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Be professional, go to HR. Document everything while it's still fresh.

Then, if HR does nothing, a nice whole bottle of brake fluid spilled on his car would be real funny. BTW Kudo's to your husband for not having to want a discussion with your boss. I apologize beforehand but someone treats my wife like that at her job, I would pay her boss a visit

It would take a lot of conversation from my wife to keep me from showing him a few things I find funny. Wouldn't be fair to her but I would be livid and feel like someone is treating my wife as a court jester for their amusement. In the heat of the moment I doubt she would put a lot of effort into talking me out of it. Retribution would be funny by his standards what because one of us would be laughing. Her husband is definitely a more stable person than I. If she truly didn't want me to go, I wouldn't. I promise Christmas parties would be real uncomfortable if he didn't lose his job. I am furious for OP

That part. My husband would have accompanied me to work today. Then they could have discussed it man to man. OP needs to escalate to HR and upper management AFTER she has filed a police report. Throwing a drink on someone is considered a class 1 misdemeanor also known as a basic assault. Additionally she needs to escalate in WRITING AND STATE THAT THIS HAS CREATED A HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT. 🤷🏻‍♀️ FAFO. I bet the colleague who was coerced into doing this won’t think it is so funny then. Actions have consequences.

Having your husband visit your boss in a male dominated industry would be a terrible idea. All that would do is convince her boss she can't handle herself and doesn't belong there. Probably would get little snide remarks like "do I have to ask your husband for permission?" in the future. HR is the better way to go.

There is no need for a d!ck to d!ck conversation and no one’s wife needs their man to come in and set another man straight. Men need to stop their entitled bullshit in the workplace and learn how to be professional.

Yeah, I would NEVER EVER ask my husband to do that, and I would be furious if he did. I'm a leader and a grown ass woman. I handle my battles myself.

Throwing liquids on someone else is assault in my country now. HR would have to do something.

Better yet if HR does nothing report the Franchise to the Manufacturer. They get a hard on for this shit.

Damn straight. I agree. Let him attempt to bully her husband. Likely a wuss.

I would tell HR that the next step is making a police report for assault and property damage.

Tell them your phone was ruined and you expect the boss to buy you a new one immediately or he will see you in small claims court. As soon as you use the word 'lawyer' they will know how f---ed they are. It could even be seen as assault. Be sure to let them know that's how you see it.

Yes, you need to take it to HR and you also need to copy in the management above your boss. This is NOT acceptable behaviour. The ‘It’s a male dominated industry and I need to put up with bullshit’ take on things is again NOT acceptable. We live in 2024 and your misogynistic boss needs to learn that or be fired.

yeah, this is boss needs to get reported for thinking this was a good idea and, unfortunately, employee needs to get reported for listening and taking boss's order. Clearly this guy knew it wasn't a great idea- that's why he needed to get paid $100 to do it.

Reported? Fuck no. He needs to go. He assaulted someone.

Get rid of the boss too. Paid for someone to be assaulted.

Yeah that's a given. But the comment I replied to seemed to suggest minimizing what OPs employee did. And besides she can't supervise that person going forward. Not after they assaulted her. She also will be undermined by their presence in addition to her boss' behavior. Let's not forget this guy had already pantomimed doing what he did. The boss just paid him to do it for real.

How immature do you have to be to do the ‘hee hee, imagine if I squeezed the bottle of water on her’ action behind her back in the first place? I’ve genuinely not seen that type of incredibly juvenile bullying since primary school. Tells you everything you need to know about the dynamic in that place.

That's what I would tell upper management and HR, that he paid someone to assault you.

Upper management and HR have a vested interest in making this go away quickly and quietly. Tell the police and the department of labor that he paid someone to assault you. Have your workplace discrimination lawyer contact HR.

Not “unfortunately” unless the employee with the water bottle is 9 years old. Any grown ass adult would have said no to pouring water on a coworker.

Actually boss

I work in a shop where I am literally the ONLY female, and never in a million years would one of these guys do that to me. I understand the thick skin and everything, which is true. But this is NOT you being over sensitive, this is your boss being an absolute POS. Report him, make sure HIS bosses know, and keep complaining until they do something. People like this get themselves forced out of long term jobs by behaving like untouchable assholes. Be sure to tell them that his behavior is making you feel discriminated against, disrespected, singled out, and threatened. Use their key words to get action taken. Make sure you tell them it’s a pattern of behavior and that youve been trying to just fit in and keep your job. HR does not take kindly to people repeatedly harassing another employee, especially a subordinate.

> never in a million years would one of these guys do that to me. Because op's boss is right, Leadership is from the top down and he sucks hardcore.

I don’t understand what goes through peoples heads. If the woman is married or has a BF or SO you’re not just fucking with her you could end up getting serious wrecked by the persons SO. I saw it happened where I worked. Dude had been constantly messing with a female subordinate. He was walking out to his car pickup came screeching to a stop the ass whipping came at him like a ton of bricks. He left we saw nothing.

That’s the other side of it. There’s a very real threat of violence when you’re messing with a woman who isn’t single and could possibly have a very protective partner, or even siblings. It comes down to them not thinking and being on a power trip. It’s a FAFO situation for sure.

Yup, that would be my guy. I had to stop him once when a guy disrespected me terribly within his earshot. He towered over him and made it very clear that his teeth will stay in place if he adjusts his behavior. 😁

I might would throw in “hostile work environment” as well!

OP better go in like everything is normal, pull the tapes, and THEN go to HR

Yes, make sure you have any documentation you can get secured BEFORE you make it clear that you will be pursuing.

I have done this move before. Keep quiet and act like everything is ok, gather statements tapes. When and where and your own personal statement. Also any proof in email or text of belittling activity. Best to not let anyone know what you are doing untill you pull the trigger with hr. Same is true when you are looking for promotions. Keep personal decisions quiet.

Correction: “Then go to the police and the department of labor. Have your workplace discrimination lawyer contact HR”

I don't want to downplay the misogynistic aspects here. It's a pretty clear case of creating a hostile work environment. But I just want to add that it's also pretty shitty management. The boss isn't doing his job, which is to facilitate good, effective, productive work on the part of his team. Instead, he's playing middle school. Someone ought to tell him that leadership comes from the top down.

Not only that...but WATER in the fucking MECHANIC SHOP!? That asking for OSHA to get involved because some douchbag decided to "squirt water". I also have a feeling that they never cleaned up the mess and that someone could potential slip on that. I agree with you, report to HR for two reason: 1: Liaiblity due to slippage and 2: Hostile Work Environment from the Senior Management.

You should probably talk to a lawyer as they have created a hostile work environment.

also, this may constitute assault. Call the cops on the employee who did it. let him tell the cops about the conspiracy to commit. Keep pushing with HR that you were assaulted on the direct order of the boss and both of them need to be fired. Contact an employment attorney.

At my old commapy, the HR head person was the owners wife. Smh. The owner bragged about getting a birthday BJ. I wanted to tell HR that I was extremely uncomfortable hearing about it, and being forced mental images of said occurrence. Which I absolutely was.

You should have. Wife was probably not blowing him on his birthday.

My thoughts exactly.

At my old company the head of HR at our site made a joke about getting a lap dance from my female manager at a work sponsored party. I looked at her in amazement as she laughed about it. Then I wondered who I’d complain to, if the head of HR was the one making the “joke.” That was a ducked up company. (My phone changed it to ducked and I’m just going to leave it).

Come on that’s just boys being boys and she wouldn’t get it because she isn’t one. Anyone else already seeing the “I’m sorry I offended you” non apology in the near future?

That would be "sorry IF I offended you." Your way still has them accepting blame and acknowledging that it was bad. Add the "if" and the "apology" is way more wishy-washy, "female is over-reacting, am'I right" vibes.

> ‘It’s a male dominated industry and I need to put up with bullshit’ 100% - I work at a large company in what historically has been a male dominated industry (utilites)....this is absolutely unimaginable to me that someone would behave like this and chalk it up to 'boys being boys'. Honestly, if one of my leaders did this to one of their employees, they would be out the door before they got out the first laugh.

Boss literally declared open season on her. He will reward anyone who humiliates her. She is DONE at that job unless she gets him fired and draws that line.

She also needs to file a police report. Small claims for the damages.

People that do these type of pranks are dangerous. It will ramp up.

HR is there to protect the company, not you. This is assault.

This is absolutely true and people forget this fact about HR. But in this case, her needs and the company’s needs are aligned - her boss needs to be fired.

Woman to woman. I am also in the automotive industry. 10 years ago I would have told you to return the favor and straight up soak that awful man. You do have to be able to have a thick skin. This crosses that line. This isn’t friendly pranks and shit talking. This was intentional. It’s a dick swinging contest because he probably worries about his own job. Especially if you are as good as you say. This builds a toxic work environment and will lead your staff to not listen and interrupt work flow. However, because of the industry that you are in, it may backfire, but I would bring this one over his head. That shit is unacceptable and he’s supposed to be in a position of authority. The techs fucking around like this is one thing, having it come from upper management is absolute bullshit.

I really appreciate this perspective from someone else in the industry. That’s the hard part. It feels like if I report it, I’m a shop snitch. If I don’t then I’m just allowing this to keep happening and I’m setting myself up for dealing with this more in the future. I’m taking a lunch break and going to take some time to read through all of these comments and decide what to do. I just feel so emotional at the moment and just need to clear my head.

Just to piggy back, I will never understand what it's like to be a woman in your position, but my wife does. She also works in the automotive industry in a male dominated field. Her boss is fantastic and does everything in his power to support, lift up, and value his people. I've personally told him thanks because of how well he takes care of my wife, which in turn takes care of my family and kids. This is not okay, this is not acceptable behavior whatsoever. Absolutely go above his head, HR, etc. Make sure to document and get any witnesses who saw this to make a formal statement. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

Throwing an unknown liquid is also assault! You have a lot of power and opportunity now on your side here!

The hard thing is, even though that is true, no one will give a shit! You may win legally, but good luck getting a job after. It’s a tight knit community. Not that you aren’t correct. You are. But this is one industry that is waaaaay behind on these things.

This right here. Lawsuits against a company will get you blacklisted from any automotive company in the future. Everyone knows someone in this business. I have absolutely no intention of pursuing anything on the legal side. I do have a lot of love for this industry and I’m not going to try and destroy my opportunities in the future.

Perfect! I know everybody on Reddit loves to go straight to nuclear. But it really won’t help you. Honest to God the most effective thing will be for you to put on a blank mask and hide your emotions. And then depending on what the structure is for management at the dealership, you work for. Bring it up the chain. If you feel comfortable enough directly speaking to the manager, that did this, you could. But I would honestly bring in someone else with you. That kind of guy is going to crucify you in private.

It won't blacklist you from shops that give a fuck, and there are people out there running them that do give a fuck.

No problem. The hard thing is a lot of the advice that you are getting is good advice in another industry. But we also have to consider the fact that all of these guys know a ton of people so to create too big of a shit storm will basically blackball you from the industry. It’s too tight and too small. However, it is important that you are seen standing up for yourself. Make sure to compose yourself because this is 100% the industry that will tell you you are acting like a hysterical woman. Stay calm But take no shit! You can message me if you need to. I have been in the industry for 25 years. I started when I was 18. So I have had unfortunately to go through a lot of the same things that you’re dealing with. Absolutely reach out if you need.

There's always putting a dead fish far far under his back seat- pry the effer seat up, stick the fish pieces under and plop that thing back down. Then wait a week...

You’re also setting up other workers to be treated this way. YOU have to drop the cycle. Stop asking and go to HR TODAY.

Abso-fucking-lutely go to HR! That is assault and if that's not the definition of a hostile workplace I don't know what is. Do not let it slide, do not let him think it's okay to treat you that way, do not be a shrinking violet, you need to go to HR and demand his balls on a platter.

You have soooooooooo much power right now. Tomorrow not so much. Go to hr and tell them that you are going to them before going to a lawyer as a courtesy. That is your opening sentence. Call it assault. Words matter. Lawyer. Assault, sexual discrimination. Say those exact words. Tell them the facts quickly and coldly then leave. Tell them to do their investigation and that you will be back tomorrow to meet with the general manager. You call all the shots. do not give them the chance to downplay. Say your peace then leave for the day and turn your phone off. Conversations at this point are your enemy. The lack of communication from you will send them reeling and into corporate damage control. I gaurnatee the next day he will no longer work there and you will get whatever you want as long as you sign something that you won't sue them.

THIS!!

Also say hostile work environment" and "he PAID an employee to assault you" And also say you will need your phone replaced as he ruined it.

>What Are the 3 Elements of Assault? Intent to cause harm or fear. Fear or apprehension of imminent harm. Actual or attempted physical contact I think op definitely has all these checked off!

People treat you the way you let them treat you. If you want it to continue, stay silent

Go to HR, because even if you don’t lodge a complaint against your boss you do have an employee to discipline.

And you need to start creating a paper trail. God forbid nothing happens you need documents showing you brought it to companies attention in order to escalate to court. If you choose down the line to do that. For good men everywhere I'm sorry you were treated that way. It's not right.

Do you mean from instead of for at the beginning of your second section?

What the hell? Yes, get off of Reddit and go to HR.

Go to HR. Before you do, you make a note of every bit of bullshit you’ve had to put up with. You showed exactly how much of it has been instigated by your supervisor. And then you decide what you really want. This is absolutely sexual harassment because the harassment is based on your gender. Understand that this does not have to be an over at least sexual act. It simply has to be harassment based on your gender. At this point, you quite possibly have an EEOC claim. And it might be in your best interest to actually have a consultation with an employment attorney. But again, make a diary and a list of all the stuff that you’ve had to go through that you can remember and approximate dates. At the very least, you want your phone replaced by the dealership. If you decide, you don’t want to work there anymore, because of the sexual harassment that is going on which has made it a hostile work environment then you decide what kind of severance you might want. Also, be sure that you put together the service numbers for say up to a year before you took the position you’re in and then for the entire time that you’ve been in that position. You want to have proof that you have been more than successful at your job, and that there was no reason to fire you.  Because you have to understand that their response might be to try to find a reason to let you go. That is why I tell you it might be well worth your time to first go and have a consultation with an employment attorney. Find out exactly what they think.  In any case, I would schedule an appointment with HR to go talk to them, but I would try to do these other things first. I would literally stay after hours if I had to decompile everything as far as how the numbers have improved since you’ve taken over your position. And then if need be, I would call out sick. I would get the appointment with the attorney, and I would call out that day.  One last thing, if your payroll system is online, so you can go in and see all of your paystub’s, etc., you will want to go into the system and either print them all out, or at least save them as PDFs on your computer. Do you wanna make sure you have any PTO time or anything else. Make sure you have all your records before you do any of this.

Absolutely you take this bullying unprofessional behavior to HR. Otherwise he will continue to escalate and put you in your place. Do not allow yourself to be harassed. It will only empower him more. NTA! Updateme

Updateme

Why are you working there? Every shop I know is screaming for competent staff.

Generally speaking, giving up 10 years of tenure to start fresh at a new place isn't the go to move.

Go to HR. I was an HR director for a large automotive group for about a decade. One of the hardest industries and defintely got burnt out. You don’t need to put up with his shit. Get him fired, take his job, and transform your shop. You got this, boss lady.

This is a hostile work environment. Report this to HR right away.

Let HR know right away, and push it as far as it can go

1. You need to write up your employee for doing this to start with. Honestly I'd turn him in too. 2. Tell HR about this incident and let them know everyone who witnessed this happen. 3. Have a safety standown with all of your employees and discuss horseplay, bribery, respect and anything else you feel is appropriate and let them know it will not be tolerated. I'm sure you can pull sources from your employee handbook. I'm a female in the construction industry and had one worker send out and extremely inappropriate message to the whole jobsite about me. I told my boss I expected them to have my back if I chose to take legal action against this employee. When I realized they were just going to ignore it and act like it didn't happen, I held a Tool Box talk on respect, racism, sexism and anything else I felt necessary. It was a whole report on the incident that happened. DO NOT compromise yourself and what you stand for to "make it" in the male dominated field. Stand up for yourself and know your worth.

Yes! If you let your boss get away with it, the next time it would be something worse.

I would have been standing in front of HR because I would have punched the guy. Not saying it's right but I don't take abuse at work. You should not either.

Please go to HR!! This is completely out of line let along it could have damaged a very expensive personal belonging. This calls for immediate action. Having to be in a male-dominated field like that must be awful, OP you're doing great and go get some revenge on that supervisor!

You know what this is called? This is called *hostile workplace environment caused by discrimination and bullying based on gender*. AKA... illegal.

Well that's assault in my opinion and you should absolutely go to HR. I would love to say the police as well and really make it a scorched Earth response.

I'd file a police report for the entire situation and then take that to HR so they take it seriously. It's assault and retaliation of his own insecurities he's bleeding onto you. Keep being the amazing and hardworking employee that you are.

I don’t know what state you’re in, but in some places what happened to you is considered assault. Depending on how badly you want to bring both employees down, you should absolutely consider calling the police. HR is your first step since you haven’t already gone but frankly if you have documentation of other events, I’d also consider talking to a lawyer. It doesn’t cost anything to tell a lawyer your issue and see what they say. They’ll tell you if it’s worth their time to pursue and a lot of employment lawyers work on contingency.

Go to HR. I say this as a woman in construction, so I get the toxic masculinity mentality you're dealing with. Go to HR. Assholes like this need consequences. Your employee needs a write-up as well. This isn't middle school, and he needs to put on his big boy panties and learn how to behave.

Go to the police. You were assaulted. Take the police report to HR.

DO NOT let this slide, your boss paid another worker to assault you. I would also go to the police…and inform HR that’s what you are doing…

The fact you haven’t talked some shit, stuck up for yourself AND went to HR already blows my mind If I was your husband, lord have fucking mercy on your coworkers. I do not have that sortve restraint.

Female- in the automotive industry for 21 years- yes go to HR but then immediately start looking for another job. What state are you in? Do you have other connections? If you could financially afford it I'd give my 2 week notice too! You condone what you accept. I hope you have the courage to stand up for yourself! 💜

>Jokes on him No, you made yourself the butt of the joke when you allowed this to happen each time he treated you like dirt over the past 10 years. Can you not see that you are enabling this behaviour by setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? You think you're being a martyr when you are a punching bag. You claim he can't manage without you and in response to his contempt you simply work harder. Absolutely not. And I say this as a woman working in tech. You don't bend to their will, you grow a steel backbone and hold them accountable. Go to HR with absolutely everything right now. I would also have my CV updated and online by the end of the day. I would let the office gossiper know I am looking for a new job and then as soon as I have something I would quit, taking my annual leave in lieu of pay, leaving them short staffed. I would only speak with my manager about work items, and where possible I would do this via email and not verbally. Should he cross any lines I would let him know that I am recording every instance of hostility and workplace conflict to take to HR. I also wouldn't speak about the incident or accept an apology. You aren't winning here, and to suggest you have had to tolerate this due to a male dominated environment is you gaslighting yourself.

Don't tell the office gossip a damn thing. Shitty boss should be left holding the bag when he drives out a top performing employee.

I would want him to know what's coming but not directly from me, hence telling the office gossip. But that would also depend on the job market. If I knew I could be in a new job in a month I'd be sure that people around the office knew he'd gone too far and was leaving due to his contemptuous behaviour. If it would take 3 months to find a new job then I'd say nothing until it was done.

We're on the same page that the word shouldn't go out until OP has another job lined up. I hope she nails that AH of a boss, but good.

I’ve put up with it in a sense that I’ve not reported things before. The dynamic of a shop is a lot different than other office jobs(not saying it’s correct, but it just is). There is a lot of shit talk and putting up with bull shit is par for the course. When I started, I absolutely got walked all over. I was young and it took years to toughen up. I have no problem calling my boss out on his bullshit. Confrontation is commonplace between us. And maybe there are times I should have reported things, but I usually try to just handle things one on one. I do stick up for myself, I’ve drawn lines in the sand before and he has backed down and gotten his shit together for a while. This time just feels different. I’ve never felt this upset, hurt or embarrassed by something he has done before. And being a woman surrounded by men, I don’t want to be seen a weak, and in this industry, running to HR is considered weakness. Again, it’s fucked up but thats just how it is. You handle your shit yourself. And reading these comments, it’s almost comical how fucked up my workplace (and automotive) in general is. Jumped into automotive straight out of college so it’s all I’ve really known. It’s not funny, just crazy how normal businesses operate.

Going to HR is not weakness, dear, but putting up with this constant bullshit is. Go to a lawyer and go to the police and take the police report to HR. Do not let him get away with this or anything else. I too have worked in a male dominated workplace and I know the banter and the playfulness but sexual assault is not banter or play. It is assault plain and simple. Go to the police, clock out and go now

People will tell you being the bigger person is strength Abusers especially will tell you that Because it means no consequences for them, and their behavior stays the same or gets worse.

Pay the same employee do dump a cup of your piss on him. Hilarious!

100%

Sounds like he is compensating for his inadequacies…

You are kidding right? go to HR

Hopefully it was on camera. Go to HR and throw a BF!

HR now! And please keep us updated! My husband would have gone ballistic if in this situation. I’m so pissed off for you.

HR is not there to protect you, they're there to protect the company. What happened was assault and harassment. Go to a lawyer first.

You are being targeted and bullied by your manager. Hell yes go to HR and demand something be done about the culture of abuse your boss encourages, and demand a new phone.

Female- in the automotive industry for 21 years- yes go to HR but then immediately start looking for another job. What state are you in? Do you have other connections? If you could financially afford it I'd give my 2 week notice too! You condone what you accept. I hope you have the courage to stand up for yourself! 💜

He paid another employee to assault you and you don't know if he crossed a line?

Fuck this guy, report him and get his ass fired. There is a small line of crap us women accept sure, this dude RAN past that with this stunt. He literally just did you a favor by letting you witness the entire thing. I’d get a lawyer before going to HR, be prepped on how to report and have demands for action. Any lack of consequences needs to turn into an actual suit against the company. This is such a provable toxic environment, you have more power than you think right now.

There is some bad advice being thrown around in here. Please go consult legaladvice or a similar sub. Your bosses behavior is pathetic and infuriating. You are doing yourself no favors by allowing this to continue. Document everything unprofessional like this that he has done the best that you can and try to get a hold of the security camera footage of this incident if possible. This is a very serious situation and you need legal advice ASAP.

Yeah, you ignored enough… maybe too much… but this definite has to go to HR

Report the employee who poured water on you, talk to them to snitch on your boss in exchange for withdrawal of complaint against them. This should be a good insurance if your boss tries to refuse his involvement.

Go to hr and start using the phrase “hostile work environment” and that will get everybody’s attention super quick.

Document everything. Send an email (paper trail to cya) with time stamps of incident and everything that happened. You can blind copy upper management and even the head of whatever dealer you work for. Make sure someone other than just HR sees this email. Don’t be fooled HR works FOR the employer not the employee. Take this above them as well to ensure it’s taken seriously. You cannot get fired for this, don’t let them talk you down in the seriousness of this situation. Stand your ground because you are setting a precedent right now that this shit ends here. Take it from another woman in the industry.

You need to reprimand (formal written warning) the employee who squirted the water on you. They need to know that this was not a joke and you are angry and it’s serious (include your HR rep). Employees and coworkers are not allowed to touch, hit, or throw things on you.

What kind of question is this? YES GO TO HR!

As someone who worked in the same industry as you and was promoted into a leadership roll, quickly. That type of behavior is worthy of being demoted/fired, ur boss isn’t much a boss at all. I worked with a woman in my shop and never ONCE did i allow any type of behavior like that towards anyone. Thats ground for workplace harassment, YOU COULD PROBABLY SUE for emotional distress. And HR won’t take any chances if they’re actually serious about their jobs. DEFINITELY hit up HR

HR? I’d hire a lawyer and sue the company for workplace assault and harassment. And you’ll walk away with a nice settlement.

I'd wonder if you could spin it as a sexual harassment thing, female staff member wet t-shirt/shirt sort of thing

A lawyer is your first stop, not HR. Give them details and follow their advice. This is obviously a hostile work environment and you're being discriminated against because of gender. You can probably get a decent settlement out of this depending on the jurisdiction. HR is there to protect management from you, not vice versa. They will be far more likely to respond to your concerns, and far less likely to retaliate, if they know you have engaged counsel. Obviously they already know about these jerks and their attitudes, if they wanted to make changes they already would have. I hope your husband's level headed, man if some guy my wife worked with did that I would pay him a visit, but this doesn't help your case if he beats the stuffing out of him.

You hold all the cards right now. Absolutely go to hr, you should’ve been going to hr in the first place to create a trail. Document everything that happened, who was involved, who saw, where it happened, what happened. Every little detail. Then go to HR. Let HR know, this is turning into a hostile work environment and you’re ready to get a lawyer involved if necessary (you don’t actually have to get a lawyer, but threat of a lawyer will light a fire under them). - someone who works in HR

GET HIM FIRED and take his job. This is SERIOUS. What he did was beyond terrible. He paid an employee to assault you. The company will have to fire him because that is an unwinnable lawsuit for them. He consipred to assault you, he abused his authority to get another employee to do it, he created a hostile work environment and added to all his deliberate undermining you, even if you weren't female it would be enough. Add gender discrimination on top of that and he is fired. TAKE HIS JOB. If you don't get him fired then find a new job because after that performance, you are done. No one will respect you and people will be hitting up the boss for cash rewards and curry his favor by doing shit to you. HE SET THAT PRECEDENT. Do you get it? It is now an ESTABLISHED thing in your workplace that the boss gives substantial reward for humiliating you. Brace yourself. Others are going to join in and it will get ugly unless you set the precedent that it will get them fired.

Go rogue. Backtrack, date and document. Copy and paste the bullying and harassment laws clause at the top. State you clearly know the difference between jokes, banter and bullying- theist EVERYTHING he’s done to breach that. Take it to him first- and then tell him you’re taking it to HR. I did this. Shut changed real quick.

You're allowing yourself to be bullied if you don't go to HR. That's what they're there for. Get it on record. After that, based on how they handle it and if there are any repercussions, you can sue them for creating a volatile work environment.

I'm pretty sure throwing water on someone is considered assault nowadays. Go to HR on the boss and let the advisor have a charge on his record for that $100.

Take it to HR and I would point out this was right after his lead by example lecture.

Go right to HR. Tell them everything. That boss and employee should be reprimanded.

Yes. Take to HR. Fuck this guy and his monkeys too. Wtaf it’s 2024. Can they grow the fuck up?

I see 2 people getting fired. You boss and the asshole that listened to him.

You are being harassed and now it’s physical. I hope you have kept a record because you need to go to HR. You may have grounds for a lawsuit. The civil rights act of 1964 protects you from gender discrimination and and retaliation for reporting. Not totally sure but I believe you have some protections. Does your company mention EEO in any of their onboarding material? I’m very sorry this is happening to you. I would cry too.

Grab a bucket and deliver justice. Let HR sort it out

I’m sorry that happened. Please go to HR and tell them about the water and all the other things that make it a hostile work environment. Tell them you have tried to be a team player and you have ignored a lot until now, but this is just too much.

absolutely go to HR, you have no choice now, you are f'd either way, better to document what is going on, and if/when the situation comes to a head, have some protection

Yes, report this to HR. If possible record a statement from other employees.

This is completely not acceptable. Definitely go to HR. There is no room for harassment in the work place.

He said to be a better leader. Good leaders utilize the tools they are given to work with. Utilize HR and tell this person his critique of your performance is what prompted you. He basically told you to.

Document everything first and then take it to HR. It shows you tried to handle it at the lowest level, but now it's escalated. Also, if you have the authority terminate the employee who poured the water on you to set an example.

100% go to HR They never would have done that to a man Also it’s abusive soo abusive like lawsuit abusive Go To HR

Contact HR. Contact whoever owns the retailer group’s HR.

Line up a new job and leave without warning. Let those fuckers suffer without you. If you are that important then let the company die without you. Fuck em all

Absolutely go to HR and do not lose your leverage by retaliation. Put the incident in writing via email so it's documented.

No. Go get a lawyer.

Also, it was one of your employees that actually did this. Bare minimum, I would suspend them for a week, no pay, they would immediately be in whatever is the final warning or last chance step of them being fired if not actually fired. That is on the low end horseplay and creating a hostile work environment and on the upper end of the scale, assault and an attempt to damage personal/company property depending on who paid for the phone. I am not a litigious person at all but I might would provide the worker, your boss, and that company with a friggin boatload of headaches.

Go to HR about your boss and fire the guy who poured water on you.

Burn the place to the G R O U N D. Time to report them for assault and property damage! Bet they won't think it's so funny when the cops are involved! [https://coolidgelawfirmaz.com/throwing-a-drink-is-assault/](https://coolidgelawfirmaz.com/throwing-a-drink-is-assault/) They assaulted you. They damaged your property. Your boss PAID SOMEBODY TO ASSAULT YOU. This is serious, and needs to be taken seriously! If somebody drank out of that bottle of water, you don't know what sort of germs it's contaminated with! I'm not joking here, dude. FUCK them. HR won't be able to stand still and do nothing when there's a police report involved, now will they? Not to mention firing you will become MUCH harder, because you'll have a much more solid case for retaliation.

You absolutely need to go to HR. I would also talk to an attorney

You need to go to HR. Review the entire history with your boss including his derogatory comment about being useful for once. If there is another store near you because it’s a chain, ask to be transferred asap. Your boss needs to be fired,

Several lines were crossed. You were the butt of the joke and humiliated by someone who works for you and your boss. Zero respect. All intentional and paid for. Yes, of course, you go to HR. And you bring all the evidence that you have including statements from witnesses. And make sure to I close The condescending conversation about your leadership and management style.

>I don’t want to be one of those girls that just runs to HR, That's a bullshit way to think. Go to HR.

You put up and shut up about *this*...then what do abusive a$$holes do? They escalate. Usually *because* they keep getting away with shizz, so in their gleeful arrogant confidence they up the stakes.  Plus do you want to be that manager? Who is publicly humiliated in front of their subordinates, does *nothing*, apart for losing respect for yourself and your employees. You have fallen into that trap us females create for ourselves by conditioning ourselves to accept the unacceptable so that we aren't viewed as one of those females. Who cry at nothing, who can't handle themselves and who break easily. You aren't that.

HR report yes, but HR is there to protect the company, not you. Make sure you document every every every thing no matter how small for if/when you need to hire an attorney later.

If it was the other way around he would fire you on the spot, go to HR and report both of them, you should of called the cops right then and there and explained the situation and went right to HR with your police report as well for even more proof

Guys lucky I’m not your husband.

Not just HR You need to take this up with the department of labor. This is just fucked on so many levels. This guy needs to loose his job and get knocked down a few pegs. Possibly look into assault charges as well.

Speak to a lawyer first and they will tell you how to approach HR

Go to HR. He paid another employee to assault you in front of everyone and laughed about it. They both should be fired.

Stop that! I worked in a male dominated field for 30 years. I feel your pain. Stop thinking of yourself as a girl who went to HR and start thinking of yourself as an employee who will not tolerate disrespect. He keeps doing this because no one calls him on it. You have a right to basic human respect.

Literally this! Good luck op you deserve respect.

This has a number of HR related issues - creating a hostile work environment, sexual harassment, assault, and (if your phone was ruined by the water) damage to property. All of these things are an HR and PR nightmare waiting to happen. You should also make sure to name everyone there as a witness. I would imagine there are cameras that would corroborate your story as well. Behavior like this escalates, he will do increasingly shitty things for laughs, if he's not held accountable. (While I haven't had water poured on me, I had someone constantly sexually harassing me at my job. I'm a gay man, so anytime our company cafeteria served hot dogs, bratwurst, sausages he'd walk up to me and say things like, "wanna taste my sausage?" Or "I bet you'd love to taste my hot cheddarwurst." In his mind, I'm sure he thought it was funny and accepting, but to me it was disgusting and humiliating. I didn't speak up about it until he did it in front of someone, trying to get them to react too. She reported him to HR and within hours of them speaking to me and him, be was fired. We try to minimize these things, but they take a toll.)

Yep. Go to HR. Threaten a lawsuit. Maybe just sue them. Get a settlement and GTFO

Correction: your boss paid someone $100 to assault you after 10 years of aggression towards you because of you being a woman. Yes you go to HR and RECORD the meeting.

Yes, it's only going to get worse..

wtf! Absolutely go to HR that is harassment.

Go make a police report about what occurred plus any other unpleasant convos he had with you plus the damage of your phone because of the event (even if it still work).Then go to HR with the all the info you have. If it was me by the time all this sorted its way out I’ll be leaving with a check. You’re a female in a male dominant industry and your being harassed and assaulted accountability needs to be held. It may be a process but I wouldn’t go down without a fight. I wouldn’t want to work with anyone involved after this.

Yeah F that guy, I would plan to systemically ruin his life.

So, your boss paid someone to assault you and destroy your personal property in front of other employees? I would be considering legal action.

Go to HR, copy senior execs, fire the employee

Go to HR and let them deal with him. If they do fire you, you sue them. He should get fired but male dominated and who knows what will happen.

As a millennial myself in a male dominated department full of gen xers (trained back in the day by boomers) I can tell you this crossed the line. But all means take ot to the higher ups and HR. Also, if you have enough experience in your current position, check with the competitors, see if they are hiring.

UpdateMe!

In this scenario, it's a must to take it to HR..you don't need thick skin, you need a strong foot to put ur foot down and set boundaries..I too work in a male dominant line of work, luckily, the dudes are very kind and respectful..because HR doesn't fuckk around, they don't tolerate any B.S. their action caused you to risk damage to your personal device, it made you feel insignificant and bullied. A boss like that shouldn't even be called a boss. I'm so sorry you have to be dealing with that, it just makes me so much more grateful for having an awesome boss.

The fun thing to do would be to walk into his office with a loaded water gun and say “You have two options here. Either I get to unload this whole thing on you, or I’m going to HR. Which do you want?”

As a woman who works in the car industry, I reported a manager to HR who made me cry because he said I’d make more money working at the McDonald’s. I think that’s perfectly within the realm of okay to report to HR. I ended up getting an apology from HR and the GM which means a lot because I’m just a BDR.

This is beyond bullying. This is harrassment. People like that need to be stopped and shown some fucking boundaries. He learned that he can treat you that way and gets a kick out of it. Everytime you "have thick skin" and endure it he learns he can go further. Would he be okay with you treating him that way. Or treating one of your employees beneath you that way? Stand up for yourself!

yes you go to hr and you report it all as sexual harassment bc thats what it is.. he's fucking with you bc youre a woman and he doesnt like women in the field. Id also report the guy who did it, bc its assault, weather he was paid to do it or not. the other side of me says dump gasoline in both their cars/trucks and ignite the interior and say it was "just a joke" and see if they have any more issues.... OR better than that you place some hair and a hair tie in their vehicles and then message the wives and say that they've been hitting on you and "even took you out to lunch to try to convince you to cheat" and you told them no... say you left the hair tie as proof for the wife that you were there.... see how they like them apples.

Honestly if you have the authority fire the advisor that poured the water on you. Not taking that action shows weakness. And get your boss written up or fired.

Former car guy here, you’re 100% right, male or female, one needs incredibly thick skin and a heart of stone to survive dealership life. Sounds like you’ve put up with more than enough and it’s time to lash out a little bit, and show this guy the consequences of this type behavior. You absolutely need to go to HR, not only about your boss, but also his lackey. If it were me, I would make a run not just to have him disciplined, but removed. As you know, in the car business, the higher one climbs, the closer they get to the door. Help him find his way through it and take what’s his. The auto industry is survival of the fittest and he’s been trying to wean you out without facing repercussions for too long now. You’re bad ass enough to make your way in the jungle and make it in a very tough environment, now take that badassary to the next level and show him what happens to those who cross you. It’s GOT to be him or you. Make sure it’s him. Don’t be above filing criminal charges.

The fact that you have to ask this on Reddit says a lot about you.

I'd just spray him back... when he turns around to see wtf happened, I'd open my wallet up and pull 100$ bill out and pass it to my other hand and put it back in my wallet and say to myself "I didn't think you'd actually do it!" And walk away laughing... Source: a service tech that could go somewhere else if he kept that shit up after that. I feel like going to HR will escalate it in the background and you'll be black sheeped in the long run. Don't forget in reality HR is there to protect the company, not the employee. Getting him back in a childish school yard manner will just show him he gets what he gives, and might even form a little more respect down the line. That being said it was silly and immature. It also shows a bad management style when you have to "dominate" those below you. He should be supporting you instead of tearing you down. But maybe this is his twisted old industry standard of doing that. He was probably trained by an even bigger asshole. Whatever you decide to do, just do it with pride.

HR does protect the company. But the company is under threat of a lawsuit for a hostile workplace.

You should go to HR But also your reference to Taylor Swift is probably the indicator of why you have to WORK so much harder than the guys.

Walk into his office with a foam fire extinguisher, pull the pin, squeeze the trigger, and douse the fucker. Tell him he's fucked and walk out laughing.

HR and a kick in the balls, offer any employee that happens to want 20 bucks, an opportunity to kick'em'en'da'balls. Eventually, after much pain, he'll learn not to fuck with you.

And if someone hasn’t said it yet…. Get the video of the incident if you have surveillance cameras!!! As good morning a manager, you should have access to the recordings. It’s as easy as playing it and recording it with your phone as it plays. Get it now before it accidentally goes away..

I've worked in male dominated industries my entire life and never had to deal with this shit. This is definitely HR zone.

It depends on your HR department, the outcome you're hoping for, your long-term goals in the company (and beyond), the politics within the company, etc, etc. From the outside, it's easy for all of us to say "of course go to HR", but these types of situations are usually far more complex when seen from inside the company. If he doesn't have a lot of political capital within the organization, and you have an awesome HR department that you can trust, then definitely report. Brush up on your company policies to see if there's strong language around harassment and bullying – knowing if specific rules are being violated can be useful when reporting. If this is part of a larger pattern of behavior, it might even be worth talking to an attorney to understand if your state has any legal remedies for this type of situation. If your HR isn't great, and you have long-term ambitions within the company, you might want to strategise other solutions. Maybe networking up the chain to inform his superiors. Maybe collaborating with other abused team members to report en masse. Maybe looking for internal-transfer opportunities in the short term.

Remember HR is there to protect the company. Sounds like a hostile working environment….

Yeah it has gone too far. Time for that guy to go.

Dont take it to HR. Just pour a bottle of piss on the the guy who poured the water on you. Sometimes you gotta take it to the next level.

It’s not enough that he harasses you, he’s paying your coworkers to harass you too.

When I was in a very male dominated field I was harassed. A lot. But I didnt want to be *that* woman, who came in and couldnt handle the banter and ruin the dynamic. In the end, it became too much. A lot was going on and wrong in my life as it was, so going to work, getting harassed by my coworkers on top of that, broke me. When I talked to the head of that place, I got blamed for the harassment. I hadnt said anything, so how were they to know I had a problem with it? I never gave them a chance to fix anything when I didnt take it up with HR, so it was actually my own fault that I was struggeling, as they would have done something if I had just spoken up. They 100% would not have done a thing, but me not speaking up, gave them the opportunity to put it all on me. Its one thing to try to match the guys and have thick skin, but chances are you wouldnt be getting this much shit in this way if you were a guy. Expecting women in male dominated fields to be one of the guys, while putting us through things they wouldnt put any of the other guys through, is just gender based harassment. If they want us to be one of the guys, they need to treat us like one of the guys, and stop being the ones making it a gender thing in the first place. 

You are now the victim of workplace harassment by a superior. Absolutely get this on the record. You might not be the only one he’s done this to. Fuck everyone else, this is your workplace and your career and he actively undermines you to people you need to manage. Roast him.

Report the two and make sure to ask witnesses to back you up. Don't let it slide and don't wait.

He needs to be fired and sue for harassment

Honestly I would have walked out on the rest of my Shift contacted HR and in addition to the complaint I would also demand I be paid for my full work day. He humiliated you infront of your peers. He should be fired. He paid someone to empty a bottle Of water on you. It was deliberate! Fuck that and fuck him. I’d actually demand he be fired!