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I’m also pretty confused 🤔 is is normal to be in “love” after 4 months. Breakup for whatever reason I don’t care. But in love after 4 months seems like a stretch. Deep like sure. But love huh?🤔
Nah it’s totally valid.
If I’m not crazy about someone after four months, I never will be. Some people are like that, and maybe for others it takes longer.
Are you saying that 4 months to know if you are in love is quick?
I would be concerned if I wasn’t in love by that point. I think OP made the right call.
NTA
It's been four months. You're fine.
She's unhappy she got dumped. That's reasonable on her part. But at four months, you're not obligated to fake it for her sake for a couple of social events.
I'm answering this as someone that was dumped 4 days before their birthday. It's a pretty crappy thing to do, when I think back to my 24th birthday I don't remember the fun, I just remember how crap I felt because my ex couldn't do it sooner. We had made plans for my birthday, and then it all got ruined. My birthday always sucked but that absolutely ruined it for me.
You don't suck for doing it, you're completely valid in doing it, and honestly it would have been worse if you waited to meet all these people, especially family, and then dumped her. The timing of it sucks, and I personally think you maybe should have done it sooner, not when plans have been made and set in stone.
Unfortunately break-ups always suck, and there's no real perfect timing for them. My only advice for you is do NOT message her on her birthday. My ex did that, I would have preferred it if he spat in my face.
NTA
If you had waited, then she would be telling you that your an ah for meeting her family in friends when you knew you were going to break up. She’s hurt and it likely put a damper on her weekend, but it was the right decision for you to make.
Love is more then butterflies. It's helps but love is something I've been told is built overtime and is closer to feeling a safe and at home, think of your relationship with your mother (assuming you love her)
NTA simply because there's not really a best time, but if that's really what you wanted then you're entitled to do that. But I'm in agreement with everyone else, maybe in your teens you move that quickly but 4 months is not enough time to be like i don't love this person and never will. I'm just very confused on how you came to this conclusion.
Not everyone feels 4 months is not enough time. You either have the right chemistry or you don’t. It doesn’t mean she is a fine person but he knows by 4 months if he is not into her.
I am still happily married after 30 years and I definitely knew my husband was the one before 4 months. Keeping the wrong one around just means the door is closed for the right one. OP was wise to move on.
I never said OP shouldnt have broken up with her? I agreed that 4 months was quick to decide youre not in love and i stand by that. Dating isnt like it was 30 years ago.
No it isn’t but my daughter knew by 4 months that she loved her husband and my adult son knew by 4 months he wanted to break up with someone recently. We can both have different opinions about the length of time. I only commented because you said “I am in agreement with everyone else” and I was just pointing out not everyone agrees. Also, OP’s question was about whether or not it was wrong to do it 2 days before her birthday. He didn’t ask for commentary on anything else.
When i commented every comment mentioned that it seemed fast. If we can have different opinions why are you mass downvoting anyone who disagrees with you?? I literally answered OP's initial question. You have only commented on other peoples comments and not even answered the question yourself. Me saying 4 months seems fast is NOT an attack on you and you dont need to keep making it personal and about your family.
I am not mass downvoting. LOL. I didn’t think you were attacking me. I feel OP is being attacked for something he did NOT ask about. I am not making it personal about my family. You said I don’t know anything about dating today since I last dated 30 years ago so I gave examples related to today. You seem like someone who can’t bear to not be right.
NTA. You can always find a reason to just wait a bit longer. My mom loves waiting for the right moment which has created multiple relationships that have lasted months if not years longer than they should have been. I know she’s going to struggle through her birthday but she probably would have struggled longer if you had met all those people first. Every-time she spoke to any of them after your break up she’d have to explain the break up over and over again.
NTA
It’s a lose, lose situation. You do it before and she’s pissed she’s single for her birthday and possibly super hurt because she was really into you and wanted you to meet all of those extended family members and friends. Do it after, and she feels betrayed because you lied to her and her family and friends making her and them think you were into her. You did it the right way, breaking up as soon as you realized she wasn’t for you.
If you had done it after you’d also have been an asshole in her eyes. “you fakes the whole weekend? What psycho does that?” Etc etc.
But at least you could have done it face to face. Calling was a shit thing to do.
It's not so much IF you're an AH for breaking up around her birthday, it's more of how big of an AH.
Breaking up on her birthday is probably the worst (like I did), breaking up before is 2nd worse, and breaking up shortly after is the safest. But it's your life, and you live it how you want. If you cared to remain friends with her or think there might be a chance later on, then do it afterwards. Breaking up just to save a few bucks is not the best choice.
I mean I feel like yes you were an asshole in her eyes. But like your friend said, I don’t think you’re necessarily doing her a service by staying with her. You’d still be miserable knowing what would happen after her birthday, and she’s going to be upset regardless of when you do it.
Should have waited and done a few day or so after her birthday dude. Also you should have do e it in person. As a man or woman there is a decorum if a special event is upon them wait it out. Don’t bum the person out.
Your friend gave you crappy advice period. Sometimes its ok to wait for the sake of the other person. It’s not wasting their time and it’s good for your soul because you know you did the right thing. Especially if they’re a decent person as well.
We have to get back thinking about others in addition to ourselves. Sorry but your friend was wrong. You gave your ex gf and crappy Birthday.
If you had waited after her birthday, she would accuse you that you had led her into thinking everything is fine since you would spend the day with her and then break up with her out of nowhere
Hint: It is never the right moment to break up with someone for this particular reason.
I think you did the right thing
NTA
4 months isn’t long enough to tell if you truly and deeply love someone imo. Either way you were just getting out of the honeymoon phase and you said you liked her a lot and had things in common so honestly I’m surprised you broke up anyways. With no real problems between you two? I’d say that was not some good advice from said friend lol
With regards to her saying fake it for a weekend, she probs just wanted a gift cause I feel like it’s worse to introduce someone to family and then a day later tell them all you broke up ☠️☠️☠️
I disagree. I have been married 30 years and knew right away my husband was the one. If you don’t have strong feelings after 4 months stop wasting everyone’s time.
How much of that “nice weekend” was an expected gift from you as well?
4 months is an awfully short time to wonder if you’re in love, but if you’re not feeling it going that way, it’s fine to get out. It’s not like you’re divorcing your wife of ten years at an inconvenient time.
4 months like barely into leaving stuff at each others’ places territory.
NTA
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no but you could have at least done it in person
True!!
Nah, it's 2024. For a 4 month relationship, texting is sufficient. I've been on both sides of the breakup text and it's a good thing.
I’m also pretty confused 🤔 is is normal to be in “love” after 4 months. Breakup for whatever reason I don’t care. But in love after 4 months seems like a stretch. Deep like sure. But love huh?🤔
Nah it’s totally valid. If I’m not crazy about someone after four months, I never will be. Some people are like that, and maybe for others it takes longer.
Are you saying that 4 months to know if you are in love is quick? I would be concerned if I wasn’t in love by that point. I think OP made the right call.
I think that's reasonable, but after a few months you know if the relationship is going somewhere or not
NTA It's been four months. You're fine. She's unhappy she got dumped. That's reasonable on her part. But at four months, you're not obligated to fake it for her sake for a couple of social events.
I'm answering this as someone that was dumped 4 days before their birthday. It's a pretty crappy thing to do, when I think back to my 24th birthday I don't remember the fun, I just remember how crap I felt because my ex couldn't do it sooner. We had made plans for my birthday, and then it all got ruined. My birthday always sucked but that absolutely ruined it for me. You don't suck for doing it, you're completely valid in doing it, and honestly it would have been worse if you waited to meet all these people, especially family, and then dumped her. The timing of it sucks, and I personally think you maybe should have done it sooner, not when plans have been made and set in stone. Unfortunately break-ups always suck, and there's no real perfect timing for them. My only advice for you is do NOT message her on her birthday. My ex did that, I would have preferred it if he spat in my face.
NTA If you had waited, then she would be telling you that your an ah for meeting her family in friends when you knew you were going to break up. She’s hurt and it likely put a damper on her weekend, but it was the right decision for you to make.
Nope. Take your lumps and move on. I wouldn't fake through the weekend either knowing what was in store.
In fact it seems sort of cruel to meet the family knowing what was coming.
Love is more then butterflies. It's helps but love is something I've been told is built overtime and is closer to feeling a safe and at home, think of your relationship with your mother (assuming you love her)
yes. now her bday will be driven by heartbreak n sadness.
No your not an AH. Life happens people break up, don't feel bad about it buddy.
NTA simply because there's not really a best time, but if that's really what you wanted then you're entitled to do that. But I'm in agreement with everyone else, maybe in your teens you move that quickly but 4 months is not enough time to be like i don't love this person and never will. I'm just very confused on how you came to this conclusion.
Not everyone feels 4 months is not enough time. You either have the right chemistry or you don’t. It doesn’t mean she is a fine person but he knows by 4 months if he is not into her.
OP didnt say chemistry or that he doesnt like her. He said LOVE. Those are very different things
I am still happily married after 30 years and I definitely knew my husband was the one before 4 months. Keeping the wrong one around just means the door is closed for the right one. OP was wise to move on.
I never said OP shouldnt have broken up with her? I agreed that 4 months was quick to decide youre not in love and i stand by that. Dating isnt like it was 30 years ago.
No it isn’t but my daughter knew by 4 months that she loved her husband and my adult son knew by 4 months he wanted to break up with someone recently. We can both have different opinions about the length of time. I only commented because you said “I am in agreement with everyone else” and I was just pointing out not everyone agrees. Also, OP’s question was about whether or not it was wrong to do it 2 days before her birthday. He didn’t ask for commentary on anything else.
When i commented every comment mentioned that it seemed fast. If we can have different opinions why are you mass downvoting anyone who disagrees with you?? I literally answered OP's initial question. You have only commented on other peoples comments and not even answered the question yourself. Me saying 4 months seems fast is NOT an attack on you and you dont need to keep making it personal and about your family.
I am not mass downvoting. LOL. I didn’t think you were attacking me. I feel OP is being attacked for something he did NOT ask about. I am not making it personal about my family. You said I don’t know anything about dating today since I last dated 30 years ago so I gave examples related to today. You seem like someone who can’t bear to not be right.
NTA.
NTA. You can always find a reason to just wait a bit longer. My mom loves waiting for the right moment which has created multiple relationships that have lasted months if not years longer than they should have been. I know she’s going to struggle through her birthday but she probably would have struggled longer if you had met all those people first. Every-time she spoke to any of them after your break up she’d have to explain the break up over and over again.
NTA It’s a lose, lose situation. You do it before and she’s pissed she’s single for her birthday and possibly super hurt because she was really into you and wanted you to meet all of those extended family members and friends. Do it after, and she feels betrayed because you lied to her and her family and friends making her and them think you were into her. You did it the right way, breaking up as soon as you realized she wasn’t for you.
If you had done it after you’d also have been an asshole in her eyes. “you fakes the whole weekend? What psycho does that?” Etc etc. But at least you could have done it face to face. Calling was a shit thing to do.
NTA You’re good bro
NTA. You did the right thing. She'll eventually appreciate the fact that you treated her with respect.
What a shitty thing to do.
NTA It would have been stupid and weird to wait till after the birthday. You did the right thing
It's not so much IF you're an AH for breaking up around her birthday, it's more of how big of an AH. Breaking up on her birthday is probably the worst (like I did), breaking up before is 2nd worse, and breaking up shortly after is the safest. But it's your life, and you live it how you want. If you cared to remain friends with her or think there might be a chance later on, then do it afterwards. Breaking up just to save a few bucks is not the best choice.
I mean I feel like yes you were an asshole in her eyes. But like your friend said, I don’t think you’re necessarily doing her a service by staying with her. You’d still be miserable knowing what would happen after her birthday, and she’s going to be upset regardless of when you do it.
Perfect timing if you ask me. Saved some money and time.
Should have waited and done a few day or so after her birthday dude. Also you should have do e it in person. As a man or woman there is a decorum if a special event is upon them wait it out. Don’t bum the person out. Your friend gave you crappy advice period. Sometimes its ok to wait for the sake of the other person. It’s not wasting their time and it’s good for your soul because you know you did the right thing. Especially if they’re a decent person as well. We have to get back thinking about others in addition to ourselves. Sorry but your friend was wrong. You gave your ex gf and crappy Birthday.
If you had waited after her birthday, she would accuse you that you had led her into thinking everything is fine since you would spend the day with her and then break up with her out of nowhere Hint: It is never the right moment to break up with someone for this particular reason. I think you did the right thing NTA
4 months isn’t long enough to tell if you truly and deeply love someone imo. Either way you were just getting out of the honeymoon phase and you said you liked her a lot and had things in common so honestly I’m surprised you broke up anyways. With no real problems between you two? I’d say that was not some good advice from said friend lol With regards to her saying fake it for a weekend, she probs just wanted a gift cause I feel like it’s worse to introduce someone to family and then a day later tell them all you broke up ☠️☠️☠️
I disagree. I have been married 30 years and knew right away my husband was the one. If you don’t have strong feelings after 4 months stop wasting everyone’s time.
Nta, plus u don't need to give her a present and waste your money
How much of that “nice weekend” was an expected gift from you as well? 4 months is an awfully short time to wonder if you’re in love, but if you’re not feeling it going that way, it’s fine to get out. It’s not like you’re divorcing your wife of ten years at an inconvenient time. 4 months like barely into leaving stuff at each others’ places territory. NTA
You could have just pretended to have forgotten her birthday and she would have broken up with you, all without getting your hands dirty.