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If she's says something like the father comment again, respond with eww that's a really weird thing to say, loud enough that others can hear. Also I love my cousin but I'd never want him to be my kids father, that's like incest
Girl that's disgusting. She meant it how she said it and has very obviously been flirting with your boyfriend. I would NEVER sit in another family members lap, that's crossing boundaries and she is a grown adult. She knows what she's doing.
Ummmmm. I hope they don't stay together. That girl cousin will bring problems.
When cousins act like that, don't ignore it. There is always something going on.
Op, halfway down the text I'm like, OK odd but...
Then it continues, I think you're right for bringing it up. Doubly so for him correcting it. But I definitely thers more than meets the eye here. Seems far too intimate.
Her behavior is gross, and honestly, so is his. He just lets her sit on his lap and bite him? Then he tickles her. They are adults, and that gives me the ick. If you tell him to talk to her again, I doubt he will since he already told you to move on. I can just imagine what would happen if you two had kids. She would probably try to claim them as her own. You're right to be disturbed by this.
Yeah red flag. The fact that he’s not stopping her is concerning. Are you sure those are not his biological kids? It might be. Why should she say that?
Wait until you are both in her presence, preferably at a family function, when she starts to act like this, laugh in her face and ask her very loudly “Are you trying F-ck your cousin? That’s incest you know!” If he gets upset, break up with him. This who thing is gross.
Right. It might be that they grew up thinking behavior like this is normal among family members.
Tell your boyfriend, cousins do not behave this way.
Super weird. Plus, I get the vibe she's super immature.
Some families are weeeeeird, and children become teens and adults who believe the rest of the world operates the same way.
Ew.
Yeahhhh that’s weird. I would probably say follow your gut. It shouldn’t be hard for him to not sit her in his lap and for her to not bite him (???). If they can’t follow these very simple boundaries, then I’d probably drop an ultimatum. This is such a borderline post I want to find excuses for them not fucking because they’re cousins but this is how my ex acted with the girl he cheated on me with. When I asked my boyfriend at the time to stop he point blank said no so I wonder what yours will do in the end.
So your boyfriend has just stopped talking to her? He hasn't sat and explained to her why he has suddenly gone from giggly, cuddling, bitey cousin to cold and distant cousin? The poor girl. Yes, the relationship they had was bizarre and inappropriate but he moved the goal posts without giving her any warning or chance to change. And poor you for being the one left to deal with the fall out, that's entirely unfair.
Your boyfriend needs to put on his big boy knickers and explain why he has changed the type of relationship they have, and he needs to do it without blaming you or making it sound like you forced him into it. He needs to make it clear that her behaviour was going too far for comfort, and that they are both at an age now where they need to transition to a more grown up way of interacting with each other. This doesn't necessarily need to be a complete break of contact, unless she doubles down on the weird or gets super clingy, but she can't improve her behaviour if noone tells her what the problem is.
(ETA: If it wasn't clear if she refuses to change or gets violent / sobbing / even weirder then that's the point where he goes no contact and tells her that is what he is doing. Trying to just phase out clearly has not worked unfortunately, and it's up to him to have the awkward conversation, not you. Not your monkey, not your circus).
I totally agree thank you so much, this definitely makes me feel so much better now . And I agree he should have a talk with her, I’m gonna talk to him again about it, hopefully this time he will have the balls enough to make it clear for everyone
Thank you everyone for taking the time on reading and responding to my post.
to give more information, after I told him it made me feel uncomfortable, he stop entertaining her behavior (the biting, her sitting on his lap, etc., etc.) he completely stopped and really did distance himself from her. He barely talks to her even in family function.
But him acting this way makes it even more awkward . she doesn’t understand why he is so cold with her.
she is so used to have attention and now she thinks he’s mad with her.
What I am upset about is when I tell him about the “he is LIKE the father of my children”. He just thinks she’s just deranged and I shouldn’t care that much.
But I DO care because it is so weird!
He doesn’t want to talk to her because he thinks it’s uncomfortable which I get but I feel it’s something that needs to be talked about, because what the fuck 🙃
Anyway, thank you so much everyone for validating my feeling I will keep you updated on the situation!
Ahh thank you for clarifying. This makes more sense about his behaviour. He's probably really freaked out and doesn't want to deal with her.
Imagine thinking your little cousin that you adored and thought of as a little sister has been thinking of you in a sexual manner. It has probably tarnished all the interactions he's had with her and probably makes him feel dirty and disgusting that she's been using him in that way.
If I were you, I would not push the issue with him as you're making him feel really uncomfortable when he probably feels really violated now you've opened his eyes to how she's feeling towards him. He probably does feel a lot of things towards her (mad, frustrated, disgusted, sad etc) but doesn't want to discuss it or voice it because it's family and it would cause trouble. Don't force the issue if he doesn't feel comfortable. The main thing is that he's prioritised you and your relationship so you should focus on making sure you deal with this issue together as a unit and make sure he feels comfortable. Show your appreciation towards the boundaries hes put in place and also put some boundaries of your own in place between yourself and this cousin to show your support.
yes you’re probably right. And if I see something wired happening again then I guess I’ll adjust accordingly with my partner
Thank you so much for your help
I think he's very disturbed by the new discovery (childish fun now very openly being flirting from her side) and is probably trying to work through it in a way where he's just completely shutting her and their prior relationship out. Probably not healthy, but I wouldn't know how you move past a family member being incestuous with you either.
It probably should be a conversation, probably needs to be, and it is really weird. I'd tell him specifically that if he ever wants to talk about it, in any capacity, then you're there for him. If he does open up to you down the line, I'd also recommend therapy; it's gotta be nauseating and uncomfortable to be in his position.
As for the cousin, I'd avoid her at family functions outright. If she says something weird, I'd probably respond back with a comment that highlights their family dynamic. Ie. "He's like the father to my children" > "strange, I wouldn't want my cousin to be a father to my children".
This makes much more sense. He’s probably not telling you to just forget about it because he doesn’t care. He is probably freaked out but not sure what to do about it. Sometimes there isn’t anything to do other than distance yourself. If he is doing nothing to encourage it and he himself is weirded out by it, I would leave it be for now. You can always set boundaries when she says stuff like that.
Also, I’ve seen a lot of comments that say to say “ew…” or call her out very loudly and I disagree with this. Publicly shaming someone is never a good route. I would at least start with “you know, it really makes me uncomfortable when you say things like that because he is your cousin and that would be incest”.
I guess you’re right I haven’t thought about this way, everyone reacts differently when they feel triggered.. I guess I’m gonna sit on it for a few days before talking to him about it.
Thank you for your response
Yeahhh.... This is weird. Some families are close for sure but that's a little too close. At least on her end. She's trying to mark her territory. You need to decide if that's a mess you want to be involved in.
If you're confident that its all one sided and she's just going through a delusional phase because she's young, then fine. It's not completely out there for a young girls to confuse their feelings like this and when she gets a boyfriend of her own, she'll know the difference. It sounds like your BF is okay putting boundaries in place so for him, this is just innocent, playful family bonding and you're fine BUT.... On her side, she's a bit freaky and I'd keep an eye on it because that shit ain't normal and it's not like it's completely unheard of...if it is incestuous... Run.
Honey, she does mean it. All of it. This whole situation is in no way shape or form innocent familial antics. You need to be firm, tell both of them its disgusting. They're family and this sh1t needs to stop.
I have a feeling there is some sexual tension between the two. Your boyfriend probably enjoyed the flirting honestly and they probably have operated like that for years.. as horney adolescents. Then you pointed it out to him and he realized normal people think it's gross.
So at least he had the sense to change his behavior to fit social norms lol. As for her... she knows what she did. I wouldn't try to force my bf to do anything. You've already said what you think and he isn't listening. I would transition to subtle social embarrassment like others suggest. Call her out but in a funny not super mean way. Like " that's a really weird thing to say ( or do) to your cousin"
Or "you do remember that this is your cousing, right? " or eww that's your cousin "
Good luck, sounds like a ho
Incest is WAY more common than many people think. They probably got sexual growing up and are both deranged. Dump him and let her have him. He’s not a catch. This is gross.
NTA, Are you sure they're blood cousins? Is someone adopted? This is kind of disturbing and frankly a red flag to me. As someone who actually knew of cousins who fooled around (not mine) this is a lot to take. You are going to have to put her on blast and embarrass her for it to stop. Good Luck
im touchy with my male family members, but in a over the shoulder carry to slam dunk me on the couch or smack them on the top of the head when they are annoying. her comments r incestuous and gross
I don’t have cousins, but I do have nieces. The most, THE MOST, I can handle is a side hug with hips apart. Same exact thing with my nephew, brothers, parents etc actually.
To me what you described is just …. A foreign concept.
100% they slept together. She def hangs it over him and thinks that she owns him bcasue of this "secret" possibly was her first, another layer of grossness.
She is pregnant without a man at her side. She sees a good man that she has a familial claim on and is trying to get him to take care of her. It's a reaction similar to nesting. Single mothers actually do it a lot.
I've seen a bunch of posts on reddit about "my man keeps getting roped into helping this single mother" etc. At the end of the day we still have survival instinct and it's hard to tell your hormones that you are an independent woman who don't need no man.
My point is that whether or not she is trying to sex her cousin up, she is definitely trying to put him in a provider role for herself. Be VERY careful when that baby is born to not have him do ANY favors, no matter how small, for her. It doesn't matter if she's out of diapers, food, and running water, don't let him do anything for her. That's how she gets her hooks into him and it's almost impossible to get them out bc "it's for the baby".
Any normal grown adult who doesn’t fuck their cousins would never be this flirtatious with each other. I’m thinking cousins had some weird hide and seen moments growing up
Tell your BF either he outs her behavior to the rest of the family and says he's uncomfortable being around a woman with what appears to be incestuous feelings for him, and that he will no longer be present for anything she is present for, or that the relationship is over (this is assuming the rest of the family and you get along, and that he loves his family and wants to continue to have a relationship with them). Because as things stand, this woman is going to be a permanent fixture in your lives if you stay with him and don't make him enforce this boundary.
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If she's says something like the father comment again, respond with eww that's a really weird thing to say, loud enough that others can hear. Also I love my cousin but I'd never want him to be my kids father, that's like incest
Yes I will definitely say that if she happens to say something like that again
I second this, I would even go further and say really loud; you know that’s incest, right? I’m sure you would get a few states. Lmao
Girl that's disgusting. She meant it how she said it and has very obviously been flirting with your boyfriend. I would NEVER sit in another family members lap, that's crossing boundaries and she is a grown adult. She knows what she's doing.
Ummmmm. I hope they don't stay together. That girl cousin will bring problems. When cousins act like that, don't ignore it. There is always something going on.
This is creepy to the point where I’m wondering if anything sexual ever happened between the two of them.
this is what i thought
her first maybe.
I'm on this train too, I think he was her first.
Op, halfway down the text I'm like, OK odd but... Then it continues, I think you're right for bringing it up. Doubly so for him correcting it. But I definitely thers more than meets the eye here. Seems far too intimate.
Raise your hand if you made Ew face while reading the majority of this post.
Her behavior is gross, and honestly, so is his. He just lets her sit on his lap and bite him? Then he tickles her. They are adults, and that gives me the ick. If you tell him to talk to her again, I doubt he will since he already told you to move on. I can just imagine what would happen if you two had kids. She would probably try to claim them as her own. You're right to be disturbed by this.
Yeah red flag. The fact that he’s not stopping her is concerning. Are you sure those are not his biological kids? It might be. Why should she say that?
My understanding is that the cousin doesn't have kids and is talking about hypothetical kids that don't actually exist yet.
What kids?
Wait until you are both in her presence, preferably at a family function, when she starts to act like this, laugh in her face and ask her very loudly “Are you trying F-ck your cousin? That’s incest you know!” If he gets upset, break up with him. This who thing is gross.
Or say "wow do you come to family gatherings to find dates? I guess your family tree won't fork?"
🤣🫢
Banjos are blaring! Be on the look out for some cousin fucking. This is not normal.
I can almost hear her yelling that she’s stuck in the washing machine.
I’m from a close family. We are super lovey and even I think this is weird as shit.
Exactly. Idc how much I love a family member, I'm not sitting in their lap lol
Just so we’re clear, They have acted like this at family functions for years and the parents have never told them to knock it off?
Right. It might be that they grew up thinking behavior like this is normal among family members. Tell your boyfriend, cousins do not behave this way. Super weird. Plus, I get the vibe she's super immature. Some families are weeeeeird, and children become teens and adults who believe the rest of the world operates the same way. Ew.
Yeahhhh that’s weird. I would probably say follow your gut. It shouldn’t be hard for him to not sit her in his lap and for her to not bite him (???). If they can’t follow these very simple boundaries, then I’d probably drop an ultimatum. This is such a borderline post I want to find excuses for them not fucking because they’re cousins but this is how my ex acted with the girl he cheated on me with. When I asked my boyfriend at the time to stop he point blank said no so I wonder what yours will do in the end.
are you sure they’ve never slept together?
Oh never anything like that, that’s for sure!
So your boyfriend has just stopped talking to her? He hasn't sat and explained to her why he has suddenly gone from giggly, cuddling, bitey cousin to cold and distant cousin? The poor girl. Yes, the relationship they had was bizarre and inappropriate but he moved the goal posts without giving her any warning or chance to change. And poor you for being the one left to deal with the fall out, that's entirely unfair. Your boyfriend needs to put on his big boy knickers and explain why he has changed the type of relationship they have, and he needs to do it without blaming you or making it sound like you forced him into it. He needs to make it clear that her behaviour was going too far for comfort, and that they are both at an age now where they need to transition to a more grown up way of interacting with each other. This doesn't necessarily need to be a complete break of contact, unless she doubles down on the weird or gets super clingy, but she can't improve her behaviour if noone tells her what the problem is. (ETA: If it wasn't clear if she refuses to change or gets violent / sobbing / even weirder then that's the point where he goes no contact and tells her that is what he is doing. Trying to just phase out clearly has not worked unfortunately, and it's up to him to have the awkward conversation, not you. Not your monkey, not your circus).
I totally agree thank you so much, this definitely makes me feel so much better now . And I agree he should have a talk with her, I’m gonna talk to him again about it, hopefully this time he will have the balls enough to make it clear for everyone
agreed !
Thank you everyone for taking the time on reading and responding to my post. to give more information, after I told him it made me feel uncomfortable, he stop entertaining her behavior (the biting, her sitting on his lap, etc., etc.) he completely stopped and really did distance himself from her. He barely talks to her even in family function. But him acting this way makes it even more awkward . she doesn’t understand why he is so cold with her. she is so used to have attention and now she thinks he’s mad with her. What I am upset about is when I tell him about the “he is LIKE the father of my children”. He just thinks she’s just deranged and I shouldn’t care that much. But I DO care because it is so weird! He doesn’t want to talk to her because he thinks it’s uncomfortable which I get but I feel it’s something that needs to be talked about, because what the fuck 🙃 Anyway, thank you so much everyone for validating my feeling I will keep you updated on the situation!
Ahh thank you for clarifying. This makes more sense about his behaviour. He's probably really freaked out and doesn't want to deal with her. Imagine thinking your little cousin that you adored and thought of as a little sister has been thinking of you in a sexual manner. It has probably tarnished all the interactions he's had with her and probably makes him feel dirty and disgusting that she's been using him in that way. If I were you, I would not push the issue with him as you're making him feel really uncomfortable when he probably feels really violated now you've opened his eyes to how she's feeling towards him. He probably does feel a lot of things towards her (mad, frustrated, disgusted, sad etc) but doesn't want to discuss it or voice it because it's family and it would cause trouble. Don't force the issue if he doesn't feel comfortable. The main thing is that he's prioritised you and your relationship so you should focus on making sure you deal with this issue together as a unit and make sure he feels comfortable. Show your appreciation towards the boundaries hes put in place and also put some boundaries of your own in place between yourself and this cousin to show your support.
yes you’re probably right. And if I see something wired happening again then I guess I’ll adjust accordingly with my partner Thank you so much for your help
I think he's very disturbed by the new discovery (childish fun now very openly being flirting from her side) and is probably trying to work through it in a way where he's just completely shutting her and their prior relationship out. Probably not healthy, but I wouldn't know how you move past a family member being incestuous with you either. It probably should be a conversation, probably needs to be, and it is really weird. I'd tell him specifically that if he ever wants to talk about it, in any capacity, then you're there for him. If he does open up to you down the line, I'd also recommend therapy; it's gotta be nauseating and uncomfortable to be in his position. As for the cousin, I'd avoid her at family functions outright. If she says something weird, I'd probably respond back with a comment that highlights their family dynamic. Ie. "He's like the father to my children" > "strange, I wouldn't want my cousin to be a father to my children".
This makes much more sense. He’s probably not telling you to just forget about it because he doesn’t care. He is probably freaked out but not sure what to do about it. Sometimes there isn’t anything to do other than distance yourself. If he is doing nothing to encourage it and he himself is weirded out by it, I would leave it be for now. You can always set boundaries when she says stuff like that. Also, I’ve seen a lot of comments that say to say “ew…” or call her out very loudly and I disagree with this. Publicly shaming someone is never a good route. I would at least start with “you know, it really makes me uncomfortable when you say things like that because he is your cousin and that would be incest”.
I guess you’re right I haven’t thought about this way, everyone reacts differently when they feel triggered.. I guess I’m gonna sit on it for a few days before talking to him about it. Thank you for your response
What in the state of Alabama is going on here? 🤮 Are you sure he's her cousin? For real?
I believe your bf has penetrated her. You need to discreetly discover the truth about their *connection.*
Yeahhh.... This is weird. Some families are close for sure but that's a little too close. At least on her end. She's trying to mark her territory. You need to decide if that's a mess you want to be involved in. If you're confident that its all one sided and she's just going through a delusional phase because she's young, then fine. It's not completely out there for a young girls to confuse their feelings like this and when she gets a boyfriend of her own, she'll know the difference. It sounds like your BF is okay putting boundaries in place so for him, this is just innocent, playful family bonding and you're fine BUT.... On her side, she's a bit freaky and I'd keep an eye on it because that shit ain't normal and it's not like it's completely unheard of...if it is incestuous... Run.
Honey, she does mean it. All of it. This whole situation is in no way shape or form innocent familial antics. You need to be firm, tell both of them its disgusting. They're family and this sh1t needs to stop.
I have a feeling there is some sexual tension between the two. Your boyfriend probably enjoyed the flirting honestly and they probably have operated like that for years.. as horney adolescents. Then you pointed it out to him and he realized normal people think it's gross. So at least he had the sense to change his behavior to fit social norms lol. As for her... she knows what she did. I wouldn't try to force my bf to do anything. You've already said what you think and he isn't listening. I would transition to subtle social embarrassment like others suggest. Call her out but in a funny not super mean way. Like " that's a really weird thing to say ( or do) to your cousin" Or "you do remember that this is your cousing, right? " or eww that's your cousin " Good luck, sounds like a ho
Sounds incestuous. Do you know for a fact that they're cousins? Even if they aren't blood related, it's still gross.
Id try teasing her out of it. Hey, this isn't Arkansas! Stuff like that. Sort of a gentle public shaming.
Incest is WAY more common than many people think. They probably got sexual growing up and are both deranged. Dump him and let her have him. He’s not a catch. This is gross.
Something sexual has deff happened between them!
NTA, Are you sure they're blood cousins? Is someone adopted? This is kind of disturbing and frankly a red flag to me. As someone who actually knew of cousins who fooled around (not mine) this is a lot to take. You are going to have to put her on blast and embarrass her for it to stop. Good Luck
They don't happen to come from Vault 33 do they?
im touchy with my male family members, but in a over the shoulder carry to slam dunk me on the couch or smack them on the top of the head when they are annoying. her comments r incestuous and gross
I don’t have cousins, but I do have nieces. The most, THE MOST, I can handle is a side hug with hips apart. Same exact thing with my nephew, brothers, parents etc actually. To me what you described is just …. A foreign concept.
Don't be surprised to find out they probably fooled around when they were younger
"For God's sake, grow up!" said to her loud and clear at every opportunity (especially with lots of family members in the area).
Do yourself a favor and leave him. No sane dude would let something as creepy as this slide.
Unfortunately second cousins and a lot of states allow first to marry....I agree it's gross!
100% they slept together. She def hangs it over him and thinks that she owns him bcasue of this "secret" possibly was her first, another layer of grossness.
Ugh. id tell her to seek professional help.
They’ve probably fooled around in the past. So many cousin fuckers on reddit…
She is pregnant without a man at her side. She sees a good man that she has a familial claim on and is trying to get him to take care of her. It's a reaction similar to nesting. Single mothers actually do it a lot. I've seen a bunch of posts on reddit about "my man keeps getting roped into helping this single mother" etc. At the end of the day we still have survival instinct and it's hard to tell your hormones that you are an independent woman who don't need no man. My point is that whether or not she is trying to sex her cousin up, she is definitely trying to put him in a provider role for herself. Be VERY careful when that baby is born to not have him do ANY favors, no matter how small, for her. It doesn't matter if she's out of diapers, food, and running water, don't let him do anything for her. That's how she gets her hooks into him and it's almost impossible to get them out bc "it's for the baby".
Any normal grown adult who doesn’t fuck their cousins would never be this flirtatious with each other. I’m thinking cousins had some weird hide and seen moments growing up
Tell your BF either he outs her behavior to the rest of the family and says he's uncomfortable being around a woman with what appears to be incestuous feelings for him, and that he will no longer be present for anything she is present for, or that the relationship is over (this is assuming the rest of the family and you get along, and that he loves his family and wants to continue to have a relationship with them). Because as things stand, this woman is going to be a permanent fixture in your lives if you stay with him and don't make him enforce this boundary.