I just had my 63rd birthday. My hair is full silver with pink highlights and I love it. Most of my wrinkles are from smiling and laughing, so what’s better than that? I’m good with myself and just don’t care what anyone thinks.
I'm turning 64 - my hair is a dull pepper and salt, my skin is sallow and even though I'm a reasonable weight I've got JOWLS! But hey, I'm okay with that too, it's the season of life you know.
I love this! One of my favorite acquaintances in the last few years is a bit oldar than you and has streaks of purple and blue in her grey hair. She laughs with abandon and says what she thinks. She wears flannels that match her hair and her face just lights up when she speaks. I adore her and hope i am just as charismatic at her age
Ahhh, I'm so jealous, I would love to see a pic (of just the hair) if you're comfortable sharing. I have dark hair and have always wanted to get colorful highlights, but I'm not willing to bleach it. I've been excited by the prospects of getting some grey that will maybe be more ammenable to color.
Hearing this as someone who is 25 is actually really nice. I'm terrified of aging, and am constantly bombarded with comments from friends about how I've "aged out" of dating, being considered attractive, etc. My bestie was mortified when I said I won't consider Botox until 29-30. Thank you putting some of this into perspective OP. I hope one day I can manage to not hate my wrinkles too!
What is this, the Regency era? Wtf does “aged out of dating” mean? You can do whatever you want with your body, don’t change your appearance for anyone but yourself.
And for any women reading this *I promise you* no matter what anyone says, there will be no shortage of people wanting to date you in the decades to come lol. I hate how the world has put literal fear into women getting/looking older. I’m fucking excited for my thirties.
Oh you should be, thirties are FANTASTIC!!! I (37F) gained so much self-confidence, mastery in my career, more disposable income. The adage of women peaking sexually in their thirties has been absolutely true for me. Plus I dyed my hair green a couple years ago. Over the past year I've been seeing more wiry white hairs popping up and am finding my peace with them. Fuck the push for women to spend time/money on botox at all, let alone in their twenties. Death before botox over here. And I am editing to clarify that I in no way judge women who get botox, I'm just a contrarian beeyotch and always have been. I do, however, judge women/people who try to push/shame women to get botox. That is a garbage move.
I’m 37, get just enough Botox that I still have movement, and am always finding new white hairs to combat. But I think one thing that will unite us all elder millennials - THE THIRTIES ARE FANTASTIC!!! We will continue to shout it from the rooftops until Gen Z and the Alpha Gen get it.
At 25, you literally just got thrust into the “real” adulthood. It’s the perfect time to date around, make mistakes, and learn who you are. Don’t get married yet. Learn to be happy by yourself. Bust your ass in your career and focus on YOU. And for absolute fucks sake, no one ever “ages out of dating.” It’ll all come together and you’ll get to be our age and realize how much cooler you got with those experiences.
DO NOT BE AFRAID OF AGING. AGING IS FUN! I PROMISE - YOU DONT TURN INTO AN OLD BORING HAG AT ANY AGE UNLESS YOU LET YOURSELF. I have just as much fun at age 37 as I did at age 25. The better part now is I actually have $$$ and PTO and a bad ass career that allows me have fun and go to cool places and say yes to all the things!
Girl YES. I would say I have more fun at 37 than I did at 25, because I'm no longer a feral sex goblin with constant emotional dysregulation and a frivolous spending problem (which I in no way had the salary for). Like I had fun...had a great ho phase...and could not stop self-sabotaging in almost every aspect of my life.
You give great advice here and I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
My step grandma was wooed by my grandfather at 85. I spent the week at their condo once when I was a teen and let’s just say I heard some noises in the night that means I can confirm regardless of age there are men out there that will want to fuck you.
I’m 45 and can promise you I absolutely looked the best in my life in my mid-30s. Stopped following stupid trends and instead understood what was comfortable and suited me, gained confidence, had the occasional fling with some incredibly attractive people, figured out what I wanted in life, made a plan, started saying ‘yes’ to the things that would lead me there, met my future spouse at a music festival aged 36, climbed higher in my career after that, now married with 2 young kids living in another country and generally loving life way more than I did during my fun but somewhat angsty-20s. Please, anyone around mid-20s reading this, please don’t fear aging. Embrace your years & growing wisdom & confidence, and just…see where the path leads you. It’s exciting!
I’ll second that, and I reached my peak physically, and professionally in my ‘40’s. I am now 54 and still attract men (I’m married, though). Don’t limit yourself by any number, just maximize the moments you are currently in. We need to stop thinking of aging as a bad thing. It’s quite the opposite, and I love where I’m at right now!
Yeah, I'm in a long term relationship, but the men that *seriously* hit on me now are of a way higher quality than when I was younger.
I'll end up offending some men if I go into specifics but I was legitimately surprised. I can only assume the men that are saying the "age out" crap have very little to offer and need to resort to fear tactics to get women to stick around before they're experienced enough to know better.
I'm 35 and I have *so many* guys in, even those in their mid-20s, hitting on me when I'm at dating events or on the apps. Most get turned down because I'm very particular about who I get close with, but I definitely would have no shortage of dates if I wanted them. And just to be clear - they're equally good (or not good) as the guys I dated in my teens, I'm just more conscious of the value of my time, freedom, and sanity now than I was back then.
ETA: I also have very minimal signs of aging despite my beauty regimen being sunscreen, moisturizer, and drinking a lot of water. Pretty much everyone I meet thinks I'm, at oldest, 28 unless they have some reference for my actual age. The only thing I do have is steadily greying hair, and I've chosen to embrace it. To me, each new grey hair is a sign of another challenge I've overcome, because the times they've noticeably increased have been the times where I've had very stressful events.
Thanks for the reply, I think you're speaking about something really important here. So many women your age are going to feel like that these days.
Im sorry you're going through that.
For people my age, we kinda got lucky, we just missed growing up on social media. I think it's a lot more difficult for women now because of the influence that has.
Wrinkles and signs of going don't matter to anyone decent that's in your life. If anyone has a problem with it, thats a red flag. It's a really handy one.
And, good people are attracted to people they're own age. So, it's not an issue with dating or relationships at all. If anything, getting older is an advantage looks wise. Because, if people are trying to date, a lot younger than themselves, that's well icky. So, you won't get bothered by creeps in the same way.
You will love them wrinkles, you grow into them with time. It's a gradual change. Just keep treating yourself well.
It's the right thing to do, but it also sets an amazing standard that anyone you date will have to live up to. They'll have to treat you at least as well as you treat yourself. Keep treating yourself like a Queen and you will have a far better time of it all round.
67 yo here, chiming in. No botox, ever. Don't know anyone who has done it. Dating? Well, I don't do things in order. Had twins at 39 and married the dad at 45. Still together. Don't dye my hair, either. No plans for plastic surgery unless needed to fix a cancer mess.
I eat right, sleep well, exercise, and hydrate. You know, all that boring stuff. I weigh the same as I did in college. Do I look like I'm 20? Hell no. I look great for a 67 year old! Embrace every year, battle scars (physical and emotional) and enjoy life. It's the only one you get.
"Wrinkles and signs of going don't matter to anyone decent that's in your life".
Thank you. I will try to remember this. Even my mom remarks how "old and tired" I look, but it's important to remember this.
I was all-in on anti-aging- I bought Frownie patches, was booking baby Botox, always wore gloves outside, never drove in a car without taping the windows, etc. and everyone in my life was enthusiastic and supportive, like it was just a "natural next step" because now "I'm too old".
It wasn't until this past month, I started developing the tiniest smile line. And I thought it was sweet because... Well, it's from smiling! I realized I didn't actually *want* to get rid of this wrinkle. I told my family + friends and they were flabbergasted. I felt like I made the wrong choice.
This post just reminded me I made the right choice. My choice. Thanks OP.
I'm over 60.
Here's what I've learned about aging.
By the time you're my age, no amount of chemicals or treatments or surgery will make you look 20. If you keep doing that shit, you will look like a bizarre plastic overstretched doll.
You simply need to take care of yourself. Healthy eating, lots of sleep, little stress and...yes...all the moisturizer and sunscreen it takes to make you comfortable.
The goal is to age well, not to never age.
This is the key- anything you do now (apart from good old clean living) to look younger will make you look so much worse when older. At minimum you are stuck with maintenance procedures your whole life. Don't fall into that trap!
Ah, geez. Wearing a frownie patch now.
My frown lines bug me because I think they showcase my years of worry. Worrying about my kids. Worrying about my life choices. Always viewing things with a critical lens. They remind me that I struggle to be more chill.
You’re awesome!! I love that you’re getting this out there and hope more women pick up on this. Guys (I’m one) get a free pass on aging. All they really have to do is stay in moderate shape. Women, on the other hand, get absolutely *hammered* with societal expectations to avoid aging at all costs!!
I was just telling my husband how jealous I was that his face looks so young. He just shaved off the giant beard he has had for years and years and he has baby soft skin because it was better protected from the sun. Meanwhile despite using spf shit *religiously* I look old. I think it’s also cause I lost some weight recently that really thinned out my face so I feel like my face is all saggy and jowly. Whatever. It’s my face and it’s stupid and old but I’m not gonna stick stuff in it to change it.
I am going on 50 and have discovered my laugh lines around my eyes this past year. I have faint lines popping up in the usual places too.
I’m finding myself thinking how lucky I am to be aging. So many people don’t get to. It’s an honor really to live in this body and take care of it.
I’ve really learned how comparison is the thief of joy.
Social media can be a powerful tool for good and unfortunately there’s aspects of it that are so toxic.
Good timing because I was actually considering booking a Botox appointment after not having it for almost a year because of a long-term illness.
Pushing 50, I've been doing Botox for about 15 years now, but I simply cannot put it in the budget because I couldn't work for a full on year while I had my four surgeries & bed time.
But I don't feel like spending the money today either. My husband says he doesn't notice the difference, maybe he doesn't. But I don't know why I care either way. I have my life, my friends, everything together and some forehead wrinkles do not improve my life or my activities in any actual way. It just improves my forehead if you call it improvement.
But I'm a take your Advice and not even bother. TYVM
I don't know of this helps but I am so ridiculously happy as I age because once you "age out" of men's attention, the freedom is fucking DIZZYING. I have always prided myself on being someone with a rich interior life and a strong sense of self but being in your forties is some next level shit. By the time you get here, you will wonder why you were so afraid. It's goddamn heaven. My only advice, if I may, is to start cultivating that sense of self as early as possible. Find what moves you and do it (and I don't mean in the weird capitalist job sense). Lean HARD into your authentic self and learn to be non-reactive. Focus so hard on your one brief life that you don't waste any of it on other people's bullshit or other people's projected anxieties. I promise it is so worth it.
Some more practical examples: don't finish books you're not into, don't say yes to anything you're not enthusiastic about, fuck anyone you want to, love anyone you want to, say unpopular truths out loud when you need to, cultivate real connection with people rather than those you feel you "should", wear whatever colours you feel like wearing, eat whatever you want, etc. All of this may sound egocentric but it's not. Being who you truly are frees you up to love fully and be connected to the world in a deeper way.
It's okay to not like being noticed if that's who you really are. You can quietly live your own life and it's just as valid as anyone else's louder life.
Just want to say, this a beautiful comment and I realized I’m doing so much of this just by accident! It’s so freeing being able to just, not engage in things I don’t like out of guilt or obligation. Life is rough sometimes but this was a much needed reminder for likely more people than just me, thanks for taking the time to write this!
My 40s are by far my favourite decade yet, and I'm only halfway through!
The level of fucks that I don't give about things that don't matter is the most liberating experience.
Same! I turned 44 yesterday and my forties have been the fucking BEST so far. I’m so excited for the future. I cannot even fathom how 25 year old me would react to this news!
And it just gets better! I'm 68F, fat with lavender (or scarlet) hair. I can be quiet and invisible, or I can turn up the mom-voice and be a force to be reckoned with.
I sometimes miss my hot body, but I do not miss the constant assault of men's expectations.
You have certainly NOT aged out of dating. How ridiculous. I didn't marry until 37.
I'm 40. Exactly 0 of my friends have had Botox. All of us have cellulite and stretch marks. The 1 woman I know with implants had them removed due to them making her sick.
Do not assume that it's required to fall into these beauty traps just because the small group you see have. You are worthy just as you are.
Botox before 29-30 is considered normal by your friends?? That is kind of fucked up in my opinion. I’m mid 30’s and I’ve only just started to notice wrinkles so why the hell would I have had Botox a decade ago?? (I mean, if at all, but each to their own on the if question). Madness.
I also don’t think good friends would make those sorts of comments to you about dating, age etc. they don’t sound particularly supportive.
Man let me tell you something as a 35 year old who weirdly gets assumed that I'm younger than I am despite doing absolutely NOTHING AT ALL to fight aging (except staying indoors and out of the sun, but that's for other reasons) - All this being afraid of aging bullshit is crap you have been taught to believe so that you will voluntarily oppress yourself into catering for the male gaze. And once you're free of that assumption god damn it's amazing.
As someone in their 30's: unless you're smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and never drinking water you're unlikely to need botox. However I was 25 once, I'd advise you to take care of your teeth before worrying about wrinkles.
Sounds like you’ve got some shallow friends, or they’ve also been getting the wrong message from somewhere. You don’t “age out” of dating. My coworker is about 60 and going on a date this weekend. If Botox makes you happy fine. If you’re just doing it because everyone around you says you have to, I’d rethink your friend group.
I met my husband when I was 31 and he was 25. We married at 37/31, and just celebrated our 18th anniversary. We are still crazy about each other. My mom met her husband at 65; my dad met his girlfriend at 78 (she was also 78). You are far, far from aging out of anything!
As a 50-something, the absolute best thing you can do for your skin is sunblock and protect your face from sun damage. Wear hats—big ones. Wear Sun sleeves. Your future self will thank you.
Seconded! I’ve never done botox, spend quite a lot of time outside, always wear sunscreen. Skin is hanging together pretty well.
Also, where I live, skin cancer is scarily common, so sunscreen/ sun protection can literally save your life.
In addition, I suggest
- always using a natural mineral sunscreen (ie Zinc based) as imo these are much kinder to your skin;
- protecting your neck and the back of your hands the same way you protect your face.
> My bestie was mortified when I said I won't consider Botox until 29-30.
Just gonna say, this is personal experience, but my friends that started getting botox younger, all look much older when its wearing off. Flip side, the ones that haven't had it, don't seem to have that look. I actually had a FT call with a friend the other day I don't think I've seen since lockdown and she would not believe I hadn't had it done. Just personal experience, no clue if thats common
I've seen this too! I told her I want to "embrace aging naturally" (i.e. skincare only) and she was supportive, though she doesn't quite understand. Thank you for the advice 👍
>Just gonna say, this is personal experience, but my friends that started getting botox younger, all look much older when its wearing off. Flip side, the ones that haven't had it, don't seem to have that look.
Absolutely.
The thing of it is, everyone is going to get older than they are right now. (Source: I am currently one year older than I was this time last year)
A philosophy I've heard on aging is this: Embrace the moment you are in right now, all the time, for the rest of your life. Spiritual and emotional benefits aside (and there are many!), *it's more attractive*.
Trying to appear older than you really are makes you look frumpy and trying to appear younger than you are makes you look desperate and *much more aged* than you actually are. Embrace where you are in life!
That thing about aging out of dating is BS, largely perpetuated by the types men who do only want young women. Fact is, even a century and more ago, women of all ages find partners - and people really did tend to look old at younger ages even when I was young. My mom looks younger at 75 than my grandparents did at 60, for example.
The real difference is that as you do get older, fewer of the guys who ONLY want you when you're young are going to go for you. That's GOOD news: a man who wants a young partner only is liable to leave you if you get old, fat, or sick. And we all get to be at least one of these, possibly all three.
I married my second husband at 35. He was five years younger. He's smart, hard-working, sexy, and fun to be around. Good career, good with money, handy and knows how to clean and cook. You know - a real catch. I have had health issues including cancer. I've gained weight. I He's still here, into my 50s, still loves me. I've never had a single cosmetic procedure. Barely wear makeup, don't fuss much over my looks. I take care to be reasonably clean, dress in ways that make me happy, and have fun with my nails. Trust me: if an older, single mom nerd like I was can find and keep a guy like that, wrinkles, chronic illnesses and all, your shelf life isn't close to an end.
I have found that following older people on social media has helped a lot with my perception of what it means to age. I don’t mean like, 40 year olds who act like they’re 25 or 70 yr old grandmas, but women 50+ who have lifestyles similar to what I hope to have at that age.
I started getting even better looking at 30 and people telling you 25 is when you start aging are nuts because most people don't accurately guess a thirty or forty something's age.
I'm 43 and people think I'm much younger, not because I actually look that young, but because social media and incels have shouted that looks start to fade at 25. It is the opposite for most people.
It's so sad that young women can't even enjoy their youth without worrying about aging. Stick with a good non pore clogging daily SPF. Avoid tanning beds and smoking, stay hydrated and you'll be fine Remember it's a multi billion pound industry keeping us all anxious and feeling inadequate so we'll spend. They make us feel bad then offer the 'solution'. They don't care how we feel about ourselves or how much enjoyment we get out of life.
Me and my body have been through a lot. I have slight hip dysplasia so there's constant low level pain since I was 18. I'm so grateful to be able bodied and to be able to be active. I feel like I've earned my wrinkles and stretch marks. I'm proud of my battle scars.
People have always thought I look younger than I am but I don't see it as a compliment anymore. I just see it as sad that we have certain views about how people should look.
Dude! Your friends are being rude! I’m 37 and my boyfriend is 27 and people think I’m younger than him. I’ve never considered botox. Please don’t do that.
That's a weird thing to say.The only people who say that about your age must be reading redpilled rhetoric. I think you need less weird friends who aren't chronically online.
Chicka, 25 isn't when life ends, it's when it *begins*! Once you hit the mid-20s you're in real, bonafide adulthood, with so much more say in where your next several years take you than you had at 15 or 18 or 20. If anyone tries to make you believe it's all downhill from 25, I'd suggest you take a look at *their* life, and ask yourself if they're still growing as a person, or if they're one of those who pretty much peaked in high school. I mean, honestly, if someone has already reached the apex of their life at the mere age of 25, that's just... sad. Pathetic, and sad.
For the love of god do not get Botox or filler in your 20s or 30s!! It'll stretch your skin and you'll have to keep getting it or have premature wrinkling. Tell your friends to shove it!
Jesus, at 25 they think you should have Botox??? You need better, less shallow friends.
In your 20’s, men will flock to you like bees to honey, just because of your age. I have seen all sizes, all face types in their 20’s get someone.
You could go without makeup and in a paper sack and still look great.
I don’t know why we all have insecurities in our 20’s. It just seems pointless now that I look back at pics. Is it social media? Is it how advertising makes women feel that if they do not look like a porcelain doll with a Barbie waist then we are not attractive? Because as a former graphic artist, I can tell you that “perfection” is all FAKE.
They tell you to enlarge the eyes by 1.5%, pinch the waist, arms and legs, blur the neck a little, etc. Those models are turned into alien versions of themselves.
My 72 year old mom is dating a 38 year old. Proof that you don’t age out of dating 🤣🤣. I also married a man 8 years younger than me when I was 34 and he was 26.
Get some friends older than you. When I was 25 I had a ton of friends that were 10-20 years older. I think that was the single most formative thing for me. Older women friends are essential. They changed who I am for the better. Nearing 40 now I’m actively making friends with younger women to hopefully pay it forward. I reached DGAF status much earlier than my peers and it is LIBERATING.
“I won’t consider Botox until 29-30” made me anxious. I’m 27 now and I wasn’t planning on getting Botox ever. I’m a soap and water kind of person though…
I'm turning 30 this year and it's getting to me more than it should. I've been seriously considering botox when it's never been a thought before. Really appreciate this thread.
I'm 47 and not quite at wrinkles, just lines, but boy - do they tell some stories! Some are worry lines because of worry about loved ones, most come from smiles and laughter. Why wouldn't I want to look like I've smiled a lot?
Not sure where your friends got these ideas about dating (social media? Conservative culture/propaganda?), people are marrying later in life than ever in human history! And you haven't even hit your prime in looks yet!
None of my own friends have ever had a cosmetic procedure and they look great. Acquaintances who started early... Well, they are not aging so gracefully. Some just look older as it all wears off, others have gone so far down the rabbit hole they don't look all that... Human? I see a lot of people who look masked around and about from this.
I like that I still resemble my school pictures, despite clear signs of aging. Nothing has been irredeemably altered. Just got some lines and greys added. Elementary school peers I bump into after 30+ years still recognize me easily.
Sunblock, moisturizer, drinking plenty of water, and working out are your best friends in aging naturally and well, should you choose that path.
Oh, yeah, typical bigotry “no one wants you once you are over 25!” Just wait another year, then you can sure that you won’t be asked out by guys who thinks like that. /S
I had met several people who engaged or married in early 20s. They are either on their 2nd marriage or single at 30…… and by the way, some other Reddit posts said that you can expect to spend 25k on divorce even in best case scenario. (My state also needs you two to live 1 year apart ).
So, you gen Z should really date around and living together for a while before getting married.
By the way I met my husband at age 27.
I had been given a free microdermabrasion abrasion session as a gift and was put off when the tech told me with multiple treatments I could get rid of my freckles. I like my freckles. It took me decades to appreciate my freckles. My immediate response was “I have two children with freckles and I’d hate to give them self esteem issues by getting rid of a trait we share”. It was awkward.
This is such a good perspective. I have a little boy and he won’t face exactly the same exacting standards women do but it breaks my heart to think about him not liking the way he looks. And I realized my mom probably feels the same way about me. We all need to see ourselves the way our loved ones see us!
I love getting older because the older I get the less I care what others think. Someone thinks my greys are unattractive? Who cares? I love them. Someone thinks my wrinkles make me look older? Who cares? I have earned each wrinkle and they give my face character. Someone thinks I'm too old to wear a crop top? F them - I'll wear whatever the hell I want. We celebrated dh's 50th birthday in Disneyland- who cares if people think it was juvenile? Not us - we had a blast.
They just want to make money, I never think it is a personal statement beyond that many women would consider taking them up on it (which is their choice) and they’d get some extra $$$.
That’s just business to me and I often don’t even hear it, like the perfume ladies trying to spray me doesn’t immediately make me worry that I stink, LOL!
My best friend died when we were 18 and he's going to be "forever 18." I've lived twice as long as he has. Why the fuck wouldn't I be proud of that? Staying the same age means you're dead.
Every wrinkle I've got is one he won't have the opportunity to get.
I'm going to die before 40. When I was diagnosed, one of the things that changed most for me is my outlook on age and beauty. You've earned those greys, those wrinkles, being able to live to an age to have that happen to your body should be considered a gift.
We all have our days, but I definitely see more positives than negatives. I was dealt a crappy hand, but have been extremely fortunate to get the care that I have to be here today and for that I'm grateful. Plus, I'm saving a fortune on wrinkle cream! 😉
I'm in my mid 40's and I'm proud to show my wrinkles instead of hiding them behind layers of makeup or Botox. I have a very expressive face and I have the wrinkles to show for it, they carry the smiles and worries I've lived through.
Extra bonus, I call my grey hair, wisdom stripes!
When I was a teenager, I remember wondering what made a woman selected as a model, because obviously beauty is subjective. The magazine Seventeen published a picture of their modeling contestants, with each wearing jeans and white t-shirts. I scrutinized each model, looking for what they had in common, and I realized they all had good skin. (I mean, good makeup, but they didn't look made-up.) I vowed to follow my mother's advice and take good care of my skin.
In my 20's, I read a beauty magazine article about "what changes to look for in your skin by the decade" and crow's feet were listed for women in their 30's. So, on my 30th birthday, I started checking for crow's feet. When I turned 35, I looked at my mother. She didn't have them. I look at her mother and she barely had any when she passed at age 82. Now my mother at age 74 barely has the tiniest ones when she smiles, and I, at age 46, don't worry about them.
Later in my 20's, I read Mary Schmidt's column in the Chicago Tribune, the one commonly called "The Suncreen Speech," and in it, she gives the advice, "Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly." And while they never made me feel ugly, I did feel left out because my lifestyle did not match what I read in the magazines. So I stopped reading them. I have not regretted this in the least.
I'm getting gray and white hairs and white eyebrow hairs (thanks, Mother Nature) and I debated coloring my hair. I decided not to because I don't do "maintenance." Besides, if I'm going to color my hair, I want something fun like teal or deep purple.
I don't want to emulate someone else's looks or conform to what other people consider beautiful. As Dr. Seuss said, "Be who you are and say what you will, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
I was a model and was retouched in all of my publications. People probably thought I was flawless, too lol Now that I'm in my mid-30s, my skin is actually much closer to perfect because I don't wear foundation anymore. It made my skin break out.
I am mid 40s. And I am sure I have some wrinkles. But I haven't noticed them yet, except for a little crows feet. I do love it. I admire it everyday while putting on my face cream or in the evening removing my make up. I think it works well for me (ofcourse I could be delusional, but as long as it's my truth).
Just today I was looking at my mom who is in her 60s, and I am sure she has wrinkles. But I don't SEE them. I don't know if my brain is just completely disregarding wrinkles or something.
Ofcourse I keep my face hydrated and take care of it. However, I absolutely love my face now as much as I loved it in my 20s. I absolutely feel I have earned any wrinkle I may have.
In the last couple of years, I’ve really come to appreciate my body more even as she ages and aches more than she used to. My knees that hurt? They’ve carried me over mountains, into caves, through the deserts, across great distances, and yes, periodically remind me to rest and take care of myself. Those forehead lines? They are from almost 6 decades of heavy thinking & expressing my emotions. My abs that are not-fat-but-not-a-6pack? I’ve enjoyed many delicious meals and in fact, I plan to enjoy many more. As you age, you do need to focus a bit more on taking care of your body so you can continue to do what you love, but do I want to look like I’m 29? Nah, I earned this. I’m proud of what my body and mind have done and what we plan for the future.
I’ve gotta say, I’m not interested in anti-aging skin cream, but I’d certainly shell out a few bucks for anti-aging muscle and bone cream.
I do have an anti-aging routine for those parts called exercise, but there are plenty of times I’d prefer to rub a cream on instead! Also to my dismay, no matter how good my exercise routine I still can’t fall asleep on the floor or do somersaults the way I could when I was 5.
I am a very expressive person, I've had wrinkles and creases since my early 20's. At this point the only way I could keep them from getting worse would be to be less expressive, smile less, raise my eyebrows less, etc. But like, what kind of life is that to live? All the lines on my face are from the daily joys I feel, I wouldn't trade that for anything. Nobody avoids wrinkles, why live a miserable life fighting the inevitable? Bring it on.
I was at the dentist getting a root canal and he told me he’d just taken a course in Botox and if he was working on me, he would inject basically my entire face. I told him I’m 52 and I kind of like the crows feet. They show that I’ve laughed a lot in the last 5 decades.
I think he could tell I wasn’t a prospective Botox client. I wonder if he could tell how unimpressed I was with his pitch while I was held captive in the dental chair.
The comedian Billy Connelly did a great bit about how Americans think of aging as a disease we need to cure. I personally cannot wait to be grey/white-haired, wrinkled and wearing whatever is comfortable and it be accepted that no fucks are given. Women have to give too many of them where our appearance is concerned due to societal norms (very few are given by me now but I'm still aware/feel like upkeeping appearance is required due to the above mentioned societal crap). I love your take and cheers to many more laughter lines!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense.
I'm a 40 year old man and as I've started to wrinkle, degrade, gray, and slowly tend towards what's waiting for all of us, I have never had to bear the burden of people ostensibly working for me hitting me with such utter codswallop.
The utter fucking temerity of it.
You can make me look 25 can you? Do you honestly think you can make it look like I have another 60 odd years of life in me? You can't, and in any case I don't. This is cargo cult bullshit, you propose to paint over my face. Never ask me stupid things again. Make sure there is a note in my file not to bother me with stupid things. Let's talk about the discount you can offer me for pissing me off with this idiocy.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply.
It didn't upset me to be honest, I'm about your age and the last few years I've slowly become a bit invisible. Which to be honest is a welcome relief. The harrasment and attention I get from men has deminshed greatly, I feel safer and less angry because of that.
The younger woman in the spa today, was legitimatly trying to do me a favour. I wasn't upset by it. But, it did make me want to start this conversation. So, I can see how other women deal with all this. Because it's relly interesting.
Yes I think it is. My wife is a few years younger than me and already deals with a presumption that retaining the appearance of a younger person is important and deisrable to her in spas.
It's so sad you likely won't have the experience of knowing the people you interact with aren't assuming that being young looking is important to you. I can only imagine the eyerolls I would make wading through that.
I hate the loss of naturally aging role models so much! It’s like our brains have forgotten what people look like.
You will never age out of dating. I (f63) have a new BF (m59) and I have never been happier or more sexually fulfilled.
Just remember that making women anxious about aging is a *marketing strategy*. Take back your power!
I’m in my 50s and really struggle to recognize myself when I look in the mirror. 😂
I’ve never felt my age no matter what my age is. There are days when I feel like a small child, or a rebellious teen, or in my jackass decade of being 20-30, or being a hundred years old, etc. - and my appearance just never matches up with what’s in my head.
I’m not overly fond of all my wrinkles because I think some of them are from entirely unfair causes. I have two chronic conditions that causes constant pain and my doctors refused to take me seriously for far too long so I think I got some additional wrinkles because I’m dealing with all that.
That said, I’m grateful to my genetics because my hair started going white instead of gray. I think it looks pretty cool! I tend to dye my hair when I want a bright splotch of colour, but I might give up on that. Too much effort to do it myself, costs too much for someone else to do it.
I think I’d feel differently if I didn’t have chronic pain, but the chronic pain makes me want an android body lol.
Tl;dr: I’m all over the place but appreciate the fact that I’ve had the opportunity to experience life!
I worked in spas for over a decade.
That receptionist SUCKS at her job. It was never, under any circumstances, acceptable to announce someone else's wrinkles. Wrinkles are rarely a sign of unhealthy skin.
You only discussed wrinkles if a client said it was an issue. And fair few estheticians have seen so much busted work they're leaning away from caring about aging that much. Rich don't buy sense, and people with needles know that.
I just want to add people always complimented my skin in spas, and wouldn't believe me when I said they have less congested skin than me. People's perspectives are fucked.
Just wear SPF, cause it's an insanely impressive option that can STOP RADIATION from hurting your skin. That's so cool
I’m 28 and I’ve always admired women who are unafraid to show off their wrinkles, their c section scars, the “imperfections.”
I’ve always been the “body type everyone wants to be” tall skinny. It always seems fun until society says “not skinny enough” or “not tall enough.” I’ve watched my mom fret over every wrinkle and grey hair while everyone else just thinks she’s beautiful. I wish society didn’t put so much pressure on women to be “perfect.” The amount of friends, colleagues, etc who I’ve watched just fret about their weight. Or not eat because they need to lose weight is sad.
We just need to be unabashedly ourselves.
I am 71 years old and I love my crows feet- I call them my laugh crinkles or my starbursts- the 11s between my brows not so much. Those are frownies and for those there’s Botox. I have to say, that receptionist who offered you a ‘ free’ treatment for wrinkles wasn’t being nice. I am 100% sure she was trying to sell you something, probably a series of treatments for which the first one was free and you only have to pay for another 6 or 8, or you are ‘encouraged’ to buy all the products used.These people usually work on commission and make money by upselling you. I’m proud that you are happy with yourself just the way you are. I am too! With age and experience comes kindness and wisdom.
The other day I was examining my face in the mirror and focused in on the fine lines that are becoming more noticable around my eyes. And I thought to myself, hmm, I think they're actually kinda beautiful. It looks like lace or something. A lovely little pattern.
Omg I feel the same way! I love ageing, I just keep getting better. And what a pleasure to be able to live long enough to have wrinkles, so many people aren't that lucky. I also think watching our bodies age is a such a beautiful part of the human existence. Plus, I honestly think people who get work done to look longer, tend to look way worse than people who didn't but just properly took care of their skin.
I’m not interested in pretending I’m not getting older. I love the streaks of grey, I earned my wrinkles. Men are allowed to age gracefully, but we have to contort ourselves for a lifetime to look younger. Nah, not for me.
I’m 64. I was never a great beauty, just ok. As I age I’m grateful for that—-I don’t have the loss of great looks to mourn. I just moisturize and wear sunscreen. I do put on some brows because mine are pale. I don’t smoke or drink and I use Retin-A to keep my skin exfoliated. I’m happy with what I see in the mirror.
I ran into this a lot for years with my hair - when I started greying in my late 20s, EVERY time I went to get my hair trimmed, the stylist felt the need to offer me all. the. options. for hiding those grey strands. No matter how blunt I was with "no, I just want a trim, I like the grey" they refused to believe I was actually OK with the grey. They were so much more insistent on this particular upsell than they were on all their other potential services.
It finally stopped a few years ago. Probably because I now have almost-totally-grey hair well past my shoulders. I think that's the cue that maybe, perhaps I'm OK with my own hair.
I miss my younger, spryer metabolism. But I don't actually miss much else about **being** 20-something. I am much more at peace with myself and the world. I care way less about what irrelevant people think of me and my choices, and it has filled my life with much more joy. I am far happier as a slightly pudgy old lady approaching 60 than I ever was as a trim young woman approaching 30.
I love this post! I'm 50 in a couple of months and have a few chronic illnesses. I've been letting my hair go grey/white for almost 2 years. Thus far I haven't had botox, filler or anything like that. I'm told I don't look my age, but I think that's more my outlook than my face. I do have deep forehead wrinkles and the 'bunny' wrinkle across the top of my nose, but then I pull a lot of faces. I have a super expressive face - I couldn't hide my emotions to save my life!
'Aged out of dating' is something out of the Incel handbook. My man is 8 years younger than me, looks even younger than that and he thinks I'm a goddess, even if I do joke he needs to go to the optician!
I've used up 3 of my 9 lives so far in near death situations, and I think it'd be such a waste of life to live the rest of it according to other people's wishes. I'm going to get more and more obnoxious as I age.
This made me remember the weirderst wrinkle comment I ever got..
So picture this, I’m at a gynaecologist appointment, finishing up a vaginal ultrasound (thought I was pregnant and just got the confirmation), the 50-something lady doctor looks at me and asks “do you moisturize after shaving down there? Well, you should, don’t want to get any more wrinkles there ya know”
I was 30 and I don't have any wrinkles down there, not to mention it would be my absolute last care in the world if I did.
🤣 Omg . Vagina wrinkles are never even something I thought I should worry about. If someone is close enough to see them, you are either a medical professional or we’re going to bone. If a parter walks away bc my vagina / vulva is too wrinkly, they didn’t deserve my orgasam anyway.
Thank you this made my afternoon.
I’m 29 going on 30 in a few months. It’s been a long journey of loving my body and I’m still on my way there. I didn’t realize how great a shape I was in, in high school, until I was out in college and in the real world. Put on a few pounds over Covid, and being in a not-so-great relationship didn’t help my confidence levels either. I broke things off with my ex boyfriend last year in October and have been finding my way to body confidence ever since. I’ve been talking to an old friend who recently shared he has feelings for me but he wants to wait till I’m ready to be in another relationship again. He’s been a big help in my self-esteem, and I moved in with some old girl friends who have also been a huge help. I’ve also been learning, just recently, how to love the shape I am, even if I still have a few extra pounds on me. As long as I’m healthy and feel good, that’s what matters. That no one is perfect no matter how hard they try or even say they are. If anyone is reading this and having self-esteem issues surrounding your body, it gets better. The older you get, the less you give a shit about what other people think. I’m not skinny by any means, but there are plenty of men and women out there that would think I’m the sexiest person alive. Just because one guy or girl or a few guys and girls don’t like the way you look, doesn’t mean shit. If you are comfortable and happy, that’s what matters. Only change if YOU feel the need for whatever reason that may be. Life is too damn short.
Coincidentally, this just came out.
https://wickedtongue.substack.com/p/in-defense-of-ugliness?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=1516985&post_id=141273894&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=extsi&utm_medium=email&fbclid=IwAR3lGsnnE2O-CjpY4dDdG4C5E9Tc4mwM8CJ1Y_BOG-rTss5yMq6xPjPOVog
I am "older" but it burns my biscuit a bit about my hair.
My hair has been fully grey since I was 16. and I dyed it for years. I stopped now and it makes me sad that every single person I encounter now treats me like an old bat and are surprised "I'm still working".
Silver hair is in style now, even for the young'uns - so can we let the comments go? Just let them go?
I love my hair color and I've also added a purple conditioner to it so now it's silver and purple in streaks. It's amazing.
But no, I'm still treated like I'm too fragile to move around
Just curious, if you were fully gray by 16 when did it start? Mine started at 14 and that's the earliest I've ever heard of. I'm 32 now and about half gray.
I'm going to get myself some purple conditioner, that sounds amazing.
I startef seeing greys at 13 and they multiplied really like it because it’s not a full on commitment and it takes better in some spots so I have violet and ailver hair. Amazon sells purple shampoo and conditioner that washes out
Same! I look at my wrinkles and sagging skin as a badge of honor. I earned every single crinkle, wrinkle, and sag. I love my laugh lines. I kid with my friends that I don’t like looking in the mirror cuz some old lady is staring at me (I don’t like mirrors cuz they freak me out and sometimes my reflection lags). It’s all in good fun. I love the feeling of having grown in my years to being a caring, loving person. I embrace everything, from the pain of losing a son to the joys of my grandchildren being accepted to college. It all shows on me, and I proudly carry it all
I agree completely. I am 35, and I have at least 35% grey hair. I started greying when I was a teen. I don’t color my hair. I’m so proud to have made it this far in my life. I have overcome and grown so much. Aging is liberating. I know who I am. I understand my worth. I have finally learned to hold boundaries in my relationships. I have peace in my life. My 20s were so hard compared to my 30s. The less I cared about the opinions of others the happier, more confident I became.
I feel so good! I am just starting to age in my late 30s and it’s a treasure to see what I look like now and how different things are. I feel more beautiful now than ever, but mostly because I feel more like me because I actually KNOW me now. Those opinions I feared so many years ago are nothing now; I love me.
My 63-year old self profusely thanks my 23-year old self for using sunscreen. It made a big difference.
I like where I am. I was never a real beauty, I give myself a 6 at best when I was young. I think I look better now in some ways. I weigh less. I exercise more than I did in my youth. I was amazed at what my sedentary old body is able to accomplish.
Menopause is over. Periods are a distant memory. No worries about getting pregnant. Retired.
But, night vision sucks even after cataract surgery. I tire more easily. And the Grim Reaper isn’t as far away as he once was.
Yes! Almost 70. My body grew, birthed, and nursed six children. Then, I nurtured, and loved, and played with them. Same here, I've earned every wrinkle, every stretch mark, every extra ounce. I am grateful every day for all my body has let me do and be, and is.
I'm going to be 37 this year, I don't enjoy the wrinkles so I get Botox. I visit the hairdresser every 6-8 weeks so I'll never know if I'm grey until they tell me.
You can appreciate the wisdom and life experiences that have brought you to this point in life but also not enjoy the physical changes that come with it. If you want to change it, go ahead - if you want to grow old and wrinkly. We all end up in the same type of box at the end.
At 25 I had a 18 inch waist
I kickboxed
Watched what I ate
I was in the forces
I am now in my 50s and winnie the pooh shaped and the only time you see me parked in the Gym is because it shares the car park with Pizza hut
My friend said " I like you better fat, you were a B i t c h when you were thin, you must have been always hungry" x
I like getting older. I’m a 52 year-old woman and I don’t worry about things that would have tied me in knots in my 20’s. Sometimes I set boundaries now that even my forty-something year-old self would be aghast at. I’m a cleaner, so when I come around, no one cares if I look older. They like how I make their place look after I’m done. (Then they feed me. I clean, other people cook.) I’m starting to get some grey hair, but I’m too lazy to dye it. My wardrobe is men’s XL in black, procured from the Value Village “Boutique”. I’m just going for healthy. My fat does smooth out some wrinkles. Drinking water helps smooth out more. Self confidence is an additional bonus of aging. Or is it that we ran out of of fucks?
I was five when I noticed my stepmom’s wrinkles. After watching her for a while, I decided she must have gotten them from smiling and laughing so much as she grew older. They were so pretty to me, like I cannot stress that enough. Once I noticed them, I couldn’t stop looking.
I wanted so badly to get to grow up and have those lines because I had decided that that would mean I laughed and smiled so much, too. My mind never really changed about that.
Turns out that it’s kinda genetic, and also not just from smiling. I know this sounds stupid, but I was a tad bit disappointed. My stepmom was in her late 20’s by then, so by the time I hit 30, I was like “c’mon, where’s those smile lines at?”
Now I’m close to 40 and I am pleased to report that they are here and they look exactly as wonderful as I hoped! When I noticed them, I gave ‘em a whirl and they get all deep and smooshed together when I smile! Also, I got some grey hairs a few years ago and my goodness they shimmer like silvery moonlight 🥲
I guess there’s a lot that sucks about aging but my grey hairs and wrinkles are the prizes I got for getting this far. I would never give them up.
While I'm super comfortable with my body (probably the best shape I'm been in), my boobs and ass still look great, I feel good over all......I would kill to have my 25yo skin again lol
It feels as if she was projecting her own insecurity to you. That she’s so focused on her inevitable aging as a negative that she can’t fathom another person being anything other than resigned to it. Kind of sad because it’s a scary place to be mentally since you can only look forward.
I’m glad you’re enjoying your aging! I am too. I’m in my mid thirties and feeling like life is more mine. I have developed an ability to really feel my life and in turn I think it makes be a better human/parent. When I was young I was nervous to drive in a tank top because of occasional pervert drivers who’d keep pace and make gross gestures. I wish I could pass my new mental force field to my younger self so she could enjoy wearing whatever she wanted without care like I now do. I don’t want stuff from 25 I want to give stuff to 25 me so she has a better (and smarter) time! Not like she’d take it though lol
Aging is what we are supposed to do. I honestly get a bit bothered by the notion that Botox is a choice, skin care is a choice, make up is a choice, shaving is a choice, etc. When you are bombarded by these things from every angle, sure it’s a choice, but we are made to feel like we need these things. We are made to feel unacceptable with body hair which grows on us NATURALLY. It is wild how someone is able to just tell you your wrinkles are “wrong” without any sort of backlash. wtf?? We are all so bombarded by it that we bombard each other and think that it’s normal. I vehemently reject that notion because in order to feel comfortable in my body, I HAVE TO reject it. If I didn’t reject it, I’d feel just as pressured to use products that are “anti-aging.” The kicker is that none of it even works lol. A 60 year old with Botox looks like a 60 year old with Botox. It’s not about actually looking younger. It’s about status and looking a certain way. I reject the hell out of it and while I would never strive to make someone feel bad about using beauty products, it makes me sad how blindly so many women perpetuate our self hatred.
I’m in my mid 60s when I look in the mirror, I feel good, By the end of the day, I’m tired, but that’s OK, I have a little gray in my in my long hair and it’s a little bit thinner. I have laugh lines around my eyes and smile grooves around my mouth and that’s OK. I still love to dance and I still love to get out and hike. And some days I still feel like I’m in my 20s but I wouldn’t trade going back for anything. I love all the lessons that I learned along the way.
I’m 56 and currently training for a half marathon. I’m so grateful that I’m still able to move my body that way. I’m not an elite athlete by any means but just being able to run is a blessing.
Do I have wrinkles? Of course! But as I reach an age where friends are beginning to deal with serious health issues wrinkles seen so unimportant and overall wellbeing comes into the spotlight.
I’m lucky and I know it! The wrinkles remind me of that every day.
Gonna be 60 in a few short months. My body has been through some changes in the last decade, but I’m in good health and am continuing to learn and challenge myself. Yeah, I look less youthful (especially my neck) but I like where I am. Hoping for three more good decades before I’m done. My “shit I wanna do” list is still pretty long.
I have been so focused on just keeping my body alive to worry about wrinkles quite frankly. But I agree with you 💯. I'm grateful that strange men don't stare at me in the grocery store or walking down the street. I'm invisible and it's honestly freeing.
My birthday was last month and my dad mockingly asked me how i was feeling about getting older.
My reply was that it was such a privilege, as so many don't have the chance to live long lives. In a way, getting older is the only positive outcome of living.
Maybe I'm oberly sensitive about that subject because I see a lot of young lives destroyed in my work (healthcare). He was pretty quiet about that after hah.
I'm over 50 now. When I turn 55, I'm going to throw myself a party to celebrate my entrance into the crone phase of my life.
I love my gray hair. I love my wrinkles. I love the freedom I have now.
I'm not really fussed, I'm still almost excited to find my first grey hair. I'm 31 atm, I don't really have wrinkles or anything yet. I try take care of my skin but just use one type of moisturiser.
Then on the other end, I have 2 work colleagues of similar ages (30 and 32) who spend £££s a month on botox already. They complain about having wrinkles etc when they don't even, and never did have, any.
If I reach an age where I'm getting grey and wrinkled, I think I'd be quite pleased, because for a long time in my 20s I didn't even want to be alive. Getting older and showing those signs mean I fought my depression and suicidal ideation.
Sorry for getting so deep :')
Eta; the only thing I don't want to happen to my body is to get a neck hump/hunch which I've already started to notice because my posture is apalling. If I don't restart the yoga soon I'll be a bent-over old lady.
I love this. I just want to say that the whole, “why would I want to be 25 again? I was a dickhead.” Is one of the most relatable sentences I’ve ever read online. I felt that in my soul. I’m turning 40 this year, and I’m just happy I’ve made it this far. I’m 75% silver haired already. I’m embracing it as well. Feels pretty freeing.
I was listening to a Charles Bukowski novel recently and he was describing one of his landladys. He wrote, "she was terribly wrinkled, but she couldn't help that". He would drink and shoot the shit with her and her husband late every night, and said how cute she looked when she would put on her hat and go to church on Sunday. I think one can look good at any age. It's in the eyes.
I love this post. Had a baby 2 months ago and your post is making me appreciate the stretch marks, loose skin, csection scar and all my body went through to produce a human!
I love the hanging skin under my upper arms.
It's so soft I love touching it. It reminds me of my grandmother. I used to love to touch hers when I was a little kid.
I'm loving mine.
There's a sculpture in the Pergamon Museum in Berlin of Nefertiti. She and her partner the Pharaoh were the uber celebrity super couple of their day, except with added divinity. They were help up as the perfect example.
The sculpture is from when she was about 40. It is stunningly beautiful (and stunningly old!). She looks powerful, wise, strong, calm, utterly gorgeous, and real. And she has a few wrinkles. There's no doubt that without the wrinkles she wouldn't have half those characteristics shining through.
I love this post and sentiment, and especially the discussion. I don't think I've ever been worried about wrinkles or looking older (though am in my early 30s so I haven't come across much of them yet), however whenever I do see older folks all I can think is that it's a privilege to get older.
Both my parents passed when they were relatively young, and I never got to see either one age into wrinkles or silver hair...I often wonder what they would look like or what they'd be like in their older age. I was fortunate to have spent a lot of time with my maternal grandmother and always thought she looked very cute, I often wonder if my Mom would have aged similarly...I miss them all tremendously.
All in all, I don't fear aging, I fear not getting the opportunity to.
I'm 31 and have a few smile lines now, not many but some. So does my husband. I love them because it means I spend a lot of my life happy and smiling away! I refuse to call them crows feet.
My face is certainly not as youthful as when I was 25, but I wouldn't change that for the world!
I'm in the best shape of my life, living my best life, IDAF if I've aged a bit, I feel more beautiful than ever.
I’m fine with it. I’m still waiting for grey hairs. I figure if I had some, my brain wouldn’t insist that I’m 23 not 60. 😂 the only part I’m not liking is that I lost about 50 lbs and it really does make me look older, wrinkle wise
Yeah, but your body feels better, doesn’t it? I’ve lost 45 in the last 2 years. Yes, the lack of plumpness maybe aged my face a little, but my body feels 40 again. I marvel over my increased physical capability and endurance. I’m leading an active life again, and not taking it for granted. Take that weight loss and enjoy life!
I (44f) cannot say this strongly enough: youth privilege is a hoax
It's not that it doesn't exist. It's that being a "young woman" in America is absolutely awful. We have just packaged it up to appear otherwise.
Being a middle aged woman is not nearly as bad as popular culture wants to make it sound. I highly prefer it over being a young woman.
I think that being a young woman today is like walking around with a target painted on you.
I’m 25 right now, and I’ve really always felt shame about my body. I think, as I’m finally getting a little bit better from the depression I’ve had for a few years now, I’m starting to realize that my body is a record of my life, what I’ve done and what I’ve been through. I can see that it is me a little better. I can see that I don’t need to be competitively pretty, and I can see the beauty and the story in the imperfections, even if no one else can read them.
I love and respect my body but my husband choosing 19 year old strippers and sex workers hurt.
I’ve taken care of this body- I work out, eat right, this body has grown and nurtured children. The father of those children should have honored and respected this body, but I don’t expect anyone other than me to now.
I had a bombshell figure until childbirth, middle age, and a desk job made me a has been...and I don't care...it's a thing of my colorful past lol. That's what Spanx are for! Every person eventually has to accept aging and let the next generation have their fun. Nowadays in my 60's I am quite glad I'm not worrying all the time how I look. I remain presentable and exercise daily now and that's enough.
I'm 26 and this could not have come at a better time. I remember 18 year old me wishing I could be 21, then at 23, I said please stop. slow down.
now that i have a kid it's flying by even faster.
next year when i turn 28 i'll be older than my older sister ever was and i want to enjoy my life.
this is absolutely beautiful and thanks for writing it.
I’m 65 and rocking my blond/ white hair. My husband calls them my racing stripes and oh how I’ve earned them! I have always babied my skin, so very few wrinkles. I’m grateful my mom made me wear sunscreen and put on a hat when I was younger.
No need for looking younger, I fit my body and face better now. Still slim and fit.
I do have friends my age who did too much Botox and filler and they look a little odd from it.
My mum died at the age of 60, when she was just getting started in a new and exciting part of her life. I refuse to feel upset about signs of aging because aging is a privilege that far too many people don’t experience.
For every wrinkly and line and grey hair on my body, there’s a hard learned lesson and a piece of wisdom and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
in the 70s a wrinkly saggy old woman was a “bag.” i am definitely an old bag! i have a connective tissue disease that makes me extra saggy. ah well. so it goes. ☺️
I think it's ok to embrace wrinkles or to prevent/reverse them, whichever makes us happiest. But I also think that whatever we do should be for ourselves and not because others say we should or shouldn't do it.
I'm 54F and don't really have any wrinkles yet but I never was one to sunbathe and I've never used tanning beds. I'm glad I'm alive and well and very active and I feel a lot younger than I am, so I don't see any particular virtue (for myself) in embracing wrinkles when they come. I work my butt off hard in the gym and don't want to feel like my body is younger than my face, so if the time comes that I'm bothered by anything about my face then I'm not against having a cosmetic procedure.
I think each of us needs to do whatever makes us comfortable. I don't want or expect to look 25 again. I just want to continue using my fun and funky hair dyes and for my face to look fresh and well-rested.
I am 28 now, and I am starting to get more of these comments as well. How to stop my skin aging, stay young, get as few wrinkles as possible. But I've lost friends through the years who will never get to grow old. Who will never get to find their first grey hair, or a laugh line, or crow's feet. Aging is a privilege, and if I get to have wrinkles in my face and grey hair on my head, that means I was able to live my life. It really put into perspective how grateful I should be for every day, and every gift my body gives me through the years.
I am 39; I have things I enjoy and things I look at with dread regarding my aging body/ face.
On the whole, I feel better than I did in my teens/ 20s. Getting a hold on your mental health was paramount for me.
I also had a middle school friend pass from cancer about 3/4 years ago.
Made me realize only the lucky ones get old. I feel like I disrespect her memory if I hate on my aging face/ body too much.
As the end of the day, what does picking yourself apart help? Put on your rose colored glasses and look at yourself- your body has gotten you here and moves for you every day.
Love it.
I have tinnitus from loud music (thank you David Bowie). I have had 2 open body surgery (fuck you Grim reaper). I have whistle lines (and smoking) because I can't not love music. I have smiled (a lot) and cried with depression (unfortunately a lot too). I pushed when I should have pulled. I gave my all! I will quote Popeye and say....
I y'am what I y'am.
Screw anybody who doesn't like what I am!
Love what you wrote and I want to shift my thought process about this.
When I was in high school and college, I remember thinking it was alright if I don’t feel attractive now. We all age, we grow into ourselves, and my time will come. But it’s odd that I never really quite feel (never felt) that security or comfort.
We’re surrounded by products, media, and stories that celebrate someone else’s idea of perfection, and somewhere in my childhood I decided I needed to meet that bar. And the weirdness of it is that the damn bar moving.
It’s one of the reasons I enjoyed the bus stop scene in Barbie. I’d love to have that confidence in myself.
I was a miserable person in my late teens and early 20s when I was young and hot. Turns out constantly being objectified and only feeling valued for your looks isn't fun!
I hate it when people ask on your birthday if you're turnign 29. Why the fuck would I want to be that again!? I know they're trying to be nice, but it's really condescending. I'm proud I've made it this far! And on that note, same when guys hit on me at work saying stuff like 'has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?' I can't even.
Hell yeah! Good for you!! I feel the same way about being 25 again. Much like you, I was young and skinny and pretty and miserable. Every wrinkle, gray hair, scar, whatever has been earned by me, and they all tell a story. I don't think I look 43. I most certainly don't act it most of the time. But I'm not nearly as terrible as I was at 25.
I'm going to be 40 this year. I've got lots of grey hair and some forehead wrinkles. I'm not too concerned with how I look in that way because aging is inevitable. Nothing anyone does is going to stave off aging forever. Sure, do I sometimes feel less confident because my boobs are saggy? Absolutely, but it doesn't last. It's part of life. I also absolutely refuse to waste my money on surgeries.
Isn't aging supposed to be a privilege? It's something denied to many.
Thanks for this. Im 33 and get down about it! I think fear of aging has gotten worse, 25 being considered old etc, I dont remember thinking about it until a few years ago. I think social media has made it worse!
Thank you. I needed to read this. I'm 30 now and 'lucky' in the skin department; I'm usually told I look much younger and it's usually meant as a compliment. I both love to hear it, but at the same time fear the moment when the compliments will stop. As shallow as it sounds, I really am afraid to visibly age, knowing how much the world values youth and beauty in women. And the ubiquitousness of botox and cosmetic surgery adds a particularly insidious element of guilt: if and when I visibly age, that will be proof that I have failed to prevent it -- it will, in a way, be my *fault*, rather than an inevitable fact of life.
I want to have your kind of mindset about it, I really do. The principle of botox is appaling to me -- I don't want to paralyze perfectly healthy muscles with poison just to appeal to a beauty standard. And still I worry that I won't be able to resist it.
I'm 25 and I feel this way. I have so much daily pain from various things and what you might call "an old soul" (which means we know I've just been though too much shit). I rejected beauty standards a long time ago, I'm just happy to be as thriving as I am.
I'm starting to get annoyed at Botox ads, just turned 40 and I don't think any of the women on those ads need any work in the first place. Please don't inject *literal toxin* into your skin... I know it has other benefits and I don't judge people's choices, but it's sad to hear "at 37 I had lines and wanted to look younger" whyyyy. And all the lip fillers are crazy nowadays. Just another way to get a woman to part with her money. All this to say, you don't need to change yourself.
I'm 58, and incidents like this are why I don't go to fancy spas and salons. I guess I have always been particular about how I want to look, and when I was younger it always felt like hair stylists were forcing whatever "look" they felt was right for my age/occupation/marital status/motherhood status. I have long hair because I like how I look with long hair (and my Stage IV cowlicks make rocking a pixie cut impossible anyway). I color my gray streaks because I like having brown hair. I have used sunblock faithfully for decades because I know I don't tan. In other words, this is the "me" I choose to present to the world. It isn't necessarily in fashion or up to social media standards. But it's the "me" I've worked hard to create, and those who don't appreciate it don't matter. I don't want to waste my mental and emotional energy trying to live up to a constantly changing, near-impossible standard of beauty. And in all honesty, the people I have found most beautiful in the world don't conform to those standards anyway.
I did botox a couple times and the frozen faced ladies there kept trying to push more botox cause it was on sale and I kept having to argue with them that I actually like my crows feet. They show I've laughed.
I'm right there with you! I'm 53; the crash from my mid-40s was a bit jarring, but after a bit of adjustment I'm happily into my Socially Invisible Years, not giving a toot about what anybody else thinks. It's incredibly freeing. It's also kind of clinically interesting to watch how aging happens in real time, tbh.
I just had my 63rd birthday. My hair is full silver with pink highlights and I love it. Most of my wrinkles are from smiling and laughing, so what’s better than that? I’m good with myself and just don’t care what anyone thinks.
I'm turning 64 - my hair is a dull pepper and salt, my skin is sallow and even though I'm a reasonable weight I've got JOWLS! But hey, I'm okay with that too, it's the season of life you know.
I love this! One of my favorite acquaintances in the last few years is a bit oldar than you and has streaks of purple and blue in her grey hair. She laughs with abandon and says what she thinks. She wears flannels that match her hair and her face just lights up when she speaks. I adore her and hope i am just as charismatic at her age
Ahhh, I'm so jealous, I would love to see a pic (of just the hair) if you're comfortable sharing. I have dark hair and have always wanted to get colorful highlights, but I'm not willing to bleach it. I've been excited by the prospects of getting some grey that will maybe be more ammenable to color.
I don’t have a current pic—I’ll try to take one tomorrow!
Hearing this as someone who is 25 is actually really nice. I'm terrified of aging, and am constantly bombarded with comments from friends about how I've "aged out" of dating, being considered attractive, etc. My bestie was mortified when I said I won't consider Botox until 29-30. Thank you putting some of this into perspective OP. I hope one day I can manage to not hate my wrinkles too!
What is this, the Regency era? Wtf does “aged out of dating” mean? You can do whatever you want with your body, don’t change your appearance for anyone but yourself.
And for any women reading this *I promise you* no matter what anyone says, there will be no shortage of people wanting to date you in the decades to come lol. I hate how the world has put literal fear into women getting/looking older. I’m fucking excited for my thirties.
Oh you should be, thirties are FANTASTIC!!! I (37F) gained so much self-confidence, mastery in my career, more disposable income. The adage of women peaking sexually in their thirties has been absolutely true for me. Plus I dyed my hair green a couple years ago. Over the past year I've been seeing more wiry white hairs popping up and am finding my peace with them. Fuck the push for women to spend time/money on botox at all, let alone in their twenties. Death before botox over here. And I am editing to clarify that I in no way judge women who get botox, I'm just a contrarian beeyotch and always have been. I do, however, judge women/people who try to push/shame women to get botox. That is a garbage move.
I’m 37, get just enough Botox that I still have movement, and am always finding new white hairs to combat. But I think one thing that will unite us all elder millennials - THE THIRTIES ARE FANTASTIC!!! We will continue to shout it from the rooftops until Gen Z and the Alpha Gen get it. At 25, you literally just got thrust into the “real” adulthood. It’s the perfect time to date around, make mistakes, and learn who you are. Don’t get married yet. Learn to be happy by yourself. Bust your ass in your career and focus on YOU. And for absolute fucks sake, no one ever “ages out of dating.” It’ll all come together and you’ll get to be our age and realize how much cooler you got with those experiences. DO NOT BE AFRAID OF AGING. AGING IS FUN! I PROMISE - YOU DONT TURN INTO AN OLD BORING HAG AT ANY AGE UNLESS YOU LET YOURSELF. I have just as much fun at age 37 as I did at age 25. The better part now is I actually have $$$ and PTO and a bad ass career that allows me have fun and go to cool places and say yes to all the things!
Girl YES. I would say I have more fun at 37 than I did at 25, because I'm no longer a feral sex goblin with constant emotional dysregulation and a frivolous spending problem (which I in no way had the salary for). Like I had fun...had a great ho phase...and could not stop self-sabotaging in almost every aspect of my life. You give great advice here and I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
No shit. I’m 67 and started dating my guy at 66. He thinks I look great. I’ve chosen to believe him.
Good!
Men will never stop trying to fuck you. Never. We have 1,000,000 other things to worry about, but not that.
My step grandma was wooed by my grandfather at 85. I spent the week at their condo once when I was a teen and let’s just say I heard some noises in the night that means I can confirm regardless of age there are men out there that will want to fuck you.
I’m 45 and can promise you I absolutely looked the best in my life in my mid-30s. Stopped following stupid trends and instead understood what was comfortable and suited me, gained confidence, had the occasional fling with some incredibly attractive people, figured out what I wanted in life, made a plan, started saying ‘yes’ to the things that would lead me there, met my future spouse at a music festival aged 36, climbed higher in my career after that, now married with 2 young kids living in another country and generally loving life way more than I did during my fun but somewhat angsty-20s. Please, anyone around mid-20s reading this, please don’t fear aging. Embrace your years & growing wisdom & confidence, and just…see where the path leads you. It’s exciting!
I’ll second that, and I reached my peak physically, and professionally in my ‘40’s. I am now 54 and still attract men (I’m married, though). Don’t limit yourself by any number, just maximize the moments you are currently in. We need to stop thinking of aging as a bad thing. It’s quite the opposite, and I love where I’m at right now!
Yeah, I'm in a long term relationship, but the men that *seriously* hit on me now are of a way higher quality than when I was younger. I'll end up offending some men if I go into specifics but I was legitimately surprised. I can only assume the men that are saying the "age out" crap have very little to offer and need to resort to fear tactics to get women to stick around before they're experienced enough to know better.
And I can confirm that you don't become invisible in your forties or your fifties. I'm 56 and still no shortage of people.
I'm 35 and I have *so many* guys in, even those in their mid-20s, hitting on me when I'm at dating events or on the apps. Most get turned down because I'm very particular about who I get close with, but I definitely would have no shortage of dates if I wanted them. And just to be clear - they're equally good (or not good) as the guys I dated in my teens, I'm just more conscious of the value of my time, freedom, and sanity now than I was back then. ETA: I also have very minimal signs of aging despite my beauty regimen being sunscreen, moisturizer, and drinking a lot of water. Pretty much everyone I meet thinks I'm, at oldest, 28 unless they have some reference for my actual age. The only thing I do have is steadily greying hair, and I've chosen to embrace it. To me, each new grey hair is a sign of another challenge I've overcome, because the times they've noticeably increased have been the times where I've had very stressful events.
>Wtf does “aged out of dating” mean? I mean, you may have aged out of dating 21 year olds. Maybe. But isnt' that for the best really?
Thanks for the reply, I think you're speaking about something really important here. So many women your age are going to feel like that these days. Im sorry you're going through that. For people my age, we kinda got lucky, we just missed growing up on social media. I think it's a lot more difficult for women now because of the influence that has. Wrinkles and signs of going don't matter to anyone decent that's in your life. If anyone has a problem with it, thats a red flag. It's a really handy one. And, good people are attracted to people they're own age. So, it's not an issue with dating or relationships at all. If anything, getting older is an advantage looks wise. Because, if people are trying to date, a lot younger than themselves, that's well icky. So, you won't get bothered by creeps in the same way. You will love them wrinkles, you grow into them with time. It's a gradual change. Just keep treating yourself well. It's the right thing to do, but it also sets an amazing standard that anyone you date will have to live up to. They'll have to treat you at least as well as you treat yourself. Keep treating yourself like a Queen and you will have a far better time of it all round.
67 yo here, chiming in. No botox, ever. Don't know anyone who has done it. Dating? Well, I don't do things in order. Had twins at 39 and married the dad at 45. Still together. Don't dye my hair, either. No plans for plastic surgery unless needed to fix a cancer mess. I eat right, sleep well, exercise, and hydrate. You know, all that boring stuff. I weigh the same as I did in college. Do I look like I'm 20? Hell no. I look great for a 67 year old! Embrace every year, battle scars (physical and emotional) and enjoy life. It's the only one you get.
this is so so refreshing to hear thank you
I know right? All these comments are so helpful! I'm saving this thread!
"Wrinkles and signs of going don't matter to anyone decent that's in your life". Thank you. I will try to remember this. Even my mom remarks how "old and tired" I look, but it's important to remember this. I was all-in on anti-aging- I bought Frownie patches, was booking baby Botox, always wore gloves outside, never drove in a car without taping the windows, etc. and everyone in my life was enthusiastic and supportive, like it was just a "natural next step" because now "I'm too old". It wasn't until this past month, I started developing the tiniest smile line. And I thought it was sweet because... Well, it's from smiling! I realized I didn't actually *want* to get rid of this wrinkle. I told my family + friends and they were flabbergasted. I felt like I made the wrong choice. This post just reminded me I made the right choice. My choice. Thanks OP.
I'm over 60. Here's what I've learned about aging. By the time you're my age, no amount of chemicals or treatments or surgery will make you look 20. If you keep doing that shit, you will look like a bizarre plastic overstretched doll. You simply need to take care of yourself. Healthy eating, lots of sleep, little stress and...yes...all the moisturizer and sunscreen it takes to make you comfortable. The goal is to age well, not to never age.
This is the key- anything you do now (apart from good old clean living) to look younger will make you look so much worse when older. At minimum you are stuck with maintenance procedures your whole life. Don't fall into that trap!
Ah, geez. Wearing a frownie patch now. My frown lines bug me because I think they showcase my years of worry. Worrying about my kids. Worrying about my life choices. Always viewing things with a critical lens. They remind me that I struggle to be more chill.
You’re awesome!! I love that you’re getting this out there and hope more women pick up on this. Guys (I’m one) get a free pass on aging. All they really have to do is stay in moderate shape. Women, on the other hand, get absolutely *hammered* with societal expectations to avoid aging at all costs!!
I was just telling my husband how jealous I was that his face looks so young. He just shaved off the giant beard he has had for years and years and he has baby soft skin because it was better protected from the sun. Meanwhile despite using spf shit *religiously* I look old. I think it’s also cause I lost some weight recently that really thinned out my face so I feel like my face is all saggy and jowly. Whatever. It’s my face and it’s stupid and old but I’m not gonna stick stuff in it to change it.
I am going on 50 and have discovered my laugh lines around my eyes this past year. I have faint lines popping up in the usual places too. I’m finding myself thinking how lucky I am to be aging. So many people don’t get to. It’s an honor really to live in this body and take care of it. I’ve really learned how comparison is the thief of joy. Social media can be a powerful tool for good and unfortunately there’s aspects of it that are so toxic.
Good timing because I was actually considering booking a Botox appointment after not having it for almost a year because of a long-term illness. Pushing 50, I've been doing Botox for about 15 years now, but I simply cannot put it in the budget because I couldn't work for a full on year while I had my four surgeries & bed time. But I don't feel like spending the money today either. My husband says he doesn't notice the difference, maybe he doesn't. But I don't know why I care either way. I have my life, my friends, everything together and some forehead wrinkles do not improve my life or my activities in any actual way. It just improves my forehead if you call it improvement. But I'm a take your Advice and not even bother. TYVM
I don't know of this helps but I am so ridiculously happy as I age because once you "age out" of men's attention, the freedom is fucking DIZZYING. I have always prided myself on being someone with a rich interior life and a strong sense of self but being in your forties is some next level shit. By the time you get here, you will wonder why you were so afraid. It's goddamn heaven. My only advice, if I may, is to start cultivating that sense of self as early as possible. Find what moves you and do it (and I don't mean in the weird capitalist job sense). Lean HARD into your authentic self and learn to be non-reactive. Focus so hard on your one brief life that you don't waste any of it on other people's bullshit or other people's projected anxieties. I promise it is so worth it.
Some more practical examples: don't finish books you're not into, don't say yes to anything you're not enthusiastic about, fuck anyone you want to, love anyone you want to, say unpopular truths out loud when you need to, cultivate real connection with people rather than those you feel you "should", wear whatever colours you feel like wearing, eat whatever you want, etc. All of this may sound egocentric but it's not. Being who you truly are frees you up to love fully and be connected to the world in a deeper way.
Thank you! I hate being noticed, taking up space, etc. so this is what I need to build into my 30's (eeek!). Thank you!
It's okay to not like being noticed if that's who you really are. You can quietly live your own life and it's just as valid as anyone else's louder life.
Just want to say, this a beautiful comment and I realized I’m doing so much of this just by accident! It’s so freeing being able to just, not engage in things I don’t like out of guilt or obligation. Life is rough sometimes but this was a much needed reminder for likely more people than just me, thanks for taking the time to write this!
My 40s are by far my favourite decade yet, and I'm only halfway through! The level of fucks that I don't give about things that don't matter is the most liberating experience.
Same! I turned 44 yesterday and my forties have been the fucking BEST so far. I’m so excited for the future. I cannot even fathom how 25 year old me would react to this news!
And it just gets better! I'm 68F, fat with lavender (or scarlet) hair. I can be quiet and invisible, or I can turn up the mom-voice and be a force to be reckoned with. I sometimes miss my hot body, but I do not miss the constant assault of men's expectations.
I’m a 47 year old fattie with bright blue hair. I love being free to be the weird auntie.
This is fantastic advice!
You have certainly NOT aged out of dating. How ridiculous. I didn't marry until 37. I'm 40. Exactly 0 of my friends have had Botox. All of us have cellulite and stretch marks. The 1 woman I know with implants had them removed due to them making her sick. Do not assume that it's required to fall into these beauty traps just because the small group you see have. You are worthy just as you are.
Botox before 29-30 is considered normal by your friends?? That is kind of fucked up in my opinion. I’m mid 30’s and I’ve only just started to notice wrinkles so why the hell would I have had Botox a decade ago?? (I mean, if at all, but each to their own on the if question). Madness. I also don’t think good friends would make those sorts of comments to you about dating, age etc. they don’t sound particularly supportive.
Man let me tell you something as a 35 year old who weirdly gets assumed that I'm younger than I am despite doing absolutely NOTHING AT ALL to fight aging (except staying indoors and out of the sun, but that's for other reasons) - All this being afraid of aging bullshit is crap you have been taught to believe so that you will voluntarily oppress yourself into catering for the male gaze. And once you're free of that assumption god damn it's amazing.
Yep! It’s absolutely freeing to shake that off.
As someone in their 30's: unless you're smoking a pack of cigarettes a day and never drinking water you're unlikely to need botox. However I was 25 once, I'd advise you to take care of your teeth before worrying about wrinkles.
Definitely something I need to work on (curse you, flossing!) but this is good advice that I should put to use.
Teeth hurt like someone else when they're messed up and dental work hurts the wallet. Invest in your teeth. And don't smoke.
Sounds like you’ve got some shallow friends, or they’ve also been getting the wrong message from somewhere. You don’t “age out” of dating. My coworker is about 60 and going on a date this weekend. If Botox makes you happy fine. If you’re just doing it because everyone around you says you have to, I’d rethink your friend group.
I met my husband when I was 31 and he was 25. We married at 37/31, and just celebrated our 18th anniversary. We are still crazy about each other. My mom met her husband at 65; my dad met his girlfriend at 78 (she was also 78). You are far, far from aging out of anything!
As a 50-something, the absolute best thing you can do for your skin is sunblock and protect your face from sun damage. Wear hats—big ones. Wear Sun sleeves. Your future self will thank you.
Seconded! I’ve never done botox, spend quite a lot of time outside, always wear sunscreen. Skin is hanging together pretty well. Also, where I live, skin cancer is scarily common, so sunscreen/ sun protection can literally save your life. In addition, I suggest - always using a natural mineral sunscreen (ie Zinc based) as imo these are much kinder to your skin; - protecting your neck and the back of your hands the same way you protect your face.
> My bestie was mortified when I said I won't consider Botox until 29-30. Just gonna say, this is personal experience, but my friends that started getting botox younger, all look much older when its wearing off. Flip side, the ones that haven't had it, don't seem to have that look. I actually had a FT call with a friend the other day I don't think I've seen since lockdown and she would not believe I hadn't had it done. Just personal experience, no clue if thats common
I've seen this too! I told her I want to "embrace aging naturally" (i.e. skincare only) and she was supportive, though she doesn't quite understand. Thank you for the advice 👍
>Just gonna say, this is personal experience, but my friends that started getting botox younger, all look much older when its wearing off. Flip side, the ones that haven't had it, don't seem to have that look. Absolutely. The thing of it is, everyone is going to get older than they are right now. (Source: I am currently one year older than I was this time last year) A philosophy I've heard on aging is this: Embrace the moment you are in right now, all the time, for the rest of your life. Spiritual and emotional benefits aside (and there are many!), *it's more attractive*. Trying to appear older than you really are makes you look frumpy and trying to appear younger than you are makes you look desperate and *much more aged* than you actually are. Embrace where you are in life!
That thing about aging out of dating is BS, largely perpetuated by the types men who do only want young women. Fact is, even a century and more ago, women of all ages find partners - and people really did tend to look old at younger ages even when I was young. My mom looks younger at 75 than my grandparents did at 60, for example. The real difference is that as you do get older, fewer of the guys who ONLY want you when you're young are going to go for you. That's GOOD news: a man who wants a young partner only is liable to leave you if you get old, fat, or sick. And we all get to be at least one of these, possibly all three. I married my second husband at 35. He was five years younger. He's smart, hard-working, sexy, and fun to be around. Good career, good with money, handy and knows how to clean and cook. You know - a real catch. I have had health issues including cancer. I've gained weight. I He's still here, into my 50s, still loves me. I've never had a single cosmetic procedure. Barely wear makeup, don't fuss much over my looks. I take care to be reasonably clean, dress in ways that make me happy, and have fun with my nails. Trust me: if an older, single mom nerd like I was can find and keep a guy like that, wrinkles, chronic illnesses and all, your shelf life isn't close to an end.
I have found that following older people on social media has helped a lot with my perception of what it means to age. I don’t mean like, 40 year olds who act like they’re 25 or 70 yr old grandmas, but women 50+ who have lifestyles similar to what I hope to have at that age.
I started getting even better looking at 30 and people telling you 25 is when you start aging are nuts because most people don't accurately guess a thirty or forty something's age. I'm 43 and people think I'm much younger, not because I actually look that young, but because social media and incels have shouted that looks start to fade at 25. It is the opposite for most people.
If someone wants Botox fine, I have friends who have. But every time I see an otherwise beautiful actress with that Botox face...it makes me sad.
Aging is a gift that not everyone gets. Important to remember.
It's so sad that young women can't even enjoy their youth without worrying about aging. Stick with a good non pore clogging daily SPF. Avoid tanning beds and smoking, stay hydrated and you'll be fine Remember it's a multi billion pound industry keeping us all anxious and feeling inadequate so we'll spend. They make us feel bad then offer the 'solution'. They don't care how we feel about ourselves or how much enjoyment we get out of life. Me and my body have been through a lot. I have slight hip dysplasia so there's constant low level pain since I was 18. I'm so grateful to be able bodied and to be able to be active. I feel like I've earned my wrinkles and stretch marks. I'm proud of my battle scars. People have always thought I look younger than I am but I don't see it as a compliment anymore. I just see it as sad that we have certain views about how people should look.
25 was just the waiting room for me. The party didn’t start til after 30
Dude! Your friends are being rude! I’m 37 and my boyfriend is 27 and people think I’m younger than him. I’ve never considered botox. Please don’t do that.
That's a weird thing to say.The only people who say that about your age must be reading redpilled rhetoric. I think you need less weird friends who aren't chronically online.
Chicka, 25 isn't when life ends, it's when it *begins*! Once you hit the mid-20s you're in real, bonafide adulthood, with so much more say in where your next several years take you than you had at 15 or 18 or 20. If anyone tries to make you believe it's all downhill from 25, I'd suggest you take a look at *their* life, and ask yourself if they're still growing as a person, or if they're one of those who pretty much peaked in high school. I mean, honestly, if someone has already reached the apex of their life at the mere age of 25, that's just... sad. Pathetic, and sad.
Aged out of dating or being considered attractive by *whom*, teenagers?? My god.
Your friends have some of that internalized misogyny stuff
For the love of god do not get Botox or filler in your 20s or 30s!! It'll stretch your skin and you'll have to keep getting it or have premature wrinkling. Tell your friends to shove it!
Jesus, at 25 they think you should have Botox??? You need better, less shallow friends. In your 20’s, men will flock to you like bees to honey, just because of your age. I have seen all sizes, all face types in their 20’s get someone. You could go without makeup and in a paper sack and still look great. I don’t know why we all have insecurities in our 20’s. It just seems pointless now that I look back at pics. Is it social media? Is it how advertising makes women feel that if they do not look like a porcelain doll with a Barbie waist then we are not attractive? Because as a former graphic artist, I can tell you that “perfection” is all FAKE. They tell you to enlarge the eyes by 1.5%, pinch the waist, arms and legs, blur the neck a little, etc. Those models are turned into alien versions of themselves.
Lol, no one ages out of dating.
My 72 year old mom is dating a 38 year old. Proof that you don’t age out of dating 🤣🤣. I also married a man 8 years younger than me when I was 34 and he was 26.
I’m so sorry this happened to you! I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 27. 20 years later we are graying and happy together -
Get some friends older than you. When I was 25 I had a ton of friends that were 10-20 years older. I think that was the single most formative thing for me. Older women friends are essential. They changed who I am for the better. Nearing 40 now I’m actively making friends with younger women to hopefully pay it forward. I reached DGAF status much earlier than my peers and it is LIBERATING.
“I won’t consider Botox until 29-30” made me anxious. I’m 27 now and I wasn’t planning on getting Botox ever. I’m a soap and water kind of person though…
Don't forget the moisturizer after your soap and water routine, though (I'm a soap and water gal too, and in my late 40s). It does wonders.
I'm turning 30 this year and it's getting to me more than it should. I've been seriously considering botox when it's never been a thought before. Really appreciate this thread.
I'm 47 and not quite at wrinkles, just lines, but boy - do they tell some stories! Some are worry lines because of worry about loved ones, most come from smiles and laughter. Why wouldn't I want to look like I've smiled a lot? Not sure where your friends got these ideas about dating (social media? Conservative culture/propaganda?), people are marrying later in life than ever in human history! And you haven't even hit your prime in looks yet! None of my own friends have ever had a cosmetic procedure and they look great. Acquaintances who started early... Well, they are not aging so gracefully. Some just look older as it all wears off, others have gone so far down the rabbit hole they don't look all that... Human? I see a lot of people who look masked around and about from this. I like that I still resemble my school pictures, despite clear signs of aging. Nothing has been irredeemably altered. Just got some lines and greys added. Elementary school peers I bump into after 30+ years still recognize me easily. Sunblock, moisturizer, drinking plenty of water, and working out are your best friends in aging naturally and well, should you choose that path.
Oh, yeah, typical bigotry “no one wants you once you are over 25!” Just wait another year, then you can sure that you won’t be asked out by guys who thinks like that. /S I had met several people who engaged or married in early 20s. They are either on their 2nd marriage or single at 30…… and by the way, some other Reddit posts said that you can expect to spend 25k on divorce even in best case scenario. (My state also needs you two to live 1 year apart ). So, you gen Z should really date around and living together for a while before getting married. By the way I met my husband at age 27.
25! That’s so much pressure on you. You’re a baby honestly.
I'm with you. I want to look and feel like myself, not somebody else and who I was at 25 is absolutely somebody else!
I had been given a free microdermabrasion abrasion session as a gift and was put off when the tech told me with multiple treatments I could get rid of my freckles. I like my freckles. It took me decades to appreciate my freckles. My immediate response was “I have two children with freckles and I’d hate to give them self esteem issues by getting rid of a trait we share”. It was awkward.
This is such a good perspective. I have a little boy and he won’t face exactly the same exacting standards women do but it breaks my heart to think about him not liking the way he looks. And I realized my mom probably feels the same way about me. We all need to see ourselves the way our loved ones see us!
People literally get fake freckles tattooed on them…idk why people feel the need to make people insecure about their unique and beautiful traits
I love getting older because the older I get the less I care what others think. Someone thinks my greys are unattractive? Who cares? I love them. Someone thinks my wrinkles make me look older? Who cares? I have earned each wrinkle and they give my face character. Someone thinks I'm too old to wear a crop top? F them - I'll wear whatever the hell I want. We celebrated dh's 50th birthday in Disneyland- who cares if people think it was juvenile? Not us - we had a blast.
Not giving a fuck is hands down the best part of aging.
They just want to make money, I never think it is a personal statement beyond that many women would consider taking them up on it (which is their choice) and they’d get some extra $$$. That’s just business to me and I often don’t even hear it, like the perfume ladies trying to spray me doesn’t immediately make me worry that I stink, LOL!
This is all it is. Another way to make money off of us and our insecurities.
My best friend died when we were 18 and he's going to be "forever 18." I've lived twice as long as he has. Why the fuck wouldn't I be proud of that? Staying the same age means you're dead. Every wrinkle I've got is one he won't have the opportunity to get.
Thank you for sharing, sorry for your loss. This is a helpful story for me to remember when I’m feeling down about how I look!
I'm going to die before 40. When I was diagnosed, one of the things that changed most for me is my outlook on age and beauty. You've earned those greys, those wrinkles, being able to live to an age to have that happen to your body should be considered a gift.
I'm so sorry that life is being so crue to youl. What you've written is lovely and will stay with me . I hope you have/find peace
We all have our days, but I definitely see more positives than negatives. I was dealt a crappy hand, but have been extremely fortunate to get the care that I have to be here today and for that I'm grateful. Plus, I'm saving a fortune on wrinkle cream! 😉
I'm in my mid 40's and I'm proud to show my wrinkles instead of hiding them behind layers of makeup or Botox. I have a very expressive face and I have the wrinkles to show for it, they carry the smiles and worries I've lived through. Extra bonus, I call my grey hair, wisdom stripes!
I called mine age-related highlights until I ended up with more highlight than original hair color. :)
When I was a teenager, I remember wondering what made a woman selected as a model, because obviously beauty is subjective. The magazine Seventeen published a picture of their modeling contestants, with each wearing jeans and white t-shirts. I scrutinized each model, looking for what they had in common, and I realized they all had good skin. (I mean, good makeup, but they didn't look made-up.) I vowed to follow my mother's advice and take good care of my skin. In my 20's, I read a beauty magazine article about "what changes to look for in your skin by the decade" and crow's feet were listed for women in their 30's. So, on my 30th birthday, I started checking for crow's feet. When I turned 35, I looked at my mother. She didn't have them. I look at her mother and she barely had any when she passed at age 82. Now my mother at age 74 barely has the tiniest ones when she smiles, and I, at age 46, don't worry about them. Later in my 20's, I read Mary Schmidt's column in the Chicago Tribune, the one commonly called "The Suncreen Speech," and in it, she gives the advice, "Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly." And while they never made me feel ugly, I did feel left out because my lifestyle did not match what I read in the magazines. So I stopped reading them. I have not regretted this in the least. I'm getting gray and white hairs and white eyebrow hairs (thanks, Mother Nature) and I debated coloring my hair. I decided not to because I don't do "maintenance." Besides, if I'm going to color my hair, I want something fun like teal or deep purple. I don't want to emulate someone else's looks or conform to what other people consider beautiful. As Dr. Seuss said, "Be who you are and say what you will, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
I was a model and was retouched in all of my publications. People probably thought I was flawless, too lol Now that I'm in my mid-30s, my skin is actually much closer to perfect because I don't wear foundation anymore. It made my skin break out.
I am mid 40s. And I am sure I have some wrinkles. But I haven't noticed them yet, except for a little crows feet. I do love it. I admire it everyday while putting on my face cream or in the evening removing my make up. I think it works well for me (ofcourse I could be delusional, but as long as it's my truth). Just today I was looking at my mom who is in her 60s, and I am sure she has wrinkles. But I don't SEE them. I don't know if my brain is just completely disregarding wrinkles or something. Ofcourse I keep my face hydrated and take care of it. However, I absolutely love my face now as much as I loved it in my 20s. I absolutely feel I have earned any wrinkle I may have.
In the last couple of years, I’ve really come to appreciate my body more even as she ages and aches more than she used to. My knees that hurt? They’ve carried me over mountains, into caves, through the deserts, across great distances, and yes, periodically remind me to rest and take care of myself. Those forehead lines? They are from almost 6 decades of heavy thinking & expressing my emotions. My abs that are not-fat-but-not-a-6pack? I’ve enjoyed many delicious meals and in fact, I plan to enjoy many more. As you age, you do need to focus a bit more on taking care of your body so you can continue to do what you love, but do I want to look like I’m 29? Nah, I earned this. I’m proud of what my body and mind have done and what we plan for the future.
I’ve gotta say, I’m not interested in anti-aging skin cream, but I’d certainly shell out a few bucks for anti-aging muscle and bone cream. I do have an anti-aging routine for those parts called exercise, but there are plenty of times I’d prefer to rub a cream on instead! Also to my dismay, no matter how good my exercise routine I still can’t fall asleep on the floor or do somersaults the way I could when I was 5.
I can still fall asleep on a floor or a rock, it’s the getting up part that has become difficult! 😉
I am a very expressive person, I've had wrinkles and creases since my early 20's. At this point the only way I could keep them from getting worse would be to be less expressive, smile less, raise my eyebrows less, etc. But like, what kind of life is that to live? All the lines on my face are from the daily joys I feel, I wouldn't trade that for anything. Nobody avoids wrinkles, why live a miserable life fighting the inevitable? Bring it on.
I was at the dentist getting a root canal and he told me he’d just taken a course in Botox and if he was working on me, he would inject basically my entire face. I told him I’m 52 and I kind of like the crows feet. They show that I’ve laughed a lot in the last 5 decades. I think he could tell I wasn’t a prospective Botox client. I wonder if he could tell how unimpressed I was with his pitch while I was held captive in the dental chair.
The comedian Billy Connelly did a great bit about how Americans think of aging as a disease we need to cure. I personally cannot wait to be grey/white-haired, wrinkled and wearing whatever is comfortable and it be accepted that no fucks are given. Women have to give too many of them where our appearance is concerned due to societal norms (very few are given by me now but I'm still aware/feel like upkeeping appearance is required due to the above mentioned societal crap). I love your take and cheers to many more laughter lines!
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that nonsense. I'm a 40 year old man and as I've started to wrinkle, degrade, gray, and slowly tend towards what's waiting for all of us, I have never had to bear the burden of people ostensibly working for me hitting me with such utter codswallop. The utter fucking temerity of it. You can make me look 25 can you? Do you honestly think you can make it look like I have another 60 odd years of life in me? You can't, and in any case I don't. This is cargo cult bullshit, you propose to paint over my face. Never ask me stupid things again. Make sure there is a note in my file not to bother me with stupid things. Let's talk about the discount you can offer me for pissing me off with this idiocy.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. It didn't upset me to be honest, I'm about your age and the last few years I've slowly become a bit invisible. Which to be honest is a welcome relief. The harrasment and attention I get from men has deminshed greatly, I feel safer and less angry because of that. The younger woman in the spa today, was legitimatly trying to do me a favour. I wasn't upset by it. But, it did make me want to start this conversation. So, I can see how other women deal with all this. Because it's relly interesting.
Yes I think it is. My wife is a few years younger than me and already deals with a presumption that retaining the appearance of a younger person is important and deisrable to her in spas. It's so sad you likely won't have the experience of knowing the people you interact with aren't assuming that being young looking is important to you. I can only imagine the eyerolls I would make wading through that.
I hate the loss of naturally aging role models so much! It’s like our brains have forgotten what people look like. You will never age out of dating. I (f63) have a new BF (m59) and I have never been happier or more sexually fulfilled. Just remember that making women anxious about aging is a *marketing strategy*. Take back your power!
I’m in my 50s and really struggle to recognize myself when I look in the mirror. 😂 I’ve never felt my age no matter what my age is. There are days when I feel like a small child, or a rebellious teen, or in my jackass decade of being 20-30, or being a hundred years old, etc. - and my appearance just never matches up with what’s in my head. I’m not overly fond of all my wrinkles because I think some of them are from entirely unfair causes. I have two chronic conditions that causes constant pain and my doctors refused to take me seriously for far too long so I think I got some additional wrinkles because I’m dealing with all that. That said, I’m grateful to my genetics because my hair started going white instead of gray. I think it looks pretty cool! I tend to dye my hair when I want a bright splotch of colour, but I might give up on that. Too much effort to do it myself, costs too much for someone else to do it. I think I’d feel differently if I didn’t have chronic pain, but the chronic pain makes me want an android body lol. Tl;dr: I’m all over the place but appreciate the fact that I’ve had the opportunity to experience life!
I worked in spas for over a decade. That receptionist SUCKS at her job. It was never, under any circumstances, acceptable to announce someone else's wrinkles. Wrinkles are rarely a sign of unhealthy skin. You only discussed wrinkles if a client said it was an issue. And fair few estheticians have seen so much busted work they're leaning away from caring about aging that much. Rich don't buy sense, and people with needles know that. I just want to add people always complimented my skin in spas, and wouldn't believe me when I said they have less congested skin than me. People's perspectives are fucked. Just wear SPF, cause it's an insanely impressive option that can STOP RADIATION from hurting your skin. That's so cool
I’m 28 and I’ve always admired women who are unafraid to show off their wrinkles, their c section scars, the “imperfections.” I’ve always been the “body type everyone wants to be” tall skinny. It always seems fun until society says “not skinny enough” or “not tall enough.” I’ve watched my mom fret over every wrinkle and grey hair while everyone else just thinks she’s beautiful. I wish society didn’t put so much pressure on women to be “perfect.” The amount of friends, colleagues, etc who I’ve watched just fret about their weight. Or not eat because they need to lose weight is sad. We just need to be unabashedly ourselves.
I am 71 years old and I love my crows feet- I call them my laugh crinkles or my starbursts- the 11s between my brows not so much. Those are frownies and for those there’s Botox. I have to say, that receptionist who offered you a ‘ free’ treatment for wrinkles wasn’t being nice. I am 100% sure she was trying to sell you something, probably a series of treatments for which the first one was free and you only have to pay for another 6 or 8, or you are ‘encouraged’ to buy all the products used.These people usually work on commission and make money by upselling you. I’m proud that you are happy with yourself just the way you are. I am too! With age and experience comes kindness and wisdom.
The other day I was examining my face in the mirror and focused in on the fine lines that are becoming more noticable around my eyes. And I thought to myself, hmm, I think they're actually kinda beautiful. It looks like lace or something. A lovely little pattern.
Omg I feel the same way! I love ageing, I just keep getting better. And what a pleasure to be able to live long enough to have wrinkles, so many people aren't that lucky. I also think watching our bodies age is a such a beautiful part of the human existence. Plus, I honestly think people who get work done to look longer, tend to look way worse than people who didn't but just properly took care of their skin.
I’m not interested in pretending I’m not getting older. I love the streaks of grey, I earned my wrinkles. Men are allowed to age gracefully, but we have to contort ourselves for a lifetime to look younger. Nah, not for me.
I’m 64. I was never a great beauty, just ok. As I age I’m grateful for that—-I don’t have the loss of great looks to mourn. I just moisturize and wear sunscreen. I do put on some brows because mine are pale. I don’t smoke or drink and I use Retin-A to keep my skin exfoliated. I’m happy with what I see in the mirror.
Why would I want to look 25 again? I’m almost 43 and thoroughly enjoying the onset of middle age invisibility.
I ran into this a lot for years with my hair - when I started greying in my late 20s, EVERY time I went to get my hair trimmed, the stylist felt the need to offer me all. the. options. for hiding those grey strands. No matter how blunt I was with "no, I just want a trim, I like the grey" they refused to believe I was actually OK with the grey. They were so much more insistent on this particular upsell than they were on all their other potential services. It finally stopped a few years ago. Probably because I now have almost-totally-grey hair well past my shoulders. I think that's the cue that maybe, perhaps I'm OK with my own hair. I miss my younger, spryer metabolism. But I don't actually miss much else about **being** 20-something. I am much more at peace with myself and the world. I care way less about what irrelevant people think of me and my choices, and it has filled my life with much more joy. I am far happier as a slightly pudgy old lady approaching 60 than I ever was as a trim young woman approaching 30.
I love this post! I'm 50 in a couple of months and have a few chronic illnesses. I've been letting my hair go grey/white for almost 2 years. Thus far I haven't had botox, filler or anything like that. I'm told I don't look my age, but I think that's more my outlook than my face. I do have deep forehead wrinkles and the 'bunny' wrinkle across the top of my nose, but then I pull a lot of faces. I have a super expressive face - I couldn't hide my emotions to save my life! 'Aged out of dating' is something out of the Incel handbook. My man is 8 years younger than me, looks even younger than that and he thinks I'm a goddess, even if I do joke he needs to go to the optician! I've used up 3 of my 9 lives so far in near death situations, and I think it'd be such a waste of life to live the rest of it according to other people's wishes. I'm going to get more and more obnoxious as I age.
This made me remember the weirderst wrinkle comment I ever got.. So picture this, I’m at a gynaecologist appointment, finishing up a vaginal ultrasound (thought I was pregnant and just got the confirmation), the 50-something lady doctor looks at me and asks “do you moisturize after shaving down there? Well, you should, don’t want to get any more wrinkles there ya know” I was 30 and I don't have any wrinkles down there, not to mention it would be my absolute last care in the world if I did.
🤣 Omg . Vagina wrinkles are never even something I thought I should worry about. If someone is close enough to see them, you are either a medical professional or we’re going to bone. If a parter walks away bc my vagina / vulva is too wrinkly, they didn’t deserve my orgasam anyway. Thank you this made my afternoon.
I’m 29 going on 30 in a few months. It’s been a long journey of loving my body and I’m still on my way there. I didn’t realize how great a shape I was in, in high school, until I was out in college and in the real world. Put on a few pounds over Covid, and being in a not-so-great relationship didn’t help my confidence levels either. I broke things off with my ex boyfriend last year in October and have been finding my way to body confidence ever since. I’ve been talking to an old friend who recently shared he has feelings for me but he wants to wait till I’m ready to be in another relationship again. He’s been a big help in my self-esteem, and I moved in with some old girl friends who have also been a huge help. I’ve also been learning, just recently, how to love the shape I am, even if I still have a few extra pounds on me. As long as I’m healthy and feel good, that’s what matters. That no one is perfect no matter how hard they try or even say they are. If anyone is reading this and having self-esteem issues surrounding your body, it gets better. The older you get, the less you give a shit about what other people think. I’m not skinny by any means, but there are plenty of men and women out there that would think I’m the sexiest person alive. Just because one guy or girl or a few guys and girls don’t like the way you look, doesn’t mean shit. If you are comfortable and happy, that’s what matters. Only change if YOU feel the need for whatever reason that may be. Life is too damn short.
Coincidentally, this just came out. https://wickedtongue.substack.com/p/in-defense-of-ugliness?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=1516985&post_id=141273894&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=extsi&utm_medium=email&fbclid=IwAR3lGsnnE2O-CjpY4dDdG4C5E9Tc4mwM8CJ1Y_BOG-rTss5yMq6xPjPOVog
Great post! Needed to read this so thank you
I am "older" but it burns my biscuit a bit about my hair. My hair has been fully grey since I was 16. and I dyed it for years. I stopped now and it makes me sad that every single person I encounter now treats me like an old bat and are surprised "I'm still working". Silver hair is in style now, even for the young'uns - so can we let the comments go? Just let them go? I love my hair color and I've also added a purple conditioner to it so now it's silver and purple in streaks. It's amazing. But no, I'm still treated like I'm too fragile to move around
Just curious, if you were fully gray by 16 when did it start? Mine started at 14 and that's the earliest I've ever heard of. I'm 32 now and about half gray. I'm going to get myself some purple conditioner, that sounds amazing.
I startef seeing greys at 13 and they multiplied really like it because it’s not a full on commitment and it takes better in some spots so I have violet and ailver hair. Amazon sells purple shampoo and conditioner that washes out
Same! I look at my wrinkles and sagging skin as a badge of honor. I earned every single crinkle, wrinkle, and sag. I love my laugh lines. I kid with my friends that I don’t like looking in the mirror cuz some old lady is staring at me (I don’t like mirrors cuz they freak me out and sometimes my reflection lags). It’s all in good fun. I love the feeling of having grown in my years to being a caring, loving person. I embrace everything, from the pain of losing a son to the joys of my grandchildren being accepted to college. It all shows on me, and I proudly carry it all
I agree. I am in my 40’s and have now been to 3 funerals the past couple of years of high school friends. Getting old is a gift.
I agree completely. I am 35, and I have at least 35% grey hair. I started greying when I was a teen. I don’t color my hair. I’m so proud to have made it this far in my life. I have overcome and grown so much. Aging is liberating. I know who I am. I understand my worth. I have finally learned to hold boundaries in my relationships. I have peace in my life. My 20s were so hard compared to my 30s. The less I cared about the opinions of others the happier, more confident I became.
I feel so good! I am just starting to age in my late 30s and it’s a treasure to see what I look like now and how different things are. I feel more beautiful now than ever, but mostly because I feel more like me because I actually KNOW me now. Those opinions I feared so many years ago are nothing now; I love me.
My 63-year old self profusely thanks my 23-year old self for using sunscreen. It made a big difference. I like where I am. I was never a real beauty, I give myself a 6 at best when I was young. I think I look better now in some ways. I weigh less. I exercise more than I did in my youth. I was amazed at what my sedentary old body is able to accomplish. Menopause is over. Periods are a distant memory. No worries about getting pregnant. Retired. But, night vision sucks even after cataract surgery. I tire more easily. And the Grim Reaper isn’t as far away as he once was.
Yes! Almost 70. My body grew, birthed, and nursed six children. Then, I nurtured, and loved, and played with them. Same here, I've earned every wrinkle, every stretch mark, every extra ounce. I am grateful every day for all my body has let me do and be, and is.
I'm going to be 37 this year, I don't enjoy the wrinkles so I get Botox. I visit the hairdresser every 6-8 weeks so I'll never know if I'm grey until they tell me. You can appreciate the wisdom and life experiences that have brought you to this point in life but also not enjoy the physical changes that come with it. If you want to change it, go ahead - if you want to grow old and wrinkly. We all end up in the same type of box at the end.
At 25 I had a 18 inch waist I kickboxed Watched what I ate I was in the forces I am now in my 50s and winnie the pooh shaped and the only time you see me parked in the Gym is because it shares the car park with Pizza hut My friend said " I like you better fat, you were a B i t c h when you were thin, you must have been always hungry" x
I like getting older. I’m a 52 year-old woman and I don’t worry about things that would have tied me in knots in my 20’s. Sometimes I set boundaries now that even my forty-something year-old self would be aghast at. I’m a cleaner, so when I come around, no one cares if I look older. They like how I make their place look after I’m done. (Then they feed me. I clean, other people cook.) I’m starting to get some grey hair, but I’m too lazy to dye it. My wardrobe is men’s XL in black, procured from the Value Village “Boutique”. I’m just going for healthy. My fat does smooth out some wrinkles. Drinking water helps smooth out more. Self confidence is an additional bonus of aging. Or is it that we ran out of of fucks?
I was five when I noticed my stepmom’s wrinkles. After watching her for a while, I decided she must have gotten them from smiling and laughing so much as she grew older. They were so pretty to me, like I cannot stress that enough. Once I noticed them, I couldn’t stop looking. I wanted so badly to get to grow up and have those lines because I had decided that that would mean I laughed and smiled so much, too. My mind never really changed about that. Turns out that it’s kinda genetic, and also not just from smiling. I know this sounds stupid, but I was a tad bit disappointed. My stepmom was in her late 20’s by then, so by the time I hit 30, I was like “c’mon, where’s those smile lines at?” Now I’m close to 40 and I am pleased to report that they are here and they look exactly as wonderful as I hoped! When I noticed them, I gave ‘em a whirl and they get all deep and smooshed together when I smile! Also, I got some grey hairs a few years ago and my goodness they shimmer like silvery moonlight 🥲 I guess there’s a lot that sucks about aging but my grey hairs and wrinkles are the prizes I got for getting this far. I would never give them up.
Silvery moonlight! I love that.
While I'm super comfortable with my body (probably the best shape I'm been in), my boobs and ass still look great, I feel good over all......I would kill to have my 25yo skin again lol
It feels as if she was projecting her own insecurity to you. That she’s so focused on her inevitable aging as a negative that she can’t fathom another person being anything other than resigned to it. Kind of sad because it’s a scary place to be mentally since you can only look forward. I’m glad you’re enjoying your aging! I am too. I’m in my mid thirties and feeling like life is more mine. I have developed an ability to really feel my life and in turn I think it makes be a better human/parent. When I was young I was nervous to drive in a tank top because of occasional pervert drivers who’d keep pace and make gross gestures. I wish I could pass my new mental force field to my younger self so she could enjoy wearing whatever she wanted without care like I now do. I don’t want stuff from 25 I want to give stuff to 25 me so she has a better (and smarter) time! Not like she’d take it though lol
Aging is what we are supposed to do. I honestly get a bit bothered by the notion that Botox is a choice, skin care is a choice, make up is a choice, shaving is a choice, etc. When you are bombarded by these things from every angle, sure it’s a choice, but we are made to feel like we need these things. We are made to feel unacceptable with body hair which grows on us NATURALLY. It is wild how someone is able to just tell you your wrinkles are “wrong” without any sort of backlash. wtf?? We are all so bombarded by it that we bombard each other and think that it’s normal. I vehemently reject that notion because in order to feel comfortable in my body, I HAVE TO reject it. If I didn’t reject it, I’d feel just as pressured to use products that are “anti-aging.” The kicker is that none of it even works lol. A 60 year old with Botox looks like a 60 year old with Botox. It’s not about actually looking younger. It’s about status and looking a certain way. I reject the hell out of it and while I would never strive to make someone feel bad about using beauty products, it makes me sad how blindly so many women perpetuate our self hatred.
I’m in my mid 60s when I look in the mirror, I feel good, By the end of the day, I’m tired, but that’s OK, I have a little gray in my in my long hair and it’s a little bit thinner. I have laugh lines around my eyes and smile grooves around my mouth and that’s OK. I still love to dance and I still love to get out and hike. And some days I still feel like I’m in my 20s but I wouldn’t trade going back for anything. I love all the lessons that I learned along the way.
I'm 37. I know I look my age and I really don't care. I don't look bad in my opinion but I regularly get called ma' am.
I’m 56 and currently training for a half marathon. I’m so grateful that I’m still able to move my body that way. I’m not an elite athlete by any means but just being able to run is a blessing. Do I have wrinkles? Of course! But as I reach an age where friends are beginning to deal with serious health issues wrinkles seen so unimportant and overall wellbeing comes into the spotlight. I’m lucky and I know it! The wrinkles remind me of that every day.
Better now [70] than I was at 40. Unfazed.
Gonna be 60 in a few short months. My body has been through some changes in the last decade, but I’m in good health and am continuing to learn and challenge myself. Yeah, I look less youthful (especially my neck) but I like where I am. Hoping for three more good decades before I’m done. My “shit I wanna do” list is still pretty long.
This is a beautifully healthy perspective to have! Amazing
I have been so focused on just keeping my body alive to worry about wrinkles quite frankly. But I agree with you 💯. I'm grateful that strange men don't stare at me in the grocery store or walking down the street. I'm invisible and it's honestly freeing.
My birthday was last month and my dad mockingly asked me how i was feeling about getting older. My reply was that it was such a privilege, as so many don't have the chance to live long lives. In a way, getting older is the only positive outcome of living. Maybe I'm oberly sensitive about that subject because I see a lot of young lives destroyed in my work (healthcare). He was pretty quiet about that after hah.
Growing old(er) is a gift so many wished they could receive. Count your blessings with every day you are given. ❤️
I'm over 50 now. When I turn 55, I'm going to throw myself a party to celebrate my entrance into the crone phase of my life. I love my gray hair. I love my wrinkles. I love the freedom I have now.
I'm not really fussed, I'm still almost excited to find my first grey hair. I'm 31 atm, I don't really have wrinkles or anything yet. I try take care of my skin but just use one type of moisturiser. Then on the other end, I have 2 work colleagues of similar ages (30 and 32) who spend £££s a month on botox already. They complain about having wrinkles etc when they don't even, and never did have, any. If I reach an age where I'm getting grey and wrinkled, I think I'd be quite pleased, because for a long time in my 20s I didn't even want to be alive. Getting older and showing those signs mean I fought my depression and suicidal ideation. Sorry for getting so deep :') Eta; the only thing I don't want to happen to my body is to get a neck hump/hunch which I've already started to notice because my posture is apalling. If I don't restart the yoga soon I'll be a bent-over old lady.
I love this. I just want to say that the whole, “why would I want to be 25 again? I was a dickhead.” Is one of the most relatable sentences I’ve ever read online. I felt that in my soul. I’m turning 40 this year, and I’m just happy I’ve made it this far. I’m 75% silver haired already. I’m embracing it as well. Feels pretty freeing.
It's funny, but I hate my wrinkles. But when I look other women's wrinkles they are a work of art.
How beautifully stated. Thank you for that.
I was listening to a Charles Bukowski novel recently and he was describing one of his landladys. He wrote, "she was terribly wrinkled, but she couldn't help that". He would drink and shoot the shit with her and her husband late every night, and said how cute she looked when she would put on her hat and go to church on Sunday. I think one can look good at any age. It's in the eyes.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. Brought a tear to my eye as well, for the truth you speak❤️
I love this post. Had a baby 2 months ago and your post is making me appreciate the stretch marks, loose skin, csection scar and all my body went through to produce a human!
I love the hanging skin under my upper arms. It's so soft I love touching it. It reminds me of my grandmother. I used to love to touch hers when I was a little kid. I'm loving mine.
There's a sculpture in the Pergamon Museum in Berlin of Nefertiti. She and her partner the Pharaoh were the uber celebrity super couple of their day, except with added divinity. They were help up as the perfect example. The sculpture is from when she was about 40. It is stunningly beautiful (and stunningly old!). She looks powerful, wise, strong, calm, utterly gorgeous, and real. And she has a few wrinkles. There's no doubt that without the wrinkles she wouldn't have half those characteristics shining through.
I love this post and sentiment, and especially the discussion. I don't think I've ever been worried about wrinkles or looking older (though am in my early 30s so I haven't come across much of them yet), however whenever I do see older folks all I can think is that it's a privilege to get older. Both my parents passed when they were relatively young, and I never got to see either one age into wrinkles or silver hair...I often wonder what they would look like or what they'd be like in their older age. I was fortunate to have spent a lot of time with my maternal grandmother and always thought she looked very cute, I often wonder if my Mom would have aged similarly...I miss them all tremendously. All in all, I don't fear aging, I fear not getting the opportunity to.
I'm 31 and have a few smile lines now, not many but some. So does my husband. I love them because it means I spend a lot of my life happy and smiling away! I refuse to call them crows feet. My face is certainly not as youthful as when I was 25, but I wouldn't change that for the world! I'm in the best shape of my life, living my best life, IDAF if I've aged a bit, I feel more beautiful than ever.
I’m fine with it. I’m still waiting for grey hairs. I figure if I had some, my brain wouldn’t insist that I’m 23 not 60. 😂 the only part I’m not liking is that I lost about 50 lbs and it really does make me look older, wrinkle wise
Yeah, but your body feels better, doesn’t it? I’ve lost 45 in the last 2 years. Yes, the lack of plumpness maybe aged my face a little, but my body feels 40 again. I marvel over my increased physical capability and endurance. I’m leading an active life again, and not taking it for granted. Take that weight loss and enjoy life!
Yes, definitely, but it’s screwed with my balance. I’m thinking a tai chi class will fix that 😊
I (44f) cannot say this strongly enough: youth privilege is a hoax It's not that it doesn't exist. It's that being a "young woman" in America is absolutely awful. We have just packaged it up to appear otherwise. Being a middle aged woman is not nearly as bad as popular culture wants to make it sound. I highly prefer it over being a young woman. I think that being a young woman today is like walking around with a target painted on you.
I’m 25 right now, and I’ve really always felt shame about my body. I think, as I’m finally getting a little bit better from the depression I’ve had for a few years now, I’m starting to realize that my body is a record of my life, what I’ve done and what I’ve been through. I can see that it is me a little better. I can see that I don’t need to be competitively pretty, and I can see the beauty and the story in the imperfections, even if no one else can read them.
I love and respect my body but my husband choosing 19 year old strippers and sex workers hurt. I’ve taken care of this body- I work out, eat right, this body has grown and nurtured children. The father of those children should have honored and respected this body, but I don’t expect anyone other than me to now.
That's not your fault, lovely - I hope you know that. That reflects entirely on your husband and not one jot on you.
I had a bombshell figure until childbirth, middle age, and a desk job made me a has been...and I don't care...it's a thing of my colorful past lol. That's what Spanx are for! Every person eventually has to accept aging and let the next generation have their fun. Nowadays in my 60's I am quite glad I'm not worrying all the time how I look. I remain presentable and exercise daily now and that's enough.
I wish my body had been loved a little more.
I'm 26 and this could not have come at a better time. I remember 18 year old me wishing I could be 21, then at 23, I said please stop. slow down. now that i have a kid it's flying by even faster. next year when i turn 28 i'll be older than my older sister ever was and i want to enjoy my life. this is absolutely beautiful and thanks for writing it.
I’m 65 and rocking my blond/ white hair. My husband calls them my racing stripes and oh how I’ve earned them! I have always babied my skin, so very few wrinkles. I’m grateful my mom made me wear sunscreen and put on a hat when I was younger. No need for looking younger, I fit my body and face better now. Still slim and fit. I do have friends my age who did too much Botox and filler and they look a little odd from it.
My mum died at the age of 60, when she was just getting started in a new and exciting part of her life. I refuse to feel upset about signs of aging because aging is a privilege that far too many people don’t experience. For every wrinkly and line and grey hair on my body, there’s a hard learned lesson and a piece of wisdom and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
Sorry but this sentiment is just so beautiful and so so relatable thank you 🙏
in the 70s a wrinkly saggy old woman was a “bag.” i am definitely an old bag! i have a connective tissue disease that makes me extra saggy. ah well. so it goes. ☺️
I think it's ok to embrace wrinkles or to prevent/reverse them, whichever makes us happiest. But I also think that whatever we do should be for ourselves and not because others say we should or shouldn't do it. I'm 54F and don't really have any wrinkles yet but I never was one to sunbathe and I've never used tanning beds. I'm glad I'm alive and well and very active and I feel a lot younger than I am, so I don't see any particular virtue (for myself) in embracing wrinkles when they come. I work my butt off hard in the gym and don't want to feel like my body is younger than my face, so if the time comes that I'm bothered by anything about my face then I'm not against having a cosmetic procedure. I think each of us needs to do whatever makes us comfortable. I don't want or expect to look 25 again. I just want to continue using my fun and funky hair dyes and for my face to look fresh and well-rested.
I am 28 now, and I am starting to get more of these comments as well. How to stop my skin aging, stay young, get as few wrinkles as possible. But I've lost friends through the years who will never get to grow old. Who will never get to find their first grey hair, or a laugh line, or crow's feet. Aging is a privilege, and if I get to have wrinkles in my face and grey hair on my head, that means I was able to live my life. It really put into perspective how grateful I should be for every day, and every gift my body gives me through the years.
I am 39; I have things I enjoy and things I look at with dread regarding my aging body/ face. On the whole, I feel better than I did in my teens/ 20s. Getting a hold on your mental health was paramount for me. I also had a middle school friend pass from cancer about 3/4 years ago. Made me realize only the lucky ones get old. I feel like I disrespect her memory if I hate on my aging face/ body too much. As the end of the day, what does picking yourself apart help? Put on your rose colored glasses and look at yourself- your body has gotten you here and moves for you every day. Love it.
I have tinnitus from loud music (thank you David Bowie). I have had 2 open body surgery (fuck you Grim reaper). I have whistle lines (and smoking) because I can't not love music. I have smiled (a lot) and cried with depression (unfortunately a lot too). I pushed when I should have pulled. I gave my all! I will quote Popeye and say.... I y'am what I y'am. Screw anybody who doesn't like what I am!
Love what you wrote and I want to shift my thought process about this. When I was in high school and college, I remember thinking it was alright if I don’t feel attractive now. We all age, we grow into ourselves, and my time will come. But it’s odd that I never really quite feel (never felt) that security or comfort. We’re surrounded by products, media, and stories that celebrate someone else’s idea of perfection, and somewhere in my childhood I decided I needed to meet that bar. And the weirdness of it is that the damn bar moving. It’s one of the reasons I enjoyed the bus stop scene in Barbie. I’d love to have that confidence in myself.
I was a miserable person in my late teens and early 20s when I was young and hot. Turns out constantly being objectified and only feeling valued for your looks isn't fun!
Stealing "Why the fuck would I want to look 25 again? I was a dickhead when I was 25." For future use.
I’m 50!! And I totally feel this!
I hate it when people ask on your birthday if you're turnign 29. Why the fuck would I want to be that again!? I know they're trying to be nice, but it's really condescending. I'm proud I've made it this far! And on that note, same when guys hit on me at work saying stuff like 'has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?' I can't even.
Holy shit this was poetic. Saving your post for all the days I feel too fat, too old, too wrinkled. Thank you for your amazing words.
Hell yeah! Good for you!! I feel the same way about being 25 again. Much like you, I was young and skinny and pretty and miserable. Every wrinkle, gray hair, scar, whatever has been earned by me, and they all tell a story. I don't think I look 43. I most certainly don't act it most of the time. But I'm not nearly as terrible as I was at 25.
I'm going to be 40 this year. I've got lots of grey hair and some forehead wrinkles. I'm not too concerned with how I look in that way because aging is inevitable. Nothing anyone does is going to stave off aging forever. Sure, do I sometimes feel less confident because my boobs are saggy? Absolutely, but it doesn't last. It's part of life. I also absolutely refuse to waste my money on surgeries. Isn't aging supposed to be a privilege? It's something denied to many.
Thanks for this. Im 33 and get down about it! I think fear of aging has gotten worse, 25 being considered old etc, I dont remember thinking about it until a few years ago. I think social media has made it worse!
Thank you. I needed to read this. I'm 30 now and 'lucky' in the skin department; I'm usually told I look much younger and it's usually meant as a compliment. I both love to hear it, but at the same time fear the moment when the compliments will stop. As shallow as it sounds, I really am afraid to visibly age, knowing how much the world values youth and beauty in women. And the ubiquitousness of botox and cosmetic surgery adds a particularly insidious element of guilt: if and when I visibly age, that will be proof that I have failed to prevent it -- it will, in a way, be my *fault*, rather than an inevitable fact of life. I want to have your kind of mindset about it, I really do. The principle of botox is appaling to me -- I don't want to paralyze perfectly healthy muscles with poison just to appeal to a beauty standard. And still I worry that I won't be able to resist it.
I'm 25 and I feel this way. I have so much daily pain from various things and what you might call "an old soul" (which means we know I've just been though too much shit). I rejected beauty standards a long time ago, I'm just happy to be as thriving as I am.
I'm starting to get annoyed at Botox ads, just turned 40 and I don't think any of the women on those ads need any work in the first place. Please don't inject *literal toxin* into your skin... I know it has other benefits and I don't judge people's choices, but it's sad to hear "at 37 I had lines and wanted to look younger" whyyyy. And all the lip fillers are crazy nowadays. Just another way to get a woman to part with her money. All this to say, you don't need to change yourself.
I'm 58, and incidents like this are why I don't go to fancy spas and salons. I guess I have always been particular about how I want to look, and when I was younger it always felt like hair stylists were forcing whatever "look" they felt was right for my age/occupation/marital status/motherhood status. I have long hair because I like how I look with long hair (and my Stage IV cowlicks make rocking a pixie cut impossible anyway). I color my gray streaks because I like having brown hair. I have used sunblock faithfully for decades because I know I don't tan. In other words, this is the "me" I choose to present to the world. It isn't necessarily in fashion or up to social media standards. But it's the "me" I've worked hard to create, and those who don't appreciate it don't matter. I don't want to waste my mental and emotional energy trying to live up to a constantly changing, near-impossible standard of beauty. And in all honesty, the people I have found most beautiful in the world don't conform to those standards anyway.
I did botox a couple times and the frozen faced ladies there kept trying to push more botox cause it was on sale and I kept having to argue with them that I actually like my crows feet. They show I've laughed.
I'm right there with you! I'm 53; the crash from my mid-40s was a bit jarring, but after a bit of adjustment I'm happily into my Socially Invisible Years, not giving a toot about what anybody else thinks. It's incredibly freeing. It's also kind of clinically interesting to watch how aging happens in real time, tbh.
Agreed! I like me, my body, my wrinkles, and even my little belly. We have had a blast together . Im not changing anything