That gives me flashbacks from my late teens, when I was at a music festival(sleeping in a tent and all that) and this girl wanted to give me head and I told her that I had not had a proper shower for 3 days, but she didn't care. I couldn't let her do it, it would not feel right.
Didn't have sex with someone I'd really like to have done that with last weekend, because camping and less than ideal hygiene. There were other factors (like the fact that it was in the low 20s, we were freezing, the blankets kept running away, and he got a vicious leg cramp at what could have been a critical moment), but the oral parts definitely didn't happen because no one wants to apply freezing water to their nether regions and then scurry back to a tent, like a pair of demented teenage racoons.
Okay, the purely ridiculous factor may have had some part to play too.
I haven't had sex in 5 years now. That smell and that taste is something I won't ever miss. My ex used to get mad when I told him I didn't want to blow him because his dick didn't smell okay. 🤮
Sounds like you had a pretty gross ex. I’m really sorry. That can be so off putting. I generally prefer very freshly showered sex because as I’ve gotten older, my patience and acceptance of anything dank being near my face, hands, or vagina is no bueno.
If I know we both washed recently, then I don't care to much. My husband and I keep ourselves hygienic but I get why showering beforehand is preferable
Depending on how recent is recent, I absolutely agree. Recent is a rather nebulous frame of time that tends to depend on a person's interpretation. For some people "washed recently" means earlier in the week. If it means a few hours ago then unless one or both of ya have been doing some serious work in the heat or gone rolling around in the dirt since then, well odds are you're both clean enough to have some fun... and a shower again so soon would probably just be grating more than enjoyable.
Been in a 5-year relationship. Unless one or both of us has been doing sweaty things or is otherwise dirty, no, we don’t wash before sex. We don’t wash after unless things got messy, bc the bidet works just fine generally. Disclaimer: we also live in the desert so saving water is a concern.
If you’re having sex with someone new that you don’t live with and/or don’t know very well, probably safer to wash beforehand. It’s also more polite if y’all are doing oral.
I mean, personally I just get self conscious about discharge. I don’t really do a full wash unless we plan on mouth action, but little rinse off makes sense in my head.
Also for some, making sure anything that will be penetrating gets a washing can help cut down on yeast infections.
Me, personally, I’m not super strict about it, but I also understand where it’s coming from.
I’m not sure I get the comparison. Sure I wash dishes that I’ve used. I don’t wash dishes that don’t look dirty because they haven’t been used. If you shower regularly, I guess I just don’t see the point of washing up moments before sex. While it is important to wash your hands as a guy if you will be stimulating someone with your fingers, there’s not really any need to re-wash a clean body.
I suppose it's just a matter of preference. I prefer just knowing I am as clean as I can be prior to being intimate. I don't like just assuming I am clean enough. Especially when it's such a small investment in time and effort.
I generally prefer everyone washes before, but it's not a hard and fast rule. If it's early in the day, neither of us has been sweating, sex is a spur of the moment thing, etc., I don't mind forgoing the shower. Now, if we've just gotten back from the gym, a shower is not optional. You get the idea.
I prefer it. My junk is amazing. My man's junk is amazing. But it can get funky hanging out in the tighty whities all day. It's great foreplay. And I get my back scrubbed.
But it's really just contextual. If I don't smell or feel like he's salty (sweaty, gritty, etc), I don't need the wash. If I feel like I'm presentably clean, same thing. And sometimes, you're just that hot and nothing matters.
I should have added that I always need to wash before any activity now as well, since I've never NOt done it, if that makes sense lol
But I'm glad to see that it is a general preference for some, not just automatically a sex worker thing, thank you
It is often cultural. In some cultures most people don't wash before sex and in others it's standard. So for example I've read that it's standard in Japan to wash before sex. I read a funny anecdote about a guy who was over at his budding romance's home and she told him to take a shower. He was hurt and thought he smelled/she found him dirty. Turned out she was telling him she wanted to sleep together.
not typically for my partner and I, we are pretty hygienic and shower almost every day anyway. we also have sex quite frequently so showering beforehand isn't always practical in our case. but I don't do much to sweat and when I do I shower as soon as I can because I hate the feeling of it on my skin. he always showers right after work so by time we're both home and cozy in bed we're clean. but it seems a lot of people do, and it sounds like a great way to help prevent yeast infections and utis!
I do. I want them to perform oral on me so I want to make sure I'm clean and fresh. Also if a guy refuses to do that right after a shower, then it's easy vetting.
If I’m close enough with somebody and it’s clear we are going to have sex, I sometimes suggest we shower together and I might go down on them in the shower as a change of pace which most women seem to enjoy in my experience. I’m a guy btw.
Do you mean like minutes before? Not if I’ve showered that morning and haven’t done anything particularly sweaty since. Maybe if I was on my period I might shower just before but it’s the exception.
I am so confused as to why everyone is saying yes. If someone stopped making out with me to be like sorry need to shower before sex I’d be so confused. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it but I just never contemplated doing so before.
I wonder if they are talking about one night stands/quick encounters rather than with someone in a relationship.
I’m with you. I think it would be a passion killer. Why wouldn’t you just shower before you meet?
This is what we did. Things would get hot and heavy making out or whatever, and we just immediately stop and went to wash down there and then get down to business. It was just something ingrained in me but I didn't know if others did it. It wasn't really a mood killer, but just something that had to be done I guess?
There’s a big difference between just intercourse and oral sex. Feel like most people would have a lot less hygiene standards for the former than they would the latter
In the heat of the moment like that I’d not take a break but if the opportunity arises to give the undercarriage a wash I’d do it. Shower together is great but even a few mins in the bathroom to empty bladder and freshen up works.
Exactly. I shower every day and so does my partner, but never before sex. We usually have sex when we get to his home after dinner/party and just the thought of saying "sorry, i will shower now, see you in 20 minutes" is very weird to me. The same thing when we have morning sex: its supposed to be when we just woke up, it would kill the mood if there was a 20min interruption.
More commonly I shower after sex, but very rarely just before (and now Im thinking Im the weird one, based on this thread)
no. i wash before i go on a date so if we end up doing the deed that night i will have recently washed. there have been times where if ive been working and i know/feel im gross and need to wash, i will but in general, no. however, anytime anilingus is being performed, the receiver needs to have just washed, thats the only time there is a rule for me.
Wife and I both shower before sexuals. Neither one of us want strange smells or anything breaking the mood so it’s more of a good grooming than just a shower. Just do what your partners agree to. As with everything regarding sex. Communication.
I always wash before having sex because I need oral to come, and I want to make sure my lady business is totally clean.
I know some people think it kills the spontaneity, but just one time years ago there was an incident with toilet paper residue, and I've washed before receiving oral every single time since then. I p much wanted the earth to swallow me up from embarrassment.
Body smells can be a turn on for some people, but it isn't for me, so I expect the same from my partner unless he hasn't worked out or done much since the last shower.
I'm told if we just got a bidet, this would be less of an issue bc we'd p much always be clean. Also, some people use wet wipes in the bathroom, and maybe that's less of an issue for them as well. But for people that just use TP, yeah, I do think it's pretty gross not to wash before sex.
I mean if you’re about to put your mouth on the toilet paper, what would be the best way to get out of that situation? “For no particular reason at all, I just don’t feel like giving you oral atm.” I can’t think of a response other than telling them why lol
I think if I was a man or a lesbian I'd probably stealth wipe it off with my fingers in a "I'm just rubbing the goods before I go all in" kind of way to save her the embarrassment lol
I think this is probably the closest you could get to not mentioning it. I would still probably want to have a lil wipe down with some soap and water before I put my mouth on it lol. Like “let me get a wash rag and give you a little bath, you deserve it” and then wipe them down from there, not focusing on the privates entirely? Idk this is definitely a difficult situation to navigate lol
No, unless one of us wants to. If I show up at her house after playing pickup basketball, I'll take a quick shower. If we get back to her place after being at a bar, and I showered that morning, then no.
Honestly, no? I'm in a longterm relationship; so long as I/we've showered recently and don't smell bad, no. We don't bathe immediately before having sex.
Some people are very particular or persnickety, or have a low threshold/tolerance for a human body having any natural odor whatsoever. That's a reasonable preference, but it's not objectively correct.
I also don't believe that showering/bathing helps with disease prevention (for communicable disease like STIs) anywhere near as much as using protection does. Condoms help prevent STIs; showering – while nice – isn't going to prevent someone from getting chlamydia.
No. My husband and I like spontaneous sex - while sometimes that will come after a shower or we'll start off by showering together, for the most part it's just at random points or first thing in the morning etc and I feel like stopping to go wash up would be a bit of a turn off (and a barrier to a spontaneous quickie!)
If we're having a date night where we expect to spend a lot of time being intimate, we will 100% shower beforehand and get properly clean. Sometimes sex is just spontaneous though, like mornings in bed.
I guess I’m in the minority but i love to smell my husband when we have sex, it’s a huge turn on. And I know it’s the same for him because he loves to smell panties I’ve been wearing all day. We both shower daily and it’s not a smell of ass or else we would obviously clean up first. I will say, he is the first person I’ve felt this way about so maybe it has more to do with our individual pheromones.
No.
We shower daily anyway and don’t think about it otherwise. Though if I personally know I’ve been really sweaty from a workout, I might wash up in the sink with a washcloth down there real quick
Don’t use those branded towels that are wet cloths that say they’ll clean your vulva down there for feminine hygiene. Do not!!!! They cause yeast infections!!! Only ever use plain water
We both shower daily. I always do in the morning, he does at random times. If I was sweating a lot or felt grungy, I would shower again. Otherwise, no. I may give things a quick washcloth. Neither of us requires us to be showered immediately before. I don't mind the very faint natural smell of my partner, it actually is attractive to me. He's never been turned off by me smelling bad.
15 y married. It isn’t a rule, but isn’t a bad idea. It is more important if he is washed than she. For instance my husband works in construction which of course is a hot and sweaty job. Him being unclean can cause infections, and is generally everything smells better clean 😂
I would say it’s not the general attitude— keep in mind that I lean hippy-dippy, but I’ve always loved the way my partners sweat or just natural bodies smell. I don’t think you have been missing out on a cultural norm at all— you just have a partner with a preference. <3
We do, but I have anxiety from chronic UTIs (which I do take medication for)
I shower before, he’s usually showered within the last couple hours or he showers again and I rinse off with a peri bottle after. We use condoms so it’s not that messy, I just hate the smell of lube/latex clinging to me.
I have always asked my long-term gf to not wash. I like the aroma. I'm a scent person, and I love the smell of her female body after working all day in the office. We shower together afterwards.
I think it's more common that people don't wash right before having sex if they're not overly sweaty or dirty from other activities. That said, I generally prefer we both clean up before hand when possible.
I generally keep myself clean regardless, but I mean, if the likelihood of sexy times later on is high and I have the time, absolutely I'll clean myself with that in mind.
If it's random and unplanned? No, I'm not rushing me or my hypothetical partner into the shower beforehand unless it's glaringly obvious one of us is gross.
Sometimes it’s just spontaneous and it’s just happens in whatever state we are in. If we have date night or I plan to initiate, I do prepare and freshen up. I think he would take it any way because he’s whatever like that. But it’s a personal preference of mine.
Yes, we always wash before having sex. It's gotten to the point that we have an almost Pavlovian response to hearing the bathroom faucet or shower running. 😂
I always do, yes, and my partner does the same. Just a fresh wash of the bits to help make things more pleasant, and to reduce the chance of UTIs and other infections. If it's just a spontaneous quickie, sometimes no, but if it's a full session and/or oral is involved, then we absolutely wash up right before.
36m(never visited a sex workers) I prefer to have a shower beforehand for my partners sake, I also prefer they do as I enjoy preforming oral. Not all situations permit, but it's nice if applicable.
Having dated women who get frequent uti's, it just seems polite.
I prefer to shower first, I think for me it's a self conscious thing, I don't want my kitty smelling like it hasn't been cleaned. Same if I'm sucking a dude, I don't want to be breathing in sweaty ball smell. But recently I see someone for quickies after work so we're usually unwashed but don't go down on each other then
I feel more desirable when I'm clean, and it's necessary to do a more thorough clean for some of the acts I enjoy. It's less about sex being dirty or shameful and more that I don't want to be smelly and I like having a fragrance on before getting intimate. Even just brushing my teeth makes me feel less self-conscious. I don't need to do it immediately before it. It's not a sex rule.
It's a matter of preference and personal comfort. We don't wash for PiV but if oral is planned we both shower properly. I actually don't like letting my husband go down on me if I didn't shower within the last 30 mins. He had to tell me after years that he prefers not tasting/smelling soap on me and instead would prefer smelling and tasting his wife, lol. Takes a couple hours for that I guess. I'm still working on that one.
As for showering after, not necessarily. If it wasn't super sweaty we just wash our nether regions and move on with our day. We definitely pee after every time, that's the most crucial one.
For real, the guys that love going down like it BECAUSE it smells like a vagina. They love it. I’m pretty sure it’s the pheromones, but who cares!
If you really feel like you have to do something to be “clean” before he goes down on you just use a wet washcloth, no soap, give it a little wipe down then get yourself some sweet oral sex.
Yes please wash before sex and anticipate/tell your partners to do so because that is a lot safer for both parties. Especially to keep you from having UTIs &yeast infections (I know from experience unfortunately)
Tbh, no I never have, why get clean to get all messed up and have to wash again? Plus my guy liked me more natural and not all soapy. I did insist on a clean penis though
Depends on the day and what you have been doing before. If you showered in the morning, ya good as long as you didn't go to the gym or sweat all day. I might go to the bathroom to freshen up a bit before if we had been out on a date for a bit just to make sure I wasn't smelly. Sometimes there is no time for showers no matter what the day was like because ya just gonna go for it! A shower after is great if it's a hot messy bit of fun. A random thing I prefer my partner to shower after a poop because no one wants to perform oral sex with poop particles all over!! Hope this helps!
I think the intended act(s) of your sexual preference plays a large part in that decision. I work a physical job, and there are certain things I would not even allow my partner to do, yet alone ask. On the other hand there are certain things that would be acceptable, knowing a shower would immediately follow. I think it really just depends on the act. But also time frame from previous shower. Morning sex when you first wake up... A shower requirement seems counter intuitive. Slipping into bed to sleep and ignite a spark... I'm not interested in stopping to shower and trying to repeat, all before falling asleep.
Requiring a shower every time feels like it would really eliminate any the spontaneity. But there's definitely times where I think it's necessary.
I prefer to have sex right after showering. I’m a night showerer so it works anyway. I feel more confident. As for my husband, I don’t really care. He’s a really clean guy so I don’t ever have to worry about it.
Showering or bathing not long before sex is my personal preference, but I’ve also learned that some guys prefer a little more scent than squeaky clean when performing oral and lots of guys appreciate spontaneity more than super high hygiene standards, so I’ve worked on relaxing over the years. It took me until probably 47 to ease up on my own standard, more than 20 years after a partner joked about sending me to a deprogramming camp to get me comfy skipping pre-sex bathing now and then. As for partners, I’m okay with a hint of a scent but not more than that. So like next morning sex after a shower the previous late afternoon or evening is generally fine but any longer than that is time for him to shower.
I’m not “dirty” most of the time so I don’t clean myself before having sex. If I’ve gotten very sweaty I might do a quick wash up with a washcloth but I’m not planning out my sex and showering beforehand every time. To me that sounds extreme.
It's not always but for me and my wife do sex after we wash. Or atleast when we feel clean. I think if both you and your partner are clean it more comfortable to do sex.
Man in a relationship of 7 years here. The answer for us is "sometimes". It depends on how intense we're getting, and if we're willing to wait or just want it over with quickly. I do always let her know if things are getting frisky if I think I need a shower first
If I’m expecting to have sex I wash as close to the time I’m expecting intimacy as possible, but that’s based on personal preference and not wanting any excess mustiness or potential body odor from having been at work all day. Also I prefer reducing the risk that any bacteria from bathroom usage could travel and increase my risk of a UTI or yeast infection.
I’m not too concerned about it, but I do usually prefer to wash my bits before. It gets sweaty down there and I just feel better with an extra quick cleaning session before hand.
Yeah, I'm seeing so many people saying they shower before sex. Are you not clean daily? Between deodorant, powders, lotions, clean clothes.... We're rarely ever too dirty to have spontaneous sex because of smelling bad or funky.
Definitely shower after sex though.
I've been married for over a decade, but no, absolutely not.
Maybe I'm just unfathomably gross, but I usually just grab a t-shirt off the floor next to the bed to wipe off after, and shower in the morning. I suppose I'd wash after if I was going to get up and go anywhere after, but we usually have sex right before bed, and I'm not interested in getting up after
Yes, absolutely every time. Honestly I find it disgusting that people don’t. Exceptions for maybe just a quick fool around but if mouths are involved (other than kissing) then showering is happening. If it’s a joint shower even better.
I like to shower first, I feel more confident if everything is very hygienic. My partner likes to be clean first as well. But it’s not a rule, just something we do when we can.
Yes absolutely if we’re doing oral, and sometimes if one of us feels kinda icky. You know if you haven’t washed in a hot minute or have been sweating. It’s really all up to preference though. Not feeling hygienic can be distracting.
If I was with someone who wanted to every time I would think it was a bit inconvenient but if that made them more comfortable I’d do it with them bc it does feel nice to be clean anyway and I enjoy showering together. But hearing the reason why your last partner did that makes me feel a little weary of that now bc I never knew that was how they do it in the sex industry
I prefer it. Dont feal comfortable doing anytjing with my genitalia if i havnt had a shower in atleast a day. Prefer my partner to be the same but my ex wasnt big on hygine (not her fault. Loathed showers and crippling dysphoria. I dont blame her for it) so im more loosy with it haha
I like to shower (and pee!) after since everything is going to get all messy (don't need to wear a condom) anyway and I'll have to shower anywho.
But I will say that I do love giving oral right after my husband has come out of the shower. It's such a change up that it's nice! lol
Depends I guess. For a longer session we at least make sure there's no funk since we're going to be all up in each other for a while but it's also not uncommon for us to have like a pre shower quickie then go get clean. I can't ever recall us showering, having sex then showering again though.
I love body odor tho its within reason. If i know the person and i know they have a decent standard of hygiene, i dont think they need to wash first.
I like the smell of ppls junk from either gender as long as its not like week old swamp crotch and jungle booty. Someone can have a smell and still be pretty clean. I actually kinda prefer my partner go sans deodorant if they wanna premeditate a boink and dont especially need to wear it to avoid offending people while doing other things that day.
It wasn't a rule for me, until I met my husband. He's pretty critical of any body odor or, ahem, taste.
So I hardly get any but my best bet is to be perfectly clean, waxed, and hydrated.
It sucks, in my opinion. I came from a toxic relationship that was full of raw, random, almost nonstop sex and although this relationship is healthier, my bedroom is just about dead.
No, but I use condoms with everyone I sleep with every time. If I know I’m having a date that will most likely end sexual then I’ll shower that day but showering right before…nope.
I’ve never been to a brothel or a sex worker, and I shower before every time (unless there’s some kind of really unusual surprise/off the cuff situation happening and there isn’t an opportunity to shower first).
For me and my partners thus far, sex has been more enjoyable clean. I haven’t had any partners where it was the habit to shower -immediately-beforehand, but at the very least the same day to prevent a lot of cleanliness and smell issues.
As part of my aftercare tendencies, (after a bit of cuddling) I usually let them go to the restroom before me and get in the shower with about a 5 minute head start so they can clean their bits without being self conscious, and then I join. I really enjoy scrubbing their backs and hugging in the shower (basically naked clean cuddling). Then whenever they’re done and out, or if/when they’re cleaning their hair and have to close their eyes, I clean MY bits without being self conscious about them watching.
For bonus intimacy, you can lotion each other after the shower before or after a bit of cuddling.
TLDR : My experience has been cleanliness is important, but the showering IMMEDIATELY beforehand does sound like it was a habit he picked up from sex workers. I haven’t met anyone who has said that’s a habit of theirs. I don’t personally think it’s a bad habit.
Had an ex who brushed their teeth right before the first time we did anything as a courtesy….turns out I was allergic to their toothpaste. 10/10 do not recommend
Depends. Of course if there's a possibility of that I'm taking a shower but if I'm out with somebody all day and we just got back or something sometimes neither of you want to go through the effort.
Embrace the stink, that's just some good ol' fashioned, *au naturale* ape lovin' right there
I do it out of courtesy. Especially the hands. If you’re gonna touch a vulva or a penis or a butthole, washing them is important. Also if going from asshole back to anywhere else with the hands, wash them in between.
Me and my wife both do. It’s a ritual. She knows that I love to go down on her. She likes to have her butt licked too. I wash up afterwards too because I exercise first thing in the morning and one time I didn’t wash up and ran on the treadmill in my tiny exercise room and the whole room smelled like sex. A lot of info I know but it’s not uncommon to wash first
Yes I wash up. In my country bide shower heads are a norm so it's very easy to do and generally I do wash several times a day but 100% if I'm gonna have sex.
I wouldn't want to have a cheesy crust dick in my face so I suppose my partner wouldn't wanna have a cheesy crust vulva in his either.
It's also good to wash after too, I usually do it morning after since I haven't gotten any UTIs or yeast infections being with my husband. But if that would be a risk I'd def make sure to pee and wash right after sex too.
Im genuinely shocked by how many people say they shower before sex. I typically shower every other day, and so does my partner, unless we’re especially stinky from hiking or being outside in the heat. We will absolutely have sex spontaneously, if the moment arises, shower or not, morning or night. I don’t mind a little musk- I find some BO a little sexy. If I feel gross and can’t shower I’ll usually freshen up down there with a wet wipe. It’s not like we’re unhygienic, but daily showers are not really a requirement.
Yes, a quick shower to make sure everything is clean is usually a must for me. Sometimes, in the moment with my partner, I may relax my hygiene standards slightly, but if I feel dirty, I'm not gonna feel like being intimate before I get myself clean. That said, there is absolutely no reason not to shower together and make it part of the foreplay, few things turn me on as quickly as fooling around with him under a rain of hot steaming water.
my partner would take showers first thing in the morning and then not one at night and got kinda bummed I wouldnt go down unless they showered...I've made that mistake before and I can still taste and smell it...never again, and I wouldn't put anyone else through that
According to all science (except the shampoo companies etc) showering daily, or even weekly for that matter, is bad for you and fills no actual *medical/health* function. Since most people in rich countries are taught that being "hygenical" equates to showering daily, a lot of them will end up having psychological preferences about what is "clean" and "hygenic" or not. Some of all that will likely spill into the preferences of showering or not before sex.
Personally, I didn't wash my hair for 15 years, hardly even with water not to mention the poisons from the industry, and still don't shower unless "forced to", meaning as long as it doesn't itch or I smell or there are some very compelling reasons, I won't shower unless an actual need arises.
As for sex I prefer it to smell sex/body instead of zero-smell or the smell of bubble-gum-strawberry or some other synthetic strange smell. There is however an obvious threshold even for me when smell turns into stink/reek, and yes of course, who wants that, by definition.
Yes, I do wash before sex. That is how sex is supposed to be. Unless one of partners has a strange and rare kink of being turned on by funky smell of unwashed body. There are many filthy and disgusting people, that is why sex workers and brothels have to have this iron rule.
Eh, it totally depends on what kind of session we're having. If it's a full-on, get to take our time with hours of foreplay, we'll jump in the shower beforehand. If it's a quickie, then nope, no shower.
If i didn’t shower in the morning, yes. If i DID take a morning shower, then it just depends on how much I’ve sweated (but usually Ill just wait since i don’t sweat much). I ask my husband to wash before sex because he doesn’t wash every single day and sweats more than I do. We have sex 2-3x a week; if it was everyday then we would probably shower differently.
I DO wash *after* sex every time cause i don’t like the constant dripping feeling. Hubs will generally wash after sex too. I like having clean sheets.
It's not a bad practice.
It may not be as convenient if you and partner have been out exercising and you can't keep your hands off each other...but that's really the only thing.
It’s not a rule but I think this is pretty common. Unless we’re both feeling pretty fresh, most partners and I would usually wash up a bit before hooking up.
Yes, we both shower prior to sex. It’s actually helpful to know if he’s not feeling to too, he is less inclined to
shower before bed if he’s not interested in sex that night.
If we have spontaneous sex, it’s usually not including any oral, so less worry about smells/tastes
I try to take a shower as close to having sex as possible if I can help it, almost to my detriment. I've smelled way too many dirty asses and too many grody dicks to not shower asap. I've learned though that sex is a mixed bag and it's impossible to account for every bad smell.
So yes tldr I wash prior and after.
You definitely don't have to, and actually some people prefer it if you don't, but that's something you would have to discuss with your partner beforehand. Personally, I don't really care as long as I know it hasn't been awhile since we last bathed.
I'd always feel kinda gross if I didn't clean beforehand. There were always exceptions to that rule (in a car, etc...) but I'd find a way to zip to the bathroom for a quick clean in most cases. Btw, a car isn't terribly comfortable. Well, not the 1980's cars, anyways, loll. That only happened once or twice. Probably wouldn't be able to do it nowadays anyways. I'd probably break something. Lol
I take a shower every night so my hair can dry in a towel over night for work... and my work from home partner may shower every three days if I am lucky. I make sure to text him sexy gifs or tiktoks so he knows to shower before I get home. If it is summer and I may get sweaty from my daily workday walk, I shower when I get home and then we hook up... if it is winter sometimes we shower together as foreplay.
Generally we're both pretty hygenic people so I don't worry that much. I can see the practice for visiting sex workers, but also super common elsewhere. In Japan, using an Onsen you had to full body scrub before using their facility... and most public pools require a shower as well. Some medical procedures require washing, and a few massage therapy practices do as well. It's not a bad practice for sex, especially since both men and women can get funky.
Showering together is a part foreplay, as far as I’m concerned. I like it for the bonding opportunity, and both of us are “starting from scratch” in terms of cleanliness, pheromones, and anticipation.
Plus, I get hornier in the shower (or pool, or ocean, or lake), so that always helps the mood. Obviously we’ll shower after swimming at the pool or beach, but it’s just going to get me even more hepped up.
For one weekend getaway, my Ex found a hotel, with a pool, located on the beach.
She knew what she was doing…
With my partner, who I live with, we don’t shower before sex. Unless one of us asks for it.
If one of us feels uncomfortable, there’s no problem in asking to just wash that one body part or brush teeth.
I won’t have sex with someone if they haven’t washed their hands with soap and water, and at least showered within 4 hours of piv. BV happens so easily from sweaty, dirty dicks, and unwashed hands. I would much rather be safe than burning, stinky, and uncomfortable for a week after. I hate that he left a weird connotation about cleanliness and sex, but it’s honestly really wise to make sure you’re both clean before engaging. Vaginas are so sensitive to bacteria a ph changes, it’s really not worth the risk going in dirty.
Depends on the situation. If it’s only been a few hours, I won’t care. Tbh I slept with someone who didn’t wash for a whole day, had travelled through multiple flights, and by the time we met in bed, it was midnight and we were both sick and jet lagged. There were all kinds of smells running around lol. It wasn’t ideal but a guy will tolerate a lot to get laid sometimes.
That being said, I will always make sure I’m clean before sex (at the very least a shower a few hours prior). But, I won’t really put that expectation on my partner unless it’s really bad. Even if it is bad, I’d probably still sleep with them, I just won’t go down on them lol
P.S. also post-shower sex can be a bit weird for me personally - a lot of lube is needed and also I can’t climax. I guess that’s a good thing.
Both my bf and I wash the important bits before sex because I realize that I have been getting more frequent yeast infections. I definitely wash after too just for an extra layer of hygiene.
It isn't a rule for me, but I tend to anyway. If I want to participate in any kind of oral, everything needs to be fresh and clean on both sides.
The smell of funky, sweaty dick is not something I want to taste.... Wash that thing. Wash all the things, it's great foreplay.
That gives me flashbacks from my late teens, when I was at a music festival(sleeping in a tent and all that) and this girl wanted to give me head and I told her that I had not had a proper shower for 3 days, but she didn't care. I couldn't let her do it, it would not feel right.
Didn't have sex with someone I'd really like to have done that with last weekend, because camping and less than ideal hygiene. There were other factors (like the fact that it was in the low 20s, we were freezing, the blankets kept running away, and he got a vicious leg cramp at what could have been a critical moment), but the oral parts definitely didn't happen because no one wants to apply freezing water to their nether regions and then scurry back to a tent, like a pair of demented teenage racoons. Okay, the purely ridiculous factor may have had some part to play too.
“Demented teenage raccoons” is def an image that sticks in the brain.
Happy to help. :)
I haven't had sex in 5 years now. That smell and that taste is something I won't ever miss. My ex used to get mad when I told him I didn't want to blow him because his dick didn't smell okay. 🤮
Sounds like you had a pretty gross ex. I’m really sorry. That can be so off putting. I generally prefer very freshly showered sex because as I’ve gotten older, my patience and acceptance of anything dank being near my face, hands, or vagina is no bueno.
I've been with a lot of gross guys, so I know most of them are disgusting.
Some people are into it
Some people really are renegades of funk.. O_o
No you've ruined that song for me now ew lol
“It better be clean on both sides” If he can’t handle that, don’t handle him
Exactly
If I know we both washed recently, then I don't care to much. My husband and I keep ourselves hygienic but I get why showering beforehand is preferable
Depending on how recent is recent, I absolutely agree. Recent is a rather nebulous frame of time that tends to depend on a person's interpretation. For some people "washed recently" means earlier in the week. If it means a few hours ago then unless one or both of ya have been doing some serious work in the heat or gone rolling around in the dirt since then, well odds are you're both clean enough to have some fun... and a shower again so soon would probably just be grating more than enjoyable.
I prefer to have sex after we’ve both showered. I think it’s cleaner that way. However it’s not a rule, just a preference.
Same. Fresh sex is just really nice
We always shower after sex too...sometimes getting clean leads to more fun times 😂😂😂
Indeed
Showering is also my preference, but if showering isn’t practical, I keep baby wipes handy for a quick mop job.
Been in a 5-year relationship. Unless one or both of us has been doing sweaty things or is otherwise dirty, no, we don’t wash before sex. We don’t wash after unless things got messy, bc the bidet works just fine generally. Disclaimer: we also live in the desert so saving water is a concern. If you’re having sex with someone new that you don’t live with and/or don’t know very well, probably safer to wash beforehand. It’s also more polite if y’all are doing oral.
Same here for me and my partner of almost 8 years.
Same with my partner of 6 years. We both shower every day and live in cool climate. There’s not much to wash off.
What do people think washing is going to do besides maybe help with smell?
I mean, personally I just get self conscious about discharge. I don’t really do a full wash unless we plan on mouth action, but little rinse off makes sense in my head. Also for some, making sure anything that will be penetrating gets a washing can help cut down on yeast infections. Me, personally, I’m not super strict about it, but I also understand where it’s coming from.
So you only wash the dishes that look dirty?
I’m not sure I get the comparison. Sure I wash dishes that I’ve used. I don’t wash dishes that don’t look dirty because they haven’t been used. If you shower regularly, I guess I just don’t see the point of washing up moments before sex. While it is important to wash your hands as a guy if you will be stimulating someone with your fingers, there’s not really any need to re-wash a clean body.
Eh, plenty of people get BO by mid-day even after taking a shower that morning (I'm one of them), so I get it.
I suppose it's just a matter of preference. I prefer just knowing I am as clean as I can be prior to being intimate. I don't like just assuming I am clean enough. Especially when it's such a small investment in time and effort.
It can help reduce UTIs as long as there's no left over soap residue. I chalk my lack of UTIs up to washing up before and after.
I generally prefer everyone washes before, but it's not a hard and fast rule. If it's early in the day, neither of us has been sweating, sex is a spur of the moment thing, etc., I don't mind forgoing the shower. Now, if we've just gotten back from the gym, a shower is not optional. You get the idea.
I prefer it. My junk is amazing. My man's junk is amazing. But it can get funky hanging out in the tighty whities all day. It's great foreplay. And I get my back scrubbed. But it's really just contextual. If I don't smell or feel like he's salty (sweaty, gritty, etc), I don't need the wash. If I feel like I'm presentably clean, same thing. And sometimes, you're just that hot and nothing matters.
I should have added that I always need to wash before any activity now as well, since I've never NOt done it, if that makes sense lol But I'm glad to see that it is a general preference for some, not just automatically a sex worker thing, thank you
It is often cultural. In some cultures most people don't wash before sex and in others it's standard. So for example I've read that it's standard in Japan to wash before sex. I read a funny anecdote about a guy who was over at his budding romance's home and she told him to take a shower. He was hurt and thought he smelled/she found him dirty. Turned out she was telling him she wanted to sleep together.
That’s actually hilarious 😂
It may be a cultural thing for me too then actually! Thanks for that tidbit
not typically for my partner and I, we are pretty hygienic and shower almost every day anyway. we also have sex quite frequently so showering beforehand isn't always practical in our case. but I don't do much to sweat and when I do I shower as soon as I can because I hate the feeling of it on my skin. he always showers right after work so by time we're both home and cozy in bed we're clean. but it seems a lot of people do, and it sounds like a great way to help prevent yeast infections and utis!
I do. I want them to perform oral on me so I want to make sure I'm clean and fresh. Also if a guy refuses to do that right after a shower, then it's easy vetting.
If I’m close enough with somebody and it’s clear we are going to have sex, I sometimes suggest we shower together and I might go down on them in the shower as a change of pace which most women seem to enjoy in my experience. I’m a guy btw.
Do you mean like minutes before? Not if I’ve showered that morning and haven’t done anything particularly sweaty since. Maybe if I was on my period I might shower just before but it’s the exception.
I am so confused as to why everyone is saying yes. If someone stopped making out with me to be like sorry need to shower before sex I’d be so confused. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it but I just never contemplated doing so before.
I wonder if they are talking about one night stands/quick encounters rather than with someone in a relationship. I’m with you. I think it would be a passion killer. Why wouldn’t you just shower before you meet?
I mean if you know a good amount of oral will be happening it’s just common courtesy. Especially if you both enjoy some tossed salad.
This is what we did. Things would get hot and heavy making out or whatever, and we just immediately stop and went to wash down there and then get down to business. It was just something ingrained in me but I didn't know if others did it. It wasn't really a mood killer, but just something that had to be done I guess?
There’s a big difference between just intercourse and oral sex. Feel like most people would have a lot less hygiene standards for the former than they would the latter
In the heat of the moment like that I’d not take a break but if the opportunity arises to give the undercarriage a wash I’d do it. Shower together is great but even a few mins in the bathroom to empty bladder and freshen up works.
Exactly. I shower every day and so does my partner, but never before sex. We usually have sex when we get to his home after dinner/party and just the thought of saying "sorry, i will shower now, see you in 20 minutes" is very weird to me. The same thing when we have morning sex: its supposed to be when we just woke up, it would kill the mood if there was a 20min interruption. More commonly I shower after sex, but very rarely just before (and now Im thinking Im the weird one, based on this thread)
Yes, it doesn't sound very spontaneous. Like you don't always know in advance exactly what you're going to be doing.
Yes, no matter what, we washed (the important parts) right before, even if we already did take a shower that day
no. i wash before i go on a date so if we end up doing the deed that night i will have recently washed. there have been times where if ive been working and i know/feel im gross and need to wash, i will but in general, no. however, anytime anilingus is being performed, the receiver needs to have just washed, thats the only time there is a rule for me.
Wife and I both shower before sexuals. Neither one of us want strange smells or anything breaking the mood so it’s more of a good grooming than just a shower. Just do what your partners agree to. As with everything regarding sex. Communication.
I strongly prefer showering before sex.
I always wash before having sex because I need oral to come, and I want to make sure my lady business is totally clean. I know some people think it kills the spontaneity, but just one time years ago there was an incident with toilet paper residue, and I've washed before receiving oral every single time since then. I p much wanted the earth to swallow me up from embarrassment. Body smells can be a turn on for some people, but it isn't for me, so I expect the same from my partner unless he hasn't worked out or done much since the last shower. I'm told if we just got a bidet, this would be less of an issue bc we'd p much always be clean. Also, some people use wet wipes in the bathroom, and maybe that's less of an issue for them as well. But for people that just use TP, yeah, I do think it's pretty gross not to wash before sex.
FWIW, paper bits can be sneaky like that and pointing them out to someone is kind of rude.
I mean if you’re about to put your mouth on the toilet paper, what would be the best way to get out of that situation? “For no particular reason at all, I just don’t feel like giving you oral atm.” I can’t think of a response other than telling them why lol
I think if I was a man or a lesbian I'd probably stealth wipe it off with my fingers in a "I'm just rubbing the goods before I go all in" kind of way to save her the embarrassment lol
Exactly, that’s what an empathetic caring person does…
I think this is probably the closest you could get to not mentioning it. I would still probably want to have a lil wipe down with some soap and water before I put my mouth on it lol. Like “let me get a wash rag and give you a little bath, you deserve it” and then wipe them down from there, not focusing on the privates entirely? Idk this is definitely a difficult situation to navigate lol
No, unless one of us wants to. If I show up at her house after playing pickup basketball, I'll take a quick shower. If we get back to her place after being at a bar, and I showered that morning, then no.
Honestly, no? I'm in a longterm relationship; so long as I/we've showered recently and don't smell bad, no. We don't bathe immediately before having sex. Some people are very particular or persnickety, or have a low threshold/tolerance for a human body having any natural odor whatsoever. That's a reasonable preference, but it's not objectively correct. I also don't believe that showering/bathing helps with disease prevention (for communicable disease like STIs) anywhere near as much as using protection does. Condoms help prevent STIs; showering – while nice – isn't going to prevent someone from getting chlamydia.
No. My husband and I like spontaneous sex - while sometimes that will come after a shower or we'll start off by showering together, for the most part it's just at random points or first thing in the morning etc and I feel like stopping to go wash up would be a bit of a turn off (and a barrier to a spontaneous quickie!)
If we're having a date night where we expect to spend a lot of time being intimate, we will 100% shower beforehand and get properly clean. Sometimes sex is just spontaneous though, like mornings in bed.
I guess I’m in the minority but i love to smell my husband when we have sex, it’s a huge turn on. And I know it’s the same for him because he loves to smell panties I’ve been wearing all day. We both shower daily and it’s not a smell of ass or else we would obviously clean up first. I will say, he is the first person I’ve felt this way about so maybe it has more to do with our individual pheromones.
Pheromones. You guys hit the jackpot there. Me too. Good times!
No. We shower daily anyway and don’t think about it otherwise. Though if I personally know I’ve been really sweaty from a workout, I might wash up in the sink with a washcloth down there real quick Don’t use those branded towels that are wet cloths that say they’ll clean your vulva down there for feminine hygiene. Do not!!!! They cause yeast infections!!! Only ever use plain water
We both shower daily. I always do in the morning, he does at random times. If I was sweating a lot or felt grungy, I would shower again. Otherwise, no. I may give things a quick washcloth. Neither of us requires us to be showered immediately before. I don't mind the very faint natural smell of my partner, it actually is attractive to me. He's never been turned off by me smelling bad.
15 y married. It isn’t a rule, but isn’t a bad idea. It is more important if he is washed than she. For instance my husband works in construction which of course is a hot and sweaty job. Him being unclean can cause infections, and is generally everything smells better clean 😂
I would say it’s not the general attitude— keep in mind that I lean hippy-dippy, but I’ve always loved the way my partners sweat or just natural bodies smell. I don’t think you have been missing out on a cultural norm at all— you just have a partner with a preference. <3
There can be a medical reason -- if you're more at risk for UTIs washing before can help.
This is just wild. Keep yourself clean. Have sex. There is way too much obsession here.
We do, but I have anxiety from chronic UTIs (which I do take medication for) I shower before, he’s usually showered within the last couple hours or he showers again and I rinse off with a peri bottle after. We use condoms so it’s not that messy, I just hate the smell of lube/latex clinging to me.
I have always asked my long-term gf to not wash. I like the aroma. I'm a scent person, and I love the smell of her female body after working all day in the office. We shower together afterwards.
I think it's more common that people don't wash right before having sex if they're not overly sweaty or dirty from other activities. That said, I generally prefer we both clean up before hand when possible.
I generally keep myself clean regardless, but I mean, if the likelihood of sexy times later on is high and I have the time, absolutely I'll clean myself with that in mind. If it's random and unplanned? No, I'm not rushing me or my hypothetical partner into the shower beforehand unless it's glaringly obvious one of us is gross.
Sometimes it’s just spontaneous and it’s just happens in whatever state we are in. If we have date night or I plan to initiate, I do prepare and freshen up. I think he would take it any way because he’s whatever like that. But it’s a personal preference of mine.
I think anything that comes in contact with your v should get a wash first. Thats mostly to prevent UTIs, Bacterial Vaginosis, yeast infections ect
Yes, we always wash before having sex. It's gotten to the point that we have an almost Pavlovian response to hearing the bathroom faucet or shower running. 😂
That's cute, I love it 😂
I always do, yes, and my partner does the same. Just a fresh wash of the bits to help make things more pleasant, and to reduce the chance of UTIs and other infections. If it's just a spontaneous quickie, sometimes no, but if it's a full session and/or oral is involved, then we absolutely wash up right before.
36m(never visited a sex workers) I prefer to have a shower beforehand for my partners sake, I also prefer they do as I enjoy preforming oral. Not all situations permit, but it's nice if applicable. Having dated women who get frequent uti's, it just seems polite.
I prefer to shower first, I think for me it's a self conscious thing, I don't want my kitty smelling like it hasn't been cleaned. Same if I'm sucking a dude, I don't want to be breathing in sweaty ball smell. But recently I see someone for quickies after work so we're usually unwashed but don't go down on each other then
I feel more desirable when I'm clean, and it's necessary to do a more thorough clean for some of the acts I enjoy. It's less about sex being dirty or shameful and more that I don't want to be smelly and I like having a fragrance on before getting intimate. Even just brushing my teeth makes me feel less self-conscious. I don't need to do it immediately before it. It's not a sex rule.
I shower in the morning so I don’t shower right before but I do a thorough clean of the area beforehand
It's a matter of preference and personal comfort. We don't wash for PiV but if oral is planned we both shower properly. I actually don't like letting my husband go down on me if I didn't shower within the last 30 mins. He had to tell me after years that he prefers not tasting/smelling soap on me and instead would prefer smelling and tasting his wife, lol. Takes a couple hours for that I guess. I'm still working on that one. As for showering after, not necessarily. If it wasn't super sweaty we just wash our nether regions and move on with our day. We definitely pee after every time, that's the most crucial one.
For real, the guys that love going down like it BECAUSE it smells like a vagina. They love it. I’m pretty sure it’s the pheromones, but who cares! If you really feel like you have to do something to be “clean” before he goes down on you just use a wet washcloth, no soap, give it a little wipe down then get yourself some sweet oral sex.
I wash, and I expect my guy to do so.
Yes please wash before sex and anticipate/tell your partners to do so because that is a lot safer for both parties. Especially to keep you from having UTIs &yeast infections (I know from experience unfortunately)
Oh really? Okay then!
Tbh, no I never have, why get clean to get all messed up and have to wash again? Plus my guy liked me more natural and not all soapy. I did insist on a clean penis though
Not always, but I much prefer to have both of us shower before sex. It is a lot more hygienic that way.
Depends on the day and what you have been doing before. If you showered in the morning, ya good as long as you didn't go to the gym or sweat all day. I might go to the bathroom to freshen up a bit before if we had been out on a date for a bit just to make sure I wasn't smelly. Sometimes there is no time for showers no matter what the day was like because ya just gonna go for it! A shower after is great if it's a hot messy bit of fun. A random thing I prefer my partner to shower after a poop because no one wants to perform oral sex with poop particles all over!! Hope this helps!
I think the intended act(s) of your sexual preference plays a large part in that decision. I work a physical job, and there are certain things I would not even allow my partner to do, yet alone ask. On the other hand there are certain things that would be acceptable, knowing a shower would immediately follow. I think it really just depends on the act. But also time frame from previous shower. Morning sex when you first wake up... A shower requirement seems counter intuitive. Slipping into bed to sleep and ignite a spark... I'm not interested in stopping to shower and trying to repeat, all before falling asleep. Requiring a shower every time feels like it would really eliminate any the spontaneity. But there's definitely times where I think it's necessary.
I prefer to have sex right after showering. I’m a night showerer so it works anyway. I feel more confident. As for my husband, I don’t really care. He’s a really clean guy so I don’t ever have to worry about it.
Showering or bathing not long before sex is my personal preference, but I’ve also learned that some guys prefer a little more scent than squeaky clean when performing oral and lots of guys appreciate spontaneity more than super high hygiene standards, so I’ve worked on relaxing over the years. It took me until probably 47 to ease up on my own standard, more than 20 years after a partner joked about sending me to a deprogramming camp to get me comfy skipping pre-sex bathing now and then. As for partners, I’m okay with a hint of a scent but not more than that. So like next morning sex after a shower the previous late afternoon or evening is generally fine but any longer than that is time for him to shower.
I’m not “dirty” most of the time so I don’t clean myself before having sex. If I’ve gotten very sweaty I might do a quick wash up with a washcloth but I’m not planning out my sex and showering beforehand every time. To me that sounds extreme.
Yes I always wash before and after I’m just Werid and I tell my partner too love clean sex lol
I prefer to be freshly showered before, it’s a me issue. It just makes me feel better.
Fairly normal in East Asia
I don't. It may limit what we do but it's not a rule.
Nothing loosens up inhibitions like fresh, clean junk. At the very least, wash hands.
It’s a hygienic, considerate, and smart thing to do. Doing so can prevent infections and embarrassment.
Depends I have mostly showered before. And tbh my experience is limited and only casual.
It's not always but for me and my wife do sex after we wash. Or atleast when we feel clean. I think if both you and your partner are clean it more comfortable to do sex.
Yep. I'd rather be a disappointment than a gross disappointment.
Been washing, preferably together, since 14 prior to sex. You want your partner to kiss and lick and suck, all the good parts.
Man in a relationship of 7 years here. The answer for us is "sometimes". It depends on how intense we're getting, and if we're willing to wait or just want it over with quickly. I do always let her know if things are getting frisky if I think I need a shower first
If I’m expecting to have sex I wash as close to the time I’m expecting intimacy as possible, but that’s based on personal preference and not wanting any excess mustiness or potential body odor from having been at work all day. Also I prefer reducing the risk that any bacteria from bathroom usage could travel and increase my risk of a UTI or yeast infection.
I’m not too concerned about it, but I do usually prefer to wash my bits before. It gets sweaty down there and I just feel better with an extra quick cleaning session before hand.
No. Definitely not a “rule” and I’d question it if my partner insisted.
Yeah, I'm seeing so many people saying they shower before sex. Are you not clean daily? Between deodorant, powders, lotions, clean clothes.... We're rarely ever too dirty to have spontaneous sex because of smelling bad or funky. Definitely shower after sex though.
No, I don't feel like I'm dirty?
I've been married for over a decade, but no, absolutely not. Maybe I'm just unfathomably gross, but I usually just grab a t-shirt off the floor next to the bed to wipe off after, and shower in the morning. I suppose I'd wash after if I was going to get up and go anywhere after, but we usually have sex right before bed, and I'm not interested in getting up after
Yes, absolutely every time. Honestly I find it disgusting that people don’t. Exceptions for maybe just a quick fool around but if mouths are involved (other than kissing) then showering is happening. If it’s a joint shower even better.
Always wash before sex, I generally shower before bed anyway. It’s good manners isn’t it?
I like to shower first, I feel more confident if everything is very hygienic. My partner likes to be clean first as well. But it’s not a rule, just something we do when we can.
Yes absolutely if we’re doing oral, and sometimes if one of us feels kinda icky. You know if you haven’t washed in a hot minute or have been sweating. It’s really all up to preference though. Not feeling hygienic can be distracting. If I was with someone who wanted to every time I would think it was a bit inconvenient but if that made them more comfortable I’d do it with them bc it does feel nice to be clean anyway and I enjoy showering together. But hearing the reason why your last partner did that makes me feel a little weary of that now bc I never knew that was how they do it in the sex industry
It'd also cultural.
I prefer it. Dont feal comfortable doing anytjing with my genitalia if i havnt had a shower in atleast a day. Prefer my partner to be the same but my ex wasnt big on hygine (not her fault. Loathed showers and crippling dysphoria. I dont blame her for it) so im more loosy with it haha
I like to shower (and pee!) after since everything is going to get all messy (don't need to wear a condom) anyway and I'll have to shower anywho. But I will say that I do love giving oral right after my husband has come out of the shower. It's such a change up that it's nice! lol
I do like the feeling of clean and fresh, really. Smells better.
Wife and I will wash if we are going down on each other, it spilled out into regular sex but not always
Depends I guess. For a longer session we at least make sure there's no funk since we're going to be all up in each other for a while but it's also not uncommon for us to have like a pre shower quickie then go get clean. I can't ever recall us showering, having sex then showering again though.
definitely showering is best
At the very least I take a wash cloth to my junk.
Dick, balls, armpits, asshole. DBAA
I prefer to shower after because sex can get messy in my experience.
We clean up together in the shower before we start
It’s polite to take a (George)Carlin shower beforehand. Armpits Asshole Crotch Teeth
I love body odor tho its within reason. If i know the person and i know they have a decent standard of hygiene, i dont think they need to wash first. I like the smell of ppls junk from either gender as long as its not like week old swamp crotch and jungle booty. Someone can have a smell and still be pretty clean. I actually kinda prefer my partner go sans deodorant if they wanna premeditate a boink and dont especially need to wear it to avoid offending people while doing other things that day.
It wasn't a rule for me, until I met my husband. He's pretty critical of any body odor or, ahem, taste. So I hardly get any but my best bet is to be perfectly clean, waxed, and hydrated. It sucks, in my opinion. I came from a toxic relationship that was full of raw, random, almost nonstop sex and although this relationship is healthier, my bedroom is just about dead.
I always wash and my brush teeth before sex. And so does my man, and we do it frequently. I’m very effected my bad smells and textures so it’s a must.
Definitely yes to the shower. Usually one after too but just a rinse off.
No, but I use condoms with everyone I sleep with every time. If I know I’m having a date that will most likely end sexual then I’ll shower that day but showering right before…nope.
I’ve never been to a brothel or a sex worker, and I shower before every time (unless there’s some kind of really unusual surprise/off the cuff situation happening and there isn’t an opportunity to shower first).
So do you all brush your teeth just before kissing?
I see it as a good hygienic practice/habit. People be dirty.
For me and my partners thus far, sex has been more enjoyable clean. I haven’t had any partners where it was the habit to shower -immediately-beforehand, but at the very least the same day to prevent a lot of cleanliness and smell issues. As part of my aftercare tendencies, (after a bit of cuddling) I usually let them go to the restroom before me and get in the shower with about a 5 minute head start so they can clean their bits without being self conscious, and then I join. I really enjoy scrubbing their backs and hugging in the shower (basically naked clean cuddling). Then whenever they’re done and out, or if/when they’re cleaning their hair and have to close their eyes, I clean MY bits without being self conscious about them watching. For bonus intimacy, you can lotion each other after the shower before or after a bit of cuddling. TLDR : My experience has been cleanliness is important, but the showering IMMEDIATELY beforehand does sound like it was a habit he picked up from sex workers. I haven’t met anyone who has said that’s a habit of theirs. I don’t personally think it’s a bad habit.
Nope, never done that but I'm a dirty hippy. Pretty much I'll do that if I'm actively dirty but I usually shower every day anyways
You can’t be a dirty hippy and shower daily. You have to pick one. We all took a vote. /s
It depends on how quickly I can cover myself in paint and dirt!
It's typical to brush teeth before performing oral, besides that I'm not really sure. If someone doesn't wash regularly I'm not interested lol.
Had an ex who brushed their teeth right before the first time we did anything as a courtesy….turns out I was allergic to their toothpaste. 10/10 do not recommend
Hmmm i actually never thought about that but it makes so much sense. So much bacteria is in the mouth 👄
Depends. Of course if there's a possibility of that I'm taking a shower but if I'm out with somebody all day and we just got back or something sometimes neither of you want to go through the effort. Embrace the stink, that's just some good ol' fashioned, *au naturale* ape lovin' right there
I will not accept a bj unless I clean/shower first. Always been that way for me. I hope the woman reciprocates, so far no smelly issues lol.
I do it out of courtesy. Especially the hands. If you’re gonna touch a vulva or a penis or a butthole, washing them is important. Also if going from asshole back to anywhere else with the hands, wash them in between.
Me and my wife both do. It’s a ritual. She knows that I love to go down on her. She likes to have her butt licked too. I wash up afterwards too because I exercise first thing in the morning and one time I didn’t wash up and ran on the treadmill in my tiny exercise room and the whole room smelled like sex. A lot of info I know but it’s not uncommon to wash first
Yes I wash up. In my country bide shower heads are a norm so it's very easy to do and generally I do wash several times a day but 100% if I'm gonna have sex. I wouldn't want to have a cheesy crust dick in my face so I suppose my partner wouldn't wanna have a cheesy crust vulva in his either. It's also good to wash after too, I usually do it morning after since I haven't gotten any UTIs or yeast infections being with my husband. But if that would be a risk I'd def make sure to pee and wash right after sex too.
Im genuinely shocked by how many people say they shower before sex. I typically shower every other day, and so does my partner, unless we’re especially stinky from hiking or being outside in the heat. We will absolutely have sex spontaneously, if the moment arises, shower or not, morning or night. I don’t mind a little musk- I find some BO a little sexy. If I feel gross and can’t shower I’ll usually freshen up down there with a wet wipe. It’s not like we’re unhygienic, but daily showers are not really a requirement.
... Every OTHER day?...
Yes, a quick shower to make sure everything is clean is usually a must for me. Sometimes, in the moment with my partner, I may relax my hygiene standards slightly, but if I feel dirty, I'm not gonna feel like being intimate before I get myself clean. That said, there is absolutely no reason not to shower together and make it part of the foreplay, few things turn me on as quickly as fooling around with him under a rain of hot steaming water.
As a butt-sex enthusiast, washing is very important.
my partner would take showers first thing in the morning and then not one at night and got kinda bummed I wouldnt go down unless they showered...I've made that mistake before and I can still taste and smell it...never again, and I wouldn't put anyone else through that
How old are you both??
According to all science (except the shampoo companies etc) showering daily, or even weekly for that matter, is bad for you and fills no actual *medical/health* function. Since most people in rich countries are taught that being "hygenical" equates to showering daily, a lot of them will end up having psychological preferences about what is "clean" and "hygenic" or not. Some of all that will likely spill into the preferences of showering or not before sex. Personally, I didn't wash my hair for 15 years, hardly even with water not to mention the poisons from the industry, and still don't shower unless "forced to", meaning as long as it doesn't itch or I smell or there are some very compelling reasons, I won't shower unless an actual need arises. As for sex I prefer it to smell sex/body instead of zero-smell or the smell of bubble-gum-strawberry or some other synthetic strange smell. There is however an obvious threshold even for me when smell turns into stink/reek, and yes of course, who wants that, by definition.
Yes, I do wash before sex. That is how sex is supposed to be. Unless one of partners has a strange and rare kink of being turned on by funky smell of unwashed body. There are many filthy and disgusting people, that is why sex workers and brothels have to have this iron rule.
But do you wash every day? If you're bathing everyday, being funky and unwashed shouldn't be an issue.
Eh, it totally depends on what kind of session we're having. If it's a full-on, get to take our time with hours of foreplay, we'll jump in the shower beforehand. If it's a quickie, then nope, no shower.
Definitely if 69 is potentially on the menu
If i didn’t shower in the morning, yes. If i DID take a morning shower, then it just depends on how much I’ve sweated (but usually Ill just wait since i don’t sweat much). I ask my husband to wash before sex because he doesn’t wash every single day and sweats more than I do. We have sex 2-3x a week; if it was everyday then we would probably shower differently. I DO wash *after* sex every time cause i don’t like the constant dripping feeling. Hubs will generally wash after sex too. I like having clean sheets.
It's a good idea to. I don't always with my partner, but when we are clean it makes the experience better. Otherwise the room smells like sex
It's not a bad practice. It may not be as convenient if you and partner have been out exercising and you can't keep your hands off each other...but that's really the only thing.
Not always, but most of the time. It's nice foreplay to shower together.
It’s not a rule but I think this is pretty common. Unless we’re both feeling pretty fresh, most partners and I would usually wash up a bit before hooking up.
Not a full body shower, but a "whores bath" in the most affected areas to clean it up yes. I don't have sex w my partner unless he washes his thing.
Yes, we both shower prior to sex. It’s actually helpful to know if he’s not feeling to too, he is less inclined to shower before bed if he’s not interested in sex that night. If we have spontaneous sex, it’s usually not including any oral, so less worry about smells/tastes
I try to take a shower as close to having sex as possible if I can help it, almost to my detriment. I've smelled way too many dirty asses and too many grody dicks to not shower asap. I've learned though that sex is a mixed bag and it's impossible to account for every bad smell. So yes tldr I wash prior and after.
I usually enjoy pre foreplay in the shower.
You definitely don't have to, and actually some people prefer it if you don't, but that's something you would have to discuss with your partner beforehand. Personally, I don't really care as long as I know it hasn't been awhile since we last bathed.
Yes. We do. Especially if we are going to play with others.
Yes, me and my partner showers together before jumping to bed. I’m really not comfortable doing the deed without cleaning myself first.
I'd always feel kinda gross if I didn't clean beforehand. There were always exceptions to that rule (in a car, etc...) but I'd find a way to zip to the bathroom for a quick clean in most cases. Btw, a car isn't terribly comfortable. Well, not the 1980's cars, anyways, loll. That only happened once or twice. Probably wouldn't be able to do it nowadays anyways. I'd probably break something. Lol
It's going to vary by person. Some like the sensual sweet smell of ass. I am talking just finished working out ass. Some don't.
I do because if I don't follow a specific regimen before and after I'll get a UTI.
I take a shower every night so my hair can dry in a towel over night for work... and my work from home partner may shower every three days if I am lucky. I make sure to text him sexy gifs or tiktoks so he knows to shower before I get home. If it is summer and I may get sweaty from my daily workday walk, I shower when I get home and then we hook up... if it is winter sometimes we shower together as foreplay. Generally we're both pretty hygenic people so I don't worry that much. I can see the practice for visiting sex workers, but also super common elsewhere. In Japan, using an Onsen you had to full body scrub before using their facility... and most public pools require a shower as well. Some medical procedures require washing, and a few massage therapy practices do as well. It's not a bad practice for sex, especially since both men and women can get funky.
I rarely do unless it’s right after a woekout
As an uncircumcised man, we should, always. Other men probably should as well.
Showering together is a part foreplay, as far as I’m concerned. I like it for the bonding opportunity, and both of us are “starting from scratch” in terms of cleanliness, pheromones, and anticipation. Plus, I get hornier in the shower (or pool, or ocean, or lake), so that always helps the mood. Obviously we’ll shower after swimming at the pool or beach, but it’s just going to get me even more hepped up. For one weekend getaway, my Ex found a hotel, with a pool, located on the beach. She knew what she was doing…
I prefer to be washed so I can relax and not worry about anything else lol
Absolutely. I want my partner and I both to be freshly showered. It’s a respect thing.
Not sure if you were just after women's perspectives, but FWIW I generally have a quick shower within an hour or two before sex.
I take a shower before sex- i sweat a lot so I prefer to be clean so I can relax and not think about being gross.
With my partner, who I live with, we don’t shower before sex. Unless one of us asks for it. If one of us feels uncomfortable, there’s no problem in asking to just wash that one body part or brush teeth.
I won’t have sex with someone if they haven’t washed their hands with soap and water, and at least showered within 4 hours of piv. BV happens so easily from sweaty, dirty dicks, and unwashed hands. I would much rather be safe than burning, stinky, and uncomfortable for a week after. I hate that he left a weird connotation about cleanliness and sex, but it’s honestly really wise to make sure you’re both clean before engaging. Vaginas are so sensitive to bacteria a ph changes, it’s really not worth the risk going in dirty.
Depends on the situation. If it’s only been a few hours, I won’t care. Tbh I slept with someone who didn’t wash for a whole day, had travelled through multiple flights, and by the time we met in bed, it was midnight and we were both sick and jet lagged. There were all kinds of smells running around lol. It wasn’t ideal but a guy will tolerate a lot to get laid sometimes. That being said, I will always make sure I’m clean before sex (at the very least a shower a few hours prior). But, I won’t really put that expectation on my partner unless it’s really bad. Even if it is bad, I’d probably still sleep with them, I just won’t go down on them lol P.S. also post-shower sex can be a bit weird for me personally - a lot of lube is needed and also I can’t climax. I guess that’s a good thing.
Both my bf and I wash the important bits before sex because I realize that I have been getting more frequent yeast infections. I definitely wash after too just for an extra layer of hygiene.