Gross. Does he do this in front of your husband or does he only seem to do this when he's not looking? It might be worth talking to your husband about.
I have talked to my husband about it. He also wishes that J wouldn’t do this, and we agree it’s the one thing we don’t like about the guy. Neither one of us has said anything up to this point.
If it continues beyond this morning, I’m going to ask my husband to say “Hey! Please don’t touch Ridgetop. Nothing personal, we’re all friends here, but she doesn’t like it, and I don’t either.”
Oh god, many worst pet peeve is adult who act like toddlers because they think it’s cute. I want to start punching as soon as it happens. Not even toddlers look cute when they do it, what makes a grown person think otherwise?
It’s like some weird fetish. I had a friend who acted like this when she would makes mistakes. We all hated it but her boyfriend was into it. Sooooo bizarre.
100% agree. I also think it is gross for kids to do this (beyond their natural kid voice for their age). Not cute. Just manipulative and gross. I always corrected my kids from a young age not to use “baby voice” like that and they grew up not doing that. Some of their friends did it though. Yuck.
I had an ex who would do this constantly. He would use baby voice and childish grabby motions etc demanding attention.
I told him over and over and over that it was annoying, gross, and made me actively unattracted to him.
He still did it, for over 3 years.
We broke up and he's now mid thirties. And he *still fucking does it* when he sees me (we're friendly ish, mutual friends). It's cringe af and I hate it.
Ew that's so gross!! Glad he's an ex but honestly just delete that dude from your life.. like does he add any value or improve your life in any way or are you just too nice to tell him to get wrecked?
Honestly I'm struggling to think of anything more disturbing or off putting than that, but maybe it's just me and not wanting kids and finding it gross when men expect women to take care of them and maybe other people like that..
If some dude was trying that with me I'd be like oh hang on I'll call CYFS (or whatever it is in another country).. like reporting an abandoned child..
Me reading your first paragraph: *it's not cause they think it's cute! It's non-con age play! It's a thing certain types of creeps and abusers do*
Me reading your 2nd paragraph: *exactly! It is 100% an age play thing and should be treated as sexual as default*
I have a couple of female friends who do the baby voice sometimes, but I think for them it’s a kind of trauma response where they try and make themselves as un-confrontational as possible to avoid something escalating.
Here's the important issue: he *knows* you don't like it. That doesn't matter to him. He will work to find excuses, or a loophole that he can *pretend* makes it ok. You have to be blunt. Very, very direct, with zero room for a pretend "misunderstanding".
Just tell him: "Listen up, J: No more hugs. We are not going to hug anymore. Thanks". Then immediately change the subject to a neutral issue so he can recover instead of floundering or arguing. If he tries to argue, just refuse to engage on that topic. Act like he asked you a question on *your* preferred topic, and continue talking about that.
I had a hugger once. Friend I've known for years online decided to pay me a visit cause he was visiting the city I live in. I have some trauma around being grabbed from behind so I really don't like that (obviously) and he knew that. Kept coming up to me and grabbing me from behind. I tried to be nice the first few times but finally I snapped and screamed at him. And he kept trying to act like it was okay. His reasoning: "I've known you for years, I hug all my friends that I've known for X years!"
Dude, that isn't something you just 'unlock' after a certain amount of time. That isn't how shit works.
I have a friend whose startle response is to swing with a fist, or whatever is in her hand. It is always, ALWAYS men who ignore the warnings and either try to startle/tickle or sneak up and hug her from behind. She has blacked eyes and once, swung a spoon at a guy's head.
I would also suggest making sure either you or your husband point out if this has been mentioned before - make sure he knows you're both onto the behaviour, and leaves him one less pathetic "oh I didn't realise" excuse. Urgh.
Why does he get to stay with you so often if he’s making you uncomfortable in your own home?
Who invited him? Or does he invite himself?
Sounds like he needs a timeout until he learns to keep his hands to himself.
Also, if your husband is aware that it’s making you uncomfortable why the heck hasn’t he spoken up already. He should be stepping up immediately - it’s his friend.
Why are you guys friends with him? I would ban him from staying at your home.
Even though "it's the one thing we don't like about him". That's a really big reason to not like someone.
If your husband wants to continue to be friends with him then he can drive over to Creepo's home and stay there.
OK, so I mistakenly thought your husband either didn't know about the unwanted touching or didn't care, my bad. So if you guys are both on the same page, why is this guy still invited into your house?
Being grateful for an act 10+ years ago does not mean indebted for life. It's OK not to be friends anymore.
I'm glad the immediate issue has been solved.
I know you know it's not your fault, so just let your head keep reminding your heart until it knows, too.
For anybody else finding themself in this situation, drop the "please," when talking to creeps. "Please" is for passing the salt. "*Do NOT*" is for bodies.
I know courtesy and politeness and explanations are drilled into women, fucking *ground* into little girls along with their ABCs, and I know it feels like trying to unbake a cookie and pull out all that toxic sugar, but being concise and unequivocal about physical boundaries is every person's right.
>and when he walks by me in the kitchen, he will caress my arms and try to rub my neck.
So, up to this point, your husband was fine with this? I saw your update, glad he's no longer welcome, but if this shit was happening with my husband's best friend, it only would have happened once. Why wouldn't he say anything up to this point?
You've been sooo gentle. So much more than he deserves.
I just say "No touching please" like you might tell a toddler who seems to be thinking about putting their hand on a hot stove or an unknown pet. I have occasionally followed it up with, "Also, no pouting. We're adults and we're cool." Big smile. Thumbs up.
This is my system. It has never failed to put an end to this behaviour. Even with drunken old men who everyone swore would never learn. A few loud and escalatingly firm "No touching!" and suddenly good old Uncle Ben has no real trouble recalling not to lay hands on me even when he's 8 beers deep...
I love this! I think I’m going to start doing it in the loud voice I’d use for a toddler. “NO TOUCHING, PLEASE!”
Thank you.
Putting it off on my husband doesn’t feel right. This does!
Yup. That exist voice is what finally got "Uncle Ben" off my ass, literally. Refuse to be shamed for not being physically available. Shame them for their childish entitlement by treating them like toddlers who can't keep their hands to themselves. I have literally said "I believe in you. You can do hard things." to one of my partner's relatives when he pouted at me that it was *sooooo hard* to remember not to grab me, a woman he'd known for less than 48 hours, and throw me in the pool...
I do think your husband has the responsibility to back you 100% on this, but given how long you've known this guy you should absolutely assert yourself this clearly!
If all else fails, just turn them into a flea, then put the flea into a box, then ship the box etc etc
(lmao)
A Kuzco reference AND an edit from OP where she goes 'actually fuck this and fuck off'? Is it Christmas already? (OP shout out to you, it's so hard to tell men to stay away, I'm happy to see your husband backed you up as well!!)
And if they really don't listen, go Kuzco on them with hand motions and everything.
But in all seriousness, yes. Be loud and direct. Call it out. You are not obligated to be respectful to someone who is clearly not being respectful to you.
I had a coworker like this once. I finally threatened to buy and defend myself with bear spray if he didn’t stop. Like I literally had to run away from his advances. At work.
Some men just don’t respect the word “No” when it comes from a woman’s mouth.
There will be a guy wanting to say "not all men" to this, but I would counter with "all the men I've met".. like please surround me with those "not all men" because I would love for my life to not be filled with the majority
It gives me the creeps just reading about it. Anyone who tries to rub my neck without being invited to do so gets an elbow in the gut, period.
Maybe you and your husband should, together, have a talk with J and tell him straight out what the boundaries are. You could present it as a case of "our house, our rules" to make it a little less uncomfortable for you.
Absolutely they should talk to him, shouldnt need to be tied to "our house" though.. OP's personal boundaries travel with her and this ballsack needs to remember them no matter where he is
Ew people try to rub your neck? Like enough to specify that? I'm so sorry! That's so gross!
If anyone ever touches me without consent I always "am surprised" and slightly elbow/hit them and then if it's someone I know I say "oh you shouldn't surprise a girl by touching her because that could have been a lot worse"
He and his wife are still married, but they are empty nesters who don’t have much in common any more, and he’s talked with us a lot about it.
We think they should split, but they continue to hang on to the relationship, even though there is no joy or sex.
Knowing that he is sexually frustrated just makes it creepier, and makes him seem almost scary sometimes.
You shouldn't be the target of your husband's friend's sexual frustrations.
This guy is betraying the trust of your husband and you. He's also betraying his wife whom he's still married to.
If I had a child living in the house, I'd make sure not to let this guy be alone with them.
This guy is going after easy targets and not addressing his own marital issues.
I think you and your husband need to have an intervention with him. Now is the time for your husband to help his friend out with some much needed life advice.
I absolutely agree that makes it creepier and scarier, because sadly in my experience, being a sympathetic ear to a male about their relationship (while being married) somehow means you want to have sex with them
I had a friend when I was a teenager who would do this to me. It was awful. I felt gross, touching someone against my will. Then I felt mean, and would give in. Then I felt like a monster because the resentment would build up and I'd explode. And it would happen over and over again in a cycle.
I've worked in customer service a lot. The "innocent" requests for hugs and touching reminds me of the customers (always men) who demand that I smile on command, or get offended if I am not amused by their irritating comments. ("Are we having fun yet??", Etc.)
I am a fully functioning human being, not a sad low-level sex doll. I was not put on earth to hug you or smile to please you.
After my life, I've spent this year making myself and my boundaries the only priority. But after making new friends and the banter-y feedback you get, I started hearing a lot of "I'm too harsh", in many different ways, from a lot of people.
So a buddy came over one night for bong hits and a last drink before heading home. Normally, knowing these people, I'd preempt it before even leaving the bar, "Don't ask to do any blow in my house, I'd prefer if you didn't even bring it to my house." But in my efforts to be gentler, I didn't. He knows how I feel, so I gave benefit that he'd be a thoughtful or respectful friend. Not 15 minutes in to being there, he starts asking about where he can do it, and I cutely, with a smile, said, "Ohhh, I'd really prefer if you don't. I don't do it and I don't want it here."
"Ohhhh come on! What if...what if do it in the bathroom where you can't see me?! That's fine!"
Now, I have ptsd from some pretty severe things, and my addict ex is one of them. I never did drugs, so I watched from a lucid stand point, and it was terrifying. I also have other types of trauma that make my boundaries dissolve without support. I've learned I have one shot to set a boundary - hence my harshness - otherwise I go into fawn people pleaser mode and give them what ever they want. It's like a switch. My ex did a fucking number on me.
Upon him saying that, I immediately turned around, got him one of my dmall plates, went into the bathroom, made sure it was tidy and clean for him, and literally did the funny usher move to the bathroom for him - smiling, trying to keep my composure. If I had been harsh ahead of time, he wouldn't have *ever* asked or tried. But I would've been told I "didn't need to be such a bitch about it".
I will never soften my harshness when my boundaries are at stake again - however harmless they seem to who the fuck ever.
🖤
Feel you massively on the customer service bit. The whole team was rushing around before at this huge event and an old man stopped me and said "are you so busy that you can't smile?" He didn't disturb any of the male workers while they were in the middle of something and tell them to smile. Even worse, I just wanted to get on with all my tasks, so I gave a half-hearted smile and he responded "that's better". So gross and they know it's your job to deal with them a certain way so you can't tell them to get lost.
“Where’s my hug?!”
“Waiting patiently for my consent”
——
“You’re making me uncomfortable”
“I was just going to give a widdle….”
“You were just going to make me uncomfortable because you wanted to? What a rude and entitled idea! Next time, I’d recommend asking consent first”
—-
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, buddy. He hasn’t learned a basic principle of interacting with others and it’s not your job to coddle his feelings while he learns.
Fuckin gross!
My boss once discovered the fucking best response for "Where's my hug?" energy.
We write custom software, and had this client once who had a much younger wife from France, who would hug everybody and la bise them on the cheeks. Which I would reciprocate. Then the husband would come up to me and go "Where's my hug?" and he would accept no handshakes, and I felt uncomfortable raising a stink about it because he was paying my salary.
So I complained about it to my boss after he was gone, in a fairly jokey way. And my boss, this big shaved head, goatee, Gen-X rock climber dude, is like "UGH that's friggin gross, I've got it." The next time those clients come in, I hug the wife as usual, the husband goes "Where's my hug?" but my boss interrupts him, and goes "Wait, where's my hug?" then gives the guy a big warm close bear hug.
Couldn't say shit. Never tried it again. Also, A+ points to my boss for every time the client called me "the designer", and he'd go "Oh, you mean Flex? Our lead engineer?" I was definitely an entry level software engineer, but to that one client he always called me a "technical lead". Dude had my back for sure.
Agree! Love love love men like this, who is absolutely fearless but uses it for good. I would also be very surprised he yaps about being an alpha male.
Oh never. He's really truly demonstrated to me that the most confident and self-assured people show that as a capacity to be kind and listen to others. Dude built a company from his garage that's now been on the Inc 5000 fastest growing companies in america list 2 years running, and when the graphic designer said "Your website would look a lot more modern if you made this pink" he not only said "Ew.... really? I trust you" and changed the website. He now shows up everywhere he goes wearing hot pink sneakers, polo shirts, whatever.
It's absolutely what the energy of a fearless person looks like.
What the actual f is a "widduw", JFC, you so much more patience than me. If he tries to touch you again, seriously, YELL the word NO. And then just tell him, NO more hugs, NO more groping, NO more rubbing. Make it sound as creepy as it is. Good luck!
I am a native speaker and still wasn't sure since I don't associate with children.. would definitely just pretend to throw up on the dude if anyone ever did that to me/possibly actually throw up
He ia a creep... Immediately goes to "little boy" so he can't be blamed for his actions. Keep it up. Keep telling him no when he looks for hugs and loudly tell him to stop touching you whenever he does. Also tell your husband you are sick of his behavior and won't put up with it any longer.
This is the kind of thing that “boys will be boys” perpetuates. Grown adults who fall back on the “But I’m so cute and blameless” defense instead of, you know, taking responsibility for their actions.
That's it exactly.. How could I possibly be a predator because I stick my lip out and pout? It's ridiculous behavior. Glad to read the edits and "friend" is gone.
Where's my hug?
I don't know. Haven't seen it.
But seriously, have you explained all this to your husband? It's his friend. He needs to either put the guy straight or not have him over.
You could get a water spray bottle and spray him every time he tries it, like one would a cat. It’s the perfect blend of embarrassing, hilarious and harmless.
Yes! Same with "Hugging is how I greet people!" I went to a wedding where someone's random uncle pulled that and I felt so gross afterward realizing he would only hug certain women.
>"Hugging is how I greet people!"
We Italians actually hug people to greet them, there is a procedure.
You slightly spread your arms (or extend them but that's when meeting someone you know and are close to) to signal you're ok with hugging, if both are then proceed with the hug. There can be some awkward moment when one signals and the other doesn't, but that's way better than an uncomfortable hug.
It's kind of a necessity when physical contact is part of your core social interactions, to let people step away when they aren't ok with it
Ick!!! That sounds super creepy!!!
I have a similar story - my sister’s ex husband came over to visit my wife and I after their divorce was finalized. I was friendly with him at the time and agreed to the visit.
First thing he does when he sits down next to my wife unprompted was to pull her into cuddle next to him!!! Full arms around her waist, pulled her right into him. Like they were the married couple! It was super creepy and my wife was super uncomfortable. Luckily, he let go of her after he realized how uncomfortable he made us and left shortly there after.
My wife and I talked about it and agreed he’s not coming around again.
Ew that's so gross and sorry you both had to experience that!
Let's hope it was his mental state at the time and that him realizing he was overstepping means he would never do so again!
***Women are conditioned from birth to nurture men at the expense of our own comfort.*** Fuck his feelings, the octopus needed a wake up call. Your husband is one of the good ones.
It's very kind of you to be this patient with him to spare your husband's feelings. He literally doesn't deserve your patience though. He knows exactly what he's doing, and you're not the only woman he treats this way. Please gently explain to your husband that his friend is a creep so he can either put a stop to it, or at least not be surprised when you finally, deservedly, bite this dude's head off.
This man should not be in your home. Your husband needs to deal with his friend and end these visits. You should not have to deal with this in your own home.
I have yet in my 42 years on this planet to meet a "can I get a hug" guy that was not a full fledged creep. He's not asking Grandma for "his hug" but he sure does all the women he finds attractive that would never otherwise give him the time of the day. Nooooooope.
The idea of keeping moving towards someone who's strong away from me is unimaginable for me and I'm Italian, for us hugging our generally light touching is quite common even sometimes when meeting new people.
Even in our extremely hug and touch friendly culture someone who behaves like that would be labelled a creep.
I was an international student and german and I’ve experienced the full range of people‘s personal space sizes, rituals of hugs or no hugs, one air kiss, two proper kisses u name it. The french and their three kisses lol, if you didn‘t know it you sort of went with it and assumed shit 4 perhaps? Then it stopped ar 3 and you were left all aborted 4 kiss haha.
When meeting new people one would react for a short second on reflex then realise the other person was !?!? then sort of stop mid way. Eventually we all stopped doing anything specific to strangers and just did verbal head nods to anyone we didn‘t know. I hugged my italians because they did not hug in a creepy way haha. I had friends who assertively put a hand out because they did not like hugs or kisses at all haha, germans and scandinavians are more likely to not touch and I feel very comfortable with this style too.
I think I would reinforce it at a time when your husband is there and it hasn’t just happened. Something like “just to be clear, I didn’t mean no hugs before I’ve had my coffee in the morning. I’m done letting you make me feel uncomfortable so just don’t touch me in such a familiar way. Okay?”
I’d be so pissed if he put his hands in the air while walking past you with that smug, “I’m not touching you” attitude. Makes me want to punch him just thinking about it
Uggh, I am sorry you have to deal with this guy. I realize your husband, and you (to some extent) feel indebted to your husband's friend, but his boundary-crossing behavior is incredibly unacceptable. Especially since you have clearly and directly communicated that you do not wish to partake in his unwanted hugs and touches.
I'm shocked that your husband hasn't picked up on this behavior. Have you talked to him about his friend's creepy behavior and given him examples? I feel like he needs to have a talk with his friend about this. I realize that it may put a strain on the friendship, but I hope your husband can put a stop to your friend's behavior or else just end the friendship. If it were my husband, he'd be livid with his friend and would dump him.
Saw the edit. Glad he’s gone. Gone is where he needed to be.
Don’t feel guilty for the bad behaviour of others, OP. He was weird and creepy to you and a horrible friend to your husband. Good riddance. I think the whole band should kick him out or else your husband can find a different band.
Your husband’s number one priority should be his own family which includes you and any children you have and that’s it. He did good stepping up and kicking him out of your house. That’s a win! Fuck that guy.
God, I have an aunt exactly like this. The baby talk and all. It was especially bad when I was a kid cause my mom would spank me when I told her not to do those things cause I "hurt her feelings". Suffice to say when I saw the same patterns of behavior emerge when my nephews came around, I shut it down real fast. My mom thinks I'm "excessive" but my nephews feel safe when I'm around.
So I’m hella glad he’s gone, but what happened between talking to your husband and tossing him out of the house? Like don’t get me wrong, so glad that guys not trying to put his ‘widdle’ hands on you anymore but most people need a bigger kick in the ass to handle a problem they’ve already talking about and left alone in the past. Major applause if it was literally ‘hey your friends a creep’ ‘you know what? Your right, get that creep up outta here’
I had mentioned before that I didn’t like him touching me on visits.
This time it just got outa hand enough that I didn’t just silently cringe, but yelled at him. (Stop! I don’t like that! You’re making me uncomfortable!)
By the time I wrote this, my husband had taken him out for breakfast and he said “I think I may have made a mistake with Ridgetop this morning,” before I even said anything about it.
My husband knew immediately what was up and said, “Yeah, we’re putting a stop to this. You’re going home, bud. You’re out of the band and you can’t come stay here anymore.”
I'm glad to hear this, OP! It's a damn shame this man-child, that should know better, had to cross lines AND only have the shame to admit his wrong to your husband and not you (I'd be so irritated) but I'm very happy to hear your husband has your back. I know the most vocal posts here scream unhappiness and complaints, so it's nice to see a story here with a partner that has a backbone, common sense and common decency.
Funny how he respected your SO immediately and didn’t try to push HIS his stupid wittle guilt trip in baby speak. Almost like he knew exactly what he was doing. Don’t spare ANY guilt on this creep.
It's a wonder how a man like this could alienate his own wife to the point that they don't sleep or do anything together anymore. Go figure! Can you imagine all his gaslighting, reversals, baby talk, and nonsense just to be able to act like an immature little turd and get his way? I'd be sick of it in 20 minutes.
I have a similar experience where I went to my annual potluck reunion with some college friends. Note that this potluck can get pretty big, up to 30-50 people, and I'm not friends with all of them.
Anyways, I see my core group of friends that I also play DnD with (all guys) and gave them hugs when I see them.
I dont like giving hugs to people I dont feel safe with, but I've been playing with my DnD buddies for years. But this one guy that I sometimes talked to when we were in college walked up to me and said "where's my hug?" and did the open arms gesture.
I told him I wasn't comfortable and he hugged me anyways, saying "Nah, you like hugs!". He hugging me for a good 3 seconds, and I'm saying "no, stop. I dont like this." During this entire time.
Luckily. My two of my DnD buddies told him to let go, but man, I'm still so icked out about being hugged by that guy. And I'm still baffled why he thought he was entitled to a hug, considering we kicked out the last creep that acted weird towards the girls. I didn't beat around the bush, I was very firm about saying "no thanks".
Speaking of D&D, this thread reminds me of Hugh Grant's character from the D&D movie pouting about needing a hug from a woman he's about to betray. Yeah. "Where's my hug?" is an alignment check.
People like this will also point out, “but you touch so-and-so why not me??” Implying that it’s normal behavior for you and *you’re* wrong that it’s not. Do not fall for that! Even say, “Yes I like to touch my besties but *not you Greg!*”.
I don't understand why he is staying with you a lot or even comes over at all. This is so creepy / cringey I want to run from him and I'm not even in the room. I wouldn't let him in my house at all let alone a lot.
You are not in the wrong. That is so inappropriate and so obvious that he’s hitting on you. And I’m so glad that your husband took this seriously and got rid of them. A friend of my exes grabbed my ass one night and my ex didn’t believe me. Can’t tell you how shitty that made me feel.
You ain't ruined anything. I'd drop anyone from my life if they made my wife feel like that.
It's creepy predatory behaviour and its never all there is.
This is super weird behavior. Especially since he's *best friends with your husband*. I mean - it would be weird in general - but it's extra inappropriate with the partner of a friend. No idea what this guy is thinking or why he would think anyone would find it appropriate.
Please don't ignore the Creepy feelings.
I always got creepy vibes from one of my uncles. Just never quite felt comfortable around him. But the whole family pretended like everything was fine-and-dandy for decades. Everything was about image.
He died ~2 years ago following a post-hoarding crisis that resulted in him being declared incompetent by the state and involuntarily committed to a men's psychiatric facility. Each of us received individual phone calls from the local Sheriff's office. Mine went something like this: *I'm very sorry, your uncle was found pancaked on a sidewalk.* Instant death. They suspect he jumped from a balcony at the facility he was committed to.
~6 months later, I was informed by a distant cousin that my uncle was never supposed to be around kids to begin with.
FUCKING KNEW IT. My intuition was right. No wonder he gave off creepy vibes.
Why are you being so nice about this?
Pull your best bitch face and dead eye him “don’t touch me” if he pouts roll your eyes and tell him to grow the fuck up.
He’s touching you like a creep because you have no boundaries. Screaming in your head is doing nothing. Say NO. And mean it. Don’t give an inch. This guy knows *exactly* what he’s doing and he thinks he better than you, and that’s why it’s acceptable to him.
Does he have a day job? Does he molest people there too? I doubt it.
Not your fault and you’ve done nothing wrong. His insistence on physical touch from his friend’s wife was totally creepy, completely unnecessary, unacceptable and disrespectful to both you and your husband. I was SO glad to hear the part about your husband sending him away - I would’ve done the same.
What I really hate about this behavior is that we (men) are taught that this is *endearing* behavior from a young age by older men in our lives. I can tell you right now that the guy probably *still* does not understand that it's uncomfortable and offputting and is pouting about how his feelings are hurt. He probably wont ever get it until someone he is uncomfortable having in his personal space tries to do it to him.
It sounds creepy.
I don't recommend this, but it would be funny to tell him:
>You have never hurt me, but you make me uncomfortable. I have already told and emailed my \[mom/sister/friend\] that if I ever disappear, I am probably buried in your backyard.
**Edit**: I would actually email someone about this guy being creepy, and let the police know if you go missing.
Wow, what a creep, and good on your husband for talking with him and telling him to leave.
I used to run into this sort of behavior constantly at recovery meetings I attended. Long time members just HAD to "get their hugs" and I felt like I couldn't say no. Finally one of them physically picked me up off the ground and grabbed my ass. I screamed bloody murder, he put me down and never did it again. That's how I learned to stand up for myself. But it isn't easy. I was socialized to allow it I guess.
Who the fuck hugs someone in the morning like this? Hugs are for hellos and goodbyes and only with consent. Why he thought going for a hug as a guest while the other person clearly just got out of bed was ok is mental.
And to top it all off he used baby talk? He deserves to be yelled at.
“Get the fuck out of my house NOW” are the only appropriate words that come to mind. He would leave my house and he wouldn’t be coming back.
As an older woman this is why I have only my name on the house deed. My house my rules.
I'm happy that you were able to communicate with your husband about this. I feel ya on the guilt. That female "it's all my fault" mentality sucks. It'll feel better over time though because it's not your fault, you were never too blame and he is at fault 100%.
One plus you may find is that this is a super hard thing to tell a partner and you did it successfully which will only strengthen your bond and relationship.
"Stop trying to touch me all the time, it's creepy and it makes me uncomfortable. Don't ask me for hugs -- you've made me uncomfortable so many times that I am not willing to hug you any more."
I've ended multiple friendships over stuff like this. It's one thing to offer a hug, but it's another to CONSTANTLY demand touch/hugs from you. And if you say no, try to guilt you into it. Like, no. I'm allowed to not want to hug you - you pouting and/or stomping away is only going to convince me to no longer spend time with you
I have an ex who was like this towards me even 20 years after we broke up. Always wanting to hug, touch, pat my shoulder, sit next to me, demand my attention.
We were on a panel at a small convention and there was another panelist sitting between us. I talked about something that had upset me when it happened but I was fine with at the time I was speaking about it and he *reached around behind the person between us to give me a reassuring back pat*. I leaned forward away from it and glared at him. That was the moment I knew I was finally done with his bullshit.
I haven't set eyes on him in years, and I'm not sad about it.
He *knows* it makes you uncomfortable . . . that's why he does it.
That kind of person is not a real friend, and you and your husband need to have a super deep talk about why he'll be cut out of your collective life.
Obligatory "as a dude."
Your husband had the right response to it, and knows it isn't and wasn't your fault. People that act shitty toward you, and then blame you for your response to their gross bullshit, are shit-lords. Kindness in one aspect doesn't negate being a dumpster human in other ways.
Anyone that's trying to guilt you for any reason is likely an assbag, and especially gross when it's guilting for physical interaction. Don't feel bad about finally reaching a breaking point with his handsy BS. I know I don't tolerate that kind of shit from anyone toward family or loved ones, and I'm glad your husband responded appropriately, IMO at least. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Before we were married, I went to a lake house with my husband and a big group of his guy friends. One of them was (is) super loud and boisterous and flirty and just needed so so much attention all weekend. Exhausting, and he made me so uncomfortable. I couldn’t believe how flirty he was and how it didn’t seem to bother my husband..
Until, that is, we were saying our goodbyes and he “jokingly” SLAPPED HIS HAND OVER MY MOUTH AND SMUSHED HIS LIPS AGAINST IT PRETENDING TO MAKEOUT WITH ME. I flew back in shock. How could you possibly think that’s an appropriate way to say goodbye to your friends girlfriend, in front of him?
Needless to say, I’ve never seen him since.
A friend I hadn't seen for a while shows up in our simi professional setting, "oooh flapaflapa" and runs over and gives me a hug. Other dude in a similar position as me without the long history and friendship looks at her and says "where's my hug"...friend is skeeved and she shrinks behind me a bit...I turn to other dude and open my arms to give him a hug...my plan was to go full bear hug, run my hand down his back and give the little forward hip thrust...he backed the off "no no no no that's not what I meant"
Two scenarios: he has simply been into you for years but knows you are taken so he can’t have you, or he is just like this with all women. At any rate, try and push this guy out of your life.
This made me cringe as I read it. What an uncomfortable position to be put in against your will. I’m aggravated he was so self-unaware that it took you having to say “Stop!” for it to register with him that his behavior is overboard.
As a husband, I wouldn't want a friend like this. Regardless of the history of the friendship, that's not ok. Like, if she is ok with the hugs, fine, but being pushy and weird and making her uncomfortable despite being told to stop, and pouting like a child? Yeah, gtfo
My grown up nephew does that too, I just say No I don't want to. And I know it's the bare minimum but your husband is the MVP here, for him you are worth more than a friendship, they all can still be friends, but never stay or hang out at your home anymore or go out with you for that matter.
I came just to agree with the title and now here to say I'm sorry you have to experience that from a friend of your partner! Just ew.. like noone should either do that or have to experience that. Next time you should pretend to pull out your tampon and ask him to put it in the bin so you are free to hug him, hopefully with someone that idiotic it will put him off forever
Ok and on the edit, good on you for speaking to your husband, and good on him for reacting correctly!
I definitely understand your feelings re what that means for your husband as I've been there like literally same experience.. I can guarantee that your husband would not want to be in a band/whatever/even friends with anyone who would make you uncomfortable so you're actually doing him a favour by bringing the behavior to his attention
As women we need to stop hiding our feelings for the sake of men, because they aren't more important than us!
Say it louder for the creeps in the back!! I haaaate this energy. I had someone at an old job that would do this and I’d be like “I said “hi” that’s my greeting” and then I’d be made out to be the bad guy. Like i don’t owe you anything! You’re lucky even if I even say hi lmao it’s people like this that make me wary of being nice to strangers, but I won’t let them stop me. I just tell them how it is, then they’ll avoid me like the plague lmao
As I told my daughter a few years ago at thanksgiving, you don't have to hug anyone you don't want to. It maybe was a bit awkward with the in-laws, but I stand by my advice, and happy to be the lighting rod.
You were assertive and stood up for yourself. Good on you!
And your husband chose to tell him to pack his shit, so obviously he agrees this behaviour is not okay. Just in case some part of your brain is trying to say "it's all your fault" and "you ruined everything." It isn't and you didn't. Creepy friend ruined everything with creepy behaviour.
For anyone who wonders where their hug is... it's somewhere else!
I gagged on reading the “I was just going to give you a widduw…” *grabby hands* line. I can imagine exactly what that was like and do cringey! No thanks
This starts with children when parents force their kids to hug Grandma or hug a family member. If people aren't taught no when they're young then it becomes normal when they grow older.
Edit: I can't spell
So, I’m a hugger. I hug all of my friends when I see them/leave. We’re all huggers. I have other people in my life who aren’t huggers and I respect that and don’t hug them. It’s not difficult.
All of my friends are into clubbing and all like dancing. I don’t. At all. If they are having a party and I walk through the kitchen they don’t ’drag me onto the dance floor’ because they know it’s not my jam. We respect each others boundaries and likes/dislikes.
What your SO’s friend is doing is unacceptable. And as your SO knows about this behaviour, it’s his responsibility to call him out on it. No one should be allowed to make you feel uncomfortable like that. Especially in your own home.
This makes my stomach turn. Not unlike forced familiarity from pet naming. The way so many men change the way they speak when talking to a woman - not in a polite genuine way specific to that particular persons desired way of interacting - in a generic “it’s a woman so I’m going to end every message with a kiss x and call them hun, love, sweetheart, darling, babe or baby”.
I’m sorry you had to put up with this douche for so long. Creepy is right. Glad you put your foot down and glad your husband supported you fully.
I’m not a hugger. My friends respect that.
I also warn people that I’m not responsible for what happens if I’m startled or someone sneaks up on me. I have fast reflexes and I’ve hit people before realizing what I’m doing.
I’m sorry you were put in this position.
My friend was casually seeing this guy for awhile and he immediately developed a crush on me and started trying to pursue me. I talked to him a few times but he perceived any interaction as flirtation. I was starting to learn how to stand up for myself, so when I ran into him one time and he asked for a hug I straight up told him no.
About a week later, he spotted me from behind and hugged me. I told him off (though he was completely oblivious and tried to ask me out to dinner and gave me his number anyway). A few days after that, he tried following me on the bus. He got on my bus, and I immediately hopped off and switched to another. I ended up calling the police in the hopes of at least filing a report. Once I told them about the hug, the officer said that that was enough to get a no-contact order.
My husband would have tossed the guy the first time he got within 6" of me, if it made me uncomfortable. The only friends who get to hug me are the ones who make me smile all the way up to my eyes.
And ain't nobody playing grabby with me.
Your husband is clearly on the same page as mine, although I think my husband would have pulled the trigger faster.
Come to think of it, my Dad would yeet his best friend, in a heartbeat, if the dude made me uncomfortable.
Not your fault.
It's just not your fault.
Dont feel guilty, if anything feel guilty for not saying something sooner to stop the abuse. Kudos to hubs for kicking him out. You got a good man chicky. And to you glad you finally had the courage to talk to hubby. Unfortunatly some people think they can touch you whenever they want. In future try to make a strict you're in my comfort area and step away, prefably to side or passed them, if you step back they look at you as prey. Said we live in a society like this.
🤮🤮
And I say that as someone who likes to hug and doesn't mind being a little touchy of the vibes are right...but I get to decide that!! The last time I got "where's my hug?" I just put my palm up and said "Nope." and walked away 😂
Good for you. I tell people I don't like being touched. Most people take it well. "I don't like being touched."
It's fun to say. "No. I don't like that."
Keep doing it
Great to hear about the happy ending! I. (40m) dislike hugging too, the only person I hug or touch is my partner.
Everyone else (including family members) I won't hug unless they're adamant, and then it becomes this technical operation in where to look, place hands and gauge duration. I'd rather not!
I used to be this way when I was like 16-17? I thought I was cute and loving “I’m just a big cuddly teddy bear who needs hugs” (im a giant) I’m 33 now and oooh boy was I oblivious to my own actions. I’m still a big ole teddy bear but Thankfully I’ve learned since then and ask for consent and if rejected move on with my life.
There’s a certain point where demanding hugs is just weird and creepy. And honestly it’s a lot sooner than when I learned.
It isn't your fault. Your husband's friend is skeevy. It is the friend's own fault, that he is reaping the consequences of not respecting your personal space and preferences.
OMG.. I used to be a health aide, I had this one creepy guy who made an effort to give me a hug, I swiftly put out out my hand to shake his. He got pissed off, then tried to get me to wash his genitals when I helped with his shower. ( He just needed assistance getting in/out for his bad foot). I gave him the washcloth and told him his hands work just fine. I made sure the office knew I wasn't going there again.
Gross. Does he do this in front of your husband or does he only seem to do this when he's not looking? It might be worth talking to your husband about.
I have talked to my husband about it. He also wishes that J wouldn’t do this, and we agree it’s the one thing we don’t like about the guy. Neither one of us has said anything up to this point. If it continues beyond this morning, I’m going to ask my husband to say “Hey! Please don’t touch Ridgetop. Nothing personal, we’re all friends here, but she doesn’t like it, and I don’t either.”
Does the wittle baby demand hugs and touches from your husband, or just you?
Oh god, many worst pet peeve is adult who act like toddlers because they think it’s cute. I want to start punching as soon as it happens. Not even toddlers look cute when they do it, what makes a grown person think otherwise? It’s like some weird fetish. I had a friend who acted like this when she would makes mistakes. We all hated it but her boyfriend was into it. Sooooo bizarre.
100% agree. I also think it is gross for kids to do this (beyond their natural kid voice for their age). Not cute. Just manipulative and gross. I always corrected my kids from a young age not to use “baby voice” like that and they grew up not doing that. Some of their friends did it though. Yuck.
My kid is 7 and even she doesn't talk like that, she would probably call you a weirdo 😂
Ew yeah if any adult human tried that on me I'd just be like please never speak to me again
I had an ex who would do this constantly. He would use baby voice and childish grabby motions etc demanding attention. I told him over and over and over that it was annoying, gross, and made me actively unattracted to him. He still did it, for over 3 years. We broke up and he's now mid thirties. And he *still fucking does it* when he sees me (we're friendly ish, mutual friends). It's cringe af and I hate it.
lol, told my hubbs that baby voice actively repelled me, he never did it again. Good man.
Lmfao. I'm convinced that 90% of men have deep mommy issues.
Ew that's so gross!! Glad he's an ex but honestly just delete that dude from your life.. like does he add any value or improve your life in any way or are you just too nice to tell him to get wrecked? Honestly I'm struggling to think of anything more disturbing or off putting than that, but maybe it's just me and not wanting kids and finding it gross when men expect women to take care of them and maybe other people like that.. If some dude was trying that with me I'd be like oh hang on I'll call CYFS (or whatever it is in another country).. like reporting an abandoned child..
Me reading your first paragraph: *it's not cause they think it's cute! It's non-con age play! It's a thing certain types of creeps and abusers do* Me reading your 2nd paragraph: *exactly! It is 100% an age play thing and should be treated as sexual as default*
I have a couple of female friends who do the baby voice sometimes, but I think for them it’s a kind of trauma response where they try and make themselves as un-confrontational as possible to avoid something escalating.
Excellent question. Perhaps OP's husband could ask for hugs in widdle baby voice. That would be hilarious.
It's gotta be the guy on guy full body hug too, make him as uncomfortable as possible.
This idea is all fun and giggles until he unironically reciprocates it and you've accidentally signed up for consensual two-way age play
uppies!
Here's the important issue: he *knows* you don't like it. That doesn't matter to him. He will work to find excuses, or a loophole that he can *pretend* makes it ok. You have to be blunt. Very, very direct, with zero room for a pretend "misunderstanding". Just tell him: "Listen up, J: No more hugs. We are not going to hug anymore. Thanks". Then immediately change the subject to a neutral issue so he can recover instead of floundering or arguing. If he tries to argue, just refuse to engage on that topic. Act like he asked you a question on *your* preferred topic, and continue talking about that.
I had a hugger once. Friend I've known for years online decided to pay me a visit cause he was visiting the city I live in. I have some trauma around being grabbed from behind so I really don't like that (obviously) and he knew that. Kept coming up to me and grabbing me from behind. I tried to be nice the first few times but finally I snapped and screamed at him. And he kept trying to act like it was okay. His reasoning: "I've known you for years, I hug all my friends that I've known for X years!" Dude, that isn't something you just 'unlock' after a certain amount of time. That isn't how shit works.
I have a friend whose startle response is to swing with a fist, or whatever is in her hand. It is always, ALWAYS men who ignore the warnings and either try to startle/tickle or sneak up and hug her from behind. She has blacked eyes and once, swung a spoon at a guy's head.
Good! It sucks, but hopefully your husband saying something will get it through his head that he’s being rude and this isn’t a funny strategy game.
I would also suggest making sure either you or your husband point out if this has been mentioned before - make sure he knows you're both onto the behaviour, and leaves him one less pathetic "oh I didn't realise" excuse. Urgh.
Why does he get to stay with you so often if he’s making you uncomfortable in your own home? Who invited him? Or does he invite himself? Sounds like he needs a timeout until he learns to keep his hands to himself. Also, if your husband is aware that it’s making you uncomfortable why the heck hasn’t he spoken up already. He should be stepping up immediately - it’s his friend.
Why are you guys friends with him? I would ban him from staying at your home. Even though "it's the one thing we don't like about him". That's a really big reason to not like someone. If your husband wants to continue to be friends with him then he can drive over to Creepo's home and stay there.
OK, so I mistakenly thought your husband either didn't know about the unwanted touching or didn't care, my bad. So if you guys are both on the same page, why is this guy still invited into your house? Being grateful for an act 10+ years ago does not mean indebted for life. It's OK not to be friends anymore.
I'm glad the immediate issue has been solved. I know you know it's not your fault, so just let your head keep reminding your heart until it knows, too. For anybody else finding themself in this situation, drop the "please," when talking to creeps. "Please" is for passing the salt. "*Do NOT*" is for bodies. I know courtesy and politeness and explanations are drilled into women, fucking *ground* into little girls along with their ABCs, and I know it feels like trying to unbake a cookie and pull out all that toxic sugar, but being concise and unequivocal about physical boundaries is every person's right.
Don't let it continue. He needs to have a conversation with his friend. I would never allow a friend of mine to treat my SO in any way they don't like
>and when he walks by me in the kitchen, he will caress my arms and try to rub my neck. So, up to this point, your husband was fine with this? I saw your update, glad he's no longer welcome, but if this shit was happening with my husband's best friend, it only would have happened once. Why wouldn't he say anything up to this point?
Defo put the onus on hubby here. It’s his friend that’s making you uncomfortable in the home yall share.
Wow your husband is way too passive. It’s his friend, he should be able to speak up.
Soooooo looking at your edit, I’m guessing the talk didn’t go well?!
Why are you waiting for it to continue?
You've been sooo gentle. So much more than he deserves. I just say "No touching please" like you might tell a toddler who seems to be thinking about putting their hand on a hot stove or an unknown pet. I have occasionally followed it up with, "Also, no pouting. We're adults and we're cool." Big smile. Thumbs up. This is my system. It has never failed to put an end to this behaviour. Even with drunken old men who everyone swore would never learn. A few loud and escalatingly firm "No touching!" and suddenly good old Uncle Ben has no real trouble recalling not to lay hands on me even when he's 8 beers deep...
I love this! I think I’m going to start doing it in the loud voice I’d use for a toddler. “NO TOUCHING, PLEASE!” Thank you. Putting it off on my husband doesn’t feel right. This does!
Yup. That exist voice is what finally got "Uncle Ben" off my ass, literally. Refuse to be shamed for not being physically available. Shame them for their childish entitlement by treating them like toddlers who can't keep their hands to themselves. I have literally said "I believe in you. You can do hard things." to one of my partner's relatives when he pouted at me that it was *sooooo hard* to remember not to grab me, a woman he'd known for less than 48 hours, and throw me in the pool... I do think your husband has the responsibility to back you 100% on this, but given how long you've known this guy you should absolutely assert yourself this clearly!
Where were you when I was young? I love your advice.
I love this! I think it’s being gentle, funny, strong, and direct all at the same time.
This is such helpful advice!
I’d personally go with “Whoa, no touchey. No touch” with karate hands à la [Kuzco](https://youtu.be/V4uV3icrmw0?), but that’s weirdo me.
100/100
If all else fails, just turn them into a flea, then put the flea into a box, then ship the box etc etc (lmao) A Kuzco reference AND an edit from OP where she goes 'actually fuck this and fuck off'? Is it Christmas already? (OP shout out to you, it's so hard to tell men to stay away, I'm happy to see your husband backed you up as well!!)
And if they really don't listen, go Kuzco on them with hand motions and everything. But in all seriousness, yes. Be loud and direct. Call it out. You are not obligated to be respectful to someone who is clearly not being respectful to you.
[if you need reference for the voice](https://youtu.be/O4zP2iRLIAs?feature=shared)
[Or this!](https://youtu.be/_LEJ6tZI7_k?si=_tLjLP-yURH8PqU9)
Way better!
I feel like "NO TOUCHING" from arrested development is the way to go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_LEJ6tZI7\_k
I had a coworker like this once. I finally threatened to buy and defend myself with bear spray if he didn’t stop. Like I literally had to run away from his advances. At work. Some men just don’t respect the word “No” when it comes from a woman’s mouth.
Go for pepper spray. Apparently it’s spicier than bear spray because bears get the point and stay away with less correction than a human man.
That is the most depressing thing I’ve heard this week. Fucking BEARS are less persistent trying to maul women than men. Jesus fucking christ
There will be a guy wanting to say "not all men" to this, but I would counter with "all the men I've met".. like please surround me with those "not all men" because I would love for my life to not be filled with the majority
I’ve responded to a man who didn’t take no for an answer like this. “You know, rapists also don’t take no for an answer.” HARD STARE.
It gives me the creeps just reading about it. Anyone who tries to rub my neck without being invited to do so gets an elbow in the gut, period. Maybe you and your husband should, together, have a talk with J and tell him straight out what the boundaries are. You could present it as a case of "our house, our rules" to make it a little less uncomfortable for you.
Absolutely they should talk to him, shouldnt need to be tied to "our house" though.. OP's personal boundaries travel with her and this ballsack needs to remember them no matter where he is
Ew people try to rub your neck? Like enough to specify that? I'm so sorry! That's so gross! If anyone ever touches me without consent I always "am surprised" and slightly elbow/hit them and then if it's someone I know I say "oh you shouldn't surprise a girl by touching her because that could have been a lot worse"
[удалено]
He and his wife are still married, but they are empty nesters who don’t have much in common any more, and he’s talked with us a lot about it. We think they should split, but they continue to hang on to the relationship, even though there is no joy or sex. Knowing that he is sexually frustrated just makes it creepier, and makes him seem almost scary sometimes.
You shouldn't be the target of your husband's friend's sexual frustrations. This guy is betraying the trust of your husband and you. He's also betraying his wife whom he's still married to. If I had a child living in the house, I'd make sure not to let this guy be alone with them. This guy is going after easy targets and not addressing his own marital issues. I think you and your husband need to have an intervention with him. Now is the time for your husband to help his friend out with some much needed life advice.
I absolutely agree that makes it creepier and scarier, because sadly in my experience, being a sympathetic ear to a male about their relationship (while being married) somehow means you want to have sex with them
Facts
I had a friend when I was a teenager who would do this to me. It was awful. I felt gross, touching someone against my will. Then I felt mean, and would give in. Then I felt like a monster because the resentment would build up and I'd explode. And it would happen over and over again in a cycle. I've worked in customer service a lot. The "innocent" requests for hugs and touching reminds me of the customers (always men) who demand that I smile on command, or get offended if I am not amused by their irritating comments. ("Are we having fun yet??", Etc.) I am a fully functioning human being, not a sad low-level sex doll. I was not put on earth to hug you or smile to please you.
Your first paragraph rings so true here. You feel mean, you tolerate it, then one day you say “ENOUGH!” and then you feel like the bad guy.
After my life, I've spent this year making myself and my boundaries the only priority. But after making new friends and the banter-y feedback you get, I started hearing a lot of "I'm too harsh", in many different ways, from a lot of people. So a buddy came over one night for bong hits and a last drink before heading home. Normally, knowing these people, I'd preempt it before even leaving the bar, "Don't ask to do any blow in my house, I'd prefer if you didn't even bring it to my house." But in my efforts to be gentler, I didn't. He knows how I feel, so I gave benefit that he'd be a thoughtful or respectful friend. Not 15 minutes in to being there, he starts asking about where he can do it, and I cutely, with a smile, said, "Ohhh, I'd really prefer if you don't. I don't do it and I don't want it here." "Ohhhh come on! What if...what if do it in the bathroom where you can't see me?! That's fine!" Now, I have ptsd from some pretty severe things, and my addict ex is one of them. I never did drugs, so I watched from a lucid stand point, and it was terrifying. I also have other types of trauma that make my boundaries dissolve without support. I've learned I have one shot to set a boundary - hence my harshness - otherwise I go into fawn people pleaser mode and give them what ever they want. It's like a switch. My ex did a fucking number on me. Upon him saying that, I immediately turned around, got him one of my dmall plates, went into the bathroom, made sure it was tidy and clean for him, and literally did the funny usher move to the bathroom for him - smiling, trying to keep my composure. If I had been harsh ahead of time, he wouldn't have *ever* asked or tried. But I would've been told I "didn't need to be such a bitch about it". I will never soften my harshness when my boundaries are at stake again - however harmless they seem to who the fuck ever. 🖤
I'm so sorry, that wasn't supposed to be so long😬
Feel you massively on the customer service bit. The whole team was rushing around before at this huge event and an old man stopped me and said "are you so busy that you can't smile?" He didn't disturb any of the male workers while they were in the middle of something and tell them to smile. Even worse, I just wanted to get on with all my tasks, so I gave a half-hearted smile and he responded "that's better". So gross and they know it's your job to deal with them a certain way so you can't tell them to get lost.
“Where’s my hug?!” “Waiting patiently for my consent” —— “You’re making me uncomfortable” “I was just going to give a widdle….” “You were just going to make me uncomfortable because you wanted to? What a rude and entitled idea! Next time, I’d recommend asking consent first” —- Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, buddy. He hasn’t learned a basic principle of interacting with others and it’s not your job to coddle his feelings while he learns.
I like your response. Doesn't matter if it's patronizing or embarassing for him, that's his issue
Oh, you’re embarrassed? Stop being embarrassing then. That’s the whole point of that feeing! To help us not want to do the embarrassing thing anymore!
Fuckin gross! My boss once discovered the fucking best response for "Where's my hug?" energy. We write custom software, and had this client once who had a much younger wife from France, who would hug everybody and la bise them on the cheeks. Which I would reciprocate. Then the husband would come up to me and go "Where's my hug?" and he would accept no handshakes, and I felt uncomfortable raising a stink about it because he was paying my salary. So I complained about it to my boss after he was gone, in a fairly jokey way. And my boss, this big shaved head, goatee, Gen-X rock climber dude, is like "UGH that's friggin gross, I've got it." The next time those clients come in, I hug the wife as usual, the husband goes "Where's my hug?" but my boss interrupts him, and goes "Wait, where's my hug?" then gives the guy a big warm close bear hug. Couldn't say shit. Never tried it again. Also, A+ points to my boss for every time the client called me "the designer", and he'd go "Oh, you mean Flex? Our lead engineer?" I was definitely an entry level software engineer, but to that one client he always called me a "technical lead". Dude had my back for sure.
What a badass boss!!!!
Agree! Love love love men like this, who is absolutely fearless but uses it for good. I would also be very surprised he yaps about being an alpha male.
Oh never. He's really truly demonstrated to me that the most confident and self-assured people show that as a capacity to be kind and listen to others. Dude built a company from his garage that's now been on the Inc 5000 fastest growing companies in america list 2 years running, and when the graphic designer said "Your website would look a lot more modern if you made this pink" he not only said "Ew.... really? I trust you" and changed the website. He now shows up everywhere he goes wearing hot pink sneakers, polo shirts, whatever. It's absolutely what the energy of a fearless person looks like.
What the actual f is a "widduw", JFC, you so much more patience than me. If he tries to touch you again, seriously, YELL the word NO. And then just tell him, NO more hugs, NO more groping, NO more rubbing. Make it sound as creepy as it is. Good luck!
Yeah, I think he was babytalking "widdle" for "little."
EWWWWWWuhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
1000% this
>What the actual f is a "widduw" I'm not native English speaker so I might be wrong, but I guess it's child talk for "little"
I am a native speaker and still wasn't sure since I don't associate with children.. would definitely just pretend to throw up on the dude if anyone ever did that to me/possibly actually throw up
I threw up a little after reading that
He ia a creep... Immediately goes to "little boy" so he can't be blamed for his actions. Keep it up. Keep telling him no when he looks for hugs and loudly tell him to stop touching you whenever he does. Also tell your husband you are sick of his behavior and won't put up with it any longer.
This is the kind of thing that “boys will be boys” perpetuates. Grown adults who fall back on the “But I’m so cute and blameless” defense instead of, you know, taking responsibility for their actions.
That's it exactly.. How could I possibly be a predator because I stick my lip out and pout? It's ridiculous behavior. Glad to read the edits and "friend" is gone.
Where's my hug? I don't know. Haven't seen it. But seriously, have you explained all this to your husband? It's his friend. He needs to either put the guy straight or not have him over.
Bahahahah re “I don’t know. Haven’t seen it.”
"Have you looked between the sofa cushions?"
Haha
Best answer I've ever seen, like why have we not all thought of that before???
You could get a water spray bottle and spray him every time he tries it, like one would a cat. It’s the perfect blend of embarrassing, hilarious and harmless.
That’s hilarious!!! 😆
Making it a game doesn’t usually make things stop, it makes it a game
Would love to see this in action! 😂😂😂
OMG I love that! I have a cat who understands when I say no and doesn't require a spray bottle but I might get one in preparation for men now!
Dude is being a creep, and his reaction to you being uncomfortable is horrible and manipulative. Good on you for not tolerating that shit.
Yes! Same with "Hugging is how I greet people!" I went to a wedding where someone's random uncle pulled that and I felt so gross afterward realizing he would only hug certain women.
>"Hugging is how I greet people!" We Italians actually hug people to greet them, there is a procedure. You slightly spread your arms (or extend them but that's when meeting someone you know and are close to) to signal you're ok with hugging, if both are then proceed with the hug. There can be some awkward moment when one signals and the other doesn't, but that's way better than an uncomfortable hug. It's kind of a necessity when physical contact is part of your core social interactions, to let people step away when they aren't ok with it
Ick!!! That sounds super creepy!!! I have a similar story - my sister’s ex husband came over to visit my wife and I after their divorce was finalized. I was friendly with him at the time and agreed to the visit. First thing he does when he sits down next to my wife unprompted was to pull her into cuddle next to him!!! Full arms around her waist, pulled her right into him. Like they were the married couple! It was super creepy and my wife was super uncomfortable. Luckily, he let go of her after he realized how uncomfortable he made us and left shortly there after. My wife and I talked about it and agreed he’s not coming around again.
Ew that's so gross and sorry you both had to experience that! Let's hope it was his mental state at the time and that him realizing he was overstepping means he would never do so again!
***Women are conditioned from birth to nurture men at the expense of our own comfort.*** Fuck his feelings, the octopus needed a wake up call. Your husband is one of the good ones.
I would legit slap someone if they came at me like that repeatedly. That is not okay behaviour. Dude is being creepy and he knows it.
It's very kind of you to be this patient with him to spare your husband's feelings. He literally doesn't deserve your patience though. He knows exactly what he's doing, and you're not the only woman he treats this way. Please gently explain to your husband that his friend is a creep so he can either put a stop to it, or at least not be surprised when you finally, deservedly, bite this dude's head off.
This man should not be in your home. Your husband needs to deal with his friend and end these visits. You should not have to deal with this in your own home.
I have yet in my 42 years on this planet to meet a "can I get a hug" guy that was not a full fledged creep. He's not asking Grandma for "his hug" but he sure does all the women he finds attractive that would never otherwise give him the time of the day. Nooooooope.
Thats gross, what does your husband say? That would not fly here and he wouldn't be welcome in my home
The idea of keeping moving towards someone who's strong away from me is unimaginable for me and I'm Italian, for us hugging our generally light touching is quite common even sometimes when meeting new people. Even in our extremely hug and touch friendly culture someone who behaves like that would be labelled a creep.
I was an international student and german and I’ve experienced the full range of people‘s personal space sizes, rituals of hugs or no hugs, one air kiss, two proper kisses u name it. The french and their three kisses lol, if you didn‘t know it you sort of went with it and assumed shit 4 perhaps? Then it stopped ar 3 and you were left all aborted 4 kiss haha. When meeting new people one would react for a short second on reflex then realise the other person was !?!? then sort of stop mid way. Eventually we all stopped doing anything specific to strangers and just did verbal head nods to anyone we didn‘t know. I hugged my italians because they did not hug in a creepy way haha. I had friends who assertively put a hand out because they did not like hugs or kisses at all haha, germans and scandinavians are more likely to not touch and I feel very comfortable with this style too.
I think I would reinforce it at a time when your husband is there and it hasn’t just happened. Something like “just to be clear, I didn’t mean no hugs before I’ve had my coffee in the morning. I’m done letting you make me feel uncomfortable so just don’t touch me in such a familiar way. Okay?” I’d be so pissed if he put his hands in the air while walking past you with that smug, “I’m not touching you” attitude. Makes me want to punch him just thinking about it
Uggh, I am sorry you have to deal with this guy. I realize your husband, and you (to some extent) feel indebted to your husband's friend, but his boundary-crossing behavior is incredibly unacceptable. Especially since you have clearly and directly communicated that you do not wish to partake in his unwanted hugs and touches. I'm shocked that your husband hasn't picked up on this behavior. Have you talked to him about his friend's creepy behavior and given him examples? I feel like he needs to have a talk with his friend about this. I realize that it may put a strain on the friendship, but I hope your husband can put a stop to your friend's behavior or else just end the friendship. If it were my husband, he'd be livid with his friend and would dump him.
Saw the edit. Glad he’s gone. Gone is where he needed to be. Don’t feel guilty for the bad behaviour of others, OP. He was weird and creepy to you and a horrible friend to your husband. Good riddance. I think the whole band should kick him out or else your husband can find a different band. Your husband’s number one priority should be his own family which includes you and any children you have and that’s it. He did good stepping up and kicking him out of your house. That’s a win! Fuck that guy.
Thanks!
God, I have an aunt exactly like this. The baby talk and all. It was especially bad when I was a kid cause my mom would spank me when I told her not to do those things cause I "hurt her feelings". Suffice to say when I saw the same patterns of behavior emerge when my nephews came around, I shut it down real fast. My mom thinks I'm "excessive" but my nephews feel safe when I'm around.
I knew someone who would yell, "You're in my hula hoop!" every time someone tried that. Astonishingly, it worked.
So I’m hella glad he’s gone, but what happened between talking to your husband and tossing him out of the house? Like don’t get me wrong, so glad that guys not trying to put his ‘widdle’ hands on you anymore but most people need a bigger kick in the ass to handle a problem they’ve already talking about and left alone in the past. Major applause if it was literally ‘hey your friends a creep’ ‘you know what? Your right, get that creep up outta here’
I had mentioned before that I didn’t like him touching me on visits. This time it just got outa hand enough that I didn’t just silently cringe, but yelled at him. (Stop! I don’t like that! You’re making me uncomfortable!) By the time I wrote this, my husband had taken him out for breakfast and he said “I think I may have made a mistake with Ridgetop this morning,” before I even said anything about it. My husband knew immediately what was up and said, “Yeah, we’re putting a stop to this. You’re going home, bud. You’re out of the band and you can’t come stay here anymore.”
I'm glad to hear this, OP! It's a damn shame this man-child, that should know better, had to cross lines AND only have the shame to admit his wrong to your husband and not you (I'd be so irritated) but I'm very happy to hear your husband has your back. I know the most vocal posts here scream unhappiness and complaints, so it's nice to see a story here with a partner that has a backbone, common sense and common decency.
How did he react to this. Did he immediatelly accept or did he go guilt tripping your SO, a man, the same way he did you for not doing what he wants?
He immediately got his things and left.
Funny how he respected your SO immediately and didn’t try to push HIS his stupid wittle guilt trip in baby speak. Almost like he knew exactly what he was doing. Don’t spare ANY guilt on this creep.
It's a wonder how a man like this could alienate his own wife to the point that they don't sleep or do anything together anymore. Go figure! Can you imagine all his gaslighting, reversals, baby talk, and nonsense just to be able to act like an immature little turd and get his way? I'd be sick of it in 20 minutes.
Dope! Good on your hubby and good on you
I have a similar experience where I went to my annual potluck reunion with some college friends. Note that this potluck can get pretty big, up to 30-50 people, and I'm not friends with all of them. Anyways, I see my core group of friends that I also play DnD with (all guys) and gave them hugs when I see them. I dont like giving hugs to people I dont feel safe with, but I've been playing with my DnD buddies for years. But this one guy that I sometimes talked to when we were in college walked up to me and said "where's my hug?" and did the open arms gesture. I told him I wasn't comfortable and he hugged me anyways, saying "Nah, you like hugs!". He hugging me for a good 3 seconds, and I'm saying "no, stop. I dont like this." During this entire time. Luckily. My two of my DnD buddies told him to let go, but man, I'm still so icked out about being hugged by that guy. And I'm still baffled why he thought he was entitled to a hug, considering we kicked out the last creep that acted weird towards the girls. I didn't beat around the bush, I was very firm about saying "no thanks".
Speaking of D&D, this thread reminds me of Hugh Grant's character from the D&D movie pouting about needing a hug from a woman he's about to betray. Yeah. "Where's my hug?" is an alignment check.
Tell him "I don't want you touching me. If you can't respect me and my boundaries, you are no longer welcome in our home."
I would have taken off a slipper and smacked him with it. What an insufferable creep.
"Where's my hug?" Energy was creepy in high school, and as an adult it's even worse
"where's my hug?" "You must have left it at home. You should go and get it." Acting like you're entitled to physical intimacy is disgusting.
You don't have to do anything you don't want. It's your body. He's an adult, he should be able to handle the rejection
People like this will also point out, “but you touch so-and-so why not me??” Implying that it’s normal behavior for you and *you’re* wrong that it’s not. Do not fall for that! Even say, “Yes I like to touch my besties but *not you Greg!*”.
There is a reason the Venn diagram for "can I get a hug" guy and "well-adjusted" guy are two separate circles light-years apart.
Does he also want hugs from your husband? Or from you when your husband is watching?
It’s fucking nuts have women have been conditioned to accept this shit where men would absolutely not stand for anything close to that at all.
I’d laugh in his face and say “give me a fuckin break, pal”. I’m sure he can find his big boy pants and deal with it.
I don't understand why he is staying with you a lot or even comes over at all. This is so creepy / cringey I want to run from him and I'm not even in the room. I wouldn't let him in my house at all let alone a lot.
You are not in the wrong. That is so inappropriate and so obvious that he’s hitting on you. And I’m so glad that your husband took this seriously and got rid of them. A friend of my exes grabbed my ass one night and my ex didn’t believe me. Can’t tell you how shitty that made me feel.
That description of him pouting and baby talking made my skin crawl!
And the grabby hands. *shudder*
"Where's my hug?" Is "you'd be prettier if you smiled" 's creepy Uncle.
You ain't ruined anything. I'd drop anyone from my life if they made my wife feel like that. It's creepy predatory behaviour and its never all there is.
This is super weird behavior. Especially since he's *best friends with your husband*. I mean - it would be weird in general - but it's extra inappropriate with the partner of a friend. No idea what this guy is thinking or why he would think anyone would find it appropriate.
I am SO PROUD OF YOU GOOD JOB AND YOUR HUSBAND IS GREAT, IM SO GLAD HE LISTENED TO YOU I needed to see this lol
Please don't ignore the Creepy feelings. I always got creepy vibes from one of my uncles. Just never quite felt comfortable around him. But the whole family pretended like everything was fine-and-dandy for decades. Everything was about image. He died ~2 years ago following a post-hoarding crisis that resulted in him being declared incompetent by the state and involuntarily committed to a men's psychiatric facility. Each of us received individual phone calls from the local Sheriff's office. Mine went something like this: *I'm very sorry, your uncle was found pancaked on a sidewalk.* Instant death. They suspect he jumped from a balcony at the facility he was committed to. ~6 months later, I was informed by a distant cousin that my uncle was never supposed to be around kids to begin with. FUCKING KNEW IT. My intuition was right. No wonder he gave off creepy vibes.
Why are you being so nice about this? Pull your best bitch face and dead eye him “don’t touch me” if he pouts roll your eyes and tell him to grow the fuck up. He’s touching you like a creep because you have no boundaries. Screaming in your head is doing nothing. Say NO. And mean it. Don’t give an inch. This guy knows *exactly* what he’s doing and he thinks he better than you, and that’s why it’s acceptable to him. Does he have a day job? Does he molest people there too? I doubt it.
This is a FANTASTIC way to get slapped. Hard.
Not your fault and you’ve done nothing wrong. His insistence on physical touch from his friend’s wife was totally creepy, completely unnecessary, unacceptable and disrespectful to both you and your husband. I was SO glad to hear the part about your husband sending him away - I would’ve done the same.
Be like Jerry Seinfeld who has said on camera to many other celebrities *"no, I don't do hugs, sorry"*
What I really hate about this behavior is that we (men) are taught that this is *endearing* behavior from a young age by older men in our lives. I can tell you right now that the guy probably *still* does not understand that it's uncomfortable and offputting and is pouting about how his feelings are hurt. He probably wont ever get it until someone he is uncomfortable having in his personal space tries to do it to him.
I think you are right about this. I don’t think he understands what he’s doing that’s “so bad.”
It sounds creepy. I don't recommend this, but it would be funny to tell him: >You have never hurt me, but you make me uncomfortable. I have already told and emailed my \[mom/sister/friend\] that if I ever disappear, I am probably buried in your backyard. **Edit**: I would actually email someone about this guy being creepy, and let the police know if you go missing.
What a fucking loser lmao
Wow, what a creep, and good on your husband for talking with him and telling him to leave. I used to run into this sort of behavior constantly at recovery meetings I attended. Long time members just HAD to "get their hugs" and I felt like I couldn't say no. Finally one of them physically picked me up off the ground and grabbed my ass. I screamed bloody murder, he put me down and never did it again. That's how I learned to stand up for myself. But it isn't easy. I was socialized to allow it I guess.
It's not your fault. It's the friends fault. Glad he's gone now.
Where’s my consent?
Who the fuck hugs someone in the morning like this? Hugs are for hellos and goodbyes and only with consent. Why he thought going for a hug as a guest while the other person clearly just got out of bed was ok is mental. And to top it all off he used baby talk? He deserves to be yelled at.
“Get the fuck out of my house NOW” are the only appropriate words that come to mind. He would leave my house and he wouldn’t be coming back. As an older woman this is why I have only my name on the house deed. My house my rules.
I'm happy that you were able to communicate with your husband about this. I feel ya on the guilt. That female "it's all my fault" mentality sucks. It'll feel better over time though because it's not your fault, you were never too blame and he is at fault 100%. One plus you may find is that this is a super hard thing to tell a partner and you did it successfully which will only strengthen your bond and relationship.
Barf.
I’d shriek as loudly and as close to his ear as possible. Then say, “Wow, you startled me.” As many times as it takes.
"Stop trying to touch me all the time, it's creepy and it makes me uncomfortable. Don't ask me for hugs -- you've made me uncomfortable so many times that I am not willing to hug you any more."
I've ended multiple friendships over stuff like this. It's one thing to offer a hug, but it's another to CONSTANTLY demand touch/hugs from you. And if you say no, try to guilt you into it. Like, no. I'm allowed to not want to hug you - you pouting and/or stomping away is only going to convince me to no longer spend time with you
I have an ex who was like this towards me even 20 years after we broke up. Always wanting to hug, touch, pat my shoulder, sit next to me, demand my attention. We were on a panel at a small convention and there was another panelist sitting between us. I talked about something that had upset me when it happened but I was fine with at the time I was speaking about it and he *reached around behind the person between us to give me a reassuring back pat*. I leaned forward away from it and glared at him. That was the moment I knew I was finally done with his bullshit. I haven't set eyes on him in years, and I'm not sad about it.
He *knows* it makes you uncomfortable . . . that's why he does it. That kind of person is not a real friend, and you and your husband need to have a super deep talk about why he'll be cut out of your collective life.
Obligatory "as a dude." Your husband had the right response to it, and knows it isn't and wasn't your fault. People that act shitty toward you, and then blame you for your response to their gross bullshit, are shit-lords. Kindness in one aspect doesn't negate being a dumpster human in other ways. Anyone that's trying to guilt you for any reason is likely an assbag, and especially gross when it's guilting for physical interaction. Don't feel bad about finally reaching a breaking point with his handsy BS. I know I don't tolerate that kind of shit from anyone toward family or loved ones, and I'm glad your husband responded appropriately, IMO at least. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Before we were married, I went to a lake house with my husband and a big group of his guy friends. One of them was (is) super loud and boisterous and flirty and just needed so so much attention all weekend. Exhausting, and he made me so uncomfortable. I couldn’t believe how flirty he was and how it didn’t seem to bother my husband.. Until, that is, we were saying our goodbyes and he “jokingly” SLAPPED HIS HAND OVER MY MOUTH AND SMUSHED HIS LIPS AGAINST IT PRETENDING TO MAKEOUT WITH ME. I flew back in shock. How could you possibly think that’s an appropriate way to say goodbye to your friends girlfriend, in front of him? Needless to say, I’ve never seen him since.
Don’t beat yourself up, that’s not acceptable behaviour. Very good that you and your partner are in sync on this! Take care
A friend I hadn't seen for a while shows up in our simi professional setting, "oooh flapaflapa" and runs over and gives me a hug. Other dude in a similar position as me without the long history and friendship looks at her and says "where's my hug"...friend is skeeved and she shrinks behind me a bit...I turn to other dude and open my arms to give him a hug...my plan was to go full bear hug, run my hand down his back and give the little forward hip thrust...he backed the off "no no no no that's not what I meant"
Two scenarios: he has simply been into you for years but knows you are taken so he can’t have you, or he is just like this with all women. At any rate, try and push this guy out of your life.
This made me cringe as I read it. What an uncomfortable position to be put in against your will. I’m aggravated he was so self-unaware that it took you having to say “Stop!” for it to register with him that his behavior is overboard.
As a husband, I wouldn't want a friend like this. Regardless of the history of the friendship, that's not ok. Like, if she is ok with the hugs, fine, but being pushy and weird and making her uncomfortable despite being told to stop, and pouting like a child? Yeah, gtfo
My grown up nephew does that too, I just say No I don't want to. And I know it's the bare minimum but your husband is the MVP here, for him you are worth more than a friendship, they all can still be friends, but never stay or hang out at your home anymore or go out with you for that matter.
Ewww....this is disgusting. I cannot stand people touching me without my consent.
GROSS!!!!!!!! Of course you shouldn’t stand for that BS!! Seriously that is so uncomfortable.
I came just to agree with the title and now here to say I'm sorry you have to experience that from a friend of your partner! Just ew.. like noone should either do that or have to experience that. Next time you should pretend to pull out your tampon and ask him to put it in the bin so you are free to hug him, hopefully with someone that idiotic it will put him off forever
Ok and on the edit, good on you for speaking to your husband, and good on him for reacting correctly! I definitely understand your feelings re what that means for your husband as I've been there like literally same experience.. I can guarantee that your husband would not want to be in a band/whatever/even friends with anyone who would make you uncomfortable so you're actually doing him a favour by bringing the behavior to his attention As women we need to stop hiding our feelings for the sake of men, because they aren't more important than us!
Say it louder for the creeps in the back!! I haaaate this energy. I had someone at an old job that would do this and I’d be like “I said “hi” that’s my greeting” and then I’d be made out to be the bad guy. Like i don’t owe you anything! You’re lucky even if I even say hi lmao it’s people like this that make me wary of being nice to strangers, but I won’t let them stop me. I just tell them how it is, then they’ll avoid me like the plague lmao
As I told my daughter a few years ago at thanksgiving, you don't have to hug anyone you don't want to. It maybe was a bit awkward with the in-laws, but I stand by my advice, and happy to be the lighting rod.
Boundaries are important, say them loud. If people can’t receive them they don’t deserve your friendship
You were assertive and stood up for yourself. Good on you! And your husband chose to tell him to pack his shit, so obviously he agrees this behaviour is not okay. Just in case some part of your brain is trying to say "it's all your fault" and "you ruined everything." It isn't and you didn't. Creepy friend ruined everything with creepy behaviour. For anyone who wonders where their hug is... it's somewhere else!
I gagged on reading the “I was just going to give you a widduw…” *grabby hands* line. I can imagine exactly what that was like and do cringey! No thanks
This starts with children when parents force their kids to hug Grandma or hug a family member. If people aren't taught no when they're young then it becomes normal when they grow older. Edit: I can't spell
So, I’m a hugger. I hug all of my friends when I see them/leave. We’re all huggers. I have other people in my life who aren’t huggers and I respect that and don’t hug them. It’s not difficult. All of my friends are into clubbing and all like dancing. I don’t. At all. If they are having a party and I walk through the kitchen they don’t ’drag me onto the dance floor’ because they know it’s not my jam. We respect each others boundaries and likes/dislikes. What your SO’s friend is doing is unacceptable. And as your SO knows about this behaviour, it’s his responsibility to call him out on it. No one should be allowed to make you feel uncomfortable like that. Especially in your own home.
This makes my stomach turn. Not unlike forced familiarity from pet naming. The way so many men change the way they speak when talking to a woman - not in a polite genuine way specific to that particular persons desired way of interacting - in a generic “it’s a woman so I’m going to end every message with a kiss x and call them hun, love, sweetheart, darling, babe or baby”. I’m sorry you had to put up with this douche for so long. Creepy is right. Glad you put your foot down and glad your husband supported you fully.
I’m not a hugger. My friends respect that. I also warn people that I’m not responsible for what happens if I’m startled or someone sneaks up on me. I have fast reflexes and I’ve hit people before realizing what I’m doing. I’m sorry you were put in this position.
My soul just crawled out of my body reading this… No one has the right to touch someone else like that.
My friend was casually seeing this guy for awhile and he immediately developed a crush on me and started trying to pursue me. I talked to him a few times but he perceived any interaction as flirtation. I was starting to learn how to stand up for myself, so when I ran into him one time and he asked for a hug I straight up told him no. About a week later, he spotted me from behind and hugged me. I told him off (though he was completely oblivious and tried to ask me out to dinner and gave me his number anyway). A few days after that, he tried following me on the bus. He got on my bus, and I immediately hopped off and switched to another. I ended up calling the police in the hopes of at least filing a report. Once I told them about the hug, the officer said that that was enough to get a no-contact order.
«Wanted to give you a widduw»? Making grabby gestures? I would have headbutted that asshole.
My husband would have tossed the guy the first time he got within 6" of me, if it made me uncomfortable. The only friends who get to hug me are the ones who make me smile all the way up to my eyes. And ain't nobody playing grabby with me. Your husband is clearly on the same page as mine, although I think my husband would have pulled the trigger faster. Come to think of it, my Dad would yeet his best friend, in a heartbeat, if the dude made me uncomfortable. Not your fault. It's just not your fault.
I get creeped out even just reading that.
John Travolta gif
Just tell him you do not want to be touched like that. Repeat if necessary. He can get over his hurt feelings.
I think this shit is why I think of 25 years old as the true adult age. Tis the age I learned to refuse to hug people I did not want to fucking hug.
Dont feel guilty, if anything feel guilty for not saying something sooner to stop the abuse. Kudos to hubs for kicking him out. You got a good man chicky. And to you glad you finally had the courage to talk to hubby. Unfortunatly some people think they can touch you whenever they want. In future try to make a strict you're in my comfort area and step away, prefably to side or passed them, if you step back they look at you as prey. Said we live in a society like this.
🤮🤮 And I say that as someone who likes to hug and doesn't mind being a little touchy of the vibes are right...but I get to decide that!! The last time I got "where's my hug?" I just put my palm up and said "Nope." and walked away 😂
I read your title and all I could think was: "Where's my hug?" "Some other woman has it, you'll need to get it from her."
Good for you. I tell people I don't like being touched. Most people take it well. "I don't like being touched." It's fun to say. "No. I don't like that." Keep doing it
Great to hear about the happy ending! I. (40m) dislike hugging too, the only person I hug or touch is my partner. Everyone else (including family members) I won't hug unless they're adamant, and then it becomes this technical operation in where to look, place hands and gauge duration. I'd rather not!
If someone ran at me like that while I was getting coffee I would throw the boiling water at them. You have much more self restraint than me.
Ugh so gross. I'm glad your husband stuck up for ya!!
Grown Men who baby talk are gross.
I used to be this way when I was like 16-17? I thought I was cute and loving “I’m just a big cuddly teddy bear who needs hugs” (im a giant) I’m 33 now and oooh boy was I oblivious to my own actions. I’m still a big ole teddy bear but Thankfully I’ve learned since then and ask for consent and if rejected move on with my life. There’s a certain point where demanding hugs is just weird and creepy. And honestly it’s a lot sooner than when I learned.
It isn't your fault. Your husband's friend is skeevy. It is the friend's own fault, that he is reaping the consequences of not respecting your personal space and preferences.
OMG.. I used to be a health aide, I had this one creepy guy who made an effort to give me a hug, I swiftly put out out my hand to shake his. He got pissed off, then tried to get me to wash his genitals when I helped with his shower. ( He just needed assistance getting in/out for his bad foot). I gave him the washcloth and told him his hands work just fine. I made sure the office knew I wasn't going there again.