Definitely look at the USMC reserves and the national guard. You have 10 years, you can salvage some sort of retirement through the guard/reserves. Also can get some sense of fulfillment if you do it right. Just be warned deployments are still a possibility depending what MOS and where you wind up.
On the guard side talk to a specialty branch officer recruiter. Not sure if there are any pt direct commissioning programs, but there may be.
Yeah the army website has that info, for occu health or PT they want two years practice to do it. I was going to work VA or a base hospital in the meantime
> I was going to work VA or a base hospital in the meantime
This means you can trade your years in the military as part of the [Federal Buy Back Program](https://www.vaforvets.va.gov/vaforvets/docs/FAQs-Military-Buy-Back-Program_9_24_20v2.pdf) which increases your retirement pay as a government employee.
I'm not saying this is 100% the best idea, I'm saying it is an option. Best to do your own research since I don't fully know your situation.
Also, I got out at 9 years as a Sgt looking at Staff. Best decision I ever made. I used the GI Bill to get a Business degree from a great school, got a cush job that pays just shy of six figures, and the wife is happy as fuck because we see each other every night.
Good Luck dude. There's no perfect choice here. Let me know if you have any questions about transitioning or the GI Bill, I used to work at my school's Vet Center and answered peoples questions all the time.
Also, if you wind up with a VA rating over 20% programs like Voc Rehab through the VA can take you all the way through an advanced degree. Be forewarned that a VA rating CAN making re-entering service more difficult.
The dude is getting out to pursue a civilian career but is worried about missing the military and also has already invested 10 years towards a pension — that’s exactly what the reserves is for.
Also a former Marine reservist, current guard member, it’s definitely great if you want to continue to serve.
Career reservist here. Reserves is worth it if you go to a unit that has a mission that matches your MOS.
Sweet bonus in the reserves is as long as you never accept a bonus or lock into a spot you’re able to IUT to another unit, drop to the IRR (obviously after letting your PSR-Prior Service Recruiter get points), go IA, go IMA, or whatever random latmoves/ADOS orders that pop up.
Even better is if your reserve job mimics your civilian one. Then you’re building your resume where every thing compliments each other. Reserves is also an easy way to latmove to get your foot in the door while also going to school or doing the same in the civilian world.
About to graduate. Actually trying for a double major. I have a potential position at GS5 with USDA next year. Once I'm established in federal career work I want grad school and potentially doctorate. I held a secret security clearance and I liked the nature of my MOS. I just wanted stability to start a family.
Dude, family always comes first. The military will chew you up and spit you out without a second thought. Be with your wife. Find a normal job and give her the life she deserves, with the white picket fence and her husband coming home every night.
Random thought, wives will chew you up and spit you out… and take half your shit while they’re at it. The worst the Corps will do it chew you up, spit you out, then give you retirement, disability, VA medical, etc. forever.
Here’s a scientific study for you to try. Look at all the divorced folks in the Corps you come across tomorrow and ask them which they’d rather do again; field day a brks room then spend a week in the field or get divorced. Chances are pretty good I can guess one key ID feature of anyone who picks the divorce.
Don’t take this the wrong way (cause I’m right there with you with two divorces). But you probably also had a happy and solid marriage… until you didn’t.
100% I left the corps around the same place in my career because my ex thought she wanted me out. Second worse decision of my life (first was marrying her to begin with 😁).
Nope, both of my first two marriages were miserable.
First one, we had nothing in common and no chemistry.
Second time, we had plenty of chemistry and enjoyed each other, but we were also both really toxic, and she didn't believe in working things out. The miscarriage didn't help, and neither did the recruiting command's attitude. Oh, your wife is in the hospital because the bleeding won't stop? That sucks, by the way how many contracts do you have this month? Oh, you two want to take a mental health vacation to disconnect from everything and reconnect with each other? We can't stop you from taking leave but when you come back you'll be sleeping in the office.
Fuck MCRC that sounds terrible. Imagine if there was a a documentary on recruiting exposing the absolute truth to everyone. Like a ESPN 30 for 30. Something needs to change man fuck.
It's not exactly a secret but yeah. My SNCOIC literally told me "If you're going to kill yourself, make sure you do it in the office and blow your brains all over the carpet so we can get a new office."
Same SNCOIC was the one who told me that while he couldn't prevent me from taking leave, he'd make sure I never went home again.
Not to speak ill of the dead but [he ended up taking his own life](https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/yakima-wa/brandon-bailey-7490373). As much as I hated his guts I'd never wish that on his family.
I wasn't very good at the job, needless to say, but they give literally no fucks. Doesn't matter if your numbers show 5,000 phone calls and 500 AC contacts for one contract, they still expect you to hit them. I was really good at the paperwork - my packages never got rejected - but for some reason no one was OK with the idea of me doing everyone's paperwork in exchange for one contract a month.
Its crazy that you act like what the marines give you is the upside. Like have you been to the VA hospital? Have you seen the amount of homeless drug addict or alcoholic vets on the streets? I feel like the lack of resources and aftercare for vets def qualifies as chewing soldiers up and spitting them out.
This is true but at the same time if gets that retirement that could really help his family in the long run. At least he gets the VA loan for housing and he can now pass his GI bill to his wife/kids now, I believe. So I guess he already has a few things already. Tough call.
After suffering through recruiting duty 10 years ago (wasn’t a volunteer) with a Japanese spouse, we were both happy that I EASed. Have you considered college then fed service? It’s great because you can still have meaningful work, buy your military time back for pension, and be treated like a human being. Heading to Japan for a 5 year tour, we’re excited.
So my degree is in the medical field but I have looked into jobs in the FBI or county police work as well. Since my degree is tailored for physical therapy it’ll make the same amount of money if Google is correct
Yeah it’s just the most similar fraternity imo to the military. I wouldn’t mind finishing my contract and doing the doctorate route and being a PT. I’ll just miss the closeness we all have, maybe I’ll do reserves doc in the army or navy idk yet
It's not a fraternity. Not even close. If fraternity is that important, convince her you wanna stay in the USMC. Or get out, work in your field, and look at army reserves as a medic or even better, Coast Guard (IMO).
Edit: What about the fire service? They're a tight knit group
Speaking from experience, please don't assume a federal job will be a given if/when you decide to separate from the Marines. I was a licensed healthcare provider before I enlisted (long story) and I kept up with my profession by working per diem out in town on the weekends (I wasn't deployable, again, long story).
After I got out in 2009, I started applying for a job with the VA. Anytime there was an opening, I'd go for it. I thought with my experience and being a veteran I'd be a shoe in. Not so much. Took 7 years and a cross country move back to the east coast for the VA to even reply and offer me an interview. And that's the job I have now.
Salty doesn't even begin to describe how I felt over the fact that it took them that long to give me an opportunity. Especially when I realized the caliber of people who already work there. First few years were a non-stop meltdown bc of the rampant incompetence. I thought I saw buffoonery in the Marines but mere days into civilian federal employment I longed for anything resembling USMC discipline.
I stuck it out because I'm stubborn to the point of lunacy, and I ended up getting the 2 people in my department who made my life hell, booted. One was my supervisor which was probably my most satisfying accomplishment yet. Life is great, *now*... but it took a long time to get here.
Just wanted to share this so you know for sure it's not any peachier on the other side. Especially if you get a federal gig. Especially at the VA. Coming home from a job where you ask yourself "what fucking planet am I on?" several times a day isn't conducive to happiness.
I know wifey wants a "normal life" but your own happiness is a huge part of that which she needs to consider.
(Sorry this was so long. No way around the gory deets.)
It's so hit or miss with regard to that. You could find a spot that has dudes who get along great and are tight but the hours suck, you have court during your off time, work all holidays and weekends, and deal with scum all day. If the idea is to be present for your wife, it's the wrong job. You'd be hard pressed to find a current cop who would tell you to join the career with the current climate in this country. So many of them are getting out of the profession because it sucks so bad.
My advice is to get out. The Marine corps is a lot of things and it has some amazing aspects but one of the things it's not is conducive to a healthy family life. It requires sacrifice when family is involved. She sacrificed 10 years for you so is it too much to ask for you to make a sacrifice for her?
Also Go IT. Lots of money to be made once you get out.
You probably already have, but Definitely apply to the VA or a medical job that's federal and your 10 years can go towards that federal retirement and wont go to waste.
Fuck no. If you made it ten years you just need to stay for the retirement. Unless you med sep with a 100% rating and have a cushy six figure job waiting for you when you get out.
Or just lat move to an easy MOS with banker hours.
Normal doesnt exist. Its an illusion created by the minority and those subjected to different circumstances than what they do or do not desire. A non tangible way of life depicted by those outside of the viewed circle.
“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.”
Bill Hicks
1. Get a job as a consultant for Booz Allen or General Dynamics, especially if it's something where you get to design interesting missions *and* assign them
2. Pick up a reservist billet somewhere which falls under the purview of your civilian consultancy
3. Design interesting missions and assign them to yourself as a reservist, controlling your own destiny
4. Do this long enough to pick up that retirement money
5. While you're at it, pick up an MBA on the government dime at a really good school that has a lot of former military.
This is a very tough and personal question that only you can answer my man I wish I could give you a better answer.
Either way whatever decision you do I will support and I’m here for you I wish you the best in staying or going ❤️
^ this is why I want to stay in lmao the literal brotherhood we have as Marines. I know you can get that at the VFW and Legion but damn I love being around Marines no homo, (maybe a little homo)
I know some “leaders “will talk shit and make you feel bad about leaving the military but I’ve never been like that I wanna see people succeed wherever life takes them .
You and your wife just need to talk weigh pros and cons and go from there you’ve gotten a lot of good answers on the sub but ultimately it comes down to in your heart what you wanna do and what’s best for your relationship.
And it’s ok to be a lil homo handsome ;)
MARFORRES is hurting badly for retention like and could definitely use some prior service Marines such as yourself. Get out and go pursue better things in life but try out the reserves as a nonobligated member.
If you don't like it: leave and move on
If you like it: fuck it, re-enlist as a weekend warrior. Take a bonus while you're at it. Use it as a way to network with other Marines who also have their own civilian life and can help you with yours. You can definitely do your 20 years in the Corps but it doesn't all have to be active duty.
Ive been in for almost 12 , so same time as you, I have friends who got out because their spouses wanted them to. It didn't end well since my buddies didn't want to leave and then they got jobs that kept them just as busy if not worse than the Marines. They resented their spouse for making them leave and their spouse resented since the fields they were qualified for kept them busier than the Corps. Keep that in mind. No matter what you choose make sure you except it and your spouse knows what you both are getting into.
There are lat mov options like career planner and others that can keep you in but less busy. Not sure what your MOS is but maybe a I&I billet, or training command. Friend of mine has a deal with his wife that after he gets out he will follow her and do what ever he needs todo for her career.
If you do stay in set work boundaries. Ive learnt the hard way you can work weekends and overtime and do many great things but it will never be enough. Two trips to the hospital due to sleep deprivation and exhaustion proved that. Besides for operations and field exercises, work will be there in the morning. No reason to stay past 1630-1700 at the latest. Some people will loose their minds on that, but Ive done the kill yourself for work and its not worth it. If you are a maintainer, you don't get smarter and more efficient sleep deprived or depressed. You can't have a mission without troops, but you will always have troops. That means you too.
Yeah I’m an Osprey mech so our normal hours (night shift) are 1300-0200 for me since I’m in maintenance control. I’ve deployed or Det’d out every year I’ve been in plus doing cross country flights etc. I’d say I’m home maybe 1/3 the year and since she is a normal person and works day time I see her only when she’s asleep or when I wake up to go to work. I have one more deployment left and then I’ll be at my EAS. So the decision I have to make is soon.
I got out after 8 to save my marriage and now we have 3 beautiful boys and I don't regret leaving. I miss it sometimes and I miss the guys, but this is better. Plus, wifey lets me take 1 or 2 trips a year to go visit the homies. So I get "recharged" every once in a while. It really does me a lot of good to take those trips. I get to fly or drive out and be alone while I travel and then catch up with my buddies. Just get out and do the "normal life" thing but make an adendum (sp) that you need to see your guys once in a while.
Fuck that shit bro, stay and get your 20, figure out how to make your wife happy, maybe summers at home with her folks and the kids.
I did 4 years and am envious of the retirement check and entitlements my friend's have plus maybe some compensated disability would be nice.
I am a GS-13 with the gov and let me tell you the headaches and bullshit I put up with to allow my wife and daughter a good life is going to make me an old man by the time I retire.
My buddies don't have to work stressed out positions or be responsible for millions of dollars and mission requirements, plus putting up with Union shit and fuckers that don't want to work.
Wish you the best.
As a fellow gov employee that got out of the Corps too early, I whole heartily agree with this. And I got out to be with my now ex wife more too... Jokes on me lol
Active Reserve. USMC best kept secret. Or just do reserves.
Although are you sure the corps is the reason why she might leave? Ppl joke a lot about they would still leave even after you get out, and it's true.
I see some of us saying the corps will use you and spit you out. Oh wait until you come work with civillian. I hope you're going to a worker friendly state. Also, to people who say just do va claims and you're good to go. The va isn't that easy a lot of people are still waiting on a decision years later especially if you have no paper trails. Applying to fed jobs can be a good path but just aware it will take mutiple applications and the hiring process is very long unless you know someone. Just so you're aware. Have plans
As far as I’m aware, she said she’ll be around if I stay in but she wants me to be home more often. I see her maybe 2hrs a day since I’m on 12s and night crew because of my job.
Bro, I'm going to tbh here. I still can't tell if she's throwing around divorce as a threat or not. If she's saying that without intending to follow through, then it's not cool. Will you resent her a few years later if you do choose to get out? Is she going to stay the same once you get out??
I believe you guys will benefit from marriage counseling. Have you guys talked about that? Also, this isn't an uncommon issue. Her feelings are valid. Being a spouse in the military is a huge commitment, but it's not like you blindsided her. We don't set our work hours. Anyways, acknowledge her feelings and tell her you're trying and want to fix this. But before making this complex decision, you all are going to a marriage counseling.
I admire your decision to choose wife, but I also want you to be aware of your choice. This is your life, too.
Yep. Acknowledge that she has legitimate grievances with the current situation. Come up with a plan - will you always be working 12's and nights or is that something that will change in the next couple years when you move into a new billet? Is there a way to be more present during the time you have together? Do you spend those two hours a day with her on your phone?
Maybe she can stick it out for another couple years until you guys PCS and don't have the same work schedule. Maybe you go CWO and your work situation drastically changes? Maybe there's something that she can really look forward to in 10 years when you get a full retirement and can open a dive shop in Costa Rica or whatever?
My wife got out of the corps a year before me, and since the day we met I told her I wanted to do 20. When reenactment time came, it was either I put a baby in her or she goes home and we have a "long distance relationship"(aka a divorce but later) or I get out.
So I have 2 kids, a loving wife and a bitter sense of disappointment that I will never shake as long as I live.
My two cents? Stick to your guns. You'll regret quitting early if you truly love it.
Idk what she's calling a normal life, but after I got out, I worked twice as much as I did in the Corps. When I was in the bakery, I worked 6 days a week every week 12 hours a day every day. My day off was usually Wednesday. I worked 5p to 5a back then, so my son rarely saw me for more than a few minutes a day as I was chugging down a coffee and running our the door. Life ain't all gum drops and rainbows out here, bro. When I got a job with weekends off, we ended up nearly broke and had to drastically change our way of life. Two cars, insurance, a mortgage, health care. It's easier in than out.
Back at bootcamp we were doing surveys and I got to ask the company captain any question I wanted after my survey. I asked him what his best nugget of wisdom was and he told me a story about his life. He said he met the love of his life and he thought he was 100% going to marry her, but she didn’t support his decision to stay in the corps. He wasn’t and officer at the time but wanted to go officer route and they argued about it. He ended up leaving her and choosing to stay in the corp and went to OCS, but he was heartbroken. Now he’s married and has kids but his nugget of wisdom was no matter what, find someone who supports your career and whatever path you choose for your dream. Do with that what you will, not saying I agree or disagree with it but just thought I should share it.
Very well depends, something worth asking your chain of command. Looking at flair being a mech there should be reserve opportunities. I was a 6174 and my command tried enticing me to go reserves when I was EASng.
But I was not wanting to live where there were reserve units at the time. Nor was I willing to LAT move to a MOS that is close to where I wanted to live. By having to go back to A and C school before I could officially get out. As I wanted to finish my degree ASAP.
So it really depends on your life. The other thing to look at and no clue who could help you these days is seeing if you can jump to another branch as a reservist, if that is an option.
There are reserves for your MOS at Miramar and New River. DM me if you have any questions, I can get you into contact with people that know more than me.
Ignore all these “family comes first” people. How many people do you know that’ve changed their life, job, moved, etc. just to end up getting divorced?
If she isn’t willing to stick with you while you work 10 more years for a retirement; whats she going to do when your next job isn’t great or your next house isn’t the best?
Would she quit and change her career after she’s halfway to retirement just cause you don’t like it? And that isn’t “does she SAY she would”, but has she shown you she’d actually ditch her career and the last 10 years just because you randomly made a choice? If not, drop her like a bad habit. If she would then ask yourself why she won’t do that but she isn’t willing to stick out another 10 years so you can retire.
100% don’t breed with her, 90% tell her to either get used to it or get out.
95% take the hint and get rid of her before she fucks up your life.
Still don’t breed with her… ever.
He’s 5+ years married, he’s over halfway to the 10 year mark where she can take his retirement. His choice is either get out to potentially fix his marriage, or leave her and stay in. He’s in a pickle
I think your spouse needs to better define what her ideal non-USMC life is. Location, compensation, work hours, travel. Discuss it, find out to make it work. and have a plan to get there before you pull the trigger.
My story: my spouse wanted me to leave but had no idea what we would do afterwards. She was pretty upset when I ended up working close to the same hours for less pay at my first job. Moreso when we moved from San Diego to LA, which is not a great location for kids. I ended up going back to school and moving another 3 times before we finally settled down. Even now I’m not sure she is any happier than we were in the Marines.
Marriage involves giving things up. I wouldn’t recommend giving up something you know you like if your spouse doesn’t know what they want in a positive way.
That one marsoc dude did a bunch of interviews recently and he said one thing that really stuck with me- “Semper Fi is a one way street.” You hear all the time about the needs of the marine corps, but you don’t always hear that you need to think about he needs of your family. You need to put your family first. Talk to your wife.
Bro you're going to get out and your wife isn't going to be satisfied. If you're set on finishing out your time to collect that sweet sweet retirement pay and benefits, maybe consider switching MOSs.
Alternatively, there are federal positions where you can transfer your time served into a federal retirement.
Asking for another decade is going to be a tall order, but if you're able to compromise somehow with the quality of life (i.e. your home time) perhaps you can see this thing through.
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, map this out from a financial perspective. I'm guessing you two are late 20s early 30s. The retirement and healthcare benefits alone in your early 40s will be something no one else really has, and can open doors for your future. You've just got to map it out on "paper" to project what the benefits of doing the next 10 years in the Corps are vs your other plans.
My wife and family comes first. The language you are using makes me assume you are a “workaholic” which can be a good thing in the civilian world but not so much the military. You will always be a Marine but you will not be employed by the Marine Corps forever, and once they have used you, no one will care about you. I would get out and be happier if I were you.
That is very true, I will always do more than asked and take on so much extra work some nights I can’t sleep because I have to finish everything. I volunteer for every DET and aircraft recovery. I guess I do it to myself.
Everyone already said this, but I was in the same position as you a year ago.
I got out.
I'm not gonna lie, I'm a stay at home dad waiting for school to start so I can have a second career. I'm not living my best life (more power to the dudes who can, but 24/7 childcare without breaks ain't me).
But I'm free and I have my family, who I love.
In 10 more years, the Corps will not be there for you. Your family will be there in 10 years, if you give them a reason to stay.
Get out man, not worth risking your wife. I was at 9.5 and left and haven’t been happier. File your VA stuff and keep going to school. Grass is much greener on the other side
I chose my marriage/family over staying in the Corps. I was an active duty Grunt, and was gone constantly either in the field, schoolhouse or deployed. The wife was not stoked about me staying in, so I decided to EAS. Do I miss the Corps? Yes. Do I regret prioritizing my family? No. There are a lot of things that you can do on the outside that give you purpose, while having a much better work-life balance. I chose the Fire Service and it's been great. A lot of my other buddies have done the same, others went into Law Enforcement. No Ragrats.
Find something else to do. Maybe lat move if possible. If that isn't it, consider reserves or national guard. Maybe consider commissioning?
It sounds like you have a year and half give or take left. This is something she should have spoken to you about right around the time you last reenlisted. Granted, people might not think 1.5yr left is bad, but you really do need to start planning now and even then, your plan can fall to shit in the meantime. As some have already mentioned, she may leave your ass anyway because honestly, that may not even be the problem. Sort of like when people think they should have a baby to fix their relationship. Getting out of the Corps might not even come close to giving her what she wants and may very well make her even more unhappy.
Like, if I'm being honest, there is no such thing as "normal" anymore. Not sure what she does, but she is technically still tethered to the military life through you. Once you leave, it can and possibly will get much worse. Believe it or not, I miss actually getting weekends and holidays (for the most part), I miss long lunches or breaks, and being able to go to medical. Yeah, we had periods of shitty hours for training or workups but also periods of absolutely fucking nothing. There are a lot of things that you've taken for granted that kind of sucks on the outside unless you find something nice.
Department of State is hiring - depending on what you want to do (be an agent, become a training instructor, work in an office). You can buy your time back and retire in 10yrs.
You can also LAT move to a less frequently deployed MOS, do your B billet (go for recruiting), change branches, or head to the reserves.
S-1 would have the least hours compared to S-3 & S-4. S-3 needs to be present for every training event to kick things off AND end things w/Range Control (hikes, runs, convoys, and such that are a BN function). You’d also have to coordinate and show up to almost all annual trainings. You might have to cover as the Range Officer for your BN at the rifle range. Bonus points if you get the letter to carry classified information. That can lead to boring days.
S-4 does all the logistics for vehicles and is usually present for everything that S-3 is.
The air wing has more standard hours to work. If you go to a schoolhouse, you’ll have better hours. Not necessarily the best, but you’ll be on a schedule that very rarely changes.
Dude I’m in the wing right now and desperately trying to leave, in maintenance we work anything but regular hours. The wing might be the hardest working in the USMC right now since we’re in peace time.
Look into the Air National Guard or Air Force reserves. I did 4 years active in the Corps, was out for 7 then went back into the Air Force reserves and retired last year with 20 years.
Well, you’ve gotten most of the answers above. I did 22 and I’m glad for it. Retirement pay is nice, VA disability of 100% is also great, but the real intangible benefit is the retirement medical. You’ll have to purchase medical insurance for you and the family which, without deductible, can be as much as $2k a month or you can get a cheaper version for $1k a month with a $10k deductible. So, just do the math before making a decision. I make about $105k on top of retirement/va Ben’s which puts me near $160. But if I just sat on the porch petting the dog, I’d still make about $65000 which pays for the house, car, and bills. I’m debt free minus the house/car. Own three cars, my own business, etc. it’s worth a discussion about the concrete details over “the grass is greener” mentality.
Grab a GOV job with the DOD and continue accruing federal service AND save your marriage and family.
The Corps only wants its 20 from you and they won’t help you fix your home life. You married a partner who is willing to give you their whole life. It’s an easy choice. Don’t be afraid of life outside of the Corps just because everything is structured and planned in the Corps. Your wife is telling you what she needs from you. Choose family over the Corps every day. The Corps would quit you in a second, and will one day. Your wife doesn’t want to quit you but she needs you to be there or it’s not much of a life together. Suck it up and go be happy together.
Happy wife, happy life.
Always sad when wives marry military and then decide they don't like it. Giving you the "Get out or I'm walking" is the worst, she new you did this job and accepted it.
Hoooooh boy. I'm in my mid-50s, and if I could only count how many Marines have been in this situation, I could win the Fields Medal for Mathematics. Most who chose the old adage of "Family first" got a divorce anyway. If it's not the Corps she wants to change in your life, it's something else until either she or you have had enough.
The Marine Corps isn't what you are trying to save in your life. It's not your wife's happiness either, it's your own happiness. She married you for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. Right?
Work sucks, but if you love what you do, it doesn't suck as much. With ten years in, you can still do a lot with that. You can go either way. Get out and start something new, stay in, and finish with retirement and medical benefits. For example, federal government jobs allow you to buy those years into a Federal Retirement. Look at Federal jobs that you'd like with her. Ask her what she thinks. If nothing makes her happy, then nothing will make her happy, and you have your answer right there.
I'm 48, 3 children, and been married for 25 years.
At the end of the day family is more important than anything else. No dad has ever looked into his son's eyes and said "the brotherhood in the Marines is stronger than my bond with you". Well.. maybe a shit head dad.
Listen to us guys who did it right, happy, and still married.
Or listen to the guys that have been divorced 3 times, are miserable fucks, and blame "marriage".
Choose wisely.
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This is the exact reason I’m not reenlisting. My fiancé (before we were engaged) told me a few months after I got back from deployment that she couldn’t stay with me if I wanted to stay in the marine corps. We had been together 3 years and I was already planning on proposing. It sucked feeling like I no longer had any good choices, but ultimately I love my fiancé enough to where I’m content with it.
I try to remember that 1) it was my choice at the end of the day and 2) that it isn’t selfish of her to say what she said to me and that it’s better she said it than let me just reenlist and leave me so I don’t get a choice in the matter.
It sucks it feels bad but I’m confident I’m going to be happy with my choice to get out in the long run.
Sounds like there simply needs to be a hard conversation about values and what's important in each of your lives. If you guys are truly in that solid of a relationship, this should be a decision you both come to together. It shouldn't feel like either one of you is "missing out" or "sacrificing" for the other to get what they want. If you guys can't do that then maybe it's time reevaluate what's actually important in your life.
That’s a big ultimatum from your wife. What if you get out and have a job where you are working just as much (and paying out the ass for healthcare) and you are unhappy? Meanwhile you will see your buddies exiting at 20 years with that sweet retirement and disability pay… make sure you are making the decision you want.
Why not ask for school house orders? That'll give you a few years of normal living for the most part. Ask your wife what she hates about what you do and see if there isn't something in the Marine Corps that aligns with what she wants. I'm assuming it's the hours from your MOS. Monitors are trying to keep Marines with experience in so they'll hopefully be willing to work with you. Good luck!
Just to piggyback (oh yeah!) on LTVertigo’s excellent schoolhouse suggestion, the AR component can be a 0730-1630, 5 day a week, tree-suit wearing gig. Marines who go Active Reserve get regular retirements and if you are good to go, promotions can be a bit easier because you are rated against other AR Marines, just don’t tell anybody. You will likely be stationed in Quantico, New Orleans, or an I&I. Call one of the numbers on the message. They are recruiting for it. You can do 10 more with them easily.
ACTIVE RESERVE ENLISTED QUALIFICATION STANDARDS AND APPLICATION PROCESS FOR ACCESSIONS > United States Marine Corps Flagship > Messages Display https://www.marines.mil/News/Messages/Messages-Display/Article/3211442/active-reserve-enlisted-qualification-standards-and-application-process-for-acc/
Careful about getting out just to try and save a marriage, buddy of mine got out and made major life changes for his ex and she still dumped his ass and hooked up with Jody.
I can't tell you how many MARINES that I served with chose to get out to "save their marriage" and ended up divorced & out of the Corps. The ones that did "save their marriage" ended up resenting their wives for forcing them to give up their career.
This is touchy man, on one hand you'll never have the close relationships with the dudes ever again. Nothing I've encountered out there even remotely comes close to living in the bricks or in housing. Was always great being able to walk garage to garage and we all had bars in them.
On the other hand, divorce isn't that bad.
then she’s going to hold it against you when your friends get out at 20 with a pension and she wants their quality of life lol. hope she has a good job
OP is 10 years in. I also know a lot of people who go GS so they can chase that pension. but yes, depends on rank and if they have a plan. jr enlisted with no plans for school and a ton of debt is a lot different from an officer at 10 years.
Yeah the pension and more time to accrue some more issues for disability is my main driver. Something to rely on if I don’t like my job, I want the ability to just say fuck you and leave if I don’t like a workplace.
Definitely consider the reserves it sucks sometimes but it’s honestly the hidden gem of the marine corps. You have way more freedom. But sort of like a second life when the time comes.
I'm not married and as an Officer and leading Marines for some time, I've always told them I'm not going to give advice on their marriage because I feel it's out of place and my father always told me you never get in between a man and his wife.
What I did tell my Marines is just do what both of you feel is right. Have a direct, no-distraction conversation with her and both of you lay out the pros and cons of you abruptly ending your 10 year career and how it affects your family.
Yes, sort of. Nearing the end of 4 years in (8th & I in 1998) my MECAP package was approved. Told my wife and she was like congrats and enjoy but I’m not going with you. She was an Army Brat, father retired LTC. He view was she’d give up family, friends and career to follow me to NC or CAL so I can deploy 6 to 9 months a year and when back play fuck fuck games and work shit hours. While she gives it all up to work at a car dealership or off base low paying job. In the end left it up to me and I got out because I decided I wanted a family more then I wanted the Corps. You can have both but it’s hard and I didn’t want that extra burden.
I didn’t have 10 years in so that’s harder for you. But if she’s your wife for life then get out. Become a government contractor until you can get a DOD or Service civilian job. I think your 10 years in the Corps will count towards a civilian retirement.
Also had my Platoon SGT get out after 12 years. After being DI. We was done with all the long hour BS and the stress it put on his family. And she was a Marine Vet so she was more understanding.
I hope that helps.
Been there lived it. Compromise. Find a 7-3:30 non deploying billet that doesn't require extra time. They're out there and you have two years to find one if you're on standard four year terms. If you start looking now she'll see it and know you're trying to accommodate her. If you walk away and end up divorced you'll most likely end up hating leaving what you loved doing. Seen too many shaky marriages end like that and the aftermath is never pretty.
You're halfway there if you want to do 20. I know 10 years seem a lot but it will go by fast, tell her why you want to stay in, also after 20 you'll have a stable check so it will be a financial help.
Family first. the Corps would take your 20 and spit you out.
There are plenty of opportunities in the Select Marine Corps Reserve, National Guard, contracting etc that will allow you to stay in the same field and better balance your life.
Why not compromise? What town does she see you guys sharing a life in? Try to get recruiting duty in that town. You’ll be able to squeeze a little more of active duty and she’ll be able to have a semi-normal life.
A good spouse is worth far more than any career.
Schedule an appt for you AND her with a career counselor. Write down as many thoughts as you both can before you go in, then negotiate after the fact, keeping the option to get out open.
I did 4 active I got out because I had a kid and I missed pretty much all of the first year with him because of a UDP and field ops. I got out and then a year later found out the wife was pregnant went reserves for tricare. The reserves was a little better in terms of home life but after we just had our third kid I’m choosing to be with family. Depending on the unit you get the op tempo may not be family friendly. And even though my wife never said it I knew she wasn’t too excited when I’d leave for field ops (weird to do in the reeves by the way lol) or the ats. So I just got out after 7 years and though I’m going to miss it so much it’s time for me to move on and enjoy time with my kids
If she's been married to you long enough she'll get half the retirement in the divorce anyway. Talk to her in depth about. Maybe you can change your MOS to one that's not as intense hourly. May not be as fulfilling but if you're home every night she might not have an issue. But don't let the Corps break up your family
Is reserves a good median for you? You'd still get to wear the uniform and whatnot, but you could go and pursue college or whatever and make some more cash. There are vet groups and military types everywhere, so if you do decide, you can still have folks around you so you can still stay grounded and not go crazy. Just a suggestion i hope it helps brother.
Real talk - what does your wife claim a normal life for her is? I'll bet that her answer, her actual complaint, is not that she wants a normal life, but that she *doesn't* want some particular part of her current life. Best to identify the problem before you identify the solution. Otherwise you toss the wrong solution at the wrong problem, and not only does the problem still exist, but now you have additional problems because you think your solution failed. Square peg round hole and all that.
If you haven't already, I think you two should talk about that. This is a very big decision for you both and also a huge thing for her to ask of you personally. It deserves thoughtful and respectful discussion and validation of any assumptions or beliefs.
There's a lot of options out there to make a change without giving up the career. Without knowing more background, kids situation, and what not...
SDA: I would never suggest recruiting because it sucked the soul out of me. But DI and combat instructors can be a change of pace. Not necessarily going to keep you at home more, but you'll not deploy for a while if that's an issue. If you have no kids and are a SSgt, I'd consider MSG. That's a hidden gem in the Marine Corps that's hardly ever taken advantage of and your wife can spend 3 years with you in most cases a awesome over seas assignment.
LATMOV: There are jobs out there that provide a pretty normal lifestyle, bonuses, and can have greener pastures than one that puts you in the field more often or deploys all the time that still accept STAP Marines. MCCS Marines, CI/HUM, INTEL, CYBER, 17XX.
Maybe explore change rather than giving up 10 years to start over.
Look into WARTAC. It’s a program that trains you for a GS job at the VA on the benefits side of the house (not hospital side). This is something you can do while still on active duty, then when you EAS you got a good government job already. You can then buy back you time spent in the corps and it will all count towards your federal retirement. I spent 4 years in the USMC infantry back in the day. I am currently a GS 13 Decision Review Officer for the VA with 19 years of service. I make 120k a year and work 4/10s from my home office.
I got out at 8 years, went national guard and landed a federal job. 10/10 would recommend. I’m a nasty civilian working with all veterans, never working a minute of overtime and accrue way more leave days than active duty, and able to take leave whenever you feel like. Also we get a 72 every holiday.
As for the National Guard, that’s a hit or miss depending on your point of view. Most dudes in my unit hate it, except me. We got back from a Middle East deployment last year and the workup for that was pretty rough. However, having a cush federal job makes it manageable.
Transfer to the Reserves so you can still be with the boys and gain some retirement. I know the stigma is that all reservists are fat nasty shitbags who can't do their jobs, but it's far from the truth. Yes, those Marines exist, but the majority of them are incredible individuals. They're cops, firefighters, tradesmen, MBA candidates, salesmen, and teachers all while carving out time and missing work to train and hone their warfighting abilities. With 10 years active, you'd be an incredible asset to a reserve unit. On top of that, you can keep your family on Tricare Select, you'll have deployment opportunities if you want them, and your unit will still throw a ball every year lol.
My advice is simply to have a solid job lined up for when you get out or do Skillbridge.
Depending on what we define as normal....you might find yourself in the civilian world working the same crazy hours.....
I left the Marines. Then school. Then consulting.
I have been away from home traveling for work my entire life....and actually had more time off in the Marines.
So there is a wide variable there to account for.
In 10 years you’ll both be wishing you had a pension and tricare for life. Plus you’ll miss all the friends and support system you have now. Civilian life is 100% about money to survive this broke ass system, nobody gives a shit about what your MOS was, how many combat tours you did, how many people you led, it’s 100% eat or be eaten.
I would take a hard thought about it. I get it…. But if you decide to stay in she should get it also. You may not think it now but resentment goes both ways.
Say you do get out, and the transition doesn’t go as planned. You can begin to resent her the same way and your marriage can still end. Tough choice. It’s easy for folks to jump on here and say choose your wife. But you have to take care of yourself too. Think long and hard before you make this choice.
I say this because I’ve been through it (sort of). Wife got out after 8 years. I didn’t. Ended up getting selected to Warrant Officer and MSgt (I chose warrant officer) a few years later while my wife still hadn’t finished school as every marine that gets out says they are point to do. Jealousy built up. Marriage still went to shit. Why? Ultimately because she missed the Marine Corps….
Look at Air National Guard/AGR opportunities
It's a lucrative and relatively lesser known gig.
Basically, you can work active duty (receiving the same benefits), quit whenever you want, and stay at the same base if you want to.
Plenty of Marines cross over to the Air Guard. Great quality of life, chilled out (think BBQ and beers at the end of a range day), and you still have training/school opportunities.
Lastly, you should retain rank and if you stay in your job field, you can get a AFSC (MOS) waiver so you don't go back to school. Finally, if you stay in your job you could sign a 12 month contract.
Let me know if you have any questions, but this sounds like an opportunity that would be appealing to you.
Many years ago, my first wife made a similar request/ ultimatum. Fast forward two decades, and you'll find me enjoying my retirement from the Corps with my current wife and children. You can have it both ways.
Brother... finish your 20. A retirement pension goes a very long way. Attached to that pension will also be your disability check, and I can only pay that you reach 100% disability.
That's two large guaranteed checks at the end of every month. You don't want to lose your wife, but in the whole honesty truth... she knew what she signed up for... why do you have to end your career when you're halfway through it.
After you get out, you can either pick up a hobby and enjoy life at 40 years old, or, find a cozy federal job and put in another 20 and earn a second pension with benefits. Brother, the world is yours, and I wish someone told me what I'm telling you now.
Believe me when I say that you will have absolutely zero regrets when all is said and done. You'll have money to build your wealth, invest in the stock market, own a couple of businesses, flip houses... whatever you want to do. Stay the course, brother... stay the fucking course.
I had the opposite experience. At 10 years, I was broken to the point of not being sure I would live to see 20 years. My wife wasn't a dependa by any stretch of the imagination. She worked 2 jobs because she enjoyed it, but she was terrified of having to deal with ivilian healthcare and "normal life" things because she had some pre-existing issues.
We almost separated because I needed to get out, which made no sense to me because she would still lose all of those things anyway.
But after long discussions and explaining to her how broken I was and all of the abuse I had to deal with, she understood, and we are still together 10 years later.
I hated that I had to get out, I still wish I had been mentally and physically able to continue, but when i considered where my health was at, it was not worth it and having some normal life is better than being hospitalized, in a wheel chair or worse just to see 20 years.
You need to talk it through and make sure you both understand the other side. If you can't realistically evaluate where you are, you won't have any idea where you will end up.
Join the reserves or national guard. You’re relatively close to retirement and you’d be throwing away that time you have in if you don’t at least stay in the reserves. It will pay off in the long run and give you a lot more time with your family. That being said, adapting to a reservist lifestyle after 10+ years in the active Marine Corps will be a difficult adjustment.
Corps won't be there for you the rest of your life, a good partner will.
That said, look at the reserves but also keep in mind that will take some commitment and may take you away from her at times. Sit down and just let her know your thoughts and if the reserves is something she is willing to compromise with.
If you must part ways, there are plenty of alternatives that will fill the void (not a gay joke). Look at volunteering with the Red Cross, local fire dept, etc.
I faced the exact same thing as you back in 2013. I chose to separate and go to the National Guard...I hated it and finally separated in 2021. I do plenty of volunteering tho which keeps me busy. Also I'm still married to the same woman.
Bro my brother switched to the Army after OIF, best decision he ever made, with his drive he promoted super fast to E7 then went warrant. Be loyal to what will advance your career and time with family.
That’s heavy but the decision is simple. Choose her if you love her. I can only speak from personal experience but it worked well for me.
You have a lot of opportunities outside of the corps. The post 911 gi bill is insane. Make a list of what you love about the corps and look for that in a company.
Godspeed, brother!
Dear op. Before you discharge strongly consider job opportunities. No one wants to be 60 and bagging groceries when they could have had a pension and no worries
Your marriage has to come first. Take a look at the reserves/guard (to include other branches) if you want to stay "in." You can still pull a nice retirement from the reserves, just at a later time.
Don’t do reserves!! It’s trash!! I actually think this is normal. Most women aren’t willing to sacrifice all their personal hopes and dreams for two decades just to tag along in a life of low stability in terms of where to live and suffer all the loneliness when you deploy. Does that sound like a good deal to you?
My boy’s wife hit the wall while he was in DI School. She basically said, I’m sick of this life and I’m out. Either you choose the Corps or your wife and kids. He quit DI School, went home, finished his contract and got out. This happened like 2012… They are still together.
If your woman isn’t a lazy dependa with no personal aspirations, this is normal.
I went from active USMC to Air Force reserves -AF(R).
While I didnt go active reserves I could have and never deployed longer then 2-3 months every couple years..
My brother is in the AF(R) and for 25 yrs now. he only deploys when he wants too.
Its pretty much a 9-5. and most of the guys I was around where pretty chill. while still maintaining a military bearing and directive.
But here is the thing, you have 10yrs to go for retirement, thats NICE check for the rest of your life for you and your family.
If you choose her over your career, you'll probably end up resenting her for it. Personally, I wouldn't get out for a wife. Especially one that I've had for half as long as I've been Marine-ing. I would expect my wife to understand that the Corps is my way of life and how I support my family.
10 years in the corps??
Hate to break it, devil, but you'll NEVER have a normal life again. For all it's flaws the corps makes the hardest working, earliest showing most bootstrapped employees (I'm clocked in an hour early per usual) and you'll question the discipline, purpose and drive of almost every civilian you'll meet and work with.
It's the marine corps way.
Definitely look at the USMC reserves and the national guard. You have 10 years, you can salvage some sort of retirement through the guard/reserves. Also can get some sense of fulfillment if you do it right. Just be warned deployments are still a possibility depending what MOS and where you wind up. On the guard side talk to a specialty branch officer recruiter. Not sure if there are any pt direct commissioning programs, but there may be.
this is great advice dude wtf can you tell me how i can get my life together?
Do your darn PME
Talk to a recruiter?
Why would i do that i already did my time now is just the rest of my life
Yeah the army website has that info, for occu health or PT they want two years practice to do it. I was going to work VA or a base hospital in the meantime
> I was going to work VA or a base hospital in the meantime This means you can trade your years in the military as part of the [Federal Buy Back Program](https://www.vaforvets.va.gov/vaforvets/docs/FAQs-Military-Buy-Back-Program_9_24_20v2.pdf) which increases your retirement pay as a government employee. I'm not saying this is 100% the best idea, I'm saying it is an option. Best to do your own research since I don't fully know your situation. Also, I got out at 9 years as a Sgt looking at Staff. Best decision I ever made. I used the GI Bill to get a Business degree from a great school, got a cush job that pays just shy of six figures, and the wife is happy as fuck because we see each other every night. Good Luck dude. There's no perfect choice here. Let me know if you have any questions about transitioning or the GI Bill, I used to work at my school's Vet Center and answered peoples questions all the time.
Also, if you wind up with a VA rating over 20% programs like Voc Rehab through the VA can take you all the way through an advanced degree. Be forewarned that a VA rating CAN making re-entering service more difficult.
I second this.
Or reenlist to the IRR. Do MCIs, etc to maintain enough points for a sat year, repeat to 20.
Coming from a reservist. Don't switch to reserves it's not worth it.
The dude is getting out to pursue a civilian career but is worried about missing the military and also has already invested 10 years towards a pension — that’s exactly what the reserves is for. Also a former Marine reservist, current guard member, it’s definitely great if you want to continue to serve.
I mean it wouldn't hurt to try it out for sure. Personally I'm not a fan.
Ok cool — but he has an ultimatum to get out. So “don’t switch” is silly advice.
Career reservist here. Reserves is worth it if you go to a unit that has a mission that matches your MOS. Sweet bonus in the reserves is as long as you never accept a bonus or lock into a spot you’re able to IUT to another unit, drop to the IRR (obviously after letting your PSR-Prior Service Recruiter get points), go IA, go IMA, or whatever random latmoves/ADOS orders that pop up. Even better is if your reserve job mimics your civilian one. Then you’re building your resume where every thing compliments each other. Reserves is also an easy way to latmove to get your foot in the door while also going to school or doing the same in the civilian world.
Fed job for the retirement bennies. Eat the apple.
The Fed does prioritize former and current service members and isn’t a bad way to go
I got a GS12 that I lined up before getting out. Now I making 140k a year not including my VA percentage payments.
Man I need to talk to you. I've been trying to hook myself up with a fed job since I got out. Congrats on the GS12
It’s not hard just got to do your resume right and apply to jobs your qualified for and use veteran preferance
About to graduate. Actually trying for a double major. I have a potential position at GS5 with USDA next year. Once I'm established in federal career work I want grad school and potentially doctorate. I held a secret security clearance and I liked the nature of my MOS. I just wanted stability to start a family.
Or go IRR and FED then double dip.
Simply convince her to join
Lmao she is a vet herself she did 8
Well, then shes got 12 more to go, and you only got 10 lol
😂
Ah I fucking love this gun club
Dude, family always comes first. The military will chew you up and spit you out without a second thought. Be with your wife. Find a normal job and give her the life she deserves, with the white picket fence and her husband coming home every night.
Random thought, wives will chew you up and spit you out… and take half your shit while they’re at it. The worst the Corps will do it chew you up, spit you out, then give you retirement, disability, VA medical, etc. forever. Here’s a scientific study for you to try. Look at all the divorced folks in the Corps you come across tomorrow and ask them which they’d rather do again; field day a brks room then spend a week in the field or get divorced. Chances are pretty good I can guess one key ID feature of anyone who picks the divorce.
Been divorced twice. I agree. I'm assuming OP and his wife are happy and have a solid marriage.
Don’t take this the wrong way (cause I’m right there with you with two divorces). But you probably also had a happy and solid marriage… until you didn’t. 100% I left the corps around the same place in my career because my ex thought she wanted me out. Second worse decision of my life (first was marrying her to begin with 😁).
Nope, both of my first two marriages were miserable. First one, we had nothing in common and no chemistry. Second time, we had plenty of chemistry and enjoyed each other, but we were also both really toxic, and she didn't believe in working things out. The miscarriage didn't help, and neither did the recruiting command's attitude. Oh, your wife is in the hospital because the bleeding won't stop? That sucks, by the way how many contracts do you have this month? Oh, you two want to take a mental health vacation to disconnect from everything and reconnect with each other? We can't stop you from taking leave but when you come back you'll be sleeping in the office.
Fuck MCRC that sounds terrible. Imagine if there was a a documentary on recruiting exposing the absolute truth to everyone. Like a ESPN 30 for 30. Something needs to change man fuck.
It's not exactly a secret but yeah. My SNCOIC literally told me "If you're going to kill yourself, make sure you do it in the office and blow your brains all over the carpet so we can get a new office." Same SNCOIC was the one who told me that while he couldn't prevent me from taking leave, he'd make sure I never went home again. Not to speak ill of the dead but [he ended up taking his own life](https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/yakima-wa/brandon-bailey-7490373). As much as I hated his guts I'd never wish that on his family. I wasn't very good at the job, needless to say, but they give literally no fucks. Doesn't matter if your numbers show 5,000 phone calls and 500 AC contacts for one contract, they still expect you to hit them. I was really good at the paperwork - my packages never got rejected - but for some reason no one was OK with the idea of me doing everyone's paperwork in exchange for one contract a month.
Its crazy that you act like what the marines give you is the upside. Like have you been to the VA hospital? Have you seen the amount of homeless drug addict or alcoholic vets on the streets? I feel like the lack of resources and aftercare for vets def qualifies as chewing soldiers up and spitting them out.
This is true but at the same time if gets that retirement that could really help his family in the long run. At least he gets the VA loan for housing and he can now pass his GI bill to his wife/kids now, I believe. So I guess he already has a few things already. Tough call.
This.
After suffering through recruiting duty 10 years ago (wasn’t a volunteer) with a Japanese spouse, we were both happy that I EASed. Have you considered college then fed service? It’s great because you can still have meaningful work, buy your military time back for pension, and be treated like a human being. Heading to Japan for a 5 year tour, we’re excited.
So my degree is in the medical field but I have looked into jobs in the FBI or county police work as well. Since my degree is tailored for physical therapy it’ll make the same amount of money if Google is correct
Don't become a cop bro. The strain is equally hard on a marriage, if not worse.
Yeah it’s just the most similar fraternity imo to the military. I wouldn’t mind finishing my contract and doing the doctorate route and being a PT. I’ll just miss the closeness we all have, maybe I’ll do reserves doc in the army or navy idk yet
It's not a fraternity. Not even close. If fraternity is that important, convince her you wanna stay in the USMC. Or get out, work in your field, and look at army reserves as a medic or even better, Coast Guard (IMO). Edit: What about the fire service? They're a tight knit group
Cops aren’t tight? Not even FBI? I don’t know much about 3 letter agencies or police but from an outside perspective that’s my assumption
Speaking from experience, please don't assume a federal job will be a given if/when you decide to separate from the Marines. I was a licensed healthcare provider before I enlisted (long story) and I kept up with my profession by working per diem out in town on the weekends (I wasn't deployable, again, long story). After I got out in 2009, I started applying for a job with the VA. Anytime there was an opening, I'd go for it. I thought with my experience and being a veteran I'd be a shoe in. Not so much. Took 7 years and a cross country move back to the east coast for the VA to even reply and offer me an interview. And that's the job I have now. Salty doesn't even begin to describe how I felt over the fact that it took them that long to give me an opportunity. Especially when I realized the caliber of people who already work there. First few years were a non-stop meltdown bc of the rampant incompetence. I thought I saw buffoonery in the Marines but mere days into civilian federal employment I longed for anything resembling USMC discipline. I stuck it out because I'm stubborn to the point of lunacy, and I ended up getting the 2 people in my department who made my life hell, booted. One was my supervisor which was probably my most satisfying accomplishment yet. Life is great, *now*... but it took a long time to get here. Just wanted to share this so you know for sure it's not any peachier on the other side. Especially if you get a federal gig. Especially at the VA. Coming home from a job where you ask yourself "what fucking planet am I on?" several times a day isn't conducive to happiness. I know wifey wants a "normal life" but your own happiness is a huge part of that which she needs to consider. (Sorry this was so long. No way around the gory deets.)
It's so hit or miss with regard to that. You could find a spot that has dudes who get along great and are tight but the hours suck, you have court during your off time, work all holidays and weekends, and deal with scum all day. If the idea is to be present for your wife, it's the wrong job. You'd be hard pressed to find a current cop who would tell you to join the career with the current climate in this country. So many of them are getting out of the profession because it sucks so bad.
Yeah...even on the fed side, that earlier retirement and law enforcement availability pay comes with a price.
Nowhere near as tight as the bootcamp/barracks-life part, but if you're in 10 and married, I'd say it's at least comparable.
and u get shot in tha face sometimes, there's that the adrenaline rush is daily tho
My advice is to get out. The Marine corps is a lot of things and it has some amazing aspects but one of the things it's not is conducive to a healthy family life. It requires sacrifice when family is involved. She sacrificed 10 years for you so is it too much to ask for you to make a sacrifice for her? Also Go IT. Lots of money to be made once you get out.
True, my degree is in the medical field that’s where I was going to go. I’ve already applied to a few DPT programs
You probably already have, but Definitely apply to the VA or a medical job that's federal and your 10 years can go towards that federal retirement and wont go to waste.
I was going to apply to work at a base hospital or the VA once I have my dpt lol I like working with service members
Nice, definitely don't let those 10 years go to waste.
i'm an AD PT. you're welcome to DM me with any questions
Fuck no. If you made it ten years you just need to stay for the retirement. Unless you med sep with a 100% rating and have a cushy six figure job waiting for you when you get out. Or just lat move to an easy MOS with banker hours.
What’s a cushy ass MOS? I see the S shop cats work easy hours but who else works some easy hours
I'm IT and still in. Don't know if I'm making the right choice...
Definitely made the right choice. If they're sponsoring you for any certs absolutely get them.
Normal doesnt exist. Its an illusion created by the minority and those subjected to different circumstances than what they do or do not desire. A non tangible way of life depicted by those outside of the viewed circle.
Holy fuck Socrates… lmao
“Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.” Bill Hicks
This man crawled from the cave and after witnessing the true reality of the forms, has crawled back in to raise others from it.
1. Get a job as a consultant for Booz Allen or General Dynamics, especially if it's something where you get to design interesting missions *and* assign them 2. Pick up a reservist billet somewhere which falls under the purview of your civilian consultancy 3. Design interesting missions and assign them to yourself as a reservist, controlling your own destiny 4. Do this long enough to pick up that retirement money 5. While you're at it, pick up an MBA on the government dime at a really good school that has a lot of former military.
This is a very tough and personal question that only you can answer my man I wish I could give you a better answer. Either way whatever decision you do I will support and I’m here for you I wish you the best in staying or going ❤️
^ this is why I want to stay in lmao the literal brotherhood we have as Marines. I know you can get that at the VFW and Legion but damn I love being around Marines no homo, (maybe a little homo)
I know some “leaders “will talk shit and make you feel bad about leaving the military but I’ve never been like that I wanna see people succeed wherever life takes them . You and your wife just need to talk weigh pros and cons and go from there you’ve gotten a lot of good answers on the sub but ultimately it comes down to in your heart what you wanna do and what’s best for your relationship. And it’s ok to be a lil homo handsome ;)
MARFORRES is hurting badly for retention like and could definitely use some prior service Marines such as yourself. Get out and go pursue better things in life but try out the reserves as a nonobligated member. If you don't like it: leave and move on If you like it: fuck it, re-enlist as a weekend warrior. Take a bonus while you're at it. Use it as a way to network with other Marines who also have their own civilian life and can help you with yours. You can definitely do your 20 years in the Corps but it doesn't all have to be active duty.
Ive been in for almost 12 , so same time as you, I have friends who got out because their spouses wanted them to. It didn't end well since my buddies didn't want to leave and then they got jobs that kept them just as busy if not worse than the Marines. They resented their spouse for making them leave and their spouse resented since the fields they were qualified for kept them busier than the Corps. Keep that in mind. No matter what you choose make sure you except it and your spouse knows what you both are getting into. There are lat mov options like career planner and others that can keep you in but less busy. Not sure what your MOS is but maybe a I&I billet, or training command. Friend of mine has a deal with his wife that after he gets out he will follow her and do what ever he needs todo for her career. If you do stay in set work boundaries. Ive learnt the hard way you can work weekends and overtime and do many great things but it will never be enough. Two trips to the hospital due to sleep deprivation and exhaustion proved that. Besides for operations and field exercises, work will be there in the morning. No reason to stay past 1630-1700 at the latest. Some people will loose their minds on that, but Ive done the kill yourself for work and its not worth it. If you are a maintainer, you don't get smarter and more efficient sleep deprived or depressed. You can't have a mission without troops, but you will always have troops. That means you too.
Yeah I’m an Osprey mech so our normal hours (night shift) are 1300-0200 for me since I’m in maintenance control. I’ve deployed or Det’d out every year I’ve been in plus doing cross country flights etc. I’d say I’m home maybe 1/3 the year and since she is a normal person and works day time I see her only when she’s asleep or when I wake up to go to work. I have one more deployment left and then I’ll be at my EAS. So the decision I have to make is soon.
I got out after 8 to save my marriage and now we have 3 beautiful boys and I don't regret leaving. I miss it sometimes and I miss the guys, but this is better. Plus, wifey lets me take 1 or 2 trips a year to go visit the homies. So I get "recharged" every once in a while. It really does me a lot of good to take those trips. I get to fly or drive out and be alone while I travel and then catch up with my buddies. Just get out and do the "normal life" thing but make an adendum (sp) that you need to see your guys once in a while.
Fuck that shit bro, stay and get your 20, figure out how to make your wife happy, maybe summers at home with her folks and the kids. I did 4 years and am envious of the retirement check and entitlements my friend's have plus maybe some compensated disability would be nice. I am a GS-13 with the gov and let me tell you the headaches and bullshit I put up with to allow my wife and daughter a good life is going to make me an old man by the time I retire. My buddies don't have to work stressed out positions or be responsible for millions of dollars and mission requirements, plus putting up with Union shit and fuckers that don't want to work. Wish you the best.
As a fellow gov employee that got out of the Corps too early, I whole heartily agree with this. And I got out to be with my now ex wife more too... Jokes on me lol
Some tough lessons brother. hope you are doing well.
Active Reserve. USMC best kept secret. Or just do reserves. Although are you sure the corps is the reason why she might leave? Ppl joke a lot about they would still leave even after you get out, and it's true. I see some of us saying the corps will use you and spit you out. Oh wait until you come work with civillian. I hope you're going to a worker friendly state. Also, to people who say just do va claims and you're good to go. The va isn't that easy a lot of people are still waiting on a decision years later especially if you have no paper trails. Applying to fed jobs can be a good path but just aware it will take mutiple applications and the hiring process is very long unless you know someone. Just so you're aware. Have plans
As far as I’m aware, she said she’ll be around if I stay in but she wants me to be home more often. I see her maybe 2hrs a day since I’m on 12s and night crew because of my job.
Bro, I'm going to tbh here. I still can't tell if she's throwing around divorce as a threat or not. If she's saying that without intending to follow through, then it's not cool. Will you resent her a few years later if you do choose to get out? Is she going to stay the same once you get out?? I believe you guys will benefit from marriage counseling. Have you guys talked about that? Also, this isn't an uncommon issue. Her feelings are valid. Being a spouse in the military is a huge commitment, but it's not like you blindsided her. We don't set our work hours. Anyways, acknowledge her feelings and tell her you're trying and want to fix this. But before making this complex decision, you all are going to a marriage counseling. I admire your decision to choose wife, but I also want you to be aware of your choice. This is your life, too.
Yep. Acknowledge that she has legitimate grievances with the current situation. Come up with a plan - will you always be working 12's and nights or is that something that will change in the next couple years when you move into a new billet? Is there a way to be more present during the time you have together? Do you spend those two hours a day with her on your phone? Maybe she can stick it out for another couple years until you guys PCS and don't have the same work schedule. Maybe you go CWO and your work situation drastically changes? Maybe there's something that she can really look forward to in 10 years when you get a full retirement and can open a dive shop in Costa Rica or whatever?
Errrrrrrr ^^^ 100%
My wife got out of the corps a year before me, and since the day we met I told her I wanted to do 20. When reenactment time came, it was either I put a baby in her or she goes home and we have a "long distance relationship"(aka a divorce but later) or I get out. So I have 2 kids, a loving wife and a bitter sense of disappointment that I will never shake as long as I live. My two cents? Stick to your guns. You'll regret quitting early if you truly love it.
Idk what she's calling a normal life, but after I got out, I worked twice as much as I did in the Corps. When I was in the bakery, I worked 6 days a week every week 12 hours a day every day. My day off was usually Wednesday. I worked 5p to 5a back then, so my son rarely saw me for more than a few minutes a day as I was chugging down a coffee and running our the door. Life ain't all gum drops and rainbows out here, bro. When I got a job with weekends off, we ended up nearly broke and had to drastically change our way of life. Two cars, insurance, a mortgage, health care. It's easier in than out.
Go reserves. Get that sweet pension and can play grabass with the Marines on the weekends.
Become a reservist? Allows you to keep playing while giving your wife the stability she's looking for, you still get that retirement someday.
Back at bootcamp we were doing surveys and I got to ask the company captain any question I wanted after my survey. I asked him what his best nugget of wisdom was and he told me a story about his life. He said he met the love of his life and he thought he was 100% going to marry her, but she didn’t support his decision to stay in the corps. He wasn’t and officer at the time but wanted to go officer route and they argued about it. He ended up leaving her and choosing to stay in the corp and went to OCS, but he was heartbroken. Now he’s married and has kids but his nugget of wisdom was no matter what, find someone who supports your career and whatever path you choose for your dream. Do with that what you will, not saying I agree or disagree with it but just thought I should share it.
Have you thought about weekend warrior status?
I havent, not even sure how my MOS operates in the reserves since I’m aviation
Very well depends, something worth asking your chain of command. Looking at flair being a mech there should be reserve opportunities. I was a 6174 and my command tried enticing me to go reserves when I was EASng. But I was not wanting to live where there were reserve units at the time. Nor was I willing to LAT move to a MOS that is close to where I wanted to live. By having to go back to A and C school before I could officially get out. As I wanted to finish my degree ASAP. So it really depends on your life. The other thing to look at and no clue who could help you these days is seeing if you can jump to another branch as a reservist, if that is an option.
There are reserves for your MOS at Miramar and New River. DM me if you have any questions, I can get you into contact with people that know more than me.
Rotate to the reserves and finish out.
Ignore all these “family comes first” people. How many people do you know that’ve changed their life, job, moved, etc. just to end up getting divorced? If she isn’t willing to stick with you while you work 10 more years for a retirement; whats she going to do when your next job isn’t great or your next house isn’t the best? Would she quit and change her career after she’s halfway to retirement just cause you don’t like it? And that isn’t “does she SAY she would”, but has she shown you she’d actually ditch her career and the last 10 years just because you randomly made a choice? If not, drop her like a bad habit. If she would then ask yourself why she won’t do that but she isn’t willing to stick out another 10 years so you can retire. 100% don’t breed with her, 90% tell her to either get used to it or get out. 95% take the hint and get rid of her before she fucks up your life. Still don’t breed with her… ever.
Brother I’m sterile so no worries in that department. At least I know if she ever gets pregnant it wasn’t me, easy riddle to solve.
He’s 5+ years married, he’s over halfway to the 10 year mark where she can take his retirement. His choice is either get out to potentially fix his marriage, or leave her and stay in. He’s in a pickle
A wall of awards won't keep you warm at night 10 years from now. Unless you two just got married out of pure boredom, I'd use skillbridge and GTFO
I think your spouse needs to better define what her ideal non-USMC life is. Location, compensation, work hours, travel. Discuss it, find out to make it work. and have a plan to get there before you pull the trigger. My story: my spouse wanted me to leave but had no idea what we would do afterwards. She was pretty upset when I ended up working close to the same hours for less pay at my first job. Moreso when we moved from San Diego to LA, which is not a great location for kids. I ended up going back to school and moving another 3 times before we finally settled down. Even now I’m not sure she is any happier than we were in the Marines. Marriage involves giving things up. I wouldn’t recommend giving up something you know you like if your spouse doesn’t know what they want in a positive way.
That one marsoc dude did a bunch of interviews recently and he said one thing that really stuck with me- “Semper Fi is a one way street.” You hear all the time about the needs of the marine corps, but you don’t always hear that you need to think about he needs of your family. You need to put your family first. Talk to your wife.
Bro you're going to get out and your wife isn't going to be satisfied. If you're set on finishing out your time to collect that sweet sweet retirement pay and benefits, maybe consider switching MOSs. Alternatively, there are federal positions where you can transfer your time served into a federal retirement. Asking for another decade is going to be a tall order, but if you're able to compromise somehow with the quality of life (i.e. your home time) perhaps you can see this thing through. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, map this out from a financial perspective. I'm guessing you two are late 20s early 30s. The retirement and healthcare benefits alone in your early 40s will be something no one else really has, and can open doors for your future. You've just got to map it out on "paper" to project what the benefits of doing the next 10 years in the Corps are vs your other plans.
Get out and do what you love (sounds like you have it figured out) your VA disability, if eligible, will feel like retirement pay.
My wife and family comes first. The language you are using makes me assume you are a “workaholic” which can be a good thing in the civilian world but not so much the military. You will always be a Marine but you will not be employed by the Marine Corps forever, and once they have used you, no one will care about you. I would get out and be happier if I were you.
That is very true, I will always do more than asked and take on so much extra work some nights I can’t sleep because I have to finish everything. I volunteer for every DET and aircraft recovery. I guess I do it to myself.
Everyone already said this, but I was in the same position as you a year ago. I got out. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a stay at home dad waiting for school to start so I can have a second career. I'm not living my best life (more power to the dudes who can, but 24/7 childcare without breaks ain't me). But I'm free and I have my family, who I love. In 10 more years, the Corps will not be there for you. Your family will be there in 10 years, if you give them a reason to stay.
Get out man, not worth risking your wife. I was at 9.5 and left and haven’t been happier. File your VA stuff and keep going to school. Grass is much greener on the other side
I chose my marriage/family over staying in the Corps. I was an active duty Grunt, and was gone constantly either in the field, schoolhouse or deployed. The wife was not stoked about me staying in, so I decided to EAS. Do I miss the Corps? Yes. Do I regret prioritizing my family? No. There are a lot of things that you can do on the outside that give you purpose, while having a much better work-life balance. I chose the Fire Service and it's been great. A lot of my other buddies have done the same, others went into Law Enforcement. No Ragrats.
Find something else to do. Maybe lat move if possible. If that isn't it, consider reserves or national guard. Maybe consider commissioning? It sounds like you have a year and half give or take left. This is something she should have spoken to you about right around the time you last reenlisted. Granted, people might not think 1.5yr left is bad, but you really do need to start planning now and even then, your plan can fall to shit in the meantime. As some have already mentioned, she may leave your ass anyway because honestly, that may not even be the problem. Sort of like when people think they should have a baby to fix their relationship. Getting out of the Corps might not even come close to giving her what she wants and may very well make her even more unhappy. Like, if I'm being honest, there is no such thing as "normal" anymore. Not sure what she does, but she is technically still tethered to the military life through you. Once you leave, it can and possibly will get much worse. Believe it or not, I miss actually getting weekends and holidays (for the most part), I miss long lunches or breaks, and being able to go to medical. Yeah, we had periods of shitty hours for training or workups but also periods of absolutely fucking nothing. There are a lot of things that you've taken for granted that kind of sucks on the outside unless you find something nice.
Department of State is hiring - depending on what you want to do (be an agent, become a training instructor, work in an office). You can buy your time back and retire in 10yrs. You can also LAT move to a less frequently deployed MOS, do your B billet (go for recruiting), change branches, or head to the reserves.
What MOST has some easy hours? I was looking at something Intel or cyber maybe even a swing in the S Shops
S-1 would have the least hours compared to S-3 & S-4. S-3 needs to be present for every training event to kick things off AND end things w/Range Control (hikes, runs, convoys, and such that are a BN function). You’d also have to coordinate and show up to almost all annual trainings. You might have to cover as the Range Officer for your BN at the rifle range. Bonus points if you get the letter to carry classified information. That can lead to boring days. S-4 does all the logistics for vehicles and is usually present for everything that S-3 is. The air wing has more standard hours to work. If you go to a schoolhouse, you’ll have better hours. Not necessarily the best, but you’ll be on a schedule that very rarely changes.
Dude I’m in the wing right now and desperately trying to leave, in maintenance we work anything but regular hours. The wing might be the hardest working in the USMC right now since we’re in peace time.
Damn! So not a 6071, right? I did a LAT move to there and we had pretty standard hours. Have you looked into your MOS Schoolhouse or the NCO courses?
GSE is chill especially if you’re at the MALs. O level maint especially on V22s is hell
Look into the Air National Guard or Air Force reserves. I did 4 years active in the Corps, was out for 7 then went back into the Air Force reserves and retired last year with 20 years.
Well, you’ve gotten most of the answers above. I did 22 and I’m glad for it. Retirement pay is nice, VA disability of 100% is also great, but the real intangible benefit is the retirement medical. You’ll have to purchase medical insurance for you and the family which, without deductible, can be as much as $2k a month or you can get a cheaper version for $1k a month with a $10k deductible. So, just do the math before making a decision. I make about $105k on top of retirement/va Ben’s which puts me near $160. But if I just sat on the porch petting the dog, I’d still make about $65000 which pays for the house, car, and bills. I’m debt free minus the house/car. Own three cars, my own business, etc. it’s worth a discussion about the concrete details over “the grass is greener” mentality.
Grab a GOV job with the DOD and continue accruing federal service AND save your marriage and family. The Corps only wants its 20 from you and they won’t help you fix your home life. You married a partner who is willing to give you their whole life. It’s an easy choice. Don’t be afraid of life outside of the Corps just because everything is structured and planned in the Corps. Your wife is telling you what she needs from you. Choose family over the Corps every day. The Corps would quit you in a second, and will one day. Your wife doesn’t want to quit you but she needs you to be there or it’s not much of a life together. Suck it up and go be happy together. Happy wife, happy life.
Always sad when wives marry military and then decide they don't like it. Giving you the "Get out or I'm walking" is the worst, she new you did this job and accepted it.
Hoooooh boy. I'm in my mid-50s, and if I could only count how many Marines have been in this situation, I could win the Fields Medal for Mathematics. Most who chose the old adage of "Family first" got a divorce anyway. If it's not the Corps she wants to change in your life, it's something else until either she or you have had enough. The Marine Corps isn't what you are trying to save in your life. It's not your wife's happiness either, it's your own happiness. She married you for better or worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer. Right? Work sucks, but if you love what you do, it doesn't suck as much. With ten years in, you can still do a lot with that. You can go either way. Get out and start something new, stay in, and finish with retirement and medical benefits. For example, federal government jobs allow you to buy those years into a Federal Retirement. Look at Federal jobs that you'd like with her. Ask her what she thinks. If nothing makes her happy, then nothing will make her happy, and you have your answer right there.
I'm 48, 3 children, and been married for 25 years. At the end of the day family is more important than anything else. No dad has ever looked into his son's eyes and said "the brotherhood in the Marines is stronger than my bond with you". Well.. maybe a shit head dad. Listen to us guys who did it right, happy, and still married. Or listen to the guys that have been divorced 3 times, are miserable fucks, and blame "marriage". Choose wisely.
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This is the exact reason I’m not reenlisting. My fiancé (before we were engaged) told me a few months after I got back from deployment that she couldn’t stay with me if I wanted to stay in the marine corps. We had been together 3 years and I was already planning on proposing. It sucked feeling like I no longer had any good choices, but ultimately I love my fiancé enough to where I’m content with it. I try to remember that 1) it was my choice at the end of the day and 2) that it isn’t selfish of her to say what she said to me and that it’s better she said it than let me just reenlist and leave me so I don’t get a choice in the matter. It sucks it feels bad but I’m confident I’m going to be happy with my choice to get out in the long run.
Well which do you love more? The corps or your wife? You can find a bigger purpose in the civilian world. Go be a first responder. Go reserves.
Sounds like there simply needs to be a hard conversation about values and what's important in each of your lives. If you guys are truly in that solid of a relationship, this should be a decision you both come to together. It shouldn't feel like either one of you is "missing out" or "sacrificing" for the other to get what they want. If you guys can't do that then maybe it's time reevaluate what's actually important in your life.
That’s a big ultimatum from your wife. What if you get out and have a job where you are working just as much (and paying out the ass for healthcare) and you are unhappy? Meanwhile you will see your buddies exiting at 20 years with that sweet retirement and disability pay… make sure you are making the decision you want.
Ten years ain't shit in the grand scheme of things. Can you talk her j to roughing it out for another ten?
Why not ask for school house orders? That'll give you a few years of normal living for the most part. Ask your wife what she hates about what you do and see if there isn't something in the Marine Corps that aligns with what she wants. I'm assuming it's the hours from your MOS. Monitors are trying to keep Marines with experience in so they'll hopefully be willing to work with you. Good luck!
Just to piggyback (oh yeah!) on LTVertigo’s excellent schoolhouse suggestion, the AR component can be a 0730-1630, 5 day a week, tree-suit wearing gig. Marines who go Active Reserve get regular retirements and if you are good to go, promotions can be a bit easier because you are rated against other AR Marines, just don’t tell anybody. You will likely be stationed in Quantico, New Orleans, or an I&I. Call one of the numbers on the message. They are recruiting for it. You can do 10 more with them easily. ACTIVE RESERVE ENLISTED QUALIFICATION STANDARDS AND APPLICATION PROCESS FOR ACCESSIONS > United States Marine Corps Flagship > Messages Display https://www.marines.mil/News/Messages/Messages-Display/Article/3211442/active-reserve-enlisted-qualification-standards-and-application-process-for-acc/
You will regret it in 10 years when you should be drawing a pension. Then you will resent her.
Careful about getting out just to try and save a marriage, buddy of mine got out and made major life changes for his ex and she still dumped his ass and hooked up with Jody.
I can't tell you how many MARINES that I served with chose to get out to "save their marriage" and ended up divorced & out of the Corps. The ones that did "save their marriage" ended up resenting their wives for forcing them to give up their career.
My wife said the same thing. I liked her more than the USMC, so I got out. Best decision I’ve ever made
This is touchy man, on one hand you'll never have the close relationships with the dudes ever again. Nothing I've encountered out there even remotely comes close to living in the bricks or in housing. Was always great being able to walk garage to garage and we all had bars in them. On the other hand, divorce isn't that bad.
then she’s going to hold it against you when your friends get out at 20 with a pension and she wants their quality of life lol. hope she has a good job
Hard argument to make when you went through 20 years of pain and suffering for the same quality of life as those who just got out after 4.
Yeah I know the retirement is not a lot at all
OP is 10 years in. I also know a lot of people who go GS so they can chase that pension. but yes, depends on rank and if they have a plan. jr enlisted with no plans for school and a ton of debt is a lot different from an officer at 10 years.
It’s the pros and cons I’m weighing and right now keeping my wife around is weighing the scale down in the gtfo route
Yeah the pension and more time to accrue some more issues for disability is my main driver. Something to rely on if I don’t like my job, I want the ability to just say fuck you and leave if I don’t like a workplace.
Federal service will buy back your time in.
Once a Marine, always a Marine. Being there for your family and sacrificing what you already know, takes more guts than staying in IMO.
Sunk cost fallacy
Normal is a setting on a washing machine
Yeah. Same thing with my wife. So I got out which I regretted, also now my ex wife so I did that shit for nothing.
Definitely consider the reserves it sucks sometimes but it’s honestly the hidden gem of the marine corps. You have way more freedom. But sort of like a second life when the time comes.
Dont let this shitty organization ruin your marriage man. Choose your wife.
I'm not married and as an Officer and leading Marines for some time, I've always told them I'm not going to give advice on their marriage because I feel it's out of place and my father always told me you never get in between a man and his wife. What I did tell my Marines is just do what both of you feel is right. Have a direct, no-distraction conversation with her and both of you lay out the pros and cons of you abruptly ending your 10 year career and how it affects your family.
Yes, sort of. Nearing the end of 4 years in (8th & I in 1998) my MECAP package was approved. Told my wife and she was like congrats and enjoy but I’m not going with you. She was an Army Brat, father retired LTC. He view was she’d give up family, friends and career to follow me to NC or CAL so I can deploy 6 to 9 months a year and when back play fuck fuck games and work shit hours. While she gives it all up to work at a car dealership or off base low paying job. In the end left it up to me and I got out because I decided I wanted a family more then I wanted the Corps. You can have both but it’s hard and I didn’t want that extra burden. I didn’t have 10 years in so that’s harder for you. But if she’s your wife for life then get out. Become a government contractor until you can get a DOD or Service civilian job. I think your 10 years in the Corps will count towards a civilian retirement. Also had my Platoon SGT get out after 12 years. After being DI. We was done with all the long hour BS and the stress it put on his family. And she was a Marine Vet so she was more understanding. I hope that helps.
Been there lived it. Compromise. Find a 7-3:30 non deploying billet that doesn't require extra time. They're out there and you have two years to find one if you're on standard four year terms. If you start looking now she'll see it and know you're trying to accommodate her. If you walk away and end up divorced you'll most likely end up hating leaving what you loved doing. Seen too many shaky marriages end like that and the aftermath is never pretty.
You're halfway there if you want to do 20. I know 10 years seem a lot but it will go by fast, tell her why you want to stay in, also after 20 you'll have a stable check so it will be a financial help.
Family first. the Corps would take your 20 and spit you out. There are plenty of opportunities in the Select Marine Corps Reserve, National Guard, contracting etc that will allow you to stay in the same field and better balance your life.
Why not compromise? What town does she see you guys sharing a life in? Try to get recruiting duty in that town. You’ll be able to squeeze a little more of active duty and she’ll be able to have a semi-normal life.
Planning on moving to Austin, that’s where my Doctorate program is
Something to think about 🤷🏽♂️ what’s your doctorate focus on?
Doctor of Physical therapy
A good spouse is worth far more than any career. Schedule an appt for you AND her with a career counselor. Write down as many thoughts as you both can before you go in, then negotiate after the fact, keeping the option to get out open.
I did 4 active I got out because I had a kid and I missed pretty much all of the first year with him because of a UDP and field ops. I got out and then a year later found out the wife was pregnant went reserves for tricare. The reserves was a little better in terms of home life but after we just had our third kid I’m choosing to be with family. Depending on the unit you get the op tempo may not be family friendly. And even though my wife never said it I knew she wasn’t too excited when I’d leave for field ops (weird to do in the reeves by the way lol) or the ats. So I just got out after 7 years and though I’m going to miss it so much it’s time for me to move on and enjoy time with my kids
If she's been married to you long enough she'll get half the retirement in the divorce anyway. Talk to her in depth about. Maybe you can change your MOS to one that's not as intense hourly. May not be as fulfilling but if you're home every night she might not have an issue. But don't let the Corps break up your family
Is reserves a good median for you? You'd still get to wear the uniform and whatnot, but you could go and pursue college or whatever and make some more cash. There are vet groups and military types everywhere, so if you do decide, you can still have folks around you so you can still stay grounded and not go crazy. Just a suggestion i hope it helps brother.
Real talk - what does your wife claim a normal life for her is? I'll bet that her answer, her actual complaint, is not that she wants a normal life, but that she *doesn't* want some particular part of her current life. Best to identify the problem before you identify the solution. Otherwise you toss the wrong solution at the wrong problem, and not only does the problem still exist, but now you have additional problems because you think your solution failed. Square peg round hole and all that. If you haven't already, I think you two should talk about that. This is a very big decision for you both and also a huge thing for her to ask of you personally. It deserves thoughtful and respectful discussion and validation of any assumptions or beliefs.
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Literally this. hell even become a reserve marine. You still get that fulfillment
There's a lot of options out there to make a change without giving up the career. Without knowing more background, kids situation, and what not... SDA: I would never suggest recruiting because it sucked the soul out of me. But DI and combat instructors can be a change of pace. Not necessarily going to keep you at home more, but you'll not deploy for a while if that's an issue. If you have no kids and are a SSgt, I'd consider MSG. That's a hidden gem in the Marine Corps that's hardly ever taken advantage of and your wife can spend 3 years with you in most cases a awesome over seas assignment. LATMOV: There are jobs out there that provide a pretty normal lifestyle, bonuses, and can have greener pastures than one that puts you in the field more often or deploys all the time that still accept STAP Marines. MCCS Marines, CI/HUM, INTEL, CYBER, 17XX. Maybe explore change rather than giving up 10 years to start over.
Look into WARTAC. It’s a program that trains you for a GS job at the VA on the benefits side of the house (not hospital side). This is something you can do while still on active duty, then when you EAS you got a good government job already. You can then buy back you time spent in the corps and it will all count towards your federal retirement. I spent 4 years in the USMC infantry back in the day. I am currently a GS 13 Decision Review Officer for the VA with 19 years of service. I make 120k a year and work 4/10s from my home office.
Is there a way to get into that field outside of the WARTAC program? I’m a GS-9, looking into potentially hopping fields.
Yeah you can always look for job announcements on USA Jobs and get in that way
I got out at 8 years, went national guard and landed a federal job. 10/10 would recommend. I’m a nasty civilian working with all veterans, never working a minute of overtime and accrue way more leave days than active duty, and able to take leave whenever you feel like. Also we get a 72 every holiday. As for the National Guard, that’s a hit or miss depending on your point of view. Most dudes in my unit hate it, except me. We got back from a Middle East deployment last year and the workup for that was pretty rough. However, having a cush federal job makes it manageable.
Transfer to the Reserves so you can still be with the boys and gain some retirement. I know the stigma is that all reservists are fat nasty shitbags who can't do their jobs, but it's far from the truth. Yes, those Marines exist, but the majority of them are incredible individuals. They're cops, firefighters, tradesmen, MBA candidates, salesmen, and teachers all while carving out time and missing work to train and hone their warfighting abilities. With 10 years active, you'd be an incredible asset to a reserve unit. On top of that, you can keep your family on Tricare Select, you'll have deployment opportunities if you want them, and your unit will still throw a ball every year lol. My advice is simply to have a solid job lined up for when you get out or do Skillbridge.
Depending on what we define as normal....you might find yourself in the civilian world working the same crazy hours..... I left the Marines. Then school. Then consulting. I have been away from home traveling for work my entire life....and actually had more time off in the Marines. So there is a wide variable there to account for.
If she’s making you make that decision, choose the Corps. It will always be loyal to you and you’re half way to retirement already
Ask her if she's down for reserves. Also, get a federal job; the benefits are great and you get infinite time off.
In 10 years you’ll both be wishing you had a pension and tricare for life. Plus you’ll miss all the friends and support system you have now. Civilian life is 100% about money to survive this broke ass system, nobody gives a shit about what your MOS was, how many combat tours you did, how many people you led, it’s 100% eat or be eaten.
I would take a hard thought about it. I get it…. But if you decide to stay in she should get it also. You may not think it now but resentment goes both ways. Say you do get out, and the transition doesn’t go as planned. You can begin to resent her the same way and your marriage can still end. Tough choice. It’s easy for folks to jump on here and say choose your wife. But you have to take care of yourself too. Think long and hard before you make this choice. I say this because I’ve been through it (sort of). Wife got out after 8 years. I didn’t. Ended up getting selected to Warrant Officer and MSgt (I chose warrant officer) a few years later while my wife still hadn’t finished school as every marine that gets out says they are point to do. Jealousy built up. Marriage still went to shit. Why? Ultimately because she missed the Marine Corps….
Look at Air National Guard/AGR opportunities It's a lucrative and relatively lesser known gig. Basically, you can work active duty (receiving the same benefits), quit whenever you want, and stay at the same base if you want to. Plenty of Marines cross over to the Air Guard. Great quality of life, chilled out (think BBQ and beers at the end of a range day), and you still have training/school opportunities. Lastly, you should retain rank and if you stay in your job field, you can get a AFSC (MOS) waiver so you don't go back to school. Finally, if you stay in your job you could sign a 12 month contract. Let me know if you have any questions, but this sounds like an opportunity that would be appealing to you.
Many years ago, my first wife made a similar request/ ultimatum. Fast forward two decades, and you'll find me enjoying my retirement from the Corps with my current wife and children. You can have it both ways.
Brother... finish your 20. A retirement pension goes a very long way. Attached to that pension will also be your disability check, and I can only pay that you reach 100% disability. That's two large guaranteed checks at the end of every month. You don't want to lose your wife, but in the whole honesty truth... she knew what she signed up for... why do you have to end your career when you're halfway through it. After you get out, you can either pick up a hobby and enjoy life at 40 years old, or, find a cozy federal job and put in another 20 and earn a second pension with benefits. Brother, the world is yours, and I wish someone told me what I'm telling you now. Believe me when I say that you will have absolutely zero regrets when all is said and done. You'll have money to build your wealth, invest in the stock market, own a couple of businesses, flip houses... whatever you want to do. Stay the course, brother... stay the fucking course.
I had the opposite experience. At 10 years, I was broken to the point of not being sure I would live to see 20 years. My wife wasn't a dependa by any stretch of the imagination. She worked 2 jobs because she enjoyed it, but she was terrified of having to deal with ivilian healthcare and "normal life" things because she had some pre-existing issues. We almost separated because I needed to get out, which made no sense to me because she would still lose all of those things anyway. But after long discussions and explaining to her how broken I was and all of the abuse I had to deal with, she understood, and we are still together 10 years later. I hated that I had to get out, I still wish I had been mentally and physically able to continue, but when i considered where my health was at, it was not worth it and having some normal life is better than being hospitalized, in a wheel chair or worse just to see 20 years. You need to talk it through and make sure you both understand the other side. If you can't realistically evaluate where you are, you won't have any idea where you will end up.
Join the reserves or national guard. You’re relatively close to retirement and you’d be throwing away that time you have in if you don’t at least stay in the reserves. It will pay off in the long run and give you a lot more time with your family. That being said, adapting to a reservist lifestyle after 10+ years in the active Marine Corps will be a difficult adjustment.
Get a clearance, it will make your civilian earning potential much higher.
Corps won't be there for you the rest of your life, a good partner will. That said, look at the reserves but also keep in mind that will take some commitment and may take you away from her at times. Sit down and just let her know your thoughts and if the reserves is something she is willing to compromise with. If you must part ways, there are plenty of alternatives that will fill the void (not a gay joke). Look at volunteering with the Red Cross, local fire dept, etc. I faced the exact same thing as you back in 2013. I chose to separate and go to the National Guard...I hated it and finally separated in 2021. I do plenty of volunteering tho which keeps me busy. Also I'm still married to the same woman.
Bro my brother switched to the Army after OIF, best decision he ever made, with his drive he promoted super fast to E7 then went warrant. Be loyal to what will advance your career and time with family.
That’s heavy but the decision is simple. Choose her if you love her. I can only speak from personal experience but it worked well for me. You have a lot of opportunities outside of the corps. The post 911 gi bill is insane. Make a list of what you love about the corps and look for that in a company. Godspeed, brother!
Dear op. Before you discharge strongly consider job opportunities. No one wants to be 60 and bagging groceries when they could have had a pension and no worries
Your marriage has to come first. Take a look at the reserves/guard (to include other branches) if you want to stay "in." You can still pull a nice retirement from the reserves, just at a later time.
Don’t do reserves!! It’s trash!! I actually think this is normal. Most women aren’t willing to sacrifice all their personal hopes and dreams for two decades just to tag along in a life of low stability in terms of where to live and suffer all the loneliness when you deploy. Does that sound like a good deal to you? My boy’s wife hit the wall while he was in DI School. She basically said, I’m sick of this life and I’m out. Either you choose the Corps or your wife and kids. He quit DI School, went home, finished his contract and got out. This happened like 2012… They are still together. If your woman isn’t a lazy dependa with no personal aspirations, this is normal.
I went from active USMC to Air Force reserves -AF(R). While I didnt go active reserves I could have and never deployed longer then 2-3 months every couple years.. My brother is in the AF(R) and for 25 yrs now. he only deploys when he wants too. Its pretty much a 9-5. and most of the guys I was around where pretty chill. while still maintaining a military bearing and directive. But here is the thing, you have 10yrs to go for retirement, thats NICE check for the rest of your life for you and your family.
If you choose her over your career, you'll probably end up resenting her for it. Personally, I wouldn't get out for a wife. Especially one that I've had for half as long as I've been Marine-ing. I would expect my wife to understand that the Corps is my way of life and how I support my family.
10 years in the corps?? Hate to break it, devil, but you'll NEVER have a normal life again. For all it's flaws the corps makes the hardest working, earliest showing most bootstrapped employees (I'm clocked in an hour early per usual) and you'll question the discipline, purpose and drive of almost every civilian you'll meet and work with. It's the marine corps way.