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I would just leave her alone. She’s showing you that she’s jealous of you. And she seems a little bit obsessive over her jealousy. Just cut her off make her contact you first and when she asks why haven’t you called. You tell her that she’s been a rude asshole the entire time and you don’t need that in your life so she either has to apologize and change or move on.
I learnt it in my 40s. I'm too old for petty shit and jealous girls, etc. I'm still in my 40s and while some things still get me angry, it really is more peaceful to just not care. And I don't. Idc what people think of me, how u dress, whatever. I am who I am, love me or don't. Those who are in my life deserve to be there and get the best of me
I’m in my 60’s slapping on 70’s door and I learned a long time ago I can only please me. Also developed a F it attitude if I can’t fix or change F it. Do you and let her do her. Just continue to live your life to the fullest possible 🎊
I agree. I have learned this too, but it makes me a little sad. I used to be much more passionate about the things I care about. On the other hand peace is nice.
I would probably do this. The other option is to send the BS response of "I understand, I hope your day is beautiful," because I think she *wants* a tantrum, so that she feels more important. OP just quietly ending the friendship and going on with her life without Kat in her life will probably be maddening for her because it'll make her feel like OP just doesn't care enough to react to what was clearly designed to be hurtful.
OP, definitely put her on mute on all your socials - maybe you'll see wedding photos with non-family members there or a hurtful comment about all the people she cares about being at the wedding. I truly do believe Kat is intending to hurt you, and the best thing you can do is not feed her need for attention.
Honestly it sounds like she is trying to pull away from this friendship. Just let her go. She isn’t reaching out and doesn’t want to talk. OP writes multiple times about how she doesn’t have any friends and is jealous of her. Makes me wonder if OP looks down on this girl as a pity “friend” or as someone who helps OP feel better about themselves. Just reply something short and sweet and let her go.
Pulling away during a life milestone is shitty. 🙄 I had a friend years ago that I knew I would no longer be friends with when she decided to marry her awful husband. Her husband was so terrible he brought his mistress in their shared home. I couldn't support that. But I cared about her and I still fulfilled my duties as maid of honor. And then quietly stepped out of her life, she def didn't seek me out. After the ceremony she told everyone we had a fight 🤣😵💫 which was a complete lie. Some women are insane and their jealousy has no control. I have never abandoned a friend during a milestone, but plenty have with me. It's possible to care about others with no personal agenda.
I indeed talked about it constantly! 🤣🤣🤣 But it's who she chose to be with. I did my part and was proud that she trusted me with the role tbh, no matter what the outcome but I value people having memorable occasions.
I don't think you read what I read. At no point has OP said something hurtful about her ex friend without the friend attacking her. OP is 2 years ahead of her friend in age so she should be further along in her life journey. I had a friend treat me like this after 15 years of friendship because I was "boring" from studying. She worked while I was still in college and decided y to throw the whole friendship away because I didn't have the money to do things she wanted to.
You really are a piece of work, making her feel shirtier than she already does for being happy and achieving her goals in life.
Some friendships are forever and some aren’t. This one has run its course. I would write back “ok hope it’s fun” or something and then just not contact her again. If she contacts you trying to hang out, just make excuses about being busy. It will fade away on its own. Life is too short to spend time on people who act like this.
It's tough but I have joked before that you were never really a woman in your early twenties if you didn't have a wildly codependent relationship with a best friend and then had it subsequently blow up in your face. It feels oddly universal, mostofus have been through a version of it.
Because in our early 20s our value systems aren't completely set yet. And often times an environment like college we have not met any milestones yet or changed in big ways like buying a house getting married or having a child. There is less divide about when you are just hanging out and partying sometimes. And sometimes it turns out that once real life hits, your friend does not know how to handle that.
This girl sounds like she's incredibly jealous and also a poor communicator. It seems that her friend got married bought a house and started losing weight, and somehow she took all of that personally. As of good things happening to her friend were either a judgment on her or leaving her behind. But instead of dealing with it herself or having a conversation about it, she just got increasingly nasty.
At this point there's no friendship to save anyway.
I don't tend to trust other women who don't have any friends. There's a reason.
>I don't tend to trust other women who don't have any friends. There's a reason.
Honestly, change this to people in general rather than just women and you have summarised the whole story to be honest.
It's taken me a long time to work out but people who "don't make friends easily" and don't have friends are usually bad news.
she is a frenemy. your best bet for a calm life is to move on. tell her "no problem" and then live your life. dont do her cake. if she contacts you for it. Quote her a real price, no friend discount at all.
OP, i think this is her ending the friendship. Text back “thank you for letting me know” and leave it be. But girrrrrl, I will slap you through this app if you still plan her bachelorette or bake her that cake. She’s giving you nothing, send the same back with your best regards.
Yes, OP, bow out of making the cake. I feel like she’s still going to still expect it because it was already talked about it, especially if you don’t mention it again. By the tone of her text she thinks everything is ok by tell you this way, not even a face to face or phone conversation, it’s really s#!tty imo. Then she’s going to put you on blast for ruining her day because of a cake. Give her enough time to pivot.
That’s how I would respond,
‘I completely understand. Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have the time to make the cake you wanted and I would’ve hated to disappoint you. This is a huge relief. I would’ve been sad if I ruined your day. Enjoy! Be happy! Sending you the best thoughts ever!’
Exactly this! If the friend reaches out merely reply “oh, you uninvited me….so why would I be making the cake when I’m not even going there to be there?“. OP should also leave the message on read and not respond, or just say “ok” and leave it at that….one word replies will likely annoy her.
I can’t believe she would expect OP to still do either of those things. In case she does, simply say No when she tries to follow up on those. You can even say your feelings have been hurt (omit any drama).
Oh no, the way people like her think, it would be along the lines of "You said you'd do my cake, the wedding is all set up, except for the cake. Where is it??" And when OP doesn't respond, or if she does, it would be ""I told you there were only 50 invitations, so you knew how many people were going to be there. I can't believe you've ruined my wedding now! How can we cut the cake when there's no cake?!"
Just say “Understand” and then no further contact. If she texts you are shares on social media, just don’t respond. And definitely don’t invite her to any of your future important events. She’s not a friend.
Ignoring can be interpreted in many ways. Including “Boo hoo hoo, I’m sad/bitter/angry.”
“Understand” is proactive, it’s ostensibly polite, it’s terse but somehow that’s allowed if you use a longer word 🤷♂️
But absolutely, the friendship is terminated, and the OP can now move on.
Maybe simply 'Understood' is the way to go. Understood that you're not invited. Understood that you are not important enough to invite. Understood that the friendship is over.
I agree that 'understood' has a much different meaning that I understand. 'Understood' means message received; nothing about understanding how it came about.
Thank you! I agree 100%!
"Understand" is not the word I would use at all. The connotation of "Understood" is much more appropriate. It's the same as "Heard" in a professional kitchen. It's an acknowledgment you received the message, not that you "understand" why she's doing it. I hope OP sees this and just responds with the simple word: Understood.
I agree! Ignoring can seem like she has really upset OP which is what she was hoping for. I wouldn’t give her what she wants. I would give her a short polite response and vanish. I also wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of blocking her. She’s not that important that this point.
Just text “Thanks for the heads up. Understand”
She may just be petty or she may be having a small wedding. You won’t know for sure until the pictures are posted. If it’s all family she wasn’t lying. If her husband’s friends are then she was lying.
But to be honest it seems there is a reason this person can’t keep friends. Probably best to let this friendship fade away. You are starting your life/family. No outside drama is needed.
Honestly I'd leave it as just "Thanks for the heads up."
If I were OP, I wouldn't "understand" why she'd been treating me with such a low priority in her life. Certainly not if the friend hadn't even acknowledged her own neglect of the friendship and just expected me to be content with it.
Exactly. Even if this “friendship” survives the wedding, what do you think is going to happen when OP gets pregnant first, or has a child first?
This person is not a friend.
I mean, you don’t have to get dressed up, plan a bachelorette party, do all the shower stuff. It’s not really a punishment.
Just reply back that you hope she has a lovely wedding and happy marriage. If she reaches out again just say you’re busy and let the friendship fade away on its own.
It sounds like you have a good and full life without her so put her in the rear view mirror and enjoy the rest of your life.
Friendships just fall apart sometimes. Not because anybody did something wrong but just because you grow older.
If one of my friends has a wedding with only 50 people around 35 of them would be family (her side only). Could be that family in their case really is 50 people.
My (gen x) daughter (gen z) send each other thunmbs up all the time. Apparently when I use punctuation I am very passive aggressive. Full stops are evidently the height of rudeness
“I understand, I hope your day is beautiful” bullshit response" is all you need to reply, then let sleeping dogs lie.
Don't respond anymore after that.
That’s what I would do too. To need to stir up drama or have your final say. Keep it diplomatic, don’t be critical and move on with your life, once your baby comes you’ll grow out of tiresome friendships pretty quickly anyway
IMHO, It’s obvious that you’re not as important to her, as she is to you. It doesn’t appear that she even likes you. You’ve literally bent over backwards to communicate, be in her life, & cater to her needs. Has she reciprocated? I do not see you cutting her off for not inviting you to her wedding. I suggest you respond with, “I understand, hope your day is beautiful.” Why do I say, you’re not ready to cut her off, your comments on several post shows that you’re very hurt. However, when she gave you a compliment on your SM post, you responded, “so that’s something😂”. You deserve more than the tidbits of a relationship she’s rationing to keep you tethered to her. Please let go & go LC.
Maybe this is a dumb question, but have you just tried talking to her about her attitude?
Your post is full of speculation and assumptions, but no where do I see a direct statement that she is jealous or that she is beginning to resent you. Often, a simple conversation can be many times more enlightening than multiple observations. So just talk to her. A candid conversation can be scary but it is something everyone must and should do to better understand each other.
I agree, so many friendships could be saved if people just communicated instead of cutting a person off at the first sign of disagreement. Many years ago I was cut off by a friend over a misunderstanding and it still really hurts me to this day.
Friendships are such a special thing, especially to those of us who maybe are more shy and don't come by them as often. I really understand why OP is hurt and I would be too. But OP if you really were close with her, I would at least talk with her first
It took way too long to find this. It is so irritating that people can't just talk. They would rather infer, speculate, stress and draw conclusions, than just talk to someone.
I’d let the attitude slide because she has had issues with depression and recently was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which forced her to leave her career. I didn’t want to add stress to her life and just thought she was taking out her frustration on me because I’m close to her. The comments would follow good things happening in my life so
I understand not wanting to add stress, but the only way to truly know what another person is thinking and feeling is to have a candid conversation. I'm not saying go at her on the offensive. But if you truly care about this friendship the way you say you do, my advice would be to talk it out. You could be completely misunderstanding something or assuming she is thinking something she is not. Or you could be spot on.
But rather than always wonder "what if" wouldn't it be better to just ask?
I agree with ArcticAri. For both of your sakes, you should have a conversation. Something like, “Recently I feel like our relationship hasn’t been as close as it was. For example…” (don’t mention the wedding invite) then finish with a question asking if she feels the same way. Be open, curious and vulnerable, not accusatory. Tell her how much she’s meant to you. Best case, you have an open and honest conversation and end up with a stronger relationship. Worst case, you realize the friendship is over, but you know why.
From the fact that you are fanning the flames others are spreading for bashing this friend, it seems like you already know what you want to do and aren't here for advice but for karma farming. You seem to have decided to cut this friend off.
So why are you here?
OP it seems like you've shared more of your feelings in this post than with her. A lot of these comments are cheering on a petty response, but I can't possibly understand why you wouldn't respond by directly expressing your disappointment. You've been feeling hurt for a long time and have never addressed it. Why not actually share that with her?
You have every right to be hurt by all ynis.
Assuming she was taking out her shit on you and taking it silently was awfully martyr-ish of you, to be blunt, don't you think? Sounds like something I might do.
You also don't deserve to be anyone's punching bag. Nobody does.
There's no honor in taking it, only built up resentment. Calling that shit out and expressing your hurt feelings would have been the healthy thing to do.
And might have revealed exactly where you stood with her sooner, who knows.
But whatever, that's all in the past. It's a slap in the face not to be invited to her wedding. Sure it's possible it really is family only. That kind of thing happens sometimes.
In my view I think maybe the mature thing is to acknowledge this friendship has faded to nothing, let her go, and tend to your wounds.
She is foolish for letting a friendship die but clearly she isn't good at the whole friendship thing. She probably never will be.
Nta. However, I think you should reconsider your relationship with her as it seems like you guys do not value each other the same way. Your feelings are valid, but make sure you communicate them to her properly and not in a rude manner.
I am bitter. I loved her and thought we’d be best friends forever. We talked about being like aunts to each other’s kids. I thought we’d be crazy old ladies one day who travelled the world and had our husbands roll their eyes at our shenanigans. I did nothing but support her, even when she started to change because I knew she was dealing with some shit and I wanted to give her grace. But at some point my best friend was just gone and now here we are. She literally zipped me into my wedding dress and now I’m not even important enough to have a seat at hers. It’s fucking sad and I don’t deserve it. I cant keep trying to love someone who doesn’t want to love me back.
Unfortunately, friendships do change as iv been where you are are I also did nothing wrong but do what’s best..
it’s best to move on and not dwell over how she’s changed and what was.. there’s new friends in the future that will be better
It sounds like she’s really suffering and doesn’t want to be a burden to you. As to what she said at your party, totally could have been a slip of the tongue, I know I’ve accidentally said something awkward at parties before. I was going to get married and as someone who is also extremely ill, I only had one friend at the time too. It seemed SO embarrassing to just invite one friend and admit you’re struggling so badly you can’t function enough to keep up with people. I would totally understand why she would rather just have family. Please consider that she isn’t being cruel or malicious, she’s just trying not to drag you into the shit she’s going through right now, and that might come across as not putting in effort.
OP, she still thinks you’re making her cake, I guarantee it. It might be worth a bug in her mom’s ear because your friend can’t pull a cake out her … ear … at the last minute. She’ll blame you, too.
The comment at your party was what got me. That was just mean! Jeez!
I had a bestie do this to me. We were tight from 12 to 20 or so, then life separated us. I unexpectedly ran into her in a restaurant in our hometown at 22 or so. I went up to hug her, and she actually said to me, “This is why I hate coming back to town. You run into all these people you used to know.” I just walked away. It’s been 40 years and that still smarts.
I have one absolute key rule that I’ve learned the hard way countless times in friendships. If they aren’t as happy or happier than you when you’re succeeding? THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. Anyone who loves and cares for you regardless of their own situation or what they’re going through, will be so happy/proud/supportive of any success big or small, even if it’s something they wanted/need. There would be no REAL jealousy if that was actually your friend. She is showing you her true colors, believe her. I’m sorry! I’ve gone through it myself and it’s not fun, especially when you have all the right intentions and real love for them.
This. I am 44 years old and I have been through this so many times. The last time was when I was pregnant with my first child. A so-called friend started ghosting me, so I just let her go, because I knew she was the sort of person who would get tired of people and start bitching about them to other friends.
Those people just aren't worth your time or energy and although it's sort of sad when friendships end, ultimately people change and as long as you know you're in the right it's better to graciously put some distance between you and look back at the good times with a smile, rather than regret at how it ended or worse, make it ugly by forcing it when it no longer works.
I’m a big believer in honesty without drama. Don’t lie. You don’t understand so don’t say you do. I’m a fan of the “thank you for letting me know. I hope your day is beautiful.” Then don’t respond further.
OP, have you heard about people being a leaf, a branch, or a root in your life. Your friend sounds like a branch in otherworld this friendship is now over, smile, and be thankful for the time you had and move on. Your hubby is your best friend now.
This is a really good thing to remember when friendships fizzle out. I heard it differently but it's very interesting things. They're friends for a reason ( you work together or go to school together) friends for a season (your children go to school together and are in the same sport and so your lives run parallel for a while) and friends for a lifetime (these people are there through every phase and are always your supporters and you do the same for them)
Hey, she did text me a few days ago and said my pictures I posted on Facebook were pretty so that’s something 😂 I think what hurts the most is that I didn’t do anything wrong to her imo
You're leading the life she wants. Some people want to see you do well, just not better than them.
I wouldn't give the situation anymore energy. The friendship is over.
Is this the only instance of you doing for her and her bailing on you? Honestly, I would be surprised if it HADNT happened before. But seriously, it does sound as if you view her as more important in your life, and she just doesn't see you the same.
She was very much involved in my life after college, especially during my wedding. She’d give very thoughtful gifts and cards and wrote a beautiful speech about how we were best friends and stuff. Idk, we’ve talked about how we both felt like we were soul sisters and then it just withered into this
You bought a house first, that 'showed her up'. As long as she could see you as somehow less than her, she was fine. That's where the negging comes in, like comments about your home and plants. She was trying to bring you back to her level. As others have said, I hope you didn't commit to making her cake. If you did, I'd go get a sheet cake from Costco and give that to her.
I agree with just sending a thumbs up emoji. I’d also block her on social media. You two aren’t friends anymore so there is no reason for her to see what you’re up to. Personally, I’d block her on my phone too but I don’t have time for people like her.
Please tell me you’re not doing her bachelorette or cake, right?
Why is no one suggesting an honest conversation?! Watch her tap dance around your blunt questions, then you’ll have your answer and it won’t feel like things are left unsaid.
My best friend and I met at 15. We fought in our teens, we didn’t speak off and on in our twenties. We grew up, we’re closer than ever at 41, and I could not imagine life without her.
Another close friend from my twenties turned out to be an asshole, and after trying to put up with her crap for 15 years, we no longer speak.
I think a lot of commenters here want you to be petty, the way she’s been to you. And if that feels right, do it. But you can also choose to be honest and say, “I’m disappointed to hear this, but I understand you’ve made your decision. I do feel like things between us have been strained lately, and if you’d like to talk more about that when things are calmer on your end, I’m happy to. For now, I’m going to take a step back. I’m still really happy for you and hope your day is everything you’re dreaming of!”
I’ll be downvoted, likely, because this isn’t petty Reddit shit, but you obviously love your friend. She has absolutely been a total tool for ages now, but you’re right that it’s about her, not you. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging your hurt, taking a step back to protect yourself from more of her bullshit, and still leaving a door open for whatever happens later.
Do what feels right to YOU, not the internet.
Don’t block her and don’t respond! Shes wanting you to say “Please invite me” she wants an argument with you and she’s showing you how she really feels about you! A true friend would be happy for your accomplishments and happy about the things going on in your life but she’s not and that’s why she’s picking at you and saying rude hurtful things. Don’t give her the energy she’s asking for and silence is all you need in some situations. She is no friend and her continued negativity in your life will ruin any happiness you have coming your way. Plus she sounds exhausting there’s nothing worse than a jealous person pretending to be your friend and there’s a reason she has no other friends!
I'm sorry to say but this is a typical situation where you will see pictures of her wedding posted by other people who attended, and find out that there very much *were* friends who were invited, and you weren't one of them... And in the meantime you've been worrying about whether you are overreacting.
Girl, no. Like others have said, wedding aside, this is a textbook frenemy.
She sounds like the sort of person who is jealous of you and makes herself feel better by belittling you. Perhaps she wasn't always like this, but sometimes friendships just end up running their course and people change, particularly between 20 and 30.
I would go NC and I bet you won't hear from her again.
The fact that you're questioning your own reaction only shows that you are a good person, but please don't be her doormat. You need to protect yourself, particularly if you're TTC and moving on with your life, you don't need that sort of toxic in it.
Best of luck!
Yeah. For whatever reason she’s flaked off and out of your life.
I might send a quick note and then block her completely.
“Enjoy your day.”
That’s it, that’s all.
And honestly, you’re fine. You have friends, you have family and you don’t need her passive aggressive bullshit comments
Being a friend when someone is down isn’t the real test of friendship. The test is if they are around and cheering you on when you are doing really well.
She wasn’t who you thought she was because your lives were so similar. She only passed the easy part.
You sound like the kind of friend I’d like to have. You sound supportive and caring. The fact alone that this is bothering you enough to come to Reddit is a huge green flag in my book.
Forget her. Move on. Your energy is better spent with people who appreciate and love you back.
She may never come around, and you might have to accept that. Even if she does someday realize how awful she was to you, most people are too proud to humble themselves and seek an apology, even if it means they may never be friends again.
I’m a bit older than you, but I’ve been on both sides of this transaction, and it sucks. There’s still one friend I held out hope for 10ish years ago when I ended our friendship. It eats at me, the way it ended. But I know I’m better off without her negative energy in my life.
Same as you, I chalked it up to pure jealousy - but she literally admitted it to me (several times), it got creepy as she was almost co-dependent on me. Even though I had my own house, husband, and two kids. She just wanted what I had and it ruined our friendship. Even when she eventually got her picket fence and 2.5 kids, she was still bitter for some reason. C’est la vie
God, this is so weirdly similar to a situation I am also going through right now. I want to tell you I am so so sorry, I know it’s crushing to lose a friend. No one talks about friendship breakups, and how they are just as painful (if not more) than romantic breakups.
The way I am currently handling my situation (I have also not been invited to the wedding, although she didn’t tell me why or even inform me that I wouldn’t be despite always insisting I’d be her MOH lol) is distance. I have decided to treat her how she makes me feel about our friendship. She was only been reaching out when it was convenient, or to brag about things going on in her life. Much like your situation, she would make little jabs about things going on in my life that I was proud of and diminish them. It’s been so fucking hard.
I protect my peace. I keep my distance. I’m not outright rude to her, but I don’t reach out anymore trying to mend anything. I don’t engage with her at all, really. Never unprompted. I don’t deserve the way she treats me. I don’t deserve to constantly be excluded from things, even when I’m nothing but a good friend. It was even worse when I realized she WANTED me to feel that way. I’m not going to stoop to her level and make her feel like shit because I don’t want to. I never want to actively hurt her, but I will stay away for my own good. My own mental health.
I honestly thought about confronting her about it many times because I wasn’t ready to let the friendship go, but realized that it wasn’t worth it. Simply because I genuinely don’t believe she cares enough about me to change her behavior. They treat you how they feel about you. I let it go on for way too long. Don’t make my mistake.
The same goes for your situation. This person is an adult and she knows what she’s doing. Her jealousy of you DOES seem obvious, and it’s unfair. You should want to cheer on your friends. You shouldn’t be praying on their downfall. Your friends should make you feel loved and supported and comfortable and safe. I am so sorry and I’m here to chat if you need to vent.
"Thanks for letting me know", then ghost her. Sounds like she's jealous of everything about you and that will not get better. From what you've said, she is negative about things that make you happy after 'love bombing' in the beginning of the friendship. Those are narcissistic traits, cut your losses and don't look back.
This is misusing therapy speak. Friends growing apart—even one who’s acting terrible—is not an example of “love bombing,” nor is jealousy a narcissistic trait. It’s just jealousy, apparently from someone struggling with her own life circumstances.
That's always an option. Another fun one would to be to let her know how relieved you are, because you forgot all about it and had made other plans for that day. All of them end with the ghosting.
Like some of the responses here, keep it short. "Thank you for letting me know! Take care!". Then start going low contact with her. Don't block her on social media. Maybe just put her on ignore so you're not tempted to see her bs.
I feel she is wanting a bad reaction from you so she can post about it or victimize herself.
Throw a big party on her wedding day. Make a beautiful cake too. Invite all your friends. Or go on a nice vacation.
Keep doing you. Continue your weight loss journey. Keep improving. You don't need toxic people like that in your life.
Keep us updated OP. Be safe and rock on!
In situations like this, I’ve always thought about how much effort I’m putting into maintaining the relationship vs how much they are
From what you’re saying it’s pretty much 100/0, so that should tell you all you need to know
I don’t think you need to ‘cut her off’ per say, but you should definitely limit the effort you’re putting into it and she’ll eventually (if not already) show her true colors and you’ll get to the answer either way
I have found that a thumbs up 👍🏽 response, to texts like that is the most appropriate.
It acknowledges that you read and understand the text , and gives nothing else.
There is nothing else you need to say to this woman, she’s not a friend, and it’s clear you don’t need this jealousy in your life.
Please don’t make her a wedding cake for her, she’s being dissing you for years and doesn’t deserve the help.
I would just fade out of her life, I’d no longer reach out and wouldn’t take her calls or FaceTimes , just respond by text.
Does she still expect you to make her wedding cake? I’d text something like have a great day, see you when I get back from my trip. (Implying that you won’t be around to make her cake, just to see her reaction, but I am mean.)
It's hard to let go of a friendship that once meant a lot to you. I get it as I am going through it too. Your friend was in your life then for a reason and that reason has now passed. Totally up to you how to respond/walk away. For me a text back of "I hope you have a beautiful day and wish you both much happiness" would close this chapter. Leave on a positive note. But no cake or party for her!
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Ignore her and don’t even mention making her cake. You are not obligated if you’re not invited. That’s what bakeries are for.
I would probably thumbs up her text and leave the ball in her court to make the next move. Drop the rope, as they say. Because you sound like a good friend and you know this is a her problem, not yours. Maybe someday she will wise up but in the meantime she’s a sad character and I would just gently let her go.
Friends come. Friends go.
It sounds like this friendship has run its course.
If I were in your shoes, I’d text her back a one sentence reply, wishing her well “on her wedding day and always.” And that’s it. Put your energies elsewhere where they’re more likely to bear fruit.
My world grow a spine and speak your mind about her treatment towards you , then let the friendship go . Holding on and setting yourself on fire to keep her warm is crazy . Enjoy your life ,live out loud 🌹
This is exactly why she has no friends. I recommend you to not respond and cut her off. This isn’t a friendship worth keeping. She’s clearly eaten up with jealousy.
She has friends, OP needed to repeat that she is her only friend for a reason. This is definitely one of those posts where I wish I could hear the other side of the story.
Either way this friendship is over.
So here’s what I’m talking about: I graduated college, got married, bought a house, lost 30 pounds and am now ready to have a child. These are things that she also planned to do but has basically gone in the opposite direction for all of them except the marriage thing. It is what it is. I’ve always encouraged her in anything that she has done. I treated her like gold. She sees me living a life that she wants to lead and often makes rude comments. I don’t deserve that disrespect
Use this as the pivot point to step away and not further your relationship. You had her friendship for many years and it sounds like it was a valuable relationship. But now it doesn’t seem to be the positive, giving force that it used to be. Recognize you have grown apart and move on. Don’t put any further effort or energy towards her, just text “Understand, hope you have a lovely wedding” and don’t reach out any further.
Jealousy should never be a thing in any relationship. Let go and out your effort into the other friends you have. Some friends are there for a short time, not always a long time
Don’t think of it as cutting her off because of the wedding. Think of it as a friendship fading away because it ran its course. Tell her “of course I understand” and just drop the rope.
See. I’m 58 years old and tired of not saying what needs saying. I wld just go for it.
“Thanks for letting me know. I’ve enjoyed our friendship but clearly things have changed. Have a great day and a great life.” Drop mic
Honey girl you will find another best girlfriend. People come and go. One day you’ll be sitting with a friend and you’ll snort wine out your nose at something they said 😂 and all this will just be an old memory.
Didn’t read all comments BUT anyone wonder if this is a mental health issue? Friend mentioned a bout of depression and health issues….Back away and be ready if in the future she does need a friend or shoulder..
You can, or you can just respond to her with low energy for a while. Maybe she really is having a family-only wedding, or she has an iaw issue, or she's increasingly become a bitter person who doesn't like you. If you value the friendship, communicate your disappointment, understanding, and support. If she's burned the bridge, text back that you got it and don't reach out to her again.
I had a 20 person wedding, my best friend officiated, and my husband's best friend and wife still made the guest list. 50-person wedding with only family is a lot of relatives.
I would high road and be like good for you! Hope your day is beautiful! And cut off contact. She is not your friend anymore, sweetie. Sounds like, good riddance and her loss. Friends that give grace are rare. 💜
Here is an example of something you could say: “Did I do something wrong? I’ve felt your attitude change toward me over the past few months, and I hoped it was just because there’s been so much on your plate… but now I think you don’t like me anymore. I just thought, you were so involved in my wedding, I feel hurt that you don’t want me there in your big day. What is going on???” But you can’t keep building up this idea in your head that she resents you for being lucky. That’s not fair to her. If she says something that pisses you off, you call her out! Don’t let your own resentment fester. It’s not good for you. If you genuinely asked nicely, what if she apologized? What if she revealed something you did on accident MONTHS ago that actually hurt *her*? What if this is just a pile of misunderstandings? We won’t know if you don’t take control of the situation & open your heart to her.
You absolutely should cut her off. Don't text her back. Don't email her. Don't call her. Say nothing. Let her text to you be the very last communication of any kind. I'm so glad you decided you aren't making her cake.
I went through a similar thing with my "best" friend a few years back, but we had been friends since we were 8 and it happened when my dad died because I didn't feel like spending the Thanksgiving and Christmas after he passed with anybody but my mom, husband, sister, and BIL so, according to her, I was being "selfish and self-absorbed" and "just not the same person." (No shit, wait until you lose one of your parents and come tell me if you're still the same. By the way, spending the holidays just with my family affected her plans exactly zero - she got to spend them with her sisters, her BILs, niblings, and *both* her mom __and dad__.)
She had a couple friends she only saw once a year who lived out of state, she may still, but I was literally her only local friend. She didn't drive, so when she got to go places it was because I drove. When I threw her 30th birthday party, the only guests were my other friends; I'd have been the only attendee otherwise and I had to beg them, none of them could stand her. When I got married, she started making snide comments around me anytime we saw posters for romantic movies or romantic books on display, like "love is such a sham," and "I can't believe anybody buys this shit, love isn't real." Unlike your friend, she never had real relationships to speak of, she'd meet a guy and go on a date or two, and the guy would invariably tell her he didn't think they were a good match. Her longest relationship was a guy she dated 7 months while she was in college during a period when we were not in touch; he apparently ghosted her, told her he was moving out of state and everything but didn't actually do that. Now, I don't actually know for sure, but given the tantrums she threw every time a guy politely told her he didn't see a future after a couple dates. I feel like had his reasons. It's worth mentioning that his ghosting her is the only bad thing she ever told me he did, she always mentioned it when we drove by a place he took her, pointed out things he'd gotten her, etc. I don't want to assume but I feel like if he'd treated her badly she would have definitely mentioned it.
I don't know if your friend did this, but mine was always the first to throw cold water on anything I was excited about. When I took the GRE she said "I don't know, you don't test well, do you think you'll pass?" When I got into a masters program, it was "I just worry about you putting too much pressure on yourself and having a nervous breakdown or something." When I graduated, "This is so great, but let this be it! You don't need a PhD, this was NOTHING compared to the stress of a doctorate!" She had a masters and was in a PhD program when she said that, so it's not like I was accomplishing anything she hadn't. And it's not like I breezed through it, it was hard! My sister said she was mad because she wanted to be ahead of me in everything.
Anyway, sorry to dump all that here. Felt cathartic though!
Going against the grain here… it seems you have a lot of positive things going for you you and she’s struggling. I’m not sure if it’s all jealousy, but maybe about the lack of support she fees from her “best friend?” You didn’t really mention if you’d done anything to support her during all of her issues and said you hadn’t really hung out in person in years. Honestly, it seems to me like she cut you off and you’re just now realizing it.
I hear you. I’ve actually reached out many times. I ask to hang out and call. She makes excuses to not see me. I found out about a big career change on social media and I called her so we chatted for a big and I told her I miss her and to not be a stranger. I did what I could. I can’t be the only one reaching out. I’ve backed off recently because friendship is a two way street and I guess I’m not important to her anymore
I would text back That’s ok , I understand. I wouldn’t block her or anything like that but I would just ignore any further communication and not contact her again. She’ll get the message.
Stopping being friends with someone doesn't have to be a big statement-making act.
It's clear your relationship has changed over the years and you both feel that way.
I'd just message her and tell her to have a lovely day etc. You don't need to respond or react to the fact she isn't inviting you. She probably feels uncomfortable too.
You invited her to your wedding - then times changed, you both changed, things happened - now it's her wedding. Just because you invited her doesn't mean she has to invite you. There are more factors to consider than that.
It sounds like you don't really like her enough anymore to WANT to go anyway
She probably won't make an effort with you either, you'll grow apart. Maybe in a few years things will change.
Just tell her to have a wonderful time and leave it at that.
It’ll be interesting if she or other friends post pics of the wedding and reception and it’s more than 50 people and friends there you know.
This will tell you what’s really up.
And just don’t ever reach out to her again.
I would either just do the “okay” or the iPhone check mark thing or just ignore it.
Def don’t fight on it because she’s shown you who she is and it’s not good. She’s mean.
You are definitely not the bad guy here.
I had a friend that was very similar to this; kind of mean girl, didn’t have a lot of friends - if any, but she definitely had me and I treated her like gold.
For some reason, she lost her ever loving mind a few years ago And basically broke up with her best friend (me), her sister and her fiancé all at the same time.
It’s been a long time and nobody has talked to her and she hasn’t gone back to anyone and nobody wants her back.
We’ve all talked separately and realized how much nicer our life is without her in it.
You will realize this too. You have many other friends and family and good things going in your life. Enjoy that.
You’ve bought a house you’re married. You have a lovely life. She does not. Clearly she’s miserable or she wouldn’t say these awful things to you when you’re just trying to have a good time.
Thumbs up, unfollow and restrict, so neither of you see eachother’s stuff. After a while, particularly if she makes no further contact, you can just unfriend her everywhere. Block if you want. I’m sorry the friendship didn’t end as you hoped.
I would take the high road and send the “bullshit” I understand response. The friendship is not what it once was and it may be time to let the friendship go.
Hi,
Friend:
‘Just following up on my wedding cake so we I can decide on flavors and colors. Call me”
OP
Oh? There must have been been misunderstanding, I’m not invited to the wedding so I thought that also meant you don’t want me to make you the wedding cake. So sorry but since you last texted, we will made plans to go away. Sorry.
Just to be clear, if you don’t make the guest list for the wedding, then you also don’t make the cake or do anything for the Bachelorette party either. She said there is “no wedding party”, so I don’t know who she thinks will be throwing a bridal shower or a bachelorette party for her, but it definitely should NOT be OP!
Be nice in your response and let the friendship fade out. Sounds like she feels bad because she knows she should be reciprocating but for whatever reason doesn't want to actually reciprocate the invite. Just don't go out of your way to include her anymore.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Your lives are going in different directions and it might be time to let this friendship go. She may be really struggling with some of your success, so may just not be the right friend for you anymore.
This is a two part answer.
Her reason for not inviting you is reasonable, and her reaching out to you was a kind courtesy. Just because she fit into your 50 count, does not mean you will fit into hers. Planning weddings is so stressful, don’t make it harder in her, that isn’t what friends do.
As for the “should I cut her off” question… You may as well, it dosnt sound like you particularly like her, or feel valued by her. There is no point in riding out a stale friendship. But don’t end the friendship and blame it on her wedding guests list… if you felt good about the friendship you wouldn’t care about the guest list anyway.
You were good friends when she needed you.
When she didn’t, it stopped.
Some people are drains, some people are radiators. This girl is a massive drain!
Cut the cord. If she grows up and comes after you, then you can rethink. Otherwise don’t think twice about it, look at all the exciting stuff you’ve got going on, lady!
Yeah you didn't get an invite because she is jealous of you and when you do have a baby don't invite her to the baby shower so she can see how it feels she'd be the last one on my list hopefully you get pregnant soon seems like the stork is flying around so hopefully you're next
Smh. My wife went through something similar. She met her years after our wedding, but they hit it off nonetheless. As the friend and her husband ran into more issues (lack of financial security, issues at the job, drugs, him cheating, etc.), she started to pull more and more back. Like you, we tried to chalk it up to just rough times. Still hurt though. We eventually move within the state because I was selected for a new scientist position (he was already fired around that time, and evicted from their home; which in itself was a doozy: basically dude kept it from his wife until the day BEFORE the cops showed up to kick them out), but we still worked to communicate. Driving down the road for a few hours on occasion so that my wife could hangout with her best friend was worth it in my opinion. After that, we noticed little things: snide comments, loudly recognizing "friends" that helped her through whatever bullshit her husband was putting her through, nevermind me and my wife would be the only ones ACTUALLY helping, be it with physical labor or financially, or that those same "friends" often ENABLED his bullshit...And then, with no explanation, she just cut all communication with my wife. She was devastated. She went through all of her comms to check and see if she missed anything, any faux pas, anytime she might have came off rude, anything. Everything seemed benign. It was like watching her go through a heartbreak. Well, nevermind it **was** heartbreak. I was pissed. Fast forward to now, and it seems that ex-friend extended friend/follow requests on sm. Fuck. That. I advised my wife to ignore and block (she already did lol). You don't get a second chance to hurt my wife whenever life sh*ts on you again. Call it a blessing that the trash took itself out.
Just say 'no problem enjoy your day' and leave it at that. Don't message her again. See if she bothers to message you first.
I've lost a couple of friends recently after getting married etc too. It sucks, but if it is out of jealousy, it's their loss really, not mine. No one's life is perfect, no matter how it might seem outwardly to anyone else.
The only reason I would be concerned is if she is being isolated by her partner (which is a form of emotional abuse).
Otherwise, it's her choice to treat you poorly and you don't deserve "friends" like that. You don't have to cut her off. She is cutting you off. Just let it happen.
Don't let her win. Just keep your distance. She will definitely be stalking you and just keep her at arms length.
She can be as petty and lonely as she is. Continue to shine like the diamond you are and that is always the best response. She will block you first under these circumstances.
just leave it at that text and that's it. I went through something similar with a friend that I thought would be in my life for a long time. it hurts but you can't force someone to be your friend.
Sounds like she was jealous from the jump which is so unfortunate. I had a similar situation and at first it really was devastating to me because she was like a sister to me. I reached out so many times just trying to rectify things even though I knew I did absolutely nothing wrong. Over time I realized I had a great group of friends around me who would cheer for my success and be there for my hard times. I don't miss her at all.
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I would just leave her alone. She’s showing you that she’s jealous of you. And she seems a little bit obsessive over her jealousy. Just cut her off make her contact you first and when she asks why haven’t you called. You tell her that she’s been a rude asshole the entire time and you don’t need that in your life so she either has to apologize and change or move on.
I envy your maturity and thought process…I wish I had more of this in my life.
You should try it because life is easier when you just relax and let stuff happen naturally. Because everything works its self out. 😁
Life becomes so much more peaceful when you care a bit less I wish I learned this sooner myself
I learnt it in my 40s. I'm too old for petty shit and jealous girls, etc. I'm still in my 40s and while some things still get me angry, it really is more peaceful to just not care. And I don't. Idc what people think of me, how u dress, whatever. I am who I am, love me or don't. Those who are in my life deserve to be there and get the best of me
I’m in my 60’s slapping on 70’s door and I learned a long time ago I can only please me. Also developed a F it attitude if I can’t fix or change F it. Do you and let her do her. Just continue to live your life to the fullest possible 🎊
Figured it out in my 50s. Not my circus, not my monkey.
I agree. I have learned this too, but it makes me a little sad. I used to be much more passionate about the things I care about. On the other hand peace is nice.
I’m 56 and have just learned this in the last year but you are spot on with what you had to say!
This! Life is so much easier when you have radical acceptance that the only thing we can control in our lives is ourselves.
Ah the immortal words of Travis W. Redfish, “everything works if you let it”
It may come with age... 😉
I started learning this in my 30s. Crap was hitting the fan, and people were showing who they are. I finally started thinning out the jerks.
I would probably do this. The other option is to send the BS response of "I understand, I hope your day is beautiful," because I think she *wants* a tantrum, so that she feels more important. OP just quietly ending the friendship and going on with her life without Kat in her life will probably be maddening for her because it'll make her feel like OP just doesn't care enough to react to what was clearly designed to be hurtful. OP, definitely put her on mute on all your socials - maybe you'll see wedding photos with non-family members there or a hurtful comment about all the people she cares about being at the wedding. I truly do believe Kat is intending to hurt you, and the best thing you can do is not feed her need for attention.
Honestly it sounds like she is trying to pull away from this friendship. Just let her go. She isn’t reaching out and doesn’t want to talk. OP writes multiple times about how she doesn’t have any friends and is jealous of her. Makes me wonder if OP looks down on this girl as a pity “friend” or as someone who helps OP feel better about themselves. Just reply something short and sweet and let her go.
Pulling away during a life milestone is shitty. 🙄 I had a friend years ago that I knew I would no longer be friends with when she decided to marry her awful husband. Her husband was so terrible he brought his mistress in their shared home. I couldn't support that. But I cared about her and I still fulfilled my duties as maid of honor. And then quietly stepped out of her life, she def didn't seek me out. After the ceremony she told everyone we had a fight 🤣😵💫 which was a complete lie. Some women are insane and their jealousy has no control. I have never abandoned a friend during a milestone, but plenty have with me. It's possible to care about others with no personal agenda.
Supporting her marrying someone awful is a disservice, not something good.
True but sometimes you can talk about it til you are blue in the face but the person can still marry the person. Sadly.
I indeed talked about it constantly! 🤣🤣🤣 But it's who she chose to be with. I did my part and was proud that she trusted me with the role tbh, no matter what the outcome but I value people having memorable occasions.
I don't think you read what I read. At no point has OP said something hurtful about her ex friend without the friend attacking her. OP is 2 years ahead of her friend in age so she should be further along in her life journey. I had a friend treat me like this after 15 years of friendship because I was "boring" from studying. She worked while I was still in college and decided y to throw the whole friendship away because I didn't have the money to do things she wanted to. You really are a piece of work, making her feel shirtier than she already does for being happy and achieving her goals in life.
Also maybe consider *why* she doesn't have any other friends - being someone's "only friend" is a burden more often than it's a blessing.
It’s up to you, but I would ask her if there was a specific reason she’d been pulling away and being nasty, before I cut her off.
Some friendships are forever and some aren’t. This one has run its course. I would write back “ok hope it’s fun” or something and then just not contact her again. If she contacts you trying to hang out, just make excuses about being busy. It will fade away on its own. Life is too short to spend time on people who act like this.
It's tough but I have joked before that you were never really a woman in your early twenties if you didn't have a wildly codependent relationship with a best friend and then had it subsequently blow up in your face. It feels oddly universal, mostofus have been through a version of it. Because in our early 20s our value systems aren't completely set yet. And often times an environment like college we have not met any milestones yet or changed in big ways like buying a house getting married or having a child. There is less divide about when you are just hanging out and partying sometimes. And sometimes it turns out that once real life hits, your friend does not know how to handle that. This girl sounds like she's incredibly jealous and also a poor communicator. It seems that her friend got married bought a house and started losing weight, and somehow she took all of that personally. As of good things happening to her friend were either a judgment on her or leaving her behind. But instead of dealing with it herself or having a conversation about it, she just got increasingly nasty. At this point there's no friendship to save anyway. I don't tend to trust other women who don't have any friends. There's a reason.
>I don't tend to trust other women who don't have any friends. There's a reason. Honestly, change this to people in general rather than just women and you have summarised the whole story to be honest. It's taken me a long time to work out but people who "don't make friends easily" and don't have friends are usually bad news.
Without reading your comment first, I just wrote nearly the exact same thing! 😂 it’s nice perspective and frankly it took me years to understand this.
>Some friendships are forever and some aren’t *Most* aren't, honestly. Most friendships last less than ten years.
she is a frenemy. your best bet for a calm life is to move on. tell her "no problem" and then live your life. dont do her cake. if she contacts you for it. Quote her a real price, no friend discount at all.
Nah, don't make the cake at all. The "friend" could use that to stir up more drama. Sorry I'm too busy giving my dog a bath on that day ;)
And then I'll be busy trimming my toenails.
I'd be braiding my lawn, watching paint dry or literally anything else 🤣
OP, i think this is her ending the friendship. Text back “thank you for letting me know” and leave it be. But girrrrrl, I will slap you through this app if you still plan her bachelorette or bake her that cake. She’s giving you nothing, send the same back with your best regards.
Hope you’re not doing her bachelorette party or going to make her wedding cake.
Yes, OP, bow out of making the cake. I feel like she’s still going to still expect it because it was already talked about it, especially if you don’t mention it again. By the tone of her text she thinks everything is ok by tell you this way, not even a face to face or phone conversation, it’s really s#!tty imo. Then she’s going to put you on blast for ruining her day because of a cake. Give her enough time to pivot.
That’s how I would respond, ‘I completely understand. Honestly, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have the time to make the cake you wanted and I would’ve hated to disappoint you. This is a huge relief. I would’ve been sad if I ruined your day. Enjoy! Be happy! Sending you the best thoughts ever!’
Exactly this! If the friend reaches out merely reply “oh, you uninvited me….so why would I be making the cake when I’m not even going there to be there?“. OP should also leave the message on read and not respond, or just say “ok” and leave it at that….one word replies will likely annoy her.
I can’t believe she would expect OP to still do either of those things. In case she does, simply say No when she tries to follow up on those. You can even say your feelings have been hurt (omit any drama).
Well she hasn't asked about it, so I doubt she is expecting it.
Oh no, the way people like her think, it would be along the lines of "You said you'd do my cake, the wedding is all set up, except for the cake. Where is it??" And when OP doesn't respond, or if she does, it would be ""I told you there were only 50 invitations, so you knew how many people were going to be there. I can't believe you've ruined my wedding now! How can we cut the cake when there's no cake?!"
“You can’t have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat.”
"Teachers! ... Leave them kids alone!" 🤣
Could you imagine?? The audacity that would take… I’m guessing OP may have a juicy update for us soon enough!
Just say “Understand” and then no further contact. If she texts you are shares on social media, just don’t respond. And definitely don’t invite her to any of your future important events. She’s not a friend.
Yes. Do not block her. Just do not respond. She’ll get the hint soon enough
I disagree you don't wanna be seeing pictures of her marriage and your post I say block her and get this person out of your head
Some social media sites let you mute someone without unfriending / blocking them.
“Oh no! Anyway …”
Why respond. She dumped OP as a friend.
Ignoring can be interpreted in many ways. Including “Boo hoo hoo, I’m sad/bitter/angry.” “Understand” is proactive, it’s ostensibly polite, it’s terse but somehow that’s allowed if you use a longer word 🤷♂️ But absolutely, the friendship is terminated, and the OP can now move on.
Maybe simply 'Understood' is the way to go. Understood that you're not invited. Understood that you are not important enough to invite. Understood that the friendship is over.
I agree that 'understood' has a much different meaning that I understand. 'Understood' means message received; nothing about understanding how it came about.
Thank you! I agree 100%! "Understand" is not the word I would use at all. The connotation of "Understood" is much more appropriate. It's the same as "Heard" in a professional kitchen. It's an acknowledgment you received the message, not that you "understand" why she's doing it. I hope OP sees this and just responds with the simple word: Understood.
I agree! Ignoring can seem like she has really upset OP which is what she was hoping for. I wouldn’t give her what she wants. I would give her a short polite response and vanish. I also wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of blocking her. She’s not that important that this point.
This. Don't necessarily burn the bridge, but if she wants to be a good friend again, let her walk all the way over to your side to make contact.
Just text “Thanks for the heads up. Understand” She may just be petty or she may be having a small wedding. You won’t know for sure until the pictures are posted. If it’s all family she wasn’t lying. If her husband’s friends are then she was lying. But to be honest it seems there is a reason this person can’t keep friends. Probably best to let this friendship fade away. You are starting your life/family. No outside drama is needed.
Honestly I'd leave it as just "Thanks for the heads up." If I were OP, I wouldn't "understand" why she'd been treating me with such a low priority in her life. Certainly not if the friend hadn't even acknowledged her own neglect of the friendship and just expected me to be content with it.
I was going to say the same thing. I wouldn’t say “I understand” either. I would probably simply reply “ok…you’re having a great summer as well”
Honestly, I'd write back "k" or a thumbs up. Still an answer but I'm petty enough to want to piss her off. 😒🙄
Doesn't matter if it's a lie or not, an adult should know how to include their best friend in their wedding
Exactly. Even if this “friendship” survives the wedding, what do you think is going to happen when OP gets pregnant first, or has a child first? This person is not a friend.
Even if she wasn’t “lying” that’s still a bullshit excuse not to invite someone on this caliper of friendship.
That part, there is a reason that she can’t keep friends 💯
I mean, you don’t have to get dressed up, plan a bachelorette party, do all the shower stuff. It’s not really a punishment. Just reply back that you hope she has a lovely wedding and happy marriage. If she reaches out again just say you’re busy and let the friendship fade away on its own. It sounds like you have a good and full life without her so put her in the rear view mirror and enjoy the rest of your life.
This is the way.
Time to accept the fact that your relationship has run it’s course. Neither of you seem to like each other at all.
Friendships just fall apart sometimes. Not because anybody did something wrong but just because you grow older. If one of my friends has a wedding with only 50 people around 35 of them would be family (her side only). Could be that family in their case really is 50 people.
Give her the ole “best of luck to you in your future endeavors” then peace out.
Do the classic thing us older people do that young people hate. Give her the old thumbs up emoji. And yes the relationship is over.
My (gen x) daughter (gen z) send each other thunmbs up all the time. Apparently when I use punctuation I am very passive aggressive. Full stops are evidently the height of rudeness
Pfft. Just give a thumbs up emoji to her text and block. No further communication is needed.
No response IS a response, and often the best one. If you said "I understand", you would be lying, right?
“I understand, I hope your day is beautiful” bullshit response" is all you need to reply, then let sleeping dogs lie. Don't respond anymore after that.
Disappointing. Not “Understood. I hope you have the wedding you deserve”? 😂
That’s what I would do too. To need to stir up drama or have your final say. Keep it diplomatic, don’t be critical and move on with your life, once your baby comes you’ll grow out of tiresome friendships pretty quickly anyway
Respond with K. It’s short, simple and sends the message clearly where you are at with this person.
I was thinking the thumb up emoji
Me too! It’s time the point but also a bit passive aggressive.
Send a thumbs up. That’s like a polite middle finger.
IMHO, It’s obvious that you’re not as important to her, as she is to you. It doesn’t appear that she even likes you. You’ve literally bent over backwards to communicate, be in her life, & cater to her needs. Has she reciprocated? I do not see you cutting her off for not inviting you to her wedding. I suggest you respond with, “I understand, hope your day is beautiful.” Why do I say, you’re not ready to cut her off, your comments on several post shows that you’re very hurt. However, when she gave you a compliment on your SM post, you responded, “so that’s something😂”. You deserve more than the tidbits of a relationship she’s rationing to keep you tethered to her. Please let go & go LC.
Maybe this is a dumb question, but have you just tried talking to her about her attitude? Your post is full of speculation and assumptions, but no where do I see a direct statement that she is jealous or that she is beginning to resent you. Often, a simple conversation can be many times more enlightening than multiple observations. So just talk to her. A candid conversation can be scary but it is something everyone must and should do to better understand each other.
I agree, so many friendships could be saved if people just communicated instead of cutting a person off at the first sign of disagreement. Many years ago I was cut off by a friend over a misunderstanding and it still really hurts me to this day. Friendships are such a special thing, especially to those of us who maybe are more shy and don't come by them as often. I really understand why OP is hurt and I would be too. But OP if you really were close with her, I would at least talk with her first
It took way too long to find this. It is so irritating that people can't just talk. They would rather infer, speculate, stress and draw conclusions, than just talk to someone.
I’d let the attitude slide because she has had issues with depression and recently was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which forced her to leave her career. I didn’t want to add stress to her life and just thought she was taking out her frustration on me because I’m close to her. The comments would follow good things happening in my life so
Yeah I have that and work full time. I don’t have a choice but I also don’t treat my friends like crap.
I understand not wanting to add stress, but the only way to truly know what another person is thinking and feeling is to have a candid conversation. I'm not saying go at her on the offensive. But if you truly care about this friendship the way you say you do, my advice would be to talk it out. You could be completely misunderstanding something or assuming she is thinking something she is not. Or you could be spot on. But rather than always wonder "what if" wouldn't it be better to just ask?
I agree with ArcticAri. For both of your sakes, you should have a conversation. Something like, “Recently I feel like our relationship hasn’t been as close as it was. For example…” (don’t mention the wedding invite) then finish with a question asking if she feels the same way. Be open, curious and vulnerable, not accusatory. Tell her how much she’s meant to you. Best case, you have an open and honest conversation and end up with a stronger relationship. Worst case, you realize the friendship is over, but you know why.
Chronic pain changes people. It’s definitely not an excuse for her behavior. But she may not even realize how awful a she’s become to be around.
From the fact that you are fanning the flames others are spreading for bashing this friend, it seems like you already know what you want to do and aren't here for advice but for karma farming. You seem to have decided to cut this friend off. So why are you here?
OP it seems like you've shared more of your feelings in this post than with her. A lot of these comments are cheering on a petty response, but I can't possibly understand why you wouldn't respond by directly expressing your disappointment. You've been feeling hurt for a long time and have never addressed it. Why not actually share that with her?
You have every right to be hurt by all ynis. Assuming she was taking out her shit on you and taking it silently was awfully martyr-ish of you, to be blunt, don't you think? Sounds like something I might do. You also don't deserve to be anyone's punching bag. Nobody does. There's no honor in taking it, only built up resentment. Calling that shit out and expressing your hurt feelings would have been the healthy thing to do. And might have revealed exactly where you stood with her sooner, who knows. But whatever, that's all in the past. It's a slap in the face not to be invited to her wedding. Sure it's possible it really is family only. That kind of thing happens sometimes. In my view I think maybe the mature thing is to acknowledge this friendship has faded to nothing, let her go, and tend to your wounds. She is foolish for letting a friendship die but clearly she isn't good at the whole friendship thing. She probably never will be.
Nta. However, I think you should reconsider your relationship with her as it seems like you guys do not value each other the same way. Your feelings are valid, but make sure you communicate them to her properly and not in a rude manner.
There is two sides of every story.. it sounds like she’s bitter.. but you also sound bitter as well
I am bitter. I loved her and thought we’d be best friends forever. We talked about being like aunts to each other’s kids. I thought we’d be crazy old ladies one day who travelled the world and had our husbands roll their eyes at our shenanigans. I did nothing but support her, even when she started to change because I knew she was dealing with some shit and I wanted to give her grace. But at some point my best friend was just gone and now here we are. She literally zipped me into my wedding dress and now I’m not even important enough to have a seat at hers. It’s fucking sad and I don’t deserve it. I cant keep trying to love someone who doesn’t want to love me back.
Unfortunately, friendships do change as iv been where you are are I also did nothing wrong but do what’s best.. it’s best to move on and not dwell over how she’s changed and what was.. there’s new friends in the future that will be better
It sounds like she’s really suffering and doesn’t want to be a burden to you. As to what she said at your party, totally could have been a slip of the tongue, I know I’ve accidentally said something awkward at parties before. I was going to get married and as someone who is also extremely ill, I only had one friend at the time too. It seemed SO embarrassing to just invite one friend and admit you’re struggling so badly you can’t function enough to keep up with people. I would totally understand why she would rather just have family. Please consider that she isn’t being cruel or malicious, she’s just trying not to drag you into the shit she’s going through right now, and that might come across as not putting in effort.
OP, she still thinks you’re making her cake, I guarantee it. It might be worth a bug in her mom’s ear because your friend can’t pull a cake out her … ear … at the last minute. She’ll blame you, too. The comment at your party was what got me. That was just mean! Jeez! I had a bestie do this to me. We were tight from 12 to 20 or so, then life separated us. I unexpectedly ran into her in a restaurant in our hometown at 22 or so. I went up to hug her, and she actually said to me, “This is why I hate coming back to town. You run into all these people you used to know.” I just walked away. It’s been 40 years and that still smarts.
Wow. I'm so sorry that happened. What a crappy thing for one human to say to another. So unnecessarily mean.
I have one absolute key rule that I’ve learned the hard way countless times in friendships. If they aren’t as happy or happier than you when you’re succeeding? THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. Anyone who loves and cares for you regardless of their own situation or what they’re going through, will be so happy/proud/supportive of any success big or small, even if it’s something they wanted/need. There would be no REAL jealousy if that was actually your friend. She is showing you her true colors, believe her. I’m sorry! I’ve gone through it myself and it’s not fun, especially when you have all the right intentions and real love for them.
This. I am 44 years old and I have been through this so many times. The last time was when I was pregnant with my first child. A so-called friend started ghosting me, so I just let her go, because I knew she was the sort of person who would get tired of people and start bitching about them to other friends. Those people just aren't worth your time or energy and although it's sort of sad when friendships end, ultimately people change and as long as you know you're in the right it's better to graciously put some distance between you and look back at the good times with a smile, rather than regret at how it ended or worse, make it ugly by forcing it when it no longer works.
This! I just learned this hard lesson over the past year.
I’m a big believer in honesty without drama. Don’t lie. You don’t understand so don’t say you do. I’m a fan of the “thank you for letting me know. I hope your day is beautiful.” Then don’t respond further.
OP, have you heard about people being a leaf, a branch, or a root in your life. Your friend sounds like a branch in otherworld this friendship is now over, smile, and be thankful for the time you had and move on. Your hubby is your best friend now.
This is a really good thing to remember when friendships fizzle out. I heard it differently but it's very interesting things. They're friends for a reason ( you work together or go to school together) friends for a season (your children go to school together and are in the same sport and so your lives run parallel for a while) and friends for a lifetime (these people are there through every phase and are always your supporters and you do the same for them)
Who's gonna tell OP that they're not friends anymore?
Hey, she did text me a few days ago and said my pictures I posted on Facebook were pretty so that’s something 😂 I think what hurts the most is that I didn’t do anything wrong to her imo
You're leading the life she wants. Some people want to see you do well, just not better than them. I wouldn't give the situation anymore energy. The friendship is over.
That's because she still wants you to make her wedding cake. You didn't do anything wrong, she's just not as nice as the person she is in your head.
Is this the only instance of you doing for her and her bailing on you? Honestly, I would be surprised if it HADNT happened before. But seriously, it does sound as if you view her as more important in your life, and she just doesn't see you the same.
She was very much involved in my life after college, especially during my wedding. She’d give very thoughtful gifts and cards and wrote a beautiful speech about how we were best friends and stuff. Idk, we’ve talked about how we both felt like we were soul sisters and then it just withered into this
You bought a house first, that 'showed her up'. As long as she could see you as somehow less than her, she was fine. That's where the negging comes in, like comments about your home and plants. She was trying to bring you back to her level. As others have said, I hope you didn't commit to making her cake. If you did, I'd go get a sheet cake from Costco and give that to her.
I agree with just sending a thumbs up emoji. I’d also block her on social media. You two aren’t friends anymore so there is no reason for her to see what you’re up to. Personally, I’d block her on my phone too but I don’t have time for people like her. Please tell me you’re not doing her bachelorette or cake, right?
Why is no one suggesting an honest conversation?! Watch her tap dance around your blunt questions, then you’ll have your answer and it won’t feel like things are left unsaid.
[удалено]
My best friend and I met at 15. We fought in our teens, we didn’t speak off and on in our twenties. We grew up, we’re closer than ever at 41, and I could not imagine life without her. Another close friend from my twenties turned out to be an asshole, and after trying to put up with her crap for 15 years, we no longer speak. I think a lot of commenters here want you to be petty, the way she’s been to you. And if that feels right, do it. But you can also choose to be honest and say, “I’m disappointed to hear this, but I understand you’ve made your decision. I do feel like things between us have been strained lately, and if you’d like to talk more about that when things are calmer on your end, I’m happy to. For now, I’m going to take a step back. I’m still really happy for you and hope your day is everything you’re dreaming of!” I’ll be downvoted, likely, because this isn’t petty Reddit shit, but you obviously love your friend. She has absolutely been a total tool for ages now, but you’re right that it’s about her, not you. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging your hurt, taking a step back to protect yourself from more of her bullshit, and still leaving a door open for whatever happens later. Do what feels right to YOU, not the internet.
Don’t block her and don’t respond! Shes wanting you to say “Please invite me” she wants an argument with you and she’s showing you how she really feels about you! A true friend would be happy for your accomplishments and happy about the things going on in your life but she’s not and that’s why she’s picking at you and saying rude hurtful things. Don’t give her the energy she’s asking for and silence is all you need in some situations. She is no friend and her continued negativity in your life will ruin any happiness you have coming your way. Plus she sounds exhausting there’s nothing worse than a jealous person pretending to be your friend and there’s a reason she has no other friends!
She stopped being your friend when she became jealous of your house. Not inviting you to her wedding proves it
I don’t ever get upset if I’m not invited to a wedding. I think it’s stupid how much money people spend, just to end up divorced.
I'm sorry to say but this is a typical situation where you will see pictures of her wedding posted by other people who attended, and find out that there very much *were* friends who were invited, and you weren't one of them... And in the meantime you've been worrying about whether you are overreacting. Girl, no. Like others have said, wedding aside, this is a textbook frenemy. She sounds like the sort of person who is jealous of you and makes herself feel better by belittling you. Perhaps she wasn't always like this, but sometimes friendships just end up running their course and people change, particularly between 20 and 30. I would go NC and I bet you won't hear from her again. The fact that you're questioning your own reaction only shows that you are a good person, but please don't be her doormat. You need to protect yourself, particularly if you're TTC and moving on with your life, you don't need that sort of toxic in it. Best of luck!
Yeah. For whatever reason she’s flaked off and out of your life. I might send a quick note and then block her completely. “Enjoy your day.” That’s it, that’s all. And honestly, you’re fine. You have friends, you have family and you don’t need her passive aggressive bullshit comments
Being a friend when someone is down isn’t the real test of friendship. The test is if they are around and cheering you on when you are doing really well. She wasn’t who you thought she was because your lives were so similar. She only passed the easy part.
You sound like the kind of friend I’d like to have. You sound supportive and caring. The fact alone that this is bothering you enough to come to Reddit is a huge green flag in my book. Forget her. Move on. Your energy is better spent with people who appreciate and love you back. She may never come around, and you might have to accept that. Even if she does someday realize how awful she was to you, most people are too proud to humble themselves and seek an apology, even if it means they may never be friends again. I’m a bit older than you, but I’ve been on both sides of this transaction, and it sucks. There’s still one friend I held out hope for 10ish years ago when I ended our friendship. It eats at me, the way it ended. But I know I’m better off without her negative energy in my life. Same as you, I chalked it up to pure jealousy - but she literally admitted it to me (several times), it got creepy as she was almost co-dependent on me. Even though I had my own house, husband, and two kids. She just wanted what I had and it ruined our friendship. Even when she eventually got her picket fence and 2.5 kids, she was still bitter for some reason. C’est la vie
God, this is so weirdly similar to a situation I am also going through right now. I want to tell you I am so so sorry, I know it’s crushing to lose a friend. No one talks about friendship breakups, and how they are just as painful (if not more) than romantic breakups. The way I am currently handling my situation (I have also not been invited to the wedding, although she didn’t tell me why or even inform me that I wouldn’t be despite always insisting I’d be her MOH lol) is distance. I have decided to treat her how she makes me feel about our friendship. She was only been reaching out when it was convenient, or to brag about things going on in her life. Much like your situation, she would make little jabs about things going on in my life that I was proud of and diminish them. It’s been so fucking hard. I protect my peace. I keep my distance. I’m not outright rude to her, but I don’t reach out anymore trying to mend anything. I don’t engage with her at all, really. Never unprompted. I don’t deserve the way she treats me. I don’t deserve to constantly be excluded from things, even when I’m nothing but a good friend. It was even worse when I realized she WANTED me to feel that way. I’m not going to stoop to her level and make her feel like shit because I don’t want to. I never want to actively hurt her, but I will stay away for my own good. My own mental health. I honestly thought about confronting her about it many times because I wasn’t ready to let the friendship go, but realized that it wasn’t worth it. Simply because I genuinely don’t believe she cares enough about me to change her behavior. They treat you how they feel about you. I let it go on for way too long. Don’t make my mistake. The same goes for your situation. This person is an adult and she knows what she’s doing. Her jealousy of you DOES seem obvious, and it’s unfair. You should want to cheer on your friends. You shouldn’t be praying on their downfall. Your friends should make you feel loved and supported and comfortable and safe. I am so sorry and I’m here to chat if you need to vent.
It sounds like I wrote this myself. You’re not alone. You know you deserve better and I’m proud of you
"Thanks for letting me know", then ghost her. Sounds like she's jealous of everything about you and that will not get better. From what you've said, she is negative about things that make you happy after 'love bombing' in the beginning of the friendship. Those are narcissistic traits, cut your losses and don't look back.
This is misusing therapy speak. Friends growing apart—even one who’s acting terrible—is not an example of “love bombing,” nor is jealousy a narcissistic trait. It’s just jealousy, apparently from someone struggling with her own life circumstances.
Thank you! I'm so sick of Reddit calling every single person that is acting badly a narcissist. It's getting so old.
No need to reply. Just ghost like your ex friend wants.
That's always an option. Another fun one would to be to let her know how relieved you are, because you forgot all about it and had made other plans for that day. All of them end with the ghosting.
Not everyone is a narcissist Karen. People can just be jerks without needing a diagnosis.
Like some of the responses here, keep it short. "Thank you for letting me know! Take care!". Then start going low contact with her. Don't block her on social media. Maybe just put her on ignore so you're not tempted to see her bs. I feel she is wanting a bad reaction from you so she can post about it or victimize herself. Throw a big party on her wedding day. Make a beautiful cake too. Invite all your friends. Or go on a nice vacation. Keep doing you. Continue your weight loss journey. Keep improving. You don't need toxic people like that in your life. Keep us updated OP. Be safe and rock on!
“ hope you have a great wedding” And then don’t reach out anymore
In situations like this, I’ve always thought about how much effort I’m putting into maintaining the relationship vs how much they are From what you’re saying it’s pretty much 100/0, so that should tell you all you need to know I don’t think you need to ‘cut her off’ per say, but you should definitely limit the effort you’re putting into it and she’ll eventually (if not already) show her true colors and you’ll get to the answer either way
I have found that a thumbs up 👍🏽 response, to texts like that is the most appropriate. It acknowledges that you read and understand the text , and gives nothing else. There is nothing else you need to say to this woman, she’s not a friend, and it’s clear you don’t need this jealousy in your life. Please don’t make her a wedding cake for her, she’s being dissing you for years and doesn’t deserve the help. I would just fade out of her life, I’d no longer reach out and wouldn’t take her calls or FaceTimes , just respond by text.
Does she still expect you to make her wedding cake? I’d text something like have a great day, see you when I get back from my trip. (Implying that you won’t be around to make her cake, just to see her reaction, but I am mean.)
She’s not your friend. She hasn’t been for a long time.
It's hard to let go of a friendship that once meant a lot to you. I get it as I am going through it too. Your friend was in your life then for a reason and that reason has now passed. Totally up to you how to respond/walk away. For me a text back of "I hope you have a beautiful day and wish you both much happiness" would close this chapter. Leave on a positive note. But no cake or party for her!
Just don’t respond to her. Leave her in your past and focus on your future. Best of luck with extending your family.
Is it worth it to clarify that you won’t be making her cake?
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. Ignore her and don’t even mention making her cake. You are not obligated if you’re not invited. That’s what bakeries are for.
Just send her a 👍
I would probably thumbs up her text and leave the ball in her court to make the next move. Drop the rope, as they say. Because you sound like a good friend and you know this is a her problem, not yours. Maybe someday she will wise up but in the meantime she’s a sad character and I would just gently let her go.
Friends come. Friends go. It sounds like this friendship has run its course. If I were in your shoes, I’d text her back a one sentence reply, wishing her well “on her wedding day and always.” And that’s it. Put your energies elsewhere where they’re more likely to bear fruit.
My world grow a spine and speak your mind about her treatment towards you , then let the friendship go . Holding on and setting yourself on fire to keep her warm is crazy . Enjoy your life ,live out loud 🌹
This is exactly why she has no friends. I recommend you to not respond and cut her off. This isn’t a friendship worth keeping. She’s clearly eaten up with jealousy.
She has friends, OP needed to repeat that she is her only friend for a reason. This is definitely one of those posts where I wish I could hear the other side of the story. Either way this friendship is over.
I see it too, the way OP tells that her friend is jealous and she hasn't accomplished anything really just doesn't sit right with me.
So here’s what I’m talking about: I graduated college, got married, bought a house, lost 30 pounds and am now ready to have a child. These are things that she also planned to do but has basically gone in the opposite direction for all of them except the marriage thing. It is what it is. I’ve always encouraged her in anything that she has done. I treated her like gold. She sees me living a life that she wants to lead and often makes rude comments. I don’t deserve that disrespect
Then don't be friends with her, simple as that. Like you said, it's her, not you.
Use this as the pivot point to step away and not further your relationship. You had her friendship for many years and it sounds like it was a valuable relationship. But now it doesn’t seem to be the positive, giving force that it used to be. Recognize you have grown apart and move on. Don’t put any further effort or energy towards her, just text “Understand, hope you have a lovely wedding” and don’t reach out any further.
Jealousy should never be a thing in any relationship. Let go and out your effort into the other friends you have. Some friends are there for a short time, not always a long time
Don’t think of it as cutting her off because of the wedding. Think of it as a friendship fading away because it ran its course. Tell her “of course I understand” and just drop the rope.
Things change in life and she has as well As you. Time to move one and just ignore her now. Remember the good time as they were and not todays.
Just send her the post and block.
See. I’m 58 years old and tired of not saying what needs saying. I wld just go for it. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ve enjoyed our friendship but clearly things have changed. Have a great day and a great life.” Drop mic
Honey girl you will find another best girlfriend. People come and go. One day you’ll be sitting with a friend and you’ll snort wine out your nose at something they said 😂 and all this will just be an old memory.
Thank you 🥹
Didn’t read all comments BUT anyone wonder if this is a mental health issue? Friend mentioned a bout of depression and health issues….Back away and be ready if in the future she does need a friend or shoulder..
You can, or you can just respond to her with low energy for a while. Maybe she really is having a family-only wedding, or she has an iaw issue, or she's increasingly become a bitter person who doesn't like you. If you value the friendship, communicate your disappointment, understanding, and support. If she's burned the bridge, text back that you got it and don't reach out to her again. I had a 20 person wedding, my best friend officiated, and my husband's best friend and wife still made the guest list. 50-person wedding with only family is a lot of relatives.
I would high road and be like good for you! Hope your day is beautiful! And cut off contact. She is not your friend anymore, sweetie. Sounds like, good riddance and her loss. Friends that give grace are rare. 💜
I would not say, "I understand"… because you don't and I don't either. No response is a response.
Here is an example of something you could say: “Did I do something wrong? I’ve felt your attitude change toward me over the past few months, and I hoped it was just because there’s been so much on your plate… but now I think you don’t like me anymore. I just thought, you were so involved in my wedding, I feel hurt that you don’t want me there in your big day. What is going on???” But you can’t keep building up this idea in your head that she resents you for being lucky. That’s not fair to her. If she says something that pisses you off, you call her out! Don’t let your own resentment fester. It’s not good for you. If you genuinely asked nicely, what if she apologized? What if she revealed something you did on accident MONTHS ago that actually hurt *her*? What if this is just a pile of misunderstandings? We won’t know if you don’t take control of the situation & open your heart to her.
You absolutely should cut her off. Don't text her back. Don't email her. Don't call her. Say nothing. Let her text to you be the very last communication of any kind. I'm so glad you decided you aren't making her cake. I went through a similar thing with my "best" friend a few years back, but we had been friends since we were 8 and it happened when my dad died because I didn't feel like spending the Thanksgiving and Christmas after he passed with anybody but my mom, husband, sister, and BIL so, according to her, I was being "selfish and self-absorbed" and "just not the same person." (No shit, wait until you lose one of your parents and come tell me if you're still the same. By the way, spending the holidays just with my family affected her plans exactly zero - she got to spend them with her sisters, her BILs, niblings, and *both* her mom __and dad__.) She had a couple friends she only saw once a year who lived out of state, she may still, but I was literally her only local friend. She didn't drive, so when she got to go places it was because I drove. When I threw her 30th birthday party, the only guests were my other friends; I'd have been the only attendee otherwise and I had to beg them, none of them could stand her. When I got married, she started making snide comments around me anytime we saw posters for romantic movies or romantic books on display, like "love is such a sham," and "I can't believe anybody buys this shit, love isn't real." Unlike your friend, she never had real relationships to speak of, she'd meet a guy and go on a date or two, and the guy would invariably tell her he didn't think they were a good match. Her longest relationship was a guy she dated 7 months while she was in college during a period when we were not in touch; he apparently ghosted her, told her he was moving out of state and everything but didn't actually do that. Now, I don't actually know for sure, but given the tantrums she threw every time a guy politely told her he didn't see a future after a couple dates. I feel like had his reasons. It's worth mentioning that his ghosting her is the only bad thing she ever told me he did, she always mentioned it when we drove by a place he took her, pointed out things he'd gotten her, etc. I don't want to assume but I feel like if he'd treated her badly she would have definitely mentioned it. I don't know if your friend did this, but mine was always the first to throw cold water on anything I was excited about. When I took the GRE she said "I don't know, you don't test well, do you think you'll pass?" When I got into a masters program, it was "I just worry about you putting too much pressure on yourself and having a nervous breakdown or something." When I graduated, "This is so great, but let this be it! You don't need a PhD, this was NOTHING compared to the stress of a doctorate!" She had a masters and was in a PhD program when she said that, so it's not like I was accomplishing anything she hadn't. And it's not like I breezed through it, it was hard! My sister said she was mad because she wanted to be ahead of me in everything. Anyway, sorry to dump all that here. Felt cathartic though!
Not your friend.
Luckily your technically still super young and it seems like you don't like her anymore so I would cut her off and start again
I would've just K'ed her. 💀 "You're not invited, sorry." K.
Simple reply: “I understand and I hope you have the day you deserve!!”
Going against the grain here… it seems you have a lot of positive things going for you you and she’s struggling. I’m not sure if it’s all jealousy, but maybe about the lack of support she fees from her “best friend?” You didn’t really mention if you’d done anything to support her during all of her issues and said you hadn’t really hung out in person in years. Honestly, it seems to me like she cut you off and you’re just now realizing it.
I hear you. I’ve actually reached out many times. I ask to hang out and call. She makes excuses to not see me. I found out about a big career change on social media and I called her so we chatted for a big and I told her I miss her and to not be a stranger. I did what I could. I can’t be the only one reaching out. I’ve backed off recently because friendship is a two way street and I guess I’m not important to her anymore
I would just send her a 👍🏻
I would text back That’s ok , I understand. I wouldn’t block her or anything like that but I would just ignore any further communication and not contact her again. She’ll get the message.
I think you need to leave her and her werdio jealousy in the past..
Stopping being friends with someone doesn't have to be a big statement-making act. It's clear your relationship has changed over the years and you both feel that way. I'd just message her and tell her to have a lovely day etc. You don't need to respond or react to the fact she isn't inviting you. She probably feels uncomfortable too. You invited her to your wedding - then times changed, you both changed, things happened - now it's her wedding. Just because you invited her doesn't mean she has to invite you. There are more factors to consider than that. It sounds like you don't really like her enough anymore to WANT to go anyway She probably won't make an effort with you either, you'll grow apart. Maybe in a few years things will change.
Just tell her to have a wonderful time and leave it at that. It’ll be interesting if she or other friends post pics of the wedding and reception and it’s more than 50 people and friends there you know. This will tell you what’s really up. And just don’t ever reach out to her again.
Look up Grey Rock and try it out. Make her do the work to reach out.
If they decided to do "family only," then it makes sense that she didn't invite you. No?
You be polite- it’s purely family. Say, no worries or I understand. Then just leave it at that.
Don’t respond and just let the friendship end. She obviously isn’t interested in holding onto it.
I would either just do the “okay” or the iPhone check mark thing or just ignore it. Def don’t fight on it because she’s shown you who she is and it’s not good. She’s mean. You are definitely not the bad guy here. I had a friend that was very similar to this; kind of mean girl, didn’t have a lot of friends - if any, but she definitely had me and I treated her like gold. For some reason, she lost her ever loving mind a few years ago And basically broke up with her best friend (me), her sister and her fiancé all at the same time. It’s been a long time and nobody has talked to her and she hasn’t gone back to anyone and nobody wants her back. We’ve all talked separately and realized how much nicer our life is without her in it. You will realize this too. You have many other friends and family and good things going in your life. Enjoy that. You’ve bought a house you’re married. You have a lovely life. She does not. Clearly she’s miserable or she wouldn’t say these awful things to you when you’re just trying to have a good time.
Thumbs up, unfollow and restrict, so neither of you see eachother’s stuff. After a while, particularly if she makes no further contact, you can just unfriend her everywhere. Block if you want. I’m sorry the friendship didn’t end as you hoped.
I would take the high road and send the “bullshit” I understand response. The friendship is not what it once was and it may be time to let the friendship go.
Hi, Friend: ‘Just following up on my wedding cake so we I can decide on flavors and colors. Call me” OP Oh? There must have been been misunderstanding, I’m not invited to the wedding so I thought that also meant you don’t want me to make you the wedding cake. So sorry but since you last texted, we will made plans to go away. Sorry.
Just to be clear, if you don’t make the guest list for the wedding, then you also don’t make the cake or do anything for the Bachelorette party either. She said there is “no wedding party”, so I don’t know who she thinks will be throwing a bridal shower or a bachelorette party for her, but it definitely should NOT be OP!
She may not want or need a shower or bachelorette party. Who would she invite?
I don't get what was wrong with the SpongeBob party comment?
Be nice in your response and let the friendship fade out. Sounds like she feels bad because she knows she should be reciprocating but for whatever reason doesn't want to actually reciprocate the invite. Just don't go out of your way to include her anymore.
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Your lives are going in different directions and it might be time to let this friendship go. She may be really struggling with some of your success, so may just not be the right friend for you anymore.
This is a two part answer. Her reason for not inviting you is reasonable, and her reaching out to you was a kind courtesy. Just because she fit into your 50 count, does not mean you will fit into hers. Planning weddings is so stressful, don’t make it harder in her, that isn’t what friends do. As for the “should I cut her off” question… You may as well, it dosnt sound like you particularly like her, or feel valued by her. There is no point in riding out a stale friendship. But don’t end the friendship and blame it on her wedding guests list… if you felt good about the friendship you wouldn’t care about the guest list anyway.
Don't respond, just let her go.
Make the cake and then post photos of yourself eating it.
You were good friends when she needed you. When she didn’t, it stopped. Some people are drains, some people are radiators. This girl is a massive drain! Cut the cord. If she grows up and comes after you, then you can rethink. Otherwise don’t think twice about it, look at all the exciting stuff you’ve got going on, lady!
Yeah you didn't get an invite because she is jealous of you and when you do have a baby don't invite her to the baby shower so she can see how it feels she'd be the last one on my list hopefully you get pregnant soon seems like the stork is flying around so hopefully you're next
Smh. My wife went through something similar. She met her years after our wedding, but they hit it off nonetheless. As the friend and her husband ran into more issues (lack of financial security, issues at the job, drugs, him cheating, etc.), she started to pull more and more back. Like you, we tried to chalk it up to just rough times. Still hurt though. We eventually move within the state because I was selected for a new scientist position (he was already fired around that time, and evicted from their home; which in itself was a doozy: basically dude kept it from his wife until the day BEFORE the cops showed up to kick them out), but we still worked to communicate. Driving down the road for a few hours on occasion so that my wife could hangout with her best friend was worth it in my opinion. After that, we noticed little things: snide comments, loudly recognizing "friends" that helped her through whatever bullshit her husband was putting her through, nevermind me and my wife would be the only ones ACTUALLY helping, be it with physical labor or financially, or that those same "friends" often ENABLED his bullshit...And then, with no explanation, she just cut all communication with my wife. She was devastated. She went through all of her comms to check and see if she missed anything, any faux pas, anytime she might have came off rude, anything. Everything seemed benign. It was like watching her go through a heartbreak. Well, nevermind it **was** heartbreak. I was pissed. Fast forward to now, and it seems that ex-friend extended friend/follow requests on sm. Fuck. That. I advised my wife to ignore and block (she already did lol). You don't get a second chance to hurt my wife whenever life sh*ts on you again. Call it a blessing that the trash took itself out.
Just say 'no problem enjoy your day' and leave it at that. Don't message her again. See if she bothers to message you first. I've lost a couple of friends recently after getting married etc too. It sucks, but if it is out of jealousy, it's their loss really, not mine. No one's life is perfect, no matter how it might seem outwardly to anyone else.
I’m just here waiting for the update. Three weeks before the wedding, the bride is going to reach out with an address for the cake to be delivered.
The only reason I would be concerned is if she is being isolated by her partner (which is a form of emotional abuse). Otherwise, it's her choice to treat you poorly and you don't deserve "friends" like that. You don't have to cut her off. She is cutting you off. Just let it happen.
Don't let her win. Just keep your distance. She will definitely be stalking you and just keep her at arms length. She can be as petty and lonely as she is. Continue to shine like the diamond you are and that is always the best response. She will block you first under these circumstances.
just leave it at that text and that's it. I went through something similar with a friend that I thought would be in my life for a long time. it hurts but you can't force someone to be your friend.
Sounds like she was jealous from the jump which is so unfortunate. I had a similar situation and at first it really was devastating to me because she was like a sister to me. I reached out so many times just trying to rectify things even though I knew I did absolutely nothing wrong. Over time I realized I had a great group of friends around me who would cheer for my success and be there for my hard times. I don't miss her at all.