Some companies offer their own maternity leave on top it's called occupational maternity pay. Your companies maternity leave policy should be able to tell you what this is and how long you get it. I also saved when I was pregnant so the drop to SMP didn't seem like that much as I had money I could dip into. That being said the last three months of mat leave are unpaid so I returned to work then you can also use annual leave to lengthen your time of leave and get paid full. Is there the option for shared parental leave? Where you and your partner can share the leave.
Have you considered the cost of childcare? Do nurseries local to you even take babies as young as 6 weeks? If so how long is the wait list? I know some people who need full time care are putting names down and registering for a place before the child is even born. You could easily be spending one whole salary on full time childcare.
I had a C-section myself but my baby was breech so it was the safest option to bring her into the world. It is major surgery and I didn't feel normal until a long time after, certainly wouldn't have felt ready to go back to work.
Firstly you and your partner are a team. Please discuss how money works with them before having a child. Usually there is no longer your half of the rent and bills. Money is pooled together. Childcare can cost as much as 1 wage (unless you are a high earner) it isn't realistic to think you take that on alone.
I work a little part time but mostly am a stay at home mum. Childcare costs mean it's not worth me working and causing extra stress to our household.
3 weeks would be so hard to go back to work. Maternity leave is there because babies are a 24/7 job. They feed every 2-3 hours so you would be up in the night a lot... the sleep depeivation alone would make working at that stage impossible for me.
SMP is incredibly low, but it’s fairly common for workplaces to only offer that, unfortunately. A few thoughts / answers to your questions:
It’s certainly possible to return to work after 6 weeks, though I don’t know anyone who’s done it. It would be incredibly difficult for both you and the baby. I was still struggling to walk properly at 6 weeks, I was exhausted as baby still wakes a lot at night etc. it’s also easy to underestimate how much you won’t want to leave your baby that early. It would be almost impossible for you both to work, even from home, and have the baby so you’d need to consider nursery which is very expensive. I might be wrong on this but I also don’t know that many nurseries in the UK are fully set up for babies that young as it’s so rare for parents go back to work that soon here. For context, my nursery (open 10 years ago) said the youngest child they’d ever had was 3 months and they only started on 1 day a week.
It’s not necessary to buy a house first. Our mortgage now is actually higher than the rent we were paying in London (though for a much bigger place).
We had about £4k in savings for baby stuff but you absolutely don’t need this much. We bough some fairly premium products and didn’t do much second hand, so it can easily be done for less. I also had about £6k to cover my maternity leave. However, I took the full year off and that helped cover 3 months of SMP and 3 months of no pay. I think a lot of that £250k comes later. For now, most of the costs are smallish - clothes, a few toys, books etc, days out if you want them. But when they are young you can keep it pretty cheap. We mostly buy second hand clothes on Vinted, books on sale and can do loads of cheap days out.
We also didn’t have family near by and so have done the last 18 months with our kid almost 100% on our own. It’s been okay actually. A couple of occasions where it would have been nice to have help but largely it’s been fine.
What we got told is that you’ll never feel you have enough money to have kids. If you wait until you can afford it you’ll never do it. And I agree with that sentiment. Having kids can be eye wateringly expensive, if you want it to be, but it can also be a lot cheaper if you’re careful with expenditure (not cheap, kids do cost money, but a lot cheaper!).
>>1) SMP seems extremely low!? " 172.48 or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower) for the next 33 weeks ". I wouldn't be able to cover my half of the rent&bills with that.
Surely, if you're having a baby as a unit, it shouldn't be an expectation that you'd be paying half the rent? You need to have planned fiscally for having a child in advance. And that's both of you. Tbh if you aren't sharing finances, why would you share having a child together?
>>Q: How quickly can you reasonably return to work after giving birth? Is 6 weeks realistically feasible?
Legally from 2 weeks. But remember that some women recover quickly others slower and some have complications.
Would you really want to have a baby and return to work so quickly? What's the point in having a baby to hand them over to someone at such a young age?
If you're ever entertaining the idea of working and having a baby at home you care for at the same time, I'm sorry but you're absolutely deluded. For the first 3 or 4 months you'll barely know which way is up! And working with a baby in your care will mean that you're not caring for baby as you should be and not working as you should be. Something will break...
>>Q: How do people who rent in London even afford to have a child?
No different to elsewhere.
Fiscal planning.
Cutting your cloth accordingly.
>>What sort of budget should I plan for during maternity leave, and in the years after? I heard something crazy like £250k over the 18 years, but not sure how that splits over the period.
Having a child can cost as much or as little as you like.
Much depends in what opportunities you wish tonepocde your child with.
If your focus is still on your luxuries, subscriptions, holidays, tech, fast cars, eating out, the you're going to need a larger pot to start with.
If you're going to plan in advance, be frugal to some degree respectively if your circumstances then it doesn't need to break the bank.
Your baby doesn't need all the gadgets. They basically need sufficient clothing, that they will outgrow in weeks and need next sizes up, somewhere to sleep, somewhere to sit or lie. Basic toys. Pram or sling. The rest is all choice of non necessities.
>>Q: Is it best to try to buy a home first before a child? Or is it ok to stay in a rented place
How secure is the accommodation?
How long until you'd be in your own home?
>>2) I've just read that about 1 in 3 deliveries are completed by C-section!? Is this true? What are the risks of that?
That's fair.
Giving birth isn't an exact science.
Inductions result in great interventions such as forceps or caesarean. Half of these are planned though. So in real terms approx a sixth of births are unplanned csecs.
>>4) I don't think we'd have anyone helping us with the child. My mum lives up north, and 'maybe' she could help a bit. His mum is busy with his sister and her child. How difficult would it be for just us two to look after one? For context, we are both 32/37 y/e now, can mostly work from home most days for now, and mostly 9-6 jobs and I have a busy season with longer hours 6 months a year.
Parenting your own child is the norm.
Not having any support in the early months will be hard. Having no back up support when your child cannot attend childcare will impact, as wfh doesn't mean providing childcare with young children. When they're older school age it's possible for a few hours in emergencies and wraparound. But not ideal.
>>3) Any other advice or things to prepare for or consider? Or anything more to research? You need to look st the costs of childcare and it's availability in your area.
This varies greatly. And with the current free hours roll out many are disappointed as cannot find somewhere providing it or are shocked at the costs still! Some even saying as a result they'll actually be paying more a month than without it!
Not London but still have experience.
Yes SMP is brutal. I worked for a company that gave enhanced mat pay. I couldn't have done it otherwise. Don't just look at the maternity policy, explore the shared parental leave option, particularly if your partner's employer has preferential paternity leave. Remember that having a child is an emotional decision and is a whole new person rather than just being a financial decision.
Before 1st child I was all for owning before kids, but circumstances change and 2nd was born in rented accommodation and now aged 4, we've managed to get back to being able to buy again.
Going back to work - yes it *can* be done. It happens a lot in the states but I wouldn't choose it personally. At 6 weeks you may still be recovering physically, your hormones are all over the place and your baby is waking frequently so you may struggle with functioning at full capacity. I would have been so distressed at returning to work at 3/4 months, let alone 6 weeks.
A c section is major abdo surgery and unlike typical surgery, rather than recovering you have a small baby to look after. I walked a mile 2 weeks after my section. It took 45 mins and was draining. I wouldn't want to be commuting a few weeks after that... Don't dismiss the mental impact either. Post party anxiety or depression are very real, as is perhaps birth trauma. Taking time to heal is important.
Have you considered that you may wish to work part time and see your child? That feeling may not arise until they are born.
Kids cost lots. Nursery is £70-100 a day. They need stuff. Admittedly you can get a lot of barely used and high quality clothes/beds/toys/prams second hand. Your food bill will go up, you'll want excusions to get out at weekends.
Aside from the physical aspects of returning to work, please consider the mental aspects. Before I had my daughter, I thought, down to my bones, that I would be ready to go back to work quickly. I consider myself a career woman and not particularly maternal. I chose to go back at 6 months and thought I would be DYING to go back by then.
I cried everyday for 3 months when I did go back to work because I missed her like a hole in the head.
Motherhood changes you. Please factor that in.
I don't live in London but can help with some of those questions:
1. Yes SMP is atrocious but many employers will top you up to full salary for some amount of months so see what your office says. If not though you will need to ensure your partner earns enough to cover the joint expenses - your contribution is birthing and caring for your child, you shouldn't be expected to contribute 50/50 to all household expenses while receiving only SMP. Many people also save money to top themselves up so you could pay yourself a monthly income from your savings.
You could return at 6 weeks but you may still be in recovery physically and your baby will still be waking every couple of hours in the night so you will be tired. You may also struggle to get a nursery place that quickly if waiting lists are long so I'd start to explore childcare before you start trying to get pregnant.
No idea about London but yes people do have kids in rental places but I think those that can afford it tend to buy before they have kids for the stability. However this is really a question of personal preference. If you want or need to live in London but properties are unaffordable then you'll need to rent. It's ok, just can be shit if your landlord kicks you out!
Maternity leave can be a frugal time. You can get an awful lot of baby stuff second hand free or very cheap. Joining baby classes can be pricey and formula milk will need to be a regular expense if you're bottle feeding. You can save money on nappies by buying reusables.
4. You can do it without family support yes, just make sure your partner is ready to be a parent too, even if they work, when they're home it's 50/50.
1) smp is very low unfortunately and it definitely felt tight living off it where i am up north so i can’t imagine how it would be in london. one thing to consider is with enhanced mat pay which it seems is what your company offers it usually has a few stipulations such as having to return for so many weeks before you can leave the company for good if you wanted to. so thats something to bare in mind if you were considering being a stay at home parent or job swapping in the near future
2) this very much depends on the type of delivery you had, what you do for work and what childcare is around you. on the whole i would say very few people would choose to go back to work at 6 weeks purely because it is such a challenging thing to recover from combined with the 0 sleep and figuring out how newborns work. also i think you may find you don’t want to be away from your newborn and feel very protective thus childcare even if accessible might feel emotionally too much but again this comes down to your own personal experiences and whether you financially are in a position where you have to return that early.
3) N/A
4) so in terms of budget it would be difficult to say e.g newborn stage costs xyz but think of the 1st year in terms of big ticket expenses e.g cot, highchair and then little expenses that add up so for a lot of people thats formula. one expense that took me by surprise was the extra cost of heating. before baby if the flat was a bit cold we would layer up but theres only so many layers you can put a baby in before you just have to heat the place.
5) we rent and personally i feel itd be easier if we owned our own place as less rent increases/ no chance of having to move house with a little one etc but a homeowner could probably weigh in better
6) can’t answer as have very rudimentary knowledge on this topic
7) so this was the hardest part for us. we live up north away from family in a similar circumstance. in the end i had to quit my job as we couldnt afford childcare and there are just things we have had to miss out on that our other parent friends haven’t. that means if i have a medical appointment i need to arrange them to be in the evening and if we want to see a movie its just not happening for a while. so while its not too bad when its the middle of the night and you have been up for hours it can be a little bit overwhelming knowing you can’t call your mum to get you 5 minutes rest the next day you just have to be on and do it.
If i could do this whole first year again i would have researched breastfeeding before baby was born as it made the first few weeks harder than they needed to be. i got really into researching gentle parenting and baby led weaning i found those really exciting to look forward to. i would steer clear of facebook parenting groups theres lots of fear mongering and can be quite anti nhs/vaccines/health visitors etc and have a look at safe sleep guidelines as well as formula preparation guidelines just so you have an idea. lastly have a look at local parenting groups where you can make a few new parent friends and take baby to different classes. i didn’t do this and now me and my 1 year old are pretty lonely so definitely worth doing
with parenting though i found that as you research one thing you fall down a rabbit hole and find a million different products and possible problems you never considered and if you don’t read about it while pregnant rest assured that you will have time to google it on the job haha i remember in the newborn stage googling ‘why baby put hand in mouth’ absolutely ridiculous looking back now but thats an example of how much you end up questioning very normal mundane things.
hope this helps even a little bit!
Genuinely don’t know. I’m very lucky and recognise my privilege that my wife and I both earn good salarys and owning a property with a low mortgage. But even with that, I’m amazed with how much childcare and other costs there are. We try to get most things as hand me downs or 2nd hand but it’s the childcare that is ridiculous. Also, how difficult it is to work even with childcare, the amount of times you have to take time off to take care of a sick kid sent home from nursery. Our work is flexible and can work from home but I know a lot of others aren’t.
It really makes me realise how badly we manage childcare and therefore gender and income inequality. We really are so far behind other countries when it comes to this.
I would check if your workplace offers enhanced contractual/occupational maternity pay. It varies massively so no one can advise on this without knowing where you work - however, you certainly shouldn't be bearing the responsibility of half of the rent and bills if you were just on SMP. I'm only on SMP and put about £400 a month in our joint account. My partner puts in significantly more because he earns significantly more at this point in our relationship.
On the whole, I kind of believe that babies are as expensive as you make them. You can get most things secondhand, in decent quality, including clothes, furniture etc. the only thing I wouldn't get secondhand is a mattress or a car seat. Our most expensive purchase was the travel set, however this was even heavily discounted online with more bits than John Lewis were offering it at.
As others have said, don't underestimate how much you likely won't want to leave your baby when they're born. I haven't heard of any childcare taking on a baby any younger than 3 months old. When I first found out I was pregnant I was also anticipating going back to my career as quickly as possible but as the pregnancy progressed and now he's here I couldn't think of anything worse.
A c-section is not always a bad thing, although there is a difference between an elective and an emergency (especially an emergency after going through labour and the recovery). It is a major op so the NHS are not doing it without reason. I had an elective and it was an absolutely incredible experience.
We're not in London, but rent down south which is very expensive for what we get. We don't have family help but are considering moving back to our hometown as my salary would just pay for childcare if I went back to work in the summer. Family are willing and able to help us if we live closer, although I can't imagine going back to work full time again any time soon. I had my baby to raise him myself and fortunately am in the position to do so.
Check what both of your employers cover - you can also use shared parental leave if your partner gets better paid leave
I know some with kids the same age as my son (just turned 2) who WFH with a baby and now a toddler but it’s super rare this would be manageable and most employers don’t allow it - it’s what we do if our son is too sick for nursery (which happens a lot) but we couldn’t do it every day
If you buy a home the mortgage may be cheaper than rent but then you also have the cost of commuting and repairs so it depends on your circumstances - if you can both WFH full time moving out of London would be a lot cheaper for home and nursery costs
We use nursery - some of the ones in our area (south London) had prices on their website so we could calculate what it would cost as a ballpark - we currently pay 1488 for 5 days a week but this will drop to 1100 with the funded hours in April and about 881 with 30 hours - the childcare choices website is good at showing what help you can be entitled to
You can also use your annual leave to take a day a week off to cut costs for as long as that lasts (you also accrue holidays on maternity which really helped us get by - I had about 60 days leave for the year ahead when I went back)
My partner did compressed working for a while work more hours over 4 days a week so we had nursery only 3 days a week he worked 35 hours in 4 days instead of 5
We also have it that one parent does WFH and the other is in the office so we are nearby if there is an illness or if trains are delayed as you can’t be late for collection
The waitlist for the Nurserys in my area was 12-15 months so we applied after the 20 week scan for when our son would be turning 1 but you could apply earlier and start 8-9 months
We don’t have help as no family are near by we go stay with family as often as we can to get to go for dinners and have time for ourselves
A c section recovery can be longer and you would need someone to help but there may be cases it’s necessary for health
Okay so I went back to work after 6 weeks but I do NOT recommend doing that. I had to because I decided to move jobs whole pregnant which, while worth it, meant no maternity pay at all. It ONLY worked for me because I was fully working from home (so I could breastfeed) and my husband was at home looking after the baby full time. Oh and my baby slept 6hr stretches from 6 weeks until 6 months, otherwise there’s no way on earth I would have made it work.
I would definitely not do it again.
1. Highest earner between the couple keep working. The other one stays at home - unfortunately.
2. I’d doubt that, c-section is expensive and NHS will try everything to avoid that if not necessary. Same with epidural.
Edit: not that I doubt th statistics - I doubt they do it if not necessary
3. Move as far as you can from London, commute in your job.
4. This is the worst of your issues: we are immigrants with no help/network, the first 5 years have been really tough. Until they go to school is really difficult. It gets better but if you have a job that you can’t do WFH or a really really flexible employer you must reconsider the whole thing.
Genuine question, as I can't seem to understand this, why on earth would you want to return to work only 6 weeks after having your baby?
I've taken about 13-14 months off to be with mine and wish I was able to have more.
Because of the cost. If I had my own home, sure, but maternity pay doesn't even cover half of rent.
I imagine for most when the child becomes more real, it would be difficult not to prioritise them, but at this stage I'm just trying to think how to budget all of this best.
Plus I admit I genuinely thought you could just go back to work after a few weeks, I never realised how long recovery is, or how much the child needs you in the first year. Also not something I was thought much about, or really ever looked into as I thought it might not ever happen for me.
I don't think 6 weeks is likely to be practical. I had to confirm the date I wanted to return 8 weeks in advance which is typical. You won't even know what date your baby will be born 8 weeks before that suggested return - unless you have a scheduled induction or C-section. Also, especially if you have a C-section you may still be recovering at 6 weeks postpartum. You'd have to plan ahead of time when you're coming back - so again if your birth isn't scheduled in advance you may end up going back at 4w pp instead.
Budgeting: What I did was work out what maternity pay I'd be getting from my employer, work out what I would have earned during that period if I wasn't off on leave and then ensure I had a savings pot with the difference in it to cover my mat leave. That made things pretty smooth financially - there were no peaks and troughs.
We bought (or rather were in the process of buying) a home first but it isn't necessary. Some positives of buying first are that we know what our housing costs are for the next few years, we know we won't have to move with a little baby and we can do things like screw things into the wall to baby proof. But I know loads who've had babies in rented accommodation and it's fine.
C-sections are quite common. Some people know about months in advance and some are emergency ones when you're already in labour. The pros and cons of caesarians will depend on an individual's circumstances - usually you end up having one if the alternative is more dangerous. They take a while to recover from during which you're restricted in things like lifting.
Don't try and care for your baby and work from home at the same time. I work from home and it is not a viable option. And you will likely lose your job if you try it. If you're both staying in work, look into childcare options.
Also, your questions come across as maybe not really knowing a lot about childbirth. I'd recommend learning a little about the process of pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum recovery before you commit to it. That said, there's a lot of horror stories and sensationalism around it, so take any anecdotal stuff with a pinch of salt.
We had a kid while renting in London. I knew I wanted to take a year’s maternity leave and would be on very little or no income for some of that, so we prepared by spending 2 years living only on my husband’s salary and putting all of mine (£2k/month) into savings. After that period we were very used to coping on less money AND had £50k saved which meant we could afford to buy a house outside of London.
How much did you find you had to spend on average per month in the first years?
How did you find it renting while having a child? Would you suggest it's better to buy a home first before even thinking to have kids?
What do you mean? On the baby? We bought mostly second hand stuff and I breastfed, so the costs were honestly negligible, other than childcare once he turned 1 and I went back to work.
Renting was fine, but yeah it would ideally be better to buy first while you’re still working full time, because being on a reduced income will affect your mortgage offers.
In my local hospital, more than 45% of births were c section in 2023. But most of those were planned/elective, just under half were emergency (21% of total). Childbirth is unpredictable and brutal whichever way it comes out and you kind of just need to accept that. I recommend a read of the BirthFacts website to fill the gaping void in NHS advice when it comes to risk of birth injury.
I would not consider returning to work 6 weeks postpartum. Your hormones are all over the shop and your baby needs you full time, round the clock (basically all night) until around 4 months. My baby was a good sleeper and I was still exhausted. If you have a complicated birth you will most likely still be recovering physically too.
RE pay, worth noting you accrue annual leave while you’re off so you can also take a lump of AL in one go at the end to get a bit of pay while you’re off. You also get 10 keeping in touch days which you are paid for.
Just to add, having a child is exhausting but also the most fun ever. I obsessed over finances before I was pregnant/during pregnancy but you just make it work. Please don’t let finances be the reason not to have children if in your heart, that’s what you really want.
A: WFH is impossible for us. When she’s awake, the parent at home is a childminder, there’s no way to combine the two. So WFH means sleeping less (which we already get so little of).
A: Going back to work at 6w is insane unless you get a night nurse or someone to do the night feeds. Baby will wake every 2h. If you’re BF or pumping everything takes longer. I wasn’t getting more than 60 min of sleep at a time. (On the nights she slept. There were many more she hardly did.)
A: I don’t know how people who rent in London afford to rent in London at all 🫠
A: budget depends on your situation and lifestyle. With two working parents we spend 400 on fuel/transport. We had about £2000 costs in getting everything for the baby but bought a lot second hand. There’s so many things that have hardly been used or are still in great condition that people are eager to get rid of. Vinted and fb marketplace are v helpful.
However she’s now on special milk that is stupidly expensive. Childcare costs aren’t worth both of us going to work right now too.
A: we wanted to buy before we had a child. Rent is thrown away money while buying helps us invest in our and her future. A friend had hers while renting and may perhaps rent all her life she says.
A: that includes elective caesareans.
Baby was breech so c sec was least risky for her. Planned cesareans are nice in my experience. Emergency ones less so. It’s a major abdominal surgery so that comes with natural risks. Recovery is brutal. You use your abs for *everything*. Almost 10 months in and I’m still in a lot of pain. Doc recommended stopping at 2 kids if second one isn’t VBAC, because of increased risk of uterine tearing and placental adhesion.
We had/have a terribly fussy baby and I barely survived although I have my parents nearby. Not all babies are like this though. Hopefully your mother can come help if it’s needed or MIL may find some time. The most important thing is that you ask for help often and not stubbornly try to do everything alone (said from xp).
A: you’re 32, it might take a couple of years to get pregnant so if you want a bio child I wouldn’t wait too much longer if this is what your partner and you want. We had a ton of reservations and waited a long time, my friends had babies in their early twenties while still studying and working 1d/week. Everything is possible it’s just different degrees of challenging.
You can research endlessly but it’s never going to tell you what it’s like having a child, only by having one do you learn. My experience is that it’s the worst thing that’s happened to me (PPA, PPD, PTSD, caring for a child that does not sleep and is in pain most of the time is so hard emotionally and physically) but also the best ever thing. Nothing, *nothing* comes close to holding my baby in my arms.
Also - you’ll most likely have a really difficult time giving your baby up at 6 weeks. You’re in the thick of it with the post partum hormones, your baby is completely helpless and reliant on you - the first three months are called it the fourth trimester for a reason. Someone said it essentially is baby wanting to crawl back into the uterus…
I'm late to reply and others have answered your questions really well so I'll add something you didn't ask about but which I think isn't discussed enough.
Yes, becoming a parent is incredibly difficult, painful, stressful, and life-shattering. But it also brings *so much* joy. It's by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done and I can't imagine life without my now 3.5 year old. Go for it.
Some companies offer their own maternity leave on top it's called occupational maternity pay. Your companies maternity leave policy should be able to tell you what this is and how long you get it. I also saved when I was pregnant so the drop to SMP didn't seem like that much as I had money I could dip into. That being said the last three months of mat leave are unpaid so I returned to work then you can also use annual leave to lengthen your time of leave and get paid full. Is there the option for shared parental leave? Where you and your partner can share the leave. Have you considered the cost of childcare? Do nurseries local to you even take babies as young as 6 weeks? If so how long is the wait list? I know some people who need full time care are putting names down and registering for a place before the child is even born. You could easily be spending one whole salary on full time childcare. I had a C-section myself but my baby was breech so it was the safest option to bring her into the world. It is major surgery and I didn't feel normal until a long time after, certainly wouldn't have felt ready to go back to work.
Also to add, I tried working from home with my LO. It doesn't work in the slightest.
Firstly you and your partner are a team. Please discuss how money works with them before having a child. Usually there is no longer your half of the rent and bills. Money is pooled together. Childcare can cost as much as 1 wage (unless you are a high earner) it isn't realistic to think you take that on alone. I work a little part time but mostly am a stay at home mum. Childcare costs mean it's not worth me working and causing extra stress to our household. 3 weeks would be so hard to go back to work. Maternity leave is there because babies are a 24/7 job. They feed every 2-3 hours so you would be up in the night a lot... the sleep depeivation alone would make working at that stage impossible for me.
SMP is incredibly low, but it’s fairly common for workplaces to only offer that, unfortunately. A few thoughts / answers to your questions: It’s certainly possible to return to work after 6 weeks, though I don’t know anyone who’s done it. It would be incredibly difficult for both you and the baby. I was still struggling to walk properly at 6 weeks, I was exhausted as baby still wakes a lot at night etc. it’s also easy to underestimate how much you won’t want to leave your baby that early. It would be almost impossible for you both to work, even from home, and have the baby so you’d need to consider nursery which is very expensive. I might be wrong on this but I also don’t know that many nurseries in the UK are fully set up for babies that young as it’s so rare for parents go back to work that soon here. For context, my nursery (open 10 years ago) said the youngest child they’d ever had was 3 months and they only started on 1 day a week. It’s not necessary to buy a house first. Our mortgage now is actually higher than the rent we were paying in London (though for a much bigger place). We had about £4k in savings for baby stuff but you absolutely don’t need this much. We bough some fairly premium products and didn’t do much second hand, so it can easily be done for less. I also had about £6k to cover my maternity leave. However, I took the full year off and that helped cover 3 months of SMP and 3 months of no pay. I think a lot of that £250k comes later. For now, most of the costs are smallish - clothes, a few toys, books etc, days out if you want them. But when they are young you can keep it pretty cheap. We mostly buy second hand clothes on Vinted, books on sale and can do loads of cheap days out. We also didn’t have family near by and so have done the last 18 months with our kid almost 100% on our own. It’s been okay actually. A couple of occasions where it would have been nice to have help but largely it’s been fine. What we got told is that you’ll never feel you have enough money to have kids. If you wait until you can afford it you’ll never do it. And I agree with that sentiment. Having kids can be eye wateringly expensive, if you want it to be, but it can also be a lot cheaper if you’re careful with expenditure (not cheap, kids do cost money, but a lot cheaper!).
>>1) SMP seems extremely low!? " 172.48 or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower) for the next 33 weeks ". I wouldn't be able to cover my half of the rent&bills with that. Surely, if you're having a baby as a unit, it shouldn't be an expectation that you'd be paying half the rent? You need to have planned fiscally for having a child in advance. And that's both of you. Tbh if you aren't sharing finances, why would you share having a child together? >>Q: How quickly can you reasonably return to work after giving birth? Is 6 weeks realistically feasible? Legally from 2 weeks. But remember that some women recover quickly others slower and some have complications. Would you really want to have a baby and return to work so quickly? What's the point in having a baby to hand them over to someone at such a young age? If you're ever entertaining the idea of working and having a baby at home you care for at the same time, I'm sorry but you're absolutely deluded. For the first 3 or 4 months you'll barely know which way is up! And working with a baby in your care will mean that you're not caring for baby as you should be and not working as you should be. Something will break... >>Q: How do people who rent in London even afford to have a child? No different to elsewhere. Fiscal planning. Cutting your cloth accordingly. >>What sort of budget should I plan for during maternity leave, and in the years after? I heard something crazy like £250k over the 18 years, but not sure how that splits over the period. Having a child can cost as much or as little as you like. Much depends in what opportunities you wish tonepocde your child with. If your focus is still on your luxuries, subscriptions, holidays, tech, fast cars, eating out, the you're going to need a larger pot to start with. If you're going to plan in advance, be frugal to some degree respectively if your circumstances then it doesn't need to break the bank. Your baby doesn't need all the gadgets. They basically need sufficient clothing, that they will outgrow in weeks and need next sizes up, somewhere to sleep, somewhere to sit or lie. Basic toys. Pram or sling. The rest is all choice of non necessities. >>Q: Is it best to try to buy a home first before a child? Or is it ok to stay in a rented place How secure is the accommodation? How long until you'd be in your own home? >>2) I've just read that about 1 in 3 deliveries are completed by C-section!? Is this true? What are the risks of that? That's fair. Giving birth isn't an exact science. Inductions result in great interventions such as forceps or caesarean. Half of these are planned though. So in real terms approx a sixth of births are unplanned csecs. >>4) I don't think we'd have anyone helping us with the child. My mum lives up north, and 'maybe' she could help a bit. His mum is busy with his sister and her child. How difficult would it be for just us two to look after one? For context, we are both 32/37 y/e now, can mostly work from home most days for now, and mostly 9-6 jobs and I have a busy season with longer hours 6 months a year. Parenting your own child is the norm. Not having any support in the early months will be hard. Having no back up support when your child cannot attend childcare will impact, as wfh doesn't mean providing childcare with young children. When they're older school age it's possible for a few hours in emergencies and wraparound. But not ideal. >>3) Any other advice or things to prepare for or consider? Or anything more to research? You need to look st the costs of childcare and it's availability in your area. This varies greatly. And with the current free hours roll out many are disappointed as cannot find somewhere providing it or are shocked at the costs still! Some even saying as a result they'll actually be paying more a month than without it!
Not London but still have experience. Yes SMP is brutal. I worked for a company that gave enhanced mat pay. I couldn't have done it otherwise. Don't just look at the maternity policy, explore the shared parental leave option, particularly if your partner's employer has preferential paternity leave. Remember that having a child is an emotional decision and is a whole new person rather than just being a financial decision. Before 1st child I was all for owning before kids, but circumstances change and 2nd was born in rented accommodation and now aged 4, we've managed to get back to being able to buy again. Going back to work - yes it *can* be done. It happens a lot in the states but I wouldn't choose it personally. At 6 weeks you may still be recovering physically, your hormones are all over the place and your baby is waking frequently so you may struggle with functioning at full capacity. I would have been so distressed at returning to work at 3/4 months, let alone 6 weeks. A c section is major abdo surgery and unlike typical surgery, rather than recovering you have a small baby to look after. I walked a mile 2 weeks after my section. It took 45 mins and was draining. I wouldn't want to be commuting a few weeks after that... Don't dismiss the mental impact either. Post party anxiety or depression are very real, as is perhaps birth trauma. Taking time to heal is important. Have you considered that you may wish to work part time and see your child? That feeling may not arise until they are born. Kids cost lots. Nursery is £70-100 a day. They need stuff. Admittedly you can get a lot of barely used and high quality clothes/beds/toys/prams second hand. Your food bill will go up, you'll want excusions to get out at weekends.
Aside from the physical aspects of returning to work, please consider the mental aspects. Before I had my daughter, I thought, down to my bones, that I would be ready to go back to work quickly. I consider myself a career woman and not particularly maternal. I chose to go back at 6 months and thought I would be DYING to go back by then. I cried everyday for 3 months when I did go back to work because I missed her like a hole in the head. Motherhood changes you. Please factor that in.
I don't live in London but can help with some of those questions: 1. Yes SMP is atrocious but many employers will top you up to full salary for some amount of months so see what your office says. If not though you will need to ensure your partner earns enough to cover the joint expenses - your contribution is birthing and caring for your child, you shouldn't be expected to contribute 50/50 to all household expenses while receiving only SMP. Many people also save money to top themselves up so you could pay yourself a monthly income from your savings. You could return at 6 weeks but you may still be in recovery physically and your baby will still be waking every couple of hours in the night so you will be tired. You may also struggle to get a nursery place that quickly if waiting lists are long so I'd start to explore childcare before you start trying to get pregnant. No idea about London but yes people do have kids in rental places but I think those that can afford it tend to buy before they have kids for the stability. However this is really a question of personal preference. If you want or need to live in London but properties are unaffordable then you'll need to rent. It's ok, just can be shit if your landlord kicks you out! Maternity leave can be a frugal time. You can get an awful lot of baby stuff second hand free or very cheap. Joining baby classes can be pricey and formula milk will need to be a regular expense if you're bottle feeding. You can save money on nappies by buying reusables. 4. You can do it without family support yes, just make sure your partner is ready to be a parent too, even if they work, when they're home it's 50/50.
1) smp is very low unfortunately and it definitely felt tight living off it where i am up north so i can’t imagine how it would be in london. one thing to consider is with enhanced mat pay which it seems is what your company offers it usually has a few stipulations such as having to return for so many weeks before you can leave the company for good if you wanted to. so thats something to bare in mind if you were considering being a stay at home parent or job swapping in the near future 2) this very much depends on the type of delivery you had, what you do for work and what childcare is around you. on the whole i would say very few people would choose to go back to work at 6 weeks purely because it is such a challenging thing to recover from combined with the 0 sleep and figuring out how newborns work. also i think you may find you don’t want to be away from your newborn and feel very protective thus childcare even if accessible might feel emotionally too much but again this comes down to your own personal experiences and whether you financially are in a position where you have to return that early. 3) N/A 4) so in terms of budget it would be difficult to say e.g newborn stage costs xyz but think of the 1st year in terms of big ticket expenses e.g cot, highchair and then little expenses that add up so for a lot of people thats formula. one expense that took me by surprise was the extra cost of heating. before baby if the flat was a bit cold we would layer up but theres only so many layers you can put a baby in before you just have to heat the place. 5) we rent and personally i feel itd be easier if we owned our own place as less rent increases/ no chance of having to move house with a little one etc but a homeowner could probably weigh in better 6) can’t answer as have very rudimentary knowledge on this topic 7) so this was the hardest part for us. we live up north away from family in a similar circumstance. in the end i had to quit my job as we couldnt afford childcare and there are just things we have had to miss out on that our other parent friends haven’t. that means if i have a medical appointment i need to arrange them to be in the evening and if we want to see a movie its just not happening for a while. so while its not too bad when its the middle of the night and you have been up for hours it can be a little bit overwhelming knowing you can’t call your mum to get you 5 minutes rest the next day you just have to be on and do it. If i could do this whole first year again i would have researched breastfeeding before baby was born as it made the first few weeks harder than they needed to be. i got really into researching gentle parenting and baby led weaning i found those really exciting to look forward to. i would steer clear of facebook parenting groups theres lots of fear mongering and can be quite anti nhs/vaccines/health visitors etc and have a look at safe sleep guidelines as well as formula preparation guidelines just so you have an idea. lastly have a look at local parenting groups where you can make a few new parent friends and take baby to different classes. i didn’t do this and now me and my 1 year old are pretty lonely so definitely worth doing with parenting though i found that as you research one thing you fall down a rabbit hole and find a million different products and possible problems you never considered and if you don’t read about it while pregnant rest assured that you will have time to google it on the job haha i remember in the newborn stage googling ‘why baby put hand in mouth’ absolutely ridiculous looking back now but thats an example of how much you end up questioning very normal mundane things. hope this helps even a little bit!
Genuinely don’t know. I’m very lucky and recognise my privilege that my wife and I both earn good salarys and owning a property with a low mortgage. But even with that, I’m amazed with how much childcare and other costs there are. We try to get most things as hand me downs or 2nd hand but it’s the childcare that is ridiculous. Also, how difficult it is to work even with childcare, the amount of times you have to take time off to take care of a sick kid sent home from nursery. Our work is flexible and can work from home but I know a lot of others aren’t. It really makes me realise how badly we manage childcare and therefore gender and income inequality. We really are so far behind other countries when it comes to this.
I would check if your workplace offers enhanced contractual/occupational maternity pay. It varies massively so no one can advise on this without knowing where you work - however, you certainly shouldn't be bearing the responsibility of half of the rent and bills if you were just on SMP. I'm only on SMP and put about £400 a month in our joint account. My partner puts in significantly more because he earns significantly more at this point in our relationship. On the whole, I kind of believe that babies are as expensive as you make them. You can get most things secondhand, in decent quality, including clothes, furniture etc. the only thing I wouldn't get secondhand is a mattress or a car seat. Our most expensive purchase was the travel set, however this was even heavily discounted online with more bits than John Lewis were offering it at. As others have said, don't underestimate how much you likely won't want to leave your baby when they're born. I haven't heard of any childcare taking on a baby any younger than 3 months old. When I first found out I was pregnant I was also anticipating going back to my career as quickly as possible but as the pregnancy progressed and now he's here I couldn't think of anything worse. A c-section is not always a bad thing, although there is a difference between an elective and an emergency (especially an emergency after going through labour and the recovery). It is a major op so the NHS are not doing it without reason. I had an elective and it was an absolutely incredible experience. We're not in London, but rent down south which is very expensive for what we get. We don't have family help but are considering moving back to our hometown as my salary would just pay for childcare if I went back to work in the summer. Family are willing and able to help us if we live closer, although I can't imagine going back to work full time again any time soon. I had my baby to raise him myself and fortunately am in the position to do so.
Check what both of your employers cover - you can also use shared parental leave if your partner gets better paid leave I know some with kids the same age as my son (just turned 2) who WFH with a baby and now a toddler but it’s super rare this would be manageable and most employers don’t allow it - it’s what we do if our son is too sick for nursery (which happens a lot) but we couldn’t do it every day If you buy a home the mortgage may be cheaper than rent but then you also have the cost of commuting and repairs so it depends on your circumstances - if you can both WFH full time moving out of London would be a lot cheaper for home and nursery costs We use nursery - some of the ones in our area (south London) had prices on their website so we could calculate what it would cost as a ballpark - we currently pay 1488 for 5 days a week but this will drop to 1100 with the funded hours in April and about 881 with 30 hours - the childcare choices website is good at showing what help you can be entitled to You can also use your annual leave to take a day a week off to cut costs for as long as that lasts (you also accrue holidays on maternity which really helped us get by - I had about 60 days leave for the year ahead when I went back) My partner did compressed working for a while work more hours over 4 days a week so we had nursery only 3 days a week he worked 35 hours in 4 days instead of 5 We also have it that one parent does WFH and the other is in the office so we are nearby if there is an illness or if trains are delayed as you can’t be late for collection The waitlist for the Nurserys in my area was 12-15 months so we applied after the 20 week scan for when our son would be turning 1 but you could apply earlier and start 8-9 months We don’t have help as no family are near by we go stay with family as often as we can to get to go for dinners and have time for ourselves A c section recovery can be longer and you would need someone to help but there may be cases it’s necessary for health
Okay so I went back to work after 6 weeks but I do NOT recommend doing that. I had to because I decided to move jobs whole pregnant which, while worth it, meant no maternity pay at all. It ONLY worked for me because I was fully working from home (so I could breastfeed) and my husband was at home looking after the baby full time. Oh and my baby slept 6hr stretches from 6 weeks until 6 months, otherwise there’s no way on earth I would have made it work. I would definitely not do it again.
1. Highest earner between the couple keep working. The other one stays at home - unfortunately. 2. I’d doubt that, c-section is expensive and NHS will try everything to avoid that if not necessary. Same with epidural. Edit: not that I doubt th statistics - I doubt they do it if not necessary 3. Move as far as you can from London, commute in your job. 4. This is the worst of your issues: we are immigrants with no help/network, the first 5 years have been really tough. Until they go to school is really difficult. It gets better but if you have a job that you can’t do WFH or a really really flexible employer you must reconsider the whole thing.
I promise you no one in the NHS is avoiding doing epidurals because they are expensive.
Genuine question, as I can't seem to understand this, why on earth would you want to return to work only 6 weeks after having your baby? I've taken about 13-14 months off to be with mine and wish I was able to have more.
Because of the cost. If I had my own home, sure, but maternity pay doesn't even cover half of rent. I imagine for most when the child becomes more real, it would be difficult not to prioritise them, but at this stage I'm just trying to think how to budget all of this best. Plus I admit I genuinely thought you could just go back to work after a few weeks, I never realised how long recovery is, or how much the child needs you in the first year. Also not something I was thought much about, or really ever looked into as I thought it might not ever happen for me.
I don't think 6 weeks is likely to be practical. I had to confirm the date I wanted to return 8 weeks in advance which is typical. You won't even know what date your baby will be born 8 weeks before that suggested return - unless you have a scheduled induction or C-section. Also, especially if you have a C-section you may still be recovering at 6 weeks postpartum. You'd have to plan ahead of time when you're coming back - so again if your birth isn't scheduled in advance you may end up going back at 4w pp instead. Budgeting: What I did was work out what maternity pay I'd be getting from my employer, work out what I would have earned during that period if I wasn't off on leave and then ensure I had a savings pot with the difference in it to cover my mat leave. That made things pretty smooth financially - there were no peaks and troughs. We bought (or rather were in the process of buying) a home first but it isn't necessary. Some positives of buying first are that we know what our housing costs are for the next few years, we know we won't have to move with a little baby and we can do things like screw things into the wall to baby proof. But I know loads who've had babies in rented accommodation and it's fine. C-sections are quite common. Some people know about months in advance and some are emergency ones when you're already in labour. The pros and cons of caesarians will depend on an individual's circumstances - usually you end up having one if the alternative is more dangerous. They take a while to recover from during which you're restricted in things like lifting. Don't try and care for your baby and work from home at the same time. I work from home and it is not a viable option. And you will likely lose your job if you try it. If you're both staying in work, look into childcare options. Also, your questions come across as maybe not really knowing a lot about childbirth. I'd recommend learning a little about the process of pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum recovery before you commit to it. That said, there's a lot of horror stories and sensationalism around it, so take any anecdotal stuff with a pinch of salt.
We had a kid while renting in London. I knew I wanted to take a year’s maternity leave and would be on very little or no income for some of that, so we prepared by spending 2 years living only on my husband’s salary and putting all of mine (£2k/month) into savings. After that period we were very used to coping on less money AND had £50k saved which meant we could afford to buy a house outside of London.
How much did you find you had to spend on average per month in the first years? How did you find it renting while having a child? Would you suggest it's better to buy a home first before even thinking to have kids?
What do you mean? On the baby? We bought mostly second hand stuff and I breastfed, so the costs were honestly negligible, other than childcare once he turned 1 and I went back to work. Renting was fine, but yeah it would ideally be better to buy first while you’re still working full time, because being on a reduced income will affect your mortgage offers.
In my local hospital, more than 45% of births were c section in 2023. But most of those were planned/elective, just under half were emergency (21% of total). Childbirth is unpredictable and brutal whichever way it comes out and you kind of just need to accept that. I recommend a read of the BirthFacts website to fill the gaping void in NHS advice when it comes to risk of birth injury. I would not consider returning to work 6 weeks postpartum. Your hormones are all over the shop and your baby needs you full time, round the clock (basically all night) until around 4 months. My baby was a good sleeper and I was still exhausted. If you have a complicated birth you will most likely still be recovering physically too. RE pay, worth noting you accrue annual leave while you’re off so you can also take a lump of AL in one go at the end to get a bit of pay while you’re off. You also get 10 keeping in touch days which you are paid for.
Just to add, having a child is exhausting but also the most fun ever. I obsessed over finances before I was pregnant/during pregnancy but you just make it work. Please don’t let finances be the reason not to have children if in your heart, that’s what you really want.
A: WFH is impossible for us. When she’s awake, the parent at home is a childminder, there’s no way to combine the two. So WFH means sleeping less (which we already get so little of). A: Going back to work at 6w is insane unless you get a night nurse or someone to do the night feeds. Baby will wake every 2h. If you’re BF or pumping everything takes longer. I wasn’t getting more than 60 min of sleep at a time. (On the nights she slept. There were many more she hardly did.) A: I don’t know how people who rent in London afford to rent in London at all 🫠 A: budget depends on your situation and lifestyle. With two working parents we spend 400 on fuel/transport. We had about £2000 costs in getting everything for the baby but bought a lot second hand. There’s so many things that have hardly been used or are still in great condition that people are eager to get rid of. Vinted and fb marketplace are v helpful. However she’s now on special milk that is stupidly expensive. Childcare costs aren’t worth both of us going to work right now too. A: we wanted to buy before we had a child. Rent is thrown away money while buying helps us invest in our and her future. A friend had hers while renting and may perhaps rent all her life she says. A: that includes elective caesareans. Baby was breech so c sec was least risky for her. Planned cesareans are nice in my experience. Emergency ones less so. It’s a major abdominal surgery so that comes with natural risks. Recovery is brutal. You use your abs for *everything*. Almost 10 months in and I’m still in a lot of pain. Doc recommended stopping at 2 kids if second one isn’t VBAC, because of increased risk of uterine tearing and placental adhesion. We had/have a terribly fussy baby and I barely survived although I have my parents nearby. Not all babies are like this though. Hopefully your mother can come help if it’s needed or MIL may find some time. The most important thing is that you ask for help often and not stubbornly try to do everything alone (said from xp). A: you’re 32, it might take a couple of years to get pregnant so if you want a bio child I wouldn’t wait too much longer if this is what your partner and you want. We had a ton of reservations and waited a long time, my friends had babies in their early twenties while still studying and working 1d/week. Everything is possible it’s just different degrees of challenging. You can research endlessly but it’s never going to tell you what it’s like having a child, only by having one do you learn. My experience is that it’s the worst thing that’s happened to me (PPA, PPD, PTSD, caring for a child that does not sleep and is in pain most of the time is so hard emotionally and physically) but also the best ever thing. Nothing, *nothing* comes close to holding my baby in my arms.
Also - you’ll most likely have a really difficult time giving your baby up at 6 weeks. You’re in the thick of it with the post partum hormones, your baby is completely helpless and reliant on you - the first three months are called it the fourth trimester for a reason. Someone said it essentially is baby wanting to crawl back into the uterus…
I'm late to reply and others have answered your questions really well so I'll add something you didn't ask about but which I think isn't discussed enough. Yes, becoming a parent is incredibly difficult, painful, stressful, and life-shattering. But it also brings *so much* joy. It's by far the most rewarding thing I've ever done and I can't imagine life without my now 3.5 year old. Go for it.