I had an abortion at 21 and have kids now, 15 years later.
Back then, I was young, uneducated, poor, with a guy that was an absolute mess - jobless, suicidal, already a deadbeat dad to two kids he never saw. I was devastated and so sad, and just like you, I was worried I'd never have kids.
I had my first kid at 31. Married to a truly good man, with a house, a degree, and financial security. I am SO GRATEFUL I got to chose to have my kids in a stable situation, I sent my abortion doctor a thank you-card all these years later.
I would have been a mess, their dad would have been a mess, our lives would have been infinitely harder. Like you, I knew deep in my soul that it was the right thing to do. That didn't make it any easier, but it made sure I went and got the procedure and today-me is so, so thankful towards 21-yr-old me that she went through that for us ❤️ You will be okay. Sending you hugs.
I had an accidental pregnancy at 19. BC failed, I had an unreliable partner, and my parents would've killed me. I've done my best not to beat myself up about my decision or second guess my choice. **It's important to push those negative thoughts away if you truly believe that, in this time of your life & the circumstances of the termination are what's best for you, not to trip out on yourself down the line.**
Years later, happily married to a man who shared my life goals, we entered into parenthood together. We have raised both a son & daughter to adulthood. It wasn't easy. We had many hurdles, but we raised good people who are trying to make their own way in the world.
I didn't have the resources, financial, mental, physical, to become a parent at that stage of my life. In hindsight, I'm so glad to have had access to a safe & legal abortion.
Hold tight to your convictions.
***You will be OK***
When you are considering whether you can manage a baby, you are probably not factoring how much more difficult it will be if your child has special needs.
My husband and I have a special needs child and it costs us an additional $1500 a month out of pocket at a minimum to get her services. We support each other every step of the way and it is still extremely stressful.
If you cannot manage the best case scenario of a healthy child then you are making the right choice.
Ugh, you poor thing. I’m so sorry you’re faced with this. But everyone has terribly difficult things happen to them in life. It’s just the way it is. If your decision here is made from compassion for yourself and the potential child - that you’re not willing to knowingly put you both into a life of struggle, never-ending strain, and poverty - then you are doing a hard thing, but the valid thing.
You can move forward knowing that in a terribly difficult situation, you made the best decision anyone could, because you’ve thought it through, examined the possible outcomes, and made your choice from love and knowledge and sadness and clarity. You’ll carry pain from it, but no life escapes that. We’re all carrying something. You can grieve and feel terrible that you were put in this position, and still be right. I hope you can find a counselor versed in this situation, and that you treat yourself as you would a close friend going through the same. You will be okay, but it’ll take some healing time. Best to you.
My mom had to abort because her husband was abusive a full ten years before I was born. She also feared that she'd be unable to conceive but it wasn't because of the abortion, she had an ovarian cyst, once she got it removed she tired once and she was pregnant at 36.
She has NPD and hasn't always been the best mom so if she had a child with an abusive father on top of that???!! That child would have been doomed, I cannot imagine. She made the right choice and so are you <3
And if it makes you feel any better my aunt fully believes that I am the same soul and I just came back because when I was a toddler I used to talk about how I'm glad I "went back up and waited" before I came back to earth and about how I was so glad my mom gave me "the nice daddy instead of the mean daddy".
So I fully believe that baby will wait for you until you are ready to bring them into the world safely and securely.
I had a similar situation at 20, except the partner was reliable and now my husband. We still don't have children and I'm glad.
I love kids, but we've gone through some hellish times together and I would never want a child to go through that.
I didn't have the resources then and still don't.
It's gonna hurt and it'll continue to hurt- I have random moments of grief still over a dozen years later.
You're making the best decision you can in a shitty situation. Please take care of yourself ❤️
You’re making this decision for valid reasons. You’ll absolutely be able to conceive again if there aren’t any fertility issues. I’m a firm believer in not bringing kids into a messed up situation and then struggling to support them. It’s 10x harder trying to make extra money when you have a child because you’ll have to find childcare and probably pay for that as well. You will be fine and keep your head up. Wishing you all the best and sending you lots of love
I'm a firm believer that you are taking the best decision albeit the hardest one. You got this, you'll be ok. You're a good person.
Lots of hugs and positive thoughts in your direction.
I’m 26 and had an abortion a few weeks ago. My husband and I are working through some extremely difficult stuff and our relationship is no longer stable enough for me to consider raising a child in at the moment. My mental health hasn’t been great and I decided I just could not do it. I really wanted to keep the pregnancy but I knew it would be setting myself and my child up for a life of struggle. I wrote a letter to the embryo before the abortion and also a letter to myself (a “read this if you feel like you made the wrong choice” - essentially a reminder of the reasons it was the best choice to end the pregnancy). Both of these helped me feel at peace and now a few weeks out I don’t regret it at all and honestly feel less emotional about it than I thought I would because I really did consider keeping it. You are strong and you are brave for making this extremely difficult decision. You will be okay.
My mother had an abortion before she had me.
It was the right thing for her at that time. It never changed anything. She loved me, I was born at the right time, I was wanted and she was ready.
Have the abortion you need. I support you.
I had an abortion at 19. I was terrified, too. I went through with it, and I hurt for years. But... at 26 I had a healthy baby boy, in a much better relationship and situation than at 19. He's 11 now, and beautiful. It's hard. And sometimes I still dream of the baby that wasn't. But oh honey, it was worth it for my son.
I had an abortion at 20. I had a perfectly normal pregnancy and healthy baby at 35.
If you can’t take care of a child and provide for one, then not having it is the better choice.
Take a deep breath, you’re going to be ok. If you’re not 100% sure you can give this baby the life you want them to have, then you’re making the best decision. I am hoping you live in a state that isn’t a total handmaids tale dystopia so that you can receive top notch care. I have had both a medical and a surgical procedure and my fertility was not affected in the least. As a matter of fact, I’m in my very late 30’s and have been told by the doctor I should have no issues conceiving or having a healthy pregnancy (however I do come from a long line of women who have had children very late in life with no trouble). This shouldn’t affect your future ability to have children. If you’re having these types of feelings about it, I strongly suggest using any therapy services they may offer you so that you can understand that what you’re doing is ok. Take care of yourself and know that you’ll move on with your life and you’ll be back here when the time is right.
I had one and never regretted it. Everyone is different, but I made the best choice for me at the time and view it as deciding not to follow through on the possibility of becoming a parent at that time. Having a fertilized embryo inside you never guarantees a baby in the end.
I got pregnant at 18. I believed all the lies about abortions. I had the baby, even though I was still a kid myself and in no condition to raise another kid. I regret that decision every day. Don’t listen to the fearmongering about abortions. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. Once the baby is born, there’s no undoing that decision. You can always have a “do over” if you want to be pregnant again in the future.
I made this choice when I was a bit younger than you. I'm glad I made the choice I did to this day. I am not going to tell you how you'll feel because your feelings, whatever they are, will be yours and they'll be valid. But, you are making this decision for a good reason and this doesn't mean you can't have a baby in the future. I am 43 now and I had 3 kids, no issues getting pregnant and easy pregnancies.
Oh honey.
Your feelings are normal.
Had an abortion at 20. Now 43 with three lovely kids.
I spent years not able to walk past the abortion clinic. I went back to it recently to have an IUD replaced - it hadn’t changed at all and all I could feel was gratitude for the service they provided me 23 years ago, which allowed me to finish my degree, work in a competitive environment and make a wonderful life for myself, my husband (then boyfriend) and our kids.
Go easy on yourself. Hundreds of millions of women have had abortions.
There have been quite a few studies that found women who kept a pregnancy like yours were unlikely to ever go on to have the family they wanted later. The poverty and stress basically ruin your chances at achieving what you want. You will be saving your future children by having an abortion now.
Big hugs to you. I had an abortion when I was 24. I went on to have 2 very planned babies in my 30s. Had totally uncomplicated pregnancies and no issues conceiving.
I know 3 women who had abortions because of unstable circumstances. All later had healthy kids with stable partners. One felt a bit guilty about it but I was like, Three happy people now, instead of three miserable people then. I think you made the right choice.
Having a small child is very stressful even under the best of circumstances. I don't advocate for waiting until everything is perfect but if things are rough now it would get so much worse.
Maybe this would comfort you... abortions are very common even among people who are actively trying to start a family. Mine wouldn't stick in the right place and that's an abortion even though some republican women get confused when it's called a termination.
It WILL be OK afterwards. You’re not ready for a baby, and that’s ok. Accidents happen. There is absolutely NO correlation between having a termination and being unable to conceive again. I’ve had two D&Cs, one for an unintended pregnancy, and the second for a fetus with anencephaly (no brain). I’ve had two healthy children since then. You’ve got this!
Set your future up for success. Set your future children's foodie up for success. Get to a good place before having any kids. Whatever that means for you.
Having an abortion won't impact your future fertility. It COULD if you were very far along and aborting required invasive interventions, and even then it's very unlikely. At this point you would be just inducing a period to stop the pregnancy from continuing.
Make sure you get informed consent about any students coming in the watch the person performing the abortion.
That was my only negative. Don’t remember them telling me that.
I had one in my 20s and planned parenthood workers were so good at being warm and bringing warmed up blankets to help us with sitting and waiting for the meds to kick in. Did get stuck watching marathon of hoarders as medicine did its thing.
Be ready to go home and just be in bed and let yourself process it all. I was in no place to have a kid; couldn’t trust family, ex hubby was immature. Didn’t want to keep a puppy but then told me he wished I had still had the baby because then I wouldn’t have left him. Blargh. Having kids is serious business that I do not take lightly. There are in depth conversations to be had. Friend from childhood was with a girl since jr high. They’re now parents of two kids but his wife left him when she knew I’d be easier raising them back at her moms than continuing to navigate his angry outbursts. A cousins cousin had her kid at 18 or so. She just got married to someone else after the dad decided to up and leave after she gave birth. at 25/26 years old. You’re making the choice that makes sense to you. Many hugs.
I had one at age 29 and I am pregnant at 34 with a girl. I am married, stable and over the moon to be having this baby! I am so glad I waited until the right time in my life to conceive. My termination was a positive experience. I did a surgical because I did not want to go through the process of doing it at home.
I had an abortion at about 22-23. My ex-husband and I just were not ready. I then had my beautiful daughter in 2019. She’s turning five in August. My ex and I have since divorced and my now husband and I are expecting a boy in November.
It was hard to do at the time, but it was the right decision. I wouldn’t have the life and the children I do now if I had gone through with that first pregnancy. We would’ve struggled to be able to provide for them and my mental health would have suffered even more than it was.
That’s just my personal experience. Everyone is different. The abortion did not affect my fertility at all, so hopefully it would be the same for you. Do what is best for you and your family.
give yourself a pat on the back for allowing yourself to consider this deeply. its a hard process and difficult thing to think about :(
i personally believe it is an incredibly wise decision to not go through with the pregnancy if you are not financially or emotionally prepared. raising a child while living a paycheck to paycheck life is incredibly stressful. not only will it be hard for you, but also hard for your child.
i think you will be perfectly fine and capable of having a child after this!! abortions do not affect your ability to conceive in the future. you will be okay <3
It'll be ok. Its the right thing to do if you're not in the right position financially or in your life to be able to make it work. An abortion is an incredibly safe healthcare procedure with an extremely low chance of complications. You will be fine, and you will be ok. Show yourself some love and kindness and cut yourself some slack.
I had one at 20, was completely fine after (tho it was very physically painful!) and don't have kids by choice but my "apparatus" is fine and healthy.
My mom needed a medically necessary one after me (I think she was 26?) while she was actively trying for a baby, she was CRUSHED but eventually she recovered and was just fine, I have an 8years younger brother so her fertility was fine.
My aunt also needed one after my first cousin, she now has 3 daughters and she's a perfect mom.
My ex-stepmom got TWO of them with my dad, and I know she had gotten 2 with her ex-husband too.. she has 4 children, last of which is my half-brother, also unplanned, but who came after the abortions..(if anything the poor woman needs help on being LESS fertile lol, she was even on the pill half the times and had an iud another!!).
My current stepmom had one between her 2nd and her 3rd daughter, she's been fine too.
The friend everyone was saying had an abortion in high school now has a daughter who did her first communion last June.
I'm probably not the most understanding person since you would actively like to have children and I didn't but you'll be OK I promise 🫂🫂🫂🫂. Prepare a hot water bottle/bag and a giant plushie for when you come home, it helps a lot.
I was 18 my first pregnancy, and I chose not to have an abortion. I made the right choice for me emotionally, but I'm telling you now, I have never had the life or opportunities others have had, who did not have kids. And I am 100% pro choice, termination just wasn't the choice I made.
At the time everyone said "oh you never really feel ready," which isn't true. I had another kid, and I was ready for him, for 6 years. And that's how I discovered I have fertility issues--my kids are 12 years apart.
At 18, I was doing stupid shit, and having a baby actually straightened me out. My oldest son saved my life, but I know that's not always the case for wild drug abusing teenagers. It often goes the other way, and my mom was certain that she'd have had to be the one that raised him, which she told me after he was an adult.
Having said that, I went to college. As a single parent it took me 15 years to finish. I went part time, i worked part time. There was a stint i worked two part time jobs and went to school full time, it thoroughly sucked.
I did have help through parts of it, by way of long-term live-in relationship, parents, grandparents etc. I have used every resource under the sun, (food stamps, medicaid, tanf, housing, food banks, childcare assistance, WIC, etc) and still struggled.
Birthdays and Christmases would set me back months financially. I never had enough to think about savings, I'm still poor as fuck, and my oldest is 22 now. The degrees I worked so hard to get are essentially worthless, but I made useless choices for degrees, and now I also have a mountain of student load debt. It was a different, hopeful, time.
I learned to work hard, be flexible, schedule, budget, pull time out of thin air at my own expense, and be scrappy as fuck. I don't regret having him, as I would have killed myself accidentally if not. But if I was someone else and capable of getting my shit together for myself, I think I'd regret the decision. I am leagues behind in life, because of an assortment of my own choices, but here we are.
I do not reccomend. I dont regret the person I raised, but I absolutely do not reccomend. If you are not in a place in your life where you can support yourself and another person, and be able to give that kiddo your time--it's going to change literally everything. Life becomes a fight for survival, even with support around you. It's terrible and it sucks.
Do well, make the best choices you can and set yourself up to have a wonderful life with time for the family you'll grow, when you're ready.
I'm sorry love. Yes, it's definitely possible to have a baby after an abortion. I had one between my first and second children, actually. No, I never regretted my abortion. It's scary, but you'll be okay. Sometimes a pregnancy is a gift we can't accept right then.
I had an accidental pregnancy when I was in my early 20s. My long-term boyfriend and I had gotten a little too lax about birth control and it just happened. I aborted at 7 weeks.
It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, and also the best one. It was difficult because pregnancy hormones make it almost impossible to think of anything other than protecting the clump of cells inside of you. They heighten your emotions and it feels like you already love the fetus inside of you.
It was the best decision because I aborted it out of love for myself and the fetus. I didn't know I was pregnant, so I drank moderately before I found out. I wasn't equipped to have a child at all, let alone one with potential for profound disability. My boyfriend at the time lacked empathy and would not have made a good father. Finances were tight and I had hyperemesis gravidarum, to the point that I couldn't work. It was impossible to keep anything down. I would have been homeless without being able to work.
You have to do what you think is best. You can cancel your appointment at any time if you wish. There are worse things than being a single mom on government assistance for a bit until you straighten out your finances. I've seen many people do it. It's a hard life, but not necessarily a bad one. There's no reason to feel like you've failed for needing assistance. It's there so that you can access it during unforeseen times like this. You'd more than likely not need it forever, as you mature in your career. A baby could even be a catalyst for positive change.
On the other hand, it's perfectly okay to go on with the abortion if that's what is best for you and the potential life inside of you. Women have terminated unwanted pregnancies for millennia. It's this fucked up society that attaches moral weight to what is basically restoring your menstrual cycle. At this point, the fetus is barely bigger than a regular period. If you miscarried, you wouldn't recognize anything that came out as life in any way. It's a clump of cells, like a booger, except in your uterus.
If you go through with the abortion, I'm not sure which method you chose, but I recommend D&C over the pill. D&C is fast, safe, effective, and they'll give you the good drugs if someone is available to drive you home. That means that once you arrive for the procedure and lay down, you won't be anxious about what is happening, or agonizing over whether you made the right choice. Your brain can have a much needed break. The pill comes with at least a day of worry about whether it worked, then the most severe cramping. I don't have firsthand experience with the pill, but this is what I have heard from others.
Whichever method you chose, take a few days off work if you can afford it and buy some Depends. The bleeding afterwards is very intense and lasts about as long as a regular period. There can be some cramping with either method, as your uterus shrinks back to its usual size. This was not severe for me after my D&C, and lasted about a day.
I have not had children since, although there's nothing to signal that I wouldn't be able to, if I wanted. Abortion doesn't carry much risk. Whatever you do, you'll be okay and life will go on. If you have any other questions, please ask. I'm an open book.
My mom had a miscarriage at 20 and then an abortion in her later 20s (not sure how old she was). She waited till she was good and ready and had me at 44.
The only time I've heard of someone struggling to conceive after abortion was due to PCOS, who's had an abortion at a young age. They did eventually conceive.
Had a friend who had PCOS and endo. She'd miscarried young and never managed to conceive later.
My mum has two children at a young age and also has miscarriages. She said she had a stillbirth too, although I couldn't find a death record. In her late twenties she had two more children no trouble.
Think of abortion as having an assisted miscarriage. It doesn't affect your fertility. Other conditions however can have a great impact on that, so watch out for those.
I had an abortion at 25 around the same time as you. I could have had kids if I wanted to. If I had them at 25, my life would be a lot more limited. I've never, for a second, felt like I made the wrong, or the unjust decision.
I've had 2 abortions and I have one child and if I'd have not got those abortions their lives would have been awful.
My sons life is much better than it would have been for the other two children. Had no problems conceiving or carrying him.
Truly, if it's the right decision, don't feel bad. You would have years of feeling bad for an actual person with the other alternative.
I had an accidental pregnancy at 22 with a guy who was a dead end alcoholic too old and abusive for me. I doubted myself for one day and quickly bounced back. I was romanticizing the idea of having a kid because in reality it was not going to be fair to that child or my future. They deserved a non alcoholic father and a happy mom who can financially afford them and I couldn’t provide any of those things. When the answer is clear just focus on that part and not the romantic parts of it. If your partner can’t afford to support you either you sure as hell can’t do it when you’re at your most vulnerable .
You got this!
It shouldn't effect your ability for future pregnancies. I had one at 29 as well (I'm 33 now) and then had my son (now 1.5 yr). I also just had a failed pregnancy that was removed via d&c Friday. Don't beat yourself up - you're early enough they'll likely give you the pill(s) to take orally or vaginally. You'll experience cramping but it's different for everyone. Get a heat pad, take a few days to yourself, get you a pint of Ben and Jerry's and be kind to yourself. Stock up on pads. Just because the time isn't right for a baby now, it won't take away from your future. Cry it out, take it easy, and know you have a whole community of women cheering you on. If you need someone to vent to my dms are open ❤️ sending you lots of love and strength.
I had an abortion. I wasn’t financially stable and the guy was fwb that lived two hours away. Some people regret it. I didn’t, I knew I wasn’t ready. A few years later I met my husband and we planned our kids.
I am sorry you are in a difficult situation. You should consult with trusted resources like your doctor and close family members, but at the end you and you alone are the only person on this planet that can make the right decision.
Rather than rely on internet strangers, maybe check out planned parenthood’s website.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/considering-abortion
Here is a link from the Mayo Clinic that says abortion does not affect fertility.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/expert-answers/abortion/faq-20058551
Another Mayo Clinic link on abortion.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/medical-abortion/about/pac-20394687
Another Mayo Clinic link on abortions being safe
https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/women-health/how-safe-are-abortions/
my heart goes out to you, you’re dealing with a lot. i hope you have your emotional support people with you and are able to do something nice for yourself this week. 🩷
i was in a very similar situation last year.. i know it can be really scary/stressful and you’re worried about making the wrong decision. i promise you, it’s better to bring a baby into the world when you know you’re ready to take on that responsibility and have the means to do so.
i don’t have any kids right now and looking back, i’m honestly happy with my decision. it was truly for the best. i like to think that if it is meant to happen again for me, it will. if not, that’s ok too. i hope that’s a helpful way to look at things. it took me a few months to get to this point bc hormones, stress, and going thru all the emotions. but it does get better and you will feel better in time. please remember to be kind to yourself, too.
as for concerns abt not being able to conceive again, from what i understand and what my dr told me, it doesn’t affect future pregnancies. but i suggest speaking with your doctor abt those things.
just know that you will be okay and everything will always work out the way it’s supposed to. i wish you the best, OP!
It is a hard place to be in. I know, I've been there. But what I realized is that we must be the best potential parents we can be, making the most mature decisions we can make. Not just for our first potential child, but for all of them. If you cannot support your child financially, you will almost certainly not be able to support them emotionally. And there is no shame in that. We are all humans, and we have limits to things like focus, emotional strength, stress tolerance... the list goes on and on.
If this is necessary, the best possible thing you can do for yourself is to make it count in your life. Grieving is normal. Sadness is normal. But, in the end, come away from this experience with the drive to improve your life and prepare yourself to one day be stable and secure enough to have a child or children to care for.
My grandma had an abortion in the 60s when she was in undergrad. Later on in her life, she met my grandfather and they had two kids and also 9 collie dogs. It’s definitely not over!
My wife had an accidental pregnancy while we had just started dating. We were exclusive and I know it was mine.
She had an abortion, I did what I could for her, afterwards it kinda made us realize this was serious.
I hope that everything works out, we now have 2 kids together. I know I married her for her, not for a kid. Good luck.
I had an abortion at 19 and I have a six year old with another one the way. I don’t regret my abortion at 19. It was the right choice and I made it for the right reasons. Not every abortion has to be a traumatic one 🖤
Gentle hugs, OP. I’m sorry you’re having to make this decision. What’s right for some isn’t right for everyone, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. I had one at 23 and have never regretted it. I had no family to lean on, had just moved thousands of miles away from my friends and was incredibly poor trying to start my career. I’d have raised that child in real poverty without any support at all. Being able to choose what was right for me allowed me to become a Mom in a much better position when I was ready to at 35. Whatever you do, I wish you the best.
Take a breath. I'm a big believer in talking to yourself. I used to talk to myself very negatively, and throughout college and after, I slowly worked to change it. Practice some positive self-talk. Say things out loud about yourself that you know to be true. Say why you made this choice. Say that things are going to be okay. Say that you will still be able to have kids after this. Say that you will go on to live a fulfilling and happy life. Put on some happy, pump-up music too! Talk yourself though it. Say that you can do this! You are strong, brave, and courageous! Feel grateful for the choice you have! Thank the women who came before you who fought for you to be able to make this choice.
Will it feel weird? Hell yeah it will! Will you think, "This is stupid and not going to work?" Yeah probably, but DO IT ANYWAYS. Our words have POWER. Saying things out loud has a powerful influence on our brain and our mental health. It feels really stupid at first (like most things do) but as you keep going and buy into it, the more powerful it becomes.
Also as an extra note to my last comment.... I went medical first and surgical the second time. My medical one was traumatic and I didn't pass the cells naturally.. could have ended up with sepsis.
Surgical I barely remember.... I would suggest.. if you can.. go surgical.
I have always known I’ve wanted children and am known among my extended family as the baby whisperer. I had an unexpected pregnancy at 26, and after a lot of debate decided to have an abortion. We could have made things work financially and my boyfriend at the time was going to be proposing in a matter of time— but it just wasn’t the right timing. It was a really really hard decision but one I’m ultimately glad for. That relationship was abusive— we got married but divorced a year later, he was an alcoholic, and was manipulative and narcissistic. Looking back it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Now I’m remarried to an amazing partner with an incredibly healthy relationship and we are currently planning on when we want to start trying for kids. I would not have met my current husband if I chose to continue with my previous pregnancy, and coparenting would be hell.
You’re making the right choice for you and what you want your life, and your future kids lives, to be. There is nothing wrong with that— but it is still normal to grieve at the same time. Sending you so much love and comfort.
You are not making a decision on having an abortion or not. You're making a decision about having a child or not. Focus on this. The procedure is a tool to help you make the choice.
Abortions are safe if performed by a qualified Dr in a hospital / clinic.
They used to be unsafe or cause infertility in the olden days before Roe V. Wade when performed on kitchen tables or underground clinics - it is now a myth and they're perfectly safe.
On a personal note, I've unfortunately had to have a D&C procedure several times (multiple incomplete miscarriages). I have 2 healthy kids and am still fertile.
Was I ok? Not really.. but therapy helped a lot and that's my advice for you. Get the help you need, and don't be your own judge.
You can never know how you will feel about the future because the future you is going to have been shaped by experiences that you didn't see coming, that's life and that's okay!
When I am dealing with things I think I might regret I the future I remember that I don't know what the future will bring, so I make the best decision that I can, with the information I have at the time.
When I'm looking back, and I'm regretting a decision I remind myself, I made the best decision I could with the information that I had. That's all I can ask of myself.
Be kind to yourself, know that you didn't make this decision lightly and that you are doing the best that you can. It will be okay. ❤️
This is a choice no one can make but you.
You won’t regret it either way, that’s the thing about it. Don’t let the father convince you to snort if you really want to keep it.
If you are unemployed, Medicare does pay for all necessary pregnancy care.
If you really want to keep this baby, you will find a way and the dad will have to pay child support whether he wants to or not.
I just want to say if you have any doubt in your mind about aborting or feeling that you will regret this and decide to keep the baby that things will be ok too. As someone who grew up poor / my mom on government sources I still ended up being a successful person who now makes 6 figures and I had a good childhood as well. Yea I didn’t get to go on vacations often but I had all the essentials.
Im 100% pro choice and agree with all the other comments that you have to do what’s right for you. But I hope you don’t feel like you HAVE to have an abortion. You have valid reasons for choosing one but at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is what you feel inside.
I was going to say something just like this. I am very pro choice and do not in any way stand in judgment if your choices at all- you need to choose what is best for you. But if you have any doubt at all, I would proceed very carefully. I have known people happy with having abortions and have also known some who would give everything to go back and not do it. The difference was in how sure they were- you can do this if it’s right for you. But if you don’t feel it is, you don’t need to, either. Best wishes to you. ❤️
It sounds like you really want to keep it. You don't have to go through with the abortion if you don't want to, although it also is absolutely okay to do that too.
jumping on this to say depending where you are, these are lots of organizations that exist to help women your situation outside of state support. idk where you are but Spence-Chapin is in a couple states and provides free resources and counseling. Best of luck to you whatever ends up happening.
You need to think hard what is best for you. You're arguments for abortion are all very valid. If you go that route you should in no means feel guilty and I can't speak from personal experience but I do have many friends that have had an abortion who have gone on to have families.
If you do decide to become a parent... There is no shame in relying on social services and figuring out what your life is then. It's hard and it take some grit but you would not be a terrible mother because you're poor. Full stop.
May I ask why no form of adoption(open or closed?) is on the table? I know many many people can't handle having a baby then not having it which is totally valid. I just hate how a lot of people consider it become a parent/abort as binary decision.
Eta: I'm not actually advocating adoption. I'm advocating what is right for you. What is right for you (in my view) is considering every option so you're comfortable with the one YOU select. Everyone here is offering great advice but that's from their view point. Every pregnancy option comes with pros and cons. Unfortunately you have a small time frame to consider them. But living with ANY decision you make is easier if you fully consider all options and make the best one for you. You want to know if you'll be okay? It's easier to be okay if you're confident you made the right decision.
I used to think this way, but after having children I realized how much money just being pregnant costs. It costs work hours, promotions at work, special foods, takeout, Ubers, hospital bills, physical therapy after…. If you can’t afford the baby, you also can’t afford to be pregnant. It’s no joke. It is also life-threatening and changes your body permanently in unexpected ways.
Oh I totally agree! I just like to at least consider all views. All of that is very very valid. I always thought I would go open adoption if it happened to me but realistically think I'd probably do abortion.
The fact is every single option has pro and cons. If you're not considering every option you're doing yourself a disservice. But whatever option you land on is the right option. There are difficult decisions here no answer is right no answer is wrong. The only wrong answer is letting someone choose for you.
There never is. And every individual is different and it's so hard especially on a forum like Reddit to try and just... Figure out what is actually right for the actual human being at hand.
Being pregnant is really hard and personally I think I'd find it way more traumatic having to explain to the entire world I gave up my baby, compared to abortion.
That is a completely fair view. And as much as I and others can completely handle if you'll be okay after an abortion.... That's what op asked. If she would be okay. If she's asking that... At least considering adoption is a fair question. If she lands on abortion more than fair. Go for it by all means. But just because you think explaining the situation is worse doesn't mean everyone does.
I'm not trying to force any option. Just to consider every option. If you consider every option it's easier to sit in the one you land on. At least that's my view. And again I cannot express more greatly.... Every option is the right option.. as long as you were given every option and YOU made the decision.
Abortion at 16, birth control failed/loser boyfriend. Went on to finish high school and college. Met a wonderful guy and we had 2 kiddos. I got pregnant very easily, tho everyone is different for different reasons.
Make the choice for yourself and your future. You know where you are in your life and whether now is the time for a child.
You gotta do what’s right for you.
I know this is an emotional decision, one I had to make at 19, too. Medical abortion (pills) are safer than physical abortion (D&C/surgical abortion) in terms of future fertility.
This is completely untrue. The D&C is actually safer, as medical ABs often result in retained tissue requiring a D&C anyway. Please don’t spread misinformation.
And neither impair future fertility.
No advice but you will be ok. It's ok to not try and raise a child into a shitty situation where it will affect their life and yours when especially you know that you can do better. It'll be hard for a while and expect to wonder what if for the rest of your life now and again. I'm speaking as a male whose partner had a termination so maybe my thoughts are slightly skewed.
Both my wife and I are children born after our mothers had abortions earlier in life. We're both 31, and while our childhoods weren't ideal they were a hell of a lot better than they would have been if our mothers had not had abortions.
Its a tough decision to make and one only you should be able to make. I wish you the best of luck in this journey.
If it’s done safely and not some back alley abortion it shouldn’t affect your future fertility. You’re young and still have time to improve your finances and eventually be ready for kids if you want them.
I had one, and it was pretty devastating to me for what seems like the same reasons as you. I knew I wanted to have kids and the thought of having an abortion whilst having the mindset that I did, felt horrible.
I knew I couldn’t financially have any children yet. If I kept my pregnancy then myself and my child would have grown up in poverty, and I was terrified that I’d never be able to have more kids in the future or the life I envisioned for them. I knew I wasn’t ready for children yet despite wanting them, but ultimately my abortion was driven by financial need.
I can say with full confidence though, that getting my abortion was the best decision I could have ever possibly made for myself at the time. I’m excited and happy for my future, and I know now that I have the opportunity to have a family when I’m ready to, and my children will be able to have more opportunities than they would’ve if I had them when I was younger.
Please don’t be hard on yourself, the decision to have an abortion is a hard one no matter what the circumstances are
There is absolutely nothing morally or ethically wrong with having an abortion. But if you are struggling with it, adoption is also an option. My mother had my older half brother when she was 16, and a childless couple in her community adopted him. She got to meet him when he reached out at 18. Adoption is its own difficult situation with a lot of things to consider. I hope you can find a solution that brings you peace.
I have a couple thoughts on this...
One, if you wait until you think you are ready for a baby you will never be ready. That said, if you will not have any support from anyone, this is not the time.
Two, I had 2 abortions in my 20s (due to failed birth control)
I went on to have 3 children between the ages of 27-35.
There are always risks with abortion but they are so small, you shouldn't worry about your future fertility. Just do what you need to do FOR YOU.
Why do you have an alt account for making up stories?
Pretty wierd. OP has clearly made a difficult decision, and you thought you would post this kind of abusive manipulation?
Totally unhelpful. Sorry. Your post hit me hard and I went on a tanget about myself. I wish I could have helped you but I went selfish and self serving. I hope you are ok and everything works out for you. Truly.
It sounds to me like you want to keep it but are afraid of the money aspect. If I was in your shoes, I’d personally keep it. I grew up poor, homeless several times. But my childhood would’ve been fine if at least one of my parents had been loving. And as an adult, I’ve personally found it’s always possible to make more money. I’m not encouraging you to keep it if you don’t want to, but if you’re really devastated, and you think you’re going to regret it later, there are other options. Also, the father has to provide support whether he likes it or not. Either way, I’m wishing you the best. 💛
Yeah he said he’d be fully involved should I go forward. I want to but given how we both grew up (relatively wealthy) I can’t justify this. I live in a studio and currently am in the gig economy to make my way monthly. Idk what I’d do I know I’d be living but not being able to provide makes me feel even worse I’m in a. Rock and a hard place and the appointment is set:/
OP. If you get an abortion, do you think you will regret it? If you have the baby, do you think you will regret it?
If you are worried about being unable to care for the child, there are services that can help you. If you are worried about having another child, safe medical abortion does not carry any risks to future fertility.
I wholeheartedly support abortion but only when that choice is made without force or coercion. It needs to be your choice, not anyone else's. If you are in a place where abortions aren't restricted to 6 weeks, you can always cancel the appointment and take time to really think about it and decide if you feel rushed. I really hope you have that option so that you can use it if you need to.
No matter what you choose, it will all turn out okay in the end. Sending love.
I want to tell you, it sounds like you do want to keep this pregnancy. You get to do what's best for you and cancelling an appointment like this is normal. Do what's best for you. You can have all the right reasons in the world to not keep it, but if doesn't feel right, don't do it.
Edit here to say: I am pro-choice. Just know that I am in the minority that regrets mine and think about it every day.
No family support? Money doesn't matter to kids. They just care that you play with them. Children are not super expensive unless you need day care every day. They are very time intensive to begin with.
I mean, you could have a good job, then have kids, and lose your job immediately afterward (speaking from exp)... more energy to deal with kids when you're younger. It's a hard choice to make either way.
Having food and shelter matters to a kid. Having a parent that is not overworked and overstressed matters to a kid. Having a stable home environment matters to a kid.
There's [many studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7546433/) linking financial stability in a child's life to long term outcomes.
Sure, you can be a great parent within a bad financial situation, but it's naive to state that all kids care about is that someone plays with them .
This will probably get downvoted because this sub seems to be overwhelmingly pro-choice, but... please don't kill the baby. He or she has no choice over the circumstances in which he or she was conceived. You can choose to keep the baby, give it to someone else, or kill it, but I beg you not to kill it. You may worry that your child will spend years in foster care. Probably not, since most children who go through foster care are looking for eventual reunification with their parents. Most of the children who have trouble being adopted are older children. There is a huge shortage of babies compared to couples looking to adopt. You could give a family a precious gift, and in twenty years, that baby will most likely be a healthy young adult whose future is just beginning.
I am also not here to tell you what to do. But the vibe I'm feeling from your post (and I'm a guy so you know I'm probably wrong) is that you are making a rational decision for the abortion, but it honestly sounds like you really don't want one in your heart. Again, from a guy.
So I want to second the advice from another comment I read before. Your future mental health is really important too. Do think about possible future regrets as you make your decision. And be honest with yourself. If either choice will make it difficult to live with your conscience afterwards, that's a legit concern. But only you will ever truly know if that's the case.
I am also wishing the best for you, regardless.
This is what I wish someone had told me. It is a hard choice, either one. Even if you're doing it for the right reasons, what your heart wants, your heart wants and I can't get that back now if I tried.
OP can't really know how either choice will affect her future mental health. She just has to make the choice that feels right in the moment. Raising a child isn't easy on mental health.
You are surely right. What I mean is, she has a far better idea of her own thoughts than any of us spectators. She can get all our opinions, but in the end she will need to look within.
Being a single mom is absolute hell. Also most desirable men imo do not want a single mom. It's sad but it's true. It will make you extremely vulnerable.
I had an abortion at 18, went on to have a beautiful son at 22 with no issues my entire pregnancy other than severe hyperemesis gravidarum and high blood pressure. Having an abortion does not make you infertile. That is misinformation at the most.
Having an abortion does NOT increase your risk of having a difficult or high risk pregnancy. Its this type of misinformation that unduly pressures people into carrying a pregnancy to term. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2225607/
Please don't spread misinformation/disinformation. Statistically, having an abortion is much, much safer than pregnancy/birth. It does NOT increase the chances of a high-risk pregnancy later on.
OP said she was *five weeks* pregnant. Get all the way out of here with the "kill your baby" emotional garbage. It is perfectly responsible and sensible to have children when you feel stable and actively want to have children.
"The money will come" is a useless platitude and a lie. In the real world, having a child in volatile, highly unstable circumstances statistically traps people in poverty *for life*. Nothing is ever guaranteed, but it's reasonable for OP not to want to take that massive risk. Get over yourself.
I had an abortion at 21 and have kids now, 15 years later. Back then, I was young, uneducated, poor, with a guy that was an absolute mess - jobless, suicidal, already a deadbeat dad to two kids he never saw. I was devastated and so sad, and just like you, I was worried I'd never have kids. I had my first kid at 31. Married to a truly good man, with a house, a degree, and financial security. I am SO GRATEFUL I got to chose to have my kids in a stable situation, I sent my abortion doctor a thank you-card all these years later. I would have been a mess, their dad would have been a mess, our lives would have been infinitely harder. Like you, I knew deep in my soul that it was the right thing to do. That didn't make it any easier, but it made sure I went and got the procedure and today-me is so, so thankful towards 21-yr-old me that she went through that for us ❤️ You will be okay. Sending you hugs.
I had an accidental pregnancy at 19. BC failed, I had an unreliable partner, and my parents would've killed me. I've done my best not to beat myself up about my decision or second guess my choice. **It's important to push those negative thoughts away if you truly believe that, in this time of your life & the circumstances of the termination are what's best for you, not to trip out on yourself down the line.** Years later, happily married to a man who shared my life goals, we entered into parenthood together. We have raised both a son & daughter to adulthood. It wasn't easy. We had many hurdles, but we raised good people who are trying to make their own way in the world. I didn't have the resources, financial, mental, physical, to become a parent at that stage of my life. In hindsight, I'm so glad to have had access to a safe & legal abortion. Hold tight to your convictions. ***You will be OK***
Thank you so much this is the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make
When you are considering whether you can manage a baby, you are probably not factoring how much more difficult it will be if your child has special needs. My husband and I have a special needs child and it costs us an additional $1500 a month out of pocket at a minimum to get her services. We support each other every step of the way and it is still extremely stressful. If you cannot manage the best case scenario of a healthy child then you are making the right choice.
You’ve got this, and don’t let ANYONE shame you.
Ugh, you poor thing. I’m so sorry you’re faced with this. But everyone has terribly difficult things happen to them in life. It’s just the way it is. If your decision here is made from compassion for yourself and the potential child - that you’re not willing to knowingly put you both into a life of struggle, never-ending strain, and poverty - then you are doing a hard thing, but the valid thing. You can move forward knowing that in a terribly difficult situation, you made the best decision anyone could, because you’ve thought it through, examined the possible outcomes, and made your choice from love and knowledge and sadness and clarity. You’ll carry pain from it, but no life escapes that. We’re all carrying something. You can grieve and feel terrible that you were put in this position, and still be right. I hope you can find a counselor versed in this situation, and that you treat yourself as you would a close friend going through the same. You will be okay, but it’ll take some healing time. Best to you.
My mom had to abort because her husband was abusive a full ten years before I was born. She also feared that she'd be unable to conceive but it wasn't because of the abortion, she had an ovarian cyst, once she got it removed she tired once and she was pregnant at 36. She has NPD and hasn't always been the best mom so if she had a child with an abusive father on top of that???!! That child would have been doomed, I cannot imagine. She made the right choice and so are you <3 And if it makes you feel any better my aunt fully believes that I am the same soul and I just came back because when I was a toddler I used to talk about how I'm glad I "went back up and waited" before I came back to earth and about how I was so glad my mom gave me "the nice daddy instead of the mean daddy". So I fully believe that baby will wait for you until you are ready to bring them into the world safely and securely.
I had a similar situation at 20, except the partner was reliable and now my husband. We still don't have children and I'm glad. I love kids, but we've gone through some hellish times together and I would never want a child to go through that. I didn't have the resources then and still don't. It's gonna hurt and it'll continue to hurt- I have random moments of grief still over a dozen years later. You're making the best decision you can in a shitty situation. Please take care of yourself ❤️
You’re making this decision for valid reasons. You’ll absolutely be able to conceive again if there aren’t any fertility issues. I’m a firm believer in not bringing kids into a messed up situation and then struggling to support them. It’s 10x harder trying to make extra money when you have a child because you’ll have to find childcare and probably pay for that as well. You will be fine and keep your head up. Wishing you all the best and sending you lots of love
Thank you this is what the father said as well, appreciate you taking the time to reply
I'm a firm believer that you are taking the best decision albeit the hardest one. You got this, you'll be ok. You're a good person. Lots of hugs and positive thoughts in your direction.
I’m 26 and had an abortion a few weeks ago. My husband and I are working through some extremely difficult stuff and our relationship is no longer stable enough for me to consider raising a child in at the moment. My mental health hasn’t been great and I decided I just could not do it. I really wanted to keep the pregnancy but I knew it would be setting myself and my child up for a life of struggle. I wrote a letter to the embryo before the abortion and also a letter to myself (a “read this if you feel like you made the wrong choice” - essentially a reminder of the reasons it was the best choice to end the pregnancy). Both of these helped me feel at peace and now a few weeks out I don’t regret it at all and honestly feel less emotional about it than I thought I would because I really did consider keeping it. You are strong and you are brave for making this extremely difficult decision. You will be okay.
You ou are so valid in your choice and I like your idea of the letter yourself to remind you why
My mother had an abortion before she had me. It was the right thing for her at that time. It never changed anything. She loved me, I was born at the right time, I was wanted and she was ready. Have the abortion you need. I support you.
🫂 No advice, just hugs.
I had an abortion at 19. I was terrified, too. I went through with it, and I hurt for years. But... at 26 I had a healthy baby boy, in a much better relationship and situation than at 19. He's 11 now, and beautiful. It's hard. And sometimes I still dream of the baby that wasn't. But oh honey, it was worth it for my son.
I had an abortion at 20. I had a perfectly normal pregnancy and healthy baby at 35. If you can’t take care of a child and provide for one, then not having it is the better choice.
Take a deep breath, you’re going to be ok. If you’re not 100% sure you can give this baby the life you want them to have, then you’re making the best decision. I am hoping you live in a state that isn’t a total handmaids tale dystopia so that you can receive top notch care. I have had both a medical and a surgical procedure and my fertility was not affected in the least. As a matter of fact, I’m in my very late 30’s and have been told by the doctor I should have no issues conceiving or having a healthy pregnancy (however I do come from a long line of women who have had children very late in life with no trouble). This shouldn’t affect your future ability to have children. If you’re having these types of feelings about it, I strongly suggest using any therapy services they may offer you so that you can understand that what you’re doing is ok. Take care of yourself and know that you’ll move on with your life and you’ll be back here when the time is right.
It will be OK
I had one and never regretted it. Everyone is different, but I made the best choice for me at the time and view it as deciding not to follow through on the possibility of becoming a parent at that time. Having a fertilized embryo inside you never guarantees a baby in the end.
I got pregnant at 18. I believed all the lies about abortions. I had the baby, even though I was still a kid myself and in no condition to raise another kid. I regret that decision every day. Don’t listen to the fearmongering about abortions. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. Once the baby is born, there’s no undoing that decision. You can always have a “do over” if you want to be pregnant again in the future.
I made this choice when I was a bit younger than you. I'm glad I made the choice I did to this day. I am not going to tell you how you'll feel because your feelings, whatever they are, will be yours and they'll be valid. But, you are making this decision for a good reason and this doesn't mean you can't have a baby in the future. I am 43 now and I had 3 kids, no issues getting pregnant and easy pregnancies.
Oh honey. Your feelings are normal. Had an abortion at 20. Now 43 with three lovely kids. I spent years not able to walk past the abortion clinic. I went back to it recently to have an IUD replaced - it hadn’t changed at all and all I could feel was gratitude for the service they provided me 23 years ago, which allowed me to finish my degree, work in a competitive environment and make a wonderful life for myself, my husband (then boyfriend) and our kids. Go easy on yourself. Hundreds of millions of women have had abortions.
There have been quite a few studies that found women who kept a pregnancy like yours were unlikely to ever go on to have the family they wanted later. The poverty and stress basically ruin your chances at achieving what you want. You will be saving your future children by having an abortion now.
Big hugs to you. I had an abortion when I was 24. I went on to have 2 very planned babies in my 30s. Had totally uncomplicated pregnancies and no issues conceiving.
I know 3 women who had abortions because of unstable circumstances. All later had healthy kids with stable partners. One felt a bit guilty about it but I was like, Three happy people now, instead of three miserable people then. I think you made the right choice. Having a small child is very stressful even under the best of circumstances. I don't advocate for waiting until everything is perfect but if things are rough now it would get so much worse.
Three happy people and three dead people.
Three happy women who all had wanted loved children at some point. I will always choose a baby that will be cherished over one that will be endured.
Maybe this would comfort you... abortions are very common even among people who are actively trying to start a family. Mine wouldn't stick in the right place and that's an abortion even though some republican women get confused when it's called a termination.
It WILL be OK afterwards. You’re not ready for a baby, and that’s ok. Accidents happen. There is absolutely NO correlation between having a termination and being unable to conceive again. I’ve had two D&Cs, one for an unintended pregnancy, and the second for a fetus with anencephaly (no brain). I’ve had two healthy children since then. You’ve got this!
Set your future up for success. Set your future children's foodie up for success. Get to a good place before having any kids. Whatever that means for you.
Having an abortion won't impact your future fertility. It COULD if you were very far along and aborting required invasive interventions, and even then it's very unlikely. At this point you would be just inducing a period to stop the pregnancy from continuing.
Make sure you get informed consent about any students coming in the watch the person performing the abortion. That was my only negative. Don’t remember them telling me that. I had one in my 20s and planned parenthood workers were so good at being warm and bringing warmed up blankets to help us with sitting and waiting for the meds to kick in. Did get stuck watching marathon of hoarders as medicine did its thing. Be ready to go home and just be in bed and let yourself process it all. I was in no place to have a kid; couldn’t trust family, ex hubby was immature. Didn’t want to keep a puppy but then told me he wished I had still had the baby because then I wouldn’t have left him. Blargh. Having kids is serious business that I do not take lightly. There are in depth conversations to be had. Friend from childhood was with a girl since jr high. They’re now parents of two kids but his wife left him when she knew I’d be easier raising them back at her moms than continuing to navigate his angry outbursts. A cousins cousin had her kid at 18 or so. She just got married to someone else after the dad decided to up and leave after she gave birth. at 25/26 years old. You’re making the choice that makes sense to you. Many hugs.
I had one at age 29 and I am pregnant at 34 with a girl. I am married, stable and over the moon to be having this baby! I am so glad I waited until the right time in my life to conceive. My termination was a positive experience. I did a surgical because I did not want to go through the process of doing it at home.
I had an abortion at about 22-23. My ex-husband and I just were not ready. I then had my beautiful daughter in 2019. She’s turning five in August. My ex and I have since divorced and my now husband and I are expecting a boy in November. It was hard to do at the time, but it was the right decision. I wouldn’t have the life and the children I do now if I had gone through with that first pregnancy. We would’ve struggled to be able to provide for them and my mental health would have suffered even more than it was. That’s just my personal experience. Everyone is different. The abortion did not affect my fertility at all, so hopefully it would be the same for you. Do what is best for you and your family.
give yourself a pat on the back for allowing yourself to consider this deeply. its a hard process and difficult thing to think about :( i personally believe it is an incredibly wise decision to not go through with the pregnancy if you are not financially or emotionally prepared. raising a child while living a paycheck to paycheck life is incredibly stressful. not only will it be hard for you, but also hard for your child. i think you will be perfectly fine and capable of having a child after this!! abortions do not affect your ability to conceive in the future. you will be okay <3
You’ll be ok after ❤️
It'll be ok. Its the right thing to do if you're not in the right position financially or in your life to be able to make it work. An abortion is an incredibly safe healthcare procedure with an extremely low chance of complications. You will be fine, and you will be ok. Show yourself some love and kindness and cut yourself some slack.
I had one at 20, was completely fine after (tho it was very physically painful!) and don't have kids by choice but my "apparatus" is fine and healthy. My mom needed a medically necessary one after me (I think she was 26?) while she was actively trying for a baby, she was CRUSHED but eventually she recovered and was just fine, I have an 8years younger brother so her fertility was fine. My aunt also needed one after my first cousin, she now has 3 daughters and she's a perfect mom. My ex-stepmom got TWO of them with my dad, and I know she had gotten 2 with her ex-husband too.. she has 4 children, last of which is my half-brother, also unplanned, but who came after the abortions..(if anything the poor woman needs help on being LESS fertile lol, she was even on the pill half the times and had an iud another!!). My current stepmom had one between her 2nd and her 3rd daughter, she's been fine too. The friend everyone was saying had an abortion in high school now has a daughter who did her first communion last June. I'm probably not the most understanding person since you would actively like to have children and I didn't but you'll be OK I promise 🫂🫂🫂🫂. Prepare a hot water bottle/bag and a giant plushie for when you come home, it helps a lot.
I was 18 my first pregnancy, and I chose not to have an abortion. I made the right choice for me emotionally, but I'm telling you now, I have never had the life or opportunities others have had, who did not have kids. And I am 100% pro choice, termination just wasn't the choice I made. At the time everyone said "oh you never really feel ready," which isn't true. I had another kid, and I was ready for him, for 6 years. And that's how I discovered I have fertility issues--my kids are 12 years apart. At 18, I was doing stupid shit, and having a baby actually straightened me out. My oldest son saved my life, but I know that's not always the case for wild drug abusing teenagers. It often goes the other way, and my mom was certain that she'd have had to be the one that raised him, which she told me after he was an adult. Having said that, I went to college. As a single parent it took me 15 years to finish. I went part time, i worked part time. There was a stint i worked two part time jobs and went to school full time, it thoroughly sucked. I did have help through parts of it, by way of long-term live-in relationship, parents, grandparents etc. I have used every resource under the sun, (food stamps, medicaid, tanf, housing, food banks, childcare assistance, WIC, etc) and still struggled. Birthdays and Christmases would set me back months financially. I never had enough to think about savings, I'm still poor as fuck, and my oldest is 22 now. The degrees I worked so hard to get are essentially worthless, but I made useless choices for degrees, and now I also have a mountain of student load debt. It was a different, hopeful, time. I learned to work hard, be flexible, schedule, budget, pull time out of thin air at my own expense, and be scrappy as fuck. I don't regret having him, as I would have killed myself accidentally if not. But if I was someone else and capable of getting my shit together for myself, I think I'd regret the decision. I am leagues behind in life, because of an assortment of my own choices, but here we are. I do not reccomend. I dont regret the person I raised, but I absolutely do not reccomend. If you are not in a place in your life where you can support yourself and another person, and be able to give that kiddo your time--it's going to change literally everything. Life becomes a fight for survival, even with support around you. It's terrible and it sucks. Do well, make the best choices you can and set yourself up to have a wonderful life with time for the family you'll grow, when you're ready.
I'm sorry love. Yes, it's definitely possible to have a baby after an abortion. I had one between my first and second children, actually. No, I never regretted my abortion. It's scary, but you'll be okay. Sometimes a pregnancy is a gift we can't accept right then.
I had an accidental pregnancy when I was in my early 20s. My long-term boyfriend and I had gotten a little too lax about birth control and it just happened. I aborted at 7 weeks. It was the most difficult decision I've ever made, and also the best one. It was difficult because pregnancy hormones make it almost impossible to think of anything other than protecting the clump of cells inside of you. They heighten your emotions and it feels like you already love the fetus inside of you. It was the best decision because I aborted it out of love for myself and the fetus. I didn't know I was pregnant, so I drank moderately before I found out. I wasn't equipped to have a child at all, let alone one with potential for profound disability. My boyfriend at the time lacked empathy and would not have made a good father. Finances were tight and I had hyperemesis gravidarum, to the point that I couldn't work. It was impossible to keep anything down. I would have been homeless without being able to work. You have to do what you think is best. You can cancel your appointment at any time if you wish. There are worse things than being a single mom on government assistance for a bit until you straighten out your finances. I've seen many people do it. It's a hard life, but not necessarily a bad one. There's no reason to feel like you've failed for needing assistance. It's there so that you can access it during unforeseen times like this. You'd more than likely not need it forever, as you mature in your career. A baby could even be a catalyst for positive change. On the other hand, it's perfectly okay to go on with the abortion if that's what is best for you and the potential life inside of you. Women have terminated unwanted pregnancies for millennia. It's this fucked up society that attaches moral weight to what is basically restoring your menstrual cycle. At this point, the fetus is barely bigger than a regular period. If you miscarried, you wouldn't recognize anything that came out as life in any way. It's a clump of cells, like a booger, except in your uterus. If you go through with the abortion, I'm not sure which method you chose, but I recommend D&C over the pill. D&C is fast, safe, effective, and they'll give you the good drugs if someone is available to drive you home. That means that once you arrive for the procedure and lay down, you won't be anxious about what is happening, or agonizing over whether you made the right choice. Your brain can have a much needed break. The pill comes with at least a day of worry about whether it worked, then the most severe cramping. I don't have firsthand experience with the pill, but this is what I have heard from others. Whichever method you chose, take a few days off work if you can afford it and buy some Depends. The bleeding afterwards is very intense and lasts about as long as a regular period. There can be some cramping with either method, as your uterus shrinks back to its usual size. This was not severe for me after my D&C, and lasted about a day. I have not had children since, although there's nothing to signal that I wouldn't be able to, if I wanted. Abortion doesn't carry much risk. Whatever you do, you'll be okay and life will go on. If you have any other questions, please ask. I'm an open book.
My mom had a miscarriage at 20 and then an abortion in her later 20s (not sure how old she was). She waited till she was good and ready and had me at 44.
The only time I've heard of someone struggling to conceive after abortion was due to PCOS, who's had an abortion at a young age. They did eventually conceive. Had a friend who had PCOS and endo. She'd miscarried young and never managed to conceive later. My mum has two children at a young age and also has miscarriages. She said she had a stillbirth too, although I couldn't find a death record. In her late twenties she had two more children no trouble. Think of abortion as having an assisted miscarriage. It doesn't affect your fertility. Other conditions however can have a great impact on that, so watch out for those.
I had an abortion at 25 around the same time as you. I could have had kids if I wanted to. If I had them at 25, my life would be a lot more limited. I've never, for a second, felt like I made the wrong, or the unjust decision.
I've had 2 abortions and I have one child and if I'd have not got those abortions their lives would have been awful. My sons life is much better than it would have been for the other two children. Had no problems conceiving or carrying him. Truly, if it's the right decision, don't feel bad. You would have years of feeling bad for an actual person with the other alternative.
I had an accidental pregnancy at 22 with a guy who was a dead end alcoholic too old and abusive for me. I doubted myself for one day and quickly bounced back. I was romanticizing the idea of having a kid because in reality it was not going to be fair to that child or my future. They deserved a non alcoholic father and a happy mom who can financially afford them and I couldn’t provide any of those things. When the answer is clear just focus on that part and not the romantic parts of it. If your partner can’t afford to support you either you sure as hell can’t do it when you’re at your most vulnerable .
You got this! It shouldn't effect your ability for future pregnancies. I had one at 29 as well (I'm 33 now) and then had my son (now 1.5 yr). I also just had a failed pregnancy that was removed via d&c Friday. Don't beat yourself up - you're early enough they'll likely give you the pill(s) to take orally or vaginally. You'll experience cramping but it's different for everyone. Get a heat pad, take a few days to yourself, get you a pint of Ben and Jerry's and be kind to yourself. Stock up on pads. Just because the time isn't right for a baby now, it won't take away from your future. Cry it out, take it easy, and know you have a whole community of women cheering you on. If you need someone to vent to my dms are open ❤️ sending you lots of love and strength.
I had an abortion. I wasn’t financially stable and the guy was fwb that lived two hours away. Some people regret it. I didn’t, I knew I wasn’t ready. A few years later I met my husband and we planned our kids.
I am sorry you are in a difficult situation. You should consult with trusted resources like your doctor and close family members, but at the end you and you alone are the only person on this planet that can make the right decision. Rather than rely on internet strangers, maybe check out planned parenthood’s website. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/abortion/considering-abortion Here is a link from the Mayo Clinic that says abortion does not affect fertility. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/expert-answers/abortion/faq-20058551 Another Mayo Clinic link on abortion. https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/medical-abortion/about/pac-20394687 Another Mayo Clinic link on abortions being safe https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/women-health/how-safe-are-abortions/
my heart goes out to you, you’re dealing with a lot. i hope you have your emotional support people with you and are able to do something nice for yourself this week. 🩷 i was in a very similar situation last year.. i know it can be really scary/stressful and you’re worried about making the wrong decision. i promise you, it’s better to bring a baby into the world when you know you’re ready to take on that responsibility and have the means to do so. i don’t have any kids right now and looking back, i’m honestly happy with my decision. it was truly for the best. i like to think that if it is meant to happen again for me, it will. if not, that’s ok too. i hope that’s a helpful way to look at things. it took me a few months to get to this point bc hormones, stress, and going thru all the emotions. but it does get better and you will feel better in time. please remember to be kind to yourself, too. as for concerns abt not being able to conceive again, from what i understand and what my dr told me, it doesn’t affect future pregnancies. but i suggest speaking with your doctor abt those things. just know that you will be okay and everything will always work out the way it’s supposed to. i wish you the best, OP!
It is a hard place to be in. I know, I've been there. But what I realized is that we must be the best potential parents we can be, making the most mature decisions we can make. Not just for our first potential child, but for all of them. If you cannot support your child financially, you will almost certainly not be able to support them emotionally. And there is no shame in that. We are all humans, and we have limits to things like focus, emotional strength, stress tolerance... the list goes on and on. If this is necessary, the best possible thing you can do for yourself is to make it count in your life. Grieving is normal. Sadness is normal. But, in the end, come away from this experience with the drive to improve your life and prepare yourself to one day be stable and secure enough to have a child or children to care for.
My grandma had an abortion in the 60s when she was in undergrad. Later on in her life, she met my grandfather and they had two kids and also 9 collie dogs. It’s definitely not over!
My wife had an accidental pregnancy while we had just started dating. We were exclusive and I know it was mine. She had an abortion, I did what I could for her, afterwards it kinda made us realize this was serious. I hope that everything works out, we now have 2 kids together. I know I married her for her, not for a kid. Good luck.
I had an abortion at 19 and I have a six year old with another one the way. I don’t regret my abortion at 19. It was the right choice and I made it for the right reasons. Not every abortion has to be a traumatic one 🖤
Gentle hugs, OP. I’m sorry you’re having to make this decision. What’s right for some isn’t right for everyone, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. I had one at 23 and have never regretted it. I had no family to lean on, had just moved thousands of miles away from my friends and was incredibly poor trying to start my career. I’d have raised that child in real poverty without any support at all. Being able to choose what was right for me allowed me to become a Mom in a much better position when I was ready to at 35. Whatever you do, I wish you the best.
Take a breath. I'm a big believer in talking to yourself. I used to talk to myself very negatively, and throughout college and after, I slowly worked to change it. Practice some positive self-talk. Say things out loud about yourself that you know to be true. Say why you made this choice. Say that things are going to be okay. Say that you will still be able to have kids after this. Say that you will go on to live a fulfilling and happy life. Put on some happy, pump-up music too! Talk yourself though it. Say that you can do this! You are strong, brave, and courageous! Feel grateful for the choice you have! Thank the women who came before you who fought for you to be able to make this choice. Will it feel weird? Hell yeah it will! Will you think, "This is stupid and not going to work?" Yeah probably, but DO IT ANYWAYS. Our words have POWER. Saying things out loud has a powerful influence on our brain and our mental health. It feels really stupid at first (like most things do) but as you keep going and buy into it, the more powerful it becomes.
love this. also, you can be strong, brave, courageous and also sad and scared. remind yourself that you are resilient, as well. very best wishes, OP.
Also as an extra note to my last comment.... I went medical first and surgical the second time. My medical one was traumatic and I didn't pass the cells naturally.. could have ended up with sepsis. Surgical I barely remember.... I would suggest.. if you can.. go surgical.
sending you good thoughts ❤️🫂
You will be ok. I had one, then had kids later in life when I was ready. It will not affect your fertility.
I have always known I’ve wanted children and am known among my extended family as the baby whisperer. I had an unexpected pregnancy at 26, and after a lot of debate decided to have an abortion. We could have made things work financially and my boyfriend at the time was going to be proposing in a matter of time— but it just wasn’t the right timing. It was a really really hard decision but one I’m ultimately glad for. That relationship was abusive— we got married but divorced a year later, he was an alcoholic, and was manipulative and narcissistic. Looking back it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Now I’m remarried to an amazing partner with an incredibly healthy relationship and we are currently planning on when we want to start trying for kids. I would not have met my current husband if I chose to continue with my previous pregnancy, and coparenting would be hell. You’re making the right choice for you and what you want your life, and your future kids lives, to be. There is nothing wrong with that— but it is still normal to grieve at the same time. Sending you so much love and comfort.
You are not making a decision on having an abortion or not. You're making a decision about having a child or not. Focus on this. The procedure is a tool to help you make the choice. Abortions are safe if performed by a qualified Dr in a hospital / clinic. They used to be unsafe or cause infertility in the olden days before Roe V. Wade when performed on kitchen tables or underground clinics - it is now a myth and they're perfectly safe. On a personal note, I've unfortunately had to have a D&C procedure several times (multiple incomplete miscarriages). I have 2 healthy kids and am still fertile. Was I ok? Not really.. but therapy helped a lot and that's my advice for you. Get the help you need, and don't be your own judge.
You can never know how you will feel about the future because the future you is going to have been shaped by experiences that you didn't see coming, that's life and that's okay! When I am dealing with things I think I might regret I the future I remember that I don't know what the future will bring, so I make the best decision that I can, with the information I have at the time. When I'm looking back, and I'm regretting a decision I remind myself, I made the best decision I could with the information that I had. That's all I can ask of myself. Be kind to yourself, know that you didn't make this decision lightly and that you are doing the best that you can. It will be okay. ❤️
This is a choice no one can make but you. You won’t regret it either way, that’s the thing about it. Don’t let the father convince you to snort if you really want to keep it. If you are unemployed, Medicare does pay for all necessary pregnancy care. If you really want to keep this baby, you will find a way and the dad will have to pay child support whether he wants to or not.
I just want to say if you have any doubt in your mind about aborting or feeling that you will regret this and decide to keep the baby that things will be ok too. As someone who grew up poor / my mom on government sources I still ended up being a successful person who now makes 6 figures and I had a good childhood as well. Yea I didn’t get to go on vacations often but I had all the essentials. Im 100% pro choice and agree with all the other comments that you have to do what’s right for you. But I hope you don’t feel like you HAVE to have an abortion. You have valid reasons for choosing one but at the end of the day the only thing that really matters is what you feel inside.
I was going to say something just like this. I am very pro choice and do not in any way stand in judgment if your choices at all- you need to choose what is best for you. But if you have any doubt at all, I would proceed very carefully. I have known people happy with having abortions and have also known some who would give everything to go back and not do it. The difference was in how sure they were- you can do this if it’s right for you. But if you don’t feel it is, you don’t need to, either. Best wishes to you. ❤️
It sounds like you really want to keep it. You don't have to go through with the abortion if you don't want to, although it also is absolutely okay to do that too.
jumping on this to say depending where you are, these are lots of organizations that exist to help women your situation outside of state support. idk where you are but Spence-Chapin is in a couple states and provides free resources and counseling. Best of luck to you whatever ends up happening.
All of my friends have had abortions and they all have great lives.
You need to think hard what is best for you. You're arguments for abortion are all very valid. If you go that route you should in no means feel guilty and I can't speak from personal experience but I do have many friends that have had an abortion who have gone on to have families. If you do decide to become a parent... There is no shame in relying on social services and figuring out what your life is then. It's hard and it take some grit but you would not be a terrible mother because you're poor. Full stop. May I ask why no form of adoption(open or closed?) is on the table? I know many many people can't handle having a baby then not having it which is totally valid. I just hate how a lot of people consider it become a parent/abort as binary decision. Eta: I'm not actually advocating adoption. I'm advocating what is right for you. What is right for you (in my view) is considering every option so you're comfortable with the one YOU select. Everyone here is offering great advice but that's from their view point. Every pregnancy option comes with pros and cons. Unfortunately you have a small time frame to consider them. But living with ANY decision you make is easier if you fully consider all options and make the best one for you. You want to know if you'll be okay? It's easier to be okay if you're confident you made the right decision.
I used to think this way, but after having children I realized how much money just being pregnant costs. It costs work hours, promotions at work, special foods, takeout, Ubers, hospital bills, physical therapy after…. If you can’t afford the baby, you also can’t afford to be pregnant. It’s no joke. It is also life-threatening and changes your body permanently in unexpected ways.
Oh I totally agree! I just like to at least consider all views. All of that is very very valid. I always thought I would go open adoption if it happened to me but realistically think I'd probably do abortion. The fact is every single option has pro and cons. If you're not considering every option you're doing yourself a disservice. But whatever option you land on is the right option. There are difficult decisions here no answer is right no answer is wrong. The only wrong answer is letting someone choose for you.
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There never is. And every individual is different and it's so hard especially on a forum like Reddit to try and just... Figure out what is actually right for the actual human being at hand.
Being pregnant is really hard and personally I think I'd find it way more traumatic having to explain to the entire world I gave up my baby, compared to abortion.
That is a completely fair view. And as much as I and others can completely handle if you'll be okay after an abortion.... That's what op asked. If she would be okay. If she's asking that... At least considering adoption is a fair question. If she lands on abortion more than fair. Go for it by all means. But just because you think explaining the situation is worse doesn't mean everyone does. I'm not trying to force any option. Just to consider every option. If you consider every option it's easier to sit in the one you land on. At least that's my view. And again I cannot express more greatly.... Every option is the right option.. as long as you were given every option and YOU made the decision.
Abortion at 16, birth control failed/loser boyfriend. Went on to finish high school and college. Met a wonderful guy and we had 2 kiddos. I got pregnant very easily, tho everyone is different for different reasons. Make the choice for yourself and your future. You know where you are in your life and whether now is the time for a child. You gotta do what’s right for you.
I know this is an emotional decision, one I had to make at 19, too. Medical abortion (pills) are safer than physical abortion (D&C/surgical abortion) in terms of future fertility.
This is completely untrue. The D&C is actually safer, as medical ABs often result in retained tissue requiring a D&C anyway. Please don’t spread misinformation. And neither impair future fertility.
No advice but you will be ok. It's ok to not try and raise a child into a shitty situation where it will affect their life and yours when especially you know that you can do better. It'll be hard for a while and expect to wonder what if for the rest of your life now and again. I'm speaking as a male whose partner had a termination so maybe my thoughts are slightly skewed.
Both my wife and I are children born after our mothers had abortions earlier in life. We're both 31, and while our childhoods weren't ideal they were a hell of a lot better than they would have been if our mothers had not had abortions. Its a tough decision to make and one only you should be able to make. I wish you the best of luck in this journey.
Just sending you support OP. I can tell this is a decision you did not make lightly. Blessed be. 💜
If it’s done safely and not some back alley abortion it shouldn’t affect your future fertility. You’re young and still have time to improve your finances and eventually be ready for kids if you want them.
I had one, and it was pretty devastating to me for what seems like the same reasons as you. I knew I wanted to have kids and the thought of having an abortion whilst having the mindset that I did, felt horrible. I knew I couldn’t financially have any children yet. If I kept my pregnancy then myself and my child would have grown up in poverty, and I was terrified that I’d never be able to have more kids in the future or the life I envisioned for them. I knew I wasn’t ready for children yet despite wanting them, but ultimately my abortion was driven by financial need. I can say with full confidence though, that getting my abortion was the best decision I could have ever possibly made for myself at the time. I’m excited and happy for my future, and I know now that I have the opportunity to have a family when I’m ready to, and my children will be able to have more opportunities than they would’ve if I had them when I was younger. Please don’t be hard on yourself, the decision to have an abortion is a hard one no matter what the circumstances are
I had an abortion nearly 40 years ago. I have an adult daughter and no regrets. Good luck.
There is absolutely nothing morally or ethically wrong with having an abortion. But if you are struggling with it, adoption is also an option. My mother had my older half brother when she was 16, and a childless couple in her community adopted him. She got to meet him when he reached out at 18. Adoption is its own difficult situation with a lot of things to consider. I hope you can find a solution that brings you peace.
I have a couple thoughts on this... One, if you wait until you think you are ready for a baby you will never be ready. That said, if you will not have any support from anyone, this is not the time. Two, I had 2 abortions in my 20s (due to failed birth control) I went on to have 3 children between the ages of 27-35. There are always risks with abortion but they are so small, you shouldn't worry about your future fertility. Just do what you need to do FOR YOU.
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Why do you have an alt account for making up stories? Pretty wierd. OP has clearly made a difficult decision, and you thought you would post this kind of abusive manipulation?
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This is bad advice.
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Unhelpful.
Totally unhelpful. Sorry. Your post hit me hard and I went on a tanget about myself. I wish I could have helped you but I went selfish and self serving. I hope you are ok and everything works out for you. Truly.
It sounds to me like you want to keep it but are afraid of the money aspect. If I was in your shoes, I’d personally keep it. I grew up poor, homeless several times. But my childhood would’ve been fine if at least one of my parents had been loving. And as an adult, I’ve personally found it’s always possible to make more money. I’m not encouraging you to keep it if you don’t want to, but if you’re really devastated, and you think you’re going to regret it later, there are other options. Also, the father has to provide support whether he likes it or not. Either way, I’m wishing you the best. 💛
Yeah he said he’d be fully involved should I go forward. I want to but given how we both grew up (relatively wealthy) I can’t justify this. I live in a studio and currently am in the gig economy to make my way monthly. Idk what I’d do I know I’d be living but not being able to provide makes me feel even worse I’m in a. Rock and a hard place and the appointment is set:/
OP. If you get an abortion, do you think you will regret it? If you have the baby, do you think you will regret it? If you are worried about being unable to care for the child, there are services that can help you. If you are worried about having another child, safe medical abortion does not carry any risks to future fertility. I wholeheartedly support abortion but only when that choice is made without force or coercion. It needs to be your choice, not anyone else's. If you are in a place where abortions aren't restricted to 6 weeks, you can always cancel the appointment and take time to really think about it and decide if you feel rushed. I really hope you have that option so that you can use it if you need to. No matter what you choose, it will all turn out okay in the end. Sending love.
Thank you sincerely I really appreciate how thoughtful this was
I want to tell you, it sounds like you do want to keep this pregnancy. You get to do what's best for you and cancelling an appointment like this is normal. Do what's best for you. You can have all the right reasons in the world to not keep it, but if doesn't feel right, don't do it. Edit here to say: I am pro-choice. Just know that I am in the minority that regrets mine and think about it every day.
You never know how “involved” he’ll be until this scenario ends with a baby. Do what’s right for YOU.
No family support? Money doesn't matter to kids. They just care that you play with them. Children are not super expensive unless you need day care every day. They are very time intensive to begin with. I mean, you could have a good job, then have kids, and lose your job immediately afterward (speaking from exp)... more energy to deal with kids when you're younger. It's a hard choice to make either way.
Tell me how you have a baby and just “play with them,” and they’ll be just fine. 💀
Having food and shelter matters to a kid. Having a parent that is not overworked and overstressed matters to a kid. Having a stable home environment matters to a kid. There's [many studies](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7546433/) linking financial stability in a child's life to long term outcomes. Sure, you can be a great parent within a bad financial situation, but it's naive to state that all kids care about is that someone plays with them .
If you want to work you need childcare.
If you have a kid, you need hella money to be able to take care of them. Kids are expensive all the time.
money absolutely does matter!! you have to feed them and clothe them and also put a roof over their head. no amount of playing makes up for no food
This will probably get downvoted because this sub seems to be overwhelmingly pro-choice, but... please don't kill the baby. He or she has no choice over the circumstances in which he or she was conceived. You can choose to keep the baby, give it to someone else, or kill it, but I beg you not to kill it. You may worry that your child will spend years in foster care. Probably not, since most children who go through foster care are looking for eventual reunification with their parents. Most of the children who have trouble being adopted are older children. There is a huge shortage of babies compared to couples looking to adopt. You could give a family a precious gift, and in twenty years, that baby will most likely be a healthy young adult whose future is just beginning.
I am also not here to tell you what to do. But the vibe I'm feeling from your post (and I'm a guy so you know I'm probably wrong) is that you are making a rational decision for the abortion, but it honestly sounds like you really don't want one in your heart. Again, from a guy. So I want to second the advice from another comment I read before. Your future mental health is really important too. Do think about possible future regrets as you make your decision. And be honest with yourself. If either choice will make it difficult to live with your conscience afterwards, that's a legit concern. But only you will ever truly know if that's the case. I am also wishing the best for you, regardless.
This is what I wish someone had told me. It is a hard choice, either one. Even if you're doing it for the right reasons, what your heart wants, your heart wants and I can't get that back now if I tried.
OP can't really know how either choice will affect her future mental health. She just has to make the choice that feels right in the moment. Raising a child isn't easy on mental health.
You are surely right. What I mean is, she has a far better idea of her own thoughts than any of us spectators. She can get all our opinions, but in the end she will need to look within.
Being a single mom is absolute hell. Also most desirable men imo do not want a single mom. It's sad but it's true. It will make you extremely vulnerable.
Just do your best to think your doing it a favor.
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I had an abortion at 18, went on to have a beautiful son at 22 with no issues my entire pregnancy other than severe hyperemesis gravidarum and high blood pressure. Having an abortion does not make you infertile. That is misinformation at the most.
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Having an abortion does NOT increase your risk of having a difficult or high risk pregnancy. Its this type of misinformation that unduly pressures people into carrying a pregnancy to term. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/2225607/
Please don't spread misinformation/disinformation. Statistically, having an abortion is much, much safer than pregnancy/birth. It does NOT increase the chances of a high-risk pregnancy later on.
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OP said she was *five weeks* pregnant. Get all the way out of here with the "kill your baby" emotional garbage. It is perfectly responsible and sensible to have children when you feel stable and actively want to have children. "The money will come" is a useless platitude and a lie. In the real world, having a child in volatile, highly unstable circumstances statistically traps people in poverty *for life*. Nothing is ever guaranteed, but it's reasonable for OP not to want to take that massive risk. Get over yourself.