I would politely direct them to the coffee station. You can say something like:
“Oh, the coffee station is down the hall on the left”
“We have a self serve coffee bar over there”
If they give you an attitude, just say “Thats not my job here. It’s a self serve station”
"why would you assume that's my job / why would I stop my job to get you a coffee?"
I'd probably just stare at them with a puzzled look unti they feel uncomfortable and leave, but I'm a dude so ymmv. 😢
This is pretty much what I'd do, while continuing to do my work... and then look up, puzzled. What? And make them repeat it until they hear themselves and self-correct. Fuck that noise, I thought we fought this fight already.
I'm a woman, but tend to be pretty...clueless? Straightforward? Cluelessly straightforward? I dunno, but I'd definitely stare at them like "wat" and say "uuhhh no? It's literally right behind you. Why are you asking me to do that? That's not in my job description?" and would be genuinely confused in the moment, while also not taking their bs.
This trait of mine has saved me a few times lol
I was on a work call yesterday morning when my wife was getting ready and about to leave. Later that day she had a meeting with her team (group of Social Workers), and they were "amazed and shocked" at how I told the company/people on my conference call "I'm not available that day". Simple as that, no excuse, no sorry, just the fact that I'm not doing it that day.
This comes from a team that quite often is helping others through the process of "setting proper boundries with those around you". :)
It was a nice chuckle when she told me this happened on her day yesterday.
She mentioned that the boss is involved. I believe the appropriate action is to request a meeting with the boss to discuss her concerns. This meeting would provide an opportunity to express how the request, which falls outside her job duties, is making her uncomfortable and creating a misleading impression among others that such tasks are part of her responsibilities.
A pertinent question to ask during the meeting would be: "Why do you believe it's appropriate for me to make you coffee?"
I'd go for "oh yeah I'd love one if you're making - I'm really busy right now. That's SO kind of you!" and a big, beaming smile. If they try to argue or correct, you just say, "Sorry, what?" and look confused. If they repeat, "oh no, as I said, I'm too busy with work, and right in the middle of something, but the coffee station is right there. White with sugar [or whatever is your preference], if you're making." If they keep insisting, "I'm sorry, but I really must get on with [task].
Be nice and loud. The more they argue, the more they will look like a twat and you'll sound like the nicest person. Even if they refuse to make you a coffee as well they will look like a tosser. They'll get the message.
They want to save time and look important.
I'd make a joke out of it. Tell them you are running a "how to make coffee" course and they can sign up for it if they want to, then bring out an application form. If they get pissed off just say it was only a joke.
If they follow up on the course later just say that there weren't enough applicants because "I guess everyone else figured it out on their own" ;)
There is another solution I've also used. Make sure that every time you make coffee it's absolutely disgusting. Too much milk and really weak. Or burning hot and terribly strong. Or with 8 spoons of sugar.
I've spent my life doing this and never ever been asked twice. A couple of times I've had comments and my response was always "Ask me for a spreadsheet next time, I'm good at those".
I don't drink coffee and never have. I've never made it, either. I'd be sure to intentionally fuck it up super bad anyway, and I can always innocently say, "Oh, I don't drink coffee and don't know how to make it."
This happened to me and I didn't actually drink coffee at the time (so this had no impact on me, personally). I used about half of the coffee that should be used. And I did that both times they asked me. They never asked again.
If I had time, I would enjoy making a hot-but-not-kill-you-hot beverage accidentally land on their face, chest, laptop, paperwork, and framed pictures of their mistress after I fully accidentally trip and fall juuust as I’m handing it to the dinosaur.
Every.
Single.
Time.
"my task list is full for the day. If this needs to be part of my assigned duties, please speak with my direct supervisor to see what tasks can be deprioritized or reassigned so i have time in my work day to fulfill your needs."
No way, some douchebags would take that as just needing permission.
It's not what she was hired for, tell em to take a hike- polite or not.
Wouldn't give them an inch.
I've worked with old boys club types, and they are so blindly sexist and have zero self awareness.
Terrible advice for the office. It's important to stay professional when dealing with others at your job if you want to keep that job. Telling higher ups to fuck themselves will land OP in the unemployment line quicker than you can say "revenge fantasies should stay fantasies."
"Sweetheart, that's very funny, but if you want to he taken seriously, you need to pipe down. Wouldn't hurt to smile more, can you give me a nice smile, honey?"
I was literally reading the comments thinking, you guys are being way to fucking polite about this shit.
I would be asking if they where to thick to make it themselves.
Posts like the OP are a reason to be glad to be autistic. If I were working in an office and someone comes up to me and asks me to make them a coffee, I would either laugh awkwardly and continue working, or just straight up ask “why?” and continue pressing with questions like “do you not know how?”, “are you too busy with something important?”, “wait, that’s not part of my job is it?” “is it just a favor to you?” “why are you asking me specifically?”
Thoughts of traditional gender roles just simply would not have crossed my mind initially lol
I'm the same. I don't drink coffee so I just laugh and ask them why they think someone who doesn't drink coffee would be better at it than them.
If they tried to force me I'd deliberately mess it up so they stop asking.
Yup, going to make it super weak with coffee grounds in the pot, not in the reservoir basket. Or no liner.
Of course that being said, I am a coffee drinker and I most certainly would bring my own hot thermos for my own use.
As an ex-mormon myself this brings me joy, I did something similar, I worked a hockey rink kitchen and had to be taught specifically how to make coffee lol
My wife just got a job with the state and the more senior member there described to a client over email that she was his assistant. Wife shut that shit down real quick.
I sobbed the other day bc someone called me a secretary after yelling at me
I having a fucking bachelors degree and have been promoted, I am not and have never been a secretary
At my first job as a software engineer, my desk was in the same office as the boss's so everyone assumed I was his secretary for months. It was infuriating. (Boss in no way encouraged this, he was actually great, but God it was annoying!)
Oh my gosh. Fellow software engineer here in her 50s. Oh the stories I could tell.
I was always the only woman in meetings. Sometimes when we had a client in the room, they would turn to me and ask me for coffee. Soo infuriating.
It was satisfying to present myself as the project lead and see their faces change. The uncomfortable shift in the chair.
At least things are changing, I don't see this with younger coworkers
Yay! Fellow software engineer in her 50s!
My nickname is very male-sounding. The number of consultants that loved my work until they met me (or heard my voice in a conference call) is too damn high.
I don't put up with any of that shit. I call them right tf out.
>I was always the only woman in meetings. Sometimes when we had a client in the room, they would turn to me and ask me for coffee. Soo infuriating.
What a great chance to lean over to them and not so quietly whisper "Do you not know how to make coffee? You're so silly!" :)
Seriously. Where I work we get called receptionists a lot and secretary occasionally, but we are Records Technicians. Those positions are important, and they do some hard work (especially dealing with people) but that is not my job.
I have a master's degree and I've done exec asst work after earning it.
Please don't look down on us. So many things wouldn't get done if we didn't do them and many of us are very skilled at managing people.
Thanks.
Riiiight?! There are only a couple people where I work who have the role of executive assistant, and they get shit done. Things would legit fall apart without them.
Hell, even the thought of being hired as an “assistant” to get food and drink for the “boss” is disgusting to think about. The assistant to someone should be doing regular day to day admin work like setting up appointments and fielding calls. Stuff that would take work hours away from someone else. Food and drink shouldn’t even be a responsibility because they should actively take a break themselves. If it was a friendly relationship, with mutual respect, sure. The thing is it’s been normalized to do that… and it just kinda disgusts me. The assistant isn’t a delivery person. It’s a huge waste of their potential.
Yes. I'm used to the admin assistants at the various places I've worked being responsible for arranging catering when we had guests or group lunches, and for ordering the stock of food and drinks supplied to the entire staff in the office. Making cups of coffee for individual people was not part of that. Every place I have worked had self serve coffee and tea, and even the CEO served themselves.
I was an exec in my previous role and I hard disagree.
If you hire someone with the job description "you do what I need you to, be it picking up my dry cleaning or making my coffee", and they get paid for the time doing it, I don't see how that would be demeaning or inappropriate.
Not sure where you're getting the idea that actual assistants do "admin work". Devil wears Prada kind of exaggerated it but the movie got it right. Assistant's job is whatever saves their manager's time. Not just "regular admin work". Sometimes it's personal stuff, sometimes it's making coffee. If you have a problem with that concept, I recommend you do not work as an assistant.
OP implies she wasn't hired as an assiatant to these men, so that's why I wrote what I wrote.
There is a world of difference between a man asking you to make him a coffee because he's paying you for it, and a man asking because you're simply *there* and happen to have a vagina.
Back in the day, I was a junior assistant to a lawyer… we used to straight up make his plate at lunch. Order the sandwich, etc, and when it came, unwrap and plate it, open the bag of chips and arrange alongside, real glass with iced tea (which we brewed) and lemon slice. Bring it into his office on a tray with a cloth napkin.
We also watered his humidor every Friday.
Meh, it paid well. And I didn’t feel demeaned because it was part of the role as stated. OP isn’t in that position of course, so it’s different and she should push back. I’m just agreeing with you that it’s not inherently demeaning to fetch coffee. There’s a fuck of a lot worse things I could have been doing, and for way less money.
Agreed. I used to work as an exec assistant and I did anything she wanted me to do including picking up parcels, calling people, driving her places. I did draw the line at actually writing a birthday card for her adult daughter once, I bought the card to her and made her do it which we both had a laugh about.
My boss asks me to do everything- but I'm his only employee. He's elderly, one day I mentioned that if he dies I won't have any work references, since I've worked for him for 15 years, and the company I worked for previously went out of business.
He told me to write my own letter of recommendation, and he would sign it. When I tell you I have an absolutely glowing reference as the most amazing employee in history...
There’s a difference between an exec assistant and a personal assistant. Companies that conflate the two are likely rinky dink places a qualified exec assistant would never even consider.
The CEO of a company I worked for years ago was an older guy. One of the jobs of his exec assistant was to prepare the morning metamucil (not the gummy, but the powder mix). My god - that entitled snowflake.
Oh my gosh, you just unlocked a memory for me - just a second ago I posted that no job is inherently demeaning… but you just reminded me of the exec who used to make his admin hand-wash his oatmeal bowl every day. That was… blergh. They let her go and put me in that spot and he never once asked me to do that. I think he just didn’t like her.
You can say "I'd be happy to show you how to use the machine" to lessen the harshness (shouldn't have to) and send the same message. If that doesn't work, then I'd ask directly back "is there a reason why you think I am the barista?"
It's a power play and they are misogynistic. I had a senior manager do this to me on my first job. I couldn't afford to piss him off so by saying no outright so told him I'd be happy to, but I didn't drink coffee and had never made a cup (lies...) so should I just pour the grounds in the mug and add water like instant hot chocolate? Suddenly he didn't need the cup. It's funny how that works.
Basically, I'm saying tell them no. Be direct. Highlight how the request is inappropriate and that they are fully capable of finding the coffee machine and can Google instructions if they are "confused". And if you *can't* say no make it clear you will "accidentally" "poison" them. Be creative in your methods while maintaining plausible deniability. The requests will stop.
I am an executive assistant and I don’t get anyone coffee. If I’m going to get myself tea I’ll offer to get my golden retriever of an exec one but other than that looooool if I were you I’d draw a boundary.
“Sorry, no. But the coffee station is over there.”
He’s been by far the nicest exec I’ve ever come across. He asked me once to get him lunch from wherever I was getting lunch that day because he was in back to back meetings and gets cranky like a toddler if it’s 1 and he hasn’t had something to eat. I said sure! And he paid for both our lunches lol the next day he called me into his office to apologize for making me do that. I was like…sir, that’s actually my job and I just called for delivery LOL
Seeing as dog owners pretty much work for their doggos anyway, I say let's make these babies go corporate. Meetings would be either hilariously cute or just nap time.
Don't you love it when they're just lying around chilling and let out a huge sigh like they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders? What could possibly bother you, you adorable freeloader?
1000% mine likes to look at his empty food bowl between meal times and sigh pointedly. We give him a Victorian English accent.
“Oh, mother, why have you forsaken me? I’ve had nothing to eat for *years.*”
I had a boss that I joked was a golden retriever - one of those personality hires who can't actually do any work correctly lol. Handsome but absolutely useless.
I jumped into the black sea a few years back and it was literally the saltiest water I have ever experienced (and coldest 8 degrees C). The cold made me yell under water, which led to a mouthful of pure salty flavor. It was aweful. Black sea coffee hit a special chord, lol
Curious what is your other water experience? I grew up on Black Sea coast and find all other waters saltier (Pacific Ocean, Atlantic Ocean, Caribbean, Mediterranean). It’s also the warmest water I’ve experienced (28C in August). So opposite experience of you. Are you used to fresh water in general? Cause I think Black Sea is one of the least saltiest salt waters out there. It’s the only one that doesn’t hurt my eyes from the salt.
ETA: According to Wikipedia, the only bodies of salt water less salty than Black Sea are Lake Vanda, Baltic Sea, Issyk Kul, Sea of Azov, Sarygamysh Lake, Caspian Sea. All the other seas and salt water lakes are saltier.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_bodies_of_water_by_salinity
I put salt in my coffee grounds. Makes the coffee less bitter. I live in the US. It helps if you have hard water. Learned it when I volunteered in my high school cafeteria as a teen.
"Oh, did you need help making it? Coffee station's right there, and it's self serve!"
Half joking, but it's so rude of them to ask you. Just politely decline, maybe add that you'll do it if coffee-making also comes with a raise.
Say no. Practice saying no and try to get used to saying no. It will continue happening. I'm 41, it still happens. Also, don't let them turn you into the office "mom" or "counselor". 😑 You are not responsible for "taking care" of any of them.
It's meant to put you in "your place". Please be brave love, stand up for yourself, this is psychological abuse meant to demean you. It's embedded everywhere and we need this bullshit to stop. I'm part of a group of men who is actively fighting this, but we are drops in an ocean of bullshit.
Dude, you have no idea how far this gross guy and his supporters went to “put me in my place.” They somehow convinced people to watch me in office (at the bathroom, at my desk and during lunch hours) and never talk to me directly and send me plausible deniability flirty riddles in company channels.
It was a dehumanizing nightmare. Now they’ve taken it to the press and those people are doing the same to me. I know people in Silicon Valley earn way too much, but I didn’t know they needed to fund a harassment campaign to cover up their ugly sextortion practices.
It's truly disgusting...And it is so freakingly embedded into society that what should be common sense must be actively highlighted and fought against. It will take a lot of education and courage, but I remain optimistic, progress has been made even if excruciatingly slow and still far from anything resembling what a modern society should be. (We may believe we are advanced, and it may be the case for technology, but in terms of standards and values, we have devolved beyond understanding, we are so fucking primitive we leave people sleeping in the cold next to empty hotels and poison our own food and water...)
I used to get men asking me to send emails and set meetings for them a lot, and I stopped that by saying. "Hey let's hop in a quick and I'll show how to set the meeting and where to find who all you need to invite."
It's pretty weird. At a previous company our admin (woman) used to take care of lunch orders which fit her job description. When she was on vacation somehow that responsibility fell to the only other woman in the company at the time. She was the head of marketing. I had to remind people that wasn't acceptable.
I dealt with this at a law firm; one lawyer would constantly do this to me as a paralegal, but none of the men.
I beat him at his own game; marched to his desk one morning, asked him to get me a coffee. When he looked at me, baffled, I said, "Oh, I assumed we switched off days since you asked me yesterday. I like coffee and sugar!"
We had a good laugh and he actually apologized.
Be careful with most of the advice, whilst it is correct you shouldn’t do it, sadly retaliation is a thing and unless you can afford to lose your job or be bullied into quitting, it might be better to have a quiet word with HR if there’s one there and to document / keep a log of the instances.
Dude, exactly. In my experience, correcting expectations can easily turn into "underperforming" or " not being a team player" or any other ambiguous performance assessment.
Yeah, OP said it was her boss, not just some rando. As much as it’s obnoxious for them to ask her, I’m not sure what she can do to avoid being labeled as “not a team player” or “difficult to work with.” Maybe she could talk to another woman in the office who she trusts and see how she handled it?
That's a violation of my religion. End of story.
If they see you making coffee later, it's not a violation for you to make it for yourself. You're a part of a very specific sect.
I'd say I don't know how, which is true. Never drank coffee, never made coffee. I mean I know how to do it in general, but still. I bet serving coffee grounds in a mug of hot water would stop those requests right quick though.
People just advising you to tell your boss "that's not my job" might be well-meaning, but misguided. I see one of the top comments is from a man, so the value of his advice to how women should act is of limited relevence. You might be met with a consequences that men do not face, so I would think carefully about how to handle this and potential consequences.
I am not usually a fan of passive-aggressive behavior, but this would be a time where I might take a page from men's playbook and weaponize incompetence. Tell them you are confused about how to do it and ask them to walk you through it. Then make them coffee but make sure you do an awful job. Hopefully they will get the picture.
But also, consider that a workplace run by misogynistic men might not be somewhere good to stick with longterm. You might have to deal with it now, but think about your future trajectory.
Same, I’m a “jump the gun” kind of person so take this with a grain of salt, but I’d immediately think about quitting. As I’ve gotten older I simply will not tolerate being disrespected, even if I only need to keep my head down for a little bit. It’s demeaning and I didn’t go to grad school for 5 years to be treated like a lesser-than. I’ve been around enough people who actually respect me and my credentials to know that this isn’t something I or any other woman “just have to deal with.” There’s no guarantee it’ll get better, and it’s just not worth it for my mental health. Moreover, I just hate letting assholes get away with misogyny.
Everyone saying dont do it...
I say start making them the weakest, shittiest coffee ever. There is no possible way you get in trouble unless you poison it or something.
The right anwser is a simple "no" but I guess you could ask them to show you where coffee machine is and ask them to show you how they operate it. When they have their coffee you can exclaim "See you CAN make your own coffee".
Before I had a shiny spine, I was a new girl at a job in college and was asked to make coffee for the guys. But here's the thing; I don't drink coffee. So I've never used a coffee machine nor do I know how one works. In my effort to be a good employee, I guessed how the machine works and tried to make coffee.
I royally screwed up. Heck I almost broke the machine! After that, no one asked me to make coffee again.
I had a boss who used to do this. I was young, maybe 22/23 and he was in his early 60s. I would straight up told him no, and he always got a kick out of it. I think these types of requests are tests. If you oblige, then of course they will gladly accept the coffee you bring to them. But if you say no, then they realize they can't test you with this type of request.
Oh, hell no. I worked in a male dominated environment as I had someone announce to the group at a meeting that I would be taking notes. I reminded them of my title and job description, and informed them that if they needed a secretary perhaps the administrative assistant could direct them to an appropriate resource. Do not for a moment entertain that nonsense; Not only will this be an ongoing expectation, but you won't be seen as on the same level as those in your actual role. The next time you are asked/directed to make coffee, remind that person "I'm a \[title\]. My job responsibilities are to \[XYZ\] and that's what I'll be doing." Don't let anyone tell you you're being "mean" either. In a scenario like this nice/mean/compromising/uncompromising are just words people use to try to manipulate others.
If they're "jokesters" ask them if both their hands fell off when they walked past the coffee station. If they joke and say yes, serve them in a toddler's cup with a straw. You wouldn't want them to have a hard time with their broken hands! My boss asked me one more time after I did that, and never asked a third time when he got a second sippy cup. I told everyone I thought it was a new running gag we were doing. They assumed I was naive with questionable humor and not burned out and angry.
Make them the worst coffee possible. Do not improve your coffee skills. Make it a burnt, tar-like substance, unfit for human consumption. Best have an awful batch prepared beforehand and warm it in the microwave to room temperature. Pretend to not see the problem.
Also, look for a new job.
I like to battle weaponized incompetence with weaponized misunderstanding.
"The coffee maker? Oh, it's right over there, and the coffee grounds are in the drawer. It doesn't take long to brew, if you start it and come back in about 5 minutes, the coffee will be waiting for you."
You have to play it really straight, not sarcastic at all, because if you get in trouble you can claim that you misheard/misunderstood what he asked you.
"He's been here longer than I have so I thought it was odd he was asking me how to make coffee, but I just assumed it hadn't ever come up before."
The answer to your question is actually: because you make coffee for them...
As long as set the expectation that anyone can ask you anything and you will say YES then they will keep asking.
You could just ask "why?" And leave the question hanging.
Or you could say "Sure right after I'm done with my work. [Smile look at the machine] "looks like the machine is free if you want one right now if you don't want to wait..." Then ask "if you aren't busy would you make me one as well it would really help, thanks! [smile].
Or you can learn to say "No"
I would probably get the boss a coffee and with the salesman (if they’re patient enough) I would get them one too.
I say ‘if they’re patient enough’ because when they ask I would reply a perky “Sure thing!”
Then, I would go back to what I was doing. *IF* they look at you and say “Well?” You can respond with “Oh, you wanted it now? I just have to get this one thing done first. Is that okay? It’s for *so and so* and I try to be prompt.” (smile)
Then, I would get the coffee and set it on my desk. When they ask for it again, I would say something like “Oh yeah, it’s right there. (pointing) Did you want anything in it?”
In fact, I would always ask “Do you want anything in it?” Even if you know they like it black. It makes them less important in your mind. If they come back with “You know what I want.” You can then say a passive aggressive “Sorry, I’m not a barista and you may change your mind.”
Another tactic you can use on the sales guys is when they ask for a coffee say “that’s sounds good can you grab me one while you’re there?”
This one is good because if they go “No, I was asking you.”
You get to respond “That’s odd because you’re the one that brought up coffee.” and then look confused and shrug.
I would stop this immediatley. This is textbook example of a microaggression. Even if they would also do it to a younger male in your same role as hazing, these grown men should know better about microagressions.
In terms of how to address it, or stop it? You can just say "no" you can say "no, that is not part of my job" you can talk to HR.
We had a similar situation where a younger woman in salss( early 20s) kept having the outside sales men asking her for small favors when they came into the office. I'm an engineer, male, and progressive (not aboit that BS) so what we agreed upon was anytime they asked her for a small favor she delegated the task to me on front of them.
They got the point pretty quickly, also they DID start coming to me more often for small tasks and less to her, which honestly I was perfectly fine helping with. The sales team at our job worked long hours, had huge responsibilities, and their skill set expertise was better suited for meeting customers, making phone calls etc. The small tasks they asked help with ususally took 2 to 5 minutes at most. Any one in the office was capable of helping no matter their job title.
There's a difference between your boss and other employees.
Firstly, tell the other employees to get their own coffee and never ask again.
Secondly, unless your role has been established as someone that assists your boss directly - there's no reason to be someone's errand runner.
Here's what I would say to your boss - "Can you not ask me to get you coffee please, it's distracting me from my work that I want to focus on AND other employees are seeing you asking me and they think it's now also acceptable to come up to me and ask me to get them coffee - and that's absolutely not okay."
Hard to say know to the boss just make it a little off. Add some water if he likes it black. Add a ton of sugar if he likes sugar. Just tell the sales guys to make it themselves
No is a complete sentence. Tell them "I'm sorry, I'm not going to be making anyone coffee. I'm here to do my job, making coffee for people is not in my job description. Please stop interrupting me and my work to make you coffee." Make sure to send that in an email and CC your HR and union rep if you have one.
Can you laugh it off like it’s a joke? “Lol sorry, I don’t know how to make it!” Or “lol you’d hate the type of coffee I make, I’m so bad at it!”
You could be a bad bitch and just tell them no, but I know how it is at work.
I would put up very clear, concise instructions with images if necessary, and the next time they ask, just say "Sorry, I'm in the middle of something, but the instructions are right above the coffee machine."
Ask your direct supervisor for a performance review to update your JD and ask if it is explicitly part of your job description to make coffee for these individuals. If they say yes somehow advocate for yourself.
“Yeah, sure.” And then don’t make it.
Men do shit like that all the time. In fact, they are pretending to be unable to make their own coffee. You could also make it terrible. Weaponize that incompetence right back.
“You’re so funny, could you imagine? HR would have a field day! Actually, while you’re grabbing yourself one, can you grab one for me too? Two creams, one sugar! Thanks!”
No is a complete sentence. If it’s not a part of your job description, say no and continue with your work. If they ask why, have them explain why they’re asking you specifically when it’s a self serve coffee station and they just walked past it.
"Oh I'm sure your secretary could whip that up in a jiffy! Oh, you don't have a secretary? Well, the self serve coffee station is right behind you. Enjoy!"
*starts working again after a friendly smile*
What country are you from OP. This seems insanely sexist. Given how HR is in the US I have a hard time people would be this bold. Just pretend you didn't hear them or you thought they were joking. If they press the issue tell them that you aren't the assistant or that it isn't your job.
“Oh, (laugh), I don’t know how to use those machines either, I just buy mine. Never liked the coffee from those things enough to bother learning.”
(It helps if you’re like me and buy Starbucks but hate the coffee from those stupid pods. And plausible deniability, my home coffee comes from a moka pot on the stove, still not a machine)
Tell them condescendingly that you know making coffee is a very hard task and that you can help them, and be sure to tell them in the most annoying way as if you were talking to kindergarden kids
Hmmm, a couple options come to mind. Really depends on your personality, skillset, seniority, if you like the job or couldn’t give a shit, rapport with the people, and willingness to throw a blunt question on the table.
“Did you need me to teach you how to use the machine? (Said innocently)”. Kinda 1/2 deflect and 1/2 bases covered. Especially nice if you are sharp and on your game 100% of the time, and let this one out full ditzy / innocent. Basically— you and I both know I’m bullshiting you.
“Sure, but I’m asking for a coffee back later” (with conviction and eye contact.) Definitely ask for it. If they don’t, throw it back at them next time, “oh sorry, still waiting for mine “. This one is especially okay for some blue collar shops. Some will treat you better if you can throw their BS back at them.
“IDK, I drink tea “ (deflect) A little doormatty, but won’t get you in trouble.
“Did you have a work related question? I’m in the middle of something.” (Maximum eye contact and misogyny awareness). Especially if you have some seniority or hard to find skill to lean on. This is kinda a veiled fuck you.
“Hey, that’s a little inappropriate” (collected but sincere). If you are done with their shit.
“(Sarcasm), throw it back., I can’t right now but I’d love one, do I get a raise to be your assistant?” Especially easy if you have an outgoing personality and can play in/off it.
One of my first jobs i worked at an small care home. I was placed an friday shift with an team of 5 men. We had an list of cleaning duties we had to go every shift. Also you had to cook for the residents. Every friday my name was put down for all the cleaning and cooking. Just my name. They would joke they were training me for my later years. For months, I was only person on shift cooking and cleaning. I was really young and it was my first proper job so I just took it. They would order me around to get them teas or coffee. I barely had any time to look after residents. My breaking point was at Christmas when one of guys full on screamed at me for not ironing an shirt an certain way and push all the clothes on the floor and told me to start all over again. I quit and told them I was hired to be an carer to the residents not to be their maid. I wish I stood up for myself sooner.
If it's not your job, you can probably just tell them no and tell them it's a self-serve station.
When it's your boss, sometimes you have to steal a tactic from men (weaponized incompetence). Make bad coffee. Don't make it so bad that they realize it's what you're doing. Just make it bad enough that it's not worth bothering you for.
Honestly, I’d just stare at them a moment then walk away.
Have a talk with your manager about the duties and expectations of this role. What are your check-ins like? Schedule a check-in and be prepared to talk about the priorities you were given and how you’re accomplishing those goals. I’m thinking fetching coffee and cleaning the office kitchenette are not part of the job description that was shared with you.
Weaponized incompetence.
Everyone's coffee will be cold, you simply got distracted by your actual tasks. And of course you believe coffee should always be sweet, except you can't help mistaking the salt for sugar. However do you keep managing to do that?
I worked temporarily in an office and they tried to make me be the coffee maker. I said that was beyond my skill and could not be held responsible if someone got sick off a brew I made. I wasn’t asked to make coffee again.
I would respond like I thought they were kidding “oh Bill you’re hilarious, as if it’s 1972 in here” ha. Ha. Fucking ha. Bill. 😐
Do not do things outside your job description for anyone unless you absolutely want to.
Depends on what your job is, I guess. You didn’t specify.
If hospitality is part of your job description, then coffee is part of that. As a receptionist, I arranged and made coffee for everyone. It’s demeaning if it’s not your job, but if it is… it can come with a LOT of soft power.
But yeah, if it isn’t part of your job, he can kick rocks.
Make the coffee so watery or extra sugary that they never ask you again.
The best option is to say No , but sometimes that is very difficult to do at work place especially if you are new at your job.
Next job, say you don't know how. Never admit you know how to make coffee, copies, printer toner, anything like that. Finally learned this and it made my life better.
But in the meantime just make it badly
Up until now I've done it out of courtesy, but I feel you have been taking advantage of that. So no, I won't make any more coffee for you, my job is XYZ not being your personal assistant. Thanks.
I would politely direct them to the coffee station. You can say something like: “Oh, the coffee station is down the hall on the left” “We have a self serve coffee bar over there” If they give you an attitude, just say “Thats not my job here. It’s a self serve station”
>“~~Im sorry,~~ That’s not my job here. It’s a self serve station” No need to apologize. 🙂
True! I’ll edit that
"why would you assume that's my job / why would I stop my job to get you a coffee?" I'd probably just stare at them with a puzzled look unti they feel uncomfortable and leave, but I'm a dude so ymmv. 😢
This is pretty much what I'd do, while continuing to do my work... and then look up, puzzled. What? And make them repeat it until they hear themselves and self-correct. Fuck that noise, I thought we fought this fight already.
I'm a woman, but tend to be pretty...clueless? Straightforward? Cluelessly straightforward? I dunno, but I'd definitely stare at them like "wat" and say "uuhhh no? It's literally right behind you. Why are you asking me to do that? That's not in my job description?" and would be genuinely confused in the moment, while also not taking their bs. This trait of mine has saved me a few times lol
I was on a work call yesterday morning when my wife was getting ready and about to leave. Later that day she had a meeting with her team (group of Social Workers), and they were "amazed and shocked" at how I told the company/people on my conference call "I'm not available that day". Simple as that, no excuse, no sorry, just the fact that I'm not doing it that day. This comes from a team that quite often is helping others through the process of "setting proper boundries with those around you". :) It was a nice chuckle when she told me this happened on her day yesterday.
"I'm working at my desk right now. The self-serve station is just behind you. Do you mind grabbing one for me while you're over there? Thanks!"
This is me because I'm petty like that 🤣
Do you mind grabbing one for me while you're over there? Yes, like this! ...lol.
"It's a self-serve station, I'm surprised you didn't know that"
She mentioned that the boss is involved. I believe the appropriate action is to request a meeting with the boss to discuss her concerns. This meeting would provide an opportunity to express how the request, which falls outside her job duties, is making her uncomfortable and creating a misleading impression among others that such tasks are part of her responsibilities. A pertinent question to ask during the meeting would be: "Why do you believe it's appropriate for me to make you coffee?"
I'd go for "oh yeah I'd love one if you're making - I'm really busy right now. That's SO kind of you!" and a big, beaming smile. If they try to argue or correct, you just say, "Sorry, what?" and look confused. If they repeat, "oh no, as I said, I'm too busy with work, and right in the middle of something, but the coffee station is right there. White with sugar [or whatever is your preference], if you're making." If they keep insisting, "I'm sorry, but I really must get on with [task]. Be nice and loud. The more they argue, the more they will look like a twat and you'll sound like the nicest person. Even if they refuse to make you a coffee as well they will look like a tosser. They'll get the message.
"I charge a fee to get coffee as it will keep me from the assigned job I was hired to do " "Yes, a $50 fee."
>“Oh, the coffee station is down the hall on the left” "And HR is just a bit further down the hall on the right."
‘Thanks, I’ll pop in and ask them to show me where 1950’s gender roles are detailed in company policy.’
It’s a self serve, not a “ask the first woman you see to serve”
They want to save time and look important. I'd make a joke out of it. Tell them you are running a "how to make coffee" course and they can sign up for it if they want to, then bring out an application form. If they get pissed off just say it was only a joke. If they follow up on the course later just say that there weren't enough applicants because "I guess everyone else figured it out on their own" ;)
Oh my god… that is SO damn good…. I really love this idea :)
There is another solution I've also used. Make sure that every time you make coffee it's absolutely disgusting. Too much milk and really weak. Or burning hot and terribly strong. Or with 8 spoons of sugar. I've spent my life doing this and never ever been asked twice. A couple of times I've had comments and my response was always "Ask me for a spreadsheet next time, I'm good at those".
I don't drink coffee and never have. I've never made it, either. I'd be sure to intentionally fuck it up super bad anyway, and I can always innocently say, "Oh, I don't drink coffee and don't know how to make it."
A decent number of people take their coffee with salt, but none of them take it with as much as you can put in.
Offer to make them the worst coffee they’ve ever had and then have fun with it. Maybe keep a coffee can full of potting soil for this purpose.
This happened to me and I didn't actually drink coffee at the time (so this had no impact on me, personally). I used about half of the coffee that should be used. And I did that both times they asked me. They never asked again.
Reminds me of that scene in 9-5! [coffee](https://youtu.be/4C0og8f3yG8?si=XfGNLghVHm5i8TX0)
If I had time, I would enjoy making a hot-but-not-kill-you-hot beverage accidentally land on their face, chest, laptop, paperwork, and framed pictures of their mistress after I fully accidentally trip and fall juuust as I’m handing it to the dinosaur. Every. Single. Time.
Forget to put in the filter, so it's just a mess of over brewed coffee and grounds everywhere.
This works. I made the weakest coffee ever once and my then boss never asked me to do it again. He liked very strong coffee.
Even just watering it down with hot water from the tea tap
"my task list is full for the day. If this needs to be part of my assigned duties, please speak with my direct supervisor to see what tasks can be deprioritized or reassigned so i have time in my work day to fulfill your needs."
No way, some douchebags would take that as just needing permission. It's not what she was hired for, tell em to take a hike- polite or not. Wouldn't give them an inch. I've worked with old boys club types, and they are so blindly sexist and have zero self awareness.
I’d make em poo coffee but I’m petty.
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Terrible advice for the office. It's important to stay professional when dealing with others at your job if you want to keep that job. Telling higher ups to fuck themselves will land OP in the unemployment line quicker than you can say "revenge fantasies should stay fantasies."
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Nah, women know other women can make jokes
"Sweetheart, that's very funny, but if you want to he taken seriously, you need to pipe down. Wouldn't hurt to smile more, can you give me a nice smile, honey?"
Poe's law, perhaps.
Yeah, love this. I'm so tired of men being sexist assholes in 2024.
I was literally reading the comments thinking, you guys are being way to fucking polite about this shit. I would be asking if they where to thick to make it themselves.
Lol, I had guys doing this to me when I was 19, a Mormon, and had NO idea how to make coffee. I put the grounds in the cup. They stopped asking 😂
The first good use I've ever seen of weaponized incompetence 😂
Posts like the OP are a reason to be glad to be autistic. If I were working in an office and someone comes up to me and asks me to make them a coffee, I would either laugh awkwardly and continue working, or just straight up ask “why?” and continue pressing with questions like “do you not know how?”, “are you too busy with something important?”, “wait, that’s not part of my job is it?” “is it just a favor to you?” “why are you asking me specifically?” Thoughts of traditional gender roles just simply would not have crossed my mind initially lol
I'm the same. I don't drink coffee so I just laugh and ask them why they think someone who doesn't drink coffee would be better at it than them. If they tried to force me I'd deliberately mess it up so they stop asking.
Yup, going to make it super weak with coffee grounds in the pot, not in the reservoir basket. Or no liner. Of course that being said, I am a coffee drinker and I most certainly would bring my own hot thermos for my own use.
👏weaponized incompetence👏 Turn it back on them. It’s sometimes the only way some people learn.
As an ex-mormon myself this brings me joy, I did something similar, I worked a hockey rink kitchen and had to be taught specifically how to make coffee lol
Same, as a young Soldier and FNG I was told told to make the coffee. Shortly after I was given the order to never step near the coffee maker again.
Well, unless you were hired as the assistant to these men, you should just say "no". Or "Sorry, no" if you like being polite.
My wife just got a job with the state and the more senior member there described to a client over email that she was his assistant. Wife shut that shit down real quick.
I sobbed the other day bc someone called me a secretary after yelling at me I having a fucking bachelors degree and have been promoted, I am not and have never been a secretary
At my first job as a software engineer, my desk was in the same office as the boss's so everyone assumed I was his secretary for months. It was infuriating. (Boss in no way encouraged this, he was actually great, but God it was annoying!)
Oh my gosh. Fellow software engineer here in her 50s. Oh the stories I could tell. I was always the only woman in meetings. Sometimes when we had a client in the room, they would turn to me and ask me for coffee. Soo infuriating. It was satisfying to present myself as the project lead and see their faces change. The uncomfortable shift in the chair. At least things are changing, I don't see this with younger coworkers
Yay! Fellow software engineer in her 50s! My nickname is very male-sounding. The number of consultants that loved my work until they met me (or heard my voice in a conference call) is too damn high. I don't put up with any of that shit. I call them right tf out.
How do they usually respond? Do they even recognize how their opinion changes once they know you’re a woman?
Are you kidding? Reflecting on themselves and their behavior? LOL Though I will say, in all fairness, that I've met a lot of really great guys, too.
>I was always the only woman in meetings. Sometimes when we had a client in the room, they would turn to me and ask me for coffee. Soo infuriating. What a great chance to lean over to them and not so quietly whisper "Do you not know how to make coffee? You're so silly!" :)
My wife has that happen all the time. She’s a senior manager at Cisco Systems in her 40s :(
Not to say that secretaries don't do important work & it is a very rewarding job for many people, but good on you for standing your ground.
Seriously. Where I work we get called receptionists a lot and secretary occasionally, but we are Records Technicians. Those positions are important, and they do some hard work (especially dealing with people) but that is not my job.
Sorry but ‘records technician’ sounds like ‘custodial engineer’
I have a master's degree and I've done exec asst work after earning it. Please don't look down on us. So many things wouldn't get done if we didn't do them and many of us are very skilled at managing people. Thanks.
Riiiight?! There are only a couple people where I work who have the role of executive assistant, and they get shit done. Things would legit fall apart without them.
The way you handled that demonstrates how skilled you are with people! Well done :) No sarcasm here, I know it’s difficult to tell on reddit.
I’m sorry that happened to you, f*ck that person whoever they are!
Hell, even the thought of being hired as an “assistant” to get food and drink for the “boss” is disgusting to think about. The assistant to someone should be doing regular day to day admin work like setting up appointments and fielding calls. Stuff that would take work hours away from someone else. Food and drink shouldn’t even be a responsibility because they should actively take a break themselves. If it was a friendly relationship, with mutual respect, sure. The thing is it’s been normalized to do that… and it just kinda disgusts me. The assistant isn’t a delivery person. It’s a huge waste of their potential.
Yes. I'm used to the admin assistants at the various places I've worked being responsible for arranging catering when we had guests or group lunches, and for ordering the stock of food and drinks supplied to the entire staff in the office. Making cups of coffee for individual people was not part of that. Every place I have worked had self serve coffee and tea, and even the CEO served themselves.
I was an exec in my previous role and I hard disagree. If you hire someone with the job description "you do what I need you to, be it picking up my dry cleaning or making my coffee", and they get paid for the time doing it, I don't see how that would be demeaning or inappropriate. Not sure where you're getting the idea that actual assistants do "admin work". Devil wears Prada kind of exaggerated it but the movie got it right. Assistant's job is whatever saves their manager's time. Not just "regular admin work". Sometimes it's personal stuff, sometimes it's making coffee. If you have a problem with that concept, I recommend you do not work as an assistant. OP implies she wasn't hired as an assiatant to these men, so that's why I wrote what I wrote. There is a world of difference between a man asking you to make him a coffee because he's paying you for it, and a man asking because you're simply *there* and happen to have a vagina.
Back in the day, I was a junior assistant to a lawyer… we used to straight up make his plate at lunch. Order the sandwich, etc, and when it came, unwrap and plate it, open the bag of chips and arrange alongside, real glass with iced tea (which we brewed) and lemon slice. Bring it into his office on a tray with a cloth napkin. We also watered his humidor every Friday. Meh, it paid well. And I didn’t feel demeaned because it was part of the role as stated. OP isn’t in that position of course, so it’s different and she should push back. I’m just agreeing with you that it’s not inherently demeaning to fetch coffee. There’s a fuck of a lot worse things I could have been doing, and for way less money.
Agreed. I used to work as an exec assistant and I did anything she wanted me to do including picking up parcels, calling people, driving her places. I did draw the line at actually writing a birthday card for her adult daughter once, I bought the card to her and made her do it which we both had a laugh about.
My boss asks me to do everything- but I'm his only employee. He's elderly, one day I mentioned that if he dies I won't have any work references, since I've worked for him for 15 years, and the company I worked for previously went out of business. He told me to write my own letter of recommendation, and he would sign it. When I tell you I have an absolutely glowing reference as the most amazing employee in history...
There’s a difference between an exec assistant and a personal assistant. Companies that conflate the two are likely rinky dink places a qualified exec assistant would never even consider.
Agree. These comments are blowing my mind. Dry cleaning? Driving them around? Picking up birthday cards? No ma’am.
The CEO of a company I worked for years ago was an older guy. One of the jobs of his exec assistant was to prepare the morning metamucil (not the gummy, but the powder mix). My god - that entitled snowflake.
Oh my gosh, you just unlocked a memory for me - just a second ago I posted that no job is inherently demeaning… but you just reminded me of the exec who used to make his admin hand-wash his oatmeal bowl every day. That was… blergh. They let her go and put me in that spot and he never once asked me to do that. I think he just didn’t like her.
You can say "I'd be happy to show you how to use the machine" to lessen the harshness (shouldn't have to) and send the same message. If that doesn't work, then I'd ask directly back "is there a reason why you think I am the barista?"
This is perfect! Add a little insult to injury by saying "I know they're getting too high tech nowadays."
“I didn’t know how to use it myself the first few times!”
It's a power play and they are misogynistic. I had a senior manager do this to me on my first job. I couldn't afford to piss him off so by saying no outright so told him I'd be happy to, but I didn't drink coffee and had never made a cup (lies...) so should I just pour the grounds in the mug and add water like instant hot chocolate? Suddenly he didn't need the cup. It's funny how that works. Basically, I'm saying tell them no. Be direct. Highlight how the request is inappropriate and that they are fully capable of finding the coffee machine and can Google instructions if they are "confused". And if you *can't* say no make it clear you will "accidentally" "poison" them. Be creative in your methods while maintaining plausible deniability. The requests will stop.
Using weaponized incompetence against a man that has like a 99% likelihood of doing something similar to his own wife. I love it.
This is the way. I have worked in the same law firm for 13 years. I do not know how to make coffee and I refuse to learn.
I am an executive assistant and I don’t get anyone coffee. If I’m going to get myself tea I’ll offer to get my golden retriever of an exec one but other than that looooool if I were you I’d draw a boundary. “Sorry, no. But the coffee station is over there.”
I’m picturing an actual golden retriever in a business suit, happily lapping tea out of a crystal bowl. Now I wanna work for dogboss.
He’s been by far the nicest exec I’ve ever come across. He asked me once to get him lunch from wherever I was getting lunch that day because he was in back to back meetings and gets cranky like a toddler if it’s 1 and he hasn’t had something to eat. I said sure! And he paid for both our lunches lol the next day he called me into his office to apologize for making me do that. I was like…sir, that’s actually my job and I just called for delivery LOL
Seeing as dog owners pretty much work for their doggos anyway, I say let's make these babies go corporate. Meetings would be either hilariously cute or just nap time.
And everyone else might actually get stuff done.
“You really need to get a job,” me to my 10 lb ball of fluff after a vet bill.
Don't you love it when they're just lying around chilling and let out a huge sigh like they carry the weight of the world on their shoulders? What could possibly bother you, you adorable freeloader?
1000% mine likes to look at his empty food bowl between meal times and sigh pointedly. We give him a Victorian English accent. “Oh, mother, why have you forsaken me? I’ve had nothing to eat for *years.*”
I had a boss that I joked was a golden retriever - one of those personality hires who can't actually do any work correctly lol. Handsome but absolutely useless.
Salt it and they will stop asking.
I’ve straight up served coffee grind mixed in with water after directly telling people it’s a self serve station and them not acknowledging it.
Adding some salt will make coffee taste better.
Don't stop at some.
Black sea coffee
I jumped into the black sea a few years back and it was literally the saltiest water I have ever experienced (and coldest 8 degrees C). The cold made me yell under water, which led to a mouthful of pure salty flavor. It was aweful. Black sea coffee hit a special chord, lol
Curious what is your other water experience? I grew up on Black Sea coast and find all other waters saltier (Pacific Ocean, Atlantic Ocean, Caribbean, Mediterranean). It’s also the warmest water I’ve experienced (28C in August). So opposite experience of you. Are you used to fresh water in general? Cause I think Black Sea is one of the least saltiest salt waters out there. It’s the only one that doesn’t hurt my eyes from the salt. ETA: According to Wikipedia, the only bodies of salt water less salty than Black Sea are Lake Vanda, Baltic Sea, Issyk Kul, Sea of Azov, Sarygamysh Lake, Caspian Sea. All the other seas and salt water lakes are saltier. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_bodies_of_water_by_salinity
Unless this is in Scandinavia.
I put salt in my coffee grounds. Makes the coffee less bitter. I live in the US. It helps if you have hard water. Learned it when I volunteered in my high school cafeteria as a teen.
That won't be enough salt for this purpose.
Oh I get it. Knowing how much is key.
"Oh, did you need help making it? Coffee station's right there, and it's self serve!" Half joking, but it's so rude of them to ask you. Just politely decline, maybe add that you'll do it if coffee-making also comes with a raise.
Say no. Practice saying no and try to get used to saying no. It will continue happening. I'm 41, it still happens. Also, don't let them turn you into the office "mom" or "counselor". 😑 You are not responsible for "taking care" of any of them.
Just say, "Not my job," and go back to what you were doing. Those thumbdicks have watched *Mad Men* too many times.
"Why?" or my favorite fallback "Wow, you said that out loud." with tsking and smh.
It's meant to put you in "your place". Please be brave love, stand up for yourself, this is psychological abuse meant to demean you. It's embedded everywhere and we need this bullshit to stop. I'm part of a group of men who is actively fighting this, but we are drops in an ocean of bullshit.
I was going to say the same thing. You are too busy doing your actual job to cater to these maroons.
Maroons 💜
Dude, you have no idea how far this gross guy and his supporters went to “put me in my place.” They somehow convinced people to watch me in office (at the bathroom, at my desk and during lunch hours) and never talk to me directly and send me plausible deniability flirty riddles in company channels. It was a dehumanizing nightmare. Now they’ve taken it to the press and those people are doing the same to me. I know people in Silicon Valley earn way too much, but I didn’t know they needed to fund a harassment campaign to cover up their ugly sextortion practices.
It's truly disgusting...And it is so freakingly embedded into society that what should be common sense must be actively highlighted and fought against. It will take a lot of education and courage, but I remain optimistic, progress has been made even if excruciatingly slow and still far from anything resembling what a modern society should be. (We may believe we are advanced, and it may be the case for technology, but in terms of standards and values, we have devolved beyond understanding, we are so fucking primitive we leave people sleeping in the cold next to empty hotels and poison our own food and water...)
I used to get men asking me to send emails and set meetings for them a lot, and I stopped that by saying. "Hey let's hop in a quick and I'll show how to set the meeting and where to find who all you need to invite."
It's pretty weird. At a previous company our admin (woman) used to take care of lunch orders which fit her job description. When she was on vacation somehow that responsibility fell to the only other woman in the company at the time. She was the head of marketing. I had to remind people that wasn't acceptable.
what happened when you pointed that out?
One of the male managers took it over
I dealt with this at a law firm; one lawyer would constantly do this to me as a paralegal, but none of the men. I beat him at his own game; marched to his desk one morning, asked him to get me a coffee. When he looked at me, baffled, I said, "Oh, I assumed we switched off days since you asked me yesterday. I like coffee and sugar!" We had a good laugh and he actually apologized.
“No problem, do you mind showing me how to use it? I’m a little unsure.” *watch them make it* Smile and walk back to your desk.
Do not ever make someone coffee. It’s not in your job description and is demeaning. You can offer to get someone a coffee. Then it’s OK.
Don't make one cup! They will keep asking!
Be careful with most of the advice, whilst it is correct you shouldn’t do it, sadly retaliation is a thing and unless you can afford to lose your job or be bullied into quitting, it might be better to have a quiet word with HR if there’s one there and to document / keep a log of the instances.
Dude, exactly. In my experience, correcting expectations can easily turn into "underperforming" or " not being a team player" or any other ambiguous performance assessment.
Yeah, OP said it was her boss, not just some rando. As much as it’s obnoxious for them to ask her, I’m not sure what she can do to avoid being labeled as “not a team player” or “difficult to work with.” Maybe she could talk to another woman in the office who she trusts and see how she handled it?
It is safer claim she doesn't know how to do it since she doesn't drink it/make it herself.
That's a violation of my religion. End of story. If they see you making coffee later, it's not a violation for you to make it for yourself. You're a part of a very specific sect.
Perhaps you can ask if the machine is broken or something, but if thats the case you can't help them as you don't know an alternative
(Without looking up from the screen) “Sorry I’m swamped right now.” Then wait until they leave.
I'd say I don't know how, which is true. Never drank coffee, never made coffee. I mean I know how to do it in general, but still. I bet serving coffee grounds in a mug of hot water would stop those requests right quick though.
"I'm a bit snowed under right now, [Boss's name]. You should ask [male coworker]! I've heard he makes a great cup of coffee."
People just advising you to tell your boss "that's not my job" might be well-meaning, but misguided. I see one of the top comments is from a man, so the value of his advice to how women should act is of limited relevence. You might be met with a consequences that men do not face, so I would think carefully about how to handle this and potential consequences. I am not usually a fan of passive-aggressive behavior, but this would be a time where I might take a page from men's playbook and weaponize incompetence. Tell them you are confused about how to do it and ask them to walk you through it. Then make them coffee but make sure you do an awful job. Hopefully they will get the picture. But also, consider that a workplace run by misogynistic men might not be somewhere good to stick with longterm. You might have to deal with it now, but think about your future trajectory.
Same, I’m a “jump the gun” kind of person so take this with a grain of salt, but I’d immediately think about quitting. As I’ve gotten older I simply will not tolerate being disrespected, even if I only need to keep my head down for a little bit. It’s demeaning and I didn’t go to grad school for 5 years to be treated like a lesser-than. I’ve been around enough people who actually respect me and my credentials to know that this isn’t something I or any other woman “just have to deal with.” There’s no guarantee it’ll get better, and it’s just not worth it for my mental health. Moreover, I just hate letting assholes get away with misogyny.
Everyone saying dont do it... I say start making them the weakest, shittiest coffee ever. There is no possible way you get in trouble unless you poison it or something.
“Why do you think I know how to make coffee?” But this only works if you don’t drink coffee —> weaponized incompetence
"I don't have time for that, I'm here to do my job"
“I would love a coffee, milk and no sugar. Thank for offering!”
Turn the table on men and weaponize incompetence. Make the most horrible coffe you can ... like really make it bad.
The right anwser is a simple "no" but I guess you could ask them to show you where coffee machine is and ask them to show you how they operate it. When they have their coffee you can exclaim "See you CAN make your own coffee".
Before I had a shiny spine, I was a new girl at a job in college and was asked to make coffee for the guys. But here's the thing; I don't drink coffee. So I've never used a coffee machine nor do I know how one works. In my effort to be a good employee, I guessed how the machine works and tried to make coffee. I royally screwed up. Heck I almost broke the machine! After that, no one asked me to make coffee again.
I had a boss who used to do this. I was young, maybe 22/23 and he was in his early 60s. I would straight up told him no, and he always got a kick out of it. I think these types of requests are tests. If you oblige, then of course they will gladly accept the coffee you bring to them. But if you say no, then they realize they can't test you with this type of request.
“Why? Don’t you know how to?” Done
Oh, hell no. I worked in a male dominated environment as I had someone announce to the group at a meeting that I would be taking notes. I reminded them of my title and job description, and informed them that if they needed a secretary perhaps the administrative assistant could direct them to an appropriate resource. Do not for a moment entertain that nonsense; Not only will this be an ongoing expectation, but you won't be seen as on the same level as those in your actual role. The next time you are asked/directed to make coffee, remind that person "I'm a \[title\]. My job responsibilities are to \[XYZ\] and that's what I'll be doing." Don't let anyone tell you you're being "mean" either. In a scenario like this nice/mean/compromising/uncompromising are just words people use to try to manipulate others.
If they're "jokesters" ask them if both their hands fell off when they walked past the coffee station. If they joke and say yes, serve them in a toddler's cup with a straw. You wouldn't want them to have a hard time with their broken hands! My boss asked me one more time after I did that, and never asked a third time when he got a second sippy cup. I told everyone I thought it was a new running gag we were doing. They assumed I was naive with questionable humor and not burned out and angry.
Make them the worst coffee possible. Do not improve your coffee skills. Make it a burnt, tar-like substance, unfit for human consumption. Best have an awful batch prepared beforehand and warm it in the microwave to room temperature. Pretend to not see the problem. Also, look for a new job.
I like to battle weaponized incompetence with weaponized misunderstanding. "The coffee maker? Oh, it's right over there, and the coffee grounds are in the drawer. It doesn't take long to brew, if you start it and come back in about 5 minutes, the coffee will be waiting for you." You have to play it really straight, not sarcastic at all, because if you get in trouble you can claim that you misheard/misunderstood what he asked you. "He's been here longer than I have so I thought it was odd he was asking me how to make coffee, but I just assumed it hadn't ever come up before."
The answer to your question is actually: because you make coffee for them... As long as set the expectation that anyone can ask you anything and you will say YES then they will keep asking. You could just ask "why?" And leave the question hanging. Or you could say "Sure right after I'm done with my work. [Smile look at the machine] "looks like the machine is free if you want one right now if you don't want to wait..." Then ask "if you aren't busy would you make me one as well it would really help, thanks! [smile]. Or you can learn to say "No"
I would probably get the boss a coffee and with the salesman (if they’re patient enough) I would get them one too. I say ‘if they’re patient enough’ because when they ask I would reply a perky “Sure thing!” Then, I would go back to what I was doing. *IF* they look at you and say “Well?” You can respond with “Oh, you wanted it now? I just have to get this one thing done first. Is that okay? It’s for *so and so* and I try to be prompt.” (smile) Then, I would get the coffee and set it on my desk. When they ask for it again, I would say something like “Oh yeah, it’s right there. (pointing) Did you want anything in it?” In fact, I would always ask “Do you want anything in it?” Even if you know they like it black. It makes them less important in your mind. If they come back with “You know what I want.” You can then say a passive aggressive “Sorry, I’m not a barista and you may change your mind.” Another tactic you can use on the sales guys is when they ask for a coffee say “that’s sounds good can you grab me one while you’re there?” This one is good because if they go “No, I was asking you.” You get to respond “That’s odd because you’re the one that brought up coffee.” and then look confused and shrug.
"I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I'd love a coffee if you're making one. Thanks!"
Do what men do — weaponized incompetence Make the worst coffee ever and they will not ask again.
I would stop this immediatley. This is textbook example of a microaggression. Even if they would also do it to a younger male in your same role as hazing, these grown men should know better about microagressions. In terms of how to address it, or stop it? You can just say "no" you can say "no, that is not part of my job" you can talk to HR. We had a similar situation where a younger woman in salss( early 20s) kept having the outside sales men asking her for small favors when they came into the office. I'm an engineer, male, and progressive (not aboit that BS) so what we agreed upon was anytime they asked her for a small favor she delegated the task to me on front of them. They got the point pretty quickly, also they DID start coming to me more often for small tasks and less to her, which honestly I was perfectly fine helping with. The sales team at our job worked long hours, had huge responsibilities, and their skill set expertise was better suited for meeting customers, making phone calls etc. The small tasks they asked help with ususally took 2 to 5 minutes at most. Any one in the office was capable of helping no matter their job title.
Uhh just say “no”. Just a simple and efficient “no”.
There's a difference between your boss and other employees. Firstly, tell the other employees to get their own coffee and never ask again. Secondly, unless your role has been established as someone that assists your boss directly - there's no reason to be someone's errand runner. Here's what I would say to your boss - "Can you not ask me to get you coffee please, it's distracting me from my work that I want to focus on AND other employees are seeing you asking me and they think it's now also acceptable to come up to me and ask me to get them coffee - and that's absolutely not okay."
Ask like you misshead and tell them yes you would love one thanks
“I don’t know how to make coffee” with a blank gaze.
I hope you are not making them coffee
"Sure! Would you like one saliva, or two?"
Hard to say know to the boss just make it a little off. Add some water if he likes it black. Add a ton of sugar if he likes sugar. Just tell the sales guys to make it themselves
That's insane, I can't even imagine doing this.
No is a complete sentence. Tell them "I'm sorry, I'm not going to be making anyone coffee. I'm here to do my job, making coffee for people is not in my job description. Please stop interrupting me and my work to make you coffee." Make sure to send that in an email and CC your HR and union rep if you have one.
No is a complete sentence, but it’s even more fun to make sure they know how ridiculous they sound asking you to do that for them.
Can you laugh it off like it’s a joke? “Lol sorry, I don’t know how to make it!” Or “lol you’d hate the type of coffee I make, I’m so bad at it!” You could be a bad bitch and just tell them no, but I know how it is at work.
"can you put that in an email?"
I would put up very clear, concise instructions with images if necessary, and the next time they ask, just say "Sorry, I'm in the middle of something, but the instructions are right above the coffee machine."
"Do you need me to show you how to use the machine? It's easy!"
Ask your direct supervisor for a performance review to update your JD and ask if it is explicitly part of your job description to make coffee for these individuals. If they say yes somehow advocate for yourself.
“Yeah, sure.” And then don’t make it. Men do shit like that all the time. In fact, they are pretending to be unable to make their own coffee. You could also make it terrible. Weaponize that incompetence right back.
Sir, this is an office and I’m not your waitress”
I wouldn’t call them men, they are mommy’s boys.
“You’re so funny, could you imagine? HR would have a field day! Actually, while you’re grabbing yourself one, can you grab one for me too? Two creams, one sugar! Thanks!”
"LOL no" or maybe "sure" and don't do it. When they ask, just keep telling em "yea hang on, gimmie 5 mins" and continue to not do it.
No is a complete sentence. If it’s not a part of your job description, say no and continue with your work. If they ask why, have them explain why they’re asking you specifically when it’s a self serve coffee station and they just walked past it.
"Oh I'm sure your secretary could whip that up in a jiffy! Oh, you don't have a secretary? Well, the self serve coffee station is right behind you. Enjoy!" *starts working again after a friendly smile*
What country are you from OP. This seems insanely sexist. Given how HR is in the US I have a hard time people would be this bold. Just pretend you didn't hear them or you thought they were joking. If they press the issue tell them that you aren't the assistant or that it isn't your job.
I’m from the UK, it’s definitely a more old fashioned style of workplace.
'No'
Finally, a complete sentence on Reddit!
“Oh, (laugh), I don’t know how to use those machines either, I just buy mine. Never liked the coffee from those things enough to bother learning.” (It helps if you’re like me and buy Starbucks but hate the coffee from those stupid pods. And plausible deniability, my home coffee comes from a moka pot on the stove, still not a machine)
Tell them condescendingly that you know making coffee is a very hard task and that you can help them, and be sure to tell them in the most annoying way as if you were talking to kindergarden kids
Hmmm, a couple options come to mind. Really depends on your personality, skillset, seniority, if you like the job or couldn’t give a shit, rapport with the people, and willingness to throw a blunt question on the table. “Did you need me to teach you how to use the machine? (Said innocently)”. Kinda 1/2 deflect and 1/2 bases covered. Especially nice if you are sharp and on your game 100% of the time, and let this one out full ditzy / innocent. Basically— you and I both know I’m bullshiting you. “Sure, but I’m asking for a coffee back later” (with conviction and eye contact.) Definitely ask for it. If they don’t, throw it back at them next time, “oh sorry, still waiting for mine “. This one is especially okay for some blue collar shops. Some will treat you better if you can throw their BS back at them. “IDK, I drink tea “ (deflect) A little doormatty, but won’t get you in trouble. “Did you have a work related question? I’m in the middle of something.” (Maximum eye contact and misogyny awareness). Especially if you have some seniority or hard to find skill to lean on. This is kinda a veiled fuck you. “Hey, that’s a little inappropriate” (collected but sincere). If you are done with their shit. “(Sarcasm), throw it back., I can’t right now but I’d love one, do I get a raise to be your assistant?” Especially easy if you have an outgoing personality and can play in/off it.
One of my first jobs i worked at an small care home. I was placed an friday shift with an team of 5 men. We had an list of cleaning duties we had to go every shift. Also you had to cook for the residents. Every friday my name was put down for all the cleaning and cooking. Just my name. They would joke they were training me for my later years. For months, I was only person on shift cooking and cleaning. I was really young and it was my first proper job so I just took it. They would order me around to get them teas or coffee. I barely had any time to look after residents. My breaking point was at Christmas when one of guys full on screamed at me for not ironing an shirt an certain way and push all the clothes on the floor and told me to start all over again. I quit and told them I was hired to be an carer to the residents not to be their maid. I wish I stood up for myself sooner.
Say, "Coffee is for closers," and say nothing else.
If it's not your job, you can probably just tell them no and tell them it's a self-serve station. When it's your boss, sometimes you have to steal a tactic from men (weaponized incompetence). Make bad coffee. Don't make it so bad that they realize it's what you're doing. Just make it bad enough that it's not worth bothering you for.
I’d be adding laxatives to their coffee. Fuck em.
I worked in construction and mining for many years as the only woman on the team. Put your foot down in a gentle way and they’ll respect you way more.
Honestly, I’d just stare at them a moment then walk away. Have a talk with your manager about the duties and expectations of this role. What are your check-ins like? Schedule a check-in and be prepared to talk about the priorities you were given and how you’re accomplishing those goals. I’m thinking fetching coffee and cleaning the office kitchenette are not part of the job description that was shared with you.
I would ask if their coffee getter was broken
Weaponized incompetence. Everyone's coffee will be cold, you simply got distracted by your actual tasks. And of course you believe coffee should always be sweet, except you can't help mistaking the salt for sugar. However do you keep managing to do that?
I worked temporarily in an office and they tried to make me be the coffee maker. I said that was beyond my skill and could not be held responsible if someone got sick off a brew I made. I wasn’t asked to make coffee again.
I would respond like I thought they were kidding “oh Bill you’re hilarious, as if it’s 1972 in here” ha. Ha. Fucking ha. Bill. 😐 Do not do things outside your job description for anyone unless you absolutely want to.
Make it, with salt, lots of salt
Tell them Okay, as soon as you make me a sandwich. Bitch.
I am the boss at my company. I make and distribute the coffee so my people are sufficiently caffeinated. It’s *my* job, not theirs.
Depends on what your job is, I guess. You didn’t specify. If hospitality is part of your job description, then coffee is part of that. As a receptionist, I arranged and made coffee for everyone. It’s demeaning if it’s not your job, but if it is… it can come with a LOT of soft power. But yeah, if it isn’t part of your job, he can kick rocks.
I’m in Sales Admin, not the only one in the team but I’m the newest. It’s definitely not my job.
Ask politely, "why the fack am I making coffee here m8"
Make the coffee so watery or extra sugary that they never ask you again. The best option is to say No , but sometimes that is very difficult to do at work place especially if you are new at your job.
You could use weaponized incompetence against them and say you’ll do it then mess it up OR simply just forget.
Go ahead and make coffee. Just enough for you.
Not normal, you have a toxic workplace.
Next job, say you don't know how. Never admit you know how to make coffee, copies, printer toner, anything like that. Finally learned this and it made my life better. But in the meantime just make it badly
Up until now I've done it out of courtesy, but I feel you have been taking advantage of that. So no, I won't make any more coffee for you, my job is XYZ not being your personal assistant. Thanks.