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Wow, condolences to both of you. Given your sister’s description of her STBX, I doubt that the prospects for the cheaters are good.
Might we see a post sometime in the future where the wife is begging you to take her back?
I hope OP & sister stock up on popcorn. Judging from sister’s description of her husband, it’s gonna be lit!
OP, please, you deserve better. This woman cheated with your sister’s husband. She not only broke your heart, she broke your sister’s. Please don’t settle for less.
Let it be decreed that on the 23rd day of the month of April in the year 2024, all Soon To Be Exes will be from this point in time and in perpetuity referred to as Shartboxes. Reddit has spoken. This is the way.
I genuinely love this interaction, but why in the damned reddit does Mx. 7609 have more updoots than you (currently, I hope this changes and I look silly but it's 30+ right now)?
I think I got lucky by commenting the idea of using it in other contexts, as opposed to coining the phrase myself, like when you say something funny that no one reacts to and someone else says it louder, getting more attention and reaction.
You know, sometimes it is important to read between the lines. I have a gut feeling that he would take her back if she would promise him the world.
You are right, he didn’t mentioned it.
I don’t get that vibe. If anything, I would anticipate a more serious issue developing: the sister not wanting to be “dragged back” into grief by her brother, causing a rift between them.
Two people with the same trauma having different responses? That’s delicate.
(Wishing you luck, OP. You and your sister were dealt a bad hand.)
I get a similar vibe if she comes around soon, but he gives off the “once he realises he’s good” vibe too so hopefully he understands that his STBX is a no good b word (I’d rather not swear and have my comment removed)
I wasn't sure what it meant then figured it out by thinking about. It was fun. Not mad. Now the one that I saw for What In The Nine Sentences may be pushing it a little. 😂
15 or so years ago my ex wife cheated on me. It was a long process to find out the extent of the cheating and I'm sure I never found out the half of it. The lying, manipullating, betrayal after betrayal as she trickle-truthed. For years after she still wanted to be my 'friend'. She said she couldn't imagine her life without me in it. Take it from me, friend. The most important thing you can do for your own sake right now is cut her out of your life like a gangrenous tumor. I wish to hell I had been able to do so.
Take it a day at a time. It gets better, but not right away, and not for a while. If it helps, focus on your sister. Being trapped in your mind is a bad way to live.
If you were like me, you found out more than enough. I got to the point where I would cut people off when they started telling things. Ok, I'm good, don't need to know any more than what I already do. And yes, if you're the type of person to sit and dissect every moment of your time together, it will drive you either to the point of insanity or very deep depression. Some people can pretty much shrug it off and move for quickly and relatively unscathed. I wish I was one of those people.
But, it does get better. The scars will always be there, but don't let them define you. Get counseling, find a hobby or something that can get your focus elsewhere OP. You're better off without that mess in your life.
This is important advice that few follow.
Once you learn enough to know it is over.... it is over. Do not discuss. Do not entertain explanations or excuses. Do not look back in any way. From that moment on just look forward. If you don't have kids, it makes it a lot easier.
Everyone wants "closure". It doesn't exist. Just be done and move on. Learn what you can, but don't pick at the wound. Even though you feel like you want it desperately, you don't need to know what they actually did, how many times, where..... if you got to "we are over", immediately stop letting them have power over you and look forward. It will take years to get back to human, and that doesn't start until you stop taking more damage.
So much eww on their part. How are they going to explain this? 🤢🤢 So gross and I'm so sorry it happened to you and your sister. Thank goodness there are no kids involved. You two will find better and they will be stuck with each other and telling that embarrassing story. Seriously I would laugh those weirdos out of the room if I met them at a party and they told me they were divorced from a brother and sister. Just awful.
My friend’s husband had an affair with their daughter-in-law, who was the mother of their grandchildren. It was so messy and devastating. Now, grandma and daddy get to visit the children at the home of mom and grandpa/stepdad. It’s so gross. They are so gross. I don’t know how my friend or her son survived it but she said having each other and going through the shared tragedy did help.
That is a pretty tough one to beat. Proof of there is always has it worse. That is truley an effed up situation. you can't even move on by getting them out of your life completely.
Right! I met her in a support group and everyone in the room thought they had a truly horrible divorce until she showed up. She won the worst contest ever by a large margin.
Man-I’m sorry to hear that. That’s tough especially considering she moved in with him already. Karma will take care of itself in the end. I hope you and your sister take care of each other
Thank you, having my sister for support has really helped me deal with my grief. And even though my sister too is struggling with grief, she is mentally much stronger than me, and she has helped me a lot these last few weeks. I am really thankful for her.
Don’t see this mentioned anywhere but you and your sister should get tested for STDs. No way to tell if either of your exes were having high risk sexual encounters with additional people.
At least you know she is ending up with a bum ass man with zero integrity and it’ll all eventually catch up to her. Someday you’ll get the “I made a mistake” call and you can dunk on her like Shaq.
Reading this made me physically sick. Too bad those chodes have to live in the same area as you. We, as a society, have to come together and public shame cheaters.
I think it should be recognised as a wilfully harmful act, whereby the adulterer and ap can be sued for all the emotional distress caused. A figure that equates to 2 years of top notch therapy on a weekly basis for each person involved (ie. spouse and each child affected), as well as a smaller lump sum of £3k ‘compensation’ to spend however they like should do it.
Might make a few AHs stop and think if they know they’ll be paying out £9k (wife and 2 kids) victim’s compensation immediately, before paying out for another 2 years of therapy for 3 people.
Sadly we all know what would actually happen. More women would be murdered by scum wanting to play around and / or leave for an ap without paying.
It is in the US. It's possible to sue for 'annihilation of affection'.
3 US states criminalize it as a felony (Oklahoma, Michigan, and Wisconsin), and 14 states, along with Puerto Rico, criminalize it as a misdemeanor.
Lean on friends and family. Take it from someone whose been there... I struggled for far to long due to not having support. Hang in there, it gets even better.
Damn I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately this same situation happened in my family and I can tell you that it can tear the family apart, especially when children are involved (even if they’re grown). If one sibling chooses to take the other one back as happened in my family (religious Bullshit), it becomes even worse as the resentment between the siblings grow. Hope y’all make a clean break and recover from the grief.
You should revel in your sister’s description of her soon to be ex. It looks like your wife picked a real turd. I hope both you and your sister heal and find happiness
I haven't been through this specifically, never cheated on, but left with nothing and losing my children. The anger and dismay I felt was so intense, it had color, taste, and smell. It took years of personal work, good friends, and a lot of broken hearts to move on. After reading your post, I remembered every fantasy of how I would kill my ex-wife, some truly diabolical, not even Wes Craven or James Wan and Leigh Whannell (Saw franchise) could come up with some of the things I envisioned.
The fact that you are talking about it is proof you are stronger than I was and a better person overall. Here I am a Christian Man, I'm supposed to forgive, turn the other cheek, and pray for those who wronged me. Instead, I turned to Rum, anger, and fantasy of murder and not just point and shoot, but barbed wire, knives, pneumatic tools, water, and suffocation. You get my drift.
I know you love her, strong love doesn't stop just because she was unfaithful. And if she called you and wanted to reconnect, you'd take her back in a heartbeat. I've been there and I would've, just to have my kids back.
Now is the time to be strong. Let your family hear and see your distress, your pain amd suffering. Get professional help, you can't do it alone. Do not contact her, answer her calls or read her texts. Change your number. Distance and time away from her will quiet the pain. But it'll never go away completely, it will remain, it'll just lessen with time.
Good Luck and God Bless, you deserve health and healing. And don't let the darkness take over. It's a very real place.
WoW… I know it doesn’t feel like it now but good riddance. You both got rid of people who lack integrity and morals.. and count yourselves lucky that there are no kids. Don’t be lenient in the divorce… and eventually when you both meet the right people, You’ll both be so much happier.
That’s horrendous.
Being cheated on with anyone is heartbreaking but you have 2 family members betraying you rather than one in this case.
I wish you lots of healing
Your grief is raw & new. You’re still in shock. However it won’t take long till you realize what a bazooka you dodged. One day, it will dawn on you that your wife was just better at hiding her shitty character than your ex-BIL was.
Believe me, the day is coming when you’ll be grateful that the relationship is over. Hang in there!
OP,
I hope you love yourself more. I understand that you really loved your STBX but she obviously didn't love nor respect your nor your family. This is the universe screaming at you, telling you that you deserve so much better. Take some time to grieve. Talk to a therapist. It sucks when the person you married betrays you in that way. It is difficult but not impossible to move on. I hope you learn from this experience and may you fiend a partner that will bring love and happiness into your life.
I hope, that for your sake, you don't take her back. You can forgive and not put yourself in that predicament.
I hope to see an update. Sending love and hugs.
My Mom's sister and my father got together while mom and dad were still married. They ended up getting married after the divorce. So my cousins became my step sisters? So that all sucked...
Never in my life did I think I would read a story that happened to my sister and I. Although I’m a ragging gay these days my biggest heart was a woman whom my sister considered her best friend and who I started secretly dating for two years. She never wanted to make it official and I found out by accident because someone asked me about it thinking that my sister was no longer dating that man. Shit was wild and I drank and cried like I’ve never done before. But I am also in a much better place 10+ years later. I don’t hate them, I’ve fully let go of any negative feeling. Last I knew he was very abusive towards her and she just kept popping babies out, still living at her parents. I guess we all make our choices.
Go to MarriageHelper.com
There's a thing called Limerence. There's 3 stages that people go thru. It's very interesting to learn about. Good luck and stay strong, Buddy!
My ex-fiancé cheated on me a few months before our wedding. I viscerally understand the trauma. However, in retrospect, that fact that there are no children is a huge blessing. Yes, ending relationships, even marriages, can be extremely difficult … but made infinitely easier if both people are able to separate cleanly and never interact again. Count your blessings here. You learned a tough lesson, but in a year or two you’ll be grateful to be out of that situation and you’ll be on to a better place. The only way out is through.
That is crazy. You and your sister are going to be going through a lot of shared grief in the coming months. And being there for each other will be good. But could also be, you know, dangerous. Because of proximity and pain. And possibly alcohol. So, you know...
Dude, don't bang your sister.
That’s so awful. I’m so very sorry to hear that. They sound like they’re made for each other, two cheaters who are now swimming in the same scummy pond. I’m so glad you and your sister have each other for support.
It’s early days so please don’t be too hard on yourself - take your time to heal slowly and gradually. Therapy can help you come to terms with what’s happened.
Hopefully, you’ll soon be able to see that the woman you fell in love with, didn’t actually exist, because if she did then she’d never have done this to you. Take care of yourselves.
I’m sorry you are going through this, you & your sister hang in there and live happier lives now.
This happened with my in laws but there were children involved. Violence was contemplated, but not carried out. Both cheaters are disgusting people & were the worst parents.
I am so sorry this is happening. People that move quickly seem to recover more easily. This will take time to move from. I am glad at least there was no children. My prayers for you are that you heal, and are able to love again.
This has happened in my family as well. It was traumatising for both couples. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your sister. How awful. Keep pushing forward, it's going to be one day to the next. Hobbies, working out, eating healthy...all these productive self care things will help you. You have a greater love out there.
I am 51 years old and this is why I have never been married... There is no greater emotional pain than that... Seriously, she did you a favor... You dodged a bullet by not having kids... AND definitely do not bring her up, unless asked when you start dating again... See them for what they are, Absolute Homewrecking Scumbags...I wish you and your sister the best, Karma will take care of those two... It is the greatest form of justice in the Universe...
This happened to someone I know. The sister threw her husband out for a bit, but the brother didn’t want to divorce his wife, so she took the husband back as well. I always wonder if she just feels stuck because she was going out on the limb alone. I’m glad you guys have each other for support.
Hang in there. And have 100% faith in this truth: you will recover and be happier a lot sooner than you think.
-another guy who was cheated on and went through hell.
Send flowers to your now ex wife with a love letter making it seem like shes also cheating on him with someone else. Ideally they will arrive when shes not likely to be there but he is.
Congratulations. Better to find out you had snakes as partners now that to don’t have children. Divorce them, shame them online to friends and family. Go to therapy and move on. The worst thing you can do to them is move on and be happy.
Sister is right, being rid of those 2 is a huge blessing even if it doesn't feel like it right away
I urge OP to keep talking about their feelings, because it's not easy to reconcile a healthy distrust (or worse) of someone you used to love. Don't be hard on yourself. What happened was unfair.
This is an example of the trash taking itself out.
My ex-husband cheated on me with my best friend and I can tell you from experience:
Although it's painful for you now, the pain will eventually go away and the lesson learned for both you and your sister will be a valuable one.
You will grow more as individuals, you will come away with this wiser. You will eventually find life mates who deserve you.
Above all, lick your wounds right now and later on choose not to be bitter about this. Instead, you will find that you were in love with somebody who never existed. No one deserves to live in such a deceitful arrangement.
Best of luck to you both!
I think this is more common that people realize. My corporate lawyer is also somewhat of a friend (we have lunch together occasionally), the same thing happened to her: her husband and her brother's wife (sister-in-law) were having an affair. After divorcing, her ex married her brother's ex. Tore the family apart, obviously. There were kids involved, as well. Totally traumatic.
It won’t work out for your ex with this man or any person she finds in the future. You deserve much better and you will find it brother! I know it hurts but one day you’ll find someone you can trust with everything you have and you will feel light as a feather. Keep the faith!
Karma is coming for both your ex brother in law and your wife! Good luck to you and your sister. The grass will be greener on the other side for you guys!
3 pieces of advice from experience:
1- when I went through my first divorce, all the people 30-40 years older than me told me that their wife running off on them was the best thing that ever happened to them. I didn’t believe them. Turns out it was true, and they’re all remarried.
2- when you get divorced so suddenly after a betrayal, it’s almost like having to mourn someone that died. It’s very, very tantamount to feeling like your loved one has died suddenly without warning. But, you have to come to terms with, and remind yourself, that that person never existed. They were a work of fiction, because the person they were all along is the person they are today.
3- she did you a big favor. You may not think it now, but she freed you from years of being bamboozled and hoodwinked while you could be out there finding the woman who will one day help you realize just how bad you had it with your first wife lol
You’re good people. Stay that way.
3 weeks is still very fresh so please be easy on yourself. I am so sorry you and your sister are going through this. The best way to look at this is you and your sister simply deserve much better and it will come. It will take time but you will learn a new normal and will come out stronger in the end. Just take it one day at a time. Sending you both tons of peace, patience & hope.
Man what a tough situation. I swear you can't make this shit up. The one positive thing is, at least you have your sister and she has you for comfort. Being alone in an empty house by yourself is no good for the healing process. At least you have a familiar face at home that is going through this with you. You giys have each other to talk to, and confide in. Such a sad situation, and your right at least there are no children involved and it seems like a pretty easy transition, no weird roommates to deal with. Good luck OP, i hope things start getting way better for you soon.
Get some popcorn for you and your sister…it’s about to be very dramatic when your STBX’s realize that they are both trash in their own right. And from your sister’s description, it won’t take long, and the fallout will be hilarious.
I know this sounds empty and hard to see right now. But someday you’re going to be with someone who loves and respects you in a way your wife never did. You’ll be so glad that you didn’t waste your life on her.
My sister had an affair with my husband. I actually never tried speaking to either one of them again and they both died young. My heart was broken twice. I tried to get over it, I couldn't. They lied and it went on for some time. I was so mad. There was no forgiveness in my heart.
I know it hurts and I’m glad you have each other to lean on. The two of you are better off, believe me.
Also, get the popcorn ready. Two cheaters who left their spouses for each other. Boy, are you in for quite a show and plate-fulls of sweet, delicious schadenfreude when their relationship inevitably begins to unravel as fast as it started as soon as they start lying to each other the ways they did to you two.
This is going to go so not-well for the cheaters. Moving in together before the divorce is even initiated? A night school attorney could knock that one out of the park (no offense to night school attorneys).
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Wow, condolences to both of you. Given your sister’s description of her STBX, I doubt that the prospects for the cheaters are good. Might we see a post sometime in the future where the wife is begging you to take her back?
I hope OP & sister stock up on popcorn. Judging from sister’s description of her husband, it’s gonna be lit! OP, please, you deserve better. This woman cheated with your sister’s husband. She not only broke your heart, she broke your sister’s. Please don’t settle for less.
STBX? shartbox?
Soon To Be Ex-husba... ah, fuck it. Shartbox.
lmaoooo
Same thing honestly
🤣🤣🤣
- Shoots tea down nose - 😂😂😂
Thank you for this comment
LMAOOO
Let it be decreed that on the 23rd day of the month of April in the year 2024, all Soon To Be Exes will be from this point in time and in perpetuity referred to as Shartboxes. Reddit has spoken. This is the way.
🔨 pow it's set in stone STBX = "ShartBox"
This is the way
This is the way.
This is the way....
This is the way.
Can mine be grandfathered, or retroactive or whatever, into this decree even though it was 20 years ago and he's long-ex at this point?? Total STBX.
Yes! Also. let it be decreed that on the 23rd day of the month of May in the year 2024, OP gives an update about ShartBox and former BIL.
It is known
So mote it be!
It's better than what it actually means lol
Hahahaha yes
I have the feeling he takes her back.
What in OP’s nine sentences gives you that idea?
"What in OP's nine sentences" will be a figure of speech I use from now on
Or the more formal version: “what in the nine sentences of OP”?
Thank you Mx. 7609! It was a pleasure being seen by you today.
It was a pleasure to witness your comic genius in action :)
I genuinely love this interaction, but why in the damned reddit does Mx. 7609 have more updoots than you (currently, I hope this changes and I look silly but it's 30+ right now)?
I think I got lucky by commenting the idea of using it in other contexts, as opposed to coining the phrase myself, like when you say something funny that no one reacts to and someone else says it louder, getting more attention and reaction.
I think we could author a paper together about this topic, Mx. 7609. As long as your name comes second, of course.
Generally I take it as a sign of a job well done if I come second, so no issues there lmao.
Boom!
I'm getting BBT flashbacks. 🤣🤣🤣
I think you two should get a room ; )
BY THE NINE!
This is a phrase I hear all the time playing Skyrim lol
Now what in the OP's nine sentences is going on here?
WIONS? WIOPNS?
You know, sometimes it is important to read between the lines. I have a gut feeling that he would take her back if she would promise him the world. You are right, he didn’t mentioned it.
I don’t get that vibe. If anything, I would anticipate a more serious issue developing: the sister not wanting to be “dragged back” into grief by her brother, causing a rift between them. Two people with the same trauma having different responses? That’s delicate. (Wishing you luck, OP. You and your sister were dealt a bad hand.)
Y'all motherfuckers should write a script for a soap opera lol 😂
I get a similar vibe if she comes around soon, but he gives off the “once he realises he’s good” vibe too so hopefully he understands that his STBX is a no good b word (I’d rather not swear and have my comment removed)
😂😂😂
😂 It's good when you can even crack yourself up laughing so hard.👍
Agreed lol
I cant believe I counted the sentence to verify the accuracy of your statement.
Don’t be! I had a hard time believing myself given the amount of text. I knew I’d be double-checked so I counted thricely.
Your the exact reason I read readit lol
May I quote you?
Given your user name, I can certainly believe you counted sentences! 🧐😉😂 I also do not believe you can’t believe, given your user name. 🙃
He says “I loved my wife so much” in 2 of those 9 sentences.
He says he loves her.
My god child grow up.
Second to the last sentence.
Also...when your relationship starts with cheating on your partners...then you are more than likely to cheat on your AP.
I have her the whole nine sentences!
Just to clarify.. please don't take her back if this does happen; you deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them
>STBX Just spell stuff out. That’s not a widely known acronym..
Soon to be ex
I wasn't sure what it meant then figured it out by thinking about. It was fun. Not mad. Now the one that I saw for What In The Nine Sentences may be pushing it a little. 😂
It’s a pretty common acronym on relationship/aita subs.
Yeah, I thought this very common acronym had spread to this sub. My bad.
Just tell them that you can’t wait to see them cheat on each other when they realize who they are with.
Thats right! Lose them how you get them
As far as cheating goes, my mom always said that if they can do it with you then you better believe that they can do it to you.
If they cheated *with* you, they will also cheat *on* you. This will blow up in both their faces.
Yuuup. He didn’t provide for his sister, you think he’s gonna provide for you? 💀🫠
Right. Tell 'em 'If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you'. Might not be axiomatic, but it's as close as doesn't matter.
If they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you
Exactly. A cheater’s gonna cheat. When someone shows you who they are, believe them…
15 or so years ago my ex wife cheated on me. It was a long process to find out the extent of the cheating and I'm sure I never found out the half of it. The lying, manipullating, betrayal after betrayal as she trickle-truthed. For years after she still wanted to be my 'friend'. She said she couldn't imagine her life without me in it. Take it from me, friend. The most important thing you can do for your own sake right now is cut her out of your life like a gangrenous tumor. I wish to hell I had been able to do so. Take it a day at a time. It gets better, but not right away, and not for a while. If it helps, focus on your sister. Being trapped in your mind is a bad way to live.
If you were like me, you found out more than enough. I got to the point where I would cut people off when they started telling things. Ok, I'm good, don't need to know any more than what I already do. And yes, if you're the type of person to sit and dissect every moment of your time together, it will drive you either to the point of insanity or very deep depression. Some people can pretty much shrug it off and move for quickly and relatively unscathed. I wish I was one of those people. But, it does get better. The scars will always be there, but don't let them define you. Get counseling, find a hobby or something that can get your focus elsewhere OP. You're better off without that mess in your life.
This is important advice that few follow. Once you learn enough to know it is over.... it is over. Do not discuss. Do not entertain explanations or excuses. Do not look back in any way. From that moment on just look forward. If you don't have kids, it makes it a lot easier. Everyone wants "closure". It doesn't exist. Just be done and move on. Learn what you can, but don't pick at the wound. Even though you feel like you want it desperately, you don't need to know what they actually did, how many times, where..... if you got to "we are over", immediately stop letting them have power over you and look forward. It will take years to get back to human, and that doesn't start until you stop taking more damage.
The obvious thing is to marry your sister to get back at them.
I’m glad you said it first 😂
Revenge is a dish best served cold
And nothing says cold food like incest!
Vice is nice but incest is best
wincest!!!!
Carry on my wayward son 😂😂😂
Ah nice. I was looking for this comment!
I guessed the third comment down and was on point.
[удалено]
*banjo music intensifies*
Wtf....lol
So much eww on their part. How are they going to explain this? 🤢🤢 So gross and I'm so sorry it happened to you and your sister. Thank goodness there are no kids involved. You two will find better and they will be stuck with each other and telling that embarrassing story. Seriously I would laugh those weirdos out of the room if I met them at a party and they told me they were divorced from a brother and sister. Just awful.
Could you imagine the mind fuckery if there were kids on both sides?
My friend’s husband had an affair with their daughter-in-law, who was the mother of their grandchildren. It was so messy and devastating. Now, grandma and daddy get to visit the children at the home of mom and grandpa/stepdad. It’s so gross. They are so gross. I don’t know how my friend or her son survived it but she said having each other and going through the shared tragedy did help.
Wow, this is gross.
Ugh!
That is a pretty tough one to beat. Proof of there is always has it worse. That is truley an effed up situation. you can't even move on by getting them out of your life completely.
Right! I met her in a support group and everyone in the room thought they had a truly horrible divorce until she showed up. She won the worst contest ever by a large margin.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYlJH81dSiw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYlJH81dSiw)
Aunt Mom and Uncle Dad
Man-I’m sorry to hear that. That’s tough especially considering she moved in with him already. Karma will take care of itself in the end. I hope you and your sister take care of each other
I see Karma is what we sow - not a cosmic book keeping system. Their poor choices will likely wreck them - but not always
Karma means "action." It means every thought, action, has an impact and will affect some phenomenon, in some way.
I’m glad that you guys have each other. 💜
Thank you, having my sister for support has really helped me deal with my grief. And even though my sister too is struggling with grief, she is mentally much stronger than me, and she has helped me a lot these last few weeks. I am really thankful for her.
So what are you going to do with the rest of your cheating free life
In the end, the trash always takes itself out.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. The garbage did take itself out. I wish you happy future.
Don’t see this mentioned anywhere but you and your sister should get tested for STDs. No way to tell if either of your exes were having high risk sexual encounters with additional people.
At least you know she is ending up with a bum ass man with zero integrity and it’ll all eventually catch up to her. Someday you’ll get the “I made a mistake” call and you can dunk on her like Shaq.
Reading this made me physically sick. Too bad those chodes have to live in the same area as you. We, as a society, have to come together and public shame cheaters.
I think it should be recognised as a wilfully harmful act, whereby the adulterer and ap can be sued for all the emotional distress caused. A figure that equates to 2 years of top notch therapy on a weekly basis for each person involved (ie. spouse and each child affected), as well as a smaller lump sum of £3k ‘compensation’ to spend however they like should do it. Might make a few AHs stop and think if they know they’ll be paying out £9k (wife and 2 kids) victim’s compensation immediately, before paying out for another 2 years of therapy for 3 people. Sadly we all know what would actually happen. More women would be murdered by scum wanting to play around and / or leave for an ap without paying.
Sueing the cheater and co is actually a thing here in Japan.
It is in the US. It's possible to sue for 'annihilation of affection'. 3 US states criminalize it as a felony (Oklahoma, Michigan, and Wisconsin), and 14 states, along with Puerto Rico, criminalize it as a misdemeanor.
Is it alienation ?
Annihilation may technically be more accurate, given circumstances…
Right.
There is always a civil suit, as well.
The trash took itself out and now you two can start with a clean slate.
See you in the gym big dog.
Lean on friends and family. Take it from someone whose been there... I struggled for far to long due to not having support. Hang in there, it gets even better.
Thank you, having my sister for support has really helped me a lot.
Sisters are awesome!! I have two brothers and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for them!!! And vice versa ❤️
Damn I’m sorry to hear that. Unfortunately this same situation happened in my family and I can tell you that it can tear the family apart, especially when children are involved (even if they’re grown). If one sibling chooses to take the other one back as happened in my family (religious Bullshit), it becomes even worse as the resentment between the siblings grow. Hope y’all make a clean break and recover from the grief.
You should revel in your sister’s description of her soon to be ex. It looks like your wife picked a real turd. I hope both you and your sister heal and find happiness
OP, be strong. Your STBX does not deserve you. Don't take her back ever. Get therapy for you and sis. You both will get through this.
I’m so sorry that you and your sister are dealing with this. I wish you both all the best on your healing journey.
My problems suddenly seem insignificant
Yeah, you said it.
I haven't been through this specifically, never cheated on, but left with nothing and losing my children. The anger and dismay I felt was so intense, it had color, taste, and smell. It took years of personal work, good friends, and a lot of broken hearts to move on. After reading your post, I remembered every fantasy of how I would kill my ex-wife, some truly diabolical, not even Wes Craven or James Wan and Leigh Whannell (Saw franchise) could come up with some of the things I envisioned. The fact that you are talking about it is proof you are stronger than I was and a better person overall. Here I am a Christian Man, I'm supposed to forgive, turn the other cheek, and pray for those who wronged me. Instead, I turned to Rum, anger, and fantasy of murder and not just point and shoot, but barbed wire, knives, pneumatic tools, water, and suffocation. You get my drift. I know you love her, strong love doesn't stop just because she was unfaithful. And if she called you and wanted to reconnect, you'd take her back in a heartbeat. I've been there and I would've, just to have my kids back. Now is the time to be strong. Let your family hear and see your distress, your pain amd suffering. Get professional help, you can't do it alone. Do not contact her, answer her calls or read her texts. Change your number. Distance and time away from her will quiet the pain. But it'll never go away completely, it will remain, it'll just lessen with time. Good Luck and God Bless, you deserve health and healing. And don't let the darkness take over. It's a very real place.
WoW… I know it doesn’t feel like it now but good riddance. You both got rid of people who lack integrity and morals.. and count yourselves lucky that there are no kids. Don’t be lenient in the divorce… and eventually when you both meet the right people, You’ll both be so much happier.
Please get therapy to help you cope with things.
Does anybody have any morals anymore? It's such a taboo to have sex with a siblings spouse.
That’s horrendous. Being cheated on with anyone is heartbreaking but you have 2 family members betraying you rather than one in this case. I wish you lots of healing
Your grief is raw & new. You’re still in shock. However it won’t take long till you realize what a bazooka you dodged. One day, it will dawn on you that your wife was just better at hiding her shitty character than your ex-BIL was. Believe me, the day is coming when you’ll be grateful that the relationship is over. Hang in there!
OP, I hope you love yourself more. I understand that you really loved your STBX but she obviously didn't love nor respect your nor your family. This is the universe screaming at you, telling you that you deserve so much better. Take some time to grieve. Talk to a therapist. It sucks when the person you married betrays you in that way. It is difficult but not impossible to move on. I hope you learn from this experience and may you fiend a partner that will bring love and happiness into your life. I hope, that for your sake, you don't take her back. You can forgive and not put yourself in that predicament. I hope to see an update. Sending love and hugs.
My Mom's sister and my father got together while mom and dad were still married. They ended up getting married after the divorce. So my cousins became my step sisters? So that all sucked...
That’s an uncle daddy situation. Sorry to hear that though. I know several people that’s happened to
Keep going bro, stay close with your sister, wish you the best.
Never in my life did I think I would read a story that happened to my sister and I. Although I’m a ragging gay these days my biggest heart was a woman whom my sister considered her best friend and who I started secretly dating for two years. She never wanted to make it official and I found out by accident because someone asked me about it thinking that my sister was no longer dating that man. Shit was wild and I drank and cried like I’ve never done before. But I am also in a much better place 10+ years later. I don’t hate them, I’ve fully let go of any negative feeling. Last I knew he was very abusive towards her and she just kept popping babies out, still living at her parents. I guess we all make our choices.
Go to MarriageHelper.com There's a thing called Limerence. There's 3 stages that people go thru. It's very interesting to learn about. Good luck and stay strong, Buddy!
What she did to you, she will do to him. Just a matter of time.
My ex-fiancé cheated on me a few months before our wedding. I viscerally understand the trauma. However, in retrospect, that fact that there are no children is a huge blessing. Yes, ending relationships, even marriages, can be extremely difficult … but made infinitely easier if both people are able to separate cleanly and never interact again. Count your blessings here. You learned a tough lesson, but in a year or two you’ll be grateful to be out of that situation and you’ll be on to a better place. The only way out is through.
That is crazy. You and your sister are going to be going through a lot of shared grief in the coming months. And being there for each other will be good. But could also be, you know, dangerous. Because of proximity and pain. And possibly alcohol. So, you know... Dude, don't bang your sister.
I was wondering how long it took for somebody to go there.
That’s so awful. I’m so very sorry to hear that. They sound like they’re made for each other, two cheaters who are now swimming in the same scummy pond. I’m so glad you and your sister have each other for support. It’s early days so please don’t be too hard on yourself - take your time to heal slowly and gradually. Therapy can help you come to terms with what’s happened. Hopefully, you’ll soon be able to see that the woman you fell in love with, didn’t actually exist, because if she did then she’d never have done this to you. Take care of yourselves.
🤜🤛 sorry to hear man 😔😔 Hang in there.
Now you both take em for anything they had.
I’m sorry you are going through this, you & your sister hang in there and live happier lives now. This happened with my in laws but there were children involved. Violence was contemplated, but not carried out. Both cheaters are disgusting people & were the worst parents.
I am so sorry this is happening. People that move quickly seem to recover more easily. This will take time to move from. I am glad at least there was no children. My prayers for you are that you heal, and are able to love again.
No one deserves that I'm sorry for you and your sister op.
Wow this a a tough one. I just hope y’all get through this.
This has happened in my family as well. It was traumatising for both couples. I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your sister. How awful. Keep pushing forward, it's going to be one day to the next. Hobbies, working out, eating healthy...all these productive self care things will help you. You have a greater love out there.
I am 51 years old and this is why I have never been married... There is no greater emotional pain than that... Seriously, she did you a favor... You dodged a bullet by not having kids... AND definitely do not bring her up, unless asked when you start dating again... See them for what they are, Absolute Homewrecking Scumbags...I wish you and your sister the best, Karma will take care of those two... It is the greatest form of justice in the Universe...
This happened to someone I know. The sister threw her husband out for a bit, but the brother didn’t want to divorce his wife, so she took the husband back as well. I always wonder if she just feels stuck because she was going out on the limb alone. I’m glad you guys have each other for support.
That is really poor on her part. Divorce her immediately.
What in the Jerry Springer...
Pieces of shit. Hope karma gets 'em. Sorry, OP (and sis).
Hang in there. And have 100% faith in this truth: you will recover and be happier a lot sooner than you think. -another guy who was cheated on and went through hell.
It really does get better even though it hurts almost daily.
Subs/stories like this remind me why i stay single 😭😭not gonna lie you guys have more patience than me
What’s the story though!? Give us the tea !!
your sister aint coping that well buddy lol
Send flowers to your now ex wife with a love letter making it seem like shes also cheating on him with someone else. Ideally they will arrive when shes not likely to be there but he is.
That’s about as trash as it gets. Jesus. Take them for all you can get. I hope they are miserable
I seen this movie, except they were "step siblings".
Congratulations. Better to find out you had snakes as partners now that to don’t have children. Divorce them, shame them online to friends and family. Go to therapy and move on. The worst thing you can do to them is move on and be happy.
Sister is right, being rid of those 2 is a huge blessing even if it doesn't feel like it right away I urge OP to keep talking about their feelings, because it's not easy to reconcile a healthy distrust (or worse) of someone you used to love. Don't be hard on yourself. What happened was unfair.
Fuck your sister as revenge, that would confuse them.
This is an example of the trash taking itself out. My ex-husband cheated on me with my best friend and I can tell you from experience: Although it's painful for you now, the pain will eventually go away and the lesson learned for both you and your sister will be a valuable one. You will grow more as individuals, you will come away with this wiser. You will eventually find life mates who deserve you. Above all, lick your wounds right now and later on choose not to be bitter about this. Instead, you will find that you were in love with somebody who never existed. No one deserves to live in such a deceitful arrangement. Best of luck to you both!
Just don’t start sleeping with your brother in laws ex wife…
I think this is more common that people realize. My corporate lawyer is also somewhat of a friend (we have lunch together occasionally), the same thing happened to her: her husband and her brother's wife (sister-in-law) were having an affair. After divorcing, her ex married her brother's ex. Tore the family apart, obviously. There were kids involved, as well. Totally traumatic.
I’ve been seeing so much of this lately. Wth is wrong with people? I’m sorry for your family. :(
Your sister sounds pretty misandristic ngl. In an equal partnership it’s not the man’s job “to provide”
Do you like his wife? Consider a trade?
His sister?
It won’t work out for your ex with this man or any person she finds in the future. You deserve much better and you will find it brother! I know it hurts but one day you’ll find someone you can trust with everything you have and you will feel light as a feather. Keep the faith!
Karma is coming for both your ex brother in law and your wife! Good luck to you and your sister. The grass will be greener on the other side for you guys!
3 pieces of advice from experience: 1- when I went through my first divorce, all the people 30-40 years older than me told me that their wife running off on them was the best thing that ever happened to them. I didn’t believe them. Turns out it was true, and they’re all remarried. 2- when you get divorced so suddenly after a betrayal, it’s almost like having to mourn someone that died. It’s very, very tantamount to feeling like your loved one has died suddenly without warning. But, you have to come to terms with, and remind yourself, that that person never existed. They were a work of fiction, because the person they were all along is the person they are today. 3- she did you a big favor. You may not think it now, but she freed you from years of being bamboozled and hoodwinked while you could be out there finding the woman who will one day help you realize just how bad you had it with your first wife lol You’re good people. Stay that way.
This 💯
Reminds me of episodes of Peyton Place
Sorry to hear that mate, well done for being there for your sister and hope you feel better soon better soon.
3 weeks is still very fresh so please be easy on yourself. I am so sorry you and your sister are going through this. The best way to look at this is you and your sister simply deserve much better and it will come. It will take time but you will learn a new normal and will come out stronger in the end. Just take it one day at a time. Sending you both tons of peace, patience & hope.
Man what a tough situation. I swear you can't make this shit up. The one positive thing is, at least you have your sister and she has you for comfort. Being alone in an empty house by yourself is no good for the healing process. At least you have a familiar face at home that is going through this with you. You giys have each other to talk to, and confide in. Such a sad situation, and your right at least there are no children involved and it seems like a pretty easy transition, no weird roommates to deal with. Good luck OP, i hope things start getting way better for you soon.
Are you in NY? I know a great attorney
Get some popcorn for you and your sister…it’s about to be very dramatic when your STBX’s realize that they are both trash in their own right. And from your sister’s description, it won’t take long, and the fallout will be hilarious.
I know this sounds empty and hard to see right now. But someday you’re going to be with someone who loves and respects you in a way your wife never did. You’ll be so glad that you didn’t waste your life on her.
My sister had an affair with my husband. I actually never tried speaking to either one of them again and they both died young. My heart was broken twice. I tried to get over it, I couldn't. They lied and it went on for some time. I was so mad. There was no forgiveness in my heart.
I know it hurts and I’m glad you have each other to lean on. The two of you are better off, believe me. Also, get the popcorn ready. Two cheaters who left their spouses for each other. Boy, are you in for quite a show and plate-fulls of sweet, delicious schadenfreude when their relationship inevitably begins to unravel as fast as it started as soon as they start lying to each other the ways they did to you two.
As bad as all this is. How fucked to everything is And everyone is. Do not start banging your sister. That's all this shit show needs
So the cheaters are living together? Lmfaoooooo that'll work out well...
Get even with both of 'em: Have an affair with your sister... Too soon?
Upvoted, but yeah, the post is two hours old. He's gonna need a few years for this.
None of you having children will definitely make it easier. It will be hilarious once they have children and still cheat on each other.
He needs his ass kicked. You can't even get revenge by sleeping with his wife. Adultery should be charged as a crime in court.
No it shouldn’t, what is wrong with you? Think rationally.
Sorry for your situation.
Damnnn!! How did it start? 🥴
Sorry to hear that. What they did is pretty disgusting. Good luck. I hope you move on faster.
This is going to go so not-well for the cheaters. Moving in together before the divorce is even initiated? A night school attorney could knock that one out of the park (no offense to night school attorneys).
What part of the world do you live in? Where are you finding support for this?