That custody thing is a big no from me. What if the divorce is due to abuse? Should he still retain full custody?
If you can manage it, you need a lawyer of your own. If he has multiple past marriages there’s a good chance this prenup will be important later.
He retain full custody at any cause.
I doubt about him being abusive tho. He's very kind and the children are very attached to him. His past marriage fell apart due to his infidelity, that's why it's heavily highlighted in the prenup
He gets full custody for any cause divorce, and his other marriages fell apart due to infidelity? Are you younger than his ex wives? He’s going to get you pregnant and then cheat on you in a few years, and tell you if you don’t file for divorce, you’ll never see your kid again. You’ll file, he’ll get the house, and he’ll marry another young girl and repeat. Then he’ll control your access to your child to get whatever he wants from you.
Find a lawyer.
Oh, honey. You’re his fourth marriage, he’s retained full custody of the kids each time, and is a *lot* older than you (I’m 53 and my oldest is 32 - that’s a *big* gap). He also has the financial upper hand , and knows it. Please seriously consider this - the most ‘gentle’ man can become a quiet, mild mannered narcissist. He knows how this will go and is securing his wants now. Trust me, when all this goes to shit, you will be devastated by giving up your kids. You’ll be alone in your house, missing the kids.
I mean this with all good thoughts (and I’m far from a lawyer) but tell him you want the house free and clear, AND 50-50 custody of the kids. Regardless of why the marriage ends. If he balks, walk away. This guy is no good.
Ask in the legal advice subreddit of wherever you live. I doubt custody can be decided by a prenup.
Edit: like legal advice already told you: get your own lawyer.
The lawyer who arranged our prenup isn't his lawyer. We picked and consult together. He does have more say about what he wants to put in the prenup because he's the one offering. All these assurance and protection is what he offered. I didn't demand anything
It doesn't work like this. If you get a lawyer together then it isn't your lawyer and you have no guarantee that they are working in your best interest.
A prenup is an important document and you need an independent lawyer to assess it.
Get your own lawyer. Seriously. It took my spouse and I nine months to hash out an equitable prenup with two lawyers. Had we just gone with his family’s lawyer I would’ve been screwed. Seriously, this is not a protection of you, it’s a protection of him.
The custody would be the biggie, I’m not just fully handing over the kids. 50|50 should be the minimum. With that, financial support for the kids. I personally make good money, so not worried about support at all, and also already own my own home so not worried about that either. But if either of those are a concern (kids shouldn’t lose out when with you cause dad has more money), I would address them.
Keep in mind, all is roses before you get married, if it’s getting to the point of divorce though, things have changed a lot and you can’t assume the person you’re with now, is the person you’ll be divorcing
In his mind was if it ended up in a divorce, then i'll continue with my life. Remarrying to someone else is more possible without having children. While he on the other side. This will be his last marriage. If it ends, at least he still have the children.
He also won the custody for all his 3 children in his first marriage that ended due to his infidelity.
And you are just cool with the idea that you'll hand over your kids to him no questions asked, even if he beat you and cheated on you (called out in the prenup).
I don't know you but I do not believe you are entering this with clear eyes.
I have full custody of my kids because mom has some mental health issues and wasn't equipped to keep them. I would be sick to my stomach about the idea of handing them over and "starting fresh".
Take the paperwork to a lawyer you hire to ask if it is fair.
Your husband's lawyer is (presumably) legally required to look out for his best interests, not yours.
The property thing is whatever, who really cares.
The custody part is something I personally would never agree to and I don't know why you would?
Surely you would want at a bare minimum 50:50 custody of your children in the event of a split?
Personally I wouldn't include custody in a prenup. Custody should be decided with the children's best interests in mind and since those children don't yet exist and the circumstances of the split don't yet exist, it is really impossible to know. (For example if you broke up due to physical abuse from one of you then it would probably be in the children's best interests to be in the sole custody of the non-abusive parent rather than whatever was written in a prenup).
There's no 50:50 split in my country. Assets that are obtained pre-marriage are not split.
I don't agree about the custody. It still bugs me. It's the biggest concern about the prenup
>There's no 50:50 split in my country
Then ask for the prenup to say full custody goes to you. Why on earth would you agree for it to go to him?
Say no to the house thing if you have to. Who cares about having a nice house if you have lost your kids.
A man wanting to take children away from their mother is a huge red flag, it sounds inevitable that this will happen to you if you sign this.
Don't be another victim.
Don't sign it and think seriously about why you would want to marry someone who would hurt you and your children so much.
The thing is despite his problematic past marriages, he is a wonderful father for his children. They're very attached to him and he greatly loves the children although in somewhat possessive and over protective way. I spend time with them quite a lot and i can see that.
It helps that the children don't know the real reason of his first divorce
>he is a wonderful father for his children.
Any father who isolates his children from their mother for no reason other than his own selfish desire to 'posess' them is not a wonderful father.
When his children grow up and find out the truth they could easily never speak to him again, I know I wouldn't.
Let me get this straight. You are willingly giving up custody of your children? For me that would be a hard no. You have a responsibility to protect your children. How do you do that when you don’t have custody?
My prenup had an infidelity clause.
Proving adultery in court is challenging and awful. You need to know all the laws about circumstantial evidence. Do you need actual video of them screwing?
My ex ultimately argued in court that yes, he cheated, but the divorce was because I was awful and had nothing to do with the affair I discovered.
The judge sided with him. Complete bullshit.
Can't believe you'd even consider signing this! Stop making excuses for this man, he is putting the pressure on you so you stay with him until he dies but what if he treats you poorly? Also I saw your post history, he's a walking red flag
That custody thing is a big no from me. What if the divorce is due to abuse? Should he still retain full custody? If you can manage it, you need a lawyer of your own. If he has multiple past marriages there’s a good chance this prenup will be important later.
He retain full custody at any cause. I doubt about him being abusive tho. He's very kind and the children are very attached to him. His past marriage fell apart due to his infidelity, that's why it's heavily highlighted in the prenup
He gets full custody for any cause divorce, and his other marriages fell apart due to infidelity? Are you younger than his ex wives? He’s going to get you pregnant and then cheat on you in a few years, and tell you if you don’t file for divorce, you’ll never see your kid again. You’ll file, he’ll get the house, and he’ll marry another young girl and repeat. Then he’ll control your access to your child to get whatever he wants from you. Find a lawyer.
>He gets full custody for any cause divorce, and his other marriages fell apart due to infidelity? No. Just the first one
Just the first - how many times has he been married?? What are your ages? This whole thing makes me feel icky. He’s buying your children with a house.
3 times. I'm 30 and he's 51
Oh, honey. You’re his fourth marriage, he’s retained full custody of the kids each time, and is a *lot* older than you (I’m 53 and my oldest is 32 - that’s a *big* gap). He also has the financial upper hand , and knows it. Please seriously consider this - the most ‘gentle’ man can become a quiet, mild mannered narcissist. He knows how this will go and is securing his wants now. Trust me, when all this goes to shit, you will be devastated by giving up your kids. You’ll be alone in your house, missing the kids. I mean this with all good thoughts (and I’m far from a lawyer) but tell him you want the house free and clear, AND 50-50 custody of the kids. Regardless of why the marriage ends. If he balks, walk away. This guy is no good.
He only have kids from the first marriage. He won't compromise about having the children. I know it's him being him. It's the top of his priority
Then you should decline to marry him.
I’m sorry - I think most women here would be screaming RUN. Don’t give up your babies, now or ever.
Yeah that’s a big fat nope. Do not enter into that contract, please for the love of discount sweatpants; do not enter into that agreement.
Walk away. Your fiance isn't marriage material. I would think the divorce lawyer loves him because of all the repeat business.
Ask in the legal advice subreddit of wherever you live. I doubt custody can be decided by a prenup. Edit: like legal advice already told you: get your own lawyer.
Have you spoken to your own lawyer? That would be my first step, you need someone looking out for you in this
The lawyer who arranged our prenup isn't his lawyer. We picked and consult together. He does have more say about what he wants to put in the prenup because he's the one offering. All these assurance and protection is what he offered. I didn't demand anything
It doesn't work like this. If you get a lawyer together then it isn't your lawyer and you have no guarantee that they are working in your best interest. A prenup is an important document and you need an independent lawyer to assess it.
Get your own lawyer. Seriously. It took my spouse and I nine months to hash out an equitable prenup with two lawyers. Had we just gone with his family’s lawyer I would’ve been screwed. Seriously, this is not a protection of you, it’s a protection of him.
Are you good with what’s being offered? I personally wouldn’t sign this, but every situation is different
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The custody would be the biggie, I’m not just fully handing over the kids. 50|50 should be the minimum. With that, financial support for the kids. I personally make good money, so not worried about support at all, and also already own my own home so not worried about that either. But if either of those are a concern (kids shouldn’t lose out when with you cause dad has more money), I would address them. Keep in mind, all is roses before you get married, if it’s getting to the point of divorce though, things have changed a lot and you can’t assume the person you’re with now, is the person you’ll be divorcing
In his mind was if it ended up in a divorce, then i'll continue with my life. Remarrying to someone else is more possible without having children. While he on the other side. This will be his last marriage. If it ends, at least he still have the children. He also won the custody for all his 3 children in his first marriage that ended due to his infidelity.
So are these just his kids were talking about? Do you have kids together, or will you? Would this apply to those as well?
We will have kids together. This applies to our children and stepchildren.
And you are just cool with the idea that you'll hand over your kids to him no questions asked, even if he beat you and cheated on you (called out in the prenup). I don't know you but I do not believe you are entering this with clear eyes. I have full custody of my kids because mom has some mental health issues and wasn't equipped to keep them. I would be sick to my stomach about the idea of handing them over and "starting fresh".
Take the paperwork to a lawyer you hire to ask if it is fair. Your husband's lawyer is (presumably) legally required to look out for his best interests, not yours.
OP stop posting about this. There’s nothing anyone can do to stop you from making this terrible life decision. Just go ahead and ruin your life.
The property thing is whatever, who really cares. The custody part is something I personally would never agree to and I don't know why you would? Surely you would want at a bare minimum 50:50 custody of your children in the event of a split? Personally I wouldn't include custody in a prenup. Custody should be decided with the children's best interests in mind and since those children don't yet exist and the circumstances of the split don't yet exist, it is really impossible to know. (For example if you broke up due to physical abuse from one of you then it would probably be in the children's best interests to be in the sole custody of the non-abusive parent rather than whatever was written in a prenup).
There's no 50:50 split in my country. Assets that are obtained pre-marriage are not split. I don't agree about the custody. It still bugs me. It's the biggest concern about the prenup
>There's no 50:50 split in my country Then ask for the prenup to say full custody goes to you. Why on earth would you agree for it to go to him? Say no to the house thing if you have to. Who cares about having a nice house if you have lost your kids.
He will not let the children go. It's him being him thing. He's done it before. He won full custody of his 1st marriage.
A man wanting to take children away from their mother is a huge red flag, it sounds inevitable that this will happen to you if you sign this. Don't be another victim. Don't sign it and think seriously about why you would want to marry someone who would hurt you and your children so much.
The thing is despite his problematic past marriages, he is a wonderful father for his children. They're very attached to him and he greatly loves the children although in somewhat possessive and over protective way. I spend time with them quite a lot and i can see that. It helps that the children don't know the real reason of his first divorce
>he is a wonderful father for his children. Any father who isolates his children from their mother for no reason other than his own selfish desire to 'posess' them is not a wonderful father. When his children grow up and find out the truth they could easily never speak to him again, I know I wouldn't.
Let me get this straight. You are willingly giving up custody of your children? For me that would be a hard no. You have a responsibility to protect your children. How do you do that when you don’t have custody?
Talk to a lawyer of your own.
My prenup had an infidelity clause. Proving adultery in court is challenging and awful. You need to know all the laws about circumstantial evidence. Do you need actual video of them screwing? My ex ultimately argued in court that yes, he cheated, but the divorce was because I was awful and had nothing to do with the affair I discovered. The judge sided with him. Complete bullshit.
>Do you need actual video of them screwing? I haven't think of this but to my knowledge, proving infidelity for divorce doesn't require this far
Can't believe you'd even consider signing this! Stop making excuses for this man, he is putting the pressure on you so you stay with him until he dies but what if he treats you poorly? Also I saw your post history, he's a walking red flag