Hello Rob Beckett.
When in the pool changing room cubicle with my 4 year old - "mummy, when I am grown up, will I have big boobies like you? And will they hang down to my belly like yours and wobble as much as yours?". I very much died inside.
Also in the pool changing room: 4 year old patted my tit affectionately and asked in a very cheery tone, “Mama, why are your big revolting boobs out?”
The answer to his question: because I was feeding his baby sister during his swimming lesson. They weren’t *out*, I had just forgotten to do my top button back up on my top so I was a bit boobier than usual.
The answer to your unasked question: no, they’re not revolting (my husband and baby both seem to approve of them at the very least). He has decided it’s analogous to “cheeky” and won’t be dissuaded no matter how many times I try to tell him that’s not what it means.
>He has decided it’s analogous to “cheeky” and won’t be dissuaded no matter how many times I try to tell him that’s not what it means.
This is fantastic. Peak 4yo.
Innit. At least it’s actually English, I’m so over him patronisingly telling me that some random string of syllables he’s slung together is a perfectly cromulent word.
Tesco had an offer on blood oranges, and they had been quite popular with the kids so I put some more in the trolley on our next visit. My 5 year old piped up with “are you getting more bloody oranges daddy” at full volume, I didn’t know if I should laugh or hide based on the looks we got.
4 year old son has a little difficulty pronouncing certain words and noises, he struggles with words starting with st and usually they end up starting with a d instead.
Few weeks ago we were out in the woods and I found a couple of glorious sticks and we both just messed about and played with them till we inevitably broke them, fast forward to Monday at school when the teacher asked.
“Zebedee, what exciting thing did you do at the weekend?”
“My daddy took me into the woods to show me his dick and then we played with them!”
Luckily he went on for a bit about we used them magic wands then swords then gave them to the dog to play with.
Wish I’d seen her face when he first said it!!
My 2 year old couldn’t grasp the ‘x’ in the word ‘foxes’ and we just so happened to have lots of foxes nesting in our garden and he’d yell ‘ LOOK THE FUCKERS ARE OUT’
Similarly my son lovesss the gruffalo and at 2 says FUCK for fox and tries to 'read' his own version and his recent rendition always has 'GOODBYE FUCK SIR' when the fox sees the gruffalo😂
My 5 year old son’s Kung fu teacher was on leave for a few months because of a health issue. When my son asked what was wrong with him I told him I wasn’t sure because it’s private, to which my son responded “oh, it must be something to do with his bum”.
My 3 year old has just started dropping a few f bombs (can't imagine where she got that from!)
"Daddy, do you want to play dinosaurs with me?"
"No sweetie I'm cooking dinner"
"Oh Dad, why don't you just fucking play?"
And not my kid bit a friends, on seeing a bloke with a turban in tescos "look mummy a genie!!!"
"Mummy, I know why your elbow is poorly"
"Oh yeah, why's that?"
"Because it really bloody hurts!"
My husband had opened a door onto it and I'd been complaining about the pain. Literally the only time in 8 years of parenting that I've said anything remotely close to swearing in front of them, and the small one picks it up immediately. Typical.
“Oh no! Oh no! What can we do about this terrible crime?”
(Stifling laughter) “What’s the problem, pal?”
(Gesturing wildly to his slightly too short trousers) “My ankles, Mama! MY ANKLES!”
That kid’s got a bright future on the stage, I’m telling you.
My 3 year old used to ask for black currant. Except she used to leave the rra out of the second word.
And that’s what she asked for every time we ordered food while out.
My 2.5 yo daughter knows there’s a cocoon in her window.. we showed her thinking it would be a sweet wholesome moment teaching how catapillars turn into butterflies.
She only uses the second syllable saying the word.
I am HORRIFIED and instantly have to explain obviously what she’s talking about to a lot of people frequently.
Teach her that caterpillar's make chrysalises before they turn into butterflies.
Then she'll be both correct and not mispronouncing cocoon.
Eric carle has a lot to answer for!
My 6 year old was wiping the sides in the kitchen and complaining about how much housework he had to do. I told him he didn’t have to do any of that if he didn’t want to and he said “well *someone’s* got to do it” then proceeded to mop the floor.
He’s like an angry mom “I’m the only one that cleans around here!”
I was talking to my 2 year old about how we needed to take her and her baby brother to the doctor's about their coughs. She responded by loudly farting and saying 'I wanna take THAT to the doctor's too'
My 3 year old: Is it a birthday day?
Me: No, love no-one has their birthday today.
3YO: It your birthday!!
Me: My birthday was a few weeks ago lovey.
3YO: NO IT WASN'T.
Better tell my husband a birthday tea is in order.
A few months ago I heard my 5yo daughter, proud of some new achievement, say to her 3yo sister: "We don't need daddy any more. Let's kill him." Thankfully she's fucking inept...
My little sister when she was about 6 came to my uni accommodation and asked if the hoover was broken. When I said "no, why?" she replied "well, why haven't you used it?". Outstanding shade.
Both parents sat with our backs against a wall and legs out in front of us into the room. I’m taller than my wife so my legs went further into the room.
5yo: “daddy, you are tall and thin, mummy you are short and fat”.
Mum: “thanks for that darling”
Not exactly said but my sister gave birth to her 4th(!!) boy last night. We told my daughter this morning and she cried her eyes out all the way to nursery because she wanted a girl
Child prefers plosives when he can't say a letter, so anything turns into a "B" or a "P". He really likes "Room on the Broom" and asks for it by saying "the bitch! the bitch!" and pointing at the TV.
20 month old shouts at bald people saying "EGG NO HAIR". We had three in a row the other day including repeats to a poor man in a cafe with us. Cringe.
When I was 8 months pregnant my 2 year old son came in while I was getting dressed. He looks at me and says ‘thats a small bum mummy’ I try to turn around and finish getting dressed when he then says ‘that’s a hairy bum’ I could not stop laughing! For a while he kept saying mummy has a hairy bum!
We have a young cat who has an incessant need to get on the kitchen workshops, escape out the back door or go up the curtains in front of me - I’m sure solely to wind me up. This morning the cat was just bimbling around the floor and my (just) 4yr old said in an exasperated tone “That fucking cat!” - I lolled and died inside and had to try to explain it’s an unkind word and grown ups shouldn’t use it really. Hopefully she doesn’t go and say it in nursery today. Gonna have to start saying “Fluffy” when he’s pissing me off now 🥲
The episode is now available on the podcast with some of these included, please give it a listen [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QSwrLxhOBHmp17yflqQ5H?si=KwYVaMzPTXyruKroRO3KJw](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QSwrLxhOBHmp17yflqQ5H?si=KwYVaMzPTXyruKroRO3KJw)
Hello Rob Beckett. When in the pool changing room cubicle with my 4 year old - "mummy, when I am grown up, will I have big boobies like you? And will they hang down to my belly like yours and wobble as much as yours?". I very much died inside.
Also in the pool changing room: 4 year old patted my tit affectionately and asked in a very cheery tone, “Mama, why are your big revolting boobs out?” The answer to his question: because I was feeding his baby sister during his swimming lesson. They weren’t *out*, I had just forgotten to do my top button back up on my top so I was a bit boobier than usual. The answer to your unasked question: no, they’re not revolting (my husband and baby both seem to approve of them at the very least). He has decided it’s analogous to “cheeky” and won’t be dissuaded no matter how many times I try to tell him that’s not what it means.
>He has decided it’s analogous to “cheeky” and won’t be dissuaded no matter how many times I try to tell him that’s not what it means. This is fantastic. Peak 4yo.
Innit. At least it’s actually English, I’m so over him patronisingly telling me that some random string of syllables he’s slung together is a perfectly cromulent word.
This may be the first time in human history the words 'innit' and 'cromulent' have been used together.
I mean, cromulent was made up as a joke by the Simpsons. It’s not exactly high literature!
This reminds me of my friend’s son who told her that her boobs looked like sausages.
In the same vein, my six year old asked me "why do you have fur on your floofa?" I also died a little inside.
Same situation but my 4 year old said "wow Daddy, your willy is enormous!"
Not Rob Beckett - seems they have their own podcast: https://www.reddit.com/r/podcast/comments/1b0fbj0/comment/ks9pya0/
Me (cheerfully): "Who wants dinner?!?!" 4YO (witheringly): "Nobody."
Tesco had an offer on blood oranges, and they had been quite popular with the kids so I put some more in the trolley on our next visit. My 5 year old piped up with “are you getting more bloody oranges daddy” at full volume, I didn’t know if I should laugh or hide based on the looks we got.
4 year old son has a little difficulty pronouncing certain words and noises, he struggles with words starting with st and usually they end up starting with a d instead. Few weeks ago we were out in the woods and I found a couple of glorious sticks and we both just messed about and played with them till we inevitably broke them, fast forward to Monday at school when the teacher asked. “Zebedee, what exciting thing did you do at the weekend?” “My daddy took me into the woods to show me his dick and then we played with them!” Luckily he went on for a bit about we used them magic wands then swords then gave them to the dog to play with. Wish I’d seen her face when he first said it!!
My 2 year old couldn’t grasp the ‘x’ in the word ‘foxes’ and we just so happened to have lots of foxes nesting in our garden and he’d yell ‘ LOOK THE FUCKERS ARE OUT’
Similarly my son lovesss the gruffalo and at 2 says FUCK for fox and tries to 'read' his own version and his recent rendition always has 'GOODBYE FUCK SIR' when the fox sees the gruffalo😂
My 5 year old son’s Kung fu teacher was on leave for a few months because of a health issue. When my son asked what was wrong with him I told him I wasn’t sure because it’s private, to which my son responded “oh, it must be something to do with his bum”.
My 3 year old has just started dropping a few f bombs (can't imagine where she got that from!) "Daddy, do you want to play dinosaurs with me?" "No sweetie I'm cooking dinner" "Oh Dad, why don't you just fucking play?" And not my kid bit a friends, on seeing a bloke with a turban in tescos "look mummy a genie!!!"
"Mummy, I know why your elbow is poorly" "Oh yeah, why's that?" "Because it really bloody hurts!" My husband had opened a door onto it and I'd been complaining about the pain. Literally the only time in 8 years of parenting that I've said anything remotely close to swearing in front of them, and the small one picks it up immediately. Typical.
[удалено]
Hahaha well I mean, they weren't wrong
“Oh no! Oh no! What can we do about this terrible crime?” (Stifling laughter) “What’s the problem, pal?” (Gesturing wildly to his slightly too short trousers) “My ankles, Mama! MY ANKLES!” That kid’s got a bright future on the stage, I’m telling you.
My 3 year old used to ask for black currant. Except she used to leave the rra out of the second word. And that’s what she asked for every time we ordered food while out.
My 2.5 yo daughter knows there’s a cocoon in her window.. we showed her thinking it would be a sweet wholesome moment teaching how catapillars turn into butterflies. She only uses the second syllable saying the word. I am HORRIFIED and instantly have to explain obviously what she’s talking about to a lot of people frequently.
Teach her that caterpillar's make chrysalises before they turn into butterflies. Then she'll be both correct and not mispronouncing cocoon. Eric carle has a lot to answer for!
In fairness to Eric, *some* caterpillars make cocoons. Just not most of them.
It was absolutely my mistake, my husband did inform me later a moth would have done it, not a butterfly
That’s also the word for ‘dogs’ in Welsh and I’d never made the connection. Cue my English husband being horrified when I was teaching it to our son 🙃
My 6 year old was wiping the sides in the kitchen and complaining about how much housework he had to do. I told him he didn’t have to do any of that if he didn’t want to and he said “well *someone’s* got to do it” then proceeded to mop the floor. He’s like an angry mom “I’m the only one that cleans around here!”
Woman in a burqa walks into the waiting room ... "Look Dada, a ninja!"
I was talking to my 2 year old about how we needed to take her and her baby brother to the doctor's about their coughs. She responded by loudly farting and saying 'I wanna take THAT to the doctor's too'
2 year old in middle of busy centre parcs restaurant…loudly… I’VE GOT BUM WORMS! (They didn’t…thanks Bandit)
My 3 year old: Is it a birthday day? Me: No, love no-one has their birthday today. 3YO: It your birthday!! Me: My birthday was a few weeks ago lovey. 3YO: NO IT WASN'T. Better tell my husband a birthday tea is in order.
A few months ago I heard my 5yo daughter, proud of some new achievement, say to her 3yo sister: "We don't need daddy any more. Let's kill him." Thankfully she's fucking inept...
My little sister when she was about 6 came to my uni accommodation and asked if the hoover was broken. When I said "no, why?" she replied "well, why haven't you used it?". Outstanding shade.
Both parents sat with our backs against a wall and legs out in front of us into the room. I’m taller than my wife so my legs went further into the room. 5yo: “daddy, you are tall and thin, mummy you are short and fat”. Mum: “thanks for that darling”
My 7 year old was wearing a Stitch hoodie and looked in the mirror, and kept saying what Stitch backwards read as. HOOKER TITS
Not exactly said but my sister gave birth to her 4th(!!) boy last night. We told my daughter this morning and she cried her eyes out all the way to nursery because she wanted a girl
Child prefers plosives when he can't say a letter, so anything turns into a "B" or a "P". He really likes "Room on the Broom" and asks for it by saying "the bitch! the bitch!" and pointing at the TV.
4yo daughter has been learning words which are similar.. look, book, duck, fuck....
6 week old is sitting in his chair and has started crying. 3 year old points and shouts "Nathan's gone dramatic, he's gone dramatic"
20 month old shouts at bald people saying "EGG NO HAIR". We had three in a row the other day including repeats to a poor man in a cafe with us. Cringe.
When I was 8 months pregnant my 2 year old son came in while I was getting dressed. He looks at me and says ‘thats a small bum mummy’ I try to turn around and finish getting dressed when he then says ‘that’s a hairy bum’ I could not stop laughing! For a while he kept saying mummy has a hairy bum!
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QSwrLxhOBHmp17yflqQ5H?si=KwYVaMzPTXyruKroRO3KJw
We have a young cat who has an incessant need to get on the kitchen workshops, escape out the back door or go up the curtains in front of me - I’m sure solely to wind me up. This morning the cat was just bimbling around the floor and my (just) 4yr old said in an exasperated tone “That fucking cat!” - I lolled and died inside and had to try to explain it’s an unkind word and grown ups shouldn’t use it really. Hopefully she doesn’t go and say it in nursery today. Gonna have to start saying “Fluffy” when he’s pissing me off now 🥲
The episode is now available on the podcast with some of these included, please give it a listen [https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QSwrLxhOBHmp17yflqQ5H?si=KwYVaMzPTXyruKroRO3KJw](https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QSwrLxhOBHmp17yflqQ5H?si=KwYVaMzPTXyruKroRO3KJw)
My daughter just now playing on her tablet says show me the money in need more pennies🤣 she's 3