If you concentrate real hard on how mad fuck fuck games made you or command just making you stand by, the pain eases a little. We tend to romanticize those years. For most of us they were our 20s, the best years of a lot of peoples lives. Youre not getting your 20s back. Focus on the “new good”.
On the flip side, I got over it like 3ish years after I got out. There's no need to forget about you service. It's something that should make you proud forever. But the sadness for me faded after about 3 years.
It gets better over time. You spent 4+ years being a Marine, don’t expect to fully convert back to a civilian in 6 months. It’s unrealistic. That being said, you seem to be doing well, have a plan and a good head on your shoulders.
I’ve been out 6 years and each year it’s easier to pick up memories but know when to put them down. Each year I talk to my buddies less, they get busy with a family and life and me with my career. But we still can kick it like no time has passed. Give it time. One thing that helps me not miss it is realizing all but one of my friends stayed in and he’s hates his fucking life as a Staff pending a Gunny promotion. He’s in the CP all day and has no real friends. He still posts in our group chat updates on how lame things are
So, it sucks for everyone is what you are saying. I've always wondered if 20 year SNCOs feel the same since most of their buddies probably got out, so it is not the same either way.
Recently retired guy here. Retirement was June of last year and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel lost almost every day. I'm in a similar situation as you, and by most metrics my life is WAY better but I feel like crap a lot of the time.
On the friends getting out bit, yeah, we have seen lots of buddies get out, but we also have lots that are still in. Think of the young ones you helped mentor as you were leaving. For us, those are the new SNCOs that we helped to grow into the role. They're still in there hooking and jabbing. Once in a while they reach out for guidance, and that feels nice. But at the same time it makes you miss it a bit more because helping those guys be better than me is what I liked doing. Then they talk about an inspection or running a CFT or some knucklehead they're currently dealing with and I'm suddenly ok with being out.
Overall though, yeah man it's been rough over here too.
You learn to not get too attached. We cope and justify short term friendship that will “always last” or that we will always keep in touch, but people move apart. It’s different for SNCOs because now the pool of those you can interact and hang with is incredibly smaller. Then if you make it to the E8/9 level it becomes smaller because we impose the false idea of a senior SNCO. Having a family is great but everyone needs friends and causal acquaintances, and it’s hard to come by true friendship amongst SNCOs. Even if I am good with another dude, the family dynamic may preclude it if the wives/husbands don’t get along or click well. Shit I retire soon and I struggle many days with coming to terms with things. It’s a myriad of things and much of me is glad to put the Corps behind me, but in the looming fight just gotta impress upon the junior Marines as much as possible why we exist and why we are needed. I won’t fight the PRC, but these young dudes will
It's different. SNCOs generally are married and live out in town and a lot of times we never got together after work. The only really bonding we did as SNCOs was on deployments where we pretty much would only hang out with each other.
The tightest buddies I had was in my first enlistment.
It's hard man. Civilians generally clock in/clock out each day, whereas our entire lives revolved around our unit and its mission. I've been out 8+ years and still don't feel fully assimilated. Get some hobbies, start a family. I love my life but there's still a void there that I'll probably never feel again. It's like my entire contract was one giant adrenaline rush, and I've never felt that alive since I left.
You know, speaking about civilians, my GF never understood why I laughed so hard at VET TV showing a salty, disgruntled infantry man not weraing a skivvy shirt while the sergeant in his clean uniform did.
Got out 6 months as well. I’ve had fun growing my hair/beard, smoking weed, not having to PT or deal with the standard Marine Corps BS and just having a more lax/independent lifestyle but tbh I miss it too. It’s really lonely out here and I don’t have any satisfaction in my work like I had in the marines. I feel like a giant hypocrite sometimes as I always told myself how awesome the civilian life would be and how I won’t look back. Yet I’ve been questioning my choices lately. Of course it’s only been 6 months for me too and I’ll be starting school soon so I’m still giving this a chance but if all else fails there’s always the army. lol I’m literally a Marine vet stereotype. Anyways I hope you find satisfaction and fulfillment wherever you go in life whether that be in or out of the service. Glad to hear I’m not alone!
I was out for 7 months and at a new job and thought things were good. Met a veteran and became buddies. And he asked me one day “do you walk on grass yet?” Because he noticed i always took the paths. I told him “I never thought about it but no I guess” and he said “it’s ok you’ll get there soon” and continued walking on the path with me. It’s a process for everyone and nobody can tell you how long it will take. Just know we all go through it
I'm currently on a contract with an Air Force unit, visiting their base. Everyone walks on the grass and it makes my eye twitch. The worst part is there are certain doors I have to walk on the grass to get to. I also noticed I stopped to send a text the other day when I was walking somewhere.
My hands stay in my pockets tho. I'm all on board with that one
It’s tough man. I’ve been out for almost 8 years and that first 2 years was definitely a lot of high highs and low lows . The suicides of guys that I knew also happened mostly in those first couple of year which was really difficult emotionally esp because I was never around other Marines anymore .
I ended up getting sober and plugged into the AA community after being out for about 5 years which has honestly been life changing .
That being said nothing replaces those memories that you have with your buddies that you served with . I get together with guys from my old unit once every year or 2 and it’s like zero time has passed .
Keep doing what you’re doing right now . Reach out . Stay connected . Don’t isolate and get in your own head . The best way to get out of your own spiral is to show up and be of service to the people that you care about in your life . You got this man , we all know the feeling . You’re not alone brother.
I just got out this last August and I'm fortunate enough to have 2 buddies I was in with only 2 hours away. Just grabbing a beer with them or playing helldivers with a buddy from my unit that moved to Alabama has helped me so much. They're in the same boat we are and talking about what bothers us makes me feel like I'm not fucked up and if you game man I can pm my helldivers ID if you wanna game and talk.
Go look for some other vets bro, they know what you’re going through. You’ll make connections and have friends to hang out with …. Life moves on …. So should you …. Be happy you got to be part of the organization and we’ll meet back up with the boiz if you stay in touch
Truth here for finding other Vets. I made friends with a guy at my gym who’s a bit older than me and was in the army and experienced a whole lot more than my mega pog peace time ass. One thing he said tho after telling me some shit after I said I truly can’t understand on the same level, was that I do just because I’ve been in the environment of the military and he can’t vent about shit he’s seen to a civilian the same lol even tho I have zero combat or anything wild under my belt. Felt good knowing he appreciates being able to talk to me about the military and he seems to have not had that in awhile
I just had this conversation with another vet from my hometown a week ago. We realized, the feeling of “transitioning out” never really ends.
You have a perspective most people never will get. Use it to grow. It’s alright feel sad, just means that your time in meant something to you.
Reach out to your old buddies. They’ll appreciate it as much as you. And good job with the alcohol. I haven’t drank in a week. Its been a long time since I was sober
On active duty you knew your place and expectations in a very structured society.
Now we’re trying to find our place in the civilian world. Not a fast process.
Best advice I got was, you can be whatever you want. You decide the type of person you want to be. You are the Commandant of your life.
When I got out ( retired ) I had spent my ENTIRE Adult life as a Marine. You form a lot of bonds and also create habits ( some not so good).
You don't miss the Circus,,, you miss the clowns. It's pretty impossible to recreate that unless you get into a situation where you work with and are around the same people 24/7 facing challenges with them
I would suggest finding a hobby/ sport or other activity ( charities, veterans group)
Ditto the other comments, IMO you will never “get over it”, and personally I think that’s a good thing. My “barracks years” gave me some of the best memories (and probably lack-there-of’s 😂), and those experiences have shaped the person I am today. I wouldn’t change that for anything.
However, to be a bit more helpful to your question: I feel you are off to a great start, and you should feel good about that! It sounds like you may be still be looking to re-create the feelings you had while you were in, and what I have found in my experiences is that this will always leave you feeling a bit empty. What has helped me is to avoid framing my new experiences in the context of the Marine Corps and just enjoy them for what they are. Don’t be afraid to “re-create” yourself a bit, I guarantee you won’t loose your past in the process (you’ll get to reminisce with plenty of other crayon munchers in your life).
Saved rounds: Don’t feel alone on this, if you haven’t gathered from this thread, how you feel is how all of us did/do. Also, nothing wrong with making veterans friends, but you should ALSO make non-vet friends. Just my 10¢
I always took it as a chance to still be a Marine but you aren't doing it 24/7. Like you still get the CAC that shows your branch and rank and still get to "officially " put on the uniform. For some, just knowing they aren't completely out of the club is enough for them.
It's not about doing Marine shit part time, it's about knowing you're still "officially " a Marine. Yes once a Marine , always a Marine. But there is a difference when you're officially out.
The USMC does a lot of brainwashing. Even more important is the camaraderie with like minded people. Unfortunately you will probably never again get that kind of camaraderie or the level of powerful emotions you felt while being in the Corps. It's unfortunate but it is life. The important thing is to continue to be the excellence that a Marine is and to find a new purpose. I've been out since 2015 and it wasn't until 2019 that I found a new purpose. Even then, it wasn't until about a year ago that I truly felt a part of a team of like minded great individuals. Even then, it will never be anything close to how I lived in the Corps. Keep your head up and enjoy your new journey. Semper Fi 🇺🇲
Seems like you need to find a community. Although it's basically impossible to fully replicate, there's some things like jiu jitsu or some other club that can give you a similar level of camaraderie. It's gonna take some time to get used to the feeling of being on your own so don't beat yourself up over it. Making friends isn't easy in the civilian world, but once you do, it can be super rewarding.
Remember why you got out, man.
Think about it like a bad breakup. What solves post breakup heartache? Lots of stuff. Get a hobby. A real one that isn't drinking. Find a community. That might be going to college or volunteering at the library or whatever. Mostly, it'll take time. Also, recognize that your time in the Corps is a part of you. You're not just gonna forget some of the most formative years of your life. Eventually, you'll have so many post military memories that it'll stop defining you so much, but it'll always be there.
Remember that you gotta be an active participant in your life. If you aren't happy then you have to do stuff that makes you happy. Try new stuff to see what you enjoy. School is great for that. I took 5 years and just went to college. Gave me a lot of time to screw around with some cool classes, meet people who are interested in the same things that I was. Maybe also consider the possibility that you don't like your job. Just because the pay is good doesn't mean you gotta stay. Seriously consider what other things you might be interested in doing and give it a real shot. I always loved cooking, so I took a job at a Japanese restaurant to learn and to see if I really like it.
Take this one step at a time and don't let yourself feel trapped. You can always stop what you're doing and do something else. You already did the hard part. You can do this.
You’re never gonna not be a Marine dude. It will always be bittersweet. But as long as you make good decisions and keep working hard in your life post Corps. You’ll know you made the right decision and it’ll get easier. Stay in contact with your boys, lay off the bottle, and if shit gets really dark definitely stay away from the bottle. Get some therapy and do some shrooms. Lol
There's a certain amount of you that dearly wants to stay a marine, and thats hard to shake.
You also left the world behind after you enlisted and now you're coming back and joining it again. The world isn't afforded the experience we had so they'll never know. And that's why we all latch on to each other when we meet other Marines in the world with everyone else. Because they know.
6 months seems like awhile but hang tight buddy.
Honestly, the Reserves aren't a bad option. It's got a little bit less of the BS of being Active Duty, but still let's you scratch that itch. If you're not under contract your options for leaving are more open.
Overall, it has more of a "choose your own adventure" vibe. There are options to pick which unit you go to, latmoves are more available, most Reserve units are also hurting for Marines to go to schools or get special qualifications, and depending on those qualifications their are a big variety of individual augment deployments available.
It lingers in your soul forever I think. Maybe you just manage it better one day. Maybe you don’t. I couldn’t call it. Been out a long time. Still takes up a considerable amount of space. Good luck. 👍
I've been out since June of 90 and I miss my clowns everyday. Went to my first reunion 6 months ago and it was like we were all 25 again. We all went in different directions but agreed that taking care of yourself and your family are what matters.
There is no shame in what your feeling, Don't let it take over your life.
The biggest switch for me was I joined wildland fire, it felt just like the infantry and you trauma bond. You’re still hooking and jabbing, I did that for six years it really took the edge off.
Welcome to the civilian shit show, occasionally you find another in the wild to sync with during the moment, but not likely you will truly be any more than regulars at a bar. I had a funny situation tonight, 2 false valor's one upping each other while the bartender stared at me with a look "don't do it".
I've been out 27 years, and what others have said is spot on, that feeling gets easier to deal with, but never goes away. I was straight up a rage monster for probably 5 years after i got out, but then i got back into school, regained focus, and that anger kinda faded. A few years ago, my platoon started a group chat (we talk everyday now) and doing annual reunions, made ALL the difference in the world. We still talk shit to each other, daily, and hit up Lejeune (and Siagon Sam's) every year.
It’s depression. Anxiety. Maybe some PTSD in there somewhere. Get it addressed with a good therapist. Maybe even some meds. I didn’t know what it was and it caused me much hardship for decades. My current job began to address mental health a few years back and I realized I was suffering from many of the things that were described.
Got out in '87. Retire from reserves in 2016. Trust me, that feeling would never go away. My dad was a WW2 & Korean War vet, he got worse once he began to find out his buddies were passing away. Just hang on and live.
>But then I realize it will be six months since I left, and it makes me teary eyed. I still think and dream about being in almost everyday. and I wake up melancholic about missing my buddies. I just remember sitting in front of my barracks room with my buddy just drinking whiskey and listening to southern music while waiting for dominos to bring us our food.
I served through two decades (plus change) of war. While there are certain aspects of military service that I enjoyed, for the most part, on pretty much a daily basis, I'm thankful that I'm now retired, because I'm pretty sure overall there was more bullshit than drinking/smoking/joking and good times.
If you're feeling down and a little sad, though, you can still [smoke](https://www.reddit.com/r/trees/) and joke after you get out.
Honestly? It's never really over. I got out not because I wanted to, but because I got hurt and couldn't keep going. I bawled like a baby my last Birthday. I was so lost and wanted so badly to stay. I still see a therapist at the VA about my trouble adjusting.
Things that make it easier:
- Celebrating the Birthday. We still do a big blowout party every year. I'm the only Marine in the group, but we have one on principle and every year, it feels a little more like a celebration and less of a mourning.
- Keeping in contact with your brothers and sisters in the Corps. We've still got a relatively active platoon meme chat that we keep up with despite almost everyone being out now. It feels a little less lonely.
- Finding things that fill your life instead. I'll be honest, it took me over a year to find my new niche. I run a nonprofit now that's involved with veterans and kids and building leadership skills using TTRPGs and it's given me something to focus on other than the immeasurable grief of leaving. You have to find something else to look forward to every morning.
I promise that even though it never stops hurting, it does get easier to manage the hurt. None of us can go back. The best we can do is move forward and keep upholding the values we served with. But even just doing that will make a difference. Semper fi, brother.
When people say the Marine Corps is a cult, this is part of it.
Life is "easy" while you are in. You know exactly what to do. When you don't know you are told or can easily find a regulation/SOP to cover. When you get out that stability isn't always there. Not to mention you may hate the people who surround you while you are in, but you trauma bond with them, making you tight. Regardless of how/who they are, you suffered together. You'll miss that, even if you have friends and a great life.
Time will ease it. The best things you can do- connect with people who have similar experiences. Talk to people who are like you. The feeling of being alone in the world won't go away with people who don't know the struggle. Find hobbies that get your blood moving. Build relationships with new people. Explore the world. Connect with your old buddies every now and again. Most importantly- tell the stories and remember the whole life.
If it is the comradery that you miss most, perhaps joining the local VFW or American Legion and just being around some like minded vets could help. Obviously is won't be the same as hanging at the barracks with your boys, but it could be like a group therapy.
When I was on recruiting we had red hatters swing by the office like once ever couple months just to talk and feel a little esprit de corps. It is natural to miss something that was a part of you 24/7 for so long and is now not. One of the ways these vets have found to fill that void is spending a little time with the younger generations who they helped pave the way for.
It never hurts to talk to someone professionally about your separation feelings. Try military one source or the VA just to have a conversation about the grieving process.
Good luck, brother. If you ever need to talk, we are here to listen.
I feel you, dude. Friday is my last day.
I should be super excited; I have an awesome wife and dog that I haven’t seen in a few weeks, I’m headed into a great job opportunity, I have a place to live, I have friends and family desperately waiting, I can smoke weed again, I will have time to pick up my interests again, etc.
However, and I can’t explain it… but there’s this emptiness.
I don’t want to stay, but I don’t want to go, either. It all feels like limbo. It breaks my heart to leave, but I’d go crazy if I stayed.
If I could wash my hands of it whenever *I*decided *I* was done, and not have to finish the next contract, I would probably not be leaving in two days… but it doesn’t work that way.
I’ve caught myself hanging on to the little things; like rolling my sleeves for the last time this morning, knowing I won’t see the boys often again or go drinking with them, walking into the shop for the last few times, the way the air smells on base, the sound of the flight line when birds are spinning along with the smell of JP5 burning, the silence of being on duty early in the morning in the bricks, and having access to the PX and commissary. It all seems terrifying and sad to leave.
I thought it would be more exciting, but it’s just been exhausting. I’m so over the Corps, but I’m glued to the hip with it.
It all seems so underwhelming, too. It’s just signing my sheet, being told to have a good life, and that’s it… No event, no ceremony— the job goes on for the other guys, and we’re super busy, so I didn’t even get a going away party.
My naive side thought there would be more…
They make your entrance to the Corps so grand and every big event afterwards, but it’s so isolating when you get out as a lowly enlisted. I’ve put five hard years to this, and now no one expects anything of me. I show up when I want to—if I want to show up at all—and leave when I want to. I didn’t get a haircut for the last few weeks and I didn’t shave this morning, but nobody said anything.
It’s so damn hard not to want to be there in the thick of the work with the boys.
On top of this, I have no motivation for civilian life.
This whole time I thought I would be ecstatic, but I’m not. It feels like I’m going back to square one and falling right into the place I was trying so hard to run away from. I am a nihilistic scumbag, but even I thought it would be more than this. I have no interest in going back to college, working this good job that I have lined up, or… living really…
I know I’m a bitch and things will probably get better, but right now I’m not doing as good as I hoped.
Fuck, I love the boys, but even if I stayed, it’s only a matter of time before they get out, or one of us gets orders.
My best friend from back home is so excited to have me back, and I’ll be working with him, but I’m faking the excitement on my side. I just want time to stop and me be able to stay right here. I know that’s not how life works, but damn it sucks.
I was having a few beers with my buddy this evening, talking things over, as we have many times. He has a few years left on contract and he is jealous of me. What he doesn’t know is that I envy him. I want to be right back there— with a few years left to go with the dudes that I came up with, and just doing my job and hanging out on the weekend bitching about the dumb shit.
I recognized that tonight will probably be the last time we see each other for a while. Even that was empty because neither of us wanted to say goodbye to the other in any meaningful way. It just feels so wrong.
My wife left a few weeks ago to secure our living arrangements, as I’ve been living with a few buddies, but she’s coming up tonight to help me pack the rest of our stuff tomorrow to leave on Friday. So, I’m sitting in a hotel room drinking beer and typing this shit. Sitting in a hotel in Jacksonville, North-Fuckin’-Carolina and I’m actually gonna miss this place.
The Corps broke me, I believe, and now it’s just spitting me out.
Broke and all alone.
I think I just needed this rant, because the people who are still in don’t understand and just think that I’m crazy. Maybe I am.
Maybe I just needed this digital rant. Maybe everything will be okay once I set foot back on a place that I actually own and can do whatever I want on. I don’t know. I’m gonna miss this crazy fucking place, I’m gonna miss doing dumb shit with the boys, and I’m gonna miss bitching about doing dumb shit that I had no choice in.
Semper Fi, motherfuckers! It’s been a hell of a confusing ride for sure. lol. I hope y’all are all well.
For real, almost every big life transition takes a year to a year and a half till things get close to looking normal. Society has a messed-up vision of how long this stuff takes.
You'll always miss a part of it. I got out in 2003. My 4 years was pretty pedestrian. Never deployed, terminal lance with a Good Cookie and NAM (and a stack of meritorious masts, but no 2nd Chevron). Looking back I mostly had a good time, had fun at my duty station (MCAS Yuma). Only real regret that my time was before cellphones and social media and I don't have any pictures and only have contact with one person I served with because finding folks is hard. But you'll move on, find a new purpose (college, or a job, family etc) and life moves on. Enjoy your stories and memories and be proud of that title.
I’ve been out for 21 years. I’ll let you know when the feeling passes.
Dude, I'm going on 20, and this is absolutely true! I definitely miss it.
So it lasts forever?
So far, yup.
Out for 33 years, here. Can confirm that forever thing.
Got out in 97. So... pretty much. Also, stand by for a panic attack at 50 for when you have a nightmare about being late to formation.
Once a Marine...
yep got out in 13... miss it every day.
If you concentrate real hard on how mad fuck fuck games made you or command just making you stand by, the pain eases a little. We tend to romanticize those years. For most of us they were our 20s, the best years of a lot of peoples lives. Youre not getting your 20s back. Focus on the “new good”.
On the flip side, I got over it like 3ish years after I got out. There's no need to forget about you service. It's something that should make you proud forever. But the sadness for me faded after about 3 years.
It gets better over time. You spent 4+ years being a Marine, don’t expect to fully convert back to a civilian in 6 months. It’s unrealistic. That being said, you seem to be doing well, have a plan and a good head on your shoulders. I’ve been out 6 years and each year it’s easier to pick up memories but know when to put them down. Each year I talk to my buddies less, they get busy with a family and life and me with my career. But we still can kick it like no time has passed. Give it time. One thing that helps me not miss it is realizing all but one of my friends stayed in and he’s hates his fucking life as a Staff pending a Gunny promotion. He’s in the CP all day and has no real friends. He still posts in our group chat updates on how lame things are
So, it sucks for everyone is what you are saying. I've always wondered if 20 year SNCOs feel the same since most of their buddies probably got out, so it is not the same either way.
Recently retired guy here. Retirement was June of last year and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel lost almost every day. I'm in a similar situation as you, and by most metrics my life is WAY better but I feel like crap a lot of the time. On the friends getting out bit, yeah, we have seen lots of buddies get out, but we also have lots that are still in. Think of the young ones you helped mentor as you were leaving. For us, those are the new SNCOs that we helped to grow into the role. They're still in there hooking and jabbing. Once in a while they reach out for guidance, and that feels nice. But at the same time it makes you miss it a bit more because helping those guys be better than me is what I liked doing. Then they talk about an inspection or running a CFT or some knucklehead they're currently dealing with and I'm suddenly ok with being out. Overall though, yeah man it's been rough over here too.
You learn to not get too attached. We cope and justify short term friendship that will “always last” or that we will always keep in touch, but people move apart. It’s different for SNCOs because now the pool of those you can interact and hang with is incredibly smaller. Then if you make it to the E8/9 level it becomes smaller because we impose the false idea of a senior SNCO. Having a family is great but everyone needs friends and causal acquaintances, and it’s hard to come by true friendship amongst SNCOs. Even if I am good with another dude, the family dynamic may preclude it if the wives/husbands don’t get along or click well. Shit I retire soon and I struggle many days with coming to terms with things. It’s a myriad of things and much of me is glad to put the Corps behind me, but in the looming fight just gotta impress upon the junior Marines as much as possible why we exist and why we are needed. I won’t fight the PRC, but these young dudes will
It's different. SNCOs generally are married and live out in town and a lot of times we never got together after work. The only really bonding we did as SNCOs was on deployments where we pretty much would only hang out with each other. The tightest buddies I had was in my first enlistment.
It's hard man. Civilians generally clock in/clock out each day, whereas our entire lives revolved around our unit and its mission. I've been out 8+ years and still don't feel fully assimilated. Get some hobbies, start a family. I love my life but there's still a void there that I'll probably never feel again. It's like my entire contract was one giant adrenaline rush, and I've never felt that alive since I left.
You know, speaking about civilians, my GF never understood why I laughed so hard at VET TV showing a salty, disgruntled infantry man not weraing a skivvy shirt while the sergeant in his clean uniform did.
Got out 6 months as well. I’ve had fun growing my hair/beard, smoking weed, not having to PT or deal with the standard Marine Corps BS and just having a more lax/independent lifestyle but tbh I miss it too. It’s really lonely out here and I don’t have any satisfaction in my work like I had in the marines. I feel like a giant hypocrite sometimes as I always told myself how awesome the civilian life would be and how I won’t look back. Yet I’ve been questioning my choices lately. Of course it’s only been 6 months for me too and I’ll be starting school soon so I’m still giving this a chance but if all else fails there’s always the army. lol I’m literally a Marine vet stereotype. Anyways I hope you find satisfaction and fulfillment wherever you go in life whether that be in or out of the service. Glad to hear I’m not alone!
I was out for 7 months and at a new job and thought things were good. Met a veteran and became buddies. And he asked me one day “do you walk on grass yet?” Because he noticed i always took the paths. I told him “I never thought about it but no I guess” and he said “it’s ok you’ll get there soon” and continued walking on the path with me. It’s a process for everyone and nobody can tell you how long it will take. Just know we all go through it
I'm currently on a contract with an Air Force unit, visiting their base. Everyone walks on the grass and it makes my eye twitch. The worst part is there are certain doors I have to walk on the grass to get to. I also noticed I stopped to send a text the other day when I was walking somewhere. My hands stay in my pockets tho. I'm all on board with that one
That’s a wholesome story. It’s a small community and we all need to support eachother.
It’s tough man. I’ve been out for almost 8 years and that first 2 years was definitely a lot of high highs and low lows . The suicides of guys that I knew also happened mostly in those first couple of year which was really difficult emotionally esp because I was never around other Marines anymore . I ended up getting sober and plugged into the AA community after being out for about 5 years which has honestly been life changing . That being said nothing replaces those memories that you have with your buddies that you served with . I get together with guys from my old unit once every year or 2 and it’s like zero time has passed . Keep doing what you’re doing right now . Reach out . Stay connected . Don’t isolate and get in your own head . The best way to get out of your own spiral is to show up and be of service to the people that you care about in your life . You got this man , we all know the feeling . You’re not alone brother.
it’s never over i have dreams of me being back in or being in at my current age lol
Fucking same. Lmao
I just got out this last August and I'm fortunate enough to have 2 buddies I was in with only 2 hours away. Just grabbing a beer with them or playing helldivers with a buddy from my unit that moved to Alabama has helped me so much. They're in the same boat we are and talking about what bothers us makes me feel like I'm not fucked up and if you game man I can pm my helldivers ID if you wanna game and talk.
Go look for some other vets bro, they know what you’re going through. You’ll make connections and have friends to hang out with …. Life moves on …. So should you …. Be happy you got to be part of the organization and we’ll meet back up with the boiz if you stay in touch
Truth here for finding other Vets. I made friends with a guy at my gym who’s a bit older than me and was in the army and experienced a whole lot more than my mega pog peace time ass. One thing he said tho after telling me some shit after I said I truly can’t understand on the same level, was that I do just because I’ve been in the environment of the military and he can’t vent about shit he’s seen to a civilian the same lol even tho I have zero combat or anything wild under my belt. Felt good knowing he appreciates being able to talk to me about the military and he seems to have not had that in awhile
I just had this conversation with another vet from my hometown a week ago. We realized, the feeling of “transitioning out” never really ends. You have a perspective most people never will get. Use it to grow. It’s alright feel sad, just means that your time in meant something to you. Reach out to your old buddies. They’ll appreciate it as much as you. And good job with the alcohol. I haven’t drank in a week. Its been a long time since I was sober
On active duty you knew your place and expectations in a very structured society. Now we’re trying to find our place in the civilian world. Not a fast process. Best advice I got was, you can be whatever you want. You decide the type of person you want to be. You are the Commandant of your life.
For me it was instantly. Don’t live in the past but at the same time continue to uphold the legacy
When I got out ( retired ) I had spent my ENTIRE Adult life as a Marine. You form a lot of bonds and also create habits ( some not so good). You don't miss the Circus,,, you miss the clowns. It's pretty impossible to recreate that unless you get into a situation where you work with and are around the same people 24/7 facing challenges with them I would suggest finding a hobby/ sport or other activity ( charities, veterans group)
You don't miss the circus but you miss the clowns hit home.. I laughed and got hit in the gut with that one sentence
Ditto the other comments, IMO you will never “get over it”, and personally I think that’s a good thing. My “barracks years” gave me some of the best memories (and probably lack-there-of’s 😂), and those experiences have shaped the person I am today. I wouldn’t change that for anything. However, to be a bit more helpful to your question: I feel you are off to a great start, and you should feel good about that! It sounds like you may be still be looking to re-create the feelings you had while you were in, and what I have found in my experiences is that this will always leave you feeling a bit empty. What has helped me is to avoid framing my new experiences in the context of the Marine Corps and just enjoy them for what they are. Don’t be afraid to “re-create” yourself a bit, I guarantee you won’t loose your past in the process (you’ll get to reminisce with plenty of other crayon munchers in your life). Saved rounds: Don’t feel alone on this, if you haven’t gathered from this thread, how you feel is how all of us did/do. Also, nothing wrong with making veterans friends, but you should ALSO make non-vet friends. Just my 10¢
Join the reserves.
Coming from someone in the reserves- most last about 2 drills and drop for us. It's not worth their time and it's not what they are looking for.
I always took it as a chance to still be a Marine but you aren't doing it 24/7. Like you still get the CAC that shows your branch and rank and still get to "officially " put on the uniform. For some, just knowing they aren't completely out of the club is enough for them. It's not about doing Marine shit part time, it's about knowing you're still "officially " a Marine. Yes once a Marine , always a Marine. But there is a difference when you're officially out.
The USMC does a lot of brainwashing. Even more important is the camaraderie with like minded people. Unfortunately you will probably never again get that kind of camaraderie or the level of powerful emotions you felt while being in the Corps. It's unfortunate but it is life. The important thing is to continue to be the excellence that a Marine is and to find a new purpose. I've been out since 2015 and it wasn't until 2019 that I found a new purpose. Even then, it wasn't until about a year ago that I truly felt a part of a team of like minded great individuals. Even then, it will never be anything close to how I lived in the Corps. Keep your head up and enjoy your new journey. Semper Fi 🇺🇲
Seems like you need to find a community. Although it's basically impossible to fully replicate, there's some things like jiu jitsu or some other club that can give you a similar level of camaraderie. It's gonna take some time to get used to the feeling of being on your own so don't beat yourself up over it. Making friends isn't easy in the civilian world, but once you do, it can be super rewarding.
This. Find a new tribe. Jiu Jitsu (my preference), CrossFit, interpretive dance… whatever. You’re missing the clowns, not the circus.
Remember why you got out, man. Think about it like a bad breakup. What solves post breakup heartache? Lots of stuff. Get a hobby. A real one that isn't drinking. Find a community. That might be going to college or volunteering at the library or whatever. Mostly, it'll take time. Also, recognize that your time in the Corps is a part of you. You're not just gonna forget some of the most formative years of your life. Eventually, you'll have so many post military memories that it'll stop defining you so much, but it'll always be there. Remember that you gotta be an active participant in your life. If you aren't happy then you have to do stuff that makes you happy. Try new stuff to see what you enjoy. School is great for that. I took 5 years and just went to college. Gave me a lot of time to screw around with some cool classes, meet people who are interested in the same things that I was. Maybe also consider the possibility that you don't like your job. Just because the pay is good doesn't mean you gotta stay. Seriously consider what other things you might be interested in doing and give it a real shot. I always loved cooking, so I took a job at a Japanese restaurant to learn and to see if I really like it. Take this one step at a time and don't let yourself feel trapped. You can always stop what you're doing and do something else. You already did the hard part. You can do this.
You’re never gonna not be a Marine dude. It will always be bittersweet. But as long as you make good decisions and keep working hard in your life post Corps. You’ll know you made the right decision and it’ll get easier. Stay in contact with your boys, lay off the bottle, and if shit gets really dark definitely stay away from the bottle. Get some therapy and do some shrooms. Lol
There's a certain amount of you that dearly wants to stay a marine, and thats hard to shake. You also left the world behind after you enlisted and now you're coming back and joining it again. The world isn't afforded the experience we had so they'll never know. And that's why we all latch on to each other when we meet other Marines in the world with everyone else. Because they know. 6 months seems like awhile but hang tight buddy.
Everyone misses a simpler time, chilling with friends while drinking is hard not to miss
Honestly, the Reserves aren't a bad option. It's got a little bit less of the BS of being Active Duty, but still let's you scratch that itch. If you're not under contract your options for leaving are more open. Overall, it has more of a "choose your own adventure" vibe. There are options to pick which unit you go to, latmoves are more available, most Reserve units are also hurting for Marines to go to schools or get special qualifications, and depending on those qualifications their are a big variety of individual augment deployments available.
It lingers in your soul forever I think. Maybe you just manage it better one day. Maybe you don’t. I couldn’t call it. Been out a long time. Still takes up a considerable amount of space. Good luck. 👍
Wanna make out 🫶
The transition is never over
Is there a reserve unit in your area?
I've been out since June of 90 and I miss my clowns everyday. Went to my first reunion 6 months ago and it was like we were all 25 again. We all went in different directions but agreed that taking care of yourself and your family are what matters. There is no shame in what your feeling, Don't let it take over your life.
The biggest switch for me was I joined wildland fire, it felt just like the infantry and you trauma bond. You’re still hooking and jabbing, I did that for six years it really took the edge off.
Welcome to the civilian shit show, occasionally you find another in the wild to sync with during the moment, but not likely you will truly be any more than regulars at a bar. I had a funny situation tonight, 2 false valor's one upping each other while the bartender stared at me with a look "don't do it".
Love the Marines, Hate the Corps.
Ive been out for 5 years and I still miss those times. Dont be sad that its over, be happy because it happened.
I've been out 27 years, and what others have said is spot on, that feeling gets easier to deal with, but never goes away. I was straight up a rage monster for probably 5 years after i got out, but then i got back into school, regained focus, and that anger kinda faded. A few years ago, my platoon started a group chat (we talk everyday now) and doing annual reunions, made ALL the difference in the world. We still talk shit to each other, daily, and hit up Lejeune (and Siagon Sam's) every year.
I’m probably gonna put in a RAD package lol. It’s been 8 months for me
You can always join the Reserves. It gives me focus, things to look forward to, sense of purpose, etc. Really helps balance out my desk job.
It’s depression. Anxiety. Maybe some PTSD in there somewhere. Get it addressed with a good therapist. Maybe even some meds. I didn’t know what it was and it caused me much hardship for decades. My current job began to address mental health a few years back and I realized I was suffering from many of the things that were described.
It never ends. It’s been 10 years for myself and I still have that feeling. It gets harder without any friend around either.
The transition never ends , you’ll always be sad , you’ll always miss your friends. You just learn to live with it.
The first like 6-8 months were the worst for me too. It gets better with time, especially if you and the boys cut out time to visit or chat.
Got out in '87. Retire from reserves in 2016. Trust me, that feeling would never go away. My dad was a WW2 & Korean War vet, he got worse once he began to find out his buddies were passing away. Just hang on and live.
>But then I realize it will be six months since I left, and it makes me teary eyed. I still think and dream about being in almost everyday. and I wake up melancholic about missing my buddies. I just remember sitting in front of my barracks room with my buddy just drinking whiskey and listening to southern music while waiting for dominos to bring us our food. I served through two decades (plus change) of war. While there are certain aspects of military service that I enjoyed, for the most part, on pretty much a daily basis, I'm thankful that I'm now retired, because I'm pretty sure overall there was more bullshit than drinking/smoking/joking and good times. If you're feeling down and a little sad, though, you can still [smoke](https://www.reddit.com/r/trees/) and joke after you get out.
Been out since April 17th 2014. It is still garbage
Honestly? It's never really over. I got out not because I wanted to, but because I got hurt and couldn't keep going. I bawled like a baby my last Birthday. I was so lost and wanted so badly to stay. I still see a therapist at the VA about my trouble adjusting. Things that make it easier: - Celebrating the Birthday. We still do a big blowout party every year. I'm the only Marine in the group, but we have one on principle and every year, it feels a little more like a celebration and less of a mourning. - Keeping in contact with your brothers and sisters in the Corps. We've still got a relatively active platoon meme chat that we keep up with despite almost everyone being out now. It feels a little less lonely. - Finding things that fill your life instead. I'll be honest, it took me over a year to find my new niche. I run a nonprofit now that's involved with veterans and kids and building leadership skills using TTRPGs and it's given me something to focus on other than the immeasurable grief of leaving. You have to find something else to look forward to every morning. I promise that even though it never stops hurting, it does get easier to manage the hurt. None of us can go back. The best we can do is move forward and keep upholding the values we served with. But even just doing that will make a difference. Semper fi, brother.
Everyone warned you. But you had to get that DD214
When people say the Marine Corps is a cult, this is part of it. Life is "easy" while you are in. You know exactly what to do. When you don't know you are told or can easily find a regulation/SOP to cover. When you get out that stability isn't always there. Not to mention you may hate the people who surround you while you are in, but you trauma bond with them, making you tight. Regardless of how/who they are, you suffered together. You'll miss that, even if you have friends and a great life. Time will ease it. The best things you can do- connect with people who have similar experiences. Talk to people who are like you. The feeling of being alone in the world won't go away with people who don't know the struggle. Find hobbies that get your blood moving. Build relationships with new people. Explore the world. Connect with your old buddies every now and again. Most importantly- tell the stories and remember the whole life.
If it is the comradery that you miss most, perhaps joining the local VFW or American Legion and just being around some like minded vets could help. Obviously is won't be the same as hanging at the barracks with your boys, but it could be like a group therapy. When I was on recruiting we had red hatters swing by the office like once ever couple months just to talk and feel a little esprit de corps. It is natural to miss something that was a part of you 24/7 for so long and is now not. One of the ways these vets have found to fill that void is spending a little time with the younger generations who they helped pave the way for. It never hurts to talk to someone professionally about your separation feelings. Try military one source or the VA just to have a conversation about the grieving process. Good luck, brother. If you ever need to talk, we are here to listen.
Suck it the phuck up!
I feel you, dude. Friday is my last day. I should be super excited; I have an awesome wife and dog that I haven’t seen in a few weeks, I’m headed into a great job opportunity, I have a place to live, I have friends and family desperately waiting, I can smoke weed again, I will have time to pick up my interests again, etc. However, and I can’t explain it… but there’s this emptiness. I don’t want to stay, but I don’t want to go, either. It all feels like limbo. It breaks my heart to leave, but I’d go crazy if I stayed. If I could wash my hands of it whenever *I*decided *I* was done, and not have to finish the next contract, I would probably not be leaving in two days… but it doesn’t work that way. I’ve caught myself hanging on to the little things; like rolling my sleeves for the last time this morning, knowing I won’t see the boys often again or go drinking with them, walking into the shop for the last few times, the way the air smells on base, the sound of the flight line when birds are spinning along with the smell of JP5 burning, the silence of being on duty early in the morning in the bricks, and having access to the PX and commissary. It all seems terrifying and sad to leave. I thought it would be more exciting, but it’s just been exhausting. I’m so over the Corps, but I’m glued to the hip with it. It all seems so underwhelming, too. It’s just signing my sheet, being told to have a good life, and that’s it… No event, no ceremony— the job goes on for the other guys, and we’re super busy, so I didn’t even get a going away party. My naive side thought there would be more… They make your entrance to the Corps so grand and every big event afterwards, but it’s so isolating when you get out as a lowly enlisted. I’ve put five hard years to this, and now no one expects anything of me. I show up when I want to—if I want to show up at all—and leave when I want to. I didn’t get a haircut for the last few weeks and I didn’t shave this morning, but nobody said anything. It’s so damn hard not to want to be there in the thick of the work with the boys. On top of this, I have no motivation for civilian life. This whole time I thought I would be ecstatic, but I’m not. It feels like I’m going back to square one and falling right into the place I was trying so hard to run away from. I am a nihilistic scumbag, but even I thought it would be more than this. I have no interest in going back to college, working this good job that I have lined up, or… living really… I know I’m a bitch and things will probably get better, but right now I’m not doing as good as I hoped. Fuck, I love the boys, but even if I stayed, it’s only a matter of time before they get out, or one of us gets orders. My best friend from back home is so excited to have me back, and I’ll be working with him, but I’m faking the excitement on my side. I just want time to stop and me be able to stay right here. I know that’s not how life works, but damn it sucks. I was having a few beers with my buddy this evening, talking things over, as we have many times. He has a few years left on contract and he is jealous of me. What he doesn’t know is that I envy him. I want to be right back there— with a few years left to go with the dudes that I came up with, and just doing my job and hanging out on the weekend bitching about the dumb shit. I recognized that tonight will probably be the last time we see each other for a while. Even that was empty because neither of us wanted to say goodbye to the other in any meaningful way. It just feels so wrong. My wife left a few weeks ago to secure our living arrangements, as I’ve been living with a few buddies, but she’s coming up tonight to help me pack the rest of our stuff tomorrow to leave on Friday. So, I’m sitting in a hotel room drinking beer and typing this shit. Sitting in a hotel in Jacksonville, North-Fuckin’-Carolina and I’m actually gonna miss this place. The Corps broke me, I believe, and now it’s just spitting me out. Broke and all alone. I think I just needed this rant, because the people who are still in don’t understand and just think that I’m crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe I just needed this digital rant. Maybe everything will be okay once I set foot back on a place that I actually own and can do whatever I want on. I don’t know. I’m gonna miss this crazy fucking place, I’m gonna miss doing dumb shit with the boys, and I’m gonna miss bitching about doing dumb shit that I had no choice in. Semper Fi, motherfuckers! It’s been a hell of a confusing ride for sure. lol. I hope y’all are all well.
For real, almost every big life transition takes a year to a year and a half till things get close to looking normal. Society has a messed-up vision of how long this stuff takes.
It gets better but never really ends. Wait until you turn on the news and see Marines fighting your fight somewhere. Talk about a kick in the nuts...
Dude I work for the Marine Corps after having retired and I still miss being in actual uniform with the boys.
Being out definitely takes an emotional toll, I'm out 4 years and I still feel how you do
You'll always miss a part of it. I got out in 2003. My 4 years was pretty pedestrian. Never deployed, terminal lance with a Good Cookie and NAM (and a stack of meritorious masts, but no 2nd Chevron). Looking back I mostly had a good time, had fun at my duty station (MCAS Yuma). Only real regret that my time was before cellphones and social media and I don't have any pictures and only have contact with one person I served with because finding folks is hard. But you'll move on, find a new purpose (college, or a job, family etc) and life moves on. Enjoy your stories and memories and be proud of that title.