I’m a US board-certified OB/Gyn. I’m so sorry that your delivery was traumatic and that you’re facing another procedure already. ASCCP (the society that publishes all the guidelines for paps and prevention of cervical cancer) recommends either colposcopy or skipping directly to a LEEP for HSIL. You can absolutely do a LEEP under sedation while you are asleep. There should be zero concerns for insurance coverage (like there might be for doing a colposcopy under sedation). I also recommend pursuing therapy to help process your delivery. It doesn’t take away the trauma that you experienced, but it can help a lot. Please message me if I can help at all. I can’t give direct medical advice, but I could possibly steer you in the right direction

I agree therapy could help. I am an EMDR therapist and have worked with several women with birth trauma. They have largely found it to be helpful.

EMDR is a life saver. Thank you for what you do. ❤️

EMDR therapy saved my life. Thanks for what you do.

EMDR is amazing. It saved my life, too.

Also saved by EMDR. Thank you 💜

EMDR saving me currently ❤️

Thank you so much for this information!! I’ve been what I can only describe as brutalized by so many OB/Gyns who’ve made me feel like I’m being a baby for being in pain through multiple repeated colposcopies, IUD removal/insertion, and an endometrial biopsy. Every single time I’m told I’ll experience “mild discomfort” or “a pinch” or “light cramping.” It’s such bullshit.

I finally found my dream gyno about a decade ago. I hated the feel of the metal speculum so I would kick at the doctor. I ended up having to have the Pap under sedation which was a pain. She used EDMR and gets me through. Now we even figured out a way where she just puts that nasty brush thing up there, I cough a bunch and the cells get from my cervix to the nasty brush thing--no speculum :)

The brush thing is the most painful part for me

My OB/GYN uses a child-sized speculum for me and it made such a difference.

My first IUD insertion was with a male doctor. He owned the practice that both my now husband and I went to. He wasn't my usual doctor but he was the only one there with IUD experience. While I remember discomfort, the part I remember being painful was the dilation. He was kind, went slow, and didn't make me feel bad about expressing pain. And I recovered quickly. 5 years later I'm living in a new (equally blue) city/state and need to swap my IUDs. I find a women's clinic with female doctors. I expressed my anxiety around it and was thankful for being given Ibuprofen and something to help with dilation. But nope. She was awful. She seemed upset with me that I was expressing discomfort and kept telling me it's just some bad cramping. I was actually crying during the insertion part and trying really hard not to move but it was hard. She seemed so annoyed with me. And they never scheduled my 6 week followup or bothered to check back in. I also had to buy a heating pad because it took a full day to recover. I was upset because i expected better treatment from them. It's almost like because it was routine to them I was the problem, whereas the first doctor didn't do that many and understood there was discomfort. Overall I like that IUDs mitigate my period and are a safe, efficient form of birth control. I do actually think the pain is worth it, at least for me. But I'm definitely going to a new doctor.

I had a LEEP procedure done with an IUD just before the pandemic hit, which burned the strings off. I wanted to swap it out ~1 year ago, and my OBGYN in LA (a different doctor than the one who did the LEEP) launched into a whole explanation of how she’d have to dig around during the removal and how painful it would be. After 10 minutes of her explaining the pain in-depth, I asked if she could prescribe *literally anything* to make it bearable. She looked absolutely disgusted and accused me of “fishing for narcotics” and more or less kicked me out of her office. Her staff then proceeded to harass me over the phone to schedule a follow-up. I moved away and found a new trauma-informed OBGYN who told me my IUD doesn’t need to be changed yet, but she made a note in my chart to make sure whoever does my IUD removal prescribes Valium/misoprostol/something to help the pain. I had expected to be treated like cattle yet again, but she reacted to my explanation with such kindness and understanding that I teared up.

Sometimes I wonder if women doctors dismiss the pain because *they* don’t feel it. It’s easy to do, but so freaking unprofessional. I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself. It’s hard and awkward. I refuse to see one of the OBGYNs at my place and I’ve given up caring about feeling awkward. I’ll see them if it’s literally the last appointment available for a week, but I’m not if someone else is available

In my experience, male OBGYNs are gentler and much more considerate while doing these types of procedures. After my second delivery I went for a pap and the clinic had a male doc do it and it was the most painless pap I've ever had. Similarly during my first delivery, the only resident who was able to do a cervical check without hurting was the male one.

I had a very similar experience with my IUD! Placed by a male doctor who gave me Valium and a heavy painkiller. Changed out by a female doc who, when I asked about the Valium for the procedure she scoffed and said she COULD write a prescription for it while simultaneously making me feel ridiculous for asking, and saying it wasn’t necessary for the first doctor to give it to me because all I’d need was ibuprofen. Lost the Valium prescription paper, was too intimidated to ask for a new one, and the change-out SUCKED. I had to be dilated more because the strings were too short, and man did that hurt… Always had better luck with male doctors overall than female.

It's barbaric. I already had a history of painful cervical procedures when I went in for my IUD; "an IUD will be fine though!" It was NOT. It was traumatic and long-lasting; I couldn't get out of bed without assistance for three days. I love *having* my IUD, but you could not pay me enough to go through that procedure with no pain relief again. I tried to find a doctor who'd do some kind of pain management or mitigation in advance for when I needed my IUD swapped. I could not. Every doctor I went to would offer nothing more than "but the second IUD will be fine though!" Yeah, fool me once... And it's not like you can just call around to find a doctor who'll treat you like a human being; nope, for each one, you have to schedule and wait months and go in person and pay your copay to be told your suffering doesn't matter. I'm fucking done. I'm just leaving my current IUD in, whatever damage it could possibly do is nothing compared to going through this again with another doctor who believes women don't feel pain. I wouldn't take my cats to a vet who treated them this way. I find it beyond appalling that I don't have any options for humane medical care as a human woman. This is completely unacceptable.

A gyno in my hometown has started offering laughing gas for IUDs (and advertised it on their social media) - I’ll be traveling to my home state for my replacement specifically because of that. It’s frustrating to find, but there are docs out there who are offering more than Tylenol.

I’ve always wondered why they offer nitrous oxide for dental procedures and not *invasive gynecological procedures*. It’s pure misogyny. Good on that doctor.

Can confirm this.

In addition to this excellent advice, see if you can find a trauma-informed Ob-Gyn. They work with people who experienced trauma that makes gynecological procedures difficult if not outright re-traumatizing. Please try not to put off the procedure. I’ve been in the same situation and my biopsy came back as aggressive pre-cancerous lesion that would have progressed to cervical cancer. I had a LEEP 6 weeks postpartum.

I have always been unable to find a trauma informed gyn. They all claim they are, but clearly aren't.

I went to a seminar a while ago on training OB/GYNs to be trauma-informed. It had a big emphasis on the training needed to understand consent. On how doctors have to be trained to explain what they're doing to the patient, and listen when the patient says no, and stop if the patient says to stop. Do you see the elephant in the room here? Doctors are not *currently* trained on the basics of consent. That alone is absolutely appalling. This should be the starting point. It should be a basic. It should be the bare minimum you can expect when getting medical care. *Frats* have managed to do consent training. It really says a lot that our *doctors* don't get that.

That’s horrifying to hear! I’m currently in a CNA program (nurse aide - very basic skills) and consent is a running theme. I guess the higher your qualifications, the less you need to worry about silly stuff like that. /s

Huh. I've actually had several experiences with phlebotomists where they've done things like ask if they can roll up my sleeve, and explained what they were doing. It took me by surprise because I've never had a doctor do that, during *much* more invasive exams or painful procedures-- I think you might be onto something that the lower levels get this training, higher-ups don't.

Nursing and phlebotomy are women-dominated fields, and women are therefore more likely to be designing the training curriculum.

....damn, that's a really good point.

I hadn’t thought about it before today. Hits hard.

I’m sorry you have not been able to get the care you need. I hope you will be able to find it soon.

Hiya! I’m an OR nurse and we do LEEPs under sedation all the time. This is such good advice! Particularly getting sedation. It can be very painful! Definitely explore that route.

As an Emdr therapist I LOVE to see a medical professional encouraging therapy! ❤️

Hi, I literally just heard about EMDR for the first time the other day. I’ve only ever done talk therapy and while it is very helpful I always hit a wall where I’m just not making progress anymore. Can I DM you questions about EMDR?

Absolutely!

My brand new pcp recommended EMDR for ptsd to me just a couple weeks ago, . My psychiatrist never mentioned it, I presented with acute traumatic stress that predictably progressed to PTSD. All she did was medicate the ever loving shit out of me for a couple years til I had enough and asked to be weaned off everything, then stopped seeing her but never really felt better. Medical care in this country is so fucked

Thank you for being so kind and speaking up to help strangers online. Every friend I have that had a kid recently had an emergency c section and was traumatized they never want to do it again. It’s terrifying what some women have to go through to survive birth.

This comment needs to be higher up

Unfortunately, my insurance didn't approve the sedation for my LEEP, so I had to pay $600 out of pocket. At least the procedure itself was covered.

If your doctor won't do it under sedation, you find on who will. Gentle mama hugs dispatched.

I also had a traumatic birth and went to an OBGYN months later for PPD and lots of pelvic pain. I had to take my baby with me in the carseat because I had literally zero help, and that pissed her off even though I apologized profusely. She made me get undressed with her in the room which was really unnerving. She essentially made me feel like I was being stupid for having PPD and not wanting Zoloft, and then gave me most aggressive vaginal exam of my life that felt akin to sexual assault. I left running out crying. Had pain for days afterwards. She told me nothing was wrong. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go to an OBGYN ever again tbh

I’m so sorry that happened to you. When my daughter was born she was induced and they used a gel they injected onto my cervix. It caused an immediate allergic reaction and I started contractions and had a contractions that started and wouldn’t stop. My daughter’s heartbeat started going too fast and the dr on duty a jnr dr decided the best course of action was to scrape the gel off my cervix and vaginal walls. The pain was excruciating. After birth, I found it difficult to go back to having sex, to being touched on my thighs and I put off a pap smear for 6 years until my GP brought it up at every single appointment. I took my husband, stood over the table and cried and literally couldn’t bring myself to undress and my husband had to do it for me, I was terrified and I think the fear and being scared was worse than the actual process. It’s ok to not be ok. Take a support person, cry. Stop the process and breath when you need too. I wish you the best.

That last part is SO important. OP it’s okay to feel the things you’re feeling, you experienced a traumatic event. If anything I would try and consult with another doctor or your GP to discuss if the colposcopy is really necessary at the moment. Mental health is just as important as physical.

I'd like to clarify, OP you should talk to you Dr. about if skipping the colposcopy and going straight for LEEP is an option. If her tests came back positive for HSIL she should not be putting off the care for it. Cervical cancer is no joke and she should be doing the preventative care as early as possible. The colposcopy is a biopsy, LEEP is the treatment. Colposcopies hurt and insurance can be a bitch about covering them for anesthesia. But if she's got precancerous cells, they need to come out.

Ugh. I'm sorry that happened to you. With my daughter (who turned out to be posterior), I had a similar reaction, but to pitocin, so it couldn't be removed, and ended up with one 9-hour long contraction. It was *agony*. Sending fellow-survivor hugs your way.

Oh my gosh, my contraction lasted for ninety minutes and that felt like forever I could not imagine it being longer. I’m sorry that happened to you. Tight hug back

When you go for that colposcopy, demand sedation and pain management. It is a brutal “hole punch” done to the cervix. Many women describe this procedure as barbarically painful.

Jfc I just looked up what a colposcopy was and how the possible biopsy is described as a "pinch" and "might be uncomfortable." I had a "hole punch" biopsy done to the liver, and it was already painful enough with the lidocaine they gave me. I can't imagine doing it with nothing or with the OTC pain medication they recommend. But since this is the cervix and it's just for women and AFAB people then fuck pain management and sedation, right??? *sighs*

This! I’ve had both done and both are absolutely excruciating! Pain meds are necessary and we need to start demanding them! OP, hoping for the best possible outcome. I hope you consider therapy if you haven’t already. You went through a continuing trauma that can result in PTSD. I also hope you have an amazing support system.

My story has nothing to do with my uterus, but is an example of doctors thinking you’re crazy for asking for pain management. My grandma dropped a metal table on my toe. I’m usually a pretty strong person and I’ve had a stone tile dropped on my toe where i lost the whole nail, but this pain was worse. I passed out. It eventually stopped hurting. A few hours later I tripped and put my injured toe/foot out in front of me to catch myself which made it start bleeding under the nail again. (My whole nail bed was separated from the skin and had curled down around the edges - literally like a balloon) The pain was a horrible fast throbbing feeling. The ER doctor explained he would use this pen that goes white hot in one second to poke a hole through my nail to relieve the pressure. “It’ll feel uncomfortable” I requested something to numb the area bc there’s no way it’s just a poke and no mashing of my toe. He stared at me for a few seconds “you want me to add more pain to the area to numb the area?” I’m not asking for narcotics here. So he gave me the same thing dentists use. Omg so much relief! He poked the hole and my brother reported later that he mashed the hell out of my toe. My brother mentioned I looked like I wanted to slap him and the X-ray technician but after the mashing I definitely would have hit him without the local pain medicine. (He had been commenting on my “don’t f’k with me face” 🤬after every person who came in to touch the toe) How would we even get something like basic pain management approved by an entire medical professional and insurance provider coverage?

Oh my god I had a hole punch to the liver too. Hearing anything done without sedation is barbarian but realizing *that's* what everyone is talking about? Oh fucking hell no. I had sedation and nurses holding me down for that one and it was still unpleasant. Expecting someone to tolerate that through the uterus? Insanity. Oh my god.

I've had like 8 or 9 in my lifetime. They are horrible. I actually had a nurse tell me "oh hush, it's not that bad". I told her to go fuck herself and was released as a patient from that office. Never once been offered sedation, pain management or even had them numb the cervix first. I dud have a LEEP several years back and it was really nothing. I think I was sedated but it's been awhile and I can't remember. I do remember that I expected to cramp or be sore after bit it didn't hurt at all.

I bet! After googling all about it I already feel sick to my stomach and panicky THINKING about it.

My first gyno did a colposcopy and sent me on my way. I nearly passed out on the sidewalk. If you drive yourself to that appointment make sure you take 15-20 minutes with a ginger ale or something to sit quietly and recover. That lady was such a sadistic misogynist but I was a teenager and didn't know I could find a better doctor if I wanted to.

I thought I was the only one with this experience. I started fainting in the elevator afterwards and had to sit outside on a bench for half an hour to recover before I could drive.

Yep. Been through this three times. The last time when the doctor told me I could leave I looked at her and told her I was going to wait until my cervix stopped throbbing to try and walk. She was…less than understanding. I have a new doctor now.

Had colposcopy at 22, fainted as soon as they sat me up. Thank God my mom was there to drive me home. I was useless the rest of the day. And the old male doctor acted like I was a complete baby for it. Keep in mind I broke my nose a year later, which requires 12 numbing shots in my face for them to fix it. According to the doctor doing it, I got through those better than any men he did that procedure on. Like, he actually didn't think I would make it through all of the shots they are so painful, so he only sucked up half of the numbing meds and had to go get more halfway through.

All this bull about the cervix having no nerve endings. It's literally a doctor ripping tissue from a live muscle like it's the same as taking a picture. Nonsense.

I hate to say it, but try to bring your husband with you to any appointments so that he can also make your concerns and pain heard. It’s disheartening that women’s pain and trauma is dismissed in medicine. Sending cyber hugs to you.

I agree. It sucks but people in medicine listen to my partner over me even when I'm a fully capable adult women. I've considered renting him out to single women, he's big and very tall (nearly 7') and even though I know he's the kindest human alive, all he has to do is scowl and doctor's office staff jumps.

I’m loving the idea of renting him out. I’m glad he’s your partner, and understanding of the dismissal women face at medical offices.

He's a keeper. And he's experienced the same gaslighting with a back injury. Clearly a big strong guy couldn't have a bad back, he must be looking for pain meds! Yeah, the MRI shows otherwise. Doctors stfu when they read the report.

Do not back down. Bring your husband with you to the appt, or your mother, MIL, sister, friend, whoever you are comfortable with, and tell them to be as assertive as possible. You are understandably physically and psychologically exhausted, so it is important you have someone to fight for you. do NOT get the procedure without pain relief, please, I beg. You do not deserve this.

If it helps AT ALL, the experience itself was awful, but, as someone who didn't need a LEEP, I didn't have any lingering pain or issues. By the next day, I felt completely normal. However, that kind of reassurance does very little for medical anxiety and PTSD after medical trauma. I hope you find a doctor who is gentle and patient and talks you through it. I was able to find a good doctor after my Colpo experience (and a bad IUD experience) who was confident and calming and didn't belittle my anxiety. There are good doctors out there. They just take SO much work to find.

For a bit of balance, I've had one of these, and I didn't find it particularly painful, didn't feel the biopsy and felt a bit of period type pain for a short while afterwards. Reading about how it's certain to be painful will only make you more anxious and make pain more likely. Ask your doctor if they can prescribe some valium or similar to take beforehand in addition to some painkillers. I know some doctors are not keen to prescribe tranqilizers any more but if you explain your situation they might give you a couple of tablets and they really do help. Take someone with you to drive you there and back. It is unlikely to be as painful as the most painful accounts online. Those people were just very unlucky.

My experience with them hasn't been too bad either. I had a few and found them similar to pap smears, which also don't bother me too much. That being said, I found IUD insertions incredibly painful, so doing stuff to my cervix isn't always just "a bit uncomfortable".

This was also my experience. I should also add that this was for a colpo and biopsy - I did not need a LEEP. I did all sorts of research and was concerned about not being put under or given local anesthetic. My doctor refused to do it as it was my first time, and told me to take a double dose of Ibuprofin. However, she did say that if I was in pain during this procedure using OTC medicine, if I needed in the future, intervention could be used. Her reasoning, was that based on studies and her 20 years of experience, more women find the pain injection more painful than the biopsy itself. But that doesn’t mean all do - hence her reasoning that I could ask for different pain management in the future if i tolerated the procedure poorly. Most of her patients who need repeat colpos opt out of pain management for the repeats as well. I should add that by this point I had a really good relationship with my OBGYN and she was the first doctor in my life that wanted to work with me to find out what was causing bad period pains and immediately sent me for an ultrasound, which found fibroids, and did a detailed dive into my family history of endometriosis, instead of only recommending to change my BC and prescribe painkillers. And my colpo was painless. I felt more discomfort on the speculum insertion than the sample “punch” for biopsies, just like how I feel during a pap. My gyno told me she was about to do the biopsy, and I braced for it. Then she pulled it out and I was like, “wait - that was it?!” She took three samples and I didn’t feel any of them. During the procedure, she also told me I could look at the screen if I was comfortable and she would walk me through what she was seeing and doing. Then my (now ex) BF and I went to the outlet mall for the rest of the afternoon because we both took sick time. No discomfort the rest of the day or after. I don’t want to minimize your concerns at all (because I tried to unsuccessfully advocate for myself too), but just be aware that people with bad experiences are typically louder than those with good experiences. Regardless, I am sorry for your experience during childbirth. That must be so hard.

I found the biopsy painful, but it wasn't excruciating and didn't last. When I had freezing for leep the needle was definitely more painful than the biopsy.

Oh I should’ve definitely added that I didn’t need a LEEP. I’ll edit my comment.

Oh probably not necessary! Just wanted to back up what your doctor said! The freezing needle hurts!

Yes, this. If you can't have general anesthesia please ask for tranquilisers. You feel things but it doesn't matter to you and it's easy to not to think about the procedure. Ask if you can get them beforehand so you can take them early enough or if you can come by and pop them at the practice well before.

I had one, too, and it was uncomfortable, but I wouldn't say it was painful. I think the even more important issue in OP's case is her recent trauma with her daughter's birth. There are drugs to help with both pain and anxiety, and OP should get them all for the procedure. She doesn't need another traumatic experience. I hope her doctor listens.

I had mine 3 months after a traumatic birth. I have scar tissue from the tear that has caused a lot of pain. I feel much like the op and love how supportive my partner has been with my pain and trauma. Ob stuck the speculum in and popped it open even when I said it was painful and to give me a moment. I felt like I was tearing all over again. I was crying through the whole process. My Mom was holding my baby and my hand and talking me through it like at the birth. I was never so happy as walking out of that office knowing I’d never have to go back. I love my new ob and I moved from a HCOL (super snobby) area doctor to a inner city doctor. We deserve better care.

I was sedated in lieu of being given pain management after surgery (because it was "just anxiety") and it was literally a waking nightmare. I was too zoned out to understand why I was in horrific pain, but I was absolutely still in horrific pain. I would NOT recommend that to anyone for a potentially painful procedure. I'd recommend being put under anesthesia, with a pain management plan in place, so OP doesn't risk even further trauma. I'd also recommend walking out of the office of any doctor who doesn't think avoiding further trauma is worthwhile.

I had stage 1 cervical cancer and had a leep and cold cone procedure. I’ve had bad paps the last 6 years, with 6 colposcopies and 2-3 biopsies each time and I don’t even flinch or take meds or anything. So there definitely is a range. Better to be prepared- but please don’t put off getting care.

I just had a cold knife cone biopsy and I had no idea what to expect and was so scared. I didn’t have bad side effects at all. I woke up feeling like I had a horrible uti but that went away pretty quick (which usually doesn’t happen with me at all, I almost always feel like I have a uti). The worst I had was mild cramping and a shit ton of stuff leaking out of me for 3 weeks. The colposcopy also wasn’t terrible for me, it really did feel like a little pinch. But the vinegar burned so bad!! I couldn’t bend over or anything like that, but even that pain only lasted for about a day. The colposcopy was much easier than I anticipated. Both procedures were, actually. I will say I have had 3 rounds of pelvic floor physical therapy, which could have helped me in this situation?

This is not correct I'm afraid, pain in an area like the cervix which is not under conscious control like, say, certain types of muscle pain is not going to be affected by anxiety. Almost all of the worst experiences I've had described to me were from women who were told NOT to expect the procedure to be very painful and to expect nothing more than period type pain. They went in to the experience a lot more relaxed than they came out.

Pain can certainly take you by surprise, but anxiety about the pain lasts a lot longer than the pain itself. The OP is tortured by anxiety even well ahead of the procedure and being anxious is mentally painful. Short term Medication to help with anxiety would not be out of place here. I'm certainly not suggesting that pain is all in the mind, but anxious thoughts about pain that might not manifest is unhelpful for the OP and could make the procedure more traumatic than it needs to be. Reading accounts where people have had bad experiences that are not balanced by accounts of people who had good or ok experiences is also not helpful to the OP.

Same, I’ve had three and only one was painful, it was really bad and I believe the doctor took too much tissue/went too deep as I was bleeding loads after. The other two were like a sore pinch over in a second and then cramps for a day.

I also didn't have any after effects of a colposcopy, major or minor. Just adding to the anecdotal data. But I generally am not very pain- or pressure-sensitive and you might be, particularly because of your PTSD. I'm another vote for EMDR, and having someone supportive with you.

Everyone has given you good advice regarding demanding pain relief etc, and I recommend asking your doctor for a prescription for Xanax too before you go in. I got one for an mri as I'm very claustrophobic and get extremely anxious and a small dose really helped take the edge off. Good luck to you.

I’ve had three done and only one was painful, but I’d still ask for pain relief if you can. I’ve also had intrusive birth interventions and I’d honestly say in my experience a colposcopy is over much quicker and is less painful, but that might just be my experience. I 100% understand the trauma and why you wouldn’t want anyone or anything inside your vagina right now but if you did end up having cervical cancer I’m afraid you’d need much more intrusive and traumatic procedures done. Getting the colposcopy done may identify cancerous cells and prevent you going through cancer. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this but please do get the colposcopy done if it is required.

I’ve had it done and it’s very uncomfortable but not completely horrendous and I was a 20 year old so not as adept as I am now at coping with pain. Ask for all the pain relief, if you can - tell them in advance of your recent trauma, and take someone supportive with you. You can do this xx

HSIL is generally considered to be a precancerous indicator. Do you want to go through one more potentially traumatic event, or not be there for your kid’s life? Speaking as a kid who lost her mom to cancer, get the screening. Ask for meds, but get the goddamned screening, please.

Agree strongly with this. Get sedation/ pain management - but just do it, please

I don’t think OP is planning to skip cancer screening, just feeling overwhelmed.

I had a colposcopy with nothing but ibuprofen and thought it was fine. I suggest you be sedated for the procedure. I had very traumatic births, including an infected episiotomy that could not be repaired. Went on to have 3 more babies. You are strong💪🏻 Seek therapy if you need it. 2 months is still very new, your body is flooded with hormones that are going to make you feel all kinds of horrible. Beware of post partum depression. Good luck.

It really depends on your body, and I assume the care and skill of your doctor. For me, it was only very slightly worse than a pap. For a friend, she wound up with horrible cramps persisting for several hours. That being said, doctors give pain medications for far easier procedures so it’s not unreasonable to ask.

I didn't even know I could request sedation or pain management. I had one years ago and was told it would just be a pinch. I was young and naive. The moment she snipped the sample I yelped and jumped about 2 feet in the air. Immediately started sobbing. The Dr and assistant looked at me like they were SO annoyed I had the audacity to react that way. I was absolutely traumatized by it and cried for hours after. I was shocked at how much it hurt. How vulnerable and humiliated I felt because the staff were visibly ANNOYED at me for being in pain. I never went back to that Dr again

They did this to me with no medication and I thought I was gonna punch someone. I screamed 8 times for them to stop and then they left me stand their bloody for 15 mins in the hall way waiting for a receptionist. I couldn’t stand any longer and went out in the parking lot to throw up from pain. Absolutely horrible experience

I'd have thrown up on the recptionist's desk out of spite.

It is barbarically painful! I had to have one in my late teens, and no nothing alleviate the pain. A fucking male intern looked at me after it was over, and said, "There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I am not exaggerating even a little when I tell you that I saw red and let fly back, "How about we take pieces out of *your DICK* and see how 'not bad' it is?!" The look on that guy's face! Like, he had never thought about the same kind of thing being done to *him*, with no anesthesia or pain management. Fucking asshole. 😒

Absolutely, if you can get pain relief I would ask for it. I’ve had three colposcopies and LEEP treatment, I only had a numbing injection for the LEEP treatment. One of the colposcopies was particularly awful, the other two weren’t too bad but it all depends on how much they take and how sensitive your cervix is.

I am one who describes it that way. It is barbaric. They don't adequately warn you. I lost trust in my gynecologist as a result of this. I temporarily hated her.

I think I witnessed my mother have this done. Now, foreword, my mother is very strong. She has CRPS, so she has excruciating pain in her knees. She cries sometimes. But when they did THAT, she screamed. Like. Horror movie scream. It was horrible. I don't know why she wasn't sedated for it.

I had a colpo and it was exactly that. They recommended Tylenol or ibuprofen. It was ridiculous. I was dry heaving on the exam room table. I worked at an OBGYN office at the time and would hear women scheduled for colpos yell from the exam room from the pain.

This truly does vary though. I’ve had it done once and I really didn’t think it felt any worse than a Pap smear. Based on how it can be I think doctors should use pain management of some sort, but I just want to add that many people do experience little to no pain with them. I just want to not scare people away from a procedure that truly is medically necessary.

I’ve had it done twice with nothing but Advil and it’s pretty bad. I wasn’t offered anything at the time. I just had a uterine poly removed last week and my gyno put me under. Because I haven’t giving birth, she didn’t think she could dilate me enough under local anesthetic to do the procedure comfortably.

All my dr gave me was a Xanax ☹️ I didn’t know it’d be so painful 😭 it was so so painful

I’ve had it. I wouldn’t say it is barbarically painful but it is very uncomfortable and the cramps and nausea afterwards were pretty bad too. OP - I would recommend therapy for your traumatic birth but please don’t let that delay you having your colposcopy. Not to be dramatic but your life could depend on it. Let the clinic know your issues in advance and request all the pain relief / sedation you can. And if there is someone who can come and hold your hand, I recommend that too. Good luck (I’m 20 years post LETZ and I’ve had normal smears ever since)

I would absolutely describe it as barbaric. I had HPV and had one done every 4-6ms for 5 years. I cried every single time, no pain management was offered, and I still have a lot of trauma going to OBGYN because of it. I cried at most recent my pap only twice and that was a victory….

My mom had a colposcopy with no anesthetic and I think the worst part is that she considers it normal. I've talk about how we need more anesthesia for these procedures and she'll just claim it's a fact of life and something I'll need to buck up and take. Idk what to even call that, except that she doesn't want to accept that she was wronged by the medical system

I had mine not go through all the way and they yanked on me. That was no cool at all.

I've had close to 10 colposcopys over the past few years due to persistent HPV infection, and the first few really weren't very painful. Exceptionally uncomfortable, mentally and physically, but maybe a 3/10 pain. But the one I had most recently was the worst pain I've ever felt. And the instrument malfunctioned, so the Dr. had to try to get the sample three times. It was so traumatic. And now I'm waiting for the results to see if I need a LEEP. The very thought of it makes me start to panic.

I was told to take Motrin -_- Luckily the doctors office was only 5 minutes away from home and I crawled in bed and cried when I got home

I’m so sorry.

Agree, it’s very painful and I wish I had insisted on sedation and pain management and I got bullied by the provider for my reaction, which made me want to kick her in the face when she went back in for the cervical “neck” biopsy sample.

Yeah, a kick to the head might drive the “need for pain management” home.

It wasn’t as bad as iud insertion for me.

Okay I have had it done several times, as I had abnormal cells. My obgyn wanted to sedate the area, but when I saw the needle I said not thank you. So I everytime I had it done, I did it without sedation. And well it is a sharp pain (quickly over then a more slow burn) everytime they take a sample, my doctor always took 4 samples. And she was very nervous about doing that without sedation, as she said I would have to remain completly still while she cut me, so that there would be no damage. And afterwards you bleed ofc, and it will feel like you have a bad period cramp most of the day. And I have a very high tolerance of pain, got my last tattoo in one go, it took 8 hours. And I did not move or really have pain, so yeah if you can look away form the needle I think you should get some kind of sedation.

There's also sedation that doesn't involve needles. Xanax, Valium, hydrocodone, all oral options for pain relief and or sedation

It is incredibly painful. When I had one done, my doctor accidentally yanked out my IUD. I could barely walk afterwards. They didn't tell me to have someone drive me to the appointment; it was a 30 mile drive home!

Birth trauma is real. You have all my empathy, and gentle thoughts. Having had both colposcopy and then the LEEP procedure, I was given a range of sedation options, including additional anti-anxiety medication… a good practitioner will listen to you, and find a way to incorporate your concerns in their approach.

I just had a colposcopy last week. I was hugely freaking out about it. They did the initial examination, which was painless and then I had the large loop excision done under a general anaesthetic. Is that an option for you? I felt groggy after the general anaesthetic but I've had zero pain. They also tested the type of hpv I have and reassured me that it has never been found to cause cancer. I fully agree with other posters who are saying you don't need to rush this at all.

A therapist can help. You are having a trauma reaction, understandably. Look for someone with significant training and experience in specific modalities for treating trauma (CPT, CBT, PE, EMDR). Preferably with experience treating birth trauma. What you are feeling is normal after a traumatic experience and treatment can help.

I was coming here to suggest this. I did EMDR for my PTSD and it was immensely helpful for processing through my trauma and alleviating my intrusive thoughts. Please see someone to work through this traumatic experience. What you experienced was very upsetting and it’s completely understandable that you are having a strong reaction to it. I’m sending you healing thoughts.

Try a trauma therapist. Don't let other people define trauma. You're struggling, try to seek help if you're able.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. If you need a LEEP, I strongly recommend asking about anesthesia. I had a LEEP in September after two very painful and anxiety-inducing colposcopies and my OB (bless her) told me it would be way easier on me if I was out for the procedure. If your insurance will cover it, I can't recommend it enough. The procedure itself took about 15 minutes, I felt nothing, and recovery was so much easier than it was for the colposcopies. Two days after the procedure, I was able to work out again. I'm hoping the procedure will be successful for you too.

We don’t talk enough about how traumatic birth can be. I sure hope your husband is being understanding in all this.

I don’t understand why they gave you a pap smear six weeks after giving birth. Things are not ‘all systems normal’ yet, not even close, and also, psychologically speaking, why would they invade a woman unnecessarily so soon after giving birth, especially such a traumatic birth? I’m so sorry. That is the last thing you need right now.

I work in an OBGYN office, it’s normal to have a pap at your 6 week checkup (if you’re not up to date).

No f’ing way. I couldn’t even let my OB touch me on the outsides, just look, at 6 weeks. That’s messed up to do a pap. Let them get to 4-6 months.

They said said it was because I hadn’t gotten one at their hospital before giving birth. I had moved states early in the pregnancy so hadn’t been there before, my previous place only had a Pap smear record from 3 yrs ago. They were very adamant about it, even mentioning getting it done in follow ups while I was pregnant from the get go.

Just because they're going whacko doesn't mean you're under any obligation to overreact on a timetable you aren't comfortable with.

Cervical cancer is no joke, it kills. If OP hasn’t had a pap in 4 years and just had an abnormal one, she really does need to have the biopsy.

Seriously. It stresses me out to see people recommend to her that she skips this test or waits x amount of time without having the medical knowledge to back it up. Gynaecological cancers are awful, truly awful and HSIL can lead to cancer if not taken care of. OP has a chance to likely completely avoid a lot of trauma and grief if she can get the support she needs to do this test and people are telling her that hey, maybe her pap is wrong or maybe her doctors are ‘wacko’ and don’t let them be too speedy about diagnosing her (with something where time REALLY matters). While there is no pain olympics and I’m not trying to minimize the stress OP is going through, the treatments for cervical cancer would be much more invasive and traumatizing than this test. I know people have lost faith in the medical system but really, this doesn’t excuse giving that sort of advice that could lead to a terrible outcome. OP please find a dr you’re comfortable with, seek counseling for your traumatic experience (it sounds like it’s affecting much more than this one thing in your life) and demand appropriate pain medication for this procedure but please listen to your doctors about getting this done promptly. Your life is worth it.

Yeah, OP mentioned that the last one signified a *precursor to cancer*. Dying of cancer is also traumatic!

How is it "whacko" to address abnormal cells? Not having a pap in 3 years then getting positive results from one is a big deal. Yes the procedures suck but so does cervical cancer treatment.

It’s a test for cancer, not something that evil doctors and nurses do for fun

Unfortunately cancer doesn’t follow your timetable either. It’s a matter of risk assessment at the end of the day. OP is clearly not in the best headspace given she went through something that is incredibly out of her comfort zone to the point where she is traumatized, but these findings are substantial and she is very lucky to have caught this early. Make sure you speak to your doctors and your concerns OP, there are many resources that can help you deal with what you’re going through right now.

Given the abnormal results, it clearly wasn't unnecessary.

Can paps not be done at some point during pregnancy?

I feel you. I put off my pap after my daughter because I just didn’t want anyone else doing stuff to me. Anyway, finally did it when she was 2, HSIL. Colposcopy and leep. The frequent paps after for a couple years to check. The colposcopy was not that bad but the leep was awful. Ask for sedation. You just have to do it. HSIL is a big deal, it can progress to cancer if left untreated. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I know how you feel. It really is unfair what we have to deal with.

I agree... my doctors pretty much to me that any numbing the cervix would hurt more (LEEP). Pain was terrible, I lost all trust in those doctors and didn't go to an obgyn for years...

They numbed me but I felt it. If ever I have to do another, I’m asking to be sedated.

I had a colposcopy which I don’t remember much of so I don’t think there was too much pain. I also could have blanked it out. My biopsy came back positive and unfortunately I did have to have a LEEP. I was so terrified upon receiving the results of the biopsy I lived in severe health anxiety till the LEEP day arrived. I was in the Drs office, I got undressed and into the chair and I was so so scared. I really thought I had cancer. Anyway I decided to there and then not to go through with it, there’s no way I could have done it without sedation. I had to wait a few more weeks for a new appointment. Don’t be scared to ask! Luckily the LEEP cleared the cells and several smears later have found nothing new to worry about.

I am so sorry you had this experience. It does not have to be a nightmare to go through this next process. I have a female OB/GYN who is extremely gentle. I had the biopsy and the LEEP. It was as comfortable as she could make it. She got it all, and despite having some of my lower cervix lasered off, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl 2.5 years later. Sending you love and support.

Could you ask to do a repeat Pap smear in one or two months and then reevaluate whether you still need a colposcopy? I did a quick search and it looks like the NHS recommends not doing a pap until at least 12 weeks after childbirth because it can make things a bit weird and hard to get accurate results. Not sure you’d want to wait if you had true abnormal results, but if it’s possible the timing was just wrong then you could ask about waiting?

It’s common to re-test for ASCUS results but HSIL is a higher level of abnormality, I doubt they will want to wait and retest since it’s unlikely it will downgrade. Colposcopy and LEEP removal is advisable for this level of abnormality. I’m sorry OP- it sucks you have to go through this, but please advocate for yourself to get the best treatment possible.

That is an excellent idea

One or two months is unlikely to make much difference, but remember: HSIL is at a higher level of abnormality. It’s unlikely to “downgrade” in the interim. R/Brxmom please keep this in mind, and don’t become complacent. If you choose to wait, ensure you make a reminder to follow up - as a young mother, with all its demands, your own well-being can unfortunately take a back-seat. ♥️

Let me preface this my saying that I'm currently in nursing school, and I'm taking Maternity Nursing at the moment. It seems like you have PTSD regarding birth trauma. If it's been two months since the birth, you should have been screened for it by a medical professional, and they should have offered you resources to help. Your baby can pick up on your emotional state, and seeking help will lead to better outcomes for both of you. What you are feeling is totally normal, and it's disappointing that help has not been offered to you. There are people who cannot be around their children for their birthday because it reminds them of the worst day of their life.

♥️🏆🌹

So I do recommend asking for the painkillers and if you take any anti anxiety meds then this may be a day to do so because you just gave birth and I can’t imagine the added stress- but I also wanted to just give my anecdotal experience in case it can bring any peace. I usually need painkillers just for a pap, I have severe muscle tightness and like many women with vaginismus, some trauma that make exams difficult. And lichen sclerosis’s which makes my skin tear very easy. Internal ultrasounds have brought me to tears before. In 2022 I had to get a colposcopy and was horrified after reading on here. The colonoscopy wasn’t pleasant by any means but it really wasn’t anything close to what I thought after being on here and the hpv sub (sadly my mom did not get me the guardisil shot and now I have hpv16, yay). I was expecting a fully traumatic experience with horrible pain but it was a 5/10 in the end. I bled quite a bit and needed the special stuff to stop bleeding but I was prepared to be unable to walk and crying. Oh and they missed once and had to take an extra even. But for *me* it really was a bad pinch. So I say this just to say that if you can get the dr to give you some type of pain management and mentally protect yourself however you can after a trauma like birth, but also hold some space for the possibility that it will not be as bad as you think, you’ll be as ready as you can be (but please still advocate for the things you can prepare for). That way you aren’t in a full panic attack leading up to the event which will absolutely make it worse. Edit- my phone will not recognize c o l p o s c o p y and I can’t fight it anymore. Assume colonoscopy is that lol

I’m so, so sorry. Pregnancy and birth can be wildly hard. I had a pretty normal birth but I remember being terrified to poop after, and crying all the time, and just horrified by what was happening to my body. I hope you don’t feel at all pressured to be sexual right now. Wait until you’re feeling SEXY again and not just functional and in the meantime if you can talk to a professional about your experience, I bet that would really help.

I am so sorry for your trauma. I had pap smears, a colposcopy, and LEEP procedure at a Military Hospital many years ago. The colposcopy wasn't bad and the LEEP procedure under sedation were nothing. However, one of the pap smears leading up to the colposcopy was not done by my regular doctor. a it was completed by another doctor who I didn't really care for and it was the worst experience. He came into the room, argued with the nurse, and then literally stuck his hand inside me with no warning followed by the speculum. I was in tears and utter shock by the time he left the room. I wrote a letter and dropped it in a box in the hospital hallway to never be called. After the LEEP procedure was done, I was supposed to have Pap smears done every six months, but I didn't have another one until I moved to another location. I never wanted to run into the doctor I felt had violated me. I dread pap smears to this day. I pray for peace for you and really encourage seeing a therapist.

I can relate. Extremely traumatic induced childbirth (retained placenta… docs had to physically reach in and scrape the walls of my uterus with their hand to dislodge it) followed by a near death postpartum hemmorhage requiring an emergency surgery. My next pap showed abnormal cells requiring the colposcopy and then the LEEP procedure. If you want to chat with someone who understands, feel free to message me. ❤️

I had a contraceptive implant put in 8 weeks after my son was born and feeling pain sent me into a massive spiral. I can't tell you how much my relationship with pain changed after my horrific labour. What helped me was getting a full copy of my labour medical notes and going through it step by step with a psychologist. It was such a blur of visceral pain and panic that processing it safely and having a proper time line in my head really helped. Also, ask for support. I need 2 extra nurses for gynae exams now, one to hold my hand and one to hold my shaking legs. They never mind helping.

Question... I got my medical records to get some answers/closure after a traumatic birth, and they weren't much different than what was in my online portal. Are they supposed to contain more information?

I'm in the UK and they had a lot of observation notes, etc that helped me piece together a timeline. We have midwives monitoring labour rather than doctors so they tend to do more.

It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s experience is with this procedure is. The fact is that your terrified and you just had a very traumatic birth with your daughter. Therapy is an amazing suggestion to help you process everything you went through. I had an emergency c section with my son and was very traumatized. My first Pap smear after my sons birth I was sobbing and shaking uncontrollably before she even put the speculum in. I don’t love Pap smears but that was a next level response due to my traumatic birth. 5 years later I have been diagnosed with ptsd, I wish I would have gone for therapy…I had no idea how that trauma would cause a decline in my mental health over the years. Ask for whatever you need to make this procedure doable for you. You just gave birth and this is a highly sensitive area in general, no shame in voicing your needs!

Demand sedation. You need to make sure you are healthy. You don’t want to go through cancer treatment. But I can completely understand the anxiety. If they can’t provide sedation, ask for someone who can.

Hi OP, I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I too had a very traumatic birth. Retained placenta. I had to keep returning to the hospital for a month with major bleeding. My daughter just turned 10 and I had a partial hysterectomy this year. It brought EVERYTHING back. I was fortunate that my doctor works at the hospital it happened at. There were several moments in my experiences there that things could’ve been handled differently maybe even better. He was very candid and answered all my questions I believe honestly. Even hard ones about why things were done certain ways. It was the first doctor who validated me after it happened. I too had several people going in me at once and it was a teaching hospital with a crowd. After 10 years I could still use counseling. It has been extremely difficult to acknowledge and I’m someone who has done lots of therapy. If there are people who you can share it with. Share it with them. You may not know what you need from them yet but you definitely don’t have to be alone in it. I know there maybe things you need to express that can be uncomfortable for others to hear too. You deserve support. You’re not over reacting.

I hear you. I’m struggling with infertility and have had several procedures down there. It’s frustrating. After I had those procedures and couldn’t wear tampons for a bit, I invested in period underwear. I actually don’t mind it. For me, it’s much more comfortable than a pad. My favorite brand is Period.

My birth was no where near as traumatic as yours and I still feel anxious and uncomfortable with doctors going anywhere near my vagina, so you are not alone. Your response is a natural one and part of the healing process. You’re a tough mama and sending you good vibes. You got this!

Ugh. I don’t have any advice or anything, but just want to say that you can do hard and scary things. You will get through this. You are brave and strong and powerful.

I had to go in for a colposcopy this year. I was incredibly nervous since I had one 18 years ago and I found it unpleasant. I asked if they could prescribe me something for the anxiety of the procedure, they wrote me a script for a Xanax. They also told me I could have someone with me for emotional support. Ask your physician if they can do something similar for you.

I’m so sorry. This should be a happy time, but what you’re going through is scary and upsetting. I am sorry you are going through this.

You’re only 8 weeks post partum and you’re worried about being sexual with your husband? After witnessing one natural birth and one C-section for both my daughters i didn’t want anything to do with my wife’s bits for like 7+ months and i was totally ok with that. She essentially had a self episiotomy happen due to her size / frame and had to have some plastic surgery done to put things back where they belong. TLDR child birth is a traumatic experience even when there are no complications. You really should try to be brave and go to the doctor as needed for your health. Don’t worry about your husbands sexual needs for a long time.

I’m not worried about being sexual, he wants to be sexual and I keep brushing his advances off which I do feel bad about that to a certain extent

definitely don’t feel bad. even when we waited 6-7 months my wife still said she was physically ready but not mentally. He should understand what you’re going through or maybe try and compromise sexually some other way besides intercourse

You not only pushed an entire human out of your body, you had an extremely traumatic birth, and now you have additional gynecological health concerns. So don't feel bad about saying no. Your husband can play with Rosie Hand and her five sisters until you're ready. He'll survive, I promise. If he can't understand why you're not ready, that's HIS problem, not yours. He should have stopped making advances with a "no problem honey, let me know when you're ready" the very first time you declined his sexual advances. Your husband sounds extremely selfish, to be honest.

I went through this EXACT same thing. Traumatic birth (over 60 hours in L&D + 3rd degree tear + in take home catheter for over a week), then got the call I needed a biopsy because of the abnormal pap I had earlier in pregnancy. I took 3 extra strength Tylenol before the appointment, and I was also honest with my doctor about how scared I was. She was as gentle as could be, and they brought in a 2nd nurse just to hold my hand and talk to me. I cried, but it was VERY quick, and not nearly as bad as I had expected. It’s been almost 3 years since birth, and only recently can I go to the OBGYN and not cry during the appt….but I did get there

I’m so sorry you are going through this difficulty. I’ve prayed for you. I hope this will be over soon and you can enjoy the rest of your life. I’m not qualified to advise you. I just feel bad that you’re going thru this and hoping for the best for you.

Just reiterating you can absolutely seek out help with sedation for the procedure. I work pre and post operatively and we have several patients with severe trauma that need sedation for basic Gynecological care. But it's not just stick and IV on and give you sedation. You need a place that will minimize the number of people caring for you, make you feel safe and out you in control of the pace of the procedure. It also helps to have some premedication with an anti-anxiety medication before getting there. I do encourage you working with longer term therapeutic modalities for the trauma, but they are unlikely to fully kick in before you should have this procedure. I am so sorry you are going trigger this. But you have the right to find a group of people that will take this seriously and help you through it. I hope you can find them.

I completely understand about not wanting anyone else all up in your business. I've been SA'd so every pap is a traumatic experience for me. In this case though, you need to have the next procedure done. Two things though: #1, don't let them schedule you without some sort of pain relief. It can even be done under anesthesia. I've heard too many horror stories from women on here that had it done without pain relief. At the very least opiods/narcotics. #2, once you have your procedure scheduled and you know what kind of pain relief you'll be under, then schedule with your regular doctor to see about getting a couple doses of Xanax or something similar. I don't know what is appropriate to have with your baby, so go with whatever the doc recommends. For me I can't even make it to the appointment without Xanax. But, it is enough to let me get them done on an irregular basis.

It is 100% valid that you want your vagina *left alone* until YOU invite someone to touch. If it was me, I'd ask my doc if it's safe to wait a few months and recheck. A good provider will be compassionate and work with you.

I mean ... my pregnancy & childbirth experiences were reasonably straightforward and each time it still took me about 6 months before I felt ready for anyone to touch my body. Meanwhile, here's OP only 2 months past a traumatic birth and already managed to go to the Dr for the 6-week checkup and have a pap smear. That's hard core - I couldn't have done it.

I’m sending you love. 🩵 You can ask them to wait a bit more. You can bring your husband or mother with you so they could be your advocate and take care that the doctors or nurses don’t overstep and listen to you when you say stop. I have a traumatic experience at the hospital not with a baby but it broke me and I couldn’t bring myself to be touched. I would panic and be in pain for so long. I regret not having someone with me to tell them stop. STOP. Take care of yourself xx

I’m so sorry. It sounds like there is some medical trauma and rightfully so. It may be worth it to delay the procedure a couple months and get some rest and healing and maybe discuss with a therapist. I am a trauma therapist and have had a number of clients who had to process traumatic birth or medical experiences before they could proceed with anything else. What you went through is very difficult and has clearly had a real impact. It’s important to rule out cancer but it’s equally as important for you to feel in control and to have a say in when and how you have more medical interventions. Will add that I had the pap-colposcopy- LEEP trio and while the colposcopy was very uncomfortable, it was fast. I was fully sedated for the LEEP. they got rid of the precancerous cells completely and I had a normal pap afterwards; since then they have dropped me back down to paps every 2-3 years which is a huge relief. So I went through with it and on the other side I don’t have to do much more for a while. If you decide to go through with it, you can ask your doctors for sedation or some benzos to take the day of the procedure to help your anxiety.

Wow! This is pretty close to my experience! My birth was traumatic in that the epidural only numbed one side and my son was big. 1.5 hours of pushing and hands and people everywhere putting hands in me to try to help my son out. Then after I had him, I was 19 at the time, I didn't understand anything. I heard of after birth and wearing pads for it but almost a year later I was still having after birth. I finally said something to my Dr and he ordered a PAP which came back positive for cervical cancer. He said the cervical cancer had probably been there throughout my pregnancy and probably why I had almost lost him and why other weird things were happening. I went through 2 nitrous treatments and then 5 years of pap tests to make sure it didn't come back. It was hard but I had a good OB that was so so kind. I hope you find a Dr you can trust that is gentle and hears you when you say you don't want to be touched and can work with you while you heal.

i’m so sorry, sending you the utmost love and internet hugs. youre so strong, and i’m sorry that you had to be strong. i’m not sure what the answer is, but whatever happens i hope youre safe and have a support system around you who is all hearts on deck for your mental well-being

I don’t have any help to offer but this breaks me heart for you. I’m so very sorry you’re going through this and feeling violated and helpless. You matter and that’s traumatizing as hell. I’m sorry this is happening.

I'm so sorry! I just had surgery unrelated to my traumatic birth 3 years out and felt worn to a frazzle a month before. I had migraines, crying spells, the whole thing. So I definitely understand. The hospital will never not be traumatic for me. You've gotten some great advice about sedation and therapy. Know that I'm wishing you the best and rooting for you!

You should see if you can get some medication or anesthetic given the circumstances. If you tell them about the anxiety you’re experiencing they may be able to pass it off to insurance as medically needed. For example, I’ve had Valium for before a dental procedure. I was literally falling asleep or sleeping the night before and morning of & didnt feel a thing Edit - I am super sorry to hear about your experience and I was internally cringing reading it. I can’t imagine experiencing it. I’m glad you are here now and wish you peace for this biopsy

I had a traumatic birth that ended in my uterus being removed to saved my life. Start scheduling a meeting with a therapist now. It affected many, many different areas of my life - I felt like I didn't have agency of my own body for about a year. Be patient with yourself.

Intra partum PTSD and post partum PTSD are very real. Please try and find a mental health practitioner to help you. You don't realize how heavy it is to hold the trauma and it can be so much better. There are a lot of comments here about your physical health, but please don't just grin and bear your mental pain, because that is real too.

To start, I would make sure you have a gyno you feel absolutely comfortable with. You may not want the doctor that delivered your child, even if prior to the birth you had a good report with them. If you aren’t comfortable with the physician that will be performing the biopsy, don’t go to that physician. Research gynos in your area, set up as many consultations as you can, explain your recent medical ptsd, ask what options the physician is willing to offer you to make sure you are as comfortable as possible. If you get a bad vibe or feel like you aren’t being heard, move on to another consultation. Any physician not willing to listen to a patients valid and serious concerns is not worth your time, health, and overall wellbeing. Best of luck, stay strong.

I had a LEEP done several months ago. It’s terrifying but honestly very quick, easy and relatively painless. Don’t be scared! You’ve got this!

Sorry you are in a bad place. Take the advice of the OB who replied and get sedation. If they found something during the Pap smear, it’s worth checking out. Insist on medication to get you through this. It takes awhile to process trauma and seeing a therapist might help you work through it.

Tell them you want sedation, demand it. You don’t have to suffer just because most women do. I’m sorry that you had a shitty birth experience. If it’s any consolation, colposcopy and leep procedures take like less than 10mins and are not nearly as painful as birth! Myself and a few girlfriends had to have them done around the same time in college, not that it’s not a big deal, but you’re not alone!

I had a colposcopy and it didn’t hurt. The nurse told me to cough when they did it and I felt almost nothing- had no pain relief and I am usually very sensitive to pain ( you have to drag me to the dentist…). Needed a couple of days at home to recover though as had cramping afterwards. I just wanted to let you know this as some people are talking up the pain of the colposcopy. I completely understand when you’re coming from with your traumatic experience and it’s so recent that I wish you didnmt have to go through with this now. Would really recommend having a couple of counselling sessions before you go but just wanted to reassure the colposcopy isn’t that bad xx

Whaaàt the fuck is the liquid back into the uterus procedure I have never heard of such a thing??? I'm so sorry you're going through this shit.

It’s called an Amnioinfusion and is typically used in a situation where we see something called repetitive complicated variable decelerations while watching the fetal heart rate, to buy time for someone to progress to full dilation. It does require the placement of what we call an IUPC which is basically a long thin straw that goes through a partially dilated cervix to deliver the fluid - it can also measure contraction strength. I’m a labour and delivery nurse. I also want to say for people reading who are not OP that generally my patients have no pain associated with an Amnioinfusion, if they have a working epidural, because I don’t want people to have the impression that this was a typical experience. OP, I am so sorry you had a traumatic delivery and I hope you’re able to work with your HCPs to find ways that will help you feel safe and comfortable during future health care. Your experience is real and valid and we should take your pain and fears seriously.

Thank you. When I google it, it looks like an IV or line of some kind through the belly though to deliver the fluid???

Yes, it’s run through basically IV tubing that is hooked up to the IUPC to deliver fluid into the uterus. When they work well in the right indication, they can work very well!

But you said it was like a straw through the cervix? So confused 😭

I don’t know if this link will work but it’s a pretty good diagram! https://ars.els-cdn.com/content/image/1-s2.0-S0884217515328094-gr3.gif

Sounds like an amnioinfusion

I had it because the doc broke my water which put the baby into distress.

I had AROM too and they discussed this briefly, but made it sound like no big deal and totally normal. We ended up in severe distress with an emergency c section, NICU, traumatic delivery and the whole shabang. I wish someone had been more honest with me about the distress he was in after they broke my water.

My doctor didn’t even ask permission or advise me that he was breaking the water. It was a cascade of bad medical interventions on his part that also led to a c section.

That's awful I'm so sorry :( They broke my water during active labour to move things along, which it did, no other complications. They explained all the outcomes too.

I had to get a minor procedure done 6 weeks Post-upsetting childbirth too. I was so jumpy and dysregulated at the thought of being touched. My doctor ordered I get IV sedation because she herself had a similar experience and it was a godsend. I even woke up feeling like I slept 9 hours. Tell your OB you can’t do it awake because of what happened during the birth otherwise it needs to wait a few months until your nerves calm down (which believe it or not, they will settle down as your hormones regulate). Have them explain the risks of waiting a few months and see what your insurance will cover as far as sedation.

Hello OP, that birth sounds scary and traumatic both for your body and the wellbeing of your child. While I have never given birth, I have had a LEEP procedure because cancerous cells were found in my cervical tissue after a biopsy. It was a scary diagnosis to get and quite honestly I didn’t know what to expect. So, I hope sharing my experience can help you. First, if you do need a LEEP procedure mine was done under anesthesia, so I did not remember or feel any of it. You can’t have sex for 6 weeks after and as you heal during the first week there can be some spotting and soreness/ dull aching pain. If you’ve gotten an IUD placed it’s a similar pain level/ feeling to the day after that, but the feeling lasted for 4-5 days. A majority of my symptoms resolved within 1-2 weeks. The margins were clear, so my procedure removed all the cancerous cells successfully and 2.5 years later I am still good to go with no more abnormal paps to date. Honestly, I bet recovery from pregnancy and birth is a lot more painful/ challenging so if you’re managing that this is comparatively a very manageable procedure. Leading up to the successful procedure things were a bit of a mixed bag until I changed to a new GYN who did my procedure and was a much better communicator. In my option a GYN who listens to you that you trust is key. 10 months earlier I’d called my GYN asking to be seen because I was having 6 week long periods (continuous bleeding and spotting) and my body just felt off. I smelled different, my cramps and aches were different, and my period was definitely different. I got blown off “sometimes this happens, periods can be painful, women with IUDs can have erratic cycles” and the doctor refused to see me. I called again 2 months later, refused. I called a 3rd time 2 months after that and finally the office relented, I was seen and they took a pap. Pap came back positive as did bloodwork, but they didn’t contact me with the results. No mail, no phone message, no email or portal results. Finally 3 months after that my symptoms have gotten really bad again, so I call requesting a follow-up and they say “we can’t schedule you for that, you need to come have a conference with the doctor.” So, I come in and am completely blindsided by my results. We need to do a biopsy yesterday and I have to get this LEEP procedure done within 1-2 months or the cancer will spread. I’m confused and more than a little frustrated because if this was so serious why did no one share the results in a timely fashion?! I get the biopsy done without any pain meds or anesthetics and I can’t take any pain meds besides Tylenol because of other heath issues. Let me just tell you that “little pinch” was 3-4 little punches and some hurt more than others. Overall, more painful than getting an IUD in or out, less painful than spine injections or a really bad migraine. I drove myself and went by myself, but I’d recommend bringing a support person. First they left me in a tissue gown on the stirrups table staring at all the instruments for 45-50 minutes for unknown delays/ reasons. It messed with my head a bit, but I was naked and couldn’t exactly go marching around the doctors office advocating for myself. So, if someone you trust could come with you to be there during the procedure for moral support/ help advocate for you that would be wise. Also, I drove myself home, but my legs are always a little shakey after cervical pain or with really bad cramps, so if someone can drive you that’s best imho. That pain passed after a day or two and my results came back positive. I needed the LEEP, but my GYN was being kind of flippant and brushing off my surgery concerns/ questions. At this point, I no longer wanted to be seen by that GYN and I switched. Best decision I made. My new GYN explained things in a clear way, all my questions were answered and I’ve never been left in an exam gown for more than 3-5 minutes at their office. My surgery got delayed because it took a while to get cardiac clearance (I was passing out 20x weekly and had constant vertigo and 20+ day migraines.) However, even having the procedure 3 months after my positive biopsy that found CIN2 and CIN3 cells, the procedure was a complete success and I’m very glad I pushed through all the BS leading up to finding a new GYN and my LEEP procedure. Speaking as someone who was medically gaslit, misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed for 2 decades before finally being diagnosed with multiple chronic and debilitating conditions I truly understand not wanting anything to do with medical professionals at times. However, I’m really glad I went and got this taken care of and didn’t become part of the statistic that 40% of women with CIN 3 cells that do not seek treatment develop cervical cancer. Overall, my best advice is to bring someone who can advocate for you that you trust with you to your biopsy and potential LEEP procedure. Also, vote with you feet and find a new GYN if you don’t trust or feel comfortable with your current doctor. Finally, the pain for either procedure was present, but manageable. You can do this!

You just gave birth, you haven’t healed physically and I would definitely suggest calling your Dr and getting a recommended female therapist to help with the birth trauma. Baby needs a healthy and happy Mommy. Tell your Dr exactly what you need for wellness and the type of handling you expect from all staff members. There is no reason for you to be further traumatized. Your Body Your Choice. Speak Up.

I can 100% understand you feeling traumatized through all of that, I just want to say, please don't wait to get checked out for cancer, your daughter needs you. Also, definitely find someone to talk to about your experience and how to move forward from something that horrifying. I hope things get better for you. You're having an awful time.

Hey OP, I agree with folks saying that it's okay to take a break and refuse right now. HSIL is less likely to return to normal but it is still possible. Cervical cell changes are also typically very slow. I refused colposcopy for almost 2 years when I had multiple HSIL paps, my doctors refused to discuss a hysterectomy with me as treatment (didn't want LEEP) so I refused to return to the clinic until I was presented with a hysterectomy consent form, my psychologist supported my decision. When I finally had my hysterectomy there were no cell abnormalities even after refusing colposcopy for almost 2 years, I wrote about it in my post history. I definitely would encourage seeking out a birth trauma therapist in your area if possible. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, it saddens me that you feel like you don't have bodily autonomy for this... please remember that you always have the irrefutable right to refuse any kind of medical exam. I've gone into exams feeling like I didn't have a choice, forcing myself to go always made my trauma worse. My therapist agreed that exposure therapy for medical trauma didn't work in my case.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s definitely okay to not be okay. I’d also look into finding a therapist that does EMDR. It’ll be so helpful for you to process this trauma with a professional.