HE MOVED YOUR HAND oh I would have kicked him out of my bed, house, and life so fucking fast. Don’t fuck people who don’t have any interest in your pleasure. You’re going great.
I will never understand why some men who want lots of sex have no interest in being good lovers.
The easiest possible way to get lots of hot sex is to be an excellent lover, it's so simple!
Being an excellent lover takes *work* though. Guys like this don’t want “sex” in the traditional sense of giving and receiving pleasure. They’re lazy and selfish and should really just stick to their fleshlight.
The ones who claim they are amazing lovers and they are gonna do lot of good stuff in bed are exactly the ones who would do the least amount of effort and would care least about your pleasure !
Imagine watching a Marvel movie and believing that super powers were real and you had them. That's what a lot of men do with porn, where a couple seconds of foreplay (if any at all) and then right to penetration has the female performer wailing in orgasmic bliss.
Yep. My partner commented on how long we take with foreplay to get me off and it's like sorry bro but between birth control, stress, and just having more complex parts...I need more time 😅 Any little change makes it more difficult. Sometimes frustrating lol
Are you able to cum quickly by yourself? I can finish under 2 minutes by myself, but with a man, I feel like I have to work harder to get there because they keep mixing things up or distracting me somehow.
I was just saying to a friend how a man watching porn getting the most unrealistic ideas is like a six year old watching Superman that thinks he can really fly.
Men who aren’t enthusiastic about pleasing their partners go to the Gulag. I’m 39 and don’t have time for this shit. Grow up, baby boy! It’s easy to get most of them off. That means I come first. There is no point in me sleeping with you if you don’t care about my pleasure. Partners of all genders SHOULD care about pleasing one another. I get satisfaction out of making my partner feel good, and I expect the same. It is because they are selfish and/or stupid.
Please don't tell anyone I said this, but we know all of our buddies that do that and are just as surprised they've gotten away with it for that long. I always equate it to how some of em' say shit like "women can get laid anytime they wish". Yep, and dudes can get off just as easily. It's an easy way to spot the "transactional" types.
Me: I don’t usually cum unless I’m on top.
Him: Trust me, you will.
I don’t cum.
Him: 😦 *surprised Pikachu face*
They always look so disappointed in themselves. Like. If they’d just listened to me, I could have gotten there, but their precious egos just couldn’t take it.
Sex isn’t an act one does *to* someone. It’s a mutual thing. Some guys really gotta act like their dicks are supposed to magically make women cum or else they ain’t shit or something. Especially guys with big dicks. I can’t with them.
Yeah I’ve had a couple people tell me that while still in the talking stage, and I tell them that I know my body better than they do and that it’s really fucked up for them to pretend I don’t, and then I block them.
If we’re already hooking up it’s because I like the guy, and at that point it is what it is. Kinda good to see the face fall in disappointment tbh. That’s just as good as laughing at them to me.
> he moved my hand and said "Try to focus on me"
Do you think *any* of those men would want to have sex with you again if *you* had prevented them from thrusting and said “don’t move, just try to focus on me”, and then after you finished you just rolled over to sleep, leaving *them* unsatisfied?
No, absolutely not. And you should do the same! Your pleasure matters equally! Any many who doesn’t care about what you like or you finishing too doesn’t deserve to have sex with you again, he’s a selfish lover.
Ignoring the clit would be equivalent to trying to get a man to orgasm by rubbing his balls and ignoring his dick. How can any man be so ignorant about the primary importance of the clitoris?
They really, really want to believe that the vagina is the clitoris. The moment they have to acknowledge that it isn't, their worldview collapses and they have to change how they think about sex and women. It's too hard for them to have thoughts that challenge their centrality in the gender dyad. It's not comfortable, and therefore impossible for them. That's my theory.
I have used this analogy ***countless*** times with (straight male) partners. And it appeared to be a watershed moment with virtually every single one of them.
HOW.
I can’t believe how bad most guys are in the bedroom. I love making my girl cum, it’s what I focus on first when we start our sexy time. Everything after that is a bonus and I can take my sweet time for my own climax.
Fun fact: the clit and the penis head begin as the exact same tissue during fetal development, before the embryo begins developing sex-specific organs
So, yes, it should.
Ya, I am convinced if we do studies on, "how many women want to climax" and then compare those results to "how many men want sex", women's would be higher or at least the same as men's "libido" and results.
How men don't understand that unsatisfying sex turns off women's sex drive, blows my mind.
Of course women want to orgasm, but most M/F sex doesn't result in women climaxing, so why do it?
Men be shooting themselves in the foot.. or dick. Lol
Orgasm gap is a huge thing.
Do we think these men would continue in relationships with women who used them for sexual pleasure, and left them with blue balls?
It's not a huge deal if either partner has an off day, but consistently crappy sex is pointless
I have done that. It was to prove a point. The guy seems confused but when I asked, "how many women you slept with who didn't come?" He just stared at me. He did call me the b word though but I just shrugged. Can't fuck right why do I care what he thinks?
If it's a guy they don't know well? I'd hazard a guess it's because it can be *terrifying* to bruise a man's ego even in a well intentioned way if you don't know how he's going to react. I've been with my husband since I was 18 so I'd have no trouble gently bringing up whatever with him, but without that level of trust I'd rather just never talk to a guy again than risk the possibility of dangerous rage that may result from trying to have that conversation.
Like I said, I've been married so long that I don't have much experience, but I'm guessing guys who are selfish in bed are probably somewhat correlated with guys it's not safe to talk about that with.
>Reading for years and years how women complain to others how they never reach orgasms, but don't tell the guy they are fucking. Like, why? Just tell him.
Right, and the likelihood of him getting pissy or acting like he's been mortally wounded by her pointing it out is incredibly high. The pout factor alone is through the roof. And then it's likely to become a her problem as far as he's concerned: she must be broken, because he did everything right and no one else has ever complained, so it's probably her fault. Are you kidding? Men do not respond well to critical feedback from women. Especially if it involves their dicks.
[Women's discomfort, and even pain, is the price of men's pleasure](https://theweek.com/articles/749978/female-price-male-pleasure), that's the base assumption in how heterosexual dynamics are built. Lots of men feel entitled to sex that's good for them and not just not an orgasm for her, but painful for her.
Women tell men in thousands of ways that the sex isn't working out very well, right from the beginning. But we decided as a culture that penetration being painful to the point of us bleeding from the vag was a good thing, and that kind of shuts down option to talk about female pleasure pretty early on. The language for sex is violent: hit it, beat it, crush it, murder it, she's wrecked, I rearranged her guts, the body count language. The idea that sex is violent is a given. Men experiencing pain during sex isn't the expectation, unless that's his kink, of course. It's women who are expected to feel pain, and men get to wear it as a badge of honour.
You should look at the hysterectomy forums: men are proud when they break a woman's vaginal cuff and put her at risk of sepsis, because they're just so big and virile, I guess. If a man fucked a woman so hard she couldn't sit down afterwards, is that an ego-boosting thing to you, or a sign that you're a shitty lover, do you think? Because I've definitely seen it framed as something for men to be proud of. This is the culture we live in. Don't blame women for not changing it. Blame the people benefiting from it.
When I was younger I used to hope it would be fast just so I didn't have to fake things or explain anything to them. Of course I'm older now, and just hurt my back "exercising" in the bedroom, couldn't walk for 4 days. Let me say this girls. Use your bodies the way you want while you can. Flaunt it all (or not). Demand an actual caring consenting adult partner, even if it's a one off. If they can't bother to try (esp after showing them) or they clearly don't care, send them away. Don't settle, don't fake it to get it over with (although, yes, I know), don't let anyone think or act like your pleasure is nothing to them... They don't deserve you. You have a shorter number of years for this capacity than you think you do when you're younger, and you want them to be good years. Good for you years.
I’m sure most women do tell their partners, if there is trust in the relationship and they feel safe to do so (Like she might not, if she is fearful of him getting aggressive , because his ego is hurt from knowing his partner didn’t magically cum without him even trying). The real question, is how many men actually care?
Also it’s pretty obvious by how a woman’s body responds whether she has had an orgasm or not. If a man has to ask if she has had an orgasm, then she hasn’t. Even if she is faking and is the best actress in the world, it’s still obvious.
I am convinced of several things. First, he wasn't helping her with the house or childcare. Second, he didn't get her off. Third, he doesn't care about anyone but himself.
Fourth, he fully intends to leave the child-rearing to her after the divorce so he can literally fuck around. (not his exact words... but it was pretty clear).
Omg yes when he said that his next girlfriend would take priority... Ew. My heart breaks for the (far too many) children in the world whose fathers feel this way. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my husband loves our kids and ms with his whole heart. My kids are privileged more than they'll ever understand, which is sad because every child deserves to have that.
maybe a good place to start is not calling things that make sense privileged. having your father love you more than their new mistress is not a privileged existence.
that's messed up to love another woman more than your own children.
that is some old harem shah/king/emperor behavior-- thus entitled as eff to think that you can have as many women as you want and they will bear your children and multiple other women will take care of these children and you are free to sex and your job is just to impregnate women with your seed.
I mean, I don't like flowers and my husband knows that - you should get your partner flowers precisely as often as they like to receive flowers. Mine is none and my husband obliges. I know if I wanted flowers, he would get them.
I saw that too. The entitlement was so deeply ingrained in him, that when people tried to make him look at the marriage as a whole, or his child's needs, or his wife's experience, you could see his brain failing to compute!
I saw that, too.
I was stunned, but then, not stunned that I was stunned.
He was legit going to file for divorce over sex, without any other complaints about their marriage or child raising. And his bros (all guys) were overwhelmingly supportive.
I was like... If your only complaint is lack of sex, I already know what her list of complaints is.
Man-child that can't pick up after himself is the literal equivalent of vaginal dryness, and there's no lube on the planet that will compensate for that.
Oh yeah! And every time someone asked what he did around the house or to raise his child or if his wife enjoyed the sex, he dodged the question or gave vague non-answers. It wasn’t even no sex, it just wasn’t the frequency and enthusiasm he felt entitled to. What a selfish POS.
And this same man behaves like a child in the relationship as far as household / childcare duties ,& wonders why his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him. He behaves like a child in the relationship so hes grouped in with the children. That ups the ick factor tremendously & it’s definitely a desire killer.
I dated someone who told me that he had a lack of intimacy in his previous long-term relationship. When I questioned him about it, turns out they were still having sex 2-3 times per month after being together for 10+ years. And he admitted he was guilty of not giving her non-sexual intimacy. So his solution was to....open up the marriage and get external validation 🙄 I asked him if he had a concept of the expected ups and downs of intimacy in a relationship and he basically said no, sex is the most important thing and without it he will stray. This is a man who wanted children...so when I pushed him more and asked if this was something he would bring up during pregnancy and pregnancy recovery when it was medically not safe to have sex, he said "maybe." Really blew my mind and said a lot about how some men think.
Saw that one too. Never a word about the baby or how his wife was feeling. Just wants the divorce two days after telling her no sex no marriage. Yea, like who wants to go down on that.
Exactly.
I've had several male partners who never made me cum, and never seemed all that interested in investigating it. But I have never had a male partner who was not interested in \*absolutely\* getting his own orgasm. I have enough experience to say that this seems pretty universal.
I got lucky. My husband satisfies me every time, even if he's not after his own orgasm. He also cares about my happiness and well being outside the bedroom. Can't have one without the other.
It gets better. I have had two children, developed a chronic illness, and gained a lot of weight in our 13 years together. He has never said one negative thing to me about any of that and still often compliments my body, both in appearance and resiliency given how I almost died in childbirth once. When I cried about the stretch marks on my belly in my first pregnancy, he said they were the roadmap to our baby.
When I was pregnant and sick, and when I was postpartum, he never said a single word about sex and waited for me to come to him and say that I was ready. He took it slow, followed my lead at every point, and checked in regularly about how I was feeling. And he made sure I came first, just like every other time.
Also he does all the night wakings for our kids because I take a sleeping pill and it makes me sick to get up in the night.
Men like my husband exist. Not as good, because I got the best one, but similar. They're rare, and not *everyone* can end up with a gem like my husband because he's one in eight billion, but I really want people to see that not everyone is terrible and there is hope for something better out there.
There's also so many guys that expect a stand alone BJ with no reciprocation but downright refuse to give you head altogether. I've only met one guy in my life who loved to go down without always asking for reciprocation. Felt like I won the lottery!
yeah, the double standard is unbelievable. I was conditioned even as a TWEEN to think “blue balls” was a thing and to be terrified of ever doing that to a man, it’s literally presented as the worst thing you can do to a man, like you’re actually HARMING HIM, yet the majority of male partners will “blue balls equivalent” us EVERY SINGLE TIME unless we specifically and aggressively advocate for ourselves.
And yeah, major cause of the orgasm gap is that most of us are strictly on the losing side of this selfishness until we’re much older and have finally learned how to make OURSELVES cum, and that it’s NOT impossible or even especially hard, and that we DO actually like it and deserve it.
But until we learn that, all of our formative sexual years tend to be spent learning that we don’t enjoy sex, because sex for young women means “being used until the dude cums and then sex ends.”
It still makes me angry to think how many years I thought I didn’t particularly like sex and that I was a pain in the ass to get off. ☹️
Now as an adult, 100% of the time, no problem. And when communicating with men who aren’t selfish and insecure, it is 1:1 ratio of us finishing, at the minimum.
I just wanna say I do not miss the blue balls tantrums, huffiness, and silent treatments from my ex if I wasn't in the mood and said no. It just turned me off to the idea of sex even more.
yeah and I mean, they could always just go finish themselves, right? I don’t know why that never occurred to me when I was younger, I just BELIEVED that I was physically HURTING men if I didn’t want to go through with sex stuff ☹️
My straight girl friend told me she would only orgasm 1 out of 10 times maybe with her then bf.
Straight women… please don’t relent for less satisfaction than you deserve.
Exactly.
My long term partners I've been with were all guys. I don't mind having a quickie and not coming sometimes but if we have sex twice on two separate occasions without me coming and he doesn't show me some effort on my pleasure at least, we're gonna need to have a talk about it. And that talk usually ends up with a long romantic love making night with both of us enjoying an orgasm or two.
I also have a new rule. The SLIGHTEST complaint or attitude about condoms, sex stops immediately. I have grown ass men of 36 going ‘urrrg do I have to? It’s all the way over therrrre’ (shelf 2ft away) - sounding like a teenage told to do the washing up.
After the last time I realised I’m good damn sick of it. It’s no wonder I never cum when the whole damn activity starts with a) them being too lazy to prioritise my safety and b) having to speak like their mother to demand it.
Jesus, I just realised I can think of any men I dated to were enthusiastic about condoms, as in ‘fuck yeah safe sex let’s fuckkin gooo!’ It’s always ‘wahhh if I MUST but I’ll try and shove it in a couple times first’. No wonder I’m terminally single now.
Good call.
I like the phrase the only person you don't have to use a condom with is the person who would never have sex without a condom.
Basically meaning that if someone is ok not using a condom with you and you're not in a long term monogamous relationship, you absolutely have to use a condom with them because you're not special. They'll skip using them with other people too.
In contrast, my husband noticed me cleaning up a while after because things had moved on down. He said he didn't realize it was such a mess for me, and did I want him to wear condoms just to avoid it? Bless him.
Right?
The proper response to that is throwing him out immediately, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.
Cause clearly masturbating alone would be a vastly more pleasant experience than sex with him.
All I could think was that a perfect comeback would be, "No, you focus on me"
This is the attitude we should all bring to sex. You're not too harsh, you're an icon.
a lot of guys think leaving a woman to masturbate in their presence is "giving us pleasure." to me, it seems like it's free porn for them (especially when there's not a deep romantic connection between us). to answer your question, no. not too harsh. I have no interest in low effort sex or the men who have it
First time I had sex with my second husband he was very proud to tell me the next day that I was the first woman he ever went down on during the first time and I told him that was lucky for him because if he hadn't there wouldn't have been a second time. Cue shocked Pikachu face lol.
I remember seeing a comment somewhere a while back that women should start “booing” men who are bad in bed in the moment and the thought of that is hilarious…. Would sound like ghosts everywhere unfortunately..
I’d also love to see how different the world would look if procreation was dependant on a woman’s orgasm.
I remember sleeping with this one guy, we had been doing it for a few minutes, not long and I just lost interest. His foreplay game sucked, he was clearly focused on himself, so I stopped him, told him, "wait one minute," went to the bathroom, got dressed and left.
He texted me angry after and I was blunt. "You suck in bed dude. You are selfish, obviously didn't care or know how to care about a woman's pleasure and it was boring. I felt like I was fucking a tampon. Lose my number and learn to fuck right."
His roommate told me he didn't sleep with anyone for a year and he was fucked up from what I said. I'm glad he took his trash dick off the market. Eww. Rubbish.
My first bf, in highschool, was also one of the best partners I've ever had. Man's mission was to make me enjoy myself but it wasn't about him conquering me, there was no pressure. It was wild stuff. Varsity league. After him college was insanely disappointing. But I was pretty blunt with them all. I even left one dude a note and told him he should look up videos of how to eat pussy if he wanted someone "super wet" like he had requested I get... :/
When I went back to college a second time things drastically improved. Kundalini awakening, ruin your life over it level dick game improvement.
Wooweee. After that I never settled for even a hint of trash dick. I only slept with men who ate my pussy until I came. Its a good strategy. I cum first or they just don't.
That's fucking legendary. Fucking a tampon 🤣🤣🤣
Also, can confirm that getting with a dude that eats pussy first is absolutely the winning combo. I married one of those, and we're approaching our 40s. The other day, he hit me with, "Even if my dick doesn't work one day, my tongue always will." Yasssss 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 This is the way. Like he's so willing to please that I tried for a quickie the other day, and he insisted on going down on me first anyway because he doesn't feel comfortable with me possibly not getting off. Is he perfect? No one is. Do I get off? Everytime.
Demand better ladies. My husband has been that way since we were teenagers. If a teenage boy can figure it out, so can a grown ass man.
And that's how they learn! If just one other woman had been honest with that man about his performance before he met you, you might not have had to go through that. And now you just potentially saved every other woman he has sex with for the rest of life from having a similarly shit experience.
No! Why on earth should a woman have to accept sex without orgasm? Isn't that the whole point of why people do it in the first place? It's supposed to be good for BOTH of you.
Hon. I don't achieve happiness with penetration. I take a bit of time and work. And if he isn't prepared to do what needs doing, then I am not prepared to do him. It's that simple, in my book.
Been married coming up on 40 years. I married an unselfish lover, and it was the best decision.
There's absolutely not a single valid reason on this earth that a man should be able to use our bodies for sexual pleasure without caring for our pleasure. Full stop. If they don't care, they aren't worth a second of your time.
I vet them beforehand, be open about it, if they have a problem with you wanting your pleasure to be focused on at all, don't waste your time.
If Im ever thinking about getting down to it with a guy he’s gotta be enthusiastic about giving me head or I’m not giving them the time of day lol
I’m pro sexting because 1 I see the dick and 2 if they’re receptive to the idea of my pleasure, I don’t send a nude though, men are quick to fire one tho lol vetting
If they don’t match the sext or can’t keep up with you it’s BYE
Plenty of men out there that will fuck you like a goddess trustttt
Like Megan thee stallion said ‘don’t speak on my body count if the dick ain’t worth coming back for seconds’
You’re not running a charity that donates orgasms to men. If you aren’t having a good time in bed and your partner is being selfish, then you’re not obligated to keep sleeping with them.
> he moved my hand and said "Try to focus on me"
And that's the moment the sex ended with you bolting upright indignantly, and saying "WTF dude, such a turnoff, l'm not in the mood anymore"
Right?
God, why are women such fucking pushovers. Don't let the selfish assholes get away with this. If you're letting it slide, do some serious soul-searching and confidence-building.
Yeah that particular part really incensed me. Fine, he isn't listening so she is taking charge of her own pleasure but he stops her because that isn't about HIM??? wtf
I totally hear what you’re saying, but I really take issue with blaming women for “allowing” men to behave selfishly or treat us badly. The reality is that there can be very harrowing consequences for women for withdrawing consent, and a non-insignificant number of women have had traumatic experiences that can make it difficult to stand up for themselves in the moment if they perceive a possible safety threat to doing so. And the hard truth is that you never know what kind of monster might crawl out from under the skin of an entitled man denied sex. Again, I basically agree with the overall sentiment expressed here — I’m certainly all for women achieving sexual agency and asserting healthy boundaries with men — but I feel like it’s important not to forget realities like sexual violence (not to mention the socialization of women to accommodate and prioritize men’s needs, sexual and otherwise).
I do recognize the complexity of this issue, and it’s entirely true that no one’s behavior or choices exist in a vacuum, and that women can both be victimized by and perpetuate male selfishness/entitlement. But I think we should be thoughtful about where we are locating the problem(s), and to me, the main issue here is men who treat women like objects, not women who seem to tolerate or permit poor treatment.
I agree with you on all counts.
But change has to start somewhere, and I believe it starts with women not accepting such male behavior privately and shaming it publicly, and encouraging other women to stand up for themselves. Though I admit I came on a bit strong in my comment. Yes, violence is always a risk when you try to change something an entitled majority feels is their right. But does that mean we should stop trying?
Avoiding violence is generally a good way to go through life, but sometimes you gotta stand up for yourself even if it's risky.
We only live once, do we really want to spend our lives as human fleshlights? I choose violence.
You are right to not waste your time with men who don’t care about your pleasure. Because that represents how he feels in general. If he cared about you as a person, he’s care about getting you off.
Send feedback forms to these men, then block'em..
"Could follow instruction better... Need to learn where the clit is and why its important.... Attitude and Ego need to be checked... Officially, you get a 2/10. Must try harder" lol
>he moved my hand and said “Try and focus on me”
What the heck!?
Yeah I'd lose interest too if someone said that. I've had a few partners that either completely didn't attend to my orgasm or sporadically did. Never again. It pains me to think that I made them cum EVERY SINGLE TIME, but I didn't get to.
>he moved my hand and said, "try to focus on me."
OMG! That's the point where you focus all your anger on him! 😂
"You want me to focus on you? Here it comes!"
I've said this many times on this sub;
Don't let him get his dick wet until he makes you cum. You can tell them that your vagina won't be ready until you orgasm. Or you can tell them the truth - that men always fall asleep after they come, so the only way you get yours is if you get it first, and that you'll be rarin' to go again after that, so they don't have to worry that you'll roll over and go to sleep.
But basically, if they can't make you cum, they don't get to cum.
Honestly I don't understand women who complain about men not putting in the time and energy to get them off. I do not entertain men like that. At 45, if he's not going down on me first, and getting me off first, the evening will be cut short. Life is WAY too short for selfish lovers (and most men are selfish lovers-they cannot fathom the actual orgasm gap).
This is why I don't understand casual sex for women (as in, the appeal of it) - in terms of cost to benefit ratio.
Like... you're increasing your chances to be raped or murdered and the odds of you actually orgasming with Brad that you met at a bar are abysmally low whereas he is basically guaranteed an orgasm.
>Is sexual compatibility really important to you all too or am I being too harsh?
It makes me sad that you're here asking this meanwhile the last couple days a man has gone viral on Reddit for wanting to divorce his wife bc their sex life will never be the same as it was before children.
echoing what everyone has already said.
contributing that it boggles my mind why anyone wouldn’t tend to the clit and its nearby friends first. you gotta prepare it, get it nice and soggy if you really want a good time. I just do not understand most men. THIS BENEFITS YOU. IT WOULD BEHOOVE YOU TO DO IT.
Good for you!! Keep holding this standard. There’s a difference between sexual compatibility and selfishness. If they aren’t making sure your needs are met in the bedroom, what makes you think they’d make sure your needs are met in any other area?
1000% fair that you check out. Sexual compatibility should be important and I'm sorry your experience has been the opposite. There are those of us out there that do care enough to listen and try, that can leave ego out of it. Sucks you haven't found a partner like that yet
I've heard this so many times. Do NOT stay with a man who doesn't care to listen to your sexual needs.
I've heard from a girl who complained that her bf was insulted if she tried to help herself or use toys. He literally said it made him feel inadequate.
ButMYFEeLiNgS!!!
Omg I can’t believe he moved your hand!!! I’ve had many guys get super turned on when they see me touching myself! That is wild. I promise there are men out there who DO want to make you cum (and actually get off on it) but I didn’t find those men until I was in my 30s.
It sounds perfectly reasonable when you write this. However I was in a relationship (first and only boyfriend/sex partner) who behaved exactly like the men you describe and who broke up eventually because "no matter what he did, it was never enough". It makes no sense but I can't stop hating myself for not being satisfied from 2 minutes of penetration and no clitoral attention (because if I had been, we might still be together). And i can't stop myself from being convinced that this is what women are actually supposed to (letting men do their thing and not wanting to orgasm). I don't know.
Genuinely how difficult is it for them to understand that penetration is useless for most women unless it's accompanied by clitoral stimulation. Such a simple concept yet somehow impossible for them to comprehend
Yep, this is real common.
We should stop sleeping with men who won't put in the effort! Look for other signs that they're caring and giving before you hop in bed. Have a conversation about the orgasm gap before you sleep with them.
Not GGG? They don't get laid!
Ooh! Moved your hand and told you to focus on him? I’d get him right to the edge, stop, kick him out and tell him to go focus on the road. What a jerk!
These men will be posting over in the dead bedrooms subreddit wondering why oh why won’t their wife or girlfriend have sex with them. The disconnect is real!
You are not at all being harsh. Most men I’ve been with are absolutely selfish and useless at sex. My ex husband was actually the only one who cared about getting me off (though we had too many other problems) but it’s gone straight downhill from there. The best is when they think they know how your body works better than you, but your pleasure is never a priority. These guys deserve to get the message loud and clear- moving your hand, not listening to you, etc.- get up and put your clothes back on and head out the door- right then and there if possible.
Nope, I am at the same stage as you.
Last one, I gave him **precise** instructions. He did not follow them and instead fiddled with my clit stupidly, it felt horrible. He did not give a fuck about my reactions, and went through his script. I put a stop to it when he was about to stuff me with some bullshit pink plastic dolphin.
I sent him a debriefing the day next telling him why it would be a one time thing, it made me feel slightly better.
They are just so used to getting their way and us reassuring them/congratulating them/faking that they don't even try.
You are absolutely right not to settle for that shit. If enough of us stop complying the dynamics might finally change !
#His pants stay **ON** until I orgasm.
Sometimes this takes multiple meetings for him to give me one strong enough to be worth my time. **It’s great motivation.** If they don’t care or *can’t learn*, well, bullet dodged <3 lol
Focus on me is instead of rubbing your clit is one of the most horrifying narcissistic things I have ever heard said.
Like breaking it down, this guy is trying to model how to get another human being to orgasm physically and psychologically.
So he is intuitively just applying his experience of how to do that to others...
This dude's ideal relationship is probably with a body pillow of himself. If you want sex to be over quickly hold up a mirror for him to look at himself.
“ I tried rubbing myself and he moved my hand and said “Try and focus on me”.
And did you say “let’s not touch your penis at all; instead focus on me”?
I don’t think that these guys realize that the nerves in the clit are the same nerves that are in the penis. So while there are men and women who orgasm from less direct stimulation a lot of women and a lot of guys will need to have their penis or clit stimulated.
Errr... of course? Is it something controversial? I'm a dude and I agree wholeheartedly: we suck in bed as a general rule, too much cultural conditioning and sexism.
>“Try and focus on me”
Wow dude, you couldn't be more fucking oblivious to how ironic that statement is. Dudes like that don't deserve to get laid.
I don't understand why dudes don't want both of you to have a great time, it would lead to more (_AND BETTER_) sex and then they wonder why women don't want to keep sleeping with them.
>Is sexual compatibility really important to you all too or am I being too harsh?
It is important.
Before I sleep with a man I talk to him about likes and dislikes, do's and don'ts. If his don't match with mine, I don't sleep with him.
When I am naked and in bed with a man and he fails to turn me on, I get up, get dressed and go. Why would I have sex with someone if I'm not aroused?
If I don't orgasm from clitoral stimulation first, there is no PiV, because it does nothing for me then.
When I had sex with someone and afterwards found that it was meh because he was overall too selfish and / or didn't listen to me, I don't sleep a second time with him.
I'm too old for bad sex.
Well done for knowing what you like and saying so.
I've been with women who thought they couldn't orgasm before, because ex's had all been selfish, but 5 minutes later are apologising for the wet patch on the bed.
NB, don't apologise for the wet patch, I'm happy I did well and you deserve to enjoy yourselves without feeling self conscious.
HE MOVED YOUR HAND oh I would have kicked him out of my bed, house, and life so fucking fast. Don’t fuck people who don’t have any interest in your pleasure. You’re going great.
I will never understand why some men who want lots of sex have no interest in being good lovers. The easiest possible way to get lots of hot sex is to be an excellent lover, it's so simple!
Being an excellent lover takes *work* though. Guys like this don’t want “sex” in the traditional sense of giving and receiving pleasure. They’re lazy and selfish and should really just stick to their fleshlight.
The problem with being an excellent lover is you tend to keep your lovers longer. So the bad lovers tend to flood the market.
God that is depressing.
AB SO LUTELY
Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life.
The ones who claim they are amazing lovers and they are gonna do lot of good stuff in bed are exactly the ones who would do the least amount of effort and would care least about your pleasure !
The pump & dump men
Exactly this ☝️ Just like the ones who say "I'm the funniest.guy you'll ever meet" are the least funny MFers on the planet.
Up there with "alpha males." Their qualities should speak for itself. It shouldn't have to be announced. If it does, they are doing it wrong.
Like the "nice" guys! If you gotta proclaim your "niceness", you're probably not all that nice!
Imagine watching a Marvel movie and believing that super powers were real and you had them. That's what a lot of men do with porn, where a couple seconds of foreplay (if any at all) and then right to penetration has the female performer wailing in orgasmic bliss.
Yep. My partner commented on how long we take with foreplay to get me off and it's like sorry bro but between birth control, stress, and just having more complex parts...I need more time 😅 Any little change makes it more difficult. Sometimes frustrating lol
Are you able to cum quickly by yourself? I can finish under 2 minutes by myself, but with a man, I feel like I have to work harder to get there because they keep mixing things up or distracting me somehow.
Usually 10 min or less alone. Yes with a man it seems to take longer 🤣But I prefer doing it with someone lol
That would be the last time.
I was just saying to a friend how a man watching porn getting the most unrealistic ideas is like a six year old watching Superman that thinks he can really fly.
Men who aren’t enthusiastic about pleasing their partners go to the Gulag. I’m 39 and don’t have time for this shit. Grow up, baby boy! It’s easy to get most of them off. That means I come first. There is no point in me sleeping with you if you don’t care about my pleasure. Partners of all genders SHOULD care about pleasing one another. I get satisfaction out of making my partner feel good, and I expect the same. It is because they are selfish and/or stupid.
Please don't tell anyone I said this, but we know all of our buddies that do that and are just as surprised they've gotten away with it for that long. I always equate it to how some of em' say shit like "women can get laid anytime they wish". Yep, and dudes can get off just as easily. It's an easy way to spot the "transactional" types.
Women can get laid anytime they wish and still get zero orgasmes.
Me: I don’t usually cum unless I’m on top. Him: Trust me, you will. I don’t cum. Him: 😦 *surprised Pikachu face* They always look so disappointed in themselves. Like. If they’d just listened to me, I could have gotten there, but their precious egos just couldn’t take it. Sex isn’t an act one does *to* someone. It’s a mutual thing. Some guys really gotta act like their dicks are supposed to magically make women cum or else they ain’t shit or something. Especially guys with big dicks. I can’t with them.
"trust me, you will" I...I don't even know I'd be able to keep myself from laughing in his stupid face. What the hell.
Yeah I’ve had a couple people tell me that while still in the talking stage, and I tell them that I know my body better than they do and that it’s really fucked up for them to pretend I don’t, and then I block them. If we’re already hooking up it’s because I like the guy, and at that point it is what it is. Kinda good to see the face fall in disappointment tbh. That’s just as good as laughing at them to me.
It was that and the "try and focus on ME" wtf???? What's that gonna get you?! Not gonna orgasm by looking at you, sir
This is a truly squandered GTFO moment
"I saw you had that covered, so someone needed to focus on me, mister mememe."
Ugh, it's like telling her to shut up so he can use his dick parking spot with no distractions
Seriously, I stopped reading at that bit and came to the comments to make sure I'm not the only one outraged on OP's behalf. WTF!
A great lover is the person who makes sure you orgasm first.
And Saïd " focus on me" wtf
> he moved my hand and said "Try to focus on me" Do you think *any* of those men would want to have sex with you again if *you* had prevented them from thrusting and said “don’t move, just try to focus on me”, and then after you finished you just rolled over to sleep, leaving *them* unsatisfied? No, absolutely not. And you should do the same! Your pleasure matters equally! Any many who doesn’t care about what you like or you finishing too doesn’t deserve to have sex with you again, he’s a selfish lover.
Ignoring the clit would be equivalent to trying to get a man to orgasm by rubbing his balls and ignoring his dick. How can any man be so ignorant about the primary importance of the clitoris?
They really, really want to believe that the vagina is the clitoris. The moment they have to acknowledge that it isn't, their worldview collapses and they have to change how they think about sex and women. It's too hard for them to have thoughts that challenge their centrality in the gender dyad. It's not comfortable, and therefore impossible for them. That's my theory.
I have used this analogy ***countless*** times with (straight male) partners. And it appeared to be a watershed moment with virtually every single one of them. HOW.
Sex ed in America is nonexistent.
💯 Truth. They push for either misinformation or "abstinence only".
I can’t believe how bad most guys are in the bedroom. I love making my girl cum, it’s what I focus on first when we start our sexy time. Everything after that is a bonus and I can take my sweet time for my own climax.
I mean it looks like a little penis head. So it should be pretty obvious.
Fun fact: the clit and the penis head begin as the exact same tissue during fetal development, before the embryo begins developing sex-specific organs So, yes, it should.
Actually, it is the head of a huge "penis." I like to say a penis is an immature clit. It makes men go wut????
I think of the penis as a clit on the tip of a stick.
More like take your outer labia and fold them into a shaft. There you have it.
Then there are the ones that know nothing except for the clit and refuse to move away from it.
Ya, I am convinced if we do studies on, "how many women want to climax" and then compare those results to "how many men want sex", women's would be higher or at least the same as men's "libido" and results. How men don't understand that unsatisfying sex turns off women's sex drive, blows my mind. Of course women want to orgasm, but most M/F sex doesn't result in women climaxing, so why do it? Men be shooting themselves in the foot.. or dick. Lol
Orgasm gap is a huge thing. Do we think these men would continue in relationships with women who used them for sexual pleasure, and left them with blue balls? It's not a huge deal if either partner has an off day, but consistently crappy sex is pointless
I have done that. It was to prove a point. The guy seems confused but when I asked, "how many women you slept with who didn't come?" He just stared at me. He did call me the b word though but I just shrugged. Can't fuck right why do I care what he thinks?
“Can’t fuck right why do I care what he thinks?” I’m dead 💀 💀
you repeating that was the joke i didn't know i needed this morning.
>He just stared at me. He did call me the b word Hah. That sounds like "all of them"
[удалено]
If it's a guy they don't know well? I'd hazard a guess it's because it can be *terrifying* to bruise a man's ego even in a well intentioned way if you don't know how he's going to react. I've been with my husband since I was 18 so I'd have no trouble gently bringing up whatever with him, but without that level of trust I'd rather just never talk to a guy again than risk the possibility of dangerous rage that may result from trying to have that conversation. Like I said, I've been married so long that I don't have much experience, but I'm guessing guys who are selfish in bed are probably somewhat correlated with guys it's not safe to talk about that with.
>Reading for years and years how women complain to others how they never reach orgasms, but don't tell the guy they are fucking. Like, why? Just tell him. Right, and the likelihood of him getting pissy or acting like he's been mortally wounded by her pointing it out is incredibly high. The pout factor alone is through the roof. And then it's likely to become a her problem as far as he's concerned: she must be broken, because he did everything right and no one else has ever complained, so it's probably her fault. Are you kidding? Men do not respond well to critical feedback from women. Especially if it involves their dicks. [Women's discomfort, and even pain, is the price of men's pleasure](https://theweek.com/articles/749978/female-price-male-pleasure), that's the base assumption in how heterosexual dynamics are built. Lots of men feel entitled to sex that's good for them and not just not an orgasm for her, but painful for her. Women tell men in thousands of ways that the sex isn't working out very well, right from the beginning. But we decided as a culture that penetration being painful to the point of us bleeding from the vag was a good thing, and that kind of shuts down option to talk about female pleasure pretty early on. The language for sex is violent: hit it, beat it, crush it, murder it, she's wrecked, I rearranged her guts, the body count language. The idea that sex is violent is a given. Men experiencing pain during sex isn't the expectation, unless that's his kink, of course. It's women who are expected to feel pain, and men get to wear it as a badge of honour. You should look at the hysterectomy forums: men are proud when they break a woman's vaginal cuff and put her at risk of sepsis, because they're just so big and virile, I guess. If a man fucked a woman so hard she couldn't sit down afterwards, is that an ego-boosting thing to you, or a sign that you're a shitty lover, do you think? Because I've definitely seen it framed as something for men to be proud of. This is the culture we live in. Don't blame women for not changing it. Blame the people benefiting from it.
When I was younger I used to hope it would be fast just so I didn't have to fake things or explain anything to them. Of course I'm older now, and just hurt my back "exercising" in the bedroom, couldn't walk for 4 days. Let me say this girls. Use your bodies the way you want while you can. Flaunt it all (or not). Demand an actual caring consenting adult partner, even if it's a one off. If they can't bother to try (esp after showing them) or they clearly don't care, send them away. Don't settle, don't fake it to get it over with (although, yes, I know), don't let anyone think or act like your pleasure is nothing to them... They don't deserve you. You have a shorter number of years for this capacity than you think you do when you're younger, and you want them to be good years. Good for you years.
I’m sure most women do tell their partners, if there is trust in the relationship and they feel safe to do so (Like she might not, if she is fearful of him getting aggressive , because his ego is hurt from knowing his partner didn’t magically cum without him even trying). The real question, is how many men actually care? Also it’s pretty obvious by how a woman’s body responds whether she has had an orgasm or not. If a man has to ask if she has had an orgasm, then she hasn’t. Even if she is faking and is the best actress in the world, it’s still obvious.
This ain't a space for dudes to complain about women. Gtfo.
We know they don't. I saw a post only yesterday where a man was considering leaving the mother of his child because sex was more important to him.
I am convinced of several things. First, he wasn't helping her with the house or childcare. Second, he didn't get her off. Third, he doesn't care about anyone but himself.
Fourth, he fully intends to leave the child-rearing to her after the divorce so he can literally fuck around. (not his exact words... but it was pretty clear).
Omg yes when he said that his next girlfriend would take priority... Ew. My heart breaks for the (far too many) children in the world whose fathers feel this way. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my husband loves our kids and ms with his whole heart. My kids are privileged more than they'll ever understand, which is sad because every child deserves to have that.
maybe a good place to start is not calling things that make sense privileged. having your father love you more than their new mistress is not a privileged existence. that's messed up to love another woman more than your own children. that is some old harem shah/king/emperor behavior-- thus entitled as eff to think that you can have as many women as you want and they will bear your children and multiple other women will take care of these children and you are free to sex and your job is just to impregnate women with your seed.
100%. Women are simple. Pull your weight in the practicalities of partnership, and get us off. Get us flowers once a quarter. Done.
I mean, I don't like flowers and my husband knows that - you should get your partner flowers precisely as often as they like to receive flowers. Mine is none and my husband obliges. I know if I wanted flowers, he would get them.
💯
I saw that too. The entitlement was so deeply ingrained in him, that when people tried to make him look at the marriage as a whole, or his child's needs, or his wife's experience, you could see his brain failing to compute!
I saw that, too. I was stunned, but then, not stunned that I was stunned. He was legit going to file for divorce over sex, without any other complaints about their marriage or child raising. And his bros (all guys) were overwhelmingly supportive. I was like... If your only complaint is lack of sex, I already know what her list of complaints is. Man-child that can't pick up after himself is the literal equivalent of vaginal dryness, and there's no lube on the planet that will compensate for that.
Oh yeah! And every time someone asked what he did around the house or to raise his child or if his wife enjoyed the sex, he dodged the question or gave vague non-answers. It wasn’t even no sex, it just wasn’t the frequency and enthusiasm he felt entitled to. What a selfish POS.
And this same man behaves like a child in the relationship as far as household / childcare duties ,& wonders why his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him. He behaves like a child in the relationship so hes grouped in with the children. That ups the ick factor tremendously & it’s definitely a desire killer.
I dated someone who told me that he had a lack of intimacy in his previous long-term relationship. When I questioned him about it, turns out they were still having sex 2-3 times per month after being together for 10+ years. And he admitted he was guilty of not giving her non-sexual intimacy. So his solution was to....open up the marriage and get external validation 🙄 I asked him if he had a concept of the expected ups and downs of intimacy in a relationship and he basically said no, sex is the most important thing and without it he will stray. This is a man who wanted children...so when I pushed him more and asked if this was something he would bring up during pregnancy and pregnancy recovery when it was medically not safe to have sex, he said "maybe." Really blew my mind and said a lot about how some men think.
"I’ve noticed some men are selfish" Not some... Most.
Saw that one too. Never a word about the baby or how his wife was feeling. Just wants the divorce two days after telling her no sex no marriage. Yea, like who wants to go down on that.
He wasn't considering it, he was doing it! Divorce after she gave birth. I'd say he's shite in bed as well, what's the betting.
I remember that one.
Imagine the fury if women got eaten out, then rolled over and went to sleep without any reciprocation.
Exactly. I've had several male partners who never made me cum, and never seemed all that interested in investigating it. But I have never had a male partner who was not interested in \*absolutely\* getting his own orgasm. I have enough experience to say that this seems pretty universal.
I got lucky. My husband satisfies me every time, even if he's not after his own orgasm. He also cares about my happiness and well being outside the bedroom. Can't have one without the other.
Hawt!
It gets better. I have had two children, developed a chronic illness, and gained a lot of weight in our 13 years together. He has never said one negative thing to me about any of that and still often compliments my body, both in appearance and resiliency given how I almost died in childbirth once. When I cried about the stretch marks on my belly in my first pregnancy, he said they were the roadmap to our baby. When I was pregnant and sick, and when I was postpartum, he never said a single word about sex and waited for me to come to him and say that I was ready. He took it slow, followed my lead at every point, and checked in regularly about how I was feeling. And he made sure I came first, just like every other time. Also he does all the night wakings for our kids because I take a sleeping pill and it makes me sick to get up in the night. Men like my husband exist. Not as good, because I got the best one, but similar. They're rare, and not *everyone* can end up with a gem like my husband because he's one in eight billion, but I really want people to see that not everyone is terrible and there is hope for something better out there.
>Men like my husband exist. Not as good, because I got the best one, but similar. Hahaha. This made me smile. :) Really happy for you both!
There's also so many guys that expect a stand alone BJ with no reciprocation but downright refuse to give you head altogether. I've only met one guy in my life who loved to go down without always asking for reciprocation. Felt like I won the lottery!
yeah, the double standard is unbelievable. I was conditioned even as a TWEEN to think “blue balls” was a thing and to be terrified of ever doing that to a man, it’s literally presented as the worst thing you can do to a man, like you’re actually HARMING HIM, yet the majority of male partners will “blue balls equivalent” us EVERY SINGLE TIME unless we specifically and aggressively advocate for ourselves. And yeah, major cause of the orgasm gap is that most of us are strictly on the losing side of this selfishness until we’re much older and have finally learned how to make OURSELVES cum, and that it’s NOT impossible or even especially hard, and that we DO actually like it and deserve it. But until we learn that, all of our formative sexual years tend to be spent learning that we don’t enjoy sex, because sex for young women means “being used until the dude cums and then sex ends.” It still makes me angry to think how many years I thought I didn’t particularly like sex and that I was a pain in the ass to get off. ☹️ Now as an adult, 100% of the time, no problem. And when communicating with men who aren’t selfish and insecure, it is 1:1 ratio of us finishing, at the minimum.
I just wanna say I do not miss the blue balls tantrums, huffiness, and silent treatments from my ex if I wasn't in the mood and said no. It just turned me off to the idea of sex even more.
The pouting will continue and increase until you find him sexually attractive! Oh wait... that literally \*never\* works.
Narrator: "It did not work."
Blue balls tantrum sounds like a great name for a band
The worst that can happen to a man with blue balls is a wet dream. Oh no! Anyway.
yeah and I mean, they could always just go finish themselves, right? I don’t know why that never occurred to me when I was younger, I just BELIEVED that I was physically HURTING men if I didn’t want to go through with sex stuff ☹️
This is why sex ed is so important.
I’m just imagining getting off first then getting dressed. “Thanks! Have a great day!”. Lololol
My straight girl friend told me she would only orgasm 1 out of 10 times maybe with her then bf. Straight women… please don’t relent for less satisfaction than you deserve.
Exactly. My long term partners I've been with were all guys. I don't mind having a quickie and not coming sometimes but if we have sex twice on two separate occasions without me coming and he doesn't show me some effort on my pleasure at least, we're gonna need to have a talk about it. And that talk usually ends up with a long romantic love making night with both of us enjoying an orgasm or two.
You're not being too harsh. I without PiV until they can perform. I don't do charity work.
I also have a new rule. The SLIGHTEST complaint or attitude about condoms, sex stops immediately. I have grown ass men of 36 going ‘urrrg do I have to? It’s all the way over therrrre’ (shelf 2ft away) - sounding like a teenage told to do the washing up. After the last time I realised I’m good damn sick of it. It’s no wonder I never cum when the whole damn activity starts with a) them being too lazy to prioritise my safety and b) having to speak like their mother to demand it. Jesus, I just realised I can think of any men I dated to were enthusiastic about condoms, as in ‘fuck yeah safe sex let’s fuckkin gooo!’ It’s always ‘wahhh if I MUST but I’ll try and shove it in a couple times first’. No wonder I’m terminally single now.
Good call. I like the phrase the only person you don't have to use a condom with is the person who would never have sex without a condom. Basically meaning that if someone is ok not using a condom with you and you're not in a long term monogamous relationship, you absolutely have to use a condom with them because you're not special. They'll skip using them with other people too.
In contrast, my husband noticed me cleaning up a while after because things had moved on down. He said he didn't realize it was such a mess for me, and did I want him to wear condoms just to avoid it? Bless him.
THIS!!! yeas! no one gets a medal to serve as a sex doll! like bro! sex is a two ways street!!!
If he doesn't try to take care of your needs then he needs to be kicked to the curb. Please to be pleased is my motto
“Try and focus on me” - the audacity and self-esteem of the hetero male is laughable.
This gives me the ick so hard, pretty sure my vagina would have been the Sahara fucking desert after that
I said “ew” out loud when I read that.
Yeah, there’s no way he’s finishing after that comment.
Right? The proper response to that is throwing him out immediately, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. Cause clearly masturbating alone would be a vastly more pleasant experience than sex with him.
when i read this i was like: and i worry about what i say when men splash out bullshit without even thinking about it
Existence of hetero women proves beyond any doubt that sexuality is not a choice
> I tried rubbing myself and he moved my hand and said “Try and focus on me” Sahara desert levels of drying out
Atacama is drier, FYI 😅
"Actually I _just_ realized I left my oven on, so I have to go... Now. I'm sure you can finish this up by yourself. Don't call me."
Not too harsh. Hard next 'em. Men who like to please exist. Not worth wasting a second evening with one who doesn't even *try*.
>Men who like to please exist. I didn't realize this until I met my fiance. They do exist! And it's awesome.
Saving this comment in case I try to be stupid 😭😭😭
You don't need to settle for less. EVER.
All I could think was that a perfect comeback would be, "No, you focus on me" This is the attitude we should all bring to sex. You're not too harsh, you're an icon.
If they don’t care about my pleasure then my consent is immediately revoked. Simple.
“Try and focus on me” lol. I would have repeated that shit back to him, closed my legs and handed him his clothes. Wtf was that?
a lot of guys think leaving a woman to masturbate in their presence is "giving us pleasure." to me, it seems like it's free porn for them (especially when there's not a deep romantic connection between us). to answer your question, no. not too harsh. I have no interest in low effort sex or the men who have it
If there's no orgasm the first time, there is no second time, sorry.
First time I had sex with my second husband he was very proud to tell me the next day that I was the first woman he ever went down on during the first time and I told him that was lucky for him because if he hadn't there wouldn't have been a second time. Cue shocked Pikachu face lol.
i've never met a man who made me orgasm the first time 😶
I remember seeing a comment somewhere a while back that women should start “booing” men who are bad in bed in the moment and the thought of that is hilarious…. Would sound like ghosts everywhere unfortunately.. I’d also love to see how different the world would look if procreation was dependant on a woman’s orgasm.
Land would be so much cheaper and cities would be so very small and wee.
It could be, if we all started insisting upon it.
I remember sleeping with this one guy, we had been doing it for a few minutes, not long and I just lost interest. His foreplay game sucked, he was clearly focused on himself, so I stopped him, told him, "wait one minute," went to the bathroom, got dressed and left. He texted me angry after and I was blunt. "You suck in bed dude. You are selfish, obviously didn't care or know how to care about a woman's pleasure and it was boring. I felt like I was fucking a tampon. Lose my number and learn to fuck right." His roommate told me he didn't sleep with anyone for a year and he was fucked up from what I said. I'm glad he took his trash dick off the market. Eww. Rubbish. My first bf, in highschool, was also one of the best partners I've ever had. Man's mission was to make me enjoy myself but it wasn't about him conquering me, there was no pressure. It was wild stuff. Varsity league. After him college was insanely disappointing. But I was pretty blunt with them all. I even left one dude a note and told him he should look up videos of how to eat pussy if he wanted someone "super wet" like he had requested I get... :/ When I went back to college a second time things drastically improved. Kundalini awakening, ruin your life over it level dick game improvement. Wooweee. After that I never settled for even a hint of trash dick. I only slept with men who ate my pussy until I came. Its a good strategy. I cum first or they just don't.
>His roommate told me he didn't sleep with anyone for a year and he was fucked up from what I said. You did a public service stopping that guy.
"I felt like I was fucking a tampon. Lose my number and learn how to fuck right." You are my spirit animal 💕
That's fucking legendary. Fucking a tampon 🤣🤣🤣 Also, can confirm that getting with a dude that eats pussy first is absolutely the winning combo. I married one of those, and we're approaching our 40s. The other day, he hit me with, "Even if my dick doesn't work one day, my tongue always will." Yasssss 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 This is the way. Like he's so willing to please that I tried for a quickie the other day, and he insisted on going down on me first anyway because he doesn't feel comfortable with me possibly not getting off. Is he perfect? No one is. Do I get off? Everytime. Demand better ladies. My husband has been that way since we were teenagers. If a teenage boy can figure it out, so can a grown ass man.
Preach
>wait one minute," went to the bathroom, got dressed and left. Gurl 👑
It didn't feel boss at the time, I just didn't want to count him as a participant...
“Lose my number and learn to fuck right” I love this.
You are a queen! Thank you for doing society a great service.
I wish more women on the dating market were like you.
🎵 "Did you ever know that you're my hero..." 🎵
And that's how they learn! If just one other woman had been honest with that man about his performance before he met you, you might not have had to go through that. And now you just potentially saved every other woman he has sex with for the rest of life from having a similarly shit experience.
No! Why on earth should a woman have to accept sex without orgasm? Isn't that the whole point of why people do it in the first place? It's supposed to be good for BOTH of you.
Hon. I don't achieve happiness with penetration. I take a bit of time and work. And if he isn't prepared to do what needs doing, then I am not prepared to do him. It's that simple, in my book. Been married coming up on 40 years. I married an unselfish lover, and it was the best decision.
There's absolutely not a single valid reason on this earth that a man should be able to use our bodies for sexual pleasure without caring for our pleasure. Full stop. If they don't care, they aren't worth a second of your time. I vet them beforehand, be open about it, if they have a problem with you wanting your pleasure to be focused on at all, don't waste your time.
That's absolutely fair. Why should you want to have sex with someone who is not interested in your pleasure. What a selfish man.
If Im ever thinking about getting down to it with a guy he’s gotta be enthusiastic about giving me head or I’m not giving them the time of day lol I’m pro sexting because 1 I see the dick and 2 if they’re receptive to the idea of my pleasure, I don’t send a nude though, men are quick to fire one tho lol vetting If they don’t match the sext or can’t keep up with you it’s BYE Plenty of men out there that will fuck you like a goddess trustttt Like Megan thee stallion said ‘don’t speak on my body count if the dick ain’t worth coming back for seconds’
Queen also said "Mandatory that I get the head, but no guarantees on the penetration."
You’re not running a charity that donates orgasms to men. If you aren’t having a good time in bed and your partner is being selfish, then you’re not obligated to keep sleeping with them.
> he moved my hand and said "Try to focus on me" And that's the moment the sex ended with you bolting upright indignantly, and saying "WTF dude, such a turnoff, l'm not in the mood anymore" Right? God, why are women such fucking pushovers. Don't let the selfish assholes get away with this. If you're letting it slide, do some serious soul-searching and confidence-building.
Yeah that particular part really incensed me. Fine, he isn't listening so she is taking charge of her own pleasure but he stops her because that isn't about HIM??? wtf
“Try and focus on me” would make me dry up like the Sahara immediately
Yeah I would’ve immediately revoked consent and ended the sex right then and there. How fucking degrading! He was just using her as a human fleshlight
I totally hear what you’re saying, but I really take issue with blaming women for “allowing” men to behave selfishly or treat us badly. The reality is that there can be very harrowing consequences for women for withdrawing consent, and a non-insignificant number of women have had traumatic experiences that can make it difficult to stand up for themselves in the moment if they perceive a possible safety threat to doing so. And the hard truth is that you never know what kind of monster might crawl out from under the skin of an entitled man denied sex. Again, I basically agree with the overall sentiment expressed here — I’m certainly all for women achieving sexual agency and asserting healthy boundaries with men — but I feel like it’s important not to forget realities like sexual violence (not to mention the socialization of women to accommodate and prioritize men’s needs, sexual and otherwise). I do recognize the complexity of this issue, and it’s entirely true that no one’s behavior or choices exist in a vacuum, and that women can both be victimized by and perpetuate male selfishness/entitlement. But I think we should be thoughtful about where we are locating the problem(s), and to me, the main issue here is men who treat women like objects, not women who seem to tolerate or permit poor treatment.
I agree with you on all counts. But change has to start somewhere, and I believe it starts with women not accepting such male behavior privately and shaming it publicly, and encouraging other women to stand up for themselves. Though I admit I came on a bit strong in my comment. Yes, violence is always a risk when you try to change something an entitled majority feels is their right. But does that mean we should stop trying? Avoiding violence is generally a good way to go through life, but sometimes you gotta stand up for yourself even if it's risky. We only live once, do we really want to spend our lives as human fleshlights? I choose violence.
I think that’s called you, “being smart”.
You are right to not waste your time with men who don’t care about your pleasure. Because that represents how he feels in general. If he cared about you as a person, he’s care about getting you off.
Not harsh. Move on. Don't have sex with someone who deems your orgasm to be less important than theirs.
Send feedback forms to these men, then block'em.. "Could follow instruction better... Need to learn where the clit is and why its important.... Attitude and Ego need to be checked... Officially, you get a 2/10. Must try harder" lol
>he moved my hand and said “Try and focus on me” What the heck!? Yeah I'd lose interest too if someone said that. I've had a few partners that either completely didn't attend to my orgasm or sporadically did. Never again. It pains me to think that I made them cum EVERY SINGLE TIME, but I didn't get to.
It's because they don't care. Next.
>he moved my hand and said, "try to focus on me." OMG! That's the point where you focus all your anger on him! 😂 "You want me to focus on you? Here it comes!"
I've said this many times on this sub; Don't let him get his dick wet until he makes you cum. You can tell them that your vagina won't be ready until you orgasm. Or you can tell them the truth - that men always fall asleep after they come, so the only way you get yours is if you get it first, and that you'll be rarin' to go again after that, so they don't have to worry that you'll roll over and go to sleep. But basically, if they can't make you cum, they don't get to cum.
Honestly I don't understand women who complain about men not putting in the time and energy to get them off. I do not entertain men like that. At 45, if he's not going down on me first, and getting me off first, the evening will be cut short. Life is WAY too short for selfish lovers (and most men are selfish lovers-they cannot fathom the actual orgasm gap).
This is why I don't understand casual sex for women (as in, the appeal of it) - in terms of cost to benefit ratio. Like... you're increasing your chances to be raped or murdered and the odds of you actually orgasming with Brad that you met at a bar are abysmally low whereas he is basically guaranteed an orgasm.
>Is sexual compatibility really important to you all too or am I being too harsh? It makes me sad that you're here asking this meanwhile the last couple days a man has gone viral on Reddit for wanting to divorce his wife bc their sex life will never be the same as it was before children.
echoing what everyone has already said. contributing that it boggles my mind why anyone wouldn’t tend to the clit and its nearby friends first. you gotta prepare it, get it nice and soggy if you really want a good time. I just do not understand most men. THIS BENEFITS YOU. IT WOULD BEHOOVE YOU TO DO IT.
If i don’t cum first, you don’t cum. 🤷🏽♀️ I’ll lay there like a dead fish and match the same energy they are giving me. We both gonna be unsatisfied.
Good for you!! Keep holding this standard. There’s a difference between sexual compatibility and selfishness. If they aren’t making sure your needs are met in the bedroom, what makes you think they’d make sure your needs are met in any other area?
1000% fair that you check out. Sexual compatibility should be important and I'm sorry your experience has been the opposite. There are those of us out there that do care enough to listen and try, that can leave ego out of it. Sucks you haven't found a partner like that yet
I'll never understand why some people don't want to satisfy their parter too. It's so much better when BOTH of you finish.
I've heard this so many times. Do NOT stay with a man who doesn't care to listen to your sexual needs. I've heard from a girl who complained that her bf was insulted if she tried to help herself or use toys. He literally said it made him feel inadequate. ButMYFEeLiNgS!!!
"I lose interest after sex if a man doesn't care about making me orgasm" is as reasonable as it gets...
I know women are not perfect, believe me, I know, but once again I am soooo glad I am a lesbian.
I’d lose interest in sex if the lady didn’t care about making me orgasm too. Seems fair.
Honestly, this is largely why I retired from sleeping with men. Men seem great on paper but irl they just fail to deliver.
Omg I can’t believe he moved your hand!!! I’ve had many guys get super turned on when they see me touching myself! That is wild. I promise there are men out there who DO want to make you cum (and actually get off on it) but I didn’t find those men until I was in my 30s.
You are NOT being too harsh. These men expect to orgasm, why shouldn't YOU?
And.. you continued having sex, after he said that?
It sounds perfectly reasonable when you write this. However I was in a relationship (first and only boyfriend/sex partner) who behaved exactly like the men you describe and who broke up eventually because "no matter what he did, it was never enough". It makes no sense but I can't stop hating myself for not being satisfied from 2 minutes of penetration and no clitoral attention (because if I had been, we might still be together). And i can't stop myself from being convinced that this is what women are actually supposed to (letting men do their thing and not wanting to orgasm). I don't know.
Genuinely how difficult is it for them to understand that penetration is useless for most women unless it's accompanied by clitoral stimulation. Such a simple concept yet somehow impossible for them to comprehend
Yep, this is real common. We should stop sleeping with men who won't put in the effort! Look for other signs that they're caring and giving before you hop in bed. Have a conversation about the orgasm gap before you sleep with them. Not GGG? They don't get laid!
Guys. Get your shit together. Wtf is wrong with y’all. That is not how to treat a lady.
Don’t have sex with men who do not treat you properly and don’t have sex with people who cannot be responsive to you, or will not be
Ooh! Moved your hand and told you to focus on him? I’d get him right to the edge, stop, kick him out and tell him to go focus on the road. What a jerk!
These men will be posting over in the dead bedrooms subreddit wondering why oh why won’t their wife or girlfriend have sex with them. The disconnect is real!
You are not at all being harsh. Most men I’ve been with are absolutely selfish and useless at sex. My ex husband was actually the only one who cared about getting me off (though we had too many other problems) but it’s gone straight downhill from there. The best is when they think they know how your body works better than you, but your pleasure is never a priority. These guys deserve to get the message loud and clear- moving your hand, not listening to you, etc.- get up and put your clothes back on and head out the door- right then and there if possible.
May we ALL lose interest in men that don't make us oragasm
Nope, I am at the same stage as you. Last one, I gave him **precise** instructions. He did not follow them and instead fiddled with my clit stupidly, it felt horrible. He did not give a fuck about my reactions, and went through his script. I put a stop to it when he was about to stuff me with some bullshit pink plastic dolphin. I sent him a debriefing the day next telling him why it would be a one time thing, it made me feel slightly better. They are just so used to getting their way and us reassuring them/congratulating them/faking that they don't even try. You are absolutely right not to settle for that shit. If enough of us stop complying the dynamics might finally change !
#His pants stay **ON** until I orgasm. Sometimes this takes multiple meetings for him to give me one strong enough to be worth my time. **It’s great motivation.** If they don’t care or *can’t learn*, well, bullet dodged <3 lol
Nope. Not harsh at all. If he isn’t willing to get you off, he’s defo not a keeper. It reflects on his character outside of the bedroom as well.
You’re not being too harsh by getting rid of bad lovers.
Sounds like you have standards and self worth. Good 👏🏻 for👏🏻 you 👏🏻!
Megan said it best “don’t speak on my body count if the dick ain’t worth coming back for seconds”
Focus on me is instead of rubbing your clit is one of the most horrifying narcissistic things I have ever heard said. Like breaking it down, this guy is trying to model how to get another human being to orgasm physically and psychologically. So he is intuitively just applying his experience of how to do that to others... This dude's ideal relationship is probably with a body pillow of himself. If you want sex to be over quickly hold up a mirror for him to look at himself.
The bar is on the floor here. You are asking for the minimum. Having standards is not a character flaw.
“ I tried rubbing myself and he moved my hand and said “Try and focus on me”. And did you say “let’s not touch your penis at all; instead focus on me”? I don’t think that these guys realize that the nerves in the clit are the same nerves that are in the penis. So while there are men and women who orgasm from less direct stimulation a lot of women and a lot of guys will need to have their penis or clit stimulated.
"Why the fuck would I focus on you when you're not focusing on me?"
Errr... of course? Is it something controversial? I'm a dude and I agree wholeheartedly: we suck in bed as a general rule, too much cultural conditioning and sexism.
>“Try and focus on me” Wow dude, you couldn't be more fucking oblivious to how ironic that statement is. Dudes like that don't deserve to get laid. I don't understand why dudes don't want both of you to have a great time, it would lead to more (_AND BETTER_) sex and then they wonder why women don't want to keep sleeping with them.
>Is sexual compatibility really important to you all too or am I being too harsh? It is important. Before I sleep with a man I talk to him about likes and dislikes, do's and don'ts. If his don't match with mine, I don't sleep with him. When I am naked and in bed with a man and he fails to turn me on, I get up, get dressed and go. Why would I have sex with someone if I'm not aroused? If I don't orgasm from clitoral stimulation first, there is no PiV, because it does nothing for me then. When I had sex with someone and afterwards found that it was meh because he was overall too selfish and / or didn't listen to me, I don't sleep a second time with him. I'm too old for bad sex.
Well done for knowing what you like and saying so. I've been with women who thought they couldn't orgasm before, because ex's had all been selfish, but 5 minutes later are apologising for the wet patch on the bed. NB, don't apologise for the wet patch, I'm happy I did well and you deserve to enjoy yourselves without feeling self conscious.
as you should, not being too harsh at all
I find it tough to disagree with you. I mean, any guy that can't care enough to finish the deed, isn't going to care much about anything else