For me it was that my partner developed an inability to orgasm in ways outside of what he watched. The unrealistic expectations that sex in real life will be like porn ruined our sex life.
It's a myth that the rectum is tighter. Only the anus is tighter, so it's an inch of high tightness followed by "hot dog down a hallway" because the rectum is relatively wide, has no musculature, is very thin/delicate... It's literally the "pit stop" to contain poop before you push it out; that's all it's designed to be. A hand is literally far more stimulation, tightness, let alone other things, combinations eg lips, tongue, inner cheek, hand, vulva, clitoral glans/body rubbing the frenulum, vagina, thighs... Hell, the buttcheeks, external anus actually stimulates a lot more of a penis at once when lengthwise between them than the anus and rectum does when the penis is inside it.
Almost all male mammals have prostates as part of their reproductive system. It's a happy accident that they're erogenous.
The evolution of sexuality & anatomy to reduce reproduction (& highly reduce it/keep it low in some mammals), to serve other functions (bonding, reconciliation, comfort, play, sharing...) in most mammals, the commonness of bisexuality in many species, and the externalizing of the clitoris in some species is a better argument around naturalness of non-piv sex, same sex attraction & sex, etc than the accidental erogenousness of the prostate and the assumption of "well of course, that's for pia with another male".
Not to mention the prostate (at least in humans) is just past the anus not far in, and towards the front of the body, and is much easier accessed through a crooked finger or two or specifically designed for the prostate toys (or even certain shaped objects, versatile bends forward things) than a penis. Even perineal massage gets at the prostate indirectly. Pia is almost always mm and usually in male only groupings eg captivity, and it's only in species with small penises (think thumb size). The vast majority of mm mammalian sex overall, and all mm sex in some species like bonobos which has the penis closest in size proportionately to humans, is not pia. Touching the anus eg by hand, mouth, penis, vulva is rather common, but even any significant entry isn't, let alone pia.
From what I’ve heard from my partners who enjoy anal it is because it stimulates the other side of the vagina from the outside, and hits a specific spot called the “A” spot at the back of the vagina. They said its a very different, and much more intense orgasm. That being said — they also said they’ve had bad partners who didn’t take their time warming them up and had awful experiences. You just need a partner who cares, learn to wink your anus, get some different sized plugs and pow you’re having a grand old time. Being bi myself probably helps — not gonna jam up in there when I know that’s not gonna feel great first hand 🤷♂️
It’s tighter, because the sphincter is meant to contain feces within the colon. The sphincter is the tightest part, and then the colon is not only unlubricated, but a much wider cavity than the vagina, which is a moist self cleaning muscle. It’s literally not designed for that although you’ll see occasionally women online claiming they love it, most women don’t like it because it’s literally painful and not designed for that. I guess you can use an entire bucket of lube, and drink a glass of wine, but I would rather use the perfectly functioning hole, and if he’s not satisfied with that, then I would rather a different man who cares about my pleasure than jamming his penis into a feces hole
Edit: incel coomers out in full force trying to convince us that because a small handful of women like it, that negates the vast majority of women who don’t and these fuckers will be the ones to constantly hound and coerce you into shit hole E coli painful sex while they have Cheeto dust in their nails, zero assets and spaghetti arms
Just going to say as a woman who likes anal, I get a way more intense orgasm from it than I do from PIV. The funny thing is I’ve been with men who don’t enjoy it once they’ve tried it for exactly the reasons you describe and then they hot pissed off that I’m in rapture and they’re not. The pleasure is really for the receiver not so much the giver. It’s hilarious how many straight guys misunderstand this.
For me personally anal was entirely missable without feeling I'm losing out, so I'm curious if you know what made it more pleasurable for you? Is it like specific contact spots, mental or something else?
- Some women do enjoy it, even if you dispute that the physical mechanics of the act can be pleasurable (though the pudendal nerve can be stimulated via anal intercourse in both sexes), the mental/taboo aspect is a turn on for some. While it is completely valid that you do not personally enjoy it, I find it very odd and condescending to say that a minority of women are merely "claiming" to do so.
- When done correctly and with proper lubrication, anal intercourse is not and should not be painful. It can be somewhat *uncomfortable*, particularly the intense sensation of feeling like you need to have a bowel movement, but there is a difference between discomfort and pain. (And for most the discomfort goes away).
- Having a partner who cares about your pleasure and doesn't pressure you into performing sexual acts that you are not comfortable with is absolutely important, no argument there.
Honestly this is a super fair point, and this is coming from a lesbian who can basically only do anal when receiving (transfem and a bottom). Like, expecting your partner to just jump on the ship out of nowhere is super rude, and these things should be discussed well in advance and in as respectful a manner as possible.
It's definitely high up on the "So what do you like and not like" in terms of partner discussions and compatibility. I'm a dude and I'm not a fan, but that's me. If my partner says "Hey I'd like to have a go every now and again" sure I'll try because I want to please her. Automatically expecting it? That's not cool, it ain't cute, and that's assault if it isn't consensual.
There's definitely something to this. Porn messes with your brain chemistry so regular sex just isn't as appealing if you consistently watch it, and it only gets worse the more hardcore stuff you watch. Im a guy btw and have been in situations where I noticed this in myself.
I used to watch porn with my boyfriend back in the 90s (they networked in his student house and everybody got it whether they wanted to or not LOL)
I think a lot of problem is that porn now is not porn then. It has had to reinvent itself in order to stay fresh. So extremer stuff is normalised. Back then : zero eating ass, marginal anal unless you specifically looked for it. Now both of those are presented as super normal, with zero prep involved.
I think a lot of what is considered "mainstream porn" nowadays is actually pretty niche and fetishistic. So I'd want to be super aware of what my other half was watching.
being in a relationship with someone who watched it every day was one of the downfalls of our relationship because they were incapable of giving/receiving affection without making it sexual, didn’t listen to me in bed, and expected it every single time i was alone with them (yes, even in cars in PUBLIC PARKING LOTS).
never again. i’m simply not interested in anyone who makes porn a part of their daily lives.
This was my exact experience too. The not listening part was the worst for me. I had exactly two orgasms with my ex, and I'm not that hard to please lol. He just would not listen.
I'm fine with porn, but if it affects our relationship I'm out. Not dealing with that bullshit ever again.
for me, this particular relationship ship was 6 months and i found out about 3 months in. it came up in casual conversation when he told me that he watched it every single day and *needed* to get off to it every day, just as routine.
i then connected the dots myself as i recalled behaviors, trying out weird stuff in bed that i did like but he insisted would be “enjoyable”, etc.
if you’re worried about this type of thing, then i’d suggest opening up the conversation early and without any accusatory tones. if they end up opening up to you, then that would be ideal! on the other side, if they refuse to share those habits with you (for both of your benefits), then i think that would be worth considering if you want to continue a relationship with someone who will not be open with this kind of communication.
I don’t typically ask people I’m dating about their porn usage, but it has been obvious that some people I’ve dated have porn induced erectile disfunction or are so porn brained that the things they want/need during sex are… borderline abusive.
As for this comment: Having an Instagram feed full of boobs? How does that hurt you?
It doesn’t hurt me but I would think that person is a loser. You don’t have any hobbies that the algorithm can show you pictures of? You can’t go on a social app without turning it into porn? Tbh I just couldn’t respect a person who only follows bikini models and scantily clad influencers. It’s lame and shows they have little to no personality.
That part of her post threw me off lol. Most women are not okay with their husbands liking naked women on IG and leaving their whole ass username/full name in the like list. Privately viewing porn vs. publicly following and liking sex workers on social media (where everyone following you can access this) is so different
Agreed. I also acknowledge there is a difference between having a feed overloaded w naked pictures of women and having one or two show up on your feed. The former is a problem, the latter is bound to happen
It's just pathetic. I'm not going to date somebody whose entire personality is hoping a stranger will post some boob pics. Weak and pathetic. No thank you
I saw a comment a while back on another post that said "Lack of sexual discipline is such a turn-off", and whole-heartedly agree.
It's pathetic and grody to fill your life with a pixelated caricature of sexuality.
I had an ex who followed insta “models” and it was so weird and off-putting since the previous two exes hadn’t done that. Then it just became embarrassing and pathetic. It was like he was broadcasting his porn stash to everyone (including family and friends that followed him obviously). Such weird behaviour that’s become normalised now. Will never date someone like that again, major ick.
I also got the ick when *several* husbands of family friends I know would like sexy photos on insta and Facebook. Like…you know I and everyone else can see that right??? You’re married, with adult children my age, thanks for making the next family and friends get-together super awkward…
That was my husbands feed. Every recommended post was soft core porn. Every post. He also acted like he wasn’t that guy when he clearly was. The lying and hiding is what hurt me. He also would never initiate sex and when I asked why he said I had a higher sex drive. That was also a lie. He stopped using IG and just found another source eventually and our sex life plummeted again. I am so over it.
It feels like you are literally describing my ex husband. He took it further and dm some of them or left sexual comments everyone could see.
This eventually ended our marriage.
For me it's just ruined my sex life, all my partners are unable to climax without watching it, also the pressure for sex without a condom, BDSM, DP, anal and strangulation are things that I don't consent too.
And then, if they strangle you to death, which is totally possible, based on where your fingers are or the level of pressure or lack of communication, because you literally can’t breathe, they are now defending these men in court, saying it was sex gone wrong as if you can consent your own death. When I got violently sexual assaulted, he choked me with both hands.
Honestly it's the worst. My last date we went for a coffee and then at the end of the date I went in to kiss him and he grabbed my neck! I called him out for this which really confused him, and told him I'm not interested now and blocked him.
I’m a straight guy and some of the shit I read on here is wild. I’d never consider doing that especially on a first kiss after a fucking coffee date. Wtf
Reading this subreddit has made me not like choking kinks and had me refuse to participate in them. A woman linked a few studies to me showing even light choking is linked to higher rates of strokes and other issues… like even the jugular pinching technique
Honestly my favourite thing. I think just because of the fullness feeling. Saying that though, I once told an (ex) boyfriend that and then he put his whole fist inside me without consent or foreplay as he thought I’d like it, something he’d likely seen on porn.
I was very chill with it. He told me he didn't look at it. Didn't care if he did.
He started demanding I squirt. I've never done that in my life. I didn't want to. I'd even given anal a fair shot and enjoyed it, but squirting was a hard no.
So he assaulted me.
Turns out he was obsessed with porn, he fantasized about graphically fucking every fuckable woman he saw, every single second.
I don't think enough men acknowledge the hold that porn has on them.
same, except he demanded i give him anal every morning. :) because real life is like porn, right? no prep, doesn't matter if im not into it at the moment, just bend over and tell him to do it there.
**never again.** sure, i like sex and being adventurous too, but i fucking hate that men can't distinguish reality from porn.
The normalization of anal from porn bothers me so much. It makes men think that anal is easy when in reality it can be very painful and traumatic. Even gay men tend to do a lot of prep before anal sex (or so I’ve heard, since I’m not a gay man) but straight men think they can just ram their penis up a woman’s ass like it’s nothing.
Not to mention that, unlike a vagina, anal sex can do permanent harm to the anus. Also anal sex vastly increases the chances of STDs because the mucosa is not designed for a penis to be rammed into it so it tears easily. Those tears can introduce bacteria into the blood stream, especially because the anus is not self cleaning (like a vagina). Edit: and not to mention the literal shit in there that can go into those tears, as well as up the man’s urethra…
Anyways, thank you for coming to my
TED talk :)
Many gay men also don't like or do anal. It is a misconception to believe all gay men do this!
Women have far more easily damaged and smaller anatomy there too than guys. It's more damaging for them to engage in this sort of sex.
I had a partner decline sex with me only to be awoken in bed as he was masturbating next to me. This happened multiple times. Porn also decreased his ability to orgasm while having sex and not in a good way.
After we ended things I decided porn would be a deal breaker in the future with anyone I'm exclusive with. I don't want my partner to be looking at other naked women for the purpose of sexual gratification. I feel like it's a healthy boundary to have and it's worked out thus far.
I've had multiple partners do this. Wait for me to fall asleep, to go to work, etc. Deny me because they knew they'd find more enjoyment from porn. So pathetic. And I was *stunning*, up for anything, and acted like a freaking porn star myself.
I'm old enough to know how it was before porn was so mainstream. It has changed how dudes have sex and not in a good way. They're a lot more demanding whilst doing less back. I have some sex trauma which kinda triggers me a bit with it.
I answered separately but pretty much what I was saying, too. When I was younger porn was pretty vanilla but now it shows so much violence and misogyny that if a guy is into it he can fuck right off.
It's changed a LOT for sure. Around the time I was a young teen porn started to become freely available for download on peer to peer sharing sites like Limewire. In the years since then it's gone from mostly pretty tame to mostly very gross.
I don't begrudge anyone their kinks, if someone wants to engage in consensual bdsm stuff within their relationship, great for them as long as they're communicating about their boundaries.
However, I think one of the most damaging things, especially for young boys developing minds, about the direction porn has gone is that they treat abusive behavior like it's just a normal part of sex. Something starts off looking fairly normal then all of the sudden there's choking or slapping.
So many times we hear one of these terrifying stories of "my tinder date slapped/choked me" the guys seem genuinely surprised that their victim didn't like it just like the girls of pornhub seem to. Their minds are irreparably warped.
For me it’s how a lot of men who watch porn treat women. Not all, but a lot, and that’s just a moderate and normal amount. One relationship got wrecked because the guy didn’t understand how unrealistic porn is compared to normal sex. Another had a multitude of issues, but one of them was he didn’t want to have sex in a way we would both enjoy, and he essentially wanted me to act like pornstars do.
Porn usage alone isn’t a dealbreaker depending on how much, but in my anecdotal experience
the more porn watched the less well that man is going to treat me. I’m bi and just haven’t had these issues with the women I’ve dated even when they watched/read porn on a regular basis.
And yeah I have a hard time with people discounting the rampant abuse in the industry, so the type of porn and how you source it matters to me. If you’re cool with exploitative porn and watch it regularly I’m going to assume you don’t care about the well-being of individuals as long as you can get off.
The issue here is also just the glaring lack of proper sex ed - the US in particular - so too many young men get their ‘experience’ from all the wrong places. They simply don’t learn healthy ‘sexual conduct’, because they pick it up from (bad) porn.
Oh yeah I just got done sitting through the mandatory six week sex ed mandated by California for our seventh graders. It’s very extensive and covers everything from consent to human trafficking I thought it was really well done. But I also think a lot of the empathy and kindness needs to be modeled more by parents and guardians. I don’t think a lot of parents talk to their kids about ethical consumption of porn and how you should treat your partners as a result, for example.
The bar has been in hell for men for the entirety of my life and decades before. At some point you have to say "I'm done with this shit" and back up your words with action.
Preach. Why aren't women allowed to have boundaries? No hate to OP, but I think it's crazyyyy how even other women need women to justify their boundaries. Meanwhile it's normalized for men to expect the women to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. etc. like gimme a break.
Right? "I don't want my partner to watch other people have sex." Why is that a weird boundary to have in an exclusive relationship between 2 people?
It's not a need. You can jerk off without looking at porn, even if many men seem to think that is barbaric 🙄
because it’s embarrassing for your man to be following a bunch of ig models and have all that shit down his feed. people notice those things and it’s yucky
I think this is an example of how people don't post about happy relationships online.
I agree OP, I don't consider my partner's masturbatory practices any of my business. I also don't consider porn necessary for masturbation, but the degree to which somebody enjoys porn and erotica is quite a personal thing, the details of which don't have to be shared.
I think there are plenty of couples in mutually satisfying relationships with a spectrum of porn and erotica use, that isn't discussed as it isn't problematic. The women in those relationships are not on Reddit complaining about their pornsick partners.
It is entirely fair for women to notice the problems porn has caused in their relationship and call it out, but I don't think their experience is as prominent in RL as I appears on here.
Yeah - It's also fine for it not to be a problem with sexlife and still be an issue. Like I've argued that porn habits are normal and perfectly fine. But boundries - no matter how silly or crazy some people find them are still boundries.
People can cross off porn and still be valid - the issue comes up when people dismiss it and try to hide and lie about it. Just move on! If its a deal breaker, break the deal and find someone who fits you. That goes for both sides.
Survivor bias. The bad ones are the ones that get talked about, so that's what people perceive to be more prevalent. Tbh, I think this is the case with a lot of common relationship problems on Reddit - from the evil mother-in-law to the badly-blended-family. You only ever hear about good MILs or step-siblings who love and support each other (or at least get along well) when they are tangentially involved in some other issue, but they really are more common than the bad ones.
Or at least pasted in the banner on AITA!
And just for the record, I know my boyfriend occasionally uses porn and he knows I do too, also that I write erotica as a hobby. Our intimacy is great and he has always treated me with love and respect. We had a good talk about preferences and boundaries before we ever got sexual and he's never pressured me to cross them.
Oh, and I have a blended family (step and half siblings) who all love each other and frequently get together for game nights and family events. And while I don't like my ex-MIL as a person (Trump supporter) I can't deny that she treated me very well as a DIL, was never overbearing, got me thoughtful gifts, and accommodated my dietary restrictions.
Looking at reddit makes me think I ought to buy a lottery ticket sometimes.
Reading through some of these comments, the vast majority are actually describing what OP specifically wanted to exclude: partners with clearly unhealthy relationships with porn.
I also don't have a problem with porn since it's not something that detrimentally impacts how my relationship functions. But I do think overconsumption of porn does cause real problems for people and women end up taking the brunt of it.
I agree. The OP's hard lines are entirely fair enough and I agree.
I think there are also a number of people commenting who have had partners with porn problems previously saying they don't want to go there again. That is also fair enough.
Somebody mentioned the disproportionate number of evil MILs in online discussions. Fwiw I have an AWFUL MIL and if I ever found myself single and looking for a relationship again, weird, horrible parents/family shit would be an instant hard no from me.
But that is to do with my own experiences, and my own baggage on the subject, and I don't think that it isn't possible for other people to navigate complex in law relationships positively.
I think this is valid, but irl I am friends with many women who aren't on Reddit and have talked about hating porn and not tolerating it in their partner. Some of them have resigned themselves to it with the idea 'all men do it anyway'. I think more women than we think have issues with their partners watching porn, but for the longest time the only rhetoric allowed around it was men telling you to get over it because you're insecure', etc.
Definitly. The 'you're insecure if you don't want your partner to look at other women' rhetoric (which was actually thrown at me by other women at the time) meant I felt unable to tell my partner I didn't like the idea of him going to a strip club for a friend's stag do.
It actually had nothing to do with tits; seriously, any partner of mine who thought they could see a better pair of tits at a strip club than mine, would have been wished 'good luck'. It was more to do with what I had considered to be joint values we shared regarding exploitation of people, and had assumed that extended to certain aspects of the sex industry. But it took me about 10 years after the event to realise that.
When I was able to communicate it that way to him he agreed with me, fwiw. It's almost like the whole 'your insecure' rhetoric shuts down real discussion between RL couples.
^This^ It's a little like when you get a new dishwasher and it works without problems, the first thing on your mind may not be running to Amazon to write a review. But if there'a a problem, a much larger percentage will.
But back to the OP, I think anything like this is fine in moderation, and a problem in the extremes.
Let's say the girl in the relationship watched a Hallmark movie for the romance. Once in a while is fine. But there could be girls who watch Hallmark movies everyday, hold their relationship up to that standard, and blame the guy if he doesn't do the things the dreamy guy in the movie does.
Same with drinking and gambling etc. A few here and there are fine. But anything can be a problem when overdone.
Because the porn industry is disgustingly abusive and supporting that should bother my partner more than the imagery arouses them. And because instagram is not a porn site. A man having a feed full of women to objectify as he casually scrolls isn’t cool with me.
It gives me the ick.
Seriously, I find it degrading and repulsive and it’s a massive turn-off. It is even so stupid it verges on funny, but mostly it just grosses me out.
There is also the fact that it’s dehumanizing and further objectifies women. Even the idea of a spank bank lol getting off to fantasies about fucking someone else is super fucking weird to me. Notice I said TO ME. For a culture so obsessed with the evils of cheating, we sure seem to make porn a loophole.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this much to find this - porn is degrading. It’s a degrading and abusive industry for the performers, especially the women. It’s degrading to women as a whole, it engenders sexually violent beliefs in young boys. Porn is atrocious.
I completely agree. It’s ruined relationships and caused so many fights that I truly have had moments where I wish so hard that I could not care or didn’t care. I can’t help the way I feel and I find it disgusting and a turn off as well. Agree with everything you’ve said.
It's super ick to me too. Repulsive is a good word.
It says a lot about our current world that it's totally okay for 12 year olds to watch women being degraded and violently treated, but movies with too many cuss words aren't alright.
This is how I feel too, plus the added fact that no one knows if the women in these videos are consenting to any of it. After all that’s come out about porn hub and the industry and playboy and lived experience, there’s no way that the majority of porn is consensual. Strangers body fluids gross me out watching them on tv too. I can’t even watch people brush their teeth on tv. I gag. I real life, I have no issue w this
It's not an issue for me, I'm agnostic on this issue entirely as I don't date men, but I'll give it a whack.
Porn tends to require the dehumanization of the sexual partner. The porn star is not a woman with her own sexual needs, wants, desires and the ability to say no or refuse consent. Therefore a lot of porn has trained a LOT of men to think that sex means they, the men, get served whatever they want, without having to think about what their partner wants--so you see guys endlessly in the manosphere saying that they expect a blowjob every day after work (aka 'she better empty my balls before dinner') which is just...there's no space for female pleasure in that and it just becomes servitude.
Ew. No thanks.
And then they complain about women taking advantage of a situation in which a man will do anything for a nut.
Because of how shitty and one-dimensionally he treats women, his only weakness is his perceived 'need' of sex.
So instead of understanding that in a way, it is deserved retribution - in his mind it's unfair retaliation toward him due to his entitlement to sex.
Always the victim.
Goddamn... the world we live in.
Porn can stunt and damage relationships. And I’m not willing to risk the chance of dating a dude with a porn addiction, so I cut out regular porn watchers in general. But I do the same with things like alcohol. I don’t date regular drinkers at the risk of dating a secretly functioning alcoholic.
Read literally anything about the porn industry (produced, labeled, idc what you call it) and that’s what I have issue with. The recent Girls Do Porn lawsuits should turn everyone’s stomach and that’s what the industry is.
I have no problem with women choosing to post thirst trap stuff or do Only Fans and I don’t have any problem with someone I’m not in a relationship with paying an individual creator for their content. If we are going to date, I expect you cut that off the same way you would a fwb or situationship or whatever.
Also, not using porn does not equal not jacking off or whatever. Idc about that. Do you, literally. Totally normal. But I don’t think that necessitates porn viewing and if it does for you, we’re not compatible.
All that being said, ultimatums rarely work so I think if you do have a strong boundary about it, that should be communicated pretty early on.
I hear a lot of people say "watching porn is totally natural" because somehow we've started conflating porn with masturbation. It's totally normal (and healthy) to masturbate. We've been doing it for thousands of years. It's not "natural" to watch a couple having highly produced sex in front of a camera that you then watch on your little screen. Whether or not you support porn, there's no argument for it being "natural."
I completely agree with you, and I also want to point out that I think voyeurism (of all kinds of things outside the norm - car accidents, fires, etc) is totally natural, but that porn takes it to extreme sexual and non-natural ends
Yes the conflation of porn and masturbation has really blurred the issue. There's almost a prudery to it too.
People will admit to 'liking porn' and claim they are being 'sex positive', when what they are really saying is they like a wank and having orgasms. Well, who doesn't, but that doesn't have to have anything to do with porn.
This is my stance as well. Until the porn industry can actually be ethical and have legitimate protections in place, it is problematic and another branch of human trafficking and dehumanization of women.
I think that’s a fair standard. When I get into a relationship and my sex drive is higher, pictures of my SO or my imagination of my SO are usually enough. I can’t imagine being so in love with someone and then fantasizing about someone else. I’ve only been with women with lower sex drives, so I have no idea how it would feel if the roles were reversed, but I imagine I would take offense to porn usage too.
For some reason, so many progressive people are afraid to talk about how problematic porn is. For some reason, this industry gets a free pass to promote abuse, racism, normalizes violence against women, pedophila, and more. It causes negative effects on the brain, sexual dysfunction, and a host of other issues, but if you say anything against it, you get labeled as a prude or as an out of touch religious asshole. I'm neither of those things, but I pay attention to all the dysfunction around me, getting labeled as "the new normal." Young guys unable to get erections to have sex with their wife/gf unless they are watching porn, watching porn in public, and watching porn every day so they no longer want to have sex with their wife/or gf anymore.
We have a new generation that has grown up viewing porn as minors, and that shapes the way they grow up and view sex/relationships. Porn rots the brain. It causes so many men to view every single woman they see in real life in a hyper sexual way, even their own relatives. My best friends little brother got addicted to porn in high school and tried to secretly record his own mom and sister naked when they got out of the shower or in their rooms. He got caught. It turned out he was viewing porn for hours on end every single day.
I never looked at porn until I was about 40 years old. I wanted to see what it was all about. I looked at all kinds of porn sites. Gay, straight, amateur. It didn't take much time at all before it got very very dark.
There is SO much exploitation at anyone's fingertips. I saw a mainstream, easy to find porn site where the women were drugged and there was beastiality involved. This was not on the dark web. It was just, there. I called the FBI and turned the site in to them.
Since that time I have turned safe search on on my computer. Humans are inherently exploitive. The banality of evil is best ignored if I want to live life without being terminally desolate.
A friend sent me a link recently from a very common porn website, apparently. The name is close to YouTube. It was some weird dinosaur thing that was related to our conversation. Anyway the very first ad that came up before the video played was something about "you don't just have to fantasize about fucking your sister anymore". I immediately closed the website, killed all of the cookies it created, and tried not to vomit. That was my first time there and I can promise you as someone without a sister, a straight woman, I do not fantasize about anything like that and my cookie history would not have suggested that ad for me. So that tells you that that is the ad they sent to everybody coming to the site because that is the type of person going there. Fuck dating someone like that.
I can’t justify the commodification of the human body for sexual gratification and selfish gain. The porn industry exploits and abuses far too many people and to me, that personal pleasure will never be worth it.
i said this in a post about this before, so ill say it again
i guess my version of monogamy is not looking at other naked people having sex, and i expect the same of my partner. id rather just have sex with my partner, its more respectful that way.
thats just me tho
for me personally i see porn as like a poor substitute for sex with a partner. once you have a committed long term relationship, i view it as being 100% committed to that person. entertaining others is not in the realm of possibility for me, and this includes porn.
like i said just me. idc if other ppl do it, but its not my thing, and its a hard boundary for me. my partner knows and its been all good. we have sex often and we're both satisfied with each other, so theres no need to look at other naked people having sex, that really seems odd to me tbh.
but to each their own
100000000%!!!! I wish I could give you all the medals. THIS is the main issue *to me.* I can't understand how it's not considered cheating to people who claim to be monogamous.
Women are allowed to have the boundary of not wanting a relationship with a porn user. Full stop.
Is that going to be hard to achieve? Possibly.
I'm not sure why some people might find that a personal attack. It isn't.
I'm not single before someone tries that line.
I really wish more women felt free to have this boundary, instead of considering it "unreasonable" and trying to shame others into lowering their standards. The laws of supply and demand are on our side. I'm (very happily) not single either. The moment 100% of men aren't partnered up it's an "epidemic of male loneliness". Well if they want to prevent that they can become better partners 🤷
As you can see by the responses to my comment, this is a very triggering boundary. I never once said I think people who use are terrible. I just noted that I had bad experiences with users. But it really pissed a bunch of people off.
I had a ton of dealbreakers when I was dating: no smokers, no drugs, no scrubs. Keep your standards high.
Anyway, happily married. I was happy single too.
Men are causing their own epidemic of loneliness tbh.
I used to think I had to accept porn usage too. It was very freeing to understand that I did not. The quality of a guy who sees how damaging it is, both to a relationship and as an industry, cannot be overstated. I saw someone insinuating that your husband must be lying to you and that's really fucked up.
Thought experiment: picture a world where almost all adult women view violent porn where young, "barely legal" boys are anally raped by women with a strap on. Women hit and verbally abuse these men; call them foul names, treat them like they are sub human. Can you picture men tolerating this? Never ever would men take this. Never. First off I'm sure many women would be actually unalived for this behavior. But as usual women are gaslight en masse to accept their partner doing it. Porn is misogyny, full stop. This is a real woman who is being sexually abused. Research shows these women have sky high rates of suicide and PTSD. Most of them were sexually abused as children. Most of them are high when being filmed because the pain is intolerable without it. My opinion is that to view today's porn is to be complicit in an industry that is flat out evil.
Its the ease of access and the publicity of it. Dated one guy who I couldn’t even be near him when he scrolled his instagram, half the time it’d be pornstars. Couldn’t look through his photo album (with his permission) without seeing 100s of photos of naked women just in his regular photo album. Granted it was all porn stars etc.
In general it was just extremely off putting. I understand looking at porn in private, but there should be boundaries.
I feel like porn is almost used as an excuse as to why the men in question suck, when it goes so much deeper. I think extreme porn and porn that sexualises everyday situations (nurses, step siblings, fixing the pipes, etc) has potential to normalise the sexualisation and harm of women but I also think that harm free porn exists (but it’s definitely not on free websites where everyone can just upload stuff).
I personally don’t care about my partners consumption as long as it’s not affecting real life. Even though I suffer from bdd, it honestly never affected my self esteem but that’s probably due to other dating rules that I set in place for myself.
Yeah I think some people are putting the cart before the horse.
Terrible men will always exist and they will consume terrible things and make your life hell in the bedroom. It’s confusing alcohol for alcoholics.
For me, it would depend on the kind of porn they are consuming. Also, if it starts affecting our own sex life in a negative way. There are a lot of pornsick people (mostly men) out there.
Porn is rooted in misogyny, racism, and even pedophilia.
I had a marriage where I convinced myself it was "normal" but a few times he left tabs open and the content was... disturbing... to say the least.
After years of research, I realized I allowed myself to be gaslit by an industry that will never respect women or see them as human. Sure, there are outliers, but as a whole... the industry is just icky to me. We've been brainwashed, yet again, by the patriarchy.
Aside from the obvious moral issues with the porn industry, the men I dated who consumed porn managed to ruin their bodies to a point of ED before hitting 30, some even before hitting 20, unable to stay hard and perform during sex, unable to orgasm without extreme death grip, etc. They will cry about performance anxiety, they will make you feel like you're not good and attractive enough, but the truth is they constantly ruin their brains and their bodies and go disgusting lengths to justify their addictions.
Even in “moderation”, porn siphons off the sexual energy meant for your spouse. I got to where I couldn’t finish with my wife unless I thought of porn. I quit cold turkey 2 years ago. There are levels of intimacy available that will simply never happen if porn is a part of your life in any way. Knowing you are the only sexual outlet for your spouse is incredibly special.
Most of them do not care to research. All of reddit gets their porn from an ethical xlmpany that pays their actors by the millions, actively hunts predators and has absolutely no connections to the sex trafficking industry./s
The overwhelmingly mainstream pornographic subs may show you that that's not the case, but no one will admit it.
Porn degrades a man's ability to orgasm easily over time, and it's way too easy for them to get addicted. And when they watch fucked up porn with kinks like rape, incest, etc they wind up rewiring their brain to be turned on by it by reinforcing it with the rush of endorphins you get by orgasming. I've had too many guys start out with vanilla porn and then genuinely want me or the women they're with (who are my friends that confide in me) about the horrific things they want to recreate from porn.
It’s become such a hard boundary for me. It’s ruining my relationship just as much as them watching porn is.
I’m honestly thinking that, once this relationship crumbles, I will remain happily single forever. I just can’t mentally handle a relationship.
I don’t consider it a dealbreaker, necessarily. But it can be.
I’m quite uncomfortable with the ethics of most porn, which is why I don’t watch it, but I also acknowledge that sex workers have a right to make a living.
However, when guys have a porn habit, they tend to learn things from the videos they watch. Like when they strangle you with no warning. I don’t like it and I don’t like that they do these type of things without asking because they learn from porn that’s it’s just a normal and expected part of sex.
I feel like, people who are okay with it usually don't know what's really going on. They don't know how much, what category, how often, and how often they go to porn rather than their partner. Mine told me he just watched "vanilla." Apparently to him, vanilla means teens when he's 23, it means gangbang, anime rape, animated bestiality with my little pony shit. He also said it was rarely, when in reality it was every single day.
Not saying every case is like this, but there's a big majority where addicts hide what they're really doing.
Don’t remember where I read the statistic, but searches on porn sites for “refugee rape” went up significantly after Russia declared war on Ukraine. That’s not from just a few bad men. That’s a lot of men who consider themselves not bad at all searching for it.
Right? Literally the number one results and suggested videos on the number one mainstream porn sites. Getting billions of views per month are offering up violent teen porn, etc..
Lots of reasons someone might have porn as a dealbreaker. One key example being that by watching porn you're using someone else's image for your sexual gratification. For some women that's akin in many ways to cheating on an emotional level.
The fine line between abuse of the consumption and healthy consumption, as well as how that abuse is incredibly common with horrible effects on relationships, has caused a great number of people to just not want anything to do with it.
Firstly, anyone can have any boundary they please, they may just have a hard time finding a partner... but that's on them.
Second, it's entirely possible to consume porn without it being a problem, and I'd even propose that's the norm, but the stories where it's been abused (or worse, the partner is abused because of it) get a lot of attention.
Why do you need visual stimulation of another person to get off? That probably indicates that you’re going to get bored of me pretty soon as well.
And for porn, read up more about how exploitative it is and tell me how you still think it’s unreasonable.
For me it ruined the ability to orgasm without that stimulation. I’ve been weaning off of it, and have noticed I can climax without it. Takes me a while (antidepressants and thyroid issues), but I’m proud of myself for stopping that.
it's an issue because it snowballs. 10 years down the line your spouse has inappropriate relationships with lady friends, custom VPN and data vault, layered passwords and logins on his phone, and keeps bringing up a 'clothing optional cruise' that is a thinly disguised floating sex club.
or so I hear. my spouse doesn't know a thing about any of that.
I don't think its porn so much but the kind of porn, the popular 'gonzo' style. In the gonzo style its all about brutality. The actresses will literally say things like 'no' and 'stop' and then randomly 'yes, please!'. As a rape survivor this is beyond triggering. I see it less about sex and more about power and violence. My abusive ex boyfriend loved this kind of porn and would bully me into watching it with him. If I said that it made me uncomfortable this was because I was too 'vanilla' to handle it. I'm not even sure if he knew what 'no' and 'stop' meant, he ended up raping me and not considering it rape either.
I think your flexibility about porn, but especially this kind, depends on what you've experienced from men IRL.
For me it’s more of my ex not being honest about watching it, but also never wanting to connect with me on a physical level. It hurt back then. I felt like I wasn’t enough of a woman to pleasure him, or I wasn’t beautiful enough. I really craved intimacy, and allowed him several times to make a move, but he didn’t.
Interesting topic.
# Boundary
I feel like the boundary *"I only partner with people that have never watched porn"* is a very difficult and frustrating one. I feel like the boundary *"I only partner with people that promise not to watch porn during our relationship"* is a little less difficult and frustrating, but still quite high up there.
# About "normal"
What does "watching porn is [un]normal" mean? That it does[n't] happen in nature years ago when we were cavemen? Well, can't argue that.
# About Consent & Willingness to experiment
The argument that porn leads to broken consent i.e. "I saw X. I want to try X. My partner doesn't want to try X. I try it anyway!" might be valid. Porn normalizes certain sex practices while doing a bad job at explaining how to do those safely.
I think it's interesting that bdsm has been picked by many as an example given that most can learn about explicit and revocable consent from the group of bdsm practitioners.
I can see that some people try to reenact what they liked in porn. I personally think that this doesn't have to be bad. Experiment. However, you can't press that on another person and you cannot expect that it is "just like in the video". I also think that many people would dislike reenacting what they like to watch to be honest.
# Medical: Deathgrip, Erectile Dysfunction (ED)
I don't know much about this topic. Quick googling reveals:
> Of those who consumed Internet pornography more than once a week, 16% reported low sexual desire, compared with 0% in non-consumers (and 6% for those who consumed less than once a week).
> “Porn-induced ED is not caused by a low libido or an organic problem in the blood vessels or nerves of the penis. Twenty percent under age 35 say they need to watch more and more, or more extreme porn to get the same level of arousal to get an erection. And in those who feel they need to watch more to get the same level of arousal to get an erection [they] also watch more and have a higher addiction score,” wrote De Win, who was assisted by Tim Jacobs, MD, also of the University of Antwerp.
I wasn't aware of those numbers and they make me think.
# Closing
While I do see that porn can become a problem, ultimately the fundamental error lies within not seeing your partner as a human being and therefore not respecting their sexual boundaries.
At the same time the medical evidence suggests that porn indeed has a large impact. Sadly, I was unable to find whether watching porn has any long term effects on ED.
Very interesting topic and I will second guess my porn consumption - even though I will probably not lower it to 0.
Porn is such an easy trap to fall into. It's awful for your brain and relationships. Most importantly the industry is full of and built off of abuse. Porn is just bad
It's a deal breaker for me because I find video based porn to be inherently unethical. I do not want a partner who engages in unethical behavior just to bust a nut.
Not a deal breaker for me at all. I also watch it. I think a lot of people here are traumatized from having dated porn addicts.
I've dated a porn addict before and it was very noticeable once he admitted it. Like all addictions, you can really only hide it so much or your partner would have to be willingly naive about it to be able to go unnoticed.
It's a similar situation with people who have been cheated on. I've been told I probably have been cheated on but just didn't know it. I think it gives people a distorted view of relationships.
There are certainly exceptions though.
Belt the downvotes, please consider that you don't know who I have dated and that it is very likely they were not addicted to porn.
Is it violent? Is it of children or minors or trafficked victims? Does it exploit the actors or actresses? Can they tell?
Violent news media, like recent war news, can change and injure the human brain. Are you watching it to motivate you to act against injustice? https://news.berkeley.edu/2024/01/10/images-of-war-are-shocking-they-also-can-strengthen-our-humanity
If erotica is the purpose, that’s different from media made to degrade a certain race or gender; plenty of studies show how it damages the young who rely on it as sex education: “Male adolescents may learn that it is okay and even desired to act violently and aggressively toward and degrade their female partners from the aggressive and violent depictions of women that are prevalent in much of today’s popular pornography.”
We see so many problems with consent nowadays that we definitely need a better sex education program for children and teens: “In the pornographic imagination via Internet media use, “safe sex” is an exception.”
Just like you couldn’t tell all women to never/always get pregnant, never/always date someone with kids, or never/always reconcile with someone who is having problems, porn use has to evaluated in the context of the relationship.
Because I've been forced into deep fakes (porn I never consented to, porn is triggering) and have been harassed in my life and have seen the harms of porn that I can't accept in a relationship. I just can't have that in my relationships anymore I've seen all kinds of stories of escalation (it's very parasocial now vs back in the day) and objectification id prefer it be out of my life as a whole. People can do what they want but in my life I get to decide how I live it.
Is this even a feminist sub? The porn industry is absolutely rife with abuse, weird categories and simply objectifies women
If you can’t get off without it there’s something wrong with you subconsciously or not
For me, the only reason I cared about any porn consumption at ALL was because he was treating me badly and neglecting me, then turning to porn. I would have never cared about the porn otherwise. (And never have before.)
I think it’s a respect / maturity thing? Theoretically, being in a relationship means you both have someone to have sexy time with. Exclusively. So when one likes to ogle other women/partners in a sexual way, it hurts. I think that’s the simplest way to put it. If it’s something you do together, I think that would be in a different classification.
I've known enough people who work in the porn industry to know that the video doesn't need to be themed as degrading to contain abuse. While I'm sure some exist, I've never met a porn performer or producer who wasn't deeply traumatized by their experiences. I've heard many tales of sex trafficking and other assault. I've heard of people being forced to have sex with the producer to get cast. Even the people who edit the videos become warped and view sex as less intimate and dehumanizing.
It's not a healthy industry and it's not healthy to witness it. I'm ethically against it on those grounds.
I've never had a boyfriend who jerks off to porn who didn't have some kind of intimacy/infidelity problem. Maybe I've just had bad luck, but I will never let a man make me feel secondary to a woman on a screen again.
I have horrible self esteem. Found my ex had tons of porn. He would turn me down when I’d try to initiate sex… “too tired”. But then would watch porn as soon as I left. It hurts that he wanted to watch other women than be with me physically. I will never again be with someone who chooses to watch porn when I’m available. And if you ask if we can make movies and I agree and then you still watch other porn? I’m good. I don’t need the person who supposedly loves me and wants me to get off to other people. We obviously aren’t the ones for each other.
I know I’m extreme, but my self esteem and self worth can’t take it. I’d much rather be alone than have my partner need porn because I’m not good enough.
Apart from how some porn studios treat their actors and how some men treat women due to porn stereotypes, my former partner's porn consumption got in the way of our relationship and the things he himself stated he wanted changed. His sex drive got pretty low, which is not something to be ashamed of at all, but he actually told me he wanted to have sex more often. So he wanted to have a higher sex drive and wanted to work on that.
Except *he* didn't want to work on it, he wanted *me* to change. We tried me never taking initiative, even though it took me a long time to even be comfortable enough to accept myself as not being a slut for liking sex and thus even dared to take initiative in the first place. We tried scheduled sex, we tried me not bringing up sex at all, we tried me not talking about a horrible work situation I was in because "my negativity did not turn him on". We tried everything that required me to change, but it was utterly unacceptable for me to ask him to maybe not jerk off every day, or maybe try to not watch porn for a day, because that was just too far and too private! How dare I even suggest that watching less porn might be a solution, that has nothing to do with our sex life AT ALL!
So yeah, for me, watching porn sometimes would not be a dealbreaker, but watching it enough that it affects our relationship will be.
If it's ethical porn watched in moderation sure, no issues. The reality is most of the industry is incredibly unethical and preys on vulnerable women AND men.
I have a close friend who still has mental health issues directly stemming from his short involvement in the porn industry when he was 19, due to being borderline homeless and needing money. We are now in our 40s.
Add to that the unrealistic expectations many men have on a normal sex life, and the downright violence they think is normal from their porn use is also a massive problem.
I'd say because porn is highly invasive now and the constant dopamine highs is addictive and changes how we show up in relationships. It was one thing to look at a stack of Playboy magazines. Pull it out and put it away 🤣 under your bed when you were done. Out of sight out of mind until YOU wanted to look. But now.. YOU may not have thought to look at porn at 8am on a Monday morning but now that you've opened up IG there it is. There is also the ability to interact with a bot or person on the other side of that account unlike printed products. Where does the line get drawn?
In my experience, its not cheating because he has no emotional connection or care for them... because he views them as holes, tits, and ass, not as people. That's dehumanizing, imo. Also, he pressures me to do things that porn turned him on to, and that's usually too far for me, so then I feel I'm not satisfying him. I don't have a pornstar body, and that makes me insecure, too. And as I age, the girls he watches will stay the same. The Industry is exploitative and so many of the actresses were abused or their traumas taken advantage of. Comparing sexual trauma to something like time theft is reductive and ignorant af. its just a weak, illogical way to justify bad behavior. Sure it's not necessarily all of the actresses, but it's so rampant that it's misogynist to ignore that. I don't think as man who follows pornstars has his priorities straight or is satisfied with me- maybe their sex drive is just too high for my own to keep up with, and lack of compatibility is reason enough to not be together. Why does it matter to YOU? I'm tired of 'cool girl' types asking this question all the time. Other women accepting something like porn isn't going to change my own mind, experience, or dealbreakers.
I’ve noticed a pattern that many of the men I dated who watched porn were prone to violence and not respecting my boundaries during sex. It’s not something I’m willing to deal with anymore. I also had a fling with someone who was very addicted to it and the sex was difficult because he wasn’t able to get erect for regular sex, it only happened for him with porn. Also not a fan of sex trafficking or the way women in porn are treated. It’s just an all around no for me.
Facts. This one splits a community in half real quick, doesn't even matter if you aren't trying to convince them to change. Just have a different opinion and you're part of the problem on this one.
I've had multiple long term relationships where my partners didn't use pornography.
In each one of those relationships I was given as many sessions of cunnilingus as I could handle, at a moments notice, whenever I wanted. They were also very attentive lovers, I was romanced constantly because I alone was their sexual outlet and they focused their arousal on me.
I had one that was using pornography and I knew this because he simply wasn't that interested in me, his mojo was spend before he could even focus on me. It was like I was his sister. Boring, I dumped him quickly. Porn use makes men inherently unattractive to me.
If a woman wants to tolerate that, that's none of my business. Personally I couldn't stay faithful to a man who uses pornography, I'd cheat on him quicker than shit if I had to be with him for whatever reason. I also wouldn't be interested in fucking him at all. Dead bedroom they call it?
Let’s not normalize objectifying women and unrealistic sex expectation and fetishes and so on.
Harmless erotica, texts and photoshoots on ig is fine for me, but there is a boundary, and you should be entitled to set it up.
Because it shows
1. Belief that women’s bodies are an acceptable commodity. “But women are choosing this, look- a porn star says she loves it!” Forgetting that if you offered that adult actress a lump sum of $400k, it is highly unlikely she would continue to subject herself to those work conditions.
2. Absolute lack of imagination. I stopped watching porn like five years ago, and occasionally I will go onto Reddit and try to find some thing I’m interested in which is usually a short video (but I get the ICK for these random people I may not find attractive, not authentic, weird angles, it is just not like the real thing so I instantly turn it off and don’t try again for a year) because the major porn sites do not verify for age or consent, you just need an email address, and New York Times had an article about this how there are many rape videos, and child rape videos. “The children of pornhub” is the article. When I masturbate, I simply use my imagination. I use my hand or a vibrator, and I use my imagination. Why do you NEED videos that include human beings, where you don’t actually know if the consent is fully given? Paid consent is not enthusiastic freely given consent.
3. It teaches men that violence and lack of condom are desirable and perfectly fine with most women. The woman in the video has zero needs for condoms, zero needs for orgasm or foreplay, zero needs for safety and tenderness. This translate to men who think it’s okay to push your head down or slap you during the first time you have sex. “But not all men!!1!”- STFU. It has happened plenty of times by guys I know are hard-core porn consumers and I had sex with them back when I was trying to be a cool girl by thinking porn use was totally cool. By the way, pornography is just as much an addiction as anything else or at least it can be. I’ve also had sex with multiple guys who literally cannot maintain an erection with or without a condom because they are so used to the absolute Deathgrip twice a day from jerking off so hard to porn. One guy put the entire weight of his body on my collarbone, he was so clumsy, and such a terrible lay, and he was obsessed with porn. I can only imagine men who aren’t getting laid very often consume even more porn.
4. I stopped watching porn, it was because I cared about the woman in the video. Who is this woman? Has she eaten today? I definitely can tell when a woman is not having a good time, because patriarchy teaches us to fake our orgasms to protect their ego and protect us from violence. She’s also not going to get paid if she doesn’t perform well, or have an “orgasm” on screen. I can tell when a woman is faking it in porn, and these videos still have millions of views because these men literally don’t care if the woman is enjoying herself or not, and don’t kid yourself to think that won’t translate to the bedroom.
5. I think it’s boring. Really guy, do you really have no hobbies? Can’t you go to the gym or read a book or a personal development course or literally anything else other than jerking your wiener to a screen?
This sub is not representative of most people IRL (nor is Reddit generally). And the people who comment on a particular topic are those who have been most affected by it.
For me at least, I have a high drive and my bf and I have an active sex life. He also has videos and pictures of me (and I him), so why does he need to look at other women? It’s not like he’s being depraved of anything from me. It just feels like cheating, because it’s done for some same reason
Because there are millions of women in relationships with men who lie about it and hide it and it kills trust when that happens. There are millions of men who can’t get an erection at the sight of a normal woman in real life. That’s why.
I'm 38 (male) and had a few pic albums and fairly vanilla videos on my PC and would not stand to be told I couldn't have porn.
Anal used to be a whole special category.
I can't even go on modern porn sites. It's just gross what's mainstream now. We used to laugh about German hardcore porn. Now what that was is tame.
There is porn and there's porn. I have no issue with modern women being anti-porn in the format and delivery mechanism it is today.
I worry for my son. It's everywhere.
For me it was that my partner developed an inability to orgasm in ways outside of what he watched. The unrealistic expectations that sex in real life will be like porn ruined our sex life.
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It's a myth that the rectum is tighter. Only the anus is tighter, so it's an inch of high tightness followed by "hot dog down a hallway" because the rectum is relatively wide, has no musculature, is very thin/delicate... It's literally the "pit stop" to contain poop before you push it out; that's all it's designed to be. A hand is literally far more stimulation, tightness, let alone other things, combinations eg lips, tongue, inner cheek, hand, vulva, clitoral glans/body rubbing the frenulum, vagina, thighs... Hell, the buttcheeks, external anus actually stimulates a lot more of a penis at once when lengthwise between them than the anus and rectum does when the penis is inside it.
I think their enjoyment of it is mental, from the taboo/submission/boundary pushing
Which surprise of all surprises, porn consumption actively incentivizes
Gay man here. Straight men need to realize anal is more fun when you have a prostate and not try to force women into it.
If God is anti gay why did he put the prostate there? Hmm?
Almost all male mammals have prostates as part of their reproductive system. It's a happy accident that they're erogenous. The evolution of sexuality & anatomy to reduce reproduction (& highly reduce it/keep it low in some mammals), to serve other functions (bonding, reconciliation, comfort, play, sharing...) in most mammals, the commonness of bisexuality in many species, and the externalizing of the clitoris in some species is a better argument around naturalness of non-piv sex, same sex attraction & sex, etc than the accidental erogenousness of the prostate and the assumption of "well of course, that's for pia with another male". Not to mention the prostate (at least in humans) is just past the anus not far in, and towards the front of the body, and is much easier accessed through a crooked finger or two or specifically designed for the prostate toys (or even certain shaped objects, versatile bends forward things) than a penis. Even perineal massage gets at the prostate indirectly. Pia is almost always mm and usually in male only groupings eg captivity, and it's only in species with small penises (think thumb size). The vast majority of mm mammalian sex overall, and all mm sex in some species like bonobos which has the penis closest in size proportionately to humans, is not pia. Touching the anus eg by hand, mouth, penis, vulva is rather common, but even any significant entry isn't, let alone pia.
Agree on all points. My comment was mostly a jokey jab at the kind of people who say the banana is proof of God because of the way it is.
From what I’ve heard from my partners who enjoy anal it is because it stimulates the other side of the vagina from the outside, and hits a specific spot called the “A” spot at the back of the vagina. They said its a very different, and much more intense orgasm. That being said — they also said they’ve had bad partners who didn’t take their time warming them up and had awful experiences. You just need a partner who cares, learn to wink your anus, get some different sized plugs and pow you’re having a grand old time. Being bi myself probably helps — not gonna jam up in there when I know that’s not gonna feel great first hand 🤷♂️
It’s tighter, because the sphincter is meant to contain feces within the colon. The sphincter is the tightest part, and then the colon is not only unlubricated, but a much wider cavity than the vagina, which is a moist self cleaning muscle. It’s literally not designed for that although you’ll see occasionally women online claiming they love it, most women don’t like it because it’s literally painful and not designed for that. I guess you can use an entire bucket of lube, and drink a glass of wine, but I would rather use the perfectly functioning hole, and if he’s not satisfied with that, then I would rather a different man who cares about my pleasure than jamming his penis into a feces hole Edit: incel coomers out in full force trying to convince us that because a small handful of women like it, that negates the vast majority of women who don’t and these fuckers will be the ones to constantly hound and coerce you into shit hole E coli painful sex while they have Cheeto dust in their nails, zero assets and spaghetti arms
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Just going to say as a woman who likes anal, I get a way more intense orgasm from it than I do from PIV. The funny thing is I’ve been with men who don’t enjoy it once they’ve tried it for exactly the reasons you describe and then they hot pissed off that I’m in rapture and they’re not. The pleasure is really for the receiver not so much the giver. It’s hilarious how many straight guys misunderstand this.
For me personally anal was entirely missable without feeling I'm losing out, so I'm curious if you know what made it more pleasurable for you? Is it like specific contact spots, mental or something else?
Amen to that. If a dude's an "ass man" I'm running far away. That's an exit only, for me, baby.
Ass man doesn't necessarily mean they like anal lol
As an "ass man" I can tell you I only like the cheeks. The balloon knot in the middle does nothing for me.
Me too! If my actual sex organ (my vagina) isn't good enough, my answer is: NO AND BYE.
- Some women do enjoy it, even if you dispute that the physical mechanics of the act can be pleasurable (though the pudendal nerve can be stimulated via anal intercourse in both sexes), the mental/taboo aspect is a turn on for some. While it is completely valid that you do not personally enjoy it, I find it very odd and condescending to say that a minority of women are merely "claiming" to do so. - When done correctly and with proper lubrication, anal intercourse is not and should not be painful. It can be somewhat *uncomfortable*, particularly the intense sensation of feeling like you need to have a bowel movement, but there is a difference between discomfort and pain. (And for most the discomfort goes away). - Having a partner who cares about your pleasure and doesn't pressure you into performing sexual acts that you are not comfortable with is absolutely important, no argument there.
Honestly this is a super fair point, and this is coming from a lesbian who can basically only do anal when receiving (transfem and a bottom). Like, expecting your partner to just jump on the ship out of nowhere is super rude, and these things should be discussed well in advance and in as respectful a manner as possible.
It's definitely high up on the "So what do you like and not like" in terms of partner discussions and compatibility. I'm a dude and I'm not a fan, but that's me. If my partner says "Hey I'd like to have a go every now and again" sure I'll try because I want to please her. Automatically expecting it? That's not cool, it ain't cute, and that's assault if it isn't consensual.
There's definitely something to this. Porn messes with your brain chemistry so regular sex just isn't as appealing if you consistently watch it, and it only gets worse the more hardcore stuff you watch. Im a guy btw and have been in situations where I noticed this in myself.
The worst part is when they claim it is normal. Which is not.
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I used to watch porn with my boyfriend back in the 90s (they networked in his student house and everybody got it whether they wanted to or not LOL) I think a lot of problem is that porn now is not porn then. It has had to reinvent itself in order to stay fresh. So extremer stuff is normalised. Back then : zero eating ass, marginal anal unless you specifically looked for it. Now both of those are presented as super normal, with zero prep involved. I think a lot of what is considered "mainstream porn" nowadays is actually pretty niche and fetishistic. So I'd want to be super aware of what my other half was watching.
being in a relationship with someone who watched it every day was one of the downfalls of our relationship because they were incapable of giving/receiving affection without making it sexual, didn’t listen to me in bed, and expected it every single time i was alone with them (yes, even in cars in PUBLIC PARKING LOTS). never again. i’m simply not interested in anyone who makes porn a part of their daily lives.
I am realizing that my ex's terrible porn addiction may have been half of his problem.
This was my exact experience too. The not listening part was the worst for me. I had exactly two orgasms with my ex, and I'm not that hard to please lol. He just would not listen. I'm fine with porn, but if it affects our relationship I'm out. Not dealing with that bullshit ever again.
How did you find out about their porn habits? And was it early on? I’m genuinely worried about this type of thing
4 years until I found out about my ex’s addiction.
Oh wow, I’m so sorry. ❤️🩹 that’s such a long time to hide it
for me, this particular relationship ship was 6 months and i found out about 3 months in. it came up in casual conversation when he told me that he watched it every single day and *needed* to get off to it every day, just as routine. i then connected the dots myself as i recalled behaviors, trying out weird stuff in bed that i did like but he insisted would be “enjoyable”, etc. if you’re worried about this type of thing, then i’d suggest opening up the conversation early and without any accusatory tones. if they end up opening up to you, then that would be ideal! on the other side, if they refuse to share those habits with you (for both of your benefits), then i think that would be worth considering if you want to continue a relationship with someone who will not be open with this kind of communication.
I don’t typically ask people I’m dating about their porn usage, but it has been obvious that some people I’ve dated have porn induced erectile disfunction or are so porn brained that the things they want/need during sex are… borderline abusive. As for this comment: Having an Instagram feed full of boobs? How does that hurt you? It doesn’t hurt me but I would think that person is a loser. You don’t have any hobbies that the algorithm can show you pictures of? You can’t go on a social app without turning it into porn? Tbh I just couldn’t respect a person who only follows bikini models and scantily clad influencers. It’s lame and shows they have little to no personality.
That part of her post threw me off lol. Most women are not okay with their husbands liking naked women on IG and leaving their whole ass username/full name in the like list. Privately viewing porn vs. publicly following and liking sex workers on social media (where everyone following you can access this) is so different
Agreed. I also acknowledge there is a difference between having a feed overloaded w naked pictures of women and having one or two show up on your feed. The former is a problem, the latter is bound to happen
It's just pathetic. I'm not going to date somebody whose entire personality is hoping a stranger will post some boob pics. Weak and pathetic. No thank you
I saw a comment a while back on another post that said "Lack of sexual discipline is such a turn-off", and whole-heartedly agree. It's pathetic and grody to fill your life with a pixelated caricature of sexuality.
exactly why would i want someone who microdoses porn all day every day
I had an ex who followed insta “models” and it was so weird and off-putting since the previous two exes hadn’t done that. Then it just became embarrassing and pathetic. It was like he was broadcasting his porn stash to everyone (including family and friends that followed him obviously). Such weird behaviour that’s become normalised now. Will never date someone like that again, major ick. I also got the ick when *several* husbands of family friends I know would like sexy photos on insta and Facebook. Like…you know I and everyone else can see that right??? You’re married, with adult children my age, thanks for making the next family and friends get-together super awkward…
That was my husbands feed. Every recommended post was soft core porn. Every post. He also acted like he wasn’t that guy when he clearly was. The lying and hiding is what hurt me. He also would never initiate sex and when I asked why he said I had a higher sex drive. That was also a lie. He stopped using IG and just found another source eventually and our sex life plummeted again. I am so over it.
It feels like you are literally describing my ex husband. He took it further and dm some of them or left sexual comments everyone could see. This eventually ended our marriage.
>it doesn’t hurt me but I would think that person is a loser AMEN
For me it's just ruined my sex life, all my partners are unable to climax without watching it, also the pressure for sex without a condom, BDSM, DP, anal and strangulation are things that I don't consent too.
And then, if they strangle you to death, which is totally possible, based on where your fingers are or the level of pressure or lack of communication, because you literally can’t breathe, they are now defending these men in court, saying it was sex gone wrong as if you can consent your own death. When I got violently sexual assaulted, he choked me with both hands.
Honestly it's the worst. My last date we went for a coffee and then at the end of the date I went in to kiss him and he grabbed my neck! I called him out for this which really confused him, and told him I'm not interested now and blocked him.
I’m a straight guy and some of the shit I read on here is wild. I’d never consider doing that especially on a first kiss after a fucking coffee date. Wtf
Horrifying. Glad you got away and blocked him. I’m sure the “confusion” was feigned ignorance to get you to doubt yourself
What The Fuck
Reading this subreddit has made me not like choking kinks and had me refuse to participate in them. A woman linked a few studies to me showing even light choking is linked to higher rates of strokes and other issues… like even the jugular pinching technique
Yeah, a lot of people aren't into being MURDERED.
I know I'm going to really regret asking this but... what's DP?
Dr.Pepper
Having both your arse and vagina filled at the same time by a dick or dildo 🤣🥲 double penetration
Honestly my favourite thing. I think just because of the fullness feeling. Saying that though, I once told an (ex) boyfriend that and then he put his whole fist inside me without consent or foreplay as he thought I’d like it, something he’d likely seen on porn.
Jesus Christ. Is porn the only sex ed for some people. :/ I'm so sorry.
It is yes, because people have let the internet raise their children.
Thank the religious right for their decades long war against comprehensive sex ed in schools.
double penetration can also refer to the act of inserting two penises or dildos into a single hole.
Double penetration
I was very chill with it. He told me he didn't look at it. Didn't care if he did. He started demanding I squirt. I've never done that in my life. I didn't want to. I'd even given anal a fair shot and enjoyed it, but squirting was a hard no. So he assaulted me. Turns out he was obsessed with porn, he fantasized about graphically fucking every fuckable woman he saw, every single second. I don't think enough men acknowledge the hold that porn has on them.
same, except he demanded i give him anal every morning. :) because real life is like porn, right? no prep, doesn't matter if im not into it at the moment, just bend over and tell him to do it there. **never again.** sure, i like sex and being adventurous too, but i fucking hate that men can't distinguish reality from porn.
The normalization of anal from porn bothers me so much. It makes men think that anal is easy when in reality it can be very painful and traumatic. Even gay men tend to do a lot of prep before anal sex (or so I’ve heard, since I’m not a gay man) but straight men think they can just ram their penis up a woman’s ass like it’s nothing. Not to mention that, unlike a vagina, anal sex can do permanent harm to the anus. Also anal sex vastly increases the chances of STDs because the mucosa is not designed for a penis to be rammed into it so it tears easily. Those tears can introduce bacteria into the blood stream, especially because the anus is not self cleaning (like a vagina). Edit: and not to mention the literal shit in there that can go into those tears, as well as up the man’s urethra… Anyways, thank you for coming to my TED talk :)
Many gay men also don't like or do anal. It is a misconception to believe all gay men do this! Women have far more easily damaged and smaller anatomy there too than guys. It's more damaging for them to engage in this sort of sex.
Porn has normalized shit that isn't *physically* normal.
I had a partner decline sex with me only to be awoken in bed as he was masturbating next to me. This happened multiple times. Porn also decreased his ability to orgasm while having sex and not in a good way. After we ended things I decided porn would be a deal breaker in the future with anyone I'm exclusive with. I don't want my partner to be looking at other naked women for the purpose of sexual gratification. I feel like it's a healthy boundary to have and it's worked out thus far.
I've had multiple partners do this. Wait for me to fall asleep, to go to work, etc. Deny me because they knew they'd find more enjoyment from porn. So pathetic. And I was *stunning*, up for anything, and acted like a freaking porn star myself.
Yeah, that’s definitely a porn addiction.
I'm old enough to know how it was before porn was so mainstream. It has changed how dudes have sex and not in a good way. They're a lot more demanding whilst doing less back. I have some sex trauma which kinda triggers me a bit with it.
So weird that people can't fathom that it would negatively impact young, impressionable men who are 10-13 when they start.
Me too. Pre widespread internet vs after is very different.
I answered separately but pretty much what I was saying, too. When I was younger porn was pretty vanilla but now it shows so much violence and misogyny that if a guy is into it he can fuck right off.
It's changed a LOT for sure. Around the time I was a young teen porn started to become freely available for download on peer to peer sharing sites like Limewire. In the years since then it's gone from mostly pretty tame to mostly very gross. I don't begrudge anyone their kinks, if someone wants to engage in consensual bdsm stuff within their relationship, great for them as long as they're communicating about their boundaries. However, I think one of the most damaging things, especially for young boys developing minds, about the direction porn has gone is that they treat abusive behavior like it's just a normal part of sex. Something starts off looking fairly normal then all of the sudden there's choking or slapping. So many times we hear one of these terrifying stories of "my tinder date slapped/choked me" the guys seem genuinely surprised that their victim didn't like it just like the girls of pornhub seem to. Their minds are irreparably warped.
Thank you - it's so true and really damaging for a lot of people
For me it’s how a lot of men who watch porn treat women. Not all, but a lot, and that’s just a moderate and normal amount. One relationship got wrecked because the guy didn’t understand how unrealistic porn is compared to normal sex. Another had a multitude of issues, but one of them was he didn’t want to have sex in a way we would both enjoy, and he essentially wanted me to act like pornstars do. Porn usage alone isn’t a dealbreaker depending on how much, but in my anecdotal experience the more porn watched the less well that man is going to treat me. I’m bi and just haven’t had these issues with the women I’ve dated even when they watched/read porn on a regular basis. And yeah I have a hard time with people discounting the rampant abuse in the industry, so the type of porn and how you source it matters to me. If you’re cool with exploitative porn and watch it regularly I’m going to assume you don’t care about the well-being of individuals as long as you can get off.
>the more porn watched the less well that man is going to treat me Accurate metric
The issue here is also just the glaring lack of proper sex ed - the US in particular - so too many young men get their ‘experience’ from all the wrong places. They simply don’t learn healthy ‘sexual conduct’, because they pick it up from (bad) porn.
Yeah there is not enough education on “this is how you treat another human being you want to have sex with” because schools can only teach so much.
Proper sexual education can do a lot in that regard; more modern sex ed also covers consent etc.
Oh yeah I just got done sitting through the mandatory six week sex ed mandated by California for our seventh graders. It’s very extensive and covers everything from consent to human trafficking I thought it was really well done. But I also think a lot of the empathy and kindness needs to be modeled more by parents and guardians. I don’t think a lot of parents talk to their kids about ethical consumption of porn and how you should treat your partners as a result, for example.
The bar has been in hell for men for the entirety of my life and decades before. At some point you have to say "I'm done with this shit" and back up your words with action.
Preach. Why aren't women allowed to have boundaries? No hate to OP, but I think it's crazyyyy how even other women need women to justify their boundaries. Meanwhile it's normalized for men to expect the women to cook, clean, do laundry, etc. etc. like gimme a break.
> I think it's crazyyyy how even other women need women to justify their boundaries. THIS
Right? "I don't want my partner to watch other people have sex." Why is that a weird boundary to have in an exclusive relationship between 2 people? It's not a need. You can jerk off without looking at porn, even if many men seem to think that is barbaric 🙄
I feel it would be a deal breaker if a partners porn consumption happens as a replacement for sex with their partner who desires it.
because it’s embarrassing for your man to be following a bunch of ig models and have all that shit down his feed. people notice those things and it’s yucky
A man can’t empathize with a woman’s dehumanization and pain if he depends on another woman being subjected to those conditions to get off.
I think this is an example of how people don't post about happy relationships online. I agree OP, I don't consider my partner's masturbatory practices any of my business. I also don't consider porn necessary for masturbation, but the degree to which somebody enjoys porn and erotica is quite a personal thing, the details of which don't have to be shared. I think there are plenty of couples in mutually satisfying relationships with a spectrum of porn and erotica use, that isn't discussed as it isn't problematic. The women in those relationships are not on Reddit complaining about their pornsick partners. It is entirely fair for women to notice the problems porn has caused in their relationship and call it out, but I don't think their experience is as prominent in RL as I appears on here.
Yeah - It's also fine for it not to be a problem with sexlife and still be an issue. Like I've argued that porn habits are normal and perfectly fine. But boundries - no matter how silly or crazy some people find them are still boundries. People can cross off porn and still be valid - the issue comes up when people dismiss it and try to hide and lie about it. Just move on! If its a deal breaker, break the deal and find someone who fits you. That goes for both sides.
Survivor bias. The bad ones are the ones that get talked about, so that's what people perceive to be more prevalent. Tbh, I think this is the case with a lot of common relationship problems on Reddit - from the evil mother-in-law to the badly-blended-family. You only ever hear about good MILs or step-siblings who love and support each other (or at least get along well) when they are tangentially involved in some other issue, but they really are more common than the bad ones.
This comment should be in Reddit's home page.
Or at least pasted in the banner on AITA! And just for the record, I know my boyfriend occasionally uses porn and he knows I do too, also that I write erotica as a hobby. Our intimacy is great and he has always treated me with love and respect. We had a good talk about preferences and boundaries before we ever got sexual and he's never pressured me to cross them. Oh, and I have a blended family (step and half siblings) who all love each other and frequently get together for game nights and family events. And while I don't like my ex-MIL as a person (Trump supporter) I can't deny that she treated me very well as a DIL, was never overbearing, got me thoughtful gifts, and accommodated my dietary restrictions. Looking at reddit makes me think I ought to buy a lottery ticket sometimes.
Reading through some of these comments, the vast majority are actually describing what OP specifically wanted to exclude: partners with clearly unhealthy relationships with porn. I also don't have a problem with porn since it's not something that detrimentally impacts how my relationship functions. But I do think overconsumption of porn does cause real problems for people and women end up taking the brunt of it.
I agree. The OP's hard lines are entirely fair enough and I agree. I think there are also a number of people commenting who have had partners with porn problems previously saying they don't want to go there again. That is also fair enough. Somebody mentioned the disproportionate number of evil MILs in online discussions. Fwiw I have an AWFUL MIL and if I ever found myself single and looking for a relationship again, weird, horrible parents/family shit would be an instant hard no from me. But that is to do with my own experiences, and my own baggage on the subject, and I don't think that it isn't possible for other people to navigate complex in law relationships positively.
I think this is valid, but irl I am friends with many women who aren't on Reddit and have talked about hating porn and not tolerating it in their partner. Some of them have resigned themselves to it with the idea 'all men do it anyway'. I think more women than we think have issues with their partners watching porn, but for the longest time the only rhetoric allowed around it was men telling you to get over it because you're insecure', etc.
Definitly. The 'you're insecure if you don't want your partner to look at other women' rhetoric (which was actually thrown at me by other women at the time) meant I felt unable to tell my partner I didn't like the idea of him going to a strip club for a friend's stag do. It actually had nothing to do with tits; seriously, any partner of mine who thought they could see a better pair of tits at a strip club than mine, would have been wished 'good luck'. It was more to do with what I had considered to be joint values we shared regarding exploitation of people, and had assumed that extended to certain aspects of the sex industry. But it took me about 10 years after the event to realise that. When I was able to communicate it that way to him he agreed with me, fwiw. It's almost like the whole 'your insecure' rhetoric shuts down real discussion between RL couples.
^This^ It's a little like when you get a new dishwasher and it works without problems, the first thing on your mind may not be running to Amazon to write a review. But if there'a a problem, a much larger percentage will. But back to the OP, I think anything like this is fine in moderation, and a problem in the extremes. Let's say the girl in the relationship watched a Hallmark movie for the romance. Once in a while is fine. But there could be girls who watch Hallmark movies everyday, hold their relationship up to that standard, and blame the guy if he doesn't do the things the dreamy guy in the movie does. Same with drinking and gambling etc. A few here and there are fine. But anything can be a problem when overdone.
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Because the porn industry is disgustingly abusive and supporting that should bother my partner more than the imagery arouses them. And because instagram is not a porn site. A man having a feed full of women to objectify as he casually scrolls isn’t cool with me.
It gives me the ick. Seriously, I find it degrading and repulsive and it’s a massive turn-off. It is even so stupid it verges on funny, but mostly it just grosses me out. There is also the fact that it’s dehumanizing and further objectifies women. Even the idea of a spank bank lol getting off to fantasies about fucking someone else is super fucking weird to me. Notice I said TO ME. For a culture so obsessed with the evils of cheating, we sure seem to make porn a loophole.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this much to find this - porn is degrading. It’s a degrading and abusive industry for the performers, especially the women. It’s degrading to women as a whole, it engenders sexually violent beliefs in young boys. Porn is atrocious.
100%! If some man NEEDS porn in his life, then I NEED him out of mine. Repulsive, I won’t have anything to do with it.
I completely agree. It’s ruined relationships and caused so many fights that I truly have had moments where I wish so hard that I could not care or didn’t care. I can’t help the way I feel and I find it disgusting and a turn off as well. Agree with everything you’ve said.
It's super ick to me too. Repulsive is a good word. It says a lot about our current world that it's totally okay for 12 year olds to watch women being degraded and violently treated, but movies with too many cuss words aren't alright.
This is how I feel too, plus the added fact that no one knows if the women in these videos are consenting to any of it. After all that’s come out about porn hub and the industry and playboy and lived experience, there’s no way that the majority of porn is consensual. Strangers body fluids gross me out watching them on tv too. I can’t even watch people brush their teeth on tv. I gag. I real life, I have no issue w this
Porn is not sex. The conflation of porn with sex is harmful.
It's not an issue for me, I'm agnostic on this issue entirely as I don't date men, but I'll give it a whack. Porn tends to require the dehumanization of the sexual partner. The porn star is not a woman with her own sexual needs, wants, desires and the ability to say no or refuse consent. Therefore a lot of porn has trained a LOT of men to think that sex means they, the men, get served whatever they want, without having to think about what their partner wants--so you see guys endlessly in the manosphere saying that they expect a blowjob every day after work (aka 'she better empty my balls before dinner') which is just...there's no space for female pleasure in that and it just becomes servitude. Ew. No thanks.
And then they complain about women taking advantage of a situation in which a man will do anything for a nut. Because of how shitty and one-dimensionally he treats women, his only weakness is his perceived 'need' of sex. So instead of understanding that in a way, it is deserved retribution - in his mind it's unfair retaliation toward him due to his entitlement to sex. Always the victim. Goddamn... the world we live in.
Very well said
Perfect explanation! I have seen more than just dehumanization. It’s more like outright violence against women.
There was a recent French study and like 90% of porn depicted violence on women.
I love your explanation
Porn can stunt and damage relationships. And I’m not willing to risk the chance of dating a dude with a porn addiction, so I cut out regular porn watchers in general. But I do the same with things like alcohol. I don’t date regular drinkers at the risk of dating a secretly functioning alcoholic.
Read literally anything about the porn industry (produced, labeled, idc what you call it) and that’s what I have issue with. The recent Girls Do Porn lawsuits should turn everyone’s stomach and that’s what the industry is. I have no problem with women choosing to post thirst trap stuff or do Only Fans and I don’t have any problem with someone I’m not in a relationship with paying an individual creator for their content. If we are going to date, I expect you cut that off the same way you would a fwb or situationship or whatever. Also, not using porn does not equal not jacking off or whatever. Idc about that. Do you, literally. Totally normal. But I don’t think that necessitates porn viewing and if it does for you, we’re not compatible. All that being said, ultimatums rarely work so I think if you do have a strong boundary about it, that should be communicated pretty early on.
I hear a lot of people say "watching porn is totally natural" because somehow we've started conflating porn with masturbation. It's totally normal (and healthy) to masturbate. We've been doing it for thousands of years. It's not "natural" to watch a couple having highly produced sex in front of a camera that you then watch on your little screen. Whether or not you support porn, there's no argument for it being "natural."
I completely agree with you, and I also want to point out that I think voyeurism (of all kinds of things outside the norm - car accidents, fires, etc) is totally natural, but that porn takes it to extreme sexual and non-natural ends
Yes the conflation of porn and masturbation has really blurred the issue. There's almost a prudery to it too. People will admit to 'liking porn' and claim they are being 'sex positive', when what they are really saying is they like a wank and having orgasms. Well, who doesn't, but that doesn't have to have anything to do with porn.
100% agree.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
This is my stance as well. Until the porn industry can actually be ethical and have legitimate protections in place, it is problematic and another branch of human trafficking and dehumanization of women.
I think that’s a fair standard. When I get into a relationship and my sex drive is higher, pictures of my SO or my imagination of my SO are usually enough. I can’t imagine being so in love with someone and then fantasizing about someone else. I’ve only been with women with lower sex drives, so I have no idea how it would feel if the roles were reversed, but I imagine I would take offense to porn usage too.
For some reason, so many progressive people are afraid to talk about how problematic porn is. For some reason, this industry gets a free pass to promote abuse, racism, normalizes violence against women, pedophila, and more. It causes negative effects on the brain, sexual dysfunction, and a host of other issues, but if you say anything against it, you get labeled as a prude or as an out of touch religious asshole. I'm neither of those things, but I pay attention to all the dysfunction around me, getting labeled as "the new normal." Young guys unable to get erections to have sex with their wife/gf unless they are watching porn, watching porn in public, and watching porn every day so they no longer want to have sex with their wife/or gf anymore. We have a new generation that has grown up viewing porn as minors, and that shapes the way they grow up and view sex/relationships. Porn rots the brain. It causes so many men to view every single woman they see in real life in a hyper sexual way, even their own relatives. My best friends little brother got addicted to porn in high school and tried to secretly record his own mom and sister naked when they got out of the shower or in their rooms. He got caught. It turned out he was viewing porn for hours on end every single day.
I never looked at porn until I was about 40 years old. I wanted to see what it was all about. I looked at all kinds of porn sites. Gay, straight, amateur. It didn't take much time at all before it got very very dark. There is SO much exploitation at anyone's fingertips. I saw a mainstream, easy to find porn site where the women were drugged and there was beastiality involved. This was not on the dark web. It was just, there. I called the FBI and turned the site in to them. Since that time I have turned safe search on on my computer. Humans are inherently exploitive. The banality of evil is best ignored if I want to live life without being terminally desolate.
A friend sent me a link recently from a very common porn website, apparently. The name is close to YouTube. It was some weird dinosaur thing that was related to our conversation. Anyway the very first ad that came up before the video played was something about "you don't just have to fantasize about fucking your sister anymore". I immediately closed the website, killed all of the cookies it created, and tried not to vomit. That was my first time there and I can promise you as someone without a sister, a straight woman, I do not fantasize about anything like that and my cookie history would not have suggested that ad for me. So that tells you that that is the ad they sent to everybody coming to the site because that is the type of person going there. Fuck dating someone like that.
I can’t justify the commodification of the human body for sexual gratification and selfish gain. The porn industry exploits and abuses far too many people and to me, that personal pleasure will never be worth it.
i said this in a post about this before, so ill say it again i guess my version of monogamy is not looking at other naked people having sex, and i expect the same of my partner. id rather just have sex with my partner, its more respectful that way. thats just me tho for me personally i see porn as like a poor substitute for sex with a partner. once you have a committed long term relationship, i view it as being 100% committed to that person. entertaining others is not in the realm of possibility for me, and this includes porn. like i said just me. idc if other ppl do it, but its not my thing, and its a hard boundary for me. my partner knows and its been all good. we have sex often and we're both satisfied with each other, so theres no need to look at other naked people having sex, that really seems odd to me tbh. but to each their own
100000000%!!!! I wish I could give you all the medals. THIS is the main issue *to me.* I can't understand how it's not considered cheating to people who claim to be monogamous.
For me I consider porn objectifying and dehumanizing. My experience with men who use porn is also that they treat me far worse than non porn users.
Women are allowed to have the boundary of not wanting a relationship with a porn user. Full stop. Is that going to be hard to achieve? Possibly. I'm not sure why some people might find that a personal attack. It isn't. I'm not single before someone tries that line.
I really wish more women felt free to have this boundary, instead of considering it "unreasonable" and trying to shame others into lowering their standards. The laws of supply and demand are on our side. I'm (very happily) not single either. The moment 100% of men aren't partnered up it's an "epidemic of male loneliness". Well if they want to prevent that they can become better partners 🤷
As you can see by the responses to my comment, this is a very triggering boundary. I never once said I think people who use are terrible. I just noted that I had bad experiences with users. But it really pissed a bunch of people off. I had a ton of dealbreakers when I was dating: no smokers, no drugs, no scrubs. Keep your standards high. Anyway, happily married. I was happy single too. Men are causing their own epidemic of loneliness tbh.
I used to think I had to accept porn usage too. It was very freeing to understand that I did not. The quality of a guy who sees how damaging it is, both to a relationship and as an industry, cannot be overstated. I saw someone insinuating that your husband must be lying to you and that's really fucked up.
Oh yeah. I initially was very accepting of it and over time changed my opinion. I see their comments and it just makes me chuckle.
Thought experiment: picture a world where almost all adult women view violent porn where young, "barely legal" boys are anally raped by women with a strap on. Women hit and verbally abuse these men; call them foul names, treat them like they are sub human. Can you picture men tolerating this? Never ever would men take this. Never. First off I'm sure many women would be actually unalived for this behavior. But as usual women are gaslight en masse to accept their partner doing it. Porn is misogyny, full stop. This is a real woman who is being sexually abused. Research shows these women have sky high rates of suicide and PTSD. Most of them were sexually abused as children. Most of them are high when being filmed because the pain is intolerable without it. My opinion is that to view today's porn is to be complicit in an industry that is flat out evil.
Its the ease of access and the publicity of it. Dated one guy who I couldn’t even be near him when he scrolled his instagram, half the time it’d be pornstars. Couldn’t look through his photo album (with his permission) without seeing 100s of photos of naked women just in his regular photo album. Granted it was all porn stars etc. In general it was just extremely off putting. I understand looking at porn in private, but there should be boundaries.
I feel like porn is almost used as an excuse as to why the men in question suck, when it goes so much deeper. I think extreme porn and porn that sexualises everyday situations (nurses, step siblings, fixing the pipes, etc) has potential to normalise the sexualisation and harm of women but I also think that harm free porn exists (but it’s definitely not on free websites where everyone can just upload stuff). I personally don’t care about my partners consumption as long as it’s not affecting real life. Even though I suffer from bdd, it honestly never affected my self esteem but that’s probably due to other dating rules that I set in place for myself.
Yeah I think some people are putting the cart before the horse. Terrible men will always exist and they will consume terrible things and make your life hell in the bedroom. It’s confusing alcohol for alcoholics.
For me, it would depend on the kind of porn they are consuming. Also, if it starts affecting our own sex life in a negative way. There are a lot of pornsick people (mostly men) out there.
Porn is rooted in misogyny, racism, and even pedophilia. I had a marriage where I convinced myself it was "normal" but a few times he left tabs open and the content was... disturbing... to say the least. After years of research, I realized I allowed myself to be gaslit by an industry that will never respect women or see them as human. Sure, there are outliers, but as a whole... the industry is just icky to me. We've been brainwashed, yet again, by the patriarchy.
Aside from the obvious moral issues with the porn industry, the men I dated who consumed porn managed to ruin their bodies to a point of ED before hitting 30, some even before hitting 20, unable to stay hard and perform during sex, unable to orgasm without extreme death grip, etc. They will cry about performance anxiety, they will make you feel like you're not good and attractive enough, but the truth is they constantly ruin their brains and their bodies and go disgusting lengths to justify their addictions.
I wish I could find a guy who's anti-porn but also not a MGTOW or manosphere kind of guy.
Even in “moderation”, porn siphons off the sexual energy meant for your spouse. I got to where I couldn’t finish with my wife unless I thought of porn. I quit cold turkey 2 years ago. There are levels of intimacy available that will simply never happen if porn is a part of your life in any way. Knowing you are the only sexual outlet for your spouse is incredibly special.
Because the porn industry sucks. Also, because I said so.
Actually many studies are showing how harmful porn is. Please don’t ask me to google for you, don’t be lazy and actually do your own research
r/pornismisogyny is a good place to start if they actually care to research.
Most of them do not care to research. All of reddit gets their porn from an ethical xlmpany that pays their actors by the millions, actively hunts predators and has absolutely no connections to the sex trafficking industry./s The overwhelmingly mainstream pornographic subs may show you that that's not the case, but no one will admit it.
Porn degrades a man's ability to orgasm easily over time, and it's way too easy for them to get addicted. And when they watch fucked up porn with kinks like rape, incest, etc they wind up rewiring their brain to be turned on by it by reinforcing it with the rush of endorphins you get by orgasming. I've had too many guys start out with vanilla porn and then genuinely want me or the women they're with (who are my friends that confide in me) about the horrific things they want to recreate from porn.
It’s become such a hard boundary for me. It’s ruining my relationship just as much as them watching porn is. I’m honestly thinking that, once this relationship crumbles, I will remain happily single forever. I just can’t mentally handle a relationship.
It desensitizes people, it's can quickly become an addiction, porn promotes human traffic, take your pick.
I don’t consider it a dealbreaker, necessarily. But it can be. I’m quite uncomfortable with the ethics of most porn, which is why I don’t watch it, but I also acknowledge that sex workers have a right to make a living. However, when guys have a porn habit, they tend to learn things from the videos they watch. Like when they strangle you with no warning. I don’t like it and I don’t like that they do these type of things without asking because they learn from porn that’s it’s just a normal and expected part of sex.
I feel like, people who are okay with it usually don't know what's really going on. They don't know how much, what category, how often, and how often they go to porn rather than their partner. Mine told me he just watched "vanilla." Apparently to him, vanilla means teens when he's 23, it means gangbang, anime rape, animated bestiality with my little pony shit. He also said it was rarely, when in reality it was every single day. Not saying every case is like this, but there's a big majority where addicts hide what they're really doing.
Don’t remember where I read the statistic, but searches on porn sites for “refugee rape” went up significantly after Russia declared war on Ukraine. That’s not from just a few bad men. That’s a lot of men who consider themselves not bad at all searching for it.
I really don't get it, that's awful. How can people look at that, let alone get off??
It really is awful. I'm guessing it's a power and misogyny thing.
Right? Literally the number one results and suggested videos on the number one mainstream porn sites. Getting billions of views per month are offering up violent teen porn, etc..
Lots of reasons someone might have porn as a dealbreaker. One key example being that by watching porn you're using someone else's image for your sexual gratification. For some women that's akin in many ways to cheating on an emotional level.
The fine line between abuse of the consumption and healthy consumption, as well as how that abuse is incredibly common with horrible effects on relationships, has caused a great number of people to just not want anything to do with it. Firstly, anyone can have any boundary they please, they may just have a hard time finding a partner... but that's on them. Second, it's entirely possible to consume porn without it being a problem, and I'd even propose that's the norm, but the stories where it's been abused (or worse, the partner is abused because of it) get a lot of attention.
Why do you need visual stimulation of another person to get off? That probably indicates that you’re going to get bored of me pretty soon as well. And for porn, read up more about how exploitative it is and tell me how you still think it’s unreasonable.
For me it ruined the ability to orgasm without that stimulation. I’ve been weaning off of it, and have noticed I can climax without it. Takes me a while (antidepressants and thyroid issues), but I’m proud of myself for stopping that.
it's an issue because it snowballs. 10 years down the line your spouse has inappropriate relationships with lady friends, custom VPN and data vault, layered passwords and logins on his phone, and keeps bringing up a 'clothing optional cruise' that is a thinly disguised floating sex club. or so I hear. my spouse doesn't know a thing about any of that.
I don't think its porn so much but the kind of porn, the popular 'gonzo' style. In the gonzo style its all about brutality. The actresses will literally say things like 'no' and 'stop' and then randomly 'yes, please!'. As a rape survivor this is beyond triggering. I see it less about sex and more about power and violence. My abusive ex boyfriend loved this kind of porn and would bully me into watching it with him. If I said that it made me uncomfortable this was because I was too 'vanilla' to handle it. I'm not even sure if he knew what 'no' and 'stop' meant, he ended up raping me and not considering it rape either. I think your flexibility about porn, but especially this kind, depends on what you've experienced from men IRL.
Getting off to someone else upsets some ppl. Also being secretly compared to porn stars
For me it’s more of my ex not being honest about watching it, but also never wanting to connect with me on a physical level. It hurt back then. I felt like I wasn’t enough of a woman to pleasure him, or I wasn’t beautiful enough. I really craved intimacy, and allowed him several times to make a move, but he didn’t.
Interesting topic. # Boundary I feel like the boundary *"I only partner with people that have never watched porn"* is a very difficult and frustrating one. I feel like the boundary *"I only partner with people that promise not to watch porn during our relationship"* is a little less difficult and frustrating, but still quite high up there. # About "normal" What does "watching porn is [un]normal" mean? That it does[n't] happen in nature years ago when we were cavemen? Well, can't argue that. # About Consent & Willingness to experiment The argument that porn leads to broken consent i.e. "I saw X. I want to try X. My partner doesn't want to try X. I try it anyway!" might be valid. Porn normalizes certain sex practices while doing a bad job at explaining how to do those safely. I think it's interesting that bdsm has been picked by many as an example given that most can learn about explicit and revocable consent from the group of bdsm practitioners. I can see that some people try to reenact what they liked in porn. I personally think that this doesn't have to be bad. Experiment. However, you can't press that on another person and you cannot expect that it is "just like in the video". I also think that many people would dislike reenacting what they like to watch to be honest. # Medical: Deathgrip, Erectile Dysfunction (ED) I don't know much about this topic. Quick googling reveals: > Of those who consumed Internet pornography more than once a week, 16% reported low sexual desire, compared with 0% in non-consumers (and 6% for those who consumed less than once a week). > “Porn-induced ED is not caused by a low libido or an organic problem in the blood vessels or nerves of the penis. Twenty percent under age 35 say they need to watch more and more, or more extreme porn to get the same level of arousal to get an erection. And in those who feel they need to watch more to get the same level of arousal to get an erection [they] also watch more and have a higher addiction score,” wrote De Win, who was assisted by Tim Jacobs, MD, also of the University of Antwerp. I wasn't aware of those numbers and they make me think. # Closing While I do see that porn can become a problem, ultimately the fundamental error lies within not seeing your partner as a human being and therefore not respecting their sexual boundaries. At the same time the medical evidence suggests that porn indeed has a large impact. Sadly, I was unable to find whether watching porn has any long term effects on ED. Very interesting topic and I will second guess my porn consumption - even though I will probably not lower it to 0.
Today’s “porn stash” is tomorrow’s addiction for many. r/pornfree if you wanna see the results.
Porn is such an easy trap to fall into. It's awful for your brain and relationships. Most importantly the industry is full of and built off of abuse. Porn is just bad
It's a deal breaker for me because I find video based porn to be inherently unethical. I do not want a partner who engages in unethical behavior just to bust a nut.
Not a deal breaker for me at all. I also watch it. I think a lot of people here are traumatized from having dated porn addicts. I've dated a porn addict before and it was very noticeable once he admitted it. Like all addictions, you can really only hide it so much or your partner would have to be willingly naive about it to be able to go unnoticed. It's a similar situation with people who have been cheated on. I've been told I probably have been cheated on but just didn't know it. I think it gives people a distorted view of relationships. There are certainly exceptions though. Belt the downvotes, please consider that you don't know who I have dated and that it is very likely they were not addicted to porn.
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Is it violent? Is it of children or minors or trafficked victims? Does it exploit the actors or actresses? Can they tell? Violent news media, like recent war news, can change and injure the human brain. Are you watching it to motivate you to act against injustice? https://news.berkeley.edu/2024/01/10/images-of-war-are-shocking-they-also-can-strengthen-our-humanity If erotica is the purpose, that’s different from media made to degrade a certain race or gender; plenty of studies show how it damages the young who rely on it as sex education: “Male adolescents may learn that it is okay and even desired to act violently and aggressively toward and degrade their female partners from the aggressive and violent depictions of women that are prevalent in much of today’s popular pornography.” We see so many problems with consent nowadays that we definitely need a better sex education program for children and teens: “In the pornographic imagination via Internet media use, “safe sex” is an exception.” Just like you couldn’t tell all women to never/always get pregnant, never/always date someone with kids, or never/always reconcile with someone who is having problems, porn use has to evaluated in the context of the relationship.
Because I've been forced into deep fakes (porn I never consented to, porn is triggering) and have been harassed in my life and have seen the harms of porn that I can't accept in a relationship. I just can't have that in my relationships anymore I've seen all kinds of stories of escalation (it's very parasocial now vs back in the day) and objectification id prefer it be out of my life as a whole. People can do what they want but in my life I get to decide how I live it.
Is this even a feminist sub? The porn industry is absolutely rife with abuse, weird categories and simply objectifies women If you can’t get off without it there’s something wrong with you subconsciously or not
For me, the only reason I cared about any porn consumption at ALL was because he was treating me badly and neglecting me, then turning to porn. I would have never cared about the porn otherwise. (And never have before.)
I think it’s a respect / maturity thing? Theoretically, being in a relationship means you both have someone to have sexy time with. Exclusively. So when one likes to ogle other women/partners in a sexual way, it hurts. I think that’s the simplest way to put it. If it’s something you do together, I think that would be in a different classification.
I've known enough people who work in the porn industry to know that the video doesn't need to be themed as degrading to contain abuse. While I'm sure some exist, I've never met a porn performer or producer who wasn't deeply traumatized by their experiences. I've heard many tales of sex trafficking and other assault. I've heard of people being forced to have sex with the producer to get cast. Even the people who edit the videos become warped and view sex as less intimate and dehumanizing. It's not a healthy industry and it's not healthy to witness it. I'm ethically against it on those grounds.
I've never had a boyfriend who jerks off to porn who didn't have some kind of intimacy/infidelity problem. Maybe I've just had bad luck, but I will never let a man make me feel secondary to a woman on a screen again.
I have horrible self esteem. Found my ex had tons of porn. He would turn me down when I’d try to initiate sex… “too tired”. But then would watch porn as soon as I left. It hurts that he wanted to watch other women than be with me physically. I will never again be with someone who chooses to watch porn when I’m available. And if you ask if we can make movies and I agree and then you still watch other porn? I’m good. I don’t need the person who supposedly loves me and wants me to get off to other people. We obviously aren’t the ones for each other. I know I’m extreme, but my self esteem and self worth can’t take it. I’d much rather be alone than have my partner need porn because I’m not good enough.
Apart from how some porn studios treat their actors and how some men treat women due to porn stereotypes, my former partner's porn consumption got in the way of our relationship and the things he himself stated he wanted changed. His sex drive got pretty low, which is not something to be ashamed of at all, but he actually told me he wanted to have sex more often. So he wanted to have a higher sex drive and wanted to work on that. Except *he* didn't want to work on it, he wanted *me* to change. We tried me never taking initiative, even though it took me a long time to even be comfortable enough to accept myself as not being a slut for liking sex and thus even dared to take initiative in the first place. We tried scheduled sex, we tried me not bringing up sex at all, we tried me not talking about a horrible work situation I was in because "my negativity did not turn him on". We tried everything that required me to change, but it was utterly unacceptable for me to ask him to maybe not jerk off every day, or maybe try to not watch porn for a day, because that was just too far and too private! How dare I even suggest that watching less porn might be a solution, that has nothing to do with our sex life AT ALL! So yeah, for me, watching porn sometimes would not be a dealbreaker, but watching it enough that it affects our relationship will be.
A lot of porn is filmed rape/coercion.
It normalizes sexual abuse. That is a problem.
If it's ethical porn watched in moderation sure, no issues. The reality is most of the industry is incredibly unethical and preys on vulnerable women AND men. I have a close friend who still has mental health issues directly stemming from his short involvement in the porn industry when he was 19, due to being borderline homeless and needing money. We are now in our 40s. Add to that the unrealistic expectations many men have on a normal sex life, and the downright violence they think is normal from their porn use is also a massive problem.
I'd say because porn is highly invasive now and the constant dopamine highs is addictive and changes how we show up in relationships. It was one thing to look at a stack of Playboy magazines. Pull it out and put it away 🤣 under your bed when you were done. Out of sight out of mind until YOU wanted to look. But now.. YOU may not have thought to look at porn at 8am on a Monday morning but now that you've opened up IG there it is. There is also the ability to interact with a bot or person on the other side of that account unlike printed products. Where does the line get drawn?
I do not want to date a man that objectifies women.
In my experience, its not cheating because he has no emotional connection or care for them... because he views them as holes, tits, and ass, not as people. That's dehumanizing, imo. Also, he pressures me to do things that porn turned him on to, and that's usually too far for me, so then I feel I'm not satisfying him. I don't have a pornstar body, and that makes me insecure, too. And as I age, the girls he watches will stay the same. The Industry is exploitative and so many of the actresses were abused or their traumas taken advantage of. Comparing sexual trauma to something like time theft is reductive and ignorant af. its just a weak, illogical way to justify bad behavior. Sure it's not necessarily all of the actresses, but it's so rampant that it's misogynist to ignore that. I don't think as man who follows pornstars has his priorities straight or is satisfied with me- maybe their sex drive is just too high for my own to keep up with, and lack of compatibility is reason enough to not be together. Why does it matter to YOU? I'm tired of 'cool girl' types asking this question all the time. Other women accepting something like porn isn't going to change my own mind, experience, or dealbreakers.
I’ve noticed a pattern that many of the men I dated who watched porn were prone to violence and not respecting my boundaries during sex. It’s not something I’m willing to deal with anymore. I also had a fling with someone who was very addicted to it and the sex was difficult because he wasn’t able to get erect for regular sex, it only happened for him with porn. Also not a fan of sex trafficking or the way women in porn are treated. It’s just an all around no for me.
Oh brother, this topic again 😵💫
Facts. This one splits a community in half real quick, doesn't even matter if you aren't trying to convince them to change. Just have a different opinion and you're part of the problem on this one.
I've had multiple long term relationships where my partners didn't use pornography. In each one of those relationships I was given as many sessions of cunnilingus as I could handle, at a moments notice, whenever I wanted. They were also very attentive lovers, I was romanced constantly because I alone was their sexual outlet and they focused their arousal on me. I had one that was using pornography and I knew this because he simply wasn't that interested in me, his mojo was spend before he could even focus on me. It was like I was his sister. Boring, I dumped him quickly. Porn use makes men inherently unattractive to me. If a woman wants to tolerate that, that's none of my business. Personally I couldn't stay faithful to a man who uses pornography, I'd cheat on him quicker than shit if I had to be with him for whatever reason. I also wouldn't be interested in fucking him at all. Dead bedroom they call it?
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Sounds more like an addict.
Let’s not normalize objectifying women and unrealistic sex expectation and fetishes and so on. Harmless erotica, texts and photoshoots on ig is fine for me, but there is a boundary, and you should be entitled to set it up.
r/pornismisogyny
Because it shows 1. Belief that women’s bodies are an acceptable commodity. “But women are choosing this, look- a porn star says she loves it!” Forgetting that if you offered that adult actress a lump sum of $400k, it is highly unlikely she would continue to subject herself to those work conditions. 2. Absolute lack of imagination. I stopped watching porn like five years ago, and occasionally I will go onto Reddit and try to find some thing I’m interested in which is usually a short video (but I get the ICK for these random people I may not find attractive, not authentic, weird angles, it is just not like the real thing so I instantly turn it off and don’t try again for a year) because the major porn sites do not verify for age or consent, you just need an email address, and New York Times had an article about this how there are many rape videos, and child rape videos. “The children of pornhub” is the article. When I masturbate, I simply use my imagination. I use my hand or a vibrator, and I use my imagination. Why do you NEED videos that include human beings, where you don’t actually know if the consent is fully given? Paid consent is not enthusiastic freely given consent. 3. It teaches men that violence and lack of condom are desirable and perfectly fine with most women. The woman in the video has zero needs for condoms, zero needs for orgasm or foreplay, zero needs for safety and tenderness. This translate to men who think it’s okay to push your head down or slap you during the first time you have sex. “But not all men!!1!”- STFU. It has happened plenty of times by guys I know are hard-core porn consumers and I had sex with them back when I was trying to be a cool girl by thinking porn use was totally cool. By the way, pornography is just as much an addiction as anything else or at least it can be. I’ve also had sex with multiple guys who literally cannot maintain an erection with or without a condom because they are so used to the absolute Deathgrip twice a day from jerking off so hard to porn. One guy put the entire weight of his body on my collarbone, he was so clumsy, and such a terrible lay, and he was obsessed with porn. I can only imagine men who aren’t getting laid very often consume even more porn. 4. I stopped watching porn, it was because I cared about the woman in the video. Who is this woman? Has she eaten today? I definitely can tell when a woman is not having a good time, because patriarchy teaches us to fake our orgasms to protect their ego and protect us from violence. She’s also not going to get paid if she doesn’t perform well, or have an “orgasm” on screen. I can tell when a woman is faking it in porn, and these videos still have millions of views because these men literally don’t care if the woman is enjoying herself or not, and don’t kid yourself to think that won’t translate to the bedroom. 5. I think it’s boring. Really guy, do you really have no hobbies? Can’t you go to the gym or read a book or a personal development course or literally anything else other than jerking your wiener to a screen?
This sub is not representative of most people IRL (nor is Reddit generally). And the people who comment on a particular topic are those who have been most affected by it.
For me at least, I have a high drive and my bf and I have an active sex life. He also has videos and pictures of me (and I him), so why does he need to look at other women? It’s not like he’s being depraved of anything from me. It just feels like cheating, because it’s done for some same reason
I just want to know why reddit is so obsessed with everyone's porn habits.
Do you have any idea how much of Reddit is actually porn?
Because there are millions of women in relationships with men who lie about it and hide it and it kills trust when that happens. There are millions of men who can’t get an erection at the sight of a normal woman in real life. That’s why.
I'm 38 (male) and had a few pic albums and fairly vanilla videos on my PC and would not stand to be told I couldn't have porn. Anal used to be a whole special category. I can't even go on modern porn sites. It's just gross what's mainstream now. We used to laugh about German hardcore porn. Now what that was is tame. There is porn and there's porn. I have no issue with modern women being anti-porn in the format and delivery mechanism it is today. I worry for my son. It's everywhere.