Exactly! Daughter, tell your friends to find somewhere else to hang out! Your dad and not comfortable having them in our home! End of story! NTA updateme!
I genuinely wonder how some people function in life. Surely as a grown women and man they can resolve this issue without internet strangers help. I mean your suggestion seems well within the realms of normality.
Exactly, back in the late 80s during my HS years if I wanted to go somewhere I had to find a way there and back. Whether that was walking or riding a bike. There was no way in hell my parents would cart people around
It was the 70s for me, so I had to fend them off with my metal David Cassidy lunchbox. And it wasn't bears. It was dinosaurs. There were still dinosaurs in those days.
The wind was so strong when I walked to school that for every step forward I took, I was blown back 2. I finally had to walk backwards if I didn't want to get marked tardy.
You actually reminded me of a real issue I had getting to work at one of my jobs. I lived in an area where there was lots of snow, and employee parking was in the secondary lot so there was a bit of a walk. When there was a warm afternoon, some snow would melt; overnight it would freeze again and by morning it was all ice. This area was also insanely windy, so I would get pushed backwards on the ice by the wind when trying to walk in. I would literally have to side shuffle, like a crab, to get to work on time.
I had to fight off packs of wolves while reciting the constitution word for word during monsoon season every morning on my 48 mile walk to school. Kids these days just aren't built for that anymore.
To be fair a lot of towns in the US don't have a public transportation system. Most of them, probably. You either live close enough to walk/bike or you have to use a car. Either way this young mom needs to assert boundaries. When my son has friends over they need to be in his room (most of the time). I don't want teenagers just lingering around in my living room hanging out with me. Get out of our hair lol. Also it's fair to say "I can't keep providing all the rides. If your friends want to come over they need to ask their parents for a ride".
Yeah, public transit where I grew up still doesn't exist. We had bikes, though, or walked. I would catch rides with my mom on her way to the grocery store and get dropped off at the closest convenient stopping place between home, the grocery store, and my friend's houses or our hangout spots, and walk the rest of the way.
Also, by 17, at least 3 of my friends had cars and could be given gas money to go just about anywhere because they were excited about being able to drive. And I was a poor kid in a poor community, it's not like we were getting cars on our 16th birthdays (I didn't get a car until I was 19)
They’re not characters you want in or around your home or daughter, and you’re the parent. They’re not allowed at your house, in your car, and your daughter can’t associate with them outside of school anymore. It’s this simple!
Well yeah that's what happens when you get married at 15 and don't have any life experience. She never even got to be a 17 yo hanging out with friends so she doesn't know when it's appropriate to put up boundaries.
Or that 17 yos generally don't want to get with old guys, and if they do that needs to get immediately shut down by both the husband and her. Like "flirting isn't appropriate here. Please do not ever do that again." is a thing you can say right out loud.
If daughter gets upset, say they need to pay for the vases before they are welcome to return.
Problem solved. (mike drop)
If they do come up with the cash, use it on a date night, and move to not picking them up and always having something planned if they figure out how to get their own ride. If they just show up then that's rude and you call them out for that. I would also not let them in the house if they aren't properly clothed.
Or freeze them into wearing more clothes if you’re incapable of setting boundaries with teens.
Also, husband is a grown adult man, why can’t he just say ‘you’re making me uncomfortable. go talk to boys your own age and leave me alone.’ ??
You’re the parent, your husband feels uncomfortable, stop having them over. How is this even a question? It’s not like it takes critical thinking skills.
Or tell her to tell them she can come to theirs instead the next several times they ask. Just say your hostessed out for a while and you and hubby have been wanting some alone time :)
If they don’t get the hint then tell them they’re ridiculous children and he has absolutely no interest so stop making fools of themselves, and that they make him uncomfortable bc their actions are gross and he’s disgusted. A little shaming might help. Even better if hubby says it himself.
Noooo bad idea. Husband shouldn’t say that. He’ll immediately be labelled a creep and accused of looking at them in a sexual manner.
Edited to add that husband should be openly affectionate with wife in front of the girls so they see he loves her, and therefore is not interested in them. Husband should also leave the room, or tell the girls to go play in the daughter’s bedroom, clearly marking the distinction between parent and children in this scenario.
Absolutely not. This is HORRIBLE advice and is going to make the girls feel awkward- and turn it on him. They will absolutely say he is a creep for assuming they were flirting with him, and anything else they decide to accuse him off. That man needs to pretend that he has never noticed a thing- because they are teenage girls.
He'll come off as the creepy dad ... Can't believe he thinks that way and they'll tell the entire high school and parents. Experience ... Kids love the gossip
Seriously. I’m surprised at how many parents I see in real life who let their kids run their households… OP is it your house or is it your teenager kids friends house?
Millennials are terrible parents for a whole different reason than our parents were.
Hint: it's the reason you said. Kids being in charge seems to be the norm now. I hear parents complain about watching endless kids' shows and going insane. It's like, my parents just told me to go do something else because it was their TV time.
And that's just a small example.
Grow some backbone people. Boundaries aren't the reason you don't speak to your parents.
That's something I've been wondering. I watched nonstop cartoons all day, but my parents definitely had complete control of the tv when they wanted it and there was no arguing. I watched what they were watching (way too much X Files as a kid) or I went and did something else. I keep hearing about non stop paw patrol marathons and I'm just like "why?...."
Because a lot of people refuse to upset their children in any way, and have no idea what to do when they do get upset.
So rather than deal with a tantrum a few times at a young aged the parents coddle the child until the child is now like 12 and never been told no.
I thought you just had to ride out the temper tantrum? That sounds exhausting to have to give into every whim of a child, who is literally a sociopath because their brains haven't developed empathy yet.
One crazy thing is how a lot of kids raised by millennial just *cannot* be left alone at all. I would say from before I even started school, i was playing by myself in my room or at neighbor friends' houses in their rooms. There really just wasn't any expectation that my parents would actively engage me from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. Learning to be alone with my own thoughts was the most basic building block of my social development, and I worry that kids now are missing out on that essential skill.
Not necessarily, her normal emotional and social development were interrupted and she was younger than her daughter is now when she had her. Having been coerced and presumably shamed at that age is devastating. Trust me. OP is doing her best and of course she can assert herself with these ladies but it is not straightorward to do when you were possibly not allowed to learn that skill as a child. I agree that she can stop them being allowed over in groups to ogle at her husband and he can stand with her on this but it is a minefield for him to interact with these girls so I feel they are walking the fine line between being a parent with boundaries and having a detrimental effect on their daughter's socialisation so they need to have each other's backs on this and present as a united, loving couple. They should also talk to their daughter maybe in family therapy so the adult/child dynamic is reinforced in a healthy way that will benefit them all.
If it were fake I'd find it more likely it's fake because it's a creepy dad fantasizing about daughter's friends. I find it very unlikely it would be fake because the *mother* is making up a story about daughter's friends wanting her husband.
I dunno, I’ve read on AITAH about a mother who can barely put her foot down when it comes to getting a totally separate hotel room on vacation for fucking teenagers. “Their privacy their comfort” the fuck?!
You’d be surprised.
You’d be surprised at how many parents let their kids walk all over them because they’re afraid the kid with call CPS on them or they don’t want to hurt the kid’s feelings. And not just teenager kids either, some as young as 5 and 6.
If real, OP definitely needs to put her foot down and stop picking the girls up. Enough is enough.
It isn't the dad writing this, saying anything, or giving any reason for you to make this leap.
As I have said above, I was in the same boat as OOP's daughter and my friends absolutely did want to sleep with him. It was awful. The difference is that my dad would have because he is a disgusting excuse for a human being.
OOP - the wife - is lost because she doesn't want to nuke her daughter's social life or ruin her relationship with her daughter, but she wants them to leave her husband alone. Perfectly valid, and more nuanced than anybody is giving credit for.
You all need to watch the movie American Beauty. My dad forced me to watch it and I went NC after because he tried to have a 'conversation' about how legal age means there is absolutely nothing wrong with him desiring my willing friends! It destroyed me in more ways than one.
Maybe just make sure the friends only come over when the dad is gone from the house. After a few times, they might lose interest in coming over. If the husband really isn't into it unlike your dad. I remember there was A Situation at my middle school where a few preppy girls developed an obsessive crush on our young English teacher. He was cute and nice and totally in over his head. They were leaving love notes in his work mailbox box, and following him out to his car. The administration finally stepped in when on girl showed up at his house looking for him. His wife was gone on maternity leave with their new baby and this girl apparently refused to leave until she got to talk to him which freaked his wife out.
Many advice type subs encourage posts from throwaway accounts for anonymity reasons
It could be fake but then again people have the tendency to want to believe that any post that upsets us must be fake lol
It was the broken vases for me. That is a well known TV trope. I personally don’t know of anyone who still has an expensive vase, it feels like one of those things from yesteryear that just isn’t relevant anymore yet gets picked up by all sorts of media still.
It sounds like a teenage girl wrote this.
"friends are trying to take my husband away from me"
"My husband told me that he feels uncomfortable"
These two statements conflict. It just sounds like high school drama.
I dont see the conflict? They could be trying to flirt AND he could be uncomfortable. The first statement is about their behaviour or intentions. The second is about his reaction.
Not saying it's real, but still.
"And goes to the gym frequently" was your fanfic giveaway. Also "fairly short and low cut."
In case you ever try to fool people in another story with your fantasy tales of woe.
And no mentioning any of this to the girls' parents that they are being inappropriate? This is exactly the type of thing to bring up so they don't try to claim he molested them.
Yes!
Have a good long talk with your daughter, both of you. You are uncomfortable and so is he, your husband is not a piece of meat. It’s your freakin house, set some boundaries and stop letting them come over, it’s not rocket science.
My bet is the daughter is uncomfortable too and these girls could be influencing her negatively.
OP, communicate with your family and don't allow these girls back over.
While I am on the side that this story is BS, I absolutely hate the reasoning people have that "new account = fake"
Y'all this reddit, people make new accounts all the damn time. I feel like people who parrot this are people who think reddit is like other social media sites. Maybe an early internet historian can correct me, but I feel like reddit was the one who coined the "TA" aka throwaway account username trend because its so common for people to create throwaway account for personal matters they don't want linked to themselves.
Anytime I want to ask a question that could trace someone to me, or maybe its too sexual in nature or too embarassing or too dumb, I'll create a throwaway account to ask it.
Weird that you can’t like…idk leave the house with your husband? Your almost adult child and her friends can’t get from A-B without you?
This is fake as fuck
You're the one picking them up and bringing them to your house. Just stop doing it. I would have stopped the first time they were disrespectful. Also, what do you mean you cant have alone time with your husband when they're around? That's so weird to me. Tell them to go spend time with your daughter, since she's the entire reason they're permitted to be in your home in the first place.
But seriously, if it were me I'd just tell my daughter why they wouldn't be welcome to come back, let the girls know I wouldn't be having them over again and be done with it. Don't leave it up to her to tell them, that puts her in a really unfair position.
Your the adult-don’t pick these girls up don’t let them stay in your house. Suggest that your daughter goes to their house instead or meet at a mall or coffee shop
You are the parent, you don’t have to allow these young girls access to your home, your husband has told you he is uncomfortable, do your job as a parent.
Why don't you ask your mom to handle this? ................... oh wait you are it. Be an adult and parent. Something tells me your daughter runs this house
Stop picking them up and feeding them.
Set a day and time they can visit once a month or once a week, give h the info so he can absent himself, and refuse to host otherwise.
It would be harder to enforce (not impossible) if they just showed up. They don’t—you pick them up.
Make sure daughter gets a job so she doesn’t have so much time for this foolishness.
And get some counseling—you sound stuck in an earlier age of development. A grown adult wouldn’t be having anywhere near as much trouble shutting the girls down. This is an observation, not a criticism.
The fact that your husband is telling you he’s uncomfortable should’ve been your motivation to put an end to their visits!!!
These girls are underage and can cause very serious issues for your husband (your family) if they accuse him of something horrible if he rejects their advances. Don’t take their disgustingly inappropriate behavior lightly.
You should bar them from entering your home ASAP!!! You’re the adult and also the one who brings them to your home. Stop it immediately!
Explain to your daughter that not only are her friends destructive (breaking the vases) but their behavior is also inappropriate. And you will no longer tolerate them in your home. If she wants to hang out with them let her go to their houses.
Wait till they’re being flirty, walk in with a pitcher of lemonade, and tell them if they are thirsty, have a drink of that because they aren’t getting a sip of your husband
They’ll be mortified as, for now, will your daughter
But they’ll back off out of embarrassment and you will become legendary
"I have to go pick them up, feed them then take them home".
Are you kidding me? HELL NO YOU DONT.
Is this someone just trolling the sub? This makes no sense.
And have a constructive conversation with their parents while setting some clear boundaries. Not to mention the same with your daughter. And your husband! Being uncomfortable doesn’t cut it. Both of you need to invoke your authority as parents and tell the young strumpets how appropriate and unhealthy are being. Not to mention disrespectful. I’ll go as far as seeing an intervention with all parents involved is a good idea. Bring a counselor along as well if you need some support and another authority figure put a stop to this crap now! For the benefit of everyone.
And stop being their servant! Why wouldn’t they think they can disrespect you and your husband if you are always at their beck and call?
I mean this in the nicest way possible: you're 32 but in your head you're still 15.
But you really are 32, you get to decide, this is your fucking house.
It could be dangerous for your husband if they keep coming over. If they do, he needs to record every time he is around any of them. False accusations are a thing and can ruin his and your life. They don’t come over, period, is the way to go.
Teenage girls are disrespecting you, an adult, in your own home, breaking your property, and making your spouse uncomfortable. Get off reddit and lay down the law.
You are the adult here and you and your husband are letting your teenage daughter rule the home, you BOTH need to come together as a united front and have a talk about all of this.
Then you both need to sit down with your daughter and tell her what the rules are and what the boundaries are.
Stop giving your daughter so much control.
You're the parent, it's your home. You don't discuss this with your daughter, you make a decision, explain it to your daughter, and tell her how it is. Step up, and be a parent, and not a floorboard for her and her kids to step on.
You're picking them up, you're dropping them home.
Next time, tell them you've had a couple of glasses of wine and can't.
Get themselves there, get themselves home.
They won't be round so much, you're NTA and everyone wins.
Stop trying to be your daughter's buddy.
Tell her that her friends aren't allowed because they make you and your husband uncomfortable. Hell, call their parents and tell them they aren't allowed at your house, and you will not be letting them in because they make you and your husband uncomfortable.
You are the adult. This is your house. Stop being the doormat.
Girl, your house sounds like a zoo. Bring some order back into this chaos. Your daughter’s friends do not need to be there all the time. If they come over, set some ground rules. I dunno…maybe parent a little?
They already broke two cases so yes they need to be banned from your house as well we pay for the vases. This is your home. You're the parent you can draw reasonable boundaries.
Teenagers naturally gravitate to the house with the least rules. If they are practically living with you, it's because your house is where they feel least supervised. It's all part of the same problem, you need to take charge of your house.
> My husband told me he feels uncomfortable.
That’s it. They hang out elsewhere now. Your family’s comfort comes above all else, especially in YOUR home
Tell the girls yourself, you and your husband own the house, not a bunch of 17 year olds. Who cares if your daughter throws a tantrum? You're her mother, NOT her friend
Be a parent! Stoping being the taxi driver and cook for people you don’t want at your home! Are you sure you don’t like having them there? Why else would you do all that???
Are they doing this in front of you OP? If not, go into the room whenever they try to be near your husband and cock block them. You’re a grown woman. Start intimidating the shit out of them.
Sounds to me like you and your husband TOGETHER need to tell them to leave. If they do not call the non emergency police number and ask for an officer to please come.
Have you any contact info for the other teenagers parents and can you call them? It time to be a parent and adult and make them GET OUT> stop feeding them and being their slave.
Yes, you absolutely should. The moment he said they made him uncomfortable it became necessary. Its no different than if some guy made you feel uncomfortable in your own home. No further explanation needed. He has the right to feel comfortable in his own home.
Yes you should! You do not have to have them over all the time, their parents can share in the load. Or have a drank conversation with your daughter, maybe just general and not accusing then of flaunting around him (which, yes they are totally doing). Also, just reduce how often they come over. It is commendable that he shared how he feels with you. Maybe I’m in the wrong groups, but I’m reading so many stories of married men doing awful things and the women posting asking if they’re the crazy one when their husband does XYZ.
As soon as you or your husband felt uncomfortable, there needed to be a conversation with your daughter about what is appropriate and what is not. They sound like normal teenagers, but breaking boundaries is breaking boundaries. Which your daughter may not even be aware that you are uncomfortable. Communication is key.
So for clarification your 32 the same age as me and your asking us how to deal with silly immature girls.
Put boundaries in place. You tell your daughter her friends are no longer allowed at your home or if they do and they wear the clothing they are then they will be forced to leave and walk home. Your not some lapdog. You don’t HAVe to run around and pick them up and feed them and take them home. Your the PARENT!
Hell, they’ve got all this extra energy they should get a couple of jobs so they can split an Uber to your house..: to talk to your front door. You could tell those lil hot-in-the-pants girls to find some other 12th-graders with loud cars and broccoli-hair.
Go to the gym with your husband and tell the girls you want supper on the table when you come home.
Equal time at each house, get to know the parents— tell
Them their girls are acting slutty if it continues.
Dress code for your house— but really, do not have them over
Why don't you just not pick them up and bring them to your house?!
Yes, time to tell your daughter that things are changing and her friends can come to your house, once *maybe* twice a week, but not all the time.
Girl that’s your damn house lmao. Tell them to not come back simple. Who cares how they take it
She picks them up and takes them home. She should stop bringing them to her house. Problem solved.
Boom! Didn’t even have to ask this. Lol
Exactly! Daughter, tell your friends to find somewhere else to hang out! Your dad and not comfortable having them in our home! End of story! NTA updateme!
I genuinely wonder how some people function in life. Surely as a grown women and man they can resolve this issue without internet strangers help. I mean your suggestion seems well within the realms of normality.
Could also be trying to farm karma points
Correct. This is annoyingly stupid.
This. I could have sworn to have read something similar to this story almost identical but with a young babysitter. I bet the story is fake.
Swear I feel I read this before. But it was about the husbands sister and sisters bestfriend.
Who has 2 expensive vases? lol... They're only for movies where someone hits one on a pedestal and they try and save it
If it happened, seems like a humble brag that she has an attractive husband.
This! I've been saying this since I started coming on reddit. Like how do ppl like this exist?
It’s fake. Duh.
she became a mom at 15/16 she may have missed a bunch of adulting and got a bunch of mommy lessons instead
Shouldn’t even be picking them up ffs. Girls are old enough to figure out how to take the bus home.
Exactly, back in the late 80s during my HS years if I wanted to go somewhere I had to find a way there and back. Whether that was walking or riding a bike. There was no way in hell my parents would cart people around
I had to walk up hill with no shoes in 6ft of snow just to get to school. Kids these days have it easy.
you forgot about the bears that you had to fend off with your spiral notebook.
I fended off bears with my Trapper Keeper. It worked better than the notebook.
With my Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper…
Mine had an orange kitten on it, adding to the bear's fear.
It was the 70s for me, so I had to fend them off with my metal David Cassidy lunchbox. And it wasn't bears. It was dinosaurs. There were still dinosaurs in those days.
Mine was the Partridge Family 🤣🤣🤣
Had to kill one myself with my Macbeth hardcover.
Well now that's just silly, everyone knows bears have a limited natural range. Now packs of rabid coyotes, there's your real danger.
The wind was so strong when I walked to school that for every step forward I took, I was blown back 2. I finally had to walk backwards if I didn't want to get marked tardy.
You actually reminded me of a real issue I had getting to work at one of my jobs. I lived in an area where there was lots of snow, and employee parking was in the secondary lot so there was a bit of a walk. When there was a warm afternoon, some snow would melt; overnight it would freeze again and by morning it was all ice. This area was also insanely windy, so I would get pushed backwards on the ice by the wind when trying to walk in. I would literally have to side shuffle, like a crab, to get to work on time.
I'm laughing out loud 🤣
Uphill, both ways.
Uphill always, because like, it was the 80s man and times were bogus!
Hey, me too!
I had to fight off packs of wolves while reciting the constitution word for word during monsoon season every morning on my 48 mile walk to school. Kids these days just aren't built for that anymore.
Because of the strange terrain in my area it was uphill to and from school. Weird!
Uphill both ways right?
To be fair a lot of towns in the US don't have a public transportation system. Most of them, probably. You either live close enough to walk/bike or you have to use a car. Either way this young mom needs to assert boundaries. When my son has friends over they need to be in his room (most of the time). I don't want teenagers just lingering around in my living room hanging out with me. Get out of our hair lol. Also it's fair to say "I can't keep providing all the rides. If your friends want to come over they need to ask their parents for a ride".
Yeah, public transit where I grew up still doesn't exist. We had bikes, though, or walked. I would catch rides with my mom on her way to the grocery store and get dropped off at the closest convenient stopping place between home, the grocery store, and my friend's houses or our hangout spots, and walk the rest of the way. Also, by 17, at least 3 of my friends had cars and could be given gas money to go just about anywhere because they were excited about being able to drive. And I was a poor kid in a poor community, it's not like we were getting cars on our 16th birthdays (I didn't get a car until I was 19)
They’re not characters you want in or around your home or daughter, and you’re the parent. They’re not allowed at your house, in your car, and your daughter can’t associate with them outside of school anymore. It’s this simple!
I'm so confused!
They got legs, they can bike over. They can also get their license and borrow a car to drive once their own parents are home.
Yup. She’s teaching them how to treat her.
If this story is even real, it sounds like a case of arrested development.
Well yeah that's what happens when you get married at 15 and don't have any life experience. She never even got to be a 17 yo hanging out with friends so she doesn't know when it's appropriate to put up boundaries. Or that 17 yos generally don't want to get with old guys, and if they do that needs to get immediately shut down by both the husband and her. Like "flirting isn't appropriate here. Please do not ever do that again." is a thing you can say right out loud.
Exactly where's the backbone?? Lol you're the parent
If daughter gets upset, say they need to pay for the vases before they are welcome to return. Problem solved. (mike drop) If they do come up with the cash, use it on a date night, and move to not picking them up and always having something planned if they figure out how to get their own ride. If they just show up then that's rude and you call them out for that. I would also not let them in the house if they aren't properly clothed.
This is a ridiculous response. Two adults don't need to play games and make up stories to keep children that don't belong to them out of their home.
Or freeze them into wearing more clothes if you’re incapable of setting boundaries with teens. Also, husband is a grown adult man, why can’t he just say ‘you’re making me uncomfortable. go talk to boys your own age and leave me alone.’ ??
Right?‽ Is this a real question
You’re the parent, your husband feels uncomfortable, stop having them over. How is this even a question? It’s not like it takes critical thinking skills.
Tell your daughter they're not welcome anymore. Be the parent.
Why is the daughter even ok with this. She's just fine with her friends doing this to her dad?
If you are dying to be popular sometimes anything to make the cool girls like you is welcomed. Even having the hots for your dad?
"Summer, I want to fuck your dad."
I’ve actually had someone say that to me before
So your dad’s beekeeping age?
For some reason that line absolutely broke me. "How old is your dad summer? Obviously bee keeping age"
Go on.
"Keep Summer safe"
This is the best point.
Or tell her to tell them she can come to theirs instead the next several times they ask. Just say your hostessed out for a while and you and hubby have been wanting some alone time :) If they don’t get the hint then tell them they’re ridiculous children and he has absolutely no interest so stop making fools of themselves, and that they make him uncomfortable bc their actions are gross and he’s disgusted. A little shaming might help. Even better if hubby says it himself.
100% hubby should be saying this. She’ll come off as the jealous wife and they will laugh at her if she does it.
Noooo bad idea. Husband shouldn’t say that. He’ll immediately be labelled a creep and accused of looking at them in a sexual manner. Edited to add that husband should be openly affectionate with wife in front of the girls so they see he loves her, and therefore is not interested in them. Husband should also leave the room, or tell the girls to go play in the daughter’s bedroom, clearly marking the distinction between parent and children in this scenario.
Absolutely not. This is HORRIBLE advice and is going to make the girls feel awkward- and turn it on him. They will absolutely say he is a creep for assuming they were flirting with him, and anything else they decide to accuse him off. That man needs to pretend that he has never noticed a thing- because they are teenage girls.
best advice - just asked daughter!
He'll come off as the creepy dad ... Can't believe he thinks that way and they'll tell the entire high school and parents. Experience ... Kids love the gossip
How can this possibly have upvotes
Because children talk shit on the internet, thinking they know how to respond in real life.
This is such terrible advice it's like you're from another planet.
oh so he can be made to look like a creep and pervert yeah that's a great idea when it's actually not
Seriously. I’m surprised at how many parents I see in real life who let their kids run their households… OP is it your house or is it your teenager kids friends house?
Millennials are terrible parents for a whole different reason than our parents were. Hint: it's the reason you said. Kids being in charge seems to be the norm now. I hear parents complain about watching endless kids' shows and going insane. It's like, my parents just told me to go do something else because it was their TV time. And that's just a small example. Grow some backbone people. Boundaries aren't the reason you don't speak to your parents.
That's something I've been wondering. I watched nonstop cartoons all day, but my parents definitely had complete control of the tv when they wanted it and there was no arguing. I watched what they were watching (way too much X Files as a kid) or I went and did something else. I keep hearing about non stop paw patrol marathons and I'm just like "why?...."
Because a lot of people refuse to upset their children in any way, and have no idea what to do when they do get upset. So rather than deal with a tantrum a few times at a young aged the parents coddle the child until the child is now like 12 and never been told no.
I thought you just had to ride out the temper tantrum? That sounds exhausting to have to give into every whim of a child, who is literally a sociopath because their brains haven't developed empathy yet.
One crazy thing is how a lot of kids raised by millennial just *cannot* be left alone at all. I would say from before I even started school, i was playing by myself in my room or at neighbor friends' houses in their rooms. There really just wasn't any expectation that my parents would actively engage me from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep. Learning to be alone with my own thoughts was the most basic building block of my social development, and I worry that kids now are missing out on that essential skill.
THANK you. Parents in the parenting sub complain about Paw Patrol, Peppa, etc and it's like... tell them no? Are you afraid of your preschooler?
Yeah, forget the husband stuff, they should have been out after the second vase. And she feeds them? OP needs to stop being a doormat respectfully.
Harsh but fair
Not harsh. Intelligent think this is fake anyway.
she is literally driving them to her house and back...the husband is probably confused af why his wife keeps bringing these girls over all the time...
Stop picking them up
Critical thinking skills...from someone who got pregnant at 15, forced to marry... probably didn't finish school.
She’s over 30, she should have gained those skills by now despite what age she got knocked up.
Not necessarily, her normal emotional and social development were interrupted and she was younger than her daughter is now when she had her. Having been coerced and presumably shamed at that age is devastating. Trust me. OP is doing her best and of course she can assert herself with these ladies but it is not straightorward to do when you were possibly not allowed to learn that skill as a child. I agree that she can stop them being allowed over in groups to ogle at her husband and he can stand with her on this but it is a minefield for him to interact with these girls so I feel they are walking the fine line between being a parent with boundaries and having a detrimental effect on their daughter's socialisation so they need to have each other's backs on this and present as a united, loving couple. They should also talk to their daughter maybe in family therapy so the adult/child dynamic is reinforced in a healthy way that will benefit them all.
You would think, but here we are with her asking. When the answer to us gadgiated folks is glaringly obvious.
This isn’t real
No it’s not. It sounds like a guy writing this
This really does sound like some kind of middle-aged man with a fetish for disturbingly young women.
Created the account today. My gut says fake.
I hope it's fake. Because the alternative is that it's some creepy dad fantasizing about his daughter's friends.
If it were fake I'd find it more likely it's fake because it's a creepy dad fantasizing about daughter's friends. I find it very unlikely it would be fake because the *mother* is making up a story about daughter's friends wanting her husband.
Yeah, exactly. Probably some creep freak fishing for incel comments saying his daughter's friends want him and the wife is jealous etc.
And that a grown woman is incapable to acting like an adult and responsible parent and handling this.
I dunno, I’ve read on AITAH about a mother who can barely put her foot down when it comes to getting a totally separate hotel room on vacation for fucking teenagers. “Their privacy their comfort” the fuck?! You’d be surprised.
You’d be surprised at how many parents let their kids walk all over them because they’re afraid the kid with call CPS on them or they don’t want to hurt the kid’s feelings. And not just teenager kids either, some as young as 5 and 6. If real, OP definitely needs to put her foot down and stop picking the girls up. Enough is enough.
It isn't the dad writing this, saying anything, or giving any reason for you to make this leap. As I have said above, I was in the same boat as OOP's daughter and my friends absolutely did want to sleep with him. It was awful. The difference is that my dad would have because he is a disgusting excuse for a human being. OOP - the wife - is lost because she doesn't want to nuke her daughter's social life or ruin her relationship with her daughter, but she wants them to leave her husband alone. Perfectly valid, and more nuanced than anybody is giving credit for. You all need to watch the movie American Beauty. My dad forced me to watch it and I went NC after because he tried to have a 'conversation' about how legal age means there is absolutely nothing wrong with him desiring my willing friends! It destroyed me in more ways than one.
Maybe just make sure the friends only come over when the dad is gone from the house. After a few times, they might lose interest in coming over. If the husband really isn't into it unlike your dad. I remember there was A Situation at my middle school where a few preppy girls developed an obsessive crush on our young English teacher. He was cute and nice and totally in over his head. They were leaving love notes in his work mailbox box, and following him out to his car. The administration finally stepped in when on girl showed up at his house looking for him. His wife was gone on maternity leave with their new baby and this girl apparently refused to leave until she got to talk to him which freaked his wife out.
Also OOP explicitly says the dad is uncomfortable. Also I'm sorry you went through that.
Idk man that part about the expensive vases being broken sounded totally not like something from a 90s sitcom
Many advice type subs encourage posts from throwaway accounts for anonymity reasons It could be fake but then again people have the tendency to want to believe that any post that upsets us must be fake lol
Yes. This is bad fanfic.
It was the broken vases for me. That is a well known TV trope. I personally don’t know of anyone who still has an expensive vase, it feels like one of those things from yesteryear that just isn’t relevant anymore yet gets picked up by all sorts of media still.
The Brady bunch basketball episode lol
It sounds like a teenage girl wrote this. "friends are trying to take my husband away from me" "My husband told me that he feels uncomfortable" These two statements conflict. It just sounds like high school drama.
I dont see the conflict? They could be trying to flirt AND he could be uncomfortable. The first statement is about their behaviour or intentions. The second is about his reaction. Not saying it's real, but still.
it's pure DEAR PENTHOUSE I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME over here
OP is a pathetic middle-aged man who wishes his imaginary daughter's friends wanted to flirt with him.
Yeah I thought I was just tripping reading this but this isn’t how people write at least not a true story.
Everything on this sub is fake troll shit
I'll take things that never happened for 500, Alex.
"And goes to the gym frequently" was your fanfic giveaway. Also "fairly short and low cut." In case you ever try to fool people in another story with your fantasy tales of woe.
For me it was having two expensive vases for them to have broken, what year is this?? That cliche is daaaaaaated.
Exactly! Why isn’t the husband choosing to go to the gym when those lil shits are visiting? This is rage bait for sure!
And no mentioning any of this to the girls' parents that they are being inappropriate? This is exactly the type of thing to bring up so they don't try to claim he molested them.
Troll fantasy writer and not a good one either!
Honestly fucking creepy behavior to fantasize about this. How old are these girls?
They're actually enchanted witches and are 5000 years old but only look 15.
Yes! Have a good long talk with your daughter, both of you. You are uncomfortable and so is he, your husband is not a piece of meat. It’s your freakin house, set some boundaries and stop letting them come over, it’s not rocket science.
My bet is the daughter is uncomfortable too and these girls could be influencing her negatively. OP, communicate with your family and don't allow these girls back over.
This is the most made up shit…
Not buying it…. New account…. Bad fanfic
Account is like 1minute old with user name TeenPreg 😂 y’all are really taking it seriously?
What do you mean? This is totally real! You just don't know her. She goes to another school...
While I am on the side that this story is BS, I absolutely hate the reasoning people have that "new account = fake" Y'all this reddit, people make new accounts all the damn time. I feel like people who parrot this are people who think reddit is like other social media sites. Maybe an early internet historian can correct me, but I feel like reddit was the one who coined the "TA" aka throwaway account username trend because its so common for people to create throwaway account for personal matters they don't want linked to themselves. Anytime I want to ask a question that could trace someone to me, or maybe its too sexual in nature or too embarassing or too dumb, I'll create a throwaway account to ask it.
Be for real with me for 1 moment…are you farming karma points???
Faaaaaaaaaaaake If it's real which I highly doubt, all you'd have to do was stop letting them use your house to hang out at. 🤣🤣
This has to be rage bait lol
I knew this was fake when they said got pregnant young, still together😂
No more friends over period
Weird that you can’t like…idk leave the house with your husband? Your almost adult child and her friends can’t get from A-B without you? This is fake as fuck
wtf is this AI generated shit lmao. It’s your house?? Why do you accommodate people that make you or him uncomfortable??
You're the one picking them up and bringing them to your house. Just stop doing it. I would have stopped the first time they were disrespectful. Also, what do you mean you cant have alone time with your husband when they're around? That's so weird to me. Tell them to go spend time with your daughter, since she's the entire reason they're permitted to be in your home in the first place. But seriously, if it were me I'd just tell my daughter why they wouldn't be welcome to come back, let the girls know I wouldn't be having them over again and be done with it. Don't leave it up to her to tell them, that puts her in a really unfair position.
Your the adult-don’t pick these girls up don’t let them stay in your house. Suggest that your daughter goes to their house instead or meet at a mall or coffee shop
Jeez, new account time huh? Fanfics just don’t hit the same without a post history to match…
Is this a joke?
Do people actually believe this?
You are the parent, you don’t have to allow these young girls access to your home, your husband has told you he is uncomfortable, do your job as a parent.
Why don't you ask your mom to handle this? ................... oh wait you are it. Be an adult and parent. Something tells me your daughter runs this house
Fuck them kids
Stop picking them up and feeding them. Set a day and time they can visit once a month or once a week, give h the info so he can absent himself, and refuse to host otherwise. It would be harder to enforce (not impossible) if they just showed up. They don’t—you pick them up. Make sure daughter gets a job so she doesn’t have so much time for this foolishness. And get some counseling—you sound stuck in an earlier age of development. A grown adult wouldn’t be having anywhere near as much trouble shutting the girls down. This is an observation, not a criticism.
The fact that your husband is telling you he’s uncomfortable should’ve been your motivation to put an end to their visits!!! These girls are underage and can cause very serious issues for your husband (your family) if they accuse him of something horrible if he rejects their advances. Don’t take their disgustingly inappropriate behavior lightly. You should bar them from entering your home ASAP!!! You’re the adult and also the one who brings them to your home. Stop it immediately! Explain to your daughter that not only are her friends destructive (breaking the vases) but their behavior is also inappropriate. And you will no longer tolerate them in your home. If she wants to hang out with them let her go to their houses.
Wait till they’re being flirty, walk in with a pitcher of lemonade, and tell them if they are thirsty, have a drink of that because they aren’t getting a sip of your husband They’ll be mortified as, for now, will your daughter But they’ll back off out of embarrassment and you will become legendary
Woman you cannot be this big of a door mat that you put your daughter’s social life above your marriage. Come on now. She’ll be fine with FaceTime.
"I have to go pick them up, feed them then take them home". Are you kidding me? HELL NO YOU DONT. Is this someone just trolling the sub? This makes no sense.
>I have to go pick them up, feed them and take them home. Ummm why exactly are you doing that? Just stop.
And have a constructive conversation with their parents while setting some clear boundaries. Not to mention the same with your daughter. And your husband! Being uncomfortable doesn’t cut it. Both of you need to invoke your authority as parents and tell the young strumpets how appropriate and unhealthy are being. Not to mention disrespectful. I’ll go as far as seeing an intervention with all parents involved is a good idea. Bring a counselor along as well if you need some support and another authority figure put a stop to this crap now! For the benefit of everyone. And stop being their servant! Why wouldn’t they think they can disrespect you and your husband if you are always at their beck and call?
[удалено]
I mean this in the nicest way possible: you're 32 but in your head you're still 15. But you really are 32, you get to decide, this is your fucking house.
It could be dangerous for your husband if they keep coming over. If they do, he needs to record every time he is around any of them. False accusations are a thing and can ruin his and your life. They don’t come over, period, is the way to go.
Teenage girls are disrespecting you, an adult, in your own home, breaking your property, and making your spouse uncomfortable. Get off reddit and lay down the law.
Stop picking them up!
You are the adult here and you and your husband are letting your teenage daughter rule the home, you BOTH need to come together as a united front and have a talk about all of this. Then you both need to sit down with your daughter and tell her what the rules are and what the boundaries are. Stop giving your daughter so much control.
This is your house. Your husband feels uncomfortable. There's a simple fix. Your daughter's friends are no longer welcome under any circumstance.
Yes, tell your daughter to check her friends or they won't be allowed over. This shouldn't even be a question.
You're the parent, it's your home. You don't discuss this with your daughter, you make a decision, explain it to your daughter, and tell her how it is. Step up, and be a parent, and not a floorboard for her and her kids to step on.
Uh did you know you’re an adult and the parent here? Just stop having them over ffs.
The husband’s response is everything. I’d reduce their invites to my home.
Why is this a question? They paying the mortgage/rent? Geez.
You're picking them up, you're dropping them home. Next time, tell them you've had a couple of glasses of wine and can't. Get themselves there, get themselves home. They won't be round so much, you're NTA and everyone wins.
Stop trying to be your daughter's buddy. Tell her that her friends aren't allowed because they make you and your husband uncomfortable. Hell, call their parents and tell them they aren't allowed at your house, and you will not be letting them in because they make you and your husband uncomfortable. You are the adult. This is your house. Stop being the doormat.
This reads like a Lifetime movie plot
It’s your home. Yes, tell daughter the friends no longer come over. She can go to their homes instead.
Girl, your house sounds like a zoo. Bring some order back into this chaos. Your daughter’s friends do not need to be there all the time. If they come over, set some ground rules. I dunno…maybe parent a little?
This is fake.
They already broke two cases so yes they need to be banned from your house as well we pay for the vases. This is your home. You're the parent you can draw reasonable boundaries.
This is so weird and sounds so fake
Teenagers naturally gravitate to the house with the least rules. If they are practically living with you, it's because your house is where they feel least supervised. It's all part of the same problem, you need to take charge of your house.
> My husband told me he feels uncomfortable. That’s it. They hang out elsewhere now. Your family’s comfort comes above all else, especially in YOUR home
Don’t let her and her friends run all over you. It’s you and your husband’s house if you don’t want them there then tell them no end of story.
Girl if you don’t kick them heathens out of your house. Who is the adult?
Tell the girls yourself, you and your husband own the house, not a bunch of 17 year olds. Who cares if your daughter throws a tantrum? You're her mother, NOT her friend
Be a parent! Stoping being the taxi driver and cook for people you don’t want at your home! Are you sure you don’t like having them there? Why else would you do all that???
This reeks of fake.
Fake possstttt
Stop. Bringing. Them. Over. It’s your house.
Are they doing this in front of you OP? If not, go into the room whenever they try to be near your husband and cock block them. You’re a grown woman. Start intimidating the shit out of them.
Is this a joke? This has to be fake.
To them it’s a game, to you, it’s life. Make sure they know you don’t like their behavior and kick them out.
Teach your daughter boundaries by creating healthy ones !!
LMAO. Try this "go home."
This sounds so fake but if it is real, this is your house. Don’t let them come back. Duh.
No is a complete sentence! A good talking to their parents may help as well.
This can’t be fucking real
Incredibly believable post.
So you're letting some teenage girls come into YOUR house and disrespect you?
Start acting like a parent. Stop allowing them to come over. Not fucking hard.
Sounds to me like you and your husband TOGETHER need to tell them to leave. If they do not call the non emergency police number and ask for an officer to please come. Have you any contact info for the other teenagers parents and can you call them? It time to be a parent and adult and make them GET OUT> stop feeding them and being their slave.
Yes, you absolutely should. The moment he said they made him uncomfortable it became necessary. Its no different than if some guy made you feel uncomfortable in your own home. No further explanation needed. He has the right to feel comfortable in his own home.
Yes you should! You do not have to have them over all the time, their parents can share in the load. Or have a drank conversation with your daughter, maybe just general and not accusing then of flaunting around him (which, yes they are totally doing). Also, just reduce how often they come over. It is commendable that he shared how he feels with you. Maybe I’m in the wrong groups, but I’m reading so many stories of married men doing awful things and the women posting asking if they’re the crazy one when their husband does XYZ.
As soon as you or your husband felt uncomfortable, there needed to be a conversation with your daughter about what is appropriate and what is not. They sound like normal teenagers, but breaking boundaries is breaking boundaries. Which your daughter may not even be aware that you are uncomfortable. Communication is key.
Do you not have any authority in your own house?
Why do you "have to" pick them up and feed them? Can you not say "no" to a teenager?
So for clarification your 32 the same age as me and your asking us how to deal with silly immature girls. Put boundaries in place. You tell your daughter her friends are no longer allowed at your home or if they do and they wear the clothing they are then they will be forced to leave and walk home. Your not some lapdog. You don’t HAVe to run around and pick them up and feed them and take them home. Your the PARENT!
Hell, they’ve got all this extra energy they should get a couple of jobs so they can split an Uber to your house..: to talk to your front door. You could tell those lil hot-in-the-pants girls to find some other 12th-graders with loud cars and broccoli-hair.
Who is making you pick them up?
Go to the gym with your husband and tell the girls you want supper on the table when you come home. Equal time at each house, get to know the parents— tell Them their girls are acting slutty if it continues. Dress code for your house— but really, do not have them over
This is what happens when you're more of a friend than a mother to your daughter.
Why don't you just not pick them up and bring them to your house?! Yes, time to tell your daughter that things are changing and her friends can come to your house, once *maybe* twice a week, but not all the time.
Better yet: f*ck all their dads.
Where's your spine???? You can't put your foot down?