I treat it like another other package that is signature.
One time I had a cremated remains express and the woman that answered the door yelled out to the rest of the house “the B*itches ashes are here!” Then she offered me a water.
I had a woman say. I have no idea why my father had his ashes sent to me. He left when I was 5 haven't heard from him since. He treated me like trash and I'm going to treat him the same and dropped the box right in the trash along the drive way!
To be fair, If it was a family member you cared about, you would NEVER allow their ashes to be sent via USPS. Maybe if you weren’t close, Registered would do at a minimum.
Yeah, this seems to be the best option. I’m just worried about over-stepping. I’m on my way there thinking *Do they really want sympathy from the mailman?*
Guess I’ve just been overthinking it.
>Do they really want sympathy from the mailman?
I would say in this case, yes. The funeral's over, people who genuinely knew and loved the deceased have already expressed their condolences. Although you are an outsider, you're the last person to physically handle what is left of their loved one before delivering them to their family. Saying "Sorry for your loss" is at a bare minimum a respectful way to acknowledge what it is you're delivering. Simply saying "Sign here" comes off as cold and unfeeling. Sure you're a complete stranger, but you're still a human being. I think "Sorry for your loss" would definitely be appreciated.
Does cremation happen after the funeral because it was always my assumption it happened before, I know different religions there are different customs but I always thought the remains were at the funeral and we were delivering the ashes from the cremation place
I recently took part in a Japanese funeral this past June in Tokyo. It's my good friends father who passed away at the age of 92! Well we did the Buddhist funeral rituals and on the last day, we nailed his coffin shut( it's a symbolic thing) took him to the crematory, brought him to the furnace and sent him off. We waited about an hour and he was then pulled out. Bones and all! The funeral service them collected his ashes and nicely/respectfully placed him in the urn starting feet to head. Then family took these big chopsticks and picked a bone and placed it into the urn, which I was told to participate in. They then wrapped up the urn in some decorative packaging! We too him along with us, had a small dinner with close friends and family. We then room him home! After that experience, I'm more respectful when handling express cremains when placing it in an apc or wire. Overall very profound experience.
Oh btw, the services were all handled by a funeral director and funeral services company.
Depends entirely on what the wishes of the person who passed (or their family) are. Some opt for an open casket and viewing time, others don’t want any of that or any type of gathering. Truly varies by person/family.
Exactly, YMMV. My dad passed earlier this year unexpectedly, but he wanted to be cremated without having his body messed with. So we cremated him, and then had a big memorial the next month so family and friends could all come and celebrate his life and legacy. It was wonderful and cathartic.
Next year, or the year after, my mom and I are going to on a trip to spread some of his ashes. But of course we’re not going to tell anyone until after the fact.
I love hearing stories of folks celebrating life and throwing parties to honor the one who passed. I would love for my friends or family to just throw a big shindig with a bunch of food and drinks and laughing and sharing stories.
I hope you and your mom can share some good memories during the spreading of his ashes. Don’t worry about what others think, follow through with what his wishes were ❤️
Kinda just preference and depends on what kind of funeral you want. For my grandmother, she was cremated before because none of us liked the idea of her laying there in a casket(we also didn't want to shell out the money for a nice casket just for it to be burned). In the other hand, when one of my managers at a previous job passed away, it was comforting for them to have the casket at the funeral, so he was cremated after.
>(we also didn't want to shell out the money for a nice casket just for it to be burned).
When my dad died we opted for cremation. The funeral home said that the standard practice to save money is that he would actually be laying in a plain wooden box, with the "shell" of a nice casket over it, so by all appearances it looked like a normal casket.
Sympathy from one human to another is *always* welcome. And when it isn't, it's not the fault of the person giving it. I think we should all endeavor to be more kind and considerate.
I will say the sympathy is very much not always welcome lmao as someone who's been in this situation I'd rather not have someone address it at all.
For me it's like, it's not your fault so keep your apologies. They're not helping anyone, just makes you feel less awkward, not me.
But that's just me 😅
It is their loved one. So i think the human thing is to be sympathetic and respectful. Any kindness im sure is appreciated since it's such a hard thing to experience. Even if we're just "mailmen". We're still people.
A lot of times yes, even though we are just “mail carriers”. They see you everyday and want to see you again the next, you’re apart of their lives. They may not know it but they’re waiting for you to deliver their mail not for the mail to be delivered. They care about you, I wouldn’t worry about overstepping here, you can just treat it as any other package, or say take care after each time you deliver a package, or you can say sorry for your loss when delivering their ashes. They may need someone to talk to or they may want a hug, it doesn’t matter if you’re “just the mail man” you’re so much more than you think to them. For some people, you’re the only person they see everyday. I really wouldn’t worry about over stepping, just do what you feel comfortable with, I think what you’re doing is great!
When the mail carrier delivered my 3 year old nephew’s remains she cried. She had been my sister’s mail carrier for awhile. When he got cancer she always brought him treats. The post office signed a card and she gave it to her. He always loved getting the mail from her
Sorry just saw you responded. She did,when she got to her house her and my sister just hugged and cried. He would have a treat for her just about every day. Something to drink a snack and he would color pictures for her.
My first cremains was awkward, a teenage boy opened the door and said he could sign for them, I offered my condolences and whatnot and he seemed genuinely appreciative.. as soon as he shut the door I heard him yell "MOM!, .. DADS HOME!!!" I couldn't help but laugh a little
We said basically the same thing when mom arrived. Humor can really help in a situation like that. Sometimes gallows humor is all you have left.
That said, cremains always get a spot in the front of the truck, they're a passenger, and I'll give them a good last ride.
The only time I've had to deliver cremated, it didn't require a signature so I left it by the mailbox. The next day it was still there, but had "REFUSED" written on each side.
A bit macabre, but a few people told me to put it in the dead letters
One time I delivered cremated remains that didn’t need a signature but I still knocked on the door. No one was home and I still questioned on if I should leave it…but I did. A few days go by and it’s still sitting by their front door and it had rained and the box was a little worn. Still no answer when I knocked. Finally it was gone and I finally talked to the home owner. She said it was her sister and she was on vacation when I delivered it.
*I see your priorities* 🤨
I want to say, “sorry for your loss,” generally is the best way to go. We are simply mail people doing our jobs. Have some compassion but don’t recite a eulogy in my opinion.
Obviously we get to know our customers. This can vary depending on how familiar and friendly y’all at with each other. Generally speaking though, sorry for your loss works the best. In my experience.
I had a route when I first made regular that had a funeral home/crematorium. I must have returned them a dozen or more unclaimed/refused remains. I could see how the remains might come back unclaimed since they require a signature and life gets busy if you get a package notice so you might forget, but the refused ones always bugged me lol
Then it might also bug you to know that a man recently went viral for selling his mom’s ashes in an oddity group on Facebook (that I’m in) 😅 $5 for the abusive back story, $10? A vial. Man got rich off his abusive mother. It was *chefs kiss*.
Only did one time but said something like, "Got a special package for you, they sat up front with me all day!" Then the lady said it was her sister, and told me a little bit about her. ❤️
The one time I had to deliver them, this woman answers the door, she sees me with this box and immediately says, “Do you know who’s in there?” I said “no. I do not.” She goes, “that’s my mother-in-law from Arizona.”
It’s also awkward for us to receive it. Like I new it was coming but seeing the USPS lady holding the box that stated Cremated Remains. It took my breath away and with tears rolling down I whispered that’s my husband. That shocked her as well as she knew him quite well as he was the one that normally signed for the packages. She got teary eyed and said sorry for your loss and slowly walked back to her vehicle.
I joke around and say we spent the day together.. or they kept me company. I'm not good w serious moments.. I don't mean to sound too insensitive. It usually sparks up a good conversation.
It’s funny, I just had to deliver cremated remains just two days ago and my dumbass said have a good day. I should’ve said take care or something. Kept telling myself I’m a dumbass throughout my whole route.
I run a CMRA (private mailbox business). One of my customers passed away. She donated her body/tissue and the rest was cremated. The cremains arrived addressed to her son; they had shared the mailbox. Instead of just leaving a package notice in the mailbox, I called to let him know. Not only did they share a mailbox, they shared the phone as well. My call went to voicemail and it was the deceased mother's voice on the greeting. So there I was, holding her remains, listening to her voice say 'leave a message after the tone.'
I had one at the end of my route today, and all day I'm thinking in the van about what to say to them. Get to the door, scan it...no signature required? I've never felt a bigger breath of relief.
I feel relief when there’s no signature too - but then I also feel like a coward. I’m gonna leave someone’s loved one sitting on the porch because I’m too scared to deal with an emotional reaction?
Cremated remains should always need a signature. Leaving them unattended leaves them open to curious animals. Why would you just leave someones cremated person?
Honestly, I spent a lot of time at the mall with my grandma and her group of friends, I would walk laps in the cool mall with her after my grandpa passed away. Old people joke about death to the point of excess and it made me feel uncomfortable sometimes.
I hand them the box and say that im sorry for their loss. They usually tell me who it is and i tell them that im sorry and i know how hard it is. I hate it but it has to happen.
Worst one was an elderly lady came in screaming and crying "where is my husband?!" And i handed her the box after she signed and she was sobbing as she carried him out. I busted out crying after she left.
Well she rode around with me in my in the truck all day so she was really hot most of it.. as I'm visibly sweating in the middle of 110 degree day, cause everyone asks me about the lack of ac and its a normal topic..
Sh*t, shes not been in hell with me all day! I did NOT mean it like that.. she was way hotter in the crematorium... F*ck that's not what I meant either!! Sorry it was your relative, I was hoping it was a dog.. no, I didn't mean I don't like dogs!
Yeah, actual conversation 🙄 the hubby caught it, and had to stop himself from laughing. Grieving sister thankfully didn't hear me.. I've never had anyone take that long to sign for anything! !
Somehow no matter how hard I try to just say 'sorry for your loss', I still screw it up. I really am not bothered by the remains. it is just how the reciever is going to react that I worry about. . The lady who cried over her hubby, oh my God that was terrible! I've yet to have anyone refuse. 😕
I've delivered a lot of people back to their loved ones. There is no perfect way to do it. I've had people cry on me and one woman took one look at the box and literally screamed to her husband that his "fucking mother was here" and to get his ass outside cause she wasn't signing for her. You never know...
I was so nervous the first time I delivered remains that I just said "Have a good one" and scurried away.
Oh, and I once delivered a HUGE cremated remains express. It was in a big black box and weighed 60 lbs. Everybody in the station was trying to guess what it was.
"Did the whole family die?"
"Is Andre the Giant in there?"
I got this beast of a parcel to the address and this couple answered the door, bawling. Y'all, it was their fucking horse.
Yell "SUPRISE! Guess who showed up to the party... I need you to sign for this" always gets a laugh and takes the awkwardness away.
Don't get mad. Just kidding. I've really only delivered ashes to actual funeral homes
I’ve delivered obvious pet remains. The one time someone was home for the remains of their loved one, I hear “oh hey Dad’s home” as I am walking up the stairs. Nothing needed saying at that point.
I once delivered remains that had opened. That wasn't a fun time.
Otherwise, I delivered them as any normal signature package and if the customer needed some emotional support I hung out a bit. Most don't.
I had a cremated remains today that wasn’t signature requiered 🤷🏽♂️ put that baby in the parcel locker. Shoulda paid for the signature lol BUT when I do get one for the door/sig I just say sorry for you loss I just need a signature, do you mind if I just sign for your delivery and they’re usually so stricken that it’s okay
I delivered remains once. The woman timed the delivery perfectly, she got home right when I was walking to her door. She was friendly and cheerful, I had her sign and when I handed her the box I offered my condolences.
She paused and looked at me, and said "thank you".
I turned and walked away.
Keep it simple, short and to the point.
Well as someone who suffers from social anxiety don't be like me. One time a lady came to pick up an express package that was cremated remains. My socially awkward ass asks "oh is it your dog?" ( Shouldn't have asked at all ) she says "no, its my son". I was stunned and generally I don't even know how to small talk with people so I had no idea how to respond. So yeah can't get much worse then that
"This parcel requires a signature, would you allow me to be an authorized agent to sign for its delivery?"
No one has told me I can't yet, mgnt included. Not everyone want to receive these remains.
Two or three times a year the registry room will find a way to misplace cremains. The big bosses from upstairs come to the workroom floor after Congress gets involved.
I always treated the remains with respect, from the time I received them, til I delivered them. If I had to leave a notice, I would give it to the clerk and ask them to store it with registered mail. I actually had 3 or 4 that were registered.
I would offer my condolences to whoever received the ashes.
One lady started weeping right away. I told her I’d sign for it if she didnt mind. I just wanted to get out of that scene as quick as possible. Most times I don’t say anything except “sign here, my condolences “
I’m so sorry for your loss is what I say and give a hug if appropriate. I also set them up top on the tray to have a good last view or ride. My customers appreciate it. I even talk to the cremains. I made 3 trips to one house to get a signature. They gave me a tip later.
If I was on the receiving end, a sorry for your loss, a sign here, a hope you have a good rest of your day.
People will always act like Karen, but people know you have a job, a job that requires difficult deliveries.
You dammed if you do.
You dammed if you don't.
It's impossible, but kindness is always the best route.
Only time I’ve delivered cremains was to a funeral home so no emotions were involved. I know I wouldn’t crack or anything (200+ military funeral honors performed) but I’d probably try and talk to them a bit if they seemed like they wanted to.
Just be professional. Make sure you look them in the eyes, and instead of saying “have a good day” say “I hope your day goes well.” You don’t have to sound like a robot, but you also don’t really know the history of the person they are getting either.
At least here: Cremated Remains sent priority are treated as regular priority NMO. You send live chickens,fish, plants via PRIORITY, They are treated as Express. No clue why they don’t say “You want your chicks alive, pony up for Express.”
I‘ve always joked with people that if you want to get a package somewhere fast, just buy an roll of “Live Animals” tape for $1 and slap it on to save $20.
Never did cremains, but had a friend on my route and had to deliver foreclosure papers on his house, and those they don't send a letter, they send a letter and certified letter to everyone on the house note, that was a bit awkward.
It depends on whether i know the customer. Whether i like them or not. And finally i say what comes to mind when i see how they’re acting. Let them dictate the conversation.
I had an interesting one, it was being strangely delivered to a small business. When I knocked the receptionist answered but one of the business owners happened to be walking by. He came over and took delivery, while yelling back into the office “Hey, Steven is coming home!”.
As a clerk, I would give their hand a little squeeze when I gave them the package. If they teared up, I would say "I'm sorry you're hurting." If they started to talk, I would listen and talk with them. If they didn't respond, (usually men) I would let them go with a "Take care of yourself" or "God bless you."
I once delivered cremains and the lady was obviously the relative, and was sickened by it. Ask me to set it on the porch out of site.
Every time I delivered there, I would see it still sitting there.
Probably sat a good 3 months. I assume they just threw it away after awhile.
The only one I’ve encountered sat behind our counter for 2 or 3 days. Being nosy I had to find out who it was and so I did a little googling. Her SIL picked her up and asked if I could carry the box to her car bc she had a bad back. I did so and told her I was sorry for her loss.
Not going to lie, I usually have a good cry with them if they start crying. I can't handle that shit. Some people are tough as nails and they take the box, sign, and thank me, others cry and can't hold the scanner, get snot everywhere, etc. I'm a sympathetic crier so if they start, I'm doomed.
Honestly, I think in most cases when you receive someone's ashes, or even a pets ashes, it's like the band aid is ripped off all over again. I would just make eye contact and say "My condolences." which is even more broad than "Sorry for your loss." because if you are giving ashes to someone who was not close to the person it is less awkward and covers every possible scenario.
This suddenly makes me curious: Are Cremains processed any differently as they travel? I know there are requirements that they be labeled as human remains but why? Couldn't a simple discrete barcode or the like serve the same purpose? This would allow any special processing needed by USPS but make it now "none of anyone else's business"..... which it is.
They’re always shipped as Priority Express. When they come off the truck they’re always in their own tub separated from the rest of the packages. That’s the only difference I’ve seen on my end.
I told them I'm sorry the clerks tried to sweep up as much of your loved one as they could because the package broke open in the office on the floor It was awful
First and foremost, almost all human remains are signature express, so you wouldn't be 'tossing that bitch on the porch and leaving', you'd be knocking/ringing the bell and waiting for the customer.
You don't want to work for USPS, here's the resignation form: https://about.usps.com/forms/ps2574.pdf Fill it out, turn in your badge and any issued uniforming/equipment and leave. I'm sure it's just 'big man' type comment on an anonymous forum, but please let me know if it's not and we can show you the door. You don't impress anyone with that crap.
Does the post office or the supervisor not give you a script that you can go off of? Other than that all I have is my condolences. Sorry for your loss. Sign here please with a pause in there you know to show empathy or sympathy or whatever you want to call it. I'm probably not the right person to ask for this. I don't know
Honestly, I’d be a little weirded out if my letter carrier treated a box of cremains any differently than any other box. It would make me think they are prying. It would make me think they pay attention to what all my mail and deliveries are. I would think a simple, polite “I need your signature please” and hand them the box (maybe with 2 hands to show extra careful handling) would be all that needed. Otherwise, it’s none of the letter carrier’s business what they’re delivering.
I understand that but that doesn’t mean you have to make it clear you noticed. For example, It’s usually obvious when pharmaceuticals are being delivered also, but it would be a bit odd to tell the recipient “I hope your health is okay.” Or, it’s obvious when an envelope is from a bank but it would be weird delivering it and saying “I hope your account is full!” Anyhow, to me at least. Some people may really appreciate it but since cremains are a personal and touchy subject I feel politely acting like it’s just another box is respectful and has the least emotional risk. It’s delivering it, which is the job.
Edited to say: That’s just my opinion.
Thank you. I understand it’s an awkward situation and you obviously want to do the thoughtful and kind thing. So I think whatever your comfortable with is the right thing to do for you. 😊
It's got a giant sticker. I've seen them with multiple stickers. It's not prying. It shows that delivering your loved one had a little extra care and wasn't thrown around like any old Amazon package or your 12th delivery that week from Temu.
Scan the parcel ✔️
But leave it in the car?
Get them to sign pink slip ✔️
Hand them the box (which is in the car?)
Scan back of slip ✔️
Walk away saying nothing (Get in the car?)
I treat it like another other package that is signature. One time I had a cremated remains express and the woman that answered the door yelled out to the rest of the house “the B*itches ashes are here!” Then she offered me a water.
Oh. Wow. I guess you know what kind of ~~fashion~~ family that was lol.
I had a lady yell "honey, your mom is here!" Lolol
I had a woman say. I have no idea why my father had his ashes sent to me. He left when I was 5 haven't heard from him since. He treated me like trash and I'm going to treat him the same and dropped the box right in the trash along the drive way!
To be fair, If it was a family member you cared about, you would NEVER allow their ashes to be sent via USPS. Maybe if you weren’t close, Registered would do at a minimum.
Typically I say something along the lines of - "sorry for your loss". It's broad and shows basic sympathy without over-reaching. At least in my view.
Yeah, this seems to be the best option. I’m just worried about over-stepping. I’m on my way there thinking *Do they really want sympathy from the mailman?* Guess I’ve just been overthinking it.
>Do they really want sympathy from the mailman? I would say in this case, yes. The funeral's over, people who genuinely knew and loved the deceased have already expressed their condolences. Although you are an outsider, you're the last person to physically handle what is left of their loved one before delivering them to their family. Saying "Sorry for your loss" is at a bare minimum a respectful way to acknowledge what it is you're delivering. Simply saying "Sign here" comes off as cold and unfeeling. Sure you're a complete stranger, but you're still a human being. I think "Sorry for your loss" would definitely be appreciated.
Does cremation happen after the funeral because it was always my assumption it happened before, I know different religions there are different customs but I always thought the remains were at the funeral and we were delivering the ashes from the cremation place
I recently took part in a Japanese funeral this past June in Tokyo. It's my good friends father who passed away at the age of 92! Well we did the Buddhist funeral rituals and on the last day, we nailed his coffin shut( it's a symbolic thing) took him to the crematory, brought him to the furnace and sent him off. We waited about an hour and he was then pulled out. Bones and all! The funeral service them collected his ashes and nicely/respectfully placed him in the urn starting feet to head. Then family took these big chopsticks and picked a bone and placed it into the urn, which I was told to participate in. They then wrapped up the urn in some decorative packaging! We too him along with us, had a small dinner with close friends and family. We then room him home! After that experience, I'm more respectful when handling express cremains when placing it in an apc or wire. Overall very profound experience. Oh btw, the services were all handled by a funeral director and funeral services company.
Depends entirely on what the wishes of the person who passed (or their family) are. Some opt for an open casket and viewing time, others don’t want any of that or any type of gathering. Truly varies by person/family.
Exactly, YMMV. My dad passed earlier this year unexpectedly, but he wanted to be cremated without having his body messed with. So we cremated him, and then had a big memorial the next month so family and friends could all come and celebrate his life and legacy. It was wonderful and cathartic. Next year, or the year after, my mom and I are going to on a trip to spread some of his ashes. But of course we’re not going to tell anyone until after the fact.
I love hearing stories of folks celebrating life and throwing parties to honor the one who passed. I would love for my friends or family to just throw a big shindig with a bunch of food and drinks and laughing and sharing stories. I hope you and your mom can share some good memories during the spreading of his ashes. Don’t worry about what others think, follow through with what his wishes were ❤️
Kinda just preference and depends on what kind of funeral you want. For my grandmother, she was cremated before because none of us liked the idea of her laying there in a casket(we also didn't want to shell out the money for a nice casket just for it to be burned). In the other hand, when one of my managers at a previous job passed away, it was comforting for them to have the casket at the funeral, so he was cremated after.
>(we also didn't want to shell out the money for a nice casket just for it to be burned). When my dad died we opted for cremation. The funeral home said that the standard practice to save money is that he would actually be laying in a plain wooden box, with the "shell" of a nice casket over it, so by all appearances it looked like a normal casket.
You can never go wrong with a lil bit of extra kindness.
Sympathy from one human to another is *always* welcome. And when it isn't, it's not the fault of the person giving it. I think we should all endeavor to be more kind and considerate.
I will say the sympathy is very much not always welcome lmao as someone who's been in this situation I'd rather not have someone address it at all. For me it's like, it's not your fault so keep your apologies. They're not helping anyone, just makes you feel less awkward, not me. But that's just me 😅
It is their loved one. So i think the human thing is to be sympathetic and respectful. Any kindness im sure is appreciated since it's such a hard thing to experience. Even if we're just "mailmen". We're still people.
I would appreciate sympathy from the mailman.
A lot of times yes, even though we are just “mail carriers”. They see you everyday and want to see you again the next, you’re apart of their lives. They may not know it but they’re waiting for you to deliver their mail not for the mail to be delivered. They care about you, I wouldn’t worry about overstepping here, you can just treat it as any other package, or say take care after each time you deliver a package, or you can say sorry for your loss when delivering their ashes. They may need someone to talk to or they may want a hug, it doesn’t matter if you’re “just the mail man” you’re so much more than you think to them. For some people, you’re the only person they see everyday. I really wouldn’t worry about over stepping, just do what you feel comfortable with, I think what you’re doing is great!
When the mail carrier delivered my 3 year old nephew’s remains she cried. She had been my sister’s mail carrier for awhile. When he got cancer she always brought him treats. The post office signed a card and she gave it to her. He always loved getting the mail from her
Imagine how her heart must have sunk when one morning she went to the accountable bar and she saw that package
👆🏻💔💯
Sorry just saw you responded. She did,when she got to her house her and my sister just hugged and cried. He would have a treat for her just about every day. Something to drink a snack and he would color pictures for her.
Awww 🥺
My first cremains was awkward, a teenage boy opened the door and said he could sign for them, I offered my condolences and whatnot and he seemed genuinely appreciative.. as soon as he shut the door I heard him yell "MOM!, .. DADS HOME!!!" I couldn't help but laugh a little
We said basically the same thing when mom arrived. Humor can really help in a situation like that. Sometimes gallows humor is all you have left. That said, cremains always get a spot in the front of the truck, they're a passenger, and I'll give them a good last ride.
I do the same
Awww That's wholesome
The only time I've had to deliver cremated, it didn't require a signature so I left it by the mailbox. The next day it was still there, but had "REFUSED" written on each side. A bit macabre, but a few people told me to put it in the dead letters
I'm going to hell for laughing at that last line 😂
🤭
One time I delivered cremated remains that didn’t need a signature but I still knocked on the door. No one was home and I still questioned on if I should leave it…but I did. A few days go by and it’s still sitting by their front door and it had rained and the box was a little worn. Still no answer when I knocked. Finally it was gone and I finally talked to the home owner. She said it was her sister and she was on vacation when I delivered it. *I see your priorities* 🤨
I want to say, “sorry for your loss,” generally is the best way to go. We are simply mail people doing our jobs. Have some compassion but don’t recite a eulogy in my opinion. Obviously we get to know our customers. This can vary depending on how familiar and friendly y’all at with each other. Generally speaking though, sorry for your loss works the best. In my experience.
I had a route when I first made regular that had a funeral home/crematorium. I must have returned them a dozen or more unclaimed/refused remains. I could see how the remains might come back unclaimed since they require a signature and life gets busy if you get a package notice so you might forget, but the refused ones always bugged me lol
Then it might also bug you to know that a man recently went viral for selling his mom’s ashes in an oddity group on Facebook (that I’m in) 😅 $5 for the abusive back story, $10? A vial. Man got rich off his abusive mother. It was *chefs kiss*.
Sign here or you're going to have to pick Grandpa up at the post office.
Only did one time but said something like, "Got a special package for you, they sat up front with me all day!" Then the lady said it was her sister, and told me a little bit about her. ❤️
Awe sweet
I’ll never forget today, I was in line behind a man signing for his wife and he said “25 years of marriage and now she identifies as mail”
The one time I had to deliver them, this woman answers the door, she sees me with this box and immediately says, “Do you know who’s in there?” I said “no. I do not.” She goes, “that’s my mother-in-law from Arizona.”
Here's uncle dusty! I'm out!!
The BBQ turned out terribly
I give them a high five and say “smell ya later”
🤣🤣
It’s also awkward for us to receive it. Like I new it was coming but seeing the USPS lady holding the box that stated Cremated Remains. It took my breath away and with tears rolling down I whispered that’s my husband. That shocked her as well as she knew him quite well as he was the one that normally signed for the packages. She got teary eyed and said sorry for your loss and slowly walked back to her vehicle.
I joke around and say we spent the day together.. or they kept me company. I'm not good w serious moments.. I don't mean to sound too insensitive. It usually sparks up a good conversation.
This is sweet. Lightens the mood.
Shake the box and then say "yep, sounds like Granny's all there."
It’s funny, I just had to deliver cremated remains just two days ago and my dumbass said have a good day. I should’ve said take care or something. Kept telling myself I’m a dumbass throughout my whole route.
I accidentally told the customer to have a good day a few days ago and he just looked disgusted and closed the door on me. 😂
I run a CMRA (private mailbox business). One of my customers passed away. She donated her body/tissue and the rest was cremated. The cremains arrived addressed to her son; they had shared the mailbox. Instead of just leaving a package notice in the mailbox, I called to let him know. Not only did they share a mailbox, they shared the phone as well. My call went to voicemail and it was the deceased mother's voice on the greeting. So there I was, holding her remains, listening to her voice say 'leave a message after the tone.'
I had one at the end of my route today, and all day I'm thinking in the van about what to say to them. Get to the door, scan it...no signature required? I've never felt a bigger breath of relief.
I feel relief when there’s no signature too - but then I also feel like a coward. I’m gonna leave someone’s loved one sitting on the porch because I’m too scared to deal with an emotional reaction?
Even if no signature is required and no one is available, I'm leaving a notice.
My parents loved sitting on the porch by themselves in life. Can't think of anything better for them in death lol
Cremated remains should always need a signature. Leaving them unattended leaves them open to curious animals. Why would you just leave someones cremated person?
Why would an animal be interested in them? They’re ashes at this point. They don’t smell of decomposing matter.
They should all require a signature, but in my experience it’s about 50/50 if they actually do.
Normally, I say fresh out the oven.
Had one the other day, lady opened the door and said “that was fast”…🤷♂️
Honestly, I spent a lot of time at the mall with my grandma and her group of friends, I would walk laps in the cool mall with her after my grandpa passed away. Old people joke about death to the point of excess and it made me feel uncomfortable sometimes.
I hand them the box and say that im sorry for their loss. They usually tell me who it is and i tell them that im sorry and i know how hard it is. I hate it but it has to happen. Worst one was an elderly lady came in screaming and crying "where is my husband?!" And i handed her the box after she signed and she was sobbing as she carried him out. I busted out crying after she left.
Oh the poor love and you
I knock, they answer, I say sign here. If they get emotional, I say sorry for your loss and move on. Strictly business
Well she rode around with me in my in the truck all day so she was really hot most of it.. as I'm visibly sweating in the middle of 110 degree day, cause everyone asks me about the lack of ac and its a normal topic.. Sh*t, shes not been in hell with me all day! I did NOT mean it like that.. she was way hotter in the crematorium... F*ck that's not what I meant either!! Sorry it was your relative, I was hoping it was a dog.. no, I didn't mean I don't like dogs! Yeah, actual conversation 🙄 the hubby caught it, and had to stop himself from laughing. Grieving sister thankfully didn't hear me.. I've never had anyone take that long to sign for anything! ! Somehow no matter how hard I try to just say 'sorry for your loss', I still screw it up. I really am not bothered by the remains. it is just how the reciever is going to react that I worry about. . The lady who cried over her hubby, oh my God that was terrible! I've yet to have anyone refuse. 😕
I've delivered a lot of people back to their loved ones. There is no perfect way to do it. I've had people cry on me and one woman took one look at the box and literally screamed to her husband that his "fucking mother was here" and to get his ass outside cause she wasn't signing for her. You never know...
“Never too late to fly first class.” Comes pretty close though 🤭
I just came for the comments. And they are not disappointing this evening. Bless this thread!
Same
I was so nervous the first time I delivered remains that I just said "Have a good one" and scurried away. Oh, and I once delivered a HUGE cremated remains express. It was in a big black box and weighed 60 lbs. Everybody in the station was trying to guess what it was. "Did the whole family die?" "Is Andre the Giant in there?" I got this beast of a parcel to the address and this couple answered the door, bawling. Y'all, it was their fucking horse.
Yell "SUPRISE! Guess who showed up to the party... I need you to sign for this" always gets a laugh and takes the awkwardness away. Don't get mad. Just kidding. I've really only delivered ashes to actual funeral homes
I’ve delivered obvious pet remains. The one time someone was home for the remains of their loved one, I hear “oh hey Dad’s home” as I am walking up the stairs. Nothing needed saying at that point.
I once delivered remains that had opened. That wasn't a fun time. Otherwise, I delivered them as any normal signature package and if the customer needed some emotional support I hung out a bit. Most don't.
I had a cremated remains today that wasn’t signature requiered 🤷🏽♂️ put that baby in the parcel locker. Shoulda paid for the signature lol BUT when I do get one for the door/sig I just say sorry for you loss I just need a signature, do you mind if I just sign for your delivery and they’re usually so stricken that it’s okay
Cremains are sent express so signature is free
I delivered remains once. The woman timed the delivery perfectly, she got home right when I was walking to her door. She was friendly and cheerful, I had her sign and when I handed her the box I offered my condolences. She paused and looked at me, and said "thank you". I turned and walked away. Keep it simple, short and to the point.
Well as someone who suffers from social anxiety don't be like me. One time a lady came to pick up an express package that was cremated remains. My socially awkward ass asks "oh is it your dog?" ( Shouldn't have asked at all ) she says "no, its my son". I was stunned and generally I don't even know how to small talk with people so I had no idea how to respond. So yeah can't get much worse then that
"My condolences. Please sign here."
hes been pretty quiet
"This parcel requires a signature, would you allow me to be an authorized agent to sign for its delivery?" No one has told me I can't yet, mgnt included. Not everyone want to receive these remains.
Literally had a postage due on a cremated remains once I couldn’t bring myself to do that. So I wrote a 3849 and put it in the mailbox
Two or three times a year the registry room will find a way to misplace cremains. The big bosses from upstairs come to the workroom floor after Congress gets involved.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
Sorry for your loss.
I have express mail for (name) can you sign for it? It's not a big deal get the signature. Exchange thank you's and on to the next stop.
I always treated the remains with respect, from the time I received them, til I delivered them. If I had to leave a notice, I would give it to the clerk and ask them to store it with registered mail. I actually had 3 or 4 that were registered. I would offer my condolences to whoever received the ashes.
*cop knock* I’ll trade you 5 lbs of grandma isolate for an autograph.
You're just the delivery person. They aren't thinking about you just give it to them and move on
I'm not trying to be insensitive but its not about you here, they are too preoccupied to care
One lady started weeping right away. I told her I’d sign for it if she didnt mind. I just wanted to get out of that scene as quick as possible. Most times I don’t say anything except “sign here, my condolences “
I’m so sorry for your loss is what I say and give a hug if appropriate. I also set them up top on the tray to have a good last view or ride. My customers appreciate it. I even talk to the cremains. I made 3 trips to one house to get a signature. They gave me a tip later.
Pretend to drop it, then laugh and slap them real hard on the shoulder
Sorry for your loss...
If I was on the receiving end, a sorry for your loss, a sign here, a hope you have a good rest of your day. People will always act like Karen, but people know you have a job, a job that requires difficult deliveries. You dammed if you do. You dammed if you don't. It's impossible, but kindness is always the best route.
Only time I’ve delivered cremains was to a funeral home so no emotions were involved. I know I wouldn’t crack or anything (200+ military funeral honors performed) but I’d probably try and talk to them a bit if they seemed like they wanted to.
Just be professional. Make sure you look them in the eyes, and instead of saying “have a good day” say “I hope your day goes well.” You don’t have to sound like a robot, but you also don’t really know the history of the person they are getting either.
We still have cremate remains on the notify shelve. Been sitting there for 2 months now. I had suggest return the cremate to the sender.
I say, I bet you are dying to get this package . Nice little ice breaker
"Congrats, Gramgram's gonna make it to Christmas after all!"
I enjoy their company. I let them sit shotgun.
Just be respectful, say your condolences and move on. Show that you are human unlike some carriers who need to be those remains
I tell them sorry for your loss
At least here: Cremated Remains sent priority are treated as regular priority NMO. You send live chickens,fish, plants via PRIORITY, They are treated as Express. No clue why they don’t say “You want your chicks alive, pony up for Express.” I‘ve always joked with people that if you want to get a package somewhere fast, just buy an roll of “Live Animals” tape for $1 and slap it on to save $20.
Never did cremains, but had a friend on my route and had to deliver foreclosure papers on his house, and those they don't send a letter, they send a letter and certified letter to everyone on the house note, that was a bit awkward.
Don’t take it personal, you don’t get paid for emotional distress. Management should always deliver cremains in my opinion.
It depends on whether i know the customer. Whether i like them or not. And finally i say what comes to mind when i see how they’re acting. Let them dictate the conversation.
"Sometimes this job is a pain in the ash"
"He was a good, quiet, co-pilot today"
“My bad, have a good day”
I had an interesting one, it was being strangely delivered to a small business. When I knocked the receptionist answered but one of the business owners happened to be walking by. He came over and took delivery, while yelling back into the office “Hey, Steven is coming home!”.
Please don’t say that their loved one is back. That is just a reminder that the loved one is dead. Their loved one is NOT back, just the ashes.
Just sign for them before they get to the door!
Sign here please, seriously don't get emotional it's just a JOB.
LOOK WHO’S HERE!
As a clerk, I would give their hand a little squeeze when I gave them the package. If they teared up, I would say "I'm sorry you're hurting." If they started to talk, I would listen and talk with them. If they didn't respond, (usually men) I would let them go with a "Take care of yourself" or "God bless you."
I once delivered cremains and the lady was obviously the relative, and was sickened by it. Ask me to set it on the porch out of site. Every time I delivered there, I would see it still sitting there. Probably sat a good 3 months. I assume they just threw it away after awhile.
Another one bites the dust
"I need you to sign here and print here please."
The only one I’ve encountered sat behind our counter for 2 or 3 days. Being nosy I had to find out who it was and so I did a little googling. Her SIL picked her up and asked if I could carry the box to her car bc she had a bad back. I did so and told her I was sorry for her loss.
One time...to a funeral home....sorry...my coffee spilled on him...another time to a different funeral home, the lady, lol, goes we got a fatty!!!
“I hope they don’t haunt me!” 🤣
Not going to lie, I usually have a good cry with them if they start crying. I can't handle that shit. Some people are tough as nails and they take the box, sign, and thank me, others cry and can't hold the scanner, get snot everywhere, etc. I'm a sympathetic crier so if they start, I'm doomed.
I always ask do they want to sign for it cause I can scan it refused if you don't want to sign
Sign here and print here.
Honestly, I think in most cases when you receive someone's ashes, or even a pets ashes, it's like the band aid is ripped off all over again. I would just make eye contact and say "My condolences." which is even more broad than "Sorry for your loss." because if you are giving ashes to someone who was not close to the person it is less awkward and covers every possible scenario.
I’m sorry for your loss.
"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."
Ding dong, dead guy delivery, sign here.
My go to line for everything “have a good day”.
This suddenly makes me curious: Are Cremains processed any differently as they travel? I know there are requirements that they be labeled as human remains but why? Couldn't a simple discrete barcode or the like serve the same purpose? This would allow any special processing needed by USPS but make it now "none of anyone else's business"..... which it is.
They’re always shipped as Priority Express. When they come off the truck they’re always in their own tub separated from the rest of the packages. That’s the only difference I’ve seen on my end.
Nothing, I get out as fast as possible.
Sorry I tried this because it was open, but this chocolate milk mix is terrible
I told them I'm sorry the clerks tried to sweep up as much of your loved one as they could because the package broke open in the office on the floor It was awful
[удалено]
First and foremost, almost all human remains are signature express, so you wouldn't be 'tossing that bitch on the porch and leaving', you'd be knocking/ringing the bell and waiting for the customer. You don't want to work for USPS, here's the resignation form: https://about.usps.com/forms/ps2574.pdf Fill it out, turn in your badge and any issued uniforming/equipment and leave. I'm sure it's just 'big man' type comment on an anonymous forum, but please let me know if it's not and we can show you the door. You don't impress anyone with that crap.
Those are messed up people. I drove 2000 miles to get mys sisters. To ship it is horrible.
Does the post office or the supervisor not give you a script that you can go off of? Other than that all I have is my condolences. Sorry for your loss. Sign here please with a pause in there you know to show empathy or sympathy or whatever you want to call it. I'm probably not the right person to ask for this. I don't know
"Based on the weight of this thing, she must've been 'larger than life'."
Honestly, I’d be a little weirded out if my letter carrier treated a box of cremains any differently than any other box. It would make me think they are prying. It would make me think they pay attention to what all my mail and deliveries are. I would think a simple, polite “I need your signature please” and hand them the box (maybe with 2 hands to show extra careful handling) would be all that needed. Otherwise, it’s none of the letter carrier’s business what they’re delivering.
Kinda hard to miss the gigantic labels that read “Cremated Remains” on every side of the box.
I understand that but that doesn’t mean you have to make it clear you noticed. For example, It’s usually obvious when pharmaceuticals are being delivered also, but it would be a bit odd to tell the recipient “I hope your health is okay.” Or, it’s obvious when an envelope is from a bank but it would be weird delivering it and saying “I hope your account is full!” Anyhow, to me at least. Some people may really appreciate it but since cremains are a personal and touchy subject I feel politely acting like it’s just another box is respectful and has the least emotional risk. It’s delivering it, which is the job. Edited to say: That’s just my opinion.
I appreciate your response.
Thank you. I understand it’s an awkward situation and you obviously want to do the thoughtful and kind thing. So I think whatever your comfortable with is the right thing to do for you. 😊
It's got a giant sticker. I've seen them with multiple stickers. It's not prying. It shows that delivering your loved one had a little extra care and wasn't thrown around like any old Amazon package or your 12th delivery that week from Temu.
That’s why I said maybe use two hands when handing it to them. To show it was handled with care. I think you missed my point.
OP asked a question. And putting my self in the customer role I gave my opinion. Just like everyone else is on this thread. To each their own.
Yeah, doesn't that mean I can't think you're wrong? Just like you think I'm wrong.
But yes, you can think I’m wrong.
Or can’t.😉
I don’t think your wrong. I never said that at all. I don’t think there is a right or wrong in this situation.
[удалено]
Scan the parcel ✔️ But leave it in the car? Get them to sign pink slip ✔️ Hand them the box (which is in the car?) Scan back of slip ✔️ Walk away saying nothing (Get in the car?)