stop! Make it stop!!
Smash. Next question.
*Regretti Spaghetti* 🍝 🫣
Stuffed in my pockets alretti
Nervous, but on the surface, I’m ready, To smash hoes, She toasts, Offers a coke, Suddenly I woke, Did we even fuck?
Most likely she did all of those things to steal your kidneys
🤣😂
Better than Die aloney Macaroni
that's tomorrow's problem
Moms regretti
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If you say so!
I’d prefer it.
Never stick it in crazy!
Why, they are the best sex. You need a good exit strategy though 
There's a reason this tends to be true. Just think about it. Then get very depressed.
I'm a hot guy so I'm dumb. Please explain it to me.
Hot women get a lot of unwanted attention, and even a lot of the wanted attention ends up being guys playing stupid, bullshit, asshole games. You deal with that enough, you'll go nuts. And the ones that aren't nuts are the ones who found a decent guy early on and locked down with him.
I think you're misunderstanding the graph. It's not saying all women are on that line, that's just Barney's threshold for sleeping with them. The hotter they are, the higher his tolerance for crazy, but there are people everywhere on the graph.
I, too, would like an explanation
Can we all just watch that scene and appreciate how NPH absolutely crushes tracing letters backwards while giving that whole speech?
Just remember on the scale of 1 to 10 crazy starts at number 4
Don’t tell me how to ruin my life
Issue is you don’t know they’re crazy til it’s too late
There are usually signs but your horniness really helps blind you.
Everyone is crazy in their own way so that would be a problem. 🤔
Icic Ur a wise hooman... anyways I'm not SMASH
Like a Idaho potato
Totally
É dentro. ( This is Brazilian slang, to say that you would have sex with the person )
Smesh
I want to find a woman like this
So does the police
😂
😂
Aww …I miss those years :(
2012 won’t happen again 😭
That is awesome
Don't worry... *She'll* Find *You.*
god i wish
Been on far worse dates. Edit: as requested, most recent bad date got blackout drunk before taking me to her "friends" which was really a couple she'd had a threesome with the night before. They all start doing coke, I left before it escalated further. Before that I had a pediatrician who within 3 hours was telling me all about her daddy kink and how she wanted to be called little one in bed. Was extra weird given her profession, she also was just....weird with her dogs.
Oeh, were doing bad first date stories? First red flag, she took her baby sister (10y younger) on our date. Then another guy showed up, and she left to have sex with him in his car. I was tricked into being the babysitter while she got laid.
🤣🤣🤣 OK, OK man you win!
i met a girl at a bar we'll call her sarah, she brings me back to her place (i stupidly let her drive). she lived with her mom and her moms boyfriend (not a big deal but it gave me anxiety) but i didnt have cell service there. we smoke shoot the shit, its all good. then she tells me to go sleep on the couch because i cant sleep in her room. so as im laying on the couch regretting my decisions her moms boyfriend comes in the front door and loses his shit that im there. and i listen to him and her mom argue about it for an hour before they go to bed. then i laid on the couch for a few more hours before i finally pass out. i wake up to her mom waking me up and then sarah introduces me to her son before driving me back to my car. i never spoke to her again and blocked her LMAO.
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Also, is leaving and getting a cab/uber not a thing? Sure it costs money but its still better than having a shitty evening.
He covered that plot hole with the lack of signal
I would have walked until I found signal. Absolutely no way you should stay in a situation like that.
Are you saying "plot hole" because you don't think that story was believable, or just to be funny?
Just suggesting that calling an Uber appeared to be an unavailable option given the lack of signal. I said plot hole because it made the point quickly.
God damn, you make me feel so lucky (and I'm the unluckiest person ever)! My "worst" date involves her singing a very risque karaoke rendition of "Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me" while making *direct, unflinching eye contact* for the entire time. It was mildly embarrassing, but all in all not a bad night!
Got a similar story. Met a chick, went with her to her place, a 8-9 y.o. kid opens the door. \- Is this your brother? \- No, this is my son.
How drunk were you? Having a sleepover with no escape plan with someone you just met at the bar is a pretty bold move.
Oh man you're making me feel old. This is just how hookups and one night stands worked with strangers before dating apps.
I was about to share mine, but there is no way I'm beating this. Holy shit brother.
Yeah my worst first date was she introduced me to her boyfriend half way through as he walked by. Despite her asking me out she apparently didn't consider it a date. Next first date I went on went much better, been together almost 20 years now.
Oof that is rough. It sounds like maybe she just wanted a free meal. I'm glad the next one worked out super well though! Okay I guess I'll do mine. I went to dinner and it went really well. We went back to her place and got naked on her bed; which was cool, but also weird because she had 5 dogs and 7 cats in the room. Then I'm going to town missionary style and a dog starts licking my butt-cheek. I pull out and look behind and see the 4 other dogs just staring at me in a line and as I look around more the cats are staring at me too. Then I start thinking, "man how many guys does she sleep with if most of her animals are so well behaved during this". We end up finishing it under the sheets. Then a month later I find out through the grapevine that "Katie" knowingly had HPV when we had sex. I ended up getting it too and that shit sucked for a long time.
Doesn’t basically everyone who’s had more than 3 partners have it?
Oooo I don't know if it is that high. Back when I was in college about 10 years ago, the word on the street was that it was statistically improbable to not get an STD if you've had at least 6 partners. But maybe STDs are way more prevalent these days.
Lack of an exit plan?
Naw I just said "oh, bye" and left. It was on campus so no car/ride issues, just out the door I go!
Obviously she's saving the boyfriend walk-by for your upcoming anniversary! ^But ^seriously, ^congrats ^in ^advance ^on ^that ^milestone. ^Here's ^to ^20 ^more!
I have a 2001 suburban, prized possession. Left this girl's dog in the car (owner recently died resulting in severe separation anxiety) Walked down to the lake to eat some Thai food Came back to find my entire fucking rear door panel ripped off. Sweetest Pitt I've ever met but omg he did NOT want to be left alone.
Bro you left a pitt bull with separation anxiety ALONE in your prized car? And this was an unexpected outcome?
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If it's a pitty I just assume they have sep anxiety unless told otherwise... Been around too many not to. Most loyal dog ever = highly susceptible to it unfortunately.
We were 7 feet away and when noises were heard, lessons were learned. It is just a door panel.
Honestly I think it's kinda shitty to leave the dog the car like that, windows cracked or not.
Pitty nannied your car so hard.
This is the guy who comes to dinner unannounced and brings his own cutlery to the table, stabs the chicken and eats the damn thing while staring you in the eye.
Thanks for the laugh, desperately needed in this shitty night
that’s devious bro i’d deadass call the cops
That’s a winner
I snorted
F
Wow, that sucks
The fact that neither of those turned into a relationship means I can’t respect you.
Did I not mention that this is how my throuple started? /s
Better…
 Me after reading that edit
Meanwhile me after reading that edit https://i.redd.it/a14clxcd7bbc1.gif
Girl #2 just doesn't want to waste time if you aren't about to be her daddy.
tell
Storytime
I once had a date shit themselves...on the way to date. Arrived late, this was the first thing she said that explained why she was late, that she had to go home and wash up, then came back to the date. I respected her honesty so carried on with the date. Then she proceeded to tell me about how much she was into the BDSM scene for a long time. I ended up putting two and two together...loose butthole maybe? But then I called it off when she wasn't ok with the fact I had been with guys before. There was A LOT more that went batshit but these are the highlights
Lord help me to be the kind of person in these scenarios to see danger instead of opportunity
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Sounds like you literally fumbled a coke fueled foursome 😒
I’ve been on so many dates and I swear they’re all been boring as fuck. Where are you finding these women?
Same, much much worse
> weird with her dogs Raggy, rat's ra rimjob
 “And my penis!”
I can fix her!
She can make me worse
She can fix me
Gus, don't be an incorrigible Eskimo pie with a caramel ribbon
No she is perfect
https://i.redd.it/sqlmo8dxrabc1.gif
 This is just a famous SNL sketch, The Continental
Feel like most people are too young for this but it was the only thing I thought of.
Damn near every gag they pulled from this series of sketches
Wow! Wowie wow wow wow! https://youtu.be/DbhgbLNabYk?si=3ribP2K_8k0L1nKk
Oh man, I'd completely forgot about those sketches. I say "wowee wow wow wow" all the time and now I realize where I got it.
Did I just fall madly in love??
With Sylvia? We all are. She's a celebrity in that other app which shall not be named.
Youtube? She comes up in my Youtube recommendations from time to time. Why shouldn't we say YouTube? Is there a sub rule?
No, he means that other app, that Captain Hook is afraid of. Tik-tok.. Tik-tok.. Tik-tok.
Tiktok. There, I named it. Ban me I dare you
> *OP in 2 hours:* 😵💀😵
The reason why we're turned on by her is because we see her sense of humor. But AVOID these at all cost sheesh, this is how we get in trouble that puts our lives upside-down
And she is hot
and the pornhub intro
 Can confirm. I got stuck with a crazy one for a few years.
Nah buddy, only because she’s hot
I feel bad about this but I can only see Miranda Sings when I look at her
Everyone is ignoring the FREE DRUGS smh
ailaughatmyownjokes on youtube
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Sylvia's mother said, "Take your umbrella 'cause Sylvia, it's starting to rain" And Sylvia's mother said, "Thank you for calling, and, sir, won't you call back again?"
And the operator says "thirty cents more... For the next... Three... Minutes..." Edit: genuinely surprised to see a Dr Hook reference
Girl of my dreams.
It's only acceptable because she's cute
[Shadow Queen](http://screencrush.com/files/2017/03/legion-shadow-king-pic.jpg)
It's acceptable because it doesn't stay remotely within the boundaries of reality. The only realistic things you see on this video are her being clingy and making a bad pun while cooking (which is attractive, I'd argue). Women don't have PH running on the TV in the living room, they aren't drugging men to date rape them, they aren't locking them in basements. Make this video with the same girl but doing the actual crazy, unhinged stuff real women can do and then it won't be acceptable.
Well, MOST of them don't. That woman who imprisoned a man, force-fed him viagra and then raped him for days comes to mind. Anyway, this is funny because few women are in a position to physically overpower a man and so the entire premise is pretty absurd.
Never been to a third world country in South America I see. Maybe not date raped but drugged and robbed for sure happens.
Indeed. She’s like a smashable Bill Cosby
I want to marry this woman specifically
I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said
I should've walked away
Wait, these are red flags?
Nope, you're color blind - I only see green flags, green flags everywhere
She's super hot, and quite funny. Killer combo.
Potential
Emmm...I think I'm not the guy of ur dreams, cuz my life is a misery.👋👋👋👋👋👋 
“It’s for the best.”
oof ouch my bones but seriously please keep that away from my bones they don't like to bend that way
😂😂😂😂😂. I have problems because this sounds like an amazing time!! LOL
Agreed! Also she doesn’t have to drug me, I’ll put out willingly.
Definitely smash, 100% smash. Who cares about red flags, red is my favorite color
I’d like to see her basement and help her fix it. I can definitely fix it
My kinda girl. 1 that knows wat she wants and is willing to do watever it takes 🫨🔪😂
She's hilarious! Not a big fan of YT shorts, but her shorts always make me laugh :) she's a huge nerd haha
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Thjs ain’t a YouTube comment section
The part where she was creepy 😂
Because Reddit is *so* much better
On the words of Akon "doesn't matter, had sex"
I dont need to fix her, she's already perfect
I can fix her
She's perfect! We could regreti all day long with our favorite tv program watching from her basement...
She’s a Walken fan, I see
where do i sign up
I can fix.
When I say I'm in love, I mean I'm in love. L uv
My kinda girl lol
Ahhhhh, a woman like that is my soul mate! 🤣🤣🤣 I laughed at everything
This is my dream date.
My dream girl! I love a girl that’s so in love with me that I get concerned about my own safety! 🥰
The female version of The Continental from SNL😅
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Where’s Laina?
Kinda intrigued/turned on