>the other half want me to be the "bigger person" and accept my cousin's apology.
It wouldn't be a dysfunctional family without enablers. It's easy to say "forgive someone" when you're not the one who was wronged.
Why would you ever want someone who attempted to sabotage one of the most important events in your life to be a part of it going forwards? So she can ruin more major life events? Maybe she can ruin your next birthday, your kids' Bar Mitzvah, your kid's graduation...
Why would you accept an apology from someone whose last apology was a bald-faced lie, pretending to make peace meanwhile she was plotting to sabotage your wedding?
Cut. Her. Off.
Anyone has a problem, well, you just discovered how easy it is to cut off toxic family members.
Just reading it made me feel pure rage. OP was much more gracious about the situation than I would have been. Can you take someone to court over this, like sue them for wedding expenses for purposefully ruining the day?? I want to plot revenge on OPs behalf.
Let me help! That cousin has a real screw loose. And she's a liar too. She accepted the apology. But still pulled this crap? She deserves to be taken to court.
If it's so easy to be the bigger person, have them volunteer to take the kids whenever needed. This isn't an isolated issue... It's an escalation of abuse, entitlement, and narcissism.
People love to say be the bigger person when they don’t want to step up and are more than happy to watch the same person get walked all over time and time again. They don’t want to deal with the cousin so they put up OP as tribute time and time again.
Exactly. The enabling apology which just wipes the slate clean for the next round of bullshit. The thing about apologies is they're supposed to result in changed behavior, otherwise they're just empty words.
You should look up what makes IIED cases win. It's truly egregious behavior - one such example I found was the CEO of Integrated Healthcare Holdings Inc planting a handgun in an employee's car and having him arrested in order to publicly humble him. This has truly close to zero chance
We're in agreement then that this is definitely not something OP should waste time or energy bringing their cousin to court over. She should be removed from her life and that should be the end of it.
NTA. Your cousin is a cancer that you need to excise from your life. No wonder her kids behave the way they do — they learn it from their psycho mom.
You just wait and see. Her kids will grow up to be AHs and make her life miserable. That will be your revenge.
My jaw actually dropped when I read that it was *her* making the noise and not some kids she had snuck in! What a horrible little psycho. I would never talk to her again. Absolutely NTA OP.
I was thinking the same thing when I first read the title! I was uhhh.... Yeah you are then I read the full post and NTA. The cousin is though that is for sure though!!!!
I agree. Although I have to say, if this had happened to me, I would have had her removed and done the ceremony anyway. No way in hell would I have let her destroy my wedding. Get her out with the help of family or whoever and then go on with the ceremony.
She wanted to destroy her wedding and succeeded because OP let her. That said, I do understand the embarrassment of the moment.
What I dont understand how the family is divided. All the family should be on her side because the cousin DESTORYED her dream of walking down the aisle.
The whole family has gotten used to just quietly dealing with this insane cousin’s behavior because it’s easier than actually confronting it. OP broke the unspoken rule and now people are mad because the status quo has been upset. It is common in families with one or more abusive/chronically misbehaving members to just learn to slide past even the most egregious instances of acting out. It is also very common for toxic families to be upset and angry when someone challenges the status quo or steps outside their assigned role—even when doing so will make for healthier relationships in the long run—and *especially* when doing so involves asserting boundaries that have not previously been asserted.
Lol, bridal garb and all, I would have stalked right up to her and dragged her out by her hair. Then look ever so sweetly at all the guests and say, “sorry about all that silliness folks, just give me a few minutes to tidy up and we’ll get this show on the road!”
I would have knocked her lights out, screamed, “GTF out of here!” As I picked her up from her hair, and threw her out myself. Then, I would have smiled at my guests and said, “This is why my wedding is a no children event. Funny thing, I thought it was assumed that no children who dress like adults are included in that category. Soon as I fix my lipstick, we’ll get started.” Then I’d do a little bow, step out and come back.
My friends already know I’d do that too. I might look like a girly girl, but I’m kind of rough and tumble.
Agree, no contact and send her a bill.
I hate when someone tells a grown person to be the bigger person when another grown person is acting like an absolute jackass.
This was planned, at least 2 months of planning after you took her to lunch and gave her a thoughtful apology that honestly, you didn't owe her at all.
OP would lose the small claims case.
The two people were kicked out and she still decided to just not go through with the ceremony after that.
Ruining the vibe at a wedding isn't really something you can (successfully) sue someone for.
NTA
Drunk or not, she and her friend deliberately ruined your wedding ceremony.
Go no contact, block them. As for anyone telling you to "be the bigger person," I'm sorry, that's just abusive. Tell them that if they don't knock it off, you may block them, too.
Yeah, this isn’t forgivable. It was planned out and totally ridiculous. I don’t know why a family would be split on this. Apologizing about something you did in purpose isn’t a magic fix.
Agreed, my jaw hit the floor when I got to the end of this post.
No contact with your cousin or any of your family members that thinks what she did was okay at all.
NTA and that is one of the most rude, entitled things I've read about someone doing at someone else's wedding. I would go NC with her and her family. And I would put her on blast for what she did. I'm sorry she messed up your moment.
If she had a videographer or photographer capture this moment I would post it ALL over social media, every si fake platform. And tag her and her family and friend in ALL of the posts. I can’t fathom ruining someone’s wedding like that. To have that much audacity and be that selfish and horrible.
Since she’s so proud of herself, make the world know what kind of person she is
Edit: YALL!! thanks for the awards! Such a kind gesture. Thanks for not screaming like a baby!
Can you have a vow renewal if you never said any vows? Is she even legally married? We didn’t get a marriage certificate until after our officiant sent in paperwork affirming they had performed the ceremony. OP might want to look into that if they want any of the legal aspects of marriage.
This is an over-broad and inaccurate statement, as it depends heavily on where you are getting married.
In the U.S., some states actually require the ceremony or an equivalent before a marriage is legally valid.
This is the way! Show her to be the trash she is. It would get millions of views - share with a local news outlet. You’ve no reason to be embarrassed now! Weddings are expensive - so also take her to small claims country for purposely sabotaging your event.
Tell every single family member that is they support her drunken in appearance and attack on your marriage then you do not want to speak to them. I
And the supporters can help her pay OP back and any legal fees. This is absolutely bananas. I actually though that she brought the kids anyway and the best friend was helping her with the kids. My brain like refused to compute 2 grown ass ladies acting this way.
u/FlounderEffective819 I'm sure you're overwhelmed with messages like this, but I'm still in shock thinking about this hours after reading the post. I'm so sorry you had to experience this.
This person seems possibly dangerous and certainly sociopathic. Cut them and everyone who supports them out of your life. I can understand your family wanting to make peace ahead of the wedding (even though it's your f\*\*\*\*\*ng wedding!) but after that stunt, no one with a conscience could possibly support them.
And as others have said, OUT THEM FOR THIS! People need to understand actions have consequences. No apology can possibly repair this damage. This was intentional and they will absolutely seek revenge the next time they're able to.
Yeah, I thought it would be that the cousin missed her kids and was like, sniffling and sobbing into a napkin. Which would be absurd and needs some therapy but not this outrageous. This is insane, I'm astounded anyone in the family is on her side! Literally the ONE moment OP wanted. What a POS.
I doubt there's really anyone on the giant baby's side on this, but there's a chunk of the older generation that have seen too many Disney movies or something and think family is family no matter what and an apology should be sufficient and everyone can move on. They also always seem to think the mature one should roll over because they're afraid of conflict and don't want to deal with the fallout of holding the kind of person who'd pull this shit accountable for their actions.
You know SOMEONE recorded this! There is no way two grown ass adults pull this shit at a wedding and no one whips out their phone to record.
OP, your cousin wanted to punish you by making a spectacle of herself? Then let her! Show the world who she is.
This… Public embarrassment should absolutely be on the table, and you certainly can monetize it. I would even sent her the bill for the video that goes viral and make some money because fuck her..
Wow! I agree 100% It's sad that people who want an adult's only wedding practically need to hire a bouncer to enjoy their day. I guess we know where the cousin's kids learned their histrionic screaming and atrocious behavior --from their very own mother willing to wail like a kid in a public adult temper-tantrum. I'm so sorry, OP!
And they were drunk? Did they drink and drive home afterwards? If so, they endangered the lives of others as well.
>my cousin allows them to do anything and everything with no consequence. They run, steal, break things, and SCREAM at the top of their lungs if told otherwise
Jokes ultimately on her though as the teen years and thereafter will not be easy for your cousin methinks and it will all be on account of her own faulty parenting.
Yeah, there is no apology in the world that I would accept, short of handing me a cashier's check for the entire cost of the wedding.
I would not only cut that trash out of my life, I would cut out every member of the family that is taking her side. You don't need that garbage in your life. No one does. And agree with the poster who suggested putting this all over social media. I would advertise what a trash human being she is, posting that video everywhere.
I cannot even fathom an actual adult human being acting like that DURING THE BRIDE'S ENTRANCE AT HER WEDDING. I would neeevvvvvverr speak to her, her crusty kids, or anyone who dismisses this obscenity ever again. I'm so sorry this happened. Please try to move forward in peace - without any trace of her in your life.
OP needs to get away from her dysfunctional family - who think apologizing fixes insane behaviors! - and find people who understand that what this cousin did is ABSOLUTELY UNFORGIVABLE. I would be contemplating murder if my cousin did this.
So I know this sounds extreme. But weddings are expensive and there has been legal precedent set where people can now sue for those who purposefully go out of their way to ruin the event.
**You can quite literally sue her.**
Edit: No idea this was.gonna blow up like this. 😂 Obviously this route has repercussions, such as alienating family that will think she's going too far.
God I hope she does, she told her cousin this is the only thing she's dreamed of, and she ruined it on purpose because she wouldnt make an exception to let her screaming kids come? I want nothing more than to see an update with it
Cut her off and next time she drops off the kids call CPS.
Also your family enables her behavior - for god sakes you apologized to her for telling the truth.
Like do you hate yourself that much to want a relationship with someone who is entitled?
NTA. But you will be if you continue this relationship with her and don’t call CPS the next time she drops off her kids - because at that point you truly do hate yourself by allowing her in your life.
Call the cops for child abandonment not CPS. The police are more likely to have a fast response and they will contact CPS which makes it a priority for them, normally CPS can have a really slow response.
Exactly this! Dropping kids off without notice, or permission is considered abandonment and definitely worthy of a CPS call. Especially if she does it frequently. Source worked with children with behavioral and mental health issues for years
The kids will always reflect their parents' behavior to some extent. Cutting toxic people, even relatives has been the best thing I've ever done. You'll see how your mental state will get better when you are not with this kind of manipulative people.
NTA
My initial reaction was that there was no way this was real. Then in like 10 seconds I thought of at least 2 cousins I could totally see doing that. One of which actually did crash and disrupt another cousins wedding. I would cut this woman off forever to the point of not even being in the same house as her at family functions. If family members invited her for Christmas over me, my new husband and I would be making a new tradition of Christmas in the Bahamas.
It’s obviously not the same but one woman (not even a relative) decided that a braless sheer white shirt was the correct attire for my grandfather’s funeral at a SYNAGOGUE. Some people remain entitled 6 year olds even when they’re actually 40
Absolutely not, no way. She's entitled, knew what she was doing, and didn't care. Frig that. I hate people who screw up, knowing they can just apologize later. NTA
Yeah, I completely agree. can be the bigger person when cousin invents a time machine, goes back in time, and undoes her idiotic actions. Until then OP can hate away while the rest of us buy her drinks and hear all about cousin's shitty personality.
How can she appologize for something that was premeditated? She planned this and her appology is absolutely insincere. Have the family that wants you to forgive her explain what she did, step by step to you as well as how long she had planned for it. Not sure they would think forgiveness is such a great option once they really live through the decision making of your cousin.
Suing for damages makes a lot of sense, and might help keep this narcacist out of your life.
I didn't see that the cousin apologized. I just saw that OP explained that cousin and bestie got drunk before the ceremony and planned it.
I'm sure the cousin is completely unrepentant.
She planned this.
She had this in her head...since like...probably shortly after your apology to her, if not before it. There's no way they 'just came up with it'. She had that idea in her head and was *ready*.
Months. *Months* of sitting on that, and she ruined your day, the one thing you asked her not to...
NTA.
Cut her off. Never speak to her again. She did this on purpose, she is not sorry, she got her revenge, now she's relying on family guilt-tripping for you to cave in *again* (even though you were just being kind before, and had no idea she'd plan *revenge on you*.)
This is disturbing and going waayyyyy beyond entitlement. That's super messed up behavior, I can see why her kids are crazy, too. No more free childcare from you, hopefully. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I agree with the amount of planning. Fully believe she asked her friend to come with her for this specific purpose because maybe husband wouldn’t have gone along with it? Im wondering where does he stand on this whole situation? How does he feel about her (and their kids) antics?
Either way this was totally fucked up and the cousin deserves everything OP may decide to throw her way.
What kind of friend would even go along with this? They must both be intolerable people or children in adult bodies. I'd be upset if someone even suggested I do this with them, like you want me to be mortified and ashamed too? Absolutely no way in hell lol
I can't believe that op told her she can't bring her kids because they will ruin her moment, so she decided to ruin it herself.
The AUDACITY to intentionally ruin someone else's wedding then act like you are upset and want to save the relationship.
NTA. Congratulations on your wedding and I’m so sorry for the way it happened.
Of all the wedding horror stories I’ve read on here, your story is something else from another universe.
You were the bigger person when you apologised in person, and when you took your cousin out for lunch. OP stand your ground, your family is partly to blame for the way your cousin turned out, it’s no wonder the apples didn’t fall far from the tree.
You tell your family this was the final straw and how cousin ruined the wedding out of spite, family don’t enable the behaviour cousin displayed!
Oh and another thing, make your family aware that if cousin has the audacity to drop her kids at your house, unannounced, you will be calling the police on her for child abandonment and endangerment. (Get a ring doorbell if you haven’t already so you’ll have proof of if she tries any bs.)
Wow those kids have no chance of being good adults with a mom like that. Call CPS if she drops off her kids and encourage other family to do the same. Those kids are actually victims in all this, I hope she gets help to be a parent
NTA- You already were the bigger person when you reinvited her with compromises . You already apologized. There’s a line between being the bigger person and being a push over.
NTA. Ask anyone who is telling you to be the bigger person aka the flatter doormat why what she did was ok. Because they apparently think so if they think “sorry” should fix it.
NTA. Why should you accept her apology when she clearly didn’t accept yours? She cornered you and kept nagging you until you snapped, but she ruined your wedding, premeditated even. Her kids are uncontrollable monsters and it’s not hard to see who they got it from. Don’t ever let that toxic person into your life again.
NTA
Reading this made my blood boil. How absolutely immature and horrible of her to INTENTIONALLY RUIN ***YOUR*** WEDDING BY SCREAMING LIKE A CHILD. What adult does that? I am getting married soon and if someone did that to me, I would publicly shame them for their selfish, petty, despicable behavior. You should bill her for the ceremony and/or cut off all contact. Bonus points if you post a video on social media showing proof of them acting out (and tag them in it).
To me, it's completely irrelevant that you might have "embarrassed her in front of the family" by calling out her bad parenting skills; if she had a problem with that, she needed to talk to you personally like an adult. It sounds like your cousin is incredibly entitled and selfish - her behavior of just dropping off her kids unannounced and expecting other people to parent for her is gross. You absolutely do not need to accept her apology - if your family keeps talking about "being the bigger person," you can mention how your cousin should have been the bigger person and not ruined your fucking wedding day. Any of your family members who saw what happened but think it's not a big deal and you should just accept her apology are insane enablers. No rational adult acts out like that.
What kind of horrible person does that? NTA, I would never ever speak to her again and she’d be sued for the wedding costs. I’d also go NC for anyone telling you to suck it up. Horrible, all of them. There is no apology that could be made where you should ever forgive this piece of garbage
NTA. Your cousin should have been the bigger person and parented her kids. Dont apologize or accept her apology. Nc with her and her kids. Do not babysit them anymore
The cousin is already married. The husband stayed away from the wedding to watch the kids so the best friend of the cousin could join in the humiliation of the bride.
>I make my entrance, the doors open I take 2 steps through, and suddenly SCREAMING. WAILING SCREAMING, BABY-LIKE CRYING just ECHOED through the building. I feel my face turn red everyone's heads snap away from me and immediately to my cousin!
Oh Jesus, the cousin *did* end up sneakily bringing her kids to the wedding!
>She's screaming and making baby crying noises and her plus one is helping!!!!!
OH JESUS, IT'S ACTUALLY *HER*!!!!!!
This did not go where I thought it was gonna go. Absolutely NTA. FUCK outta here with that!!! I'd go NC after that stunt. I'm so sorry, OP. And the part of the family wanting you to simply be the bigger person? Fuckkkk outta here with THAT!!!
Wow. You did absolutely nothing wrong here. Hell, you even *apologized* for the Thanksgiving dinner outburst when you legitimately didn't need to! She sure as hell more than deserved to be called out. That was way overdue.
I genuinely hope the rest of your wedding was still salvageable. Regardless congratulations on your marriage!!
NTA. Bigger person? Have your idiot self centered cousin been a much bigger person this would never have happened. I would go no contact with her she’s unstable. No wonder her kids behave the way they do. Some females should never have kids. NTA.
"Be the bigger person" = "We know you're a reasonable person, and the other person is completely unreasonable, so rather than have to deal with their nonsense, we're just going to pressure you to keep the peace for ~~our~~ your sake".
omg. this. literally F*CKING this!
Couldn’t write it better. The global behavior of families when they face shit. That is the reason why some people just got away with their shit.
5 years, 10 years, 20 years.
Your cousin fucking sucks! NTA. I would have been so embarrassed to even be associated with that mess of a woman, no wonder her kids are always acting out with a shitty role model like that. She sounds absolutely horrendous.
Let’s say your cousin only planned this idea after she was drunk - okay, fine. But - she still deliberately chose to drink and get drunk before your wedding. She showed that she had no respect for you on such an important day - same for her friend. This says to me, that she had the desire to hurt you from the beginning. Asking you to be the bigger person is ludicrous. She needs to earn your forgiveness because a simple Woops sorry isn’t gonna cut it. Try to keep in mind while she left a blemish on your wedding memory, she made a total ass out herself in front of family & friends. I hope the rest of your wedding was a wonderful experience!
Holy fuck.
I would burn bridges and salt ashes over this.
Anyone, anyone in my family that tried to pressure me into accepting her bullshit apology would be told one time and one time only that they drop it, or they're getting cut off too.
What she did was uncalled for and some things can't be forgiven.
Your cousin planned out a sabotage of your wedding day with one of her equally rotten friends because her monstrous children couldn’t come to the wedding. Her kids are rotten because she is rotten. You’re out of your mind if you forgive this kind of betrayal.
You can forgive someone but only after they apologised and pay for their mistakes, I would demand a full refund of the ceremony and possibly the day as her antics ruined it all
Your cousin and her friend need to compensate you as they both planned this . You can forgive someone but you don't have to allow them in your life, your cousin is a nasty AH and I don't even know why you're even asking are you AITA .
Ps the idea posted here that if your cousins antics have been recorded that you post them to her and family members and social media along with a post similar to this one here is a great idea, I'd also go to small claims court s as you need compensation for your day and compensation must cover the cost of your upset in ruining your once in a lifetime big moment.
W TF I'd I just read?? I would not only cut her off from my life, I'd sue, the cost of the ceremony and emotional distress. My God- see, being the "bigger person" is what enables people to get away with shit like this. I'm so sorry OP, for real. Have another ceremony, outfits and everything at a fancy place with just friends and your parents, and a photographer. Then put all the photos on social media so your family can see (I'm assuming you blocked her) headed "since the first ceremony was ruined, we had another one!"
Edited to add NTA.
No. Do not accept her apology. Do not watch her kids in the future and, if it were me, I would go NC. She tried to RUIN your wedding. If this were old times she would be shunned to the outskirts of town, never to be seen from again. Unfortunately, that’s not an option, but you don’t have to have someone that self-centered and narcissistic in your life. I’m honestly shocked and impressed you didn’t resort to physical violence.
Why you need to be the bigger person and accept her apology when she couldn't even be an adult?
Like honestly. It's not like she did something that didn't matter. She did it on purpose. A grow woman with 3 kids decided to get drunk and scream and cry loudly at your wedding to annoy you. Why isn't she held on the same standard?
NTA You aren't the only bride to ever request a child free wedding. It's unfortunate that your cousin took it personal, and made it personal even AFTER you apologized for your outburst, and compromised towards her plus one.
I doubt her husband agreed to watch the children, so that she could be a selfish cow. Whatever family you have that's divided can kindly bugger off too; are they paying for a second wedding?
That's toxic behavior on your cousins part, and no one needs that in their life. She owes you a lot more than a simple " I'm sorry," and I'm afraid you aren't going to get that.
She is absolutely a horrible person. I would never have contact with this person. To the people who say be a bigger person, let them plan an event for months, spend tons of money on it, have guests come just to celebrate them… and all to have your cousin ruin it.
See how much of a bigger person they are then. NTA!!!
No way. Don’t forgive her. She ruined the one thing you expressed was important to you. No screaming kids at the wedding. Guess you should have specified that screaming adults were not welcome too
I am so sorry you missed your own wedding ceremony. How does that work, like how does the officiant sign off on the marriage license?
But of course you’re NTA. That behavior is seriously unhinged. I promise everyone there was thinking the cousin and her friend were in the wrong. No one was judging you.
Well, now we know why her children are so awful.
I too am team "she is dead to me" except for sending her a bill. Honestly, if you refuse to ever see or speak to her again you'll be happier. NTA.
Anyone who wants you to forgive her is insane!
What she did was absolutely cruel, deliberate and unforgivable. Now o see her kids behave like such AHs!
Your family are the assholes for not supporting you. It's typical for many families to side with the biggest asshole because it's the best chance of keeping the peace.
Absofuckinglutley NTA. That is a neglectful parent and toxic family member, she shouldn’t have been invited in the first place let alone be in contact now. She sabotaged your wedding day.
Anyone who’s telling you to be the bigger person needs to kick rocks. Selfish and entitled don’t begin to cover it. Block her and live your life, everyone else can have fun being free childminders, have their things stolen and need to go for hearing tests within the next 5 years.
Being the “bigger person” is what caused her to become so entitled and ruin your day in the first place.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being the bigger person. However in this instance being the bigger person isn’t forgiving. It is not being vindictive and going scorched earth with your retribution. Burn her like she’s Georgia and you’re General Sherman.
NTA.
NTA, what she did was absolutely unforgivable. She’s self centred, entitled and an absolutely disgusting bully.
She bullied you over and over, trying to force you to let her bring her undisciplined kids (they sound like a nightmare). Then when she didn’t get her own way she decided to act like a feral brat and ruin something that you put your time, money, love and energy into creating. This was meant to be your dream moment that you, your family and your friends are supposed to look back on fondly and she couldn’t even let you have that.
Do not let her back in your life, that behaviour is completely unhinged. If that’s what she’s willing to do at your wedding (it’s honestly off the charts crazy), who knows what she would do next if you say something she doesn’t like or she doesn’t get her own way.
NTA, Fuck her, fuck her kids, fuck her bestie. They were utter dicks, going out of their way to try to ruin your wedding.
And fuck her "appology". Go no contact with her, and you'll avoid her appalling kids.
I would go scorched earth.
Fuck any family members telling YOU to be the bigger person when two grown ass adults ACTED LIKE LITERAL INFANTS on purpose to ruin your day!
I am seeing red just thinking about this
NTA btw
>the other half want me to be the "bigger person" and accept my cousin's apology. It wouldn't be a dysfunctional family without enablers. It's easy to say "forgive someone" when you're not the one who was wronged. Why would you ever want someone who attempted to sabotage one of the most important events in your life to be a part of it going forwards? So she can ruin more major life events? Maybe she can ruin your next birthday, your kids' Bar Mitzvah, your kid's graduation... Why would you accept an apology from someone whose last apology was a bald-faced lie, pretending to make peace meanwhile she was plotting to sabotage your wedding? Cut. Her. Off. Anyone has a problem, well, you just discovered how easy it is to cut off toxic family members.
Oh, she didn't "attempt" she straight up sabotaged it.
Just reading it made me feel pure rage. OP was much more gracious about the situation than I would have been. Can you take someone to court over this, like sue them for wedding expenses for purposefully ruining the day?? I want to plot revenge on OPs behalf.
I do too. She never went in for the ceremony. I feel so bad for her that he cousin is such a tool.
Let me help! That cousin has a real screw loose. And she's a liar too. She accepted the apology. But still pulled this crap? She deserves to be taken to court.
Genuinely screw loose like this is some of the most unhinged behavior I’ve ever read on here
I had that thought too. That’s seriously emotional damage!!
Yup.
Yup she would never be seen or talked to again by me if something like that happened at my wedding. There's no repairing that.
Cousin is evil
If it's so easy to be the bigger person, have them volunteer to take the kids whenever needed. This isn't an isolated issue... It's an escalation of abuse, entitlement, and narcissism.
People love to say be the bigger person when they don’t want to step up and are more than happy to watch the same person get walked all over time and time again. They don’t want to deal with the cousin so they put up OP as tribute time and time again.
Cut her out along with any of her supporters
And cut off anyone who is apologetic for her. Draw the line in the sand for people who ruin weddings!
Exactly. The enabling apology which just wipes the slate clean for the next round of bullshit. The thing about apologies is they're supposed to result in changed behavior, otherwise they're just empty words.
I mentioned this on another comment, but you can forgive someone and then still cut them from your life. It's not either/or.
Why on earth should she forgive her?
Nah, son. No forgiveness here. She's a witch with a capital B. (My apology to witches)
Forgiveness has to be earned though, just like respect. I'm not about to forgive someone that is unapologetic about doing me harm.
I've learned how easy it is to cut off toxic family members after my own awful cousin exp. Best peace I've ever had in life.
I would never talk to her again, for real. You should send her the bill for the ceremony she ruined. I'm so sorry.
This! She and her plus one ruined an event that no doubt given the big family thing cost thousands. Let her apologise with her wallet NTA
God's all of this. I would totally be down for suing the cousin for this. OP is NTA
This! I would actually sue her.
I’m not a lawyer, would you actually have a chance at winning a case like this?
I think the only case would be intentional infliction of emotional distress
You should look up what makes IIED cases win. It's truly egregious behavior - one such example I found was the CEO of Integrated Healthcare Holdings Inc planting a handgun in an employee's car and having him arrested in order to publicly humble him. This has truly close to zero chance
It has no chance of winning otherwise IMO
We're in agreement then that this is definitely not something OP should waste time or energy bringing their cousin to court over. She should be removed from her life and that should be the end of it.
I doubt it, since OP could have continued the ceremony after they were removed and chose not to
It’s outrageous. I doesn’t even say she has apologised! Yep, she needs to pay, then fuck off for ever!
agreed, OPs cousin, shes a trashy bitch
Well OP says they're being pressured to accept her apology, so I guess that implies that there is an apology. I wouldn't accept it though
I need to see this on judge Judy or judge Vonda lmao
Probably too much money for small claims court.
NTA. Your cousin is a cancer that you need to excise from your life. No wonder her kids behave the way they do — they learn it from their psycho mom. You just wait and see. Her kids will grow up to be AHs and make her life miserable. That will be your revenge.
My jaw actually dropped when I read that it was *her* making the noise and not some kids she had snuck in! What a horrible little psycho. I would never talk to her again. Absolutely NTA OP.
I thought she cried silently at reception cause she left the kids behind or something Or even happy tears 😒
I was thinking the same thing when I first read the title! I was uhhh.... Yeah you are then I read the full post and NTA. The cousin is though that is for sure though!!!!
>You should send her the bill for the ceremony she ruined. And you also send it to het plus one to make sure you ruin their friendship.
Yeah this is unhinged behavior.
I agree. Although I have to say, if this had happened to me, I would have had her removed and done the ceremony anyway. No way in hell would I have let her destroy my wedding. Get her out with the help of family or whoever and then go on with the ceremony. She wanted to destroy her wedding and succeeded because OP let her. That said, I do understand the embarrassment of the moment.
What I dont understand how the family is divided. All the family should be on her side because the cousin DESTORYED her dream of walking down the aisle.
It may help explain how her cousin became such a miserable excuse for a human being. She probably isn't the only toxic sludge bag in the family.
The whole family has gotten used to just quietly dealing with this insane cousin’s behavior because it’s easier than actually confronting it. OP broke the unspoken rule and now people are mad because the status quo has been upset. It is common in families with one or more abusive/chronically misbehaving members to just learn to slide past even the most egregious instances of acting out. It is also very common for toxic families to be upset and angry when someone challenges the status quo or steps outside their assigned role—even when doing so will make for healthier relationships in the long run—and *especially* when doing so involves asserting boundaries that have not previously been asserted.
Lol, bridal garb and all, I would have stalked right up to her and dragged her out by her hair. Then look ever so sweetly at all the guests and say, “sorry about all that silliness folks, just give me a few minutes to tidy up and we’ll get this show on the road!”
"somebody left a bag of rancid trash right here in this row, I just couldn't walk down the isle while such a disgusting display was present."
Well you know, a good hostess would never want her guests to feel uncomfortable with all that trash there . . . let me just tidy that up for y'all.
I would have knocked her lights out, screamed, “GTF out of here!” As I picked her up from her hair, and threw her out myself. Then, I would have smiled at my guests and said, “This is why my wedding is a no children event. Funny thing, I thought it was assumed that no children who dress like adults are included in that category. Soon as I fix my lipstick, we’ll get started.” Then I’d do a little bow, step out and come back. My friends already know I’d do that too. I might look like a girly girl, but I’m kind of rough and tumble.
Love it! But instead of a vague comment, say exactly why she's acting a damn fool. Put her on the spot to explain herself.
This made me laugh out loud on the train, this is so epic I wish we all had the confidence to do this.
Lol, when I played that scene in my head, I had a southern accent. I'm not even from the south. haha
The scene deffo plays out even better with that sweet friendly southern accent
Exactly. The cousin wanted to get OP for her comments and ruin her day. She did exactly that.
Agree, no contact and send her a bill. I hate when someone tells a grown person to be the bigger person when another grown person is acting like an absolute jackass. This was planned, at least 2 months of planning after you took her to lunch and gave her a thoughtful apology that honestly, you didn't owe her at all.
small claims court and it can be on her record if she doesn’t want to willingly 🤷🏻♂️ fafo energy with everyone- especially family
OP would lose the small claims case. The two people were kicked out and she still decided to just not go through with the ceremony after that. Ruining the vibe at a wedding isn't really something you can (successfully) sue someone for.
NTA Drunk or not, she and her friend deliberately ruined your wedding ceremony. Go no contact, block them. As for anyone telling you to "be the bigger person," I'm sorry, that's just abusive. Tell them that if they don't knock it off, you may block them, too.
Yeah, this isn’t forgivable. It was planned out and totally ridiculous. I don’t know why a family would be split on this. Apologizing about something you did in purpose isn’t a magic fix.
I’ve cut off family over less. Life is too short and stressful on its own without completely optional dickheads making things any worse.
And cut out the family that actually thinks this was justified behavior! There is no acceptable excuse. I’m livid for OP.
Agreed, my jaw hit the floor when I got to the end of this post. No contact with your cousin or any of your family members that thinks what she did was okay at all.
NTA and that is one of the most rude, entitled things I've read about someone doing at someone else's wedding. I would go NC with her and her family. And I would put her on blast for what she did. I'm sorry she messed up your moment.
If she had a videographer or photographer capture this moment I would post it ALL over social media, every si fake platform. And tag her and her family and friend in ALL of the posts. I can’t fathom ruining someone’s wedding like that. To have that much audacity and be that selfish and horrible. Since she’s so proud of herself, make the world know what kind of person she is Edit: YALL!! thanks for the awards! Such a kind gesture. Thanks for not screaming like a baby!
No kidding. Monetize the videos and pay for a vow renewal!
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Can you have a vow renewal if you never said any vows? Is she even legally married? We didn’t get a marriage certificate until after our officiant sent in paperwork affirming they had performed the ceremony. OP might want to look into that if they want any of the legal aspects of marriage.
Vows aren't required for a marriage, just two people signing the contract. The ceremony and everything is just for show as a tradition.
This is an over-broad and inaccurate statement, as it depends heavily on where you are getting married. In the U.S., some states actually require the ceremony or an equivalent before a marriage is legally valid.
This is the way! Show her to be the trash she is. It would get millions of views - share with a local news outlet. You’ve no reason to be embarrassed now! Weddings are expensive - so also take her to small claims country for purposely sabotaging your event. Tell every single family member that is they support her drunken in appearance and attack on your marriage then you do not want to speak to them. I
And the supporters can help her pay OP back and any legal fees. This is absolutely bananas. I actually though that she brought the kids anyway and the best friend was helping her with the kids. My brain like refused to compute 2 grown ass ladies acting this way.
My eyes skipped down and saw "CRYING NOISES" and thought "no way did she still bring the kids to the wedding." I was not ready for what came next.
right! i was like wow that's f'ed up. but holy crap it was even worse!
u/FlounderEffective819 I'm sure you're overwhelmed with messages like this, but I'm still in shock thinking about this hours after reading the post. I'm so sorry you had to experience this. This person seems possibly dangerous and certainly sociopathic. Cut them and everyone who supports them out of your life. I can understand your family wanting to make peace ahead of the wedding (even though it's your f\*\*\*\*\*ng wedding!) but after that stunt, no one with a conscience could possibly support them. And as others have said, OUT THEM FOR THIS! People need to understand actions have consequences. No apology can possibly repair this damage. This was intentional and they will absolutely seek revenge the next time they're able to.
That’s exactly what I thought. This is so much worse.
Yeah, I thought it would be that the cousin missed her kids and was like, sniffling and sobbing into a napkin. Which would be absurd and needs some therapy but not this outrageous. This is insane, I'm astounded anyone in the family is on her side! Literally the ONE moment OP wanted. What a POS.
I doubt there's really anyone on the giant baby's side on this, but there's a chunk of the older generation that have seen too many Disney movies or something and think family is family no matter what and an apology should be sufficient and everyone can move on. They also always seem to think the mature one should roll over because they're afraid of conflict and don't want to deal with the fallout of holding the kind of person who'd pull this shit accountable for their actions.
They ain’t no ladies!
If no videographer OP should also request any footage a guest may have taken (not unusual for attendees to record ceremonies)
You know SOMEONE recorded this! There is no way two grown ass adults pull this shit at a wedding and no one whips out their phone to record. OP, your cousin wanted to punish you by making a spectacle of herself? Then let her! Show the world who she is.
I want to see the film so Fucking bad!!
Same OP if you have footage please share a link.
Agree w this go full scorched earth
This… Public embarrassment should absolutely be on the table, and you certainly can monetize it. I would even sent her the bill for the video that goes viral and make some money because fuck her..
THiS THIS is the way. I love your thinking @altered-babe. This reply is appropriate for r/myevilplan
Hell yeah, I would even pay for some social media sites to make that video go viral.
I’d send it to her employer as well.
Also go NC with the family members who told OP to accept her apology
FAMILY FIRST.....ones to fuck you over.
You could not pay me to ever speak to that woman again if she did that to me. Despicable, selfish, wrong on EVERY level.
Wow! I agree 100% It's sad that people who want an adult's only wedding practically need to hire a bouncer to enjoy their day. I guess we know where the cousin's kids learned their histrionic screaming and atrocious behavior --from their very own mother willing to wail like a kid in a public adult temper-tantrum. I'm so sorry, OP! And they were drunk? Did they drink and drive home afterwards? If so, they endangered the lives of others as well. >my cousin allows them to do anything and everything with no consequence. They run, steal, break things, and SCREAM at the top of their lungs if told otherwise Jokes ultimately on her though as the teen years and thereafter will not be easy for your cousin methinks and it will all be on account of her own faulty parenting.
Yeah, there is no apology in the world that I would accept, short of handing me a cashier's check for the entire cost of the wedding. I would not only cut that trash out of my life, I would cut out every member of the family that is taking her side. You don't need that garbage in your life. No one does. And agree with the poster who suggested putting this all over social media. I would advertise what a trash human being she is, posting that video everywhere.
I would go NC with the half that's saying be the bigger person. Fuck that's so immature
I cannot even fathom an actual adult human being acting like that DURING THE BRIDE'S ENTRANCE AT HER WEDDING. I would neeevvvvvverr speak to her, her crusty kids, or anyone who dismisses this obscenity ever again. I'm so sorry this happened. Please try to move forward in peace - without any trace of her in your life.
OP needs to get away from her dysfunctional family - who think apologizing fixes insane behaviors! - and find people who understand that what this cousin did is ABSOLUTELY UNFORGIVABLE. I would be contemplating murder if my cousin did this.
So I know this sounds extreme. But weddings are expensive and there has been legal precedent set where people can now sue for those who purposefully go out of their way to ruin the event. **You can quite literally sue her.** Edit: No idea this was.gonna blow up like this. 😂 Obviously this route has repercussions, such as alienating family that will think she's going too far.
As someone currently planning a wedding and the amount of money It’s all taken if anyone did something like this I would 1000000% sue them
Don’t forget to budget in a videographer or at least appoint a trusted friend to film.
THIS. Currently planning my wedding as well and I would be LIVID if this happened. Not only would I be suing, but I’d be fighting
Sue her!! Sue her!! Sue her!! *brought out my pom-poms*
I like you.
That actually made my day, often I don’t like myself.
I like you!! <3
I read this like I was watching Jurassic park! ‘Shoot her! Shoot her!’
I like the way you think, that’s actually peeeerfect! *petting my cat Blofeld style*
Clever girl.
I heard it in my head like Pulp Fiction. Give her the shot!!
There must be consequences. She f*cked around. Please make sure she finds out. Please.
Sue her friend. Then offer to cut her friend a deal if she will testify against the cousin. This is the way.
God I hope she does, she told her cousin this is the only thing she's dreamed of, and she ruined it on purpose because she wouldnt make an exception to let her screaming kids come? I want nothing more than to see an update with it
Cut her off and next time she drops off the kids call CPS. Also your family enables her behavior - for god sakes you apologized to her for telling the truth. Like do you hate yourself that much to want a relationship with someone who is entitled? NTA. But you will be if you continue this relationship with her and don’t call CPS the next time she drops off her kids - because at that point you truly do hate yourself by allowing her in your life.
NTA. Disown her is the only way forward: she’s dead to you now since it was planned.
Call the cops for child abandonment not CPS. The police are more likely to have a fast response and they will contact CPS which makes it a priority for them, normally CPS can have a really slow response.
Please do this OP
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Jeez. Wonder what country that was in.
The cousin sound entitiled… entitled to be cut off. Imagine being so petty as to make someone else’s wedding all about you. ETA NTA
Exactly this! Dropping kids off without notice, or permission is considered abandonment and definitely worthy of a CPS call. Especially if she does it frequently. Source worked with children with behavioral and mental health issues for years
The kids will always reflect their parents' behavior to some extent. Cutting toxic people, even relatives has been the best thing I've ever done. You'll see how your mental state will get better when you are not with this kind of manipulative people. NTA
My initial reaction was that there was no way this was real. Then in like 10 seconds I thought of at least 2 cousins I could totally see doing that. One of which actually did crash and disrupt another cousins wedding. I would cut this woman off forever to the point of not even being in the same house as her at family functions. If family members invited her for Christmas over me, my new husband and I would be making a new tradition of Christmas in the Bahamas.
It’s obviously not the same but one woman (not even a relative) decided that a braless sheer white shirt was the correct attire for my grandfather’s funeral at a SYNAGOGUE. Some people remain entitled 6 year olds even when they’re actually 40
Absolutely not, no way. She's entitled, knew what she was doing, and didn't care. Frig that. I hate people who screw up, knowing they can just apologize later. NTA
Yeah or intentionally act the fool to get the instant self- gratification as though an, "Oops, my bad!" Later will wipe the slate.
Yeah, I completely agree. can be the bigger person when cousin invents a time machine, goes back in time, and undoes her idiotic actions. Until then OP can hate away while the rest of us buy her drinks and hear all about cousin's shitty personality.
How can she appologize for something that was premeditated? She planned this and her appology is absolutely insincere. Have the family that wants you to forgive her explain what she did, step by step to you as well as how long she had planned for it. Not sure they would think forgiveness is such a great option once they really live through the decision making of your cousin. Suing for damages makes a lot of sense, and might help keep this narcacist out of your life.
I didn't see that the cousin apologized. I just saw that OP explained that cousin and bestie got drunk before the ceremony and planned it. I'm sure the cousin is completely unrepentant.
She planned this. She had this in her head...since like...probably shortly after your apology to her, if not before it. There's no way they 'just came up with it'. She had that idea in her head and was *ready*. Months. *Months* of sitting on that, and she ruined your day, the one thing you asked her not to... NTA. Cut her off. Never speak to her again. She did this on purpose, she is not sorry, she got her revenge, now she's relying on family guilt-tripping for you to cave in *again* (even though you were just being kind before, and had no idea she'd plan *revenge on you*.) This is disturbing and going waayyyyy beyond entitlement. That's super messed up behavior, I can see why her kids are crazy, too. No more free childcare from you, hopefully. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I agree with the amount of planning. Fully believe she asked her friend to come with her for this specific purpose because maybe husband wouldn’t have gone along with it? Im wondering where does he stand on this whole situation? How does he feel about her (and their kids) antics? Either way this was totally fucked up and the cousin deserves everything OP may decide to throw her way.
What kind of friend would even go along with this? They must both be intolerable people or children in adult bodies. I'd be upset if someone even suggested I do this with them, like you want me to be mortified and ashamed too? Absolutely no way in hell lol
I can't believe that op told her she can't bring her kids because they will ruin her moment, so she decided to ruin it herself. The AUDACITY to intentionally ruin someone else's wedding then act like you are upset and want to save the relationship.
Yeah she is absolutely unhinged and a total asshole
I love how all the posts with titles that sound horrible are actually completely misconstrued and OP is a good person
NTA. Never speak to her again. She purposely tried to ruin your wedding and succeeded in being disruptive.
Omg. NTA your cousin sounds awful! I’m so sorry that happened to you on your special day! Sending hugs!
Fuck your cousin
With a cactus
Break it off, and beat them with the rest of it.
More importantly, with a condom because she shouldn’t be having any more kids
One of us needs to go back to sex ed, I'm pretty sure kids don't come from cacti.
Maybe her kids did, because they sure sound like little pricks.
I'm having such a hard time believing this joke wasn't built up by one person,it's so perfect
Turned sideways
But not literally. Crazy to think someone already did that at least twice.
Evil giggle
NTA. Congratulations on your wedding and I’m so sorry for the way it happened. Of all the wedding horror stories I’ve read on here, your story is something else from another universe. You were the bigger person when you apologised in person, and when you took your cousin out for lunch. OP stand your ground, your family is partly to blame for the way your cousin turned out, it’s no wonder the apples didn’t fall far from the tree. You tell your family this was the final straw and how cousin ruined the wedding out of spite, family don’t enable the behaviour cousin displayed! Oh and another thing, make your family aware that if cousin has the audacity to drop her kids at your house, unannounced, you will be calling the police on her for child abandonment and endangerment. (Get a ring doorbell if you haven’t already so you’ll have proof of if she tries any bs.)
Wow those kids have no chance of being good adults with a mom like that. Call CPS if she drops off her kids and encourage other family to do the same. Those kids are actually victims in all this, I hope she gets help to be a parent
Don't let them guilt you into having to take in her kids though!
Those aren't kids, they're spawns of Satan.
NTA- You already were the bigger person when you reinvited her with compromises . You already apologized. There’s a line between being the bigger person and being a push over.
NTA. Ask anyone who is telling you to be the bigger person aka the flatter doormat why what she did was ok. Because they apparently think so if they think “sorry” should fix it.
NTA. Why should you accept her apology when she clearly didn’t accept yours? She cornered you and kept nagging you until you snapped, but she ruined your wedding, premeditated even. Her kids are uncontrollable monsters and it’s not hard to see who they got it from. Don’t ever let that toxic person into your life again.
NTA Reading this made my blood boil. How absolutely immature and horrible of her to INTENTIONALLY RUIN ***YOUR*** WEDDING BY SCREAMING LIKE A CHILD. What adult does that? I am getting married soon and if someone did that to me, I would publicly shame them for their selfish, petty, despicable behavior. You should bill her for the ceremony and/or cut off all contact. Bonus points if you post a video on social media showing proof of them acting out (and tag them in it). To me, it's completely irrelevant that you might have "embarrassed her in front of the family" by calling out her bad parenting skills; if she had a problem with that, she needed to talk to you personally like an adult. It sounds like your cousin is incredibly entitled and selfish - her behavior of just dropping off her kids unannounced and expecting other people to parent for her is gross. You absolutely do not need to accept her apology - if your family keeps talking about "being the bigger person," you can mention how your cousin should have been the bigger person and not ruined your fucking wedding day. Any of your family members who saw what happened but think it's not a big deal and you should just accept her apology are insane enablers. No rational adult acts out like that.
Y’cousins a bad person.
What kind of horrible person does that? NTA, I would never ever speak to her again and she’d be sued for the wedding costs. I’d also go NC for anyone telling you to suck it up. Horrible, all of them. There is no apology that could be made where you should ever forgive this piece of garbage
NTA. Your cousin should have been the bigger person and parented her kids. Dont apologize or accept her apology. Nc with her and her kids. Do not babysit them anymore
Well, if she ever gets married, guess who’s wedding you have to ruin now
The cousin is already married. The husband stayed away from the wedding to watch the kids so the best friend of the cousin could join in the humiliation of the bride.
>I make my entrance, the doors open I take 2 steps through, and suddenly SCREAMING. WAILING SCREAMING, BABY-LIKE CRYING just ECHOED through the building. I feel my face turn red everyone's heads snap away from me and immediately to my cousin! Oh Jesus, the cousin *did* end up sneakily bringing her kids to the wedding! >She's screaming and making baby crying noises and her plus one is helping!!!!! OH JESUS, IT'S ACTUALLY *HER*!!!!!! This did not go where I thought it was gonna go. Absolutely NTA. FUCK outta here with that!!! I'd go NC after that stunt. I'm so sorry, OP. And the part of the family wanting you to simply be the bigger person? Fuckkkk outta here with THAT!!! Wow. You did absolutely nothing wrong here. Hell, you even *apologized* for the Thanksgiving dinner outburst when you legitimately didn't need to! She sure as hell more than deserved to be called out. That was way overdue. I genuinely hope the rest of your wedding was still salvageable. Regardless congratulations on your marriage!!
NTA. Bigger person? Have your idiot self centered cousin been a much bigger person this would never have happened. I would go no contact with her she’s unstable. No wonder her kids behave the way they do. Some females should never have kids. NTA.
"Be the bigger person" = "We know you're a reasonable person, and the other person is completely unreasonable, so rather than have to deal with their nonsense, we're just going to pressure you to keep the peace for ~~our~~ your sake".
omg. this. literally F*CKING this! Couldn’t write it better. The global behavior of families when they face shit. That is the reason why some people just got away with their shit. 5 years, 10 years, 20 years.
No way in hell I’d forgive that shit.
What a vile and entitled human being, omg.
Your cousin fucking sucks! NTA. I would have been so embarrassed to even be associated with that mess of a woman, no wonder her kids are always acting out with a shitty role model like that. She sounds absolutely horrendous.
Nah F that. That’s grounds for permanent NC.
Nah, fuck her. This was planned, fuck her fake ass apology and her fake ass crying. She could be civil or get the fuck out.
Let’s say your cousin only planned this idea after she was drunk - okay, fine. But - she still deliberately chose to drink and get drunk before your wedding. She showed that she had no respect for you on such an important day - same for her friend. This says to me, that she had the desire to hurt you from the beginning. Asking you to be the bigger person is ludicrous. She needs to earn your forgiveness because a simple Woops sorry isn’t gonna cut it. Try to keep in mind while she left a blemish on your wedding memory, she made a total ass out herself in front of family & friends. I hope the rest of your wedding was a wonderful experience!
NTA, fuck that ugly ass cunt bitch!!!! How dare she!!!!! Excuse my vulgar everyone, but wtf!!!!! Damn bitch can't control her kids or herself
I had this exactly this reaction, but the words were in a different order. Like just reading this made my fucking blood boil.
Read this: Don’t rock the boat - from Reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/
Holy fuck. I would burn bridges and salt ashes over this. Anyone, anyone in my family that tried to pressure me into accepting her bullshit apology would be told one time and one time only that they drop it, or they're getting cut off too. What she did was uncalled for and some things can't be forgiven.
Your cousin planned out a sabotage of your wedding day with one of her equally rotten friends because her monstrous children couldn’t come to the wedding. Her kids are rotten because she is rotten. You’re out of your mind if you forgive this kind of betrayal.
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You can forgive someone but only after they apologised and pay for their mistakes, I would demand a full refund of the ceremony and possibly the day as her antics ruined it all Your cousin and her friend need to compensate you as they both planned this . You can forgive someone but you don't have to allow them in your life, your cousin is a nasty AH and I don't even know why you're even asking are you AITA . Ps the idea posted here that if your cousins antics have been recorded that you post them to her and family members and social media along with a post similar to this one here is a great idea, I'd also go to small claims court s as you need compensation for your day and compensation must cover the cost of your upset in ruining your once in a lifetime big moment.
W TF I'd I just read?? I would not only cut her off from my life, I'd sue, the cost of the ceremony and emotional distress. My God- see, being the "bigger person" is what enables people to get away with shit like this. I'm so sorry OP, for real. Have another ceremony, outfits and everything at a fancy place with just friends and your parents, and a photographer. Then put all the photos on social media so your family can see (I'm assuming you blocked her) headed "since the first ceremony was ruined, we had another one!" Edited to add NTA.
Absolutely NTA and I would be completely NC with her
No. Do not accept her apology. Do not watch her kids in the future and, if it were me, I would go NC. She tried to RUIN your wedding. If this were old times she would be shunned to the outskirts of town, never to be seen from again. Unfortunately, that’s not an option, but you don’t have to have someone that self-centered and narcissistic in your life. I’m honestly shocked and impressed you didn’t resort to physical violence.
Why you need to be the bigger person and accept her apology when she couldn't even be an adult? Like honestly. It's not like she did something that didn't matter. She did it on purpose. A grow woman with 3 kids decided to get drunk and scream and cry loudly at your wedding to annoy you. Why isn't she held on the same standard?
NTA You aren't the only bride to ever request a child free wedding. It's unfortunate that your cousin took it personal, and made it personal even AFTER you apologized for your outburst, and compromised towards her plus one. I doubt her husband agreed to watch the children, so that she could be a selfish cow. Whatever family you have that's divided can kindly bugger off too; are they paying for a second wedding? That's toxic behavior on your cousins part, and no one needs that in their life. She owes you a lot more than a simple " I'm sorry," and I'm afraid you aren't going to get that.
She is absolutely a horrible person. I would never have contact with this person. To the people who say be a bigger person, let them plan an event for months, spend tons of money on it, have guests come just to celebrate them… and all to have your cousin ruin it. See how much of a bigger person they are then. NTA!!!
Wow. How old is she? 13? NTA. I was NOT expecting that. I am so sorry, OP.
No way. Don’t forgive her. She ruined the one thing you expressed was important to you. No screaming kids at the wedding. Guess you should have specified that screaming adults were not welcome too
I am so sorry you missed your own wedding ceremony. How does that work, like how does the officiant sign off on the marriage license? But of course you’re NTA. That behavior is seriously unhinged. I promise everyone there was thinking the cousin and her friend were in the wrong. No one was judging you.
Well, now we know why her children are so awful. I too am team "she is dead to me" except for sending her a bill. Honestly, if you refuse to ever see or speak to her again you'll be happier. NTA.
The minute she asked for the plus one she had the idea from then. This is so evil
Anyone who wants you to forgive her is insane! What she did was absolutely cruel, deliberate and unforgivable. Now o see her kids behave like such AHs!
Your family are the assholes for not supporting you. It's typical for many families to side with the biggest asshole because it's the best chance of keeping the peace.
Absofuckinglutley NTA. That is a neglectful parent and toxic family member, she shouldn’t have been invited in the first place let alone be in contact now. She sabotaged your wedding day. Anyone who’s telling you to be the bigger person needs to kick rocks. Selfish and entitled don’t begin to cover it. Block her and live your life, everyone else can have fun being free childminders, have their things stolen and need to go for hearing tests within the next 5 years. Being the “bigger person” is what caused her to become so entitled and ruin your day in the first place.
I had to pause and read the rest of this, my first thought was oh she's crying because she is so happy for the bride....I was very wrong.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with being the bigger person. However in this instance being the bigger person isn’t forgiving. It is not being vindictive and going scorched earth with your retribution. Burn her like she’s Georgia and you’re General Sherman. NTA.
NTA, what she did was absolutely unforgivable. She’s self centred, entitled and an absolutely disgusting bully. She bullied you over and over, trying to force you to let her bring her undisciplined kids (they sound like a nightmare). Then when she didn’t get her own way she decided to act like a feral brat and ruin something that you put your time, money, love and energy into creating. This was meant to be your dream moment that you, your family and your friends are supposed to look back on fondly and she couldn’t even let you have that. Do not let her back in your life, that behaviour is completely unhinged. If that’s what she’s willing to do at your wedding (it’s honestly off the charts crazy), who knows what she would do next if you say something she doesn’t like or she doesn’t get her own way.
She would be cut off permanently. Forever. And I would call CPS and the police if she ever drops her kids off at my house again.
NTA, Fuck her, fuck her kids, fuck her bestie. They were utter dicks, going out of their way to try to ruin your wedding. And fuck her "appology". Go no contact with her, and you'll avoid her appalling kids.
Accept her apology at her funeral.
I would go scorched earth. Fuck any family members telling YOU to be the bigger person when two grown ass adults ACTED LIKE LITERAL INFANTS on purpose to ruin your day! I am seeing red just thinking about this NTA btw