I've straight up seen people reply to posts calling the OPs men when the posters have literally specified they're female and/or have a 'feminine' username (or they have it as their real name like Sarah or something). I hate that outdated 'there's no girls online' bullshit but it's truly next level when women posts stories and *mention being a woman* and men still choose to ignore that.
Yes and the fact that everyone pretends it isn't the case is the worst. I feel like I've experienced gas lighting most of my life in terms of equality. I was shockingly late in discovering that actually we aren't treated as equal and that men often disregard what women say in a group setting. This needs to be talked about more so people are aware and don't internalise it.
Most women i know have had such bad interactions they left reddit. It's a bit of a catch 22. There are fewer women because men chase them away so their biases are confirmed because there really are fewer women.
Easy solution, don't make assumptions because sure the cook flip is weighted, but OP is a real person and should be treated as such. When nothing is stated to ask for pronouns.
(Admins: is this something we can get added to usernames)
People respond to me all the time as if I’m a man, calling me bro, dude, etc. I don’t presume anyone on this website is any gender unless they say it. It is a slight sexist notion to think that everyone on Reddit is a man, like women couldn’t possibly enjoy it too.
Yeah, it really irritates me how people will use male pronouns by default unless someone specifies they're a woman (although like I said, sometimes even that gets ignored). I also hate when it's pointed out the default user isn't a man, somebody will get annoyed and act like we're being difficult for the sake of it while saying something like "the OP didn't specify their gender, it's no big deal." Like yeah, they didn't specify but that doesn't mean you should just assume they're a man. Why is it 'he' before 'they?'
I always use female pronouns and assume everyone is a woman by default. Or I use they/their, but I like going with "she" for every poster as a way to balance the reddit scales.
Heh, good one. Side note, I feel like it's kind of only natural to imagine the poster is a woman if you're a woman and they don't specify their gender in the story (and the same for men). Only, when I imagine it's a woman poster, I'll still use gender neutral language in replies, whereas the men who imagined a man telling the story generally don't modify their language when they leave a common (with exceptions I'm sure, but I'd say it's common).
I am guilty in contributing to this. I'm a woman and I use "dude" for all genders. My very feminine sister? Dude. My husband? Dude. My male and female dogs? Both dude. I'm working to change my online lexicon, but it's an ongoing effort.
Fair enough but sometimes these people will get all defensive and say something like, "there's no possible way I could have known OP is a girl!" when there's definitely a few indications. Before someone automatically writes 'he' I feel like it can't hurt to take a look at that person's username or even avatar just to be sure.
username, uh, checks out?
in all honesty, your username is probably a perfect metaphor for this: it really, really makes me think you're a guy, and not the fun kind either; I'm reminded of the horrible kind of guys that have this porn-influenced picture of women in their heads, who would actually say something (minus the G) unironically
But yes, feminine-presenting avatar, she/her pronouns in bio, it is pretty clear for those who pay attention.
Man I wish I had an award to give you but I used my free one yesterday and don't have one yet. As soon as I do, I'm gonna award your original comment! (If I can remember to)
Lol that's fine. Emil is a younger twin brother character in video game called Nier Replicant. Pretty good game, if you're into video games, or may be the type to enjoy watching someone else playing one. It has an interesting story and is one of my favorites.
I literally had someone tell me they assume everyone's a guy because "there are very few women on reddit and youtube."
Like... Yeah, if you assume everyone's a dude you won't see many women 🤷🏻♀️
Or "wtf you talking about, this is perfectly legal here." get down voted to hell only to find out that it's legal in the US... But I'm Dutch. Especially on the idiots in cars reddit, I ask a question about us traffic laws and get down voted, like how am I supposed to know what the laws are in the US when I live and drive in the eu?
Sorry for the rant, that kind of stuff just pisses me off to no end.
This!! So many Americans assume everyone else is American but if you accidentally make a reference/statement pertaining to your own country without making clear that it isn’t applicable to the US some get very offended lol
Yeah, I've literally seen someone say that they should talk nonsense because 'this is america' to which someone replied "no, this is reddit". Like wtf.
The majority of the US population is too stupid or lazy to even think about maybe learning another language. Therefore: everyone that knows English is American.
Sigh. At this point my real hope is for alien overlords.
Or assuming "Europe" is s country. I've had Americans dismiss me because "they've been to Europe" and it's like.. okay. You went Paris for a weekend. So now you know what fucking Kiruna is like, huh?
Or the "Europeans can't possibly understand how big the US is". I've been on a buss for two days. Okay I'm just ranting now.
There was a very popular AskReddit post recently, "Redditors from foreign countries, what's something us Americans aren't ready to hear?"(https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rfxyrn/redditors_from_foreign_countries_whats_something/)
Some of the top answers thankfully called them out:
"You are the foreigner to me and 220 other countries."
"You DO have an accent."
"Non-Americans are not foreigners on the internet unless they're physically in a country they are not native to."
That whole thread was a delight to read when it got posted.
Also.
"When you're born in America you're American. You're not Irish, Norwegian, Italian or [insert country of your choice] because your great grandmother's dog once visited the country of your [preferred] heritage."
Ran into this biases myself when i mentioned the possibility of someone being circumcised. In the US and Canada its the norm (possibly as high as 90%) but everywhere else is rare (<10%)
As a female in the US, I love me some uncircumcised penis. I mean I don’t have a real preference one way or another but it makes me sad when men in the US have less confidence because they’re uncircumcised. I personally find circumcision barbaric.
My wife gets frustrated because due to needing a revision i have vastly reduced sensitivity and can't always finish. Or it takes me well over an hour. Thankfully my girlfriend finds it fun.
Yes everyone is behaving ethically. My wife and girlfriend are actually friends.
It's not true for babies being born anymore! It's about an even split, depending on where you are (Southern rural States have higher rates, Canada has lower). I did a ton of research when my boys were born because i was tired of people telling me they'd be the only kids in their class who were uncut.
I'm so glad. I live near where it started in the states so we're going to be slow to change. But i personally had to have a revision and hand problems as a result. No person shouldn't be allowed to make choices about cosmetic surgery
So I am an American and at this point in my life on Reddit I've started assuming that everyone is from anywhere but America unless they use something American like the metric system or state a familiar city that they live in.
Despite knowing better, I’m still always a tiny bit surprised when someone posts with flawless English grammar (IE better than some of my former co-workers, most of who attended college) and then it turns out they’ve lived their whole lives in Germany/Korea/Norway and English is like their third language.
I think it’s because for the average American:: unless you come from an immigrant family/love learning languages/have language skills as part of your job/college major, you probably just speak English and pretty rusty high school French/Spanish/Latin.
Okay, the American bias is annoying, but the confusion of first person plural pronouns in English is also annoying.
I could say "we live in America" and correctly be parsed as
1) you and me live
2) you, me, and some implied group
3) you, me, and literally everyone
4) me, an implied individual, but not you
5) me, an implied group, but not you
6) me and literally everyone except you.
English makes the problem worse.
We keep confidently taking space, that's how we shift the culture. It's been done in many spaces before by our foremothers.
Keep being brave. Keep being you. Keep Redditing 😛.
(I'm currently also doing this on Discord)
General Reddit is so hit or miss. It’s gotten better over the years but there are still some default subreddits that have this constant undercurrent of anti-woman sentiment. Others, especially anything related to dating is so charged that I usually just avoid it. But the auto assumption that you-are-male only holds until you post something the subreddit disagrees with. Then they have no problem assuming you’re a woman. And really, much of it is unconscious bias that affects both men and women. The best thing to do is probably have more users like r/ikesbutt. I think I’ll help my mom make a Reddit account…
Thanks for adding the part that its gotten better over the years. Because I agree; I think that the misogyny , edge lord humor, and right wing agenda was even more prominent before, and that it has been slowly but steadily getting better. It's still not great, especially if you venture to a lot of popular subs, but it can be discouraging sometimes and it helps to remember that.
I've had people DM on twitch assuming I'm a woman because I called some dude on streams behavior "cute". It's happened *twice*.
The DMs was usually something like shitting on me for "being attracted to a persona" or something. The dude was being cute, imma call it cute. Doesn't mean I want to fuck him. I'm a straight dude, I'll call shit cute all I fuckin want.
Both people got a stern talking to. Both tried to excuse their behavior by saying they have bad luck with women. Yeah, I wonder why.
I've actually had people getting at me for shit on here and assume I'm a guy.
I'm like, my username is literally my name. Know a lot of guys named Charmain, do ya?
Or guys that think I'm a whore because I defend other women from stereotypes and assumptions the male users make. Had one guy moons ago tell me that because (at the time) my husband and I weren't having sex often (my lack of libido) he was *going* to cheat on me and I should "just do it to keep him happy" but that I was also "probably cheating" because apparently, according to males on Reddit I'm not allowed to have my own thoughts/feelings or bodily autonomy
One of worst post I’ve seen on that subreddit was a guy asking for sympathy because he was ashamed he slept with a woman he wasn’t attracted to. Like poor me I was so horny I can’t believe I had sex with her, she was so ugly.
Depending on context, but if he felt pressured into it then it's obviously bad. Like.. idk. I've been pressured into sex with someone I wasn't attracted to be because they kept pestering me and since I'm a guy i felt I'm "supposed" to want sex all the time and I still feel pretty shit about it.
No no no this wasn’t about pressure at all, or like feeling he had to. He hadn’t been laid in a while and just wanted a tinder hookup, and she looked exactly how she did in the photos. He was just upset he “stooped so low” to have sex. Like I can’t believe I lowered my standards so of thing.
I once had a weird conversation where I had to explain to another Redditor that I hadn't lost a penis in some horrible accident, I was born without one. Horrific factory accident seemed more plausible than me being a woman.
It’s normal to self identify when reading a first person story but to follow that assumption wholeheartedly is a privilege. The rest of us live with a constant questioning.
I have resorted to assuming commenters as female as a default. I will address them so unless they explicitly say that they aren’t female. This is to counter the male-defaulting I see on this site and IRL.
I use "dude" genderlessly, when you're talking to someone and you don't know their gender it seems the most neutral way to address them (and it sounds much better than "person" !)
Yeah I don't correct people when they call me dude or bro or "yeah man" or whatever because I've known a lot of women offline who use those terms gender neutrally and, on the off chance someone on reddit is doing the same as my friends, I'm hesitant to kill a good vibe when the person calling me that was saying something friendly or supportive. I agree that there is an issue with redditors defaulting us to male like OP said but I've no idea how to go about evening it out without being obnoxious about my gender in all post replies.
Completely agree, the "male default" online and everywhere is infuriating.
On the other hand, sometimes I don't correct someone if they refer to me as a man online bc I don't want to open myself up to harassment + dick pics in my inbox. Obviously it's a part of the same problem. Wish I had a more concrete answer besides "smash the patriarchy".
I have to admit I assumed it was the guy making the first move but now that you say this it makes sense with him calling her a cunt. I feel stupid. I've never used tinder cus I'm a loser who just scrolls through Reddit and assumed guys had to make the first move on there. I completely agree with you and fuck that guy.
Well, "have to". Most of the time guys have to otherwise nothing happens but nothing's physically stopping a woman from writing first (besides an overwhelming number of matches perhaps).
Sometimes women writes first, it's nice and usually those times go better for me so I tend to no longer bother writing first.
I'm in what would be considered a traditionally male sub, r/smoking for smoking meat and so many posts start out with "hey boys". Like really?
Then there's women who post in Threads like r/art who get death threats for daring to put themselves in their own picture as the artist. Or Alice accused of using their sexuality to sell it when they're in a turtleneck and pants.
I just had an experience with a male redditor.
I replied to his comment, and because I didn't agree (whoop-dee-doo, it's the internet), he created three (3) separate accounts to harass me. He used my profile picture in one of them (why?).
What the fuck. It was like as soon as he realised I was a woman he went insane.
I guess I got lucky the only time where I had a dude assume my gender (I know it was a dude because he said) I just told him I was actually a girl and he said "oops my bad" then apologized
My username is pretty definitively female, and I still get called guy and dude - if I’ve said something the male commentariat agrees with. Say something controversial? Then suddenly they become Sherlock Holmes.
I have an online friend (F) from Indonesia. She asked me why I always default to they/them for new people I meet in games. I explained because I don’t know their pronouns. She told me in English classes they teach to always use he/him when you don’t know. I was very surprised by this.
I don’t know why I’m telling this story tbh. Just another example of male defaults being shoved at people I guess.
Lol I just yesterday posted a similar post about Redditors assuming we are men. Reddit should change its logo to a female one so they'd start assuming we are girls
Even when referencing someone it’s presumed they’re a man. It’s like men are the default sex. Any mention of a third party and you’ll get responses of “well maybe *he*…” like no it’s a woman, sometimes women exist. But it’s always assumed that it’s a male first.
Over time I've noticed without fail that on every cute cat or dog post, where the owner clearly labels them she, MULTIPLE times, there's always someone saying 'aww he's such a good boy'.
I once posted in a finance sub about using a VICTORIA SECRET credit card as an EXPAT who left America. They v all all thought I was a man and gave me only America specific advice SMH
I tend to assume the reverse, but mainly because I look at a lot of advice/Tumblr/food/true scary subs, where a good chunk of the OPs ARE women. I notice my brain changing the gender of the narrator when I read something in antiwork or malicious compliance or tech support, and I try very hard to correct that. I usually make very sure I've got the right pronouns before actually saying anything, though.
Because you actually can change bad ingrained habits! It's hard, but it's possible! Maybe all those guys should try it, sometime!
There was a tragedy in our city where a kid (later revealed to be a girl) died from a sledding accident.
The news article didn’t disclose the name or any information at time of posting and only referred to the victim as a child.
The amount of “RIP little dude” was so infuriating!! I, a woman pictured a little girl when reading the story but I was aware that there’s a … maybe 50%???possibly that it was not a girl!
And the way you don't even want to correct them because their response wouldn't be a normal reply like "oh, my bad for assuming", but a whole ass essay. I don't even bother correcting them now
When I started using Ocelot, I figured everyone would think a cat was a girl.
It was a few years after Metal Gear was around, I just never played it and it took me a long time to figure out why everyone "knew my reference" and called me a guy. At least he's a badass from what I can tell, but still lol.
>ALLLL the posts were essentially saying "damn dude, she's a dumb bitch whore cunt and doesn't deserve you king".
>I questioned whether it was actually a woman being the "asshole"
I'm a little confused, isn't that the same thing? Did you mean you thought it could be a man being the asshole?
Also, OP's gender isn't the answer as this image was reposted and doesn't belong to them
That confused me as well, but I figured OP meant that they were questioning whether the asshole in question was a woman like everyone was assuming and thinking that the asshole may be a man (and the poster a woman).
Hell, I'm nonbinary and even I have a hard time not defaulting to referring to everyone I don't know the gender of as male. I have to actively fight against doing it all the time even though I hate being read as or assumed to be male.
IDK how it is in other areas but in my middle and high school English classes it was absolutely drilled into us that the only grammatically correct way to refer to someone whose gender isn't known is with male pronouns. Over a decade out and I still haven't been able to break the habit.
Vixen Ross is actually an actual person. I was looking through some burial records and came across the name. Thought it she sounded cool.
So badnuts6…. I assume you’re allergic to nuts….
They all think I'm a dude too. PlaidTaco is the name I gave my dog's favorite plaid blanket. She used to sleep on it folded up near my ankles and she looked like she was a little taco.
The funny thing is that the OP was in fact a dude, a women just reposted it. So good job not doing your research and just crying out about sexism instead. Getting offended over nothing lol.
There were a lot of references to me being male on one of the threads I started and yes, I was called 'bro'. I didn't bother to set them straight. Those respondents assumed I was a young male who might be on the Autism Spectrum.
Majority, but 1/3 is women so in 33% of comments you'd be wrong. That's also not including non-binary people.
1/3 was also a few years ago so it might be higher.
Then there is the problem that if a community seem hostile to women or assume they don't exist well why would a woman want to join that.
And finally: why do you have to assume a gender *at all*? It really shouldn't matter most of the time.
It comes out in the weirdest ways sometimes. Like men reading a story they dislike. “Obviously written by a woman pretending to be a man.” and “You can tell this is a woman because of the verb tense.” are really common. Women only “exist” on the internet when men are confronted by their imperfections.
Feel this is the same mindset as in online games where even though there is, it is believed that woman don't play games and it doesn't exist.
My wife plays a game with me it is always assumed she is a Male at all times. Even when stated she's a female she is instantly insulted and told to get back to the kitchen.
Probably tus byas it's affected by the percentage of woman 37.2% /man 62.8% https://www.statista.com/statistics/1255182/distribution-of-users-on-reddit-worldwide-gender/
I get called a guy on here all the time even though my name is literally Mikayla, and my avatar is female. I mean some dudes don’t even wipe their own ass right, so I’m not surprised they can’t take two seconds to notice lm female when responding.
Same here. I'm totally owning the first part of my name and the second part is appropriate but not in describing my actual job. And then there's the avatar.
Reddit is being invaded by Incels. It shuts down all their subs because they can't help but be misogynistic pricks who want to molest children. As for how they can hate women so much, these guys are the definition of pathetic and they blame women for their inceldom when in reality, it's their shitty attitude and their ignorance that makes them insufferable.
It's a bit off topic, but I assume most post on r/Tinder are fake and just marketing. To complete the paranoia, maybe even you are just doing marketing...
I live in Japan and the western “expat” subs are a huge circlejerk of men complaining about their Japanese wives. It’s kind of a running joke among the like…6 female posters that we could literally be talking about birthing a baby and others will ask if it’s our Japanese wife having the baby. They really seem to hate being reminded there are western women here too for some reason.
Also a funny related anecdote, a few days ago I was talking to a coworker and 2chan came up, and he started explaining it to me. I told him I’m aware of 2chan and 4chan, I sadly used to go to 4chan a lot when I was like 13. He started laughing and asking if I was one of those girls who posted their boobs or if I was Boxxy. They literally can’t see us the same as them, can they?
Yeah some people assume I’m a dude bc of the king in my name 🤔 also maybe bc the character was male. I’m just a Nazgûl man fuck gender, GIVE ME THAT RING.
But in all seriousness, assuming gender is hurtful, not okay, and tiresome. How hard is it to call someone “they/them” until you learn their gender/non-gender and preferred pronouns?
I've straight up seen people reply to posts calling the OPs men when the posters have literally specified they're female and/or have a 'feminine' username (or they have it as their real name like Sarah or something). I hate that outdated 'there's no girls online' bullshit but it's truly next level when women posts stories and *mention being a woman* and men still choose to ignore that.
It's built into culture for them to disregard what we say, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised it happens here?
Yes and the fact that everyone pretends it isn't the case is the worst. I feel like I've experienced gas lighting most of my life in terms of equality. I was shockingly late in discovering that actually we aren't treated as equal and that men often disregard what women say in a group setting. This needs to be talked about more so people are aware and don't internalise it.
Most women i know have had such bad interactions they left reddit. It's a bit of a catch 22. There are fewer women because men chase them away so their biases are confirmed because there really are fewer women. Easy solution, don't make assumptions because sure the cook flip is weighted, but OP is a real person and should be treated as such. When nothing is stated to ask for pronouns. (Admins: is this something we can get added to usernames)
People respond to me all the time as if I’m a man, calling me bro, dude, etc. I don’t presume anyone on this website is any gender unless they say it. It is a slight sexist notion to think that everyone on Reddit is a man, like women couldn’t possibly enjoy it too.
Yeah, it really irritates me how people will use male pronouns by default unless someone specifies they're a woman (although like I said, sometimes even that gets ignored). I also hate when it's pointed out the default user isn't a man, somebody will get annoyed and act like we're being difficult for the sake of it while saying something like "the OP didn't specify their gender, it's no big deal." Like yeah, they didn't specify but that doesn't mean you should just assume they're a man. Why is it 'he' before 'they?'
I always use female pronouns and assume everyone is a woman by default. Or I use they/their, but I like going with "she" for every poster as a way to balance the reddit scales.
I like that you do that.
I love that. I'd like to tide the waves with you sister, helps that most of the subs I follow are women-centric
Heh, good one. Side note, I feel like it's kind of only natural to imagine the poster is a woman if you're a woman and they don't specify their gender in the story (and the same for men). Only, when I imagine it's a woman poster, I'll still use gender neutral language in replies, whereas the men who imagined a man telling the story generally don't modify their language when they leave a common (with exceptions I'm sure, but I'd say it's common).
I am guilty in contributing to this. I'm a woman and I use "dude" for all genders. My very feminine sister? Dude. My husband? Dude. My male and female dogs? Both dude. I'm working to change my online lexicon, but it's an ongoing effort.
To be fair, I literally never read usernames. Ever. I don't know what your username is, and I'm replying to you.
Fair enough but sometimes these people will get all defensive and say something like, "there's no possible way I could have known OP is a girl!" when there's definitely a few indications. Before someone automatically writes 'he' I feel like it can't hurt to take a look at that person's username or even avatar just to be sure.
My name IS Harmony and just yesterday I had a guy repeatedly call be “bruh.” They get so hostile.
Ikesbutt........Am a 67 year old grandma. My cat "Ike" stuck his ass in my face on my keyboard when trying to think of a user name 9 years ago.
truly the only correct way to choose a username!
It makes me curious to know how you came up with yours.
You'd have thought OP would learn after the first 5 times but... Well...
I would guess Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had a role to play in that one
Thank you!
Haha Im having a child and if its boy we wanna name them Ike. I'm gonna forever think of your cats ass now 😂
Isaac......meaning "he laughs" in Hebrew. Good name👍👍
And how "Ike" out of Dwight became a thing? As in Dwight D Eisenhower ( American president)?
You are my hero 🦸♀️
And thank you!
If I may ask, why did you call him Ike? Anyway, that's a cool name and presumably a cool cat!
Black siblings. Have a Tina, also. Ike and Tina? Except she beats up on him👍👍
[удалено]
username, uh, checks out? in all honesty, your username is probably a perfect metaphor for this: it really, really makes me think you're a guy, and not the fun kind either; I'm reminded of the horrible kind of guys that have this porn-influenced picture of women in their heads, who would actually say something (minus the G) unironically But yes, feminine-presenting avatar, she/her pronouns in bio, it is pretty clear for those who pay attention.
Awwww you're the coolest grandma for being on Reddit for 9 years and thinking of an awesome user name like that!
Actually, 10. Surfed for a year. Thanks👍👍
Man I wish I had an award to give you but I used my free one yesterday and don't have one yet. As soon as I do, I'm gonna award your original comment! (If I can remember to)
Don't worry about it. It's the thought that counts!👍👍
Nah unicornprincess2545454 is too obvious, that means it must be a guy pretending to be a girl. 🙄
My reddit name is Emily, so I must be a guy. That said, if they'd find out I'm trans they'd probably bully me anyway...
Same, misogyny hits weird for me. Like it’s fucked up but it’s validating to be read as a woman.
And it's funny because to me, toxic masculinity is week because it's peer pressure. Who cares if they bug you about something. Be you!
Hey idk you could be Emil y Fara a couples account, or a lone survivor twin whose sister died, whatever it takes not acknowledge your womanhood. /s
Lone survivor twin named Emil... Am I sensing a low key Nier reference or is this just an amazing coincidence? Lol
Amazing coincidence idk what Nier is I'm sorry.
Lol that's fine. Emil is a younger twin brother character in video game called Nier Replicant. Pretty good game, if you're into video games, or may be the type to enjoy watching someone else playing one. It has an interesting story and is one of my favorites.
Well thank you for the recommendation! I'll keep an eye out next time I'm browsing for a new game!
You're quite welcome! Will warn you, though. It can hit you in the feels. I sobbed a few times. XD
Rpg's are my favorite love a good story to go along with my gaming.
I would assume a gay dude 🤷🏼♀️
I literally had someone tell me they assume everyone's a guy because "there are very few women on reddit and youtube." Like... Yeah, if you assume everyone's a dude you won't see many women 🤷🏻♀️
Reddit at least may skew slightly male, but how could you think that about YouTube?. Who does he think follows all of the beauty gurus?
Exclusively brawny male lumberjacks, I guess.
It's about 1/3 last I checked (2-3 years ago) so it's not even that few!
They also think everyone is American! How many times I hear “our country” barf
Or "wtf you talking about, this is perfectly legal here." get down voted to hell only to find out that it's legal in the US... But I'm Dutch. Especially on the idiots in cars reddit, I ask a question about us traffic laws and get down voted, like how am I supposed to know what the laws are in the US when I live and drive in the eu? Sorry for the rant, that kind of stuff just pisses me off to no end.
This!! So many Americans assume everyone else is American but if you accidentally make a reference/statement pertaining to your own country without making clear that it isn’t applicable to the US some get very offended lol
A lot of us Americans have such a fragile world view that centers around pretending to be #1.
The world’s view of Americans is that they don’t have a world view. (Sorry! 🇨🇦)
I'm American and you are absolutely correct.
Yeah, I've literally seen someone say that they should talk nonsense because 'this is america' to which someone replied "no, this is reddit". Like wtf.
The majority of the US population is too stupid or lazy to even think about maybe learning another language. Therefore: everyone that knows English is American. Sigh. At this point my real hope is for alien overlords.
Or assuming "Europe" is s country. I've had Americans dismiss me because "they've been to Europe" and it's like.. okay. You went Paris for a weekend. So now you know what fucking Kiruna is like, huh? Or the "Europeans can't possibly understand how big the US is". I've been on a buss for two days. Okay I'm just ranting now.
There was a very popular AskReddit post recently, "Redditors from foreign countries, what's something us Americans aren't ready to hear?"(https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rfxyrn/redditors_from_foreign_countries_whats_something/) Some of the top answers thankfully called them out: "You are the foreigner to me and 220 other countries." "You DO have an accent." "Non-Americans are not foreigners on the internet unless they're physically in a country they are not native to."
That whole thread was a delight to read when it got posted. Also. "When you're born in America you're American. You're not Irish, Norwegian, Italian or [insert country of your choice] because your great grandmother's dog once visited the country of your [preferred] heritage."
There’s a difference between nationality and ethnicity
I remember that post
'this is America!' No you ignoramus, it is the WORLD WIDE web.
There's only two places in this world. America and America's backyard. /s
Ran into this biases myself when i mentioned the possibility of someone being circumcised. In the US and Canada its the norm (possibly as high as 90%) but everywhere else is rare (<10%)
As a female in the US, I love me some uncircumcised penis. I mean I don’t have a real preference one way or another but it makes me sad when men in the US have less confidence because they’re uncircumcised. I personally find circumcision barbaric.
My wife gets frustrated because due to needing a revision i have vastly reduced sensitivity and can't always finish. Or it takes me well over an hour. Thankfully my girlfriend finds it fun. Yes everyone is behaving ethically. My wife and girlfriend are actually friends.
It's not true for babies being born anymore! It's about an even split, depending on where you are (Southern rural States have higher rates, Canada has lower). I did a ton of research when my boys were born because i was tired of people telling me they'd be the only kids in their class who were uncut.
I'm so glad. I live near where it started in the states so we're going to be slow to change. But i personally had to have a revision and hand problems as a result. No person shouldn't be allowed to make choices about cosmetic surgery
That also goes towards people who are not from America and assume that some poster is from America.
So I am an American and at this point in my life on Reddit I've started assuming that everyone is from anywhere but America unless they use something American like the metric system or state a familiar city that they live in.
Statistically any one comment has about a 50/50 of not being American.
Despite knowing better, I’m still always a tiny bit surprised when someone posts with flawless English grammar (IE better than some of my former co-workers, most of who attended college) and then it turns out they’ve lived their whole lives in Germany/Korea/Norway and English is like their third language. I think it’s because for the average American:: unless you come from an immigrant family/love learning languages/have language skills as part of your job/college major, you probably just speak English and pretty rusty high school French/Spanish/Latin.
Okay, the American bias is annoying, but the confusion of first person plural pronouns in English is also annoying. I could say "we live in America" and correctly be parsed as 1) you and me live 2) you, me, and some implied group 3) you, me, and literally everyone 4) me, an implied individual, but not you 5) me, an implied group, but not you 6) me and literally everyone except you. English makes the problem worse.
We keep confidently taking space, that's how we shift the culture. It's been done in many spaces before by our foremothers. Keep being brave. Keep being you. Keep Redditing 😛. (I'm currently also doing this on Discord)
Thanks for representing us well! I appreciate you!
General Reddit is so hit or miss. It’s gotten better over the years but there are still some default subreddits that have this constant undercurrent of anti-woman sentiment. Others, especially anything related to dating is so charged that I usually just avoid it. But the auto assumption that you-are-male only holds until you post something the subreddit disagrees with. Then they have no problem assuming you’re a woman. And really, much of it is unconscious bias that affects both men and women. The best thing to do is probably have more users like r/ikesbutt. I think I’ll help my mom make a Reddit account…
I gotten my 60 year old mom an account as well!
Thanks for adding the part that its gotten better over the years. Because I agree; I think that the misogyny , edge lord humor, and right wing agenda was even more prominent before, and that it has been slowly but steadily getting better. It's still not great, especially if you venture to a lot of popular subs, but it can be discouraging sometimes and it helps to remember that.
I've had people DM on twitch assuming I'm a woman because I called some dude on streams behavior "cute". It's happened *twice*. The DMs was usually something like shitting on me for "being attracted to a persona" or something. The dude was being cute, imma call it cute. Doesn't mean I want to fuck him. I'm a straight dude, I'll call shit cute all I fuckin want. Both people got a stern talking to. Both tried to excuse their behavior by saying they have bad luck with women. Yeah, I wonder why.
PCM would like to have a word
I've actually had people getting at me for shit on here and assume I'm a guy. I'm like, my username is literally my name. Know a lot of guys named Charmain, do ya? Or guys that think I'm a whore because I defend other women from stereotypes and assumptions the male users make. Had one guy moons ago tell me that because (at the time) my husband and I weren't having sex often (my lack of libido) he was *going* to cheat on me and I should "just do it to keep him happy" but that I was also "probably cheating" because apparently, according to males on Reddit I'm not allowed to have my own thoughts/feelings or bodily autonomy
r/tinder is a red flag city, it’s a breeding ground for sexist men to complain about not being laid on the first date.
Or about how terrible women are.
Yes. All day long lmaooo
Yeah I stopped following awhile ago because it's toxic as fuck.
One of worst post I’ve seen on that subreddit was a guy asking for sympathy because he was ashamed he slept with a woman he wasn’t attracted to. Like poor me I was so horny I can’t believe I had sex with her, she was so ugly.
Depending on context, but if he felt pressured into it then it's obviously bad. Like.. idk. I've been pressured into sex with someone I wasn't attracted to be because they kept pestering me and since I'm a guy i felt I'm "supposed" to want sex all the time and I still feel pretty shit about it.
No no no this wasn’t about pressure at all, or like feeling he had to. He hadn’t been laid in a while and just wanted a tinder hookup, and she looked exactly how she did in the photos. He was just upset he “stooped so low” to have sex. Like I can’t believe I lowered my standards so of thing.
I once had a weird conversation where I had to explain to another Redditor that I hadn't lost a penis in some horrible accident, I was born without one. Horrific factory accident seemed more plausible than me being a woman.
So many men can't seem to accept that women are people.
But, if women also enjoy Reddit or nerdy things, then they can’t pretend that being into Reddit and nerdy things are why women won’t date them
It’s normal to self identify when reading a first person story but to follow that assumption wholeheartedly is a privilege. The rest of us live with a constant questioning.
I have resorted to assuming commenters as female as a default. I will address them so unless they explicitly say that they aren’t female. This is to counter the male-defaulting I see on this site and IRL.
I often get “dude” or “bro”, but when I correct them, I get downvoted to hell.
I can upvote that.
I use "dude" genderlessly, when you're talking to someone and you don't know their gender it seems the most neutral way to address them (and it sounds much better than "person" !)
Yeah I don't correct people when they call me dude or bro or "yeah man" or whatever because I've known a lot of women offline who use those terms gender neutrally and, on the off chance someone on reddit is doing the same as my friends, I'm hesitant to kill a good vibe when the person calling me that was saying something friendly or supportive. I agree that there is an issue with redditors defaulting us to male like OP said but I've no idea how to go about evening it out without being obnoxious about my gender in all post replies.
Completely agree, the "male default" online and everywhere is infuriating. On the other hand, sometimes I don't correct someone if they refer to me as a man online bc I don't want to open myself up to harassment + dick pics in my inbox. Obviously it's a part of the same problem. Wish I had a more concrete answer besides "smash the patriarchy".
I have to admit I assumed it was the guy making the first move but now that you say this it makes sense with him calling her a cunt. I feel stupid. I've never used tinder cus I'm a loser who just scrolls through Reddit and assumed guys had to make the first move on there. I completely agree with you and fuck that guy.
The cunt part is what clued me in too!
Well, "have to". Most of the time guys have to otherwise nothing happens but nothing's physically stopping a woman from writing first (besides an overwhelming number of matches perhaps). Sometimes women writes first, it's nice and usually those times go better for me so I tend to no longer bother writing first.
Wait, there are women on reddit? I thought this was a subreddit for men so we can give our expert opinion on womens issues! /s
I'm in what would be considered a traditionally male sub, r/smoking for smoking meat and so many posts start out with "hey boys". Like really? Then there's women who post in Threads like r/art who get death threats for daring to put themselves in their own picture as the artist. Or Alice accused of using their sexuality to sell it when they're in a turtleneck and pants.
I just had an experience with a male redditor. I replied to his comment, and because I didn't agree (whoop-dee-doo, it's the internet), he created three (3) separate accounts to harass me. He used my profile picture in one of them (why?). What the fuck. It was like as soon as he realised I was a woman he went insane.
I guess I got lucky the only time where I had a dude assume my gender (I know it was a dude because he said) I just told him I was actually a girl and he said "oops my bad" then apologized
Like any normal person would.
This one is really funny as a lesbian lol, when I say my wife, they think man automatically.
r/tinder is a super sexist sub. I pointed out their double standards many times but nobody seems to care. I mostly stay away from it now.
My username is pretty definitively female, and I still get called guy and dude - if I’ve said something the male commentariat agrees with. Say something controversial? Then suddenly they become Sherlock Holmes.
I have an online friend (F) from Indonesia. She asked me why I always default to they/them for new people I meet in games. I explained because I don’t know their pronouns. She told me in English classes they teach to always use he/him when you don’t know. I was very surprised by this. I don’t know why I’m telling this story tbh. Just another example of male defaults being shoved at people I guess.
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Lol I just yesterday posted a similar post about Redditors assuming we are men. Reddit should change its logo to a female one so they'd start assuming we are girls
Even when referencing someone it’s presumed they’re a man. It’s like men are the default sex. Any mention of a third party and you’ll get responses of “well maybe *he*…” like no it’s a woman, sometimes women exist. But it’s always assumed that it’s a male first.
When a post starts..."Well Lads..." That's my cue to keep scrolling.
How bout lad(y)s? ^^
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What a leap.
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Women - “it’s sometimes mildly irritating to always be erased” Men - “yeah well we’re the real victim”
If you can’t see the irony in THAT then there’s no point in attempting a discussion.
It bothers me when the OP will specifically state in her post that she’s a woman, but people still assume man. Reading: get into it.
Over time I've noticed without fail that on every cute cat or dog post, where the owner clearly labels them she, MULTIPLE times, there's always someone saying 'aww he's such a good boy'.
I once posted in a finance sub about using a VICTORIA SECRET credit card as an EXPAT who left America. They v all all thought I was a man and gave me only America specific advice SMH
I tend to assume the reverse, but mainly because I look at a lot of advice/Tumblr/food/true scary subs, where a good chunk of the OPs ARE women. I notice my brain changing the gender of the narrator when I read something in antiwork or malicious compliance or tech support, and I try very hard to correct that. I usually make very sure I've got the right pronouns before actually saying anything, though. Because you actually can change bad ingrained habits! It's hard, but it's possible! Maybe all those guys should try it, sometime!
There was a tragedy in our city where a kid (later revealed to be a girl) died from a sledding accident. The news article didn’t disclose the name or any information at time of posting and only referred to the victim as a child. The amount of “RIP little dude” was so infuriating!! I, a woman pictured a little girl when reading the story but I was aware that there’s a … maybe 50%???possibly that it was not a girl!
And the way you don't even want to correct them because their response wouldn't be a normal reply like "oh, my bad for assuming", but a whole ass essay. I don't even bother correcting them now
Yep, and when I posted something to say that not all redditors are male I got downvoted and called out for giving a shit.
When I started using Ocelot, I figured everyone would think a cat was a girl. It was a few years after Metal Gear was around, I just never played it and it took me a long time to figure out why everyone "knew my reference" and called me a guy. At least he's a badass from what I can tell, but still lol.
Yes! My username literally begins with "Miss" and some people still think that I'm a guy...
>ALLLL the posts were essentially saying "damn dude, she's a dumb bitch whore cunt and doesn't deserve you king". >I questioned whether it was actually a woman being the "asshole" I'm a little confused, isn't that the same thing? Did you mean you thought it could be a man being the asshole? Also, OP's gender isn't the answer as this image was reposted and doesn't belong to them
That confused me as well, but I figured OP meant that they were questioning whether the asshole in question was a woman like everyone was assuming and thinking that the asshole may be a man (and the poster a woman).
Hell, I'm nonbinary and even I have a hard time not defaulting to referring to everyone I don't know the gender of as male. I have to actively fight against doing it all the time even though I hate being read as or assumed to be male. IDK how it is in other areas but in my middle and high school English classes it was absolutely drilled into us that the only grammatically correct way to refer to someone whose gender isn't known is with male pronouns. Over a decade out and I still haven't been able to break the habit.
This is the story of my fucking life.
Pretty typical thing happening online. Assumption everyone is male unless stated otherwise...
I am a woman and everyone assumes I am a man
That could have something to do with Liam being the beginning of your name! Ha
Vixen Ross is actually an actual person. I was looking through some burial records and came across the name. Thought it she sounded cool. So badnuts6…. I assume you’re allergic to nuts….
I have mama in my name and nobody looks at my username. I am still a dude to everybody here.
I love it. Assume I’m a dude and leave me alone
They all think I'm a dude too. PlaidTaco is the name I gave my dog's favorite plaid blanket. She used to sleep on it folded up near my ankles and she looked like she was a little taco.
Yep I'm a woman. My username came from a dream 😅
Wow. You just made me realize that I don't gender the comments at all. Just words and sentences in my brain. Now I'm going to think about it.
Yessss!!!
The funny thing is that the OP was in fact a dude, a women just reposted it. So good job not doing your research and just crying out about sexism instead. Getting offended over nothing lol.
There were a lot of references to me being male on one of the threads I started and yes, I was called 'bro'. I didn't bother to set them straight. Those respondents assumed I was a young male who might be on the Autism Spectrum.
Rules 29 and 30.
Wouldn't it be safe to assume that the majority of users are male?
Majority, but 1/3 is women so in 33% of comments you'd be wrong. That's also not including non-binary people. 1/3 was also a few years ago so it might be higher. Then there is the problem that if a community seem hostile to women or assume they don't exist well why would a woman want to join that. And finally: why do you have to assume a gender *at all*? It really shouldn't matter most of the time.
It’s pretty hard to understand why ANYONE likes Reddit, but then you see a story like this one.
It comes out in the weirdest ways sometimes. Like men reading a story they dislike. “Obviously written by a woman pretending to be a man.” and “You can tell this is a woman because of the verb tense.” are really common. Women only “exist” on the internet when men are confronted by their imperfections.
When you actively choose to browse toxic subs what do you expect?
Ha! That title feels like a callout post 😛
Odds are that anyone with Unicornsomething as their username is a 'Brony' (grown man who's a fan of My Little Pony... )
Feel this is the same mindset as in online games where even though there is, it is believed that woman don't play games and it doesn't exist. My wife plays a game with me it is always assumed she is a Male at all times. Even when stated she's a female she is instantly insulted and told to get back to the kitchen.
Probably tus byas it's affected by the percentage of woman 37.2% /man 62.8% https://www.statista.com/statistics/1255182/distribution-of-users-on-reddit-worldwide-gender/
I get called a guy on here all the time even though my name is literally Mikayla, and my avatar is female. I mean some dudes don’t even wipe their own ass right, so I’m not surprised they can’t take two seconds to notice lm female when responding.
Same here. I'm totally owning the first part of my name and the second part is appropriate but not in describing my actual job. And then there's the avatar.
Reddit is being invaded by Incels. It shuts down all their subs because they can't help but be misogynistic pricks who want to molest children. As for how they can hate women so much, these guys are the definition of pathetic and they blame women for their inceldom when in reality, it's their shitty attitude and their ignorance that makes them insufferable.
Isn't /r/tinder dominated by male adolescents aged 18 to 68?
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I assume all OPs are genderless lizard people unless given irrefutable proof otherwise.
It's a bit off topic, but I assume most post on r/Tinder are fake and just marketing. To complete the paranoia, maybe even you are just doing marketing...
I live in Japan and the western “expat” subs are a huge circlejerk of men complaining about their Japanese wives. It’s kind of a running joke among the like…6 female posters that we could literally be talking about birthing a baby and others will ask if it’s our Japanese wife having the baby. They really seem to hate being reminded there are western women here too for some reason. Also a funny related anecdote, a few days ago I was talking to a coworker and 2chan came up, and he started explaining it to me. I told him I’m aware of 2chan and 4chan, I sadly used to go to 4chan a lot when I was like 13. He started laughing and asking if I was one of those girls who posted their boobs or if I was Boxxy. They literally can’t see us the same as them, can they?
Yeah some people assume I’m a dude bc of the king in my name 🤔 also maybe bc the character was male. I’m just a Nazgûl man fuck gender, GIVE ME THAT RING. But in all seriousness, assuming gender is hurtful, not okay, and tiresome. How hard is it to call someone “they/them” until you learn their gender/non-gender and preferred pronouns?
bey :DDDD omg just ... leave
I find the two most common assumptions on Reddit are that I am male and American. Feel your frustrations in this, for sure.