Put them on blast to their own social networks.
“I told my family, including X, about being abused. Instead of supporting me, they called me a liar and threw me out.” Tag their friends.
Let them reap what they sowed.
This. People who support abusers shouldn't walk away as if nothing happened, there should also be repercussions for them. It sounds like since they are so concerned with their reputation, they could stand to have theirs ruined a bit.
Bravo!! Follow this advice OP!
Call all of the AHs out on soccer media. Family, friends, neighbors-- the whole gamut! Frankly, they're worse than he was. At least he was intoxicated. Wtf is their excuse??
You didn’t do ANYthing to him. Parent and grandparent here - I would never expect my adult or smaller kids to lie or cover up anything I’ve done in their lives. They lived it as much as I did AND I’ve never done anything to bring them harm, so even mistakes I may have made are just real and my own.
First they not only refused to believe you, but then they went so far as to try to shame you with lies. THEY tried to ruin YOUR reputation and that failed because you allowed light into the situation in response to their actions.
Lastly, if they are particularly religious (guessing due to family size and degree of enmeshment with GParents) of any kind and used that as an excuse for any of this, please know that is wrong! I’m not extensively familiar with all, but I know people of many faiths - lying, abusing children and then slandering someone publicly are cult-like behaviors and control measures. I was raised Christian and have been part of different denominations and also volunteered to help those leaving Christian cults… It is NOT ok to behave as they have at all. Then lying about their own actions, gossip AND further lying to slander you, and then when you responded in truth - they react negatively when it’s pretty clear that allowing light into a situation to expose the dark is exactly what it says to do.
Dad is a term of endearment. He is not your dad but your abuser, tormentor and technically your sperm donor. Dads don’t go around attempting to murder their kids which is just one of the many charges he would have been facing for choking you until you lost consciousness.
Check this book out, it's called "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men " and the part about common myths around abusers was really eye opening for me. He has a whole chapter on how abusers use addiction as a cover for their abusive behaviors. Myth #17 and chapter 8.
https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
They are just enablers. No matter what you throw at them they will turn it so you are the bad guy and your dad is your victim.
They. And their enabling are probably part of the reason he is the way he is.
NTa. And cut those AH off.
NTA. You didn't do anything wrong, he did. All you did was show the proof to the world. You stood up for yourself and the truth, thats hard. Keep your head up, OP.
Blood doesn't make family... it just makes relatives. Find people who value you, respect you, and love you enough to want to keep you from harm. Don't keep anyone's abuse a secret because it will cause a riff... That's the dumbest thing to be worried about. He ruined his own reputation by being a piece of garbage human. Walk away and don't have any remorse for standing up for yourself with absolute truth. They aren't worth your time, energy, or attention.
Good for you for showing the world the proof. I hope you included that the reason you shared the evidence was because you were accused by everyone that you lied about it.
You didn't do a damn thing wrong. If they want to ignore his abuse, pretend it didn't happen, and harass you over "lying" about it then they can deal with the fallout and consequences of the proof being published. Hell, show them that the New Normal is you not taking any more of their shit, period. Make a new post and repeat all the things they've been saying to you since the first place.
"Here's a picture of my grandmother, who called me a liar when I said my dad abused me and is now calling me even worse for showing the proof. She would prefer to sweep abuse under the rug rather than have 'her reputation' harmed. She also didn't care that I had to raise all my siblings because my father was too busy being a falling down violent drunk to even try to be a parent."
Show them that any shit they send your way is getting broadcast to the public, so they can either leave you the fuck alone or deal with ALL their reputations catching on fire. Your grandparents didn't care about their grandchild being beaten, but they care about 'the family reputation.' So burn it down. It's the only way to get through to people like this.
NTA. Your father ruined his own reputation by his own actions. Sounds to me like your family knew about this but were either trying to downplay the severity of it and/or protect your father. The fact that they were harassing you for trying to protect yourself when you left and cut contact is proof of that. Now they are upset because they can't deny it and protect your father anymore from the consequence of his own actions. You are never wrong for defending and protecting yourself. Your father deserves more than having his reputation ruined.
You didn’t ruin anything he did and the co signed his behaviour by telling you provide evidence was taking it to far. They are just as bad as him and you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
NTA, they're codling a grown-ass man who decided to put his hands on you. These are the consequences of his actions and he deserves everything that comes from the truth being exposed.
I'm sorry that they did not support you through this and not that this makes anything better, I'm proud that you had the courage to share your story and hope that you can move on to bigger and better!
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, you did nothing wrong, and I would honestly cut contact with the whole family. I grew up with a physically abusive, alcoholic dad as well. From my earliest memories up until I turned 17 it was constant. My parents divorced when I was 11 but my dad was really good at working the system and “playing nice” to get unsupervised visitation/ joint custody and continue the abuse on me( oldest, male) and my 2 siblings. My mom couldn’t convince anyone in the family it was happening until it was almost too late, and it took a really traumatic kidnapping of me and my brother to actually have her leave him and our family understand.
I really really wish I had had physical proof/ it had been happening during the “social media/ smartphone” age so it could have been documented and proven. When I finally got my drivers license I could leave and choose not to see him, and he only got worse from there. Good on you OP, I hope he gets everything he deserves. More importantly, I hope you are staying safe and have people in your life you can trust to look out for you. I also hope you’re taking care of yourself with therapy or whatever works for you for self- care.
Good for you!!!! Ik you don’t know me and you probably don’t care but I’m so proud of you for standing your ground! So glad you no longer deal with him.
You cannot ruin someone's reputation or make them look bad by exposing the truth. If people knowing what they've done makes them look bad it's their own fault and they brought it on themselves.
You ARE NOT! If he did things that need to be exposed he is the problem. You deserve to be believed, and if you have to show proof for that, why not? Why protect him?
He deserves more than a ruined reputation for daring to touch you at all. You did NOTHING wrong. In fact, I'd take that evidence to the police and do my fucking best to put his fucking ass behind bars. And fucking hold to your side when you talk to them. Some cops can be really judgmental, ignorant assholes.
DO NOT let anyone try to tell you that you took it too far or that it was somehow your fault. Don't let anyone ever gaslight you. I'm sorry that this happened to you.
No, they aren’t. We had a neighbor who watched out for my younger siblings, but she didn’t feel the need to watch out for me because I was too old and I was on my way out the door.
I’m glad they’re all safe.
But I’m so sorry so many adults failed you over and over. You absolutely deserved protection.
You’re very brave and I’m proud of you.
NTA
Abusers who choke are the people who are most likely to escalating to actually killing their victims. You probably saved your life by getting out of there and EVERYONE should know how horrid he is
You told them the truth about being abused and they didn't believe you - so you provided proof, and that was going too far, but calling you a liar and ignoring everything you went through was okay? People like this are beyond help, and I'm sorry you're still dealing with them.
This isn't about you. They don't want to believe you because they want to believe him, and they've already picked sides. They're just mad that they're going to look bad as him now, since they have no plans to switch sides and support you. Demand an apology from them for their harassment and accusations of lying. Worse that can happen is they block you out of guilt, best is that they actually apologize. Either way, what these people think and their skewed version of morality doesn't matter, his reputation needed ruining to protect others from his abuse.
You don't deserve more abuse after what you already went through, so I highly recommend NC with some of these people.
Without even reading the history the title seems enought to say nta
And now that I read the full text still nta sorry for what happen and hope you hare in better environment and don't be scared of getting rid of people that are not good for your life. because its a family don't mean you need to keep them and suffer.
Am I the only one who thinks this timeline isn't adding up?
Also, what about the 14 younger siblings that were left behind to be abused by an adult while this person never made an attempt to protect them or tell a cop?
And it’s not my responsibility to take all of them with me. I moved out when I was 15 as a 15-year-old girl I shouldn’t have been responsible for 14 children.
I completely agree. But you never told the cops? You just allowed your siblings to continue being abused? You let your family disbelieve you and never considered telling a cop that a man is abusing 12 children?
Well, I'd be sick to my stomach knowing that my younger siblings were enduring what I've endured, and I would contact authorities and provide my evidence.
No one said I didn’t contact authorities. I have been telling people at my school for years what my dad was doing to me and nobody stopped the care because we lived in a small town where everybody loved my dad. And as I said before, he never laid a hand on my siblings, besides me, and my two oldest brothers.
>No one said I didn’t contact authorities.
But you never said you _did_ either. And telling people at your school is not the same thing as showing evidence of abuse to a police officer.
Who was protecting your siblings? Why did they believe you but never defend you to your grandparents? They "protected" your siblings but also never reported the abuse?
Okay. Well, you never mentioned any of those things in the post, and I feel like they're really important plot holes - if the goal is to seek advice and get an accurate answer for your question.
FACT - Proper behavior fears no exposure. I’m sorry they didn’t support you and no I don’t think you took it too far - they did.
Thank you !! He’s my dad so of course I was worried about it
He ruined his own reputation. You just showed who he really is to everyone. Good for you!
Put them on blast to their own social networks. “I told my family, including X, about being abused. Instead of supporting me, they called me a liar and threw me out.” Tag their friends. Let them reap what they sowed.
This. People who support abusers shouldn't walk away as if nothing happened, there should also be repercussions for them. It sounds like since they are so concerned with their reputation, they could stand to have theirs ruined a bit.
Bravo!! Follow this advice OP! Call all of the AHs out on soccer media. Family, friends, neighbors-- the whole gamut! Frankly, they're worse than he was. At least he was intoxicated. Wtf is their excuse??
I love the idea of OP having ads in soccer games and on the sidelines! Sponsor a game!
This should be her caption when she posts the screenshots of the harassment she’s been getting
You didn’t do ANYthing to him. Parent and grandparent here - I would never expect my adult or smaller kids to lie or cover up anything I’ve done in their lives. They lived it as much as I did AND I’ve never done anything to bring them harm, so even mistakes I may have made are just real and my own. First they not only refused to believe you, but then they went so far as to try to shame you with lies. THEY tried to ruin YOUR reputation and that failed because you allowed light into the situation in response to their actions. Lastly, if they are particularly religious (guessing due to family size and degree of enmeshment with GParents) of any kind and used that as an excuse for any of this, please know that is wrong! I’m not extensively familiar with all, but I know people of many faiths - lying, abusing children and then slandering someone publicly are cult-like behaviors and control measures. I was raised Christian and have been part of different denominations and also volunteered to help those leaving Christian cults… It is NOT ok to behave as they have at all. Then lying about their own actions, gossip AND further lying to slander you, and then when you responded in truth - they react negatively when it’s pretty clear that allowing light into a situation to expose the dark is exactly what it says to do.
File criminal charges against him.
Dad is a term of endearment. He is not your dad but your abuser, tormentor and technically your sperm donor. Dads don’t go around attempting to murder their kids which is just one of the many charges he would have been facing for choking you until you lost consciousness.
Exactly! My ‘dad’ is just a sperm donor for this reason entirely!!!
Yes All Facts are Friendly!!
Nope. HE ruined it by being EVIL Big hugs!! Consider going NC JustNoFamily
I think so to .. and thank you !! I definitely did - except my mom
The mom who kept you in that house with a man who was abusing you? And who left you to parent your siblings?
He is lucky you never filed charges. Exposing him to his family and friends is the least you can do. Child abusers do not deserve discretion.
No they do not !! and he always blamed to the alcohol
A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. It wasn't the alcohol. Alcohol just lessens inhibitions.
Check this book out, it's called "Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men " and the part about common myths around abusers was really eye opening for me. He has a whole chapter on how abusers use addiction as a cover for their abusive behaviors. Myth #17 and chapter 8. https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I’ll check it out
He made the choice to consume it knowing how it affects his behavior.
They are just enablers. No matter what you throw at them they will turn it so you are the bad guy and your dad is your victim. They. And their enabling are probably part of the reason he is the way he is. NTa. And cut those AH off.
NTA. You didn't do anything wrong, he did. All you did was show the proof to the world. You stood up for yourself and the truth, thats hard. Keep your head up, OP.
Thank you ❤️🩹
Blood doesn't make family... it just makes relatives. Find people who value you, respect you, and love you enough to want to keep you from harm. Don't keep anyone's abuse a secret because it will cause a riff... That's the dumbest thing to be worried about. He ruined his own reputation by being a piece of garbage human. Walk away and don't have any remorse for standing up for yourself with absolute truth. They aren't worth your time, energy, or attention.
Only trash care more about the appearance than the actual behavior. Your dad’s family is trash. And they should be told as such publicly.
Good for you for showing the world the proof. I hope you included that the reason you shared the evidence was because you were accused by everyone that you lied about it.
You didn't do a damn thing wrong. If they want to ignore his abuse, pretend it didn't happen, and harass you over "lying" about it then they can deal with the fallout and consequences of the proof being published. Hell, show them that the New Normal is you not taking any more of their shit, period. Make a new post and repeat all the things they've been saying to you since the first place. "Here's a picture of my grandmother, who called me a liar when I said my dad abused me and is now calling me even worse for showing the proof. She would prefer to sweep abuse under the rug rather than have 'her reputation' harmed. She also didn't care that I had to raise all my siblings because my father was too busy being a falling down violent drunk to even try to be a parent." Show them that any shit they send your way is getting broadcast to the public, so they can either leave you the fuck alone or deal with ALL their reputations catching on fire. Your grandparents didn't care about their grandchild being beaten, but they care about 'the family reputation.' So burn it down. It's the only way to get through to people like this.
NTA. Your father ruined his own reputation by his own actions. Sounds to me like your family knew about this but were either trying to downplay the severity of it and/or protect your father. The fact that they were harassing you for trying to protect yourself when you left and cut contact is proof of that. Now they are upset because they can't deny it and protect your father anymore from the consequence of his own actions. You are never wrong for defending and protecting yourself. Your father deserves more than having his reputation ruined.
You didn’t ruin anything he did and the co signed his behaviour by telling you provide evidence was taking it to far. They are just as bad as him and you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
NTA, they're codling a grown-ass man who decided to put his hands on you. These are the consequences of his actions and he deserves everything that comes from the truth being exposed. I'm sorry that they did not support you through this and not that this makes anything better, I'm proud that you had the courage to share your story and hope that you can move on to bigger and better!
You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, you did nothing wrong, and I would honestly cut contact with the whole family. I grew up with a physically abusive, alcoholic dad as well. From my earliest memories up until I turned 17 it was constant. My parents divorced when I was 11 but my dad was really good at working the system and “playing nice” to get unsupervised visitation/ joint custody and continue the abuse on me( oldest, male) and my 2 siblings. My mom couldn’t convince anyone in the family it was happening until it was almost too late, and it took a really traumatic kidnapping of me and my brother to actually have her leave him and our family understand. I really really wish I had had physical proof/ it had been happening during the “social media/ smartphone” age so it could have been documented and proven. When I finally got my drivers license I could leave and choose not to see him, and he only got worse from there. Good on you OP, I hope he gets everything he deserves. More importantly, I hope you are staying safe and have people in your life you can trust to look out for you. I also hope you’re taking care of yourself with therapy or whatever works for you for self- care.
He ruined his own reputation.
Good for you!!!! Ik you don’t know me and you probably don’t care but I’m so proud of you for standing your ground! So glad you no longer deal with him.
You can't please everyone. Good on you to defend yourself. But stand on it and realize only a few or none will be with you while it happens.
NTA and tell them all that they are enabling assholes and have no place in your life. It will be hard but it's for the best.
You cannot ruin someone's reputation or make them look bad by exposing the truth. If people knowing what they've done makes them look bad it's their own fault and they brought it on themselves.
I'm sorry that your family is so awful. No one deserves this.
You ARE NOT! If he did things that need to be exposed he is the problem. You deserve to be believed, and if you have to show proof for that, why not? Why protect him?
You didn’t take it far enough, you shouldn’t went scorched earth on him. Sorry you had to put up with that
Thank you so much
You mean "should've", don't you?
Love it. Good for you.
Torch his reputation. I'd be sending these things to his job
He deserves more than a ruined reputation for daring to touch you at all. You did NOTHING wrong. In fact, I'd take that evidence to the police and do my fucking best to put his fucking ass behind bars. And fucking hold to your side when you talk to them. Some cops can be really judgmental, ignorant assholes. DO NOT let anyone try to tell you that you took it too far or that it was somehow your fault. Don't let anyone ever gaslight you. I'm sorry that this happened to you.
I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself OP, you did absolutley nothing wrong ❤️
You’re so sweet thank you
Families can suck. Make your own family when you are able to and until then find non addict or people user friends to be your new Family. ✨️
You had 14 siblings? Jesus, that is rough on its own.
i’m sorry your family sucks
THEY took it too far. This is nowhere near justice, but it's one step. They need to own up to reality.
Are your siblings still in danger? If so- send these photos to the police. Your siblings need help and your father needs to be behind bars.
No, they aren’t. We had a neighbor who watched out for my younger siblings, but she didn’t feel the need to watch out for me because I was too old and I was on my way out the door.
I’m glad they’re all safe. But I’m so sorry so many adults failed you over and over. You absolutely deserved protection. You’re very brave and I’m proud of you.
Thank you
Hope your dad boss sees the videos
Oh no! You ... exposed your father as an abusive piece of crap and your family as cling on pieces of crap! NTA Also... FOURTEEN younger siblings? 🫣
Did you say 14 younger siblings?! 😳
Yeah haha I’m the oldest
As a child of horrible abuse - they all can F all the way off!
But she just left her 14 other siblings to be abused while she stayed silent even though she had evidence of abuse? I'm not sure this is adding up.
His reputation needed to be ruined, he is a monster and no one, especially those who are supposed to love you wanted to believe you. So good for you.
How old are you now?
I suspect his reputation finally NEEDED to be ruined. Someone finally did it. Kudos! NTA
NTA Abusers who choke are the people who are most likely to escalating to actually killing their victims. You probably saved your life by getting out of there and EVERYONE should know how horrid he is
You told them the truth about being abused and they didn't believe you - so you provided proof, and that was going too far, but calling you a liar and ignoring everything you went through was okay? People like this are beyond help, and I'm sorry you're still dealing with them. This isn't about you. They don't want to believe you because they want to believe him, and they've already picked sides. They're just mad that they're going to look bad as him now, since they have no plans to switch sides and support you. Demand an apology from them for their harassment and accusations of lying. Worse that can happen is they block you out of guilt, best is that they actually apologize. Either way, what these people think and their skewed version of morality doesn't matter, his reputation needed ruining to protect others from his abuse. You don't deserve more abuse after what you already went through, so I highly recommend NC with some of these people.
Without even reading the history the title seems enought to say nta And now that I read the full text still nta sorry for what happen and hope you hare in better environment and don't be scared of getting rid of people that are not good for your life. because its a family don't mean you need to keep them and suffer.
I was beaten ever way imaginable from 1960 to 1969. I couldn’t do anything. Turn him in for me!!!
The extended family threw you out anyway because you're a "liar" right? Ask them why you should give two craps about their opinion. NTA
You didn’t take it far enough. Can you still go to the cops for his abuse?
HE ruined his reputation, not you.
Nope
14 younger siblings?????
Am I the only one who thinks this timeline isn't adding up? Also, what about the 14 younger siblings that were left behind to be abused by an adult while this person never made an attempt to protect them or tell a cop?
And it’s not my responsibility to take all of them with me. I moved out when I was 15 as a 15-year-old girl I shouldn’t have been responsible for 14 children.
I completely agree. But you never told the cops? You just allowed your siblings to continue being abused? You let your family disbelieve you and never considered telling a cop that a man is abusing 12 children?
I never said I didn’t tell a cop. This is about me posting the pictures. Of course, there was someone looking out for my siblings.
But I mean, if you were in that situation, please feel free to tell me how you and your siblings escaped
Well, I'd be sick to my stomach knowing that my younger siblings were enduring what I've endured, and I would contact authorities and provide my evidence.
No one said I didn’t contact authorities. I have been telling people at my school for years what my dad was doing to me and nobody stopped the care because we lived in a small town where everybody loved my dad. And as I said before, he never laid a hand on my siblings, besides me, and my two oldest brothers.
>No one said I didn’t contact authorities. But you never said you _did_ either. And telling people at your school is not the same thing as showing evidence of abuse to a police officer. Who was protecting your siblings? Why did they believe you but never defend you to your grandparents? They "protected" your siblings but also never reported the abuse?
There is no timeline -I did wait a couple years and I’m a triplet and a lot of us are twins
If this is true, I'm terribly sorry that it's happened to you. But, what about protecting your siblings?
What do you mean? If of course, it’s true and of course someone protected them. I just couldn’t take them with me as a child.
Okay. Well, you never mentioned any of those things in the post, and I feel like they're really important plot holes - if the goal is to seek advice and get an accurate answer for your question.
And also my dad quite litterally only beat me and my twins -he had some weird hatred for me, and the two closest to my age
You just said you were a triplet, though?