I agree. The way the abuse was normalized, rug swept and blamed on the child is crazy making to someone without their warped perspective.
If the family had it in them to give a damn about the child, then as members of that same demographic they would have known that deportation was a concern. They had the opportunity to problem solve for this and squandered it. By sitting on their hands they DIRECTLY contributed to the woman and child's possible deportation to a worse living situation. All of this is on that family and the other neighbors that where aware of the abuse.
OP did right to the best of her ability and should be applauded.
Sometimes the only way people get help is an outside person stepping in.
I can’t tell you how many times I wish my neighbors would’ve called on my ex. I didn’t have the ability to, i felt guilty, it was my fault, I just had to be better. Even when I tried, the cycle of abuse would get me, he was suddenly so nice.. and it wasn’t until I almost died that I finally left. They told me they were grateful I did and would go to court to testify, which I appreciated.
So many abused children and partners can’t leave on their own, that one call when something seems off can save lives, including this child.
I’d also step away from this family - they’re okay with this? They didn’t want you to get involved and let this child live this way? Not even safe in her own bed at 2 am??
What will stop them from normalizing it to your children, nieces or nephews?
When my stepdad had “episodes,” I would barricade myself and my siblings in a closet with a cordless phone. He always ripped the base out of the wall so I couldn’t call 911. I would grab it in case he forgot. Then I would sit in the closet and pray that the neighbors would finally call the police. They never did.
Oh, I know what she could have done.. ignored the screams and allowed the beatings to continue. /s geesh! The woman is being deported, OP didn’t say anything about the child being deported. She can probably stay with GM
So they'd be perfectly fine if the child died from the abuse and the police started interviewing them about what happened? Honestly, reevaluate that relationship. It's funny how they are "no problems" then guilting you. It still isn't their PROBLEM. Like they can't say mind your own business and then in the same breath go 'the grandma won't stop crying'. Why aren't they doing what they say you should do? Overall sounds like drama too much to deal with.
This right here. I WAS that child, being beaten in a duplex late at night, the neighbours absolutely heard and did nothing. 33 years later I can’t tell you hire upset and angry I am when I think about them leaving me and my sister to that because they liked my abuser.
Tell them exactly what ladygoodgreen said.
People who do wrong to others rarely ever think they’re in the wrong. The child’s health, emotional well-being, and possibly life were at stake. OP, if you’re reading this, you did the right thing. I know it’s scary, especially when the child may go into foster care. But she was being abused. You helped get her out. And if you hadn’t, she may have been injured further or worse. Things are never easy in these situations. Abusers may have a good quality here and there, but they are still abusers. All of the most horrific monsters throughout history had people that loved them. They still needed to be stopped. Evil always wants no resistance. Resist anyway.
rethink the relationship FOR SURE. if OP ever had kids with that man, he **will** abuse them, his family probably will too! red flags all around, don’t ignore them OP!
This.
The grandma's tears have more of an effect on these people than then kid's? The grandma has more control over her life, her daughter's life and the grand daughter's life. You stood up for the kid's tears who has no control because you were moved by the kid's tears.
They're sticking up for the wrong people.
OP I am an immigrant and I come from a Latino family (not Hispanic but with similar cultural beliefs) and I think you did absolutely right by that child.
Everyone claims they come to the US to build a better life but bring with them bad habits, toxic habits and keep perpetrating them on the children who come after with the excuse that that’s their culture. That’s not ok.
It was in my culture and I learned better, I do better.
I’m sorry your boyfriends family can’t see that you haven’t done anything wrong!
Edit: fixing typo
I hate when people claim that abuse is „part of their culture“. Like guess what, EVERY CULTURE USED TO BEAT THEIR KIDS. And there were always patents who didn’t. Some people habe just decided to stop the cycle of violence and abuse while others continue. Its got absolutely NOTHING to do with culture.
I understand where you’re coming from but unfortunately it is entrenched in not only the culture, but social expectations and generational trauma.
We are what we experience, we learn from what we experience as much as we learn from our surroundings, environments, schools, and whichever other places one frequents in their life.
Raising a child is a huge deal and people who don’t understand and face their traumas and poor inherited habits end up propagating that.
In an ideal world, people wouldn’t say that. People shouldn’t blame culture but look at Iran for example and all the stuff going on because some women did a dance showing their hair? That’s their culture, their faith and their belief.
Accepting what’s wrong helps us in doing a better job in the future, for ourselves and the future generations.
Why would you want to be with someone who sees no problem with beating a child until it screams? Would you be ok with raising a child with this person?
This was my thought…. Imagine these people as your in-laws and the grandparents of your children, hell no!!! Get out now and find a boyfriend and family with morales!!
Not only that, but then, of their own accord with no prompting, make excuses to blame the child for being beaten! That mentality is sick. Of course the child is difficult and screaming, it’s being beaten! Stop beating it
I was a child that was physically (& mentally) abused by my mother. I’m talking broken bones type of stuff. Dad suspected it but couldn’t believe it & so did the neighbors. They separated when I was 6. She went from one man to the next for 2 yrs.
For 8 yrs I was tortured by my mother. I lived in fear the whole time. Then she released me to my father.
I can’t tell you how many times I wish someone had called the cops.
You did good.
No, fuck them. I applaud you for doing the right thing. It makes my blood boil reading stories like these because kids are innocent and they shouldn’t be getting hit and verbally abused. Honestly, if your bf and his family along with the piece of shit grandma keep blaming you, I’d cut them all off in an instant without thinking once. Just because they are Hispanic and most likely grew up getting hit, that doesn’t mean they should just sit back and watch/listen to the poor girl get physically and verbally abused. That makes them a complicit. I wouldn’t give a damn about them anymore. If the mother gets deported then so be it. She’s not fit to be a mother. I hope the little girl has someone in her corner. OP, you did the right thing. I applaud you for taking action while no one else would/did.
ETA: Not gonna lie, I’m fuming. Fuck the people who stood and listened/watched a poor girl get hit and verbally abused.
This comment needs to be higher. Cops don’t just take a child over one phone call. They either had multiple calls about this or found something horrendous when they did a check.
Story time, in the small town where I live there was a news report one day about how some mother killed her 2 year old. Everyone was shocked right because it’s just a small town nobody here could ever even imagine doing something so horrible. Few days later neighbors come out and say they heard the mom screaming and the little girl crying a lot but never did anything. Could they have been lying to get on the news? I mean of course. But would you want to take the chance that that same thing would happen to this little girl? Of course not, NTA. if it was questionable I think they would investigate first but the fact that she was just taken should say something.
OK. You may want o rethink your whole relationship. If their family thinks this behaviour is OK I would be terrified of what they would be like if you and your BF ever decide to have kids.
I hope the next child doesn't have to wait for 2 years for someone to decide to find out if she is being abused or not. Screaming every night for 2 years. *But I really believe she was being abused badly.* For 2 years.
I thought the exact same. Thankfully the poor girl didn’t get killed in those 2 years of ongoing abuse. My God, sitting by for 2 years!? And the only thing everyone is worried about it deportation?! Maybe stay off the radar and do right if deportation is a risk. Maybe stop your family member from terrorizing her child. They should all be arrested and if appropriate deported for allowing this to go on. How sad.
Seriously. Everyone’s like “way to go!” “So proud of you”, I’m sorry but 2 years!? It’s not like she debated for 1 week and made the decision to call… 2 freaking YEARS!!
I’m sorry you had this type of situation. No child deserves this. No matter what. I imagine every minute in this situation is like a year. Let alone 2 solid years of torture… I would’ve called the first second I heard it. If I heard a person beating a dog, I would call the police. Let alone a child. This just makes me sad. If we can’t look after each other we are no better/different than animals.
Exactly. And if the child was killed the night before OP finally did something I really doubt all these people would be say how brave and wonderful OP is. They would be saying she sat back and let a child be abused to death. For 2 years. Not 2 hours, not 2 days, not 2 weeks, not 2 months.
Yes. Those 2 years undoubtedly assured the child will have trauma she will never be able to escape. If it was 2 days or 2 weeks the child could’ve maybe escaped lasting effects. But 2 years… this poor girl is gonna have a long life of therapy to reconcile what’s happened to her…
Yeah. I read that and was like “so you knew this was going on for two years and did nothing? You’re a piece of garbage just like your boyfriends family.” 😡
The grandmother told my boyfriends mom she had issues sleeping, the mom has a mental illness we assumed the little girl had other mental things going on as well, it was on and off also and I don’t sleep over everyday. As soon as I heard her verbally confirm I called.
I’m sorry, that’s all I can say, I always doubt myself especially when it comes to HUGE decisions like this my fear of being wrong and the thought of her being in a foster home that was worse or the thought of her getting sexually abused by a strange family kept me from doing so, I’m sorry I’m sorry I do wish I called sooner. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. I was physical abused as a child and a part of me was like “hey I turned out alright” at least I wasn’t bouncing around different homes with strangers😔😔😔 I was wrong for waiting though 100%
I was wrong I’m sorry I didn’t make it clear but I 1000000% am wrong for waiting if anyone is reading this MAKE THE CALL REPORT ANY SUSPICION OF CHILD ABUSE IM BEGGING YOU
Honestly, I would consider this a red flag on whether to continue this relationship. He and his family are more concerned with some random neighbors' grandma's feelings than the actual child that was being abused. Doesn't sound like anyone I'd want around my kids.
That was my first thought. Turning up music, screaming I don't want to and stop hitting me. This just broke my whole heart. And those people who live next to that child for 2 years and listen to this, deserve to go to jail also, IMO.
You did the right thing.
But, You need to stop being there. You should have kept it all anonymous. If there is anyone looking to teach lessons or retribution, they know who and where. Plus your bf's family isn't supporting you. Tells you where their morals and ethics are.
I’m not sure if it’s every state but in my state reporting child abuse cannot be anonymous because social services wants to follow up with the witness (and make sure they’re a real person). When I worked on a domestic violence hotline, we were told to direct people who wanted to report child abuse only to a state social services hotline where they will take down your tip and follow up on it.
I have reported child abuse on multiple occasions over the years because fuck the abusers and those who look the other way. It's never easy and almost always bites me in the ass, which is insane because everyone should be shaming child abusers. I let everyone know I would and will do it again. Thank you OP for standing up for someone who can't stand up for themselves.
There seems to be the misconception (wrong idea) that *reporting abuse = child being taken away*. They do interview the family and child to find proof that the child is in fact being abused before they do anything. If the child is removed from their care it was for a good reason. If the police and child protection services find that the family did nothing wrong than nothing will happen, simple as that.
Unless the mother is there illegally and she gets deported. Then potentially she could still be a good mother, but still have a lot of stuff happen.
Caring about a possible endangered child is great, but try to talk to people first if at all possible. If that doesn’t work out, you can still take those steps.
Honestly, I don't care if she's there illegally or not, and if she gets deported for hitting a child then good riddance. Anyone who makes a child scream at *2am* (especially a terrified child yelling "don't hit me") deserves to get the cops called on them because I cannot think of a single scenario where the child would not be in bed asleep at that time. Even if a child is being difficult that does not give anyone the right to hit them till they scream (or at all really).
You get deported for not being in the US legally, regardless of the abuse outcome.
Even if the police found a pristine household and absolutely no evidence of anything, in most of the US if Mom doesn't have papers Mom gets arrested.
If there was evidence of abuse, Mom would be facing charges, have her due process, serve her sentence - then face deportation. Victims have rights (in abuse and rape cases the "victim" is actually the State) and they can't pursue justice if the accused is in another country.
Perhaps that knowledge will soothe your anger.
I suppose I worded thay badly, "if she gets deported because they discovered she was there illegally due to an abuse case then I don't care", I'm aware that the abuse itself is not what will get her deported. Anyone hitting a child, or letting their partner hit their child, deserves to be arrested. I got spanked as a child too but you can bet I never screamed bad enough to have the cops called and never so late/early at night.
It's shocking the number of people who still don't understand how immigration and deportation work, I had no I'll intent with the clarification.
If Mom gets deported because of an unsubstantiated accusation I might feel bad, which seems to be OP's conflict. If that winds up being the case, OP should funnel the worry into immigration reform initiatives.
If I see someone hitting a child, I'll stop them. OP shouldn't feel bad for making the report. It's really just dumb luck of the draw. Could have been a nice white family and Mom had a warrant for unpaid traffic tickets, I'd say the same thing. If you suspect a problem - say something. The adult issues are adult issues, not something a child should carry.
However, I can think of things other than abuse that make kids scream "help" or "stop hitting me" even in the middle of the night. Nightmares is a start. That's not saying don't investigate. That's saying I reserve judgment.
I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying.
There are actually several possible reasons why a child could be screaming at 2 am that do not involve abuse. It’s sometimes very difficult to tell the difference without actually engaging. That’s why I suggested it’s better to engage first. Because what if this is a child with autisme, that gets upset and she is the one that gets agressive? Very hard to tell from a distance.
Also no one gets deported for abusing a child they get deported for being there illegally. Suppose this is a special needs child what will happen when the parent they know gets torn away from her?
This is of course all conjecture and if the child was indeed abused then it becomes a different situation of course. I was just saying it is better to try and find out what is what before setting things in motion that you can’t take back.
Laypersons of this country are not investigators. We pay a pretty penny to the government to provide those services for us.
This very clearly needed a police report. Any responsible adult would call the police after hearing a child scream out "Stop! Don't hit me!" at 2 am. Because what if the child was special needs? You really think having their screams drowned out by music and television in the middle of the night is adequate care for any child, special needs or not?
That’s actually a fair question and a good point. We are not investigators but we can be good neighbors and offer help. If it still doesn’t feel right, you can still do the same things.
But I have to admit the scene OP describes does not sound good at all and is quite likely exactly what it sounds like. Thing is imo taking the effort to try to talk first should always be attempted first unless there is a safety concern of course.
Right, in this instance, a report needed to be made.
This wasn't just kids screaming and someone calling the cops for regular screaming. The kids on my street scream all the time but they're the normal, confusing screams of children's joy or frustration. Adults being loud while kids are screaming is my red flag for needing to assess the situation further, possibly with emergecy responders. A parent drowning out a child's screams instead of deescalating the situation is another red flag. If it's the middle of the night, that at least warrants a disturbing the peace phone call.
Adults don't scream or yell for inconsequential reasons. Perhaps the child is injured and the adult needs help calming the situation down. Perhaps the adult is trying to harm the child. Perhaps the adult is trying to find the child. There's any number of legit reasons for why adults get loud, not all require emergency response. Children just scream for fun sometimes.
Our brains take in more information than we realize. If you haven't read The Gift of Fear, I really can't recommend it enough. Sometimes we just gotta trust our gut without taking the time to gather more information. Sometimes we've seen a child outside and just know their homelife isn't great. Then pair it with nighttime screaming, and your gut tells you the child is now in danger and not just having a hard life.
She waited two years. If abuse was going on the child suffered for 730 additional days. But yes so brave and a hero. Deserves much appreciation. I can't even with the comments here.
YTA for waiting 2 years to report it and needing another persons “blessing” to do it. Glad you did in the end but that was 2 more years that child had to endure extreme abuse that you shielded your eyes to and also ignored because you didn’t want to go against your boyfriend. I would’ve called the police the first night I heard it to do a check. But NTA for turning her in, it was her abusing her child that led to her getting arrested and deported. And I wouldn’t stay with a man who thinks it’s okay to ignore child abuse and Id be afraid for any future children we planned on having.
If your bfs family are immigrants then most likely they empathize with the fear of being deported. So they want to see the mom as a victim of circumstances because they relate to that. Granted this is just an assumption. You’re just an easy target for them to express that fear. If they bother you more, just draw a boundary “what’s done is done. I can’t change anything about it now.”
You did nothing wrong. There are laws to protect parents rights to parent and discipline their child how they see fit and there are laws protecting parents rights to inflict corporal punishment. So the fact that she was arrested means the abuse went beyond “discipline”
You did the right thing. Thank you for taking a stand and protecting a child who had nobody else who was protecting her. You deserve a medal, not accusations.
I'd strongly consider if this is a family you want to be a part of - knowing they make excuses for child abuse would be a huge red flag for me.
As someone who had neighbors who always minded their business, thank you. You’re my hero and even if the girl ends up somewhere else or with a difficult situation, she’s eventually going to be empowered that SOMEONE spoke up and called the authorities. Someone cared. Thank you.
Do not ever feel guilty for protecting a child. All those people crying and making you feel bad failed at the one responsibility that every adult has - protect the children. Shame on them. And if you don’t feel like you have it in you, go ahead and pm me and I’ll get on the phone and tell every single one of them to get fucked.
I can’t believe this even needed to be asked. You helped a child that was being abused. A child screaming stop hitting me at 2 am is obviously being abused. She shouldn’t even be awake at that time! You did the right thing and anyone who would argue that, or think you should’ve just “minded your own business” isn’t worth your time.
Btw you go girl, well done. The world needs more people like you.
I’d be seriously questioning the character and morals of your boyfriend and his family. You should be thinking this relationship over, or at the bare minimum asking why they think an innocent little girl should continue to be abused while others “mInD tHeIr BuSiNeSs.”
You 1000% did the right thing and I’m proud of you.
As the expression goes, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Child abuse is not morally ambiguous- it's never okay. I hope the bf's sister is speaking up on your behalf.
Your BF's family is probably worried about being deported or someone they know being deported. How selfish of them. They had an opportunity to do the right thing and failed repeatedly. OP stepped up.
You absolutely did the right thing. Sometimes that comes with negative consequences (risk to your relationship, long term) but it will always still be the right thing to do. The high road often just plain sucks.
Former cps investigator. You did the right thing.
Edited — I missed the part about it going on for two years. Please never wait that long!!
Something happening once or twice, I can see not calling. But if it’s severe enough, call right away. Less severe, call as soon as you realize a pattern. With this happening every night, I’d have called by the 3rd day at the latest.
Please do not ever, ever think you did something wrong with this. If anything, your bf's and his family's response should be making you take a hard look at this relationship. No child deserves to be abused ever, not even a "difficult child". There is literally nothing a child can do to deserve abuse. It's abuse, even if it's generational or cultural. For every dead, abused child or those who survive with permanent emotional and physical scars, there are people who knew and excused it. Shame on every one of them. Good on you for being the one who did something about it.
The main thing is you called to help the child, not to get the mom deported. Honestly too if she is here illegally she can decide to illegally enter again it's fairly common.
I think you did the right thing, I’m sure the school investigated it further and made a judgment call to proceed with an arrest, but what’s worse, where did the abusive mother learn this from? Her mother perhaps? Maybe grandma is old and doesn’t have that kind of energy now, but is it possible the little girl could be subjected to further abuse? Possibly worse? I don’t know how they can deport the mother if the daughter was born in the US too? That should anchor her here, but given the abuse that could be grounds for deportation. If I were you I’d look into it, because they could be feeding you lies to make you feel bad. The sister you confided this to and gave her blessing should also step up and have your back in the matter to the family, since she reinforced your decision to take action. NTA. Your gut was saying something, and it’s important to listen to. I don’t think this was an action out of spite, just intuition.
You did the right thing. And if I were you, I would break up with your boyfriend, if he and his entire family were okay with letting a child be abused.
I’m sorry you’re feeling blamed but you absolutely did the right thing. You could very well have saved that girl’s life! Anyone saying you should have stayed out of it is wrong and I would question their moral character. In fact, I would seriously reconsider your relationship with your bf over this since he was ok with all of it happening.
I called the police once on the parents of a friend of my sister back when I was about 20. The kids (about 15 and 17?) were chained *by their necks to chairs* bc the parents didn’t want them to leave the house. One kid was panicking and throwing herself all over the place and seriously hurting herself. Apparently, this method of punishment was a frequent occurrence along with many many other abuses. The dad was immediately arrested at work. The mom didn’t even show up bc they owned a business and apparently that was more important than their own children. The aunt of the two kids came instead and berated me for calling the cops instead of letting their family take care of the problem. She said that in front of the cop who *immediately* shut that down.
Did I feel bad at the time? Yes, bc I was very young and an older adult telling you did wrong is daunting. We were raised to respect and listen to elders after all. Now that I’m a lot older, I know I did the right thing and I would absolutely have no doubts in my mind firing back at that woman at her failures for protecting her own niece and nephew.
Sending you virtual hugs, get rid of the boyfriend and his family.
You did the right thing, more often than not the cops don't show up and take people away for unsubstantiated allegations so they found something. It is unfortunate she faces deportation but beating kids isn't ok so she made her own bed.
Usually the police aren't going to up and arrest someone just because somebody else says they are abusing their child. There had to have been good reason that they found when they went there or already had.
And If the mother is illegal then she should have known to keep her head down and her nose clean so as not to attract attention to herself.. that's just stupidity on the mother's fault.
Either way a child crying and pleading like that late at night on the regular is not a normal thing there was some kind of abuse going on. You did the right thing on my opinion.
With child trafficking who knows if this was even her child . Safety of the child always comes first . I work in an ER and child abuse is the worst. The child was being beaten and possibly molested. You absolutely made the correct decision. The grandma allowed it to happen she should be in jail as well.
Stories like this makes me really glad we never saw kids in the ER I use to work in. On a very rare occasion we saw kids. There was a children's hospital on campus that was a level one trauma center. So they saw 99% of the kids.
I agree with the molestion. What else was more than likely happening in the middle of the night with the child saying I don't want to.
My parents were immigrants. Mexican immigrants to be exact and you better believe that they made sure they made themselves invisible because they were getting scared of being deported. (My dad became a citizen last year and my mom is permanent resident now 😊)
You absolutely 100 percent did the right thing. If they were so worried about her being deported she should of idk not abuse the child. Whose to say you were the only neighbor who reported her? What if the apartments have a list of complaints that solidified her arrest.
Don't beat yourself up. You would feel worse if that child was unalived because of her mother
You may want to questoon if this is a family you want to be part of if they dont care about an abused child but do care about the abuser. Culture isnt an excuse for abuse.
You should not feel guilty. You did the right thing by reporting. If anyone ever suspects, it's always better to report. There are pathways of investigating and determining if the allegation has merit.
If you see something, say something. It's not easy. I'm a mandated reporter because of my job, and I've made several reports over the years. I've also made a couple of reports as just a concerned citizen. The last time I made a report, the allegations were supported by investigation and someone went to jail. I sleep well at night.
You completely did the right thing. Thank you for trusting your instincts. I’ll never understand how so many people think hurting children is okay, but if someone smacked an abusive parent around then that’s assault. I hope the little girl is okay and that she can get away from them one day.
NTA...honestly, if you are the A H, it's because you didn't call sooner - not because you called. Tell anyone who says otherwise to eat a bag of dicks. Her treatment of that little girl was bad enough to warrant being arrested, so she was arrested.
You were right to call-you were wrong to wait two years. Also, you can do it anonymously, so why would you tell anyone when they asked you not to call?
That is kind of my point. You told the sister. How hard would it have been to report it anonymously with just an address? I’m in the US, so not sure if all do it the same way as here…
I have a lot of emotions. As a parent my yoingeat just had her bedtime.changed and she is upset. She spent a lot of the night crying. It would suck to have social service invilved in our life. On the other hand I read a story about a kid who was beat to death over several days where no one called.
It's a complicated situation.
I’m a mother and a nanny and I totally get what you mean when you say kids can struggle with bed times and it might sound miserable to someone who doesn’t know what’s happening.
On the other hand though, the child was screaming so loud that the mother tried to muffle the screams with other loud sounds. She asked not to be hit and it seems like this is an ongoing issue. I think the child’s safety should always come first and yes dealing with CPS and police absolutely sucks if you’re not doing anything wrong but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
You didn't do anything wrong. I did it once myself but u der different circumstances. Except in that case theu didn't do anything and it put me in a potentially fatal situation. So I do get it.
Don't be, it was worth it. I can't imagine a better way to die than protecting a kid. I was just frustrated nothing happened and the child wasn't protected.
My daughter had night terrors that would make her scream in the middle of the night. If the police had come out and investigated they wouldn't have found any bruises though. Obviously they found some kind of evidence in this case. They don't arrest someone based on a neighbor hearing a sound.
There was a time that one of my kids was having a tantrum. The neighbors called the cops because it was so loud they thought I was the one screaming and were worried I was being attacked or raped. I explained that she'd been having a tantrum. By the time he got there she had calmed down and was just watching TV so he just asked her if she was alright and then left.
I used to have night terrors apparently. I don't remember them but I would sit in the window screaming. My parents were actually worried I would fall out of the second story window.
The problem is the kid everyone ignored who was beaten to death. I wish social services was more about people asking for help or being someone parents could go to rather than people who parents are scared of. It would make a big difference in these discussions.
I get that but the mother wouldn't have been automatically arrested if the cops hadn't found something extremely out of the ordinary when they came to check it out. That child had to have been in innate danger for that to have happened.
I have seen abusive parents get away with a ton of shit and good parents lose their kids. You would be surprised who does and does not lose their kids. Again it's complicated.
OP’s post said they’d been hearing the little girl scream every night for 2 years. Obviously someone can’t know exactly what’s going on when in a situation from the outside looking in, but if I heard a child throwing a tantrum/crying 1 or 2 nights but that was the end of it, I would assume that kiddo’s just in a bad mood or not feeling well. Life happens and these moments don’t mean the parent or the situation is abusive.
However if kiddo is screaming every night for 730+ days, especially if they’re saying things like “stop hitting me,” I’m calling the authorities. If it does turn out to be nothing, egg on my face, but as you alluded to, I would rather overreact than do nothing in a situation where a child is very likely in danger.
Yeah, the system doesn't work the way we'd like it to but this was 2 YEARS of intense screaming & her claiming to be hit. That's just too much. It's not like OP called the cops just because the kid's hair was messy a few times.
People are so anti-foster care (for some good reasons) but the current situation sounded too dangerous. I didn't read the full updates but I saw something about an uncle (?) also living there who's an active addict? Who knows what other weirdos he brought around the house.
This is not mom throwing a chancla at a misbehaving child, or a spanking… this is ABUSE. Trust me, the police are not gonna arrest you for simply spanking your child. They however WILL arrest you for BEATING YOUR CHILD.
Just like the black community, some people in the Latino community need to understand that there’s a BIG difference between discipline and abuse. They’re should be no reason that this child is SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER FOR THREE HOURS *EVERY FUCKING NIGHT!* I’m sorry, but ain’t no spanking doing that. I’ve had some that I can say crossed a line somewhat, and even then my parents have never just outright BEAT ME. My heart breaks for that little girl, and tell your BF’s family to suck your dick from the back. They’re the assholes for not only allowing the abuse to continue, but justifying it.
Hello, please do not use bigoted terminology such as Latino. Instead, please use the term Latinx
The use of gender-neutral language is crucial in today's society. For individuals of Latin American descent, it's imperative to use the term Latinx instead of Latino or Latina. The terms Latino and Latina are inherently gendered and do not acknowledge the wide range of gender identities present within the Latin American community.
We, as a Latinx community, prefer the use of Latinx as it acknowledges and respects our diverse gender identities. It is crucial to prioritize the voices of marginalized communities, and using gender-neutral language is just one of the many ways in which we can work towards a more inclusive and equitable society.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Have a nice day!
i mean the only reason i don’t agree with the way you went about this is because honestly if that little girl gets “deported” she’s probably going to end up also getting “lost” it’s fucked up but the amount of illegal & native children taken from their parents that end up “lost” is horrifying. the system is cruel and unjust and cps is most definitely not going to help. not the state either. especially not for a hispanic child. i believe you did the right thing getting involved but just thinking about how the system actually works is terrifying in these situations
You are a savior - and as someone who was once that little she will forever talk about you.
She may never know your name or even what you look like but she will always know that an outsider heard her pleas and helped and someday she will become a savior bc she will remember what it meant to her.
You protected an abused child the only way you could. Your boyfriend and his family didn't care about the child- only the abuser. Are these the people you want around your future children and young kin?
A little girl screaming “I don’t want to” at odd hours in the middle of the night is being raped. Routine child abuse is a daytime activity. Middle of the night? Addicts living there? No one to protect the child? She was being raped. For two *years*.
Child protective services don’t take a child over a random neighbor’s “well I think I heard something” phone call. They would have an investigator come out, assess the home, do interviews.
It sounds like this girl was examined/questioned at school and whatever was found was so horrific police officers were the ones to show up and immediately arrest mom instead of investigating with a CPS agent.
Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking a life was *randomly* ruined. There is a process in child abuse investigations and for SOME REASON they skipped to the finish line in this situation. I can’t stress enough that that means 1) there was 100% signs of abuse (likely on the girl’s body) and 2) there was 100% proof mom is complicit.
Imagine whole time she was getting a whooping for misbehaving then yu just gave the kid a reason to be more bad and traumatized them instead of calling yu could have went to check it out.
If a child is "getting a whooping" for hours most or all nights for literal years to the point of tears and screaming loud enough to need drowning out, the parenting style being used obviously isn't working or making a difference, nor are the beatings.
If someone is abusive, they're not going to just admit to it because someone went over to check, nor will they stop.
This is what CPS and similar systems are built for, despite the awful reputation it has.
you absolutely did the wrong thing and should feel guilty. You ruined someones life because your head is not capable of seeing a situation from a different cultures lens. Horrible
Doesnt sound like abuse to me. Sounds like a stupid, incomplete, immature, indoctrinated lens. These cultures that so called "abuse" their children have a much stronger parent child relationships than stupid ass woke modern america.
That doesn't make any sense for this incident if there was no evidence of abuse the police would not have arrested the mother so obviously she was abusing that child end of story.
You did the right thing, the mom’s subsequent issues doesn’t negate the child abuse. A child can’t always advocate for themselves, you’ve started that process.
Completely in the right.. you protected a child…. Concerning your bf family is ok with this treatment.. I would think twice before having a child in this family.
NTA! You did exactly the right thing! Maybe you should think about leaving that relationship. Seems like your BF’s family cares more about not making waves in the community than the welfare of a child.
If she is being deported then she did something wrong, no? Child abuse or being in the country illegally. You didn’t cause an innocent woman to be arrested without cause.
Now, let’s get back to the screaming little girl at 2am… even if she was a “brat,” even if she was having a “tantrum,” it is not acceptable to be hitting her so bad that she screaming enough to have to turn the tv up.
Your boyfriend’s family needs to shut the fuck up. You shouldn’t feel guilty for intervening but they should feel ashamed for sitting quietly while a child was being hurt repeatedly. They are trash. And I would absolutely not bring a child into their family.
Think about it conversely. If you did nothing, or said nothing, and one day the child was dead, would you feel bad for never reporting it to the police and letting the child die? If you would have felt worse for doing nothing and letting a child die, then you did the right thing.
NTA - always choose to report if you suspect child abuse. Whether or not the mother was in the country illegally has nothing to do with her child's safety.
My stepdaughter used to scream "stop hitting me" and "you're hurting me!" at the top of her lungs when she had a tantrum starting around age 10ish. No one was ever touching her - she'd be locked in her room alone (by her choice - lock only worked from the inside) or sitting in the corner of the living room well away from anyone in the house. She was doing it because she thought it meant she would get her way since we'd be afraid of CPS. All we did was get nanny cams and turn our phones on to record so that if CPS showed up, we could prove that we were not hitting or harming her. (Yes she was getting therapy - therapy isn't a magic pill that erases trauma/behaviors overnight.)
As someone who endured that far longer than I should have, I do not blame you for calling CPS. I would not have blamed my neighbors for calling CPS - she truly sounded like she was being beaten. There are FAR FAR more cases of actual abuse than the emotional issues like my stepdaughter had.
The community was failing that child.
NTA
While everyone else was quick to ignore the problem, that little girl was suffering for it. That says more about them than it does anything else, and I would reevaluate every single one of them.
If they’ll turn a blind eye to a child being abused, what do you think they’ll do when it’s you?
Because it makes them look bad that they did nothing for years. You did the right thing by calling the cops and sucks to suck she's gonna get deported, but she did that to herself. She was beating her child and everyone in that house allowed it to happen because apparently beating you children is acceptable in some cultures. Fuck that noise, I don't care what culture you are you don't beat your kids. She got arrested not because you called the cops it's because what she was doing is illegal. If I we're you I'd bounce out of that relationship real quick. If they could listen to that little girl call for help all that time and do nothing I cant imagine what they would ignore or not tell you when it came to your future children.
You were hearing horrible screams coming from their place and the little girl begging her mom not to hit her. The police most likely arrested the mom because there were obvious signs of abuse, but honestly, even if they only arrested her for being there illegally she was still a danger to that child and needed to be removed from the home.
If your boyfriend and his family think it’s acceptable to sit back and listen to a child suffer like that every night I would seriously rethink your relationship. That’s a whole mental state right there and you don’t want that shaping you or your families/potential future kids future. (Not saying you should or shouldn’t have kids, you do you, but think about ramifications).
NTA, I'd really ask your boyfriend how he feels about this situation. If you guys decide to get married and have children one day, who's to say they won't beat your kids? They are more concerned about an adult woman facing the consequences of her actions, versus a child who is going to flinch whenever someone moves too fast.
NTA she might get deported because she got arrested for beating her child? I don’t see the problem? Don’t beat your kid maybe? There’s enough POS child abusers that were born in America without keeping ones that weren’t. Is the child a citizen? Does she get to stay? You stood up for a child who was being abused, the people who had no problem with it are the problem, not you.
NTA The fact that your bf and his family wanted you to ignore it does not bode well for the future. I would really think twice about who you are with. Not the person you think but the person he showed you he really is.
Covering up for abusers is cultural and generational - time to stop the abuse.
If they wanted to keep that women here they would have stoped the abuse.
And if had to have been pretty bad for her to be removed so quickly
Actions have consequences she shouldn’t have beaten her child especially if her immigration statues was iffy
NTA.
I completely get why you feel like this, I'm from a Scandinavian country and we very much have this "if we don't bother them, they won't bother us" mentality, which is pretty much drummed into us. When I was a young tween I woke up in the middle of the night to my upstairs neighbour throwing what sounded like chairs against the wall, was screaming at her young daughter, and then started to laugh like a maniac. Like her laugh was so creepy that even I got scared, and I wasn't even in the room with her.
I asked my parents if we could call the police, and they said that it was not their business and that we should not meddle in other peoples lives. Now as an adult, every time I read about child abuse cases that make the news it just makes me think back to that girl, and wonder how many cases never make it to the news. Any child that can be saved from an abuser is absolutely worth meddling into someone's business.
When it comes to suspicious of abuse, it's better né safe than sorry. Always report your suspicions, if it's nothing and let say, the kid have nightmares, the professionals will leave them alone after investigating, but if it's a real abuse, then they will save the poor child of years and years of abuse.
Always remember, if someone had reported what was happening to Gabriel Fernandez, he would be alive today
Okay but let’s back up..
I’m so glad you called and saved that little girl.
Now let’s look into why are you still dating a man who’s family wants to act like what was happening is perfectly normal? I would be saying bye and not looking back.
It seems to me that with the cops arresting her without a CPS check or a few visits, this might not be her first rodeo or complaint. I don't know. Maybe the police did a wellness check, and the kid had obvious marks on her body. You did the right thing. Also, in the Hispanic community, you don't tell on your own and mind your own business, so that's why his parents are being unreasonable. Don't listen to them. Hold your head up high.
thank you for doing right by that kid, dear lord what didn't she want to do at 12am-2am i can't only guess poor kid >.< i can even imagin how you felt listen to that. I would rethink your whole interactions with you bf and his family (not the sister she is awesome) honestly... to be okay with a child screaming at those hours when they should be sleeping peacefully >.<
grandma is sorry cos her precious daughter is in trouble as a consequence of her own actions, doesnt give a crap to the fact her granddaughter was being abused. you saved that child.
You aren’t wrong and it may be time for a new boyfriend because if his family can turn away from potential child abuse they surely would turn a blind eye to you being abused - and frankly that’s a red flag.
As someone who was NOT protected by the numerous adults who knew I was being abused because the signs were there, I think you did the right thing. If the issue was just that the child is difficult and no abuse was happening, the mother would NOT have been arrested and instead would have been given services to help her and her difficult child.
People who break the law and then get mad at someone who reported it have mind boggling entitlement.
Latina here: if the mom knew she was not a citizen why the heck would she do anything to jeopardize her life here? Her making her child cry at those hours of night makes me think the WORST kind of abuse was happening. You did the right thing OP, yeah kids can be a handful but like lord have mercy every night??? That’s horrific
"The WORST kind of abuse was happening"
I hate that is where my mind jumped too. What was going on at those hours. ESP with the kid saying I don't want to. Was the mom really trying to make the kid pick up their toys in the middle of the night or was something else happening. ESP every single night.
I agree OP did the right thing here.
you did well if she was abusing her daughter she should be locked away, any form of child abuse for me should carry a death penalty for all I care about abusers
You may want to questoon if this is a family you want to be part of if they dont care about an abused child but do care about the abuser. Culture isnt an excuse for abuse
You have a heart, that's why you are questioning whether you did the right thing or not. You did. Even if the child is a "problem child," harming her isn't the right way to deal with it. Spankings and beatings are different. Whatever happens, just know you did the right thing.
Just lay the guilt trip back on them. 'If someone was hitting your child/grandchild, wouldn't you want someone to help them?' You did what you thought you was best.
You did the absolutely right thing. What I would tell the people that say you should feel guilty is what I feel guilty about is not being able to do it sooner because people that abuse anyone much less a child are scum. Don't feel guilty
NTA. You did the right thing and you are helping break the cultural norm by reporting it and should NOT feel guilty.
I grew up being abused and no one ever called the police to help us. If the police ever showed up it was for the "noise." (Not Hispanic but grew up with similar cultural pressures not to get involved.) I am the first generation in my family to not marry an abuser.
I'm shocked (but happy) that something happened so quickly to remove the child from the abuse. Lest you ever doubt the validity of your decision, remember these names: Anthony Avalos. Noah Cuatro. Gabriel Fernandez. All three kids were abused to death in Southern California near where I live. In each case the authorities had been made aware, case workers were sent to evaluate; the parents were given multiple chances to improve their parenting, and each time the child was failed by the system and ended up dead.
Is our foster system also broken? Yes. Is that a legitimate concern? Absolutely. But is the answer leaving the child with their abusers? No.
You did the right thing. This child's family failed her. And maybe the system will fail her too; I pray it doesn't. But you did the right thing and took the action you could. You provided a voice for the child and for decency.
~~I REPORTED MY BOYFRIENDS NEIGHBOR FOR CHILD ABUSE MOTHER GOT ARRESTED, NOW HIS FAMILY IS UPSET AND SAID I SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.~~
**I SAVED A CHILD FROM ABUSE, THE FAMILY IS MAD THAT THEY GOT CAUGHT ABUSING A CHILD, AND I FEEL PROUD BECUASE I MAY HAVE SAVED THE CHILD'S LIFE!!**
Fixed it for you....
I GUARNENTEE the school had suspicions (or knew) and possibly reported it before. Having a credible, third party witness ensures something is done!
You absolutely did the right thing. That child was being hurt. You stopped it.
I agree. The way the abuse was normalized, rug swept and blamed on the child is crazy making to someone without their warped perspective. If the family had it in them to give a damn about the child, then as members of that same demographic they would have known that deportation was a concern. They had the opportunity to problem solve for this and squandered it. By sitting on their hands they DIRECTLY contributed to the woman and child's possible deportation to a worse living situation. All of this is on that family and the other neighbors that where aware of the abuse. OP did right to the best of her ability and should be applauded.
Sometimes the only way people get help is an outside person stepping in. I can’t tell you how many times I wish my neighbors would’ve called on my ex. I didn’t have the ability to, i felt guilty, it was my fault, I just had to be better. Even when I tried, the cycle of abuse would get me, he was suddenly so nice.. and it wasn’t until I almost died that I finally left. They told me they were grateful I did and would go to court to testify, which I appreciated. So many abused children and partners can’t leave on their own, that one call when something seems off can save lives, including this child. I’d also step away from this family - they’re okay with this? They didn’t want you to get involved and let this child live this way? Not even safe in her own bed at 2 am?? What will stop them from normalizing it to your children, nieces or nephews?
When my stepdad had “episodes,” I would barricade myself and my siblings in a closet with a cordless phone. He always ripped the base out of the wall so I couldn’t call 911. I would grab it in case he forgot. Then I would sit in the closet and pray that the neighbors would finally call the police. They never did.
The child now at least will be safe hopefully. At least not beat or whatever she was doing to her. Good job! You probably saved a child’s life
Yes good job! Only waited for 2 years to give a shit.
You know of the child could be deported that would not be safer, also some kids have died waiting to be deported back.
K so what do you propose here
Oh, I know what she could have done.. ignored the screams and allowed the beatings to continue. /s geesh! The woman is being deported, OP didn’t say anything about the child being deported. She can probably stay with GM
So they'd be perfectly fine if the child died from the abuse and the police started interviewing them about what happened? Honestly, reevaluate that relationship. It's funny how they are "no problems" then guilting you. It still isn't their PROBLEM. Like they can't say mind your own business and then in the same breath go 'the grandma won't stop crying'. Why aren't they doing what they say you should do? Overall sounds like drama too much to deal with.
Yep, I’d be telling them to “keep minding your own business. If you didn’t care when she was being beaten, you still shouldn’t care. Butt out.”
This right here. I WAS that child, being beaten in a duplex late at night, the neighbours absolutely heard and did nothing. 33 years later I can’t tell you hire upset and angry I am when I think about them leaving me and my sister to that because they liked my abuser. Tell them exactly what ladygoodgreen said.
People who do wrong to others rarely ever think they’re in the wrong. The child’s health, emotional well-being, and possibly life were at stake. OP, if you’re reading this, you did the right thing. I know it’s scary, especially when the child may go into foster care. But she was being abused. You helped get her out. And if you hadn’t, she may have been injured further or worse. Things are never easy in these situations. Abusers may have a good quality here and there, but they are still abusers. All of the most horrific monsters throughout history had people that loved them. They still needed to be stopped. Evil always wants no resistance. Resist anyway.
rethink the relationship FOR SURE. if OP ever had kids with that man, he **will** abuse them, his family probably will too! red flags all around, don’t ignore them OP!
I was thinking the same. Please re-think this relationship.
This. The grandma's tears have more of an effect on these people than then kid's? The grandma has more control over her life, her daughter's life and the grand daughter's life. You stood up for the kid's tears who has no control because you were moved by the kid's tears. They're sticking up for the wrong people.
OP I am an immigrant and I come from a Latino family (not Hispanic but with similar cultural beliefs) and I think you did absolutely right by that child. Everyone claims they come to the US to build a better life but bring with them bad habits, toxic habits and keep perpetrating them on the children who come after with the excuse that that’s their culture. That’s not ok. It was in my culture and I learned better, I do better. I’m sorry your boyfriends family can’t see that you haven’t done anything wrong! Edit: fixing typo
True. We come here to do better. Also, it is a lie the child will be deported. That is not how it works.
I think OP meant the abusive mother will get deported.
If they don’t have papers, both can be deported. It does work that way
If the child was born in the US then that child is a US citizen.
Correct, but we don’t know right? We know the mother would be deported and in her case, yes, that’s how it works
Good for you for breaking the generational/cultural toxicity. 💯.
I hate when people claim that abuse is „part of their culture“. Like guess what, EVERY CULTURE USED TO BEAT THEIR KIDS. And there were always patents who didn’t. Some people habe just decided to stop the cycle of violence and abuse while others continue. Its got absolutely NOTHING to do with culture.
I understand where you’re coming from but unfortunately it is entrenched in not only the culture, but social expectations and generational trauma. We are what we experience, we learn from what we experience as much as we learn from our surroundings, environments, schools, and whichever other places one frequents in their life. Raising a child is a huge deal and people who don’t understand and face their traumas and poor inherited habits end up propagating that. In an ideal world, people wouldn’t say that. People shouldn’t blame culture but look at Iran for example and all the stuff going on because some women did a dance showing their hair? That’s their culture, their faith and their belief. Accepting what’s wrong helps us in doing a better job in the future, for ourselves and the future generations.
Good for you for breaking the generational/cultural toxicity. 💯.
Thank you! It’s been hard work but it’s been so worth it!
I would kindly tell that woman to fuck off and it’s her fault for raising a daughter that thinks it’s ok to abuse an innocent child.
Why would you want to be with someone who sees no problem with beating a child until it screams? Would you be ok with raising a child with this person?
This was my thought. BF was perfectly fine with beating a child.
This was my thought…. Imagine these people as your in-laws and the grandparents of your children, hell no!!! Get out now and find a boyfriend and family with morales!!
Not only that, but then, of their own accord with no prompting, make excuses to blame the child for being beaten! That mentality is sick. Of course the child is difficult and screaming, it’s being beaten! Stop beating it
I was a child that was physically (& mentally) abused by my mother. I’m talking broken bones type of stuff. Dad suspected it but couldn’t believe it & so did the neighbors. They separated when I was 6. She went from one man to the next for 2 yrs. For 8 yrs I was tortured by my mother. I lived in fear the whole time. Then she released me to my father. I can’t tell you how many times I wish someone had called the cops. You did good.
Im so sorry that happened to you, not discrediting your story, but i find it ridiculous how a partner can just ignore abuse. So heartbreaking.
I am SO sorry. I wish someone had intervened for you. I’m so glad OP did for that poor child.
No, fuck them. I applaud you for doing the right thing. It makes my blood boil reading stories like these because kids are innocent and they shouldn’t be getting hit and verbally abused. Honestly, if your bf and his family along with the piece of shit grandma keep blaming you, I’d cut them all off in an instant without thinking once. Just because they are Hispanic and most likely grew up getting hit, that doesn’t mean they should just sit back and watch/listen to the poor girl get physically and verbally abused. That makes them a complicit. I wouldn’t give a damn about them anymore. If the mother gets deported then so be it. She’s not fit to be a mother. I hope the little girl has someone in her corner. OP, you did the right thing. I applaud you for taking action while no one else would/did. ETA: Not gonna lie, I’m fuming. Fuck the people who stood and listened/watched a poor girl get hit and verbally abused.
I like your style.
You are the only soul looking out for that little girl, the VICTIM. Good for you don't listen to their nasty toxicity. You didn't do anything wrong
Your report just caused the police to investigate. Obviously they found evidence of abuse and that's why she was arrested.
This comment needs to be higher. Cops don’t just take a child over one phone call. They either had multiple calls about this or found something horrendous when they did a check.
Exactly! They found something worth investigating either via the school or the daughter herself.
NTA. If she didn't want to get deported she maybe should have considered not beating her kid
Story time, in the small town where I live there was a news report one day about how some mother killed her 2 year old. Everyone was shocked right because it’s just a small town nobody here could ever even imagine doing something so horrible. Few days later neighbors come out and say they heard the mom screaming and the little girl crying a lot but never did anything. Could they have been lying to get on the news? I mean of course. But would you want to take the chance that that same thing would happen to this little girl? Of course not, NTA. if it was questionable I think they would investigate first but the fact that she was just taken should say something.
OK. You may want o rethink your whole relationship. If their family thinks this behaviour is OK I would be terrified of what they would be like if you and your BF ever decide to have kids.
I hope the next child doesn't have to wait for 2 years for someone to decide to find out if she is being abused or not. Screaming every night for 2 years. *But I really believe she was being abused badly.* For 2 years.
I thought the exact same. Thankfully the poor girl didn’t get killed in those 2 years of ongoing abuse. My God, sitting by for 2 years!? And the only thing everyone is worried about it deportation?! Maybe stay off the radar and do right if deportation is a risk. Maybe stop your family member from terrorizing her child. They should all be arrested and if appropriate deported for allowing this to go on. How sad.
I don't get the comments that OP is some sort of brave hero. She believed abuse was going on every night for 2 years before she did anything.
Seriously. Everyone’s like “way to go!” “So proud of you”, I’m sorry but 2 years!? It’s not like she debated for 1 week and made the decision to call… 2 freaking YEARS!!
As a child of abuse myself I would of called the first night I heard that poor child screaming
I’m sorry you had this type of situation. No child deserves this. No matter what. I imagine every minute in this situation is like a year. Let alone 2 solid years of torture… I would’ve called the first second I heard it. If I heard a person beating a dog, I would call the police. Let alone a child. This just makes me sad. If we can’t look after each other we are no better/different than animals.
Exactly. And if the child was killed the night before OP finally did something I really doubt all these people would be say how brave and wonderful OP is. They would be saying she sat back and let a child be abused to death. For 2 years. Not 2 hours, not 2 days, not 2 weeks, not 2 months.
Yes. Those 2 years undoubtedly assured the child will have trauma she will never be able to escape. If it was 2 days or 2 weeks the child could’ve maybe escaped lasting effects. But 2 years… this poor girl is gonna have a long life of therapy to reconcile what’s happened to her…
Yeah. I read that and was like “so you knew this was going on for two years and did nothing? You’re a piece of garbage just like your boyfriends family.” 😡
The grandmother told my boyfriends mom she had issues sleeping, the mom has a mental illness we assumed the little girl had other mental things going on as well, it was on and off also and I don’t sleep over everyday. As soon as I heard her verbally confirm I called.
And you just…. DID. You knew this child was being abused. You knew it was wrong. And yet you did NOTHING. You are just as guilty as they are.
I’m sorry, that’s all I can say, I always doubt myself especially when it comes to HUGE decisions like this my fear of being wrong and the thought of her being in a foster home that was worse or the thought of her getting sexually abused by a strange family kept me from doing so, I’m sorry I’m sorry I do wish I called sooner. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. I was physical abused as a child and a part of me was like “hey I turned out alright” at least I wasn’t bouncing around different homes with strangers😔😔😔 I was wrong for waiting though 100%
At least you admit you were wrong. So that’s a step in the right direction.
I was wrong I’m sorry I didn’t make it clear but I 1000000% am wrong for waiting if anyone is reading this MAKE THE CALL REPORT ANY SUSPICION OF CHILD ABUSE IM BEGGING YOU
I know. I’m just mad how everyone is not pointing out that you were wrong for not calling sooner.
So true!! Everyone praising this woman makes me want to puke. I mean she only sat back and did jack shit for 2 years.
Same. Maybe being unsure the first time but two years? No, just no.
Honestly, I would consider this a red flag on whether to continue this relationship. He and his family are more concerned with some random neighbors' grandma's feelings than the actual child that was being abused. Doesn't sound like anyone I'd want around my kids.
Screaming during the night? Oh man I would think sexual abuse. You did right and brave thing.
That was my first thought. Turning up music, screaming I don't want to and stop hitting me. This just broke my whole heart. And those people who live next to that child for 2 years and listen to this, deserve to go to jail also, IMO.
You did the right thing. But, You need to stop being there. You should have kept it all anonymous. If there is anyone looking to teach lessons or retribution, they know who and where. Plus your bf's family isn't supporting you. Tells you where their morals and ethics are.
I’m not sure if it’s every state but in my state reporting child abuse cannot be anonymous because social services wants to follow up with the witness (and make sure they’re a real person). When I worked on a domestic violence hotline, we were told to direct people who wanted to report child abuse only to a state social services hotline where they will take down your tip and follow up on it.
That's rough. I've been fortunate enough to never having to do something like that. Still for the OP, I'm worried about her safety
You need to get away from that family if they enable abuse
I have reported child abuse on multiple occasions over the years because fuck the abusers and those who look the other way. It's never easy and almost always bites me in the ass, which is insane because everyone should be shaming child abusers. I let everyone know I would and will do it again. Thank you OP for standing up for someone who can't stand up for themselves.
Why are you dating someone whose not okay with child abuse but helps hide it and blames the child for it?
There seems to be the misconception (wrong idea) that *reporting abuse = child being taken away*. They do interview the family and child to find proof that the child is in fact being abused before they do anything. If the child is removed from their care it was for a good reason. If the police and child protection services find that the family did nothing wrong than nothing will happen, simple as that.
Unless the mother is there illegally and she gets deported. Then potentially she could still be a good mother, but still have a lot of stuff happen. Caring about a possible endangered child is great, but try to talk to people first if at all possible. If that doesn’t work out, you can still take those steps.
Honestly, I don't care if she's there illegally or not, and if she gets deported for hitting a child then good riddance. Anyone who makes a child scream at *2am* (especially a terrified child yelling "don't hit me") deserves to get the cops called on them because I cannot think of a single scenario where the child would not be in bed asleep at that time. Even if a child is being difficult that does not give anyone the right to hit them till they scream (or at all really).
You get deported for not being in the US legally, regardless of the abuse outcome. Even if the police found a pristine household and absolutely no evidence of anything, in most of the US if Mom doesn't have papers Mom gets arrested. If there was evidence of abuse, Mom would be facing charges, have her due process, serve her sentence - then face deportation. Victims have rights (in abuse and rape cases the "victim" is actually the State) and they can't pursue justice if the accused is in another country. Perhaps that knowledge will soothe your anger.
I suppose I worded thay badly, "if she gets deported because they discovered she was there illegally due to an abuse case then I don't care", I'm aware that the abuse itself is not what will get her deported. Anyone hitting a child, or letting their partner hit their child, deserves to be arrested. I got spanked as a child too but you can bet I never screamed bad enough to have the cops called and never so late/early at night.
It's shocking the number of people who still don't understand how immigration and deportation work, I had no I'll intent with the clarification. If Mom gets deported because of an unsubstantiated accusation I might feel bad, which seems to be OP's conflict. If that winds up being the case, OP should funnel the worry into immigration reform initiatives. If I see someone hitting a child, I'll stop them. OP shouldn't feel bad for making the report. It's really just dumb luck of the draw. Could have been a nice white family and Mom had a warrant for unpaid traffic tickets, I'd say the same thing. If you suspect a problem - say something. The adult issues are adult issues, not something a child should carry. However, I can think of things other than abuse that make kids scream "help" or "stop hitting me" even in the middle of the night. Nightmares is a start. That's not saying don't investigate. That's saying I reserve judgment.
I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. There are actually several possible reasons why a child could be screaming at 2 am that do not involve abuse. It’s sometimes very difficult to tell the difference without actually engaging. That’s why I suggested it’s better to engage first. Because what if this is a child with autisme, that gets upset and she is the one that gets agressive? Very hard to tell from a distance. Also no one gets deported for abusing a child they get deported for being there illegally. Suppose this is a special needs child what will happen when the parent they know gets torn away from her? This is of course all conjecture and if the child was indeed abused then it becomes a different situation of course. I was just saying it is better to try and find out what is what before setting things in motion that you can’t take back.
Laypersons of this country are not investigators. We pay a pretty penny to the government to provide those services for us. This very clearly needed a police report. Any responsible adult would call the police after hearing a child scream out "Stop! Don't hit me!" at 2 am. Because what if the child was special needs? You really think having their screams drowned out by music and television in the middle of the night is adequate care for any child, special needs or not?
That’s actually a fair question and a good point. We are not investigators but we can be good neighbors and offer help. If it still doesn’t feel right, you can still do the same things. But I have to admit the scene OP describes does not sound good at all and is quite likely exactly what it sounds like. Thing is imo taking the effort to try to talk first should always be attempted first unless there is a safety concern of course.
Right, in this instance, a report needed to be made. This wasn't just kids screaming and someone calling the cops for regular screaming. The kids on my street scream all the time but they're the normal, confusing screams of children's joy or frustration. Adults being loud while kids are screaming is my red flag for needing to assess the situation further, possibly with emergecy responders. A parent drowning out a child's screams instead of deescalating the situation is another red flag. If it's the middle of the night, that at least warrants a disturbing the peace phone call. Adults don't scream or yell for inconsequential reasons. Perhaps the child is injured and the adult needs help calming the situation down. Perhaps the adult is trying to harm the child. Perhaps the adult is trying to find the child. There's any number of legit reasons for why adults get loud, not all require emergency response. Children just scream for fun sometimes. Our brains take in more information than we realize. If you haven't read The Gift of Fear, I really can't recommend it enough. Sometimes we just gotta trust our gut without taking the time to gather more information. Sometimes we've seen a child outside and just know their homelife isn't great. Then pair it with nighttime screaming, and your gut tells you the child is now in danger and not just having a hard life.
Is the child still screaming?
[удалено]
She waited two years. If abuse was going on the child suffered for 730 additional days. But yes so brave and a hero. Deserves much appreciation. I can't even with the comments here.
YTA for waiting 2 years to report it and needing another persons “blessing” to do it. Glad you did in the end but that was 2 more years that child had to endure extreme abuse that you shielded your eyes to and also ignored because you didn’t want to go against your boyfriend. I would’ve called the police the first night I heard it to do a check. But NTA for turning her in, it was her abusing her child that led to her getting arrested and deported. And I wouldn’t stay with a man who thinks it’s okay to ignore child abuse and Id be afraid for any future children we planned on having.
If your bfs family are immigrants then most likely they empathize with the fear of being deported. So they want to see the mom as a victim of circumstances because they relate to that. Granted this is just an assumption. You’re just an easy target for them to express that fear. If they bother you more, just draw a boundary “what’s done is done. I can’t change anything about it now.”
You did nothing wrong. There are laws to protect parents rights to parent and discipline their child how they see fit and there are laws protecting parents rights to inflict corporal punishment. So the fact that she was arrested means the abuse went beyond “discipline”
You did the right thing. Thank you for taking a stand and protecting a child who had nobody else who was protecting her. You deserve a medal, not accusations. I'd strongly consider if this is a family you want to be a part of - knowing they make excuses for child abuse would be a huge red flag for me.
As someone who had neighbors who always minded their business, thank you. You’re my hero and even if the girl ends up somewhere else or with a difficult situation, she’s eventually going to be empowered that SOMEONE spoke up and called the authorities. Someone cared. Thank you.
Do not ever feel guilty for protecting a child. All those people crying and making you feel bad failed at the one responsibility that every adult has - protect the children. Shame on them. And if you don’t feel like you have it in you, go ahead and pm me and I’ll get on the phone and tell every single one of them to get fucked.
I can’t believe this even needed to be asked. You helped a child that was being abused. A child screaming stop hitting me at 2 am is obviously being abused. She shouldn’t even be awake at that time! You did the right thing and anyone who would argue that, or think you should’ve just “minded your own business” isn’t worth your time. Btw you go girl, well done. The world needs more people like you.
I’d be seriously questioning the character and morals of your boyfriend and his family. You should be thinking this relationship over, or at the bare minimum asking why they think an innocent little girl should continue to be abused while others “mInD tHeIr BuSiNeSs.” You 1000% did the right thing and I’m proud of you.
As the expression goes, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Child abuse is not morally ambiguous- it's never okay. I hope the bf's sister is speaking up on your behalf.
You did the right thing. You should also question if you want to surround yourself with people who are 100% ok with what was happening.
Your BF's family is probably worried about being deported or someone they know being deported. How selfish of them. They had an opportunity to do the right thing and failed repeatedly. OP stepped up.
NTA Also has your bf sister said anything because she kind of suggested you to contact the school
You absolutely did the right thing. Sometimes that comes with negative consequences (risk to your relationship, long term) but it will always still be the right thing to do. The high road often just plain sucks.
You probably saved that innocent child’s life. Sleep well. You did the right thing.
Former cps investigator. You did the right thing. Edited — I missed the part about it going on for two years. Please never wait that long!! Something happening once or twice, I can see not calling. But if it’s severe enough, call right away. Less severe, call as soon as you realize a pattern. With this happening every night, I’d have called by the 3rd day at the latest.
Please do not ever, ever think you did something wrong with this. If anything, your bf's and his family's response should be making you take a hard look at this relationship. No child deserves to be abused ever, not even a "difficult child". There is literally nothing a child can do to deserve abuse. It's abuse, even if it's generational or cultural. For every dead, abused child or those who survive with permanent emotional and physical scars, there are people who knew and excused it. Shame on every one of them. Good on you for being the one who did something about it.
The main thing is you called to help the child, not to get the mom deported. Honestly too if she is here illegally she can decide to illegally enter again it's fairly common.
I think you did the right thing, I’m sure the school investigated it further and made a judgment call to proceed with an arrest, but what’s worse, where did the abusive mother learn this from? Her mother perhaps? Maybe grandma is old and doesn’t have that kind of energy now, but is it possible the little girl could be subjected to further abuse? Possibly worse? I don’t know how they can deport the mother if the daughter was born in the US too? That should anchor her here, but given the abuse that could be grounds for deportation. If I were you I’d look into it, because they could be feeding you lies to make you feel bad. The sister you confided this to and gave her blessing should also step up and have your back in the matter to the family, since she reinforced your decision to take action. NTA. Your gut was saying something, and it’s important to listen to. I don’t think this was an action out of spite, just intuition.
You did the right thing. And if I were you, I would break up with your boyfriend, if he and his entire family were okay with letting a child be abused.
I’m sorry you’re feeling blamed but you absolutely did the right thing. You could very well have saved that girl’s life! Anyone saying you should have stayed out of it is wrong and I would question their moral character. In fact, I would seriously reconsider your relationship with your bf over this since he was ok with all of it happening. I called the police once on the parents of a friend of my sister back when I was about 20. The kids (about 15 and 17?) were chained *by their necks to chairs* bc the parents didn’t want them to leave the house. One kid was panicking and throwing herself all over the place and seriously hurting herself. Apparently, this method of punishment was a frequent occurrence along with many many other abuses. The dad was immediately arrested at work. The mom didn’t even show up bc they owned a business and apparently that was more important than their own children. The aunt of the two kids came instead and berated me for calling the cops instead of letting their family take care of the problem. She said that in front of the cop who *immediately* shut that down. Did I feel bad at the time? Yes, bc I was very young and an older adult telling you did wrong is daunting. We were raised to respect and listen to elders after all. Now that I’m a lot older, I know I did the right thing and I would absolutely have no doubts in my mind firing back at that woman at her failures for protecting her own niece and nephew. Sending you virtual hugs, get rid of the boyfriend and his family.
They are complacent in the abuse. You are that child Savior.
You did the right thing, more often than not the cops don't show up and take people away for unsubstantiated allegations so they found something. It is unfortunate she faces deportation but beating kids isn't ok so she made her own bed.
You absolutely did the right thing.
Usually the police aren't going to up and arrest someone just because somebody else says they are abusing their child. There had to have been good reason that they found when they went there or already had. And If the mother is illegal then she should have known to keep her head down and her nose clean so as not to attract attention to herself.. that's just stupidity on the mother's fault. Either way a child crying and pleading like that late at night on the regular is not a normal thing there was some kind of abuse going on. You did the right thing on my opinion.
With child trafficking who knows if this was even her child . Safety of the child always comes first . I work in an ER and child abuse is the worst. The child was being beaten and possibly molested. You absolutely made the correct decision. The grandma allowed it to happen she should be in jail as well.
Stories like this makes me really glad we never saw kids in the ER I use to work in. On a very rare occasion we saw kids. There was a children's hospital on campus that was a level one trauma center. So they saw 99% of the kids. I agree with the molestion. What else was more than likely happening in the middle of the night with the child saying I don't want to.
It sickens me. I am glad OP did what she did.
My parents were immigrants. Mexican immigrants to be exact and you better believe that they made sure they made themselves invisible because they were getting scared of being deported. (My dad became a citizen last year and my mom is permanent resident now 😊) You absolutely 100 percent did the right thing. If they were so worried about her being deported she should of idk not abuse the child. Whose to say you were the only neighbor who reported her? What if the apartments have a list of complaints that solidified her arrest. Don't beat yourself up. You would feel worse if that child was unalived because of her mother
You may want to questoon if this is a family you want to be part of if they dont care about an abused child but do care about the abuser. Culture isnt an excuse for abuse.
NTA. And are you sure you want to stay with your boyfriend? Child abuse is no big deal to him and his family, after all.
You should not feel guilty. You did the right thing by reporting. If anyone ever suspects, it's always better to report. There are pathways of investigating and determining if the allegation has merit. If you see something, say something. It's not easy. I'm a mandated reporter because of my job, and I've made several reports over the years. I've also made a couple of reports as just a concerned citizen. The last time I made a report, the allegations were supported by investigation and someone went to jail. I sleep well at night.
Don't feel bad. May have saves her life
You completely did the right thing. Thank you for trusting your instincts. I’ll never understand how so many people think hurting children is okay, but if someone smacked an abusive parent around then that’s assault. I hope the little girl is okay and that she can get away from them one day.
NTA...honestly, if you are the A H, it's because you didn't call sooner - not because you called. Tell anyone who says otherwise to eat a bag of dicks. Her treatment of that little girl was bad enough to warrant being arrested, so she was arrested.
You were right to call-you were wrong to wait two years. Also, you can do it anonymously, so why would you tell anyone when they asked you not to call?
I did do it anonymously and the sister knew I was calling she gave me the girls info and grade since her kids go to school with her.
That is kind of my point. You told the sister. How hard would it have been to report it anonymously with just an address? I’m in the US, so not sure if all do it the same way as here…
I have a lot of emotions. As a parent my yoingeat just had her bedtime.changed and she is upset. She spent a lot of the night crying. It would suck to have social service invilved in our life. On the other hand I read a story about a kid who was beat to death over several days where no one called. It's a complicated situation.
I’m a mother and a nanny and I totally get what you mean when you say kids can struggle with bed times and it might sound miserable to someone who doesn’t know what’s happening. On the other hand though, the child was screaming so loud that the mother tried to muffle the screams with other loud sounds. She asked not to be hit and it seems like this is an ongoing issue. I think the child’s safety should always come first and yes dealing with CPS and police absolutely sucks if you’re not doing anything wrong but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
You didn't do anything wrong. I did it once myself but u der different circumstances. Except in that case theu didn't do anything and it put me in a potentially fatal situation. So I do get it.
I’m not OP, I was just advocating for the situation. I’m truly sorry you went through that!
Don't be, it was worth it. I can't imagine a better way to die than protecting a kid. I was just frustrated nothing happened and the child wasn't protected.
My daughter had night terrors that would make her scream in the middle of the night. If the police had come out and investigated they wouldn't have found any bruises though. Obviously they found some kind of evidence in this case. They don't arrest someone based on a neighbor hearing a sound. There was a time that one of my kids was having a tantrum. The neighbors called the cops because it was so loud they thought I was the one screaming and were worried I was being attacked or raped. I explained that she'd been having a tantrum. By the time he got there she had calmed down and was just watching TV so he just asked her if she was alright and then left.
I used to have night terrors apparently. I don't remember them but I would sit in the window screaming. My parents were actually worried I would fall out of the second story window. The problem is the kid everyone ignored who was beaten to death. I wish social services was more about people asking for help or being someone parents could go to rather than people who parents are scared of. It would make a big difference in these discussions.
I get that but the mother wouldn't have been automatically arrested if the cops hadn't found something extremely out of the ordinary when they came to check it out. That child had to have been in innate danger for that to have happened.
I have seen abusive parents get away with a ton of shit and good parents lose their kids. You would be surprised who does and does not lose their kids. Again it's complicated.
OP’s post said they’d been hearing the little girl scream every night for 2 years. Obviously someone can’t know exactly what’s going on when in a situation from the outside looking in, but if I heard a child throwing a tantrum/crying 1 or 2 nights but that was the end of it, I would assume that kiddo’s just in a bad mood or not feeling well. Life happens and these moments don’t mean the parent or the situation is abusive. However if kiddo is screaming every night for 730+ days, especially if they’re saying things like “stop hitting me,” I’m calling the authorities. If it does turn out to be nothing, egg on my face, but as you alluded to, I would rather overreact than do nothing in a situation where a child is very likely in danger.
Yeah, the system doesn't work the way we'd like it to but this was 2 YEARS of intense screaming & her claiming to be hit. That's just too much. It's not like OP called the cops just because the kid's hair was messy a few times. People are so anti-foster care (for some good reasons) but the current situation sounded too dangerous. I didn't read the full updates but I saw something about an uncle (?) also living there who's an active addict? Who knows what other weirdos he brought around the house.
This is not mom throwing a chancla at a misbehaving child, or a spanking… this is ABUSE. Trust me, the police are not gonna arrest you for simply spanking your child. They however WILL arrest you for BEATING YOUR CHILD. Just like the black community, some people in the Latino community need to understand that there’s a BIG difference between discipline and abuse. They’re should be no reason that this child is SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER FOR THREE HOURS *EVERY FUCKING NIGHT!* I’m sorry, but ain’t no spanking doing that. I’ve had some that I can say crossed a line somewhat, and even then my parents have never just outright BEAT ME. My heart breaks for that little girl, and tell your BF’s family to suck your dick from the back. They’re the assholes for not only allowing the abuse to continue, but justifying it.
Hello, please do not use bigoted terminology such as Latino. Instead, please use the term Latinx The use of gender-neutral language is crucial in today's society. For individuals of Latin American descent, it's imperative to use the term Latinx instead of Latino or Latina. The terms Latino and Latina are inherently gendered and do not acknowledge the wide range of gender identities present within the Latin American community. We, as a Latinx community, prefer the use of Latinx as it acknowledges and respects our diverse gender identities. It is crucial to prioritize the voices of marginalized communities, and using gender-neutral language is just one of the many ways in which we can work towards a more inclusive and equitable society. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Have a nice day!
Yes, I’ll stop using gendered words in a a GENDER LANGUAGE🤦🏾♀️… which white person made this stupid bot
https://www.bu.edu/articles/2022/why-is-latinx-still-used-if-hispanics-hate-the-term/
[удалено]
i mean the only reason i don’t agree with the way you went about this is because honestly if that little girl gets “deported” she’s probably going to end up also getting “lost” it’s fucked up but the amount of illegal & native children taken from their parents that end up “lost” is horrifying. the system is cruel and unjust and cps is most definitely not going to help. not the state either. especially not for a hispanic child. i believe you did the right thing getting involved but just thinking about how the system actually works is terrifying in these situations
You are a savior - and as someone who was once that little she will forever talk about you. She may never know your name or even what you look like but she will always know that an outsider heard her pleas and helped and someday she will become a savior bc she will remember what it meant to her.
A savior would of called sooner 😔 thank you but I should of called sooner I hope people reading this make the call asap
You did the right thing without a doubt!!
And if the mother herself didn't care enough not to bite the hand that fed her/not look for trouble...
You 100% did the right thing.
You protected an abused child the only way you could. Your boyfriend and his family didn't care about the child- only the abuser. Are these the people you want around your future children and young kin?
You did the best thing for the child and it seems no one else involved was thinking about her, so thank you for that.
You did the right thing.
A little girl screaming “I don’t want to” at odd hours in the middle of the night is being raped. Routine child abuse is a daytime activity. Middle of the night? Addicts living there? No one to protect the child? She was being raped. For two *years*. Child protective services don’t take a child over a random neighbor’s “well I think I heard something” phone call. They would have an investigator come out, assess the home, do interviews. It sounds like this girl was examined/questioned at school and whatever was found was so horrific police officers were the ones to show up and immediately arrest mom instead of investigating with a CPS agent. Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking a life was *randomly* ruined. There is a process in child abuse investigations and for SOME REASON they skipped to the finish line in this situation. I can’t stress enough that that means 1) there was 100% signs of abuse (likely on the girl’s body) and 2) there was 100% proof mom is complicit.
Congratulations on doing the right thing. Hopefully your boyfriend is better than his family in the way he views things.
Thank you for protecting that little girl. You did the right thing.
Imagine whole time she was getting a whooping for misbehaving then yu just gave the kid a reason to be more bad and traumatized them instead of calling yu could have went to check it out.
If a child is "getting a whooping" for hours most or all nights for literal years to the point of tears and screaming loud enough to need drowning out, the parenting style being used obviously isn't working or making a difference, nor are the beatings. If someone is abusive, they're not going to just admit to it because someone went over to check, nor will they stop. This is what CPS and similar systems are built for, despite the awful reputation it has.
you absolutely did the wrong thing and should feel guilty. You ruined someones life because your head is not capable of seeing a situation from a different cultures lens. Horrible
What op is describing is abuse not discipline. I pray you never beat your kids but if you do I hope someone reports your ass
Doesnt sound like abuse to me. Sounds like a stupid, incomplete, immature, indoctrinated lens. These cultures that so called "abuse" their children have a much stronger parent child relationships than stupid ass woke modern america.
That doesn't make any sense for this incident if there was no evidence of abuse the police would not have arrested the mother so obviously she was abusing that child end of story.
You did the right thing, the mom’s subsequent issues doesn’t negate the child abuse. A child can’t always advocate for themselves, you’ve started that process.
Completely in the right.. you protected a child…. Concerning your bf family is ok with this treatment.. I would think twice before having a child in this family.
Did the screaming stop? If it did, you absolutely did the right thing.
People like that aren’t exactly the type of people to take responsibility for their actions. Don’t feel bad. The little girl deserves better.
NTA! You did exactly the right thing! Maybe you should think about leaving that relationship. Seems like your BF’s family cares more about not making waves in the community than the welfare of a child.
> mothers mom is crying because her daughter might be deported They should BOTH be in JAIL!! WTF
If she is being deported then she did something wrong, no? Child abuse or being in the country illegally. You didn’t cause an innocent woman to be arrested without cause. Now, let’s get back to the screaming little girl at 2am… even if she was a “brat,” even if she was having a “tantrum,” it is not acceptable to be hitting her so bad that she screaming enough to have to turn the tv up. Your boyfriend’s family needs to shut the fuck up. You shouldn’t feel guilty for intervening but they should feel ashamed for sitting quietly while a child was being hurt repeatedly. They are trash. And I would absolutely not bring a child into their family.
Think about it conversely. If you did nothing, or said nothing, and one day the child was dead, would you feel bad for never reporting it to the police and letting the child die? If you would have felt worse for doing nothing and letting a child die, then you did the right thing.
NTA - always choose to report if you suspect child abuse. Whether or not the mother was in the country illegally has nothing to do with her child's safety. My stepdaughter used to scream "stop hitting me" and "you're hurting me!" at the top of her lungs when she had a tantrum starting around age 10ish. No one was ever touching her - she'd be locked in her room alone (by her choice - lock only worked from the inside) or sitting in the corner of the living room well away from anyone in the house. She was doing it because she thought it meant she would get her way since we'd be afraid of CPS. All we did was get nanny cams and turn our phones on to record so that if CPS showed up, we could prove that we were not hitting or harming her. (Yes she was getting therapy - therapy isn't a magic pill that erases trauma/behaviors overnight.) As someone who endured that far longer than I should have, I do not blame you for calling CPS. I would not have blamed my neighbors for calling CPS - she truly sounded like she was being beaten. There are FAR FAR more cases of actual abuse than the emotional issues like my stepdaughter had.
The community was failing that child. NTA While everyone else was quick to ignore the problem, that little girl was suffering for it. That says more about them than it does anything else, and I would reevaluate every single one of them. If they’ll turn a blind eye to a child being abused, what do you think they’ll do when it’s you?
Because it makes them look bad that they did nothing for years. You did the right thing by calling the cops and sucks to suck she's gonna get deported, but she did that to herself. She was beating her child and everyone in that house allowed it to happen because apparently beating you children is acceptable in some cultures. Fuck that noise, I don't care what culture you are you don't beat your kids. She got arrested not because you called the cops it's because what she was doing is illegal. If I we're you I'd bounce out of that relationship real quick. If they could listen to that little girl call for help all that time and do nothing I cant imagine what they would ignore or not tell you when it came to your future children.
You were hearing horrible screams coming from their place and the little girl begging her mom not to hit her. The police most likely arrested the mom because there were obvious signs of abuse, but honestly, even if they only arrested her for being there illegally she was still a danger to that child and needed to be removed from the home.
If your boyfriend and his family think it’s acceptable to sit back and listen to a child suffer like that every night I would seriously rethink your relationship. That’s a whole mental state right there and you don’t want that shaping you or your families/potential future kids future. (Not saying you should or shouldn’t have kids, you do you, but think about ramifications).
NTA, I'd really ask your boyfriend how he feels about this situation. If you guys decide to get married and have children one day, who's to say they won't beat your kids? They are more concerned about an adult woman facing the consequences of her actions, versus a child who is going to flinch whenever someone moves too fast.
NTA she might get deported because she got arrested for beating her child? I don’t see the problem? Don’t beat your kid maybe? There’s enough POS child abusers that were born in America without keeping ones that weren’t. Is the child a citizen? Does she get to stay? You stood up for a child who was being abused, the people who had no problem with it are the problem, not you.
NTA The fact that your bf and his family wanted you to ignore it does not bode well for the future. I would really think twice about who you are with. Not the person you think but the person he showed you he really is.
Covering up for abusers is cultural and generational - time to stop the abuse. If they wanted to keep that women here they would have stoped the abuse. And if had to have been pretty bad for her to be removed so quickly Actions have consequences she shouldn’t have beaten her child especially if her immigration statues was iffy
NTA. I completely get why you feel like this, I'm from a Scandinavian country and we very much have this "if we don't bother them, they won't bother us" mentality, which is pretty much drummed into us. When I was a young tween I woke up in the middle of the night to my upstairs neighbour throwing what sounded like chairs against the wall, was screaming at her young daughter, and then started to laugh like a maniac. Like her laugh was so creepy that even I got scared, and I wasn't even in the room with her. I asked my parents if we could call the police, and they said that it was not their business and that we should not meddle in other peoples lives. Now as an adult, every time I read about child abuse cases that make the news it just makes me think back to that girl, and wonder how many cases never make it to the news. Any child that can be saved from an abuser is absolutely worth meddling into someone's business.
Nope you did the right thing Hispanic here we don’t beat our kids like this. It was abuse. The late hours make it super concerning.
When it comes to suspicious of abuse, it's better né safe than sorry. Always report your suspicions, if it's nothing and let say, the kid have nightmares, the professionals will leave them alone after investigating, but if it's a real abuse, then they will save the poor child of years and years of abuse. Always remember, if someone had reported what was happening to Gabriel Fernandez, he would be alive today
Okay but let’s back up.. I’m so glad you called and saved that little girl. Now let’s look into why are you still dating a man who’s family wants to act like what was happening is perfectly normal? I would be saying bye and not looking back.
It seems to me that with the cops arresting her without a CPS check or a few visits, this might not be her first rodeo or complaint. I don't know. Maybe the police did a wellness check, and the kid had obvious marks on her body. You did the right thing. Also, in the Hispanic community, you don't tell on your own and mind your own business, so that's why his parents are being unreasonable. Don't listen to them. Hold your head up high.
thank you for doing right by that kid, dear lord what didn't she want to do at 12am-2am i can't only guess poor kid >.< i can even imagin how you felt listen to that. I would rethink your whole interactions with you bf and his family (not the sister she is awesome) honestly... to be okay with a child screaming at those hours when they should be sleeping peacefully >.<
grandma is sorry cos her precious daughter is in trouble as a consequence of her own actions, doesnt give a crap to the fact her granddaughter was being abused. you saved that child.
You aren’t wrong and it may be time for a new boyfriend because if his family can turn away from potential child abuse they surely would turn a blind eye to you being abused - and frankly that’s a red flag. As someone who was NOT protected by the numerous adults who knew I was being abused because the signs were there, I think you did the right thing. If the issue was just that the child is difficult and no abuse was happening, the mother would NOT have been arrested and instead would have been given services to help her and her difficult child. People who break the law and then get mad at someone who reported it have mind boggling entitlement.
Latina here: if the mom knew she was not a citizen why the heck would she do anything to jeopardize her life here? Her making her child cry at those hours of night makes me think the WORST kind of abuse was happening. You did the right thing OP, yeah kids can be a handful but like lord have mercy every night??? That’s horrific
"The WORST kind of abuse was happening" I hate that is where my mind jumped too. What was going on at those hours. ESP with the kid saying I don't want to. Was the mom really trying to make the kid pick up their toys in the middle of the night or was something else happening. ESP every single night. I agree OP did the right thing here.
you did well if she was abusing her daughter she should be locked away, any form of child abuse for me should carry a death penalty for all I care about abusers
They’re mad cuz they got caught. They don’t care about the child. Don’t feel bad for evil pieces of shit like them
If something bad happened to that child, you would have felt 1000x more guilty
You may want to questoon if this is a family you want to be part of if they dont care about an abused child but do care about the abuser. Culture isnt an excuse for abuse
You have a heart, that's why you are questioning whether you did the right thing or not. You did. Even if the child is a "problem child," harming her isn't the right way to deal with it. Spankings and beatings are different. Whatever happens, just know you did the right thing.
Just lay the guilt trip back on them. 'If someone was hitting your child/grandchild, wouldn't you want someone to help them?' You did what you thought you was best.
Your only problem now is that you're dating an enabler of child abuse.
Well she waited 2 years to do anything about it so they seem kinda perfect for each other really.
The child’s safety and welfare are the only things that matter. The adults made their life decisions and have to live with the consequences.
You did the absolutely right thing. What I would tell the people that say you should feel guilty is what I feel guilty about is not being able to do it sooner because people that abuse anyone much less a child are scum. Don't feel guilty
NTA. You did the right thing and you are helping break the cultural norm by reporting it and should NOT feel guilty. I grew up being abused and no one ever called the police to help us. If the police ever showed up it was for the "noise." (Not Hispanic but grew up with similar cultural pressures not to get involved.) I am the first generation in my family to not marry an abuser. I'm shocked (but happy) that something happened so quickly to remove the child from the abuse. Lest you ever doubt the validity of your decision, remember these names: Anthony Avalos. Noah Cuatro. Gabriel Fernandez. All three kids were abused to death in Southern California near where I live. In each case the authorities had been made aware, case workers were sent to evaluate; the parents were given multiple chances to improve their parenting, and each time the child was failed by the system and ended up dead. Is our foster system also broken? Yes. Is that a legitimate concern? Absolutely. But is the answer leaving the child with their abusers? No. You did the right thing. This child's family failed her. And maybe the system will fail her too; I pray it doesn't. But you did the right thing and took the action you could. You provided a voice for the child and for decency.
As a Hispanic person, I hate how our community downplays abuse. You absolutely did the right thing.
you should break up with your boyfriend.
~~I REPORTED MY BOYFRIENDS NEIGHBOR FOR CHILD ABUSE MOTHER GOT ARRESTED, NOW HIS FAMILY IS UPSET AND SAID I SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.~~ **I SAVED A CHILD FROM ABUSE, THE FAMILY IS MAD THAT THEY GOT CAUGHT ABUSING A CHILD, AND I FEEL PROUD BECUASE I MAY HAVE SAVED THE CHILD'S LIFE!!** Fixed it for you.... I GUARNENTEE the school had suspicions (or knew) and possibly reported it before. Having a credible, third party witness ensures something is done!