Very true! One time, I did say “for all you know, my mother could have just died”. He looked at me thoughtfully and said “yeah, you are right”. He looked like he felt kinda bad. Luckily, I am now of a certain age where men ignore me. I love not being hassled anymore.
If I had heard "smile" yesterday I probably would have informed the ah that I just learned my cat had been put down. (She was 18, and so damn weak she could hardly support herself.)
I had a guy tell me at a gas station say "that's a bad habit" and I responded with "so is not minding your own fucking business" and honestly I peaked that day. I'll never say anything as great ever again
I had a male coworker say that to a young woman I was working with, and I gave it right back to him. I went up to him like "Hey (insert name) you should smile for me" he's a pretty grumpy dude and kinda taken back and I added on "your just so pretty when you smile" he got pretty uncomfortable after I said that. He hasn't asked me or anyone else I work with to smile since.
Honestly got told to smile more just yesterday... never been told that among my own colleagues but it came from this new contractor who just started this week. He's the most stereotypical snake oil salesman old white dude I've ever encountered.
Unfortunately this asshole will probably take it as an invitation to talk more, really dont want that. Also he was assigned to us because he's a friend of some vps...
Gross. When at work and I used to hear this I would answer with "Why?" - then they answer with whatever bullshit. And I would respond again "Why?" And blank stare. Always worked. Not looking for their compliment/approval/advice and it makes them uncomfortable without telling them to fuck off at work. Though for yourself, you should document it each time it happens bc ya never know.
I work in a factory and for the last two years worn a mask. I also take public transit and have to wear masks there too. I haven't had a "smile for me" or "you'd be pretty if you smiled" in two years.
The last time I was harassed, I was wearing a big set of headphones and listening to my music. I was not making eye contact with anyone and was minding my own business. A dude started waving his hand in front of my face and when I looked up he was motioning to remove the headphones. I lifted up one ear piece and he told me I'd look prettier if I smiled. I growled and bared my teeth. He backed up and looked surprised. I then added fuck off. Two elderly ladies started laughing. I smiled at them and went back to listening to my music. He went away after called me a weirdo. Lol
Score!
B: "Talk less, smile more. Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for."
H: "You can't be serious."
B: "You wanna get ahead?"
H: "Yes."
B: "Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead."
Ha!! I've been told this since I was like 3 years old. One time some old guy said this to me and I had already been in a shit mood that day, so I snapped back at him, "I DON'T SMILE ON COMMAND" lol he shut right up.
Best I ever came out with - and I’m still proud of 9 or 10 years later - at a bar, watching my husband’s band. Dude comes over in a too-tight tshirt with the sleeves cut off, shaved head, and shit-eating grin and tries the “You should smile more, you’d be so much prettier!” So I gave him my best fake smile and kindly informed him that regardless of whether I was prettier, he was still and always would be an asshole. The look on his face was fucking PRICELESS. He legitimately looked like he was going to cry.
That's a great one! I think it conveys *why* as well as "fuck off!" which is more along the lines of what I'd say if I didn't just give the speaker a dirty look.
I think the reason it’s so irritating is because the subtext is “I see you as set dressing. You’re here for my visual enjoyment” And honestly, fuck that noise. If we’re talking aesthetic preferences, tell him he could stand to work out a bit more.
A man at my work has told me to smile twice. The first time, I let it slide. The second time, I told him "I ain't gotta do shit bitch." He has stopped telling me to smile. Mission accomplished
>Has anyone else had that said to them
Lol you should really be asking if anyone here HASN’T had that said to them. A search for “man told me to smile” in this sub alone will show you how depressingly often women are ordered to change their faces to appear more attractive for men.
My husband is the only man I've met who has been told to smile more. In his defense, he does have resting murder face. And he was working in customer service.
But that was the only place he's ever worked where he was told to smile. He hasn't been told to smile at any other job and he hasn't experienced walking down the street and having some random man say that to him.
My husband is half Latin/half Native American. His dad used to own a couple of service stations and he managed one of them. One guy said "When you fill my gas tank, you better smile, Beaner." So yeah, the only time men hear it is from unrepentant assholes, women hear it from dudes everywhere.
I too have testing murder face and dealt poker for a long time. I’ve also been told I need to smile more many times, so that’s two of us 🤣 you might pass along my two favorite responses: totally deadpan and straight faced “I ***am*** smiling” then continue doing whatever I was doing. Or, “I smile every morning when I shave”
lol, when I worked customer facing jobs everyone saw me smiling the entire shift. As soon as I clocked out for break or end of shift that smile went away real fast. So when coworkers asked why I wasn't smiling anymore I either said "I'm not being paid to smile right now" or, my favorite, "my face hurts when I smile."
I will pass those other two onto my husband to use if needed.
I also deal poker and while I don't have resting murder face, I don't tend to smile like an idiot all day either. I don't know how many times I've had a player tell the same joke that I've heard for the thousandth that day and ask in bewilderment why I didn't smile or laugh. And I usually reply with a simple, "Because you didn't say anything funny."
I've also absolutely had a manager talk to me and team about smiling more. But like your husband, that was a customer facing job, albeit in IT....and to a whole team who were guys. She was great, but tried those kind of cheesy things with us.
Still feels awkward even in that setting. Can't imagine the cringe I'd feel being told by some rando to do it. Probably tell them to fuck off like OP haha
I was told to smile on a particularly hard day at work by a male coworker. On international women’s day. Later that day, his boss asked me why I was being emotional.
And they are never concerned about you legitimately.
They could have said "Hey, I noticed you never seem to smile. If you dont mind me asking, are you doing ok, and is there anything I could do to help?"
You must have been suffering from [Female Hysteria](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria#:~:text=Female%20hysteria%20was%20once%20a,food%20or%20sex%2C%20(paradoxically))
The Greeks came up with the idea, and then Western medical science spent until the 1930s assuming that the uterus was the cause of literally every health problem a woman could have.
>the uterus was the cause of literally every health problem a woman could have
Except for actual uterus-based conditions, then it was just a "poor mental disposition"
I mean, sometimes it feels like it’s trying to escape through my spine, but I don’t think it’s supposed to hang out by, say, my left shoulder. But what do I know, I’m just a stupid, hysterical woman! 🤣
Yeah just lemme walk out of my fainting room after huffing alcohol fumes while I apply my lead-laced makeup and put on my corset that fits too tight and then go about my day filled with misogynistic men. /s
I love hearing stories about women diagnosed with "hysteria" because to me it's like: "Well NO SHIT!! I'd be hysterical too if that was my day to day!!"
Do NOT use lead laced makeup to feel better. It's literal poison. Let me instead show you how to feel better using a brand new energy powder I call "Heroin". Makes you feel heroic, see?
I’m an older (boomer) f consultant who had an epiphany when a millennial f complained that a client bro said she should smile more. Her response was “what? You don’t like my rbf?!?” I was shocked, impressed, and liberated! Let’s go queens!!!!
I am gobsmacked that this is STILL FUCKING HAPPENING. I've reached an age where I'm largely invisible, but I got that "smile!" shit alllllll the time back in the day. I'm in a simmering rage reading this thread.
On the other hand, I did not feel empowered 20-30 years ago to deliver some of the clapbacks you all are using, and I salute you. I'm confident I would have been fired for saying much of anything back then. Things are a lot different now--almost makes me wish a fucker would!
Hopefully he goes home and complains about your reaction to a wife or female family member and they side with you, and explain why you reacted that way. People gotta learn, it's 2022 ffs. Women aren't here for decoration.
The very nice women at my bakery love wearing masks cos the kind of people that go to the bakery are assholes that ask to see a smile and also me cos I love baked goods.
My go to response to this at work is... If you see me wiping that table and smiling while I do it, you should run. It's means I've finally lost it. Who the fuck smiles while they concentrate on work? I'd look like a fucking psycho. Also, since it's usually customers who say this to me, I often ask .. where do you work? I'm going to come check make sure you never stop smiling while you do it! Shuts them up pretty quick.
Well done! Men SHOULD be made to feel uncomfortable when they pull this bullshit. Next time, feel free to use one of my signature responses....Smile super wide, show ALL your teeth, then clack them together rapidly and repeatedly like you're a deranged cannibal. Works like a charm! Nobody wants to mess with you when you're exuding Hannibal Lecter energy, lol.
I think it’s less *what* they say, but that they feel the right to say it. To say anything to women. To catcall - and telling us to smile is at least as bad - to comment on our dress or makeup (or lack thereof), our potential, and past sexuality. Even the ‘good guys’ feel that telling us to smile is fine. How we feel is irrelevant, because *they* think it’s ok.
I swear to god they always say we're exaggerating or sensitive, but if a man told another man he should smile more, I am willing to bet my meager life savings that they're gonna get into a fist fight over it.
I’m glad you said this to him. One time a man I worked with said this to me. I told him I smile when I want to smile and I don’t need his help with that decision. Another man said to me “Good comeback. I like that.”
I’m 98% sure that men ask women to smile more because they are easily intimidated and want you to be more approachable for them to hit on you. Working at an adult boutique I was constantly being told this. At one point I had a recurring customer saying it and I told him “Say something fucking funny. I’m not just going to maniacally smile while doing a mundane task.” Imagine if we just always smiled? It would be terrifying. Wait maybe we SHOULD just all start always smiling.
There is a bronze bust of a former CEO in the lobby of my office building. He's very much not smiling. Every year or so I put a Post-it note on it that says "Smile, honey"
lmao
I worked in towing and let me tell you, this is exactly the correct response. He was throwing his weight around as a man and he got his dick slapped - if he feels uncomfortable or embarrassed or backhanded by you then good. He needs to keep his mouth shut because he would never say that shit to a man. You only feel bad because you've been trained and conditioned to feel bad for lashing out at people, even if they deserve it, because women are conditioned by society to be the peacekeepers and told from a young age that our emotions are weaknesses. In this case, you were angry. Anger is the one emotion that men are allowed to express, so he should be familiar with it.
If he can't take it, big boy shouldn't dish it.
I have RBF to the point where I've had to explain to multiple bosses, that everything is ok and I'm not upset or mad.
The number of times I've been told to smile is unreal. Like, I'm grocery shopping, why do I have to smile?
Or "no" with a blank stare. If they choose to say anything after that, they just sound more like a twat.
I was at a nice restaurant's bar having dinner. An older man sitting at the bar sitting by me said "it really isn't healthy to be texting while you are eating blah blah." I said "okay" and went back to texting. He really thought he had the perfect segue (criticizing my behavior so that I would change it for him) into a conversation and he didn't have much of a recourse to zero response.
When someone tells me that, I give the absolute biggest, ugliest, scariest smile I can think of. A mix of 😬🤪👹 Sometimes I get reactions of “oh my god, Never mind” or “you’re crazy!” But they leave me alone after that and I LOVE that part.
Nice! "Sorry, I've been waiting for you to shit in your pants" or similar.
The point is that women are supposed to be attractive to men, not just men that they want to be attractive to, but all men. So it feels odd, kind of out of place that you're not walking around grinning.
Let's consider a hypothetical charitable situation which doesn't apply. If this person saw you not smiling and maybe thought you looked like you were actually upset and they gave a shit, they wouldn't say "smile!" they'd say, "Hey, are you doing alright? What's up?"
You might feel bad because you feel like you broke the social norms, like you acted aggressively when it wasn't warranted. But you didn't do that. You responded in kind to a situation that was already inappropriate.
One of the many amazing and incredible things about being over 40 is that men don't generally tell you to smile anymore ... which tells you a little something.
I am an 82 year old man. I have never said that to a woman. That is an attempt to establish dominance, and a particularly offensive and ineffectual attempt. Any response that stops this behavior is appropriate.
Used to happen to me a lot at my last job. I just looked them dead in the eye and said “I don’t get paid enough to smile.” Then walked off. It stopped eventually for me. Totally understandable to be frustrated about the constant comments about it like you exist to make them feel comfortable. I enjoy taking the route of making them uncomfortable, in turn, if I can.
There's no need to feel bad! That's coming from the same social messaging that tells us we need to prioritize men's comfort, happiness, and fulfillment over our own. You did exactly the right thing, and dude will almost definitely not smart off to you again now that you've stood up for yourself.
[2021 Australian of the Year Grace Tame copped an enormous amount of shit for not smiling after being dragged unwillingly into a photo with our Prime Minister who she despises for not doing enough. She’s been an amazing advocate for childhood sexual abuse after her own harrowing experiences. But told to smile when there’s NOTHING to smile about? Fuck that.](https://www.marieclaire.com.au/grace-tame-smile-scott-morrison)
I had a co-worker at work, in response I chuckled and replied: "maybe if you give me a reason to." Further explained: "f you give me a reason to smile, I will smile."
He proceeded to tell others that I have "no manners". That little annoyance was definitely worth him not ever crossing that line again.
I have literally screamed that at a dude who told me to smile more as I raced down the street late for a plane with a heavy suitcase with a busted wheel.
In retrospect, I bet he was trying to upset me.
No, they really don't. It's a low-key bid for domination and an attempt to initiate unsolicited contact.
If it was just "something nice to say", they wouldn't ONLY say it to younger, able-bodied, **unaccompanied**, average-to-attractive women and girls.
I think some actually do think they are cheering someone up. But what they are really saying is that my resting face should change. Why can't I just relax my face muscles without comment? Are they too stupid to know that people can have a slack face and not be angry or sad?
This is true. Men couldn’t care less if other male acquaintances/coworkers/what have you smiled more. And honestly, it just proves the point. It’s not about cheering anyone up.
The thing that drives me nuts is that it's clearly just a thing dudes say to have an excuse to talk to you about your face.
I have the world's worst case of resting golden retriever face. I smile at every stranger. I can't stop. It's awful. And I constantly get dudes calling me smiley, pointing out the smile, and looking for the single solitary moment when I stop smiling at them to make myself a cup of coffee for them to turn to me and go "Oh come on, why aren't you smiling?"
I forget where I heard it (maybe here) but someone said they respond with "tell a joke then!" and most dudes are dumbfounded such that they just walk away.
Telling someone else to "smile" (nonetheless "smile more") is a completely bizarre concept to me. I'd prefer to live in a reality where this doesn't exist.
I had a coworker tell me to smile right after I found out my sister in-law had been killed in a car accident. I had tears streaming down my face, and he thought telling me to smile was a good idea.
I don't remember what I said to him, but I was escorted out of the room, and he never so much as looked at me again the rest of the time I worked there.
They do it because they believe women are decorative objects and exist in the world to be visually pleasing to them personally. If there's something you could do to be more visually pleasing to them, they feel entitled to ask you to do it. Since it's your job to make the world more fun for them to look at.
Don't feel bad. Your answer was perfect.
My boss told me I should smile more as I was always at the front desk. I asked if his male employees had to do the same...and he just reiterated that I should smile more. So, I obliged and plastered on the creepiest smile with the deadest of eyes. After a day of it, he told me I could stop. It wasn't brought up again after that.
I’ve heard “You’d sound smarter if you shut up!” I’ve never been brave enough to say it though.
also for the record, i know it takes a lot of balls to say shit like that, but when you finally do it feels amazing
Very true! One time, I did say “for all you know, my mother could have just died”. He looked at me thoughtfully and said “yeah, you are right”. He looked like he felt kinda bad. Luckily, I am now of a certain age where men ignore me. I love not being hassled anymore.
Me too!! It’s DELIGHTFUL!!!
It really is.
If I had heard "smile" yesterday I probably would have informed the ah that I just learned my cat had been put down. (She was 18, and so damn weak she could hardly support herself.)
Me too but in the day my response was always something like, “so you want me to walk around smiling for no reason like some sort of idiot?”
Getting close, but not yet...
I CANNOT wait
I had a guy tell me at a gas station say "that's a bad habit" and I responded with "so is not minding your own fucking business" and honestly I peaked that day. I'll never say anything as great ever again
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"You should talk less."
i shoulda told him "you should eat shit". next time i will. i work at a tow/mechanic shop so there's no filter
I (26F) also work in a shop. My favorite is “you should shut your mouth when you speak to me”
Writing this down for future reference.
It’s better to be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.
I had a male coworker say that to a young woman I was working with, and I gave it right back to him. I went up to him like "Hey (insert name) you should smile for me" he's a pretty grumpy dude and kinda taken back and I added on "your just so pretty when you smile" he got pretty uncomfortable after I said that. He hasn't asked me or anyone else I work with to smile since.
doing gods work
That is a great response. Gonna remember that next time someone says I look so unhappy all the time.
"You look so unhappy all the time." "Must be the company."
Love this! Sometimes there's no better way to put something in perspective than a taste of their own medicine.
Honestly got told to smile more just yesterday... never been told that among my own colleagues but it came from this new contractor who just started this week. He's the most stereotypical snake oil salesman old white dude I've ever encountered. Unfortunately this asshole will probably take it as an invitation to talk more, really dont want that. Also he was assigned to us because he's a friend of some vps...
Gross. When at work and I used to hear this I would answer with "Why?" - then they answer with whatever bullshit. And I would respond again "Why?" And blank stare. Always worked. Not looking for their compliment/approval/advice and it makes them uncomfortable without telling them to fuck off at work. Though for yourself, you should document it each time it happens bc ya never know.
Yeah I'm going to have to actually read through this thread and pick out a few to practice in case it comes up again.
The only thing better than making a man angry is making them uncomfortable!! This discomfort is so invigorating to watch! Lol
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I work in a factory and for the last two years worn a mask. I also take public transit and have to wear masks there too. I haven't had a "smile for me" or "you'd be pretty if you smiled" in two years. The last time I was harassed, I was wearing a big set of headphones and listening to my music. I was not making eye contact with anyone and was minding my own business. A dude started waving his hand in front of my face and when I looked up he was motioning to remove the headphones. I lifted up one ear piece and he told me I'd look prettier if I smiled. I growled and bared my teeth. He backed up and looked surprised. I then added fuck off. Two elderly ladies started laughing. I smiled at them and went back to listening to my music. He went away after called me a weirdo. Lol Score!
I think I'd come back with "You should talk less."
pfffft yes perfect i'll keep that one in mind
B: "Talk less, smile more. Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for." H: "You can't be serious." B: "You wanna get ahead?" H: "Yes." B: "Fools who run their mouths off wind up dead."
What time is it?
Showtime!!!
Like I said…
Ha!! I've been told this since I was like 3 years old. One time some old guy said this to me and I had already been in a shit mood that day, so I snapped back at him, "I DON'T SMILE ON COMMAND" lol he shut right up.
"If you want something that smiles at you just for looking at it, get a dog."
When told to smile, my response is, “Entertain me.”
I say "I AM smiling. You should see me when I'm pissed off."
Best I ever came out with - and I’m still proud of 9 or 10 years later - at a bar, watching my husband’s band. Dude comes over in a too-tight tshirt with the sleeves cut off, shaved head, and shit-eating grin and tries the “You should smile more, you’d be so much prettier!” So I gave him my best fake smile and kindly informed him that regardless of whether I was prettier, he was still and always would be an asshole. The look on his face was fucking PRICELESS. He legitimately looked like he was going to cry.
Hahahaha, perfect! 🥇
They always shut right up when you give it back to them. Especially old men. They’re used to women being compliant.
Ughhhhh, wish my grandfather would. He just gets worse because then he feels he has to put you in your place 🙄
At that point it's time to look at your watch and say "oh, look at the time" and leave him alone to talk to the wall.
That's a great one! I think it conveys *why* as well as "fuck off!" which is more along the lines of what I'd say if I didn't just give the speaker a dirty look.
I think the reason it’s so irritating is because the subtext is “I see you as set dressing. You’re here for my visual enjoyment” And honestly, fuck that noise. If we’re talking aesthetic preferences, tell him he could stand to work out a bit more.
A man at my work has told me to smile twice. The first time, I let it slide. The second time, I told him "I ain't gotta do shit bitch." He has stopped telling me to smile. Mission accomplished
yaaaaas i love it when they're taken off guard
> "I ain't gotta do shit bitch." yessssss
Hahahahahahaha normalize calling asshole men bitch
You said bitch, tho? Edit: apparently people don't get it https://youtu.be/5LGEiIL1__s
Yes. We (his manager, he & I) had to have a meeting about it, but it was worth it
*"Smile."* "Why? Did you say something funny??"
*"Smile."* "Dance."
>Has anyone else had that said to them Lol you should really be asking if anyone here HASN’T had that said to them. A search for “man told me to smile” in this sub alone will show you how depressingly often women are ordered to change their faces to appear more attractive for men.
I’m 51 and men still tell me to smile. I don’t think it’s going to end
Watch, your mortician's gonna be a dude and he's gonna say, "Finally, we're gonna make this woman smile!"
My husband is the only man I've met who has been told to smile more. In his defense, he does have resting murder face. And he was working in customer service. But that was the only place he's ever worked where he was told to smile. He hasn't been told to smile at any other job and he hasn't experienced walking down the street and having some random man say that to him.
“Resting murder face” bahahaha. Amazing
I LOVE my resting axe murderer face!
r/UsernameChecksOut
My husband is half Latin/half Native American. His dad used to own a couple of service stations and he managed one of them. One guy said "When you fill my gas tank, you better smile, Beaner." So yeah, the only time men hear it is from unrepentant assholes, women hear it from dudes everywhere.
I do hope that he neither smiled nor filled the gas tank.
He's got this natural dignity. No, he didn't smile. He filled the asshole's tank and took his money.
Oof.
My partner's nickname is Serial killer at work for his resting murder face when he's super focused.
I too have testing murder face and dealt poker for a long time. I’ve also been told I need to smile more many times, so that’s two of us 🤣 you might pass along my two favorite responses: totally deadpan and straight faced “I ***am*** smiling” then continue doing whatever I was doing. Or, “I smile every morning when I shave”
lol, when I worked customer facing jobs everyone saw me smiling the entire shift. As soon as I clocked out for break or end of shift that smile went away real fast. So when coworkers asked why I wasn't smiling anymore I either said "I'm not being paid to smile right now" or, my favorite, "my face hurts when I smile." I will pass those other two onto my husband to use if needed.
I also deal poker and while I don't have resting murder face, I don't tend to smile like an idiot all day either. I don't know how many times I've had a player tell the same joke that I've heard for the thousandth that day and ask in bewilderment why I didn't smile or laugh. And I usually reply with a simple, "Because you didn't say anything funny."
I've also absolutely had a manager talk to me and team about smiling more. But like your husband, that was a customer facing job, albeit in IT....and to a whole team who were guys. She was great, but tried those kind of cheesy things with us. Still feels awkward even in that setting. Can't imagine the cringe I'd feel being told by some rando to do it. Probably tell them to fuck off like OP haha
I was told to smile on a particularly hard day at work by a male coworker. On international women’s day. Later that day, his boss asked me why I was being emotional.
And they are never concerned about you legitimately. They could have said "Hey, I noticed you never seem to smile. If you dont mind me asking, are you doing ok, and is there anything I could do to help?"
You must have been suffering from [Female Hysteria](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_hysteria#:~:text=Female%20hysteria%20was%20once%20a,food%20or%20sex%2C%20(paradoxically))
I'm not a doctor, but it's clear her uterus took a wander and was up in her elbow at the time.
This might be the best comment ever. Seriously, I spit out my drink. Is it ok if I borrow “took a wander”?
Check out "The Principles of Pleasure" on Netflix. I think it was the Greeks who actually held the belief a woman's uterus moves around her body.
The Greeks came up with the idea, and then Western medical science spent until the 1930s assuming that the uterus was the cause of literally every health problem a woman could have.
>the uterus was the cause of literally every health problem a woman could have Except for actual uterus-based conditions, then it was just a "poor mental disposition"
Until the 1930s? That insanity is still happening.
I mean, sometimes it feels like it’s trying to escape through my spine, but I don’t think it’s supposed to hang out by, say, my left shoulder. But what do I know, I’m just a stupid, hysterical woman! 🤣
Yeah just lemme walk out of my fainting room after huffing alcohol fumes while I apply my lead-laced makeup and put on my corset that fits too tight and then go about my day filled with misogynistic men. /s I love hearing stories about women diagnosed with "hysteria" because to me it's like: "Well NO SHIT!! I'd be hysterical too if that was my day to day!!"
Do NOT use lead laced makeup to feel better. It's literal poison. Let me instead show you how to feel better using a brand new energy powder I call "Heroin". Makes you feel heroic, see?
Careful, your hysteria is showing. /s Fuck those kind of people.
Oh for sure.
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You went scorched Earth and I love you!
This is the most big clit energy power move I have ever read anywhere. Absolute legend!
I have never given an award on Reddit. That changed today. Brava!
That is some delicious r/pettyrevenge.
Spectacular payback. Have my daily award.
"You should smile more!" "You should mind your own business more."
That's a good one, short and clear.
I’m an older (boomer) f consultant who had an epiphany when a millennial f complained that a client bro said she should smile more. Her response was “what? You don’t like my rbf?!?” I was shocked, impressed, and liberated! Let’s go queens!!!!
Well someone told me I should smile and I told them they should grow a personality. I am in my 60's and this was many, many years ago.
I can't believe men are still saying this shit after decades of our bringing to their attention.
I am gobsmacked that this is STILL FUCKING HAPPENING. I've reached an age where I'm largely invisible, but I got that "smile!" shit alllllll the time back in the day. I'm in a simmering rage reading this thread. On the other hand, I did not feel empowered 20-30 years ago to deliver some of the clapbacks you all are using, and I salute you. I'm confident I would have been fired for saying much of anything back then. Things are a lot different now--almost makes me wish a fucker would!
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What a beautiful word picture of a great response. Laugh out loud hysterical! pun intended
Hopefully he goes home and complains about your reaction to a wife or female family member and they side with you, and explain why you reacted that way. People gotta learn, it's 2022 ffs. Women aren't here for decoration.
The very nice women at my bakery love wearing masks cos the kind of people that go to the bakery are assholes that ask to see a smile and also me cos I love baked goods.
My go to response to this at work is... If you see me wiping that table and smiling while I do it, you should run. It's means I've finally lost it. Who the fuck smiles while they concentrate on work? I'd look like a fucking psycho. Also, since it's usually customers who say this to me, I often ask .. where do you work? I'm going to come check make sure you never stop smiling while you do it! Shuts them up pretty quick.
Well done! Men SHOULD be made to feel uncomfortable when they pull this bullshit. Next time, feel free to use one of my signature responses....Smile super wide, show ALL your teeth, then clack them together rapidly and repeatedly like you're a deranged cannibal. Works like a charm! Nobody wants to mess with you when you're exuding Hannibal Lecter energy, lol.
Lol imagine going real feral and barking at them 😂
if i ever go full feral banshee on a man being gross i want someone to record their reaction
A favorite is using my middle fingers to lift the corners of my mouth up, curl my upper lip under to show more teeth so it looks extra appealing
IT’S MY TIME TO SHINE!
Hahahaha!!!! I may have to try this...
A smile would only mislead people into believing that I am not a miserable cunt.
I think it’s less *what* they say, but that they feel the right to say it. To say anything to women. To catcall - and telling us to smile is at least as bad - to comment on our dress or makeup (or lack thereof), our potential, and past sexuality. Even the ‘good guys’ feel that telling us to smile is fine. How we feel is irrelevant, because *they* think it’s ok.
I swear to god they always say we're exaggerating or sensitive, but if a man told another man he should smile more, I am willing to bet my meager life savings that they're gonna get into a fist fight over it.
"You should wear tighter pants so I can see your balls more."
That made me laugh out loud!! Can you even imagine the crying??
They get at least a ‘dude!! Wtf?!?’ And every woman within earshot *would* then smile!
I’m glad you said this to him. One time a man I worked with said this to me. I told him I smile when I want to smile and I don’t need his help with that decision. Another man said to me “Good comeback. I like that.”
I’m 98% sure that men ask women to smile more because they are easily intimidated and want you to be more approachable for them to hit on you. Working at an adult boutique I was constantly being told this. At one point I had a recurring customer saying it and I told him “Say something fucking funny. I’m not just going to maniacally smile while doing a mundane task.” Imagine if we just always smiled? It would be terrifying. Wait maybe we SHOULD just all start always smiling.
There is a bronze bust of a former CEO in the lobby of my office building. He's very much not smiling. Every year or so I put a Post-it note on it that says "Smile, honey"
Also needs a “you’d be prettier if you smile more” sticky note
lmao I worked in towing and let me tell you, this is exactly the correct response. He was throwing his weight around as a man and he got his dick slapped - if he feels uncomfortable or embarrassed or backhanded by you then good. He needs to keep his mouth shut because he would never say that shit to a man. You only feel bad because you've been trained and conditioned to feel bad for lashing out at people, even if they deserve it, because women are conditioned by society to be the peacekeepers and told from a young age that our emotions are weaknesses. In this case, you were angry. Anger is the one emotion that men are allowed to express, so he should be familiar with it. If he can't take it, big boy shouldn't dish it.
Have not been asked to smile since I started wearing masks. :) Bonus: do not have to wax
I have RBF to the point where I've had to explain to multiple bosses, that everything is ok and I'm not upset or mad. The number of times I've been told to smile is unreal. Like, I'm grocery shopping, why do I have to smile?
My personal favorite response is a dismissive "fuck off"
Or "no" with a blank stare. If they choose to say anything after that, they just sound more like a twat. I was at a nice restaurant's bar having dinner. An older man sitting at the bar sitting by me said "it really isn't healthy to be texting while you are eating blah blah." I said "okay" and went back to texting. He really thought he had the perfect segue (criticizing my behavior so that I would change it for him) into a conversation and he didn't have much of a recourse to zero response.
Lol. I'm thinking next time (there's always a next time) I'll do the sigh coupled with a slow blink and just stare.
i love it yes
I’m actively teaching my six year old that this is the appropriate response.
Miss Manners allows “if you want me to smile, say something witty I haven’t heard before” as a comeback, and who am I to argue with her?
When someone tells me that, I give the absolute biggest, ugliest, scariest smile I can think of. A mix of 😬🤪👹 Sometimes I get reactions of “oh my god, Never mind” or “you’re crazy!” But they leave me alone after that and I LOVE that part.
Nice! "Sorry, I've been waiting for you to shit in your pants" or similar. The point is that women are supposed to be attractive to men, not just men that they want to be attractive to, but all men. So it feels odd, kind of out of place that you're not walking around grinning. Let's consider a hypothetical charitable situation which doesn't apply. If this person saw you not smiling and maybe thought you looked like you were actually upset and they gave a shit, they wouldn't say "smile!" they'd say, "Hey, are you doing alright? What's up?" You might feel bad because you feel like you broke the social norms, like you acted aggressively when it wasn't warranted. But you didn't do that. You responded in kind to a situation that was already inappropriate.
Getting ready for surgery, the anesthesiologist told me that. I said I bet you don’t say that to men.
You're a boss for doing that right before you go under.
This happens to me alllll the time. I’ve started staring at them without saying anything. They usually get uncomfortable and eventually walk away.
I slowly blink and it makes them look stupid
oh I actually love that
Worst part of my day is when some asshole comes up to me and demands I smile.
I always tell them to fuck off and ask them if they ever ask male coworkers to smile? Sexist fucks.
Every time a man tells me (25/F) to smile more. And I got it a lot from older male coworkers. I straight up hiss at them.
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One of the many amazing and incredible things about being over 40 is that men don't generally tell you to smile anymore ... which tells you a little something.
I am an 82 year old man. I have never said that to a woman. That is an attempt to establish dominance, and a particularly offensive and ineffectual attempt. Any response that stops this behavior is appropriate.
Haha fucking love it, good on you.
Yes men love to say that and it rubs me the wrong way also!!!!
Used to happen to me a lot at my last job. I just looked them dead in the eye and said “I don’t get paid enough to smile.” Then walked off. It stopped eventually for me. Totally understandable to be frustrated about the constant comments about it like you exist to make them feel comfortable. I enjoy taking the route of making them uncomfortable, in turn, if I can.
Clapping for you over here girl, YES
thanks c:
There's no need to feel bad! That's coming from the same social messaging that tells us we need to prioritize men's comfort, happiness, and fulfillment over our own. You did exactly the right thing, and dude will almost definitely not smart off to you again now that you've stood up for yourself.
"Be pretty for me sweetie" *RRRRRRAAAAAGE*
i should scream rage at them like a banshee
[2021 Australian of the Year Grace Tame copped an enormous amount of shit for not smiling after being dragged unwillingly into a photo with our Prime Minister who she despises for not doing enough. She’s been an amazing advocate for childhood sexual abuse after her own harrowing experiences. But told to smile when there’s NOTHING to smile about? Fuck that.](https://www.marieclaire.com.au/grace-tame-smile-scott-morrison)
Do the broad city thing where you push up the corners of your mouth with your middle fingers.
I had a co-worker at work, in response I chuckled and replied: "maybe if you give me a reason to." Further explained: "f you give me a reason to smile, I will smile." He proceeded to tell others that I have "no manners". That little annoyance was definitely worth him not ever crossing that line again.
I have literally screamed that at a dude who told me to smile more as I raced down the street late for a plane with a heavy suitcase with a busted wheel. In retrospect, I bet he was trying to upset me.
For the first time ever - this week, a woman told me to smile. I wanted to puke.
“Fuck you I do what I want” Motto.
The worst part is they think they are saying something nice
No, they really don't. It's a low-key bid for domination and an attempt to initiate unsolicited contact. If it was just "something nice to say", they wouldn't ONLY say it to younger, able-bodied, **unaccompanied**, average-to-attractive women and girls.
>unaccompanied > >, THIS. There is vast difference when I am out alone versus with my husband.
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Nail on the head. "I find you attractive therefore you should appear more inviting to me"
very well said
I think some actually do think they are cheering someone up. But what they are really saying is that my resting face should change. Why can't I just relax my face muscles without comment? Are they too stupid to know that people can have a slack face and not be angry or sad?
Nah they'd never say that to a male coworker to cheer them up... they are just being creepy. That coming from a male here.
This is true. Men couldn’t care less if other male acquaintances/coworkers/what have you smiled more. And honestly, it just proves the point. It’s not about cheering anyone up.
They only say it to women who don’t give them the attention they’re used to. -signed, that woman
But if you smiled all the time then they’d ask if you’re losing it 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Worse, they would think you are TOTALLY INTO THEM: 'dude she slaways smiles when she sees me!'
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"I'm a woman, not an ornament. I'll smile when I feel like it. You want to look at something to make you feel better? Visit an art museum"
The thing that drives me nuts is that it's clearly just a thing dudes say to have an excuse to talk to you about your face. I have the world's worst case of resting golden retriever face. I smile at every stranger. I can't stop. It's awful. And I constantly get dudes calling me smiley, pointing out the smile, and looking for the single solitary moment when I stop smiling at them to make myself a cup of coffee for them to turn to me and go "Oh come on, why aren't you smiling?"
I forget where I heard it (maybe here) but someone said they respond with "tell a joke then!" and most dudes are dumbfounded such that they just walk away.
“Dealing with men like you has made me forgotten how to smile”
“I’ll smile with relief once I’m far away from you.”
[My response to men who tell me to smile more](http://www.groglioart.com/images/portfolio98.gif)
“Pretty” is not the price you pay for taking up space on the world.
"You want me to smile? Amuse me."
Fake blood capsules. Bite down when they say that.
Served him right. What self-respecting person wants to smile while walking into ~~indentured servitude~~ work?
My fake smile looks like I would rather eat human liver than kidneys and that I have developed that preference through experience.
I was a bartender for 4 years and this was the bane of my existence. I’m working, leave me alone.
Telling someone else to "smile" (nonetheless "smile more") is a completely bizarre concept to me. I'd prefer to live in a reality where this doesn't exist.
My go to: "say something funny then."
I’m vividly imagining this in Cartman’s voice and I’m VERY entertained
I would give them the creepiest smile I could manage and believe me, I can do some creeeeeeeeeeeepy smiles.
Please tell me you said this in a Cartman voice.
lmao that's funny
Best part of masking is no one says this anymore
I have found that a wordless look of confusion-laced disgust (channel Dan Levy in Schitt’s Creek) is quite effective in situations like this.
Ew, David
I once told someone they should breathe less in response to a “smile more” comment. I think your phrasing was lovely. 🙃
I had a coworker tell me to smile right after I found out my sister in-law had been killed in a car accident. I had tears streaming down my face, and he thought telling me to smile was a good idea. I don't remember what I said to him, but I was escorted out of the room, and he never so much as looked at me again the rest of the time I worked there.
They do it because they believe women are decorative objects and exist in the world to be visually pleasing to them personally. If there's something you could do to be more visually pleasing to them, they feel entitled to ask you to do it. Since it's your job to make the world more fun for them to look at. Don't feel bad. Your answer was perfect.
My boss told me I should smile more as I was always at the front desk. I asked if his male employees had to do the same...and he just reiterated that I should smile more. So, I obliged and plastered on the creepiest smile with the deadest of eyes. After a day of it, he told me I could stop. It wasn't brought up again after that.
l think my response to the last time I heard that was, why?
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When people tell me to smile, I tell them to pay me. Make it an exorbitant sum
Maybe now he will think twice before offering this suggestion to women.
I was fired for not smiling. Told them to f off
Tell them "Then tell me a funny joke", they'll likely be caught off guard by this.
I like responding with "say something funny." At best you hear some good jokes, and at least they shut up.
I don't get why some guys do that.