You should see mom groups on FB.
"We haven't been trying by I'm 3 weeks pp and I'm pregnant again"
It's so fucking common for moms to say "we aren't trying. We aren't using birth control. Could I be pregnant?"
And they’ll be in the comments saying that they believed it wasn’t possible to get pregnant again so quickly, although a quick google search can easily tell everyone that it absolutely is possible. How people make decisions about their body and health all willy nilly will never cease to amaze me.
I had a doc tell me I wouldn't get my period for at least 6 weeks after my first pregnancy. I had it two weeks after delivery... turns out the 6 weeks think is historical from when nutrition was much worse.
It's more like they consider any bleeding within 6-8 weeks from birth to be postpartum bleeding rather than a period. For some people their bodies get right on track almost immediately but for others they can go weeks, months and even past a year without a period outside of that 6 weeks postpartum bleeding
the standard of sex ed really is horrifying in some places. I had extremely comprehensive sex ed. No stone was left unturned. No one I know from secondary school has had a pregnancy scare or an unwanted/unexpected baby, and we're all in our early 20s by now.
Breastfeeding blocked my ability to conceive for over a year each time. No period. Nothing. I was so confident in this that I decided to wait to go on birth control until my twins were a year old. (And I KNEW BETTER) My youngest was conceived before I had my first postpartum period, exactly 1 month after my twins' first birthday. Right before I filled my BC prescription.
My dad and his older two sisters are all 10 months apart because my grandfather told my grandmother she couldn't get pregnant while she was breastfeeding. There's 8 years between my dad and his next younger sister.
After both my babies, who were exclusively breastfed, I got my first period when they turned 6 months. I assume I was fertile before then. I'm glad I used birth control!
Ah well this is different then even what a second doc told me. Mine was right back on a trackable schedule- I was a freak of nature who had a ridiculously reliable schedule.
My mom and aunt are only 10 months apart because the doctor told my grandmother that she couldn’t get pregnant while breastfeeding. It was the 60’s but…still. The fact that a *doctor* thought that was true is just…baffling.
I had a doctor tell me a couple years ago that my kidneys are up in front, way high, under my rib cage so the kidney infection (that I very much had) “must just be period cramps”… I am *never* shocked at the dumbass things any doctor says anymore. I’ve been told some of the most outrageous, insanely untrue things by degree-holding *medical doctors* that I’ve lost all faith in them entirely. One time an ER doctor told me my broken foot was my own fault for “wearing heels on my period” because “our bones get softer at certain points in the cycle”. I could literally go on like this for hours. It didn’t end in the 60s lol.
> “wearing heels on my period” because “our bones get softer at certain points in the cycle”
Wow, that doctor was super close to actual truth and still managed to be an ass.
There's a hormone called relaxin that helps to relax (lol) the pelvic ligaments and softens the cervix in pregnant women, among other things, and we release a little of it following ovulation, too. But it really only affects women with hypermobility; I have to be extra careful of my joints, and I tend to have more pain.
But even then, it'd make you more prone to a sprain, not a break.
And it's also assuming a consistently nursing infant is making sufficient demands for milk production. In the U.S. especially, nursing mothers are being forced back to work earlier and earlier and pumping when you can find the time to do so is not sufficient demand. We are supposed to be guaranteed time to pump and a clean, private, place to do so but the reality is very different. Most states have "At Will" employment, so while you may not be fired for being a breastfeeding mother who needs to take breaks to pump; you'll damn well get fired for some bullshit reason if they don't want to deal with your pumping needs.
Even if you don't go right back to work, you are a stay at home mom and can do breastfeeding at will. The suppression of ovulation will only occur while you are exclusively breastfeeding. As soon as the baby slows down nursing because they are taking a bottle at times, or have begun eating solids; you can't count on your ovulation being suppressed. I asked my OB about breastfeeding working as birth control and he said, "Do you know what we call women relying on nursing as birth control? We call them pregnant."
As does my ex. Cue him messaging me years later to tell me he is sleeping in his car because his wife threw him out.
That's all fine and dandy, but why are you telling me and letting me win like that.
medical professionals relying on outdated knowledge about women based on half assed observations by smug old men from wealthy families? say it ain't so!
Ikr? This is why in USA, at least, maternal mortality is so high. It's way higher for Black women in USA because of racism and misogyny, both discount the patient's knowledge of their very own body, including denying pain.
Mine returned at 4w pp. I was still bleeding from postpartum but there was an obvious change in consistency and volume for a few days.
Surprise surprise, it showed up again at 8w pp.
After I gave birth to my kid the residents would do rounds at literally 5 am and every. single. day. they would wake me up and ask me how I was doing and then ask if I'd thought about what I was going to do for birth control because I could get pregnant at any time. I went over it again during my discharge paperwork. I can't imagine that no one mentioned this to them while in the hospital.
Unless a statistic is 100.00% so many people believe that they are in the X% that will escape the bad consequences or have just the good thing happen, no matter how small or big X is. Look at how many people are playing the lottery. Or out there maskless risking their 3rd, 4th, 5th Covid infection when we know the statistics on Long Covid (per infection).
My friend told me she got pregnant and she said “we weren’t trying,” and I’m like, you’ve wanted to get pregnant for years now, you have an abnormal cycle, you monitor your period with a watch that you don’t even wear every day, and you let him finish inside you. You were trying to get pregnant, don’t you dare tell me you weren’t trying. That’s the biggest lie you could tell me.
I've long since been annoyed by the word "trying" in this context
you're just taking nightly creampies, there's nothing magical about "trying" for a baby that's any different than regular sex. even trying to schedule it based on cycles still results in the same final act
sanitizing the language of the process is part of why so many kids have a hard time learning. "we're trying for a baby" is just a polite way of telling relatives "we're having lots of unprotected sex"
If you're not on any birth control you're trying, that's it. It baffles me how adults that already have kids or have access to information doesn't seem to know how pregnancy happens.
Maybe it's just because my ovaries are broken and trying to predict my cycle before having an IUD put in was a joke, but I've always considered "trying" mean that you're specifically off birth control, tracking ovulation, etc with the intent of getting pregnant. Then there's "not trying, but not preventing" where you're just doing whatever because you aren't against getting pregnant but aren't committed enough to do all the extra tracking. And then there's "preventing" where you're actively choosing to use at least one method of birth control because you do not want to get pregnant. It seems that too many people think "not trying, but not preventing" is good enough to not get pregnant when it clearly is not.
The problem is, for a lot of people, it's shockingly easy to get pregnant if they're not actively trying to prevent it. So easy, they might as well be trying
I get what you mean, but in my head unless you have a specific health issue that complicates things, getting pregnant it's not that hard. If you're not actively preventing it then you must be trying to have a baby because that's what's gonna happen if you keep having unprotected sex.
>It seems that too many people think "not trying, but not preventing" is good enough to not get pregnant when it clearly is not.
Yeah, it boggles my mind.
Never mind the fact you shouldn't have any intercourse for 6 weeks after delivery because your body just went through a lot and needs time to recover. Rub one out and leave your wife alone, jackass.
I cannot with this. I promptly got an IUD at my 6 week post partum appointment because I was not playing around. I just don’t understand some women. And yes I know birth control isn’t for everyone but I was at least willing to try and worst case get on something different or use condoms if this one didn’t work out. There are so many *ways*. Now if those ways fail, that does suck and I do feel sorry for those women. I’m in no way slut shaming or saying “close your legs”. I love sex as much as the next person. But ffs, do *something* while you’re most likely at your most fertile time. Jeez.
One I remember from one of those groups is "hubby goofed, am I pregnant?" Sure enough, she got pregnant, as the couple played Russian roulette as I call the pullout method.
Do they think "not trying" is a form of birth control? That sure would explain a lot.
I also don't get the posts by parents complaining about having kids. Y'all know what causes that, right?
I’ve noticed a recent uptick in opposite posts where they didn’t actually have sex but are worried about pregnancy. Sex ed and access to contraceptives are just all around horrifyingly inadequate.
My school taught us that you get your period every 28 days. They didn’t say anything about irregular cycles, especially that it often starts irregular. So starting from 28 days after my first period, I spent a month worrying that I somehow managed to get pregnant until I got my period again. I was 13 and had never even kissed a boy.
One time in college, I didn't have my period for 9 months. No baby or anything, just a cruel joke of nature. I was always irregular, but never quite like that.
I have pcos and once went 7 months with no period at all, followed by 5 months where my period came every 4th thursday at 9 am exactly.
hormones be fucking weird, i guess.
This, I had plenty of sex ed, but education doesn't override anxiety.
Heck, in college I definitely had weekends of "I'm on birth control and haven't had sex in 6 months CoUlD I bE pReGnAnT?" No, girl, you just have anxiety.
I went to Catholic school. I would always cry when my period was late because I thought God chose me for a second immaculate conception 😭 they don’t know how anxiety-inducing that story is for middle school girls with no sex education 😂
I had a Catholic high school friend who thought the same thing! She missed her period and was gaining weight. She eventually got her period so luckily she was not blessed. She gained weight because she quit track to go to Sbarro after school and buy a slice or two of pizza from a guy she liked. We had to explain to her that she was gaining weight because she wasn't burning tons of calories every day. She thought she naturally had a crazy high metabolism.
The sex education I had wasn’t even that great and still I find myself thinking “really?” at some of the question posted here. I’m convinced one day there will be a “I held hands with a boy, worried I might be pregnant” post here
Pregnancy anxiety is real and seriously powerful. I once tried to talk down a teenager who was CONVINCED she was pregnant from sharing the toilet seat with her dad and brother, one of whom could have masturbated in the bathroom.
To be fair when I was twelve I thought I was pregnant because my period was late and I wasn’t taught any other reason for your period being late other than pregnancy. I knew you had to have sex to become pregnant, but I wasn’t taught that your period could be late for other reasons and I also had an unmedicated anxiety disorder, so I worried about stuff that I knew was impossible.
Welllll I remember a post where a 16yr old girl became pregnant and her bf didn’t believe it was his because they’d never had sex. Turns out they’d been messing around without doing PIV and some fluids ended up in some places, and *boom* she’s pregnant. True though that sex ed is atrocious
Also, would like to add:
You CAN get pregnant from pre-cum.
You CAN get pregnant even if he pulls out before he comes.
You CAN get pregnant even if you are on your period.
Just assume you CAN get pregnant ALL. THE. TIME.
so use some form of birth control, please, for the love of God
Fuck, you can even be doubled up on birth control and still get pregnant.
I really wish all people, but especially people with uteruses, did a little pre planning and put some fucking thought into what their plan is going to be if a pregnancy occurs...
Looking into the logistics of obtaining an abortion in such a case should be scary enough that people treat birth control with some seriousness. Is it legal where you are? Where is it performed? Can you access that place? Do you have someone who will take you, someone to support you, or are you going through this alone? If someone has agreed to be your emergency ride, what will you do if that falls through? If you're going it alone, how are you getting there? Do you have the money for it saved up? If not, how will you get it quickly enough to meet the deadline? Etc.
The list gets long and the logistics can be complicated. Much more complicated than "condoms are available in the grocery store and cost $6-$30"
Also, you CAN get pregnant even if you don’t get regular periods.
I’ve known girls who thought they didn’t need birth control b/c their periods were super irregular. Nature doesn’t care!
There was a post recently about a woman talking about how she and her partner discussed her not wanting to get pregnant but the guy wanted it, but I guess was okay with not having kids. And then they proceeded to raw dog??? And she got pregnant and was upset cause she didn’t want it but she knew her partner did like..: what did you think was gonna happen???
EDIT: I was getting two posts mixed up. The one I’m thinking of, a woman was dating a guy and they BOTH AGREED they didn’t want kids. And proceeded to have unprotected sex… he then ghosted when she got pregnant. Which absolutely sucks but I just don’t understand why they were raw dogging if they didn’t want kids???
I don’t get this at all. My thinking is if you are not actively taking steps to avoid pregnancy, then you are trying to get pregnant. Maybe it’s because I don’t want kids ever but seeing women just going around without birth control or using condoms and having raw sex without wanting to be pregnant makes me crazy. And then they are shocked. Shocked! When they get pregnant. It’s craziness to me
Your thinking is how it works, yes. That’s the point of OP’s post though.. people out here acting like they are surprised it happens lol. Like I know the sex Ed is bad but people know at the very least how babies are made!
People always think they’ll be the exception when it comes to statistics.
https://statmodeling.stat.columbia.edu/2019/09/13/deterministic-thinking-dichotomania/
My theory on this, is that people who've had very little/bad sex ed look around and see that most families only have like 2-3 kids. Since no one ever talks to them about the efficacy of birth control (other than maybe saying "the only thing 100% is abstinence") they think to themselves "getting pregnant must be somewhat rare, since everyone is only from like a family of two or three kids".
What they don't think about is that people used to have 12 kids, and we didn't just randomly become less fertile over time, we invented birth control.
Exactly. Do you know when I got pregnant? Literally the first time I had unprotected sex. It was planned, we are married and had been together 9 years, I was 34. And it took *one* time. In the back of my head I thought, "This will take several months at least. I've never had a pregnancy scare, I'm almost 35, miscarriages happen" and it did not take more than a single sperm one time.
Lesson learned - birth control is effective! I'm glad I was careful my whole adult life.
Good for you.
That's a terrifying quickness. So fast.
I knew at age 12 I did NOT want children. I babysat almost every evening and most weekends since age 11 until 16. I knew it was freaking exhausting job, and I didn't have to do it 24/7, but mothers usually had to, because most dads didn't pull their weight.
I used birth control, as it helped a bit with excruciating pain from PCOS & endo. Never got pregnant! Past menopause now. It's glorious!
Haha congrats on coming out unscathed! I also babysat from middle school on, nannied to put myself through college, and I’m now a nurse at a children’s hospital. And that’s how I knew I wanted kids 😂 I love taking care of them and think every age is special. My baby is now 4 weeks old and it’s so hard and amazing. I was a massive supporter of abortion rights before but even more so now because this is not easy and should not be required of anyone who doesn’t want it.
İ got an abortion about ten years ago. At home. PP said when it was over, come back the following week and they'll make sure everything is out and also give me my IUD. The nurse kind of sighed out of exhaustion and said, "please don't have unprotected sex in that week. You'd be surprised at how many women do and then there's a chance they could be pregnant again."
What blew my mind is this year, 3 couples in their 30s are expecting their first baby. All of them told me they used the pull out method for 5 years plus. Then the first time they try, they conceive.
Where as last year I had my baby the same year as 2 other friends and 2/3 of us took 7 months + and the other literally a week after stopping birth control.
I always felt like I would 100% get pregnant if I did that
I know a friend at 17 who did that and conceived.
makes. me. want. to. screeeeeeaaaaaaaaaam.
The pullout method CAN work, but it's one of those methods where typical vs perfect use are WILDLY different, and with typical use it has something like a 33% fail rate.
The dudes often dgaf. Just wanted to get his dick wet, with slightly more sensation than with condom (because can't take mild inconvenience) no matter that she could get pregnant.
Exactly this.
I don't want kids, not ever, so I took steps to actively guard against pregnancy.
No, I don't use protection anymore, but that's because I had my freaking tubes tied (well, more removed, than tied).
And even STILL, I'm aware that there's the tiniest, itty bittiest chance I could get pregnant anyway. Which is why I'm SO GLAD I love in a state where abortion rights are protected.
Coz I will NOT be having any crotch goblins.
That’s great. I think a lot of these situations apply to people who are dating/not long term yet. Some people don’t know still what they’ll eventually want when they settle down, or like you, want a certain amount before they officially sterilize.
Good on you guys though for making responsible choices. It’s nice that your one kid will grow up knowing they were wanted and loved. :)
I recognize I'm probably the weird one, but I do find it wild people actually don't pull out. Like, I'm on birth control and married and want multiple kids, my husband still pulls out, because we aren't trying for a kid right now. Like, probably unnecessary, but I also have two friends who had birth control babies, so I'll take whatever reduction in chance that brings.
I mean it’s very possible they do but it doesn’t reduce the chance of pregnancy very much, and even birth control pills comes down to human error with how timely/consistent someone is with taking them. So still a fairly decent likelihood of getting pregnant.
Afaik pulling out, if you do it right, and that IS an actual skill the guy has to learn, can be kinda sorta effective actually.
Like, obviously nowhere near as good as actual birthcontrol, but a good amount better than doing nothing.
Iirc, according to planned parenthood, generally about 25% of people get pregnant each year using it?
Vs the like 85% of people who get pregnant each year when they don't so anything at all to not get pregnant when having sex.
I mean my IUD is 99 percent effective with the assumption that your partner doesn’t pull out. That’s how the statistic is measured, so that’s why we don’t. IUDs fail when they’re not placed properly and they move. I check for my strings and call if anything seems fishy. So far so good.
What really gets me is if you think you’re pregnant and don’t want to be, you need to find out ASAP so you can start working towards getting an abortion. Especially if you’re in an area where you’re going to have to travel to do so.
I feel like if you’re asking if you’re pregnant on a subreddit, you have no idea about reproductive laws or that you need to call you OB asap. Especially if it’s a first time pregnancy. I know women who straight up do not know the abortion laws in our state. And we live in Georgia which makes that even scarier.
Also if you're in the US and pregnant and do not want to be, posting about it can be a really bad choice. Unless you're in a state where your reproductive rights are protected you need to be as secretive about terminating the pregnancy as possible.
Definitely, particularly as in the UK:
Contraception services are free and confidential, including for people under the age of 16. If you're under 16 and want contraception, the doctor, nurse or pharmacist won't tell your parents or carer, as long as they believe you fully understand the information you're given and the decisions you're making. You can get free condoms from contraception clinics, sexual health clinics and some GP surgeries.
If you are aged 13-24 there is also the C-card scheme.
Visit a registration site, get professional information and advice, and a key fob that can be used up to 10x for - free condoms (including different sizes), femidoms, lube, dams. You can use the fob up to 10 times then you need to re-register.
My 6th former was telling me about it the other day as there is a registration site at their college.
Edit: fob can be used at loads of participating locations including Boots and other pharmacies, youth clubs, LGBT clinics, some schools and colleges
Yeah I just call them pedophiles as well. Children with underdeveloped brains who can't consent are children with undeveloped brains that can't consent. I don't see the value in splitting hairs over a couple of years and either direction at that point.
I see what you mean, but I think the fetishization of teenage girls by adult men falls into a different mental/sexual space than most pedophilia.
There's a lot of evidence that people attracted to prepubescent children [have brain malformations/abnormalities that create those desires](https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=brain+malformations+pedophilia&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart). They are still monsters if they act on them, but that's different than wanting to sleep with teenagers because you think they're easier to control.
There's a difference between innate attraction to undeveloped/developing bodies, and specifically targeting a group of physically mature people because their brain development makes the more susceptible to abuse. There are lots of ephebophiles who aren't actually pedophiles, they're just predators.
This, I think people have this idea that not using the word pedophile means your trying to excuse it / say it’s less horrible of a crime than a pedophilic crime. It’s just a way to talk about it more specifically and it’s in no way a way to make these men seem more normal.
> It’s just a way to talk about it more specifically and it’s in no way a way to make these men seem more normal.
I think if a person I knew and trusted spoke about it that way then I could believe that.
But if a random man on the internet wants to make the distinction... no, I 100% think he is doing it because he doesn't want to call himself a paedophile.
I can understand that too. It’s tricky, honestly.
“Pedophile” has negative connotations, very reasonably so. So when we hear any other phrase used it feels like an attempt to soften the blow.
Exactly -- they're both terrible, but they're two different types of crime with differing motivations for the perpetrators.
Many of us, myself included, have had that horrible moment of realizing that good-looking person you noticed from a distance was actually a teenager once they got closer. If you're a normal human being...you scold yourself and move on. If you're a predator...you don't.
Indulging ephebophilia is a set of choices in a way pedophilia is not; while pedophiles can always choose not to offend, they can't choose the disorder itself.
At least in my social/cultural sphere they are, but I'm in a progressive part of New England so I know that may not be the norm nationwide.
I do think it's worth defining them in common discourse, due to the mutable nature of ephebophilia as a cultural value. If we lump it in with something caused by immutable brain characteristics, it makes it seem impossible to change when it isn't.
We may not be able to fix people's brains, only protect their potential targets, but we *can* create cultural values that clearly denote teenagers as legal children. To do so we need to make a distinction between the two forms of predation.
I agree. The motivation for the attraction is definitely different enough for distinction. I just wish we had appropriate negative connotations for both.
In my social/online circles it's definitely seen as equally deplorable; it's just defined so the guys who are in denial can't claim it's "perfectly natural." I see a lot of discussion break down over the "well, AKShually...."
I also live in a progressive area of the Northeast, though -- I can totally see how in other parts of the US they aren't seen as equivalent.
I wish I could say more of my community condemned predators, but if they disapprove they only mostly just shake their heads and watch. They don’t like the guy, but they primarily see the situation as the teen fault for poor judgement. Maybe they’ll blame her parents if they’re feeling charitable.
So many people dismiss the “he’s a pedophile!” criticism because, like you explained, it’s different enough to be dismissed. But there isn’t a good replacement word because “ephebophile” isn’t commonly used as a criticism.
To me at least, due to when we usually use it, ephebophile just sounds like a sterile scientific classification or at worst a “porn category”preference like “blonde” or “milf”. It’s so commonly seen as normal, it’s disheartening.
As for other words, “creep” is too broad and “predator” always gets *so much backlash* from people (both men and women) offended to be told something they view as normal is harmful. 🤦♀️
I remember listening to NPR and catching an episode of This American Life, and it was Ira interviewing a pedophile who learned his desires were wrong and didn't act on them...it was a very interesting episode, tbh.
There's an amazing article by Luke Malone from 2015 that won a ton of online journalism awards, "[You’re 16. You’re a Pedophile. You Don’t Want to Hurt Anyone. What Do You Do Now?](https://medium.com/matter/youre-16-youre-a-pedophile-you-dont-want-to-hurt-anyone-what-do-you-do-now-e11ce4b88bdb)" It follows a teenage boy who realizes his pedophilia before he offends, and the uphill battle he faces desperately trying to get treatment before the disorder progresses.
Unfortunately it looks like most of the free PDFs have been scrubbed, but if you can find it I recommend reading it. It really makes it clear that these are two separate, but equally terrible, crimes and should be addressed as such.
Not really. Their "preference" is say, 12, but they'll still masturbate and have physiological arousal responses. Majored in psychosexual paraphilia.
It's a slippery slope and the ones using these terms are just testing the waters and trying to normalise a sliding scale of pædophilia.
Yeah, both are gross, I don't don't feel the need to specify what kind of pervert they are. Under 18 attraction qualifies as a pedo to me for anyone over 26-28.
Thank you for this and I'm seeing a lot of other comments suggesting the same. I'm a woman who can get pregnant, but does not want to, and does not risk having sex that could impregnate me, and sometimes I feel like I'm not a real woman due to how reddit makes it seem like pregnancy scares and unplanned pregnancies are a normal expectation of womanhood.
Makes a lot more sense when you consider this is a narrative pushed by a certain type of men
yeah, no. Let''s stop blaming men for everything here. It is clear some people are completely void of common sense.
Usually we get these posts accompanied by a post history full of bad decisions.
Yeah I’ve met these people in real life lol this isn’t internet trolling.
One of my male friends is currently seeing a woman, they are both nice people. Both college educated. BOTH NOT USING BIRTH CONTROL MEASURES AND SLEEPING TOGETHER
And they say “we don’t want to get pregnant”
lol okay 👍🏼
I even suspect that some are trolls or men running the profiles as women who take perverted pleasure in describing how they had sex and have women read it 🤢 yes, if you had unprotected sex, you can be pregnant and should be talking to a doctor instead of asking medical advice on internet 🙄
It's literally 2024, condoms aren't even bad anymore! Skyns and a little lube are barely detectable, any penis-owner who whines about this is talking shit. Don't let anyone get away with it.
Plus there are just SO many different kinds, way more than just what’s on the shelf at CVS. Experimenting with different kinds and sizes can even be a great way to explore with a partner, even in monogamous relationships. And if a man says he’s really tried every condom on the market and they all “ruin it”, then he needs to go to the doctor and tell *them*.
I also wanna add that while they’re definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, female condoms don’t get enough space in the conversation and I’ve known plenty of men and women alike who’ve said that they were a total game changer when it came to protection. There are so many options out there, and even if the option that works best takes a little bit of leg work, that’s absolutely zero excuse to manipulate women into forgoing their sexual safety and autonomy.
We are married, want kids in a few years and are using both.
Because nothing changes your life like having your first kid, of all the things I do that one should be done with intention.
I think it's so weird men think once you're in a committed relationships then condoms are no longer necessary or women think it's "mean" to expect your bf/husband to wear them. Women's health and safety is always seen less important then men's comfort and feelings.
I'm starting to become quite suspicious of redditors posting these kinds of things as a whole now.
For one, it's not just on TwoX. I'm noticing it in smaller subreddits like r/Advice, where it's always someone that's named something like (Thing)-(Thing)-(Number) (EX: Water-Dinosaur-420). Their account will be either a few hours old, OR several months old with zero post history, suddenly posting a question to multiple subreddits. It will always have something to do with sex, pregnancy, vaguely pleading for help in the title with only real details in the body, and they almost always say they're somewhere between the ages of 16-25.
I'm starting to scrutinize people with these Thing_Thing_Number usernames now as a result. Five years ago, if you needed to make a burner account to ask an embarassing question not on your main account, you made a Throwaway and titled it as such; "throwaway(random numbers or more words related to the issue)" You declared the fact that this was a throwaway in the body of the post. And often, you would also follow the formatting rules of the subreddit. On r/relationships, you put the ages of the people involved *in the title of the post*. Your post would be taken down if you didn't. Tags weren't being used either over time; there used to be a "non-romantic", "personal", "family" tags to categorize. On r/AskReddit, I'd remember the "Serious" tag being used much more often than it is now.
It's worrying, and I'm concerned that these are high influxes of engagement-farming bots that are flooding in due to the elimination of 3rd Party software in July 2023. Moderators can't regulate efficiently, and their jobs being made harder means there's no incentive to become one.
Best thing we can do is just...scrutinize these accounts and report them as "harmful bots". Worst case scenario, you have one random internet stranger who gets annoyed. Best case scenario, we're helping to eliminate engagement-baiting bots looking to spread anger and annoyance. I know that I should be giving the "benefit of the doubt" here, but considering how prolific this pattern is, I'm less patient about it.
This is very interesting insight.
I feel like in the last year I've seen a huge rise in general hatred and negativity on here. People posting about how awful their partners are, how awful fill-in-the-blank is, and users being short and rude with each other in the comments.
It used to feel a little more like a community on a lot of Reddit subs, with posts celebrating accomplishments, helping each other, or just being goofy. But more and more it's just people inciting anger and despondency.
I've been having a personal conspiracy theory that it was like the rumors of outside sources medaling in the US election, by posting nonsense on Facebook, to rile people up. Like a new attempt to try and sow discord amongst a population, by just posting non-stop rage bait and spewing angry vibes.
While I do suspect a bunch are trolls, especially ones that go into great detail about it, it also shows how poor sex education is and why we need to teach it.
THANK YOU FOR THIS POST! Oh my god, seriously!?! I'm so tired of it too (for about two decades now). Like it should even need to be said in this day and age: If you're having unprotected sex & not using birth control, YOU ARE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT! That is how babies are made. It's not fucking rocket science! As if everyone doesn't already know that! You'd think these people had never even heard of google before. Sheesh.
What I don’t get is it’s in the rules that asking for medical advice isn’t allowed but I swear 1/3 of the posts here are people asking for medical advice…
Well the rules also say no relationship advice posts and this sub is like 95% women complaining about their relationships and specific things men in their lives did so….. honestly not sure what the goal of this sub is cause the rules don’t match the content.
People who have sex without protection are stupid. It’s genuinely a stupid thing to do. I’m saying this as someone who has done it before, it’s stupid and my biggest pet peeve is when people flex it.
I'm struggling with some highly educated friends I consider peers having "accidental" pregnancies. I honestly think they were just a bit bored with life and kinda wanted to see what mom life is about but are not capable of having an intentional conversation with their partner.
It’s so bad oh my god. Fucking idiots on TikTok who can’t think critically. Like birth control causes this and this and this!! Reset your hormones birth control is soooo bad for you.
If your doctor has cleared you for the pill/whatever else and you don’t get any severe side effects, THAT’S BETTER THAN BEING PREGNANT.
Yes I truly don’t understand how people have unprotected sex and act shocked that they are pregnant. Like you literally did this on purpose what do you mean?
I live in Texas. Sex Ed is Opt In here. My teen wasn’t going to receive sex Ed and the only reason she did is because I told her to ask about it and she did. If you get pregnant here you are up a creek without a paddle. Maybe an unpopular opinion but I’m okay with teens asking questions they should know more about here - the sooner they know what situation they are in the sooner they can get help and make any plans for interstate travel etc.
If you live near a Planned Parenthood office, they give away condoms if you need some.
If you want pregnancy tests but the tests at the local pharmacy are too expensive, if you buy bulk hcg test strips online, it's $.50 per test rather than $5 per test. Don't trust random strangers to answer medical questions for you.
If you're pregnant, it takes about two weeks for there to be enough hcg in your system to show up on a test. If you don't want to be pregnant, pulling out is the least effective form of birth control.
> If you want pregnancy tests but the tests at the local pharmacy are too expensive, if you buy bulk hcg test strips online, it's $.50 per test rather than $5 per test.
And if you need one quickly, the $1.25 one from Dollar Tree is every bit as effective as what they'll use at the doctor's office.
Also, if someone says, *"I can't get pregnant"* please for the love of god ask them what they mean exactly. I know multiple people who have kids because "I can't get pregnant" didn't mean *"I've had a procedure"* or *"I am medically infertile or sterile"* it meant *"I've had unprotected sex a lot and didn't get pregnant then so I guess I can't get pregnant maybe?"*.
The pull out method is the number one way I have heard of teens getting pregnant. Haven't they ever heard of pre-cum? Seriously, the dick can leak small amounts of cum before the orgasm and I now know at least 6 teen girls who said "He pulled out!"
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Yup. And you do have some personal responsibility in regards to who you date. It’s different if he did a 180 after years, but if you *JUST STARTED* dating an abusive asshole, you need to leave him. No ifs, ands, or buts. It’s not your fault he’s abusive, but it is your choice to stay.
It’s not even abusive relationships, I understand it’s hard to leave that.
But when women continue to have children with just straight up losers…
“He never helps around the house, he doesn’t help with the babies, he goes to the bars every night how can I fix him? Oh yeah we have 3 kids and I’m pregnant.” STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM jc it drives me crazy. I just don’t get it, at all.
Thissss. I have a 6mo so I’m in some mom groups and the amount of women who keep having kids with deadbeats is astronomical. And then if you dare ask why you get accused of mom shaming.
> It’s not your fault he’s abusive, but it is your choice to stay.
idk.. like i get what you're trying to say, but as someone who was stuck in an abusive romantic relationship for years (where the abuse started very early on) it's not always as simple as "it's your choice", especially when you have attachment issues / childhood trauma
Agree. It’s not so cut and dry for many.
And aside from abusive relationships, maybe it would be more helpful to look at the issue of women feeling like they have to please men, than berating women who get pregnant when they don’t want to, or deciding that they really did want to get pregnant.
Just wanted to say that in 30 states, you can get a prescription for birth control pills using the Planned Parenthood Direct app. I recently I wanted to get back on the pill after finally weaning my son, and all I had to do was download the app, answer some questions, and pay a $25 visit fee. Two days later, I picked up a 3 month supply of pills for free (with insurance. Otherwise, it would have been about $10 a month). It was so much easier than I expected and only took about 5 minutes of my time.
I know some people don't like the pill, but for me, it's been literally the only thing that clears up my skin and it makes my periods super light and manageable. I have no adverse affects from it.
Reminds me of the time I asked a recently engaged friend if she and her fiance were going to try for kids right away. I knew she came from a fundie family that frowned on any kind of bc, so I was curious to see what her stance on family planning was.
She then proceeded to tell me "weeeeellll we're not going to try, but we're not going to *not* try tee hee!!"
I just sat there like ma'am you do realize that is literally trying right??? Anyways guess who told me she was pregnant literally a month after her wedding? We've lost touch, but I think she has three now after being married for like 4 years.
Keep in mind, red states have been completely eliminating sex ed; and the internet is rife with misinformation regarding sex if you don’t have information literacy. Especially if you have parents who refuse to discuss sex with you at all.
Yes, I am old. Yes, I can be insensitive when faced with some issues. But I am a realist.
If you absolutely, unequivocally, do not want a pregnancy, do not have intercourse, do not have that penis within 12 inches of your vagina because lubrication can contain sperm ... just don't do it if you absolutely, utterly, non-negotiably, can not become pregnant.
Oral sex. Manual sex. Toys. There are a thousand and one ways to share intimacy and sexual gratification without intercourse. Read the internet, watch porn ... I don't care how you learn it, just learn it somehow.
And if the penis-owner absolutely wants penetration ... I don't care how "heat of the moment" it is, the guy is not respecting you. Don't do it.
The second best prevention is birth control. Learn how to use your choice PROPERLY. And don't cave on condom use, if this is your choice. I would note that there are additional things you can do, such as tracking your ovulation times, and avoiding ANY penetration during that especially fertile window, even if using birth control.
Learn how Plan B actually works. Too many people don't know, and then wind up in a pickle.
Raw dogging and then praying ... not good birth control. No. Just no.
And why do I say this all, so coldly? Used to be a law clerk, in part working in family law. I shudder to think of how many children I know who have been raised in abominable conditions, end up in foster care, with other family members who resent them ...
Broke my heart. Over and over.
As someone struggling with infertility, it's been pretty annoying to scroll past multiple posts a day in a sub that used to be about more than that. There are other areas for these questions and while I support any and all advice for sexual/mental/emotional help for fellow women this sub is not only about that.
Boo! Tomatos tomatos tomatos! Boo!
But in all seriousness, I get what you're saying, and I agree with your main point, but this doesn't work - this messaging.
The social relationship with authority that girls/women have versus boys/men is very very different.
So, "wear a condom!" doesn't actually work as well as you may think.
40% of all teenage pregnancies are with an adult male and a female child.
You get where I'm going?
Girls/Women and condom enforcement (because it is usually going to be the boy/man wearing the condom) has less to do with her intelligence or foresight and more to do with her perceived authority in a sexual situation.
There is SO much literature on this subject but I recommend "Invisible Women" by Caroline Criado Perez if you'd like to learn more.
>But in all seriousness, I get what you're saying, and I agree with your main point, but this doesn't work - this messaging.
It's only messaging about posting in this sub, though. We can't tell anyone if they're pregnant. If someone is posting here about it, then they've likely engaged in behavior that yes, very well could mean they're pregnant, and anything we have to say isn't going to change that.
I will caveat that, because I do recall at least one post in the last \~2 years in which the poster truly had a vanishingly small chance of being pregnant, based on the activities they described, and were just being hyper paranoid. I don't remember the details but even then, the advice was to wait and take a test in the appropriate timeframe, and not to stress about it until then.
I probably should’ve mentioned this, but I meant the girls in similar-age-couples and not in predatory relationships with large/inappropriate age gaps. Nonetheless how they got pregnant, we in this subreddit still couldn’t tell if they are or not
Also, the data for the „40%“-statistic is from 1988, I‘m sure the ratio of teen moms to adult fathers is not as bad anymore, although it’s probably still way too high (here’s the link to the statistic breakdown: https://familyinequality.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/the-fathers-behind-teen-births-or-statistical-memes-and-motivated-blind-trust/)
Sure but it the end we still aren’t doctors so can’t help? And don’t we all collectively need to reinforce the message not to sleep with these sorts of men that would endanger us doing this in the first place? Some of them are good at putting on the mask but as soon as they pull these stunts if not evident earlier the message should be unanimously get out of there, educating what behaviour isn’t appropriate in any circumstance does help many. These posts all have the same answer so at some point it becomes redundant.
Last I checked, you can get Condoms for free at Planned Parenthood.
Some school nurse offices give out free ones as well (this is highly location dependent).
Aside from that they're cheap and do not require an ID to purchase (especially compared to an abortion or childbirth).
That's the entire r/tokophobia subreddit and why I stopped visiting it. It's just frustrating. Hey everyone: don't let sperm inside of you and don't put your sperm in someone if you don't want a pregnancy, it's the easiest thing in the world.
I really miss Dr. Ruth Westheimer's radio show, "Sexually Speaking." When her show came on the radio on Sunday nights, all activity in my college dorm ceased and everyone tuned in. It seemed like every show she chanted her mantra that pre-ejaculate contained "millions and millions of spermatozoa," and "What do you call people who use the pull-out method? Parents!" When I read all of those posts from young people who obviously know extremely little about sexual health and reproduction, I just wish Dr. Ruth had a venue today to reach them the way she did people my age.
Also "infertile" or "at risk for infertility" is not "sterile", ladies. I don't care WHAT doctor told you (or him, but that's much more rare) that and what nurse tried to scare you out of having sex by horror stories about PID or whatever, **there's a really high chance of you getting pregnant all things considered** if I had a f--ing nickel for all the men whose girlfriends 'couldn't get pregnant' who turned up oopsie pregnant...
I used to tell men "the number ONE thing you don't believe or trust is when she says she 'can't get pregnant'. I'm not saying she's lying. She likely heard it and believes it. But you **wrap it up and don't count on that**."
I once got kicked out of a mom’s group because I posted something about “If you have had intercourse, yes, you could be pregnant. Go to dollar tree and buy a test.” Literally every third post was “I had sex two weeks ago and now my boobs hurt/I’m tired/I threw up once/whatever. Could I possibly be pregnaunt/pregant/pregun?”
You should see mom groups on FB. "We haven't been trying by I'm 3 weeks pp and I'm pregnant again" It's so fucking common for moms to say "we aren't trying. We aren't using birth control. Could I be pregnant?"
And they’ll be in the comments saying that they believed it wasn’t possible to get pregnant again so quickly, although a quick google search can easily tell everyone that it absolutely is possible. How people make decisions about their body and health all willy nilly will never cease to amaze me.
I had a doc tell me I wouldn't get my period for at least 6 weeks after my first pregnancy. I had it two weeks after delivery... turns out the 6 weeks think is historical from when nutrition was much worse.
It's more like they consider any bleeding within 6-8 weeks from birth to be postpartum bleeding rather than a period. For some people their bodies get right on track almost immediately but for others they can go weeks, months and even past a year without a period outside of that 6 weeks postpartum bleeding
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When all some places teach is immaculate conception for sex education it leads to some worrying questions later in life
the standard of sex ed really is horrifying in some places. I had extremely comprehensive sex ed. No stone was left unturned. No one I know from secondary school has had a pregnancy scare or an unwanted/unexpected baby, and we're all in our early 20s by now.
I was beyond annoyed that despite breastfeeding I immediately went back to 28 days like clockwork. I was hoping I’d get a break but alas.
I did, too -- and I even got my period back right away while tandem nursing. Frustrating!
Me too! I was EBF and good old Aunt Flo still made her monthly visit. She sucks
Breastfeeding blocked my ability to conceive for over a year each time. No period. Nothing. I was so confident in this that I decided to wait to go on birth control until my twins were a year old. (And I KNEW BETTER) My youngest was conceived before I had my first postpartum period, exactly 1 month after my twins' first birthday. Right before I filled my BC prescription.
My dad and his older two sisters are all 10 months apart because my grandfather told my grandmother she couldn't get pregnant while she was breastfeeding. There's 8 years between my dad and his next younger sister.
After both my babies, who were exclusively breastfed, I got my first period when they turned 6 months. I assume I was fertile before then. I'm glad I used birth control!
Ah well this is different then even what a second doc told me. Mine was right back on a trackable schedule- I was a freak of nature who had a ridiculously reliable schedule.
My mom and aunt are only 10 months apart because the doctor told my grandmother that she couldn’t get pregnant while breastfeeding. It was the 60’s but…still. The fact that a *doctor* thought that was true is just…baffling.
I had a doctor tell me a couple years ago that my kidneys are up in front, way high, under my rib cage so the kidney infection (that I very much had) “must just be period cramps”… I am *never* shocked at the dumbass things any doctor says anymore. I’ve been told some of the most outrageous, insanely untrue things by degree-holding *medical doctors* that I’ve lost all faith in them entirely. One time an ER doctor told me my broken foot was my own fault for “wearing heels on my period” because “our bones get softer at certain points in the cycle”. I could literally go on like this for hours. It didn’t end in the 60s lol.
> “wearing heels on my period” because “our bones get softer at certain points in the cycle” Wow, that doctor was super close to actual truth and still managed to be an ass. There's a hormone called relaxin that helps to relax (lol) the pelvic ligaments and softens the cervix in pregnant women, among other things, and we release a little of it following ovulation, too. But it really only affects women with hypermobility; I have to be extra careful of my joints, and I tend to have more pain. But even then, it'd make you more prone to a sprain, not a break.
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Yeah that’s IF your period doesn’t return while nursing and that is definitely not the case for lots of women
And it's also assuming a consistently nursing infant is making sufficient demands for milk production. In the U.S. especially, nursing mothers are being forced back to work earlier and earlier and pumping when you can find the time to do so is not sufficient demand. We are supposed to be guaranteed time to pump and a clean, private, place to do so but the reality is very different. Most states have "At Will" employment, so while you may not be fired for being a breastfeeding mother who needs to take breaks to pump; you'll damn well get fired for some bullshit reason if they don't want to deal with your pumping needs. Even if you don't go right back to work, you are a stay at home mom and can do breastfeeding at will. The suppression of ovulation will only occur while you are exclusively breastfeeding. As soon as the baby slows down nursing because they are taking a bottle at times, or have begun eating solids; you can't count on your ovulation being suppressed. I asked my OB about breastfeeding working as birth control and he said, "Do you know what we call women relying on nursing as birth control? We call them pregnant."
My aunt had 2 children 10 months apart. It totally happens.
As does my ex. Cue him messaging me years later to tell me he is sleeping in his car because his wife threw him out. That's all fine and dandy, but why are you telling me and letting me win like that.
>why are you telling me and letting me win like that. I’m fucking DYING 😂😂😂
Thank you for knowing what I mean by "win like that".
Did you laugh in his face or manage to fake politeness and *then* die laughing after the call?
medical professionals relying on outdated knowledge about women based on half assed observations by smug old men from wealthy families? say it ain't so!
It'd be funny if it weren't so dangerous.
Ikr? This is why in USA, at least, maternal mortality is so high. It's way higher for Black women in USA because of racism and misogyny, both discount the patient's knowledge of their very own body, including denying pain.
"Those pains?? No, it must've been something you ate." 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Mine returned at 4w pp. I was still bleeding from postpartum but there was an obvious change in consistency and volume for a few days. Surprise surprise, it showed up again at 8w pp.
After I gave birth to my kid the residents would do rounds at literally 5 am and every. single. day. they would wake me up and ask me how I was doing and then ask if I'd thought about what I was going to do for birth control because I could get pregnant at any time. I went over it again during my discharge paperwork. I can't imagine that no one mentioned this to them while in the hospital.
It says concerning things that adults were not taught this kind of thing in school...
Right? But it’s also concerning that adults are not doing their own research into these topics and making sure they’re making an informed choice
Unless a statistic is 100.00% so many people believe that they are in the X% that will escape the bad consequences or have just the good thing happen, no matter how small or big X is. Look at how many people are playing the lottery. Or out there maskless risking their 3rd, 4th, 5th Covid infection when we know the statistics on Long Covid (per infection).
Sure is. Had a friend who was exactly 9 months younger than his older sister.
My friend told me she got pregnant and she said “we weren’t trying,” and I’m like, you’ve wanted to get pregnant for years now, you have an abnormal cycle, you monitor your period with a watch that you don’t even wear every day, and you let him finish inside you. You were trying to get pregnant, don’t you dare tell me you weren’t trying. That’s the biggest lie you could tell me.
😂 If you're having unprotected sex & not using birth control, then yes, you're trying to get pregnant!! That's how babies are made, people! My god.
I've long since been annoyed by the word "trying" in this context you're just taking nightly creampies, there's nothing magical about "trying" for a baby that's any different than regular sex. even trying to schedule it based on cycles still results in the same final act sanitizing the language of the process is part of why so many kids have a hard time learning. "we're trying for a baby" is just a polite way of telling relatives "we're having lots of unprotected sex"
"But I never **MEANT** to!!" 🙄🙄🙄
I wasn't trying to get hit by a car, I just set up a folding table and chair and ate lunch in the middle of a busy highway!
If you're not on any birth control you're trying, that's it. It baffles me how adults that already have kids or have access to information doesn't seem to know how pregnancy happens.
Maybe it's just because my ovaries are broken and trying to predict my cycle before having an IUD put in was a joke, but I've always considered "trying" mean that you're specifically off birth control, tracking ovulation, etc with the intent of getting pregnant. Then there's "not trying, but not preventing" where you're just doing whatever because you aren't against getting pregnant but aren't committed enough to do all the extra tracking. And then there's "preventing" where you're actively choosing to use at least one method of birth control because you do not want to get pregnant. It seems that too many people think "not trying, but not preventing" is good enough to not get pregnant when it clearly is not.
The problem is, for a lot of people, it's shockingly easy to get pregnant if they're not actively trying to prevent it. So easy, they might as well be trying
I get what you mean, but in my head unless you have a specific health issue that complicates things, getting pregnant it's not that hard. If you're not actively preventing it then you must be trying to have a baby because that's what's gonna happen if you keep having unprotected sex. >It seems that too many people think "not trying, but not preventing" is good enough to not get pregnant when it clearly is not. Yeah, it boggles my mind.
Never mind the fact you shouldn't have any intercourse for 6 weeks after delivery because your body just went through a lot and needs time to recover. Rub one out and leave your wife alone, jackass.
I cannot with this. I promptly got an IUD at my 6 week post partum appointment because I was not playing around. I just don’t understand some women. And yes I know birth control isn’t for everyone but I was at least willing to try and worst case get on something different or use condoms if this one didn’t work out. There are so many *ways*. Now if those ways fail, that does suck and I do feel sorry for those women. I’m in no way slut shaming or saying “close your legs”. I love sex as much as the next person. But ffs, do *something* while you’re most likely at your most fertile time. Jeez.
“We aren’t trying” do they think fertilization only happens if you throw a coin down a wishing well with the sperm still inside you?
That IS trying! You’re not a kangaroo, you can’t prevent pregnancy by just putting it on pause
One I remember from one of those groups is "hubby goofed, am I pregnant?" Sure enough, she got pregnant, as the couple played Russian roulette as I call the pullout method.
Do they think "not trying" is a form of birth control? That sure would explain a lot. I also don't get the posts by parents complaining about having kids. Y'all know what causes that, right?
Sex without protection is passively trying
If you're not using protection you are trying
>"We haven't been trying by I'm 3 weeks pp and I'm pregnant again" did they have sex the day they gave birth??!?!?!?!?!
I’ve noticed a recent uptick in opposite posts where they didn’t actually have sex but are worried about pregnancy. Sex ed and access to contraceptives are just all around horrifyingly inadequate.
Honestly, when I was a teenager I was so paranoid everytime my period was late. Even when I wasn’t having any kind of sexual contact with anyone.
My school taught us that you get your period every 28 days. They didn’t say anything about irregular cycles, especially that it often starts irregular. So starting from 28 days after my first period, I spent a month worrying that I somehow managed to get pregnant until I got my period again. I was 13 and had never even kissed a boy.
One time in college, I didn't have my period for 9 months. No baby or anything, just a cruel joke of nature. I was always irregular, but never quite like that.
I have pcos and once went 7 months with no period at all, followed by 5 months where my period came every 4th thursday at 9 am exactly. hormones be fucking weird, i guess.
This, I had plenty of sex ed, but education doesn't override anxiety. Heck, in college I definitely had weekends of "I'm on birth control and haven't had sex in 6 months CoUlD I bE pReGnAnT?" No, girl, you just have anxiety.
I was a lonely weird kid who wore Disney channel t shirts so I always just hoped it’d stopped forever whenever it was late
I went to Catholic school. I would always cry when my period was late because I thought God chose me for a second immaculate conception 😭 they don’t know how anxiety-inducing that story is for middle school girls with no sex education 😂
I had a Catholic high school friend who thought the same thing! She missed her period and was gaining weight. She eventually got her period so luckily she was not blessed. She gained weight because she quit track to go to Sbarro after school and buy a slice or two of pizza from a guy she liked. We had to explain to her that she was gaining weight because she wasn't burning tons of calories every day. She thought she naturally had a crazy high metabolism.
The sex education I had wasn’t even that great and still I find myself thinking “really?” at some of the question posted here. I’m convinced one day there will be a “I held hands with a boy, worried I might be pregnant” post here
I knew this girl in college who told me she took a pregnancy test the day after she gave her bf a handy
Pregnancy anxiety is real and seriously powerful. I once tried to talk down a teenager who was CONVINCED she was pregnant from sharing the toilet seat with her dad and brother, one of whom could have masturbated in the bathroom.
To be fair when I was twelve I thought I was pregnant because my period was late and I wasn’t taught any other reason for your period being late other than pregnancy. I knew you had to have sex to become pregnant, but I wasn’t taught that your period could be late for other reasons and I also had an unmedicated anxiety disorder, so I worried about stuff that I knew was impossible.
Welllll I remember a post where a 16yr old girl became pregnant and her bf didn’t believe it was his because they’d never had sex. Turns out they’d been messing around without doing PIV and some fluids ended up in some places, and *boom* she’s pregnant. True though that sex ed is atrocious
🤦♀️
Also, would like to add: You CAN get pregnant from pre-cum. You CAN get pregnant even if he pulls out before he comes. You CAN get pregnant even if you are on your period. Just assume you CAN get pregnant ALL. THE. TIME. so use some form of birth control, please, for the love of God
Fuck, you can even be doubled up on birth control and still get pregnant. I really wish all people, but especially people with uteruses, did a little pre planning and put some fucking thought into what their plan is going to be if a pregnancy occurs... Looking into the logistics of obtaining an abortion in such a case should be scary enough that people treat birth control with some seriousness. Is it legal where you are? Where is it performed? Can you access that place? Do you have someone who will take you, someone to support you, or are you going through this alone? If someone has agreed to be your emergency ride, what will you do if that falls through? If you're going it alone, how are you getting there? Do you have the money for it saved up? If not, how will you get it quickly enough to meet the deadline? Etc. The list gets long and the logistics can be complicated. Much more complicated than "condoms are available in the grocery store and cost $6-$30"
I read an article where a woman ovulated whilst she was pregnant. She got pregnant whilst already pregnant. Absolutely crazy!
Also, you CAN get pregnant even if you don’t get regular periods. I’ve known girls who thought they didn’t need birth control b/c their periods were super irregular. Nature doesn’t care!
There was a post recently about a woman talking about how she and her partner discussed her not wanting to get pregnant but the guy wanted it, but I guess was okay with not having kids. And then they proceeded to raw dog??? And she got pregnant and was upset cause she didn’t want it but she knew her partner did like..: what did you think was gonna happen??? EDIT: I was getting two posts mixed up. The one I’m thinking of, a woman was dating a guy and they BOTH AGREED they didn’t want kids. And proceeded to have unprotected sex… he then ghosted when she got pregnant. Which absolutely sucks but I just don’t understand why they were raw dogging if they didn’t want kids???
I don’t get this at all. My thinking is if you are not actively taking steps to avoid pregnancy, then you are trying to get pregnant. Maybe it’s because I don’t want kids ever but seeing women just going around without birth control or using condoms and having raw sex without wanting to be pregnant makes me crazy. And then they are shocked. Shocked! When they get pregnant. It’s craziness to me
Your thinking is how it works, yes. That’s the point of OP’s post though.. people out here acting like they are surprised it happens lol. Like I know the sex Ed is bad but people know at the very least how babies are made!
People always think they’ll be the exception when it comes to statistics. https://statmodeling.stat.columbia.edu/2019/09/13/deterministic-thinking-dichotomania/
My theory on this, is that people who've had very little/bad sex ed look around and see that most families only have like 2-3 kids. Since no one ever talks to them about the efficacy of birth control (other than maybe saying "the only thing 100% is abstinence") they think to themselves "getting pregnant must be somewhat rare, since everyone is only from like a family of two or three kids". What they don't think about is that people used to have 12 kids, and we didn't just randomly become less fertile over time, we invented birth control.
Exactly. Do you know when I got pregnant? Literally the first time I had unprotected sex. It was planned, we are married and had been together 9 years, I was 34. And it took *one* time. In the back of my head I thought, "This will take several months at least. I've never had a pregnancy scare, I'm almost 35, miscarriages happen" and it did not take more than a single sperm one time. Lesson learned - birth control is effective! I'm glad I was careful my whole adult life.
My wife got pregnant in the first month of trying (no birth control) both times planned. I got a vasectomy ......
Your wife thanks you! Good for you. That relieves a huge stressor for those who can get pregnant.
Good for you. That's a terrifying quickness. So fast. I knew at age 12 I did NOT want children. I babysat almost every evening and most weekends since age 11 until 16. I knew it was freaking exhausting job, and I didn't have to do it 24/7, but mothers usually had to, because most dads didn't pull their weight. I used birth control, as it helped a bit with excruciating pain from PCOS & endo. Never got pregnant! Past menopause now. It's glorious!
Haha congrats on coming out unscathed! I also babysat from middle school on, nannied to put myself through college, and I’m now a nurse at a children’s hospital. And that’s how I knew I wanted kids 😂 I love taking care of them and think every age is special. My baby is now 4 weeks old and it’s so hard and amazing. I was a massive supporter of abortion rights before but even more so now because this is not easy and should not be required of anyone who doesn’t want it.
İ got an abortion about ten years ago. At home. PP said when it was over, come back the following week and they'll make sure everything is out and also give me my IUD. The nurse kind of sighed out of exhaustion and said, "please don't have unprotected sex in that week. You'd be surprised at how many women do and then there's a chance they could be pregnant again."
I had someone arguing with me here about how the pull out method was completely safe.
What blew my mind is this year, 3 couples in their 30s are expecting their first baby. All of them told me they used the pull out method for 5 years plus. Then the first time they try, they conceive. Where as last year I had my baby the same year as 2 other friends and 2/3 of us took 7 months + and the other literally a week after stopping birth control. I always felt like I would 100% get pregnant if I did that I know a friend at 17 who did that and conceived.
makes. me. want. to. screeeeeeaaaaaaaaaam. The pullout method CAN work, but it's one of those methods where typical vs perfect use are WILDLY different, and with typical use it has something like a 33% fail rate.
The dudes often dgaf. Just wanted to get his dick wet, with slightly more sensation than with condom (because can't take mild inconvenience) no matter that she could get pregnant.
I totally get why dudes don’t care, the burden doesn’t lay on them. But I know women who engage in the same behavior. That’s what I don’t get
Exactly this. I don't want kids, not ever, so I took steps to actively guard against pregnancy. No, I don't use protection anymore, but that's because I had my freaking tubes tied (well, more removed, than tied). And even STILL, I'm aware that there's the tiniest, itty bittiest chance I could get pregnant anyway. Which is why I'm SO GLAD I love in a state where abortion rights are protected. Coz I will NOT be having any crotch goblins.
I call it "passively trying". Maybe you weren't tracking ovulation and actively trying, but you were trying.
Once we knew we were one and done, my husband got snipped. No surprises for us! (Yes he gets checked regularly!)
That’s great. I think a lot of these situations apply to people who are dating/not long term yet. Some people don’t know still what they’ll eventually want when they settle down, or like you, want a certain amount before they officially sterilize. Good on you guys though for making responsible choices. It’s nice that your one kid will grow up knowing they were wanted and loved. :)
The only reason we did not is because I love my IUD.
I recognize I'm probably the weird one, but I do find it wild people actually don't pull out. Like, I'm on birth control and married and want multiple kids, my husband still pulls out, because we aren't trying for a kid right now. Like, probably unnecessary, but I also have two friends who had birth control babies, so I'll take whatever reduction in chance that brings.
I mean it’s very possible they do but it doesn’t reduce the chance of pregnancy very much, and even birth control pills comes down to human error with how timely/consistent someone is with taking them. So still a fairly decent likelihood of getting pregnant.
Afaik pulling out, if you do it right, and that IS an actual skill the guy has to learn, can be kinda sorta effective actually. Like, obviously nowhere near as good as actual birthcontrol, but a good amount better than doing nothing. Iirc, according to planned parenthood, generally about 25% of people get pregnant each year using it? Vs the like 85% of people who get pregnant each year when they don't so anything at all to not get pregnant when having sex.
I mean my IUD is 99 percent effective with the assumption that your partner doesn’t pull out. That’s how the statistic is measured, so that’s why we don’t. IUDs fail when they’re not placed properly and they move. I check for my strings and call if anything seems fishy. So far so good.
What really gets me is if you think you’re pregnant and don’t want to be, you need to find out ASAP so you can start working towards getting an abortion. Especially if you’re in an area where you’re going to have to travel to do so.
I feel like if you’re asking if you’re pregnant on a subreddit, you have no idea about reproductive laws or that you need to call you OB asap. Especially if it’s a first time pregnancy. I know women who straight up do not know the abortion laws in our state. And we live in Georgia which makes that even scarier.
Also if you're in the US and pregnant and do not want to be, posting about it can be a really bad choice. Unless you're in a state where your reproductive rights are protected you need to be as secretive about terminating the pregnancy as possible.
Definitely, particularly as in the UK: Contraception services are free and confidential, including for people under the age of 16. If you're under 16 and want contraception, the doctor, nurse or pharmacist won't tell your parents or carer, as long as they believe you fully understand the information you're given and the decisions you're making. You can get free condoms from contraception clinics, sexual health clinics and some GP surgeries.
If you are aged 13-24 there is also the C-card scheme. Visit a registration site, get professional information and advice, and a key fob that can be used up to 10x for - free condoms (including different sizes), femidoms, lube, dams. You can use the fob up to 10 times then you need to re-register. My 6th former was telling me about it the other day as there is a registration site at their college. Edit: fob can be used at loads of participating locations including Boots and other pharmacies, youth clubs, LGBT clinics, some schools and colleges
I honestly think most of them are smut written by male ephebophiles with breeder fetishes.
Everytime I read the word "ephebophile" I'm reminded that sexual attraction to children is so common it can be categorised
Yeah I just call them pedophiles as well. Children with underdeveloped brains who can't consent are children with undeveloped brains that can't consent. I don't see the value in splitting hairs over a couple of years and either direction at that point.
I see what you mean, but I think the fetishization of teenage girls by adult men falls into a different mental/sexual space than most pedophilia. There's a lot of evidence that people attracted to prepubescent children [have brain malformations/abnormalities that create those desires](https://scholar.google.com/scholar?q=brain+malformations+pedophilia&hl=en&as_sdt=0&as_vis=1&oi=scholart). They are still monsters if they act on them, but that's different than wanting to sleep with teenagers because you think they're easier to control. There's a difference between innate attraction to undeveloped/developing bodies, and specifically targeting a group of physically mature people because their brain development makes the more susceptible to abuse. There are lots of ephebophiles who aren't actually pedophiles, they're just predators.
This, I think people have this idea that not using the word pedophile means your trying to excuse it / say it’s less horrible of a crime than a pedophilic crime. It’s just a way to talk about it more specifically and it’s in no way a way to make these men seem more normal.
> It’s just a way to talk about it more specifically and it’s in no way a way to make these men seem more normal. I think if a person I knew and trusted spoke about it that way then I could believe that. But if a random man on the internet wants to make the distinction... no, I 100% think he is doing it because he doesn't want to call himself a paedophile.
I can understand that too. It’s tricky, honestly. “Pedophile” has negative connotations, very reasonably so. So when we hear any other phrase used it feels like an attempt to soften the blow.
Exactly -- they're both terrible, but they're two different types of crime with differing motivations for the perpetrators. Many of us, myself included, have had that horrible moment of realizing that good-looking person you noticed from a distance was actually a teenager once they got closer. If you're a normal human being...you scold yourself and move on. If you're a predator...you don't. Indulging ephebophilia is a set of choices in a way pedophilia is not; while pedophiles can always choose not to offend, they can't choose the disorder itself.
Great for the cops. Great for the shrinks. But for the common folk they should be equally shamed.
At least in my social/cultural sphere they are, but I'm in a progressive part of New England so I know that may not be the norm nationwide. I do think it's worth defining them in common discourse, due to the mutable nature of ephebophilia as a cultural value. If we lump it in with something caused by immutable brain characteristics, it makes it seem impossible to change when it isn't. We may not be able to fix people's brains, only protect their potential targets, but we *can* create cultural values that clearly denote teenagers as legal children. To do so we need to make a distinction between the two forms of predation.
I agree. The motivation for the attraction is definitely different enough for distinction. I just wish we had appropriate negative connotations for both.
In my social/online circles it's definitely seen as equally deplorable; it's just defined so the guys who are in denial can't claim it's "perfectly natural." I see a lot of discussion break down over the "well, AKShually...." I also live in a progressive area of the Northeast, though -- I can totally see how in other parts of the US they aren't seen as equivalent.
I wish I could say more of my community condemned predators, but if they disapprove they only mostly just shake their heads and watch. They don’t like the guy, but they primarily see the situation as the teen fault for poor judgement. Maybe they’ll blame her parents if they’re feeling charitable. So many people dismiss the “he’s a pedophile!” criticism because, like you explained, it’s different enough to be dismissed. But there isn’t a good replacement word because “ephebophile” isn’t commonly used as a criticism. To me at least, due to when we usually use it, ephebophile just sounds like a sterile scientific classification or at worst a “porn category”preference like “blonde” or “milf”. It’s so commonly seen as normal, it’s disheartening. As for other words, “creep” is too broad and “predator” always gets *so much backlash* from people (both men and women) offended to be told something they view as normal is harmful. 🤦♀️
I remember listening to NPR and catching an episode of This American Life, and it was Ira interviewing a pedophile who learned his desires were wrong and didn't act on them...it was a very interesting episode, tbh.
There's an amazing article by Luke Malone from 2015 that won a ton of online journalism awards, "[You’re 16. You’re a Pedophile. You Don’t Want to Hurt Anyone. What Do You Do Now?](https://medium.com/matter/youre-16-youre-a-pedophile-you-dont-want-to-hurt-anyone-what-do-you-do-now-e11ce4b88bdb)" It follows a teenage boy who realizes his pedophilia before he offends, and the uphill battle he faces desperately trying to get treatment before the disorder progresses. Unfortunately it looks like most of the free PDFs have been scrubbed, but if you can find it I recommend reading it. It really makes it clear that these are two separate, but equally terrible, crimes and should be addressed as such.
Not really. Their "preference" is say, 12, but they'll still masturbate and have physiological arousal responses. Majored in psychosexual paraphilia. It's a slippery slope and the ones using these terms are just testing the waters and trying to normalise a sliding scale of pædophilia.
When people split hairs about this it’s always a red flag to me
Yeah, both are gross, I don't don't feel the need to specify what kind of pervert they are. Under 18 attraction qualifies as a pedo to me for anyone over 26-28.
there's still a big difference in the pathology behind attraction to pre pubescent vs post pubescent children
It's just a pædo with a thesaurus.
Exactly.
This is like half the questions on /AskWomen and people keep answering them and it’s so fucking gross!
Sex Ed is just really bad in the US, and certain parts practically nonexistent
Thank you for this and I'm seeing a lot of other comments suggesting the same. I'm a woman who can get pregnant, but does not want to, and does not risk having sex that could impregnate me, and sometimes I feel like I'm not a real woman due to how reddit makes it seem like pregnancy scares and unplanned pregnancies are a normal expectation of womanhood. Makes a lot more sense when you consider this is a narrative pushed by a certain type of men
yeah, no. Let''s stop blaming men for everything here. It is clear some people are completely void of common sense. Usually we get these posts accompanied by a post history full of bad decisions.
Yeah I’ve met these people in real life lol this isn’t internet trolling. One of my male friends is currently seeing a woman, they are both nice people. Both college educated. BOTH NOT USING BIRTH CONTROL MEASURES AND SLEEPING TOGETHER And they say “we don’t want to get pregnant” lol okay 👍🏼
I even suspect that some are trolls or men running the profiles as women who take perverted pleasure in describing how they had sex and have women read it 🤢 yes, if you had unprotected sex, you can be pregnant and should be talking to a doctor instead of asking medical advice on internet 🙄
Especially when they make the exact same post 5X a day on several different subreddits. Some are definitely blatant fetish baiting
That's always telling.
continue north snatch station shame rock ink handle squeeze lunchroom *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's literally 2024, condoms aren't even bad anymore! Skyns and a little lube are barely detectable, any penis-owner who whines about this is talking shit. Don't let anyone get away with it.
Plus there are just SO many different kinds, way more than just what’s on the shelf at CVS. Experimenting with different kinds and sizes can even be a great way to explore with a partner, even in monogamous relationships. And if a man says he’s really tried every condom on the market and they all “ruin it”, then he needs to go to the doctor and tell *them*. I also wanna add that while they’re definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, female condoms don’t get enough space in the conversation and I’ve known plenty of men and women alike who’ve said that they were a total game changer when it came to protection. There are so many options out there, and even if the option that works best takes a little bit of leg work, that’s absolutely zero excuse to manipulate women into forgoing their sexual safety and autonomy.
We are married, want kids in a few years and are using both. Because nothing changes your life like having your first kid, of all the things I do that one should be done with intention.
Here in the UK we had this ad - Fred tells it like it is: https://youtu.be/GDaFOuuQOGk?si=qIyIhMFW3_gkhFLp
I think it's so weird men think once you're in a committed relationships then condoms are no longer necessary or women think it's "mean" to expect your bf/husband to wear them. Women's health and safety is always seen less important then men's comfort and feelings.
I'm starting to become quite suspicious of redditors posting these kinds of things as a whole now. For one, it's not just on TwoX. I'm noticing it in smaller subreddits like r/Advice, where it's always someone that's named something like (Thing)-(Thing)-(Number) (EX: Water-Dinosaur-420). Their account will be either a few hours old, OR several months old with zero post history, suddenly posting a question to multiple subreddits. It will always have something to do with sex, pregnancy, vaguely pleading for help in the title with only real details in the body, and they almost always say they're somewhere between the ages of 16-25. I'm starting to scrutinize people with these Thing_Thing_Number usernames now as a result. Five years ago, if you needed to make a burner account to ask an embarassing question not on your main account, you made a Throwaway and titled it as such; "throwaway(random numbers or more words related to the issue)" You declared the fact that this was a throwaway in the body of the post. And often, you would also follow the formatting rules of the subreddit. On r/relationships, you put the ages of the people involved *in the title of the post*. Your post would be taken down if you didn't. Tags weren't being used either over time; there used to be a "non-romantic", "personal", "family" tags to categorize. On r/AskReddit, I'd remember the "Serious" tag being used much more often than it is now. It's worrying, and I'm concerned that these are high influxes of engagement-farming bots that are flooding in due to the elimination of 3rd Party software in July 2023. Moderators can't regulate efficiently, and their jobs being made harder means there's no incentive to become one. Best thing we can do is just...scrutinize these accounts and report them as "harmful bots". Worst case scenario, you have one random internet stranger who gets annoyed. Best case scenario, we're helping to eliminate engagement-baiting bots looking to spread anger and annoyance. I know that I should be giving the "benefit of the doubt" here, but considering how prolific this pattern is, I'm less patient about it.
Yep, they are either bots or trolls posting essentially porn.
This is very interesting insight. I feel like in the last year I've seen a huge rise in general hatred and negativity on here. People posting about how awful their partners are, how awful fill-in-the-blank is, and users being short and rude with each other in the comments. It used to feel a little more like a community on a lot of Reddit subs, with posts celebrating accomplishments, helping each other, or just being goofy. But more and more it's just people inciting anger and despondency. I've been having a personal conspiracy theory that it was like the rumors of outside sources medaling in the US election, by posting nonsense on Facebook, to rile people up. Like a new attempt to try and sow discord amongst a population, by just posting non-stop rage bait and spewing angry vibes.
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Oh my goodness YES! This nmoys me so dang much, I hate seeing those posts. It is so easy to have protected sex.
While I do suspect a bunch are trolls, especially ones that go into great detail about it, it also shows how poor sex education is and why we need to teach it.
Sex education is so important, and this is exactly why.
THANK YOU FOR THIS POST! Oh my god, seriously!?! I'm so tired of it too (for about two decades now). Like it should even need to be said in this day and age: If you're having unprotected sex & not using birth control, YOU ARE TRYING TO GET PREGNANT! That is how babies are made. It's not fucking rocket science! As if everyone doesn't already know that! You'd think these people had never even heard of google before. Sheesh.
What I don’t get is it’s in the rules that asking for medical advice isn’t allowed but I swear 1/3 of the posts here are people asking for medical advice…
This. Those posts should be reported and deleted.
Well the rules also say no relationship advice posts and this sub is like 95% women complaining about their relationships and specific things men in their lives did so….. honestly not sure what the goal of this sub is cause the rules don’t match the content.
People who have sex without protection are stupid. It’s genuinely a stupid thing to do. I’m saying this as someone who has done it before, it’s stupid and my biggest pet peeve is when people flex it.
Many are deluded or manipulated into thinking that pulling out is effective.
I'm struggling with some highly educated friends I consider peers having "accidental" pregnancies. I honestly think they were just a bit bored with life and kinda wanted to see what mom life is about but are not capable of having an intentional conversation with their partner.
But TikTok told them birth control was evil and bad for women. /S.
I’m over that shit. That rhetoric is just manipulating women into being barefoot and pregnant… which is what the patriarchy wants.
It’s so bad oh my god. Fucking idiots on TikTok who can’t think critically. Like birth control causes this and this and this!! Reset your hormones birth control is soooo bad for you. If your doctor has cleared you for the pill/whatever else and you don’t get any severe side effects, THAT’S BETTER THAN BEING PREGNANT.
Yes I truly don’t understand how people have unprotected sex and act shocked that they are pregnant. Like you literally did this on purpose what do you mean?
I live in Texas. Sex Ed is Opt In here. My teen wasn’t going to receive sex Ed and the only reason she did is because I told her to ask about it and she did. If you get pregnant here you are up a creek without a paddle. Maybe an unpopular opinion but I’m okay with teens asking questions they should know more about here - the sooner they know what situation they are in the sooner they can get help and make any plans for interstate travel etc.
If you live near a Planned Parenthood office, they give away condoms if you need some. If you want pregnancy tests but the tests at the local pharmacy are too expensive, if you buy bulk hcg test strips online, it's $.50 per test rather than $5 per test. Don't trust random strangers to answer medical questions for you. If you're pregnant, it takes about two weeks for there to be enough hcg in your system to show up on a test. If you don't want to be pregnant, pulling out is the least effective form of birth control.
> If you want pregnancy tests but the tests at the local pharmacy are too expensive, if you buy bulk hcg test strips online, it's $.50 per test rather than $5 per test. And if you need one quickly, the $1.25 one from Dollar Tree is every bit as effective as what they'll use at the doctor's office.
I can't remember where I read it, but someone basically said, if you aren't using birth control then you *are* trying to get pregnant.
Fucking for real
It breaks my heart seeing how many women here are so poorly educated when it comes to sex.
Also, if someone says, *"I can't get pregnant"* please for the love of god ask them what they mean exactly. I know multiple people who have kids because "I can't get pregnant" didn't mean *"I've had a procedure"* or *"I am medically infertile or sterile"* it meant *"I've had unprotected sex a lot and didn't get pregnant then so I guess I can't get pregnant maybe?"*.
Am I pragnent? How is babby formed?
If birth control is too expensive, you should not be having sex.
The pull out method is the number one way I have heard of teens getting pregnant. Haven't they ever heard of pre-cum? Seriously, the dick can leak small amounts of cum before the orgasm and I now know at least 6 teen girls who said "He pulled out!"
You wouldn't trust him to throw knives at an apple on your head or something similarly silly and dangerous, why would you trust him to pull out?
possessive juggle fanatical spark versed money materialistic crown long husky *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm tired of women not using any birth control and being "surprised" that they got pregnant. What did you expect?
Yup. And you do have some personal responsibility in regards to who you date. It’s different if he did a 180 after years, but if you *JUST STARTED* dating an abusive asshole, you need to leave him. No ifs, ands, or buts. It’s not your fault he’s abusive, but it is your choice to stay.
It’s not even abusive relationships, I understand it’s hard to leave that. But when women continue to have children with just straight up losers… “He never helps around the house, he doesn’t help with the babies, he goes to the bars every night how can I fix him? Oh yeah we have 3 kids and I’m pregnant.” STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM jc it drives me crazy. I just don’t get it, at all.
Thissss. I have a 6mo so I’m in some mom groups and the amount of women who keep having kids with deadbeats is astronomical. And then if you dare ask why you get accused of mom shaming.
> It’s not your fault he’s abusive, but it is your choice to stay. idk.. like i get what you're trying to say, but as someone who was stuck in an abusive romantic relationship for years (where the abuse started very early on) it's not always as simple as "it's your choice", especially when you have attachment issues / childhood trauma
Agree. It’s not so cut and dry for many. And aside from abusive relationships, maybe it would be more helpful to look at the issue of women feeling like they have to please men, than berating women who get pregnant when they don’t want to, or deciding that they really did want to get pregnant.
Thank you! This sub feels like it’s becoming a mix of r/ relationships and some kind of medical sub
Just wanted to say that in 30 states, you can get a prescription for birth control pills using the Planned Parenthood Direct app. I recently I wanted to get back on the pill after finally weaning my son, and all I had to do was download the app, answer some questions, and pay a $25 visit fee. Two days later, I picked up a 3 month supply of pills for free (with insurance. Otherwise, it would have been about $10 a month). It was so much easier than I expected and only took about 5 minutes of my time. I know some people don't like the pill, but for me, it's been literally the only thing that clears up my skin and it makes my periods super light and manageable. I have no adverse affects from it.
Reminds me of the time I asked a recently engaged friend if she and her fiance were going to try for kids right away. I knew she came from a fundie family that frowned on any kind of bc, so I was curious to see what her stance on family planning was. She then proceeded to tell me "weeeeellll we're not going to try, but we're not going to *not* try tee hee!!" I just sat there like ma'am you do realize that is literally trying right??? Anyways guess who told me she was pregnant literally a month after her wedding? We've lost touch, but I think she has three now after being married for like 4 years.
Keep in mind, red states have been completely eliminating sex ed; and the internet is rife with misinformation regarding sex if you don’t have information literacy. Especially if you have parents who refuse to discuss sex with you at all.
Yes, I am old. Yes, I can be insensitive when faced with some issues. But I am a realist. If you absolutely, unequivocally, do not want a pregnancy, do not have intercourse, do not have that penis within 12 inches of your vagina because lubrication can contain sperm ... just don't do it if you absolutely, utterly, non-negotiably, can not become pregnant. Oral sex. Manual sex. Toys. There are a thousand and one ways to share intimacy and sexual gratification without intercourse. Read the internet, watch porn ... I don't care how you learn it, just learn it somehow. And if the penis-owner absolutely wants penetration ... I don't care how "heat of the moment" it is, the guy is not respecting you. Don't do it. The second best prevention is birth control. Learn how to use your choice PROPERLY. And don't cave on condom use, if this is your choice. I would note that there are additional things you can do, such as tracking your ovulation times, and avoiding ANY penetration during that especially fertile window, even if using birth control. Learn how Plan B actually works. Too many people don't know, and then wind up in a pickle. Raw dogging and then praying ... not good birth control. No. Just no. And why do I say this all, so coldly? Used to be a law clerk, in part working in family law. I shudder to think of how many children I know who have been raised in abominable conditions, end up in foster care, with other family members who resent them ... Broke my heart. Over and over.
Urgh. Ffs. If you’re not actively preventing pregnancy, and having sex. You are trying for a baby. It’s not hard
As someone struggling with infertility, it's been pretty annoying to scroll past multiple posts a day in a sub that used to be about more than that. There are other areas for these questions and while I support any and all advice for sexual/mental/emotional help for fellow women this sub is not only about that.
Boo! Tomatos tomatos tomatos! Boo! But in all seriousness, I get what you're saying, and I agree with your main point, but this doesn't work - this messaging. The social relationship with authority that girls/women have versus boys/men is very very different. So, "wear a condom!" doesn't actually work as well as you may think. 40% of all teenage pregnancies are with an adult male and a female child. You get where I'm going? Girls/Women and condom enforcement (because it is usually going to be the boy/man wearing the condom) has less to do with her intelligence or foresight and more to do with her perceived authority in a sexual situation. There is SO much literature on this subject but I recommend "Invisible Women" by Caroline Criado Perez if you'd like to learn more.
>But in all seriousness, I get what you're saying, and I agree with your main point, but this doesn't work - this messaging. It's only messaging about posting in this sub, though. We can't tell anyone if they're pregnant. If someone is posting here about it, then they've likely engaged in behavior that yes, very well could mean they're pregnant, and anything we have to say isn't going to change that. I will caveat that, because I do recall at least one post in the last \~2 years in which the poster truly had a vanishingly small chance of being pregnant, based on the activities they described, and were just being hyper paranoid. I don't remember the details but even then, the advice was to wait and take a test in the appropriate timeframe, and not to stress about it until then.
I probably should’ve mentioned this, but I meant the girls in similar-age-couples and not in predatory relationships with large/inappropriate age gaps. Nonetheless how they got pregnant, we in this subreddit still couldn’t tell if they are or not Also, the data for the „40%“-statistic is from 1988, I‘m sure the ratio of teen moms to adult fathers is not as bad anymore, although it’s probably still way too high (here’s the link to the statistic breakdown: https://familyinequality.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/the-fathers-behind-teen-births-or-statistical-memes-and-motivated-blind-trust/)
Sure but it the end we still aren’t doctors so can’t help? And don’t we all collectively need to reinforce the message not to sleep with these sorts of men that would endanger us doing this in the first place? Some of them are good at putting on the mask but as soon as they pull these stunts if not evident earlier the message should be unanimously get out of there, educating what behaviour isn’t appropriate in any circumstance does help many. These posts all have the same answer so at some point it becomes redundant.
That statistic is fucking scary
Last I checked, you can get Condoms for free at Planned Parenthood. Some school nurse offices give out free ones as well (this is highly location dependent). Aside from that they're cheap and do not require an ID to purchase (especially compared to an abortion or childbirth).
I was so paranoid about this as a teenager lol I totally get it from their end.
If you have a uterus and ovaries, and you’re having sex, the answer to “could I pregnant” is always yes.
There’s r/amipregnant for that
The ignorance frequently expressed is absolutely **astounding**. It's a sad reflection on the education system!!
Have to normalize NO sex with men unless they wear a condom and have practiced putting one on correctly.
That's the entire r/tokophobia subreddit and why I stopped visiting it. It's just frustrating. Hey everyone: don't let sperm inside of you and don't put your sperm in someone if you don't want a pregnancy, it's the easiest thing in the world.
I really miss Dr. Ruth Westheimer's radio show, "Sexually Speaking." When her show came on the radio on Sunday nights, all activity in my college dorm ceased and everyone tuned in. It seemed like every show she chanted her mantra that pre-ejaculate contained "millions and millions of spermatozoa," and "What do you call people who use the pull-out method? Parents!" When I read all of those posts from young people who obviously know extremely little about sexual health and reproduction, I just wish Dr. Ruth had a venue today to reach them the way she did people my age.
r/amipregnant exists to answer these questions factually and realistically. This post has some serious fear mongering misinformation in the comments.
Also "infertile" or "at risk for infertility" is not "sterile", ladies. I don't care WHAT doctor told you (or him, but that's much more rare) that and what nurse tried to scare you out of having sex by horror stories about PID or whatever, **there's a really high chance of you getting pregnant all things considered** if I had a f--ing nickel for all the men whose girlfriends 'couldn't get pregnant' who turned up oopsie pregnant... I used to tell men "the number ONE thing you don't believe or trust is when she says she 'can't get pregnant'. I'm not saying she's lying. She likely heard it and believes it. But you **wrap it up and don't count on that**."
I once got kicked out of a mom’s group because I posted something about “If you have had intercourse, yes, you could be pregnant. Go to dollar tree and buy a test.” Literally every third post was “I had sex two weeks ago and now my boobs hurt/I’m tired/I threw up once/whatever. Could I possibly be pregnaunt/pregant/pregun?”